#why your company of all people decided to give me a strike on youtube?

[sovamurka]

New day, new problems with playlist

[piro-piroooooo]

90s Sailor Moon Re-watch Thoughts by Piro

I was around 13 or 14 when I first watched Sailor Moon. I stumbled upon the first episode on YouTube and ended up watching the whole series, ignorant of the massive impact this manga/anime had on fiction and popular culture.

Most episodes of the Latino American dub were available on YouTube. Sure, the quality was terrible, and the videos were surrounded by copyright frames (Is that the right term?) but my standards were low back then. I cried at the end of every season.

I decided to re-watch the whole thing last November and just finished. I now proceed to share some of my thoughts now that I'm a more grounded maho-shoujo enjoyer. This time I watched it in Japanese.

Thoughts about each season under the cut!

Sailor Moon Classic:

-Absolute masterpiece. Perfect. I loved the finale. As a child, I wasn't able to properly comprehend why Usagi longed so much to go back to her previous life. She had the power to revive all of her friends. She could have kept their memories. But she didn't because in her eyes the greatest gift she could give them was a normal life.

-Usagi is one of my favorite fictional heroes, maybe my favorite one, for a simple reason: She is weak and selfish. Sailor Moon always needs someone to strike the enemy before she uses her all-mighty magical spell to solve everything. But she isn't useless. She is the hope that keeps everyone else fighting.

-Sailor Moon doesn't actually care about ideals like justice (clearly stated in the manga finale). Her sole motivation is the love she has for her friends and the world, a selfish desire to enjoy a happy life with her loved ones. She's just a girl in the world, let her go home and have a yummy treat.

-The shitennou are a lot more interesting in the anime. In the manga, they serve as romantic interests for each senshi. That s a little bit too easy and heteronormative for me. Having two of them be gay for each other and giving Nephrite an actual character arc is a lot more fun to watch!

-I used to be very neutral about Mamoru. Now I enjoy him a lot. His character is really fun. As far as I understand, he gets into a cosmical fight to find some gem and try to have back his memories from before a car accident. He finds out that he is the reincarnation of ancient royalty and has an equally ancient demigod girlfriend. And he still doesn't recover the memories he was searching for in the first place. That's fun.

Sailor Moon R:

-The Tree arc is good. It also helps fill the season. The Dead Moon arc would have been too long without the tree arc.

-Chibiusa is fine. I disliked her as a child. Not anymore. I love how much we can see Usagi's growth in this season. Sure, she and Chibiusa are a little bit mean to each other sometimes and have petty fights, but you can see they care. Usagi goes as far as trying to trick Rubeus to protect Chibiusa. No one has to force Usagi to transform and fight.

-The Ayakashi sisters are really good. I think their struggles kind of represent being undervalued by an organization/company you have given your whole life.

-Not exactly about the season itself, but the Sailor Moon R movie is one of my favorite anime movies ever. Great animation, great design, great homoeroticism.

Sailor Moon S:

-I've read that having this season as your favorite is seen as pretentious to some people. But sorry, it's just an excellent season. That episode, where Haruka and Michiru are about to find they are the talisman holders. Woah. So aesthetically pleasing. Those shots, those angles, that timing, and edition. Great episode.

-This season delivers one of my favorite Minako episodes. The bad guys finally target her, and she runs off clutching her pure heart in her hands laughing like a maniac. I love her (She later does something similar on SuperS). It inspired me to donate blood, but I couldn't do it because the nurses said my veins were too thin.

-Again, great relationship between Usagi and Chibiusa. I love the friendship between Hotaru and Chibiusa too. I don't care about shipping, but in my heart, she has two hands. Third-season Chibisusa is my favorite Chibiusa.

Sailor Moon SuperS:

-The season I disliked the most as a child, the season I like the least now too. They made the girls so fucking dumb. Usagi's only character trait is being jealous of girls around Mamoru all the time. The inners' personalities are erased over wanting to have a boyfriend. Usagi and Chibiusa fight over the stupidest things.

-This is by far my favorite arc in the manga. I love the lore and how each character has a chance under the spotlight. Extremely sad they wrote out Mamoru's role.

-I'm very indifferent about Helios and his relationship with Chibiusa. I don't dislike them but every time I find myself liking them I realize it's because I'm seeing the Usagi and Mamoru on them.

-Why are the antagonists so creepy? like, they don't even NEED to seduce their targets to see their dreams, so the whole tactic comes off as creepy. Sadly, they had to include Fish Eye in this dynamic. I like her.

-One thing I do like about SuperS is the visuals. I love the opening and the little guys doing their silly performances at the circus. Very good.

Sailor Moon Stars:

-The opening song makes me so emotional. Every time I listen to it, I feel like I'm surrounded by my allies preparing for a deadly fight against a big enemy. The enemy is formidable, but the fire inside our hearts is stronger.

-Big fan of the second Nehelenia Arc. I love seeing the senshis all fighting together, using their unique skills and strengths instead of being defeated immediately and leaving Usagi to do the rest. I also like how they tie the return of Nehelenia with upcoming events.

-It will never be not funny to me that Kunihiko Ikuhara didn't get to direct the season where Mamoru does die.

-I do enjoy how Stars feels a little bit more serious and mature with the absence of Mamoru and the girls being in high school. The Three Lights' music is perfect to build that melancholic atmosphere that characterizes this season for me. But I believe it would have been nice to have Chibiusa a little bit more, it's not her character's fault that the previous season felt so childish.

-Something I did dislike was how the inner senshi were neglected a little bit because most screen time was dedicated to the Three Lights. I like them don't get me wrong. But the opening bit where you see the inner senshis holding hands, while throwing themselves into the void, makes me think I would have preferred to have them on the final fight. They barely did anything on the final fight.

-The Sailor Moon finale is very dear to me. I deeply appreciate the message of the manga of not waiting for a 'peaceful time' or a 'happy ending' to enjoy life with your loved ones. Conflict will always arise again, and life is a constant fight you can only win by accepting the eternal struggle of existing. I think the manga version conveys this message better, but the anime is a worthy adaptation with its own merits.

I will be rewatching Crystal soon after I get some rest from Sailor Moon and watch something else for a little while. I haven't watched the Cosmos movies. I'm looking forward to doing so. I will also be watching the live-action for the first time soon. I will post my thoughts about those too.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far! Remember english is not my native language and I might have made grammar and spelling mistakes on this post! I'm open to suggestions regarding that ^^

[evermorehaikyuu]

Is it ok if I request a fluff song fic for a kenma x reader where the reader has had a crush on kenma when they were kids and the reader accidentally confesses their feeling for kenma with this song?

Title: Wishing

Note: Hello! Yep, of course! I hope you’re okay with me doing childhood friends to lovers, so let’s get started!

Song: Dandelions (Ruth B.)

-

Childhood memories were full of laughter, friends, summers full of playing and occasionally sleepovers. There was always one friend that you’d care about more than anyone else and that was the one friend you could count on and them on you. For Kenma, that person was Y/N. 

Y/N was his best friend since they were little. Kuroo had been his other best friend, but the one Kenma counted on when it came to video games was her. She always offered a good challenge and he couldn’t deny it when he said that he had fun with her. On the days where their breaks had started, they’d spend a lot of time together, enjoying each other’s company. 

Through the years, they changed but their friendship never once wavered. They had gone to Nekoma High School and Kenma was known to have Y/N hanging around him while he was just quiet. It was strange to a lot of people, but Y/N didn’t think anything of it. Kenma was her best friend. Who was she to leave him behind if someone said something bad about her? 

“Kenma, have you been fighting with Yamamoto again?” Y/N sighed as she sidled up next to him at lunch. She already had his food packed, seeing as he forgot it and she set it in front of him. “You need to eat.”

“He started it,” Kenma grumbled, thinking about the fight he had had with Yamamoto earlier. He was barely a first year and he was already on someone’s bad side.

Y/N picked at her food, thinking before laughing, “You two are going to give poor Fukunaga white hairs before he’s supposed to. You’re teammates, try to get along.”

With an expression of disbelief, Kenma replied, “Didn’t you get into a huge argument with Kuroo because he wasn’t doing what you told him to do?”

“In my defense, it was air hockey! How do you fail at air hockey?! I was just giving him tips, but he said he could do it himself and the idiot didn’t let me help him!” 

Kenma’s hair fell, shielding the side of his face from her. It was a good thing because he had a smile at the time. Kuroo and Y/N were friends but there were times where it was clear that they’d strangle each other if it wasn’t for Kenma. At least they tried. 

When Yamamoto had told him that he looked like the girl from the Ring with that dark hair of his, he resorted to dying to tips blond, making him look completely different. Going to Y/N’s house for their scheduled study session, she had screamed at the sight of him before quieting down when she realized it was just him. Trying to explain to her what had happened, Kenma knew that she was internally laughing and he was grumbling the entire time before they got down to studying. 

What Kenma didn’t know was that Y/N was slowly coming to the realization that she was having feelings for him. She was having feelings for her best friend and she wasn’t ready to face them up front. After all, if Kenma rejected her, they wouldn’t be able to go back to their friendship. That was the one thing she couldn’t bear to lose. Kenma was her best friend since forever and she wouldn’t allow her feelings to get in the way of that. 

In their second year, it was clear to Kuroo that Y/N had feelings for him. Instead of teasing her about it like he wanted, he decided to pull her aside after school. “Can we talk?”

“Whatever I did, it’s not my fault, you made me do it.”

Rolling his eyes, he waved Kenma forward, saying that he’d return Y/N afterwards. He led her to a secluded place and crossed his arms across his chest, raising an eyebrow at Y/N. “Do you have a crush on Kenma?”

Her heart dropped. It was that obvious? “No, definitely not--”

“You’re doing the thing where you’re lying.” Kuroo smiled gently at her, shrugging his shoulders. “I mean, with the friendship you two have had, I expected it. But how long ago did you realize?”

“First year. Just...don’t tell him. Please. I don’t want to lose him because of my feelings for him, I couldn’t bear to have that. Kuroo, please don’t tell him.”

“I won’t. But you never know, maybe he’s just good at hiding the mutual feelings.”

If he had feelings for her, he hid it better than anything. Kenma did have feelings for her and he decided to put it aside because of the same Y/N was sparing hers for him. They didn’t want to lose each other, not after so many years being inseparable. If the rejection was too much for both of them to handle, who knew what’d happen to the both of them. 

Wishes were made by the both of them, hoping that the other would return the feelings with some sort of miracle. Whenever one of them saw the other smiling, they’d feel much more comforted in the end. It was hard to hide it from other people, it was like everyone knew about their feelings for one another except them. They were friends for a long time so the affection they had for one another did not seem romantic whatsoever, it was only seen as platonic for the both of them.  

The years kept going by and now they were in college, Kenma rising to the top faster than ever. He was already preparing his new company and was a famous Youtuber as well as a professional gamer. It seemed like he had everything figured out. The one thing that never changed was Y/N. They were both still pining after one another and it was driving everyone around them insane to know that no matter what, they’d be so utterly oblivious to their discreet ways of showing romantic love to one another. 

The first strike was during Kenma’s stream. He had been playing a game and Y/N had gone to his house because she had a key for his place (Kuroo was on the verge of tears when he heard this, he couldn’t believe she didn’t know what that meant). Walking into his room, she asked, “Kenma, where’s the jacket?”

“Which jacket?” Kenma was focused on his game, but his mind was whirring as to try and figure out what she was talking about. “Yours or mine?”

“Mine, I’m pretty sure I left it here. I’m cold.”

“You can take one of my jackets--” Kenma paused at the sight of the screen’s comments going wild from the conversation. So many of them were asking if that was Kenma’s girlfriend, what her name was and others were just screaming about the revelation. “Guys, this isn’t my girlfriend, she’s just my best friend.”

Y/N’s heart froze at that sentence. He clearly didn’t see her as anything more than a friend. But it was also quite common because Kenma had always called her his best friend. So why did it hurt more now? However, she made sure not to let that hurt show as she tugged on one of Kenma’s hoodies, bringing up a chair next to him. “Can I stay?”

“Of course you can stay.” He paused at the sight of her in his hoodie, his own heart rate increasing and it was clear to everyone else that he was head over heels for her, except her. She didn’t notice. This drove the Nekoma team insane, considering they watched a lot of Kenma’s streams. Yamamoto literally said something along the lines of them to date already because no one wanted a 500k slowburn and if they did, they were masochistic. Luckily, the rest of the comments drowned out that one comment or else Kenma and Y/N would’ve sat in awkward silence. 

“Kenma, you’re going to lose!” Y/N said, gesturing at the screen. 

Quickly turning to his game, he continued talking and playing, all too aware of Y/N next to him in his hoodie. He decided to play with her in the next stream, seeing that a lot of the followers liked her. When he asked, she eagerly agreed and left with his hoodie on. Kenma sat in his gamer chair, staring at the wall. How could he find out if she shared the same feelings for him as he did for her without any consequences?

The day of reckoning arrived for Y/N. She decided to talk to him and tell him because it was already driving her insane to know that her feelings hadn’t faded away through the years at all, they just increased. Picnic dates were Kenma’s favorite thing to do with her, so she chose to take him to their favorite spot and confess there. 

Both of them were going to the place and before long, they were joking around and laughing like they did before. Y/N almost forgot the reason why she had invited him until Kenma asked, “Why’d you invite me here? I mean, I don’t mind but usually it’s because something big is coming up. Is something wrong?” He knew her better than anyone else and it made her glow internally. 

Staring at the landscape before them, covered with thousands of dandelions. The reason why it was Kenma’s favorite place was because of his quiet fondness for dandelions. When they were younger, Y/N and Kenma would make flower crowns of dandelions and put them on one another. He never got the hang of it, but he wore his crown the entire time and even kept it afterwards. He was always sad when they wilted away but she told him that she could make some more for him. That was when they found the hill with the scenery of dandelions. It became Kenma’s favorite place and he found it to be much better when Y/N was at his side.

Y/N gathered up all her courage to say the next words. “I brought you here because I wanted to tell you something. I don’t know how to say it subtly but I don’t think subtle will work here. I like you, Kenma. I have for a long time, I can’t even remember how long it’s been. Originally, I didn’t want to tell you because maybe we’d lose our friendship, yet it’s been years. I had to tell you at some point. But if you don’t return those feelings, it’s okay. We can try to go back to our friendship.”

Kenma could have combusted right then and there from the confession. She liked him. She liked him back. All this time, those times she had been affectionate with him, it wasn’t platonic. He had been blind to it and thought that it was like any other day. Reaching for her hand, he mumbled, “I didn’t want to tell you for the same reason, but I like you too. I have for a while now and I didn’t want to believe it when people told me about you.”

Y/N turned to face him and saw the small smile on Kenma’s face. She inhaled sharply as she stared at their entwined hands. It wasn’t a dream. It was real. Placing her head on his shoulder, she reached for his other hand and when she squeezed his hand, it gave him the answer he needed. Leaning his head on hers, he just barely turned to give her the smallest kiss on the side of her head, causing her heart to race as they both gazed at the yellow field before them. It was the happiest they had been and it was because of each other. 

“I think Kuroo’s going to scream when he finds out.” Y/N mumbled.

Kenma sighed, realizing that she was right. The entire team would lose their heads at the news. However, instead of thinking about that, he wrapped his arms around her and replied, “We’ll worry about that later.” His embrace made it clear that what he wanted to do more was stay in that moment with her. He loved her more than what he thought he did. Just being in that picturesque scene was enough for him to confirm it internally. It wasn’t time yet to say those three words, but within time, he’d be able to say it easily because it was her.  They felt safer with each other than with anyone else and they knew one another like the backs of their hands. It was enough for both of them.

No matter what would’ve happened, they would always choose each other. Kenma knew that he’d choose her over anyone and with that thought in mind, he let everything else disappear and only concentrated on her comforting warmth, finally feeling happy after a long time. 

[sunqyu]

~ Treasure realizing they love you and the first time they say it pt 1.

Request 1: “ hmm im all in cute feelings, so FIRST I LOVE YOUS with treasure reaction thingy, would be super sweet 🙊💗🌼🌼 “ - anon

Request 2: “ i love your writing! treasure realizing theyre in love with their s/o🥺 “ - anon

These requests are both so adorable and fitting so I decided to combine them. Hope you enjoooy. Also, buckle up ‘cause ITS A LONG ONE AGAIN. Got carried away as usual so it’ll be in two parts. K BYE <3 - Nova

Hyunsuk

realizing it

it doesn’t take much to make Hyunsuk like you

but to actually fall in love with you

that’s a different story

he’s alone at the studio, trying to get his verse right

every time he fixes something he didn’t like, he notices something else

he’s sat at his desk, elbows next to the keyboard

head hanging down with his fingers tangled in his hair

a sharp inhale

a shaky exhale

then his phone lights up, a message from you, asking if he’s home yet and how his day went

2.30am, he reads

he starts typing, frantically, on and on as the chaos in his head makes it’s way onto his phonescreen

only for him to stop and delete it all because he knows what he really wants to send you

but it’s too late and he doesn’t want to be a burden, you need your sleep too

when he looks up and sees his own reflection in the, now dimly lit, screen of his computer

another sharp inhale

‘Not so great to be honest, can I come to your place?’ sent.

on the way to your house he’s still thinking about turning back

but all those thoughts are long gone the moment you open the door

your eyes beaming at him, messy bun wiggling side to side and you’re wrapped up in a blanket

his heart melts as he feels the tightness in his temples and neck from the stress subside

‘Hi- I missed you.’

you probably didn’t notice but he almost said something else

he snickers to himself, that would’ve been a bit early

saying it

definitely the type to say it without realizing what he’s saying

you two are getting groceries

which, even though it’s not a special thing, is always so much fun

this time you ended up playing hide and seek

it wasn’t really discussed, you just lost Hyunsuk at one point and decided to turn it into a game instead of calling him

which means it’s your turn now

it had been over 20 minutes and he was getting worried

very impressed with your skills

but worried

in the end he decided to call you

to his surprise he hears your ringtone behind him

he turns around

the ringtone is still behind him

he turns around

what the-

he turns around but really fast this time

his eyes meet yours a second before you start dying from laughter

‘How long where you doing that for-?’ he laughed in self-pity and disbelieve

when he finds out you never left he sighs

‘Ugh- I love you.’ he mutters inbetween chuckling

for a second he freezes, a thousand things running through his mind

but y’know what? fuck it.

‘Yea- it’s true. I love you.’

Jihoon

realizing it

also seems like someone who does not fall in love quickly

mostly because he’s not looking for it, he doesn’t feel the need to be in love to be happy

but once he does

oh boy

so when you came in his life he wasn’t thinking about a potential relationship

or wondering if you two would be compatible

he simply enjoyed your presence and you two got closer as friends

because of this the moment he realizes he has feelings for you will be overwhelming for him

wasn’t ready

you weren’t even doing anything different than usual

just eating in the yg cafetaria, both rambling about things

subjects that made people walking by look up because they didn’t get the full story

out of nowhere he fell hard

the mechanism that’s supposed to be his brain malfunctioning

croissant in mid-air

it all just made sense

the reason why he could never be sad around you

the reason that made your eyes twinkle more than anyone elses

the reason you saying his name sounds different than when anyone else says it

the reason he’s now sitting with his mouth wide open staring at you without really looking at you

‘Y-yea, I was listening. Ofcourse I was.’

saying it

probably says it on a special occasion

not planned or anything

it just seemed fitting in that moment

he realized before you two were even dating so it’s not like there’s any doubt left

still, expressing it feels like a very big step

it was quite a warm autumn evening

you were sitting on the floor at the salon table

filled with food from different places

‘I’m so proud of us.’ he beamed

you had just finished a very important essay which is going to be a great advantage when looking for an internship

he had just ended filming their third music video

‘I wish I could show you, you’re gonna love it.’ he mumbled before grabbing another bite

it looked like a feast but takeout-style

you continue eating, enjoying each others company

all the windows were open because of the nice weather

a soft breeze would ruffle the curtains

the subtle sound mixing well with the music

Jihoon had looked for just the right playlist for almost half an hour

and it couldn’t have been more perfect

the warm light of the candles was accompanied by a desklight

you got it out of your room because the ceiling light wasn’t cozy but the candles weren’t enough to see each other’s face (or the food)

the topic slowly drifts to more nostalgic memories

dates to the beach, your weekend in Japan, meeting his friends

‘You know what’s funny? out of all of those memories the one that is most special to me was a really simple one.’ something in his expression changed and you sat calmly, waiting for him to continue

‘It was a few days before I asked you out on our first date. We were at yg, eating something.’ he grabbed another bite of food, chuckling at your impatient response

‘I don’t know what it was but out of nowhere I realized I was in love with you.’ the words came out while he looked at his plate, looking up only a second before he continued

‘I still do. I love you-, even more each day.’

Yoshi

realizing it

there’s not really a specific moment where it hit him

his love for you grew gradually

which is exactly how he liked it

from the moment he met you he was never nervous around you

he never felt like he wasn’t good enough or like he had to try harder

everything made sense from day one

there would be moments where is heart could burst from it

like the time you tried to fix his broken jeans with a youtube tutorial

or when you first fell asleep on his chest

the worst was when he couldn’t see you for a few days

as if the love in him grew and grew but he couldn’t give it to you

he just felt like he was going to explode sometimes

the other boys would notice very easily

‘I know it’s only a few days, you guys are right.’

his mind didn’t listen to his own words

‘I’m fine- I promise.’

but if it’s a few more hours he might not be

he would go to bed quite early these days

after he noticed that trying to distract himself wasn’t working

he’d scroll through photo’s you took together

and photo’s he took of you

he’d sent you another text, hoping your phone was off so he wouldn’t wake you up

a strange mix of happiness and sadness

luckily once he realizes his sadness is temporary and it only shows how special you are to him he’ll be able to focus on the happiness

thinking about all the memories you’ve made and will make in the future as he slowly drifts to sleep

saying it

finally

finally he was going to see you again

it was only like three days but boy was he DEPRIVED

he was the first done packing

the first in the car

the first to run into the dorm and put his bag away

aaaand the first to run out the door again

you two had been texting all day about movies to watch and all the stories he wanted to tell

his knee bumped up and down in the bus

he couldn’t remember the last time he was this hyped

only three more stops

he gazed out the window chuckling at himself

who would’ve thought someone could make him feel like this?

his hand clutched on to the souvenir he got you

two more stops

an old couple got in

yoshi always had a weakness for happy old couple

but now especially

he smiled politely at them

admiring how in love they looked

that would be you in the future, he thought to himself

one more stop

his smile was still on his face

recognizing restaurants you two went to

clothing stores where you complimented his style

and then

the bus stop

it’s the one where you two met

he still can’t believe he managed to strike up a conversation with you that day

but it must’ve been meant to be

he looked around frantically as soon as his foot hit the sidewalk

the sound of your shoes on the floor came closer

he turned to face the sound and before he could even see your face he was holding you in his arms again

tightly as if to tell the world you were his

a deep sigh left his mouth before he mumbled into your hair

‘I love you- I missed you so much. I’m so happy to see you.’

Junkyu

realizing it

‘stop being weird-’ ‘says who?’

you and Junkyu were laying on his bed

both with your limbs spread out, staring at the ceiling

you weren’t sure how long you’d been there

he hummed along to the song you just put on

before being interrupted by the sound of his own stomach

‘Oh wow- sounds like it’s time for lunch.’ 

you nodded in agreement as you grabbed your phone

he started thinking about what to get, watching you tap away on your phone

your hair was laying in a circle around your head

a shadow from the ceilinglight behind your phone over your eyes

he noticed how you pupils dilated as they adjusted to the light everytime your moved your phone a bit

your eyes are cool af, woah

he turned to his side, still looking at your features while you scrolled on your phone

the song changed and this time it was you humming along

your voice is so nice, he thought to himself

his dreamy moment was interrupted by you looking at him

oh right- food

‘Uh- I want uh-..’

to his surprise you tell him you already ordered

‘What- what about me?’

you listed the things you ordered for him, saying how you definitely knew what he wanted by now

he was shocked

if you aren’t the SWEETEST MOST THOUGHTFUL HUMAN BEING

then he wouldn’t know who is

his dreamy moment continued, even though you were staring right back this time, confused

he never felt like this before

like he wants to fast-forward and sit in a rocking chair with you, grumbling about youth

wait

fuck

this is love isn’t it?

saying it

he promised

he promised he wasn’t going to fall asleep during the movie

but look at him now

soft deep breathing, lips slightly parted as he was laying against you

even though you didn’t want to wake him up you had already seen this movie with friends and the remote was all the way on the table

you reached forward in slow motion

slowly

sloooooowly

Junkyu moved, rubbing his cheek against your shoulder before mumbling under his breath and laying still again

that was close

the journey continues

slooooooooooowly

you were only 10cm away from reaching the remote

‘N-no hh.. stay h- ple ase.’

a dilemma

lean forward a bit more or sit back and just let the man sleep?

bit more

sloooooooooooooooowly

your fingertips grazed the remote and it wobble side to side

‘Babe?-’ that definitely sounded more awake then earlier

but when you look at him you see he’s definitely not fully awake yet

‘Come back to beeed-’ he whined

bed? boy, we’re on the couch

you didn’t mention it and instead quickly grabbed the remote before you sat back down a little faster

‘Th-nk yo-’ he held you tighter

‘Love you-’

wait what?

Mashiho

realizing it

seems like a hopeless romantic to me

so might realize quite fast

this man has been fantasizing and imagining his future love life for so long

not to the point where he’s yanking flowers apart to find out if you love him or not

but he sees the beauty in so many things

enjoys the warmth of the sun on his skin

likes to watch people going about their day and thinking what their life is like

leaves sweet notes on receipts for hardworking employees to find when they come clean his table

little things but a lot of things

he has an eye for beauty and knows exactly how to use it for his own happiness

so he quickly noticed how happy you made him

it was again, the little things

but so so many

how your pinky finger was always a little higher than the rest when your hands were relaxed

how the cute baby hairs on the back of your neck would always leave your ponytail within minutes of putting your hair up

how your foot would bounce up and down when you sat with your legs crossed, even if there was no music

how every time you called him cute he had to keep himself from calling you cute because he knew you’d hide your face in your hands right after

the way you sat against the mirror when you came to watch him practice

sleeves of his sweater to long for your arms as you clapped after each song

loving you wasn’t something that happens at one point

it’s built within him since the moment you met

it just grows and grows as you take care of it with your cuteness and love

saying it

so much snow

everywhere

the snowflakes were most visible under the light of the streetlanterns

appearing and disappearing as they went back into the dark nightsky

the crisp sound from under your shoes was relaxing

you and Mashiho had a snowballfight after finishing about 20 snowangels each

it had gotten dark before you knew it so now you were walking home

his arm around your shoulder, rubbing softly to keep you warm

you felt the cold water through your gloves but sharing bodyheat was all you needed

both of you had soft smiles on your faces, walking in content silence

and you were also just EXHAUSTED so the quiet evening was a nice change

in some of the houses you walked by you could already see christmaslights and trees

he noticed you looking

‘Lets get our own decorations soon.’ 

you nodded happily, leaning against him a little more

this was going to be your first christmas together

you never expected to celebrate it with someone this year

the idea of setting up a tree together and the coziness it would bring made him feel warm inside

you discussed fun things you could do for christmas

ways to surprise the boys or what you wanted to eat

he listened to you talk about memories and future plans

when he noticed how clearly he was already involved in those future plans he couldn’t help himself

‘Hey-’ he gave your shoulder a squeeze to make you look at him

‘I love you, so so much-‘

Jaehyuk

realising it

it was the first time you were going to meet the rest of Jaehyuk’s group

a little nervous but mostly excited you walked to the front door

he told you to text him when you got there so he could see you before the rest did

a few second after you saw he read your message the door opens

you get a kiss on the lips, a tight hug and a kiss on your forehead all after each other

he wanted to show you love but also wanted to mentally prepare you for what was about to him

don’t get him wrong, he loves the other members with all his heart but he could imagine them being a little.... overwhelming.

before he could even ask you if you were nervous the yells from the living room began

curious heads peeking out from behind his back, 11 hands reaching out to you as they all wanted to introduce themselves first

you could make out some teasing to Jae followed by someone’s voice trying to keep the peace

he looked at you with slight worry in his face, only to be greeted by a cheerful smile

before he knew it you were bashing out jokes left and right

even standing up for him a few times in the funniest ways

he couldn’t be happier

so many people he loved in one room

one in particular though

he took a moment to sit back against the couch and look around in awe

so happy

after a few hours and some good food it was time for you to go home

he watched you end your conversation with Asahi

who, to his surprise, seemed like he didn’t want the conversation to end

you waved goodbye to everyone and got loads of no’s and why’s in return

‘It’s late guys, she still has to go home.’

saying it

you still heard the whining when you and Jae reached the front door

you talked a few more minutes about how much you enjoyed yourself and the funny and awkward moments you two noticed

‘Apparently you don’t only make me happy but my friends too.’

you beamed at the compliment

even though you enjoyed the night as well, the validation that they did too meant a lot to you

‘So I’ve been approved?’ ‘Clearly.’

he insisted on walking you home 

you discussed the evening even more

he explained more about their personalities and memories he has with them which now made so much sense to you

your fingers were intertwined, arms swinging back and forth playfully

for some reason he felt a lump in his throat

but he couldn’t quite figure out why

it even distracted him from your conversation a few times

which is very unlike him so you noticed quickly

when you stopped walking to ask him what was wrong

looking him in the eye to show you you were not taking nothing for an answer

the determined look in your eyes made him realize what it was

what he had been holding back

but he didn’t say it

not yet

after a few minutes you reached your frontdoor

‘Thank you for the great evening, I’m sure they’ll want you back as soon as possible.’

he leaned in for a goodnight’s kiss, holding you close a little tighter than usual

for a second he pulled back

‘I love you-’

before connecting your lips again

[johns-prince]

Hey love! I hope you’ve been doing well! I have some thoughts about some stuff I’ve noticed recently, so I hope you don’t mind listening to a bit of a ramble.

