#wisecracks

[callaofmageros]

Some gems from Secret of the Sword:

Hordak: Well, rebel. You've smashed my magna beam and saved your worthless friends!

He Man: So I did. Pretty good, huh?

She Ra: Shall we wipe that smile off her face?

He Man: Sounds like fun to me!

Skeletor: Blast! That cat will raise the entire palace guard!

Adora: *faints*

Skeletor: Eh, just like a woman!

*Animal skull falls on Skeletor's head*

She Ra: That's definitely an improvement to your looks.

Teela: I don't believe this.

Skeletor: Neither do I! A female He Man! This is the worst day of my life!

[handybts]

Joke (8-18-2022) The Woman under the Bed

Joke (8-18-2022) The Woman under the Bed A woman, upset because her husband was late coming home again, She decided to leave a note, saying, “I’ve had enough and have left you. Don’t bother coming after me.”

Joke (8-18-2022) The Woman under the Bed A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again,decided to leave a note, saying, “I’ve had enough and have left you.Don’t bother coming after me.” Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction. After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before coming into the bedroom. She watched him walk towards…

[ewanspence]

American humor (Belushi) and British humour (Hancock). What's the difference? Stephen Fry lays out his compelling argument and what it says about each society

[drmonkeysetroscans]

Smarty pants.

[tonedeafpatti]

Now listen here now first, we gotta now listen here we just got to now, will you shut up? We just got to, I'm trying to say now, OK, now please! OK?

[oriontheriddle]

Bingo the funny, wisecracking Springie originally a denizen from the magical planet Imaginastar now currently a permanent citizen of the heavenly planet Pleasure Paradise along with his Ape friend Babo the simple-minded but massively strong Mountain Gorilla where he frequently comes into conflict with his greatest nemesis Spirol the greedy Purple Dragon or clashing with his worst enemy Seyia the Blue Dragoness Witch both of whom are from the dreaded planetoid Medievilonia. Bingo strongly dislikes Dragons but most of all he hates Wolves, Ferrets, Raccoons, Weasels and Coyotes mainly due to the fact he and Babo were both intimidated and robbed of their possessions (bananas) on more than one occasion. He hates these predators because they both threaten and intimidate them on several occasions. Bingo loves Farm Animals, in most cases, Cows and Sheep because they are innocent prey. With Bingo's brains and Babo's brawn the hairy duo will go out of their way to defend the innocent and strike against the fearful🐒🦍🐴🐮🐑🐄🐐🐎🐽

[katherinehoughtoncastle47]

[bumblingbabooshka]

Patreon Request: Spock [Patreon | Ko-fi]

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

so i've been watching Muppet compilations-

[satansleftnutcheek]

Starting to think that the key to being a staple “must watch” anime is to trick people into learning philosophy cause we’ve got:

Evangelion - come for the mecha fights stay to learn about the “self”, reality, and identity

Cowboy Bebop - come for the space cowboys stay to learn about what it truly means to live and to be alive

Trigun - come for the silly main character and cool fights stay to learn about pacifism, forgiveness, the sanctity of life, and the strength of hope

Fullmetal Alchemist - come for the cool science “magic” stay to learn about Plato, what is truth, and how to live a good life

[total-drama-brainrot]

february has blessed me with The Sickness (i'm down with it) so apologies for not posting much these past couple days

anyway i'm still waiting for someone to write that alenoaheather fake dating au where both heather and alejandro pretend to date noah- the least intolerable person on the plane besides each other- to make the other jealous and noah Lets It Happen because it's funny and he has nothing better to do (he's read all of his books and now he's bored)

[handybts]

Joke (8-16-2022) An old man and an Old woman in bed

Joke (8-16-2022) An old man and an Old woman in bed

Joke (8-16-2022) An old man and an Old woman in bed! Next Joke – 3 Italian Nuns Jokes page Don’t forget to share “Joke (8-16-2022) An old man and an Old woman in bed”.

[soulmates-for-real]

05x10

[kerosene-in-a-blender]

I mostly didn't notice it on first viewing because the rest of the episode was just so much, but in retrospect, Sean joking about secretly being a squid dog in disguise during the circle's meeting with "Draven" is fucking hilarious

Imagine, you are a shapeshifting creature from beyond the Flare. You are in Newfaire to exact vengeance for the death of your sister. You've already killed three men and have fatally wounded a fourth. You are now impersonating this fourth man because one of his subordinates is on your hit list. As you are raiding the Candela Obscura archives for information a guy walks in and starts dusting shelves. He is another member of the Candela circle you're pretending to oversee. You strike up a conversation with him, hoping that maybe you can manipulate him by drumming up sympathy in him for the death of your sister, because you read in his file that he lost two brothers. Later, once you have lured the whole circle in under the pretense of giving them an assignment for Candela this SAME GUY cracks a joke about secretly being a creature from beyond the Flare in disguise. Truly at that point you have to be wondering, "Is this guy onto me?"

