#why would you ruin them like that. pickles are fucking nasty

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

DAVE: just found out pickles are cucumbers i cant fucking breathe

JOHN: this is how i felt when i figured out raisins.

DAVE: ...............what about raisins

[raccoonhearteyes]

“Here try this,” Clarke leaned over the center console in her car, handing Lexa a blue drink. Lexa examined the bottle, reading the bright yellow letters that said ‘lemonade’ and '250mg THC’ on it. “What is it?” The brunette popped the lid off the bottle with a satisfying 'pop’. She pulled the bottle back again, letting her green eyes wander around the label again. “Blueberry lemonade?” She questioned before shrugging and taking a large gulp. “Be careful!” Clarke shouted a little too late. “Its potent as hell.” The blue eyed girl noted as she watched her girlfriend cough. Clarke reached over and grabbed the bottle before taking a small sip. She pursed her lips at the taste. “Jesus fuck I didn’t realize just how strong it would taste.” The blonde looked over at Lexa and eyed her. “Give it a minute.” She smiled and leaned back in her seat. “I don’t think I’ve ever had one of these before,” Lexa took the glass bottle from Clarkes hand and took another sip. “Other than the nasty after taste from the THC it’s really not that bad.” The brunette smiled and put the bottle in the cup holder. “Are we doing halvsies with it or…?” She trailed off. Clarke shot up in her seat. “What? Half? Dude there’s so much in there. That’s like 10 edibles! You’re a light weight.” “Psh like you aren’t,” Lexa grabbed the bottle again and took another big sip. “DUDE!” Clarke quickly grabbed the bottle from the brunettes hand and held it away. “You’re going to have a trip of a life time I fucking swear when you’re high as shit you better not be panicking or so help me Lexa I will kick your ass if you complain and ruin my moment.” Clarke took a big sip, but not as big as Lexas. Lexa shrugged and leaned back in her chair, “You offered it!” She rubbed her nose and rolled her window down, looking at the other cars and people walking by. “I think I’m feeling it.” Clarke snorted, “Its been like thirty seconds. You’re a light weight but it doesnt mean it’s going to hit immediately.” “Fool! I know that!” Lexa continued to look outside. “Fuck I’m thirsty.” She looked around in Clarkes compact car for something to drink. Stumbling upon a half empty water bottle, the brunette grabbed it. “My mouth is so dry how is yours not dry? Like what the fuck dude I’m so thirsty.” Lexa opened the bottle and chugged the water. “Water is a god holy shit people need to know about water. Do people know about water? We should start a cult about water!” Lexa opened the car door. She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to look at the blonde in driver seat. “Are… are you really high right now? What?” Clarke was looking over Lexa. “Holy shit dude you’re so high right now!” She laughed, tears streaming from her blue eyes. “Fuck dude that was so fast!” Clarke paused for a second. “Man I feel my fingers. Do you feel your fingers?” Clarke grabbed her girlfriends hand and pressed their fingertips together. “You do have fingers… man I want some pickles.” Lexas green eyes widened with a toothy smile plastered against her face, “pickles! Yes!” Lexa quickly hopped out of the car, her shoes softly landing on the pavement. “Can we get water? Water is a God send. Shit is bomb. Have you had water? We should start a water cult!” Lexa smiled proudly at the thought. “Yes we can get water if you stop talking about a cult,” Clarke locked the cars doors and walked over to Lexa. “Dude, babe give me your hand.” Clarke eagerly reached out and grabbed the brunettes hand. “Fingers.” She said, content. “Its like I’m you but I’m also me… but I’m also you. Do you feel me?” “Yeah I understand you,” Lexa stared deeply at her blonde girlfriend. “That was so deep.” Her eyes started watering. “I’m thirsty!” Clarke suddenly announced. “Water cult! Water cult!” “Shut up with that already you dingus!” “Dont be fucking rude! Let’s get pickles already.” The two girls headed into the store, hand in hand. Inside the store was bright, almost too bright. The kind of bright drowns out the darkness or light outside. “Pickles! Pickles!” Clarke was shouting as she headed into a random direction. “Wait I dont want to get lost!” Lexa stumbled over her own two feet as she hurried towards Clarke. “Oh minty gum.” Lexa suddenly stopped and looked at a kiosk in the middle of an aisle. “Babe we’re here for pickles and water not gum.” Clarke rolled her eyes and smiled at the green eyed girl. “Oh pickles!” Lexa smiled and rushed towards Clarke again. “I am so here for the pickles!” The look on Lexas face was determined. “My mouth is dry is your mouth dry? I’m thirsty. Can we start a water cult?” She turned towards the blonde girl next to her. “We are here for two things…” Clarke abruptly stopped talking in the middle of her sentence. “Wait! We’re going the wrong way.” She suddenly turned and headed down a different aisle. “I fucking found them dude!” She looked at the pickles with a glisten in her eye. “Oh pickles…” Lexa picked up a jar and put her hand in her pocket. “Wait I dont have my wallet?” She put the jar very gently on the ground and smiled at herself before reaching back into her pocket. She started to panicked, unable to find the object that held her purchasing devise. “Clarke! Wallet!” She stopped. “I can feel my face.” Lexa smiled. “Dude, babe, Lexa, my love,” Clarke started. “I dont have my wallet either.” “No…” Lexa let out softly. She brought her lips to Clarkes ear. “Maybe if we ask them nicely to stay here we can go get monies for the pickles. Sshhh dont tell her we forgot the cash money.” Clarke giggled at Lexas hot breath on her ear. “Did you call the pickles a her?” “YES MA'AM!” Lexa shouted very furiously. “Unless the pickles feel differently.” She looked at the pickles on the ground and squatted. “Whatever you feel like is you. You do you booboo.” She smiled and patted the top of the jar. Clarke started laughing causing tears to stream down her face. “I’m with the biggest stoned nerd I have ever met.” Clarke snorted loudly and hunched over, clutching her stomach. “You’re fucking funny! Keep talking. I need more.” She continued, laughing. “What? Pickles are pickles they can be whatever their heart desires!” Lexa felt her cheeks start to burn. “Whatever we need money to exchange for the pickles to go in mah belly!” Lexa stood up and started walking towards the exit. “I’m leaving! Bye loser!” She shouted as she walked away from clarke. “What?” Clarke realized her girlfriend had left without her. “We might get lost! Let’s hold hands! I want to become one again!” The blonde shouted as she ran towards the brunette. “Wait I’m lost,” Lexa looked around. “Wait we’re standing right by the exit.” Clarke only smiled and held Lexas hand. 'We are one’ she thought feeling the warmth between the two of them. Once outside the two girls looked around. “Babe… why did we stop?” Clarke looked at Lexa. “God you’re so pretty.” Lexa giggled and ran a hand through her hand, “I forgot where you parked.” “What?” Clarke looked around, slightly panicked. “Where the fuck did I park?” She let go of Lexas hand and looked around the parking lot. “Oh wait I’m over there.” She pointed in the direction of her car. Upon reaching the car they sat down inside it. “Fuck I’m thirsty dude,” Lexa licked her lips. “Oh drink!” She picked up the bottle of 'lemonade’. “Lexa no!” Clarke shouted but it was too late. “What?” Lexa looked at the bottle. “This shit is nasty what is this?” She questioned before realizing what she had just done.“Oh I fucked up… oh no Clarke! I drank more oh my god I am going to die from weed! I drank so much because i am a thirsty ho!” “Hey just calm down,” Clarke took a deep breath in. “Just breathe.” She exhaled loudly through her mouth. “Breathe my baby girl.” “Say that again.” “Say what?” Clarke put her hand on Lexas arm. “Call me 'baby girl’ again. It gives me the feels.” “What?” “Never mind.” Lexa mumbled and sank back into her seat, taking another sip of the drink. “DUDE!” Clarke grabbed the bottle and put it down. “Stop drinking this or you’ll fucking be deflated!” “That lemonade is nasty.” “THATS BECAUSE ITS TECHINCALLY AN EDIBLE!” “Woah… am I high?” Lexa held her hands up in front of her face before bursting into laughter. “Fuck I am so high arent I? I’m thirsty.” “Oh yeah! We’re here for wallets for foods and services.” Clarke smiled at her, proud that she remembered what their original plan was. “Yes mother fucker! Pickles and mother fucking water!” Lexa jumped out of the car as fast as she could, smiling. “I am a thirsty people! Les go!” She started off towards the store, a slight pep in her step. “Wait!” Clarke quickly grabbed Lexas wallet and ran towards her girlfriend. “Wait let me hold your hand. I want to feel you.” The blonde reached out to grab Lexas hand. “We are one.” Lexa said when she intertwined her fingers with Clarkes. “Your hand is sweaty.” Clarke commented, glancing at their hands. “Yeah well you be higher than mount fucking Everest and tell me your hands arent sweaty.” “Is there vomit on your sweater already?” “What? No, Clarke. I’m not wearing a sweater it’s like 500 billion fucking degrees out here.” Lexa started laughing uncontrollably. “You were making a joke. Sorry.” She said stifling a laugh. “How long have we been walking around for?” Clarke looked around at the people. “I… don’t… know…” Lexa kept pausing in between each word. “Buuuuut… I want to feel that shirt over there.” She pointed at a random blue shirt on a hanger and walked up to it. Lexa hummed as she rubbed her fingers on the fabric. “Okay! I am satisfied! I am still thirsty though.” She looked at Clarke. “Woter.” “What?” “Woter.” Clarke just looked blankly at Lexa. “Woter.” “Ooohhh… ha… you mean water.” “Yes my smart girlfriend!” Clarke beamed at the compliment. They headed off in a random direction and stopped an employee for directions to the pickles. “Yo if you stay here we’ll buy you balloons!” Lexa smiled and tried to shake the persons hand. “Just stay here. Okay? Stay! Thank you! But stay!” Lexa held her hands out and slowly backed up. “Stay!” She smiled when she noticed the employee standing right where they were. “Pickles!” Clarke shouted as they found the aisle. “Fuck yeah!” She started fist pumping and carefully grabbed a jar. “Gotta be careful with these babies!” She bit her lip in concentration. “Woter!” “Its fucking water say it normal you fart!” Clarke adjusted the pickle jar, holding it like a baby. Lexa didnt notice the slight insult. They wandered around for a few more minutes before accidentally stumbling upon the water. “I got this!” Lexa flexed before grabbing a case of water. She grunted as she lifted it up and hoisted it on her shoulder. “I am strong! Fear me!” “Okay whatever miss commander,” Clarke rolled her eyes at her girlfriend trying to show off. Slight panic came across Lexas face, “My Wally!” “Why are you weird? I have your wallet.” Clarke carefully pulled it out of her back pocket. Lexa just nodded and headed off towards a cash register. “Hello my good fellow human! I am here for the goods and services if you do not mind assisting us! We will be oh so humbled!” “Yes! We have a purchasing device that is made for your goods and pickles.” Clarke beamed and handed the employee Lexas debit card. “Uh…” the employee started. “You can just swipe your card here.” He pointed at the pin pad. “Oh! Yes my good fellow person!” Clarke stuck her tongue out in concentration and slowly swiped Lexas card for the transaction. The loud beeping noise caused Lexa to jump back, nearly dropping the water. “Why did it yell at us? What did we do?” Lexa questioned in panic. “That’s just the noise it makes,” the employee eyed the two girls. “Recipt?” “Sir no ma'am we are not cooking! Just water and pickles for us THANKS!” Lexa started towards the exit. Clarke quickly followed behind. “Water! Water! Water!” Lexa chanted as they walked towards Clarkes car. “That was a fucking great adventure. Let’s do it again!” Lexa sat down in the blondes car, placing the water on her lap. Clarke sat down in the driver seat and opened the pickles. “Here take one!” She held the jar up to Lexa eagerly waiting for her to take a pickle. Lexa grabbed one from the jar and took a huge bite. “Hm… taste like plastic.” She said in between crunches. “What the fuck?” Clarke looked at her taking her own bite of a pickle. “Mother fucking delicious!" 

_______ 

I couldn’t help myself lol sorry it’s kind of long I just had a little bit of fun writing it :D I typed it up on my phone so sorry for any and all typos 

[zankivich]

Neighbors: Shawn x Plus-Size Reader: Epilogue Part 2: The End

a/n: I can’t believe this story is done. It gave me so much happiness and so much goodness just to get to know these two characters and to get to be a part of how they loved. When I first started this story I really just wanted to see myself. I had just started liking Shawn and I couldn’t envision myself in his world yet, not that I need to be there, but that a part of my young little fangirl heart really needed. It was such an honor to write this story. I hope it meant something to you. It sure as hell meant something to me. K bye. 

*Shawn’s point of view*

When the morning sickness comes, it comes with a fucking vengance. It’s like clock work. Every night by three am she’s up out of bed, with her head in the toilet. So, every night by three am he’s got her legs in his lap while her head is in the toilet. For a while she can’t keep anything down, and it worries him endlessly. She loses some weight, which just seemed like the opposite of what was supposed to happen, so he begs her to go to the doctor, and she obliges him. He switches to flying exclusively on the private jet, just so she can come with him on the off chance he needs to leave home. At that point he would’ve done anything to make her more comfortable.

And that’s the good news. He read horror stories about the strain that pregnancy could put on a marriage or a relationship. Mostly because he was buying any pregnancy book he could get his hands on at that point. His own mother had told both of them a detailed account of the time she threw a sandwich at his father’s head because it didn’t have mayo on it. A sandwich. But y/n seemed to lean on him more than ever. Instead of pushing him away, she felt like she could rely on him, and she wasn’t afraid to ask him for things anymore. He loved it.

He’s in a studio session with Teddy and Scott trying to figure out how to do whatever it is that they do again when she calls him. He’s in the booth, mid vocal and everything, but he leaves his phone on just in case she needs him.

“Baby? What’s wrong, is the baby okay?” he asked slipping his headphones off to hear her better.

Her voice is small like she might get in trouble.

“Yea, the baby is fine. Sorry, I know I keep scaring you every time I call.”

“No. No, I want you to call every time. No matter what. What’s up?”

