#so yeah.. it was weird but not the weirdest or the most vivid

[symbioticsimplicity]

Tumblr, I have like...the weirdest question to ask you all. And I don't exactly know how to phrase it.

What...no, I think where exists the sexual being threshold for clowns?

See yeah no I don't know how to ask this, let's--

Here, visuals can only help us:

Here we've got these guys. They have all the classical halmarks of being a clown. Colorful face paint, big red nose, off-putting clashing outfit, the works. On most people's Sexy Meter or whatever, they're rating pretty low. Might even hit creepy for some folk.

But then we've got like, I dunno, this fuckin dude:

Definitely still a clown, and creepy as all hell arguably. But. BUT. There are plenty of people who want to fuck him, I know it, I've seen the fan art.

Could be the monsterfuckers I hear you say. You're probably right, but that's not the only flavor of clown I see folks wanting to get freaky with.

I think I've figured out my actual question now, the pictures helped.

How many clown traits can something have and still be sexy? And which ones are they??? And just maybe, what the fuck is it about a handful of clown traits that makes people lose their shit???

So. We have a baseline. Normal ass Bozo lookin headass clowns.

Now, lets shuffle to the far side of this horrible, horrible scale I need to make.

I would be remiss not to mention her for a question like this:

Arguably Harley has the least amount of clown traits while still being associated HEAVILY with clowns. Previous iterations of her have leaned harder into the clown theme, although she's more of a jester but fuck it same circus.

Regardless of her clown genus, Harley is arguably the best example of the Clown Sexiness cross over bullshit I'm talking about. She was also built with the intention of making her sexually appealing and she happens to have the least actual clown traits.

Now is that...related??

Recently I've been watching a lot of Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss (which is probably what triggered this whole clown sexualization crisis nonsense). There are a LOT of characters in that series who resemble clowns heavily and are also still considered to be sexy.

On the lower end of the clown scale we have:

The Morningstars. Both Charlie and Lucifer’s faces resemble clown makeup strongly enough to immediately make one think of clowns. Lucifer is dressed like a fucking ringmaster and both of them are very silly MOST of the time. They're both considered attractive.

But then you've got these bitches:

They are VERY clown. Pretty sure they're based on clownfish even. They SING about being clowns.

Still hot!

But Symbi, I hear you groan, they're traditionally attractive women, of course people think they're hot. That's why. It overides the clown. That's it.

EXPLAIN. HIM.

This fucking dude is AGGRESSIVELY clown. He probably has the highest quotient of clown traits of the regular Helluva Boss cast. He's a weird little gremlin and I KNOW people want to fuck him real bad.

Is it because they've minimized the obtrusiveness of the clown? Moved away from the traditional and into stylization and thus transcended the barriers of clown? Is it cause they're all skinny and white?

I'd probably pack it up there with that as an explanation if I hadn't had to sit through THIS FUCKING DUDE taking over my dash for weeks:

I don't know a goddamn thing about One Piece but I know everyone was so fucking horny about this clown for...just a long ass while.

Now HE has even more prominent clown traits than anyone since Pennywise tbh. He's serving classic clown cunt like he's the last circus in Clown Town. Surely he should have been in the same camp as the baseline guys.

And yet. AND YET my very vivid memory of the fever dream that was watching a chunk of the internet simp for him tells me that's not the case.

So. Where the FUCK is the line?? Where do we stop wanting to fuck clowns? Why do we START wanting to fuck clowns?? Where in the god bedamned hell do ICP fall on this... clown fuckery scale. Please don't answer that one.

I don't know the answers to any of it. I just noticed that people find it sexy when people do the big lipstick with the points at the corners and that shit looks like stylized clown makeup. Now I'm drowning in clowns and questions.

Help.

[alien-hybreed]

THE CHIMERA

James keeps having nightmares. Every night, he wakes at the same time. Every night he dreams the same dream. Every night, James dreams of the spaceship and his alien captors. He dreams of being experimented on, injected with chemicals and hypnotised into having sex with his roommate.

Which is silly. James never liked Kelly. At least not like that. But... is he starting to? And why is he getting the impression Kelly is also having trouble sleeping?

Their dreams couldn't possibly be real... could they?

James woke with a start, sweating dripping from his forehead as he sat Bolt upright in his bed. It was pitch black save for the red glow of the numbers on his alarm clock reading 2:34 am. The house was completely silent, the bedroom curtains were completely still despite the open window. Wiping his forehead, he tried to remember the vivid nightmare that had woken him.

It was already escaping him, as dreams often do. He could remember the chill of cold steel on his back, waking up to see strange inhuman silhouettes looming over him. He could remember needles, his flesh prickling as he watched them slide effortlessly into his forearms. He could remember tubes, some pumping blood from him while others fed a bright green liquid into his arms. One even fed the mysterious liquid into a strange sheath clasped over his cock which still felt rock hard despite how much he willed it not to. He remembered seeing his roommate, Kelly, there as well, her naked body lying prone on a table next to him while the inhuman silhouettes gently slid similar needles and tubes into her. Like James, Kelly seemed unable to move, staring vacantly ad she was probed and inspected. Bright yellow, pink and blue lights strobed in and outvof focus. James tried to scream as a thick, meaty tube descended onto Kelly's face only to find himself gagging as similar tube smothered his face and slid down his throat. That was when he woke.

Lying back down, he felt cold and clammy. The feat he felt in his nightmare still lingering so strongly as his heart thundered in his chest. Closing his eyes, James tried to think of happier things and get back to sleep as quick as possible...

* * *

"Heya!" Chirped Kelly as she wandered into the kitchen in one of her oversized sweaters that went down to her knees and little else. James gave a mumbled greeting in return as he continued munching his cereal and looking at his phone. He liked Kelly, in the sense that he liked living with her. She paid her share, always on time. She rarely bothered him, he rarely bothered her, neither of them were morning people, neither of them travelled in the same circles. It made things easy. She was also a little messy and unkempt. Always wearing baggy clothes, her hair a frizzy mess. She couldn't be further from James' Type, so the temptation to be attracted to her - simply wasn't there. The same went for Kelly. She preferred smaller, quiet boys. Not a boisterous extrovert like James.

Although, as Kelly stood on tipping toes to reach her cereal in the cupboard, James couldn't help but notice she actually had really nice legs...

"Sleep well?" She asked, loudly crunching the cereal as she pulled handfuls of it straight from the box.

"Not really, no..." murmured James

"Neither!" Proclaimed Kelly through a mouthful of half chewed cereal.

"I mean no surprise. Between the weather being weird and all that stuff in the news. I keep having the weirdest nightmares" She continued. James perked up at that.

"Yeah... I had a really weird one too..." James said looking up at her, how had he never noticed how warm the brown in Kelly's eyes was?

"I don't really remember it, but it really spooked me" he offered. This was half true. He'd forgotten most of it except for the sight of Kelly lying naked on the operating table. He couldn't help but wonder if she really looked like that, but she didn't need to know that.

"Well yeah man, people all over saying they're seeing spy satellites or UFOs, course our brains are gonna make it... weird" Replied Kelly with a nervous laugh as her eyes slowly made their way up and down James body, lingering on his waist...

"Anyway. Game day today, I gotta get online. Try to have a good one man!" She said as she hurried from the room. But not without one last glance at James over her shoulder. James nearly panicked when she did, surely she must have glimpsed him staring at her legs. He could almost swear he saw a smile tug at the corner of her lips as she vanished into her room...

* * *

The remainder of the day passed by uneventfully. James went to work and tried to look busy. His co-workers kept talking about spy satellites and weather balloon sightings in the news. Chelsea from accounts kept insisting it was aliens and that the ufo's were welcome to get her away from this planet any time. Everyone told Chelsea she was a weirdo. Typical work day.

James went home, didn't see Kelly at again, ate his dinner, watched some inane reality shows and washed up before collapsing into bed. All day he'd felt lethargic and the moment his head hit the pillow, he was out like a light until he sat up with a gasp at 2:34 am once again. His bedsheets were soaked and his chest heaved. He'd had the nightmare again. The pink, blue and yellow lights flickered across his vision as the silhouettes loomed once more. Kelly writhed and convulsed on the table beside him, moaning as she slowly pulled her clothes off, her face emotionless and her stare vacant as she did. There were needles, tubes, more meaty appendages slithering around and over them both. James realised he was moaning too as his body convulsed, the meaty tube in his throat pulsing as the silhouettes gently lowered Kelly onto his lap as the nightmare abruptly ended.

