#with her father figure played by corey dorris

[confoodles]

If I had a nickel for every time Mariah played a character that was incredibly attached to their phone to the point of putting themselves/others in harm's way because of it, I'd have 3 nickels which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened 3 times.

[screechingkingdomhottub]

Black people I am amazingly thankful for

This is supposed to be like a list of black people that helped make my childhood and adulthood awesome. This is not supposed to take away from any situation that is happening, that’s not my intention. I just wanna celebrate some people.  Now, in no particular order.  1. Phill Lewis aka Mr Moseby, this man is amazing. He was of course in Suite Life of Zack and Cody and Suite Life On Deck. He played the manager of the hotel, could have easily been written as a throwaway character, token black guy but no. They made this man have the finest suits, have a feminine side that he is very in touch with and smooth about(the baseball game scene where he says “I was the only guy in a room filled with girls” or something along those lines is awesome), on that note a wonderful dancer and singer. But most importantly, he was like a father figure to so many characters, most notably London and Nia but also to Zack, Cody, Maddie sometimes. That was a series I could gush about all day, especially the episode about Hugh Mulzac and how the education system suppresses black stories in history, like if that came out today people would call it “sjw bullshit” but I loved that growing up and I still love it, I’m rewatching it right now. So I’m beyond thankful for Phill Lewis, also he was in Heathers which no one credits enough and I like Heathers.  2. Corey Dorris from Team Starkid, I love starkid and there’s memes on my blog about them. They are all so incredibly talented and make musical theatre accessible and just wow I love them so much. My favourite performance of Corey Dorris is in their most recent production Black Friday, whilst his role isn’t amazingly huge, his performance is. Please listen to Our Doors Are Open from Black Friday, that song feels like your listening to how honey tastes.  3. James Tolbert from Team Starkid, so here’s the thing bout James, he’s rather new to Starkid but he’s somehow able to do choreography, acting, singing and dancing(I know it comes under choreography but this man can DANCE). Absolutely incredible. Please watch Black Friday to understand what I��m talking about.  4. Britney Coleman from Starkid honestly okay she can sing amazingly, like she plays Bellatrix in the AVPM series and oh wow she’s incredible. Like listen to When you have to go all the way home from a very potter senior year. Her voice is the most powerful I’ve ever heard. It’s so beautiful and would not be the same without her.  I’m beginning to think this might go into a different theme if I just consistently mention starkid actors but I do love all of starkid and I could gush about all of them but I feel like a video someone else made sums it up better:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jzfngJ7AnU here you go, please watch that, show them all some love.  5. Will Smith, James Avery, Janet Hubert, Alfonso Ribeiro, Karyn Parsons, Tatyana M. Ali, Joseph Marcell, Daphne Maxwell Reid, Ross Bagley aka the cast of the fresh prince of bel-air. Excellent show, I loved it growing up and still love it now. I remember seeing Will play basketball when I was a kid and just feeling a sorta calling to it and that actually helped me with my depression during high school. The fact that the star of the show, someone who I looked up to when I was little, now has a family that defends each other as strongly as they are right now makes me so happy and proud? almost? But of course the show itself was amazing, brought up important issues and there’s more than just Will involved so I’m thankful for them all.  6. Living Colour - they did the song Cult of Personality which is an amazing anthem of a song with both an epic guitar solo and badass political statement. Whilst it’s only really that song I like by them, they’re the ones to thank for it. So I’m thankful for them. Lowkey think that song should get the same amount of praise as stuff like American Idiot by Green Day or The Anthem by Good Charlotte just a thought.  7. Snoop Dogg...which yes I know sounds weird considering how anti drugs and anti marijuana I am but he did a song with Big Time Rush and a whole christmas special with them. It’s takes a really awesome guy to simultaneously be a well established rapper and to go collab with a nickelodeon boyband so his daughter thinks he’s cool. Like that man is excellent for that.  8. Mercedes Justine Kaestner-Varnado aka Sasha Banks, so I used to be really into wrestling. Really really into WWE and it will always hold a special place in my heart. But this woman has truly revolutionised the company for so many reasons. Most of the time women’s wrestling was eh not for the wrestling and it was sad. There’s also not a lot of black wrestlers that make it very far, so much so that I struggle to remember who they are a lot of the time. But Sasha Banks somehow managed to become and remain a successful wrestler who is taking seriously and earns championships and has amazing matches. She’s also related to Snoop Dogg but that’s not the only thing about her which makes her even more iconic like please stan her and support her she’s incredible.  9. Itzkeisha on youtube which is a much more recent one but I respect someone who can build herself up with genuine talent and passion and use the platform to help people and speak out against stuff and actually researches things that not a lot of people are talking about that also need help.  10. George Floyd. Tragically, police brutality and racism isn’t new. I was in denial about it in the past and I’m sure many were as well. He should not have died and please do not take this as me saying that. However, he is a martyr and more people are listening now, there’s more being done now. His death has lead to a lot and will lead to even more. We’ll get justice for him and all the other victims of murder. Police brutality is murder.  Hopefully obviously these names aren’t the only black people that I admire or respect but these are names that I want people to recognise more. I want to celebrate black people right now, so if there’s a black kid or teenager or adult even reading this please know that although things are scary, and you should be careful, it’s not your destiny to be killed by a cop. You can do great things, here’s a list of people that are also black that have done great things to prove it to you. And even if you’re not successful or your talents aren’t recognised, I still think you’re worth something. I’m white, may have said some wrong things here, if anyone wants me to change anything or correct myself of some stuff please let me know!

