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borathae · 1 year

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↳ Index [Chapter 36 - Oma]

• Oma (German, grandma)

Warnings: I want to cradle Jungkook in my arms and kiss his forehead, he is the most adorable person ever, cuddles & snuggles, wandering around memories, grief in some way?, idk she visits her dead grandma in her memories, it’s sweet but in a bittersweet kinda way, the ending hits different

Wordcount: 14.3k

a/n: writing this chapter after so much pain felt like therapy. this is a breather after all the angst

You open your eyes. The walls are violet and the furniture a mahogany red. You know that room so well. You spent many nights in it back when Namjoon was still nowhere to be found and your little group was still complete. Maybe a little broken at that time, but at least everyone was still here. You sigh with pain in your voice. The night Yoongi was with you in this exact bed comes back to you. Haunting you. It was a peaceful night, the air smelled of aging summer and the cicadas were already quiet. The rest of the house was already asleep. It was just you and him. He plopped himself right across you, sinking into the fluffy duvet until he was almost swallowed by it. You then proceeded to giggle like crazy and attack him with dozens and dozens of kisses. Yoongi spent the night under those covers with you whilst the only soundtrack of the night, was your shaky breathing and the sound of desperate kisses. He told you about his past as a sorcerer once everything was done and you listened to him until the sound of his voice lulled you to the best sleep ever.

Knowing that such moments were nothing but memory these days hurts like fucking hell.

You sit up even if it is difficult. Your legs are bared under the covers. That explains why your jeans are thrown over the wingchair by the window. Your beanie and winter coat were on it as well and by its legs, your winter boots were standing.

Jungkook must have undressed you last night before tugging you into bed. The latter wasn’t in the room with you, but the sound of the shower next door lets you know that he was still here. Even if not visible, Jungkook was still here.

The morning after your night with Yoongi comes back to you. He also took a shower in this bathroom. He let you sleep in and you woke up to the sound of him brushing his teeth. He kept the door open, leaning against the doorframe and with his eyes gazing at your face. He wore a bathrobe back then. It was pink and floor length as it belonged to one of the witches. You remember giggling when seeing him and Yoongi telling you to stop teasing him with fondness in his eyes. He gave you a kiss once he finished his morning routine and till this day you regret not pulling him back into bed with you to kiss him for hours. You should have appreciated the time you had with him more. You should have kissed him and kissed him and kissed him some more.

The door opens. Jungkook steps outside, wearing fresh boxer briefs and having his hair tied back in a high bun. He looks at you the moment the door opens.

“Good morning”, he says.

“Mhm”, you let out, because you felt too weak to speak.

Jungkook sits down at the edge of the bed, draping his left arm over your waist and propping his hand on the mattress. He caresses your cheek with the back of his right hand gently and soothingly. You know that he can smell your sadness. No emotion gets unnoticed by his overly sensitive nose. Especially not one so stubborn and potent. He doesn’t call you out on it. You appreciate that he doesn’t. You don’t have the strength to accept comforting words or promises that it will get better again. His soft touch brings comfort enough.

“I will bring you some breakfast.”

“Mh-hm.”

Jungkook breaks away from you and gets dressed. He leaves the room afterwards, abandoning you in your thoughts. You appreciate that he didn’t ask whether you wanted breakfast or not and instead he decided it for you. You couldn’t have possibly made a decision. It is so exhausting to make decisions. So goddamn exhausting.

Yoongi brought you breakfast that morning as well. You insisted on going downstairs and eating it together with the others, but Yoongi wanted you to stay in bed and relax while he fed you fresh fruit from the witches’ gardens. He made it so easy to give in. He always did. And he made it so worthwhile. You never regretted giving in to him.

You want to return to the past. Why is it not possible? Why do you have to keep living, knowing that you can never relive your favourite moments? Why did everything go so very wrong?

The door opens. Jungkook is back. He returns to his spot, placing the bowl of food on his lap.

“Meredith made porridge for you. She put a little bit of magic in it to help you regain your energy”, he says and scoops up some of the sweet breakfast. He blows on it until it isn’t too hot anymore, “try it.”

You let him feed you. The porridge is rich in spices. Cinnamon, vanilla, honey and fresh milk. The magic gives it an even richer flavour. It tastes good.

“It’s yummy, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“That’s good. Eat it well”, he says, feeding you spoon by spoon without speaking a word. He knows as well as you do, that there is nothing to talk about.

The magic starts to work after half of the bowl was finished. Your body stops aching and your muscles finally begin wanting to move. The warmth and Jungkook’s gentle care helps your heart ache less. You sit up, using his thigh for support.

Jungkook places the spoon in the bowl, watching you with bated breath. You take said spoon and begin eating yourself while he holds the bowl.

You chew and swallow, looking into his eyes.

“How long did I sleep?” you ask him.

“Almost an entire day. You fell asleep in the car so I carried you to bed. You didn’t even wake up when I undressed you. You must have been really exhausted”, he says and gives you a knowing smile, “it’s good that you slept for so long. You’ll see how much easier you can work today.”

“Do they know why we are here?”

“Yes. I told them everything and they went straight to work. Don’t worry my baby, you didn’t lose any time”, Jungkook says, caressing your cheek, “they worked in your stead so you could rest.”

“Thank you”, you get out, “you have no idea how much this means to me.”

Jungkook gives you a little smile, “I’ll go downstairs now. Jelena told me that she might have a lead and she needs a vampire’s help for it. Take your time, we have everything under control.”

Jungkook wants to stand up and leave but you pull him back. He looks down at you and his hand clutched tightly in yours. You guide it to your lips, leaving a soft kiss on his knuckles.

“Thank you”, you whisper.

Jungkook smiles, brushing his thumb over your skin gently. He leans down and kisses your knuckles.

“Eat your porridge. You need the strength”, he says softly and slips his hand out of your grasp to leave for good.

You leave your room once breakfast was finished. The rooms are all empty. The kitchen doors leading into the garden are closed. Only the handles, pulled into an open position, let you know where you will find everyone. You abandon your empty porridge bowl in the sink and slip outside.

The air is cold and wet. The ocean is loud from the storm brewing on the horizon. The sky is dark. You pull your jacket tighter around you and hurry to the shed.

Its doors are leaned shut. They open easily.

Heads turn into your direction instantly. Meredith calls your name, hurrying to you in big steps. She engulfs your hands in hers, using the momentum to pull you into a hug.

“This is terrible, oh this is so terrible. Poor Yoongi”, she says with great sadness in her voice. She squeezes you softly, “and you. Oh, you must be so confused.”

You get lost in her hug, squeezing your eyes shut.

“I don’t know what to do”, you confess, “all I try, fails.”

“I know how you feel. Come”, she breaks away from you, taking your hand, “we can celebrate your powers later. We have work to do.”

“Can you help us, Meredith?”

“We will do everything in our power and knowledge to get Yoongi out of this situation”, she promises you, leading you to the working desk.

Jungkook welcomes you by his side, rubbing his hand up and down your lower back just once before he looks back at the work ahead.

His blood is distributed between ten metal bowls, while another ten bowls show his dried up blood.

“What happened here?” you ask.

“Trial and error of different spells. Dragana knows which spell Namjoon used to curse Yoongi.”

“You do?” you address Dragana.

She nods her head, “Jungkook told us how the cursed wood entered Yoongi’s system. The curse manifested itself by infecting the lungs and later spreading to the blood system. So we infected Jungkook’s blood with splinters of wood, which I laced with the same curse, and then we tried different methods of healing.”

“You can test spells like that?” you gasp.

“Of course you can. Why? How have you been testing your spells?”

So all those vampires you killed were useless, senseless killings. You feel sick to the stomach, but force it down because you have to concentrate.

“Differently”, you whisper and to your gratefulness they don’t ask further questions. Perhaps deep down, they already knew the answer and with it, knew that it was impossible to confess.

“As you can see, every spell we tried until now hasn’t worked. The curse still boiled Jungkook’s blood until it was gone”, Dragana continues, pointing at the bowls.

“I see. Which spells did you try?”

Dragana explains them to you and to every single one, you have to tell them that you already tried it before.

“This is a stubborn curse, isn’t it?” Jelena says.

“Of course it is. It is Namjoon’s doing”, Meredith says, “if he works together with them, it is no wonder that the curse is as stubborn as it is.”

“Who is he working with?” you ask.

“A coven of witches, who think their purpose is to serve evil. They gain their powers from death and pain and Namjoon has been working with them for centuries.”

“I see. This is terrible. Maybe that is how he always escaped us. Could the witches have put a cloaking spell on him?”

“Oh, most definitely.”

“So he was right”, you murmur.

“What do you say?”

“When I talked to Namjoon in the dungeon, he told me that he wanted us to capture him. That everything was going according to his plans. Holy fuck, he was right. He actually wanted us to find him”, you dig your nails into the wood in a furious grip, “I’m going to kill him. Even if it’s the last thing that I’ll do”, you press out through gritted teeth.

“Hey ___”, Jungkook whispers, rubbing your back, “calm down.”

“W-what?” you stutter, looking at him.

“Calm down. Look.”

He points at one of the bowls. His once untouched blood has boiled down completely.

“Did I do that?” you gasp, looking at Meredith for help.

Her brows are furrowed in slight worry.

“But I didn’t even do anything.”

“Yes, but your magic did”, she touches your forehead, “oh, you are so messy in there. Dear oh dear, you have no focus.”

“What do you mean?”

“It means that you haven’t learned how to focus your magic yet, have you?”

You shake your head, “Meredith, is it dangerous?”

“It can be if you allow it to continue for too long. You could lose control over your magic and that could have fatal consequences.”

“Fatal?” you gasp.

“What do you mean fatal? She can die?” Jungkook gasps, grabbing your hand tightly, “Meredith, you have to help her. She can’t die.”

“Everything is okay for now, don’t worry”, she calms him down, “you are with us now and we can keep an eye on you.”