“Well….it’s just that I was really craving french fries.” She mumbled. “And so I was kinda hoping you might want to meet for lunch today?”

Literally the cutest human on the face of the planet.

He chuckled. “I’d love to. Where you do you wanna go?”

“We can figure that out when you pick me up from work, just bring the fries with you.”

“You want the fries before lunch?”

“Yes. Yes. I do.”

Of course she did.

“I’ll be there in an hour okay?”

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too sweetheart. I can’t wait to see you.”

He gets off the phone and finally stares up through the window of the booth where his friends have all heard him completely ditch his recording session to take his person french fries. He smiled and waved, but they were not impressed. And thus were the trials of pregnancy.

***

y/n’s pov

No one prepares you for the sex thing. In all of the stories from Shawn’s parents, from Zubein and his wife, hell even your mom on occasion, no one had ever mentioned that you were going to turn into a boarderline sex addict in your second trimester. And certainly no one told you that your person, your human, your love, was going to not want to touch you. No one ever told you about that shit.

When the morning sickness lets up, and you can finally stomach food again, some cravings naturally start to pop up. Not that nasty pickles and peanut butter shit, but like real food. For instance once at four o’clock in the morning, you needed to have your famous yellow cake with chocolate swiss meringue, which meant Shawn needed to make it for you right there and then. It was terrible. He nearly set the kitchen on fire. But he took you to a 24/7 diner and bought you chocolate chip pancakes and let you snuggle into his sweater, so honestly it was a win win type scenario. After the weird cravings comes an absolute fire in your loins. Your lobido fucking skyrocketed and there wasn’t much you could think of to help besides him.

Morning times meant sharing the shower with each other to spend time together before you both went to work. When you see him standing there beneath the showerhead, his curls soaking wet and the water flowing over his belly and down his thighs your body naturally had questions of the dick variety.

You wrapped your arms around him from behind, lips pressing against his skin into a smile.

“Someone’s happy this morning.” He chuckled.

“You have no idea.” You hummed. “Shawn?”

He turned in your arms, hands immediately going to your belly instead of any other part of your body.

“Yea, sweetheart?”

You frowned slightly and lifted up onto your tiptoes to kiss at his jaw. “Can we have a little fun before work? I don’t have any meetings this morning.”

“O--Oh...But I gotta get to the studio, honey.”

You shook your head tugging him closer. “It can wait. Please? It’s been a while.”

You weren’t used to having to...beg. It felt kind of beneath you. Years of Shawn getting a whiff of your shampoo and knocking you into the headboard had made you grow soft. Shawn had never turned you down before. Not without it eventually leading to sex. This was your new territory. And quite frankly you were not a fan.

“I’m sorry, love. I really do have to go the studio okay? We can talk when you get home from work.”

He kissed your forehead and leaned down to kiss your stomach before he was out of the shower so fast you weren’t so sure he’d been there to begin with. It was….odd.

You had like...girlfriends now. After your reawakening at twenty-six, you had taken it upon yourself to be more intentional about creating relationships with people. It resulted it in some really incredible friendships. The kind of friendships where you didn’t feel bad relying on people, didn’t feel like a burden on them because they never let you. Enter your friends Cynthia and Taylor.

y/n: Can we do a woman’s lunch today tbh? My person is ruining my life.

Cynthia: WHAT HE DO? You want us to cut him?

Taylor: Down kitty. You have to stop threatening to cut people. Let’s do lunch, you can vent to us. We’ll fix it!

y/n: God, I love you both. Yay.

You leave work early and wobble your ass off to lunch with your bitches. Shawn texts to check in twice before noon, but both times are of the baby variety and nothing more. You get a little angrier each time. And then you sit down at lunch and your best friends order cocktails and you get even angrier. Ugh.

“I can’t believe I let a man impregnate me.” You huff stabbing your fork into your salad. “I really let him catch me slipping. The patriarchy. Disgusting.”

Taylor snorted. “I quite love the fact that your second trimester is full of feminist rants by the way. I find it to be very entertaining.”

“Well I’m glad that we’re all revelling in my misery. I’m glad I’m providing quality content for the both of you.” You grumbled. “It’s fucking cold. My tits are numb and I hate everything.”

Cynthia chortled. “Girl you are on one today. Why don’t you just tell us what the hell happened?”

You squirmed slightly in your seat. The frustration was taking its toll on your body and your emotions. You’d had enough and it wasn’t even just Shawn at this point. You were just...angry.

“I have an eight ounce sirloin steak kicking at my uterus. I’ve gained twenty pounds. My mother-in-law sewed spandex into my jeans the other day. I ran into a door and my boobs are so sore I cried for thirty minutes. And I haven’t even been at work for four hours. I’m annoyed okay. And all I wanted ...the only thing I really wanted was an orgasm! Is that too much to ask for?”

Cynthia, and this is why you loved her with everything in you, followed you for every word. As if she just knew what you were saying and agreed with you endlessly. She was a ride or die through and through. A beautiful, ethereal black woman with a brilliant afro and these badass circular rimmed glasses that were gold and complimented her skin perfectly. She was beautiful. And vibrant. And loud. And completely unapologetic.

“Yes. I mean that’s what you deserve. For sure.” She shrugged. “So, he couldn’t make you cum, is that it? Men. The worst.”

“”Couldn’t?!’ He didn’t even try. He won’t touch me unless it’s my stomach, or talking to the baby. I am no longer his life partner, I am no longer his lover, I am just a vessel for a baby. And that’s it.”

Taylor was the thinker of the group. She was damn near a philosopher. When you needed advice, she was the one you went to. Taylor was Canadian born and raised, but her parents were turkish immigrants. She was similarly incredibly gorgeous. She was thick in every sense of the word. Thick in her thighs. Thick in her hair. Thick in her eyebrows. She was a beautiful Brown dream. And you were just quite honestly stunned by their beauty most of the time.

“So… let’s backtrack. You’re frustrated, of course. You’re in the middle of your second trimester. Emotions are rampant. Let’s focus on what’s really irritating you.” She murmured.

“Shawn. Shawn is really irritating me.”

“Okay. And Shawn is really irritating because why?”

“Because...Because I need to cum.” You sputtered. “He’s always made me cum. Why would he choose now of all times to not make me cum.”

“She’s got a point. They have more sex than an episode on Showtime.” Cynthia butt in.

You nodded in agreeance.

Taylor rolled her eyes. “Well yes. I understand. Why do we think that he’s not making you cum? Have you talked to him about it?”

“Maybe it’s because I look like a beach whale?”

“No negative self-talk!”

“I have got to get a friend who is not a therapist.” You whined.

“You need me. You’re lucky I don’t charge your asses. Now think it through. Talk it out. There’s no wrong way right now. Shawn isn’t here. You can be honest with us.”

Taylor was genuine. And most geniuses are often times unappreciated in life.

You reached for your iced tea all frowns and indigestion.

“I think, based off the signals that I have been receiving, that he isn’t attracted to me like this. I think that he sees me as a mom now, and not at a sexual being.” You said honestly. “He’s just always touching my stomach and always talking to my stomach, and always talking about the baby. Sometimes I feel like I don’t exist anymore.”

“Awww babes, that is so sad.” Cynthia murmured reaching for your hand.

Taylor nodded. “That’s fair. So let’s unpack it. How do you view your body right now?”

“Oh, T, can we please not analyze me right now? Please? I just need you be my friend right now okay? I didn’t come here to get my problem solved. I came here to eat lunch with my friends and complain a little bit.”

“Fine, fine! My bad.” She raised her hands in defense. “Why don’t we just talk about what it is you want instead? No filter. Just go.”

“Thank you.” You smiled softly at her. “I really...just want him to rail me like a car hitting a light pole at maximum velocity.”

At that very moment, your waiter arrived with the check, and seemed to blush head to toe. Whoops.

“She’s pregnant.” Cynthia explained. “It’s the hormones.”

Friendship.

***

Shawn’s point of view*

“I don’t care about what they want, Andrew. I’m thirty years old for Christ’s sake, I’m not a teeny bopper anymore.” He grunted trying to balance the groceries and still unlock the front door.

“Yes, no I understand. They just want to manage the sex appeal a little bit. Timberlake, Bieber, Mayer, doesn’t matter who you are. It’s important to remind the female dominated fanbase that you’re...you know? A sexual being.”

Listening to andrew try and explain concepts that he himself wasn’t even interested in was always a hoot.

“A sexual being? I’m having a goddamn baby, Andrew.”

“Yes well, the public doesn’t know that yet. Maybe just a photoshoot? A magazine cover? You wouldn’t even have to leave Toronto. It’ll get them off our backs and you can just finish up the album you wanna make, yea?”

He headed straight for the kitchen where the tea kettle was going, but his person was mysteriously missing from her cup.

“Babe! I’m home!” He called, setting the groceries down, finally. “Whatever. Send me a proposal, I guess, and I’ll look over it. I’m not guaranteeing anything. My fans have seen my abs before, I don’t think it’s gonna sell more records than we’re already selling. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, alright?”

“Sounds good. Love you man.”

“Yea, love you too.” He sighed ending the call. “Babe?! Where are you?”

He hears the door to the downstairs bathroom open, and she walks out in this adorable dress with her fleece lined leggings. She looks soft and cuddly and he’s already hopeful that she’ll let him snuggle her into the couch and watch a movie after dinner. He’s kind of obsessed with her. Like always.

“This child is literally sitting on my bladder at this point.” She groaned rubbing at her stomach.

He reached for her immediately, his hands cupping at her now unhidable baby bump that drove him crazy on a daily basis.

“You gotta let mommy have a break, little one.” He hummed peering down at her bump. “We don’t wanna tire her out too much before you arrive.”

She lets out a little breath and pulls away from him to go back to her tea. He went for the groceries to begin putting them away, and set aside what she’d asked him to grab for dinner.

“Hey I thought we could do a movie night on the couch after dinner? Cuddle a little bit?”

“I don’t know. I’m kind of tired.”

“Oh. Okay. Well we can watch them in bed too. I don’t mind where, just wanna be with you.”

“Yea, maybe.”

He paused by the cabinet with a box of pasta in one hand and flour in the other. She was on the other side of the kitchen pouring water into her cup. She set the tea kettle back and immediately left the room. He could practically feel the emotion coming off of her. The silent treatment certainly wasn’t subtle either.

“Hey,” He asked softly plopping down on the couch. “Are you feeling okay? Everything alright with the baby?”

She rolled her eyes and let out a sarcastic snort. “The baby. Is. Fine. Shawn. They’re fine.”

“Okay, well is something else bothering you that you’d like to let me in on?”

“I don’t know, is there something you want to tell me?”

He raised an eyebrow. “No? Is there something you would like me to tell you?”

“No. I guess not. “

His person, and she was his person for sure, was a little hard to read sometimes. And by hard to read, he definitely meant incredibly easy to read, and so deeply difficult to get through to. Perhaps pregnancy simply amplified emotions, because she might as well as had a neon sign that said, “I AM PISSED AT YOU” on her forehead.

“Look in the interest of time, and both of our headaches, why don’t you just tell me what I did wrong so I can get to apologizing already.”

Mistake. Total mistake. You can love someone for years and you can learn and grow together and allow yourself to be vulnerable with them in every way. It doesn’t mean you’re always gonna get it right. That’s never guaranteed. Clearly.

“No! No you don’t get to just make me share my emotions before I’m ready! I’m a goddamn human being, alright I’m not just a reciprocal. I’m not just a place for you put it! God, Shawn. You are such an ass.”

And then she’s off the couch and stomping up the stairs in anger. She definitely also quoted Lady Gaga’s documentary. He made a mental note to stop watching documentaries before bed. It never went well. Last month she woke up in the middle of the night, thought he was a prison guard from a documentary on the prison industrial complex in the states, and definitely jabbed him in the throat. Documentaries. Big no no.

He figures that’s his cue to make dinner. She almost never let him cook, but he knew she’d be even angrier if there was nothing to eat when this was over. He spends a little time trying to figure out what he could have done. But things had been going so well, that he’s truly at a loss. They both went to work every day. They spent their evenings together. He rubbed cocoa butter on her stomach every night for Christ’s sake. He spent hours whispering to her belly and playing guitar so that their baby would know the scales straight from the womb. What could possibly be wrong?

He makes her famous spaghetti bolognese and only burns the garlic once, so that’s a first. He leaves the food on the stove and heads for the stairs in the hopes that she’ll be ready to talk to him. Outside of their bedroom door though, there’s the sound of crying and his heart just instantly breaks. He doesn’t do well with a sad y/n. Ever. It killed him. This was a well known fact.

So maybe he burst into the room and collapsed a little bit at her feet. Who was keeping track? Not him. That was for damn sure.

“Hey, please don’t cry. Please, I can’t watch you cry. Whatever I did just--just tell me and I’ll make it right. I never wanna hurt you, you gotta know that.” He begged.

“It’s stupid. This is stupid!” She sobbed.

“Okay. Okay, this is new for us. I am just slightly freaking out that I may have broken you! Please talk to me!”

“You’re not attracted to me anymore!”

That certainly gave him pause.

“That’s crazy, sweetheart. What are you even talking about?!”

She keeps sobbing. Her face is red. Cheeks wet. And his heart is exploding in his chest. He’s got no fucking clue what he’s supposed to do. He broke his person!

“I looked like a whale ate Kim Kardashian when she was pregnant with North West! My shoes don’t fit anymore, and my goddamn feet hurt. I feel like Mike Tyson has been punching my fucking tits. And you don’t wanna have sex with me anymore, now?! Out of all the times in the world? Now I’m so fucking repulsive that the love of my life won’t even touch me?! I JUST NEEDED DICK OKAY?”

She keeps crying , and his heart keeps hammering, and he knows that he has to figure something out, or this isn’t going to get any better. She’s in absolute hysterics and it is somehow, even though he was still struggling to figure that part out, completely his fault.

He reached for the box of tissues and patted gently at her eyes to get rid of some of the wetness. He held another tissue to her nose and ordered her to blow, which somehow only made her cry more. It is the most heightened expression of emotions he had ever seen from her. And it’s awful, and he hates it, and he just needs to make her smile. So, he wraps her up in his arms and he shhh’s her as he rocks her gently back and forth waiting for the sobs to subside before speaking.

