#wish i was fine in general but im not fully

[bunnyb34r]

I know I should just block (and not OPEN) tags and posts ab '24 but my brain is stupid and likes to be informed even if it makes me worse

[frecklystars]

Hi frecklydork!! I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you- I just got out of a convo w/ a therapist where I realized I was in a really bad relationship and she mentioned I was displaying PTSD like symptoms. I just wanted you to know that theres someone out there who's super super super DUPER proud of you and all the work you've put into managing your PTSD- Feeling constant overwhelming anxiety helped me understand a little of what you must be going through, I can't imagine how stressful your day to day life is and I'm feeling overwhelmed rn! I hope you can take some comfort in this

Goodnight! Or Good day, or good morning whenever you get this!

Hi sweetheart. I'm so sorry to hear that you have gone through a relationship so devastating that it left this much of an impact on you. My heart goes out to you, it's not fun, to say the least, it is a really horrible time and it's especially difficult (in my opinion) when it's repetitive actions from someone you trusted... it's like an extra layer of betrayal on top of everything else. I'm so sorry. I know how badly that hurts.

My response is kind of long so I'm gonna put it under a readmore for ya:

I am so touched that you thought of me, and even more touched that you took the time out of your day to tell me that you thought of me. I hope you don't mind it took me a few days to finally crack open my inbox. I reread this a few times because it really warmed my heart. Thank you for being proud of me. I'm so proud of you, too. I'm so happy you've (I'm assuming, hoping, praying) gotten out of the relationship, or in the very least I'm reassured that you've realized how unhealthy the relationship was for you and you can take the steps to overcome and heal from it now. It's SO HARD getting out of relationships, but nobody else can do it for you, it's always you who has to take those steps, and I'm so proud of you for pushing yourself to take those steps!!!! I know it isn't easy!!!!! I think one of the loneliest feelings in the world is knowing that you're in an unhealthy friendship/relationship with someone and you can literally feel this person draining your energy and making you feel hopeless and worthless and numb. I have never felt more empty than when I was trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship/friendship. It's awful. Getting out of that kind of situation is so difficult, so I am so damn proud of you for recognizing that you deserve better!!! Because you do!!! You deserve the whole world and I'm sorry somebody didn't give you the respect you deserved. It's not your fault. Nothing you went through is your fault at all, and I'll say that as many times as you want to hear it.

I completely hear you on the stress side of things -- thank you for empathizing with me. My God, isn't it the fucking worst? The constant stress?? I PROMISE YOU IT GETS BETTER, I PROMISE I PROMISE I PROMISE!!!!!!!!!! I am finally at a point where my anxiety is not killing me 24/7. It took a hot fuckin minute to get here, but I am at a point now where my anxiety will only eat at me for a chunk of my day instead of my whole day. Getting into the Barbie movie literally saved my life. But, like... it's literally a stress disorder, an anxiety disorder. That feeling of it literally EATING at you every single second that you're awake, and even giving you nightmares when you're asleep -- jesus!!! it's so much!!! it's!!! A LOT and it's intense and it's like you never get any peace. BUT I PROMISE IT GETS BETTER!!!!! 😭😭💙💙💙 IT GETS BETTER ANON I SWEAR TO YOU. I AM HOLDING YOUR HAND THROUGH THIS WHOLE THING!!!!!

One day you will wake up and the person who traumatized you, the events that traumatized you, will NOT be the very first thing popping into your head. One day you'll be able to sit down and eat a sandwich and think to yourself "oh I just went 20 whole seconds without thinking about it". One day you'll be tying your shoe and thinking "oh I think i just went five whole minutes without thinking about it!" slowly, gradually, you will have healed so much, you will look back and think "oh. I'm... so much better than I was."

I actually had this revelation a few weeks ago, I sat down making comics, and then I thought to myself... "...oh... I don't think I thought about my abuser... at all... when a trigger was right in front of my face... for a solid two minutes." I saw a gifset where Margot Robbie was wearing an article of clothing that normally triggers me into a panic attack, but I just kept looking at Margot and thinking "hehehe that's my Barbie!!! <3" and then i realized the trigger was right in front of my face but I was so focused on being gay asf I didn't even realize the trigger was there. And then when I noticed it, my body was like "oh. time to panic" but I managed to push away those feelings and say "nope. nope. that's Barbie. and Barbie is safe. and everything is ok!!!" And two minutes of handling a certain trigger may not seem like a long time, at first... but when you're constantly overwhelmed every single second of every single day... two minutes looks like a blessing. and one day you won't even have to count the minutes anymore. you'll just exist and the misery will only be momentary.

But aside from triggers, now, just in general, I am at a point where I can go hours without remembering my abuser or the events that gave me literally DOZENS of triggers in the first place. Flashbacks are rare, when they used to be constant. I'm not as jittery as I used to be, I'm not as... uh, feeling like I'm going out of my mind, I don't know how else to phrase it, but the anxiety that ptsd gives you literally makes you feel like you're losing your sense of self, and I promise you that feeling goes away with time. I promise you it gets better. I didn't have a support system during my time of need, so my healing process is taking much longer than it would have, so I am hopeful that your healing process is actually going much speedier than mine, even if our circumstances may not be exactly the same ofc but just hearing that you have a therapist helping you out with this is absolutely wonderful. Therapy is so important, paired with self care.

I'm so proud of you anon. I'm so sorry you're going through this and ahhh sorry I'm scatterbrained, it's been a long day and my brain cells are on fire, but!!! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU and I LOVE YOU and IT'S GONNA BE OKAY!!!! IT'S GONNA GET BETTER!!!!!! That feeling of constant anxiety 24/7 is an absolute bitch, but it gets better!!! It gets better!!!! I'll say it a million times, it gets better!!!! And I'm here for you the whole way okay? Please feel free to message me anytime. Ilusm I'm sending you so many hugs and I will be keeping you in my thoughts. 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

[risingsunresistance]

[bmpmp3]

a lot of anime opening single b-sides get kinda overlooked but Everyone Should Listen to the b-side of fabiniku’s opening Refrain this song has been consuming my mind for the past 48 hours LIKE listen to it

the weirdass white noise/ darth vader breathing noise in the beginning and the quiet parts, the jazzy drums in the verses, guitar riffs that will make any dad who listens to too much classic rock air guitar his heart out, the vocals at around the 3:20 mark, the fantastical synth melody, THE FLUTE ASS SOUND are you listening to me are you listening to the FLUTE? the WOODWIND INSTRUMENT in the ‘refrain... refrain... refrain...” sections and the DISTORTION on the “refrain“s in the final seconds LISTEN TO ME listen to the woodwind instrument