Basically, I was listening to Here Today and being emotional, as you do, and I thought to myself “Y’know, why don’t we give John’s old demos a go as well. Wouldn’t hurt to cry a bit more while listening to Now And Then.” However, as soon as I went to their links that I had saved so I could access them easily, Youtube gave me a notice saying they were taken down due to a copyright claim from Yoko. Now, I know copyright is obviously a thing that will happen since she’s basically in control of the Lennon empire, but I found it a bit odd that they were specific recordings, at least from what I noticed.

The Now And Then recording that I was familiar with was removed, and the only ones that I can see that are still up and older than about a month (which are the age of ones I think people have reuploaded after the others were taken down) are either clips from documentaries or edited versions that people pass as “Beatles versions” of the song. The other that I noticed being recently removed was the third demo of Real Life. Both have extreme hints towards Paul in them, Now And Then basically being wholeheartedly about Paul and that Real Life demo in particular having certain lines that seem to point to Paul (at least in my opinion).

I may be reading WAY too far into all of it and if I’m completely wrong then that’s fine by me (at least that would mean the only reason would be copyright), but after the whole thing about her replacing Paul’s introduction to John’s book with her own recently AND knowing the lengths she has gone in order to keep her and John’s “love” alive in the eyes of the public, I wouldn’t be surprised if there wasn’t at least a bit more going on beyond the basic copyright claims in terms of some of these recordings. You’d think with a company that large, they’d have taken those videos down due to copyright pretty soon after they were posted, but they let them stay up for a fairly long while and were only taken down because Yoko herself decided to do so. I don’t really know honestly, just speaking my mind I guess.

I don’t mind rambling, all I ever do is ramble. Thank you for enjoying my rambling lol

Because I’mma ‘bout to ramble here myself—

So, let’s address some things that have been going on with the John Lennon Estate as of late, and the... Eight other companies that were linked to Yoko Ono (and apparently shared with The Beatles) because I think it’s important in maybe getting to the bottom of why the Hell this is happening now, and why so many demos, and even certain videos like the one with John filming and saying, “Paul, my dear one,” was even hit with copyright and taken down.

The companies that are in charge of John’s music rights are: 

Lensolo, Lincoln publishing, and Apple Corps. I think Apple Corps. is the only one shared between Yoko Ono and The Beatles?  

I’m not sure when she exactly did this, but from these two articles published in November, 2020 [x] [x] it must have been last year Yoko Ono apparently handed over business interests (The John Lennon Estate) over to Sean Lennon. 

So, Yoko has been managing the Estate, and the other companies, since John’s unfortunate death in 1980. Last year is when she apparently handed over management control to Sean:

“The musician has also joined the board at Lensolo which manages the music rights of some of his father’s solo output, The Mirror reported.  

Here comes the son: Sean Lennon, 45, has been appointed a director at eight companies linked to the family and the Beatles, including Apple Corp.” [x]

“Now Sean, 45, has been appointed a director at eight companies linked to the family and The Beatles according to The Mirror, including the multimedia Apple Corps.

Apple Corps had reported assets of $36million last year, and Sean is also believed to be taking over at Lensolo, managing John's solo material, Maclen, which publishes John's work in the US, and Subafilms, a music film company.” [x]

You then have Stans like this claiming Yoko isn’t in charge of The Lennon Estate, so we should just stop being spiteful and blaming her for what’s going on with these copyright strikes and removal of these videos/recordings— which by first glance at any of these articles you might be inclined to be like, “Huh I guess you’re right,”

But...

“A spokesman sad: ‘Yoko continues to oversee John’s estate but has drafted in Sean as a director to assist where necessary.’” [x] [x] [x]

So... She still oversees The John Lennon Estate, even though she supposedly is retiring... Simply making Sean the director to assist when necessary. Basically, “UK paper The Mirror now reports Ono has handed most of her duties over to son Sean Ono Lennon.” and “ While Ono has not commented on his new roles he has been actively following the passing of what would have been his father’s 80th birthday on October 9.” 

She’s incorporating Sean into business matters, but it appears she is still overseeing everything and still in charge. 

Then you have this;

“Despite it being 40 years after the death of John Lennon, the singer's estate is still raking it in, much to the delight of Yoko Ono.

Last year, he was named the seventh top earning dead celebrity by Forbes, with an annual income of $14million.

The 50th anniversary of iconic album Abbey Road boosted sales and streams of The Beatles catalog, proving a healthy stream of income to the estate.

The Lennon estate also owns memorabilia. his art and a number of properties.

The income might be more if not for the legal wrangling over the ownership of The Beatles catalog, which was once owned by Michael Jackson and then by Sony.

Yoko has kept a steady hand on John's finances, amassing a reported $700million fortune off the back of his estate.

As a key shareholder in Apple Corps, she profited from his music sales and other ventures which featured The Beatles, such as Rock Band.

She also owns multimillion-dollar properties in Manhattan and hundreds of acres in Delaware County.

But in recent years, she has sold off a number of them, selling a West Village penthouse for $12million in 2013, and an Upper West Side building for $10million in 2017.

According to Companies House in the UK, Yoko was registered as a director in a number of companies including Apple Corps, Maclen, which publishes Lennon's songs in the US, Lensolo for his solo work, and Subafilms.

Yoko has also made money off her own artwork, which has sold for up to $50,000.” [x]

Make of all that what you will. 

What do we know? We know that Sean is now somewhat working behind the scenes of the John Lennon Estate, so this could be his doing since these copyright strikes and removal of demos and certain videos had just started happening this year— but as we’ve learned, we don’t even know the full extent of control/management Sean actually has, and if he even has the position to be calling the shots and making important, noticeable decisions. 

It appears, by the research I’ve put in and what I could find about this, that it would be Yoko who’s still in charge. Meaning, she’d be the main one behind greenlighting these copyright strikes/claims and getting the demos and certain videos removed/taken down.

I think you’re right in your thoughts, and being suspicious of the reasoning behind these copyright strikes and removals, especially when we start looking at which one’s are being hit. Why now has the Estate started copyright claiming all these demos and getting them removed? Even versions of this bloody video had been struck down as copyright, and removed— which I think is extremely suspicious, and just... unnecessary? Petty? Stupid??

We can’t say with 100% certainty of why The Lennon Estate is doing this now, why Yoko (and now Sean, to an unknown extent) has decided to start copyright claiming and striking down certain demos, and even videos/clips that involve John (we just love how easy it is to claim copyright on Youtube)— but it’s suspicious, and doesn’t help improve one’s perspective and impression of the John Lennon Estate, Yoko Ono, or Sean Lennon. 

[lgcmanager]

SIDE EVENT 009.

** a shoutout to @lgcxjinah and @lgcsoyoun for giving us the inspiration for this side event !! **

a reminder on side-events; they are non-mandatory occasional events that your muse can choose to participate in or not.

while missing an event might mean missing out on points, be aware that choosing to take part in it could have positive or negative consequences for your muse. there is also no telling which part of the event will have consequences either since they will be tailored to make it difficult to guess what could impact your muse. while the final consequences are decided at the same time as the event is created, we will only reveal them the sunday after the deadline. so choose wisely: are you willing to make a gamble with your muse?

LEGACY ENTERTAINMENT HALLOWEEN PARTY

** we are aware that HALLOWEEN can be a sensitive time for some. while making your threads and posts, please make sure to properly identify possible triggers at the top of your post. also, please refrain from posting an image that could be considered as a trigger straight on dash! you may link to it or put it under a read more if you desire, once again with all triggers tagged **

on the week of october 19, every trainees and artists of the company are officially invited to LEGACY ENTERTAINMENT’S YEARLY COSTUMED HALLOWEEN PARTY. if there’s a place to be on OCTOBER 31, it’s there! every year, legacy is known to host the biggest marketing event on that one day. brands compete ferociously to be the one that the company chooses! this year, it’s none other than SEOUL ESCAPE ROOM that won the bid.

on the day of the party, they are tasked to provide the decorations of the huge hall that can accommodate up to 300 people. they do not fail to deliver the best halloween day atmosphere. however, the twist is revealed as soon as the guests enter the room; everything is upside down, and therefore, the party is happening on what would be the ceiling of the room. the festivities will begin at 8PM and end at 3AM. servers will be passing through the venue during the entire evening with finger foods and non-alcoholic drinks. a dj will be in charge of the music, while a host will hold different events during the night (examples include a dance contest, noraebang battle, and more) and will crown the person with the best costume! a couple of photobooths are installed for everybody to make memories of this night. to prepare for the event, everybody will be freed from their schedules at 3PM on the 31st.

furthermore, upon entering the hall, every attendee will be given the same clue ‘you’. everywhere in the room, other clues have been hidden all over the place. those who can find them all will be able to create the sentence ‘who are you dressed as?’. once they think they have the answer, guests are invited to go to one of the cameras set everywhere around the room and give their answer. should they fail, they will receive a gush of air straight in the face. should they pass and tell who they are dressed as, they will be asked why did they pick this costume, then given a 50,000 won prepaid card gift to be spent anywhere.

since press and seoul escape room representatives will also be present on the scene, trainees and idols alike are requested to have fun but still keep it professional!

the videos will be released on SEOUL ESCAPE ROOM’s official youtube account starting from NOVEMBER 3.

however, BAE SIWOO and SEO HANEUL of DBSD are ready to strike this year again...

ORIGINAL PRANKSTERS

Source: Naver [ TRENDING ] BAE SIWOO AND SEO HANEUL PRANKING SHOW SEASON 2 CONFIRMED!

last year, the famous duo has begun the tradition of pranking other celebrities in the industry and their fellow labelmates. with the success of last season’s pranks, ‘hanwoo’ are back it.

NEW BUILDING VISIT: after months of announcing that legacy will be moving to a new building, the time has finally come. while the official move will be on november 1st, during the week of the 26th, staff, artists and trainees alike will be taken in group of 2 or 3 to visit the new building. the first to go will be PROJECT ORIGIN MEMBERS on monday. they will be taken on a full tour of the building and won’t notice any anomalies. from tuesday, the rest of the company will be taking the same tour, however, upon reaching the 10th floor (cafeteria level), they enter either a PURPLE, A LIGHT BLUE OR A DARK BLUE ROOM that the guide lock them in. they learn that they can only leave the rooms once they have solved the room!

for the PURPLE ROOM, people first have to find the numbers 2 0 0 8 hidden in a book to unlock a box that will give them their second clue; a candle. matches will be hidden around the room. if they light up the candle, it will quickly burn and reveal the final clue; girl. the three clues taken together hint the girlgroup ‘BLAZING’. to leave the room, they will have to enter the password (BLAZING) on an ipad that will only turn on once they have found out all three clues.

for the LIGHT BLUE ROOM, people first have to find the numbers 2 0 0 9 hidden in a book to unlock a box that will give them their second clue; a paper with three letters ‘X Y Z’. the paper will seem pointless until they finish completing a puzzle of the korean penisula. they will find the three letters next to the words nation (x), little (y), brother (z). all clues taken together hint the boygroup ‘DAEBAK SHIDAE’. to leave the room, they will have to enter the password (DBSD) on an ipad that will only turn on once they have found out all three clues.

for the DARK BLUE ROOM, people first have to find the numbers 2 0 1 0 hidden in a book to unlock a box that will give them their second clue; a small sun shaped light. upon further inspection, if somebody opens it, it will be written inside ‘she can only me seen when i’m asleep’. this hints to the lights needing to be turned off. once they are the final clue will be revealed on the ceiling ‘once i awaken, i complete it’. the three clues taken together hint the boygroup ‘HARU’ (day). to leave the room, they will have to enter the password (HARU) on an ipad that will only turn on once they have found out all three clues.

PAJAMA PERFORMANCE: in the meantime, PROJECT ORIGIN MEMBERS (without jung miso), are by MBC to perform in different locations for a special episode of Show! Music Core just as some seniors have before them. each unit will board a bus on monday late evening on the 26th; LGC GIRLS will head towards GWANGJU and LGC BOYS towards BUSAN. both units will rest at a hotel minutes away from the actual cities. their accommodations are a large room with mats for everybody to sleep together, a small cooking area and a bathroom. these types of rooms are very common on the countryside and not so out of place. however, they are in for a surprise when suddenly, the ceiling ascends and the walls go down, and they find themselves on a stage with 500 fans silently waiting for them. after confettis are thrown, the music begins: DUN DUN for the girls, followed by HIP SONG, and MIROH for the boys, followed by ROUND 2. (watch this video from 7:20 to have a proper idea of the prank). for LGC Boys, Seo Haneul and Bae Siwoo will appear on stage after the two songs to announce the prank, while for LGC Girls Park Haemi and Song Hanui of BLAZing will be the ones doing so. they will also break the news that there’s no Show! Music Core recording lined up.

REQUIREMENTS

NEW BUILDING or PAJAMA PERFORMANCE: Write a 300+ words solo or a 4 replies (minimum 8 lines) thread with another trainee about the pranks. REWARD: +8 POINTS TO DISTRIBUTE ANYWHERE, +2 NOTORIETY !

HALLOWEEN PARTY: Write a 300+ words solo or a 4 replies (minimum 8 lines) thread with another trainee taking place at the party REWARD: +8 POINTS TO DISTRIBUTE ANYWHERE, +2 NOTORIETY ! ** this requirement can be done twice. **

make sure to tag all your threads with lgc:halloween2k20. you have until DECEMBER 6 to complete the requirements and claim your points.

to validate your skill points and collect your notoriety points, please submit the following form ONCE on the points blog before DECEMBER 6, 11:59PM EST.

TITLE: MUSE NAME ∙ HALLOWEEN 2K20

- HELL WEEK 1: +8 ( skill points distribution ) + 2 notoriety [ LINK ] - HALLOWEEN PARTY : +8 ( skill points distribution ) + 2 notoriety [ LINK ] - HALLOWEEN PARTY : +8 ( skill points distribution ) + 2 notoriety [ LINK ]

[therealcalicali]

Syndrome

Pairing: Dark Ivar x Reader (Modern)

Warning: Smut, DubCon and Strong Language 

Rating: 18 +

Synopsis: With the pressures of a judgmental family and nosey friends, you’ve been at your breaking point. But all that, coupled with a mean boyfriend finally sends you over the edge. In an effort to find peace, you finally take your dream trip to Iceland. However, you may be going from the frying pan to the fire.

READ PART II : HERE

______________________

It was raining cat and dogs when you finally stumbled out of the small local airport. Despite arriving in your dream city of Tromso, Iceland, you were moody.

This was truly not your day. 

First of all, you had nearly missed your flight because your alarm didn’t go off. Then, your connection flight got delayed causing you to sit around bored for nearly four hours.

“I’m so sick of this shit.” You said aloud causing the man beside you to give you an odd look.

Glancing around, you tried to see if the ride service driver had arrived. However, you didn’t see anyone that  looked like they were waiting for someone. In fact, every car there was busily loading passengers or driving off.

“Great. By the time this douche gets here, I’ll be drenched.” .

You took your phone out and searched for the app you had downloaded prior to your departure.

 “Use the Stavanger app, it’s a great local company.” You said, mimicking your friend Amber’s voice. 

The arrival time stated that the vehicle was ten minutes away but stuck in traffic. Annoyed, you threw the phone back into your purse and dragged your suitcase to the vending machine.

As you eyed the items, a kindly old janitor walked by.

“Excuse, me sir? I can’t really read Icelandic.” You began. “Does this machine take American credit cards?”

“Talar þú íslensku.” (Do you speak Icelandic) The man replied with a confused expression.

Frustrated, you pulled out your phone and quickly typed into the translator. You then looked at the janitor again and butchered the words given to you.

“Ég vil kaupa mat með þessu?”You asked, knowing you sounded stupid.

He laughed, but understood you question despite the awful inflections. Taking the card, he inserted it the machine and pointed to a logo that you had missed.

“Oh, duh. The Visa sign is right there.” You said, mocking yourself. Then turning to the old man, you smiled. “Þakka þér fyrir.” (Thank you)

The janitor gave you a smile in kind before continuing his task of cleaning up. You couldn’t believe the amount of coffee cups and other items rude tourists had left behind.

______________________

After the danish fell out of the machine, you grabbed it and took a seat underneath a covered bench. Thankful to be out of the rain, you set your purse beside you and began to nibble on the pastry. 

Bored, you decided to watch some YouTube videos while you waited. 

Thankfully, it wasn’t long before a black BMW SUV pulled up. Out stepped one of the handsomest guys you had ever seen in your life. He had long, dark-brown hair and was wearing a hoodie underneath a brightly colored jacket.

He walked closer and took a cigarette from his pocket. After placing it between his lips, he eyed you.

“Hey. Are you my driver?” You asked hopefully.

You then remembered that he might not speak English. After all, you had flown into a small airport in order to stay in the countryside. He stared as you hastily got your phone out and typed away..

“Ertu ökumaðurinn minn?” (Are you my driver?) You asked. “Stavanger?”

He smiled, and your heart melted. But suddenly he began laughing.

“Firstly, I am your driver.” He said between chuckles. “Secondly, your Icelandic needs allot of work. Like a whole lot.”

“Wait, you speak English?” You asked, embarrassed at how hard he was laughing at your expense. “Then why didn’t you answer when I spoke the first time?”

“Because I like to make people sweat. You tourists are the worst when it comes to languages.”

You rolled your eyes. After the day you had, you were in no mood for jokes. Not only were you jet-lagged but your clothes were wet and you needed a bath. Getting up, you put your purse over your shoulder. 

But when you went to grab your suitcase, the young man beat you to it.

“I’m Ivar by the way. What is your name?”

“It’s Y/N.” You replied before walking towards his car. “Or ignorant tourist, if you prefer.”

He smiled, at your words. 

Thinking you were quite the interesting person. Thoughtfully, Ivar pressed the button on his key-chain to allow you to enter the BMW. It was now raining even harder so you were relieved to finally feel some heat.

After placing your suitcase in the trunk, he got into the driver’s seat.

“You know you don’t have to ride up here. You can sit in the back and stretch out if you want. I have no other riders.”

"Are you sure?”

Ivar nodded as he adjusted the temperature settings. Not wanting to get out of the car in order to get into the back seat, you asked permission to crawl over.

“Sure. Make yourself at home.”

As you made your way from the front seat to the back, he watched you from the rear view mirror. When you finally settled in and stretched out, you felt like a million bucks.

“There is a neck pillow back there.” Ivar mentioned as he started the car.

“Thank you.” 

As you grabbed it and placed it under your head, he pulled out of the Airport and began down the road.

“By the way, can I tell you something?” Ivar asked.

“Sure.”

“Don’t get offended but you have a really nice ass.”

Your ears and neck went hot with embarrassment. But though it was somewhat mortifying, you actually liked his bold flirtatiousness. 

“You know where the Vor Gestahús is located, right?” You asked, ignoring his remark.

“Y/N, I’m a local. Between that and my GPS, how can we get lost?”

You cringed, knowing it was indeed a stupid question. But it wasn’t your fault. He just made you nervous for some reason. Perhaps it was all due to his striking appearance and magnetic personality. Whatever it was, he had you acting dumb.

Thinking it was best that you shut your mouth before you said more stupid things, you closed your eyes.

________________________

“Y/N, wake up.” 

You felt someone shaking you by the foot. Eventually, your eyes fluttered open but you were quite disoriented. The doors of the car were open and Ivar was looking at you with some excitement.

As you sat up, you realized that it was still raining, but not as heavily. 

“Come, I want to show you something.” He said, the wind blowing his hair all around.

“Are we there already?” You asked, still half asleep.

As you got out of the back seat, your vision finally adjusted. It was then you noticed that you were in the middle of nowhere. It was scenic, however, you were very much in a secluded forest near a rushing river.

“Where are we?” You asked, rubbing your eyes.

Without looking in your direction, Ivar told you to grab your phone. 

He then made his way to the waters edge, staring over the distance. You were groggy but you did as he had asked. Making your way to his side, you glanced around the forest before asking why he had brought you there.

“This place is beautiful. Isn’t it?” Ivar asked. “I come here often.”

“It is very lovely but why are we here?” You asked before looking at the time.

Still looking out over the waters, Ivar instructed you to remove the battery from your phone. Naturally, you were confused.

“What?”

“Y/N, don’t make me repeat myself. Remove the battery and throw it into the water.”

Your heart began to race as he finally looked at you. His blue eyes practically boring into your soul. Just then, your phone vibrated. And there it was, a confirmation of your fears. 

A third message of cancellation from the driver service. When you pressed the screen to read the full details, it stated that you had been a no-show so the driver had left the location. 

You looked up at Ivar, your heart pounding in your ears. Despite what he had told you, he was definitely not from Stavanger.

“I’m uh...........I appreciate you bringing me here. But, I.........need to get to my----”

“Y/N, turn off your phone and take the battery out.” Ivar said calmly. Moving closer, he reached out and stroked your cheek with his thumb. “Please just do as I say, alright? I don’t want to hurt you.”

With trembling hands, you turned the phone off and removed the battery. Satisfied, Ivar then had you toss the battery into the rushing river, followed by the phone itself.

You could only stare as your only means of communication disappeared into the dark blue waters. Swept down stream to God knows where.

As you turned around to look at Ivar, a flash went off.

“Is he serious?” You thought.

Yes, Ivar was indeed taking photos of you with a very expensive digital camera. After the fifth one, he seemed satisfied. 

“Come on, it’s getting cold.” He said, opening the passenger side door for you. “I don’t want you to get sick.”

__________________________

The rest of the ride to wherever he was taking you was a tense one. Though you tried, you lost your composure. You burst into tears causing Ivar to turn on the radio to drown you out.

After many more miles, he eventually pulled off to the side of the desolate road and looked at you.

“Please don’t hurt me. I’ll stop.” You begged, thinking he had seen enough of your tears.

“Calm down, Y/N. I already told you. I won’t hurt you unless you give me a reason.” 

Reaching over, he opened the glove compartment and pulled out a black scarf. He then explained that he was going to cover your eyes. Adding that he expected you to not remove it or try anything funny.

“Don’t worry, you won’t have to wear it long. We’re almost home.” Ivar said reassuringly as he tied the blindfold over your eyes.

Satisfied with his work, he adjusted your seat so that you were reclined. You then heard him start the car again and enter the road again.

__________________________

It took another hour or so, but you finally felt the car come to a stop.

Gingerly, Ivar got out of the BMW and made his way to the passenger side, opening the door with a smile on his face.

“We’re here.” He announced before untying the blindfold.

He then took you by the hand and helped you out of the passenger seat. You just stood there, watching him remove your suitcase from the trunk. If you had to describe how you felt, you wouldn’t have been able to put them into words. 

You were simply terrified.

“Come on, let’s go into the house.”

With that, Ivar led you out of the garage into what was to be your prison for the foreseeable future.

____________________

“Y/N, what’s wrong? Why aren’t you eating?” 

You didn’t know what to say. 

Sure, Ivar had allowed you take a bath and change clothes. He even unpacked your things and arranged them in his closet. Going so far as to place your undies and things in a drawer he had emptied for you. 

But you were still as terrified as you had been at the river. 

This man was crazy. He had kidnapped you and God only knew how many other times he had done so. Perhaps, he was even a serial killer.

“I..........just don’t feel well.” You replied, using the fork to push the steak around.

He scooted his chair closer, bridging the distance between you. The massive dining table was a bit formal for two people, but he had insisted on eating there.

“Do you want something else?” He asked. “Pizza or something like that?”

Though you didn't want anything from him, you were really hungry. You had not eaten anything since leaving your hometown airport. You didn't even get a chance to finish the danish you bought.

“I’ll have some pizza.........if that is alright with you.”

Ivar nodded and got to his feet. He then told you to grab your plate and follow him to the kitchen.

________________________

Iva’r home was extremely nice. And that was putting it mildly.

The three-story, country cabin was far too lavish for anyone doing honest work to afford. Perhaps he had won the lottery, inherited a huge sum of money or something else along those lines. 

Whatever gave him the ability to live in such luxury, it wasn’t a basic job. That much you knew.

As you stood by the doorway, Ivar popped a frozen pizza into the chef’s oven. You may have been poor but even you knew what that was. After setting the timer, he walked over and pressed his forehead to yours.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Oh, just my.......” You began, but abruptly stopped yourself.

Ivar gave you a confused look before stating that he knew what you were going to say.

“Your family and friends. Right?”

You looked away, hoping it did not trigger some type of anger. He was your captive and you didn’t know what the boundaries were as of yet. Suddenly, you felt his arms slide about your waist and his lips press against your cheek.

“Don’t worry. Once I think I can trust you, I will let you call them”

He then kissed your cheek three times, before running the tip of his nose alongside your face.

“You smell so good. What is it?”

The answer you wanted to give was something along the lines of “fuck off”. However, you were too smart and had no death wish. So instead of tempting fate, you told him that it was just some body spray a friend had gifted you.

“Warm Vanilla Sugar, I think it’s called.”

“From where?”

“Bath and Body works. I don’t know if you have heard of it.” You said, trying your best to seem nice.

If he was really going to allow you call your family based on your behavior, you would do whatever it took to get the chance. If that meant acting your ass off and making him think you were chill, you would do just that.

That way, you could eventually be rescued.

“Come on, let’s watch something while the food is cooking.” Ivar suggested as he let go of you.

He then held out his hand. You stared at it for moment before sliding your finger between his.

“As soon as he falls asleep, I’ll knock him out with a lamp or something. Then.............I’ll steal his car and drive to the nearest town. ”

And that was the escape plan in your head. Hopefully, it would work out for you.

______________________

The two of you were nearly done with an episode of the Twilight Zone, when the timer sounded. Ivar told you to remain seated and went to the kitchen. He returned to the sitting room a short time later with a large tray.

He had brought you a platter of pizza slices and four different beverages.

“I didn’t know what else you wanted besides water. So I figured I would just give you a selection.” He said as he placed the tray on the coffee table.

After he sat down, he began choosing the next episode while you served yourself. As you placed a slice of pizza on a paper plate, you could feel Ivar watching you. 

And this wasn’t the first time.

You hadn’t realized it then, but at the airport, he had been staring at you in the same way. Too bad you were so fixated on getting to your destination, you didn’t take notice. 