“Honey, I don’t know what I did to make you think I’m not attracted to you.” He murmured playing with her hair soothingly. “But I’ve never not been attracted to you. From the moment I laid eyes on you, I’ve always thought you were the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I love you so much.”

She pulled just slightly away enough to look him in the eyes, her own red and swollen with a sadness in them that cut him deep.

“Then why haven’t we had sex in over a month, Shawn?” She sniffled. “You’re repulsed by me. Just admit it.”

He sighed peering down at his person who he’s somehow managed to deeply hurt without even being aware of it. He felt like the world’s biggest asshole.

“How could you say to me?” He asked. “I’m not repulsed by you, y/n. I just...I just I don’t wanna hurt the baby.”

She bit her lip, her sadness turning to anger like the flip of the switch. She yanked herself from his arms and moved to the opposite side of the bed.

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You don’t even view me as a human being anymore. I’m just a casing, I’m the thing that holds the thing you really care about.”

“What the hell, y/n; where is this coming from?”

“It’s coming from the fact that you don’t treat me like anything other than the thing that’s holding your baby anymore. You don’t talk to me, you talk to my stomach. You don’t look at me unless you’re mentioning the baby. What’s the fucking point anymore. Why don’t I just lay down in bed for five more months and maybe the baby will roll out and you can go live happily ever after.”

He’s admittedly angry at first. Angry because his person is telling him something he doesn’t want to hear. That he’d failed somehow at loving her, had let her down and made her believe that he didn’t want her the way that he used to. He’s angry because she’d reverted back to a place they hadn’t been in years, a place of being unable to be honest and upfront with each other. She hid it away until it boiled, until it was undisguisable, until she literally exploded, and he hated when she did that.

But he’s older now. He’s a little wiser. Maybe. He at least knows her better. Understands her better. It’s when he takes a deep breath and just allows himself to actually absorb what she’s told him that he understands. This is about insecurities. It’s about fears that had been eating her up inside for who knows how long, and her not wanting to admit that to herself, let alone him. He’s in the wrong for not explaining himself, and he can see how he fed into her insecurities. It’s both of their faults, as it so often the case in these scenarios. But, he’ll do just about anything to make it better. Always.

“Okay. I--I understand. I see that I’ve hurt you, that I haven’t been treating you the way that you want and deserve. I’m sorry.”

Her arms are crossed and she tilts her head in his direction, but still barely looks at him. He takes a chance and scoots a little closer.

“Y/n...At the risk of sharing too much information in the wrong moment. . . I haven’t been able to masturbate to something that isn’t you since our four month anniversary.”

Her eyes widen and her anger falters.

“W--What?”

“Trust me, I’ve tried. My dick is kind of emotionally invested in you, and it hasn’t been the same since.” He shrugged. “I am...so incredibly in love with you. I’m never going to want anything else. Even when you’re screaming at me until you’re red in the face, I’m still gonna want you. The only reason why I haven’t wanted to have sex is because I don’t want to hurt you, or the baby. I know it’s silly. I’ve read the books. But you are the most important thing in my life okay? You and this baby are all that I have; you’re all that matters. I need you to believe that. Tell me you believe that.”

She bit her lip, fingers picking anxiously at the skin of her nails that sat in her lap. He moved even closer and wrapped his arms around her.

“You’re gonna be the mother of my child, y/n. That is literally the sexiest thing I could think of. I don’t hate your body. I love your body! And I’m so sorry I haven’t been showing you that. I thought that by showing you how much the baby meant to me that I was showing you how much you mean to me. I understand now that it needs to be seperate a little bit, that you’re still a person too. These are the last months we’re ever gonna have to ourselves, and I should be cherishing the hell out of you. I’m just--shit I’m sorry, okay?”

He tugs at a strand of her hair, and she peers up at them with those big ass eyes and he just falls all over again. He means every word, and he means it more when she looks at him like that. When he pokes at the dimples in her cheeks and she finally smiles, he feels accomplished in life.

“Why didn’t you just say that a fuckin month ago.” She whined.

He snorted softly. “Why didn’t you tell me I wasn’t keeping you satisfied a month ago?”

“Excuse me?! I tried! I practically begged your ass. What did you want me to do, get on my knees?”

“Well it wouldn’t have hurt.” He joked.

Something in her broke. Maybe not in that moment. Maybe it was the time her blatter turned to the size of a pea, or when her breasts turned into over abused punching bags from hell. Regardless in that moment she seemed to think of nothing more reasonable in the world than twisting his nipples. And thus she did. And thus he was in pain.

“Y/n what the fuck!” He cried covering his chest. “That hurt!”

“Haha motherfucker!”

Wow.

“I’m pregnant, dammit; I cannot be held accountable for my actions.” She shrugged.

“Jesus Christ.” He huffed. “How much longer are you going to be pregnant?”

“You did this to me! You and your fucking ‘holier than thou dick’ that just had to bring another child into this fucked up world. Deal with it, alright?”

“You’re...so scary. Can we please stop fighting now? I don’t like it.”

He tucked her into his side hugging her tightly against his body. She hid her face in his neck and he could smell the scent of lavender and cocoa butter. And his heart felt like it expanded against his ribcage. How dare she ever think he couldn’t be attracted to her. He was obsessed with her. Had been since he laid eyes on her.

“Can you just kiss me for once? And not my stomach. Me.” She whispered.

He reached for her face, fingers tracing at the shape of her jaw as he pulled her close. He poured himself into the kiss as much as he could. She’d always been an incredible kisser, always gave just as much as she received. He knows that he’s got her, when she does this little whimper and her shoulders relax. He kisses her with tongue and with his teeth and with his hands on the back of her neck. Granted it’s a kiss they haven’t shared for some time now, but it’s still one he’s always willing to give her.

She’s the first one to pull away and it’s only because she’s out of breath. He presses his forehead against hers and smiles a little dopely.

“I love you.” He mumbled. “Always. Please believe me?”

“I believe you. I do.”

***

*y/n’s point of view*

“What are we gonna name ‘em?” Shawn asked.

It was on a random Tuesday dinner date. You tried to go out and spend time together outside of the house whether it was bowling or food or random art fairs. You prefered the food ones obviously.

“Huh?” You asked over your pasta.

“The baby? We never really discussed it.”

Shawn reached for his pellegrino, because if you weren’t drinking he sure as hell wasn’t, as you took a second of pause. You’d unanimously decided not to know the sex assigned at birth until...well the sex was assigned at birth. It meant a lot to you, to try not to enforce gender norms as much as you could, and Shawn was just as supportive if not more after growing up being called a girl for five years when he decided he wanted to sing.

“Hmmm I guess you’re right. Anything in mind?”

“Shawn Jr sounds good to me.” He grinned.

You rolled your eyes. “Anything else in mind?”

“...I really like the name Penelope. I think it’s cute. Or, Isabella maybe? We could call her Izzy.”

“You think we’re having a girl, aye?”

His cheeks turned red and you remembered that you loved him more than anyone could ever love.

“N--No. I just...you know I’d love any baby in the world that we made.I just certainly would not be mad if that baby happened to be a little girl.” He shrugged.

“And you don’t think that it will be too much estrogen? Too much femininity around you for the rest of time? Periods and uncontrollable emotions and what not?”

He rolled his eyes. “What is it the seventies? You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. The strongest people I’ve ever met are always women. I’d be lucky to live in a house where we get to raise another one.”

You couldn’t help the smile that grew wide and full on your face. He was cute. And mature. And smart. You were kind of obsessed with him. And still...where did he come from?

“Penelope, aye?” You hummed.

His eyes widened and he smiled nodding in that very goofy way of his that had his curls flopping this way and that.

You loved him far too much for your own good.

***

*Shawn’s point of view*

8 months. 8 months of buying a new bed because the old one made her back hurt. 8 months of baby proofing a house that was suddenly way too big. 8 months of pancake runs at two in the morning. 8 months of massaging her feet for forty minutes because every time he touched them she grew physically repulsed by the thought of someone touching her feet. 8 months of some of the most trying arguments they’d ever had. Yes, choosing between lavender and grey or yellow and grey as a color scheme can wind you up sleeping in the guest bedroom. Who would’ve thought that the greatest argument they would ever have would be over her working? Oh wait, literally anyone but his moronic ass. Of course.

“Babe, the tension in your shoulders is insane.” He grumbled digging into her back. “I really think it might be time to start slowing down.”

She rolled her eyes. “Slowing down, eh? And just where do you want me to slow down Shawn? You already do everything. I haven’t been allowed to do laundry since I could no longer see my toes because of my belly and not my boobs for once.”

“I think...I think maybe we should broach the topic of you taking some time off work again.”

“Nope. Absolutely not. I’m not taking time off.”

He sighed. “Honey, your job offers 15 weeks of paid leave. We don’t even have that much time left at this point. And even if it wasn’t paid leave, I am an actual millionaire. The baby is going to be here soon. Maybe you should rest yourself while you can.”

She tugged her way out of his arms, flustered and frustrated immediately. He could feel even more tension coming off of her. It was the absolute opposite of what he wanted, but with y/n it was also sort of inevitable.

“I don’t need rest, Shawn! It’s not about the money; it’s the principle. You think my mother took maternity leave when she was raising four kids with a husband who was a filthy drunk?”

He scooted a little closer and reached for her hands, fingers intertwining stubbornly. But she’s got that furrow in her brow, and that firm set of her lip that she always gets when they fight. And he hates it because she still wants to kiss her and it always makes his brain very confused in these moments.

“Your mother was in a completely different situation! We are extremely privileged and extremely lucky to bring a kid into this world in the healthiest way that we can. I want you to be the healthiest that you can. Now you have fought me every step of the way, but please just--can we please just look at how many hours your putting into this place?” He huffed. “Because whether you want to believe or not, when we’re parents you’re going to have to cut back regardless.”

“Cut back?” She asked softly.

His person had the ability to be more terrifying than a hitman sometimes. This was most definitely one of those moments.

“I have to cut back? What the fuck are you going to be doing, aye? Are you cutting back, Shawn? Are you gonna stop touring? Stop doing promo tours for weeks at a time? Why does the woman always have to cut back?! How fucking dare you.”

“This is not that! Don’t make it out to be some attack against your womanhood. You’re pushing a human being out of your hips, y/n! I get a cold and I’m down for a week, one might think that BIRTHING A HUMAN deserves some recovery time!”

“It’s my fucking body! Why don’t you let me decide me what the hell I do with it, aye?!”

“Because if I left it up to you, you’d be working more than an eight year old in a sweatshop in Taiwan! It’s not just your body anymore. We’re about to be parents, y/n. Every decision we make has to have another human at the core of it. We don’t get to come first anymore. Not our careers, not our wants, none of it. You working your body into the ground isn’t an option!”

When her eyes well up it’s the worst thing ever. The amount of time he spent trying to balance her emotions was enough for him to recognize when he was doing a really shitty job at it. Not that it changed how he felt. Y/n was the hardest working person he’d ever met. She worked harder than he did, and that was saying something. She was so important to him though. He didn’t quite know how to explain that as much as the baby mattered, as much as the baby was already infinitely important, the baby wasn’t there yet. All he had was his person, his love, his light. And he’d do anything in the world to protect her. Anything.

“Great so… I am a shitty mother already and apparently a shitty person.” She mumbled tears dripping over her cheeks. “I’m really glad we had this talk. I’m going to take a shower.”

“Y/n. Y/n, baby please. Please just let me talk to you.” He begged. “That is not what I’m saying and you know it.”

Even with her adorable pregnant waddle and her hands up on her lower back to support herself, she gets to the bathroom and locks it before he can get to her. Which just leaves him on the other side of the door calling out for her.

“Sweetheart, please open the door! I--I didn’t want to hurt you. I just want to talk like adults, okay? I just, I’m worried about you and I want you to be safe.”

The water turns on to the bathtub instead of the shower and he knows he’s in for the long haul tonight. He’d be lucky if she came out of there by the weekend.

*Four hours later*

He’s woken up by the door opening. He must have fallen asleep against it because he nearly falls when she opens the door. Not that that mattered in the slightest to y/n who simply stepped over his body and kept it pushing. She gets dressed in their closet in silence. Doesn’t acknowledge him in the slightest. It’s like walking on eggshells. And he honestly doesn’t mind. Her emotions had been out of whack for the duration of her pregnancy. If she needed to be mad at him, that was okay. He just couldn’t go to sleep without letting her know that he loved her. It was their thing. No matter how angry, how annoyed, how tired. They had to tell each other they loved each other every night.

He finds her in their closet, big t-shirt stretched over her stomach with her belly button sticking clear out. When he makes eye contact with her, she immediately looks away.

“Move, Shawn.”

He moved his arms to either side of the doorway, only blocking her further.

“No. Not until you tell me you love me.”

Her eyes turned to slits. “Excuse me? That’s not fair and you know it.”

“What’s not fair y/n? Asking you tell me you love me? Are you really so angry with me you can’t say it, cause if so I think that’s something I deserve to know.”

She tugged at her hair, fingers knotting in the strands anxiously.

“I just don’t want to be pressured into saying it. Is that too much to ask?”

He bit his lip stepping closer so that her stomach was pressed to his.

“But...we never go to bed without it. I’m not saying we need to fix it all tonight. I’m saying, I just want the love of my life to assure me a little that we’re still in this together. Is that too much to ask?”

She rolled her eyes so hard he worried they might pop out of her head. And then she pushed forward, knocking him out of the way so that she could get out of the closet.

“I love you. And I am pissed at you. And I don’t want to speak to you for the rest of the night.”

He knew he was in deep shit when her body pillows had been stacked into a literal barrier between his side of the bed and her’s. She always let him hold her at night. She said the baby tended to sleep closer to him, as if they knew their daddy was close by. It was the sweetest thing in the world anyone had ever said to him. He cried for like an hour over it. Now he was left staring at a pillow that entirely covers his person. Wonderful.

