#wish it was summer already
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Working hard! also i miss my cat
(no reposts; reblogs appreciated)
#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#original art#doodle#ironic bc i doodled this in between assignments so clearly i wasn't working that hard#can you tell i wish it was autumn already#like summer is nice but PLEASE#the sun is unbearable and my campus does not have enough trees#oh and apparently my cat has been acting up at home#and not in a cute way#like i have friends who say their cats sit on their beds or something bc they miss them#but no#zuko has been refusing to get his nails cut#and hiding under beds#i was like#that's rough buddy
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... why he sit like this
#in this position his face is extremely 'cartoon cat' shaped.. like the perfectly round cheeks and little#rounded bump of a snout.. big round eyes. etc. stretched over the arm of a chair like a weirdo#cats#It's still Hot Evil Summer time and I have so much to do so am just aimlessly hopping between various projects but not actually#getting anything done. as usual. Also so so so so tired. I almost fell asleep in the middle of the floor like 3 times today lol#Trying to finish some costume photos and also another poll adventure thing. plus I do really want to do a sculpture sometime#I haven't finished one in a while. Hopefully my tiredness is nothing bad.#Maybe I'm anemic again so that's making me tired. Or maybe it's just a Listless phase. not that I'm ever really THAT productive considering#all of the health problems and etc. always holding me back. but still. I'm not usually 'sleep or just stare at a wall literally all day' ty#e unproductive.. at least not for multiple days in a row so. hmm... Sometimes especially in the summer though I will have periods of time#that are listless like that. I am under low level phyiscal stress for months at a time due to summer heat so I guess it makes sense#that would eventually take a toll. I just have SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO!!!!! AAUUGhhh#I also came up with a new idea for a game that is so so cool and I wish I could make it but I have to finish the other one first lol#which I will NEVER do. if I spend all day just sleepy unfocused barely able to do anything#I also really need to sell some clothes and sculptures because I'll probably have to buy a new computer soon so I need money. (plus still#recovering the costs of having to euthanize my other cat.. wehh) There's nothing clearly wrong with it right now but it's getting gradually#slower and there's more weird glitches happening randomly and idk.. just weird things that make me think 'hmm... bad.. possibly.'#ANYWAY... I just have so much to do that I both REALLY want or need to do - so it's perpetually frustrating that I just can't for whatever#reason like. Time is always mving forward. every day I waste is a wasted day. The year is already almost half over. I havent finished#any of the projects I wanted to .. and there's only more and more things to do each day. It's overwhelming and stinky#and thats not even considering having to do all of my tasks also with the background noise of economic inequality. everything increasingly#going into an even scarier political direction. active climate change crisis. pandemic that still exists and is insane to act otherwise. et#etc. HOW am I supposed to solo make two whole games . write 3 book series. finish sculptures. do costumes. make outfits. game videos. make#stable network of social connections. do my little side crafts. take care of myself and cats. pay rent. manage health issues. keep a routin#.try to make some sort of money. go to doctors appointments. handle regular maintenance like cleaning and cooking and self care#and buying new plates when old ones break or etc. make sure to do other things like backup my computer data regularly. do shopping lists.#take care of plants. pursue like 6 different academic interests. do the other side side projects I have for fun (like music or carving avoc#ado pits). eat in a healthy way thats okay for my Special Health Issue diet. exercise so i don't die early. etc. etc. etc. AND all while it#82F in my apartment all the time and I have tiny income and also need to move to another country/climate somehow??? lol......#ANYWAY.. ..very frustrated today over my chronic Tired Sleepy.. time for Cat Photos - which cure all of life's ailments lol
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Can I see the Holladay sprites of Mokdai
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He takes so much after Will omg
Hugo is a family sim and he rolled great kisser as his new trait, so the romance aspiration part of this family might've had some impact on him too. Welcome to teenhood, baby!
#ts2#ts2 gameplay#the sims 2#the sims 2 gameplay#sims 2#sims 2 gameplay#foxfire forest#playing foxfire forest#sim bio#hugo howl#yep i kept the outfit#moslty because it's fitting#partly because gosh i wish it'd be fall already#foxfire's long summer and my dislike for summerwear don't go well together lol
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yippeeee the dices
#this dice collection is so pretty but i’m giving most of it to my friends…#ive been playing dnd or pathfinder with this group for literal years and i’ve like spent so much time with them LOL#and i’m finally seeing some of them this summer#so this is the gift. i still have to get a set for the dm but like i think i’ve already spent ~200 on the dice here so im like oh my god#but im like fuck it lmao they have given me so much happiness lol 😭#also since im already typing i was listening to one of the celebs from my hometown and sometimes it hits me how strange it is#tht i am vaguely interested in this man even though i literally like saw him for 5 seconds#he is like so incredibly famous#i know like 90% of people experience this but it does annoy me so much that i treat famous ppl diff in my brain differently even tho ik#they just want to be treated like normal people lmao 😭#i think its bc my brain goes ‘oh theyre so loved i wish that were me!’ even tho theyre not really experiencing love#w the masses of ppl online#i have a headache from all the plum wine i drank but plum wine is soooo tasty guys#idk what they put in it#probably plum but wow it is so good. lol 😭#i think i will let this headache go away for a little and then go to bed. gn everyone 🐈🐈
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You will be deeply missed, Ansu 😔😭💔
#i wish him all the best at brighton 🫶🏻#next summer he will already be back to his home 🤞🏻❤️#i‘m gonna miss pedri/ansu time though 😭💔#pedri#pedri gonzalez#ansu fati
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crazy how i can be so stressed and upset and then suddenly i remember that *I* am in control of my emotions and then i can physically breathe the stress out of me and i’m fine.