When you sat back down, Ivar pulled you closer.

“I don’t bite, Y/N.” He said, putting his arm over your shoulders. 

Though your nerves were frazzled and your emotions were all over the place, you ate your food and watched the shows with him. Cool as a cucumber, you figured that bedtime would present the chance you needed. 

Your chance to make a break for it.

___________________________

After you finished eating, you took the tray to the kitchen while Ivar was on his third episode of Black Mirror. As you washed the platter ,you looked out the small kitchen window.

“This place is so beautiful but so isolated. Why would someone live here alone? Unless it’s not his house at all and the owners are buried in the backyard.”

As your thoughts ran wild with all the crimes he might have committed, you felt Ivar’s arms around your waist. You just didn’t get this creep. Was he playing house or was this some kind of elaborate game of ‘cat and mouse’?

Maybe he was the type of killer that enjoyed teasing his victims. Making you think all was fine before brutally killing you for sport.

“Do you want to watch something else or do you want to go to bed?”

Feeling extremely jet-lagged you managed to tell him that though you were enjoying his favorite episodes, you did want to get some rest. 

_______________________

Ivar led you to a bedroom on the second floor before returning downstairs to set the house alarm. While he was gone, you managed to locate your pajamas in the dresser.

“Asshole. Going through me shit like he knows me!” You fumed to yourself before throwing the items on the bed. 

You removed your shorts and t-shirt. Just when you were in the process of slipping on the pajama bottoms, Ivar entered.

“Wha............what are you doing?” You nearly screamed.

Using the pajama bottoms to hide your breasts, you backed away.

“What do you mean?” He asked before sitting on the bed. “This is my room. Where else did you think I was going to sleep?”

“But there are so many rooms in this house. Why did you bring me here if it’s your bedroom?”

Ivar chuckled. He then confessed that he had brought you there so you could share his bed. 

Boy were you pissed!

Did he really expect you to get in bed with him? A total stranger? From the look on his face, the answer was a strong ‘yes’. For whatever reason, Ivar just didn’t see a problem with anything he was doing.

“I’m going to change in the bathroom.”

“Why? There is nothing to be ashamed of. Watch, I’ll prove it.”

He promptly stood up and began removing his clothes. 

When Ivar got down to his jeans, you protested. But he just kept going. You turned your head once you realized he was going to strip down completely.

“Y/N, you can look at me.” 

“No, thank you.”

“Why not?” He asked with a very amused tone. “Fine, if you won’t  turn around, I’ll just come to you.”

And that’s exactly what he did. Ivar walked over and stood in front of you. Grabbing hold of your wrists, he forced your hands away from your eyes.

“Y/N, stop being so weird. It’s just the human body.” He said with a laugh. “Or are you some kind of prude? Religious perhaps?”

You wanted to roll your eyes but you didn’t want to mock him to his face. He may have been hot as hell but so was Ted Bundy. Instead, you slowly backed away and ducked into the master bathroom. 

“Fucking psycho.”

Ironically, you were quite correct in your assessment. 

After you had finished putting your pj's on, an idea came to mind. You opened the medicine cabinet hoping to find pills to drug Ivar with. However, you were met with the sight of a shitload of prescription meds. 

Grabbing two of them, you read the labels.

“Clozapine? And what’s this one here? Olan.......Olanzapine?” You muttered, trying your best to pronounce the words. 

You put the bottles back and looked at a few more of the prescriptions. Despite being a total novice when it came to medication, you were able to decipher one fact. All of them had been prescribed by Physiologists and Psychiatrists. 

This meant Ivar definitely had some type of serious mental disorder.

“Damn. He must be really messed up to be on so many drugs.”

Just as you were closing the medicine cabinet, he opened the door and walked in. Strange, you were sure you had locked it.

“How did you get in here?”

“With my phone.” Ivar replied smugly. “Every lock in the house is attached to a security app.”

He then looked you over and asked why you felt the need to have clothes on. You had to force yourself not to look at him. He was just standing there, butt naked talking to you.

Ivar may have been crazy but God, was he a looker. His body was more  amazing than you had even imagined. Toned, muscular and tanned, just how you liked it.

“Jesus Christ what was I doing? Don’t stare. Just walk past him and-----”

Your thoughts were cut off by his hands grabbing you by the hips. Gently, he turned you around, gazing down at you with a strange expression.

“I want you to get in bed.”

“Um, I’m not tired just yet. I want to read or watch a movie.” You protested nervously.

“Really? I thought you said you had jet-lag?”

“I......I did. It’s just that suddenly, I feel like I have more energy.”

“No problem. I can still do what I want while you do those things.”

Instantly your brow furrowed in confusion.

“What he wants?”

___________________________

You sat on the bed, nervous as shit. Thankfully as promised, Ivar handed you the remote. After looking around, you realized that you didn’t see a television anywhere. Feeling sort of stupid, you finally had to ask where it was.

“Press this.” He said, pointing to a white button.

When you did as he had instructed, the wall in front of the bed slid aside and a large flat-screen was revealed. Despite your dire situation, you were quite impressed. You had only seen such things on reality shows.

As you flipped through the channels, Ivar suddenly knelt in front of you. Doing your best to ignore him, you kept your eyes on the television. Unfortunately, he refused to be ignored.

“Y/N, I want you to lay on your back.”

You tried to pretend as you you didn’t hear him but it only made him repeat himself.

“Why?”

“Just trust me.”  

“But, you said I could watch a movie.”

“Y/N, I won’t ask again.”

Your entire body was trembling with fear as you began to recline. Eventually, you ended up on your back. Staring at the ceiling, you prayed that he wasn’t about to pull out a knife or something and start hacking away.

Without warning, you felt your pajama bottoms being pulled down. You sat up  and asked Ivar, what he was doing.

“Shhhhh.” 

He said nothing else after that. When he had finished removing the bottoms, he tossed them aside. Focusing on the ceiling again, you tried to think pleasant thoughts. 

That was when you felt his head between your legs causing you to feel quite uneasy. This was too much! You may have been his captive, but you were now prepared to fight.

“What are you doing?”

“Y/N, I told you to lay down.” 

Instinctively, you tried to close your legs, but he grasped your thighs firmly, keeping them spread apart on his shoulders. Then without a word, he pressed his face to your mound, licking the outside of your panties.

Your back arched and your entire body coursed with adrenaline. But Ivar remained calm. He smirked at the sight of your bewildered eyes gazing at him.

“If you want to watch me, that’s fine too.”

After saying that, Ivar pulled your panties to the side, exposing your pussy ever so slightly. You should have slapped his face or shoved him away. But you didn’t.

You just sat there, looking as he stuck two of his fingers in his mouth, wetting them with saliva. He then began running them against your entrance. And God, did it feel so good. 

Despite all the alarms going off in your head, your body was liking how his fingers felt. When Ivar noticed your eyes close, he pushed you down. Now on your back again, you felt the stubble of his sideburns against your inner thighs. 

Withing seconds Ivar’s warm tongue met your flesh, grazing your sensitive clit with one slow lick. Your hands instantly grasped the bed-sheets as your hips bucked upward instinctively.

“Please..........stop.”

Ignoring your halfhearted plea, Ivar again dragged his tongue down your opening. Almost like one would do with ice cream. His strokes were excruciatingly slow and methodical. 

Almost as if he didn’t want to miss a spot.

“You have to stop.” You begged between a gasp.

After licking your clit, Ivar pressed his lips to your pussy,  kissing it tenderly. 

You just couldn’t take anymore. Your legs were shaking as you sat up again.

“I...........I don’t want to do this.” 

Annoyed, Ivar glared at you before pulling your panties back in place. 

“Y/N, why are you being so difficult? I asked you to do something and I expect you to listen.” He said. “Don’t interrupt me again!”

You couldn’t say anything.

Ivar stared at you for a long while before his expression eventually softened. Pulling your panties to the side again, he pressed his mouth to your pussy. Inserting is tongue ever so slightly in your opening first. He then returned to the licking strokes he had been doing earlier.

And did it ever feel so good. So good that you couldn’t resist anymore. 

Your hips began moving in rhythm with his tongue. With the television on mute, the only sound in the bedroom were that of Ivar’s tongue lapping your wetness.

And he wasn’t in a rush either. It was almost as if he was trying to prolong the experience.  

“Fuck.” You groaned, feeling him bury his face deeper between your legs.

Ivar must have liked what he heard because he suddenly raised his head.

“Babe, get in the middle of the bed and spread your legs for me.”

When you heard the command, you hesitated. You were torn. It was insane but you wanted more. However, you knew that by obeying him, you were placing yourself in a precarious situation. 

Before you could rationalize what to do next, Ivar was beside you. In an instant, he forcefully placed you in the center of the bed. He then hovered over you and pointed a finger to your face.

“What did I say, huh? Do you want me to slap you?”

When you remained silent and shook your head, he smiled. 

Ivar was relieved that you now understood that he was serious. Leaning closer, he brushed his lips against yours before giving you a quick peck. Suddenly, he got out of bed.

“I’ll be right back. Don’t move.”

With that, he left the room and went downstairs.

___________________________

When he returned, Ivar was carrying honey and whipped cream. Your heart raced as he set them beside you and then walked to the closet. Blocking him out, you went back to staring at the ceiling. Hoping to distract yourself from your own thoughts.

“Y/N, sit up a minute.”

When you did so, you saw that he was setting up his expensive camera on a tripod. At first, you wanted to ask what it was for, but it didn’t take a genius to figure it out.

“He’s going to record me?”

Ivar kept adjusting the camera settings and checking the monitor. Eventually, he seemed happy with the results.

“Perfect. I have everything in frame. You look amazing, by the way.” 

As you laid down again, he got back in the bed. 

Without allowing you to rest, Ivar asked that you to spread your legs. You swallowed but followed his command. But despite your best efforts, you were still worried about the camera.

“Are.........are you recording me?”

“Not yet. But don’t worry, I’ll let you know when I start.” 

With that, Ivar slid your panties to the side, loving how damp the fabric had become.

“You’re getting wet.” He said with a wicked smirk. “But not wet enough.”

Running his hand over his hair to push it away from his face, he flicked the tip of his tongue against your clit. All at once, your mind went blank. 

All your fears disappeared leaving nothing but lust behind. He curled his tongue along the outside of your pussy, before nibbling at the folds..

“Y/N. I want you to do something. Sit up and hold your panties for me.”

Your heart was beating hard as you took hold of the fabric. Like a tease, Ivar licked your fingers, dragging his tongue from them to your pussy and back again.

You had never experienced anything like this before. 

Typically, you didn’t even keep the lights on when you had sex. But you didn’t feel the need to shy away. You stared, watching his tongue work it’s magic. When you accidentally let go of the panties, Ivar smirked.

Without waiting for him to tell you what to do, you slid them aside for him.

“Good girl.” He whispered.

As you watched, Ivar allowed a large amount of saliva to fall onto your pussy. Between that and your own wetness, you mound was glistening.

“You taste so fucking good.” He said as his eyes met yours briefly. 

He then placed his mouth over your opening and began whirling his tongue in circular motions.

“Oh my fucking God.” You gasped, your grasp on the panties becoming weaker. “Shit!” 

Coming to a stop, Ivar looked at your pussy again. 

He then dragged his tongue over it one last time to ensure he got every bit of wetness. 

“Babe, pick between the honey and whipped cream.“

Ignoring all the voices of reason in your head, you grabbed the squeeze bottle of honey. 

“Pour it on your pussy for me.” 

Removing the top, you watched as the golden syrup trickled down and began coating your outer lips and mound. As for Ivar, he watched with great fascination, using his thumb to spread it around. 

When you thought you had poured enough, you stopped. 

Ivar wasted no time in burying his face between your legs. Within seconds, the grazing and sweeping motions of his tongue caused you to grab his head.

“Oh my god...............yes!” You moaned. “Yes!”

You threw caution to the wind, grinding your hips in unison with his efforts. Before long, your legs began to tremble as you felt the telltale throbbing sensation.

“Oh.......fuck!”

And just like that, your orgasm hit. 

But Ivar was relentless, he kept going, licking and nibbling so eagerly, he caused a second one to follow. As your rode his tongue for several minutes, you shut your eyes, losing yourself in the moment..

___________________________

Despite what you had expected, Ivar didn’t force you to do anything else. At least for now. 

After cleaning you up with a damp washcloth, he laid beside you. You were grateful for that. Quite exhausted from the euphoria of your two orgasms, you were nearly asleep when you felt him pull you closer. 

“What the hell am I doing?” You thought. “I have to get out of here!”

You had an entire life back home. 

Family and friends who would worry once the days passed without hearing from you. Not only that, but you had a boyfriend. A very nice one who would not understand you sexing a crazed stranger.

Your mind was made up. You would wait until Ivar fell into a deep slumber before making your move. Perhaps you could even use his car to leave. After all, you had seen where he kept the keys to the BMW.

___________________________

You managed to put on your jeans and Ivar’s sweatshirt despite the dimly lit room. Not that you had wanted to steal from him. You only took his sweatshirt because you didn’t want to risk opening the closet and waking him.

Cautiously, you made your way out of the bedroom and straight downstairs. 

The house was a rather enormous so it took a while to find the sitting room. Unfortunately when you opened the wooden box that you thought the car keys were in, it was empty.

“Fuck! He must have moved them.”

There was no point in searching since they could have been anywhere and you had not time to waste. You threw your purse over you shoulder and rushed to the front door.

Holding your breath, you unlocked it, praying that there was no audible alarm. Thankfully, there wasn’t. 

Without hesitation you stepped out into the cool evening air. Despite the trail of streetlights, it was rather dark and there was nothing as far as the eye could see. 

Nothing, but meadows and trees.

“It doesn’t matter. I will run into someone sooner or later.”

____________________________

Your last thoughts were rather prophetic. 

You had been right about potentially running into someone. Too bad that someone was none other than Ivar.

After walking for roughly twenty minutes, you finally saw headlights approaching from behind. At first, you thought it was a traveler you could wave down for help. 

But then, you recognized the BMW.

You panicked, unsure of what to do next. Should you run into the woods or continue walking along the roadside where it was safest? It didn’t matter. Ivar parked the car and turned on the hazard lights. 

Despite your best effort to run, he easily caught up with you. You kicked, you screamed and even tried to bite his arm. But you were no match for Ivar.

“No!” You screamed.

With no effort, he threw you over his shoulder. You tried hard to wriggle free but it was no use. Withing seconds, he tossed you into the car and slammed the door. 

When you tried to open it, you realized that the child-lock was on.

Ivar got into the the driver’s seat and punched the steering wheel. When he glared at you through the rear view mirror, you finally decided to shut up. His gaze was chilling and you didn’t want to push him over the edge.

Needless to say, you remained quiet the entire ride back to his house.

___________________________

“Why did you do that, Y/N?” Ivar asked as he paced the bedroom floor. “I gave you free reign in my home and look how you repay me! By taking off the moment I fall asleep.”

You felt so stupid. 

During your escape you didn’t know that Ivar had been watching the entire thing on his phone. But that was your own fault. You should have known a house like his would have security cameras everywhere.

As for the house alarm, it was a silent one. 

The company even called to make sure things were fine. Ever the calm one, Ivar informed them that it had been a false trigger.

Now that you knew everything, you realized just how dumb your plan was. But you were too exhausted to mope around. Without asking, you laid on your side and curled up in the fetal position.

Ivar eventually got in bed. After hesitating a while, he scooted closer and spooned you. 

“Y/N?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t do that again. Okay?”

Half asleep already, you nodded. You felt his lips brushing against your cheek as you drifted off.

_________________________

The following day, you woke up feeling so much better. As you rolled over, you realized that the bed was empty. 

“He must have woke up early.”

You sat up, rubbing your eyes before stretching. 

It was late afternoon for sure because the sun was shining brightly through the large bedroom windows. Feeling well rested, you decided you best freshen up. 

You were busily taking a warm shower when you heard the door to the bathroom open. Knowing it was Ivar, you sighed.

“I know I’m taking forever but I’m almost done.”

But he didn’t say anything.

Instead, he just watched you through the glass partition for a while. Embarrassed, you held the washcloth over your breasts in a feeble attempt at modesty. This of course was stupid, considering the previous night.

"Hurry up and come to the room.”

With one last gaze at your body, Ivar left.

_____________________________

Though he allowed you to do your hair and even put on makeup, Ivar refused to let you get dressed. Insisting that you keep the towel on. So there you were, sat on the bed wondering what was about to happen.

Suddenly, he began fidgeting with the camera on the tripod.

“What are you doing?”

“Y/N, you have no right to ask me anything.” He replied bluntly. “You broke my trust. So until you earn it back, no more questions.”

You were startled but knew it was probably a good idea to keep your mouth shut. Gone was his jovial expression from before. In its place was a look of pure anger.

“Okay, it’s recording.” He announced. “First, let’s start with your full name.”

You didn’t know what Ivar was up to, but you didn’t feel like playing his game. But what choice did you have?

“My name is Y/N Y/L/N.”

He smirked as he observed you on the monitor. Continuing with the line of questioning, he covered various topics. Mostly, your preferences and childhood experiences.

All in all, the entire experience wasn’t too bad, despite him filming you by force.

“One last thing. Do you like dogs?”

You nodded, adding that you were fond of animals in general. Satisfied with how things went, Ivar made his way over and sat beside you.

“We’re done with the first part.”

“First part?” You repeated.

With a devious look in his eyes, he guided you onto his lap and pointed at the camera.

“We’re going to make our own sex tape.”

Your jaw tensed when you realized he was quite serious. 

Flabbergasted, you were about to protest when you felt his teeth on your neck. He playfully bit down before using his tongue to make you squirm. Though it felt incredible, you tried to fight the sensation.

You simply couldn’t allow a stranger to film you performing sex acts.

When you tried to push him away, Ivar grabbed you by the throat. He didn’t do it violently, but firmly enough to keep you still. After giving you a love bite, he asked you to stand up for a moment.

Doing as he had asked, you watched as he undressed himself. One thing was certain, this guy really enjoyed being naked.

“Lay on your side facing the camera.”

You hesitated but followed his instructions. The entire situation was insane. But if it was so bad, why were you not throwing a lamp at his head?

Exhaling, you cleared your thoughts - tired of the opposing inner dialogue.

That was when Ivar slid behind you and unraveled the towel. Right away, you cupped your breasts causing him to chuckle.

“Babe, relax.” He said, tossing it to the ground. “There’s no need to be so shy. You have amazing tits.”

Your cheeks were burning from embarrassment. Ivar was quite the enigma. Never in your life had you ever met someone so uninhibited and blunt. As you were busily wondering how he got that way, you felt him guide your hand to his shaft.

Ivar was fully erect but he stated that he wanted you to use his member to get yourself wet. 

“I..........I don’t understand.”

Despite giving you a weird look, he didn’t get mad. 

Instead, Ivar slid his cock between your legs, tapping it against your pussy a few times. You bit your lip as you stared at him. He was so focused as he began rubbing his erection against your folds.

“That’s it, Y/N” He hissed before looking at you. “You’re getting so wet for me.”

Pressing his nose to your cheek, he bit it playfully. 

“Alright, I think you know what to do now.” Ivar added.

After placing your hand on his shaft again, he continued nibbling on the length of your neck. 

Like an uncoordinated novice, you dragged his curved erection against your pussy. The sensation of his warm flesh against yours felt so good, you moaned.

“Don’t hold back. I fucking love the sounds you make.” He whispered.

You kept going. 

Gently rubbing his member against your entrance until eventually, you could feel your wetness. You were so turned on that your fingers and his erection were slick from it.

“Okay babe, that’s enough.” .

Though Ivar loved how your hand was feeling, it wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted to have sex with you. With his lips pressed to your cheek, he asked you to guide him in.

“But........you aren’t wearing a condom.”

Angered by your statement, he pushed your hand off. He then took hold of his erection himself and prodded against your entrance.

“Wait! We nee to-----” 

Your words caught in your throat. Without warning, Ivar slid the length of his cock into you with one thrust. He grunted, grabbing you by the throat. As he pushed his lips against your ear, your eyes shut tightly. 

“Fuck!” He groaned. “Its so hot.”

You were trembling from the sensation of him being inside you. It was unlike anything you had ever felt before. Not even with your boyfriend back home made you feel so.....turned on.

“I....Ivar?” 

“Shhhhh. It’s okay, Y/N.”

With his lips still pressed to your ear, he pushed his cock in as deeply as it could go. Your breathing hitched and you let out a whimper. Excited by the sound, Ivar moved his hand from your throat. After caressing your face, he kissed the corner of your mouth softly.

“Did I hurt you?”

You should have said ‘yes’ and asked him to stop. But instead of doing the smart thing, you shook your head. Taking it as a good sign, Ivar held you closer, your ass now pushed firmly against his pelvis.

“Move for me.” He whispered. “I want to watch.”

With your eyes still shut, you apprehensively began rotating your hips, riding the length of his cock. As you were doing so, he watched the motion of your body, his blue eyes hooded with lust.

“Keep going, babe.” He whispered, enjoying how unsure of your own movements you were.

After a minute or so, Ivar tapped your hip and asked you to stop. 

To your surprise, he pulled his erection out. At first, you thought you had turned him off, but that was the furthest thing from the truth. Without a word, he sat up and rolled you onto your back. 

He then reached into one of the night stands and produced a large knife. Your heart dropped. Why would he feel the need to bring out a weapon? You watched in fear as he hovered over you, dragging the the blade lightly across your breasts.

“Last night, you let me down.” Ivar said as he pressed tip of the blade to one of your nipples. “But I’m going to give you a chance to redeem yourself. A second test. Hopefully, you won’t disappoint me.”

His words terrified you. 

From what you had seen in his medicine cabinet, he was mentally unstable. If he wanted, he could kill you and get away with it. But as you were practically having a nervous breakdown, Ivar did something strange. 

He placed the knife in your hand. 

Sliding between your legs, he hovered over you, propping himself up on his forearms. His long hair grazed your shoulders as he pressed his forehead to yours.

“No matter what  you decide, I won’t stop you.”

After saying this, Ivar reached between you and probed your entrance. Slowly, he pushed the length of his cock in, his forehead still rested on your own. You gasped at the feeling of him sliding inside you again.

But here it was! Your chance at freedom. 

Even if you didn’t want to kill him, you had many options. You could use the knife to back him away or stab him to give yourself time to escape. But you simply froze.

Without anymore hesitation, Ivar began thrusting. He was pounding away so hard, your hold of the knife weakened. As he increased the pace even more, he raised his head and looked down at you affectionately.

“What are you waiting for?” He grunted.

Taking hold of your wrist, he brought the knife to his neck. You didn’t know what to do. Did he want you to kill him? 

Keeping his eyes on yours, Ivar continued thrusting. You stared at him, keeping the blade against his flesh. Eventually, a trickle of blood appeared from the pressure.

Without breaking his gaze, he took you by the hips, using them to shove his cock in deeper. Before long, the knife fell from your grasp, landing beside you. 

Taking notice of this, Ivar tossed it to the floor before blanketing you with his body. After sliding his hands under your ass, he buried his face in the crook of your neck. 

You hated yourself but all your resistance was gone. 

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you met each of his thrusts - the sound of his cock pounding your pussy filling the room.

“Oh,..................my God!” You squealed.

“Fuck.” He grunted. “Is it my pussy, babe?”

He asked you two more times before you managed to mutter a ‘yes’ in response.  

What a lover! 

Ivar plunged his cock into you like a man possessed making you to writhe underneath him. Within minutes, he was sweating so much, his hair became damp. Beads of perspiration trickled onto you causing your breasts and stomach to glisten.

“Cum for me, Y/N.”

“Wait.”

Ivar knew you were close. He could tell by the way your hips had slowed down. Relentlessly, he thrusted slow and deep. All the while whispering about how badly he wanted you to cum on his cock.

Suddenly, your pelvic area began pulsating and contracting with the longest orgasm of your life.

“Yes, Ivar! Yes!”

His lips crashed to yours, kissing you like a long lost lover. 

When he finally pulled away, he dragged his tongue against yours before biting your bottom lip. As you continued moaning, he pressed his lips to your neck.

“Fuck!” Ivar grunted as if gasping for air.

You felt him cumming inside you. The heat spreading as he muttered something in his native tongue. Ivar continued pounding into you with so much force, it caused you to scream out, your voice practically echoing in the bedroom. 

His had triggered an orgasm so intense, your legs began to shake like crazy and your eyes welled with tears.

“It’s okay, Y/N.  

Slowing his movements, Ivar allowed you to ride out the orgasm at your own pace, all the while biting on your neck. 

_____________________________

The following afternoon, Ivar was in a great mood. 

He spent a few hours in his home office before asking you to accompany him on a nature hike. After packing some lunch, the two of you drove out to a beautiful field that was only a few miles from the house. 

There, Ivar spent time taking photos of the scenic surroundings. 

While he was busy with his photography, you picked some flowers, hoping to fashion them into a crown. Sadly, you were quite terrible at it. As you sat on the blanket, frustrated at your progress, Ivar took a seat across from you.

“What are you doing?” Ivar asked, looking at the jumbled mess.

“Um.....I don’t really want to say.”

“Why?”

When you stated that you didn’t want him to laugh at you, he promised that he wouldn’t. 

With a sigh, you told Ivar you were trying to make a flower crown like the ones you had seen in Scandinavian films.

Though he was trying his best, you could tell he wanted to laugh. Rolling your eyes, you decided to give up. Why bother? You were never the best at arts and crafts anyway.

Putting his camera down, Ivar beckoned you to sit between his legs. 

After you had done so, he began teaching you the proper way to make a crown. Taking his time to show you the technique.

“My mother made these all the time.” He said with his lips close to your earlobe. “She really had a thing for flowers and nature in general.” 

You were surprised that he had finally made mention of something personal. After all the questions he had asked of you, you had some for him as well.

“Your mother, does she live in Iceland?”

Ivar fell silent for a while before telling you that both his parents were dead. You felt so bad for bringing up the subject that you tried to apologize. However, he told you it wasn’t necessary.

“It’s not as if you would have known.” Ivar said. “Anyway, they died when I was like five years old. So you don’t worry about depressing me.”

He went on to mention that they had died when their private plane crashed. Afterward, he spent time living with relatives. All of them unwilling to care for him long enough for him to get adjusted.

“I guess I can’t really blame any of them. I was probably too much to handle. My problems and all.”

“What problems?” You cautiously asked.

You had seen the medications. However, you wanted to hear about his condition from his own lips.

“I’m Schizophrenic. But I was recently diagnosed with Obsessive-compulsive disorder as well.” Ivar said as he continued weaving the flowers. “I guess you’re definitely going to run away now.”

You didn’t know what to think.

On one hand, he was keeping you against your will. But on other hand, you kinda felt sorry for him. He was probably just lonely or going through an episode.

“Have you done this.....I mean.....”

“I have never kidnapped anyone in my life.” He interrupted. “To be quite honest with you, I was there to shoot up the airport. You know, go out in a hail of bullets. I had rifles in the trunk and everything. But just when I was about to smoke in order to ease my nerves, I saw you.”

You were utterly dumbfounded. So he had intended to do a ‘suicide by cop’? 

Before you could think of another question, Ivar added that when you spoke to him, it caused him to waver.

“I don’t know why but you made me rethink things. You looked so innocent and lost. Plus, your Icelandic was so bad, it actually brought a smile to my face.”

For some reason, the comment made you laugh. 

Still, it was strange to think that you mistaking him for your ride probably prevented a tragedy. With the flower crown now finished, Ivar placed it on your head. He then grabbed his camera and got to his feet.

“I’m not an evil person, Y/N. Despite how I feel, I know you have a life of your own.” He confessed. “But can you please do one thing for me?”

“What’s that?”

“There’s a family event in three weeks. If you accompany me and treat me nicely in front of everyone, I......................I won’t stop you from leaving afterward.”

His eyes were wet with tears, but you didn’t make mention of it. 

Instead, you nodded, promising to be his ‘date’ at the event. Pleased in a bittersweet way, Ivar took photos of you wearing his flower crown.

______________________________

The next few days were actually quite nice. 