***

*three days later*

He’s at the gym with his trainer trying to push out his fifth mile when his phone rings. It’s summer in Toronto and his view of the sun from the gym is just enough to keep him motivated to keep running. His air pods are already in so he takes the call trying to push through the wall that says, “ five miles is dumb, please stop”. His phone is still in his pocket, so he doesn’t get to see who the number is before he answers.

“Hello, is this a Mr. Shawn Peter Raul Mendes?”

“This is he.” He huffed, stilling running.

“Sir, I have you listed as the emergency contact for a Ms. y/f/n y/l/n. Your wife was admitted to St. Joseph’s Health Centre this afternoon. She--”

“Y/n?! W--What happened?! Is she okay?”

He went to jump get off the treadmill, tripping just enough on the mat to send him scraping against the machine with his shin. It doesn’t matter though, he’s up immediately. Nothing else matters in that moment. He doesn’t even tell his trainer goodbye, is already running to find his keys before the voice on the phone can even get a word in.

“Sir, she experienced a fall at work it seems. The doctors are running tests to check on your wife’s pregnancy as we speak.”

“I--I’m on my way! I’m coming right now!”

It’s a thirty-six minute drive to the hospital from his gym and his heart is racing the entire time. He stupidly tries to call her phone only for it to go to voicemail five times over. His hands tremble against the steering wheel so bad he’s afraid he might crash. It doesn’t occur to him to call his parents, call her mom, call anyone. He just has to get to her. He really needs to get to her.

He almost left the keys in the ignition, car still running, and had to run back to get to them. It only eats up more time. He still has zero idea how serious things are and there are a million and one thoughts of how bad it could be running through every nerve ending in his body. He needs her. He needs to see her. Now.

“I--I’m here to see y/f/n y/l/n?!” He gushed at the desk, his heart rampant in his sturnemum. “Please. Please it’s my person. She’s my person I--I have to see her.”

“Sir. Calm down. I can’t understand a word you’re saying.” The nurse shushed.

He shook his head voice on the cusp of begging. “Ma’am, please. Please just take me to see her. You--You called and said that she was in pain, that she fell. She’s pregnant. Please, ma’am just tell me where she is?”

“Okay now just take a deep breath. What’s the last name again?”

“y/l/n!” He replied impatiently, no breaths to be taken.

Her fingers begin working on the keyboard, and he nestles his fingers along the swallow necklace he still wore to try and calm himself down. It didn’t work.

“And sir what is your relationship to the patient? Are you her husband?”

“I--I...she’s my person. We’re not married, but we’ve been together for over six years.”

“Are you her emergency contact? You’re not technically immediate family, sir.”

It’s definitely not a great moment for him. Y/n is hurt and no one can seem to tell him anything that isn’t prolonging his eyes being on her. He’s frustrated and his blood is rushing through his ears. He’s terrified. Actually terrified. And this just happens to be the straw to break the Canadian kindness’ back.

“I am the only goddamn family that matters! Now you called me. She’s in pain. She’s hurt. You called me, and I need to see her. She’s holding our baby and I want to see my person! Now dammit!”

*y/n’s point of view*

There is something truly remarkable about the way he runs into the room. Maroon nike running shorts. Tube socks. Head band firmly in place. There is blood running down his leg and he looks as scared as you felt that morning. Something about seeing him run into your hospital room with some tiny woman chasing him with a clipboard of paperwork is actually the funniest thing you may have ever seen in your life. So, excuse you if after a somewhat tragic day you can’t help but giggle in the face of his fear.

“Are you okay?! Are you okay? Oh my god, let me hold you.” He sighed taking you into his arms immediately.

Your giggles died down as he quickly began to inspect you with cautious, tear glazed eyes. His palms cupped your cheeks, his lips frantic against yours, and still not stopping there. He touched you everywhere. His fingers dipped hesitantly over your shoulders and down to your stomach cupping it softly. You pressed your forehead against his and breathed deeply as each of you let a few tears escape. It had been an event free pregnancy all things considered, and a scare now was perhaps the worst thing imaginable for the two of you.

“Are you okay?” He whispered. “I--Is the baby okay? Please talk to me.”

“We’re okay.” You assured him. “Everything’s okay.”

When his lips find yours a second time, it’s a lot less frantic and a lot more loving. You tuck yourself into his hold, fully content with the way he’s breathing life back into your being. His tongue teases your bottom lip and it all feels better instantly. He does a familiar dance of rubbing your thighs in his too large hands, and you practically purr. And then the doctor clears her throat.

“So sorry to interrupt!” She smiled. “I’m Dr. Cohen.”

Shawn pulls away with a bit of a huff, his entire body still blocking you from view from anyone else. It’s possessive and needy and everything you could ever ask for.

“I think we have to get a marriage lisence, or I might actually have to commit murder.” He grunted.

You raised an eyebrow. “Did you just propose to me? Also why are you bleeding?”

“Maybe. Probably.” He shrugged. “I fell on the treadmill when I got the call. Needed to get to you. The nurse assumed I was your husband because I’m your emergency contact, but when I got here and she realized the last names were different, she didn’t want to let me get to you.”

Another giggle passes through your lip. Of course this was the love of your life. An actual, genuine fucking dork. Thank god.

“Let’s unpack that later.”

“Okay.”

Shawn refused to take the seat that Dr. Cohen offered him, choosing instead to squish beside you on the examination table, hands touching or rubbing some part of you at all times. You don’t mind. After the morning you had, you thought maybe being in his arms forever was all you needed.

“Alright, Mr. Mendes. Your wife wanted to wait for your arrival to discuss what happened.” She explained. “She fainted in the middle of a meeting at work. Luckily a coworker was able to catch her and help her in time, so that no damage was done to the baby.”

He immediately looked worriedly over at you, his eyebrows and forehead wrinkled as he squeezed tenderly at your fingers.

“W--Why though? She’s never fainted before. Not once. Is it the baby?”

Dr. Cohen smiled reassuringly. “So, technically, yes it is the baby. But neither the baby or y/n are in any danger. What happened to you is actually fairly common. Basically what’s happening is that your blood vessels are widening and relaxing so that enough blood can get to your baby to keep them healthy. Really helpful for the baby, but it takes a longer trip now to get back to mommy. Usually this just means a little dizziness, but y/n in your intake paperwork it says you had been leading a workshop at the time you fainted is that correct?”

You raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Yes. I’m always in charge of training our new higher level managers who come in.”

“Mhm. And how long were you on your feet in the midst of this training?” She asked.

“I--I don’t know. Maybe one and a half, two hours? Why?”

“Because the longer you’re on your feet? Especially without movement, the worst the circulation of blood becomes. What probably happened is that you first started to experience some dizziness, but maybe you fought through that. These aren’t really the type of symptoms to fight through though. You needed to rest.”

There’s an image somewhere in the film of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. It’s the moment where the grinch comes up with his evil plan to steal happiness and joy from all those around him. He smiled a smile that pulls at all of his features squishing his face into this truly horrid little grin. This. This is the smile that Shawn gave you in this moment. The smile of a man who was finally right about something for once. The bastard.

“Wait, I am so very sorry,” Shawn interrupted. “Are you saying that all she needs to do is rest?”

You turned to him with a look so hot you could feel it sizzle in your eyeballs. You had still not exactly forgiven him for the last time you had this conversation. He was walking on thin ice.

Dr. Cohen nodded. “Yes, I am. Typically at this point in the third trimester, especially depending on the patient? I don’t even recommend for my patients to take the stairs, let alone work ten hour days. Y/n I’m afraid if I have any recommendation for you it’s going to be bed rest. I can write a letter for your work if need be, but with your high position in the company I doubt that would be necessary..”

It’s like your stomach just drops. With one month left in your pregnancy you didn’t even know how to go about not working. Working gave you purpose outside of being pregnant. It was what got you through the long days. You didn’t know how to take a break anymore than you knew how to stop loving Shawn and we all know how well that went the one time you gave it a shot.

“B--Bed rest? Like I can’t leave my own fucking bed? I--I’m not broken here!”

“Honey,” Shawn sighed taking your hand in his. “It’s alright, okay? Just let the doctor explain.”

Dr. Cohen smiled softly. “I understand. I know the prospect of taking time for yourself is hard. They had to pull me out of the hospital when my first was born, literally. But in these final weeks I want you to think about yourself for just a moment. There’s no harm in taking a rest, y/n. You’re about to be a mother for the rest of your life, believe me when I say these days to yourself will be magical, okay? I know it’s hard, but I need you to do it. For yourself and for the baby.”

And that ladies and gentlemen is how you ended up in your house on a Thursday afternoon lying in bed like you were on the verge of death, while your dumbass smirked at you like you didn’t know how to kill a man with a remote. It was actually your definition of hell. Sitting there wondering what the idiots at work were doing, who was fucking up what, and who was going to add more work to your plate for when you got back. You hated it. But what you hated even more was the image of Shawn walking slowly into your bedroom with a cup of chamomile tea to make sure it didn’t get spilled. You hated the way he slid into bed and wrapped his arms around you like you were the most precious thing he’d ever laid eyes on. And you hated the way that your body just completely gave into him because how could you ever want or need anything else with him beside you?

“I’m sorry you can’t work until the baby’s born, sweetheart. I know how important it is to you.” He hummed tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

You snorted. “What happened to all the excitement you had at the doctor’s office?”

“I’m excited you’re safe, and that I get to spend time with you relaxing until the baby comes. I’m not excited that you’re upset, honey. I could never feel that way.”

You bit your lip softly and nuzzled a little closer to your person.

“Relaxing?”

He nodded with a smile. “I’m not going anywhere. I thought we could...visit my parents? Maybe ride up to Vancouver for a weekend? There’s this cabin Brian and I went to once in Whistler when I was young and stupid with my money, but it’s just as beautiful in the summer as it is in the winter. I’ve got plans. I don’t expect you to stay bedridden until you give birth, my love.”

“That actually sounds really nice.” You giggled.

“Yea? Can we give it a shot?”

“Yea, Why not?”

“Good. Come kiss me already.”

Finally.

***

Leave it to your kid to come out in Pickering, Ontario of all places. Shawn had kept true to his word. No label meetings, no photoshoots, do endorsement deals until after the baby was born. And it was perfect. You cooked together and watched movies together and went on walks and to the beach. He took pictures of you for no other reason than to remember your time together. It was a moment of serenity, of reflection, and of love.

That night, he sat beside you in bed and rubbed cocoa butter over your belly just like always, kissed your stomach and sang the baby to sleep just like always.When it was time for the two of you to go to bed, he ran his thumb along your cheek and kissed you goodnight.

“I love you so much.” He whispered. “I can’t wait to spend forever together.”

You smiled and kissed at his thumb upon your cheek.

“Me neither. Kinda weird. I can’t believe we made it all this way.”

“But we did. It was meant to be. And we worked damn hard for it.”

You fall asleep, like you did most nights now, with Shawn’s wrapped around you and your handy dandy pillow below your lower back. It’s just like every other night. Until it isn’t…

*four hours later*

“Baby….Sweetheart ...Y/N!!”

“What. What is it?” You muttered still very much asleep.

“I think you peed the bed, honey.” Shawn whispered.

Your eyes fluttered open in the dark and there was the love of your life, People’s sexist Man Alive three years ago, saying that you had essentially pissed yourself. And they say romance isn’t dead?

“Are you fucking kididng me?” You huffed. “Oh my god that’s so fucking embarassing.”

He went to reach for you only for you to pull away. The last thing you needed was for him to help you out of a puddle of your own urine. Jesus Christ.

“Sweetheart, It’s okay. I--I don’t care. You know I don’t care.”

You leaned up out of bed and all of sudden there was a pretty bad pain in your stomach that left you a bit winded and unable to get up.

“Well shit, that fucking hurts.” You whined.

Shawn flicked on the light on the bedside table.

“What hurts?”

You took a deep breath like your doctor instructured.

“Fucking contractions are starting up again.”

The room goes silent as you breathe through the pain. It lasts far longer than you’re used to and hurts like a bitch, but with the breathing technique it isn’t unbearable. And then...he loses his fucking mind.

“OH MY GOD!”

“What?! Why are you yelling?!” You gasped.

“WE’RE HAVING A BABY. OH MY GOD. HOLY SHIT!”

He went to stumble his way out of bed, only to fall flat on the floor. That didn’t stop him from jumping right up and running around in circles. You know? Like a lunatic? So much for the lamaze classes.

“Shawn. Shawn! SHAWN! Calm the hell down.” You yelled rubbing at your belly.

“Sweetheart it’s your water. It’s your water, not piss. We’re having a fucking baby!”

“Excuse me, I’m aware! It’s inside of me. I’m fine. Everything is fine. Go wake your parents, I’m gonna call the hospital.”

Shawn nodded taking some deep breaths of his own before turning to wake his parents. You barely rolled over like a bowling ball on the bed before he was back, this time a lot calmer thankfully. He reached straight for your face, warm hands stilling you instantly as he kissed you like you were all that mattered.

“I love you. We’re gonna have a baby.” He whispered, a smile so big on his face that it felt like it radiated within you.

“We are.” You chuckled. “I love you too.”

***

*Shawn’s point of view*

Something shifts drastically in the car. In the house, he could barely tell she was in labor except for every few minutes when she would have contractions. By the time the doctor told them to head to the hospital it was three in the morning. His dad drove, mum in the passenger seat. It meant he got to sit in the back with her and hold her hand, rub at her back, whisper how much he loved her even. And for a while it was fine. But then all of a sudden hell descended on earth and it was fully and deeply embedded in the love his life.

She let out a sound that was maybe the most painful sound he’d ever heard in his life. It was high pitched and bone deep and it rang out so loud his ears hurt. But that was nothing in comparison to the feeling of the bones in his hand crushing beneath her grasp.

“Ow! Oh my--Fuck!  Sweetheart my hand!”

“I’M DYING! FUCK YOUR HAND!” She cried. “AHHHHHHHHHH!!

A vein appeared deep in the middle of her forehead as she sobbed and panted against the back seat. It was as hard to watch as it was to let her break every single bone in his goddamn hand.

The last thing he remembered before they got to the hospital was her turning to him, cheeks tear stained, and lips panting as she told him:

“Shawn?”

“Yes, honey? What can I do? Is there anything I can do?”