Again, his cock was hard against his will and his body soaked in sweat. Looking as closely as he could in the gloom, James could make out thick streaks of white gunk on his shaft. Had that nightmare somehow become a wet dream? Embarrassed and feeling gross, he was about to get up when he saw the hallway light go on through the crack around his door. He heard running water and rather than risk bumping into Kelly, he curled up into a ball and went back to sleep.

* * *

That morning, like the day before, Kelly shuffled into the kitchen and began shovelling handfuls of cereal into her mouth. It seemed she'd woken up with quite the appetite, so had James who was on his third bowl of cereal.

"Still not sleeping well?" Murmured Kelly, gesturing to the bags under James' eyes.

"About as well as you?" He replied, clearly noticing hers. Kelly blushed.

"I'm... I mean it's not all bad. I'm fine. I'll be fine." She said with a weak grin as she noticed James glance at her chest. To his surprise, she hadn't zipped today's oversize hoodie all the way up and there was a generous amount of cleavage showing.

"I... should. I should go?" Sputtered James as he tried not to think about his nightmare and how accurate his dream of a naked Kelly seemed to be.

"Just... sing out if you need anything yeah?" He said as he ducked out the door in a hurry. Kelly leaned back against the counter and bit her lip as she thought to herself, I might just do that...

* * *

Like the day before it, work was a drag. The conversations may as well be the same and James spent most of the day being restless and unproductive. All the while munching as many free cookies as he could snatch from the lunch room. No matter what he did all day his appetite seemed insatiable.

When he got home, he was surprised to find Kelly curled up on the lounge with her laptop. The most surprising part was that instead if her oversized hoodie and track pants, she was wearing a low-cut tee shirt and shorts. They greeted one another warmly and made awkward small talk about how unseasonably warm it was.

When James tried to excuse himself, saying he was starving, Kelly piped up that she was too and maybe they could split a pizza or three. They ended up ordering four and each had two to themselves. Laughing and giggling at one another as they did. It almost seemed a shame to call it a night there, but they were both exhausted. As they wished one another a good night, they awkwardly moved to hug one another but settled for a wave goodbye. James almost forgot his worries as he drifted off to sleep, thinking about how surprisingly cool his roommate was and that it had taken this long to realise it...

* * *

The nightmare came again, more vivid than the last. The bright flashing lights searing pink, purple, blue and green dots into his vision as he moaned and thrashed, stripping himself for the silhouettes looming over him. He perched on hands and knees as the tubes, both organic and metallic slithered all around and over his body. He paid them no heel as he watched Kelly with an intense unblinking stare. She was sitting on her knees on the table across from him, moaning and leaning into the tendrils as they slithered around her.

The whole time, she stared blankly into James' eyes, massaging her tits and fingering her slit as she did. The lights continued to flash and swirling clouds of green and pink liquid coursed through the tubes and into both their naked bodies. Then just like the night before, James abruptly woke up at 2:34 am. The bathroom light was on again, so he stayed put until he was asleep again - ignoring the fact that he'd gone to bed wearing clothes and had woke up naked...

* * *

That morning Kelly was already sitting at the table when James came into the kitchen. Again, she was wearing her leggings and an even tighter, hot pink tee shirt. James couldn't remember why but he thought bright pink looked great on her and he told her as much. Kelly fidgeted and blushed, telling him the bright blue shirt he had picked out was a good look too. James could feel the instinctive tug imploring him to make some sort of pass at her. Instead, he stuffed the urge back down and left I'm a hurry but not without Kelly sweetly chirping at him that she'd see him again later.

Another inane work day and more unsatiable hunger was the day in a nutshell for James before he hurried home. Chelsea blathered something at him about alien abductions and he was pretty sure he'd flat out ignored her.

Once he got home, he felt relieved to see Kelly there. Like a huge knot of anxiety inside him had instantly untangled itself. Kelly was wearing a tank top and had her hair in a neat pony tail as she cooked in the kitchen. Frankly, James was surprised she even knew how. Kelly explained since they both seemed so hungry and exhausted of late, she'd resolved to cook up a feast.

"I'm sure I can find a way for you to repay me..." She offered him with a wry smile when he thanked her. James laughed anxiously before excusing himself. He couldn't, he shouldn't. It was the heat and the lack of sleep making him so damn horny. That had to be it...

* * *

The nightmare came again. The bright lights felt near constant as James and Kelly offered themselves up to the silhouettes, moaning and writhing as they were again undressed and attached to the tendrils. Kelly hungrily stared at James' cock as a pair of tendrils stroked it. She chewed and sucked at her forefinger as James sprayed a thick gout of cum onto her, completely indifferent to her warm sticky coating or the tentacles throbbing in her ass and pussy. James caught glimpses of her sucking him off as the tentacles tightened their grip. The pink and green mixture flowed into them both, making their veins glow as he thrust his cock into Kelly doggy-style. And then, like every night before it, he woke with a start at 2:34 am.

* * *

James and Kelly awkwardly shuffled around one another that morning, desperately trying not to stare at one another. James wondered if he was in her dreams and if they were anything like the vivid, surreal nightmares he was having. This morning she had bright purple leggings as well as the tight, bright pink shirt. James was also looking striking in a bright blue short sleeve shirt. He kept catching her staring at his arms and crotch, anxiously biting her lip when she thought he wasn't looking.

Worried he was about to do something impulsive and stupid, James left for work in a hurry without saying a word.

He then spent the better part of his day trying not to be too obvious how much time in the office he was spending on eating. All the while trying to shake a heightened sense of arousal that was practically screaming inside his head. For the first time in his life, he was fantasising about nailing Chelsea hard and fast. Every time she tried to talk to him about aliens, he had to scamper away before anyone could spot the erection growing in his pants. If anything, there was one reason he'd been able to hold the impulse at bay. As beautiful as they were, none of them were Kelly. As he got home that night, he barely glimpsed Kelly as she sprinted off to her room in a blanket without a sound. Looking around the lounge, James could see her clothes and underwear strewn across the ground. His eyes went a little wide when he saw the dildo lying on the couch, still slick from recent use. With a deep breath, his heart beating fast, James rushed to his room and resolved to try and stay up all night. He made it to almost 7:30 before he fell asleep at his desk.

* * *

The bright lights dulled his senses and cleared his thoughts to a handful of basic urges. The strobing pink light made his pupils dilate and his jaw slacken as James relaxed on the cold surface of the table. Kelly moved to straddle him as the needles and tendrils found their way into her naked body once again. Almost like a robot, James reached up to grasp at her large, soft tits while she hungrily kissed and licked at his open mouth. The silhouettes crowded around them as Kelly began to loudly growl and bark, slamming her pelvis down on James' cock.

The next thing he knew, he was in a writhing mass of mechanical and organic tendrils. Sensors wired up to his chest and spine made his skin tingle while a strange helmet was affixed to his head. He could  see he was in some sort of glass tube slowly filling with a warm, syrupy fluid. Outside he could see Kelly squirming amongst tendrils in a similar glass tube that went from floor to ceiling. His vision dazed in and out as the silhouettes took turns crowding around his tube or Kelly's. He was complete immersed in the warm, thick liquid and yet despite the warmth and the throbbing sensation in his cock, James felt nothing.

The bright lights came and went and without him realising it, he was with Kelly on the table again. This time he was on top of her, hips bucking wildly while needles and tubes sticking into his back and arms flooded his body with chemicals that made his veins sting. Kelly moaned in a monotone wail as the tendrils slithered into her as well, the needles gliding effortlessly into her forearms as the large face-hugging tube clasped over her mouth once again. James smiled as he watched it throb and pulse, Kelly's throat bulging with each lump passing down the tendril as it pumped her full of Alien matter.

Kelly shivered and convulsed as her stomach began to glow from within. The flickering lights strobed harder and faster until everything James saw was tinted pink with a seizure inducing flicker of blue, yellow green and purple spliced among it. The tube pulled back from Kelly's face as she wheezed and coughed, thick streams of pink alien slime bubbling up from her throat and oozing over her face as she tried to continue moaning. James could feel his vision fading in and out. As he did, he thought he could see instead of Kelly, a crab or lobster-like creature gyrating against his cock. Horrified, he tried to push it off him with his enormous furry paws. Instead, he felt his hands grip it tighter as he thrust faster until torrents of cum were spurting into and across Kelly's shuddering naked body. James wanted to scream, instead the only sound he made was an orgasmic moan before he woke with a start.

