#or maybe its not weird? it might be normal. getting me to watch a television show is an exercise in futility

[bmpmp3]

a lot of anime opening single b-sides get kinda overlooked but Everyone Should Listen to the b-side of fabiniku’s opening Refrain this song has been consuming my mind for the past 48 hours LIKE listen to it

the weirdass white noise/ darth vader breathing noise in the beginning and the quiet parts, the jazzy drums in the verses, guitar riffs that will make any dad who listens to too much classic rock air guitar his heart out, the vocals at around the 3:20 mark, the fantastical synth melody, THE FLUTE ASS SOUND are you listening to me are you listening to the FLUTE? the WOODWIND INSTRUMENT in the ‘refrain... refrain... refrain...” sections and the DISTORTION on the “refrain“s in the final seconds LISTEN TO ME listen to the woodwind instrument

[shigayokagayama]

Uh Oh I Thought About The Music In The Finale Too Hard And It Started Bothering Me Again

ok so aside from one of my favorite scenes in the entirety of mob psycho getting cut from the last episode, a decision which will haunt and torment me until my dying days, my biggest issue with the last episode was always the music and i think ive been able to finally pin down a coherent explanation as to why

disclaimer: i am not a music expert. i was in choir in middle school and i like listening to people who actually know about music talk about music, but this is not a professional opinion so take it with a grain of salt

so first, 99 playing during reigen running towards mob. my problem with this is less the song choice and more that the anime decided to completely change the tone of the entire scene. like, 99 works perfectly for the hype exciting scene they were trying to create! i just dont think this scene should have been hype and exciting. this isn’t a “music is tonally inconsistent” problem so much as a “tone is inconsistent with events unfolding” problem so im not going to put much focus on it.

what IS tonally inconsistent though is the next track that plays after it (timestamped)

this scene is supposed to be not just the reveal that reigen is okay but the reveal that dimple, a character who we’ve spent the last six episode thinking was dead, is alive! and the music they chose is so... sinister??? wouldn’t something more triumphant or energetic fit here??? i get that it has to segway into a really emotional song next so it can’t be too upbeat but wouldnt something like this maybe fit better??? it’s another song associated with dimple possessing someone who isn’t especially powerful to let them achieve something they normally wouldn’t, it’s pretty dramatic, it’s exciting, it has kind of an emotional through line in the back of it with the violins???

the next song is perfect. no notes. the second i heard it in the mob character trailer before season 3 dropped i was like “oh theyre going to use that for reigen’s confession” and i was 100% right. in fact, this song being so perfect for this scene is what makes the next song choice so confusing.

huh? what? why???? on the elementary school level of “well this is labelled mob’s theme and this is mob’s moment of self acceptance so it has to go here” i can maybe understand but it is the most jarring tonal whiplash i have ever felt watching a television show. this is music that we normally here when mob is fighting an enemy, this is supposed to gear us up for conflict. it does not fit the bittersweet catharsis of mob accepting his whole self at all.

ive seen two different edits with different soundtracks i prefer, one with “Passing my heart, I'm getting bigger” (at least im pretty sure thats what its called?  すれ違う心・大きくなったなぁ?) and one with “Mob’s Kindness”. personally, i feel like mob’s kindness would be the best option. for one, one of them already played at an emotionally climactic moment during the final episode last season so it might be a bit weird to do it a second time. second, for when we last heard “mob’s kindness” it actually fits really well with this scene on a couple different levels.

just the title of the song on its own fits with the scene. it’s the first time mob really extends kindness towards himself rather than trying to repress it or smother it in guilt and self loathing. we also have to consider the last place it was used and how that echos this scene. the first time we hear mob’s kindness is in season 2 episode 1, following the line “i made the decision to consider my feelings more”, a line which fits really well with what the “100% shigeo kageyama” moment is trying to get across. “shigeo kageyama” is mob’s repressed power and, more relevantly, his repressed emotions that he’s been bottling up for years now. “mob” flaking apart and forming “shigeo” also kind of visually echos emi’s novel getting ripped apart and brought together again by mob’s power, so that’s another little mirror between these two scenes. mob putting emi’s novel back together is the first time we see him using his powers for another person, not to save them from any sort of threat, but just as an act of simple kindness. it’s the beginning of a realization he has during the mogami arc, these powers arent just a burden, he can use them to help people. and he doesn’t even need to limit it to that, he can just use them to express himself and have fun because they aren’t just tools that can be used, they’re a part of him.

[imaginesbymonika]

Drivers license | Part 6

Pairing: Harry Styles x reader

Plot: all you wanted was to bring him some soup

Warnings: sad, flashbacks

Masterlist| Previous Chapter

Song to listen to while reading:

Baby, you were the love of my life, woah. Maybe you don’t know what’s lost till you find it.

His voice is soft, so soft that you practically feel it melt in your hands. You swallow thickly, while your hold on the mug tightens. For a moment you worry that the ceramic might break in your hand. The way he sings unlocks something that you prayed would remain where you buried it all those months ago. Your best friend's eyes linger on you and you can sense the anticipation. A part of you wants to brush it off, tell her to turn it off again. You want to scoff and say "Well, that sounds stupid." Maybe Louisa knows it and waits for exactly that kind of reaction. But you don't move a single muscle. Not one.

Take a walk on Sunday through the afternoon, we can always find something for us to do. We don’t really like what’s on the news, but it’s on all the time.

"Isn't it super weird to hear all these different rumors about yourself?", you questioned as you glanced at the television. TMZ reportedly found evidence that confirmed that Harry was dating his stylist, but your best friend just grinned. "Honestly, I don't really care." You were sitting on his hotel bed, eyeing him:" Seriously?" He nodded, before getting up. He walked the two meters and sat down right next to you, his shoulder softly nudged yours:" Well, I mean, I know the truth- you know the truth. To me, that's all that matters."

I take you with me every time I go away, in a hotel, using someone else’s name.

"What's the name you used to book my room?", you asked, holding your phone near your ear. The hotel is huge and even though you are nowhere near the doors you can hear the screaming coming from outside.

You peeked at the woman behind the reception:" Tell me." But you simply heard him giggling, before your phone vibrated. A sigh left your lips and you looked down at your screen. "Izzy Tittynope?!", you angrily whispered back into your phone, but you couldn't suppress the smile that made its way to your lips:" Couldn't you just use a normal name?" 

"Come on, we both know how much you love this little game."

I remember back at Johnny’s place, it’s not the same anymore.

"I think you fell in love with the wrong person."

"Oh my god.", you whispered, and out of the corner of your eye you see how your friend reaches for her phone but you shake your head. Johnny's place, that's where he told you that he didn't love you. Holy shit. This song is indeed about you.

Baby, you were the love of my life, woah. Maybe you don’t know what’s lost till you find it. It’s not what I wanted, to leave you behind. Don’t know where you’ll land when you fly. But baby, you were the love of my life.

Hearing his voice almost makes you throw up. You want to sit down, and just stop breathing. Or maybe simply call him. Do you even still have his current phone number? God, you can't do that after your last interaction. Did he write this song before or after your guys talked at your apartment? Is it already too late? 

It’s unfortunate, ooh. Just coordinates, ooh.

You hold your breath while a million different thoughts run through your head and close your eyes. Maybe the solution to all your problems would magically emerge behind your eyelids. 

I don’t know you half as well as all my friends. I won’t pretend that I’ve been doing everything I can to get to know you’re creases and your ends. Are they all the same?

"Oh my god.", you abruptly say and open up your eyes again. 

"What?", Louise asks and watches how you frantically stand up and hurry to your bedroom. Harry's voice becomes smaller while you run up the stairs. "I need to see Anne.", you just yell back:" I need to fly to England!"

Baby, you were the love of my life, woah. Maybe you don’t know what’s lost till you find it. It’s not what I wanted, to leave you behind. Don’t know where you’ll land when you fly. But baby, you were the love of my life.

[beatnikbedlam]

Spring 2023 Anime Roundup

uhhhh it’s kinda late this season and idek if i REALLY feel like doing it but here goes

New Shit:

Why Raelina Ended Up at the Duke’s Mansion: probably my favorite of the season so far. corsets, conspiracies, and hot dangerous men as far as the eye can see

Mashle: lives up to the hype! it’s just One Punch Man + Harry Potter - JKR’s shitty politics

KamiKatsu: absolutely demented. i truly have no idea whatsoever what’s coming week-to-week

Magical Destroyers: was not sold at all initially, but the OP kept drawing me back and i think i’m on board now

I Got a Cheat Skill…: pretty generic power fantasy/wish fulfillment, but executed well enough to keep me interested

Skip and Loafer: fucking adorable. love these lil rascals

Rokudo’s Bad Girls: this show gives me nostalgia for an era of anime that i wasn’t even super into. don’t let the art style turn you off, it’s some of the most fun you can have with a show this season (besides Birdie Wing of course)

Hell’s Paradise: more grimdark than the shit i usually like, but i’m sticking around at least long enough to figure out what kinda Dr Zhivago shit they got going on the island

Sacrificial Princess and the King of Beasts: been a long time since i saw a show that was both this wholesome and also For The Freaks…

A Galaxy Next Door: … except for maybe this one. real “The Writer’s Barely Disguised Fetish” hours

Yamada-kun at Lvl 999: great little romcom! and then there’s randomly one episode (episode 5) that is legit one of the most harrowing episodes of television that i’ve ever seen! and then goes back to normal romcom. kinda weird show

Otaku Elf: very cute, very silly, very relatable

Dangers of the Heart: also very cute, silly and relatable, but instead of a cringe otaku girl, it’s a cringe emo boy

Insomniacs After School: scratching my Call of the Night itch. newest ep was some of the cutest shit i’ve ever seen

Old Shit:

Birdie Wing: YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TIME IT IS LET’S GOOOOO

The Megumin Show: from the very first minute, i knew that this show would not disappoint. and it hasn’t yet! (knock on wood)

Demon Slayer: it’s more Demon Slayer. what, you thought it was gonna be bad? no. it rules. it’s not gonna stop ruling

Shit I Need To Start/Get Back To/Might Drop:

Yuri Is My Job: it’s good, but i also don’t remember the last time i cringed so hard at a show

The Café Terrace and Its Goddesses: exquisite trash. kinda hate the main character, but can’t wait to get back around to it

Oshi no Ko: watched the first episode, thought it was great, have had no desire to watch more since? i’ll get back to it at some point i’m sure

Ranking of Kings: found out about the author’s politics a few weeks before this came out and just haven’t really felt like watching it. i’m sure i will at some point tho lol

Dead Mount Death Play: dunno. good first episode. but it’s just not really my thing

Too Cute Crisis: looks fun!

Heavenly Delusion: keep forgetting it exists because it’s on hulu

My One-Hit Kill Sister: didn’t finish the first episode 😭

[free--therapy]

hi its that anon again! thank you again for answering!

honestly it takes so much to forgive myself for doing wrong actions and especially for watching that content. it was wrong of me to watch it and i didn't know that back then so i didn't think twice but now, i just wish it never happened. its hard to believe its okay for me to move on from worrying over it. knowing that as long as i accept myself, it's enough....its easy to understand but very difficult to accept that its really okay for me to be happy and let those past actions go. at times, i feel like i understand now and i can move on and yet sometimes it still brings up thoughts like "after watching that content or doing those wrong actions, how could i ever deserve to move on and be happy?"

i want to ask something, how far should self love go? i mean, we all have flaws and i have many of them. there are many times when i end up letting negative feelings like anger, jealousy, embarrassment or other insecurities dictate my actions and so i end up taking bad decisions based on them. this affects other people sometimes and i hate that i'm like that sometimes. so despite knowing that i can be like that, is it really okay to love myself? or rather, should i really be kind and loving to myself even if i'm like that soemtimes?

also, another question i have is....like i mentioned last time, the idea of having different opinions on something compared to majority of people makes me feel wrong. for that, i've realized that i try to really figure out what my "opinions" are on something. so if watching that content is an example, then for that, if many people get disgusted while i may not because i'm desensitized. but many times a thought crosses my mind, "what would your thoughts be if you watched something like that happening in real life?" and it's something i wonder about quite a bit because watching something in real life is very different than watching it on television or on the internet. would my opinions on things be different if i watched them happen in front of my eyes? but the thing is, i can never be sure how i feel about something irl so there's that uncertainty that comes with it. that uncertainty makes me really anxious.

like, what if someone does something really weird or wrong in front of me and other people who see it get disgusted but i don't? won't that mean i'm the weird one there?

in situations like that, i want to have a opinion that's "normal" and not weird or crazy...that's what i think which is why i find myself imagining scenarios and trying to see how i react or maybe ruminating on stuff wondering "just what would i really think and will it be right or wrong?" because hopefully i don't wanna be in the wrong.

so in case of the content i watched, i wonder what my opinion on it would be because as of now, i don't like it but neither do i get disgusted by it; so it's more of a neutral opinion i have. but is it really okay to be like that? to be neutral about it? doesn't that make me a bad person?

so for things like that, where there's no way of knowing the answer and therefore a lot of uncertainty, i really find myself trying to "find" an answer because i want to feel assured that my thoughts or opinions will be "okay" and not weird. i feel worried because what if something weird does happen and i end up liking it or being neutral to it instead of being repelled? but as i said earlier, there's no certain way of knowing it just by trying to imagine a certain situation. i want to feel relieved so i try to find an answer by ruminating on the thoughts but doing so only makes the negative thoughts like "you like it" or "you're weird" get stronger whereas not bothering with any of those thoughts feels much better. but is that okay? to not have those answers? i mean, is it okay to not know what my opinion or answer on some weird situations might be? because while i may have opinions which are similar to what majority of people think but there's always a chance that my opinions might be different? what if the way i think is wrong or weird comapred to othef people? but even so, is it still okay to not bother with trying to find out the answer and just let it go? is it okay to just learn to live with the uncertainty instead of trying to find those "answers"? it does feel better and relieving to not bother but the uncertainty also makes me anxious because it means that there's always a chance of me being wrong. is it still okay then? (i do feel like i'm overthinking too much though....)

i mean, instead of trying to figure out whether i liked something in the past or not (like that content) and to wonder if it means something deeper about me (since i tend to try to find if it has any meaning related to me) or to actually try to find out if i like it now or not by ruminating on it, would it be okay if i just let it slide away and just focus on the things in my present? because ruminating on those thoughts and uncertainties makes them worse and brings up even worse ideas and intrusive thoughts so i wonder if not trying to know any answers or opinions would be okay? is it okay to live in the present without bothering with these thoughts based on what i did in the past? or would that make me a really shitty person?