[hellfireeddiemunson]

i have bad melted soup brain today and i hate it

[mamawasatesttube]

ok i put a longer post abt tim's Emotional State in drafts for when my brain is less melted but re: tim and going to college im just gonna get a lil silly with it. hear me out.

i have this whole vague story in my mind for tim's college days moonlighting as red robin as he tries and figures out what he wants out of life. (it's a while after rr leaves off and all because he's like. Super Depressed for a hot minute and then has to drag himself through actually bothering to get his GED and applying to college, etc., but eventually lucius is like hey. you're great with gadgets, and you clearly love tinkering. i'd hire you for r&d in a heartbeat but you need at the least a bachelor's of engineering. i know you have a lot of the technical skills, but you need a degree. so tim goes ugh fine i'll get a goddamn engineering degree how hard can it possibly be.)

anyways. i think it's a universal experience that if you go to college and you hang with the STEM crowd, you will unfortunately get to know at least one Fucking Guy. it's like brentwood arc; tim does make friends, but there is just this One Fucking Guy he cannot stand and will never stand. this Fucking Guy is in the common room playing his guitar at midnight. he's drunk and yelling and laughing really loud when people have exams coming up. he's convinced everyone adores him. there's also a detective/supernatural plot going on. the subplot is just that tim hates This Fucking Guy.

at some point, there's a story beat where he as red robin has to rescue That Fucking Guy from a real dicey situation, and That Fucking Guy is really shaken and grateful to him, and he's like okay. maybe. maybe we are making progress. but then the next time he encounters This Fucking Guy as tim drake, the guy is just like. "ohhhh hey drake you missed it last night, it was AWESOME!!! i had to save red robin from a KILLER ROBOT. he's pretty cool though i guess. i bet you wish you could be more like him huh??" and tim is just. I Will Not Grind My Teeth About This. I Will Not. his life is a fucking joke. he dismantles the toaster oven in the common room kitchen to cope. it's definitely to cope and not just so that That Fucking Guy won't be able to heat up his pop tarts in the morning.

at another point, This Fucking Guy looks at street mode, lowkey, unremarkable Normal Car-looking redbird and goes, aw, dude, i thought your dad is loaded?? he only got you a generic-ass sedan?? that sucks lol, if you want we can take my car down to the game instead. and tim is just Say One More Fucking Word About My Baby I Dare You I Fucking Dare You One More Fucking Word.

(also i like to toy with the idea of this being a university in metropolis - he's out of gotham, but not too far. keeps him from getting antsy about what if he's needed because he can get right back over there. and in the meantime, he can hang out with kon and kara a lot, and occasionally enable and be enabled by lois lane and her snooping habits. there's another subplot in which tim and lois get up to shenanigans. at least once.)

it's sort of an introspective thing of him trying to come to terms with the way he no longer wants a fully normal life the way he always used to assume he would - he has the option to walk away from the cape now, like he always thought he would one day, but he just can't give it up anymore. he's fallen into the same black hole he watched dick and bruce dive headlong into. it's also about him finding joy in tinkering and working with his hands and getting to spend more time as tim drake first and foremost. and it's about him venting to kon about That Fucking Guy while they have a lil picnic on the green while kon loses his absolute shit laughing. all against the backdrop of a little mystery or something. <3

OH and also, most importantly. zoanne wilkins is there and laughing at him for assuming college would be easy. and kon gets her into wendy the werewolf stalker. My City Now.

[strwberri-milk]

Tearful Embrace: Diluc

Diluc x GN!Reader || (Slight) Hurt/Comf, Fluff || 573 words

Hugs make everything better, don't they?

a/n - tell me why my team lead bought me an appreciation hippo and also hugs me a lot i go through w it bc it makes [redacted] happy and idrm hugs anymore but man are they uncomfy (in general im not a hugger LMAO)

Diluc knows that sometimes you aren't going to be talkative. That is perfectly fine in his opinion. After all, he's not going to just sit there and strongarm you into having a conversation with him. However, today just felt very different.

Right now you were just sitting across from him in the drawing-room. the two of you beginning to wind down to get ready for bed later. He watches discreetly as you fiddle with your fingers, toes tapping the ground a little restlessly as you continue to fidget. He can clearly see that something is weighing on your mind, making you fidget as aggressively as you are in his presence.

He's not too sure on how to breach the subject. Does he risk embarrassing you and asking you if everything is okay when there might actually be nothing wrong, or does he ask and also upset you by making you talk about something that you actively wish to ignore? His mind worries over this, creating a rut in his head as he mentally walks back and forth.

In that time, you manage to sneak your way over to him and slip into his lap. You immediately settle in his warmth, sighing contently as he just stares at you. Diluc doesn't really mind that you're being touchy, gingerly brushing out your hair in confusion but he wishes he could do more.

"Luc," you say a little sleepily, his presence calming your once racing thoughts.

"What is it my beloved?" he hums back, voice low to avoid stirring your thoughts up too much.

"I love you."

His heart skips a beat. No matter how many times you say that to him it'll always feel like the first time, making his mind scatter and body still. That, paired with the affectionate look in your eyes makes him think he really will just melt into your arms, leaning down to kiss your lips softly.

"I love you too."

For some reason, you shake your head. It's funny the way you do it, eyes closed and lips pouting. He can barely contain his laughter, giving you a soft smile as his shoulders shake.

"Why are you shaking your head?"

"I love you," you repeat, the emphasis not really explaining to him what you were trying to communicate.

"And I love you," he mirrors, wondering if that would manage to sate you.

It doesn't seem to but he doesn't mind as you crawl onto his lap and hug his body tightly to yourself. Your arms wrap around his neck and you bury your face into his hair, breathing all of him into you so intensely he thinks your body will mold into his.

"I love you so much," you whisper into his skin, the words etching into his body and imprinting them onto his soul.

"You are what is good with the world, what it means to be fulfilled, the only reason why the sun rises in the morning after the majesty of the moon has had it's fill of you," you continue in an almost ramble of his praise.

Diluc can't respond, the words knocking his breath away as you hold him even tighter, pressing kisses to his throat slowly. Clearly you've won whatever battle you were waging against him he thinks as you smirk against him, fully resting your weight on him.