Jungkook exhales in relief, loosening his grip just slightly.

“Thank you. I seriously wouldn’t know what I’d do without you guys. I know nothing, seriously”, you say.

“That’s not true. You managed to do quite a lot of spells without any prior knowledge. You have talent, you just need practice”, Meredith assures you.

“You think so?”

“I do.”

“Thank you.”

“But for now let’s make sure the magic doesn’t overwhelm you again. Jelena can you get the focus bracelet from the cellar?”

“I will. ___ have you any colour wishes?”

“Blue”, you say without hesitation.

“Blue”, she repeats, “I wonder why that is”, she says and hurries away in light steps.

And while she is busy getting the bracelet, the rest of you continue the research. You try many spells that day. Many, many spells. You use different tools and devices, speak different languages, whisper long forgotten words and yet the result is always the same. The curse boils Jungkook’s blood until there is nothing left. You even take more of Jungkook’s blood to test out more spells, but before you could find a solution, you run out of cursed wood. It was late into the night when that happens. The witches were all exhausted, so were you. And yet while everyone went to sleep for the night, you stayed up. The witches forbade you to go to the shed alone and while you really wanted to, you listened. They knew better than you.

So you stayed in the living room where months ago you found your friends unconscious. The candles surrounding you have almost burned down completely, barely casting any light. This is exactly how you feel. Barely shining.

You thought that today would be a good day. That the witches would figure out how you could heal Yoongi and yet they have come to as little solutions as you did. You aren’t angry at them, you are just frustrated at the entire situation.

“There you are.”

You turn your head just in time to be able to watch Jungkook sit down on the sofa next to you.

“The others all went to sleep already”, he tells you, studying your face when you give him no answer, “what are you doing here?”

“Thinking.”

“I think we made progress today.”

“No, we didn’t.”

“Yes, we did. The knife. The knife we found in one of the books. We will find the right spell for it.”

It was Dragana who found it. It was an old drawing of a knife which was once used to extract poison from people. Nature witches used them whenever they healed people in their villages. As of now, you haven’t found the right spell yet.

“Maybe.”

“I’m sure of it”, Jungkook says.

You say nothing to it. You wouldn’t know what to say. So you lift your arm and point at the rug. There is a big stain on it.

“You were passed out right there. Your drink was spilled all over the rug and your legs were all bended weirdly”, you say.

Jungkook looks at you with confusion in his eyes.

“I was so scared back then”, you confess, “thinking about it now makes me laugh. I was such a wimp.”

Jungkook scoffs, “don’t say that. You were never a wimp. Hell, you’ve always been a badass.”

“Tzt, yeah sure.”

“Hey”, Jungkook nudges your arm, “stop that. I’m serious.”

You sneak a glance at him. He has his brows furrowed in seriousness.

“You really think so?” you ask him to which he nods his head.

“You stayed when you found out about our secret, survived way too much shit and you saved all of us. Back then I mean. You saved all of us and you were just a human back then.”

“Mhm”, you turn back to study the stain on the rug, “I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I knew about my powers back then.”

“I get that, but you did all of that even without powers, so I don’t think that you would have needed them back then.”

“I guess.”

“I’m serious, ___”, Jungkook insists, placing his hand on your shoulder.

“I know, I appreciate it”, you tell him, reaching up to pat his hand.

It feels like such a long time ago. The stain looks fresh and yet for you it looks like a part of a time far too long ago. You regret that time. The fight with Yoongi seems even more awful these days. So many days wasted with fighting instead of hugging him close. You break your eyes away from the stain and look at Jungkook instead.

He looked at the stain as well, but changed his gaze to you when he feels his eyes on you. He gives you a shy smile when he does, one you try to retort but fail.

“Jungkook, I miss him so much”, you choke out in a trembling voice.

Jungkook’s smile falls, immense sadness replaces it.

“I miss him too”, he whispers, clearly fighting with his tears.

“I can’t bear it anymore. This, this hollowness”, you hit your own chest, “when he left, he took the part which was happy and bright and which loved life. I don’t see any beauty in life anymore. And no hope. I lost all of my hope.”

“I share your pain, but I don’t think you lost all hope”, he takes your hand and squeezes it gently, “if you had, you wouldn’t keep fighting. You wouldn’t move heaven and hell to find a cure and you wouldn’t keep trying new spells.”

“I don’t know for how long I can still do this”, you confess and whimper, “I don’t want to be without him anymore. I love him so much and now he is…now he is gone”, you barely get out the last part before everything gets too much and you sob.

“Come here”, Jungkook acts instantly. He pulls you atop his lap and hugs you against him. Like this, he cradles you in his strong arms and rocks your bodies from side to side soothingly. He sobs softly, giving you a tight squeeze.

“I miss him too”, he confesses between your shared sobs, “I spend most of my nights crying because I miss him so much.”

“It hurts so much.”

“It hurts unbearably.”

You both sob into the other as your arms squeeze the other for comfort. It may sound most peculiar, but it feels good to cry with Jungkook. He understands you. He truly and really understands you. The others may miss Yoongi, but they never learned how it felt to be in love with him and to be loved in return. But Jungkook knows. He knows and because of it, feels your pain. And it feels healing to cry with him because for the first time in a long time, you don’t have to carry the pain alone.

The first two weeks after you lost Yoongi, you and Jungkook shared every night together. Back then, you cried in each other’s arms until you passed out in exhaustion. You shared the pain and felt comfort through it. Even if just the littlest amount. You faded away once the third week nearly passed and left Jungkook to cry alone while you became gradually insane from failed research.

Now that you are in his arms again and you cry over the emptiness Yoongi left behind, you are reminded once again why you didn’t entirely break in those first two weeks. It was because you shared the pain with Jungkook and found comfort in being really understood.

You lift your head during a moment where your tears stopped. Jungkook can barely see through the thick remnants of tears and yet he does. He sees you. And he understands and feels understood in return. You and he reach for each other’s faces at the same time, your thumbs wipe your tears away.

“Will we get him back?” you ask.

“We have to believe in it”, he says, “I want to believe in it.”

“I want to too, but it hurts me so much.”

“It hurts me too”, he tugs your face down until your noses touch. Your eyes close, “but we can lean on each other. Yeah? We can cry and hug and share the pain.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I want to do that. Kook, I’m so sorry that I pushed you away.”

“I know you got lost in finding a cure”, he assures you, “it did hurt me a little. Yeah, I was hurting at first. I was in so much pain and then you pushed me away too.”

“I’m sorry. I know it’s coming so late, but I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, I understand that you had more important things to do”, he says and kisses your lips. Gently and full of love, “thank you for crying with me tonight. I feel so broken, but you make it a little easier.”

“I feel broken too. If I think about it for too long again, I’ll start crying without stopping.”

“Lean on me”, he offers and you take him up on it instantly. You rest your cheek on his shoulder, closing your eyes as you inhale his scent.

Jungkook smells gentle. He smells tender and soft and clean. He doesn’t wear perfume which will make you think of an attractive man like Yoongi and Hoseok do. Nor does he wear scents which remind you of a gentleman like Taehyung and Seokjin do. Jungkook doesn’t wear perfume and yet he smells incredibly good. Gentle and soft. You like to describe him this way because it fits him so very well.

“I thought that we would finally be successful here”, you whisper brokenly, “I thought that they would know of things I haven’t read about yet, but we didn’t achieve anything.”

“I understand you so well”, Jungkook speaks in whispers while his hands run up and down your back, “but maybe the knife will be the right thing to use? You didn’t try this out yet.”

“Even if it does work, how should we activate it? We don’t know the right spell. We, we need a nature witch for it and we don’t know any.”

“Then we’ll look around until we find one. I’ll drive you to wherever we need to be. And, and then you can use my blood as often as you need to until you know the right spell.”

You hug him to you tighter because there are no words to describe how grateful you are for him, for his optimism and his ability to think of solutions. You have no energy or hope left tonight. You are so thankful that he can tell you hopeful things you would have never thought of. Jungkook understands what your gentle squeezes means and he squeezes you right back

“Kookie, I think my grandma was a nature witch”, you whisper.

“Really? What makes you think that?” he asks.

“When I was a little girl, my mum always told me about grandma Lilly and that she was crazy in the head. That’s what mum called it.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, my mum told me that grandma Lilly always wanted to teach her about witchcraft when she was a little girl and that she always spoke of demons lingering in the woods behind her house.”

“Are you for real? And your mother didn’t believe her?”

“Of course not, she’s my mum. She never really believed in the supernatural. Not ghosts or demons or magic. The world is explained through science and facts for her, not magic. I was on her side once upon a time, but I was wrong big times.”

Jungkook chuckles, you retort it.

“But I know now that grandma Lilly was right”, you say, feeling your chest tighten in sadness, “magic is real, ghosts actually whisper in the nights and demons are very much part of this world. Goddamn it, I regret it so much that I never visited her once I got my first car.”

“You didn’t?”

You shake your head, sighing in sadness.

“Grandma Lilly lived very far away from any kind of civilisation. You had to drive through tense forests, cross way too many shaky bridges and drive on narrow gravel roads. Her house was surrounded by a dense forest. I think they were conifer trees. And on the south border of her garden a brook was running right past her flower beds. I think she grew stinging nettles and hogweed there. I don’t know exactly, I was always scared of that corner because she said that the plants there will hurt me a lot if I touched them, so I stayed away as a little girl.”

“Thankfully you did, hogweed burns are no joke.”

“Yeah, they really aren’t”, you agree and continue, “but other than that, her garden was so beautiful. She had many flowers beds, most were filled with herbs or healing flowers. She used them to make potions. That’s how she called them and as a kid I always thought that she was joking, but I know better now”, you say, letting out a small, sad chuckle, “she also grew all of her food herself and had a separate house for her animals. She never killed any of them, they were all her friends. She told me that she talks to them and that they want to give them their milk or eggs or fur as a token of friendship for keeping them safe.”