Hello Again Anon ❤,

Yes, self-forgiveness is never easy, but it's absolutely possible for anyone to achieve, so don't give up on yourself 😊 You're right though, it's easy to understand, but harder to believe. That's why repetition is so important until you start to believe it. Same thing happens to us when we're told over and over again that we're not enough or we're annoying or a burden, we end up believing it, even though it's likely not true! It takes the heart longer to understand and believe what the mind already knows. You definitely deserve to be happy though, Anon, and one day you'll be able to move past it.

You should always be kind and loving to yourself, ESPECIALLY when you've done something that brings you shame or guilt based on your behaviors. I'm still flawed too, but loving myself means forgiving myself for making the mistake, acknowledging that I behaved in a certain way, and then making sure I don't repeat the behavior again. We are the ones that get to decide whether we're worthy of love or not, even though the answer is always yes. We're the ones who are always in our own way of accepting that. Punishing or sabotaging ourselves is unloving. We all seek that unconditional love from other people, but it's always most important to give that unconditional love to ourselves first.

That's definitely a good question to consider because it's so easy for us to be desensitized to things in movies, tv, online, but it's totally different in real life! Personally I think we would react differently for sure because we have to safety of being removed from the situation when we're viewing it on a platform of some sort, but when you're a part of the situation itself, it's a whole different story. We usually have to contend with shock when it's happening to us in real life. If we were exposed to something irl first, I feel like it would be different too, but going from viewing something online and then irl, it's harder to believe as being real.

It's definitely hard to know what's right or wrong in certain situations as they occur, but we'll never be fully prepared to know for every scenario or situation. That's why I personally like to take a step back from things and observe situations objectively because there's always going to be different sides, perspective, and interpretations of everything. Even when we're dead certain that something is right/wrong, we can always be proven the opposite at a later time. I think the best way to approach things is to always been open-minded about the situations and open to having your mind or perspective changed. I don't really believe anything is 100% absolute in this world. So many opposing views can exist at one time for pretty much everything and neither is right or wrong. I'm sorry if that doesn't really help, but it's something I've come to observe and I've learned that it's okay to have your mind change about situations even way after they've happened.

but even so, is it still okay to not bother with trying to find out the answer and just let it go? is it okay to just learn to live with the uncertainty instead of trying to find those "answers"?

Honestly, yes. There are so many things in life we'll never have the answers to and we have to learn to be okay with that. It's just like how with certain situations we'll never get closure for and sometimes that itself IS the closure. It sucks, I know, but life is confusing and sometimes we spend too much time trying to figure it out instead of just living in the moment. I speak from experience because I used to live my life in the past a lot and now that I've been able to shift my mind to the present, I kick myself for all the time I wasted living there.

is it okay to live in the present without bothering with these thoughts based on what i did in the past? or would that make me a really shitty person?

Yes Anon, it's absolutely okay for you to live in the present moment instead of dwelling on things in the past. I know you're trying so hard to find the answers right now, but usually the answers we're looking for aren't anywhere to be found right now. Sometimes they'll come to you while you're doing random things or you're having conversations with friends. Letting go of the past doesn't make you a shitty person. You've already acknowledged that you made mistakes and have regrets about those things and the best way to move on is to really just forget about it and make sure you've changed your behavior to be different from then, which it sounds like you're well on your way doing. You have permission to let go, and if those thoughts come back up again, you tell yourself that you're moving on from those things because you have your whole life ahead of you to live and learn from them 😁

[tommyspeakycap]

omgg write something about playing or braiding jack’s hair

oh em gee I love this !!!!! I loved his hair braid too omg

Jack had a very specific barber he liked to go to to get the same quality haircut he always got. He trusted that specific barber and his appointments were always made in advance to absolutely ensure he could get it done the way he liked by whom he liked at the right time so it never got overgrown or hard to manage. Jack was very specific about his hair and about keeping it the way he liked it to be. It was part of his image, part of him really. The Brummie boy hated when anyone else touched it. Be that joking team members giving his head a teasing push or his dad ruffling his hair each time he walks in the door, it irks the living daylights right out of him.

So it seems as though it’s Jack’s own personal nightmare now the barbers are shut with absolutely no sign of opening up for at least another month and Jack can’t seem to take one minute more of training with his hair getting all up in his eyes, dropping into his face and blowing wildly in Birmingham wind even with a headband in. It is driving him absolutely insane. It’s all he can think of in this moment.

And that is because he currently has your fingers tangled in it completely absentmindedly as he lays in between with your legs with his legs stretched out along the L section of the L shaped couch. Your eyes are fully focussed on the storyline evolving throughout an old episode of Greys Anatomy. Jack’s arms are around your torso as his head rests comfortably on your lower stomach with his eyes peacefully shut. He would usually engage in the TV with you, but the preseason after an unexpected break that had him doing less exercise than he definitely should have been doing had him absolutely shattered.

It was rare for even you to touch the locks he took so laughably serious, but it felt like the most soothing experience he’d maybe ever had to feel the gentility of your finger massaging over his scalp in the most relaxing manner he’d ever known. Even his sports massages after long matches weren’t this relaxing.

“Mmmhm, feels so good.” He murmurs, his voice ticking your stomach as he speaks against it, the sigh that leaves him making you giggle in response. “So annoyin’ in training.” He adds tiredly, but not lacking in the obvious irritation he feels towards it. Jack tends to feel a lot and often, and even seemingly small things like his hair getting in the way of his play was unimaginably irritating for him.

“I could cut it?” You suggest.

“Yeah,” he snorts, “And end up like the poor dog? I’ll pass love.”

“Aw come on! It wasn’t that bad.” You retort

“He looked like a street rat with curls, sweetheart.” He laughs, despite the disappointment he feels for your hands leaving his hair for the first time since he lay down tonight.

“Cheek.”

“Sorry baby.” He lulls, finally looking up at you for the first time, lifting his face to offer you a smile that strained him. Holding his head up like that was too much for his already tired muscles, so he’s quickly laying his head back to its resting place. You can’t think of anything else to retort with, knowing full and well the incredibly poor state of affairs that occurred in your household three weeks into Lockdown 1 after you attempted to give the dog a haircut out of pure boredom and lack of open dog grooming services. The state of affairs being Jack crawling to the bathroom on his knees and one hand with the other hand holding onto his crotch because he was trying so hard not to wet himself from laughing at the poor pup who looked so confused that his dad hadn’t been able to greet him as normal when he returned from the weekly food shop.

Jack very nearly did piss on your good cream carpet that day, so it was fair for him to not trust your barber skills either. Especially being the way he is about his hair.

“You know the old episodes make me miss Derek.” You announce after a moment of only the television speaking between the two of you.

“He the one with the hair?” Jack mumbles. You snort a laugh.

“They’ve all got hair, Jack. Go on, say it then?”

“Fine,” he huffs indignantly, “The one with the good hair.”

Your giggle makes his heart erupt into butterflies that dance through his stomach and chest just like it does every single time he gets to be lucky enough to hear it. Jack doesn’t like to admit when others have hair he likes. He prefers to live in a world where his hairstyle is simply the best, and truly he usually does. He tends to live in his own world anyway. The world where his hair is fantastic, he gets to do what he loves for a living and come home to you each and every day. That’s his world and fucking hell does he love that world.

In reality though, part of that world is that however fictional Derek Shepherd may be, his hair is fantastic and always looks rather immaculate. Something Jack can’t quite relate to at this current moment in time. “You know this episode is kinda about his hair,” you note softly, hands smoothing back over your boyfriends brown locks. He knows by the tone of your voice that you’re going to go into more detail about the episode currently playing through on Amazon Prime TV. Some people may well have been annoyed listening to their girlfriends recounting entire episodes of TV shows that they weren’t exactly inclined to watch, but Jack was not one of those men. He didn’t care what you were talking about, just the sound of you talking was enough to make him listen intently. He loved to hear you talk, and if that was the only thing that he ever got to hear for the rest of his life then he’d still be happy.

“They adopted a little girl and he hasn’t quite figured her hair out yet but everyone’s shocked ‘cause his hairs pretty good. Like you, a little. You got good hair, just haven’t learned to manage it yet eh?” You explain, weaving your fingers in and out of those stands of hair that make him hum in both understanding and enjoyment. He isn’t sure what you’re doing, but the weaving of stands, pads of your fingers dancing over his scalp carefully, softly feels like what he might imagine heaven to be. “Yeah?” He asks, “And what does he do then?” His voice is filled with genuine interest for what you were saying. It was the first time you’d ever known that in a relationship. He heard you snigger softly to yourself. “He learns from someone who knows a bit more about hair than he does.” You state pointedly, prompting him to roll his eyes even if you can’t see him.

“I’m not letting you cut my hair, (y/n). Not happening, I’m sor-“

“Alright, Jack. I bloody know! That’s not what I meant.” You grumble. Jack can immediately imagine your disgruntled pout already, with those irritated narrowed eyes and the playful scrunch of your nose. “Sorry.” Every time he sees that look on you, he moves to kiss that furrow out of your nose. It makes his heart smile each and every time he sees it. You are simultaneously the most beautiful, more adorable and hottest woman he has ever laid his eyes on. “Sorry baby,” he reiterated, “Go on.”

“I could braid it for you?”

That earns a belly laugh from him that reverberates through your body, jostling with the force of his whole body laughter. “So you will,” he bellows in breaks between the ever comedic gasping from breath after each loud laugh. “Not a chance.”

He pushes himself up to sit back on his knees, trapping your legs between his as he looks down at you with a huge grin still stretching his lips and creasing his eyes, yet they still sparkle in adoration for you. “Oh yeah?” You muse with a giggle to follow despite the firm attempt to seal it behind clenched lips. The giggle sets those dimples into your cheeks, his eyes just drinking you up as you lounge back on the huge couch there in front of him, sinking back into the pillows just like he had been sinking against you in comfort for hours only moments ago. “Yeah.” He repeats firmly, the playful jest of his words not lost on your ears as he leans forward.

With the emission of only a small, surprised yelp from you that turns the head of the dog in his bed for only a moment, Jack has grabbed your legs to tug you down so you were laying flat on your back on the L of the sofa. He leans over you, hands and strong arms keeping him above you with ease. “Realllly?” You tease, one eyebrow quirked. Jack loves it when you do that, mostly because he can’t and he finds it beautifully funny.

Your hands reach up to his face, cupping over the beard on his cheeks to bring his face down to peck his lips before letting him press back up like a simple press up over your body. This was a common occurrence between the pair of you and Jack had always loved to show off. “Not cuttin’ about with a braid in my hair baby, sorry.”

He dips down for another kiss and you break out another giggle that parts your lips from his. “You already are, bub.”

“Ya what?” He pops straight up, sitting again back on his knees. “Not falling over your face now eh?” You taunt with a cheeky grin that makes him furrow his brows. Jack removed his hands from beside you to run one after the other over the top of his hair, a weird mix of a grin and disbelief washing over his face. Your sweetheart smile warms his heart as you lay there looking up at him with tired eyes and a lazy smile, cheeks flushed and one of his old cotton shirts keeping you warm long after his body raises from yours.

“Wait there!” He yells, bounding off the couch to all but leap through the living room until he reaches the mirror in the hall just outside the door. “Babe!” He cheers through the house, appearing back in the doorway of the room. “Nah it’s kinda cool, you fuckin’ smashed that!” You sit up and turn around towards him with your hand covering your mouth in a giggle that makes him stride forward and tug your hand away so he can see that beautiful smile. He jumps back again. “And look; stays in when I move around like-”

An immediate howl of laughter breaks out of your mouth with your head tipped back in hysterics as you watch him run on the spot, jump on the spot and then shake his head around like your puppy when he had a cone on his head. You laugh so hard your laughter looses its noise, simply existing as a elongated wheeze and a sudden gasp for desperate air to aid and allow for only more laughter. “Why you laughing for?” He yells, his words split by his own laughter as he tugs you to your feet, standing taller than him when your on your feet on the couch. Jack wraps one arm around your waist and moves the other down to the bend of your knees to sweep your legs from beneath you, perching you on the edge of the back of the couch.

“It,” kiss, “is,” kiss, “perfect.” Kiss.

“Just like you, baby.” He rumbles lowly, “Perfect just like my girl. Gonna wear it to training. Keep hair out my face, remind me of you, perfect.” He just keeps talking, keeps praising you between kisses while he brings you closer and closer to him until you can wrap your legs around him. Locked in place, he takes your face in his hands.

“So you’ll let me braid it again?” You chime, eyes lighting up. Jack chuckles, thumbs smoothing over your cheeks with a kiss pressed to the tip of your nose. “Course baby. Every day.”

True to his word Jack Grealish is. Every night he comes home from his training, he’s laying on the couch letting you massage the days stresses out of his mind, letting your fingers weave the tension out of his scalp. Jack’s never let anyone take care of him so much. He’s never felt comfortable to be taken care of like this, but you are his exception. His one single exception. And every morning he sits in the floor at the foot of the bed while you sit with a leg on either side of him, fingers weaving the strands into place for the day and tighter for match days. People make comments but Jack doesn’t give even half of a shit. His hair is how he likes it; out of his face so he can concentrate on his game and it gives you more of a reason to actually be up in the morning when he leaves before the sun rises above you. That’s perfect for Jack.

Until his next haircut, the only time that footballer doesn’t have a braid through his hair is when your fingers are tangling in it while he’s between your legs for another very enjoyable reason.