Staring directly at him, was his clock. Somehow, he was naked again. The bathroom light was on. He'd given Kelly a wide berth earlier but figured he could suffer a little awkwardness to get clean. After a dream like that, he felt like he needed it. Throwing a pair of boxers on, he moved for the bathroom - failing to notice his phone on the bed. If he'd taken a moment to check it, he might have noticed the 57 missed calls and messages. Or the fact that it was 3 days since he went to sleep.

Carefully stepping into the bathroom, he could see Kelly hunched over the wash basin. Wearing only thin, black briefs, her naked body smeared with orange, pink and white gunk - she seemed to be sobbing.

"Hey... are you alright?" Whispered James as he tried not to startle her. Kelly whirled around, her arms folded across her chest to try and afford some modesty. James expected her to look startled, frightened or even angry. Instead, she just stared hungrily at his body, her amber eyes roaming his chiselled abs and the bulge in his boxers. Strange, he could have sworn her eyes were brown.

"It's happening to you too!" She gasped, pointing at the streaks of slime on his chest and the tiny red dots where needles had touched him in his nightmares. Her jaw quivered as she spoke.

"Your nightmares... you're dreaming about being abducted... experimented..." She murmured as the horrifying realisation dawned on her.

"The needles? And the tentacles?" Continued James.

"Pumping... filling us... watching us... and then we..." trailed off Kelly with a squeak.

"Fuck" mumbled James.

"Yes" snarled Kelly as her arms snapped to her sides, her face twisting into vicious smile as she stepped back. A nervous chuckle escaping her as James tried to push down the colossal erection trying to spring free from his boxers.

"Sorry I, I don't think they fit, I should" he offered weakly, one last ditch attempt at diffusing what felt inevitable in that moment.

"Maybe you should try me on for size" purred Kelly, her amber eyes sparkling in the low light as she propped herself up on the counter-top. Slowly inching her briefs off as she did. James wasn't even thinking about it, he was just doing, flying on auto pilot as he dived at her waist.

His tongue glided through her slit and dragged across her clit as she shrieked and gripped th e counter as hard as she could. James had performed oral sex on most of his partners before, but something about the near minty tang of Kelly's pussy was out of this world. Hungrily lapping at her with reckless abandon, he began working his way up her slim waist. He was vaguely aware the delicious taste he was licking up was in fact the multicoloured streaks of slime on her body. She threw her head back and moaned loudly when his lips found her nipples and began to tease and pull at them. She ran her hand through his hair, gripping it tightly as she began pressing her body up to his, groaning as his hands and mouth worked at her tits.

In a few short moments, they were staring deeply into each other's eyes as James rested the head of his cock against her entrance.

"I think I fucking love you" he panted

"I love what you've been doing to me" panted Kelly as her legs folded around his waist. "I'd love it if you kept doing it" James went to resume licking her only to have Kelly pull his head back up to hers and kiss him passionately.

"In our dreams, silly" She chuckled "fuck me hard, fuck me real goddam hard"

James needed no further encouragement. His cock was in her, savagely slamming in and out as fast as he could go.

"Yes! Yes! You sexy... fucking... beast!" She shrieked as she clung tightly to him. James could feel his arousal peaking as cum began to flow freely from his cock and into Kelly's vagina. Slowing almost immediately, James looked down to see thick streams of orange cum bubbling out from Kelly's pussy.

The sudden sight of his discoloured cum was enough to snap him out of the lusty haze. He must be sick. Not only did that not look right, he'd just had unprotected sex with his roommate. Frantically pulling out, he stifled a cry when he saw just how impossibly deep his cock had been in her and the bright green veins lining his unusually long shaft. Stumbling back, he didn't even try to pull his boxers up as he tried to leave the room.

"Sorry, I'm sorry, I should go, oh God I'm so sorry he blurted"

Kelly just sat there, head lolling from side to side as her voice croaked in an emotionless monotone. "Don't stop... love me... finish me... don't stop finishing me, James... James... James..." She moaned, her voice following him all the way to his room as he tried to hide and sleep, desperately hoping this might just be a new part of the recurring nightmare. * * *

James didn't sleep well after that. He kept waking up shivering, drenched in sweat,  his muscles screaming in agony. This would last only moments before he passed out from the pain. His fever-addled brain bombarding him with visions of inhuman monsters and Kelly writhing among them in the throes of passion

Waking up, James was surprised that of all days, this was the first time all week he hadn't felt voracious and exhausted. His adrenaline then kicked into overdrive when he checked his phone and saw it was in fact next week already. Not even pausing to think how he might have lost 3 days, James raced to get ready for work. As he game skidding into the kitchen to grab a quick bite for the road, his heart skipped a beat. Kelly was there, sitting on the kitchen table in a long purple dressing gown. "We need to finish what we started, James" She mumbled while staring intently at him. "I haven't slept. I can't stop thinking about us, James" She moaned, her legs slowly spreading apart beneath the robe. "Kelly I can't, I dunno what's happening to us, but I gotta be at work..." his voice trailed off as she slowly opened her robe. Underneath, she was wearing a hot pink push-up bra, a matching G-string and garter belt and fluro pink latex leggings. "Do you like me like this?" She purred as James dropped his phone and briefcase "I remembered I had these and knew I needed you to see me in them..." She groaned, tugging at the G-string. James felt his whole body slacken, as if he was no longer in control.

"It's... it's good..." he moaned as he stepped closer, tearing his shirt as he pulled it off. "You're right... I need this..." he continued, tugging at the belt on his slacks.

Kelly rolled onto her side and smacked the exposed rump of her ass before raising her leg to point at the ceiling.

"Fill me again. Make me yours. Cum in me... breed me..." She huffed and moaned. James gripped her thighs tightly as his naked body drew close to her. Kelly's breath came in heavy, ragged gasps as she stared at James and his unnaturally swollen member.

"I don't know what they did to us... but the more I've thought about it, the more I want it... want you... want more... please fuck me..." pouted Kelly as James pulled the crotch of her G-string to one side. The tip of his cock gently brushed against her exposed slit and Kelly let out a low groan as she stretched out. James noticed a pair of unusually long strands of hair on Kelly's forehead stood up at that, twitching as they grew longer and brighter as they turned a bright green. It wasn't hair, it was a pair of antennae...

"You want me to be your animal?" Groaned James "make me your mindless fuck-beast?" He growled, abandoning any pretence that he wasn't completely, unashamedly into this. Kelly was hot. Kelly was eager. And he wanted nothing more than to feel her insides squeezing at his shaft. So what if she looked different to the roommate he'd known before? So what if they'd been experimented on by aliens? Conditioned to want this? It would feel so good, there was no use denying the impulse any longer.

"You already are..." She growled affectionately as his cock pressed into her vagina, slowly and effortlessly. "My fuck-beeeaast..." She howled as James continued pressing in, at least half of his cock throbbing within her already.

"They made... you... my... fuuuuck! Beast!" She shrieked as James plunged his cock all the way in. Kelly tried to wriggled off the throbbing organ but James held one leg firmly up and braced it against his chest with his left hand while he held her other thigh down on the table with his right hand.

"Mine..." James rasped  completely ignorant to his arm hair turning bright teal and rapidly lengthening. Kelly however, stared in wonder at the thick tufts of teal fur, her eyes glossing over as the colour triggered the response programmed into her by their alien abductors.

"Breeeeed..." She rasped as she unclipped her bra and propped herself up on her elbows to admire her lover. "Love meee, breed meee" She moaned in a monotone voice as her insides began to squirm in the most delightful way. The hard, hot flesh pulsating inside her was stirring feelings she had never thought possible. She wanted to caress that magnificent cock and somehow, it was as if dozens of tiny fingers inside her were doing exactly that. She Groaned as she felt her shoulder blades crack and swell. A momentary lance of pain flared through her back as her new shoulder plates breached the skin and began to extend.

Kelly gleefully hissed as she watched James' body swell. He'd always been a big guy but his legs, torso and arms were all elongating and bulking out. His body builder physique was becoming less defined, instead slabs of muscle like those on a big cat were rippling with every movement. His fur had extended onto his thighs and back. He was looking more and more like thing Kelly had glimpsed in her dreams.