Not only did Ivar take you to the nearby township to show you around, he bought you a prepaid phone. After making you promise not to say anything about your whereabouts, he allowed you to call home.

Though he did sit beside you whenever you chatted with anyone, it didn’t feel like he was being imposing.

As expected, your family members were relieved to finally hear from you. 

After being unable to reach you and getting no calls to confirm your arrival, they had been in a panic. But you eased their minds, stating that you had lost your phone at the airport. And since you had no money to buy a new one, you told them to reach you on the prepaid until you returned.

You could have told them that you were being held against your will, but you chose not to. Despite what Ivar had done, you didn’t want the police to get involved. 

Yes, it sounded stupid, but you just didn’t want him to get in trouble. 

Regardless of how things started, you felt a connection with Ivar. In fact, the two of you spent the time leading up to the event behaving like a real couple. And it wasn’t just allot of hot sex either. 

He told you all about his life and even confessed that he was basically a trust-fund kid. That explained the lavish house and his lack of a schedule. 

So with everything seemingly going well, you focused on enjoying the last bit of time the two of you had left.

_____________________________

The big day had finally arrived!

Wracked with nerves, you spent the whole day wondering how his family members were going to treat you. Taking notice of your odd behavior, Ivar kept telling you to relax, but you couldn’t help feeling tense. 

You didn’t know why you felt anxious anyway. He had taken care of everything. In fact, Ivar spared no expense in helping you prepare for the party. He ordered six designer outfits for you with the help of an online shopper. And that wasn’t all. Knowing how particular women were, he had a stylist come to the house to do your hair and makeup. 

All-in-all, you felt like a Princess. 

Yes, you knew that you were living a lie but so what? Ivar treated way better than your boyfriend back home. 

And it wasn’t about the money. Jamie was just a mean-spirited guy at times. Not only did he mock your career goals, but he expected you to drop everything whenever he wanted to hang out. Those things wouldn’t have been so bad if he didn’t feel the need to tell you how to dress as well. 

If you had any guts at all, he would have been an Ex a long time ago. 

But what could you do? You just needed to get the night over with so you could return to your normal life. 

_________________________

As you stood beside Ivar in your strapless black Balmain gown, you shifted nervously. For whatever reason, you suddenly felt like throwing up. You hated large events in general but you hated family events even more. 

Everyone was always so judgmental at those things. And with how wealthy Ivar was, you assumed his relatives were probably going to be total dicks.

“Babe, why are you fidgeting so much?” He asked. “You look amazing.”

Ivar’s smile was so genuine, you almost regretted that it was your last night together. But what choice did you have?

“I’m not good at these types of gatherings.” You confessed.

“Stop worrying so much. They’re going to adore you as much as I do.”

Right on cue, the massive door swung open. 

There, wearing more makeup than should be on one person’s face, was a woman in her sixties. She looked good. But good in the “my plastic surgeon knows me well” kind of way.

“Ivar.” She exclaimed as if expecting someone else. “We didn’t think you would show.”

“Well, here I am.” 

She gave him a smile but you thought it looked very fake. Suddenly, she took notice of you and her face lit up.

“And who is this lovely woman? A friend of Christoff?”

Ivar’s smile faltered a second before he placed an arm around your waist.

“No Aunt Rose, this is my girlfriend. Y/N.”

The woman gave you a big smile and complemented your appearance. As she led you into the house, she added that she loved your purse.

“Chanel is my favorite at the moment too.” Aunt Rose said. “I had a thing for Vuitton but I had to drop it like a bad habit. It seems like every poverty-stricken nobody wears a knockoff these days. It cheapens the brand.”

You were slightly offended but Ivar did warn you about his family members during the car ride.

“Well, thank you for the compliment but I didn’t buy it. Ivar gifted it to me. I can’t afford such things.” 

Aunt Rose blew off your remark, stating that you looked good enough to be a trophy wife. She then added that beauty was far more valuable than money.

“I can’t wait for you to meet my sons. Especially Christoff.” She said as you all arrived in the backyard. She then looked at Ivar. “Don’t forget to introduce the two of them.”

“I won’t”

“Well, I need to mingle with the other guests...” She said looking straight at you. “but we will definitely chat again, my dear.”

With that, she walked into the crowd of attendees. You looked up at Ivar but before you could even say anything, he leaned over and kissed you.

“What was that for?”

“Do I need a reason?” He asked before embracing you.

As he was busily whispering dirty things in your ear, three women approached. They had champagne flutes in hand but looked like they had been pounding shots before the party started.

“Ivar! What a pleasant surprise!” The woman in blue exclaimed. “We did not think you would come after what happened last time.”

By the way his body tensed, you could tell that he didn’t like these people.

“Well, regardless, it’s good to see you.” The redhead said with a giggle. “So whose date are you molesting?”

Ivar’s jaw tensed, but thankfully, you were good at defusing awkward situations. 

Extending your hand, you introduced yourself as his girlfriend. They probably weren’t accustomed to him bringing anyone around because their jaws dropped.

All three women looked stunned as they shook your hand.

“Well it’s very nice to meet you Y/N. I’m Katrina, this is my sister Evelyn and that drunk bitch Sonya. We’re cousins but he hardly comes around us anymore.”

“Maybe you can help change that.” Sonya said thoughtfully. “Besides, you seem like someone we could have fun hanging out with.”

The three of them chatted with you for nearly fifteen minutes. Despite your initial perceptions, they were actually quite nice. They told you lots of things about their homeland and suggested places you should visit. 

The main one being the Blue Lagoon.

“Has Ivar taken you there yet?” Sonya asked.

“Uh, not yet.”

“I’m going to take her.” He said, following up your remark.

“Oh yeah? And when will that be?” Katrina asked with a scoff. “Everyone knows you hardly like leaving the countryside.”

“Whenever Y/N is ready for me to take her. I’ll make the time.”

“You can’t take her.” Evelyn protested. “She would have much more fun with us. Ivar, I know you don’t understand these things but she’s a girl. And everyone knows spas are more fun as a Girl’s Trip.”

Rolling his eyes, he whispered that he was going to go and speak to someone. However, he promised that it wouldn’t take long. After giving you kiss on the lips, Ivar walked off.

“Wow. I have never seen him like this before.” Katrina confessed as she watched him leave. “Do you know you’re the first  girl he’s ever brought to anything? Like ever?”

“She’s probably the first girl to be with him at all.” Sonya added with a giggle. She then grabbed a cocktail off a passing waiters tray.

You couldn’t believe your ears. They may have been treating you nicer than you had expected, but they were being very vicious behind Ivar’s back. 

“What kind of crap family is this?” You wondered.

“Excuse me, but do any of you know where the nearest restroom is?” You suddenly asked.

You didn’t really have to pee but you wanted to get away from them. 

Without being asked, Evelyn happily volunteered to show you the way. Taking you by the arm, she led you into the house. As the two of you walked the massive corridor, she introduced you to several people, leaving out the fact that you were Ivar’s girlfriend. 

Instead, she kept telling people that you were a good friend of hers. When you finally reached the restrooms, Evelyn asked if you wanted her to wait. 

“Oh, no. You can return to the festivities. I’ll find you.”

“Okay. We’ll save you some champagne.”

When she left, you exhaled out loud. Boy were these people strange. They may have had all the money in the world but they sure didn’t know how to be a family.

__________________________

After freshening your makeup, you chose to look at the various pieces of Art that lined the walls of the hallway. It wasn’t exciting, but it was much better than talking to any of the people you had met so far. 

As you were examining a still life painting, you heard a voice from behind you.

“That’s one of my favorites too.” 

When you turned to see who it was, there stood a gorgeous man in a tailored black suit. He had long dirty-blonde hair but it had been pulled into a man-bun for the occasion. 

With a twinkle in his blue eyes, he introduced himself as Christoff.

“Um...nice to meet you. I’m Y/N.”

“Oh.” He said. “My mother just told me all about you. You’re the one that arrived with my cousin, Ivar.”

That’s when his name clicked. 

Ivar’s Aunt Rose had mentioned that he was her son. She even made him promise to introduce the two of you. Well, there he was and boy, was he hot. Probably just as hot as Ivar. 

But something was off about him. However, you just couldn’t put your finger on it.

“So, I see you have an appreciation for the Arts. That’s not something I see these days. It’s quite refreshing.”

“Yeah. I like Art allot. I guess it’s because I’m not very good at it.” You said with a laugh. 

“You should take classes. We have amazing Art Schools for adults in Iceland. Most of them are free.”

As the two of you became engrossed in conversation, Ivar approached. Seeing you with Christoff soured his mood instantly. Not that he was upset with you. It all had to do with his cousin.

You see, Christoff was a bit of a bully. 

And whenever he was around, he had a way of making Ivar feel worthless. Not that he was the only one. Most of Ivar’s family members were very hard on him due to his “issues”.

“Y/N. I was looking for you. I thought you would like to try some of this French wine.”

After handing you the glass, Ivar looked at his cousin. If you didn’t know any better, you could have sworn they were having stare-down.

"So, where have you been hiding this amazing woman?” Christoff asked. “She’s a breath of fresh air.”

“We’re both busy.”

“Come off it, Ivar. Look, just because you’re antisocial, it doesn’t mean you have to keep the poor girl hidden away.”

“Agreed.” Sonya said, cosigning his remark.

You don’t know how the hell they found you, but all three of the girls approached with two men trialing them.

“Y/N, this is Marc and Dimitiri, our cousin’s from Sweden.”

As the two men shook your hand, you could see Ivar from the corner of your eye. He was not happy at all. In fact, you could tell that he was getting very stressed.

“Babe, this is really good.” You commented after taking a sip of the wine.

Ivar smiled at you, liking the way you had slid your hand into his. He intertwined your fingers before giving it a gentle squeeze.

"If you like this wine Y/N.....” Dimitiri began. “You have to visit our Great Uncle’s estate. His collection makes Aunt Rose’s selection look like cheap boxed punch.”

“Who gives a shit? Cheap or expensive, it doesn’t matter. As long as I can get shit-faced, I’m good.” Katrina announced before raising her glass of rum and coke.

Everyone laughed with the exception of Ivar. 

He just hated being around his family. They never acted like they wanted him around and now, they were trying to take you over. As the conversation went on, you eventually realized what they were doing.

They were totally ignoring Ivar. But they did keep making rude hints about his Psychiatric issues. 

Having enough of their shit, you put the wine glass down.

“Babe, I don’t feel too well. Can we go home?”

Ivar looked at you, almost unable to hide his relief. 

Despite everyone telling you that you could rest in any of the bedrooms, you insisted on leaving. As you led Ivar away, he turned around and waved goodbye to his cousins.

Except for Christoff of course. He knew for sure he had been hitting on you. So  Ivar gave him the middle finger.

________________________

During the long drive back to the countryside, the two of you listened to old rock songs, singing and laughing the entire time. It just felt so good to get away from the oppressive atmosphere of his family.

When you arrived home, you kicked off your heels and made a beeline for the kitchen. Both of you were famished and had not eating anything since Brunch.

“What do you want to eat?” You asked as you opened the fridge.

“You.”

“Ivar, I’m serious.”

“So am I.”

When you glared at him, he laughed and shrugged his shoulders. After telling you to decide, Ivar went upstairs to change his clothes. Settling on the leftover lasagna, you began reheating things.

As you were plating the food, he returned, shirtless and wearing grey sweatpants. He had also taken his hair out of the man-bun and put on a pair of glasses.

“You know, you look really handsome. I should take a picture of you.”

“Yeah?”

He winked at you before thrusting his hips. With a raise of your brow you asked what he thought he was doing.

“I’m trying to tempt you.”

“By humping the air?” You asked with a smirk. “You look like a stripper.”

“I’ll be your stripper if you pay me in sex.”

Getting behind you, he began grinding his pelvis against your ass. You tried your best to ignore him but he kept going. Even when you started cutting the garlic bread.

“Ivar! I have a knife in my hand.”

“So? I’m trying to get you out of this dress.”

He then spun you around and asked how you could say ‘no’ to a man in glasses. 

After staring at him for a second, you burst into laughter. Ivar was just too cute for words. No one had ever made you laugh like he did. But then you remembered, tonight was your last night.

You were leaving for the airport first thing in the morning. Despite missing your return flight home because of your promise, the airline allowed you to re-book for a small fee. 

In less than twenty four hours, you would be back where you belonged.

As you were lost in thought, Ivar lifted you up, his hands underneath your ass. You wrapped your legs around him before pressing your forehead to his. Running your fingers through his hair, you wondered why you felt so torn about leaving.

You kept your end of the bargain and he was keeping his about letting you go. That meant you should have been happy. Right?

___________________________

Ivar carried you to the living room, and sat on the couch.

Now straddling him, you gazed into his eyes, wishing that you had a few more days. Without waiting for him to make a move, you pressed your lips to his. You wanted to savor all of him - his taste, his scent even the texture of his tongue.

Deepening the kiss, Ivar grabbed you by the back of the neck and pulled you in. His kiss was so hungry and needy, you moaned into his mouth. As you pulled away, he unzipped the back of your gown.

“Take this thing off.”

No longer as shy as you had been before meeting him, you stood up. Slowly, you allowed the gown to shimmy down your body. When it dropped to the floor, Ivar stared at you.

“Don’t take your bra and panties off, yet.” He said with a gleam in his eyes. “I just want you to lay across my lap. Ass up.”

Doing just as he had asked, you crawled on top of him. Once he positioned you the way he wanted, Ivar squeezed each cheek.

“Babe, I’m going to spank you. If it gets uncomfortable, tell me and I’ll stop.”

You nodded, trusting that he wasn’t going to do it hard enough to hurt you.

When the first smack landed, it really stung. Thankfully, Ivar caressed the spot, making it feel better right away. The second and third smacks were much harder though. 

Still, despite never thinking it was a kink you would try, you liked it. 

After spanking you a few more times, Ivar rolled you onto your back. As he gazed into your eyes, he slid his hand into the front of your panties. 

Your legs closed by instinct but you quickly relaxed them.

“Y/N, I want you to look at me.”

He then began moving his fingers against your pussy in circular motions, his blue eyes never leaving your face. Ivar watched you with fascination, loving all your little expressions and winces. 

With your wetness glistening on his fingers, he brought them to his lips. You watched as he licked each one clean before sliding them back into your panties again.

“That’s so good.” You mumbled.

Ivar gave you a little smirk as he continued rubbed your folds in small circles. Feeling aroused, your hips stuttered and you grabbed hold of his wrist with both hands. 

“Is it good, babe?” He asked as he watched your body writhe against his hand.

Your voice caught in your throat as Ivar grazed your clit with two fingers. As he applied pressure to it, he leaned forward and bit the length of your neck.

“Oh my God.” You hissed, holding his wrist tighter.

When he was satisfied with your wetness, Ivar made you straddle him. Pulling down the elastic of his sweatpants, he asked you to take his cock out. As he watched, you reached down into his boxer briefs. Grabbing hold of his erection, you gently freed it from the fabric. 

As you stroked his reddened cock, you felt Ivar’s hips buck upward.

“Y/N, I want you to ride me. Can you do that?”

Though your cheeks and neck burned from his blunt request, you nodded. 

“Should I remove my bra and panties first?”

“No.”

Ivar then added that he liked how pretty you looked in your jewelry and lingerie. Letting go of your ass, he pulled down the cups of your bra, exposing your breasts. 

The manner in which he did it caused the underwire to cup your tits, making them sit very high. Leaning forward, Ivar ran his tongue flatly over the right one first and then, the left.

As he pulled your nipple into his mouth, you caressed the side of his face. When Ivar began suckling, the pressure of his warm mouth caused a gasp to escape your lips.

Realizing that you were very sensitive, he kept sucking and nibbling, even grazing his teeth over your hardened nipple. When you tried to pull away, he wrapped his arms around your waist.

“Y/N, stop trying to run.”

“I’m not. It’s just that...well.....”

“It feels good so you’re scared.”

You gave him a weak smile, knowing he was right. 

Despite not being a virgin, you still had allot of hangups. You hated to admit it but it was probably because none of your boyfriends had ever worshiped your body or cared about your needs. 

But Ivar was so different. 

He was not only attentive and affectionate but he always made sure that you had at least one orgasm. 

“Can I ask you something?” You said as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Sure, babe. Ask me anything.”

“Did you really record me?”

Ivar chuckled before shaking his head. He confessed that despite what he had told you, he didn’t make the sex-tape. 

“I turned it off after you answered all my questions.”

“But, why did you tell me that the camera was on?”

“I shouldn’t have done that.” He confessed with a sad expression. “I just thought that if you believed there was a video of you having sex, you would be too scared to leave.”

“So there’s nothing?”

Ivar pulled you close and swore on his parents grave that he did not film the two of you. Believing him completely, you pressed your lips to his.

You kissed him tenderly, cupping his face as your tongue explored his mouth. As you ran your fingertips against the stubble of his sideburns, you tried to memorize the moment.

Excited by your show of affection, Ivar slid a hand between your legs. Pulling your panties aside, he told you to put his cock inside. After sitting up slightly, you positioned yourself over his curved erection.

As you felt the tip prodding at your opening, you dug your fingernails into his back. You took your time, but eventually, you managed to slide the tip inside you. 

“It’s so warm.” Ivar hissed.

Though he was eager to fuck you, he didn’t force you down or make any movements. 

Instead, Ivar kept his arms around your waist, allowing you to do as you pleased. Pushing yourself further down his shaft, you shut your eyes. The pain and pleasure overtaking your senses as Ivar’s cock stretched your tightness.

You let out a whimper before rubbing your cheek against his forehead. 

Seeing that you needed help, Ivar’s hands went to your ass. He cupped your cheeks, spreading them slightly in order to have better control of your body. Lifting you up slowly, he shut his eyes, enjoying the sensation of your pussy sliding on his cock.

Tensing his jaw, Ivar slid you down his shaft again.

“Yes.” You moaned, sinking your nails even deeper into his flesh.

After setting you down on his entire length, Ivar’s hips began thrusting upward. You felt him squeezing your ass tighter each time his balls met your opening. With your eyes still closed, you began rotating your hips in unison with his.

Before long Ivar changed pace, pounding your pussy while holding you perfectly still. Your thighs began to tremble uncomfortably as your walls contracted around his cock.

The start of your orgasm was so overwhelming, you had to rest your forehead on his.

“Fuck me Ivar! Fuck me!”

“Don’t move.” He grunted, still pounding into you. “I’m going to cum.”

Just as you felt his warm release spreading inside you, your orgasm arrived. You clung to Ivar for dear life, screaming his name as you climaxed together.

“Tell me it’s mine.” He grunted as he milked his cock into your pussy. “Come on, babe. Tell me.”

“It’s yours. 

“What’s mine?”

“My...................pu.........pussy.”

Cum began dripping down his cock as he continued thrusting - the sound of his wet cock hitting your pussy filling the room. After a few more minutes, both of you came off your high, sweaty and exhausted.

Carefully, Ivar laid you on the couch and lay beside you. As you relaxed, he caressed the small of your back in circular motions. You were so exhausted, you didn’t say anything. Instead you just laid there, listening to his heartbeat.

As for Ivar, he wasn’t as calm as he looked. 

Despite his promise, his heart was broken. And truth be told, he was tempted to make you stay. But he had decided against it. Sure he could tear up your plane ticket or tie you up, but that wasn’t love.

He may have had his issues but Ivar was a reasonable person. If he truly cared about you, he knew he couldn’t keep you as his hostage any longer.

___________________________

The following morning, you woke to the sound of the prepaid phone’s alarm. 

After taking a warm shower and getting dressed, you busied yourself with last minute details. Making sure you had packed everything, you sat on your suitcase and struggled to close it.

It would have closed easily like before, however, Ivar had insisted that you keep the designer things he had bought. Once you finally managed to zip and padlock the suitcase, you stood and looked around.

“Ivar?” You said, entering the kitchen.

It was strange. 

When you got up to take your shower, he was still asleep on the couch. But now, you couldn't find him anywhere. After making yourself a cup of coffee, you finally spotted him in the backyard.

He was seated on a white bench, still wearing his sweatpants from the night before. The only other piece of clothing he had on was a multicolored brown sweater.

“Isn’t he cold?” You wondered. 

After putting on your hoodie, you grabbed the coffee and exited the backdoor. Making your way to where Ivar was sitting, you called out. However, he didn’t turn around.

When you finally reached his side, he didn’t even bother to look at you. Instead, he lit a cigarette and ran a hand over his head.

“I........I’m done packing.”

“That’s good.”

Ivar said nothing else before taking a drag. 

As he blew the smoke through his nostrils, his gaze remained over the distance. You didn’t know what to do. With the driver only five minutes away, you were getting frustrated.

You wanted to tell Ivar that he was being very rude, but you didn’t want to start a fight.

Besides, you kind of knew why he was being so cold. Perhaps you shouldn’t have told him that you couldn’t stay in touch. You didn’t intend for it to sound so mean but you didn’t want to lie to him.

You didn’t hate Ivar or anything. In fact, you had already forgiven him for kidnapping you. However, you knew that he would complicate your life. He was a gorgeous guy with loads of money. And despite his physiological problems, somehow, you felt that he would eventually find someone special.

But that person couldn’t be you. 

Besides, even if you did stay, people would probably think you were using him.

As you were about to tell him that you were sorry about how things were ending, your phone beeped. When you read the message, it was from the transport service. They car was in the driveway.

“It seems that that my ride is--------”

“Y/N, you better go before you miss your flight.”

Despite knowing this was the last time you would see each other, Ivar still refused to look at you. 

He just kept smoking as you tried to figure out what to say. Since you couldn’t think of anything, you bent down and kissed the top of his head. After running your fingers through his dark locks, you gave him one last kiss on the cheek.

“Goodbye Ivar. Take good care of yourself.”

__________________________

“Not to bother you, Miss.” The driver said, looking at you through the rear view mirror. “But there’s a box of Kleenex in the compartment to your right.”

You had left Ivar’s house about twenty minutes earlier, and the entire time you had done nothing but bawl your eyes out. Since the two of you parted on bad terms, you couldn’t help wondering what he was doing.

Was he still sitting in the backyard? Or was he throwing away anything that reminded him of you? 

“I need to stop thinking about him.” You thought, chastising yourself.

But no matter what you did, you couldn’t. 

Even trying to distract yourself with Netflix and music didn’t help. After a few minutes had passed, you looked at the driver.

“How long until we reach the airport?” 

“About an hour and fifteen minutes. Of course that all depends on the traffic.”

You sighed and settled into the leather seat. 

Taking some Kleenex from the compartment, you wiped your face. As you stared out the window, you tried to enjoy the scenery. It worked for a while, but it didn’t take long before your mind wandered to Ivar again.

You really regretted not taking his number. 

He tried to give it to you several times, however you kept saying ‘no’. You knew that if you saved it, you would be tempted to call him. Now, you really wish you had not been so stubborn.

Returning your attention back to the scenic countryside, you tried to focus on things back home. Soon you would be back in your own apartment and with your own friends. And hopefully, if things went well, you would even snag a new job. 

You had quit your old one prior to coming to Iceland. 

In fact, the entire trip was a “clear my head” vacation. Not that it had worked. Ironically, you were now more confused than ever. After another five minutes of fighting with your thoughts, you leaned forward again.

“Excuse me? I have a question.”

“Yes, Miss.”

“I know this may sound strange, but could you go back? To the house you picked me up from........I mean.”

“Pardon?”

Your heart was racing and your palms were sweating, but you managed to tell him that you didn’t want to go to the airport. With a nod, the driver exited the highway and rerouted his GPS.

As you relaxed in the seat again, everything in your head was telling you that you were being impulsive. You family and friends would call you crazy. And what about your so-called boyfriend? What would he say to everyone?

“Who cares!” You thought.

For once, you were making a decision that actually made you happy.  

And it was about time too. You had spent so much of your life being everything for everyone, that you didn’t even know who you were anymore. 

But no more. This time, you would put yourself first.

_________________________________

As soon as the car pulled into the driveway, you jumped out before it even came to a full stop. You gave the poor driver a scare, but he kept quiet as he put the gear in park.

Running up the steps, you rushed to the doorbell and pressed it several times. 

You had butterflies in your stomach. But despite the nerves about how Ivar was going to react, you couldn’t wait to see his face. You rang the doorbell some more but when he didn’t come to the door, you got worried.

Ivar should have answered already. 

After all, he had security cameras so he would have seen the car before you even got out. As you nervously paced, thinking he had gone somewhere, the front door suddenly swung open. 

Standing there, shirtless, was your sweet Ivar. When you noticed that his eyes were red from crying, your own welled with tears. Without waiting for you to say a word, he swept you into his arms. 

As you wrapped your legs around him, Ivar stared into your eyes as if in shock.

“I couldn’t leave.” You confessed as tears streamed down your cheeks. “I......I felt like I was dying.”

He didn’t say anything. Instead, Ivar  gave you soft peck, allowing his lips to linger against yours before looking at you again.

“So, you still want me?” You asked in a whisper.

“Y/N, I’m yours.” He said as a lone tear ran down his face.

“Always? ”

“Always, babe.”