[dynamicduoofstackie]

I’m curious why SamBucky is so rare-ish in these streets when it comes to pairing Bucky with an MCU character? I get it, I get it, with the Stucky ‘end of the line’; we been teaming up since the comic book days spiel. I personally see Bucky and Steve as brothers after Captain America: The Winter Soldier cause it felt like Bucky was ready to adopt Steve after his mother, who was his only remaining family, died.

That’s me. I know everyone not going to see it in that light. But Bucky gives me big brother vibes whenever he has to save pipsqueak Steve in the MCU. Plus the original comics had Bucky as an adorable, little sidekick that would make you think reverse big brother and little brother, with Steve being the big brother and Bucky the little brother. I don’t read the comics so it might just me. No offense. 

Is it really about the, Steve knew him longer thing? I mean other than possibly Natasha in the comics, Bucky has no clearly defined MCU love interests. Bucky was a flirt before he met Sarah Wilson, so him being able to flirt, just proves he’s coming into his own. I’m not saying he doesn’t like Sarah that way. But he also flirted with Peggy in the first Captain America movie because he’s a lady killer and was more than willing to take the two girls off Steve’s hand at the Stark Expo when Steve floundered. Steve/Tony I sorta get with the enemies to lover trope. The Bucky x Clint thing is really mind-boggling to me because there were no interaction between them in the MCU; so something must have happened in the comics. So okay... But the fact that Sam had more interaction with Bucky in the MCU and had a whole comic book series with him and Bucky shouldn’t have the ships OF SamBucky and Sam x Clint at a 700+ fanfic difference. Fandoms are so weird sometimes... anyway...

Sam and Steve are the only ones in the MCU who really interact with Bucky outside the strong and beautiful people of Wakanda. None of the Wakandians seem interested in Bucky, except in maybe a familial way. Like they found a stray cat, nursed and raised it; but the cat is still an outdoor cat that might visit from time to time, but is mostly out there doing its on thing. Just the feeling I get with how comfortable Bucky was interacting with Princess Shuri and/or the Dora Milaje. They respect him, fixed him, and let Bucky roam free.

Steve is somewhere on the moon or wherever, in The Falcon and Winter Soldier tv series and Sam is the only one willing to stay in contact with Bucky. Shoot in Endgame only Sam and Steve were Bucky’s only people because Steve protecting Bucky caused a rift between the Avengers. It was repaired, but Team Iron Man doesn’t know Bucky at all, and/or don’t seem interested. Team Captain America are either dead (Natasha), being with their family (Clint and Scott), or dealing with their own shit (Steve and Wanda). So that leaves Sam. That’s really no coincidence even though I’ll admit, Steve going to a support group to more Peggy instead of his two best friends that were recently missing was kind of shitty.

So again, getting back on track, why isn’t their more Sambucky love? We already know Stucky is default most popular in the fandom for Bucky pairing. But Sam, who has the enemies turn friends aspect about him and has been the only one, besides Steve, who openly tried to find Bucky. I mean what better love story is it for a man who went from thinking Bucky would be better off dead, to suddenly sacrificing his 9 to 5 and freedom to search for Bucky and help him escape the airport in Germany?

I mean SamBucky is one of the few ships that has a foundation of amazing content from Anthony Mackie and Sebastian Stan’s interactions with each other. Mackie and Sebastian literally went from play pretending like they couldn’t stand each other, to damn near needing someone to chaperone them in their interviews because they so random shit, flirt and love to be close. Sebastian has talked about Mackie more than any costar and Mackie has a wonderful knack for finding Sebastian on any red carpet event to compliment the hell out of him. They literally had a show created for the two characters because of that amazing chemistry and Sebastian even co-signed on it with this gem below.

The MCU was throwing Bucky and Sam together over and over again, way before they got their own tv series. They argued together, fought each other, tried to one up each other by ripping wings and dropkicking from the air. Even in the television show big-hearted Sam willingly allows Bucky to go on a top secret government mission with him. Checks in on him constantly to make sure he’s okay. The only one that defends Bucky against people like Zemo, Sharon and John Walker. 

Sam really was the one person that helped put most of Bucky’s demons to rest in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. He gave him the tough love he needed in the end. He gave him purpose. He teased him like he was a normal person and not a former, brain-washed assassin. Sam watched over Bucky because he wanted to. Steve never asked him to check on Bucky. Steve never asked Sam to help him find Bucky. Steve never asked for Sam to sacrifice his freedom and go to the raft just so Bucky and Steve could escape in the airport. Sam volunteered to do that all on his own because he saw how worthy Bucky was. 

Why else would Sam have him on a top government mission? Why else would he try to bail out Bucky from jail or follow Steve and Bucky against his Avenger allies? Why else would he let Bucky talk him into let Zemo go? Or any of the other insane things they did together, unless he didn’t care? 

And that’s what Bucky needs, someone to give a damn about him. Someone to text him and chase after him. Someone to defend him and remind him that he’s not the Winter Soldier anymore. Someone to offer him a place to stay and normalcy. Someone who isn’t afraid to introduce to his family or watch his six in a battle. Someone touch him because he knows Bucky’s been touch-starved or tease him because he’s not afraid to be next to him. 

Sam knows this Bucky. The Bucky who was determined to give the Shield to Sam. The Bucky who dangled kids off his arm while talking to Sam’s sister. The Bucky who has trouble sleeping at night because he still has demons. The Bucky who tried to kill him because he didn’t have control of his own body The Bucky who was just as broken as Sam when Steve just Peggy over them. The Bucky who is trying to find purpose in a world that has forgotten about him. He doesn’t have to remake himself into the old Bucky for Steve because Sam only knows this Bucky. Bucky doesn’t have to be anybody, but himself around Sam and he is.

I mean maybe people  don’t care to pair Bucky with Sam because he was against saving Bucky the first time; or didn’t pull up the car seat; or didn’t want to jump in believing Bucky after he threw him across the room by his chin; or maybe because Sam’s black... WHO KNOWS. 

I just thought it was odd that the fandom doesn’t respect Anthony Mackie as a whole, too. Like the poor man has to insert himself into interviews with his white costars just to not be pretty arm candy. But that’s another rant for another post. 

[narrators-journal]

Could I request a BSD lovecraft x short(4”11) female reader

Soulmate au

Fluff to smut plz

And could lovecraft use his ability in the smut part?

It's not exactly what you asked for, but I hope it's still enjoyable! It was a fun bit of a challenge for me, I enjoyed it. Also, thanks for sending in an ask for this, I appreciate you humoring my weirdness <3

CW: Tentacles, size difference, technically teratophilia

Tagged: @ravenina14

Checking the clock, you saw that it was nearly morning, sighing heavily at that fact. Part of you wanted to say fuck it and go through until the next night, but your stomach twisted and coiled like a spring about to pop, you were far too high strung from a mixture of energy drinks and stress to sleep at the moment. So, with a sigh, you ran a (s/c) hand through your (h/l), (h/c) hair and sat back in your desk chair.

For a moment, you just sat there in your room, thinking about all of the weirdness in your life instead of all of the college work you still had to do. First, you'd lived since the age of eighteen with the name 'Howard P. Lovecraft' stamped across your lower back, a soul mate mark, meaning that was the name of your forever partner. Second, the man assigned that odd name was equally odd. So, fate had assigned you to a man that you were pretty sure wasn't quite human, or at least he had a very out there ability, to spend your life with. Finally, you'd met said man when you saw him walk out of the ocean one day as you went to the store. Not exactly your usual meet-cute.

That wasn't to say your soul mate wasn't attractive, though. He had that same sort of charm one might find from Illumi Zoldyck, with long, wavy black hair, tired, dark eyes like the darkest parts of the ocean, and pale skin, he also could look a lot like the anime character. Though Lovecraft was likely taller than him, and a little more oblivious. Either way, he was cute, in an awkward way, so you weren't upset to have him as a partner, just amused by the oddity of the situation. In fact, remembering him had brought a good idea to your head.

So with that, you pushed yourself up from your chair to stretch before heading out to the living room, where Lovecraft laid on your couch like a corpse in a casket, watching the television in a stiff mimicry of what you showed him when teaching him how to relax there when the two of you had first begun to settle into your new normal.          "Lovecraft," you said, getting a mixture of a groan and a hum from the low energy man, "I need cuddles," Without a word, he lifted his lanky arms and let you flop onto his chest before laying his limbs back as they were, barely looking up from the ocean documentary on the television. Either way, the simple affection made you sigh as your tense body soaked up the comfort. However, the cuddles and the sounds of the documentary didn't seem to quite reach that knot of tension in your soul, much to your annoyance.

After a few attempts to get comfortable in your lanky boyfriend's arms on the couch, attempting to find the best possible position for comfort, you sighed, brushing your bangs from your face and just blandly watching what was on the television in defeat,           "Are you okay, (y/n)?" Lovecraft asked, turning his dark eyes to you at last, seeming to read your body language in a single, barely-blinking look since he began rubbing small circles into your back like you'd done to him a few times when he was grumpy after working with the Guild. And while you appreciated the gesture, it did little to help you relax as much as you needed.           "I'm a bit stressed out from college, but I can't seem to unwind enough to sleep." You admitted, dropping your head onto his shoulder sadly.          "I'm sorry about that," he muttered, his deadpan voice doing nothing to convince you that he was honest, which he likely wasn't, but you'd gotten used to his aloof manner, "Maybe you could take a bath? Those are said to be relaxing." he offered, but you simply skewed your mouth to the side at the idea. It wasn't like the idea was really off-putting, you just didn't want to get up and go through all that work. Though, it did give you an idea.

Turning your (e/c) eyes up to the pale, dark-haired man you called your soulmate, moving so you straddled him and tried to project as much seductive charm as your little body could produce,          "Y'know, there's another way to destress that I could try~" as you spoke, making your best bedroom eyes at the oblivious man, you toyed with the collar of his shirt. When he didn't take the hint, you gave him a swift kiss, swiftly moving your kisses from his mouth down to his neck, which seemed to clarify your meaning to the pale man.

He put a hand on your shoulder to stop you, encouraging you to sit up,            "I thought copulation was for breeding, and you didn't want a child." Copulation. You sometimes wanted to smack your soulmate with a book. But, you refrained, simply snorting instead,            "No, Lovecraft, sex can be for fun as well." You assured, "just don't cum inside me and no children shall be created." He hummed at your words, but you took the chance to slip your hands under his shirt, trying to maybe convince him to help you out, but he once again stopped your advances,            "While I wouldn't mind having fun, I'd prefer to not lose my clothing." He hummed, earning another huffy expression from you, but you sighed again, your expression of slight annoyance softening,           "Do you just not want to do anything? You can say so," You watched Lovecraft contemplate your question, then replied in his low energy, low voice,           "No, I don't mind having...sex," he tried, making you smile at the way he seemed to learn from you, "I just do not want to strip,"

After that, you laid back against him, contemplating what to do. Sex was likely the best way to exhaust yourself and relax in a timely manner, but Lovecraft kind of needed to be at least somewhat naked for that to happen. After a moment of thinking, you came upon a compromise, a coy smile returning to your (s/c) face as you turned back to Lovecraft with the biggest, most pleading doe eyes you could manage,         "Lovecraft," he simply hummed in response, "can you do that...thing you did a while back, partially activate your power or whatever you do?" He once again looked down at you, his dark eyes seeming to almost absorb the flickering light of the television, adding a small bit of sparkle to the deep sea color of them.

While he thought, you admired his eyes, coming back to reality when he spoke again,         "That is a creative solution," he admitted, his arms still loosely draped around you while you smiled,         "So will you help me?" He gave a careful nod, turning a bit pink it seemed, though you couldn't confirm in the darkness of the living room. Either way though, you took the compromise and pulled your clothes off, enjoying the way Lovecraft's dark eyes took in every inch of your (s/c) body as you stripped, staying in his lap as much as possible while you did. Then, you laid back on him and pressed your lips to his.

The dark-haired man still needed to perfect his kisses, but you didn't mind, the feeling of his altered arm coiling around your thigh, stroking the soft skin while you wriggled your hips and held the kiss until you needed air.

After that, you just laid on your partner's chest, raising your hips slightly so one of the thick tendrils could run along your entrance, sending a small ripple of electricity through you. The feeling increased when the appendage began to explore a bit, focusing its movements on the spots that got the most mewls and shudders out of you. Lovecraft might've been a bit oblivious to humanoid activities, but he sure did learn quickly.

Thankfully though, he didn't abuse that knew knowledge. He toyed with you, caressing your thigh and stroking you only until you were properly riled up into a panting mess of soft moans. Once you were gripping his shirt like you might burn up if you let go, he took the hint and gently pushed a tentacle into you.

The feeling of being full made you moan loudly, pushing yourself back onto him to drive him deeper to hit that sweet spot within you. He let you fuck yourself on him, watching you moan and mewl whenever he managed to hit those special spots.

Already, you were getting weak, each thrust of the tentacle sending a wave of heat through your body, clouding your mind with lust. The feeling increased when you felt a second appendage slither beneath you to grope at your breasts, another slipping between your slick-covered thighs to once again toy with that sensitive bundle of nerves that made you gasp and claw into his shirt tighter.

With so much attention to your sensitive areas, your body felt like it was on fire. Pleasure burned through your veins, turning your body to jelly. All the while, a bubble built in your stomach, increasing with each fresh wave of euphoria sent through you when Lovecraft hit your g-spot. Each wave continued to make you moan and hum lost in the tide of it until that bubble in your stomach finally burst, making you bury your face in your soulmate's neck as you came.

After that, the lightning bolts of pleasure ebbed, leaving your legs as stable as spaghetti noodles that gave out almost the moment Lovecraft retracted his tendrils. Without them, you let yourself turn into a puddle on his chest, quivering and completely satisfied after so long of working. So, without any other demands, you simply let your (e/c) eyes drift shut as grey light was beginning to seep in through the windows. It was a nice change of pace to fall asleep to the sounds of ocean documentaries as dawn approached.