"Well, when you say that how could I ever trump your love for me?"

[kabutoraiger]

fun find at the used bookstore the other day since their horror section is usually pretty sparse. had to stop myself from saying Holy Fuck out loud upon picking it up and seeing that guy. retro horror book covers you will always be famous to me

as for the actual stories inside,

son of celluloid - really cool concept of a monster in a movie theater that can like send your ass to the Movie Dimension and shapeshift itself into old film stars to lure you in with a beloved face and gets stronger the more it is "perceived"

however i really did not understand part of the lore of this creature which was that it partially grew out of cancer cells...?? what does that have to do with the rest of this... and unfortunately this story gets bogged down with the central POV character who is a fat woman, which is obviously fine, but like half of her narration is just thinking about how she hates being soo fat and how men aren't into her which is just. :/

also it made me question if clive has ever actually seen dumbo. dumbo's ears were his notable feature, my guy. that's kind of the whole thrust of the film.

rawhead rex - this is the only one i'd heard of in advance and it's certainly... memorable.

again the idea here is kino with this beast from ancient times being unleashed on this blase little british town and kind of plunging them back into a more primal state of being. the descriptions of rawhead and especially of him eating the children is like. viscerally freaky and horrible.

but the decision to write some scenes from the POV of rawhead himself is... i dunno. like i do think the story would feel a bit unfinished without his perspective so it's more How they're written, i guess, in this very normal voice that just makes him come across as a simple animal crossed with a petulant cruel teenager or something, and thus kind of ruining his scariness. maybe that was part of the intention and i just didn't fully get it? to me it would've been better for his POV to read as very stylized & different from the humans somehow.

and god i wish there didn't have to be so much piss involved. the demonic watersports scene got me staring off into the distance with a tired resignation

confessions of a pornographer's shroud - relatively simple ghostly revenge story. due to being told in big part from the POV of the ghost i can't call this one particularly scary, but the base idea of taking the silly halloweencore ghost wearing sheet and turning that into an actual serious haunting is fun.

scapegoats - a ship gets beached on a creepy little island they hadn't even noticed on the map which turns out to be a burial ground for tons of unidentified bodies who washed up there during the world wars.

the ending bit of this one was pretty effective but i can't get over my disappointment that this island wasn't more like lovecraftian in origin, which felt plausible based on initial descriptions of it. half alive corpses are scary sure but i wanted At The Shitty English Island of Madness instead.

also there's one part that felt straight out of one of junji ito's weirder oneshots which made me laugh out loud and im not sure the humor was intended.

human remains - sex worker goes home with a guy and finds some kind of sentient human sized statue in his bathtub which then proceeds to start following him around and taking on his identity & exact appearance.

probably my favorite in this book which feels odd to say since it's the least horror out of them. the MC's reaction to this creature eventually becomes almost friendly or loving, and the creature is polite and well spoken and though it kills people it generally only does so to live. very interesting. a story that it's difficult to imagine a straight author writing. could probably read some layers of metaphor into it if you were inclined

[goblinbugthing]

sorry to the person that sent this ask, i deleted it on accident

anygays.

someone on anon sent an ask saying “why do you want the white lady to be stereotypical?” in reference to this post where i said i reject the canon that she doesn’t care about any of the vessels, just seeing them as tools to seal the radiance and only experiencing shame in the fact that it was her eggs that were used to produce them.

lemme elaborate on what i meant by that.

(tl;dr at the bottom of the post)

(cw: mentions of child neglect + implied child abuse)

it’s not that i want the white lady to be the general fanon stereotype that she’s actually a loving mother to all her kids, including the fallen vessels in the abyss, i simply want her to treat holly like her child because thats what they are. they’re a living being who deserves all the love and more that they never got in their childhood because their parents thought they were effectively a lifeless creature.

now, i project onto them a lot. they’re my #1 blorbo and comfort character in hollow knight, so i give them the same needs i have and write other characters as providing to those needs. that includes parental love from the white lady, their mother.

in my aus, wl isnt a motherly figure to all the vessels — in fact, she’s actually kind of scared of most of them. she only really acts as a parent to holly, because she knows they’re alive and that they literally need it to stay that way. they call her mom, she calls them her child, and she’s grown really attached to them because of that.

wl didn’t initially view holly as her child — before their escape and rescue, to her, they were just another failure. just another impure vessel. she didn’t honestly care about what happened to them, at least not too much (they’re still her spawn, and she felt some guilt in seeing them this way, but she shoved it down and continued acting like everything was fine). but after the fact, holly themself said to her that they genuinely see her as their mother and want her to treat them as her child to make up for the decades of neglect they went through. hearing this, and knowing they’re a living being that literally just wants the love they were never given, and already having an innate desire to protect her young, she agrees to call them ‘child’ despite not fully seeing them like that.

after a while, though, she did start developing a genuine motherly love and connection to them. of course, at this point in time in my main au, holly is still very much trying to impress pk to avoid getting thrown into the abyss and dying (which he wouldn’t do, but they don’t know that), so they never call wl ‘mother’ around him, and they requested that she do the same for them (which she agreed to do bc she doesn’t want them getting hurt any more than they already have been).

tl;dr, im sad and need the comfort so i gave a lore reason for it to happen canonically in my aus.

(also, in twins of void, wl just always loved diligence. she knew right off the bat that they were alive and she decided “fuck it, they’re my child and i love them, the other one is pure they’ll be fine,” despite pk’s wishes for neither of them to form any unnecessary attachments in the case that purity wasn’t pure.)

(in reign of light, she doesn’t want anything to do with moon. something to do with them fusing with radi. more angst fuel for the angst au!)