[oh-theatre]

Sycamore High: The Tale of 3 Boys (Chapter 7)

A/N: Alternatively named angst fest. Anyway, this is where things start getting serious, so please, please read/check the warnings before every chapter!! Writing is fun, stories and creating is fun, and reading is fun, but it should never ever cause harm. So please read the warnings. 

summary: Bill returns home after an exhausting day, Ted has something he needs to tell his mom, and Emma finally learns the full story.

words: 2,396

warnings: Death mention, implied child abuse, child abuse mention, anxiety, negative thoughts, swearing, angst

Ao3 link

“Dad! I'm home!” Bill called through the house. He heard some shuffles upstairs and figured his dad was in his study. He went to his room and placed his things in their proper area. I should work on my homework, He thought. 

Why? That snide voice rang through his head. He cringed at the thought. Don't answer it, just focus. He opened his agenda and started planning how he would go through his work that evening. Start with the hard stuff, get that out of the way, end with the easier work. Bill nodded content, sounds like a plan.

Nothing you do matters

“Hey, kiddo!” Bill sighed and looked up to see his father standing in his doorway “Sorry, I was in a meeting, how was school” Bill pondered whether or not he should inform his father of the events that had transpired at school today. Today, Bill decided, was not a good day for either of them so he decided that was a conversation for another time.

“It was adequate, nothing much happened” Bill said “I apologize for being late, traffic” He explained. He was always much more formal around his father. It wasn't required and it wasn't too much of a change from his language around his friends but it was there. His father nodded slowly, he was always good at telling when something was wrong, but he decided not to push his son. Not today, at least.