[halloweenhoneylover]

the closing shift

summary: coffeeshop au babey!! spencer and reader are nerds in love who also work at the campus cafe together (spencer reid x fem!reader)

word count: 2.7k

author’s note: this one’s for u, anon!!! sorry if this is lame, i normally don’t like coffeeshop au’s but here we are. also a warning: there is a lot of doctor who junk in here and also it’s incredibly self-indulgent but i don’t care :)

“So what you’re saying is you don’t like the power of love and human goodness?”

Spluttering frustratedly, Spencer frowned at you, “Of course, that’s not what I’m saying. I just think that the special effects were cheesy and the plot was sometimes a little silly!”

You narrowed your eyes at him for a moment before relenting with a sigh, focusing back on the counter you were wiping down. “Okay, fine. I’ll admit that the Slitheen really did not look good, and that maybe ‘Love and Monsters’ was one of the stupidest episodes of television I’ve ever watched, but you have to admit that Ten’s monologue in ‘The Satan Pit’ was one of the best pieces of writing in the whole show. ‘If I believe in one thing, I believe in her?’ How were you not screaming at your TV when you watched that!”

Spencer lips curled into a small smile as you continued rambling and absent-mindedly cleaning the counter. You were not doing a very good job, but he wasn’t about to stop your spiel. It wasn’t often he was on the receiving end of a ramble, and as someone who was frequently told to shut up, he would never interrupt, especially when it was about his favorite show. Especially when it was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen. No, he’d sit quietly and listen, thank you very much.

“Okay,” she brought her full attention back to Spencer. “I’ll forgive you for your horrible offence. If you take back what you said.”

She looked so intently in his eyes, so sincerely his knees wobbled a little. The full force of her attention was like the sun. He felt warm inside and out, but he might be burned from the intensity of its direct glare. 

“Fine, season two of Doctor Who is not a complete abomination.”

The corner of her mouth quirked up in a satisfied smirk. “Well, thank you, Dr. Reid. I appreciate the kind words.”

He nodded, turning to the back room. He’d almost made it through the doorway before he muttered just loud enough for you to hear, “But season eight is better.”

A melodramatic gasp, and he felt a rag hit the back of his head, and he chuckled.

“You take that back, Spencer Reid!” 

Making his way further in, his fingers found the knot behind his back, quickly untying and shrugging off the apron. “(Y/N), I only speak the truth. I’m a man of science, and science says that season eight is simply superior.”

You laughed along with him, murmuring grievances against this idiot genius. You reached behind yourself, fingers fumbling with the knot. After a couple unsuccessful attempts, you huffed and asked, “Hey, Spencer, do you think you could help me with my apron? I tied the stupid thing too tightly.”

He gulped, mumbling a sure thing in a way he hoped was nonchalant, but knowing himself, was anything but. Walking up behind you, he felt himself involuntarily shudder at your proximity, and he said a silent prayer to a god he didn’t believe in to try to keep his cool. You felt his fingers brush against your lower back, and you tried, gosh, you tried so hard to not audibly gasp (you’re not sure you succeeded). The brief contact unfortunately flooded your mind with thoughts about his long fingers that you had often admired (discreetly), and you thought about what it’d be like for him to touch you and for him to mean it, and you nearly passed out. The silence was deafening, which was funny because it seemed like you two could never shut up around each other, and the one time you needed to fill the tense air with something, there was nothing.

Finally finished with the knot, Spencer softly tapped your back twice with his index. “All done.” It came out as a whisper. He couldn’t have managed more.

“Thanks!” You spoke at normal volume and tried to put you back into regular conversation, but breaking the eerie quiet, it sounded like you were shouting.

He shot you a tight-lipped smile. “Are you all good to close up?”

“Yeah, I can hold down the fort,” you said rather breathlessly, returning his smile.

Slinging his backpack over his shoulder, he pushed open the back door and waved. “See you Thursday!”

“See ya.”

As soon as the door shut, you heaved a sigh of relief and let the tension out of your shoulders, staring at the ground. You dug the heels of your palms into your eyes. Why did you freeze up like that? Why was it weird when he left? Why did you like him so much?

——— 

Thursday was Spencer’s favorite day of the week. The dining hall stocked chocolate donuts with rainbow sprinkles on Thursdays. He had his chemistry seminar with his favorite professor on Thursdays. Caltech’s chess club met on Thursdays. He worked his shift at The Campus Grind on Thursdays. 

(You worked the same shift at The Campus Grind on Thursdays.)

Did Spencer really need a job? No, his education was entirely paid for by the school because when you have a child prodigy on your hands, you should try to keep them. And he lived in on-campus housing and ate on campus, and he didn’t have a lot of other expenses. But his advisor told him that he might get something out of doing a job that didn’t require 100% of his brain power, might get to rest his mind for a couple hours every week. He might also make a friend.

What he had not anticipated when he started at one of the various campus cafes was meeting you. He showed up to his first shift and nearly choked when he saw arguably the most beautiful girl he had ever met in the backroom putting on an apron. Your eyes lit up when you saw him. “Hey, you must be Spencer! I saw our names together on the schedule a couple times, looks like we’re gonna be work buddies!”

By the time you turned back to speak to your guys’ new manager, he noticed his jaw was completely slack, and he hoped his mouth had not been hanging too long. He also blacked out too long to ask for your name, which he was internally hitting himself over. And he hazily drifted through the training, his mind barely focusing on the coffee. To say he was distracted by the girl next to him and the way she smelled like coconuts and cotton was a major understatement. Times like these were humbling for a twenty-year-old with two and a half PhDs.

He could barely recall anything that happened until they were cleaning out the espresso machine together silently, and he was struck with a sudden need. “Hey, I never caught your name…”

“Right! My name is (Y/N),” she answered, offering him a grin.

“It’s nice to meet you, (Y/N).”

Neither spoke after that, both working quietly next to each other. Spencer sighed internally, he wasn’t sure what he expected, but he hoped they wouldn’t spend the semester in silence. And like some higher power was listening to his wishes, you turned to him, “So, Spencer, what are you majoring in?”

Hesitant to scare you off, he tiptoed around the subject. “Right now, I’m studying chemistry.”

“Right now?”

He glanced over at you, and despite knowing you for the entirety of ten minutes, he couldn’t deny you or the inquisitive gleam in your eye even if he wanted to. And he didn’t want to. “I’m working on my PhD in chemistry. I already have two in mathematics and engineering. Oh, and I have two BA’s in psychology and sociology.” He couldn’t help but feel a little guilty at the dumbfounded look on your face, and he swallowed harshly. “Um, uh—what uh, what are you studying?”

You let out a brief laugh, and for a moment, he cringed, wondering if you were laughing at him. But just a look at you and the tenderness of your features, he knew he had nothing to worry about. Blowing a puff of air out, you grinned gently, “Well, your PhD’s are putting my bachelor’s to shame, so I’m not sure I want to say.”

“No, I’m sure whatever you’re studying is cool,” he reassured you.

Pleasantly surprised by the humility of your new genius coworker, you continued, “I appreciate it. I tend to err on the side of the humanities, not much of a STEM gal myself, and right now,” you both chuckled at your little joke, “I’m studying history and political science.” 

“So am I standing in the presence of a future lawyer, or maybe the next president of the United States?” 

“Good question, but I’m not sure. Would you vote for me?”

Squinting at you for a moment, he nodded slowly, “Yeah, I think I would. You’ve got a kind face.”

You raised your eyebrows at that, trying to suppress a blush. “A kind face?”

“Yeah,” he hummed, eyes flicking over your face. You felt shy under his gaze; it’s not everyday a hot genius boy stares you down and tells you you have a ‘kind face.’

Ducking your head, you fought a smile. “Alright, I’ll take it.”

And from then on, something clicked. You and Spencer talked for hours and hours during your shifts, joking and teasing (and grinning and blushing). He looked forward to working because that meant a chance to see you. (Except for Mondays, that was the one shift you didn’t have together, and it made Spencer want to scream. The dude he worked with, Andy, was nice enough, but the hours seemed to drag on when he didn’t have you to discuss weird sci-fi movies with.)

He was particularly looking forward to this Thursday because he knew you had a big presentation in your class about African revolution, and he wanted to hear all about it. In the brief moments of spare time at the cafe, he had helped you prepare and had listened to bits and pieces of it. This morning he’d sent you a quick good luck! text, to which you’d responded with thanks!!! and a stream of various heart emojis. He had learned early on that you were very fond of emojis, but it never stopped his heart from skipping a beat when you’d send him little hearts and smileys.

Entering the back room, he set his backpack on a hook and started to get ready for his shift. He gave a quick wave to the people from the last shift as they left, and he felt a little worry boiling in his gut because if they had left, that meant you were late, and you were never late. He wondered if something had happened in your presentation, and he was filled with dread. Solitarily manning the counter, he was ensnared in his thoughts; he couldn’t stand the idea of something going wrong and you being upset, so upset that you couldn’t come to work. He shifted uncomfortably, hand itching to grab his phone and send you a text to see if you were okay when he heard a door slam and a shriek from the backroom. “Spencer!”

Immediately, he ran to the back, expecting the worst, and he nearly fell over when you ran at him full-speed to launch into a hug. “Oof—” He recovered though, catching you, and he wrapped his arms around you so tightly and cradled the back of your head in his hand. His heart stuttered. He could get used to this.

You buried your face into his neck. “Oh, Spencer, you won’t believe it. My presentation went so well! My professor held me after class and told me I was one of his brightest students, and oh, I just don’t believe it!” He felt your face warm against him as you gushed.

“I believe it, I don’t doubt it for a second. You are so smart, (Y/N). I’m so proud of you. You deserve it.”

Breathing him in for just a moment longer, you finally released him, and both of you thought how everything feels a little emptier now that you weren’t holding each other. He couldn’t help but beam at you, though.

“Really, (Y/N), I’m so proud of you.”

“Hey, I can’t take all the credit! It’s all thanks to you being patient enough to hear me blabber on and practice, so thank you, Dr. Reid.”

He got incredibly flustered at the title and hesitated over his next words before settling on a soft anytime. And he meant it.

——— 

The rest of your shift that day was less eventful. You recounted some of the highlights of your presentation, to which Spencer listened with rapture. There was some discussion of who was at chess club today and if anyone there was a true match for Spencer (no one was). You played your favorite game called “Who Can Make the Most Disgusting Drink Out of Four Ingredients?” (You won with a mixture of coffee, coffee grounds, an excessive amount of salt, and raspberry syrup. (Ew, (Y/N) why is it grainy?)) And now nearing midnight, you sat at one end of the bar reading your textbook while Spencer cleaned up various mugs and napkins. He snagged the broom from the backroom and began sweeping. With a quick glance up at you focused entirely on your book, he smiled softly. Pieces of your hair had drifted out from behind your ears and framed your face, and the apples of your cheeks were flushed. To put it simply, you looked ethereal, and Spencer didn’t think it should be possible for someone to look so beautiful at the end of a long day, but here you were, always defying expectations. He thought you looked like someone from those Renaissance paintings you loved so dearly, but he knew that even if someone tried to commit your grace to canvas, it’d be to no avail. He was sure no one would be able to do you justice.

Looking down at the floor he was supposed to be sweeping, he let his thoughts wander farther. He thought about what it would be like to hold you everyday like he did today. He’d be the luckiest man on Earth, that’s what. For so long he thought about asking you out, but then he knew that someone like you would never be interested in someone like him. But then again, you were the impossible girl. You never did quite what he expected. And he never expected you to be into him. So maybe for once in his life, he’d go out on a limb and ask you if you wanted to go get dinner with him sometime. He’d take you to the Indian place on 12th that he knew you loved, and you’d sit in the oddly formal, always empty restaurant and laugh and giggle together because that’s what you always did together, and then maybe, he’d invite you back to his place, so you could watch Doctor Who, or maybe do other things (like hold hands), who knows? 

He found himself praying to that god he didn’t believe in once again to find the courage as he finished up sweeping, and after he put the broom away, he walked up to you with butterflies running rampant in his stomach, so he could barely muster a glance at you. But he was going to finally do it.

“(Y/N), I —”  

And that’s when he noticed that you had fallen asleep on your book. It had been a long day for you. He felt his heart grow tender and soft and if someone poked it, it very well might explode. His thoughts strayed to your conversation the other day and the quote you loved so much. I've seen fake gods and bad gods and demi-gods and would-be gods, and out of all that, out of that whole pantheon, if I believe in one thing, just one thing, I believe in her. He takes a step or two closer, and brushing a lock of hair behind your ear with the gentlest hand, he thinks, yeah. I believe in her.

[scottydog4-blog]

Okay.

It’s been a day.

There are now a LOT of gifs and Twitter-pinions about the premier, and I have some too.

When I finished ‘More Joy’, I quite literally thought “I want them to go back to how it was”…. and I felt like a complete Sharpwin traitor. I actually wanted to box it all back up and have the old Max and Helen back, corridor walks and longing stares, all happening safely inside the walls of New Amsterdam hospital. And at the same time I wanted to rewatch the whole episode to see new Max and Helen again because they were (mostly) adorable.

Then I spent the day reflecting and the more I thought about what I didn’t like, the more I realised one thing. I didn’t like that they weren’t at the hospital. It felt so weird to see them at Helen’s place, half dressed and TALKING, openly. It was a bit too much for my over analytical, ready-to-pick-up-on-all-and-any-subtext brain. It was a change seeing them like that, and I don’t seem to like change. Which is hard because it seems season 4 is not only about joy, but about change.

Yes yes, the first scene was 🔥🔥🔥 endless gifs. In hindsight, I wish I’d never seen any previews but alas, I’m a spoiler junkie. It was awesome though.

The second scene was slightly dramatic and achieved its goal of throwing a nice cold-bucket-of-water on the moment 🥶🥶🥶

The third scene did feel a little out of left field because in Helen’s season finale London movie her mum was not very likeable and for most of Season 3 Mina was a pain in the ass, so wanting us to root for her to go hang out with both of them instead of her very warm and loving NA fam and her new hot boyfriend is a hard sell! But go read someone else’s analysis of that because a lot has been said about her past and her healing journey etc. I can accept it, it’ll just sting a bit (see hatred of change above).

