#working on staying sober

[sillylittleenby]

Hey yall gonna very intentionally take a break from social media rn, so ill see you in a bit

[ciderspunk2077]

JOHNNY CALLING ME OUT FOR DRINKING TOO MUCH AT A CORPO PARTY

[lacefuneral]

you know disco elysium is a good game because i'm willing to play through the exact same plot and side quests and puzzles over and over and over again. not to solve a murder mystery but because i'm fascinated with trying out alternate universe versions of harry du bois

what if he was a centrist honor cop that is also an outspoken feminist that chainsmokes. what if he was a sloppy sloppy party boy drunk doing every drug he sees, and he thinks the world is going to end. what if he was a horribly bigoted fascist - how does he exist in this world with a gay partner of color, how does he reconcile his white supremacist beliefs with that of measurehead's black supremacist beliefs (which he ends up adopting)? what if he was an outspoken communist bisexual that actively hates being a police officer at every single step and is going to resign the second the game ends, and he's been sober the entire time? what if he has 1 in every skill and spends his entire time crying, throwing up, apologizing, and passing out.

and also... do any of these men know their own name? what do they prioritize, in terms of memory recall? how do they choose to dress and present themselves to the world? does he shave? why or why not?

if they all pick the same dialogue option, are they saying it and meaning it in the same way? our protagonist is not voiced. he could be sincere, sarcastic, bitter, manic, bureaucratic, empathetic.

it's such a good study in people and ideology. regardless of beliefs, all of my characters have taken bribes. they've helped the union leader. they cozy up to the ultraliberal. even the cop trying to be the most Ethical. the most Fuck The Police. ends up abusing his own power. ends up killing people. ends up stealing. invades privacy. because its what is dictated by the job. by the narrative.

when you try to be apolitical, you still do all of those things. and, in fact, if you're apolitical enough you can abandon martinaise entirely and you get assassinated by the moralintern for Knowing Too Much about the pale.

if you play a communist you still have dros at the end telling you that you're not a real communist because you haven't fought for revolution. you're a wannabe

if you play a fascist dros even tells you that you're not a real fascist because you haven't enacted enough fascist violence. you're a wannabe

if you're a liberal you're shielding the fascists

you cannot be "a good guy" in disco elysium and you cannot "win." a "good" ending is getting recruited back to the force, and you can still manage to do that if you don't drink and kim is by your side. you can be brutal and awful and violent to everyone and everything. and they let you back.

even "good cops" cannot choose to resign. you must be kicked out of the force. which you do by hurting yourself and letting others get hurt

you can only resign if you take enough Morale Damage that you abandon not just the force but the entire community. and you get a game over screen

man. this fucking game....

[angelnumber27]

looking back i have healed and improved emotionally and just overall SOOOOOO much in the past couple years

[tryckthebard]

I've been struggling so much to write lately, I'm pretty sure it's because of some family drama that's been causing stress the past few weeks. About to go no-contact with some nosy ass cousins who can't mind their own fucking business and are trying to trash talk me to other family now.

[flowercrowngods]

god they’re all. snorting lines. i think i deserve a treat for staying clean and sober at this point

[mellotronmkll]

Sorry talking about alcohol abuse in this post but I know im far from the first person to experience this but it sucks how all the periods of my life when im doing the best socially are when my drinking is completely out of control and then when I do stop drinking my social life falters because I completely rely on alcohol to socialize and I'm comically completely inept at it when I'm sober and it seems like it shouldn't be that big of a deal but it is. Like it feels like my options are just say fuck it and let myself be dependent on alcohol and have friends or not be an alcoholic and have no friends and be scared of leaving my house. Whatever lol

[hollowfairybabybat]

ive said it recently but ill say it again god do i want h rn n i can actually b trusted with it rn i just want the little break it gives my brain

[egoborderline]

Indefinite hiatus

[teethpaste]

I forgot how fun it is to just go on dates

Had a great dinner, got all touchy at a show. Heard some ghost stories. Made out in this guys truck and then he walked me in and I told him I only wanted to makeout and he was like Omg yeah of course? And then we made out for literally 2 hours lmao I got the pg 13 evening of my dreamz

He’s 6’5 and I had to stand on my tippy toes and also HE PICKED ME UP wtf like i was sitting on top of him and he grabbed me around my ass and literally lifted me up????? I am a big bitch like I’m 5’10 and I’ve never felt so little it ruled hahahahaha

fun second date with him. Goodnight

[jakeperalta]

saw on instagram that a bunch of people are actively shipping camila and eddie and hoping they end up together in the show and I know everyone has different opinions but I am just baffled

[thegeminisage]

mom last night: we don't have anything to do tomorrow me last night: cool i can go to bed early then and have tomorrow to catch up on my me time mom this morning: it's one of the last pretty warm days of the season...let's do [outdoor chore] and [outdoor chore]

[joyridingmp3]

boss just sat me down and basically asked what's wrong with me again

[born-to-lose]

Had three shots of schnapps and 0.25 l of vodka last night and two more shots of liqueur now, this is a bad weekend for my liver

[alcohol-eyes]

.

[fingertipsmp3]

Like one of the side effects of my new pills is vivid and strange dreams, but idk how I would tell if I was experiencing that particular effect because my subconscious regularly sends me to the shadow realm anyway