She nodded her head softly and swallowed.

“Yes. You can absolutely never fucking touch me again!”

His mum thought it was particularly funny if her snorts from the front seat were anything to go off. His fragile, overworked heart did not think it was so funny.

“Yes. Okay. Never touching you again. Got it.” He mumbled continuing to rub at her back.

He was certainly in for a night.  

It takes twelve hours to bring their baby into the world. And they’re the longest hours of his life. He had to watch her be in pain, watch her struggle and flail and cry, all while knowing there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. He hated every second of it. It was the most helpless he’d ever felt. His parents were amazing running off to make calls to the rest of their family, which left him directly by her side. He would’ve stayed another twelves hours too if that’s what it took. Anything for her. Anything.

Another one of those moments that he’d be able to recall on the last of his life is the moment he heard his child cry for the first time. It was as if his center of gravity shifted. He was completely and utterly transfixed. He changed instantaneously in that moment, never to be the same again. It was one of the most magical moments of his life.

They go to lay the baby on her chest, y/n exhausted and red faced and so utterly happy, and his heart sores.

“This is your little baby girl.” The doctor told them.

“Shawn. Look what we did.” y/n whispered. “Look.”

His hand covers her entire back. She’s tiny and crying and wiggly and slimy. She’s beautiful.

“That’s our baby.” He sniffled just in case it might not be true. Just in case someone might have to correct him.

It’s easily the greatest day of his life.

***

He doesn’t sleep. And how could he? There’s a human in his hands. A tiny human. One that squeals and yawns and flails. She’s already immediately like her mother. Can’t sit still even in sleep, though y/n was so exhausted that she hadn’t moved in hours. But that’s okay. Everyone’s okay.

At one point, she wakes up and he freezes. In every movie he’d ever seen this was the moment that surely his daughter would begin to scream her head off like a lunatic until she turned twelve. Not quite. Instead she peered up at him inquisitively with this sort of searching look, a knowing look. This too reminded him of his love, of his person. And so he loved her infinitely already.

“You’re so fucking small.” He whispered to himself. “Shit, I said fucking. Who are we kidding your mother is gonna make sure your first word is dumbass before I ever have anything to do with it.”

Her thumb was in her mouth and she flailed sporadically in his arms as if she wanted to explore the world already, as if his arms were too much containment already. He wondered if maybe she got that from him.

“Penelope Ivy Mendes. You’re gonna have the best life a baby could ever ask for.” He assured her. “Your mom is so smart. Like one of the smartest people ever. And she’s funny. And she’s pretty, you’re really pretty too by the way. She’s gonna teach you all sort of stuff. And I’m gonna teach you too. Wait till I play you your first John Mayor record. You’ll love it so much honey. I played Continuum for your mommy when I first met her when she definitely broke into my apartment. And I played it for you when you were in her belly. It’s the greatest album maybe ever. We’ve got so much to talk about.”

She listens to him speak with wide, gentle eyes. Her skin is warm and soft, and rubs gently at her cheek with his palm. He thought he’d be overwhelmed. Thought that he’d mess something up, or that his daughter wouldn’t like him straight from the womb. But, it’s not that way at all. He could talk to her for days, he thinks. Just him and his daughter and his person. His family.

Eventually she starts to cry because she’s only been alive like eight hours and that’s a lot to put on a kid.

“You tired of hearing me talk huh?” He cooed rocking her gently in his arms.

“Did it happen...Did you break her?” Y/n mumbled from her hospital bed.

He chuckled softly slowly slipping out of the chair to move closer to her.

“Look who’s awake. I don’t think so. The nurse said she’s gonna wanna eat like every one and a half hours. She’s like her papa already.”

“Oh wonderful. Give her to me?”

They pass her easily, Y/n lifting her hospital gown to let her little mouth go searching for her meal. With the baby preoccupied, he’s allowed to check up on his other human. She’s really beautiful to him, hair bed crazed, eyes still sleepy, cheeks a little rosy. Something about their daughter on her chest makes him overwhelmed with love though. It’s different. She’s different. Perhaps they both are.

“Are you okay?” He whispered cupping her cheek gently in his palm.

She leaned into his palm.

“‘M okay. Lots of pain though. Lots of soreness.”

“I’m sorry. I really hated watching you in pain. The whole baby part is really beautiful. But the labor part? Not so much. Want me to take the next one for us?” He joked.

Her eyes widened. “The first one isn’t a day old Shawn. My vagina is still bleeding, maybe we wait a few weeks.”

“Kidding, y/n. Totally kidding. I just want you to be healthy and safe and I want to hold you. Both of you.”

She smiled dopely up at him with eyes that he loved and lips that he loved and a heart that he loved with everything in him.

“Yea?”

“Yea. I love you more than anything.” He assured her, his eyes watering quickly. “So, so much.”

“I love you too. More than anything. Both of you.”

“And forever.”

“Forever.” She agreed.

That sounded plenty fine to him.

The End.

Permanent taglist 

@simpledomain @liliane106 @xeuphorically-moonstruck @euphoric05 @daijanicole @bruhh-whateven @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @decewill @goldiean @bitchacho25 @bruhh-whateven @justbeingoceana @loveylangdon @iloveshawnieboi  @september-lace @valedictorian65  @dimestorebieber22 @sinplisticshawn @kamahriii @lifeoftheparty74 @thecurlsofgod @disaster-rose @justbeingoceana 

[timelordthirteen]

Night Shift Chapter 2

Mr. Gold/Lacey French, Mature

Summary: Am I a masochist, resisting urges to punch you in the teeth? Call you a bitch and leave?

Notes: Well of course this is a thing. I'm sorry I'm like this. I have no idea what I'm doing. For the 31 Days prompt #6: cider.

[AO3]

Gold didn’t know what had possessed him to walk into Granny’s Diner at eight-thirty on a Thursday night in December.

For the past two weeks he’d been lingering in the shop later and later. At five he would flip the sign to closed, and turn off the lights in the front, his car parked in the back alley instead of on the corner out front.

With near perfect regularity, Lacey would come walking down the opposite side of the street at five fifteen. She wouldn’t stop, as she had done that night when they’d looked across the street, seeing each other for the first time in a year and a half. She would walk straight into the diner, without so much as a glance cast in his direction, and start her shift exactly on time.

He knew because he watched. He stood like a besotted fool, in the dark, in the front of his shop, looking through the window blinds. It was almost a surprise to see her given how long it had been. Before that, he’d begun to wonder if she had left town entirely, but he was fairly certain if she had that information would have made it back to him.

At some point, he started contemplating what might happen if he went over there, into the diner, and ordered a cheeseburger with extra pickles as if there was nothing out of the ordinary. As if her blue blouse wasn’t still buried in a laundry basket at his house, unforgotten, but patently ignored. As if nothing of note had ever happened between them.

Somehow contemplating had turned into acting, and in a fugue state, as if he was outside his own body, he marched across the street.

The diner was nominally busy for a snowy weeknight, but Lacey was stuck working by herself while Ariel was getting over a rather nasty case of bronchitis.

Granny was in the back, putting together pans of her famous lasagna and prepping for the inevitable holiday pie orders that would start coming in the days before Christmas. The holidays were something Lacey was fiercely ignoring this year, both because her father was a drunken jerk any time he had a day off, and because she didn’t want to remind herself of how much better things were when you had someone in your life that you cared about.

She spun around behind the counter and hung two tickets on the rack, shouting to Billy, the cook, not to put too much mayo on Sheriff Graham’s club sandwich. The ring at the end of her necklace moved beneath her white blouse, tapping gently against her fair skin. She didn’t know why she bothered to wear it anymore, but it felt strange when it wasn’t there, so she kept up the routine and tucked it down where no one could see it.

There was a shift in the din of the room, and she turned around, gasping softly when she saw him standing by the door.

Gold’s jaw tensed, and he tipped his head up, shaking the flakes of snow from his hair.

He strode over to his usual table, in the corner by the window, took off his coat, and sat down. His cane leaned against the booth, and he picked up the menu as if he suddenly needed to study it despite almost two decades of coming here. After a few minutes, he set it down and looked up. Lacey was standing behind the counter, staring at him, and he straightened in his seat. There were two orders on the ledge behind her waiting to be delivered to their tables, but she didn’t move until Billy shouted at her.

Gold watched as she picked them up and took them over to Mary Margaret and David Nolan, who in turn twisted in their chairs to give him a strange look. He bristled a little at that, annoyed that what he was doing was being so closely observed. When Lacey didn’t come over, he almost got up and left, but he was here and he wanted to see how she might behave.

If she completely ignored him, then he’d have the answer to the question he refused to ask, and he would go back to never seeing her again.

“Can I get some service?” he said finally, raising his voice just enough that he knew Lacey could hear him.

She visibly sighed, and ran a hand through her hair, then pulled her pad out of her apron pocket.

“Apologies, Mr. Gold,” she said flatly, giving him neither a false smile nor a scowl. Her face betrayed no outward sign of emotion at all. “What can I get you?”

He looked up at her, startled by how close she was just standing by the table. Her eyes were fixed on the order pad, pen poised to start writing as soon as he spoke his order.

“Hot cider, please.” Then he swallowed. “And some apple crisp.”

She bit her lip and noted his requests. “A la mode or regular?”

He sighed and his voice softened. “I think you know the answer.”

Lacey gave him a stern look and repeated her question.

His eyes narrowed. “Did you forget everything about me, Lacey?”

Abruptly, she tucked the pad back in her apron, and gave him the briefest look, her eyes making contact for no more than a second. “It will be out in five minutes.”

Lacey hurried back behind the counter and went over to the coffee maker, clenching her hands into fists to keep them from shaking.

As they did every winter, they’d replaced one of the large percolators with a heated pot of spiced apple cider as soon as the first snow had fallen. Before, coming in for two mugs of cider and a shared bowl of warm apple crisp topped with vanilla ice cream had been a regular occurrence for them. Now, here he was, the bastard, invading her sanctuary, asking if she had forgotten everything she knew about him - as if that was possible - and ruining one of the few things she still liked about the season.

She huffed out a breath and filled one of the mugs with cider. The steam rose up and the pleasing scent of spices wafted passed her nose as she moved to retrieve one of the pans of apple crisp from the pie cooler. She shut the lid just a little too hard on it, her frustration breaking through the calm, unaffected facade she’d put on. Her jaw tensed, her teeth grinding in anger as she felt Gold’s smug gaze following her every movement as she prepared his order.

How fucking dare he.

After warming the crisp in a bowl in the toaster oven and finishing it off with a scoop of vanilla ice cream, she set everything on a tray and resolved to not let him get the best of her.

Gold’s fingers drummed softly on the table until Lacey came back with his order.

His stomach wasn’t the least bit hungry, and the smell of cinnamon and apples was as unappealing as week old chicken salad. He looked up, and a second later a searing heat spread over his thigh sending a sharp stab of pain through his leg. A cry wrenched itself from his throat and he pushed back from the table, standing up so quickly he knocked his cane to the floor. He stumbled to the side, catching himself on a chair, and looked down.

The right side of his trousers were covered in a splatter of hot cider that could have only come from one source. His eyes met Lacey’s, and he snarled at her.

“What the fuck?”

Lacey’s mouth hung open and her eyes went wide.

She had thought about walking over and dumping the hot cider right in his lap as she was loading up the tray, but apparently she’d actually gone and done it. The liquid wasn’t scalding hot, thought it must have hurt a fair bit to make him cry out that way, but she hoped that was more surprise than pain.

“What the fuck?”

The look on his face was a combination of confusion and rage, a look she’d only seen once before when he was beating Keith Nott senseless, and it made her take a step back.

Gold came towards her, limping heavily without his cane, and wincing. “You could have burned me!”

He opened his mouth to say something more, but at that moment Granny came out from the kitchen.

“The hell’s going on here, Gold?”

Lacey spun around, her face red with shame. “I can explain -”

“Nothing’s going on, Martha,” he said, stepping forward and raising a hand. “It was just an accident. My fault entirely.”

Martha Lucas put her hands on her hips and eyed Gold steadily. He never admitted fault, much less in a public place, and Lacey was sure she was going to be fired. Granny Lucas had given her a lot of leeway over the years, but this was the kind of thing Gold was likely to take out on both of them by raising the rent or having the city reassess the property taxes on the inn.

Granny didn’t seem to believe Gold, but there wasn’t enough evidence to prove otherwise, so she huffed and admonished Lacey to clean up the mess immediately.

Lacey exhaled in momentary relief, and went to get a rag. When she turned around again, Gold was gone.