“And you didn’t believe her again?”

“Yeah, sadly I always thought that she was just saying that to amaze me.”

“I guess, it’s hard to believe in stuff like that when you don’t really live through it yourself.”

“Yeah, most definitely”, you agree, nodding your head, “but I think”, you continue, “I think deep down I always knew that my grandma wasn’t lying. Her place felt magical the moment you sat foot on her property. The sun was always brighter and the plants always healthier and somehow the strong storms in summer and winter never seemed to damage her place. It was like the trees and branches refused to fall on her land. And I slept so well”, you say and smile, “my bed was always too big for me, but she put lots of pillows around me so I always felt safe. At night she would bring me a mug of warm milk with spices from her garden and honey from her bee friends and then she would tell me one of her magical adventure stories and I would fall asleep and oftentimes dream of being part of her adventures.”

“Her home sounds really nice. I bet you had really good days there”, Jungkook says with awe in his voice.

“I did”, you smile, “not many because my mum never really trusted grandma Lilly to take good care of me, but I think that she was scared that grandma would show me something magical and therefore confuse me.”

“Would that really have been so bad though?”

“No, I don’t think so. Especially now. I would have loved to have my grandma teach me magic. Just imagine what I could have done if I already knew about my magic since I was a kid.”

Jungkook sways your body softly, “I’m sorry ___, that really would have been cool.”

“Yeah, it would have been”, you say and give his body a soft squeeze, “I really miss grandma Lilly.”

“Did she die already?”

“Yes, a few years ago. The official story is that she developed early dementia and got confused and one night she wandered into the woods too deep and died there from the cold. When the police found her body three days later, half of her neck was torn out. They said that an animal got to her.”

“You don’t sound convinced.��

“Of course I don’t. Just think about it. She fought demons in the forest and had half her neck torn out.”

“Holy moly, ___. Vampires”, Jungkook says.

“Exactly. Fucking damn it, she probably died fighting a vampire. That would explain why she talked about demons in the forests and why I had to be inside the moment the sun was setting and why she told me to never ever tell a stranger to come inside. You know.”

You lift your head to look at Jungkook. His eyes race between yours as his entire attention was on you and your story.

“She had fencing all around her garden. It was so high and the ends were sharp and placed in a slight angle facing the forests. She told me that it keeps the demons from trying to snatch her away.”

Jungkook widens his eyes.

“Holy fuck, your grandma actually fought vampires, didn’t she?”

“Yeah, she did”, you say, “I just know she did. And we didn’t believe her. Fuck, my mum called her crazy and I believed her, because obviously a little girl is going to believe her own mum. And now it’s driving me insane because I had her.”

You widen your eyes in emotion.

“I had my grandma right there. Knowing everything and, and sharing my, my”, you look at your own hands, realising that they are shaking just slightly, “my magic. And I didn’t believe her. I’m going insane. I want to talk to her and see her again and ask her so many things.”

Jungkook takes your shaking hands and cradles them against his chest. It lessens the shakes and grounds you to him. His thumbs draw circles on your skin, his eyes draw you in and give you a sense of comfort.

“Maybe you could?” he suggests.

“How? Last time I checked, bringing back the dead isn’t really my forte.”

“Your memories. Maybe we could go there together and look for clues in her place.”

“You think this could work?” you gasp.

“We could try?” Jungkook tilts his head to the side, “you’d just have to let me inside and then guide me to the year you want to return to.”

“Holy shit, Kook. You would do that for me?”

“I would do everything for you”, he says.

You smile, reaching out to caress his cheek. Jungkook leans into it.

“Then let’s do it. Trying won’t hurt.”

“Exactly”, Jungkook nods his head excitedly, “lie down, let’s get comfortable.”

And so it happens that you take off your magic rings, lie down on the sofa and Jungkook lies himself on top of you. He rests his head on your chest, reaching up to cup your cheek with one hand.

“Now close your eyes and think of the year.”

You close your eyes, thinking back to this one summer where the raspberry bushes carried so much fruit.

Your body tingles and your head feels dizzy for just second.

Red behind your eyelids and the sound of birds.

You open your eyes. This forest. You know it. It’s the forest behind your grandma’s house. It worked!

“Woah, this place is even better than I imagined it to be”, Jungkook gasps, looking around himself, “wow, your memories are beautiful.”

There is colour all around you. The light is taunted by a golden hue, which gives the trees and plants around you an almost unnatural colour to it. Green and yet not really green. It is that distinct green the world gets when the setting sun kisses the earth just right.

“Those are my memories”, you murmur, lifting your head to count the branches on the high conifer trees just as you did when you were a little girl.

Too many to count. Just like in the past.

You lower your head, shifting your attention to Jungkook who is just a few feet down the path. He is looking at you. His skin looks so healthy and alive, not at all pale like in the real world.

He stretches his arm to you, opening his hand. You jog to catch up with him, taking his hand in yours.

“Is that the way?” he asks.

“Yes, that’s the way. Just past those trees”, you tell him, “follow me. I know this path from memory.”

There is the fallen over tree to your right with its white mushrooms growing all over its bark. Just past that, to your left, there is the rock. It is black and covered in moss. It seemed so big when you were little, but now it is only reaching you to your knees.

You pass it and duck out of the way of some low hanging branches. Jungkook does the same, inhaling deeply afterwards.

“It smells so good here”, Jungkook says.

“I know. That’s grandma’s raspberry pie. She just called me for pie”, you tell him, running, “quick. The pie is so yummy when it’s still warm.”

Just a few more steps. There it is. The gate. Opened just how you left it when you went on your adventure.

“I’m coming grandma!” a little girl calls out behind you.

You and Jungkook stop abruptly, turning on your heels.

“Holy shit”, you press out, watching the ghost of your past run down the path.

“Is this you?” Jungkook asks with widened eyes.

“This is me”, you whisper, watching with a lump in your throat as you run and run and run with a big smile on your face and with dirt on your hands.

You come closer and closer until you run right through you and Jungkook. You feel a cold shiver run down your spine as it happens and for just a second it seems as if your past self falters in her steps. She looks over her shoulder. Her eyes are focused right on you and Jungkook. You squeeze his hand tighter, feeling dizzy. Can she see you? She blinks her eyes twice then turns back around and begins running again.

“Grandma, I found mushrooms again! The white ones!” childhood you yells excitedly as she stumbles past the gate and runs through the flower meadow, which your grandma kept behind her house.

So she didn’t see you. You feel relief and yet also disappointment. Oh, how you would have loved to tell her that all those painful days she will go through during her teens will feel manageable one day and that she will find happiness again once she stops believing the hurtful words her parents yell at her.

“Grandma, look!” past you calls out, skipping over the meadow without any care in the world.

You follow her, tugging Jungkook with you instinctively. You barely even notice him by your side, not when the memory of this day is so clear before you.

Grandma Lilly steps out of the house then.

The ache in your chest makes you stop. She looks just as beautiful as you remember her to look. Her smile is just as warm.

“Look at you, my honeybee. You got your hands all dirty. It must have been a good day”, she welcomes past you back with open arms in which she jumps happily.

With a squeal leaving her lips she allows your grandma to lift her and then twirl her around. The laughter she lets out makes you feel tight in your chest. It hurts to see you that happy with the woman who loved you so much and knowing that you can never have this again.

“Are you okay?” Jungkook whispers, squeezing your hand as he watches tears roll down your cheeks.

“I don’t know”, you press out, yearning for a hug from your grandma.

The reflection of your past cuddles into your grandma’s chest and the yearning hurts even more.

“Grandma, I want cake”, she says and closes her eyes.

“Of course, I baked the biggest pie for you, my honeybee”, your grandma says, caressing the back of her head. Her eyes scan over the garden to the gate. For just a second it feels as if her eyes are lingering on you and Jungkook.

“Hey”, you mouth the word, lifting your hand to wave at her despite knowing she can’t see you.

Your grandma smiles.

It can’t be. Did she actually see you?

She sets down past you.

“Go inside honeybee and prepare some tea for the pie, alright?”

“Why are you not coming with me, grandma?”

“I need to make sure that the gates are safe in case demons decide to come tonight, okay?”

“Yes grandma. I’ll make tea for you too.”

Your grandma kisses past you’s cheek.

“Thank you, honeybee”, a soft pat to her butt follows, “now off you go.”

Past you soon disappears inside the cottage and with it conjures a wall of thick fog right by the door.

“What is happening?” Jungkook asks quietly, staring at your grandma with big eyes, “why is she staring at us?”

“It can’t be”, you whisper, slipping out of Jungkook’s hold, “grandma?” you call out, walking to her in slow steps, “grandma, can you see me?”

She smiles, “I was waiting for you, my honeybee. Look at you, you have grown so much”, she says.

“Grandma”, you press out, running to her for the hug she offers with open arms.

The hug feels like coming home after a painful day and for a moment you feel eight years old again, unburdened by the world and with nothing but good memories in your mind.

“Grandma, you are real. Oh god, I missed you so much”, you sob, squeezing her tightly.

She seems so small now that you are all grown up. She was always so tall when you were a little girl and now you have to bend down to reach her waist. But the feeling hasn’t changed. It is still as warm and nice and safe as it was back then.

“Oh, my honeybee. I missed you too”, she says, caressing the back of your head only how she can, “now, now stop crying. We have lots to talk about.”

You lift your head, letting her cup your cheeks and dry your tears.

“I can see that you have finally found your powers”, she says with unconditional love in her eyes.

“Grandma, we were wrong. Mum was wrong about you and, and I was wrong for believing her. E-everything you said is real. Grandma, demons and ghost and magic exist and, and vampires they-“

“Hush, I know”, she soothes you, “I know, my honeybee, I know. Don’t blame yourself or your mother for not believing. It wasn’t your time yet to believe and it was better that you two lived peacefully because of your disbelief.”