"Yesss... breeeeed meeee... become... my... fuck-beast... and breed meeeee!" She barked as her teeth began to extend. She shrieked as her cheekbones popped our of her skin along with the bridge of her nose and her eye sockets. Everywhere but her chest, mouth and pussy, her bones seemed to be tearing free from her skin and growing like the exoskeleton of a crustacean. She tried to speak as she thrashed from side to side, but only unintelligible moans came out. Her latex stocking began to tear as large bony ridges extended from her shins and thick bristle of coarse green hair began poking out of her calves.

"You're so... so fucking hot. I love you. I love being your beast!" Cried James as his cock erupted inside Kelly. Kelly let out a high pitched keening roar as her hips shuddered. James pulled free with a wet slurp and collapsed backwards. Landing on his back, James let out a long orgasmic moan as his legs began snapping into a dog leg shape. His forearms continued to swell as claws began jutting from his elbows. He stared reverently at his arms, admiring his thick, fluffy coat of teal fur and how powerful his swollen limbs were. The sight of all that blue was driving Kelly wild as she leapt off the table and dived onto James. Her body almost completely sheathed in hot pink carapace now. Her mouth, chin, neck, chest, waist and pussy were still humanoid, though the colour of her exposed flesh was rapidly turning deep purple.

"More..." She moaned as more thick green bristles sprouted from beneath her carapace on her elbows. "Give more... breed..." She snarled as she lowered her pelvis onto James' cock. "Yesss... breed..." She rasped as dozens of tiny mandibles slid out from between her folds and guided the throbbing cock back into her.

"We... we are so far from being done just yet" She gleefully purred as the cock impaled her once again. "Still so much more to have... to be... give me.... more"

James simply smiled up at her, the top half of his face becoming feline in appearance while his lower jaw began to split in half. Yes. He wanted more. He wanted all of this. Letting lose a primal raw, he rose up, spinning Kelly onto her back and slamming his cock into her in one smooth motion. She shrieked and stretched out as her pussy-mandibles clutched at the cock.

"Never stop loving me... never stop breeding..." they both moaned in unison.

"Good beasts oh oh obey ordersss" Rasped Kelly, it was as much a command as it was a mantra "Good beasts obey orders" moaned James in an emotionless monotone. Kelly repeated the mantra with an orgasmic cry three more times, each time raising her pitch and each time James repeated as his cock pressed against her womb. Kelly didn't make it through a fourth repeat when a wave of ecstasy shot through her body. Her orange eyes rolled and her legs squeezed against the feline hindquarters of her fuck-beast as she felt her womb flood with his cum. Kelly tried to mumble praise for her lover as he continued to rut in her, but the ordeal of transforming and this orgasm was simply too much...

* * * When Kelly regained consciousness, she could feel an enormous tongue writhing against her clit. Shuddering and gasping, she looked down to see James, his hands clasped around her thighs while his face pressed firmly against her crotch. Laying back down and letting out a long moan, Kelly ran her hands over the exposed flesh of her chest and up to her chin, stopping at where her exoskeleton sprouted from above her jaw.

James reared up with a cough as his tongue began to split, into halves at first, but them they split as well. The process continued until instead of an open mouth, a dozen navy blue tentacles writhed in its place. Extending until they were each at least twelve inches long, he plunged back down to her crotch. Kelly shrieked with glee as she felt the tendrils slither into her pussy and ass, those that couldn't fit instead coiled around her thighs. She marvelled at how expertly they moved exactly where she wanted them to be, massaging and squeezing precisely where she needed it. She was still continuing to change as well. Her antennae had grown to nearly three feet long, excitedly twitching as she revelled in James' affection. Her shoulders ached as two more pairs of arms rapidly sprouted from them. Vestigial stumps at first, their tips cracking open to let their forearms sprout. Instead of hands forming on the ends of these new limbs, the forearms split apart as they grew into enormous crab-like claws.

James groaned as spikes sprouted along his spine, thin at first before widening into large metallic triangular shapes. His cock seemed to split like his tongue had, giving him two enormous, inhuman cocks throbbing with unnatural vitality.

"Those... I need those..." She growled, staring intently at the cocks, her brain flooding with visions of all the way they could pump her full of the cum she craved. Obediently, James released her crotch from his tendrils and moved into position. Kelly's jaw quivered in anticipation as she stared up at the muscular mass of teal fur looming above her, her eyes glazing over as the alien commands seized her once again.

"Good beasts obey orders..." She rasped in a monotone voice, slowly stroking his furry chest. Unable to speak, James made a sloshing, clicking, purring sound as an affirmation. Kelly didn't care that she had begun to move stiff and robotically, she welcomed it. The conditioning brought her focus and bliss. When she saw her mate and felt the urge to breed trigger her programming, the pain of her transformation washed away until all she could feel was the ecstasy of his cocks gyrating within her. The same was true for James. The sight of his mate's hot pink carapace and bright green bristles filled him with an all consuming arousal. Once she implored him to breed her, he entered a similar trance like state. All that mattered was filling her and the rapturous bliss of the orgasms they would share.

At no point did they notice the clocks ticking over to 2:34 am yet again. The flashing lights outside their windows or the increasingly loud electric hum. They didn't even notice they were no longer in their house but aboard the alien space craft once again. The only thing they paid any heed to, was the way one another hissed and roared as their bodies shook from the force of yet another climax.

* * *

James didn't know how long they had been on the ship. Weeks, months, years... he had no concept of time anymore. He just knew how many offspring he'd sired, fourteen so far. He didn't even think of himself as James anymore. He was simply father. Breeder. As was Kelly. She had stopped talking long ago. Now she was only mate. Mother. Breeder. Every time their masters opened the glass wall separating them, their frenzied lovemaking would resume. She would mount him and drain him or he would happily growl as he pinned her beneath him and pumped her full of his cum.

Occasionally, Kelly's back plates would part, allowing an egg sac to rapidly inflate from her back. It would grow right before their eyes as Kelly would begin to purr, entering a trance like state as she began spinning webs to detach the egg sac into. Shortly after, the egg would hatch and out would step a beautiful, full-grown woman. Humanoid but sporting random features from either of them. Some would have their mother's bristles or crab claws and a much shorter, finer coat of their father's fur. Others looked more human, save for their electric green hair and paws for feet.

Some of them would hiss angrily at their mother, others would try to gently snuggle up to her and suckle upon her breasts. All of them were taken away by the masters. Impossibly thin, elongated bodies with bulbous heads, the seven foot tall, olive green creatures were quick to take the newborns away for analysis. James would snarl protectively, until the lights flashed. Then he would sit obediently as monitors were attached to him, blood samples taken and finally his mate was urged to copulate with him once again.

Sometimes they saw other humans outside their glass cells, in the lab outside. They would come and go as they were tested, conditioned and compelled to mate. James even recognised one, a short ginger-haired girl. Chelsea was the name that came to mind when he watched her getting drilled by her future mate. Her name was Chelsea and even when she wasn't in a trance, she looked ecstatic to be here.

Some time after she stopped appearing in the lab, two new creatures were placed in glass cells of their own that neighboured James and Kelly. An insectoid male that looked like a centipede and a female who seemed to possess a mixture of reptilian and avian features. Her plumage was beautiful and certainly attractive, but she was not James' mate, his bright pink lover was all he desired. Still, both he and his mate enjoyed watching their neighbours fuck and the feeling seemed to be mutual.

They too would periodically spawn offspring. The Lizard bird woman would slowly lay a giant egg that would rapidly hatch and swell. Just like the creations of James and Kelly, those eggs would reveal full grown women, their features a combination of their parents. The alien masters would come to take those too. For what purpose, they did not know, nor did they seem to care. There were others now too. More hybrids like them in the glass holding cells. All breeding without a care in the world. Good. Thought James as he clutched Kelly's ass and spread her open once again. All we need is to breed. Nothing else matters. Breed. Breed and obey.

If he still had a mouth, he would smile as his cocks slid into Kelly once again. Time to breed.

[silvermoon424]

"Man, I've had the weirdest, most vivid dreams for years now, so strange haha"

*randomly looks up Seroquel side effects, a medication I've been on for depression for years*

"....oh"

What's even funnier is that I MUST have read this somewhere before because in my dream a few days ago someone was like "Yeah, Seroquel gives you weird dreams" and I was like "oh, that must be why I'm having a weird dream right now!"