“Ok well… I should return to my work” He said jokingly copying his son's formality, Bill gave a polite chuckle “I know it isn't what it used to be but, happy anniversary kiddo” He whispered lovingly to his son, Bill felt his shoulders drop. He nodded, he couldn't do this again, he was exhausted. His father stared amount before perking up again “Anyway! We lo-” They both held their breath “I love you Bill” He quickly left the room leaving Bill to return to his work. 

~~~~

Deep breaths, Ted thought. He stood in the doorway to his kitchen watching his mother cook. She hadn't noticed him, humming lightly to the music that played. Ted watched with a smile, why couldn't I be more like her? He watched for a little longer before deciding it was now or never. Why am I so nervous? Ted thought she's my mom, she's loved me my entire life.

But what if this changes that? 

There it was, the thought Ted’s heart ached at. The ‘what if’ of it all, his mouth felt dry. He couldn't swallow, he couldn't move. Just do it, Ted thought like Shia LaBeouf would say. 

Way to reference an outdated meme Ted

Shut up...Me?

Ted shook his head, he's going crazy. He set his things down creating a small noise, his mother turned smiled brightly at the sight of her son. She went to wash her hands and pause her music, ushering him to sit down.

“How was class?” She asked once they had both taken their seats, Ted clenched his fists and felt the sweat dripping from his forehead. “Ted… are you alright?” His mother asked worriedly. 

Great, now you've gone and made her worried. Could you be any more of a failure?

“Ted?” He looked up and the thought disappeared. He took a deep breath and looked at his mom in the eyes. 

“Ok, so girls” He managed. Oh someone give this guy a medal, Ted sat dumbfounded. Really? That's how you want this to go? She's going to think you want the sex talk. 

“Um, girls?” She asked, her brows furrowed “Oh! You- talk? Seeeex?” Like mother, like son, Ted supposed. He shook his head furiously.

“No… No sorry” He searched for the best way to phrase this “I like girls” He began stating the obvious, his mother simply nodded assuming there was more to his statement. “I have always liked girls, and I still do… like girls” If you say girls one more time, Ted thought. “But… um recently- Well not recently- I started… I” He rambled, he kicked himself under the table.

Get it together, man!

“A while ago, I discovered some new- No… um... When I met Bill- No I” He bit his lip in frustration, his mother stared at him shocked and confused. She reached out her hand offering comfort. He pulled away rapidly and slammed his fist onto the table. “I LIKE BOYS TOO” He shouted. Well, that works...I guess. He looked away afraid for what came next, prepared for yelling. He racked his brain for an answer to what he expected to come next. ‘You're a disappointment’ or ‘How fast can you get the hell out of my house?’. He felt a warm body kneel in front of him, he shut his eyes hard, so hard it hurt. A hand was placed on his, he curled in further hoping it wouldn't hurt as much. He prepared for a blow… or a belt or… or-

“Ted” Everything went silent, the thoughts stopped, the room stood still. “Ted, will you please look at me” Her soft voice whispered. Ted hesitated before slowly regaining his posture. He sat a little straighter, still hunching out of shame. He looked at his mother, he felt wet tears burn his eyes as they fell onto his cheeks. She smiled sadly at his demeanor and slowly lifted her hand to his face. He cringed prepared for her hand to fly across but was met with a soft gesture. She wiped his tears away holding his face, he couldn't help but melt into it. “Ted honey… It's ok” She said, he stayed quiet but his mind raced. 

Is it ok? Are you lying? Are you going to try and… ‘fix me’?

“It's ok as long as…” Oh god here it comes, Ted panicked. “As long as you are still the Ted I raised you to be” She told him, still smiling. Ted paused, he recognized that… Ted groaned annoyed.

“You watch too much Greys Anatomy” He told his mother, she laughed, Ted joining soon after. “But… really? It's ok?” He asked quietly

“Of course it is! Sure it will take time to get used too, for you too” She noted, Ted agreed “But that's life, and as long as you are still my son” She said “Who I love very much” She added, he smiled eternally grateful in that moment. “Then I don't care who you bring home, or crush on, or kiss” She paused “I'm still going to be exceedingly over-protective and grill them for hours on end” She bopped his nose, something she used to do when he was a child. “To make sure that they, whoever they might be, are perfect for my son” She claimed, Ted rolled his eyes fondly “So… you like boys and girls?” She asked he laughed softly wiping his eyes.

“I like boys and girls” He claimed, he felt taken aback. The words sat comfortably on his tongue like they just fit there. He beamed confidently nodding at himself, he really was lucky huh?

“What the hell did you just say?” A low voice growled. Ok maybe not so lucky, He thought, panic set in at the sound of knuckles cracking.

~~~~

“Hey! Sorry, I'm late!” Paul exclaimed walking towards Emma. She sat in a chair, her work spread out in front of her, she looked up from her phone and smiled at Paul. “I promise I have an actual excuse this time” He half-joked sitting down next to her. She waved him off and put her whole attention towards him.

“It's fine really, hows Bill?” She asked concerned. Paul arranged his things out onto the table, to parallel Emma.

“He's better now, just exhausted. We took him home and got stuck in some pretty nasty traffic so…” Paul explained trailing off. He had learned how to cut himself off by now, he tended to ramble.

“That's good” She said expecting to feel relieved but she swallowed tasting guilt “I'm really sorry… about everything” 

“No no… don't be! I should have explained something before you sat with us, Ted shouldn't have gone off on you and I should have tried to intervene” He explained “Its just… today is... important, I guess you could say” He continued, Emma looked at him curiously

“Why?” She asked “Ted mentioned an anniversary… or something? Sorry I don't mean to pry…” Falsehood, Emma loved to pry. She cursed herself however seeing the somber look that Paul had taken on.