I’m going for the next three scenes.

Scene four. I loved it because they were up and they were walking about and talking normally and I think them walking and talking is as much part of both of their characters as their longing looks. He’s followed her down endless hospital corridors, now around her apartment, and maybe soon across an ocean. And yes you can complain about the I love yous, or you might love how they happened. Whatever. All I saw was Max react to her saying ‘I love you’ as if finally, even to him, this was completely obvious. I mean, his face is like ‘duh’. It’s why he’s ready to fight so hard for her. He’s not second guessing that she loves him anymore. And that felt good to see.

Scene five. I hated it. I still do. But I hate it because it makes me feel uneasy and uncomfortable, like it becomes painfully obvious that their long distance solution is not going to work and it’s awkward watching them realise it to. Which is the point. Because we all need to get that long distance is just not going to work. If they went down that route for an episode or two (or five) then that would mean Helen would be able to leave, and Max would stay, and that’s certainly not what we want. She’s one of our favourite doctors and she has amazing patient storylines and being Max’s long distance girlfriend is not just a down grade for Helen (and Freema), it’s insulting. What I think most viewers would have liked by the end of this scene is literally for Helen to give up on her London dream so everything goes back to being easy and we would get Max and Helen staying at New Amsterdam, same as they always have been, only now perfectly in love. Also an insult to woman everywhere. But you know who absolutely never tries to suggest that, who keeps making suggestion after suggestion, who literally declares different iterations of “it’s gunna work” every time she implies that it won’t. Max. He never asks her not to do this, only reassures her they’ll figure it all out. And that also felt good to see.

Lastly, scene six. My absolute favourite (yes, above scene one). It makes complete sense now why the last scene on the roof is the most comfortable one to watch. Because it’s them. Max and Helen. Back at New Amsterdam. On their roof. Just existing next to each other. Clothed (lol). “Oh hi” never sounded so good after all the ups and downs during the episode. Glancing at each other as they chat in front of the NYC skyline. That feeling that everything had changed evaporated instantly. Change MAY be coming, but for now they are still here.

And when they do start to talk about them, it doesn’t feel so weird. In fact, this scene is literally pure JOY. How can you argue otherwise? Max, who admitted on the very same roof to the very same woman how he’d let his wife down because he couldn’t turn down his chance to climb ‘Everest’, is now willing to do the exact opposite and GIVE UP his Everest so Helen can climb hers. Because he loves her. Plus, LOOK AT FREEMA’S FACE. How does she do all those emotions like that? And then there’s Max, who just looks back at her like ‘of course I’ll follow you, you’re my joy silly.’

SO MUCH JOY ON THAT ROOF!!!

People are only mad because they are freaking out about how the show creators are going to possibly make this work without them. And that in itself is just totally unnecessary.

New Amsterdam is a show about the Medical Director, Max Goodwin, and all his awesome staff. It’s about patients. It’s about shining a light on things and causes that matter. It’s about New York (see all those rooftop scenes, that skyline is the other character). People LOVE it just as it is. WE love it. Those things are the premise of the whole show. So can everyone CHILL. What they’ve done, is they’ve put that thing we love on the line and now we are all wanting to know how the hell they’re going to fix this mess. And they are going to say OVER and OVER that Max and Helen are DEFINITELY leaving because implying otherwise undermines the whole storyline. We need to feel they are leaving to be invested in whatever happens next. Time jump or mind changes or any number of things they might throw our way to get a back to the premise of the show. And we are going to tune in week after week to find out. And that my friends, is how television works. And thinking they were going to do otherwise was just setting yourself up for disappointment.

To the people demanding Max and Helen be happy for at least one episode… um, they looked very happy in episode 1 and they look very happy up against an ambulance in episode 2, and in the corridor smooching in episode 3, and wandering the streets of NYC some time in the future…

To the people who thought they were getting 5 full minutes of sexy times. I believe what we were told was we’d be ‘happy with the first 5 minutes’ (e.g. that glorious time before Helen said ‘I should never have…’)

To the people who read every single article and Q&A - Schulner LITERALLY said so many times that the season would be about discovering your joy and what happens after you get what you want. I think one time he even mentioned ‘chasing after’ it. We were basically warned and WE ARE LITERALLY LIVING THIS NOW TOO. We got Sharpwin, now we have to live with what happens next. Cause and effect in action.

To the people annoyed with all the drama this show has caused. It’s a… drama show. It was to be expected.

So let’s try to relax and enjoy the ride :)

[rein4r1]

Portrait

Wc: 1.9k

Warning/s: Homophobia, Signs of Mental Illness, Mentions of Mental and Physical Abuse, Mentions of sexual activity, Dark Content

Pairing: [Modern AU] Mikasa x F!Reader (They/Them)

Genre: Fluff if you squint, Angst

Synopsis: On which Mikasa offers them a solution to their problems

or

They couldn't help but create a different reality

MINORS READ WITH DISCRETION

“So tell us Y/n L/n”

“Tell you what? I have nothing to tell you!”

“Tell us why you killed your parents.”

They pulled her knees to their chests, tightening their hold. The air from the AC doing nothing but worsen the already dreadful atmosphere. With shaking hands, they touched the side of their face, feeling the sting from where their father slapped them from hours ago. It wasn’t his aggressiveness that hurt them nor was it the shattered frame of a portrait that stood proudly on top of the island table, but it was their mother’s words; “I can’t believe we have a homosexual under our roof!”

Their parents were always conservative, believing that people who like the same sex are nothing but sinful. In all honesty, they believed every word they fed growing up. At least until they met her. Maybe deep down, they were already different from what their parents fear, just hiding in the closet. The first time they saw her was in the middle of the hallway, junior year in high school. To be honest, they didn’t have friends, them having friends is far-fetched anyway.

Not only did they hate their situation at home, but they also hate their situation at school. It’s not like they’re physically troubled by other kids, but they can always hear their murmurings, clearly them being the subject of their gossip.

“For someone with a pretty appearance, they sure are crazy.”

“Shut up! They might hear.”

School was already hell for them; just in the middle of the hallway stood a girl with short black hair, there she stood in the sea of despondence. They always had a downcast look, when was the last time they stared at anything but their feet. They can’t help but be drawn to her dark orbs, something about her enigmatic look draws them to her. The felt their body move automatically towards her, but in the heap of the crowd, she was gone. Their eyes searched any nook and cranny for her, hoping that there’s something she left by. And they felt it, the erratic beating of their hearts, as if nothing will help to calm it.

The next time they saw her was at the school’s courtyard, sitting at one of the benches looking like she’s lost in her own thoughts. They slowly approached her, sitting just at the other end of the bench. As if sensing their presence, her head turns towards them. Her face shows aloofness, but their eyes bore in theirs with curiosity. She turned her head back to the horizon, clearly not minding their presence.

“You look sad.” ‘What?’

“You look like… you’ve been failed by the people around you…” she continues as they look at her with sadness in their eyes.

“Wha- What are you talking about?...” And out of the blue, she pulled them towards her, letting their head rest on her shoulder. She brought her hand to caress their hair, and all they could do is cry. It’s been so long since they became vulnerable, looking no different than a walking corpse. “Don’t worry Y/n, I’m here now.” ‘Huh but how does she know my name?’

“Wait how did you-“

“I’ve always been watching you Y/n, I’m sorry it took me a long time.” They look at her face and saw genuine repentance. “But I haven’t- I don’t know who you are.” As if sensing their growing confusion, she smiled; “Mikasa, my name’s Mikasa.”

Mikasa is their first friend and the first person they talked outside of their family. They didn’t feel alone anymore with the girl beside them. The once suffocating halls didn’t feel smothering anymore. Their eyes didn’t look downcast, it slowly began to look less dull and look more with vigor. But that didn’t do anything to lessen the outlandish look their schoolmates gave them, their mumblings only continue to worsen. It didn’t matter anymore, since Mikasa is by their side, and she didn’t feel alone anymore.

Mikasa slept over at their house, this was something they’ve been looking forward the whole weekends. Lying together in their bed as they faced each other, Mikasa brought her nimble finger to draw in their features as she reached stay strand of their hair and placed it behind their eye. As if there was an unknown force that compels them to each other, they felt her lips brush against theirs in a gently manner. Feeling the way their lips moved in sync with each other, Mikasa’s kisses were steady, gentle, and slow

She looks at them as if she revers them with her whole entirety. They felt her hands drag across their skin like an adagio. Mikasa looked at their eyes for any signs of discomfort, but they only brought themselves closer as an answer. And that night, they made love under the light emanating from the moon.

A few days later, Y/n sat at the dining area with their parents for dinner. Their mother was babbling about how charming their neighbor’s son is. It fell into deaf ears of course, only having Mikasa in their thoughts.

“Y/n you should meet Mr. Grice’s son, I heard he’s about your age.” They snapped their head towards their father, they could not believe the words that came out of his mouth. Never in her life did he appreciate them having any malefriends. “You ought to have friends at your age, create a network with people.”

“I already have a friend ‘pa” he could only dismiss their reply. Their mother clearly being insistent on bringing the Grice boy and them together. “I know both of you are taking your exams for university, it doesn’t hurt having room for more people in your life.”

“I thought you never wanted me to have any guy friends.”

“But it’s the Grices we’re talking about.” They came to understand their mother’s intentions. The Grice family were considered wealthy and influential, who doesn’t want to marry into a rich family anyway? Obviously, Y/n L/n who only has Mikasa in their heart. Plus, the Grice boy already had an army of girls (and boys) willing to be his significant other. It was supposed to be a normal dinner, with them minding their business, leaving their parents to whatever chit chat they’re engrossed in. That is until, their father said something that triggered more on her already displeased mood.

“God, those sinners, parading around for some rights when they clearly don’t deserve any.” Her father muttered in disgust. The television was on, displaying news about a protest done by the LGBTQ+ community in accordance with the rights of their transgender brothers and sisters, considering that there is a rise of crimes towards the group. “If only they weren’t that then people wouldn’t-“

“I’m gay.” Their parents snapped their heads towards her, their expressions full of vexation.

“Y/n come again? What did you-“

“I’m fucking gay ‘ma, and I appreciate that the both of you stop asking those people for liability for something they clearly didn’t do, especially that they- we, are discriminated by people like –“ SLAP

They looked at their horrific faces, hand on their cheek. They expected this, they knew they were like this, but they couldn’t stand them any longer. They couldn’t help but think of Mikasa, the fact that they have this kind of mindset already means that after learning Mikasa’s existence, they’ll get in between them.

“I can’t believe we have a homosexual under our roof!” Their mother cried and their father’s face full of furry. “Go inside your room! We’ll deal with you later. FuckI can’t look at you right now without having the urge to murder you! And I don’t want to commit a sin like you!” Their father’s voice echoes around the room, as they quickly left her unfinished dinner, seeking solace inside their room. Sitting at the innermost corner of their bed, they leaned against the wall and brought their knees towards their chest. They expected them to be like this, but deep down they were hoping that they’d understand, that they’d accept them for who they are.

They felt their phone ring as they moved towards the bedside table and saw a text from Mikasa.

They immediately dashed towards their mini balcony, and there she is, Mikasa in all her glory. Seeing her made them break down, they found solace with this woman. To them, Mikasa is their sanctuary. Mikasa held them tight under the dark sky and the cold wind of the early hours of morning. She listened to them as they bawl their eyes out, pressing kisses on their face in hopes that this will make them feel better.

“I have something for you.” Mikasa reached something in her pocket to reveal a necklace with a vial as its pendant. They looked at the necklace with an astonished look, Mikasa then proceeds to wear the necklace on their neck. “You know you can do this Y/n” Mikasa smiled at them as she pressed another kiss on her shoulder, wrapping her arms around them. “I know you can”

Their parents woke up at the delightful smell of breakfast. They were bemused at the food that is already prepared on the table.

“Oh, both of you are awake, I prepared breakfast.” Their father looked at them suspiciously, but she only smiled cheerfully.

“What is this? Didn’t we tell you to-“

“I would like to apologize for yesterday, I was clearly stressed because of my exams. I was probably just confused… Yeah just stressed” they chuckled, they felt a bit unsure of their words, but they only brushed it off, content that their child finally came into their senses. They took a sip of their tea, as they began to converse with their parents. “You know about Grice, maybe I’ll approach him later at school.”

“Really? That’s great Y/n!” Her mother chimes.

“Yes ‘ma” They continue to look at their parents. Minutes pass as something went eerie that they could not explain. ‘Something’s weird’ their father glanced at their grinning face. They suddenly lack the ability to speak. As they slowly grow limp from their chairs. They could only stare at their child’s retreating form as the light in their gets swallowed by darkness.

“Tell us why you killed your parents.” Are they out of their mind? Kill? Why would Y/n kill their parents? They may have hurt them too many times, but they could never hurt their parents.

“Kill? I did not kill them!”

“The autopsy showed signs of poisoning, and the investigating team found its connection with the tea they drank. In addition, you were the last person they were last seen with.” They were confused, the tea?... The tea!

“It wasn’t me… It was… It was Mikasa!” Their eyes widen in confusion. “She gave me a vial. It was her!” They wrote their claim down on a piece of paper.

“Mikasa?... I need her last name.” He probes. ‘Wait, she never did give me her last name.’ The officer slid a small envelope. The opened it to reveal a portrait that looks oh so familiar. It’s one of the portraits her father flounced in the heat of anger. A portrait of a young woman with a baby in her hands. ‘No this can’t be… this is just a coincidence. This woman-‘

“-is Mikasa Ackerman, the one who gave birth to your mother.”

That night, they never received a text from her. It was only their alarm setting off.

An: I feel like this is badly written so bsoibhaoibh

I apologize for any grammatical errors and improper use of punctuation marks.