#like. is my situation still stressful? absolutely.#but was i gaining anything from being paralyzed from stress while LYING IN BED after already doing everything i could for today? No.#my feelings WERE valid - but they were not serving me - they were hurting me - so i stopped them#which is a thing! that it is within my power to do!#i really wish i had always known that…#pulled myself out of a suicidal panic spiral over the summer by remembering that i could stop it#and like. not gonna lie. it IS because i read Meditations :/#i need to reread the parts i dog-eared again… i think it will settle me down#because i am doing Really Not Good right now#i NEED these classes to be over and next semester to be kinder to me#those are my two requests :((#please :((#suicide mention //#(i’m fine i’m fine it’s okay don’t worry)
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my first and last summer ☀️
#no thank you!!!#nty#haru nty#fanart#his first and last summer and he spends it fucking his coworkers :’) how beautiful#i finished this game a week ago and i already miss it and i miss haru#and his awe and wonder at glimpses of a normal life so different from what he’s used to#he deserves a thousand more happy summers :(#i wish we got more of his backstory but oh well!#when he disappeared from the title screen my heart disappeared too
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actually really incredibly unhappy with where i am in life right now lol
#i need to go somewhere i need to move somewhere. pray that doing an exchange for this degree works out for me. god friends of mine are#starting masters already. i just wish i had more options than this one fucking university when i finished school. just. unhappy with a few#aspects of my life right now. and the summer depression has set in. fuuck :|#oh well next year working and studying and saving up to fucking get outta hereeee#shut up ulrike
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It feels like Rules of Engagement as a series, but especially book 3, was specifically made for me because it’s about two of my favorite things — travel and weddings. And getting to replay it while I’m in the process of planning my own wedding is so much fun 😍
#choices roe#choices rules of engagement#choices#choices stories you play#playchoices#the only thing is that I wish wedding planning was as simple as saying I want this and not having to worry about the cost irl 😞#MC really has it made#and then she’s gonna turn around and go on a honeymoon after already being on a cruise vacation for the whole summer#what a life#choices app
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That sad realization that not only did the undiagnosed autism lead to me not realizing my "friends" were actually bullying me the whole time I knew them but I was also unintentionally doing something similar to neurotypical friends because I didn't understand how we thought differently
#i just want yall to know that when i first wrote undiagnosed my phone autocortected that to undigested so. yeah#you heard it hear folks. autism is undigestable. thats why we all got tummy problems#anyway this is why is struggling with communication and maintaining relationships is a symptom#although my relationships always seem fine to *me* because im oblivious as fuck#and this is why autism questionnaires need to be phrased differently#alsp yeah. thinking about that one time i went to a summer camp and i joked about a girl in mine and my friends dorm#who was sleep talking that night. and one of the counselors immediately shamed me for bullying#like we were all there and awake. everyone already knew and laughed so i assumrd it was funny#but then suddenly *I* was being mean...? i understand more now but i wish someone explained it to me more gently#why did everyone laugh it was mean? i thought they laughed because it was funny#still dont understand why people laugh if something is hurtful. i didnt want to insult the girl either#i considered us friends and i was just trying to include her in the conversation#it was still not ok though...#theres another time that comes to mind when i said matter of factly that my sister was a liar#in front of her boyfriend who then very aggressively silenced me#i didnt understand why you would lie if you cant accept being a liar#it wasnt meant as an insult it was meant as the truth#but maybe if it was insulting she should stop lying#idk it was really weird#maybe this is why i didnt realize people where insulting me#because to them they were picking on me#but to me they were either stating a fact or falsely accusing me#i get embarrassed too of course but only because its whats expected of me#that makes me feel scared and inferior and alone. and thats what embarrassment feels like for me#it feels like everyone is unforgivingly looking at me with a magnifying glass
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#there’s just something so graphic about these lines#scuba diving in the wishing well…wishing on already-wished coins#desperation leading you to scrounge for anything and everything#deserts are where the skies are the clearest#but also where the weather is the most extreme#you’ve lead me to the most intolerable place on earth just so i can look up at the night sky and think of you#jsbdjshshd#eternal summer#spispeaks#fall out boy#fob#and also#pax am days
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staff week at camp has been so lovely! butterflies and ladybugs and old friends and new friends... looking for four-leaf clovers in the grass... helping serve lunches and getting a chocolate bar for a special job well done... old memories held dear and new ones being welcomed in with open arms... oh golly, it's just splendid!! happy day!!! :D