“It's not really my story to tell but… Bill doesn't like to so…” He thought for a moment. “It used to be a happy day actually” Paul explained, Emma nodded, encouraging him to continue. “Ok well… Bill lost his parents at a really young age” Emma sighed, knowing the pain of losing someone was her specialty. “I mean I guess… he didn't really lose them… They didn't want him so they gave him to an orphanage” Paul recalled, he struggled to remember everything “Anyway, he practically grew up in an orphanage, he was young so he had more of a chance to be… ‘picked’” The word sat uncomfortably on his tongue. “But he ended up being there for… years. Finally though, on this day, Ten years ago he got adopted. He was 5 around the time and this lovely couple Mandy and Corey Dorris took him in. They found out that neither of them could have children so… adoption!” As the story went on Emma could hear the sadness radiate through Pauls's voice. He swallowed nervously “He was really shy, and quiet. His dad- Corey, was a little wary of adopting, but his mother Mandy knew right away. She and Bill just… clicked” Paul looked around, he noticed some eyes on the pair. “ So they took him home, and it was great. Corey got used to Bill and eventually was a lot more comfortable. Bill remained himself, the quiet and shy boy but not in a way that could harm him, ya know? They adopted him around the beginning of summer so he had plenty of time to prepare for school” Paul took a deep breath, Emma couldn't blame him this was a lot “He was smart, really smart so that didn't really phase him too much. That's where Ted and I come in, we met Bill during his first year of school. Ted and I were already friends, we were born in the same week and our mothers met” He shook his head “It was this whole thing, basically we've been friends for a long time” He went on “We were little so we didn't really care much about social groups or cliques we just wanted to play some lego and eat play-doh” Emma laughed, Paul smiled nervously “God I'm dragging this out huh? Anyway, we were friends, we stayed friends. So every year on this day we would celebrate, all three families. It was nice and Bill really enjoyed it…” He trailed off zoning out

“But?” Emma finally chimed in

“But things change” Paul said sadly “Two years ago… Bills mom got really sick. And she… she passed away” Emma felt her jaw drop a small bit, she felt herself exhale. Paul shut his eyes, he didn't want to cry, not now, please. “So we stopped, Bill wanted to stop. We still wanted it to be a happy day so last year, we just got together, Ted and I with Bill for something small… casual” He kept going, his wavering voice slowly stabilized “It was ok but… we dropped it. I think it just hurt too much for him” He stopped, finished. “He has… anxiety… always has. It was really bad when he was little, his mom helped him with it… Ted and I do what we can but ever since his mom…” 

“Oh” Emma said, she processed everything. She, better than anyone, could understand. 

It's not about you though, is it? 

That's not what I meant! Emma claimed, she shook her head and returned to Paul. “So… Ted…?” She asked, allowing the pieces to fall into place

“Is extremely protective over his friends, especially Bill” Paul warned. “I'm not sure what it is, but ever since we were friends… Ted just… he can be a real ass sometimes but-” He laughed “He's an incredible friend” Emma nodded.

“I'm really sorry, I had no idea” She finally said “I make jokes… when I… I make jokes” Great excuse Em. 

“It's ok really, it's just arguments, loud noises, crowds, really anything can set him off” Paul explained, Emma listened taking mental notes, she didn't want to mess up again “I don't want to say be careful of stuff like that. That's not fair to him, to create eggshells around him? But just be...mindful” Paul settled on that word. Emma nodded understanding, understanding so much more than just his anxiety. Understanding more than Paul did, to be honest. Understanding loss. They sat for a while in silence, taking deep breaths. Emma was about to speak up but the table buzzed rapidly. Pauls phone was chiming, he looked down to see message after message from Bill. They just kept coming, his heart started to race as he tried to read them until finally through all the confusion he tapped the call button. He spoke in a low but panicked voice.

“Bill? Is everythi-” He was quickly cut off, Emma could hear a rushed muffled voice through the phone. “Ok... Ok, Bi-” 

Pause

Emma watched as Pauls face dropped into absolute horror. He stood up turning away from her listening carefully to Bill. She stood up and joined his side, not thinking she intertwined her fingers with his and squeezed. 

Pressure 

“Ok...Ok, I'm on my way” He said finally, agony filled his voice. He hung up and stared blankly at the wall before turning towards the table and packing his things in a panicked manner. He finished turning to Emma, his eyes looked at her but… he wasn't really there. “I… I have to… I have to go?” He wasn't sure of anything, he couldn't think. 

“Paul…” Emma started slowly “What's wrong?” She asked. He just gave her an exasperated look, he was confused and scared. He shook his head, his eyes pleaded for help. They stood for what seemed like forever until Paul finally decided what to say

“Its Ted” Was all he could manage. And all he could repeat.