The human subconscious is so fucking weird

[defensivelee]

I have had the WEIRDEST dream... not that I'm complaining and you'll see why in a sec. I think for this dream i was my wasp-human-like OC named Andrena, if you don't know her story it's basically that she goes around different time periods and universes to change their history with her husband, but she usually doesn't stick around to see HOW she changed it. that's for other people to live through. when she goes to the 17th century, which is when presumably the dream was, she dresses up as a man. so that's how I was, which was... weirdly affirming.

anyway, the whole story is under the cut, in which I give William III a concussion (??). disclaimer I would not do any of this irl my mind was just acting up... but it was kinda fun ngl

there was some kind of situation going on with the king, I don't remember exactly what it was, but I remember the fucking way my heart JUMPED at hearing that there was a king. logically Andrena would have known that there was one and that was why she was here, but the me inside of her was like OH SHIT??? SHIT??? WELL WHO IS IT??

it was William! I still don't know exactly how I came to know that, I think I caught a glimpse of him walking by with a few others following him. I tell you seeing him in the flesh (obv in my head and all) hit some kinda way

much of that from there is kind of a weird blur, I think it was night, and I just walked around the place, might have been a palace, but it was weirdly dark and confining so it didn't feel like one. shadows were EVERYWHERE, and I noticed this weird one with wings that the moon's light fell through and antennae....that was me!!! it was such a thrill to find LMAO

then William walked past, this time alone, and what I remember most abt that was that he was yawning. and I was like YES and I follow him, asking him how was his day and all that, trying to make conversation, and the way my heart is just SNAPPING bc he seems rlly annoyed. maybe not with me, idk what it is, but yeah he was rlly brief with his answers, so I get annoyed too. I remember thinking, in this weird completely uncharacteristic way for me but I suppose characteristic for Andrena, that Kowloon (her husband) wouldn't have waited this long.

so I just kinda wiggle my tail (which I didn't even notice I had up until then!!) and then pounce at him, fucking pin his arms behind him and cover his mouth with my hand. that was the most vivid part, I distinctly remember the warm breaths from his nose hitting my hand, how uneven they were, how they quickened when he realized what was happening. another thing I noticed was that he was noticeably smaller than me....I think irl I'm about his height but Andrena is actually pretty tall, so it was weird seeing the height difference!! I remember thinking that this would be easy, then.

he struggled like a real BITCH in my arms, glaring back at me with just the most beautiful expression of defiance I've ever seen, and I just started laughing bc I was so happy. idk why. i pin him to the wall and I laugh even harder at the fierce way hes looking at me, and I start asking him "waar is zij, baby, waar is zij?" that means 'where is she.' I think I was referring to Mary, and tbh idk if she was dead at this time or if she just wasn't there. but yeah it made him even angrier, he thrashed around like crazy, and I was like, "awww" and laughing bc idk. it was funny to me or maybe to Andrena idk irl I would not have the balls to do this I promise. and I kept saying "het is goed" (which may or may not be influenced by smth I read once, HMM.) to him while I flicked the stinger in my tail out and OUGHHH. the fear in his eyes when he saw it. it was beautiful. I could feel his mouth trying to open under my hand but I just dug my claws in (Andrena has claws yes next question) and warned him to shut up.

so I sting him in his thigh, and he makes this sweet little grunt bc hi it probably hurts and his body jolts for a second there. but this BITCH keeps on fighting, trying to kick out at me, so I sting him a few more times, and he kinda starts slowing down, his eyes get ADORABLY blinky and sleepy, and I was like "awwhaha see you're prettier when you're quiet" and he STILL attempts to glare at me. I sting him one last time and then start slamming his head against the wall repeatedly, and fuck man it sounded like it HURT. like I remember being slightly alarmed but having no intention of stopping, not until he stopped moving. he gave me this fun little ditzy look, like he was confused or exhausted or rlly in pain I'm not sure, and I kinda bring him closer to me so he falls limp against me and I say "there's just a king across the water that really wants you dead, do you know him? yesss I think you know him"

which like. holy shit it fits perfectly well with Andrena's story bc she's canonically a Jacobite. so good on my brain for being consistent!

then I lifted him up in my arms, he was REALLY fucking light, and I was like. I need to go show my husband

AND THEN I WOKE UP!! which was so disappointing bc I was rlly looking forward to manhandling him while he was conked out :(( but well I can't complain... I got my whumpy dream with him and it got pretty far

[captaindamianos]

Artist asks 🥰 Could you answer 3, 17, 21 and 24 for me?? Or just any of these you feel like answering ❤️

THANK YOU SWEETIE 🥰 God, this is going to be interesting. 😂

(Also really sorry for the delay with the answer, a lot of things got in the way unfortunately.)

3. Least favourite things to draw?

Groups of people (everything above 3), children (they're hard to draw 😭), pictures with a lot of details (I love them, and god do I wish I had the patience, but like one third of the way through them I'm ready to throw hands). If you ever see me do something detailed or with a more extensive background, I probably cried and despaired a lot along the way. So yeah, backgrounds sometimes, when the background wasn't there to begin with and supposed to aid the picture somehow.

17. What inspires you?

Nature, landscapes, art in general, visiting museums, getting out of the rutt and going literally anywhere, seeing anything I don’t see daily. Sometimes people’s fanfictions or stories are really inspiring, I’ve also been inspired by music. Movies and tv shows as well, but it can also be the most random thing. Last year I saw patches of flowers next to fields in Denmark while driving through. And I still have this really vivid picture in my head because of it that i definitely want to still put on paper.

21. Weirdest thing you've ever drawn?

I honestly don’t think I’ve ever drawn anything too weird? If you don’t count having no real concept of dimensional drawing or how anatomy actually works. I’m so easily embarrassed by what I’m drawing, that I’m too scared to draw and share anything embarrasing/weird. 

Though now that I’m thinking about it, it might be this. I’m full of regret both in regards of how much time I spent on it and how it turned out, also that it was for probably one of my favourite fics in this fandom and it’s just not good. 

24. How do you deal with artblock?

Usually artblock deals with me. 🥲 Seriously though, I think in the past I wasn't good dealing with it and wouldn't draw for weeks, months or years sometimes, which wasn't helpful because I never really developed a good workflow to fall back on.

I think I've managed to let go of some of the fear of failure when it comes to drawing itself now, that always held me back. Even when I'm not in the mood for it, I sit myself down and draw anyway. If I have no idea I look for a reference and just do gesture drawinga/studies. Just to keep myself in the process of drawing at least once or twice a week. I haven't dealt with major artblock in the past year. I get frustrated occasionally when nothing looks right, but I just try to push myself through it. Not everything you make has to be a masterpiece anyway. Sometimes it's just about doing the thing.

[psychelis-new]

Hey, Lys. I’d love ask about this dream that I had recently.

So the dream opens with this scene, I’m in a room with another person and it seems that I’m attempting to communicate with them. The reason why I say attempting is because we’re both wearing these mask-like gadgets that are covering( more like restraining) our entire face so they prevent us from seeing and talking properly and it seemed to me that we were being watched. From this scene alone, I got the impression that we were being controlled in this environment. In another scene, I’m alone this time and I’m in a kitchen. A guy opens the door and he warms me about my mic and alluding to the fact that I’m being listened to by some people ( honestly I don’t remember this part clearly but it ties with I was saying about being monitored).

Fast forward to the most important scene (and the most vivid) in my opinion. I’m taken ( more like dragged) into this room, by ‘the people’ and this is when things start getting weird.

First of all, the gadget thingy is removed from my face and even though I feel this sense of relief, I notice that my sight is so bad, I can barely see the people in front of me. There’s three people: a young boy, a middle-aged woman and a man. This is when I realise that the woman was the mastermind of it all. She was asking all sorts of questions that made it look obvious that I was there because of her. You know what’s the weirdest part of it all? Is that by the time they took me in that room, I was no longer me, I was in the body of a very old man. I also remember me saying something like “I’m a 93 years old man, if you let me go, I’ll take care of my eyes myself”.

This is the most vivid dream that I’ve had to date. In fact, even after my eyes opened, for some reason, I was still thinking that I was on that floor, in that room, at the mercy of those people. What I understood from the dream is that I was basically being held captive and it was because of them that my eyesight got that bad in the first place. But what really got me curious was how I turned into an elderly person.