___________________________

 THE END

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[ukeealyptus]

hey! i’ve been writing recaps since day one for the Crocker Corp arg, and figured i should start posting them to tumblr for people who aren’t in the discords! The recaps for the first ten days will be under the read more, and i will start posting daily recaps here :)

DAY ONE  The officalcrockercorp tumblr began sending out an invite to 16 people on tumblr for an all-expenses-paid tour of the CrockerCorp factory. The representative then opened up a q&a about the company. People began to ask more about the representative, who we learned to be an isolated being with glowing red, mottled brown and white skin whom She (crocker) refers to as "Heir", though if that means heir to the company or heir as in the class is unknown. Heir likes whistling, movies, swimming, the color red, bunnies, etc. It is heavily implied that Her and Heir are underwater somewhere. Heir almost certainly has a crocker tiara on and is under control of the batterwitch, as is seen by the frequent obey/consume text when certain questions that She does not approve are asked. Heir has no recollection of saying those obey/consume things. All 16 invitees have responded. There is a security breach where Heir is, and they left to take care of the threat. After saying there was a lot of noise and they had to leave, they dropped the first code- which led to a youtube video of an imgur image of the discord code. The tumblr has continued to post recipes, though there is no sign of Heir. Some people managed to friend and get in contact with a "representative"- while most of their messages only said "Currently all questioning is closed in relation to Crocker Corporation! We thank you for your patience. ". People who asked for jobs were denied for confidential reasons, but one person managed to get in touch with a representative for a short time before they disconnected for unknown reasons. DAY 2   People began to message Jane- the discord representative, and learn more about her situation. Jane had originally been texting normally, but after a "meeting", and a pfp change to include the condesce headband, she could only send standard copied messages. We learned that Jane and Heir were being held captive and controlled by Condy. Heir had been MIA on tumblr for a bit, and people were having coded conversations with Jane, as she could only say "obey consume submit" for quite a while- people resorted to a "once for yes twice for no" type of system. We've learned that Jane and John (who had been going by Heir on the tumblr) were in immediate danger, but that we could safely contact them through the email, and we needed the help of the 16 chosen to help them. Jane then sent some people the invite to the server that the 16 had created, and a few people joined to help them figure things out. The 16 had learned that Jane is currently in May 32nd (lol) 2040, and that the 16 are dead. This death can possibly be prevented, but they are not quite sure how yet. OG16 began to receive coded messages about their classpects- typically insulting each person individually and calling them weak. An encrypted youtube link went up (video 3), it was very difficult to decode, and then Heir went offline and the blog got rebranded to CrockerCorp Employee JE(edited)[11:29 AM]A lot more information has been gained through tumblr dms, discord "hacking", and emails. Using the representative codes that we had gained for JE (john), JH( jade), GT (jake,) and K (condy's wife), people have been talking a lot- im gonna split it up into sections for each app. tumblr dms: tumblr user sarcasmprodigy (one of the og16) had a long discussion with John. Firstly, we learned that DAVE STRIDER, ROSALINE LALONDE, DIEDERIK "DIRK" STRIDER, and ROXANNE LALONDE are essentially wanted by CrockerCorp. Dave for offensive movies, Rosaline for blacklisted literataure spreading anti-crocker propaganda, and Dirk and Roxanna for cybercrimes. After asking for more information about the "project", prod was told they needed a representative code to learn more. They sent K's code, which had been gotten through discord, and began to learn more. K (presumed to by condy's wife), has a higher ranking than John, so he was curious as to why K would ask about it. Prod used the persona of being concerned about the security breach, nd learned that john was only doing what condy told him to, and that nothing that requires a CrockerCorp ID would be told to the public. After questioning about breaches and such, John revealed that he had received an email from Rose Lalonde, the Younger one, containing Roxanne's IP address. John trusts her, as he cannot prove or disprove the IP address, and wishes K the best, and tells her to say hello to Her. emails: As people were standard emailing the representatives, some people decided to make new emails and essentially pretend to be characters- we called them "impersonators". There was a Rose, a Dave, a Dirk, and a Vriska, though most of this information will be from Rose. Rose- referred to as the Younger Rose- has gotten some interesting information regarding timelines. There are two Roses; Rosaline (alpha rose), who is writing anti-Crocker propaganda, and is in frequent contact with Dave Strider, creator of movies, and Rose the Younger (beta rose), who provided a fake IP for Roxanne, as CrockerCorp wants to hunt her down. Dirk- Dirk's emails got us in contact with GT (Jake) and just have some of the funniest things. They clearly believe that they have Dirk on lockdown since they have his sisters (Roxanne's) IP address, and tell Dirk to go meet with Condy, since he presumably has hacked the coordinates of her location. Dirk and Jake had some sassy back-and-forth, ending with the funniest thing of "use code PISSOFFDIRK at checkout for a IHAVEYOURIP% off discount on an order of DRONES$ or more!" so it seems that CrockerCorp is sending drones to the fake address that Rose had sent. lastly is "hacked" discord messages: a few users, mainly @Cosmic , "hacked" into the Crockercorp files using JH's (Jade's) rep code. After trying to access the EMPLOYEE ARCHIVES, which was deemed to be above Jade's privileges, strike two was added onto her identification. Cosmic found information on other codes- JE's code revealed CODE JOHN EGBERT STATUS: COMPLETED RATING: PERFECT INFORMATION: )(A)(A)(A NICE TRY LOSERS, GET BENT AN SUCK MY DIIIIIIIICK (thanks for that, condy.) and using a strange new code labelled TR found CODE TUMBLR STATUS: ONGOING/COMPLETED RATING: DECENT INFORMATION: START TUMBLR BLOG WITH JOHN PROMOTING CROCKER BRAND PRODUCTS. after trying to access "past inquiries", the third strike was added and Jade was summoned to speak with Condy. Fearing that our mistakes have essentially killed Jade, Cosmic emailed John, saying that they couldn't access the room if their card was locked. John frustratedly said, in red "I'll do what I need to do, now go see Her!! You're distracting me from the blog, and I'm only one person after all!" (poor john, please give him a break) As of now, one user is using K's code, since prod is done with it, to access the discord. Everyone has decided that it is best that only one or two people contact the discord/dms/email at a time, and that only one person is ever using a code at a time, since it could be dangerous if two different people try the same code at the same time. I believe that that should be all the crucial information, but that might be edited later if i got stuff wrong! (3/3)[11:30 AM]Additionally. The Meeting between Condy and Jade happens "Off-Camera" recap of the information I got accessing the database under K  Jade: alive, compromised, and unhostile, with two wash (brainwash) strikes. her projects were wiped with her. She has not worked on Sburb We need a code that we don't have yet to see information about the 16 and the "timeloop". jane is unknown (hostile or not), has 26 washes, and is uncompromised. Her id is 2-JC, implying that she is the second employee. I can't search up the first employee. dirk has committed a hilarious amount of crimes and is a stinky boy. he is alive and extremely hostile and once got arrested for "shits and giggles" roxy has committed several crimes including cyberbullying )(IC. dave strider 1 is half alive in a hospital- possibly related to second dave and dirk. crimes include being an asshole (+tall) and the sbahj movie. dave strider 2 is alive and stoic- crimes include calling )(IC a milf, lots of noise complaints on his record. brogarde strider is unknown except for the fact that he is possibly related to dirk and dave 2. most of his crimes inclue cyberbullying, and his very long arrest record mostly includes illegal possession of swords. rose lalonde 1 is alive and calm, at the location that Alice sent in her email. no crimes or arrests. rose lalonde 2 is alive and occasionally hostile, at presumably the same location as rose 1. offspring is unclear, crimes include anti-crocker propaganda, no arrests. ???? lalonde presumably Mom/ beta Roxy. no information. K: accessing her file led to a lot of blanks for name, status, bloodcolor, and projects. )(IC left a note that says ")(I SWEETIE <3" searching for K cause the system to shut down. there was a post on the tumblr that led to a code for another video showing footage of Roxy and Dirk that revealed the name of K- Kussinni. This name was used to finally log into the adfin account. Pat (as the adfin) made a few burner accounts that people can use. We got codes for MP, FP, EA, and DS, being the first few employees of the company. We did, well, adfin work, bumping up privileges for the adfin and guest accounts, creating burners for messages, etc. In classified documents, we learned that the 16 were set to beta test sburb in 2055. Brogarde is wanted ASAP so that he can be interrogated about strilondes. the timeloop file is largely redacted, but has to do with the 16 god tiering. We couldn't message )(IC, but we did get in touch with John for a few minutes before the system shut down. DAY 3  Jake is controlling the blog, though it is now shut down due to a massive security breach courtesy of Roxy and Dirk. Eridan has an account, and we used it to unblock Jade haha. People are talking to the person controlling the CC Discord! Their name is F which we knew from a code that we had gotten quite some time before)- we've been calling them Felix-  and they are a psionic!  They are an absolute 100% certified sweetie and we love them. They were taught emoticons, and even drew their own! They also invited dirk to talk with the 16. Dirk is currently just trying to get to Jake and de-crockertier him. After the security breach, Felix has not responded to anyone.

firstly, the tumblr led to a code to another video. The security breach was due to Dave 1 and Rosaline (both the older/alpha versions), who had infiltrated the Atlantic wing. 1000 drones were dispatched to deal with each of them. The video also showed felix- we now have confirmation that they are a goldblooded psiionic in control of the systems. felix/)(AI/Psiionic felix talked to us for a while! We learned that the breaches have mostly been sorted, Jade and Jane are both alive but in danger. jake is trying to work out Jades compromised identity. Felix told Dirk to piss his pants, and said "HE HE HE HE PISS BOY". Felix only knows the basics about the 16, such as their cl*sspects (which they needed to censor). Felix is not the only system, and the others are not friendly. Felix has only been "alive" for a few days, does not have a classpect, and got very upset when the deaths of the 16 were mentioned. Felix was made for the network to do everything, and vehemently refused to run a self diagnostic.  HAL/DIRK It seems that the Dirk we have been talking to was HAL all along. @ardentTheorist [AT] , dm'ing Dirk, was given a very fun challenge: to hack HAL. Hal had three files: Main, Backups, and Memes. Memes was password protected. Main led to a python file, captchas, perms, and art. when asked about unzipped programs, hal had the amazing line of "I have an unzip your pants program installed in me". not relevant, just very funny. Captchas led to something titled "Hmm.txt" Perms required an admin code. Artwork was simply dirk's canon art. Trying to get into the meme folder and guessing an incorrect password caused hal to shut down. Currently, the contents of the memes, permissions, and backups folders are unknown. Dirk, in response to a partially successful hack of his bot and frustrated about having to reboot Hal, claimed "Yeah, just rid a guy of his privacy. Can't have shit inside a bot folder." DAY 4  Felix: got a lot of new information from felix including ID's for a lot of characters. Kussinni is confirmed to be the Disciple, Sollux is Felix's repair guy who lets Felix get away with his art, and everybody is wearing tiaratops with the exception of )(IC and K. felix is inside of a moniter. Jade's files have merged with Jake's after her accident. Felix can access some cameras but has seen nothing unusual. Dirk was the last person who managed to access Jake's files before the passwords got changed. Only one account has the privilege to prevent people from getting locked out for guessing incorrect passwords. The led to a conversation between F and Dave 1 (David Strider). F, who is using the name Felix (he liked the name we gave him!!!) reached out to try to contact Dirk, but got David instead. David has a prosthetic arm signed by Dirk and Roxy. Felix happened to reach David because he is living with Dirk. Their house seems a bit crowded- it seems that David, Dirk, Roxy, Rosaline, Dave, and Rose the Younger are all living together. That leaves Bro, and ???? Lalonde with unknown locations. Dirk posted something that linked to a little conversation that linked to a discord user- David. People have been talking to him, and we have gotten some useful information amidst all of the memes. Firstly, David attempted to convince people that he was Roxy. This seems fitting for him, as identity theft was on his criminal record. David was probably the cause of the shutdown earlier, though it seems that he and Rosaline were able to get in and out of crockercorp relatively unscathed. This will lead to more security in the future, undoubtedly. It also is why we still have not heard from Felix in a while. David knows a bit about Sburb- he was very shocked to learn that he was talking to people who in time (2040) were dead. He knew about a couple of the 16s deaths, but not all. He did not know anything about the Timeloop (the file we could not access). he knows that Felix likes Dirk, which explains why Felix was trying to contact him earlier. Honestly, we got far more goofs than solid information. David hates being called old but will consent to being called Dadvid, just learned what a dilf is, and is 6'8 and buff. he hates cops. He's remained pretty tightlipped on everything, which is valid since he probably doesn't fully trust us yet. got a new video of dirk pranking david and making him piss his pants. DAY 5   The CC mainframe was rebooted. The person/ai running it is still using ID F, but it is no longer Felix. However, Dirk managed to get a backup of Felix before the system shut down and Felix is now inside of the glasses with Hal. Yes dirk ships Halix (get cucked, ardent). Felix no longer has a blacklist of information that shuts him down, but he also doesn't have access to the mainframe so he can only tell us what he remembers. When the system was rebooted, alice was sent an anonymous message written in binary saying "They found you". this message was sent two minutes before the reset from sector D, where sollux works. We have assumed that sollux has essentially been stalking us. alice responded with a discord tag in binary, so hopefully we will get in contact with Sollux soon. Felix used to have a physical body. The last thing that he remembers from it is being called from his sector by Sollux, who said that he had a "new task". Felix doesn't know Mituna, but believes Sollux might have said it. When sent an image of the Dolorosa, the Disciple, the Sufferer, and the Psiioniic, Felix said he recognized the horns of the Dolorosa and said that he had seen the Sufferer before, in a photo in Kussinni's office. He also has seen the Psiioniic, and Felix is not the Psiioniic. Felix saw him when he was walking to his new sector, and he was in a big room guarded by scary trolls. He was awake and when he looked at Felix the room lit up red and blue, and then sollux told Felix it was rude to stare. Currently, we're waiting with hopes of getting in contact with Sollux. We've gotten a message from sollux and he yelled at us. i'm hoping to get his discord so we can talk to him DAY 6 We got in contact with Sollux. we've put him in a lot of trouble and danger and we need to stop trying to brute force our way into the system, and we've prolly gotten most of the info we can out of it anyway. The only way we should try to get into the system is if we absolutely know the password and preferably run it by sollux first. John is alive. GT says he's doing "mighty fine and dandy" but, well, i dunno how realistic that is. Felix saw him a bit before he was reset and said that he looked sad, but okay. jake was standing in the doorway with him. DAY 7 Dirk has specific orders not to talk about the other striders, though from whom is unclear. A security recap shows that Sollux was sent to check up on Aradia, who is a very important and heavily gaurded project- Artificial Godtiers (implying she godtiered without playing sburb, possibly). She is in her dead god tier. When a mechanical voice said to run the task Timeloop, she floated off of the ground and the room was encased in red light. Sollux has not been heard from. We got the password to Aradia's account and finally accessed the timeloop file. It appears that if anything happens to the 16 before the godtier, the timeloop will run and reset everything. The CC needs all of the 16 to godtier so that they can exploit their powers. The creation date of Aradia's account is redacted, and she cannot access any other files. Sollux is alive, with no wash strikes. Dirk has gone MIA. He's infiltrating CC to rescue Jake. This is risky, and he didn't even tell David about it, just sent a few messages to certain people and left. I expect that he will shut down the system to get in, and hopefully I will get a ping when that happens. Dirk went to rescue Jake, leaving Felix and Hal behind. Hal, Felix, and David will all help us rescue Dirk, though they're unsure as to how. DAY 8  There's a new representative on the CC tumblr: PH. As there is no PH in homestuck but there is a Prince of Heart, it seems that Dirk's mission was. . .  unsuccessful. However, Hal is willing to work with us to save him. We've sent the Trojan file to the network, which will hopefully give us access to the cams. We can, theoretically, back up Hal and upload him into the CC Network; the opposite of what Dirk did to Felix. Hopefully Roxy will help us out. We aim to hack into a tiaratop. Roxy is going to back up Hal and then Ardent will upload him into the CC network. However, we should refrain from uploading anything to the network until we have Sollux's support. When we tried to upload the trojan file yesterday, sollux had to immediately kick everybody off of the system and implement a new password and he is not happy about it. however, that did get him to talk to us. he said that he saw dirk when he had to issue an ID for him, and that he looked extremely happy, though that isn't uncommon for new interns. His eyes were orange. I asked Dirk on the tumblr and he says that his left eye is red. Jake also has one red eye. This could mean that he is only half under control, and that we have a time limit for getting him back. Since Dirk and Jake are halfway there, it seems like its our turn to get them the rest of the way out. I will hopefully get a message from both Finn and Sollux when they are willing to talk, and I can get them to help us out. Our plan failed. But we got close. First and foremost: Finn helped. just a little; letting hal bypass a password, but it's absolutely something. I'll keep talking to him to see where we can get. When we tried to shut down Dirk's tiaratop, sollux yelled at us and deleted the files. sollux, while a cranky little bitchass coward who would rather block someone and pretend that his problems don't exist than actually do something (i promise im only still a little bit upset ;-; ). I tried to see if I could convince him to help, but he updated the security to ensure that we stayed out. I tried to tell him that we wanted to help Aradia, too, but he blocked me at the first mention of her name. (my bad) According to Roxy, Rosaline, Rose, and Dave all left the house to go somewhere. We got a new video that told us nothing we didn't know: it showed Dirk how Sollux described him; one eye red one eye orange, smiling broadly. His tiaratop is in the shape of the Prince crown. DAY 9 was widely uneventful- no answer from Sollux, David taking everything pretty hard, Finn is my best friend :). DAY 10 

 Dirk is a full employee. He's been artificially godtier'ed. It looks like hes similar to aradia- dead eyes. he is most likely being held with aradia. This might seem bad, but we can still save him. Sollux has a connection with Aradia and the AGT thing- this can work if we can get his help. The plan right now is, well, to come up with a plan. I'll talk to finn when he is offline and see if we can get confirmation about a lotta things and mainly see if he can contact Sollux for us. We'll continue to try to get in contact with Sollux. We'll work through this with the Strilondes and hopefully stay optimistic.

Sollux is willing to continue to talk to us!!! After a bunch of arguing, bantering, and death-threatening, he seems to have warmed up to us (he even friended me again!!! :3c). He just needed to be shown a little more kindness :). Amidst all the threats and cruelty, we seem to have learned a few things. CC can "bend time" and "redo anything", probably due to Aradia's powers. They could theoretically reset the timeline to before any of this, but that seems to be an empty threat for now. He can see all of the messages we send, even in hidden channels (we are Not going to witch hunt for a "mole" please and thank you) due to Hot Crocker Corp Tech. Sollux accepts how terrible his position at CC is, though this acceptance is mostly like the influence of the tiara. The tiaras seem to be influncing the emotions of the workers, numbing everything outside of their work. Sollux claimed that he was incapable of caring or remembering feeling happy or proud of, well, anything. He may say this, though it is still apparent that he cares deeply about Aradia. He talks about how pretty she is in her beautiful god tier outfit, and after some persuasion he even says that his favorite color is rust red <3. Unfortunately, the window that Sollux checks up on her through in only one-way, so she never sees or talks to him. This is what he meant when he said that he doesn't think his friends can see him.[5:31 PM]The superiors of CC are spreading propoganda to the workers about people dying when they tried to leave; it seems that they use fear tactics until their workers are completely numbed and controlled by the tiaras. There is no confirmation of these ideas being true or not. Sollux is still adamant about the fact that he is replacable; he uses this to frequently show his respect for Prod; another smart gemini. He mentioned something very curious- he said that the god tier powers of people outside of the 16 do not have to go unused. He told daven't to keep in contact with david for this purpose. As for the others: Hal and Felix seem to be fine, trying to take their minds off of what is currently happening and just enjoy watching some shows together. Both David and Roxy are getting hit pretty hard with everything, but will hopefully be okay. The system is currently shut down because pat mentioned heatbleeding to it. Sollux completely shut down the system at the first mention of it, so I don't think it'll work in the future. I'll hopefully get a ping when it goes back up, though I wasn't able to ask Finn for that before he shut down because it was so unexpected. Finn is very sweet and he's becoming more receptive to me talking to him (he uses exclamation points now instead of just periods!!!) so hopefully when the system goes back online i can talk to him more and he'll be willing to help us when we need it :) Now, this is kinda unrelated, but we should probably be careful about screenshotting most private dm's. Essentially, just don't let them know that you screenshotted it. We still need to make sure that everybody knows what is happening. The plan moving forward is to continue to talk, form allies, and get a solid plan :) . And that's all caught up! I will be posting recaps here at the end of each day from now on :)

[demigodsanswer]

Once Upon a Pointe - Chapter 3

Story Summery:

“Annabeth, you’re with Percy,’ Chiron said. Annabeth. She looked like the figurine in a little girl’s music box had come to life to dance in City Ballet. Percy felt like every opportunity to dance with her was a privilege. Just don’t forget the choreography, Percy thought as he got into the right starting spot for the wedding pas de deux. Don’t forget the choreography, and don’t drop her.”

Percy, a soloist with the ballet company, and he is offered one chance to dance with Annabeth, one of their star principals. If he nails the choreography, he might just earn a chance to dance with her. And, if he’s really lucky, he might get a date out of it as well.

Chapter Title: Make it Blue 

Read on AO3

Start from the beginning

When Percy stepped into his favorite coffee shop before rehearsal, he spotted a familiar shade of blonde hair ordering in front of him. Even with her hair down under a winter hat he was sure it was her (her black dance bag with AEC monogramed on the side also helped him identify her). He stepped up to the counter to stand next to her, as he handed the barista his card.

“Hers is on me,” he said, before adding his own coffee order on.

“Oh no –“ she tried to protest, her cheeks pink from the cold weather.

“I insist,” Percy said, nodding to the cashier to run his card.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Annabeth said as they grabbed their coffees to head towards the studio.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “Besides, what kind of Prince Charming would I be if I didn’t buy you coffee?”  

Annabeth laughed and sipped her drink. “I’ve never met a dancer so dedicated to method acting,”

To prove his point, Percy jogged up the stairs to the door of the studio and pulled it open for her before she could make it halfway up the stair. “After you, ma’am,” he said, going into a dramatic deep bow.

“Thank you, sir,” she said, curtseying just a little as the walked in.

~*~*~*~

Percy’s finger hovered over the ‘send’ button, trying to decide if sending Annabeth a YouTube video on why the Barbie Sawn Lake movie is the best movie of all time was a good idea. He didn’t even know if she had liked the Barbie movies as a kid.

If he had to guess, she was either the girl who had them all in a pristine Dream House, or the kid who cut their hair and drew on their faces. Either way, though, the video could work. And it wasn’t like he wanted to talk to her about Barbie, he just wanted to talk to her outside of the studio.

He had no idea where he stood with her. He was pretty sure they were becoming friends, or at least work friends. But their work required them to touch all the time, look lovingly into each other’s eyes, and kiss, which really blurred the lines between work-friend, just a friend, and friends who are flirting.

He had been following Beckendorf’s advice and not actively perusing anything with her. Buying her coffee had been a friendly one-time gesture and sending her a funny YouTube video was the kind of harmless thing that friends would do.

And they were friends, at least work friends. She smiled easily around him and laughed at his dumb jokes. She certainly did more than tolerate him. Annabeth didn’t strike him as the kind of woman who would fake being nice to someone she didn’t like; in fact, he had anecdotal proof that she wasn’t like that.

Still, they had never texted each other before, other than to confirm a rehearsal or check choreography.  

His resolve crumbled, and he deleted the text.

~*~*~*~

Percy was sore all over. He’d stopped being about to feel his legs somewhere around hour six, but they were coming to the end of hour eight now.

It was a good kind of sore. A kind of sore he only felt after a good, intense day of dancing. It was still the kind of sore that made him want to go home and take an ice bath and fall asleep listening to anything other than classical music. But a good sore.

When the music ended, he and Annabeth parted, both breathing heavily.

“Great job you guys,” Chiron said. Annabeth smiled wide at Percy. “Go home and get some rest. We still have some work to do before we move to dress rehearsals,”

Dress rehearsals. They moved to the theater in a week, which meant the show went up in two weeks. Percy’s heart began to race as he realized how little time there was left to go.

Before Percy got the chance to tell Annabeth how great she had done that day, Piper ran up between the two of them, throwing one arm over either of their shoulders.

“You guys looked so good up there!” She said. “Have you gotten to try on your costumes yet? Because I tried mine on yesterday and it is gawdy, and borderline camp, and everything I’d want in a fairy,"

Annabeth snuck her way out from under Piper’s arm. “I tried on my act one costume yesterday. It’s the big pink tutu with roses on it. I look like a storybook ballerina,”

As opposed to all the other days, Percy thought, when you’re just a regular beautiful woman in a tutu.

~*~*~*~

Percy took the risk of looking creepy as hell and waited for Annabeth to change before heading home. It had gotten dark hours ago, and he didn’t want her to walk to the subway alone if she didn’t have to.

“Hey,” she said when she saw him waiting, “what’s up?”

“It’s, uh, pretty dark out, and I wanted to see if you’d like me to walk you to the subway?” His face felt hot.

Annabeth just smiled and nodded. “Sure. I take the 1 train,”

“No shit, so do I,” Percy said as they walked out the door and into the cold New York City street. That was kind of a dumb thing to say, he realized. The closest subway station only ran the 1 and the 2. It wasn’t completely surprising that she’d take that train. But maybe she found absolute idiocy charming. He could hope so, at least. “Uptown or downtown?”

“Way down,” Annabeth said. “West fourth. You?”

He shrugged and smiled, “Uptown, west one-hundred and fourth,” he said. “How’d you end up so far downtown?”

Annabeth shrugged. “I liked the area, and … well Luke really wanted to get out of midtown,” she smiled. “I hope Portland is far enough for him,” she said that softly, like she was pretending that Percy wasn’t supposed to hear her.  

“So, you’re there alone now?” He hoped that didn’t sound creepy.

“Yup. It’s actually been pretty nice,” she paused before adding, “besides if I get lonely, I can just put on a podcast and pretend there are other people around,”

Percy began to smile as an idea formed in his head. “Well, if you want someone to hang out with or if you want a nice home cooked meal, you can come over to my place on Sunday. My mom and I are excellent chefs.” He bragged humbly, hoping she’d agree to the invite.  

“You live with you mom?” Annabeth asked.

Percy blushed, “Yeah, but not in like a weird Greek tragedy way or a sad way,” he clarified. “My mom and stepdad way undercharge for rent, and they are saving the rent money I give them to help save for my little sister’s college, and since my mom is one hell of a cook, … it works out for everyone,” Percy said a little too quickly. “Plus, my mom makes the best chocolate chip cookies in the entire world, so you need to come just for those.”

“I don’t think you want me eating too many cookies before we have to do all of these lifts,” she said.

“Don’t worry,” Percy promised, “all the food my mom makes has no calories.”

Annabeth laughed as they made their way down the subway stairs. “Well, how could I pass up a good meal with no calories?” She turned to face him. “That would be great though. I can’t cook for shit. Well, I mean, I could cook if I wanted to, I’m not an idiot. I just hate doing it.”

Percy’s heart did little flips in his chest as they pushed through the turnstiles, about to go in opposite directions. Annabeth was coming over for dinner, and he felt like he was walking on air.

Percy was hoping for a slow goodbye where he promised to text her, and then wished her goodnight. But as soon as they were through the gate, the downtown 1 train pulled in.

“Shit!” Annabeth yelled, taking off towards the stairs. “See you tomorrow!” she yelled, already out of sight.

See you tomorrow, Percy though, smiling, as he made his way down the stairs to the uptown side.

~*~*~*~

“So for your date tonight –“ his mom started.

“It’s not a date,” Percy protested. “It’s just Annabeth.”

“She’s coming all the way from downtown to meet you.”

“Well, yeah.”

“She’s staying for dinner.”

“Yeah.”

“You two are dancing together.”

“Mom!”

She held up her hands in surrender, before she asked him to pass him some spices.

“Seriously, though,” he said, “it’s not a date. If I had asked her out, our first date wouldn’t be in our apartment with you, Paul, and Stella around.” He stood at the counter, his back to her as he chopped the vegetables. “Besides, I don’t think she wants to be dating.”

“Well, I’ll still try not to embarrass you just in case,” she said.

“You know, it’d be great if you tried not to embarrass me at all ever,” he said.

She walked over and ruffled his hair. “I gave birth to you; I can embarrass you when and how I want. That’s the arrangement.”

“To be clear,” Percy said, “I did not ask to be born.”

~*~*~*~

Annabeth arrived about half an hour before dinner was ready. Percy buzzed her into the building, and then opened the door to his apartment for her.

“Hi,” she said, looking a little frazzled from the cold. She handed him a bottle of wine in a paper bag. “I brought a bottle of wine,” she said quickly, “because I didn’t know what else to bring, but, I don’t know about you, I don’t drink this close to shows, so I’m sorry if this is totally useless.”

Percy smiled at her nervousness and let her inside. “It’s fine. My parents will enjoy it, or we can save it until after the run of the show.” That seemed to relax her a bit. She slipped off her jacket and hat, which Percy quickly took from her, hanging them on the hook near the door. She was wearing a simple cream-colored sweater and a pair of jeans with her long blonde hair down around her shoulders. It was a simple look, but Percy so rarely saw her in street clothes or with her hair down that he almost forgot why she was in his apartment at all.

“Let me introduce you,” he said, ushering her into the kitchen and living room.

After introductions, which were thankfully free of embarrassment for Percy, the two sat on the couch. Annabeth fiddled with her hands and started straight forward. Percy had seen her dance in front of a crowd of thousands, balanced on two toes, without a single sign of nerves or anxiety, but something about Percy’s small family had made her uneasy.

“Are you okay?” Percy asked.

Annabeth nodded a little too quickly. “I just haven’t met new people or had dinner at someone’s house in, like, a year. And other people’s parents tend not to like me.”

“Don’t worry, I think my mom will like you just fine.” Annabeth sighed and shook her head, not saying anything. “Hey,” Percy took her hands, steadying them, “there’s nothing to worry about,” he assured her. “My mom is probably going to ask you polite questions about where you trained before New York and how you like the company, and all of that. My sister will probably ask you ask the costumes and the hair and the shoes. And my stepdad will probably make a bad pun and pretend to know what any of us are talking about.”

Annabeth smiled and nodded as her shoulders relaxed. Percy pulled his hands away when he realized he was still holding hers, trying not to blush.

~*~*~*~

They shared small talk, talking about company drama and recalling old stories, until Sally called them into the kitchen for dinner.

“Thank you, again, for having me,” Annabeth said as they sat down.

“It’s my pleasure, dear,” Sally told her. “Please, enjoy,” she said, handing her a bowl of food to scoop from.

“So,” Sally started once they were all served, “Annabeth, where are you from?”

Annabeth cleared her throat. “Well, my whole family is from Boston, but I grew up in Virginia, until I moved to New York for the ballet school when I was fourteen. I’ve lived here ever since.”

“And they took you into the company very early, didn’t they?” Sally asked.

