#work until i die alone

[dittolicous]

i think im having my midlife crisis. cuz time is passing so fast and im just... so tired. so tired of spending everyday miserable and stressed and hoping tomorrow will be better, when it never is.

i dont want to have to struggle for another 10 years just to get a simple little home that isnt infested with roaches or has rats in the walls. i want to be able to get up in the morning to drink coffee and watch the news. see kids walking to school. learn to sew. go fishing every now and again. own a car. be able to sleep without fretting over which bill to pay before cutoff.

i. i dont feel like ill ever escape. the community around me doesn't care because im not homeless of suffering enough, because i can still work even if im a husk of a human. because everyone has to work or die. work or die.

ive spent thr last few days pouring over applications, loan possibilities, houses, financial aid, bills, etc. no jobs have reached back to me except scams or ones that are basically downgrades from what i already do. i look and i look and i look, i used that suggested google jobs thing, but all the good jobs are off the island, require 10000 years experience, have no benefits, or are all work that i utterly despise. i dont qualify for loans and make too much for financial aid.

and they always say the same thing. get rid of your pets (as if rehoming is even cheap or easy), get rid of internet, make sacrifises sacrifices and more sacrifices. get up at 4am to wait in food bank lines for old meat, leftover produce, and stale cake. constantly plead to strangers and justify your life. because thats just life! your not allowed to have nice things when youre poor, dont you know? if you do, then thats wasting money and we wont help you. you deserve what you get because happiness comes with money.

i just want out. and i guess jokes on them. if i rehome my pets, well, that would mean id finally be free to off myself. because im sorry to say, but theyre the only thing that holds me back. i hate this world. i wasnt built to survive here. i dont have any passions or drive or... anything.

i dont know why im here. just to suffer and be miserable until im too old and weak to work, to die alibe in a ditch.... i dont have anything worth anything.

and what makes me fucking laugh! is that the last time i went to my psych appointment i was like. i cant do this! im tired of being tired! and they pushed me to try their therapy again and that theyd get a case worker to call me and to think of all things i can change instead of what i cant... i agreed but was open with how i didn't have much faith in the system. how they failed me in the past and that makes me wary.

that was two weeks ago.

case worker never called me. therapist never called me. i cant change anything.

all because of stupid fucking bills and checks and jobs and money because no one deserves to live happy!

ill never escape. ill never have a live worth living. i dont have anyone to go to the movies or amusement parks with, no one who would drop by for coffee and a chat, no one to go to cons with. im just a little icon on a blue website. if i died tomorrow, if my queue ended... no one would mourn me not really. no one would cry. because im just broken and incapable of making genuine connections. id just be another quiet blog, a blip in the radar.

[myoonmii]

I think the downright most horrific and brutal detail in the show is that Kilgharrah actually used Merlin to make sure Arthur's death happened with the pretence of protecting him

[bumblingbabooshka]

Why is B’Elanna Torres the cutest girl in the world?

[crimeronan]

customer in an affluent suburb with fuckoff-tall don't-touch-me hedges around his whole-ass house left me a $45 tip on a $30 mcdonalds order last night (MAY have intended $4.50, but doordash covers lost tips, so if it Was a mistake i still make the $45). only noticed after dropping the food that he had both a black lives matter and progress pride flag flying outside his fuckoff-tall don't-touch-me hedges. which immediately changed my entire perspective. dude saved me 2 to 3 more hours of driving income-wise and probably annoys the Everloving Piss out of his affluent suburban HOA-loving neighbors by being loudly obnoxiously leftist and having solidarity with poor people. what a chad

[actual-changeling]

.

[clonerightsagenda]

The goddess Hera is jealous. (Or at least described as such. I think it’s pretty reasonable to be annoyed that your husband keeps chasing after everything under the sun, even if she punishes the wrong people for it.) Hera the AI doesn’t have a lot of opportunities to be jealous, but she’s insecure, dislikes being left out, and is resentful of the others’ ability to leave her behind, so I think she’d be a natural. My brother is the family cat’s favorite, and the first time he came home from college with his partner our cat was furious and sulked in front of the door every time they were in a room together. I can see Hera reacting similarly. Dominik is trying to catch up with his wife while a powerful superintelligence broods overhead about it. She tells him not to worry about it but he’s kind of intimidated.

[boyswanna-be-her]

My mom told me to get a real job today and that's not even the shittiest thing she's said or done this evening so you can imagine things are going cool and normal with us

[quietwingsinthesky]

so many of even's worse decisions are motivated by not being left alone.

[illmoraineakoi]

Everyone out here giving Hollow cute moth partners, or pretty mantises or bees or whatnot.

Fuck that, where's the AU where Hollow falls in love with a massive feral Wyrm?

[petergabrielyuri]

Nandor had many freak moments this episode but the part when Marwa said "I agree with my husband" and he snarkily said "What a surprise" literally made my blood boil like you brainwashed her and now you're mad about it??!?!

[dirt-str1der]

Btw shinada is by far one of my favorite yakuza character, i think he is one of the very few characters that got an actual decent closure

Yeah ...... it didnt un-ruin his life but like it was satisfying at least .... but his whole story arc was crazy (in a good way) like god ...

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

i think it would be a lot easier to examine the morality and effectiveness of setrákus' cause (spoiler alert: It's Bad), and the irl worldviews/rhetoric it's critiquing, if the books came out and acknowledged that the entity:

a) is working from the exact same fundamental principles, just glowier and prettier and has Nicer Neighborhoods about it, and ultimately gets away with it, and

b) in its own right is just plain fucking evil

[laptoparmageddon]

Still haven't been paid by IHSS. You know, the people I've been working for since September. Guess I'll never afford anything ever again and just die.

[niallandtommo]

.

[isoflurane]

I really never want to be in love again

[gayforcarstairsgirls]

Help I accidentally ended up on radfem Tumblr I need to go wash my eyes out with soap