“Grandma, I’m sorry.”

“For what, my honeybee?”

“For never coming to visit you when I got my first car.”

“It’s okay, my honeybee. You came back to me just as I had envisioned.”

“Envisioned? You knew that I would come back again?”

“Of course I did, just as I know about the day you found your powers. Oh sweetheart”, she says and brushes her thumbs over your cheek, “his name is Yoongi, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t cry. He will be safe.”

“He will? How, how do you know? Grandma, I don’t know anything. I, I have no idea what I’m doing. I, I can’t wake him. I don’t know how. Or, or what I did. I miss him so much.”

“I know, honeybee. Calm down now and rest, I’m here now.”

You tear up because in this moment you feel so relieved that you wanted to cry.

“Come now”, she says, placing her arm around your waist, “we have lots to talk about.”

You follow her, holding her oh so tightly in case she decided to disappear again.

“We should take the main entrance. We wouldn’t want to actually start the memory would we?” she says and chuckles her signature chuckle. It always sounds a little whimsical, as if she was plotting something mischievous.

“So you know about the memory fog?”

“Of course I do”, she says and looks over her shoulder, “come now, Jungkook.”

“Me?” he squeaks out, pointing at his own chest.

“Yes. You.”

“I-I…okay”, he stutters and begins running to catch up with you.

Your grandma drapes her arm around his waist, painting a bright blush over his cheeks.

“Tell me, sweetheart, do you like raspberry pie?”

“Yes, I do. I think. I never had it before”, Jungkook says shyly.

She chuckles.

“Well, you will love mine.”

Jungkook lowers his head and blushes more.

Your grandma guides you over the threshold of her cottage.

“How?” Jungkook gasps, speaking out loud what you were thinking.

“Sweet boy, you are no vampire. In here you are human just like the rest of us.”

“I’m human?” Jungkook presses out, staring at his own hands. He gasps as if he realised something, then he presses his hands to his chest.

His eyes tear up in realisation.

“I have a heartbeat”, he croaks, looking at you, “___, I’m alive.”

“I don’t understand. The last time I was in memories, Yoongi had to actively change his being to get a heartbeat.”

“That is because those were his memories. This right here are your memories, my honeybee. You decide the rules in here and it seems that you wanted Jungkook to be alive.”

“___”, Jungkook whispers.

“I did?” you breathe, looking at the blushing man with widened eyes, “…I did.”

“___”, Jungkook takes your hands to kiss them softly, “thank you. Thank you so much.”

“I made you human, wow”, you whisper.

Jungkook giggles happily, resting his soft cheek on your hand. His warmth feels different than on other days. Honest and real. He closes his eyes and giggles again. His happiness makes you smile. You are glad that he feels happy.

“Now sit down you two, let me get you some pie”, your grandma says with softness in her gaze. She can see that you care a lot about the blushing boy and that he cares a lot about you.

Your grandma sits you down by her kitchen table. Once upon a time, you had to climb the chair to reach the desk. It feels so peculiar to sit down normally and see everything perfectly.

She places a plate of pie in front of you and Jungkook then sits down opposite of you.

“Eat, sweethearts”, she says with a smile.

The pie melts on your tongue like a memory of good times. And it is. It is a memory of good times. A memory, you thought to never be able to return to.

This evening you stay by the kitchen table for a long time. You share two cans of tea and eat another piece of pie. Jungkook eats just as much. You talk a lot with your grandma. About everything you never got a chance to talk about.

How you struggled for most of your high school years because of the other children making life miserable for you.

How you didn’t go to university right away, but instead wasted away in depression. How once you hit twenty years of age, you overcame that phase in your life with the help of books and how you began reading as a hobby ever since then. You also tell her about your first job in a bookshop and that you loved it a lot, but that in the end you had to give it up because the shop closed for lack of customers.

You tell her about how your parents moved away from here when you turned twenty one and how they took you with them because you had nowhere else to be. How you lived in the dense city until you were twenty four and how you fought with them a lot because the space was sparse and your mindsets were always different. How they told you to be careful in college and that they will think of you, but then they never really called or texted. How you aren’t angry at them because you could have called as well, but you didn’t.

You also tell her how you plan on visiting them soon, maybe once Yoongi is awake again so he can come with you.

You tell her about all the plants you are growing and that Yoongi gave you your own greenhouse as a present. She smiled at that and took your hand.

And then you tell her about how your life went from normal college days to days filled with vampires and witches in just a blink of an eye. You tell her about Taehyung and she listened with slight concern in her eyes, but with understanding in her touch.

You don’t talk about your problems that night. You go to sleep after your grandma made you and Jungkook warm milk with spices from her garden and honey from her bee friends. Your grandma wishes you both a restful night and promises that in this time and place nothing from the real world can hurt you. Then she turned off the lights and a wall of fog appeared between the rest of the cottage and your bedroom.

“___?” Jungkook whispers into the darkness.

“Yes?” you answer him.

“Are you sleeping?”

“No.”

The mattress shakes as Jungkook shimmies closer. He comes so close that you can see the outline of his features appear out of the darkness. His eyes are open, they reflect the faint moonlight shining through the curtains. They aren’t ruby as they normally are, but obsidian just as human eyes get.

“Can I talk to you?” he whispers.

“Sure, why are we whispering?”

“Just so”, he says quietly.

“Okay”, you answer him just as quietly.

“I don’t understand this place”, he whispers, “how can we eat and drink and fall asleep when they are nothing but your memories?”

“I’m not sure either. When I was in Yoongi’s memories with him, everything around us felt real too. I could feel the weather and smell the flowers. And Yoongi told me that there are many vampires who lose themselves in their memories because living in them is better than living in the real world.”

“So you think that we are still in your memories? And that this is all just a figment of your imagination?”

“I can’t say. I don’t understand either how my grandma is so real. She shouldn’t be able to interact with us or know that we are here.”

“Maybe it’s because you are both witches from the same family. Maybe we aren’t really in your memories but in some sort of witchy world in between your actual memories and afterlife.”

“Like a limbo type of place?”

“Yeah, maybe not that biblical, but who knows what happens when witches die. Maybe there is a realm for witch spirits to roam around in. Maybe this is actually your grandma’s spirit and this place is your family’s spirit realm.”

“It sounds possible. It would explain why my memories aren’t black and white like Yoongi’s memories and why she was able to see us.”

“It would also explain why childhood you stopped when she passed through us. Maybe she felt our presence. Can you remember feeling cold back then?”

“I can’t really tell, lots of weird stuff happened at my grandma’s place. Maybe I actually passed through us back then”, you say, studying Jungkook’s features, “holy fuck Kook, this all makes so much sense and yet it feels so unexplainable. How are we here? What is happening? Is my grandma really here?”

Jungkook reaches for your hand to hold it in comfort.

“Let’s just say that it’s a sort of spirit realm and she is real. We can’t find more answers tonight either way, the door is shut with fog.”

You sneak a glance over his shoulder. Impenetrable darkness lingers were once the door was.

“I guess you’re right. We just have to wait and see.”

“Yeah exactly. Let’s try to sleep tonight and see about it tomorrow”, he says.

“Yes, okay”, you say, closing your eyes, “I honestly need a night of sleep either way. I’m so goddamn exhausted.”

“I can imagine. You’ve been working so much lately”, he says.

“I had to.”

“I know, this isn’t an accusation. At least you did more than I did. All I did was cry like a loser.”

“Don’t say that Kook, if I wasn’t so occupied with finding a cure, I would cry too. All that keeps me from breaking down is the thought that only I can solve this. I can’t waste time crying when I’m the only one capable of fixing this.”

“I’m sorry you feel this way. I will contribute more from now on.”

“No Kook, this wasn’t an accusation. You did so much already.”

“I did?”

“You took me back to Meredith’s place and then brought me here. And tomorrow we will talk to my grandma and maybe finally find out how to fix this shit. I wouldn’t be as far as I currently am if it wasn’t for you.”

Jungkook smiles, squeezing your hand.

“This means I actually did something, I’m so happy”, he confesses in a whisper.

“You did. Thank you”, you say, shimmying closer until you can leave a soft kiss on his forehead.

Jungkook exhales shakily, lifting his head to look at you. His eyes are glassy and there is something in his gaze that lets you know that he can’t remember the last time someone kissed his forehead.

“Should we cuddle as we sleep?” you suggest.

“Yes”, he breathes, barely getting the word out.

You scoot closer, taking him in your arms.

“No”, he says.

“Hm?”

“Can, can I hold you?” he stutters, “I, I can’t hold you like I want to in real life. In here I don’t feel affected by your smell and, and I could hold you without wanting to hurt you. Please, can I?”

“Of course you can. Gosh Kook, you are so sweet.”

“Thank you. Okay, so. You have to come closer and I’ll put my arm under your head.”

“Like this?”

Jungkook closes his arms around you in the new position, pressing you against his chest.

“Just like this”, he whispers, nuzzling his nose into the crown of your head, “thank you”, he says shakily, “this feels so good.”

“Yes, it feels so nice”, you tell him, snaking your arm around his waist to pull him close.

You will rest for tonight. You have decided that. You will find rest tonight and you will find it in Jungkook’s gentle hold, surrounded by pillows and with the sounds of your grandma’s garden filling your ears.

The fog by the door is gone come morning. The scream of your grandma’s rooster wakes you. Three times he greets the sun and then a short pause follows. You peel your eyes open. You haven’t moved an inch. You are still against Jungkook’s chest with your arm around his waist and your senses engulfed by his smell. He feels warmer than he did last night, which brings out the sweetness of him even better. He doesn’t seem to be awake yet, judging by the calm – barely noticeable – breathing he is doing. He must be really relaxed for him to breathe that slowly.

You close your eyes again and snuggle closer to let his body shield you from the sunlight. Like this, the bridge of your nose is touching his chest. You can feel his heartbeat that way.