Last year, I had a dream where I saw an elderly man crying tears of joy. He was crying because he miraculously got his sight back. When I had this dream I was confused because at first I saw a young person who then turned into this old man and I was wondering how did this happen but also, why am I dreaming of this in the first place.

And now it’s happened again in a way. I wonder if they’re somehow connected because these are the only times where I’ve had a dream where an elderly man and his eyesight were the topic.

I’m sorry if this was long. if I have to be honest, it even got me wondering if had astro travelled somewhere, maybe another dimension even. It was that insane.

Thank you for your time !

Hello! (nice new avatar!) Dw, the more accurate you write, the more I get to understand too (since I cannot know what is really going on in your life and how you're experiencing it, this helps me get more infos to help you).

I honestly don't think you astro travelled: I just think your mind used a bunch of signs to make you think and give you some kind of message about what you're undergoing now, and maybe what you were undergoing too when you had the other dream... Yeah there may be a connection between the two dreams, somehow: it's also not unusual to "remember" dreams we had in the past and continue them or move on from where we left them with the infos we had there (I guess it's our unconscious mind being stuck on that unreceived message from our conscious mind, but ofc I may be wrong). Let's go step by step anyway.

First thing here to me is that you're feeling restricted and unable to really communicate yourself to others the way you'd like to. I think there's fear of being judged or attacked/hurt, and so you just want to shield yourself and protect yourself from this possible harm. And this makes it hard for you to really say what you want and show your true self, despite you desperately want to. Maybe you need to build boundaries? Maybe you feel like you cannot do something or you feel controlled too, even in/with those that are considered safe environments/people. You may feel unsafe and need to be hypervigilant to "save yourself". I think you're trying to find your voice and let it be heard freely and help yourself or nurture yourself through this, make yourself be seen and heard, but at times it may be overwhelming and it may still give you anxiety. There may be something you're not considering, could be a perspective over this matter, or maybe it's all a trigger that comes from a past experience but it's not some real impending issue at the moment (despite it doesn't feel so ofc, which is normal).

Yeah it could be something from your childhood that is resurfacing (something you have not considered or avoided), maybe it's just self doubts and feeling vulnerable, not feeling enough as you've been judged a lot and you're restricting yourself to prevent this to happen again... something that your unconscious wanted you to notice in this dream, even if maybe you're pretending to not listen cause actually you're okay and you know better, you don't need that (the old man being "hey who you think you're talking with, I'm 93! I know lot of things I don't need your bs!" could also be plain self defense ofc cause now you've grown up and indeed you learned your lessons but I mean, the first impression I got is that it feels like you're closing off/avoiding to see another side of those lessons -or even refusing to get *self* help about them- out of possible past hurt... like I feel like you're avoiding going deeper somewhere because it hurts to check it "and there's nothing else you need to know/learn/see about it there, you have already done/seen it all". But no matter how old we are, there's always something more to learn, imo. Ofc I understand your feelings, but if there's something that is blocking you from feeling better with yourself, from learning how to free yourself from these restrictions, maybe it's worth trying to listen to the message and look at it again and better... at your time and pace ofc). Not to mention angel number 93 is also about self discovery and healing, not just enlightment. So, not a random number at all.

I think the dream you had last year, was going to the opposite way: the younger person was gaining age/wisdom (and happiness/freedom) from opening their eyes to things that were going on in their life, without closing off from them. By being well balanced emotionally and making positive steady progress. I guess that was a first sign about all this for you (maybe you need to confront what you were doing back then versus now to get more infos on how to preceed?). But probably this days things are a little more hectic/stressing for you so you got this lucid dream (it's very normal to experience lucid dreams -where everything feels so very real- when we are particularly stressed or during specific moon phases that influece our chart in particular, and to leave them and still feel as we're still in those dreams).

All the best, take care<3

[mr-lancers-english-class]

The Roommate

Chapter 2: The Eldritch Latte

ao3

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Two weeks into classes, and Jay had barely gotten another word out of his roommate.

Jay’s own life had gotten hectic, sure, but it wasn’t unreasonable. He was taking four intro classes that had thus far amounted to reviewing what he’d learned in high school and/or what he’d researched on his own time and one hellish writing class with the weirdest teacher he had ever had the misfortune to encounter. He had tried joining the Ghost Hunter’s of Amity club, but had quit after the second meeting when the club president had gone on a fifteen minute tirade about how ghosts were evil scum that deserved to burn in hell and every single other member had agreed wholeheartedly. Jay knew he wasn’t always the most socially adept, but even he could spot a toxic environment as bad as that. The field of ghost research was so biased and naive as is, he didn’t want to play any part in keeping it that way. He’d ended up stumbling upon a debate and lit club on his way home from that particularly disastrous meeting that had been going pretty well, so small victories and all that. But for as much as he still had on his plate, Danny’s life was so much more.

Jay barely ever saw the guy, much less had time to stop and chat. Danny seemed to be taking like seven or eight classes, he was probably working at least a part time job that didn’t seem to pay too well, his sleep schedule was all shades of fucked if it existed at all, and Jay could have sworn he’d woken up at three in the morning to Danny crawling in through their window at least twice. He wasn’t a hundred percent certain about that last one, in part because Jay knew he had a tendency to have very vivid dreams and in part because their room was on the fourth fucking floor , but he was like ninety percent sure.

In fact, and Jay had to laugh at the hilarity of this whole situation, he had spoken more with the weird cyber-emo guy who probably lived in their dorm building and definitely took way too much advantage of the coffee machines in the communal kitchen in the basement than he had spoken with his own roommate.

They had met a week and a half into classes, when Jay had been up at two in the morning because he’d been watching an eight hour video about a TV show he used to watch with his sister when he’d suddenly remembered the five page first draft due in nine hours. He’d left his dorm room devoid of human life to take a stretch and try to whip up something resembling a latte before subjecting himself to the hell that was trying to parse out what the professor wanted. The espresso had been half done brewing when a loud thump sounded through the room. Jay spun fast enough to make himself dizzy, and as he grabbed for the counter to keep himself from falling, he found himself looking at the guy he would come to mentally dub Caffeine Dude.

That first time, Caffeine Dude was the source of the thump. As Jay tried to make his brain work enough to process the scene in front of him, Caffeine Dude began to pull himself up from where he had tripped face-first onto the ugly fake tile of the kitchen. Or maybe fallen off his chair, Jay couldn’t say. Either way, he was sporting a nasty shiner around his right eye that seemed to be tinted green in the pathetic light of the street lamp outside the window because Jay hadn’t cared enough to actually turn a light on inside.

“Yo, dude, you good? I didn’t see you there when I came in.” Jay got his bearings enough to extend his hand out and help Caffeine Dude up to standing. “Sorry for waking you, I gotta write a paper and I didn’t notice you when I came in.” Caffeine Dude made it up to his feet, and laughed a little as he dusted himself off. The laugh felt tight, but who was Jay to judge? It was late enough that time wasn’t real and he was ready to pretend that this had never happened if that was what Caffeine Dude needed for his dignity.

“Yeah, no, I’m good. Just, startled me a bit. Not normally anyone else down here at this time of morning.”

“Not morning yet.” At Caffeine Dude’s confused look, Jay continued to talk as he sized the guy up. “Morning doesn't happen till at least three thirty.”

Caffeine Dude was weird . Like, weird by college standards, which were some pretty fucked up standards anyway. He had bright white hair, so white Jay could have sworn it was glowing. That also could have been the sleep deprivation, but he was too tired to care. He was wearing a funky-looking jumpsuit made of some black rubbery material with white gloves and boots, and he had a band logo or something like it emblazoned across his chest in white as well. Caffeine Dude’s eyes were an electric green, almost like the color of that one soda that Jay couldn’t think of the name of right then but gave him both a pounding headache and the ability to fistfight God and win. 

“Interesting philosophy, I guess.”

“Hmm, yeah. Makes me feel better about when I stay up too late. Want any coffee?” Jay turned away from Caffeine Dude to finish up his latte-to-be. “I know we just met, but dude if you’re falling asleep in the dorm kitchen I think you need more hot bean juice than I do which is saying something, and I’ve been told I make a mean latte- well, not really, it’s not actually a good latte, but it’s a strong latte and I think that’s more important than being good, so do you want one?” Jay finished adding the instant coffee to his own espresso shots and looked back at Caffeine Dude.

Caffeine Dude just stared at him. 