(also, here’s rol and tov’s basic info post)

[houndfaker]

how come you’re so crazy about kikuno? asking as someone who only knows her from arena

honestly anon a good 50% of it is “i literally don’t know”. maybe it’s the fact that she’s so underrated that kind of stokes my obsession a little? the other half of it is well. not even so much just her roles in each story she’s involved in but just general stuff about her as a character beyond that. i’ll give my general reasonings

(beneath a cut because wow i started rambling really hard)

im a sucker for the general trope of an utterly devoted character that serves under another, potentially to the point of viewing themselves as a tool. combine that with the general aesthetic of a battle maid and im pretty much sold.

further combine that with a devotion so sincere that it corrupts, and you have me acting up. kikuno being so hellbent on setting mitsuru free of her family’s burdens that she is willing to sacrifice the entirety of sees for it, that she goes as far as drugging her so she might sleep through it all, was just insanely interesting to me. kikuno clearly despises takedera, thinks lowly of him, but joins forces with him for the good of providing peace to the person dearest to her, even at the risk of being hated by her.

she also technically falls under that other trope i like where she has a history of being a lab experiment. which i sorely wish they would’ve done more with! the horrifying implications of a child that was sold to ergo research!! a survivor of that dark hour experimentation that’s effect is typically known only through strega (and eventually sho by extension). takedera threatening her with returning to those experiments is a genuine hair raising moment to me. she’s the type of character you imagine would have a persona, but she never seems to awaken to one, only having the potential to interact with the dark hour.

shes also outright a cool addition to exploring more of mitsuru’s backstory and home life. the drama cd in general gives insight to mitsuru as a child and i came away feeling even more fondness for a character i already love intensely. (seriously, kikuno describing their first meeting and how much of a little shit mitsuru was about trying to make friends with a withdrawn and bitter kikuno…so sweet)

i just really get the sense that the writers have a fondness for her. she almost feels like someone’s oc. she’s practically a main character in the drama cd she originates from, she briefly cameos in a later drama cd promoting the movies (and has a brief appearance in the movies!!!!), then goes from loose mention in the first arena game to a fully visually implemented character in ultimax with portraits and voicework, and later she’s portrayed in the stageplay based on ultimax. surely you could chalk a ton of this up to needing a plot-furthering character and kikuno as a pre-existing concept would more often than not fit the bill but i like to imagine she’s just a Well Loved side character. i sincerely hope that love persists into reload. im DYING to see her again, even if it’s just a brief moment.

SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH HER. in the second scene shes in she tells the limo driver escorting her and mitsuru to the manor to run over a crowd. shes like an angry attack dog for the first half of new moon that mitsuru needs to tell to relax. she fucking pretends to break a ring that normal people use to access the dark hour, acts like she loses all of her memories in the past 6 years to takedera AND TO MITSURU BEFORE BEING LIKE OH LOL IM FINE BTW. IVE ALWAYS HAD ACCESS TO THE DARK HOUR I JUST PRETENDED TO USE THE RING AND NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT IT. she blows up the iwatodai dorm kitchen because she impulsively came over to help bake something as an apology to mitsuru, and doesn’t tell anyone that she’s never cooked before until after there is a fire. when mitsuru requests a beach-related activity for the senpai squad to partake in she sends an entire cruise ship to them. in arena she intentionally leaves the top open on the artificial dark hour-inducing box so that the police investigators handling the materials snoop into it, trigger it, and get attacked. she stays On Site in a damaged helicopter during ultimax so she can shoot down and blow up shadows and smiles and winks while she does it like she’s having the time of her life.

its not anything New i guess but the way she carries herself does kill me. woman who behaves so put together but is so not. she wants to commit unspeakable violence. shes smug and cunning. also she can be incredibly fucking stupid and i chalk that up to having grown up somewhat sheltered in the same manner as mitsuru. the perfect woman i think

gay ass homosexual woman. if a relationship in p3 is paralleled with junpei and chidori it’s so over that’s them telling you something gay is happening. you cannot refer to somebody as “the one destined for you” and be not gay about it. it does not help that she then compares herself to yukari who is also ridiculously gay with mitsuru. it’s also like why are you as a woman revolving your life’s work around providing comfort and peace to another woman. she’s ridiculous get me out of here.

her arena design is like catnip for me. what is she so dykey for!? her fucking chest harness....

another thing is like just generally the Potential she holds as a character. i would've liked to see her directly encounter more members of sees beyond her first appearance. i think her and yukari's dynamic in particular is really funny just based on the last bit of dialogue between them in nm/fm. something about the kinda one-sided like. kinship kikuno appears to have with her and like i wanted to see how yukari would further deal with her and her antics but they dont really interact on character developing-based terms in ultimax....i like to think about them anyways. ive also manifested the concept of strega being loosely aware of her from their time as child experiments under the kirijo group, particularly ive been wanting to try writing or drawing something grounded in the dynamic between her and chidori consisting of how differently the two ended up and how that might create further tension than what we got in their brief canon interaction...im just Rambling at this point but its genuinely a big part of her appeal to me.

well while im here. i feel like there might be this impression that i ship kikuno with either yukari or mitsuru but like generally speaking i find it hard to put into words what the deal is. i dont really consider either of them in a romantic relationship with her and yet there is some kind of psuedo-polycule shit going on there in my brain. i dont pair them but theyre doing gay stuff n proximity to each other. do you get it. its like two married women and the maid that they do yuri shit with

she sucks a little bit and also shes so awesome. im her biggest fan. thats all

addendum: PLEASE, one p3 fan to another, do yourself a favor and either listen along to or read the scripts for the drama cds she appears in. (and the whole p3 drama cd catalogue in general because honestly its made up of really great stuff between sincere lore shit and just characters goofing off during daily life.) i'll link the specific ones below for ease of access also.

New Moon (Youtube) (Script) Full Moon (Youtube) (Script)

[nmzuka]

Alright I did it Ranking the human characters from Primal Rage: The Avatars from least to most mischaracterized to me personally:

--Kaze and Keena They're kinda just genetic "protagonist hero" and "girl" I do like a lot of moments they had overall and dont think their characters are bad for them Keena having a crush on Kaze wasn't terrible since it obviously wasn't reciprocated but I did HATE the long bit of Keena fretting about "never feeling the touch of a man" she's 15 bro she's not thinking about that pls fuck off I do think it was lacking a lot in Keena being a child (and they kinda cop-out of doing that by saying she like matured by magic after becoming an Avatar which is lame) I don't really have that much to say in general about Kaze. I thought he was fine for being the "main character" The other characters joking about him being WAY too loyal to Blizzard (to the point of joking he wanted to fuck him) was honestly really funny tho

--Shank hard for me to fault much cause like he isnt in the book a whole lot? but I do wish they'd done more with him… he's just kinda there, does his thing, and then goes away Spoilers kinda but it was really weird that he gave a false name when he met them and then like Keena just out of no where was like "what's your real name?!" and then Malyssa knew who he was?? which I guess was the point that he hid his name so they wouldn't realize he was Chaos but they also never brought up that Malyssa knew who he was?