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

selfie | jjk | 2

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

summary: Is this a rom-com, slice-of-life drama with unsolicited social commentary about gender stereotypes, idol music, and the meaningless meaning of the word, “adult”? Yes. But also, Jeon Jungkook shouldn’t be in love with his hyung’s little sister and he is. Shit.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; mentions of depression, anxiety, loneliness; fluff, but also frustrating because flirt already, sheesh; loons-to-lovers; non-idol!AU - oppa’s bestfriend!Jungkook x SHINee fangirl!reader

happy lunar new year!! year of the ox - jk’s lucky year <3

–

previous episode.

2. in which the two loons getting somewhere, only for more misunderstandings to happen.

Is this too much?

You stared at the picture and the message. Jeon Jungkook once again. Sending a picture of himself at the gym. It was a while since the last one, so his hair was slightly longer now. Was he growing it out? Oh well, none of your business. You sent your usual reply.

?

You sighed and went back to your journal, only to have your phone aggressively sing ‘3 PM’ from the Animal Crossing New Leaf OST. Directly asking for a video call this time. You thinned your mouth into a line and closed your journal, sliding it out of frame before accepting the call.

Jungkook’s big brown eye filled up the screen, directly on the camera.

“Why don’t you respond like a normal person?”

“Why don’t you start conversations off like a normal person?” you shot back, placing a hand on your cheek and leaning against it. There was stationery scattered all around you, but your journal was behind the charging stand.

Jungkook withdrew his eyeball, frowning. You could see his entire face now, his long black hair tied up into a silly sprout on top of his head. He was still wearing the dark gray sweatshirt from the photo, but he seemed to be in his apartment. All you could see was the wall.

“What about the pic though? Is it too much?”

“Too much what?” you responded irritably.

He waved his hand, shaking the phone with his movement. “You know… Too, ‘Hey I work out and am attractive, pay attention to me’ much?”

You raised an eyebrow. “You’re not even looking at the camera. Or wearing a sleeveless shirt.”

He blinked at you. “Should I?”

You rolled your eyes. “No, those are things not to do. Picture is fine,” you added, shifting some pens away so you could rest your head on your forearms.

“Oh.”

He looked uneasy for a second before the camera jostled around as he scurried to a different part of the room. You puffed your cheeks and closed your eyes, not wanting to get motion sick.

“I’ve been playing Persona 5!” Jungkook said cheerfully, making you open your eyes to see him directing the camera at his television where the Persona music was merrily playing. “Just finished Sakura Futaba’s Palace.” He switched the camera back as you smiled and gave him a thumbs up.

“Nice.”

Jungkook seemed to spy your deflated form on your desk.

“What’s wrong?”

You breathed out. “Nothing.”

He frowned. “Doesn’t seem like nothing.”

You shrugged. “Just thinking.” Your eyes flickered to him, smirking a little. “You wouldn’t know about that, I suspect.”

Jungkook rolled his eyes. Other than that, he didn’t react to your remark.

“Thinking about what?” he asked, leaning back into his gray couch. His long hair flared out, sprout blooming against the cushions.

Your eyes shifted to the pens all over your desk. To your tablet, where you had been practicing digital drawing for a little while now. Just little drawings of cute animals, no people yet. To your journal, where you had been writing your diary entry.

“Lonely.”

You said the word without thinking. It was the title of your diary entry. You hadn’t meant to say it, but it was the only thing on your mind right now. Your eyes flickered back to Jungkook, who was watching you carefully. You sighed, feeling the need to explain yourself.

“All my friends are busy with school and their jobs. Oppa is always at work or with his girlfriend. Parents are always working.”

You could feel the distance between you and your high school friends. They were chasing your dreams and you were chasing nothing at all. You weren’t distant from your brother, but you were respectful of how much time he wanted to spend with his girlfriend. She might become his future wife someday, after all. Would you have a future husband one day? You wondered what he would be like.

You shook your head and shrugged. “But I did it to myself by taking a gap year, so it can’t be helped.”

“It’s okay to feel lonely.”

Slowly, your gaze shifted back to Jungkook. He was getting up from the couch, holding the phone up as he walked to what looked like the kitchen.

“I mean, you can’t help what you feel, right?” he said as he set the phone in a cupboard and went to the fridge. “Feeling lonely isn’t some kind of crime, so you don’t need to lock it away or anything.”

Jungkook picked up a take-out container and opened it, stiffing the contents. He seemed to be debating if it was edible or not. How long had that been there? You wanted to ask but then again, you didn’t want to know. Jungkook shrugged and dumped the mysterious contents into a bowl.

“I’ll talk to you whenever you want.”

You scoffed. “Why would you do that?”

Jungkook placed the bowl in the microwave and set the timer. The machine hummed as he turned around.

“To prevent you from feeling lonely.”

A butterfly danced in your chest.

You chuckled. “Why would I want to feel annoyed instead of lonely?”

Jungkook shrugged, taking out some chopsticks. “At least you have someone to be annoyed at instead of being alone?”

Two butterflies danced in your chest.

You huffed and rested your cheek on your forearms.

“Have you been talking to your Confidants?”

“What?”

“In Persona 5.”

“Who?”

You slapped your forehead. “Listen up, you monkey…”

“I’m an ox in the zodiac.”

“I mean your monkey gameplay…”

You began to explain the importance of Confidants in Persona to Jungkook.

-

That’s how you ended up in video calls with Jeon Jungkook several times a week.

He would usually start the call by sending a selfie, to which you would respond with your usual question mark. He was going to university for graphic design and worked at an electronics store part time. You, on the hand, were doing nothing. Well, not nothing, because you were clumsily learning digital art, but unless you were showering, you were always by your phone. Checking idol social media, especially SHINee. Sometimes your brother and his girlfriend asked you to accompany them to dinner, but you always declined, because being the third wheel was weird.

Also, watching your brother in love was weird.

Bleh.

“They always make out in front of me,” you were telling Jungkook as he asked why you weren’t at dinner earlier with your brother and his friends. Your brother had taken his girlfriend, of course. “It’s weird.”

Jungkook winced. “Yeah, I get what you mean. But I was there.”

“So what?”

Jungkook raised his hands. He was in his bed, rolling around in gray sheets. “Maybe you care?”

“I’d like to be spared watching oppa’s PDA, thanks.”

As usual, you were at your desk. This time your tablet was in front of you. You pushed the pen around, indecisively drawing lines and undoing your last action, twisting your mouth to one side, not really looking at Jungkook. He wasn’t doing anything of note, anyway.

“You don’t like PDA?”

You shrugged. “It’s whatever. I don’t really care.”

“What are you drawing?”

“Nothing good,” you sighed, putting down the tablet pen. The little cat character looked back at you, its expression the same bored and dispassionate face you usually had. You hadn’t really decided on a color for it yet. Maybe gray. That’s how you usually felt, anyway. You knew the collar color was going to be aqua though. A nod to your SHINee obsession.

“Show me.”

“No.”

“Come on.”

You looked up to Jungkook’s smile. There was a radiance about it. You felt the two butterflies dancing in your ribcage once again, fluttering, fluttering. His two front teeth where just ever so slightly too large for his mouth. It was endearing, like seeing a bunny. You looked back down at the little cat you created. Maybe you would make a bunny for Jungkook.

Pfft.

Why would you do that?

You laughed, confusing Jungkook as you placed your hand over your mouth, eyes squinting as you chortled to yourself, trying to imagine Jungkook as a silly little bunny. Probably one that worked out too much and drank banana milk every day. Probably loved to take selfies too. A cool bunny who wrote sunglasses sometimes and was probably altruistic and interesting.

Not like you.

Your laughter died down, eyes on the cat. You picked a cat to represent you because it was lazy and didn’t do much. Spent all day sleeping and staring outside, but never actually trying. Curious about things, but never committing.

“What’s so funny?” Jungkook asked, lifting the camera and holding it above him. You saw his long black hair flare out around his head. He was casually handsome, the kind of attractive that didn’t need much to be that way.

That’s weird. Why would you think something like that?

“Your face,” you replied, missing the usual bite you usually had behind your words. “You need a trim.”

He raised his eyebrow, pursing his lips. “You don’t like long hair?”

You pointed at the phone even though he probably couldn’t tell what you were pointing at. “The ends of your hair are splitting. It’s not going to grow well at this rate.”

“Are you a secret barber or something?”

“I’m a human being who cuts her own hair,” you replied impassively, sitting back in your chair.

Jungkook looked surprised. “Really? Since when?”

“Since the last time oppa attempted to cut my hair in high school.” You cringed at the memory.

Jungkook looked apologetic and ready to burst out laughing at the same time. “He tried his best.”

“He did not,” you retorted, remembering the botched bangs and blunt shoulder length cut. It was horrible. You went to the salon afterward and had it trimmed into a short pixie cut, because you would rather be bald than look like an overgrown coconut.

“The pixie cut was cool though.”

“Eh.” You shrugged. “Too hard to cut it by myself. Need some length to hide my mistakes.”

“Your hair always looks nice though. A little messy.”

You touched the top of your head self-consciously. Maybe you should start brushing it before accepting his calls. You didn’t really brush it that often because, well, who was going to see you? You basically only brushed it when you noticed a tangle.

Jungkook was smiling at you. His dark brown eyes seemed sparkly because of the overhead lights in his bedroom. The butterflies in your ribcage circled each other, looping round and round. You made a disgruntled face, reaching up read the current time at the top of your phone.

“Don’t you have class early tomorrow? Go to sleep.”

And then you pressed the end call button.

For some reason, relief and disappointment washed over you. Relief because there was a palpitating anxiousness you felt when you looked too directly into Jungkook’s eyes. Disappointment because maybe you shouldn’t have hung up so abruptly. That was a little rude.

You noticed you had a text. From Jeon Jungkook.

Good night.

-

Jungkook placed his phone beside him after he sent the text. He thought about sending a selfie too, but maybe that was too much. She had just seen him seconds before, anyway.

Why had she hung up like that?

He smiled as he remembered her laugh. He liked her laugh a lot. She hid it behind her hands and her eyes always squinted when she did so, nearly making them disappear. It looked a little bit like a cat when it was purring in satisfaction. Jungkook wondered what made her laugh like that. It must have been a thought, because he could see her face changing as she observed him. When she stopped laughing, her face was different too, becoming introspective.

She looked pretty today too.

Her hair a little messy, combed through with her fingers. That’s how it looked best, he thought. She had a natural prettiness, the kind that needed no help to be that way. Every action she did seemed cute, from the way she held her pen, to the way she twisted her mouth to one side when she was working on something, to the way she touched the top of her head, lips parting in thought.

If she wanted to be a model, she probably could.

At least, Jungkook wanted to take her picture.

He frowned a little. He’d been consistently sending her selfies before calling her and she always responded with a question mark. Maybe she wasn’t used to taking selfies? Or maybe, and what was more likely, she probably didn’t even care about them.

Jungkook exhaled, flopping to his side. Should he give up? But then he remembered her face right before she looked at the time. It was like she was staring at the screen, at his face. And for a split second, he swore he saw her upper lip upturn a bit, shyness in her gaze, a bit of pink flushing her cheeks. Was it just the lightning or something? His mind playing tricks on him?

“Bleh.”

Jungkook made a weird noise and plopped his face into his pillow.

-

Jungkook stopped calling you.

You wondered why. You had been kind of rude to him last time. Maybe he was mad at you? Maybe he wanted an apology? But you weren’t really sure what to apologize for. And it was weird to call without a purpose, right? And besides.

You didn’t really need to apologize to Jeon Jungkook.

He wasn’t even really your friend. He was your older brother’s friend.

You chewed on your lip, staring at the last picture he sent you. He wasn’t your friend. He was… well, what was he trying to do? Why was he talking to you? Maybe he was bored. Maybe he was nosy. You did say you followed his art Instagram, so maybe he was enthralled with the idea of knowing he had a fan or something?

But you weren’t a fan, per se.

Well, a little bit. He was really talented.

But not that much!

Because Jeon Jungkook was kind of annoying. He still hadn’t returned Persona 5 to your brother. Not that your older brother noticed, at all. He never finished Persona 5 and it was mostly your game now, with how many hours you had sunk into it. Jungkook hadn’t even known about Confidants until you told him. Hmph. Didn’t he look up game guides? Well, he should. Confidants were really important to the game. They helped you with useful abilities during boss fights by developing relationships with the other characters.

You stared at the last selfie Jungkook had sent you.

You kind of wished he was looking at the camera.

Maybe you needed a Confidant. You certainly didn’t really know how to develop relationships with anyone, except maybe your older brother. But that was because he was your brother and familial responsibility. Well. Not true. Your brother was really nice to you.

That’s why you folded his underwear for him, even to this day.

Sigh.

Jungkook did like SHINee though.

At least that was one thing in common, right?

-

next episode: 3. in which only a major event can bring these two loons back together – SHINee is back!

--

masterpost

[tsunflowers]

Hihi!! I had no clue you took anons (I never pay attention to who a come from 😅) and I wanted to ask something since you're like, the only person I see talking about sentai AND magical girl stuff.

I was like, around 12 when I discovered the Girls×Heroine series, and I fell in love with it!! I was a little old for it but I still watched all the kid stuff I grew up with too, I just had childish taste. I never really stopped liking the series though! I love love love the songs, the costumes, the transformation scenes and the absurd villains, everything! But I'm turning 19 I November, and ever since I turned 17 I just feel like....like this is really bad. Like a dark secret I should hide or be scared someone will find out. Because I'm a 19 yr old lesbian enjoying a sentai show for Japanese preschoolers starring 8-11 year Olds. And I feel so scared someone will find out and call me a p*do or something, but I just love the show. I want to make cute fan art and stuff too but I feel like Id be interrogated.

Im really sorry if this ask is totally out of pocket and you might not even know anything about the series..? So..yeah but I just had to talk about this to s o m e o n e. And maybe this is weird?? Im autistic, I dont know if that contributes to liking it. I do think that affects anyones taste in television so..probably not??