Rhythmic and calm. Constant and never faltering.

Fascinating.

Jungkook is human in here. His heartbeat is real, his warmth is real too, his breathing has a purpose. It is both fascinating and unexplainable to think about. How is he human? Is it because you actually made him human? Or perhaps those are the rules of the spirit realm. Perhaps vampires or other magical creatures, which aren’t witches, have to lose their powers first before they can enter. Perhaps in here, curses take no place and Jungkook has been ridden of his vampiric curse the moment he set foot in this place. Perhaps in here everyone is equal and no power could shift the balance of this realm.

Whatever the answer might be, you are happy for the way it is. Jungkook seemed so happy last night. You want happiness for him, because he deserves it. He works so hard to get better, but you know that it is still hard for him. At least in here he can relax and be himself. At least in here he can find comfort.

It feels nice to know that out of all the places it is your grandmother’s home. You can share the comfort she always made you feel with Jungkook. It is a nice thing to do.

And perhaps one day you can visit this place with Yoongi as well. You can introduce him to your grandma and then you can make flower crowns and later eat pie.

The rooster crows again. Once, then twice and a third time right after that.

Jungkook seems to wake up from it. He inhales deeply which presses his chest into your face for just a second before he exhales and his chest sinks again.

“Hm”, he lets out in hum, “hm?”

His hands begin moving, travelling along your upper arm and the back of your neck. He whimpers softly, as if he realised what he was doing, pressing you oh so close afterwards. His arms close around you tightly, his chest shudders in a shaky breath. This must be such a precious moment for him. To wake up and to realise that he was able to hold a human for the entire night. He must be so happy right now.

“Good morning”, you greet him quietly.

“Hey”, he presses out, squeezing your body, “oh god, you’re so warm and soft.”

“You too. It’s really nice.”

“It’s so nice, oh my god ___ it’s so nice”, he says, letting out a shuddering breath, “I just want to”, he squeezes you as tightly as possible, squeaking as he does, “you know?”

He makes you chuckle, “I know, I feel the same. You give amazing hugs.”

Jungkook squeezes you again and then again and because he can’t stop, he does it a third time as well.

“Gosh Kook”, you say, caressing his back.

“I’m sorry, I’ll stop now. I, I just never woke up with, with the human still a-alive before.”

This tugs at your heartstrings. Poor boy.

“Don’t stop, sweets”, you tell him, “give me all the cuddles you want to.”

“Thank you, ___”, he says, pulling you close again, “thank you so much, oh I never want to get up again. This is heaven, I don’t want to stop.”

You let your eyes fall closed, running your fingers up and down his back mindlessly. Quite frankly, you don’t want to stop either. You feel so selfish to admit it, but having a good morning again feels nice. Oh you hate yourself so much for even thinking it, but your last countless mornings were filled with so much pain and exhaustion and fear of what the day may bring that this fleeting moment in this unexplainable realm of memory and reality feels addictive.

Outside the donkey answers the call of the rooster and somewhere downstairs the front door seems to close. Your grandma must be finally up, now leaving the cottage to feed the animals.

“It’s really busy here”, Jungkook says.

“Yeah right? It’s the best way to be woken up. I always loved waking up to the animals.”

“I can see that. I loved it too.”

“What do you mean?”

“I come from a family of farmers, well, fishers to be more exact.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, we had a small house by the coast down in Busan and had two boats. My father and uncle were the captains of them and we had five employees, including my older brother and me and my cousin. My mother and aunt took care of our house when we went out. We had lots of animals too. Chickens and goats and also so many cats and dogs.”

“That sounds so nice. Gosh, I never even imagined you as a fisher.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, but it suits you. It must have been a good life.”

“I guess, it was until the war started. We all had to enlist, you know? My brother and my cousins and I. We had no choice, they sent letters to all the houses telling the families that all men between the age of sixteen and thirty needed to enlist or else they would have thrown everyone in jail for treason.”

“That’s awful, what the hell.”

“It was. I never wanted to be a soldier. I just wanted to be with my girlfriend and my family, not f-fight in a war I had no guilt in”, he confesses, hiding his face in the crown of your head for comfort, “I still dream of the fighting sometimes. I don’t wish this upon anyone, not even my enemies.”

“I’m sorry, Kook. I can’t even imagine how awful it must have been, but I am here for you.”

“Thank you”, he whispers, “thank you so much, for everything. I don’t ever want to let you go. It feels like it did back then.”

“Back then?”

“When I was human and I would wake up for a day at sea.”

“Yeah? Did you also wake up hugging your girlfriend?”

“Oh god no”, he giggles, “we weren’t allowed to stay overnight, because we weren’t married yet.”

You lift your head as best as possible.

“What? Why do you look so sad?” he asks.

“You never experienced sex as a human?” you whisper, “Jungkook, oh god. Do you truly not know how it feels like?”

Jungkook lowers his eyes in coyness, “just because we weren’t allowed to, doesn’t mean we didn’t try”, he confesses, blushing vividly, “her dad had a car and she always picked me up with it. Then we drove along the coast until we found a quiet spot and we, uhm, we had sex on the backseat. We were always so paranoid to be caught, but it felt so good that we didn’t want to stop.”

“Oh dear”, you have to chuckle, “well, that is good to hear. I think I would have cried if I found out that you never even experienced sex as a human.”

“Now you don’t have to”, he smiles shyly, “don’t tell anyone though, it’s a secret.”

“Of course not. I wouldn’t dare to expose your horny ass”, you say, snickering.

Jungkook’s face lights up. He presses a kiss to your forehead and pulls you closer, keeping his lips against your skin afterwards.

“But that’s new”, he whispers, “I never woke up with a human like this. It feels so good.”

“I’m happy to be your first then. I hope we can have memories like this often.”

“Me too. I seriously want them every day.”

A thought comes to you then. Memories of the last conversation you had with Yoongi.

“If there was a cure would you take it?” you ask Jungkook.

“What do you mean?”

“If there was a cure to vampirism would you take it?”

“Yes”, he says without hesitation, “I wouldn’t even hesitate. I hate nothing more than what I am and I would do anything to change this.”

You lower your head, hiding your face in his chest. Jungkook, unaware of your racing thoughts, rests his chin on the crown of your head and smiles. He feels so relaxed right now.

“Jungkook, I have to tell you something”, you say.

“Tell me.”

“I think Yoongi found a cure to vampirism before he, you know, fell victim to Namjoon.”

“What?” Jungkook gasps, scooting back just enough that he can look at you, “why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I was so preoccupied with finding a cure for whatever keeps Yoongi from us that I completely forgot about it”, you confess, “I’m sorry, but you seem so…content in here as a human and it made me think about what Yoongi told me on the night he…left. That’s how I remembered again.”

“What did he tell you?”

“That he wanted one lifetime with me.”

“Yoongi also wants to take the cure?”

“I don’t know anymore. I think I talked him out of it, but now I feel so selfish.”

“Selfish, why?”

“What if I forced him? I, I don’t know how living with all those urges is for you guys. I don’t know how it feels like to know that you can never die. I told him to not take it just yet, but to wait for darker days. It feels so selfish now.”

“I don’t think so.”

“You don’t?”

Jungkook shakes his head, “I’ve never heard of this cure before and I don’t think other vampires have. We don’t know how it works or what it does. I assume you were just worried that it might kill him or hurt him. That’s not selfish, that’s simply not wanting your lover to be in pain.”

“I guess”, you say, lowering your eyes, “but I also just wanted to keep him a little longer”, you confess, “shit, I’m sorry. I know, it’s awful to admit.”

“It’s not”, Jungkook says, “you love him and that makes you want to stay with him forever. I get it.”

“You do?”

Jungkook nods his head.

“I know I said I would take it instantly, but now that I know it’s real I feel really scared. What if we take it, but then die really young because sometimes humans die young for no other reason than that the universe is cruel?”

“You don’t have to take it. Not until we tested it out on Namjoon.”

“You want to test it out on Namjoon?”

“Yes. This was our plan. We were planning on testing it out on Namjoon to see what it does and if it is safe. And then we wanted to keep it for darker days. That was our plan before everything went downhill.”

“Wow, you had a whole plan laid out”, Jungkook says, “and I had no idea.”

“I’m sorry, I forgot about it again. A-all I’m thinking about is Yoongi. I want to safe him first. He’s already gone from us and I don’t want to think about a cure.”

Jungkook nods his head, “I understand. We’ll safe him, I promise. And then we can talk about that supposed cure. Together. With Yoongi.”

“I like how that sounds”, you breathe, “I really hope that you are right. You know, when he told me about the cure he also said that he just wanted to know that he could also end and now-”

“Now he knows”, Jungkook whispers, “it’s cruel to imagine.”

“Exactly”, you breathe, closing your eyes when Jungkook cups your cheek and dries off your tears.

“Don’t cry ___. We have your grandma now”, he whispers.

“I know, I’m sorry I’m just so tired”, you confess, voice trembling, “I can’t do this for long anymore.”

“I know”, Jungkook breathes, leaning in to kiss the tears from your lashes, “you don’t have to. I’m here, I can carry most of it.”

“Oh god, Kook”, you whimper, twisting his shirt at the front. Your eyes, although sensitive from sadness, lock with his’, “I love you a lot, Kook.”

Jungkook widens his eyes in surprise, lowering them a second later.

“I love you too”, he says, “holy shit, do you mean it?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Well shit”, Jungkook croaks, cupping your cheeks to squeeze them gently as he tilts your head up, “I love you so much, I-I can’t believe you feel the same.”

“Of course I do, you’re one of the sweetest people I know”, you tell him, caressing his cheeks.

They heat up under your touch, sparkly eyes almost blinding to look at from all the happiness in them. He smiles brightly.

“No you are. You are so sweet and wonderful and, and funny and pretty and I”, he stops himself, gasping for air. His eyes widen cutely, “I love you so much. I love you seriously so much.”