Annabeth nodded. “I was sixteen. It was grueling,” she said. “I’m glad that dancers are being taken in later that I was, because it was hard. I still don’t think I was prepared for it, and I have no idea how I got through it.”

“What’s the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you on stage?” Estelle asked. Sally frowned at her, but Annabeth laughed.

“I was dropped once.” Estelle’s eyes went wide, and Sally gasped. Percy laughed, remembering the story she was about to tell.

“When I was twenty,” Annabeth said, “I was Juliet in Romeo and Juliet, and there is a scene at the end where Juliet has taken potion to make it look like she’s dead.” Annabeth explained to Estelle, who was looking at her with an extreme intensity. “And Romeo comes on stage, and he sees me laying on this tombstone, which was just this wooden slab on a platform three steps up. And Romeo has to pick up Juliet’s lifeless body and carry her down the stairs and do a pas de deux. But, of course, I’m dead, so I can’t help the guy. So, he’s just swinging me around like deadweight.” Percy and Paul laughed at this, but Sally kept on looking horrified. Percy wasn’t sure if his mom was still hung up on the fact that Annabeth had been dropped, or if she was uncomfortable with the choreography being described. Estelle, though, just looked fascinated with the story.

“One night, Charles Beckendorf, who’s one of the best partners in the business, is my Romeo, and climbs up the stairs, picks me up, and then, all the sudden, I am falling down the stairs.” Percy heard his mom whisper “oh my god,” as Annabeth continued. “And I have no idea what happened, because I’m dead, so my eyes are closed. Turns out, he had slipped at the top of the stairs, and we had both fallen down onto the stage. Thankfully, neither of us were hurt, but the orchestra was still going, so we had to keep dancing. But I’m still dead. So, he had to lift me, dead weight, off the stage and finish the dance.

“The worst part was that, at that point in the ballet, Romeo and Juliet don’t leave the stage until the show is over. So, for the next twenty minutes, we are both panicking thinking we’re going to get pulled from the ballet for the rest of the run or that we’re going to be fired.

“Curtain falls, ballet is over, we meet Chiron backstage who just nodded and said, ‘I liked it, leave it in.’” Percy laughed at Annabeth’s Chiron impression – a stiff nod, a frown, and a gruff voice offering compliments when you expected nothing but critique.

“Apparently,” Annabeth continued, “from the audience, it had looked planned, as if Romeo was so overcome with grief, he just couldn’t stay standing. Of course, one of the ballet mistresses heard about Chiron’s plan and told him it was too dangerous for me to be dropped down the stairs every night, so we never did end up doing it again.”

“Well,” Paul said, “hopefully Percy won’t drop you like that.”

“No,” Percy said, “this ballet is thankfully free of carrying her down stairs. Although,” he looked at Annabeth, “you are in a death-like sleep again.”  

Annabeth smiled. “As long as I never have to be a snowflake again, I’ll take all of the only-mostly-dead roles.”

~*~*~*~

Annabeth opened up after that, charming Sally and Estelle with her dance stories and compliments about Percy’s skills as a partner (which Percy didn’t mind either.) She tried to help Sally clear the table, but Sally refused to let her help, insisting that she and Percy relax in the living room. After a few minutes, she brought in a tray of blue cookies for them.

Annabeth’s eyes went wide when she saw them; she picked a big one off the top and held it in front of her face. “Blue?” she asked.

“It’s an inside joke between my mom and me,” Percy said, picking up a cookie of his own.

Annabeth eyes went wide and she smiled, “Oh! That’s why everything you own is blue!” She said, like she had solved some grand mystery. “Your bag, your foam roller, your water bottle.” Percy smiled and nodded, confirming her conclusions. “And see, I just thought you were super into that ‘blue for boys, pink for girls’ thing.”

Percy laughed, breaking off a piece of his cookie. “No, I think that’s kind of bogus.”

Before Annabeth could respond, Sally poked her head in. “We’re going to be in our room, but it was so nice to meet you Annabeth. Please, feel free to stay as long as you’d like. And take some of the cookies home with you!”

Annabeth waved them goodnight. “Goodnight and thank you again for having me. I really appreciate it.”

“Anytime, honey,” Sally said, disappearing around the corner.

“See,” Percy said, “I told you they’d like you.”

Annabeth smiled. “Yeah, must just be my family that doesn’t like me, then.”

She said that nonchalantly like it was a joke, but it caught Percy off guard. “You’re not close with your family?” He asked her.

She shrugged. “No, not really.”

“That must have been hard,” Percy said.

She nodded. “I mean, I should be grateful for them,” she added. “They’ve supported me my entire career and paid for everything, you know? But mostly I think they were glad I found ballet. It kept me out of the house most of the time.” Annabeth laughed sadly as she nibbled on her cookie. “It was funny. There was this one time, right when I was about to turn seventeen and find out if I got my company contract, and I got a text from my step-mom that just said: ‘Your dad got a new job in San Francisco. We’re moving in a week.” She forced a laugh again, but when she saw that Percy didn’t find that funny, she let her guard down. “They’d all known for months, but none of them thought to tell me.” She finished in a voice much sadder than the one she had started with.

Percy rested a hand on her knee, which she took willingly. “I’m so sorry, that’s awful. Can I ask why they didn’t –”

She cut him off. “My mom left me and my dad in the middle of the night when I was a few weeks old, and we never heard from her again. I guess things were fine with just me and my dad for the first few years, but he got remarried when I was three. They started their ‘real’ family, and I was just wrench in the machine.” She shrugged. “But anyway,” she said, forcing herself to perk up, “it all worked out. I mean, I got this amazing dance career and an absolutely awful taste in men,” she joked, “and you didn’t invite me here just to talk about my problems. Tell me about you. We’ve been dancing together for years, and I feel like I barely know you.”

“Can I give you a hug?” Percy asked her.

She was taken aback. “What?”

“Can I give you a hug? You just seem kind of sad.”

Annabeth dropped her plucky attitude and nodded, opening her arms to him. He held her tightly, rubbing her back gently to let her know that he was there.

When she pulled away, there were some tears on her cheeks that she quickly blotted off with a napkin. “Jesus, look at me, I’m so sorry.”

“You’re fine,” Percy assured her. “And, seriously, if you ever need to talk, I’m here. I would really like to be your friend.”

She smiled at him. “Thank you, that really means a lot to me.”

They fell into a comfortable silence for a few moments, before Annabeth said: “But, really, tell me about yourself. How did you get started in ballet?”

“Kind of like you did, I guess. I needed something to do after school to get me out of the house and away from my stepdad,” he said. “Not Paul,” he added, “the guy my mom was married to before him.” He ran his hand through his hair and relaxed back on the couch. “I didn’t start dancing until I was ten,” he told her.

Her eyes went wide. “Really?”

He nodded. “I started at the Y, really basic classes because I needed something to do.” He didn’t tell her it was because he’d gotten kicked off the rec basketball team for punching a kid who’d made fun of Tyson, Percy friend and teammate, for having down syndrome. Percy’s reasons for decking the kid didn’t matter to his coach, though, who’d just hung his head, exhausted constantly by Percy’s troublemaking. “Just go home, Percy,” his coach had told him. “Just go home.” When he’d gotten kicked off the team, he had known he’d have to find something else to do after school as soon as he could. He couldn’t stand the idea of spending hours alone with Gabe before his mom got home from the candy shop.

“Why’d you pick dance?” She asked.

“I wanted to play basketball,” he said, “but the season had already started. The only thing I could still sign up for was ballet.” Percy smiled. “It was funny, the week I had my first class was the week before my mom got paid, so I didn’t have ballet shoes yet. I tried to do the barre in my socks, but the instructor saw, and she came back with these girls ballet slippers. They were extras they had. They were too big and for girls, but they were better than nothing. I ended up wearing them for four months. My mom had to sew the canvas where my big toe had popped through.” Annabeth smiled at the detail, but Percy figured she’d never had to wear second-hand shoes.

“Why’d you stick with it?” She asked.

Percy took a deep breath and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “It was a control thing, I think,” he said. “I …” he hesitated, but he decided to be honest with her, the way she had been with him. “I was a troubled kid. I have ADHD and dyslexia, so my grades were bad. I got into fights, my stepdad …” he decided to leave those details out. “Well, he’s not around anymore and that’s for the best.” Annabeth nodded, looking at him even as he kept his gaze forward.

“I understand that,” she mused as he continued.

“But when I got to ballet … well, it was this quiet room with piano music, and no one was talking to each other. We all just plie’d in peace, and it was just so nice,” he smiled, “and I felt in control there. I realized that if I put a lot into ballet, I’d get a lot out of it. So, I started to practice every night, and after six months, my teacher told my mom that I had to be in a better program if I wanted to be a better dancer, because she really believed that I could go the distance.”

He paused, smiling at the memory, but his eyes felt a little misty. He took a sip of water to avoid crying in front of her. “It was the first time a teacher had really believed in me,” he said. “She helped me find a school and scholarship money, and … that was all she wrote. I started dancing pretty much every day until I got into the academy at fifteen.” He smiled and looked back at her.

She was listening to him intently and had leaned closer to him. When he sat up straight, she had to readjust so that their bodies didn’t collide. He smiled when he saw that she was still listening to him. “You know, the year I started at the school was the year you got into the company?”

She didn’t answer his question. Instead, she placed her hands on his, the same way he had for her earlier. “You must have worked really hard.” She said.

Percy nodded. “So many people in the school and the company had done all of these summer intensives and had been in youth companies and all of that. And there I was, this ragamuffin kid who got his start as a pre-teen at the YMCA,”

Annabeth smiled uncomfortably. “I was in a youth company,”

Percy forced himself to laugh and assure her that he didn’t hate people who had been in youth companies or had been dancing since they were very young. He knew it wasn’t her fault that she had gotten lucky, he just always hated that sense of what-if: what if he had more money growing up? What if he had gotten started earlier? How much further in his career could he be if he had half the opportunities Annabeth had?  

“Besides, you haven’t had it easy either,” he said.

She nodded. “I actually spent the last few months back in Virginia at the youth company. I did some choreography, led some classes, and kept up with my own training. It was nice to get out of the city for a while.”

“I bet,” he said. He wanted to ask her what happened, but he figured she would have already told him, so he dodged it. “I’m lucky, my get-away is a lot closer than yours.”

“Oh yeah? Where do you escape to?”

“Montauk beach, out on Long Island.” He pointed vaguely towards the east.

“You know, I’ve lived in New York for twelve years, and I’ve never been to Long Island.”

Percy’s eyes went wide. “What do you do in the summer? Suffer here? Or do you jet off to Disney World or Hawaii?”

She bumped her shoulder into his. “Please, I don’t have that much money.” She said. “I go …” She paused, and the put her hand over her mouth to stifle a laugh. “Oh my god, I don’t even want to tell you. I feel like you’ll stop being my friend forever.”

Percy smiled when she called him her friend. “Nothing you could say could change that. Come on, just tell me.”

She took a deep breath. “I go to Jersey,” she admitted.

Percy groaned and leaned back against the couch. “Oh my god!”

“It’s nice! They have nice beaches, good pizza –“

“Get out of my apartment!” Percy said while laughing and pointing at the door. Annabeth grabbed his hand and pulled it out of its pointing pose.

“It’s nice, I promise!”

“Please!” Percy said. “Long Island might not be the Bahamas, but it’s better than Jersey.”

“Have you ever been to New Jersey?” She asked.

“No,” he admitted, “but that’s by design.”

“Don’t knock it till you try it,” she said.

“Alright, tell you what,” Percy said. “This summer, I’ll take you to Long Island and you can take me to Jersey,” he couldn’t believe what he was saying, “and we’ll decide which was better.”

Annabeth held out her hand. Percy took it and they shook on it. “Deal.” She said.

~*~*~*~

They stayed up talking and enjoying a few too many cookies but not worrying about it, for two more hours. When Annabeth caught a flash of the time: 10:15p.m. She gasped.

“I had no idea how late it was getting,” she said, standing up. “I should head home and let you get some rest.”

“Do you want me to come with you on the subway?” Percy offered. “It’s getting late and you’ve got a long train ride.”

Annabeth shook her head. “No, thank you though, that’s sweet. I’ll just call an Uber,” she said, taking out her phone.

Percy nodded, picking up the tray of cookies. “Sounds good. I’m sending you home with at least half of these, though, or else my mom will kill me.”

Annabeth smiled. “If I don’t fit into my costume, I’m telling Silena that it’s your fault.”

Percy placed a few cookies in a zip-lock bag and handed it to her. “They have no calories remember,” he said.

She zipped up her coat and forced her hat onto her head. Before she could say goodbye, Percy slipped on his jacket and shoes. “Let me walk you out,” he said.

~*~*~*~

They stood on the curb waiting for her car as snow started to fall. Percy looked up at the sky and smiled, watching the flurries fall in the light of the streetlamps.

“Thank you, again, Percy, for such a great night,” she said.

“Anytime, seriously. My door is always open.” He was suddenly very aware of how close they were standing and how beautiful he thought she was. There were times where he thought his crush on her was maybe just the result of admiration for her dancing. He thought that, maybe if he got to know her, he wouldn’t like her as much outside of the studio. Tonight had disproven that theory.

Her Uber pulled up. “Annabeth?” the driver asked. Annabeth double checked the license plate number before confirming. She turned back to Percy to say a final goodbye.

That would have been the perfect moment to kiss her, as she stood under the snow, looking up at him, the yellow light of the streetlamp bouncing off her blonde hair. Sure, they had kissed before, but rehearsal kisses were different. They didn’t count. This would be an “I like you” kiss, a “let me take you out to dinner” kiss, it could be a wonderful, earth-shattering, life changing kiss.

But that kiss would ruin everything. Instead, he tried to memorize the way her eyes looked, and the way snow stuck to her eyelashes, and the way she waved goodbye to him from the window of her Uber.  

[imthederpyfox]

Rant About YouTube Copyright.

by imthederpyfox, Moments ago

Journals / Personal

I know nobody's here anymore, hi, nobody~

But I need to take a minute to rant about YouTube's copyright system for a moment.

I know it's come a long way in the past few years, content creators never used to be able to defend their work with copyright under YouTube guidelines, and it's great that they now can. However, there is also the problem that as content creators can fairly and justly claim others videos that include misused content off their own, creators will also claim videos just because they don't like them. AKA 'foodybeauty' and 'Amber-Lynn Reid', to name a few...

Along with this, we also have major companies who think they should copyright any video posted about one of their shows or films or games, or anything really.

Now I know, full re-uploads of these things are against copyright law, well done YouTube, would you like a gold star? Well, guess what, you don't get one. Because not only can they claim these full videos, they have also been going on binges, where as soon as ANY kind of content related to their products comes out, it becomes copyrighted before the content creator can even so much as blink or press save.

I'm talking about videos where you can barely see what the creator's watching, i.e - an UNLISTED video I just posted of a review/reaction to a Netflix show called Haunted.

Now, I have posted another reaction for Riverdale, and spent months trying to figure out the best action to take. Bare in mind, these videos are 'unedited' for my patrons, and the links are only available to my patrons. But guess what? I HAVE NO PATRONS! First of all, HOW do these big companies find an unlisted video? Are they my patrons? I mean that'd be nice, but no. They Aren't.

Second of all, why the fuck would you block an UNLISTED video, when so many people upload full copyrighted re-uploads of films and TV with no issue?

Third of all, how did you even know my video contained any of your program when it's not even named after the show AT ALL because I KNOW you'll copyright it immediately if the title has so much of a WHISPER of the show included.

Now, I will admit, I understand why my first video got copyright claimed - despite being unlisted, which I'm still annoyed about - because most of the screen was taken up by the episode of Riverdale, rather than my reaction. I get it, fine. So, I edit it, I make myself the main focus - ew, I know - and I lower the opacity of the original video, and I cut out any songs that go on for too long, and I make sure that 1/4 of the video isn't even FUCKING VISIBLE!

Safe to say, this is not a re-upload of the original content. This is an upload of a reaction to said content. My reaction, in which I am constantly talking throughout, constantly cutting in, constantly ruining this series for everyone that decides to give me money to watch, what a good YouTuber I am indeed.

So, because I couldn't let sleeping dogs lie when I earned my SECOND COPYRIGHT CLAIM ON THIS UNLISTED PATREON VIDEO! I decided to look more into the company trying to claim it. Was it Netflix? Nope. Was it a TV company? Well, sort of? A french company that distributes TV shows, or so it claims. See what I did there? Good right? No, ok, moving on. So upon my research I happened to come across multiple videos, saying that the company was a scam, that they were fake and shouldn't even be copyrighting things.

SO, what did I do? Well, just to make sure I checked which part of my video was still listed under their 'copyrighted content' thing, because if you check it'll tell you time stamps and give you the option to trim. So, there was about 5-6 minutes of my video that for some reason was still being claimed as copyrighted, so I went in, and edited little bits out, where there was no dialogue, no important things, and then I saved it, and waited for it to process, and then I went into that copyright claims and I said, ya know what? I'm not taking this shit, I worked hard for this video, I made sure to do everything I needed to do, and since these videos fall under fair use due to the cutting and editing and the fact you can't SEE 1/4 OF THE VIDEO, I sent a dispute.

Now I have to admit, I was nervous. If the company that copyright claimed my video didn't like the fact that I'd done that, they could CHOOSE TO COPYRIGHT STRIKE ME. Like, no review from YouTube, nothing like that. If this company didn't like that a tiny channel with only 57 subscribers put in a dispute against them, they might get pissed. They might not like the fact that someone's done that, and they might turn around and say to YouTube, FUCK this channel, bye bye, bitch.

So I was worried to say the least, but I have never been one to back away from bullying, and in this case, I class it as bullying.

I filled in all the relevant details, including a very in depth explanation as to why my video was counted under fair use, and how my channel is tiny, how I don't have any Patrons to see the video, how my video was unlisted, and heavily edited to make sure the copyright did not count against me, including the use of disclaimers in both the video and the description.

I was professional.

I was right.

And I won the dispute.

A day later I get an email telling me the company decided to release my video of all claims and it is now available for all none of my viewers to watch! How exciting, right?

Well, today I decided that I'd upload my second reaction that I'd recorded, I did the same as with the last one, having learned something. I lowered opacity, I covered any nudity, I cut off 1/4 of the video, I made it so the focus would be on my ugly ass mug instead of the TV show itself. And I spent hours trying to upload it for it to fail and me have to do it again.

And low and behold, after all my troubles, all my trials and tribulations, all my blood, sweat and tears and turmoil... I got copyright claimed once again.

Now, it's safe to say, I'm a little bit pissed, ya know?

My video - much like last time - hadn't even fully been uploaded, around the 97% mark, and boom, claim. So I took a deep breath, ya home boi is NOT happy, and I see where exactly it thinks my video is not covered under copyright law. And this is where I think these companies don't care if you are actually covered under the law or not, because it's always a random part of the video, it's always about a 5 minute chunk of the video regardless of what you do.

Which leads me to my next conclusion, in order for these companies to be finding these videos - especially with them being in the unlisted category (needing a specific link to be able to view), and the title not being related, and the video being edited to make sure it isn't eligible for a copyright claim, they MUST have a bot, or a program running that searches YouTube for clips of their content, regardless of how it's presented, or whether it's a review or not.

Which I have to say, is unfair. Especially in the case of the unlisted thing. I know, YouTube can't help it if these companies have bots and programs and code, they can't stop that from happening. But what they can stop? What they SHOULD stop? Is these companies being able to claim videos that aren't even eligible for it.

YouTube, man, you gotta work on this.

We were rooting for you! We were ALL rooting for you!

Anyway, seriously, YouTube really needs to find a way to make sure copyright is fair and just and not maintained by just programs and bots. YouTube, why not create a part of your company that reviews these claims, checks the videos, guarantees that the claims only go to those ACTUALLY abusing the copyright system? Instead of those of us who just want to make fun content for our viewers, who strive to just make good reaction videos? Because that's what they are, REACTION videos. Not re-uploads, not someone else's content.

'Great poets imitate and improve, whereas small ones steal and spoil.'

Give a little back to the people that got you where you are today YouTube. None of these big companies had you raking in money to begin with, it was the little guys, the small content creators who now have millions of viewers, because they enjoy what they do. Well, most of 'em anyway...

Just think about your content creators, rather than appeasing the companies that give you a bit more money. I know they won't, because capitalism rules despite how shit it is.

Is it really a wonder that so many creators are turning to streaming through sites like Twitch.tv instead of uploading to YouTube? Even the other day, on a live stream I was doing myself, me and my friends talked about how much better streaming is, how you don't have to constantly be worried about making sure the video is friendly for 2 year olds. 2 YEAR OLDS SHOULDN'T EVEN BE WATCHING, OK?!

My goal has been to be a YouTuber since I was about 12. I'm now almost 22. That's just under 10 years of my life, where my goal, my one finish line, has been to become a YouTuber. But the more and more things like this happen, the more and more I want to listen to that voice in my head telling me to give it up and go to Twitch, become a streamer, not stress so much about copyright strikes and issues with monitisation, and having such UNREALISTIC goals in order to achieve being monitised and YouTube partner in the first place.

I have edited this video, the parts it told me to, I have made sure to cut out the music bits and make sure it's up to par with copyright based on where they claimed the video. But my issue with sending off this newest in what I assume will be a long line of copyright disputes, because someone, even as small a channel as mine, with my 57 subscribers and my 5 views a video (at a push), has to push back and say 'NO. THIS ISN'T OK.' and not let themselves be pushed around, my issue with this?

The company that claimed the video this time was Netflix itself. And we all know Netflix has money. And Netflix doesn't care if it shuts down a tiny little channel like mine. All my content? All my videos? All views and subs and likes I've somehow managed to accumulate? All gone. Like Thanos snapping his fucking fingers.

Regardless of what I do to make these videos fair use, big companies like this get the final say over them, and as far as they're concerned, us little creators who don't make YouTube money yet, but still hold onto that hope that, maybe, hopefully, one day we will be able to do it, we're the 50% they want to snap and get rid of.

And it'll stay that way for a long time, unless people actually stand up and talk about it. Heck, it'll probably end up staying that way even then, but at least we TRIED.

I have respect for Matpatt, I watched his video explaining the work he and other creators have done in bringing awareness to the higher ups in YouTube, using their platforms to help each other and millions of other creators, people who just want to make other people laugh or forget about their problems for a while, or just upload stupid, 2 minute clips because of inside jokes, or they find it funny, they enjoy doing it.

If we as humans have been taught anything recently during this quarantine, it's that a lot of our societal structures are flawed, some may even say broken. Big companies scam us, use us, and give nothing back in return. If peoples eyes aren't open now, when will they be?

This won't get views. This won't get likes or favourites or shared to other people because of some powerful message.

But maybe one day, someone from YouTube will be randomly scrolling through the internet, and find a random post on a crude fanart website amongst all the sonic and Mario at the Olympic fuck games art, and maybe they'll read it and take note.

But we all know that'll never happen.

So I'm gonna wait for the video to finish saving the changes I made to it, and I'm going to dispute the claim Netflix made against me. And I'm going to anxiously wait to see if I get to continue making content for another day, or whether I get taken down by the snap.

------------

If you made it this far, thanks for listening to my rambling.

I feel strongly about a lot of things, and my friends often tell me that I should post about them, because I have such an... Eloquent way or wording things. Well, I finally decided to, because I need to vent as much as the next asshole. They're right, I AM eloquent!

Seriously though, thank you for reading, I know nobody would have but hey, maybe you're one of the 3 views I get on my YouTube videos!

I am blessed.

With like 50,000 curses going on at once.

Such a time to be alive.

Stay safe, look out for each other, and I may do another rant at some point, because this was fun I guess.

-Exza~

[jazminebryant]

Where I Begin (Again)

The first time I was introduced to real estate investing was, like with most people, on HGTV watching real estate investors breaking down walls and pretending they didn't know about the wall issue that causes such a panic during the episode (I know enough now that if you did a proper inspection before closing on the property, half of the dramatic issues that we see on TV would have never come up during the rehab process). It was entertaining watching them solve their issues with the property and seeing that with a little hard work, you can make $35,000 in a few weeks.

I never thought to act on it doing it myself. I was in high school and only watched because my mom refused to watch anything I liked so I sat, I watched, and I observed. I wanted to be making that kind of money myself but I couldn't imagine or even fathom how to come up with that amount of money to buy a property, and let's not talk about the fact that I didn't know (and still don't know) the first thing about construction. Fast forward to May 2019, I've moved, I'm in college full-time, and I still watched HGTV shows on Netflix religiously. I'm in my car doing food delivery for GrubHub and I hear a commercial come on the radio (my tape that I used for an aux cord was stuck and wouldn't play my music so I listened to the radio) inviting me to come out and spend a few hours learning about real estate investing and how I could get started earning the big bucks. For an online college student with $55,000 in debt using a beat-up 2002 Honda Civic that was ready to break down any minute for GrubHub as their primary source of income, I could use some of those big bucks there were advertising about.

I was at a red light and I typed the website link into my phone's notes pad (not so legal, I know, but I was borderline desperate) and finished my shift. When I got home, I registered my boyfriend and myself up for the seminar at the end of the next week. I was excited and didn't know what to expect other than to be making $35,000 in a few weeks after learning what I needed to know.

Before the seminar was over, I got sucked up into the pitch of attending a three-day seminar for $200. My boyfriend who's not easily persuaded was also hooked and ready to learn all that we could about real estate investing. I was so moved, I bought an additional course on a specific kind of investing (tax liens). I knew that I was going to take all of the material we got from the seminar, study it, and be ready for the next course.

Well, after attending the first seminar, I got impatient and researched what I would learn at this three-day course. I found blog after blog about how this company was going to pitch to me a $50,000 course. Remember I said I had $55,000 in debt? I was devastated, especially because I had spent money I didn't have for this seminar. I kept researching the upcoming seminar and I found a few people say although they didn't pay for the additional courses, they still learned a lot.

We decided that after some research into real estate on YouTube and discovering BiggerPockets, we didn't need a $50,000 course, I'm a business student and he has two business degrees; we know how to research for information. I said that I'd take some of the most detailed notes I'd ever take and use that to build upon our knowledge and that's exactly what I did. I have sold 25-pages worth of handwritten notes from that three-day seminar. The presenter even joked about how I had so many notes. I didn't care. I'd rather have hand cramps then come out of pocket for $50,000 which I more than likely wouldn't have been able to attain anyways; my credit was in the trash (still is to this day) because of my high credit utilization and lack of paying my bills on time. I wanted my $200 worth of material.

While some spent $50,000 for a business-in-a-box, I spent the entire summer learning all that I could, speaking with real estate agents and title companies. I went hardcore on my real estate investing business and had some solid momentum. I went as far as sending out 150 letters and placing 300 calls. Of that, we scheduled one property tour. My boyfriend and I lost some steam, we knew that we shouldn't get our hopes up thinking we would strike it rich the first go-around but we quickly ran out of money and time by October (we officially started our business in August 2019).

By the end of November, I stopped sending out letters, they were too expensive for me to continue on a freelancer's wage and I stopped driving for dollars. I honestly got tired of the word 'no' even though I was told by multiple people to not give up, no matter how many 'no's I get. The business was all of a sudden draining on me and I stopped paying attention to our business. I had a lot going on at the time and it was taking up a lot of my time to where I didn't have time for anything else, my schoolwork included.

I haven't spoken about real estate until last week (other than the few times my awesome real estate agent friend, Patrick, would call to check on us and our progress). 6 months of nothing about real estate. 6 months of forgotten terms and concepts. It makes me sad that something I was so passionate about and couldn't shut up about a year ago (that three-day seminar started May 17, 2019) was forgotten. After a year of freelancing and doing odd jobs to make a living, I recently started working full-time again because I realized I lacked the discipline I needed to be a successful freelancer and got really behind on my bills. Now that I have been working full-time for the past three months, I've started to climb out of the hole I had only dug deeper for myself over the past year and I am working at paying off my credit cards, at the very least, to free up some cash I can use for our business(es).