“I’ll take that as a yes?” When he didn’t get any response beyond a slight tilt of the head, Jay went back to the espresso machine and set it up for three more shots. “One eldritch latte, coming right up.” Caffeine Dude didn’t say anything.

When Jay finished making the energy concoction, he set it on the table in front of Caffeine Dude, grabbed his own drink, mumbled “good night”, and went back to his dorm. The paper wasn’t going to write itself, for as much as he would have liked it to.

An hour later, Danny entered the dorm room through the main door. Jay nodded in his direction with a hum. Had he been a little less tired, he might have noticed Danny nodding back.

[mikyouknow]

Please! Rewatch the quiz! I need something to remind me that that actually happened.

I still vividly remember that day. Going out on a chill bike ride with my two best friends for the first time in months. Sitting in the cool grass. Having a picknick. Not too hot out, nice weather. AND THEN I GET HOME TO THE ABSOLUTEL SHITSHOW THAT HAPPENED THAT DAY! Because what the HELL even was that, I still haven't processed anything. My mind keeps erasing that memory until some days the it just hits me square in the face and knocks me out 😀

So yeah! I would love it if you talked more about it, might help to cope a bit xD

Okay anon you motivated me, you were my Final push, I’m Doing it ! 🗣

Also I love that story tho you really have a Vivid memory connected to this whole thing and I’m living for it 😂 you were just having a nice day and then Boom, all this mess 💀

But aight so I’m Watching it rn and will be taking notes Live as I watch Here we go:

My first thoughts is, when Dream decides to do the quiz, he seems so like, confident? And then as soon as he reads the description, his voice falters at ‘and now things are changing’ and I’m Dead 💀 his confidence from two seconds prior in that moment goes like 📉 then cue flustered laugh lmao

“Do you ever catch yourself staring at your bff?” Dream’s flustered laugh and being all like “these questions are gonna be so weird” uhhhhh dude what are you expecting you’re taking a are you in love with your best friend quiz 💀

HES SO DEFENSIVE ON THIS ONE LIKE- he keeps wanting to make excuses aww drema aww 😭 it’s okay !! George is pretty we Understand you staring king 😌

Like legit that’s the first question and he’s already so flustered and- MY GOD GEORGE HASNT SAID A THING I JUST REALIZED WAIT HOLD ON I NEED TO GO BACK-

Two scoffs. That’s it 🧍‍♀️

GEORGE JSJWNSOWNEEJEN HES NOT SAYING ANYTHING IM DYING WHAT

Even when Dream first goes ‘aight imma take the am I in love w my best friend test’ George is SILENT 💀

Listen- listen, I’m having a moment over this cause I don’t remember him being silent from the start I thought it was like a slow descent into him just going silent eventually, BUT NO he’s just Silent from the moment the quiz is brought up 💀 but gives like a slight scoff when Dream’s voice wavered at “changing” like he’s very much Listening, just being So silent.

I just can’t wrap my head around how he doesn’t answer any of Dream’s comments, Dream keeps being like ‘right? Like that’s normal, right? Like that’s not weird. Right?’ And George is just SILENT 💀

“Do you get jealous if he or she has a bf or gf” LMAO THIS QUESTION MY BELOVED

His answer is so weird I will die on this hill.

ALSO GEORGE S P E A K S for the first time in the quiz 😭🗣 but not much, he says ‘but’, cause, yk, they both know he do get jealous so.

Which, again. Weird as hell. Imma say it, I’ve never felt jealous of my best friend getting a partner like what ???? W h a t

But ofc when they’re so clingy on each other, like a partner would take the others place because they pretty much have each other in that spot already, so it makes sense huh

And that’s not platonic btw I wanna make that clear LMAO

I think the points of which George laughs are interesting. And there’s something interesting to his laugh too. I don’t see his face lighting up with it, if that makes sense. It’s like a, I wouldn’t say ‘nervous’ laugh but, I struggle to find a better word for it 🤔

AYO MY MANS DREAM SAYS I DONT KNOW TO IF HE GETS BUTTERFLIES FROM GEORGE I- 💀

THATS NOT AN I DONT KNOW QUESTION KING

EITHER YOU DO OR YOU DONT AND YOU KNOW IF YOU DO OR DONT LIKE W H A T

I have to sit with this one for a second like . What ? 🧍‍♀️

Butterflies.

I’ve never. In my life. Like.

That’s not- you can’t say you don’t know- THAT MEANS LIKE-

Dear lord.

Aight I’m moving on (not actually imma be awake thinking about this later. Not by choice, absolutely not. This just won’t leave my brain unfortunately.)

Hang on. George says something here when Dream says ‘I have no idea’ but I can’t tell what he’s saying ? Like he mumbles something whilst Dream starts talking at the same time and I can’t make it out and I wanna know what he says 💀🗣

I Think he says ‘what do you mean you have no idea?’ Which like, YEAH, you Should question him on that king 🧍‍♀️ but it’s interesting how quiet he is, like he barely pushes the question, and this is like the second ?? Time he’s spoken so far. 🧍‍♀️

Also Listen to how flustered Dream sounds my god💀

This quiz never should’ve happened what’s Wrong with him like is he this blind ?? Did he Really think taking this quiz was gonna end well ?? 💀

“TecHniCally🥴”

“My future is your future”

I feel like we’ve talked abt these LMAO such Romantic phrasing my god

Again him going ‘right?’ And George is Dead Silent 💀

It’s interesting, like I’ve reached the ‘dreams’ question now, and it’s hitting now and throughout this quiz how, Dream is Loudly deflective, but George is silently deflective. If that makes sense? Like he’s choosing not to speak so his words can’t be thrown back at him cause he Knows if he speaks it’ll be obvious. Whilst Dream over explains and fucks himself over p much lmao. They’re both just a mess around this subject 💀

“How would You be in my dream” is such a funny sentence from George LMAO he’s so defensive 💀 like even I have had dreams abt Dream, like you’re his Best Friend, ofc you have dreams abt him my guy 💀 deflecting it is so weird. So Weird

“I’ve never hugged you” Sad hours 😔

It’s interesting here. Cause they speak abt the whole ‘do you go out of your way for this person’ and Dream is stuck on if he should say ‘more than anyone else I know’ or not. Which, there’s ofc observations to be had here as well.

But ! What I found interesting here was how George goes onto say ‘you made me pay you’ when Dream says he edited his video for him. And how George keeps the ‘lie’ going for a very short bit before laughing slightly, by god he sounds so.. different? Like when he usually makes little lies to troll or stuff like that, he’s much more extra and keeps the bit going and- idk how to explain it but the tone of his voice is usually way different. Here he seems to, idk, struggle to keep that up. His laugh is also just like, somewhat toneless?

LMAO The MOMENT Dream got the question ‘what do you think abt their laugh’ George’s laugh Stops. 💀

“Do you ever think abt what it would be like to Kiss your best friend?”

THE SILENCE

Also,

how Dream read ‘kiss’ 🤝 how Dream read ‘changing’

Some words hit this man different huh LMAO

“Why did that take you so long” on the kiss question, CALL HIM OUT GEORGE 🗣

HRKEJEKEEJEKJEEIEJ HOW ARE THOSE- SORRY WHAT DREAM ??

“HOW ARE THOSE THE ONLY OPTIONS” ???

God, for real, I wish Dream would get to sit down with someone one day who just Listened to him speak and allowed him to slip up and just sound so in love with George like give himself away simply because nobody is saying how weird he’s-

Hold on.

Wait. A minute.

George.

George is doing that LMAOOOO

Him sitting there silently and not responding to all his small questions abt what he Should answer and such, he’s so smart🧍‍♀️

AIGHT MOVING ON

George’s laugh keeps sounding very, like, strange😅

Anyways the way Dream Had to have a ‘yes’ answer to the kiss one will forever keep me up at night. Now along with the butterflies one🧍‍♀️

I rly wonder what options it is Dream is looking for when he says ‘none of these options’ so often. What is it you wanna say king ?

WHY IS THE BUTTERFLIES QUESTION TWICE AND WHY IS HIS ANSWER NOW DIFFERENT LMAO - drema it’s okay it’s Safe Space 🗣 I feel like he probably saw chat responding to his first answer and realized ‘oop, that’s not platonic’ and changed his answer LMAO 💀 he’s- Ahh hard to find the right words for my Thoughts here, but he’s doing that thing where he looks for others what is ‘normal’ instead of seeing what he feels, cause what He feels is, uh, well we all know what results he got at the end there,,

I mean the kiss question is all u need really. The butterflies one puts icing on the whole cake.