You smile, “I love you too, Kookie.”

Jungkook finally knows what the purpose of living is. It is being with you and loving you. He squeezes your cheeks and pulls you into a kiss. A deep and desperate kiss. The type of kiss, you would have lost yourself in on better days.

“Baby”, you whisper, breaking the kiss, “Jungkook baby, I can’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Sleep with you. I don’t feel those needs lately. I'm sorry.”

Jungkook looks sad at first, but soon deep understanding fills his features.

“I understand. I think I wouldn’t have enjoyed it fully either way. I just love you so much and knowing that you love me too, made me blind to the situation for a moment.”

“Once Yoongi is back, I promise you to make it up to you.”

“It’s okay, my baby. I don’t expect any kind of payback. Whatever happens will happen.”

“You are seriously so sweet. Thank you so much, my baby.”

Jungkook smiles, caressing your cheek.

“I just”, he falters, licking his lips. His eyes soften, “I just wanna tell you that this is what I’m training for. This is how I wanna be with you one day.”

You smile, caressing his pecs, “and you will. You are making progress each and every day and I am positive that we can have moments like this in the real world too.”

Jungkook nods his head, smiling so brightly his nose scrunches up.

Your grandmother is waiting with breakfast once you and Jungkook decide to come downstairs. She is in the middle of brewing herbal tea on her stove and listening to music on her old radio, but turns around when Jungkook greets her loudly.

“Good morning, my dear. Did you sleep well? Oh?”

You greet her by hugging her tightly, face hiding in the crook of her neck and arms tightly around her. You squeeze her gently, inhaling deeply to make sure that her scent will never leave your memories again.

She giggles mischievously, patting your back lovingly, “what a lovely surprise.”

“Good morning, grandma”, you say, stepping back to send her a smile.

“Good morning, my honeybee”, she says, running her hand down your cheek once.

“Breakfast smells amazing, grandma. I can’t wait to dig in.”

She smiles, eyes softening behind her golden framed glasses. She caresses your cheek a second time, making sure that the picture of your face will never leave her memories.

“Sit. Sit, my sweethearts. Drink tea if you want to. Milk is in the fridge. I will get berries from the garden”, she says and gestures you and Jungkook to get comfortable. She disappears through the backdoor afterwards.

Jungkook pulls out the chair for you, helping you sit comfortably. Once done, he leans down to wrap his arms around you from behind. He kisses your neck, just once and without any ulterior motive in mind. It feels nice to be loved that way, sending a warm flutter to your tummy.

He sits down next to you afterwards, pulling his chair closer to you so he can touch you innocently. He turns to face you, running his fingertips up and down your arm. You meet his gaze in a fleeting moment and backtrack, focusing on his sparkling eyes.

“What’s wrong?” you ask him.

“Nothing. I’m really happy.”

“Mhm”, you hum.

“Sorry. Ah dear”, he cups his cheeks, turning away from you in giddiness. You smile fondly because of it, turning your attention to the breakfast at hand. If you remember correctly, your grandmother’s breakfast is to die for.

“You should eat a lot. My grandma’s breakfast is amazing”, you tell Jungkook as you place some fried eggs and bacon on his plate.

“Thank you. I want to eat a lot. It smells so good”, he says, doing the same to your plate.

You and him share silence as you begin eating. The food is just way too incredible to taint it with conversation. You want to enjoy it fully. Your grandmother returns with a basket full of berries once you finished your first slice of toast and eggs. She prepares each of you a mug of steaming tea and as she washes the berries, you ask her if she knew more about this place.

“This is my home”, she answers you.

“Yes, but how is it possible that we are here?” you ask her, “that we can eat and sleep and it actually does something to us? How is Jungkook human? And why can you see us?”

“Are we in some sort of afterlife for witches?” Jungkook asks.

“One could call it like that, my dear”, she says, sitting down opposite of you. “It is a world only witches can enter. I am here because I am truly here. After a witch dies her soul enters this realm and manifests itself as a new body in this realm.”

“A new body?”

“Yes. Many choose to have a prettier, better body but I like how I looked”, she snickers, “wouldn’t you agree?”

“Yes grandma, you look really beautiful.”

“I think so too, grandma”, Jungkook agrees, nodding his head vigorously, “so how come we managed to get here? It makes sense that ___ can enter the realm because she is a witch, but how come I am allowed to be here?”

“Well, this is a realm for dead souls after all and vampires are technically all dead.”

“Ah, that makes lots of sense.”

“And you are allowed to be here because ___ allowed you to enter through her consciousness. Without ___’s consent your soul would have never been able to even find this realm.”

“I see”, Jungkook says and holds your hand, “thank you so much for allowing me entrance, ___. I love it here”, he says.

“You have to keep it a secret though”, your grandmother says, nudging his arm gently.

“Of course I will. I will protect this secret with my life”, he promises and pretends to lock his lips.

Your grandmother laughs fondly, “I never doubted it. You seem like a decent young man.”

Jungkook flusters, “I try to live well. I didn’t always succeed, but I want to become better and better day by day.”

“This is noble thing to want, my dear”, she says and caresses his cheek.

Jungkook blushes, lowering his eyes shyly.

“And how did we get here?” you ask her, “I wanted to return to my memories with Jungkook and not get to this realm. How did we see my past self?”

“You must have linked yourself to this realm and walked a wrong path”, she says, “I can’t quite understand it either as getting to this realm requires a lot of training and many skilled witches still fail to do so. It is true that you started off in your memories. I must admit, that I didn’t see you at first until suddenly I felt myself become aware and then you appeared.”

“Fascinating”, Jungkook whispers, listening with parted lips.

“I think what happened was that your emotions overwhelmed you and therefore you possessed over great powers for a few seconds which then helped you reach this place. Tell me, my honeybee, have you ever had uncontrollable surges of power during very emotional moments?”

“I did! Grandma, I did. When, when Yoongi was dying and I thought that I will lose him. I-I felt so scared and heartbroken and lost and all I wanted to do was to protect him. So I screamed and then there was the bright light and all of a sudden Yoongi was unconscious and his entire body was covered in a layer of glowing light. Grandma, what does this mean?”

“I see. So it happened before.”

“It did and I think”, you hesitate.

“Go on, honeybee.”

“I think it happened when I was angry as well. There is this vampire, grandma. His name is Namjoon.”

“I know him. He is a very dangerous monster.”

“He is and grandma, okay listen. Grandma, we managed to capture him, but he hurt Yoongi because of that. And when I talked to him I got so upset for taking Yoongi from me that I felt so angry and so helpless and I just wanted to hurt him and all of a sudden he started bleeding out of his eyes because I cooked his insides. I didn’t even know how to do all of that before that. I thought of it and it just happened.”

“I see”, you grandmother says and sighs sadly, “oh, my honeybee”, she says with slight regret in her voice, “it pains me to know that despite all my efforts you have fallen into this world.”

“What?” you ask her

“You were never supposed to awaken your powers or meet such dangerous creatures.”

“Not them, grandma”, you say, taking Jungkook’s hand, “they are different from the demons in the forests or Kim Namjoon. They keep me safe and protect me and they are the only family I have left.”

“Are they? Truly?”

“Yes. Yoongi is the reason I’m still alive. Why I’m still breathing. He kept me save even before we fell in love and, and when I’m with him I feel…” you touch your aching chest, “…I feel at peace.”

You lift your glassy gaze.

“I feel at peace because when we are together the world and all its problems seem so unimportant. When I’m with him, I want to keep smiling and laughing, because just looking at him makes me happy. I have never felt like this before, grandma”, you confess and laugh.

She laughs with you.

You wipe your tears away, smiling honestly.

“Sometimes it scares me how much I feel for him, but then he says my name and I’m not scared anymore. And it doesn’t matter that he is a vampire.”

“You really love him, don’t you?”

“Yes more than anything, more than my life. More than my-”, you falter, looking at her with fearful eyes.

“More than your innocence, I understand.”

“You do?”

She nods her head.

“I did terrible things for your grandpa, my honeybee.”

“You did?”

“Of course. I killed for him too. They were vampires who wanted his head. So I killed them painfully. You and I are no different.”

“I feel so awful, grandma. I, I killed people.”

You miss the confusion washing over Jungkook’s face as your eyes are focused on your grandmother’s face.

“Those monsters weren’t people. Kim Namjoon and his followers don’t deserve your remorse”, she assures you.

“But still, I feel terrible.”

“Of course you do, but you shouldn’t. I must admit that I have never met a vampire like Jungkook before.”

“Like me?”

“Yes. Still so humane and full of true love”, she says, “and I have seen glimpses of how Yoongi treats you and specks of your friends I saw as well and I must admit that I have to change my view on some vampires.”

She reaches over the table, intertwining her fingers with you.

“But not about Kim Namjoon and his followers. They are terribly twisted creatures and you did what you had to do.”

“And yet I feel like I haven’t done anything. Grandma, everything I try turns out to be wrong. I tried so much already.”

“I know, you must be so exhausted already.”

“I am. I want all of this to stop. I want to get Yoongi back and I want to keep fighting until I do, but I don’t know how long I can still take all of this defeat.”

Jungkook places his arm around you, resting his chin on your shoulder so you know that he was here for you.

“I know, but it will all be over soon. I will help you”, you grandmother promises.

“You will? Oh grandma, thank you so much”, you say, spilling tears of grateful relief.

“Don’t cry, my honeybee. Grandma's here now”, she says in a soothing voice, “now tell me everything you tried already. We need to work out what might have gone wrong and how to fix it.”