This week has been very eye-opening to me on what I've been missing that truly makes me happy, real estate and wealth generation. I recently finished a book by Gary Vaynerchuk (Gary Vee), Crush It! Why Now is the TIme to Cash in on Your Passion, and I don't know exactly where in the book where it clicked to me that I needed to get back to the things that I have been passionate about. I finished that book four days ago and I've recently started reading, The Book on Investing in Real Estate with No and Low Money Down by Brandon Turner. A lot of the terms of real estate are coming back to me (for the life of me, I couldn't remember what a HELOC was until earlier today) and I've been working on our business plan for the past week.

I don't know what it is about this time around, but I've got a better feeling that things will turn out for the better for us. Gary Vee gave me the confidence I needed to ask my job if I could go part-time (doesn't make any sense for me to quit my job any time soon like I did the last time - well, I got laid off but that's another story) so I can focus on finishing my degree (two more classes!!) and work on my business(es). I was shocked to know that my request to switch to part-time had been approved - thanks Gary Vee!! So now, I'll be able to add some flexibility back in my week to work on our investing business and another business my boyfriend and I run together and still be able to freelance to come up with the missing wages from not working full-time.

I still am feeling very overwhelmed just like I did in the beginning of my real estate journey, but now that I know a few things, I feel a little better. My business plan hasn't been worked on so much in the past couple of days but only because I've been doing so much reading lately, see why I need more flexibility? I plan on finishing this investing book and then I have a lot more to read down the line. I'm just glad I'm in a whole lot better of a situation than I was a year ago. I have the income to pay my bills, anything extra will be for paying off debt faster and funding our business. I understand marketing from the real estate investors' perspective a lot better so I know which marketing strategies I'll try first this time around that won't cost a lot out of pocket and I've learned it's okay to slow down and ingest the material instead of my usual read and apply methodology.

I know I won't be making $35,000 a week, a month, or maybe even six months from now, but I am a lot more confident in my ability to actually reach that figure and then some.   As of right now, I've got goals written down and I'm figuring out my business plan. I've done business plans for products and small services but nothing like real estate so it's brand new to me for some parts. As I work through this all over again, I read over the goals I set for myself a year ago, and if I was as ambitious as I thought I would be, I'd have half of my debt paid off by now. But I've learned it's okay to get knocked down, I knocked myself down but I've learned a lot about investing since then and I know it can only get better from here. If you've made it this far, thank you for reading! I do have a question for you. Do you use a planner? If so, what brand of planner do you use? I am in search of one that is entrepreneur-friendly and has the space for a lot of notes. Obviously, I have a lot going on so I need something that has some multipurpose to it.

If you're like me, new and inexperienced, I'd love to connect and offer each other support. If you have some advice or tips from me, I'd love to connect and pick your brain over your successes and challenges.

[tessatechaitea]

Wonder Twins #7

I didn't realize the Wonder Twins were Gen X.

Oh yeah! Zan had just saved the world by stopping a plot that was going to save the world.

I just realized I hadn't scanned the cover yet and as I did, I noticed the Wonder Twins fist/star emblem marks a striking resemblance to a goat.se riff. Zan and Jayna get taken off of monitor duty at the Hall of Justice now that they've stopped the League of Annoyance. You'd think that doing a good job would get you a promotion but those of use who have always done spectacularly good jobs know better. While everybody else works down to the lowest common denominator (because who wants to do more work than the next guy?! A fool, that's who!), good workers just put on blinders and do the job they were hired for until the time they're being paid for is up. Sure, that sounds like I'm describing a sucker who's been completely manipulated by the man! But I'm also describing a person who fulfills their end of whatever bargain they've agreed to! So when I say Zan and Jayna wind up giving tours at the Hall of Justice because they were too good at catching criminals, you'll understand why I went into the previous digression. Maybe? I don't know. Have you seen what state the U.S. is in?! Why are you picking apart my writing style?! Mark Russell takes a few pages to shit all over hockey fans and now I hate Mark Russell with a burning passion. Even though I'd hardly call myself a hockey fan. I mean, I loved NHL '93 (unless it was '92 (or maybe '94?)) and I loved going to San Jose Sharks games when I was still living in the Bay Area (plus my friend worked equipment for the Sharks and would get us free tickets). But it's not like I follow it much anymore. I just like the feeling of being angry at somebody for writing a satirical critique of sports fans rioting because they're so happy that their team won. Although why would I be angry when I've never done that nor think Russell's wrong in his pointed and humorous critique?! Oh, who cares why! Being angry is just more fun! Oh shit! I finally understand people's attraction to Fox News! I just watched a YouTube clip of somebody's Jeremy Roenick highlights from NHL '94 set to the song "More Than a Feeling" and it was pretty awesome. Also, that was definitely the one we played nonstop back in 1993 and 94 and maybe even into 95. Roenick unstoppable down with the puck while Sharks players lay splayed out on their back all across the ice. To stop the riot, Superman calls in Repulso! He's a guy whose super power is super stink and he's kept in a locked room with a bare table and a microwave and nobody wants to be his friend because he smells like a garbage dumb that vomited on top of the diarrhea it shit out while standing on its head so the stanky muck ran down his body absorbing all of his body odor and then somebody cut up a durian and tossed it in the mix.

Superman is a dick. Get this guy some friends with no sense of smell. Or at the very least, an Xbox Gold account.

After the hockey riots, some "the end of the world" riots take place because Zan and Jayna screw up something or other. Basically what that means is that Repulso gets to be let out of his airtight containment unit again! He's a pretty optimistic guy for being sealed away by Superman (which is just Superman's way! Is somebody a problem? No problem! Put them in the Phantom Zone!). He's so happy and not bitter about his living arrangements that I feel like Zan and Jayna had better figure out a way to give him a better life before this issue ends. Because if Mark Russell fails this character he created before this issue is over and I have to face reality after snot crying about a fictional person, I'm going to be pretty upset when I continue to buy Mark Russell comic books because what other choice do I have? Am I going to stop reading DC's best written comic books because Mark Russell betrayed poor Repulso? Of course not! What am I? A person with integrity?! Repulso winds up getting his ass beat by rioters as Repulso's handlers flee the chaotic "end of the world" downtown riot scene. Luckily the Wonder Twins are headed downtown to save his life and maybe become his friend or something? Please? After Zan and Jayna save Repulso, Jayna goes to Superman to tell him everything sucks. He gives her a big speech about how being a hero is lonely work because you don't always get to fuck the hot chick at your secret identity's workplace and also fuck an Amazon warrior while also getting to fuck anybody at all whose initials are "L.L." and also have a best friend who is the coolest guy in the world with a butler who makes the best pancakes. Sometimes you're a fat jerk who smells who even Superman won't fucking give the time of day because Superman has this speech about how being a hero is lonely and that's a good thing so you should embrace your loneliness because who wants to put up with your super stink, fatty?

Jayna is a way better hero than Superman. At least in this comic book that's all about her and not Superman so of course she's going to outshine him!

Oh yeah, the ant in the above picture is Jayna. It can't smell. Wonder Twins #7 Rating: A+. I should probably be less cynical when reading Mark Russell comic books because he's as earnest and serious as he can be while also providing lots of jokes. He takes writing seriously because what else is there? If your message isn't going to matter, why bother? (is his philosophy. I think. It's not my philosophy! I don't think? Maybe it is! I just write things that matter in a much different way than Mark Russell writes things that matter.) I should probably read Superman's speech and be inspired by the idea that you don't do good because you want adulation; you do good because it's the right thing to do, even if the entire world thinks you're an asshole for doing it. Even if all of the other superheroes think you're a stinky fuck and only keep you around to use as a tool to oppress and manipulate the masses without having to use logic and reason on them (because, let's face it, the people doing terrible things don't understand logic and reason. Or they're do but they're just selfish and greedy so nothing is going to reach them anyway (which maybe is part of Superman's message?)), you're still a hero at the end of the day. You can still be proud of your stinky self. And even if the life is lonely, you should remain positive and upbeat because Superman really doesn't want to be reminded that you exist every time you complain about the lack of reasonable living conditions. Being a hero is a state of mind, says the guy who also looks great and is invulnerable and has the best wife and a cool son and doesn't have to fear death! So inspiring!

[doomedandstoned]

Closer To The End (part III)

I contend that human beings are not suited for the world we've fashioned for ourselves. Cases of anxiety and depression are practically ubiquitous, and suicide in all age groups is once again on the rise. Some will suffer mental afflictions that last years -- perhaps even for a lifetime. This is the third and final part of my story.

~By Billy Goate~

Cover art by Ruso Tsig additional art by Karl Briullov

I'm so tired of hearing that I'm wrong Everyone laughs at me, why me? I'm so tired of being pushed around I feel like I've been betrayed

We take each other's love, forget to give back Isn't it a pity, how we break each other's hearts I know we're only human and not to blame But who the hell are you to cause so much pain Why...

MEDICATION

My parents have been anti-establishment for as long as I can remember. In the climate of the 1980s, the institutions of the day were being called seriously into question. One of them was the authoritarian nature of public education (there's a reason why Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall" resonated so strongly with people). It's no surprise that my family got caught up in the first wave of the homeschooling movement. Other areas of modern life began to be called into question, as well, taking the family down a dark, windy road that led into conspiracy culture, extreme libertarianism, and religious dogmatism.

This distrust of the "experts" put us at odds with the medical establishment, too. "Doctors only know how to do two things," mom would often proclaim loudly in one of her famous rants, "cut you open or prescribe you pills." Natural medicine held the keys to recovery from all ills, be it cancer or the common cold. "All those chemicals aren’t good for your body," she insisted. "God put everything we need for healing in the ground." I’m not here to knock naturopathy (I was an ardent follower of this way of life for years) nor my mother for her convictions, but there are some things that can’t be cured by Saint John's Wort and herbal tea -- major depression being one of them.

At one point, my anxiety, melancholy, and a generalized feeling of social isolation reached such a heightened state I turned to hypnotism, enamored by an obscure radio program hosted by Roy Masters and his Foundation for Human Understanding. I was too young to understand the significance of most of the bullshit he was spewing, but it was the comprehensive approach to life that appealed to me. I wanted answers -- all of them. About the only thing I got out of it, though, was learning how to make my own arm go numb through self-hypnosis.

Later, I'd get caught up in a movement of Biblical counseling that rejected psychiatry altogether. "Christ has given us all things we need for life and godliness," says the holy writ, ergo we need none other than Jesus to cure our mental ills. Furthermore, the thesis said, since "God has not given us a spirit of fear" it must mean that the root of depression and anxiety is ultimately sin against God. The answer? Confess your sins and walk by faith, not by sight. In short, pray the sadness away. All of this had limited effectiveness in coping with the claustrophobic cloud of melancholy that was constantly with me.

Cough & Windhand: Reflection of the Negative by Windhand

The stigma of psychiatry and modern medicine kept me from treating my depression for damn near a decade. Somewhere in my late twenties, after a prolonged and particularly dark depressive spell, I decided to talk to my medical doctor about antidepressants. He started me on the industry standard, the well-known and well-marketed Prozac, which became a household name in the '90s. I took the first dose at bedtime and when I woke up, I was seriously hating the daylight. Feeling extraordinarily fatigued, all I wanted to do was sleep. I called in a rare sick day from work. The next day I was feeling groggy, but well enough to return. Giving it the good ol' college try, I took Prozac for several weeks as directed, but the side-effects just weren't worth it for me. That’s when I was referred to my first psychiatrist.

It was a weird feeling sitting in the waiting room for my appointment. I felt like I’d joined the ranks of the fragile, broken, and confused, perhaps even the insane. It was hard for me to see myself sharing anything in common with the others that shared the tiny lobby. The psychiatrist who greeted me looked like a regular chucklehead -- you know, one of those sidekicks from a sitcom that's not coming to me now. (It just came to me: Glen from the Tom Green Show.) A paunchy man in his 30s with wavy dirty blonde hair parted to the side donning wire-rimmed glasses, the shrink pulled out a notebook and started asking me about my background, while he busily took notes. Turned out, the man was very methodical in his approach. Over the course of the year, we cycled through all kinds of drugs -- Paxil, Effexor, Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Zoloft, and a lot of other names I'm not remembering, before finally settling on Cymbalta.

Certainly, this was something I didn't want to share with my coworkers, much less mom and dad. The first time I told my brother I was taking antidepressants, he was outraged. “You don’t need that stuff in your body. You don’t need pills to feel good.” I don’t know what it is about antidepressant medication that offends people so badly, but some people feel it is their personal mission in life to get you off of them. Why all the evangelical fervor? Are they secretly afraid they are "nuts," too? It’s not like I’m trying to get everyone else to take my medication, but suddenly these people, well-meaning or not, are trying to get you off of your meds.

I’ve seen YouTube videos from a guy claiming that God has cured him of his bipolar disorder and he flushed all his pills down the toilet (bad idea, by the way). Then a month later, he comes back online crying uncontrollably, talking about how he feels like God is testing him and asking viewers to pray to stop Satan’s onslaught. Moral of the story: It's dangerous to let people's religious opinions and untested hunches drive the agenda for our mental health.

I'm very reluctant these days to talk to anyone about my depression, because of all the rush to judgement involved. Ironically, it's this breakdown of community that I believe is at the heart of much of our mental health issues as a society. Look at the comments on any confessional video addressing burnout, depression, or anxiety and you'll find everyone is suddenly an expert who knows so well the precise and perfect solution to your problems. Well-meaning or not, it's incredibly annoying and I'd rather not have trouble with it. Hell, it took me two years to finish this article.

Depressed people are often viewed with the same cynical dismissiveness ascribed to angsty hormonal teens. "It's just a phase, you'll get through it," you're told with the reassuring wave of a hand. Besides, they remind you, "Happiness is a choice!" Because they are feeling chipper today, they have little patience for you dampening their mood. Others call you edgy when you say the pressures of life are so great that you feel like just turning off the lights on all of it. Still others will view you as selfish for leaving the family reunion early (or not wanting to participate in holidays at all). When you spend the whole weekend in bed sleeping, they'll accuse you of being indulgent, not realizing sleep gives you a respite from the hurt, guilt, and regret of painful memories or the misery of an unstable home life. Or the well-meaning "It Gets Better!" It doesn't always get better as life moves on.

Then there are those who try to talk you off your meds, entirely (cue: the ridiculously overwrought Facebook posts). We've all been privy to those conversations that strike a conspiratorial tone about how it was really the pharmaceutical companies that led to Chris Cornell's death. "You should just get off the stuff," they argue -- be it from noble intentions or just pride from clinging to an opinion they've stubbornly invested in.

Then there are those who are convinced that since Jesus (or Buddha, Allah Oprah, Jordan Peterson or juicing) gave them an escape from their depression, certainly it is the universal cure for all that ails you. Understand that I was a committed Christian for decades. I know what it is like to feel spiritually serene and I value many of the things the church gave me as a young adult, namely the fellowship, tolerance, and love. I know the feeling of peace that comes from believing in someone who reigns over the chaos and cares about your every need -- an ultimate being who will make sense of the nonsense one day.

I don't wish to diminish anyone's faith or diminish your personal experiences. The fact is, however, that major depression is as much a physical illness as cancer is. Certainly, there are transitional feelings of unhappiness, emptiness, and despair that come from facing situations that seem out of one's control -- the nightmare roommate, being laid off from a job, losing a loved one. It's also true that in most cases, this sadness can be overcome by a new perspective, trying better strategies, or simply allowing the passage of time to do its healing work. Depression can be impacted by one's beliefs, but there is a kind of depression that exists independently of one's perspective on life.

SUICIDAL TENDENCIES

Apart from this series of articles (which took me a good two years to publish), I've stopped sharing my depression with other people. It's annoying, because most people don't know how to listen and empathize. They want to jump in with a solution that, if implemented by nightfall, just might make a difference by daybreak. It's just more hassle than it's worth. Over time, I've gone from being someone with an intense need to belong, to not caring what people think about me at all. I'll often go out of my way to avoid anything deeper than transactional relationships. Once a social butterfly, you'll find me quite the hermit these days. As a consequence, while I was once open to sharing my feelings of loneliness and despair, I rarely mention them any more on social media and practically never to my IRL friends. I would be the last person to call a suicide hotline, by the way. Judge me if you wish, but I'm just being honest. If you want to know what is going on in the head of a severely depressed person with suicidal ideation, here's a least one brain you can peer into.

There's a general consensus that suicide is a selfish decision, even a cowardly act. This was a casual opinion of my own for years, as well. Not until suicide touches someone in your life -- or when you enter its despondent realm yourself -- does the ridiculousness of that notion becomes apparent. Understand that for a person to commit suicide, they have to overcome the brain's own strong predilection for self-preservation. It's not so easy to take the step of ending your life. Something has gone terribly wrong with the brain's ability to convincingly cry, "STOP!" for that to happen.

In my worst bout of depression, following the demise of long-term relationship, I reached the point where every waking moment was sheer misery. Some call this anhedonia -- the inability to feel pleasure. Normally, when we are feeling blue, we seek out something to stimulate our pleasure receptors. That's why ice cream, chocolate, and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are popular go-tos for the bummed out. For me, it's always been music and movies. On this particular week, though, I had somehow lost the capacity to find any joy whatsoever in the usual pastimes. Anything that attempted to pacify my mood met with my contempt. The only thing I could do to escape the agony of just being alive and conscious was to sleep...and sleep I did. At first 8 hours a night, up from my usual 7. Then it advanced to 9, 10, 11, 12 hours. When dawn came, a wave of misery washed over my mind again.

Once, I woke up feeling so despondent that I knew with absolute clarity that I could end my life. Today, I could actually do it. Immediately upon this realization, I wept bitterly. I've not cried like that before or since. If anything, I've become more stoic about the idea of suicide. Don't get me wrong, my internal sense of self-preservation is still quite strong. The problem is that in moments of severe depression, that instinct is dampened. You'll do just about anything just to get rid of the feeling of misery making it unbearable to be awake.

DOOM AWAKENING

One of the most important developments in treating my depression, besides medication and therapy, was the discovery of doom. There's an old expression that misery loves company. I don't know about you, but when I listen to music it's not generally to cheer me up. No, I want my tunes to have a certain level of commiseration with what I'm feeling and going through at the time. When I discovered (quite by accident) Saint Vitus, I knew I'd found my soul food. I can't fully explain that eureka moment when Dave Chandler belted out that first downtuned note on the guitars on "Born Too Late" or when Wino joined with plaintive lyrics for "I Bleed Black." This resonated with me powerfully. It brought chills. This was medicine for my weary head, a kind of mental morphine to dull the pain. I'd come to the Roseland Theater for Down and left with Saint Vitus.

As a funny aside, my roommate (who accompanied me to the show) and I rehashed the bands of the night, giving our two cents on this or that. One thing he said still makes me smile a little inside. "What did you think of Saint Vitus?" I asked. "I don't think they're the kind of band that will withstand the test of time," he remarked. "Well," I rejoined, "they have been playing now for over 30 years and were the co-headliners on a national tour, so their sound must be resonating with a good number of people." Sure, it wasn't for everyone, but on that night my doom had come.

Every song on 'Born Too Late' (1986) so perfectly captures the malaise of the deeply wounded soul, not just in lyrics but in the whole vibe. There's a thick, smoky haze permeating the record and it reminds me a lot of what it feels like after you've poured out your heart until you've got no more tears left to cry. Come on, don't pretend you're so macho that normal human emotions elude you. It's hard to put doom into words, but I'll try: on the one hand you feel emotionally exhausted because you've emptied out all those pent up feelings of loss, fear, regret, and frustration, on the other hand there's a feeling of "reset" and it often makes things much clearer to sort through. For me, when I've exhausted all my emotional resources, I'm left with a feeling of blithe acceptance. A sense of being dealt a set of cards by the impartial hand of fate. That's the kind of vibe that Saint Vitus captures perfectly for me on this record.

I spent entire weekends on those long, wonderful rabbit trails of discovery. "Dying Inside" led me to Trouble's "The Tempter" with its oh-so-tragic central riff. Lyrically, the songs I was running across could not have been more apropos.

Pentagram, The Skull, and Candlemass were not lingering far behind. Then came the more recent monoliths of doom: Electric Wizard, Windhand, High on Fire, Burning Witch, Khanate, Pilgrim, Serpentine Path, Usnea, Demon Lung, Ancient VVisdom, Dopelord, and the NOLA sludge scene, along with lesser known but equally as powerful acts like Undersmile, Shepherd's Crook, Reptile Master, Purple Hill Witch, Witchthroat Serpent, March Funèbre, Beldam, Hooded Priest, Regress, and 71TONMAN (listen to the Spotify playlist).

Doom metal spoke to me with a sharp realism that I connected with immediately. When you have no strength left to get angry at the world, you switch your listening habits from Car Bomb to Cough. You can say, I suppose, that doom was my salvation. It kept me hanging on a little while longer. The salve of those slow, low riffs gave me a strange feeling of consolation. "We know life sucks, too. Welcome to reality." It's like being awakened to the Matrix, but feeling there's not a damned thing you can do to change any of it. Your fate is sealed. It's an honesty that is both refreshing and freeing, I suppose, though one does wish to reclaim the notion of hope.

Believe it or not, even after writing all of this, optimism is my default mode. When I'm feeling well, and even when my depression is at low levels, the needle always leans towards inspiration, creativity, even a mischievous sense of humor and an aw, shucks smile that people tend to notice. I don't want to be depressed. The problem is that severe depression can make you feel, illusion or not, like you're paralyzed from doing anything about it.

As I've experienced more and more cuts and scrapes of life, I've become increasingly numb to it all, like the massive build-up of scar tissue. Things that upset me easily in the past might still hurt, but I've come to expect them, so they have the impact of a dull table knife. Perhaps I'm becoming a nihilist, despite my optimistic tendencies. It's hard not to be. Don't worry about me, though. If anything, I want to stick around to see what's going to happen next. It's the inborn curiosity we all have inside of us -- the same thing that I imagine kept Stephen Hawking going for decades after being wrecked by a disease that cruelly mangled his body into its famously misshapen form, stealing away his most basic expressive freedoms -- save for the power of his eyes and the thoughts behind them.

I've also made a deliberate attempt to pursue treatment (both psychiatric and psychological care) for my depression, which I urge you to do if you are likewise laboring under its crushing weight. The perspective of time, coupled with a remedy for mind and body can have a significant impact on your perspective, if not your life circumstances.

THE WINDY ROAD AHEAD

Learn from your mistakes, don't dwell on them. Repeated affirmations like this one may seem trite, but they are ultimately true. You can be free from the chains of guilt and move forward, as one performer puts it, "from strength to strength."

Don't kill yourself (literally or metaphorically) for someone else or for someone else's decisions. It may bum you out that a roomie decided to take your money and run or that you were rebuffed by a long-time crush or made jobless through corporate-wide cuts. You don't own that, they do.

Walks

Get off the couch, move that bod. Something as simple as a walk down the block or a drive out of town can do wonders for your perspective. As a homeschool teen living under the strict rule of a radical fundamentalist household in rural East Texas, my one salvation were those long walks in the open field -- especially when my parents started having loud, intense fights related to my mom's own mental health. I sorted through so many of life's problems (most of which seemed much larger then than they do now) through those solitary, hour-long strolls.

I really miss that where I live now, in a more congested neighborhood, so I have to find other ways of getting away from it all (getting up and out a half-hour before the other walkers, for instance, helps). Even if I don't want to rustle myself awake and move around to do as simple a task as taking out the trash, sometimes the feeling...let me revise that...quite often the feeling follows after the decision has been made and the body is in motion.

Projects

Another piece of advice I have for coping with depression is to channel your frustrations in projects. When I'm depressed, I throw myself into my work. Hell, Doomed & Stoned started because I needed a project to pour myself into. My counselor asked me once, "If you woke up tomorrow without depression, what would be different about your world?"

She encouraged me to start with the things that were in my immediate vicinity. "Well, there wouldn't be mail strewn all over the floor. My dirty clothes would be in the hamper, my clean clothes folded and put away. I'd take the time to cook myself a meal, instead of running out the door eating a quick bite out of some package."

Good, let's make a list and start there. Do at least one of the things on your list between now and the time we meet again next week.

Talks

Despite my isolationist ways, I begrudgingly admit that talking often helps, too. Though I'm an introvert and am horrified at the idea of sharing my feelings with others, I've reached points in my depression where I was compelled to tell others about it. It's as natural to do that as to cry out when your body is experiencing jolting pain. I'm one of those verbal processors that tends to sort through my problems by talking to someone else. Often, pride or shame or lack of trust gets in the way of sharing with our family and friends, so at the very least the much talked about Suicide Prevention Hotline could actually help you gain perspective on your situation.

Journals

If you don't talk, at least journal. Again, I'm not a journaler and this is the first time in almost three decades that I've written about anything related to my depression. Role play with me. You're a scientist studying the human psyche. How would you describe those feelings you call depression? When I was first asked to describe it to a counselor, I found myself at a loss for words. She helped me with prompts:

Can you tell me what it feels like?

"I walk around feeling like a dark, thick raincloud is hovering all around me all the time."

Do you feel it in a part of your body?

"Well, yeah, I guess. The head. And the chest. It feels like there's pressure building from all around me, like my head is going to explode. My heart feels like it's going to leap out of my chest."

What's happening around you when these feelings arise?

I'd then go on to detail some recent happenings. She'd press me further to describe the kinds of thoughts racing through my head in these situations. All of this was really helpful in getting me to define this nebulous, gray malaise that was following me everywhere I went.

I don't keep a journal, per se. Something about it feels needlessly egotistical, a vain attempt to reinforce the illusion in our YouTube fame crazy world that my life is worth discovering and remembering at some point in the distant future. And yet, writing down one's thoughts can be another effective way of untangling that anxious ball of feelings that keeps me from thinking rationally about the depression I'm feeling.

Today is my birthday, but I couldn't care less. It's not about getting old. I stopped caring about that 10 years ago. It's something about celebration, specifically when the attention is on me. I can't adequately describe how contemptuous I find it. My last birthday was spent alone in an empty house and a bottle of Scotch, catching up with past seasons of Game of Thrones. I was so glad it was over and the happy birthday wishes stopped. There's nothing special about this day for me.

At some point, my family stopped celebrating birthdays and holidays. I'm not sure when it happened or why. Certainly not for religious reasons, more probably for financial ones. I grew up in a family that barely scraped by, so birthdays seemed a luxury we couldn't afford. Now, it just feels indulgent. More than that, it feels sad. It reminds me of all the disappointments, hurts, and failures of the past year. It's not as though it's all bad, of course. If nothing else my birthday gives the illusion that a chapter has turned, with new possibilities for the future. I also have to come to terms with how many people out there actually seem to care about me, maybe even love me.

And later that day, I forced myself to go to a show I was quite enthused about, but didn't factor in depression being the party pooper.

I can't account for what it is that comes over me. There are people here that genuinely like me, who probably even want to get to know me better, but I push them away. Not so much directly, but indirectly, by excusing myself to use the restroom and then changing my mind midway and just leaving the venue -- without even the courtesy of a "goodbye" to friends or a "great show" to the bands. I feel awful about it afterwards, but in that moment it's like a flood of emotional pain washes over me and it feels like I'm carrying an anchor chained around my neck. I feel the great urge to find my way to unlit corners. To look busy and preoccupied. Would it hurt me to say hello? To smile? Perhaps not, but right now my psyche is tingling like some kind of Spidey Sense telling me, "Get out of here! Just get your shit and leave...NOW."

As dour and hopeless as that may feel, just the act of writing it down afforded me a release, which incidentally I did not feel until the writing was all said and done.

Hope, a new beginning Time, time to start living Just like just before we died

Hurt, falling through fingers Trust, trust in the feeling There's something left inside There's no going back to the place we started from.

ONE MORE THING

For those of you who are wondering what you can do for a friend, family member, coworker or just someone you know casually from shows you both frequent, I couldn't say it better than one of my longtime fellow travelers in doom, who offered up this advice:

"While it's all very well and fucking dandy that there are so many people telling those who are struggling to reach out to them, I don't think people are quite understanding just how mental illness works sometimes. People quite often don't reach out, because those that are suffering from mental illness, at times, feel like they are a burden by unloading their shit onto someone else, despite the invitation to do so. It's generally the same concept that leads on to suicide.