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

u guys know how crystalisks change color depending on element?

ohhh yeah

tl;dr: i went off on crystalisks for a while, started talking about vault monsters/guardians and siren tattoos, bloodwing, krieg, the elemental hierarchy, the bandits that got mutated by the vault key piece, the eridian ruins powering up, the moon [elpis] being teleported in that new vid we got with steve and claptrap, i rant about eleseer and technologically created pocket dimensions (heyo), and also there’s commander lily spoilers in here so be warned

i talked about a lot of things. i promise i linked them all together. somehow.

so we got the normal crystalisks that do explosive stuff

got Blue (the aptly named big blue crystalisk) that deals shock damage

(we also see a few more in hayter’s folly)

got Rouge the red one that deals fire damage

I’m honestly surprised we haven’t seen any green crystalisks since they’re pretty common in the caustic caverns.

anyway the reason im bringing this up now is because a very very long time ago (jesus christ, 2017) i had a theory that crystalisks were kinda like pets to the Eridians, like guard dogs of the ruins in the caustic caverns. which could explain why they were friendly (iirc Blue was even playing fetch with Booth) until Dahl started mining them

mostly cause of the guardian ruins everywhere

also, they show up in the Vault of the Warrior, as well. which is curious.

the other reason im bringing this up now is because im wondering if their crystals have any relation whatsoever to the purple crystals we see sprouting out of the ground in bl3.

they hang out in the ground when not active, mimicking said crystals, and there are yellow crystals sprouting out of the ground in bl2 that, when meleed, produce the same crystals crystalisks do when they die. (tho now im wondering if we’ve just been senselessly murdering crystalisk babies :|)

bonus: we know threshers are native to elpis, not pandora, and their blood is green. Crystalisk blood is blue, which could possibly hint at the fact they’re an alien species to Pandora. AFAIK rakk, skag, bullymong, stalker, and spiderant blood is all red. and so is bandit blood. (unless they’ve been huffing Eridium sludge like Zarpedon. then it glows purple i guess.)

anyway

you guys know how vault monsters change color based on element?

just recently fought this bad boy so i have a plethora of pictures

(this one is cryo)

(slag/base- which you know, makes sense. gotta slag em before u can swap guns)

(this one is shock)

nasty boy

also, interesting to note: we never got ‘explosive’ as an element with the sentinel and in bl3, explosive was taken out of the element list

you know how Siren tattoos also change color based on element?

sorry i would show amara’s green/corrosive tattoos BUT this was the leaked clip that i had on hand

ohhhh yeah.

now we know Siren tattoos are blue when using their base powers. according to amara, this blue means electricity is the ‘base’ element for sirens (which just plain isn’t true given what we’ve seen with maya and lilith, unless they show that further in bl3 where lilith uses phasewalk without her tattoos going red... which I’m guessing will not happen lol)

which has me like 🤔

we know in the original borderlands the vault key is blue for the vault of the destroyer

in all it’s technological glory

then it changes to purple in bl2. and apparently, we even get red in bl3.

so i know what you’re thinking “well blue must be the base element then” but imma posit that it’s actually not

We know the sentinel, when it comes out of the Vault, the first element it is is ‘purple’ (aka slag/eridium i guess, since slag isn’t in TPS). which, as we said above, makes sense.

we know the Warrior was a biological weapon built/modified by the Eridians for... some reason. It was under complete control of whoever opened the Vault. (the warrior actually has 2 elements afaik, the slag tail/wings and the fire)

I wanna say we were SUPPOSED to open the Vault of the Warrior first. Then open the Vault of the Destroyer and annihilate it with our new cool biological weapon

so then the order would be purple -> blue -> uhhh something something

oh and Siren tattoos appear to always be purple when interacting with Eridium stuff

like when Lily touches the vault key in the Vault of the Warrior, her tattoos glow purple

when Lilith is being mind controlled by Jack/the collar/charging Eridium her tattoos are purple

etc etc

also MAJOR COMMANDER LILY SPOILERS BELOW

her tattoos glow purple during the final cutscene i believe. bonus i’m pretty sure the vault map was glowing white when inside hector. it was still purple on the outside tho soooo take that as you will. i had a picture but i removed it because i didn’t wanna spoil anything for anyone. the whispy bits do remind me of angel’s wings

SPOILERS ARE DONE

dunno if any of this is important but i will say

when u fight a badass skag that’s been charged by an element and is implied to be the result of eridium runoff aka slag? mmm that’s the good shit.

Bloodwing?? her base color is purple. but jack is able to change her element based on outside stimuli (and, again, explosive isn’t actually seen as an element, just a joke... a really... fucked up... joke...)

we also know a lot of the bandits were mutated by the vault key (piece?) in sledge’s mine. might help explain burning psychos (the ones that are literally on fire). 

also maybe the eridian ruins are starting to give off ‘radiation’. you know how the original Eridian Ruins in BL1 were like white/blueish and then all the ones we find in BL2 are purple-ish? maybe they started charging up once the first Vault was opened and that allowed more and more bandits to start getting 

borderlands 1

vs

borderlands 2

(sorry for the shitty screencap, i hope it’s clear enough)

oh also maybe krieg’s ability to breathe fire and light himself on fire since he was a hyperion experiment. dunno if they did slag testing on him or not but... all things considered... it’s a probably maybe. wasn’t his assassin’s assassin the woman in the ECHO logs you find around the WEP?

also Terry the thresher? probably mutated like hell from living in those Vault ruins. might explain the size. also threshers being from the moon might just give them the fire/wormhole abilities inherently. since apparently the moon is some top secret eridian base that can see the future. im not even surprised. also you know. terry drops e-tech stuff upon decimation.

anyway i think Pandora is a lot older than Elpis and that’s why Elpis appears super fucking high-tech compared to Pandora’s ruins.

I mean look at the above then look down here

which makes sense, you’d make the planet before you make the moon yeah?

so elpis was probably put in place to watch over Pandora, maybe the Destroyer and the Warrior’s fight or maybe even to predict the future of that fight. maybe the eridians got paranoid and were like ‘fuck this’ and vanished because they were told they couldn’t win.

i do go into that whole theory of ‘zarpedon saw what the twins are about to do in bl3 and jack ain’t shit’ in an older post of mine so i won’t go into it here, but that’s another option as to why the eridians just booked it the hell outta dodge

bonus: in tycho’s ribs, some of the glowy lights are not actually purple, they’re red-ish

which has me thinking about the glowing red Vault Map we see in the Dev trailer. wonder if that’s going to lead up to elpis

oh! and speaking of elpis

yeah i don’t think that’s just an aesthetic thing cause holy shit

we’re all going to die!

yeah i actually have no idea what’s happening to the moon here

but im going to take a wild guess and draw your attention to that one scene with lilith

when she uhhh teleports in using her firehawk powers

we see it again when tyreen teleports in bandits on promethea

and they look

really

darn

familiar

im not saying we’re gonna teleport the moon but hOLY SHIT would that be F*CKING AWESOME

we also know ‘the moon is the key’ as shown on the cover art sooooo

it’s entirely possible?

which brings me to another point i made a while ago when the booth intro got leaked and i was talking about the ‘vault’ ‘not-vault’ area and decided it was on pandora because of the moon, but made a joke that maybe it wasn’t because i guess we could just move the moon.

what if it actually wasn’t lmao

nah im just playing, i’m pretty sure those are Rakk flying around there, but HEY it’d be cool!

also it’s pretty fucked up what’s happening on elpis considering it looks like it’s being bathed in fire... sucks for everyone on concordia but hey, if it means getting rid of pickle, im game.

OH GOD DAMN IT HE WAS ON SANCTUARY WITH TINA FUC-

anyway.

i wanna move the moon

oh also im still not convinced eleseer isn’t found by going thru a wormhole/alternate dimension/pocket rip/whatever

like, you know how to fight the Sentinel you go inside that giant purple crystal that looks like/is probably eridium? and the arena is WAYYY bigger than it ought to be? and it looks like the outside is made out of glowing graph paper and sick guy fieri flames that’s probably supposed to imply some sort of technological feeling?

oh and it does the “lilith just yeeted u to bloodshot stronghold- just kidding’ effect! which... y’know. my only gripe with that is it actually does appear to be somewhere inside eleseer given if u look at the ceiling it does look to be the same sky you see outside eleseer... but where the fck is eleseer... is it in another dimension inside the moon? bc i still refuse to believe the entire moon is being supported by that area... wouldn’t you see the crust?? somewhere? and it being in another dimension would help explain the whole ‘yeah you’re exactly where you were five seconds ago... but also you’re not because you’re in this arena and it’s clipping except it’s not so even though the sky looks the same because you’re in the same exactly spot you were in 5 seconds ago, you’re actually not (but you are)’. because what the fuck my scrub brain can’t comprehend that!

but god i wanna know if the eridians were harnessing the power of eridium and learned how to create pocket dimensions using their technology and fuckin DID IT the mad lads. i mean isn’t that what Vaults are? just little rips in this dimension. it’s the good shit.

also i wanna know why the Destroyer seemed to have pockets of slag/eridium on it’s tentacles when he’s supposed to be the VILLAIN tm of bl1 and also the eridians. might help explain why eridium only starts appearing after you off that physical rendition of him. also [see that one post i made about the crystals being corpses].

wow.

yeah.

i just spent a straight 2 hours doing nothing but typing this post. i should really go to bed. imma go do that

tomorrow i wanna talk about the seraph vendor. cause i can.

[ain-t-bovvered]

14x11 Commentary (special)

Special episode where a bunch of tired and caffeinated Europeans ( plus a sleepy American) scream together, and then die and try to get on with their day ( lol AS IF)

Hello and welcome:

@purpleskiesandcherrypies  (Nat)

@dean-winchesters-bacon  (Kat)

@waywardbaby  (Zee)

@ain-t-bovvered  (Giu)

1 2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

14x11 Damaged Gods

Giu: Ugh fuck off nick

Zee: I’m the cage

Nat: bleugh

Giu : Pardon me but M losing it, is kinky

Giu: I wanna know whats in that fucking book tho

Kat: So kinky

-Nick being an idiot sandwich

Zee: So sick of Nick

Nat : so Nick is hunting now

-Demon scum: Never been caught by a human.

-I wouldn’t call Nick a human at this point honestly.

Giu: Also how did he got hold of an angel blade, Like seriously ..... Tfw 2.0 sucks at keeping “prisoners”

Nick : Abraxas.

Oooooh my god that again. I get that he has nothing left to do, but still.

Zee: She ded

- Nick:” I don’t know, where’s the fun in that?” (about letting the demon go)

 *MMBLEGH ! STABS EYE*

[looks in the camera like in the office]

Nat: omg

- Welp that was violent.

- “Maria Prophetissima, Historia Achengeli.” Trying really hard to think that’s not supposed to be italian......because I’d have some complaints.

Giu : RED SHIRT

Zee: Giuls do I need to say it?

Nat: THE RED SHIRT OF SEX

Kat: Barely alive

- LEATHER GLOOOOOVES. YAAAAAS. also....Dean....what the fuck are you thinking uh? Ooooooh right the welding episode

Nat: Oh.. here comes the heart break

Giu: All the fucking hurt.

-Sam: “How are you feeling”

-Dean, completely dribbling around that question like a champ “Whatcha reading?”

- Sam : “We’ll find a way “  ( #369)

- Dean: “Actually I wanna go for a drive”

uh uh Don’t like the sound of that.

Zee: Always in need of his mom

- Dean : “One-on-one time with mom”

Giu : DO NOT LIKE

Kat: Sam fucking face

-Sam is us.

-Sam: “Whatever you need”

- Fuck you Dean. Don’t look like you are almost crying...fuck you

Nat: OMG THE HUG

-dEAN FUCKING FACE, DEAN FUCKING HESITANT HAND WHAT THE FUCK

Zee: Take care Sammy?

Giu : AAAAAAH THE FUCK. NO

-Sam startled face tho.

- HE KNOWS SOMETHING IS UP

Giu: THE FUCK CABIN

Zee: Still don’t like Mary, I always think she doesn’t give a fuck

- Mary: “I’ll take any excuse for a visit”

THEN WHY DON’T YOU FUCKING VISIT . YOU KNOW WHAT’S UP . THE FUCK.

Kat: She’s the worst

Nat : Sammy calls up his mom to tell her about THE HUG

Giu : “That’s sweet” WOW. BITCH HE HAS THE ARCHANGEL MICHAEL STOMPING ABOUT IN HIS MIND. 

- Sam: “ We don’t hug” .... well...only if it’s literally the end of the world.  SO HEALTHY.

Mary : “We have to respect that” 

 fuck oOOOOOFF you are his mom you don’t have to respect shit when your son has an archangel in his mind.

-Sam paranoia rising up because some books are missing.

-Ok but I love this shot, it’s so pretty.

[Food Splatter] Dean: “OH MY GOd”

-Oh my god indeed

Zee & Nat : DONNAAAAAA

- She’s so pretty!!! I love her so much.

[Dean licking his finger] ..... DOOOON’T STAPH IT

Nat : Dean has a big mouth

Giu: KINK!

Zee : Nat really…

Nat : have you seen the bite he took?!

Giu: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

- The place is called “The hungry beaver” 

yeah ok come on.

- AAAAh so great to hear from the girls tho.

Also Dean’s avoiding all the questions he knows that are coming like a pro Winchester.

- Donna: “Last month, we took down a Vetala nest”

Dean’s impressed face.

- Dean:” Get out of town......Good for her”

- Awww the question about Dough tho. He’s avoiding questions ok but he’s so cute asking about that

Zee & Nat : Freaking news letter

Giu : I swear they have a what’s up chat like us.

Kat : No doubt

- Lol also I think Jensen has a runny nose while shooting these scene, lol the tissue.

- Dean: “ - without seeing my D-Train”

Nat: SO DEAN'S A HUGGER NOW

Kat: farewell tour

Giu : OH SHUT UP WHAT IS THIS NOW?!? THE MEMORY LANE BEFORE TUNING OUT? DEAN!

- HIS FUCKING FACE SHUT THE FUCK UP I CAN’T

-God do I ship them tho. I need some DonnaxDean asap ok ( tag me people)

Nat : I hate this so much. Can I burn this episode already?

Giu: Yes *hands the matches*

- way to ruin perfectly good pumpkins Mary . I guess you wouldn’t know what to do with them anyway....like....idk....pumpkin pie or some shit for your son....who loves pies....remember.....whatever I don’t even know why I’m trying anymore.

Nat : "We could call Sam over" and have a freaking party

- Dean: “I don’t wanna Sam here”

- RUDE

Giu: “EVerYtHinG aLrIghT?”

- Dean: “ I’m HANGRY “ lol 

Giu: Not much of a cook

Zee: You’re not much of an anything

Giu: WELL NOT SHIT

- WINCHESTER SURPRISE . THE FUCK IS THAAAAAT

- Mary :”I can’t believe you remember that”

- I can’t believe you remember you have kids.

Nat: YOU CAN'T REMEMBER A LOT OF THINGS BITCH. DEAN REMEMBERS EVERYTHING, ALRIGHT.

Kat: He really does

Nat: Can I cry now

Giu: MY HEART IS POUNDING

Zee: ...in my ears

- Dean: “Delicious heart-attack on a plate. I would like mine with extra cheese”

- Extra cheese horny face

- ...AND PIE!

-The P O S T E R S

Giu: OMFG..... I’m already dreading the meta on that poster

 ( in a positive way  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  )

- [ M still trashing around ]

Kat: This song. Damn it

- *The Guess Who’s “No Time” playing*

Giu: OH COME ON, A LEATHER APRON, AND LEATHER GLOVES.