And so you begin telling her about every possible cure you already tried. About all the spells you memorised, all the relics which turned out to be useless, all the tools you carved only for them to be worthless in the end. You tell her about the countless failures, the endless nights of research, the overwhelming amount of knowledge you acquired and how nothing was of help. You tell her about the hundreds of phone calls you made to the witches you knew and the hundred phone calls you made to the vampires you knew and then the hundreds of phone calls you made to the wolves who were willing to help. You tell her about how none knew what to do and that at some point all their wishes for Yoongi’s speedy recovery felt like mockery. You tell her about your own doubts. For you as a person, your magic, your abilities, your right to love Yoongi. You tell her how you cried for too many nights until suddenly you started to feel numb to anything. You tell her about Taehyung and the others and how they worried for you. You tell her about everything while she listened and nodded her head.

Once you finished your stories, she promises that she will help as best as she can. And then you spend your day doing research together. She teaches you how to control your magic during emotional moments and while you didn’t quite understand it, she promised you that with practice you will be able to master the skill. She teaches you the proper pronunciation of spells and explains to you why certain relics didn’t work the way you wanted them to work. And you realise just how very little you actually knew about being a witch, but she assured you that you knew a great deal and then she kissed you on the cheek and said that you always were a very self-conscious person because your mother didn’t make it very easy to have faith in yourself.

The moon is high in the sky by the time you finish your research. It is shining into the kitchen, but it isn’t dark inside the cottage. Your grandma told Jungkook to light a few candles. The latter is bundled up on your grandma’s sofa with you while your grandma sits in her armchair like she always did late at night. He is dozing with his lips parted in soft snores while you are practicing the spell your grandmother taught you.

You were successful. By the time the clock struck seven, you figured out a way of saving Yoongi. You wanted to cry and fall around her neck, but she told you to channel that excitement and turn it into magic. And so you did, practicing the proper way while she advised you and with it, your magic finally began to feel real. You could feel it coursing through your veins and tingle in your fingertips. Until now you felt numb to it, but through your grandmother’s advice you finally began to feel it.

And it felt wonderful. It gave you purpose and hope.

“You did it”, your grandmother gasps when you successfully turned the small heap of sawdust back into a tiny piece of wood.

“I did it. Grandma I did it!”

“Of course you did. I never doubted you for a second”, she says, “oh my honeybee, come here”, she says and falls around your neck in a tight hug. She falls off the armchair that way, kneeling on the floor with you while you hugged her and thanked her under tears.

Jungkook wakes from the sound, licking his lips and inhaling through his nose. He blinks a few times until finally sitting up.

“What happened?” he asks.

You break away from your grandmother to pick up the piece of wood and show it to him.

“I did it Kookie. I know how to focus my magic now”, you say.

“You did it”, Jungkook gasps, closing his hands around yours.

“I know how to use the knife now. Kookie, the spell I tried will finally work. I know how to focus the magic now. I know how to save Yoongi.”

“I can’t believe it. ___ you did it”, Jungkook’s eyes become glassy, “I never doubted you for a second.”

“I did, but not anymore”, you laugh, “Kookie, we’ll get Yoongi back. Grandma you-” you stop upon seeing her sad eyes, “grandma, what’s wrong?”

“You have grown up so much”, she whispers, “oh my honeybee, why does time pass so terribly quickly?”

You turn to her, closing your eyes when she cups your face.

“It is time for you to leave this place.”

“What?” you gasp, looking at her with fearful eyes, “but grandma.”

“You have to save your beloved. Time doesn’t wait for you. Two days have passed here as well as in the real world.”

“I see. Grandma, I don't want to leave you already.”

“Neither do I, but you have to leave eventually.”

“Can I see you again?”

“Maybe one day, but if we won’t, I am sure that you will be okay. You are my granddaughter after all”, she says, smiling sadly as she wipes your tears.

“I will return, I promise you. You have to meet Yoongi, grandma. When I heal him and I learned how to focus my emotions, I will return.”

She smiles, “and I will wait for you with raspberry pie.”

You laugh, she laughs as well. You help each other stand up, holding hands as she leads you outside. She holds Jungkook’s hand as well, caressing his knuckles. You know that you have to leave this place and yet the walk to the forest gate leaves your heart aching in your chest. You know that you will see her again one day and yet you don’t want time with her to end already. You have finally grown into the age where you can see eye to eye with her and you have so many questions you haven’t asked her yet. And yet as you try to speak them right now, you can’t think of any of them. all you can do is look at her face and hope that you won’t ever forget how she looks.

You stop when you are just a few steps away from the closed gate. She turns to Jungkook, cupping his cheeks.

“Keep being yourself, my dear. Your life will be bright”, she tells him, caressing his skin with her thumb.

“Thank you, grandma”, he says with a smile, “grandma, can I give you a hug?”

“Of course you can.”

And so it happens that Jungkook bends down to hug your grandmother. He does so with tenderness and honest love in his chest.

“Thank you for your help and for being such a great person in ___’s life”, he says.

“I could say the same about you, my dear.”

Jungkook steps back with blushing cheeks and a shy smile.

Your grandmother turns to you, gasping when you fall around her neck.

“I don’t want to go, grandma”, you sob into her shoulder.

“You have to, my honeybee. Live your life with your love truthfully, passionately, and to its fullest and I promise you that it will be worth it.”

“Thank you so much, grandma. You and grandpa are the only family members who didn’t leave scars. I will miss you so much.”

“I will miss you too, my honeybee”, she says and breaks the hug because she knows that you won’t be able to do so.

She pushes you closer to the gate, pulling your hands from her face to hold it. Her eyes carry tears but her lips are curled into a smile.

“I’m so proud of you, my honeybee”, she whispers.

“Grandma”, you choke out.

“Now go, live your life. I will be right here rooting for you.”

You take a step to the gate and turn again.

“Grandma”, you plead, reaching for her but she stays back.

“Go, my honeybee”, she whispers.

“I don’t know if I can.”

“You can.”

“No. I can’t.”

She smiles and nods her head, “you can.”

Jungkook takes your hand, making you look at him.

“I’ll help you”, he says, “hold my hand and we’ll go together.”

“Kook”, you whisper, “Kook, please don’t let it go.”

“I won’t”, he says and tugs at your hand.

You stumble closer to the gate, eyes falling back onto your grandmother. She lifts her hand to wave at you and all you want to do was to run back to her and stay right here with her for the rest of your life. Jungkook clutches your hand tighter, opening the gate for you.

“Ready?” he asks.

The night is dark behind the gate. You look at your grandmother one last time. Jungkook squeezes your hand, letting you know that you weren’t alone. That he will hold your hand as you step through that gate and that long after that, he will keep holding it.

“I love you, grandma”, you say the words you never told her when she was still alive.

“I love you too, my honeybee”, she answers you.

You can’t move. You can’t move through that gate. No matter how hard you try, you can’t move on.

“Kookie?” you press out.

“Yes?”

“You have to tug me with you. Please.”

“Okay. Hold my hand, I will help you”, he says and steps through the door. You stumble after him, fighting the tug but at the same time clutching his hand.

Your grandmother gives you one last smile and then your feet stumble over the threshold. She disappears, darkness swallows the clearing and her cottage, your entire body begins to tingle and you know that any second now you will open your eyes.

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slytherhys · 2 years

Text

Lonely Heart

Prompt: Elain takes care of Injured Azriel - it's the first time they're alone since they almost kissed. Angst might be involved. ONESHOT.

A/N: I've been working on the prompts I've received (thank you so much for sending them btw) but I had this idea and I just had to write it.

No one but Feyre, Rhys and Mor could winnow to the Town House.

That’s what Elain kept telling herself over and over again as she stood silently next to her kitchen’s door, a bread knife in hand, waiting to hear any kind of noise again. A storm had hit Velaris earlier that day, the rain and wind chasing everyone away to their own homes, and it was possible she was mistaking every crack of thunder and every branch of a tree hitting the windows for something else… And yet, Elain couldn’t ignore the way the hairs on the nape of her neck stood up, as if they were all too aware that this wasn’t of the storms’ doing. She had lived in the Night Court long enough to have learned to always trust her instincts.

She was silently cursing herself for ever thinking getting her own place would be a good idea. Sure, living with her sisters and their mates had been exhausting to a whole new level, but maybe some things were worth it if they meant she got to stay alive. Rhys had sworn the Town House was as safe as their own house, warded to the point only three people would be able to winnow directly inside – and she knew none of them would enter her personal space without her permission.

But she had been baking when she heard the unmistakable creak of her front door, the tell-tale of someone entering her home – even if no footsteps had followed. She kept forgetting to buy some oil to fix that terrible noise, but today she had to be grateful for her own loss of memory, even if her heart pounded heavily inside her chest, and her arms and legs had long gone numb.

Adrenaline seemed to be the only thing pumping through her body as she tried to control her breathing, her entire body jerking at the sound of a drawer opening and closing, followed by a soft curse and a thud. It sounded as if they were in the sitting room.

Elain frowned, knowing that even if she left through the back door, she wouldn’t be able to return to his place without doubting every single sound she ever heard. She willed her sisters’ courage and prayed to the Mother for luck as she crossed the hallway, as silently as she could manage, her bread knife ready to strike.

She heard herself gasp at the shadow sitting on the floor, head thrown back against the wall next to the window. The moonlight hit his face in a way that made him impossibly beautiful, a painting of angst and sorrow. She had no idea what Azriel was doing here, and by the look on his face, he wasn't exactly sure either.

“Azriel?” She called, her voice thundering through the silent room. She reached for the light before she could even think, and the sight in front of her was enough to drain the colour off her face. “Are you hurt?” She whispered, the sound of her bread knife hitting the floor a distant reality as she took him in.

He was drenched, his dark leathers glistening under the warm light, his hair splattered against his beautiful face as he stared at her. He tried to move, wincing once before dropping against the wall once again. Only then did she realize why exactly the Illyrian warrior was on her floor, dripping and panting. He had an arm clutched to his side, his hand pink in what looked remarkably like faded blood.