I obviously can't speak for everyone, but I can speak for myself when I say the last thing I want to do is reach out to anyone because I feel like I am a burden and everyone would be better off without me -- and that is ultimately why I don't reach out. The point that I'm trying to get at is if you see someone struggling YOU reach the fuck out. If you don't see someone who used to be around, YOU reach the fuck out. Think about it. It's not that hard."

Well said and completely on the mark. At the same time, if you're feeling alone and uncared for, you may look at people’s lack of inquiry as more confirmation that you are worthless trash. You may interpret a busy person's slight as utter rejection. Don't worry about what others may or may not think of you. You need to take care of you, for you. The future is fickle. Your fortunes can change on a dime, so why base your self-worth and your decision about whether to live or die by how you feel right now? Ride it out, seek out help, get a game plan in play.

I say this as someone who knows how hard it can be to get mental health. I was double insured -- through my employer and the Veterans Administration -- and I couldn't get a god damned psychiatric appointment to reevaluate and adjust my meds. I called all over town trying to get in with someone. "Sorry, we're not accepting new patients" was the universal refrain. The VA would just be too many month's wait, I told myself, based upon how long it has taken me in the past to get a conventional medical appointment. In desperation, I called up my primary care doctor who asked if I was suicidal. For the first time in my life, I knew with full certainty the answer was yes. The more miserable I felt, the more I contemplated dying. If I did it, it would be something quick and sudden, I would daydream in my most despondent moment. "You need to check yourself into the hospital now," she told me adamantly. I did exactly that. I walked into the ER and told them I was suicidal. They led me to a room, had me take off all my clothes, and put on a hospital gown. I stayed in a padded room waiting for a social worker to see me. It was a desperate move, but it did pay off in getting me fast-tracked to see a psychiatrist.

One thing I learned about medication from my new psychiatrist (because he was very caring, very careful, and hence very effective at his job) is that everyone’s brain chemistry is uniquely different. There can be other issues impacting mood, too, such as thyroid, environmental stressors, sleep problems, vitamin deficiencies, and so on. Again, it’s often hard to see whether the cart is leading the horse or the horse is leading the cart, in terms of the mind-body connection. Long story short, this doctor adjusted my meds to near perfection to get me through the rare summer-long depression I was experiencing.

Just a few months later, he got hired away to work for the County and I was left back in the same boat once again. I got a great referral, but didn't realize until bills came in I couldn't pay that the doctor was out of my insurance network. Believe me, many people prefer to go without care entirely than to go into debt and I was one of them (truthfully, I still am). I went another year until I couldn't take it anymore and this time in my desperation reached back out to the VA. Surprisingly, they saw me within a week and prioritized my suicidal depression. I'm now in a good spot as a result, but it was a long, windy, uncertain road getting here. I know it's hard to find help. Sometimes you don't know what's available to you until you knock a little louder and get people's attention.

The older I get, it seems the more stubborn I am, particularly when it comes to reaching out and asking for help. Perhaps I've always been that way and am only now realizing it's become a liability. After taking off three weeks during the holidays to catch up with the many projects that were piling up around me, I realized that my depression was sometimes stronger than my will to power through and do my best work. I would find myself sitting at the computer for hours trying to get started with a story, trying to edit audio for a podcast, trying to prepare a team member's submission for publication, and every time I would find myself coming up against something painful, perhaps similar to the long recognized creative crimp known as writer's block. I describe it as an inhibitor chip in my brain that sends pain signals to my psyche whenever I contemplate moving forward.

Of course, rationally, I know it's all just a matter of the will, right? That's what those who aren't experiencing depression will tell you, at least. They don't want to go to the gym, but they make the choice to do it anyway, so why can't you just "man up" and do what needs to be done? Well, those aren't so much the messages other people give me, as they are my own conscience. The guilt itself from a day coming and going without results adds its own layer of complication to my mood. Thankfully, I have a wonderful counselor who understands and is helping me to tackle this with cognitive strategies. This, coupled with sensible medical treatment, has at least helped me to find "even flow" again.

Finally, you're going to have some bad days where you may even want to be productive, but your body feels like it's in revolt. As a creative person who loves to pour myself into as many projects as I can when I'm feeling good, it can be extraordinarily frustrating to not even feel the will to check email, open a letter, or listen to a stitch of music. Most days, I'm trying to work in concert with my body's natural rhythms. I'm more of a morning person and get my best work done between 8AM and 11AM. Anything after that is going to be hit or miss with diminishing returns. With that in mind, I have to hold back from starting new projects before the ones already on my plate are finished, because when I'm feeling good, I think I can take on the world.

This is all a part of me rediscovering what it's like to feel balanced, bright, and in love with life. It can be frustrating to have that feeling back, only to watch it wither away as the week progresses. Since I have very high expectations of myself, it's natural for me to heap guilt upon guilt for all the missed opportunities, but beating myself up only compounds the problem (it took me a long time to really get this about myself, too). Every day is a struggle, but I've decided I'm staying in the fight for the long haul.

In short: Be patient with yourself. Be fair with yourself. Be good to yourself. Remember, this too shall pass.

"Someday you're going to die, just like some day I'm going to die. But until then, you fight like hell to stay alive, you get that?!"

-- William Holden, The Earthling (1980)

[ultimateseoorg]

Visit Adobe Flash Ends A Decade Late for the whole story

Adobe Will No Longer Support Flash After 2020, 10 Years After Steve Jobs Argued Why It Should End In 2010.

Google Announced in September 2019 that it was phasing out support for Flash from its Chrome browser following Adobe;s announcement that they would end support in 2020.  Apple users wont likely hear much about the end of Flash, in 2010,  Steve Jobs wrote a scathing review of Flash and in it explained why Apple products wouldn’t support it.

Google’s Flash Announcement:

For 20 years, Flash has helped shape the way that you play games, watch videos and run applications on the web. But over the last few years, Flash has become less common. Three years ago, 80 percent of desktop Chrome users visited a site with Flash each day. Today usage is only 17 percent and continues to decline.

This trend reveals that sites are migrating to open web technologies, which are faster and more power-efficient than Flash. They’re also more secure, so you can be safer while shopping, banking, or reading sensitive documents. They also work on both mobile and desktop, so you can visit your favorite site anywhere.

These open web technologies became the default experience for Chrome late last year when sites started needing to ask your permission to run Flash. Chrome will continue phasing out Flash over the next few years, first by asking for your permission to run Flash in more situations, and eventually disabling it by default. We will remove Flash completely from Chrome toward the end of 2020.

If you regularly visit a site that uses Flash today, you may be wondering how this affects you. If the site migrates to open web standards, you shouldn’t notice much difference except that you’ll no longer see prompts to run Flash on that site. If the site continues to use Flash, and you give the site permission to run Flash, it will work through the end of 2020.

It’s taken a lot of close work with Adobe, other browsers, and major publishers to make sure the web is ready to be Flash-free. We’re supportive of Adobe’s announcement today, and we look forward to working with everyone to make the web even better.

Steve Job’s Adobe Flash Note:

Apple has a long relationship with Adobe. In fact, we met Adobe’s founders when they were in their proverbial garage. Apple was their first big customer, adopting their Postscript language for our new Laserwriter printer. Apple invested in Adobe and owned around 20% of the company for many years. The two companies worked closely together to pioneer desktop publishing and there were many good times. Since that golden era, the companies have grown apart. Apple went through its near death experience, and Adobe was drawn to the corporate market with their Acrobat products. Today the two companies still work together to serve their joint creative customers – Mac users buy around half of Adobe’s Creative Suite products – but beyond that there are few joint interests.

I wanted to jot down some of our thoughts on Adobe’s Flash products so that customers and critics may better understand why we do not allow Flash on iPhones, iPods and iPads. Adobe has characterized our decision as being primarily business driven – they say we want to protect our App Store – but in reality it is based on technology issues. Adobe claims that we are a closed system, and that Flash is open, but in fact the opposite is true. Let me explain.

First, there’s “Open”.

Adobe’s Flash products are 100% proprietary. They are only available from Adobe, and Adobe has sole authority as to their future enhancement, pricing, etc. While Adobe’s Flash products are widely available, this does not mean they are open, since they are controlled entirely by Adobe and available only from Adobe. By almost any definition, Flash is a closed system.

Apple has many proprietary products too. Though the operating system for the iPhone, iPod and iPad is proprietary, we strongly believe that all standards pertaining to the web should be open. Rather than use Flash, Apple has adopted HTML5, CSS and JavaScript – all open standards. Apple’s mobile devices all ship with high performance, low power implementations of these open standards. HTML5, the new web standard that has been adopted by Apple, Google and many others, lets web developers create advanced graphics, typography, animations and transitions without relying on third party browser plug-ins (like Flash). HTML5 is completely open and controlled by a standards committee, of which Apple is a member.

Apple even creates open standards for the web. For example, Apple began with a small open source project and created WebKit, a complete open-source HTML5 rendering engine that is the heart of the Safari web browser used in all our products. WebKit has been widely adopted. Google uses it for Android’s browser, Palm uses it, Nokia uses it, and RIM (Blackberry) has announced they will use it too. Almost every smartphone web browser other than Microsoft’s uses WebKit. By making its WebKit technology open, Apple has set the standard for mobile web browsers.

Second, there’s the “full web”.

Adobe has repeatedly said that Apple mobile devices cannot access “the full web” because 75% of video on the web is in Flash. What they don’t say is that almost all this video is also available in a more modern format, H.264, and viewable on iPhones, iPods and iPads. YouTube, with an estimated 40% of the web’s video, shines in an app bundled on all Apple mobile devices, with the iPad offering perhaps the best YouTube discovery and viewing experience ever. Add to this video from Vimeo, Netflix, Facebook, ABC, CBS, CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, ESPN, NPR, Time, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Sports Illustrated, People, National Geographic, and many, many others. iPhone, iPod and iPad users aren’t missing much video.

Another Adobe claim is that Apple devices cannot play Flash games. This is true. Fortunately, there are over 50,000 games and entertainment titles on the App Store, and many of them are free. There are more games and entertainment titles available for iPhone, iPod and iPad than for any other platform in the world.

Third, there’s reliability, security and performance.

Symantec recently highlighted Flash for having one of the worst security records in 2009. We also know first hand that Flash is the number one reason Macs crash. We have been working with Adobe to fix these problems, but they have persisted for several years now. We don’t want to reduce the reliability and security of our iPhones, iPods and iPads by adding Flash.

In addition, Flash has not performed well on mobile devices. We have routinely asked Adobe to show us Flash performing well on a mobile device, any mobile device, for a few years now. We have never seen it. Adobe publicly said that Flash would ship on a smartphone in early 2009, then the second half of 2009, then the first half of 2010, and now they say the second half of 2010. We think it will eventually ship, but we’re glad we didn’t hold our breath. Who knows how it will perform?

Fourth, there’s battery life.

To achieve long battery life when playing video, mobile devices must decode the video in hardware; decoding it in software uses too much power. Many of the chips used in modern mobile devices contain a decoder called H.264 – an industry standard that is used in every Blu-ray DVD player and has been adopted by Apple, Google (YouTube), Vimeo, Netflix and many other companies.

Although Flash has recently added support for H.264, the video on almost all Flash websites currently requires an older generation decoder that is not implemented in mobile chips and must be run in software. The difference is striking: on an iPhone, for example, H.264 videos play for up to 10 hours, while videos decoded in software play for less than 5 hours before the battery is fully drained.

When websites re-encode their videos using H.264, they can offer them without using Flash at all. They play perfectly in browsers like Apple’s Safari and Google’s Chrome without any plugins whatsoever, and look great on iPhones, iPods and iPads.

Fifth, there’s Touch.

Flash was designed for PCs using mice, not for touch screens using fingers. For example, many Flash websites rely on “rollovers”, which pop up menus or other elements when the mouse arrow hovers over a specific spot. Apple’s revolutionary multi-touch interface doesn’t use a mouse, and there is no concept of a rollover. Most Flash websites will need to be rewritten to support touch-based devices. If developers need to rewrite their Flash websites, why not use modern technologies like HTML5, CSS and JavaScript?

Even if iPhones, iPods and iPads ran Flash, it would not solve the problem that most Flash websites need to be rewritten to support touch-based devices.

Sixth, the most important reason.

Besides the fact that Flash is closed and proprietary, has major technical drawbacks, and doesn’t support touch based devices, there is an even more important reason we do not allow Flash on iPhones, iPods and iPads. We have discussed the downsides of using Flash to play video and interactive content from websites, but Adobe also wants developers to adopt Flash to create apps that run on our mobile devices.

We know from painful experience that letting a third party layer of software come between the platform and the developer ultimately results in sub-standard apps and hinders the enhancement and progress of the platform. If developers grow dependent on third party development libraries and tools, they can only take advantage of platform enhancements if and when the third party chooses to adopt the new features. We cannot be at the mercy of a third party deciding if and when they will make our enhancements available to our developers.

This becomes even worse if the third party is supplying a cross platform development tool. The third party may not adopt enhancements from one platform unless they are available on all of their supported platforms. Hence developers only have access to the lowest common denominator set of features. Again, we cannot accept an outcome where developers are blocked from using our innovations and enhancements because they are not available on our competitor’s platforms.

Flash is a cross platform development tool. It is not Adobe’s goal to help developers write the best iPhone, iPod and iPad apps. It is their goal to help developers write cross platform apps. And Adobe has been painfully slow to adopt enhancements to Apple’s platforms. For example, although Mac OS X has been shipping for almost 10 years now, Adobe just adopted it fully (Cocoa) two weeks ago when they shipped CS5. Adobe was the last major third party developer to fully adopt Mac OS X.

Our motivation is simple – we want to provide the most advanced and innovative platform to our developers, and we want them to stand directly on the shoulders of this platform and create the best apps the world has ever seen. We want to continually enhance the platform so developers can create even more amazing, powerful, fun and useful applications. Everyone wins – we sell more devices because we have the best apps, developers reach a wider and wider audience and customer base, and users are continually delighted by the best and broadest selection of apps on any platform.

Conclusions.

Flash was created during the PC era – for PCs and mice. Flash is a successful business for Adobe, and we can understand why they want to push it beyond PCs. But the mobile era is about low power devices, touch interfaces and open web standards – all areas where Flash falls short.

The avalanche of media outlets offering their content for Apple’s mobile devices demonstrates that Flash is no longer necessary to watch video or consume any kind of web content. And the 250,000 apps on Apple’s App Store proves that Flash isn’t necessary for tens of thousands of developers to create graphically rich applications, including games.

New open standards created in the mobile era, such as HTML5, will win on mobile devices (and PCs too). Perhaps Adobe should focus more on creating great HTML5 tools for the future, and less on criticizing Apple for leaving the past behind.

Steve Jobs April, 2010

What This Means In SEO

If your site uses Flash, you have a year to stop or no one will see your site content unless they uses an older version of a browser that still plays Flash.

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[thelureofadventure]

Lost

Edogawa Ranpo x Reader

1622 words

You swear you just passed by that stupid fountain for like three times in the past five minutes. You tried calling your friend for the nth time to ask directions on how to go to her workplace, but luck wasn't on your side today and the call went straight to voicemail. Man, your feet are already aching from all the walking that you just did. You were just out on a normal Tuesday, visiting an old friend that recently moved in a city that you have never been to, when you decided to roam and check out the various cafes and boutiques around just trying to kill time.

Are you lost? Probably, but you're enjoying nonetheless. The simple sceneries of the city was like a breath of fresh air from the usual suffocating work and stress you have back at Tokyo, but you still loved the busy place. It was your home.

Sighing, you decided to take a break and sat down in a nearby boba shop. Buying yourself a drink, settling on a table just outside the shop. You just can't get enough of the city, the bustling streets, people who are enjoying their family time, couples who just seem that they can't get their hands off of each other, leaves falling down from the trees and citizens who are screaming at a distance. Wait what? Screaming? Is that normal?

After an hour or so, you carried on, finished off your drink and decided to ask the locals on where you are headed.

Standing up, you went by the fountain where a young lady is sitting, scrolling through her phone screen.

"Hello, excuse me." You started. She looked up at you with a smile and asked for you to go on. "Uhm, do you happen to know where the Armed Detective Agency resides? I'm actually lost." You returned a smile and with wishful thinking that she knows where it is.

"Sorry but I've never heard of it." She sadly replied, going back to her phone screen. You sighed and went to another person sitting in a nearby bench. Same question, also same answer. Now, you're starting to doubt if your friend is playing a prank on you or if you've taken the wrong bus.

"Does it even exist?" Letting out a huff, you decided to not give up and asked the guy, sitting on the next bench, with an ice cream on hand. You are still hopeful that you're gonna find your way plus it's just one in the afternoon.

"Sorry to bother you, but do you know where the Armed Detective Agency is?" You asked and the guy just stared at you, dripping ice cream on hand. "Oh sorry, I thought you know where it is." You added sheepishly after few seconds of dead air. You started to walk away when he stood up. "Wait!"Voice slightly raised. You turned around walking back to him.

"I actually work there." He added, licking his melting ice cream. "Oh really? Then you know where it is! I've been looking for it, for atleast two hours now! Oh god, thank you!" You exclaimed, jumping up and down while squeezing his arms.

"Oh." He whispered, scratching the back of his neck. "There's a problem, although I work there, I actually don't know how to get back." He added, looking at you.

"What?" You were honestly caught off guard, you can't believe this guy doesn't know where his workplace is.

"I was out and about finishing a mission with the others when we were ambushed and I got separated with them." He explained nonchalantly. "Ambushed?" You were shocked that he explained it rather calmly. "Yep, approximately 74 minutes ago." He added, taking another lick from his ice cream. "Oh! Are you hurt or something?" You asked, starting to scan his face for any signs of injury. Surprisingly he was actually fine, gaining only a scratch at the right side of his neck from the ambush. Nothing like a small bandaid could fix. After checking to see if he was injured, you noticed the look of surprise on his face.

"What? What's with the look?" You asked, sitting on the bench. "Nothing, I was surprised that you're concern with a stranger like me." He sat beside you, finishing of his ice cream and popping another candy to his mouth. "Oh, human nature I guess? Plus we can change that, us being strangers and all, I'm Y/N" You tilted your head and smiled at him, reaching for his hand to shake.

"Ranpo, Ranpo Edogawa." He shook your hand and smiled. He was amused at how adorable and kind-hearted you were. "Yosano-san is probably done with the mission and is heading to where we are now." He knew that you were probably looking for Yosano since she mentioned something about a friend coming to Yokohama, few days before. Also, you got the same gold butterfly pin that she has, attached to your bag.

Hearing your phone ring, you answered it seeing it was Yosano. "Y/N oh dear, I'm so sorry I haven't answered your calls. I was busy with something. You are with Ranpo right? I'll head to where you are right now." She exclaimed, words coming out of her mouth dripping with urgency. "Yosano! It's okay no worries, Ranpo is keeping me company so everything is fine. No rush okay, take your time. See you!" You replied, trying to calm her as she's trying to rush to where you both are headed. You both hung up and gave Ranpo a weird look. "How did she-" You started off but was interrupted by Ranpo. "I texted her where I am and that I saw you asking several people where the agency is." He finished. "Oh, thank you for that." You replied, slightly blushing. You don't even know why that made you blush, I guess it was his cool aura and voice? Oh dear god, his voice.

"So Y/N, what do you do for work?" He tried striking up another conversation. You actually enjoy the black haired guy's company, although you've just met, you feel warm and comfortable towards him. "I'm a zoologist, and currently doing some research work here for a week or two. Decided to take a day off and just enjoy the city and meet with Yosano, an old friend of mine. We both go way back." You smiled, going down the memory lane and reminiscing the childhood memories you and Yosano share. Ranpo actually knew what you do, he just wanted to hear you talk. There's just something about you that even the greatest detective can't pinpoint what. You're like a brand new mystery to him.

"There's this one time that we decided to cut our own hair and Yosano decided to-" You could't help but to laugh at the memory, not being able to finish the sentence. Ranpo smiled at the sight, at how genuinely you're enjoying your time. He couldn't help but to chuckle with you, not knowing the full context of what you're gonna say. Wiping a few stray tears from laughing too much, you continued. "She decided to cut her own bangs, we were fifteen and we just watched a couple of YouTube videos about it. So she got her own scissors and went with it, but it was a complete fail. She cut it too short and uneven, it was too funny Ranpo-san. I even got it on video but she swore she's gonna kill me if I upload it online. It would've went viral now and she would've been famous." You shrugged and happily sighed, finishing your random story.

"Wait, I think I have the proof." You added. Deciding that it was worth it, you fumbled around your phone and saw the video that you uploaded privately on your account. You moved closer to Ranpo, chuckling as you started to play the video. He actually smells like cinnamon. (the purest cinnamon roll indeed, am I right?)

You were startled as someone grabbed your ear.

"Ow, ow, ow!" You screamed. You looked at your side and realized that it was Yosano. She let go of your ear and suddenly there was some kind of a black aura around her. Your face turned pale.

"Uh, Aki-Akiko, it's not what it looks like." You stammered and tried reasoning out with her. You don't want her mad. You really don't. In all honesty, you would rather die than taste her wrath. "I swear Y/N, if it isn't for my undying love for you, you'd be dead now." She sighed, scratching the back of her head. You both hear Ranpo laughing, even bending down while holding his stomach.

"I can't believe you can get that pale fast. Oh Y/N, this is too hilarious." He finished with a chuckle while looking at the both of you.

Yosano turned to him as he thank Ranpo for accompanying you while she's away. "Hey Ranpo, thank you for keeping Y/N company. I owe you one." She gently smiled. With a tight hug, the both of you started walking towards the agency, followed by Ranpo.

"Hey no worries, I can even accompany and show Y/N around the city." He suggested, smiling. What a joke this cute-ass detective is.

"Oh shut up Ranpo-san." Yosano laughed and punched him in the shoulder.

Looking at Ranpo and smiling, you realized that getting lost in the city isn't so bad after all.

[berniesrevolution]

JACOBIN MAGAZINE

US labor history is full of moments of tremendous drama and upheaval. That history is riveting stuff, but getting a raw, unfiltered view of the human drama of workers fighting their bosses on the shop floor, the place where the day-to-day confrontation between workers and bosses takes place (and occasionally boils over), is rare.

Which is what makes Antoine Dangerfield’s recent viral video a must-watch. A thirty-year-old welder in Indianapolis, Dangerfield worked for a construction contractor building a UPS hub. On Tuesday, he says that a small number of Latino workers (millwrights, welders, and conveyor installers, in his telling) working for a different contractor but in the same hub were ordered home after disobeying the orders of a white boss he calls racist.

In response, the entire group of workers — over a hundred, in Dangerfield’s estimation — walked out.

Dangerfield caught their wildcat strike on camera at the moment they walked off the job. In his video, he is positively giddy watching them shut down their massive workplace.

“They are not bullshitting!” he says as Latino workers walk off. Referring to the boss, he says, “They thought they was gonna play with these amigos, and they said, ‘aw yeah, we rise together, homie.’ And they leaving! And they not bullshitting!”

After all the workers are gone, Dangerfield gives the viewer a tour of the empty hub. He’s incredulous: “Ain’t no grinding, cutting, welding — this motherfucker dead-ass quiet. The Mexicans shut this motherfucker down.”

Since he posted the video on Wednesday, the footage has been viewed millions of times on Facebook (two million) and YouTube (nearly eight hundred thousand) and on sites like WorldStarHipHop (three hundred thousand). It also, as he explains in this interview, led to his firing. Dangerfield thinks it’s worth it, though.

Jacobin managing editor Micah Uetricht spoke with Dangerfield on Thursday afternoon. Neither could track down the striking workers in the video, but Dangerfield spoke about what was a “life-changing” experience for him. The interview has been edited for clarity and brevity.

Micah Uetricht:

Where do you work?

Antoine Dangerfield:

It’s a contractor that’s doing a UPS superhub. They fired me about [the video], though.

Micah Uetricht:

Really?

Antoine Dangerfield:

They’re real mad about it. They tried to pay me $250 to take it down. But there’s nothing I could do about it. I didn’t expect it to be this big.

Micah Uetricht:

So what happened?

Antoine Dangerfield:

There was a safety guy. He was just a racist, basically — always messing with anybody who’s not white. The Hispanics just stayed out of his way. They warned each other when he came because they knew he was always messing with them, taking pictures and videos, trying to get them fired.

We have safety meetings, and we usually have a translator [for Spanish speakers] because there are so many. On Tuesday, we had a safety meeting, and like I said, the Mexicans don’t really like [the safety coordinator].

He asked one of the Mexicans to come up and translate. He didn’t wanna do it. [The coordinator] got mad, real red-faced. Next thing you know, he dismissed the meeting. So he’s walking around just sending them home, trying to fire them. So he sent like five or six of them home.

So the Hispanics got together and were like, “Nah. We got families and kids. We’re not about to let these dudes just do whatever.” So they took a stand.

Micah Uetricht:

Do they have a union?

Antoine Dangerfield:

Nah. They just decided today’s the day. They fired the [safety coordinator], though. And they fired me, too, for the video. But there wasn’t one [worker] left in the building.

Micah Uetricht:

How long had there been issues with the safety guy?

Antoine Dangerfield:

As soon as he started. It’s been three or four months. I’ve been there since January.

Micah Uetricht:

So what happened when the video went up?

Antoine Dangerfield:

The owners of [the construction contractors] came down, corporate people from UPS.

Micah Uetricht:

From UPS?!

Antoine Dangerfield:

That’s what people were telling me. Because I went back to pick up my last check and my welding gear. That was when they offered me $250 to take it down. It was at 1.1 million views on Facebook at that point. So there was nothing I could do.

I was shocked. I come in here every day. The last video I posted got two likes! I wasn’t trying to harm anybody.

Micah Uetricht:

How did you feel watching them walk off the job?

Antoine Dangerfield:

I just felt that power, man. It just felt good. They were walking out with their heads up, strong. It touched me. That’s why I was like, wow, this is beautiful. It was beautiful that they came together like that — stood up for themselves and not let that dude walk all over them.

Micah Uetricht:

Have you had that experience at work, feeling walked all over?

Antoine Dangerfield:

I stay out of their way. I just work. I don’t get involved with management usually. I just come in and get my check. And they just offered me a team lead job and everything. I was there every day and thought everything was cool. If I hadn’t posted the video, I would still be there working.

I had just come back from California in December. In January, I came back home because my son is here. He didn’t like me being gone — he had a hard time with it. So I decided to get something local, close to my dude. Because he loves me, you know what I mean?

Micah Uetricht:

You said the workers walked off the job with their heads up.

Antoine Dangerfield:

Yeah. It was powerful, bro. They were proud of themselves, like they’re supposed to be. But [management] still paid everybody for the whole day. That’s how you know they were wrong. They sent everybody home, but I stayed until the end, because I was in awe.

Micah Uetricht:

Have you ever had an experience with that kind of action before?

Antoine Dangerfield:

Never. It was like the Million Man March or something. You heard me in the video — I was excited.

Micah Uetricht:

You’re black. The people you filmed in the video are Latino. You said in the description of your video that black people need to learn something from this. What did you mean?

Antoine Dangerfield:

All the hate going on — we need to stick together. I think black people are moving in the right direction. We were down for a minute with the crack era. And you see the news, a lot of killings in the black community. Sometimes we don’t come together. But if they can do it, we can do it. And we can all come together. There’s power in numbers.

I don’t like racist anything. I don’t like people picking on people, bullying. It’s ridiculous. So when people come together, it’s a beautiful thing.

Micah Uetricht:

They were specifically taking on a boss, taking action on the job.

Antoine Dangerfield:

Yeah, and you can use that in any way. Votes, we could show up for. Or all corporations that have done you wrong.

We’re the ones, the workers — we make the heads get rich. Treating us lesser than isn’t even cool. We’re the reason the hub was getting built. Ain’t no owners out there in their hard hats. We’re the ones putting our life on the line. So you gotta respect us.

They’re a cool company. I don’t really have anything against them. But when you see wrong being done, you should step up and do something about it.

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