Even if its okay now, what if I like it still when I'm like 30? Then it'll definitely be looked down on. I don't want to stop watching one of my biggest comfort series but like if everyone may hate me for it someday...idk :(

Im sorry this is so long oml, if this is uncomfortable or too long you dont have to respond, you can just delete it, I completely get it 😅 sorry again

I do take anons! I'm open for business every day of the week

anyway I do know the girls x heroine series and I don't think it's weird. in my irl life I am kind of shy about talking about my interests lmao but as you can see I talk about kids shows all the time here and I'm already 25. and I know people in their 30s who are in the same fandoms

there really are so many adults who are into kids stuff in a non creepy way. like think about how many adult women still love disney. I think it's normal to still like kids shows as an adult. if you just enjoy it for the cute and fun show it is there's no problem

[arigatouiris]

an inconvenient crush // kozume kenma x reader (2/2)

Author’s Note: Thank you so much for the support! I really appreciate people coming in and telling me you liked my story! Makes me feel so loved and valid, I can’t even begin to tell you how special it makes me feel. Here’s the final part! Do let me know what you think! Thank you so much :”)

Word count: 4k+

Pairing: YouTuber! Kenma Kozume x Streamer! Reader

Summary: YouTuber Kozume Kenma has had the biggest crush on Twitch Streamer, (s/n) (y/n), who in actuality simps heavily after Kenma’s secret YouTube persona, puddinghead0.

What happens when their paths cross?

Kuroo is honestly tired of Kenma’s second-guessing, and (y/n) is a bit of a crackhead.

Warnings: unrequited love, one-sided crush, slight angst, pining, crackhead reader, internet bullying, slang, gaming references, haikyuu manga spoilers, fluff

C h a p t e r T w o: kozume in love

Kenma chuckled when he heard you scream over the controller. The both of you were currently fighting a boss named Martyr Logarius, and while you had beaten the game once, playing it in Newgame+ was extra hard. Kenma was certainly helping, but you had made a silly mistake and died for the fourth time in a row.

    "You're dodging too early," Kenma said, still chuckling, "But it is entertaining to see you dodge in such panic."

    "Shut up," You groaned over the microphone, earning more chuckles from him, "I'm trying, okay?"

    "You beat this game, you said?"

    "Ahhh!"

Kenma laughed some more, now covering his face with his hand. He could hear you laugh out of frustration as well, but while this entire orchestration felt funny to both of you, Kenma's heart bubbled dangerously. He loved the sound of your voice, and he absolutely adored the way you groaned and cursed at the bosses each time you died or each time you defeated them. You were good, and even as the game tested you, you trod on. He could see you loved gaming in its entirety, and slowly, he was learning more about you.

    "I need a beer." You sighed.

    "This game does that to you," Kenma leaned back against his bean bag, "I mean... Not to burst your bubble, but you do suck."

    "Oye," You warned playfully, "I'm a streamer."

    "Anyone can stream, (y/n)."

There was silence on the other end after that, but Kenma didn't think it was anything odd. The co-oping between you two was going on for a few days now, and it would last up to 5-7 hours at most. It was strange that despite college, you two managed to find time to sit and play, but after a point, it had become more than just the game. You began to crave his voice, crave the way he'd be there, whenever you were about to run low on health, he'd come over and give you time to heal.

Co-oping with Kenma was fun because it felt, oddly, as if he really cared.

    "(y/n)?"

    "I always thought you sounded familiar," Kenma blinked, "But I think hearing you say more words sort of... gave it away."

    "Gave what away?" Kenma's heart was pounding now.

    "Kozume-kun," He didn't want to hear the rest, "Are you puddinghead0?"

It took him several seconds to process what you said. He could practically feel his heart beat against his ears, and he could sense you getting impatient at him as well.

    "Kozume—"

    "How did you know?"

You took a few moments to answer.

    "I... I've been a fan for too long not to recognize your voice, really. I just... I guess I had to hear you through the microphone to instantly pick it up? I don't know I... Why didn't you tell me?"

    "I didn't want you to know."

    "Oh," His heart broke at how low you sounded. "I... I'm sorry, I didn't ask you because I knew you were him or anything! I asked you as Kozume—"

    "Right."

    "No, listen," You were panicking now, "I assure you, I didn't know until recently. I didn't even think... I never—"

    "What did you picture him as, (y/n)?"

    "What do you—"

    "I'm sure you pictured him as someone different, right? It must disappoint you that someone you admire is in fact, a regular college student—"

    "Don't say that! I really enjoy playing with you, and... I never even pictured how you'd look in the first place!"

    "Sure—"

    "Can we meet? Please, let me just—"

    "Not happening. It was nice playing with you, (y/n). I hope you get the platinum—"

    "Please, don't do this."

When Kenma hesitated, he knew that it was no longer an inconvenient crush. His fingers trembled and he couldn't look away from the television screen. His chest hurt and he was certain that his shirt was drenched.

    "Please, let's—"

    "Where do you want to... meet?"

    "Oh, thank goodness," Your genuine relief made him want to laugh, "I was so certain you'd hang up. Oh, thank god. Uh, I don't know. You live near campus?"

He narrowed his eyes, "What campus?"

    "Tokyo University?"

    "You go here too?"

    "Literature student! You go here? You mean to say the puddinghead0 goes to—"

    "Please, just never call me that, okay?"

    "Where do you want to meet?"

    "I... Just come to campus, we'll figure it out."

What normally took Kenma 12 minutes took him 17 now. He spent some time pacing back and forth on whether to go or not, before understanding that he couldn't back out after assuring you that he'd be there. He wondered if you would come as a fan or as his friend (were you his friend?), but the foremost thing that Kenma worried about was what your interaction with him would be about. Why did you want to meet him? What explanation did you want to give?

Maybe she wants to thank me, he thought as he walked forward, finally bucking up and realizing that he might actually need to meet you alone as himself.

He noticed that you were waiting outside the gates of the campus, airpods plugged in, head rocking lightly to some music that you were listening to. From a distance, you caught sight of him and waved almost hesitantly, shooting his heart to the skies. Your hair was tied in a messy bun and you were wearing anime merch, a Bakugou shirt with regular jeans. No matter what you wore, Kenma thought you were ridiculously pretty. Kenma had always thought you were pretty, from the very first video that you uploaded. He caught your stream in Kuroo's laptop when he had come over, and apparently it was your first time. You were hesitant and shy, but it gradually died down the more you played. Kenma found himself laughing so much that it alerted Kuroo, who had understood right away that you held a special place in Kenma's mind since no one could make Kenma laugh quite like you could.

When he was a few feet away from you, you looked at him awkwardly before he noticed you were red-faced. Is she... blushing?

    "U-Uh, yeah so uh," She was so nervous that it was making him feel weird, "I don't want to treat you differently but I just realized that I was gushing to you about puddinghead not knowing that you are, in fact, puddinghead and god, I feel like an idiot."

Kenma had to laugh at that before shaking his head, "It's fine, I don't get too many compliments anyway."

    "You had me simping all over you and you knock that down as compliments? Please teach me the art of modesty, senpai."

Kenma laughed some more before letting out a breath, rubbing the back of his neck. You were taking breaths now yourself; you were standing beside someone who had literally inspired you to start streaming gameplay, and you had no idea that you were playing alongside him all this while until he had practically confirmed it not too long ago. Of course, a part of you felt weird that he never told you himself, but perhaps he wanted to keep it a secret. Also...

He had been watching your streams. Kenma had admitted that as himself the first time you had met. You could practically die.

    "There's this cafe down this road," You said, suddenly feeling a lot bolder, "We won't have to stand around awkwardly then."

    "Alright."

The walk wasn't quiet, you were desperately trying to think of something to talk about, and you were mumbling a few things here and there about Bloodborne, and he commented back; but neither of you found your heart in the conversation and kept going because you didn't know how to handle the silence. While you admired Kenma, Kenma was also aware that you had no idea the feelings he had for you.

It made him feel a bit inadequate, and he wasn't sure how to take it.

When you reached the cafe, Kenma and yourself took the seats outside. You took in his appearance properly for the first time that evening; his hair tied in a messy, loose ponytail and wearing baggy clothing with black jeans and sneakers. Kenma was gorgeous, you wouldn't deny that, especially now that your heart was bubbling with excitement over how he was your YouTube idol. Strangely, his question rang in your mind:

What did you picture him as, (y/n)?

Your eyes softened at Kenma as he checked his phone for a minute; unable to look away. You stared at him the way folks stare at a rainbow, taking in all that unexpected beauty, not wanting to look away in case it might disappear. You felt yourself blushing when he looked up to meet your gaze, almost feeling time stop. But, you were too much of an overthinker to let that happen.

I'm sure you pictured him as someone different, right? It must disappoint you that someone you admire is in fact, a regular college student—

    "Kozume-kun," What am I doing? "I can't picture anyone but you."

He was now staring at you like you were an idiot mumbling rubbish. He gulped, you could see the rise and fall of his adam's apple, but he wasn't saying a word.

    "A few months ago, when I started the channel on Twitch, I could do it only because of you. You inspired me to upload my own gameplay because I now had a platform to be proud of it. But as Kozumu-kun, you gave me the courage to not only be proud of my gameplay but to see what's actually important," You smiled as you said, "Fun."

    "You're giving me way too much credit."

You shook your head, "We don't always realize how little exchanges that we have with people cause ripple effects. Playing with you these past few days reminded me of what streaming for views made me forget. Views don't matter, the fun does. I let those comments get to me because the views mattered to me, and they still do. But, that's not everything. I learned that from you."

Kenma didn't know what to say.

    "So when you figured out that I was... the YouTuber—"

    "Puddinghead—"

    "—Yeah, that. Didn't you think I lied to you?"

You shook your head, "You never had a face reveal, which meant that you wanted to keep it a secret. So why would I feel like you lied? You had every reason to—"

    "Stop being so fucking adorable, it's actually pissing me off." Kenma snapped without realizing.

Both of your eyes widened—Kenma's and yours—at the words that exited his mouth. Your face was flaming at what he said, and Kenma probably felt like a suicidal ostrich. He wanted to bury his head under the ground and never rise, for that would keep him away from the embarrassment that was due; he could hear Kuroo's laughter in the distance, which made it all the worse.

    "I'm... I'm not trying to be cute, you know?" You said, tilting your head a little, playing with a strand of your hair.

Kenma frowned at you, wondering now if you were doing it on purpose.

    "What are you... doing?"

    "There's a word for it!" You pointed an index finger in the air, "Hanker sore."

Kenma scoffed, "What's that?"

    "It's finding someone so attractive that it pisses you off."

Kenma blushed, "Y-You're not all that attractive, you just... come across as cute sometimes."

Your eyes widened, "I'm a catch!"

He bit his lower lip, "Yeah, sure."

    "Hey! I am a total catch, you could like totally fall for me!"

Kenma's heart skipped a beat, "Yeah, sure."

While you were sitting across him having a struggle over how he easily pushed away your claims, Kenma stared at you like you were all he could see, and as if you were a sight that he would forget if he didn't drink in your details at this very second. A moment later, you gasped before leaning forward.

    "I think we should get something."

    "Let's actually... go get your platinum."

Your eyes widened, "You... don't mind?"

He shook his head now that he was absolutely certain, "No, let's go back."

You were beaming and thanking him, acting as if he suddenly wasn't the YouTuber you had been simping after, treating him like a separate individual that he was, behaving as you would with anyone else; Kenma's worries dissipated in thin air, he was now confident that he had fallen in love with you, mind, body, and soul—your voice had ensnared and captured him, and now, your revelation had done the deed of claiming his heart.

    "Oh, and," Kenma said, "No one will know."

You nodded before throwing him a mock salute, "Of course!"

*

You were legitimately freaking out. 

Kenma had followed you as puddinghead on your professional Twitter and you had been staring at the screen for close to an hour now. You weren't sure if the reason for your heart to be beating the way it was was because Kenma was puddinghead or because you had finally learned what puddinghead looked like, but whatever it was, the feeling was intense.

Are these feelings romantic though? You wouldn't lie, before you knew puddinghead's face, you had pictured meeting him and dating him—the regular daydreaming that a person would do for the person they were simping after. And while those thoughts were innocent, now puddinghead had a name. Puddinghead was Kozume Kenma, an attractive college student, CEO of Bouncing Ball Corp, and YouTuber. Your mind was taking you to places, and juxtaposing your previous fantasies now with Kenma's face. No, no, no, you scolded yourself before covering your face with your hand. Yes, discovering his identity is huge, but don't forget, he thinks of you as a friend!

You were about to join his party on the PSN and co-op Bloodborne again, but all you could think about were how long Kenma's fingers were when they were placed on the table before you that day when you met him in the cafe.

You were practically out of it.

    "Hey, Kozume-kun!"

    "You know you can call me Kenma, right? I call you (y/n)."

    "O-Oh," Your face reddened uncharacteristically. "R-Really?"

You heard Kenma chuckle and your heart was ready to combust, "Yeah, what's there to think about?"

Oh dear lord, "Okay. Uh... So..."

     "So."

     "Uh."

    "(y/n)?"

Fuck, "K-Kenma-kun."

Kenma had his hand covering his jaw at how cute you sounded, but you were practically jelly yourself. It wasn't easy learning the identity of your internet crush and having to play with them as friends. It wasn't easy to accept these facts and to admit that maybe, just maybe, the person that they are in real life was equally attractive.

    "We have to beat the Shadows of Yharnam today."

Did his voice always sound like velvet?

    "Hm, I've heard they were relatively easy?"

    "No," He said chuckling, "To you, they're definitely going to be a challenge."

When he chuckles, I feel like I'll die.

    "Didn't you play against them without co-op?"

    "Oh, yeah," You could practically picture him rubbing the back of his neck, "I did co-op for Gherman in the end, though."

Fuck, he's so cute!

    "What?" Kenma asked, sounding confused.

    "What?"

    "You said 'he's so cute', you mean Gherman?" You gasped, "(y/n), he's... he's an old man?"