Elain rushed to his side, bending to her knees as she reached out to touch him. Azriel flinched, so she dropped her hands. She pretended not to be hurt by it. “Can you get up?” She asked, her eyes taking in his appearance, looking for more injuries. Azriel nodded once before he tried to get up to no avail. Elain held his hand, noting his flinch as his hands touched hers, put his arm around her shoulders and helped him stand up, taking him to the closest wingchair where he slowly sat. It would be ruined by the end of the night, but she doubted either Feyre or Rhysand would care. Azriel slumped against the chair, groaning as his wings hit the cushioned back. “Your wings…” Elain muttered, frowning as she inspected them further. Elain knew how sensitive Illyrian wings were and noting the bleeding gash on Azriel’s left wing she knew he had to be in excruciating pain.

“I got ambushed.” He gritted out, his midnight voice a comfort Elain hadn’t been expecting. She hadn’t even realised he hadn’t spoken until now, her own racing thoughts loud enough to keep her company. Her eyes darted from his bleeding side to his wings. She knew how to treat his wounds enough so he could rest, at least until she could call for Madja in the morning. He had come here for a reason, one Elain doubted didn’t include her. He knew better than anyone that, at the very least, she knew how to be discreet.

“Take off your shirt.” She demanded, swiftly turning around to hide the blush that tinted her cheeks. She ignored how very wrong it had sounded, her entire body heating up as she rushed to the kitchen. Nuala had come by earlier that week to teach her how to brew medicinal potions and ointments and she couldn’t be more grateful for her resourceful friend as she reached for the glass jars by the sink. She remembered her lessons with ease – white vinegar and thyme to disinfect, eucalyptus and lavender to stop the wounds from infecting and dress the wound as comfortably as possible. Grabbing a few towels Elain returned to the sitting room, where Azriel now sat without his upper leathers. She gulped far more loudly than what she intended, his eyes darkening as they followed her.

“What are you doing?” He rasped as Elain dropped to her knees once again, grabbing a clean towel before dousing it with the vinegar brew.

“Taking care of you, of course.” She said as neutrally as possible, applying as little pressure to his hound as possible. It didn’t look deep enough that it wouldn’t heal in the next few hours, but the Shadowsinger seemed more than comfortable with the pain. Not for the first time since she met him, she hurt for him. How many terrors had he lived his lengthy life? She couldn’t help but wonder if there had been any reprieves at all. She ached to help him on that matter, but rejection was a vengeful parasite.

“I can do that.” He said but Elain simply ignored him.

“Where were you?” She asked as she switched to the eucalyptus tonic. She felt his eyes on her, but she pointedly avoided his gaze. There was something to be said about her strength in ignoring someone she ached for so fiercely.

“A mission.”

Elain chuckled drily. “And here I thought it was at training.” She said, immediately regretting her own tone. Gazing up at him she couldn’t help but blush when she saw the smirk adorning his lips. She refocused her attention back on his wound.

Why had he come here? She wouldn’t believe he thought the house to be empty the same say she wouldn’t believe his visit had been innocent at all. The last time Elain had been this close to him his lips had been inches away from consuming her completely, his touch as unrestricted as her desire for him. After having so much taken away from her, after having so much thrown at her…Elain had foolishly believed him to be someone she was choosing for herself. She now cursed herself for such foolish thoughts, the tang of rejection as present as it had been that night.

Elain frowned, rejecting those unwelcome emotions. It wasn’t the time to think of such things, not when he appeared to be badly injured. “Please lean forward.” She said a bit more shyly now as she gathered the gauze, searching for her trusty bread knife. It remained by the door, and Elain rose to get it, ignoring the shame that threatened to overpower her. Would she ever stop looking foolish in front of him?

“What were you going to do with that?” He asked, his breathing calmer now, his hair curling as it dried. Elain’s brows pitched together as she looked at the knife.

“Cut the gauze to dress your wounds.”

“No,” His face as stoic as always. “Before. When you saw me.”

Elain felt her cheeks heat but ignored it as she made her ways towards him again, cutting the gauze with a single swiped. “I was protecting myself.” She replied, her tone daring him to question her reasoning. She was well aware a bread knife would only let her protect so much, but it wasn’t like she had any weapons just lying around. Rhys had told her there’d be no need and she had believed him.

Azriel frowned. “From me?” He asked softly. Elain’s head snapped up, her eyes meeting his. Since when had he so little faith in her?

“Would I need to?” She asked back. Azriel simply stared at her, his expression as apathetic as only he managed.

“Never, my lady.” He said, his voice low. Elain glanced at him, ignoring all the wrong ways her body reacted to him. She finished tying up the gaze, finally pushing to her feet. It seemed tight enough. She grabbed another towel, heading towards his wings as his hand reached out to grab hers. “Elain…” He muttered, his eyes so filled with regret she felt sick to her stomach. She wasn’t sure if he was waiting for her to speak, but she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t again apologise for what had happened that night.

“I need to take care of your wings.” She nodded towards the gash, finally able to step away once he released her wrist. Elain grabbed the softest towel, dousing it in a smaller douse of vinegar before she walked towards the back of his chair. The wound had luckily stopped bleeding, but it was deep enough he would need to call for Madja come morning. She pressed the cloth to the surrounding area of his wound, surprised when his entire body shuddered under her touch. “Does that hurt?”

Azriel chuckled darkly, his head falling forward in a way that flexed his back muscles deliciously. Elain quickly looked away, not for the first time that night wishing for the lights to be dimmer. What was she thinking? “No, that didn’t hurt.” He mumbled so Elain tried again, her finger accidently meeting the leathery membrane. Azriel hissed this time, his entire body tensing further.

“What?” She demanded, brows furrowed as she inspected his wings. She wasn’t even applying any pressure, nor was she touching the stabbing wound.

“Illyrian wings…” He started, his breathing ragged. Elain saw him shake his head as if trying to clear away any unwanted thoughts. “They’re very…sensitive.”

She knew that. She had taken that into consideration, which was why she was barely applying any pressure.

“I might not be a healer, but Cerridwen and Nuala have taught me the basics, you needn’t worry.” She promptly assured him. “I know what I’m doing.” She added when the silence turned deafening.

“I know you do.” He added softly. “But they’re not only sensitive in that way.”

“What-” Oh. Oh.

Elain blushed furiously, almost dropping the towel to the floor. Feyre and Nesta had never mentioned such a thing nor had Nuala and Cerridwen. And why would they? It’s not there was any reason why she needed to know that.

“Right,” She cleared her throat, hoping to the Mother her embarrassment wasn’t as obvious as it felt. Or at least that he would spare her and not mention it. “M-maybe it’s best if you do it yourself? I’ll-I can wait in the kitchen while you-” She was fumbling with the glass jars when his rough hand grabbed hers again, his thumb stroking the back of her hand.

Azriel offered her a smile. “I want you to do it.”

Elain felt her breath catch inside her chest, her eyes never leaving his. “Are you sure?”

Azriel nodded once, his thumb stroking her hand once more before releasing her. She walked back, her hands shaking slightly as she tried again to clean his wound. Knowing exactly how it affected him… She felt embarrassed, entirely too hot for an autumn night, and yet that information wasn’t entirely unwelcome.

With as much care as she managed, she cleaned the surrounding area of the gash, completely aware of every shudder and intake of breath out of Azriel’s mouth. He was gripping the arms of the chair, the wood groaning under his touch. Elain felt like taking a cold bath in the confines of her bedroom, far away from everyone. Her body reacted to him as naturally as breathing and she cursed herself for the heat pooling in her core.

“Elain.” He groaned, snapping her out of her dirty mind. Had he scented her arousal? Embarrassment flooded her as she quickly stepped away from him.

“I-I’m sorry.” She stuttered, shaky hands grabbing the eucalyptus potion. Had she poured it already? She couldn’t remember. “I cannot bandage your wings tonight.” She explained, her voice wobbly as she gathered her things. “You can sleep in one of the rooms, if you want to.” She added quickly, her eyes never straining away from the things in her hands. “I’ll call for Madja in the morning and-”

“I don’t regret it.” He interrupted her, his voice low and yet loud enough to awaken something inside of her she feared feeling ever again. Hope was an old enemy.

Elain’s lip quirked up, so at odds with what was going through her mind. “You don’t need to say that.”

“I don’t regret it.” He gritted out, pushing to his feet.

“You should sit down-” She protested.

“Elain.” She felt his calloused hand press against her neck - just as it had been that night - before he wrapped it around her throat, squeezing it in a way that ought to be depraved. Elain shivered, making his eyes darken in answer before he repeated his words, “I never regretted it.”

Elain closed her eyes, longing for the quiet hours of earlier when Azriel had only been a distant ache she was learning to ignore. “Why did you come here?”

His jaw clenched as his eyes searched for hers. “It was the first place I remembered.” He frowned, as if not quite sure the lie had worked.

“Tell me the truth.” She pleaded. Azriel’s eyes flickered between her own, as if trying to understand what she was asking of him. As if deciding whether the truth was worth the consequences it would bring.

He frowned, as if angry at whatever he had realised. “I can’t stay away from you.” He muttered, every single word as pained as the previous one. Elain eyed him then, her heartbeat pounding against his fingers where they pressed against her neck. She was panting, unsure of what to think or feel. How could he say a thing like that? How dared he give her hope after the swift rejection he had delivered only weeks ago? Did he take her for a fool?

Or maybe he saw her only as a quick way to get relief. She had been touching his wings for the past few minutes and knowing what she knew now, she wouldn’t be surprised that was what made him change his mind. But she had had enough of males changing their minds about her. Didn’t she deserve a love worthy of a song? A love as her sisters had found.

Elain looked into his eyes, her own dropping only once to his lips before she raised them up again. She didn’t miss the way he leaned in further, didn’t miss the way his hand tightened around her neck. She was playing with her own heart at this point, but she had little left to lose.

So she parted her lips, her whisper a secret between the two of them. “Prove it to me, then.”

#elriel oneshot #pro elriel #elriel fanfiction #elain x azriel #pro elain #elriel #canon compliant

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