--Sinjin on the one hand I think Sinjin's character was kinda fun. He is sassy and a bit quippy (really like his line when all the gods got together and were roaring at each other and he just says "one big happy family…" its just so silly of him I love it) They made it a point of how good he was at rallying troops behind him and like giving these passionate speeches which is kinda fun for him to be charismatic like that but it really feels like character moments that should have been for Arik?? The book didn't even bother bringing up his want to die (I dont remember if it even brought up he was immortal? I dont think they did) that annoyed me but REALLY annoyed me when he had the line while giving a speech to the soldiers and said "we have the will to live!" made me yell HE WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THAT!! his personal motives are just kinda dropped after a while too? like he started out playing both sides (the other Avatars and Necrosan) but that doesnt really go anywhere and once he gets the powers of being an avatar it seems like he's going to betray the Avatars because he doesnt want to release Diablo again but it just never happens? they have a lead in like he's planning something but Tor and Arik show up and he just never tries any kind of backup plan or anything? he's just fully helping the Avatars to beat Necrosan and release the gods

--Arik, Tor, Xiao Ming Im lumping all 3 together because they are honestly interchangeable in the book you could just swap the names and it wouldnt make a difference because they arent given enough character to stand out. which is a real shame! especially for Arik and Xiao Ming because I think they have a lot of interesting character possibilities with what we get from the game:

Arik is a fallen prince who wants to rebuild his kingdom and in his game ending it says how he became a greatly loved king who was known for his compassion and wisdom. He establishes a new age of peace and prosperity for humanity and its a shame the book just doesn't touch on that at all I mean they mention he's a prince but not any of his wants to help humanity

Xiao Ming is an arrogant fighter who challenged the god Slashfang to a fight and lost. Shashfang doesnt kill him tho and instead makes him his avatar in his ending he rechallenges Slashfang who says instead of a fight Xiao Ming must hunt him down He fails at this as well but over his time traveling gains a sense of humility and peace

So I always pictured his relationship with Slashfang being more bitter? it says how Xiao Ming is "disfigured" by his earlier fight with Slashfang and I dont think he was really a willing follower?? Slashfang is more trying to teach him a lesson in the book tho he's just a guy, given no sense of arrogance or anything he's just there and hanging out with Slashfang like whatever. it did annoy me too cause there was a bit where Xiao Ming and Keena think Kaze betrayed them and Keena is the one going off about what a jerk he is and shit and Xiao Ming is the one like "no he wouldnt do that would he?" when I think it should have been switched with Xiao Ming shit talking Kaze for betraying them

I did laugh when the book out right said Tor and Armadon were boring lol (Malyssa is the one to say it and I was just like "girl you get it they are so boring") but honestly that made me more sad then anything cause I had hoped to get some character ideas for Tor especially but nope he's just kinda around and is a normal dude? Armadon mentions him being afraid but never of what? like what is that suppose to mean my guy??

--Malyssa ok so like… she is my fav character in the book but also the one that bothers me the most ffff I liked how much pull she had in the story playing both sides the whole time, betraying people and then talking her way back onto their side (even tho most of the time it made no fucking sense what she was trying to do or how she was able to make the others work with her again) I just liked how important she was

what I didnt like was how much of her character was "breasted boobily down the stairs" they for some reason made her centuries old but keeping herself youthful by drinking the blood of virgin men after sleeping with them?? like okay (I dont at all mind that she liked to get it like good for her! they just kinda made it weird cause she always thinking about it) her not wearing much clothes was brought up a LOT and just talking about her "supple body" I get it she's sexy idk it just really derailed me every time and made me roll my eyes. they didnt at all bring up any of her lore from the game which also really bothered me and I think was the main reason I hated her being portrayed as she was in the book

in the game she's literally a slave to Vertigo as are all her people (magically bound to serve Vertigo) and Malyssa wants to free them she ends up tricking Vertigo and rewritting a spell that Vertigo thought would free herself into one that would free Malyssa and her people and then she leads her people with kindness and allows them to pursue freedom and happiness

which is like so good??? thats part of why I like Malyssa so much cause she's bound to one of the big bads of the series yet she herself isnt evil and wants to do good (at least for her people) I just love that for her and it feels like such a shame the book reduced her to just "sexy evil lady" (not that thats not a fun character type but just not for Malyssa I think)

anyway I know the book was just a silly thing written to promote a fighting game about giant dinosaurs so I dont hold it to being like the most amazing piece of literature ever written. It would have had to have been a lot longer to touch on all the characters lore (and honestly thinking of it now if we had instead gotten a series of books each focusing on the individual characters with a slowly intertwining story would have been amazing!!) at the end of the day I had fun reading it! But did just want to whinge a bit about the characters (because I love them a lot hhh)

[forgottenluck]

I go by Kie or Kierax just about everywhere.

I am over the age of 25

I am comfortable interacting with minors on a strictly platonic setting. I was once one of them, rping my way into a love of writing. I'm fine with sharing that love, sharing a love for writing, a love for world building....I'm fully willing to plant the seeds of imagination in the next generation. I am NOT willing to do anything other than that. If you are a minor, any rp I do with you will be innocent, the darkest it can go is maybe some fight scenes and possible darker themes. That's it. Do not push me any further than that.

I am asexual biromantic. I am a Survivor. This means there will be very little to no smut or sexual things unless I am extremely comfortable with you.

This does not mean I am not willing to explore my characters romantic side. As long as things are fade to black, I'm okay.

Please do not pressure me in replying. I have ADHD, anxiety, and depression. All of these combined do not make a good cocktail for pressure, and if i’m pressured in interacting, replying, or other things then I get burnt out really fast. I do this because I enjoy it, so please don’t take my enjoyment out of it by putting a deadline on me.

That being said, if i’ve taken more than a week or so to even interact with you, feel free to poke me and just give me a gentle reminder! I don’t consider “hey we still good for that rp?” a pressuring measure, and I love to interact so i’d be thrilled to get a message!

I care very little about how other people run their blogs. I care very little about what topics you rp. If I enjoy talking to you, or writing with you, then I will do so. This means I do not take place in censorship culture. I will not shame you, or call you out based on what you find enjoyable. I know for a lot of people, writing and rp is a type of therapy, and most of us are adults here and can choose to disengage when something makes us uncomfortable.

I reserve the right to rp with whoever I wish. I do not pick sides. I will not choose one over the other. If you attempt to make me choose either you or someone else, unless I know you very well and we are close friends…I will likely choose the person who is not pressuring me to choose. Firefox and Chrome both have extensions that allow you to block almost all instances of a user on your blog, please use it. (the only exception to that is asks, and for that reason I do not answer asks, but instead make a new post.)