#melonposting#i already know my co-counselors and today at orientation we're gonna meet some of our campers! yay!!#i love love love my camp <3 i wish i could be here all year-round!!#in other news i've made good progress on my butterfly museum in animal crossing!!#i already have every species of butterfly and moth in the game arranged#and i have a few of flick's models too#i have a monarch model and an emperor butterfly model and a rajah brooke birdwing model#and a huge queen alexandra's birdwing model!#and just the other day i got my huge atlas moth model!!! wowza!!!!#it's all very exciting! this summer has gotten off to a great start :]
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Feel free to skip on past this, I’ve just gotta ramble for a minute bc i cant stop thinking about this kid from work last week. They were so much like me at that age (5-6th grade) that I didn’t know how to interact with them? I didn’t know what to say to them bc I don’t know what I needed to hear back then, what I would’ve WANTED to hear? What would I have even listened to? They were almost entirely silent and looked out at the world with a hesitant curiosity, but would pull back so fast as soon as you tried to interact w them. Little to no eye contact, face hidden in hair, always looking down, following others until they could strike off on their own and just quietly explore. Intently focusing on drawing any chance they got. We did an art project and they hunched over their piece the entire time and wouldn’t let any of us see it in progress, refusing to look up or acknowledge us if we asked to see it or to know what it was. Idk. I barely interacted w them while they were with us for those few days bc I didn’t know how? It almost hurt to try? It was like looking back into a time machine and i didn’t know how to tell them that it does get better,,, I still don’t even know if where I am is better, some days feel so unsure that I don’t think I’ve made any progress at all. But seeing that kid, idk. I’ve come pretty far. And it DOES get better. Maybe it’s not the best now, or even that great at all, but it’s better. I wish I could’ve told them but I don’t think they’d have wanted to hear it anyway
#im a rambling sam#I’m in a weird place again since getting here for this season of work#idk maybe I’ve been in a weird place all year probably#I don’t think I’m that far from where I was at that age but I know I am there’s just still so much further to go#one day I think it’ll feel easier but maybe not today#I do love working w kids but I’m considering going into horticulture instead of outdoor education bc I don’t know if I can handle this#I can#but god I don’t know#in my heart I’m still that exact kid and she’s still in there so damn anxious and unsure and needing to observe the world and everyone in it#just to get some sense of understanding of just what the fuck is going on around here#but by the time I’ve gotten a good handle on what is going on everything is already so set in place and my place is outside the system and I#I don’t know how to step into it#sorry sorry I’m still rambling I’m having a weird day I probably just haven’t eaten nearly enough in the last few days and I’m about to#start teaching on my own this week which is terrifying and I can’t stop thinking abt that damn kid I wish they stayed longer I think#we probably would’ve gotten along#but groups only come here for a couple days and then go home which is v weird after having the same kids for 3 weeks for summer camp#idk life gets better and it gets worse and sometimes u grow into the world a little more but there’s still a mute child in your ribcage#little hands pressed up against ur ribs like laying a palm against a bus window#I put my hand over my sternum as if we could press our hands together thru time#when I was that age I used to pretend to have someone around me like an imaginary friend but usually it was a book character that I liked#and I’d talk to myself in my head like having a conversation and giving myself motivation and assurances from someone else to me#and now I’m here and I still talk to myself like that but without the imagined friend as a buffer I just talk to myself in my head#now I’m the imaginary friend for the little Sam that lives in my chest#when I talk to myself I’m talking to her#I’m giving her the assurance she needed back then#the assurance I still need now#I am here for her so I am here for myself#this is getting poetically nonsensical maybe it’s time for bed
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uh oh guys, it’s bad (has come up with a new paper girls fic idea)
#paper girls#i wish i could churn out fics like i used to but damn am i so busy#and is it so hard to write sometimes#i could make this fic like. just a really long one shot instead of multichap#but also that would still take time#and i also already have so many wips to work on 😣#anyways the girls go to kj’s family’s beach house one summer as teens#shenanigans ensue#mac avoids drinking for once and they’re all freaking out as to why#erin crushes hard on a neighbour boy who keeps seeing them at the beach#tiff has a panic attack about how next year is senior year or junior year or whatever#and she’s scared she won’t get into college#kj is determined to come out to the rest of the girls this go around#it could be like the beach in avatar#excellent episode#everyone deserves a beach episode that changes their life
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