[infinity-brain]

The last revenge

Correct thinking in my world

[bsaka7]

tagged to post my 9 favourite album with commentary by @mathewbaldzal !!!! we r two peas in a pod i think with having a lot to say about some tunes...

in no particular order...

different class (1995) - pulp. this is not my no1 album of all time because i don't have a favorite album of all time, but this album is in part representative of "getting into music" to me. i love 90s britpop, whatever that means for a random american and this is my fav of em all (though i do actually quite rate this is hardcore in pulp's discography). "common people" is one of the songs of ALL TIME. god jarvis's little sing-song sleazyness gets me. really, really, really great classic performance of it at glasto 1995...for some reason "pencil skirt" also always really hits.

home video (2021) - lucy dacus. the newest album on this list by a long shot, but it's had songs in my top5 year end lists since it came out. i've also seen lucy live <3. this album rises above some of the others in similar company (punisher - phoebe bridgers, the boygenius ep, etc) because i never get tired of it. "first time" "hot & heavy" "brando" and "triple dog dare" are nearly always standbys in my listening history. probably gonna be an album-i-listened-to-in-college classic forever...

songs of love and hate (1971) - leonard cohen. maybe none of my favorite leonard cohen songs are on this album, but as a single work, this album stuns me. possibly the most transfixing 44:21 i've ever heard. his lyricism in particular is -- i can't even describe it. the mix with his voice, the sparseness of the instrumentation at time, the harmonies. i'm not a big stories guy but in this, yeah, the songwriting, the stories. i don't think there's another album like this one out there, really.

if you're feeling sinister (1998) - belle & sebastian. the first time i heard this album, i thought i had never heard an album so perfect. i love songs off of it but i nearly always listen to it whole. i love, love, love b&s's early sound (twee, if you will), and stuart murdoch's lyrics really, really shine. this is one of my favorite albums to listen to when i have a headache because it's lovely to just, focus on but not grating at all. i really love "judy and the dream of horses" and "get me away from here i'm dying". really, a beautiful work

rumours (1977) - fleetwood mac. i was sort of scrolling through some of my playlists trying to decide what to put on this list (it's a bit weighted towards stuff that's in rotation now) and i couldn't leave off fleetwood mac (in part to represent the huge part of my music taste that is like. classics 1965-1980). stevie nicks was one of my earlier music obsessions (the OG was the beatles). so many wonderful songs and riffs. i know this was left off the original 12-inch but "silver springs" is one of my favorite songs forever and ever and ever...

nebraska (1982) - bruce springsteen. when it comes down to it, this is my favorite springsteen album. i do think his 1975-1987 run of albums is pretty much perfect but nebraska is a masterpiece in a way that i find hard to express in words. there's a sense of sparseness and distance in this work (in part bc of how it was recorded) that i find so utterly compelling i can't even describe. "nebraska" - especially this 1984 live version - is a perfect song to me. perfect. i also like a lot of the stuff that went into inspiring this album (notably flannery o'connor) and well. where it fits into springsteen's narritivization of his own life (dude was in the dumps).

all killer, no filler (2001) - sum41. this pick is a little bit representative of the era of my life where i basically exclusively listened to pop punk but if songs of love and hate is an album that's perfectly drawn out, this is an album that's perfectly compressed. like, the title is correct. this album is fucking TIGHT. i used to listen to it at a job i hated to make the 30-min intervals go by. and it's got such classics...."fat lip"..."motivation..." of course, "in too deep." SO good.

what did you expect from the vaccines? (2011) - the vaccines. maybe this pick is a tiny bit cheesy but it is a perfect encapsulation of the era of alt rock it came from. which i love. i really like the vaccines, i think they're super fun and i did see them in concert finally and they totally lived up to that. "wetsuit" is again...one of my favorite songs of all time. "if you wanna" is a perpetual banger.

age of consent (1983) - new order. again, an album that deserves to be listened to whole, despite how good "age of consent" hits alone ever single time. sometimes i think i like another new order album more than this, but i don't. sumner's voice just out-of-tune ringing out over that sound, that new order sound, the bass, that post-punk club vibe. they're a band that don't sound like anyone else, and this is the album most indicative of that. wow, every time.

a few narrow misses

boxer (2007) - the national. i didn't get the national until one day i did. "slow show." my god. hello.

very (1993) - pet shop boys. it's too simple to say this is an album about gay love because it's so embedded in it's context but. this is an album with so much love. psb are brilliant.

the execution of all things (2002) - rilo kiley. jenny lewis CALL ME. also like. you know "a better son/daughter". there's more.

a thousand suns (2010) - linkin park. i used to listen to this at 6th grade cross-country practice. first band i ever got into on my own. idk.

this is not only my favorite albums but a pretty decent summation of the broad strokes my overall taste. thank you again for the tag!! i enjoyed doing this a lot :). idk who has done this/on what blogs so if u have PLEASEEEEE send it to me i want to see!! i tag @lfcrobbo @upthebrackets @girlfriendline @odegoob @amandaleveille @thelittlebirdthatkeptsomanywarm @kritischetheologie @bright-and-burning @a-corn-field if any of u want to but no presh!!!