I try not to engage in drama. I do my best to keep in my own lane. I have in the past, voiced my opinions on topics that are related to me particularly or related to people I am quite close with. However, I try to stay out of it.

If, for some reason, you do something that unnerves me, upsets me, or otherwise is against my rules, if it is directly affecting me (Ie: in a reply or im) I will give you a warning. If you do it again, then I will let you know and unfollow. In the case of me seeing it on my dash, you will not get a warning unless we have interacted quite a bit, I will immediately unfollow.

I curate my space based on my likes. If you don't like my likes, my interactions, then the unfollow button is right there. I don't care. I'm here to have fun, to blow off steam, and to enjoy myself. I'm not your baby-sitter, and I don't ever plan on being one. There are many different ways you can make sure you don't see something. Use them.

[funeralroach]

On the 20th of December 2023, my dearly beloved dog, a companion, a best friend and an anchor to help me keep on living; Tiffa was euthanized in the age of 15 years.

On all other aspects possible...including her senses, her diet, her heart and organs alike she was perfectly fine, but to quote the vet "if nothing else gets them, old age wear out will."

Her joints were giving out and it was causing her an unspeakable amount of pain. She was given a shot which reduced her pain receptors from signaling her body and she was prescribed with a daily pain killer to alleviate her suffering for the time being but it was becoming increasingly obvious that her time was coming to an end despite my best efforts.

The most difficult part for me about it personally was being in charge of the metaphorical guillotine which I was to pay for in order to end the life of my best friend. She appeared and generally behaved as though she was no older than a 5 year old dog. She would run around, she would jump around ,she would bark and play and eat and drink and respond to her name but. It was an accumulation of little things.

She would not be able to make as sharp turns in the narrower parts of the apartment any longer, her paws would not be able to handle the same arctic weather as she used to just a year ago, she would wish to make her walks shorter by turning around and head home sooner than before, she would get exhausted quicker, she would be panting more, she wouldn't let me clip her nails or brush her fur.

All of these things I regarded as mere old age pickiness or sass perhaps. She knew her boundaries and i wished to respect them.

I could not fathom that these were the indicators of death approaching when it wasn't as visibly obvious. But the more I looked at her and the more I spoke about it the clearer it became.

During the euthanizing itself I was very fortunate to be allowed to spend as much time with the corpse as I wished after her heart had stopped. I stood around the operation table and I felt her over numerous times from head to toe taking in the subtle changes of her life having vanished from this body. She was incredibly light in comparison to before. She wasn't tense in the slightest any longer. Her tongue and gums begun to turn purple, she began to grow colder, her bladder gave out, her eyes were no longer retaining moisture. And I was very very glad that I was able to internalize these changes so I could fully process that she was no longer here.

And after leaving the veterinarian office I began to count days and weeks and mentally visualize the various stages of decomposing that were taking place and frankly now that we're at a point in which I know her body has fully turned to liquid, leaving nothing but her bones behind I feel more at ease.

I feel that theres nothing left for her body to go through.

I miss her so severely and will forever continue to, but im glad her suffering has come to an end and that i could ensure it was as painless as possible.

[hunters-hobby-log]

Day 2: game day

I played a game today, so I didn't have much time to hobby. I also forgot to take photos, so you'll have to take my word for it. I built up part of a mortar team. Im still waiting on traitor bits, so they shall languish in unfinished until then. I also replaced the arm on my nurgle icon bearer. Now he mroe closely represents iron hand stracken.

I think he looks good with those "catachan" I wrote about yesterday.

I also bought a leman russ!

Since the photos are minimal, I guess I'll write an after action report.

The opponents list was centered around 3 fully loaded blocks of kataphron breachers. Each had a skitarii screen, and a manipulus. Mine was a mixed guard regiment: 2 fully loaded krieg squads with marshals, the "catachan" squad shown above, a cadian command blob with leontus and two psion teams. The infantry was supported 2 basilisks a mortar team, two russes and a tank commander.

My traitors did not fair well today. I played against new rad bombardment detachment for admech. They drop mortals in your deployment every turn, and if you want to minimize mortals each unit can hit the dirt, but they're battleshocked for the turn. Its super flavorful, but man I both overestimated how lethal those mortals would be and hit the dirt with every one of my units in the first turn. That was a mistake. I shoulda just eaten the mortals and the admech shooting turn one. Everyone was hidden behind buildings. I woulda been fine.

Due to the battleshock my first turn was a dud. Battleshock means no orders, and secondary actions. Shooting did nothing. My opponent was able to setup on points and start scoring.

Turn two was a bit better, but my infantry wasnt able to push onto primary points, and my target priority was all over the place. I, at best, killed a couple of individual kataphrons and some infantry. I was then slapped incredibly hard by admech shooting.

Turn three was the death knell for me. I reinforced my now vaporized catachan squad, and now was able to set them up again in my opponents deployment zone. I set up a krieg squad in position to charge where my catachan were initially vaporized, and I set up my command blob with leontus in position to take the center and right objectives. Then I rolled snake eyes on literally all 3 charges. There my guard stood as they were gunned down mercilessly by the forces of the mechanicus on my opponents turn.

I conceded there, between a misguided call to take first turn letting my entire army get battleshocked, and the scramble causing a lack of focus on targets lead to a complete shutout.

I wish I got photos, but I was too caught up in socializing and generally hanging out with my buddy to reliable photograph.

[eloquentgifs]

I'm going to say things bc that's how I cope.

As a person who thinks that if you're going to do something you should do it right, I can't help it, it bothered me how sloppy this season felt. Of course I fully blame HBO and their cheapness, but it stills bothers me. Not only we got two episodes less than s1, but the 8 we got were shorter, and you can tell. I also blame the budget cuts for the constant yet unnecessary flashbacks, and the weird editing, and the anticlimatic pace. In any case, I want to highlight the things I did like, because I fucking love this show and Im sure that after a rewatch or two I'll be less angry, so let's stay positive:

Since it seems they were having trouble to get the complete cast together in one plot, I do love they kinda let them have their spotlight one by one. Like, Frenchie in the first episodes, Wee John as Calypso, Lucius with his PTSD in ep5... It's not the same as s1, but it's something.

I've seen people complaining about this, but Im happy they didnt invest too much time on the forgiving process. I like it better when everyone gets along fine, and in the end they're pirates and they never seemed to be the kind of people who hold grudges, so yeah lets skip to the nice part.