Zee: Fuck me sideways

Kat : All the damn ways

Nat: I AM AROUSED . IN THE MORNING. WHY AM I AROUSED (08:46 a.m )

- “I found myself some wings”  

Are *claps* you *claps* fucking *claps* kiddin’ *claps* me?

-when he tilt his head to make the mask falls down.

- the jacket popped collar....YAAAS

Giu: Fucking hell.

- I can’t deal with that poster and the sparks....I CAN’T

I CAAAAAAN’T

Nat: EVEN HIS LEGS ARE SEXY…..OK BUT FUCK ME

Giu: NO FUCK ME

Kat: HE’S THE ENERGIZER BUNNY HE CAN FUCK US ALL

Kat: SO MUCH WELDER!DEAN

Zee: Somebody write that shit

- And tag us thank

Giu: “ that’s new...YOU BUYING FOOD” wow…...WOOOOW. How the fuck does she live.

- whiskey, pumpkins and crosswords puzzles. WOW Mary living the life.

*Nick appears*

Giu & Nat : NO

Zee: Oh hello

Giu &Nat : FUCK OFF

- Nick: “Thanks for nothing , pal”

well Nick...ya creepy van doesn’t really scream FRIENDLY NEIGHBOR FORMER SATAN

Nat: Oh, Donna's going to show up

Zee: My girl stepping in

Kat: THIS BITCH BETTER NOT TOUCH MY GIRL…..Why am I yelling, I already know what happens

Giu: *john’s Mulaney Trump voice* OH IF HE SO MUCH TOUCH ONE FUCKING HAIR ON HER. I want him to do it , I want- I dare him to do it, I fucking swear , I’m fucking crazy.

- Nick picking up the clip.... * STREET SMARTS*

- Don’t- don’t try to outsmart my girl , it’s pathetic

- Donna:”What’s your name”

  Nick: “Nunya” 

oh....OH WOW do ya want to make the nun ya business joke to Donna...? WOW

 Nick: “ First name: eat. Last name: Me”

Oh wow that’s- that’s just sad.

Zee: Can I say that I love her pushing him like that?

Giu: OOFTA

Nat: of course this happens

Giu: YASP ( YAS + GASP )

Kat&Zee&Nat : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Nat: Just how long had Mary been away that it's already so late

Giu: She needed to remember how food work

- Mary smile is the only thing we have in common right now

Nat: That SMILE

Giu: Dean is the better mom. LOOK AT HIM. DOMESTIC NESTING DEAN KINK!

Zee: Oven mittens. Ya think?

Nat: "Something is going on" YA THINK?

- Sam is already on his way , no surprises there.

- Dean: “ he’s soaking wet, he’s pulling bologna, and sliced cheese out of his pants. So me, being the big brother, I’m the cook. I took all that bologna, all that sliced cheese and I put it onto a hot plate.It stunk up that room so bad. Dad comes home and he’s so mad, he picks up everything, chunks it into the trash, probably remained him of you....”

Giu: JOHN A + parenting, but also....I love the glimpses on their past, I really do.

Giu: What he made?

Nat: the winchester special? winchester surprise

Giu:Looks nasty..... I WANT IT 

- Mary trying to talk about how much she had missed.... yeah yeah you were dead it’s not that it’s your fault. 

- AND HERE ...look I don’t like Mary but Samantha did an amazing job, like....good lord

- Dean:”But you are here now”.

....well....in the fuck cabin , yes she is.

- Dean: “ Mom that meant everything to me” 

- Dean: “ There is no clouds on the horizon”  fucKING LIAR

*SOBS*

- Mary:”Whatever you are going through , you can talk to me”

Dean : *DIMPLES OF DISCONTENT* 

Zee: I don’t wanna talk about it

Giu: Please

- The Winchester motto

Dean *snores*

us : AAAAAAAAAAAW PRECIOUS

- I’m mary’s face 

Nat: She didn't even offer him a bed tho

Giu: I don’t think Dean wanted the fuck bed tho

-Mary snooping around, yes thank you, do something right.

- Mary: “Oh..no...no no no “ WHAAAAAAT

Dean smacking mouth while sleeping is giving me ex ptsd

Giu: OH FUCK PFF

Kat: Freaking creep

Giu: My cereal are soggy af. I can’t even eat. Also....WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT DISGUSTING LAMP.

- This shot is beautifuuuuul 

- [ 007 theme music plays ]

Nat: SAMMEEHHHHH

- Sam: “Hey Woah EASY”

Giu: CREEPY RAPE VAN

Zee: Come in. I’ve got candy

- Of course the demons keep track of the Winchesters. Are you kidding? they need to get the fuck out before they get to them lol, pussies.

Giu: “Nick what are u doing” ….we are whispering that since day fucking 1

Nat: Can we just burn that van? with them inside?

Kat: As long as they’re both in it

Nat: Dean'd hate us tho

Giu: ooooh he’ll get over it , *bad italo-american accent*  don’t worry about it

- Mary:” You could’ve just ask me” 

she’s not wrong.

- Mary : I took a demon and put it in a box and then I put that box into another box and then I put that box into a bigger box and then-

HONESTLY WHAT THE FUCK OK.

Giu: I swear Nick’s story is stale af. Like...Mark is soooo good and he’s the reason lucifer arch stayed that long , i’m sad if he go out spn but lucifer needs to end.

Nat: Mark is really good tho, But yes, it's enough.  Sam's hair is fucking great.

Zee: True story

- Can Sam stop taking blame for other people bullshit already?

- oooh a storage room with traps like John

- Well that was a weak ass locket

- Mary’s storage : A pickled head, some creepy ass doll, mother instincts, a powerful demon trapped inside an enochian box.

Giu: Ok but...honestly who fucking cares tho...just give him the damn demon so he can fuck off. And shut the fuck up the both of ya.

Kat: Okay but if he’d just think about the answer to his question it’s so fucking obvious

Zee: A demon needs a host

Giu: put it in a fucking mice whatever

- Dean: “ Nick is not a project. He’s not a freaking puppet “

WE’VE BEEN KNEW

- Sam: “Since when do we give up on people?”  aaaw Sam never did but Dean needs to be there to balance ok. And anyway they saved Jack so , but yeah, some people are past the point of saving, even more when they don’t want to be saved. OOOOH IS THIS FORESHADOW????

- That poor man tho.

Zee: She dum

Kat : THEY BOTH ARE

Giu: Even Jack is smarter

Nat: Mary and Nick would make a good couple

Zee: NO DON’T

Kat: Ew

Giu: After all those years can’t he read enochian? I mean….I’d pick up one thing or two like….

- Can’t they use that box for Michael?

*Nick drills a hole in it*

welp....never fucking mind

Giu: WELL THAT WAS STUPID. the fuck, one could think that a damn enochian box would be more resilient. Nope...just ...drill into it

Zee: You just read what you wrote right??

Giu: Yep. Your dirty minds do the rest

Kat: I like this demon

- [lucifer is dead] Abraxy “ Is he?...cool”

Nat: I love this demon too

Nat :Stop the whining

Giu: Omg Mark your acting tho

- Sam’s commander voice : GeT aWaY frOm her

- oompf

Kat: Damn it, she’s saved

- Goddamn it Nick

- Abraxy :” Lucifer planned the whole thing”

[us looking at Nick like we are in the office] 

- This cracks me up so much...I couldn’t stop laughing while making this gif. The more you look at it , the funnier it gets.

Giu: Oh that was ...kinda hot. DEAN NAUGHTY

Nat : DEAN'S SEXY WHEN HE SPEAKS LATIN. a new kink i never knew I had

Giu : *hearing some italian sounding words* DAMN RIGHT. Welcome to my world Nat.

Zee: Sam pant

Nat: Never not sexy

Giu: H.O.T.

- Nick killing who killed his family and getting his “revenge”

Giu: is Nick finished being a fucking twat.

- Donna saves the day like the badass bitch that she is

Sam: “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you, I’m sorry I didn’t know how “

Nick: “It’s not about you Sam, It’s never about you. You couldn’t fix me ‘cause I don’t want to be fixed. I was never broken”

Zee&Nat&Giu : I was never broken

Giu: Oh shut up all of you

- Sam:”Yes Nick, you are. I don’t feel sorry for you, Nick. I feel sorry for the people you hurt, the people you murdered, the people whose faces will hunt you, everynight, for the rest of your life.”

Nat&Kat: You can burn

Giu : That was hot and painful Sam, thank

- Mary: “I know what have you been building, planning. And we are gonna talk about that. We are all three of us,gonna talk about that. So if you don’t tell Sam....I will

Giu: OH WOW FOR ONCE SHE DONE RIGHT

- Dean: “It’s a Mal’ak box”

-COOL....I DON’T LIKE IT

Nat :FUCK. WHAT.WHAT?

Zee: A CAGE OF SORTS

Giu: IS HE GONNA FUCKING. NO. FUCK

Kat : MY SMART BABY

Giu: No ...no smart….that is masochist. THAT’S TERRIBLE

Nat: Does he want to buried alive, oh yeah, Sam just said it. NO

Kat: Worse.

Giu: WHAT THE FUCK

Zee: DROP HIM IN THE PACIFIC??

Nat: HE WANTS TO KILL HIMSELF

Giu: HE WILL NOT DIE THO. THIS IS SO MUCH WORSE, IM NOT EVEN GONNA GET OFF CAPS.

Nat: WELL, HE WILL SOONER OR LATER

Giu: BUT WOULDN’T M KEEP HIM ALIVE THO

- Sam: “You and Michael, trapped...for eternity?”

- Dean: “It’s the only sane play I’ve got”

- Dean:” The door is giving. I can feel it giving”

Kat: NO DEAN WINCHESTER YOU SHUT YOUR FACE. I LOVE YOU FOR TRYING

Nat: SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH

- Dean banging a fist on the box is like he just punched my heart ok

-We all are Sam

- Sam:”Since when do we believe in fate?”

 Yall literally met her

Giu: DID HE JUST…...FUCK U

Nat:: I DON'T WANNA WATCH. BURN THIS EPISODE.BURN IT

- Dean: “ Sam you are the last person I could tell, the last person that I could be around. ‘Cause you are the only one that could’ve talked me out of it. And I won’t be talked out of it. I won’t. I’m doing this”

Zee: IM SCARED

Kat :OMG IM CRYING AGAIN

Nat: SAMMY'S HURTING SO BAD. DEAN AVOIDS SAM CUZ SAM IS THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD STOP HIM.

Giu: I FEEL SICK

Kat: OUR BOYS

yeah great this feels like the soul bomb and Amara bullshit, FUCKING GREAT.

Giu: THE MUSIC. FUCK THIS MUSIC.

- Sam starting to understand that Dean is “right”

- Dean:” You could let me do it alone, or you could help me” 

ARE YOU FUCKING KID-

- Sam: “All right”

me: *splutters*

Zee :REALLY??!!!

Zee : All right??!!! ALL RIGHT??

Nat:  FUCK I WILL NEVER STOP SCREAMING

Kat : The end.

Giu: Of my life , the end ….

Nat: WHAT THE FUCK. YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.

Giu: *scrambles to see the next promo*

Zee: Yeets behind you

Nat: I'M NOT OK. SOMEONE HOLD ME.

Kat: Always talk about how good Jensen is. Jared fucking killed me here

                                [After the 14x12 promo]

Giu: ...OK WHAT THE FUCK

Nat: NO, YEAH.. STILL NOT OK AFTER THE PREVIEW

Kat: Okay so preview. I think they are just trying out the box

Giu: what the fuuuuck. That’s horrible

Zee: Did he do it for real??

Giu: It’s Dean...he was deadly serious

Zee: Yeah!! Next episode. Don’t want that

Kat: I don’t think they’ll dump him yet,but something obviously goes wrong. I don’t want to wait a week but also don’t really want it to come

Giu: Did Dean seriously asked Sam to stay on the fucking phone until what?!

Zee: He ded? Sank? Dropped?

Kat : STOP IT

Giu: Anyway I’m still positive that M grace will keep Dean alive

Zee: In the box??

Giu: I mean he did tell Jack they would have been together for eons. His body at least. I mean dean’s mind can get shoved somewhere . But since M is a sadistic motherfucker , I bet he would make Dean feel everything. While keeping his vessel alive.

Kat: Of course he would. He made him drown inside his own head

Zee: We need the body too. Not sorry. Yeah but for how long ?

Giu: Well he can’t get out. I doubt Micheal would kill himself.

Zee: True. But also stay trapped for ever?

Giu: M is patient

Kat: I feel like that would be a fate worse than death for him. But he is patient af

Giu: I need to go have a jog because my whole body is wired up in tension

Zee: I need to crumble in a corner and slowly die

Kat: I can’t sleep, I’m all riled up again

Nat: * is trying to clock in at work*

. Well well WHAT A FUCKING RIDE.

WE HATED IT.

.

.

If you want to get tagged in the future ones send an ask HERE or to @waywardbaby or a smoke signal, idk whatever I’m tired af.

TAGS: @supernatural-teamfreewillpage  @destiel-honeypie   @mariekoukie6661   @dragontamerm    @closetspngirl @rainflowermoon @mattiecat   @bunnybaby121115 @aliaitee2 @jacks-word-of-the-day @4evamc  @dammitsammy @legendary-destiel @winchesterprincessbride

[therealantonwells]

Where I’ve Been, part 2

The Martians are busy in the pit, but given the last few hours of noise, I don’t think they’re going to come for us if I just type this up.

Where did I leave off? Right, with Jeremiah leaving us in that hot nasty tent full of flies and particulate Red Weed for twelve more hours. The stranger next to me murmured and cried through the whole night. I couldn’t get to sleep. I felt for the man, but he was driving me nuts.

Someone kicked me awake while it was still dark out. “Change of plans.” A familiar voice - the guard who had called for Jeremiah earlier. He yanked me to my feet and threw me painfully over his shoulder, knocking the wind out of me, then did the same with my tent-mate. The giant of a man hauled us out to where three more white men were waiting, along with Jeremiah.