    "Y-Yeah! Haha, I mean... Yeah. It's... I was..."

Kenma laughed before asking you to continue before you slapped yourself for making such a big fool out of yourself. Snap out of it, you scolded yourself once more. You can't like Kenma-kun just because you know he's puddinghead.

But, did you?

As days passed, you exchanged numbers with Kenma. Texting him was relatively easy since he barely tried to keep the conversation alive and you just had so much to say. Sometimes, Kenma believed he might be boring, but you kept texting him as if his personality wasn't really that much of a bother. He wasn't much of a texter, and you had caught on, a fact that didn't actually bother you. Kenma, however, would never leave you on read, would try to reply within the hour even though he doesn't text as often.

Your mind, however, revolved around the heart he had once sent you as puddinghead.

You were re-reading the tweets almost every night, and juxtaposing the image of an empty face with Kenma's. For some reason, puddinghead's image was slowly erasing itself from your mind; you became less fascinated with the YouTube persona, but instead, looked forward to hearing from his real-life identity, trying to know more about his day, about his other interests, and having learned that he was from Nekoma blew your mind since he was from a rival school.

Kenma and you often met at the cafe again, just to grab a few snacks and talk about games. It would be you most of the time who would be initiating conversation, and Kenma would listen and retort when he felt the need to. However, not once did you feel like he wasn't listening; not once did Kenma make you think you weren't keeping him engaged. His eyes were on you, his intense gaze enough to burn you to the ground. It practically had you shivering.

Your mind, however, still continued to revolve around the heart he had once sent you as puddinghead.

    "I might need to go to a volleyball game soon—"

    "Why did you send me a heart?"

Kenma froze before meeting your gaze. "What?"

You almost wanted to slap yourself but you had said it. You couldn't hold it back, you couldn't keep mulling over your thoughts and therefore, you decided to tell the source of your problems what your problems were.

    "Kenma-kun, I... I had a big crush on puddinghead," Kenma's gaze on you was unwavering, "Now that I know you're puddinghead, and... and you were the one who sent me a heart, I... I've always thought you were cute and all—"

    "(y/n)—"

    "—and it's a bit unfair if I like you only because you're puddinghead, but I gave it a lot of thought—"

    "—(y/n), listen—"

    "—and I don't want you thinking that my feelings are just because you're a famous YouTuber and I just want to like... I don't know... I enjoy every second with you and slowly I just—"

Kenma's finger tapped your forehead, freezing you in position. His cat-like eyes were boring into your soul, and there he was, face inches away from yours, expressionlessly staring into you.

    "I've been in love with you for the longest time," Kenma's voice was gold, "No pressure, though."

    "No..." What the fuck? "N-No pressure?!"

Kenma laughed at your outburst, "Yeah, I mean... I took sometime accepting it, to even think that I liked you over the internet didn't make sense to me. And then we bumped into each other and we started gaming together and I guess I understood that your internet persona was just a part of you I'd liked, and now I like you more."

Oh.

Was it really that simple?

    "So... If I liked you as puddinghead—"

    "Please don't call me that."

    "—and if I like you as Kenma-kun, then..."

Kenma sighed before offering you a sweet smile, "It's probably the same thing, (y/n). Stop worrying."

    "Can I kiss you?" You blurted out, without thought.

God, this woman, Kenma thought, before covering his jaw with his hand.

*

In less than a week, you'd learned the route to Kenma's apartment by heart. You went over to game at his place, and slowly began streaming as (y/n) again on Twitch. You didn't want to stream with Kenma yet, because you guys had just started dating a month ago. For liking you longer than you liked him, Kenma was relatively cool about you hanging over at his, and about initiating any sort of touch—because your thoughts were practically spilling out of you and as cute as he once thought they were, he didn't want you to say 'pinch me' every time he kissed you.

Kenma's hands were buried into your hair as he kissed you fervently, softly at first before pulling back to see how flushed your face was. He'd never really imagined you being here, out of the screen he saw you from, in his arms, kissing him back.

He chuckled at the thought.

    "What's so funny?" You were legitimately a crackhead, but he adored you.

    "I thought having a crush on you was very inconvenient at first."

    "Why?"

He shrugged before pulling you to his chest, your face reddening at the contact. He noticed, but simply shook his head as you buried your face into his chest.

    "Because I thought it was too good to be true."

    "Am I the one freaking out each time or are you?"

    "Yeah, that part even I don't get."

You giggled before wrapping your hands around his neck, bringing yourself closer to him. Your face was at the crook of his neck, eyes closed as his arms were wrapped around your waist. You were both currently on Kenma's couch, nuzzling with each other on a lazy class-less Monday.

Suddenly, the door opened, revealing Kenma's roommate, in all honesty, did not know how to react when a famous Twitch streamer was lying asleep on his roommate. Kenma gave him a nonchalant look before placing a finger on his lips.

    "She's asleep."

    "Y-Yeah, that's definitely what I was thinking." The roommate said before rushing to his room and locking the door.

Well, Kenma thought before bringing his hand back around your waist, That's a problem for another day.

[denkineptune]

♡ i got the sudden urge to be super GAY yesterday and i word-vomited this, so have a freshly edited blurb while i work on my longer headcanons :)) and yes thats a girl in red reference but dont worry this is gn

♡ just so you know, i have about 3 or 4 wips for mha and 2 or 3 for obey me ! they’re mostly done, i just do this ✨fun✨ thing where i think nobody will read my stuff if its not a popular male character so i hold off putting it out, but more WILL be comin this month so look out 👁👁

fic details: jirou kyouka x reader, pining (on jirou’s part), jirou’s perspective, gender-neutral reader, fluff, ~1k words

the light of the tv on the floor glared up at the couple on the couch, the only source of light in an otherwise dark apartment and sky. today had been hard, but now, kyouka could relax with her best friend. she decided to introduce you to her favorite movie today, deciding finally, that you were special enough to share her shameful favorite film, tangled, with. it wasn’t as embarrassing as she believed, since you’d said that it was one of your favorite movies, too. at this admission, jirou felt somehow relieved, even proud, for no reason. she didn’t want you to think of her as a child, but pride was strange. you were just a friend, of course, it didn’t matter what you thought much. 

kyouka was shaken out of her thoughts when she felt the weight on the other side of the couch relieve, turning to look at you standing above her, blocking the light from the television. 

“you need something?” 

“yeah, actually. do you have any popcorn?”

“uh, i think so? above the stove, in the cabinet, lower shelf. should be right there. want me to pause the movie?”

you shot a smile at her, and the Hearing Hero felt light.

“no, that’s okay, i’ve pretty much already memorized this movie.” 

to prove your point, you recited the current line of the script, perfectly lining up with the movie. how cute.

you moved away from the couch, and jirou already missed you. it was normal to want to be near your friends all the time, and the only reason she felt different around you was because you were different from all her other friends, just closer to her, somehow. from the start, it was instant sparks. no, that’s not the right word, that makes it sound romantic, and it definitely was not. you’d met at a concert for your favorite rock band that just happened to be kyouka’s favorite, too. you’d sat next to each other, both of your dates standing you up. from there, the two of you had really just bonded. 

“kyouka, you ok?” you called from the kitchen. 

the sound of her name in your voice was always something she loved hearing, you always said it with so much fondness, so much emotion. ky-ou-ka. jirou had always liked her name, thinking it suited her well, but something about the way you said it just made her all the more confident. she couldn’t quite pinpoint when you’d started using her given name, jirou knew she’d never said you could, explicitly. but she’d never spoken against it, so you didn’t stop. if you had stopped, kyouka didn’t know how she’d get you to say it again.

“yeah, why wouldn’t i be?”

“you’re super quiet and you’re not making fun of anything, that’s weird for you, asshole.” you teased. 

jirou’s cheeks heated up at the name, not out of embarrassment or shame, but from something else. 

“maybe i just like the movie that much, dumbass.”

you let out a cackle from the kitchen, turning to look at kyouka on the couch, startling when the first kernel popped.

“fuck!”

jirou heard a loud crash from the kitchen, turning back to see you tumbled over on your butt, a dumb look on your face. she erupted in loud, howling laughter at how brash you always were- it was endlessly amusing. she wiped tears from her eyes as she watched you roll your eyes at her reaction, fake-pouting.

“did the kernel scare you?!”

“fuck off, kyouka. you’re not exactly fearless, either, ms. ‘scared-of-Coraline’.”

“hey, that’s uncalled for. that movie is freaky and you said you wouldn’t bring that up again.”

“well if you’re gonna call me a pussy, i’m gonna call you a pussy, see how you like it.”

“i never called you a pussy- that was all you!”

you just smiled and turned to the full pot of popcorn, dumping it all in a bowl and clearing the un-popped kernels.

“not too much butter, no cheese, right?”

jirou smiled, you remembered how she liked her popcorn. you’d only had it with her one time, and yet you made an effort to remember her preferences. you were such a good friend.

“yeah,”

you poured butter over the snack and made your way back to the couch, popping some in your mouth while walking. 

“don’t eat it all already, save some for me-” kyouka hissed.

“i made it,” you’d said with a cheeky smirk.

“i paid for it,” she’d mocked back.

“oh, fine... want some?”

jirou nodded and took the bowl from you, watching how you wiped your fingers on a napkin you’d brought over, considerate as to not get butter all over the couch. she offered the blanket to you with a look, receiving a nod as confirmation. she brought the blanket over her waist, closer to you, exposing a part of her legs to the cold air. though she didn’t care when she saw the smile on your face at the warmth.

you leaned your head on her shoulder, snuggling up in an effort to be more comfortable on the cheap futon couch. you wrapped your arm around hers, hugging it to your chest, burying your face in her shoulder, and suddenly jirou was hyper-aware of every motion. she held her breath, not daring to move, in case you’d readjust your position and stop holding her the way you were; so closely and intimately. it was these small moments, that might not be remembered in a few years, that she treasured the greatest. the tiniest displays of affection meant the most, because they weren’t conscious decisions, but simple acts out of pure subconscious trust and love. yes, these were the moments when jirou loved you the most. 

she wasn’t paying attention to the film anymore, but the way your eyelashes fluttered as you blinked, eyes fixated, fascinated with your shared favorite movie. somehow, your skin glowed in the artificial light, giving you a near ethereal look. how fitting. her heart skipped, mouth turning up in the smallest smile. she would give anything to stay in this moment, here with you, like the chaos of the outside world was simply the background to your love story. here, the two of you could pretend that all that was important was the other person, because it really felt like that.

and then jirou realized:

oh.

maybe i am in love with them.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾𝒹𝑒𝓃𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑒𝓅𝓉𝓊𝓃𝑒☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Bill Bailey was absolutely amazing on last night’s Alan Davies: As Yet Untitled (s06e08). Dressed up fancier than usual in a suit, and brought his A game to match his clothes. Told a hilarious story that will appeal to comedy nerds because it just involved young versions of a bunch of comedians running around in the middle of the night and fucking with each other. This group of comedians includes Bill Bailey, of course, and also Sean Lock, which makes me wonder if Bill knew Sean was terminally ill before this was filmed. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but I feel like he might have chosen to tell this story because he wanted something to get released this fall that lets us hear about Sean being young and wild and mischievous.

Either way, Bill told that one story that was absolutely tailor-made for a show like As Yet Untitled, and he had a number of brilliant moments even when it wasn’t his specific turn in the spotlight. He told one whole other story that appeared to be off the cuff, but outdid most of the planned stories on this show. He was quick with all his comments. Managed to do a great job of playing off all the younger panelists, sort of “mixing it up with the kids”, without actually turning the show competitive (which is a fine line to walk, but an important one since so much of what’s great about As Yet Untitled is that its panelists are meant to collaborate instead of competing for laughs and screen time).

This episode also featured Morgana Robinson, the Taskmaster season 12 contestant whom I know the least well. I know Alan Davies and Victoria Coren Mitchell quite well, of course. And in the last while, I’ve seen Desiree Burch and Guz Khan in a bunch of different shows. I only knew a bit about Desiree Burch when the lineup was first announced months ago, but since then I’ve seen enough of her to get really excited about having her on Taskmaster. Anyone who has not already cultivated enough love for Desiree Burch to be excited about this should watch her segment with Daniel Sloss in s01e02 of Roast Battle. Roast Battle is a show that’s mostly shit, and can be enjoyed the same way junk food that’s awful for you can be enjoyed. But every once in a while they pair up two people who are both really good at what they do and have really good chemistry with each other and then the format of Roast Battle can actually bring out the best of that by giving them both a chance to shine a little more than they would on most panel shows, and that can create genuinely good comedy. If you watch Desiree Burch and Daniel Sloss together on that show, it will be impossible not to come out absolutely loving both of those people.

Anyway. That was not supposed to be the point here. The point was Morgana Robinson. She’s the only Taskmaster season 12 contestant who’s still mostly a mystery to me, though she’s now less of a mystery than she was before I watched this As Yet Untitled episode. I know her from the performance she did in dictionary corner on Catsdown, in character as Natalie Cassidy. From reading about her, I got the impression – and she confirmed this on As Yet Untitled – that she does a lot of characters and almost always appears as one of them. So even when she does shows where people normally show up “as self”, like panel shows, she’s used to being in character. Meaning we may get something from her on Taskmaster like what we’ve seen from actors who’ve been on in the past, like Katherine Parkinson or Sian Gibson. People who aren’t used to genuinely playing themselves on television.

Morgana Robinson was also really good in this episode, made me really enjoy s06e08 of As Yet Untitled, and look forward even more to season 12 of Taskmaster. She was consistently charming. Talented with he ability to move into and out of impressions, and even more impressively, managed to show off this talent in a way that seemed natural and not annoying. Earnest and sort of weird in a way that works great on panel shows. Basically, it looks like Taskmaster season 12 was cast incredibly well.

The takeaway is that s06e08 was one of my favourite episodes so far of As Yet Untitled. Great episode of a great show. I’m still so impressed with how lovely the format of As Yet Untitled is, and how perfect Alan Davies is as a host for that format.