I did like a lot what they did with Izzy. I don't care if it happened too quick or what, I used to feel indiference towards him and this season I actually enjoy his scenes a lot. I still dont know how I feel about his death tho. It bothered me a little that the whole scene was more about Ed than Izzy himself, but in the end I always saw Izzy as a narrative tool in Ed's arc more than as a character of his own, so I guess it makes sense.

Super happy with the music choices, and also the new outfits.

Really, the first five episodes were absolutely brilliant.

It made me so happy they got Bronson Pinchot as Ned Low.

Huge fan of Zheng Yi Sao and Auntie.

Im so fucking furious at Taika Waititi for his pro-Israel shit that seeing Pop Pop attacking him gave me some sort of inner peace.

Now, things I wished had been done differently: - There were a lot of paralelisms with s1, which is good, but I'd like they brought back more actual elements of s1 into play. Like, the lighthouse painting, the secret wardrobe, the pink robe, a third Badmington (he would have work better as big bad than this prince ricky guy I dont really care about?). Frenchie singing again. This oneis a reach, but I would love to have Mary Bonnet back. And I was really hoping they play with the fact that Stede is "dead". The guy doesnt even mention the Master Fuckery from ep10.

-On that note, I was a little dissapointed on Jim's arc. I was never that invested on them or their plot in s1, but it feels weird how this season it seems like none of that even happened. Even Jim felt like a different character. I feel it would worked better if some of the conflict was related to Siete Gallos stuff, so at least it would feel all of that subplot wasnt a waste of time.

-Little missing opportunities of making me happy: Anne Bonny and Mary Read mentioning Jack (to insult him, mostly); they kissing when the house is on fire; Ed finding not just one letter but the whole pile of them; a better narrative use for Seagull Buttons (well, any narrative use, really); developing the bombclocks thing in a way where Auntie was not deprived of her superhuman detective skills; having Ned Low as bigger villain, with several appearances.

-The general development of Ed/Stede in the final episode... It's just confusing to me. My reading of Stede's mind state was that he was on autopilot since he killed Ned Low, and being abandoned by Ed and having his ass kicked by Zheng would wake him up a little, but this episode he's still in PROBLEM SOLVER mode, zero regrets about anything, still hasn't talked anything through EVER, he's just fine. With Ed I dont even ask for coherence bc he's always been a wtf guy, but I dont understand the "just do whatever you're good at" thing in the beginning of the episode, and he claiming back his leathers and his pirate-self and going on berserker mode and fighting along Stede as equals and blablabla if at the end he's still chosing to be a fucking innkeeper. Also, having a shitty inn in the middle of nowhere sounds too close to the antique shop in ep4, didn't they learn ANYTHING from Mary and Anne? I mean, the innkeeping was a predictible outcome, but the setting up of the episode was really aiming to the opposite, so it feels weird to me. In any case, I'm happy they're together and if being absolutely on their own in the loneliest house in the world doesn't get them to improve their communication, idk what else they could do.

-Still think they should have been lighthouse keepers instead.

-Next season Im totally muting every OFMD tag as soon as they announce the trailer release, because the promo and bts content was absolutely TOO MUCH. Those fuckers had been showing us stuff from the very climax of the fucking last episode since weeks before the season aired. I get it's a me problem, but I do believe it ruined my experience a lot, so fuck that.

And well. That's it. Good season, could have been great. Im happy but sad. Let's just hope that, if there's a season 3, they gave them more money and time to do it properly.

And before I post this and run away from tumblr, Im checking out how much of my wishlist had been fulfilled: - LUCIUS IS ALIVE - Stede Bonnet, berserker era [Not as I imagined, but hey] - The Queen Anne’s Revenge, either being captured or coming back as the ship Ed left behind when he went to The Revenge - The Blockade of Charleston (and make really absurd) [Still might happen in the future?] - Anne Bonny and Mary Read(as middle aged women who kinda mirror Ed and Stede, but they did it right) - Since he was already mentioned in s1, it would make sense introducing Hornigold, maybe as a new antagonist or something. - A rip off of that wwdits episode with the Vampire Council, except this time is the Pirate Council and its members are pirates from other movies and shows [I was really dreaming big here] - On that note, a really weird episode with every person who has played Blackbeard in recent years [Fully tripping] - More women and more asian characters. And more people speaking their mother tongues [So many Chinese gals, not one chinese word :(] - Ed finding out about Stede’s death and believing it [It did happened but not how/when we thought] - Ed meeting Mary and getting along [Never losing hope on this one] - Frenchie adopting a cat (and singing a song about it). - More info about everyone’s pasts. - I would LOVE having Bartholomew Roberts in the show. [YES PLEASE]

[deep-hearts-core]

2023 - Semifinal 1

yall. besties. yesterday was eurovision, and i watched it 45 minutes behind everybody else, and i VOTED, and it cost me a stupid amount of money and im probably never doing it again! n e ways here goes

Norway i've had mixed feelings about this entry since it was selected (largely because i was bitter about the mgp results lol). this wasn't... terrible, but i felt underwhelmed? i liked the opening in italian and i respect alessandra for how much FUN she's having onstage, but she seemed weak vocally in a lot of places, there were a couple spots where she strayed from the key, and the removal of her cape was so quick, i wish they'd lingered more on that? camera shots also weren't timed perfectly i think. and ofc i've said before that these lyrics bother me and that it goes just a little too hard in the chorus. i respect the sea shanty vibes however i disagree that it is actually a sea shanty. ok. puts down mic.

Malta sigh. this is such a delightfully fun song that i've been so pleased by since its selection but the staging fell so flat. i love dav jr's dancing, it's excellent, but we needed more camera time on the saxophone. we really could have had epic sax guy 2: malta edition on our hands. also there were too many graphics (to cover the set changes) (i liked the set changes but were they worth the graphics? no) and i wish we could have actually seen the costume change. i dunno. it's still a really fun number and they sounded great but the staging was messy and they also chose a bad bad recap clip lmao.

Serbia ok, so i used to hate this but it's grown on me a lot especially since this performance. this song knows what it is and it plays to its audience. luke suits this song to a t (naturally, he wrote it, yknow?) and the outfit, the dancers, the set, the lights, everything felt cohesive! except for the graphics, i didn't need the graphics. also can i just say im a wide shot hater yall know this but the slow zoom out after the first "samo mi se spava" was INCREDIBLE. the only good wide shot in the history of eurovision.