“Change of plans,” Jeremiah said, cutting the rope binding our ankles. “Sorry boys. Our three-legged friends’r gettin’ restless. Too close for comfort. Thinkin’ we should give ‘em what they’re after a little early.” The burly guard stood us up. “Can I trust you boys not to run? You won’t get very far, I can assure you of that. Just make it harder for yourselves ‘n the rest of us.”

The guard looked us over in the dim bioluminescent light of the Red Weed. None of the kindness of Jeremiah’s face, however artificial it was, had touched his. “Better not fuckin’ run, ni-”

And before he could even get the word out I heard the MMmmmmmuh-GAH! of the Martians’ horn, blaring somewhere within the mile.

Jeremiah cursed under his breath. “That right there. Hear it?” I heard something else, too, the sound of huge metallic thuds, coming closer and closer.

Jeremiah’s party glanced around nervously. “Uh, sir?” the guard chirped. “Don’tcha think-”

And the thing’s footfall, impossibly fast, collided with the camp and sent a thunderclap of dirt, grass, and tent canvas flying in all directions.

Myself, the stranger, and our captors all fell. I caught an almost comical expression of panic on Jeremiah’s face as he went down. All those years of gymnastics to try and impress boys who weren’t looking paid off in that moment. I pushed against the ground and hoisted myself to my feet.

“What are you doing!?” Jeremiah screamed at the air. “We had ‘em ready for you! You’re ruinin’ it!”

I stumbled over to the stranger, who was sluggishly attempting a similar maneuver to my own. “Come on,” I hissed. “Let’s get to the woods and away from these freaks. We can figure out how to get these off our wrists once we’re safe.”

Tears running down his wrinkled face, the stranger nodded, and, pushing against me for support, he got to his feet.

Something whizzed past my head from behind me, and in the commotion of the attack, I heard a gruff shout: “You fucking black bastards!” I snapped around to see Jeremiah, disheveled, eyes wide with fear and anger, gripping a pistol.

He fired again, and I flinched. And again. But he was at least twenty feet away, and both his hand and the ground shook. He squeezed the trigger again. Clink. And again. Clink.

Jeremiah dropped the pistol to the ruined earth and screamed. “Why are you doin’ this!?” He looked up, and at the same time so did I. There were at least three Martian war machines on the grounds of the camp, and at least one of them was gargantuan, the kind I remember Penny saying were taller than skyscrapers. “We were on your fuckin’ side!”

Two big bug eyes, eyes that would look silly in any other circumstance, smoothly looked from a burning tent to Jeremiah’s rage.

“Run!” I yelled, and as the stranger and I took off for the woods, I felt the heat of the war machines’ weapons, far too near.

We didn’t stop running for at least a mile. By the time I finally let myself fall over, my vision blurred and my legs screaming, I’d lost the stranger. I sat myself under a tree and felt around for a sharp branch or bit of bark. By the time my companion came stumbling up, coughing like a smoker, I had managed to free my wrists. Feeling came back into them with the circulation, and I realized this whole time I’d been unable to move my fingers. There had just been more pressing things to worry about.

“Here,” I said, “let me.” I untied my companion’s wrists and pocketed the rope, figuring I would regret letting it go in this oppressive new world. “I’m Anton.”

“Pastor Bob Gray,” the man wheezed.

“Let’s find somewhere safe and get some rest.”

“Yes. Safe.” And then, as if he was trying to give me whiplash: “No! I know where to go.”

“You do?”

“Yes. My church. There’s food there.”

And so we wandered through the woods, me following the pastor, until the first light of morning peered over the purple-red horizon.

“Is your church near here?”

“Near here. There’s food,” the pastor insisted.

I took a good look around. We’d ended up on top of a forested hill, with a dilapidated farm house to our west. I pointed.

“There,” I said. “Let’s go there.”

“But my church...” the pastor whimpered, total dejection in his voice.

“We’ll get there. Let’s just take a quick rest on the way, okay?”

So we descended the hill, him following me this time, and set up in the basement of the farm house, which contained several jars of pickles and a can of preserves. Both exhausted beyond words, we leaned against opposite walls of stone and fell into a deep sleep.

We were yanked out of our rest by a confusing and world-endingly loud noise, and the accompanying earthquake. The pastor screeched through a sore throat, and I admit I may have made a similar noise. At first my mind jumped to a war machine so tall it reached into the clouds, its gargantuan legs shifting tectonic plates every time it moved. Then one of the walls started to crumble, something pushing against it from the other side, and I realized what was happening.

“It’s a cylinder.” The words poured, dumb, from my mouth. “It landed on the house.” How in the hell could we possibly have been so unlucky for a cylinder to land directly on us, and so lucky to have it spare us?

“Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy,” the pastor squeaked, his face slick with tears, sweat, and dirt.

We learned quickly that the Martians could not see us, but we suspected they could hear us. We crowded around a small gap in the basement wall, our prying eyes obscured by a wisp of Red Weed, to see into the pit where the cylinder had landed. It had utterly obliterated the surrounding area. My immediate impression was that it was much smaller than the ones I’d seen on the news, and a bit differently shaped, but there were several Martians inside all the same.

The cylinder did not rock like a printer, nor did it make any fighting machines, or machines of any kind for that matter. Instead it seemed to be filled to the brim with what I assumed at first were juvenile Martians. They had stubs for arms, no visible eyes or mouth, and looked even more bloated than their mobile counterparts, who had started unloading them like cargo and casually setting them aside to roll like balloons. I stuck with the theory that they were Martian young until I saw one of the mobile Martians feed for the first time. At least, that’s what I think it was doing.

It took one of the bloodbags - that’s what I’ve started thinking of them as - up in one tentacle, and held a sharp, thin, long triangular tool in the other. I watched in fascinated horror as it punctured the bloodbag’s small body with the needle, which filled quickly with blood. It then poked around one of its own flippers with its tentacles and, satisfied, plunged the needle deep into its own skin, unloading the blood into its body. As it inoculated itself it made an awful hooting noise, like a cat with no vocal cords trying to hiss.

I realized all at once what use the Martians had for humans.

We’re still here in the basement, no apparent means of exit, waiting for the chance to escape. I’ll update you as soon as anything comes up.

[bornconfused444]

What’s something someone can do that makes you melt? Show their affection for their s/o in front of their friends.

What are you listening to right now?

Some movie.

If you won a lot of money on the lottery, what would you buy first? I wouldn’t I’d pay off my student loans.

Could you forgive a boyfriend or friend who physically hurt you?

I’ve done that I’d never do it again.

What’s your greatest fear? Dying alone and no one finding my body for years.

Has anyone upset you in the last week? Yes.

What’s the best thing about you? I don’t know I don’t really like anything about me right now.

What’s your favorite drink? Water.

What are you going to do tomorrow?

I don’t know. I never really have anything to do because I still can’t find work.

What are you craving?

Sleep but I’m afraid I’ll miss the text I’m waiting for because I know my phone won’t wake me.

How did you sleep last night? Not well at all.

What was the first thing you thought this morning? Just wondering what time it was.

If your favorite food gave you pain, made you have acne, etc., would you still eat it? Nope.

Have you ever been judged on something you wore?

Yes.

Are you a timid person? Oh yeah.

Think QUICK what word begins with c? Cunt. I’m sorry it was literally the first word that came to mind lmao.

Are you a funny person? Sometimes.

Ever heard of Hollister? Yea,

Be honest, do you go for looks more or personality? Both.

Ever been so upset but didn’t understand why? Yeah, it’s called chronic depression. <--

Are you a flirty person? Sometimes.

Are you homophobic? Nope.

Ever had a rumor spread about you? Yes.

Are you a gossiper? Sometimes. It depends on who we’re talking about.

Has anyone ever pulled your pants down in public? No.

Ever had the ‘birds and the bees’ talk with your parents? Nope. Mom started and I asked if we could finisht hat talk later she said yes and we never finished it lmao.

How would you react if someone said you ruined their life? I don’t know it really depends on who said I.

Do you get upset if people say nasty things about you? Yea.

Are you a sympathetic person? Sometimes.

Have you ever said “I’m gonna kill myself” but was too scared to?

Yea. Like I don’t go around saying it constantly but I have said that and not done it.

Ballet dance or hip hop dance? I don’t dance but I find hip hop better.

What’s currently bothering you right now? I’m bored and tired but I can’t sleep right now.

What is the most athletic you’ve done?

I used to play soccer a lot.

Do you remember the first conversation you ever had with the person you currently have feelings for? Yes. It was awkward but somehow didn’t stay awkward for long.

Do you like to drink herbal tea?

I don’t like tea.

If you’re home alone, do you still close/lock the door when you use the bathroom?

Yes.

What your favorite thing to have on toast?

Peanut butter..

Has anyone ever hung up on you? Yes.

Have you ever been to a concert? Yea.

Can you speak more than one language? If so, what other language(s)? I can kind of speak French and Spanish and German but I wish I knew how to speak them better.

Are you talking to anyone right now? Nope.

If so, how do you feel about them? -

Do you know anyone who skateboards? Yes.

Do you ever sing when you’re alone? Yea.

What’s the stupidest song you’ve listened to today?

I haven’t listened to music yet.

Are you listening to music, currently? Nope.

How do you feel about the song? -

When someone teases you do you frown or give an amazing comeback? Depends on who’s teasing me.

Do you think you can sing? Some things. Some songs I know I just can’t sing.

Do you have any talent? No.

Do you like someone who doesn’t like you back? Nope.

Do you think you’re better looking than some other people? Than some sure. <--

Do you think it’s still cheating if you’re in another city or country? Yes.

Do you like dancing? Nope.

What’s your favorite zoo animal? I don’t have one.

How is your hair currently styled? Down and wet because I just showered like half an hour ago.

How long are your showers (on average)? Like 20-25 minutes depending on if I have to shave too.

East or West? I live closer to the east coast but I wish I lived closer to the west coast.

What did you do last night? Nothing but sleep.

Do you have any college or future plans? Nope.

Do you like your music loud? Sometimes.

What are you allergic to? Shellfish.

What was the last movie you watched? Whatever this movie that’s on is. I don’t know the name of it though.

Would you recommend it? I don’t know it’s boring to me but so are most movies.

How do you feel about Bob Marley? I don’t really listen to any of his stuff.

Do you ever stay up late just to be awake? I don’t anymore but I used to. Now I love my sleep like you would not believe.

What do you want to name your children? I don’t want kids. <--

Would you ever write a letter to someone you haven’t met yet, like your future spouse? No.

Did the last movie you watched make you cry? Nope.

Can you type and text with fake nails? I can but not as quickly as I can without them.

Are you a good swimmer? Yes.

Do you get upset when a pet fish dies? I don’t have a pet fish anymore and when I did I was too young to understand what death really was.

What are you always thinking about? Lots of things.

Do you sleep on the couch some nights? Nope. I cant sleep all night on the couch I swear age is catching up to me already because that hurts the back.

Did your mom sing to you when you were young? Yes.

Is science your favorite subject?

Aside from math, it was my least favourite. <-- same.

Do you know the difference between a simile and a metaphor? Yes.

Do you carry a mirror in your purse? Sometimes like if I  did my makeup really good or wore more makeup than normal.

Do you believe that there is beauty in everything? Yes.

When you’re really worked up, what do you do to relax? Sleep or listen to music,

Have you ever walked around your house pretending you were on cribs, talking to yourself? Nope lmfao.

Would you rather spend the day watching movies or on an intense hike? Intense hike I hate sitting around watching movies.

Did you ever try the cereal Special K? Nope.

Think of the last person you kissed, was it memorable? Nope.

If you could meet any celebrity, who would it be? Amy Winehouse.

Who’s your favorite character on One Tree Hill? Never seen an episode. <--

Are you more of a ketchup or dill pickle chips type? Dill Pickle chips.

For $300 would you wear just a bra and underwear to school? Yes.

Who do you think is hotter, Ben Stiller or Jim Carrey? Neither.

Are you one of those chicks that are always wearing a hoodie? Not always no.

You are seeing a guy for 5 months, you find out he’s “seeing” someone else, do you care? Or course I would.

Did you ever hear of the band ‘Funeral For A Friend’? Nope.

Or how about, ‘From First To Last’? Nope.

You have the choice of being poor but happy, or rich but miserable. Which is it? Rich and miserable tbh. I would take money over happiness.

Would you rather change places with Ellen DeGeneres or Oprah for a week? Ellen because she seems more fun and in still compared to Oprah.

The first time you smoked, did you cough like a fool? Nope. It’s not hard to know how to inhale.

Would you say guys like you more because you’re hot, funny, or nice? I don’t know why guys like me at all lmao.

When you were younger did you have a Neopets account? I did indeed. <--

When was the last time you actually went on that site? When I was like 11.

If you had to pick, which name would you name your child, Laura or Lauren? Laura but I don’t want kids.

What about boys, Brian or Benji? Benji. Brian reminds me of that overweight lonely kid who grows up to be a video game nerd that lives in his parents’ basement.

Would you be more likely to be considered outgoing or shy by your classmates? Shy.

Would it be any different if it was your friends who were answering that? Yes. I’m really outgoing when it comes to being around my friends.

Did you ever actually watch that show on MTV, ‘Pants Off Dance Off’? Never even heard of it so no.

If you were famous, which celebrity would you like to hang out with? Miley Cyrus she seems entertaining,

Who do you think is prettier, Julia Roberts or Sandra Bullock? Sandra Bullock. I can’t stand Julia Roberts – she’s one of those actresses that will actually deter me from watching a movie. <-- I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO FELT THIS WAY.

Why is that guys can fuck around and it’s cool, but when girls do it they’re sluts? Sexism. <_-

Do you like Lady Gaga’s style or music better? Music.

Would you rather live without your Facebook or Tumblr?

Tumblr because I use Facebook more than I use Tumblr.

Do you think girls with short hair are less good looking than those with long hair? I’m gonna get strung up and hanged for this but yes.

Have you ever held an uncommon pet before (ex: mouse, spider, snake, lizard)?  Nopenopenopenope.

Would you rather eat only cereal or only toast for the rest of your life? Cereal. I don’t like toast that much.I can only have it like once a month or so.

Does it annoy you when people brag about the shit they got? Yes.

Do you have more friends or acquaintance Acquaintances.