Latvia i have zero technical complaints about this. vocally, and in terms of staging, this was flawless. the song isn't really my style but i don't actively hate it, mostly i think the beginning flows a little weird? it's funny, watching this i was like, if they qualify they could win the whole thing because juries will love it. and then they didn't qualify. which, like, ok, this is a jury song, but huh? this was a technically perfect performance!

Portugal my preshow winner! the first act of the night i felt was dwarfed by the stage a little, and she didn't seem fully comfortable vocally, but the performance was still so much fun and i think i actually shouted "fuck yeah" to my empty apartment when she hit that last high note.

Ireland man, idk if the singer was sick or nervous or what but the mic was so far from his mouth at all times and he sounded so strained. it makes my voice hurt just to listen to. and i mean, the song is fine, ultimately generic but fine, and i liked the all gold staging. but i cant get over how nervous conor looked and sounded.

Croatia as one of my preschoolers used to say, "i didn't really like that". because first of all, not that im against politics in eurovision, but how was this not disqualified over political grounds? the ebu's hypocrisy is showing. secondly it's not cohesive, it's disjointed until right at the end. and i don't like the onstage aesthetic at all. makes me kind of uncomfortable. in the end i don't think it's an effective joke entry. i know people are hailing it as being thee anti war song of the season or whatever but i don't think it's that good and i think people like it because of the caricatures. which like. fine. but don't hold it up against, yknow, switzerland or whatever and say look see croatia is the good anti war song! because it's not... it's not good.

Switzerland now look i get the tone deaf accusations i really do. maybe its my perspective as a usian here, but i think this is allowed to be a commentary on like, masculinity and conscription and the glorification of war to young boys, i don't think it's telling ukrainians and russians to just sit down for some tea, you know? anyway i missed most of this performance yesterday bc i was busy voting (i was behind the stream but i checked tumblr at the right time and scrambled to give votes to portugal) so this was really my first time watching. i was surprised when it qualified but technically it was actually very good, pretty good staging and remo sounded basically like in the studio version, he's got a gorgeous voice. the song is generic, switzerland has sent basically the same song the past two years, yknow, theyve found their groove and theyre sticking to it thats fine. i dunno. i don't hate it.

Israel bro... why was this good. listen like i'm not huge on this kind of song i thought it was pretty annoying initially, like i didn't extremely hate it nor did i think there were subliminal antipalestinian messages in the lyrics or whatever i just didn't enjoy it. and while noa didn't sound great, she had good energy and the staging fucked?? that dance break?? i was expecting it to be messy but it blew me out of the water which i guess i should have expected from israel but shrug. also free palestine tho the ebu turns a blind eye to israel's atrocities while cutting off russia because the ukrainian perspective is more palatable and like, fuck that it's deeply hypocritical.

Moldova while vocally pasha isn't all that solid, the stage show and songwriting here are both phenomenal. this is pasha at his finest. i love all the jumps he does, i love the drumming, i love that the backing vocals are live!!!! this fucks so hard

Sweden i'll say it: this wouldn't be getting as much hype if it weren't loreen. it's not a bad song, even if her vocals aren't as spotless as they were in 2012 and even if that outfit is objectively just terrible, but the name recognition does a lot. great staging though. the close staging is what made euphoria work and it's doing the same thing here. i've said this since melfest: the only way i'll be truly happy with this is if loreen pulls a johnny logan and becomes the second person to win twice. like karmically that is the only thing that is allowed to happen here. if she gets like third or something i'll be deeply dissatisfied. (i'd also find it deeply funny if she placed like 20th but that's just because i like to be a hater.)

Azerbaijan that performance gave 1970s, 1990s, and 2011 all at once. truly atrocious outfits and vocals weren't outstanding but then again it isn't that kind of song. i think we always knew this one would get lost because it's so much more mellow than the other acts but it's just SO low energy. the outfits i think led people to believe this would be a more energetic number than it was. and there's a place in eurovision for numbers that are just vibes like this but it didn't work, yknow? staging was the best part of this though, not a standout by any means but it was good it didn't detract from the song at all.

Czechia underwhelming. this song goes hard in studio and i knew it wouldn't translate 1:1 live. i love the outfits and i don't hate the hair extensions, shockingly. i think it's a great opening and a great bridge but the mix between prerecorded and live backing is rough and the stage felt too big for them. still good tho. love those harmonies and the lead singer's voice is beautiful and delicate and just, mmm.

Netherlands i am going to say it again. you could have picked me, a somewhat trained singer who knew the song, up out of the us and dropped me in liverpool with 24 hours notice and i still would have done better than mia nicolai. listen, the staging was gorgeous and dion did great. i love the song, i think it's beautiful. the key change... better for the singers, even if the piano in the beginning sounded distorted and very obviously pitched down. but MIA. my god. she didn't sound good, didn't hit her high notes (the prerecorded backing vocals did it instead), and she had TOO MUCH ENERGY. mia stop bouncing around this is not the mia show this is not a pop banger mia please. it was distracting and it totally ruined the experience for me.

Finland it took me a while to understand why everyone loves this, but i get it now. like serbia's entry, it knows what it is and leans into it and does all of those things well. like, kaarija doesn't NEED to be a great singer, because the way the staging works with the music and the rap balances it out. again, it's cohesive! it's funny to watch it's fun to bop to i know it's a commentary on alcoholism even if i can't understand the lyrics and that staging. is really fucking cool with the dancers and the crate and the lights. and also i love how all of finland has rallied around the guy. helsinki 2024, if i had to place bets i think this is definitely a contender.

My personal qualifiers: finland, portugal, latvia, moldova, sweden, czechia, serbia, malta, israel, switzerland. i'm floored that this list includes serbia israel and switzerland u guys. but it does.

Miscellaneous thoughts: THIS YEARS HOSTS. hannah alesha and julia you will always be famous <3 they're fucking iconic they're so good and julia opening the semifinal was great, idk much hardkiss music but she's a great singer. alesha's rap was also super fun. and hannah's french. "see, we do bother to learn other languages!" lmao. i love alyosha but how do you get alyosha here and not have her sing sweet people. it would have been topical!!! like cmon!!! rita ora was good although i think i join every other esc fan in being slightly salty about it. like oh we're good enough for you now? my god the lines were open for what felt like forever. is it always that long? why was there no countdown timer? DUSTIN THE TURKEY! THEY GOT DUSTIN THE TURKEY!