“Do you compare this person to others you’ve dated? Noo...” AIGHT AND THERE WE HAVE THE CHERRY ON TOP OF THE WHOLE THING

This was the one of the Most sus ones imo from when I first watched it. It had my head spin, head in hands for Days.

What do you MEAN you compare him to others you’ve dated? Why does he tell George to shut up, why do they both Know there’s a story there- I have so many questions on this and- this isn’t platonic 💀😭 AT ALL - and there’s no excuse or explanations for this one, they just Move On 💀

The Speed at which they move on 💀

And then George goes So silent 🧍‍♀️

Dream is cruising through the questions and George is so silent now. He was Stunned into silence from that shut up LMAO

I like how Dream picked ‘absolutely’ on being able to tell George everything :’)

So.

Why does George not say anything on the ‘do you think your best friend is in love with you’ question? No joke, no protest, no- no nothing?

That leaves us to fill in the blanks king, just saying🧍‍♀️

Why does Dream sound sarcastic when he says it’s a tough question LMAO

“I have no idea” aight good answer ig LMAO let’s Pretend

George’s silence is for real very sus there. Very. 🥴

Dream putting ‘no’ on thinking he’s in love, is Very funny and shows just how blind he is to himself.

He rly put ‘I don’t know’ for the butterflies one and found the nearest ‘yes’ option for the kiss one and then still put ‘no’ at the end - he’s a lost cause and owns no mirrors I see how it is. (/j btw lmao I have hope in drema ofc, he too can become more self aware one day<3)

“You are a little in love with your best friend” cue both of them laughing in just the weirdest ways. George just sounds absolutely toneless like, I don’t think he’s even smiling with that laugh, gaze absolutely dazed at what he’s being witness to, not even knowing what to do with himself in that moment. And Dream’s laugh is also just, weird?

“You don’t wanna ruin it, Dream.” Followed by Dream’s immediate, “oh what? It says-“ like immediately moving on lmao 💀 that “oh what?” Sounded like “oh what’s that there oh that’s rly weird wow let’s move on from what you just said ahem wow really weird thing over there” LMAO

“There’s a two percent chance there” LMAO

OH NO THE SILENCE WHAT

I THOUGHT I ACCIDENTALLY PAUSED THE VIDEO BUT THE SILENCE IS SO LONG AND SO LOUD

Then Dream going onto pretending like he’s gonna do another test As If he’s not been planning his escape excuse from the very moment he got those test results LMAO

And the silent pauses are taking me out 💀

‘I think we’re done’ HOW COULD HE LEAVE AT THAT POINT 💀💀💀

“COOL PODCAST” IM DEAD ON THE FLOOR

“WHY ARE YOU SO NOSY” DREAM I- WHY U SO DEFENSIVE GEORGE ASKING WHERE YOU’RE GOING IS A NORMAL THING TO ASK 💀YOU’RE THE ONE WHO’S SUDDENLY LEAVING

NOT DREAM AWKWARDLY SINGING THE WIZARD OF OZ-

HE SOUNDS SO WEIRD-

The tone of his voice is so off my guy is so ready to leave and sit and stare at a wall whilst looping heatwaves for five hours 💀

:((((( drema my beloved :((((( it’s okay to be in love !!

Not him leaving- he full on ignored George’s ‘where are you going?’

He’s not going anywhere istg the moment he left that discord he put his head in his hands and just Stared 💀

Poor George 🥺

[sharkinlovewithadolphin]

Iwatobi Moon Cave (3840 words) by sharkinlovewithadolphin

Chapters: 2/2 Fandom: Free! Relationships: Matsuoka Rin/Nanase Haruka Additional Tags: merman au, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, rinharuweek, Fluff, merfolk, RinHaru Week 2021, Rinharu Week Chapter 2 is up! For day 7: Theme: Cherry Blossoms, Red Prompt: New Sights, AU: Mythology (merfolk & sirens). Summary: After Rin and Haru turn 16, Rin realizes he may want Haru to be more than just his friend. Thank you for proofing @illbebuyingallofthoseflowers  ❤️ Read chapter 1 here: Tumblr, AO3 Read chapter 2 on AO3 or under the cut:

Haru had forgotten to bring back the coral. He lied and said he stumbled upon a fish he had never seen or heard of before and when he was done studying it, the first few signs of daylight came through and he swam home quickly. His grandma believed him, and let him try again the next day with a promise that he wouldn’t get distracted again. He met Rin in the cave again, who helped him find the most perfect purple coral for him to bring back to his grandma. In return, his grandma let him run his errands for her regularly after that. He met Rin each time. Sometimes they would sit in the cave and talk, and Rin would teach him about the world, the ocean, the islands, and even humans. He told him vivid stories, captivating Haru in an instant. He would teach him words he didn’t know, like stairs, which were the stones he sat on. They were, in fact, not bad attempts at chairs. Sometimes they would swim around. Sometimes compete at who could swim the fastest around the island, or who could find the prettiest or weirdest fish, or the nastiest or the prettiest plant. Rin would sometimes give him gifts, shells or some of the pretty plants he found. Haru felt as if he could never grow bored of this. Of Rin . As the years passed, they would still regularly visit each other in the cave. Rin taught Haru about seasons , and how visible they were on top of the islands. And Haru could see it. During winter , where the water would get colder, the weird algae, called trees, died out. During spring , some of them turned green, some of them yellow, and some of them - his favorite one - turned pink. They were only pink for a few weeks, before they too turned green. Rin called them cherry blossoms . They were his favorite, too. In summer , when the water was warmer, the trees were still green, but they slowly turned brown by fall . Get it? Rin had asked. It’s because that is when the leaves fall down! He would even teach him more about humans. He would also talk about his home, his family, his friends. Haru loved to listen to it all. Maybe , he would come to realize later on, it’s not about what Rin talks about . Maybe it’s just that it’s Rin who talks. And so the years went by. When Haru was 16 and it was spring again, and the leaves turned pink, he was sent off to gather surf grass by the shore. He was told to be more careful than ever before; to only pick the ones he could reach, so he didn’t risk getting stuck on shore. He met Rin in the cave first. Rin seemed nervous. The moon stood high in the sky, so he couldn’t be nervous about daylight. “Are you okay?” “Huh? Uh, yeah, I’m fine. Why?” Rin said, a little flustered. “You seem distracted. Nervous.” “Oh… I’m sorry.” “Is something bothering you?” Rin seemed to think that one over, while silence filled the cave for a few moments. “Hey, wanna go somewhere?” “Where? And you didn’t answer my question.” “Come,” Rin said, before diving into the water and swimming out through the entrance again. Now Haru felt nervous too, as he followed along without a word. Maybe Rin was getting bored of him? Like he himself had been so utterly bored at the zone. Rin went in a direction they had never gone to before. They swam steadily and for a long time. Haru wanted to reach ahead, grab him and stop him, but for some reason instead just quietly followed. They reached what appeared to be another island, and Rin swam alongside it until he found what he was looking for: a stream going into the island itself through an opening. They swam through the narrow and shallow path, Rin in front and Haru behind him, until they got into more open waters. The path reminded him of the tunnel into their cave, except the sky was still visible through the surface of the path. As they entered out of the narrow path, Haru looked up and it appeared like something was covering the surface like a thick blanket. Rin dug up from the waters, so Haru did too, albeit slowly and hesitantly, a little afraid of what might be covering the surface like that. What met Haru was a sight that punched the air out from his lungs. There were pink cherry blossom petals - another word he had learned from Rin - covering the water all around them, and trees stood scattered along the small lake. “Do you… like it?” Rin asked, cheeks turning red and looking away as if embarrassed. When Haru didn’t respond, he dared a glimpse at him. Harus mouth was agape, eyes wide as he took in the sight before him. “I…” Haru managed, then mentally shook himself to let out more words. “It’s beautiful…” Haru then sighed. “I love it. It’s beautiful.” Haru let his hands move around on the surface of the water, touching the petals, watching them move with the water. “I’m glad.” Rin said, smiling broadly, though it quickly started to vanish again. “Haru, I…” Haru looked at him and he completely stopped talking. “What?” Haru urged, after realizing Rin didn’t appear to be continuing. “You look so beautiful.” Rin breathed out. It sounded strained, far from shameless and effortless like he’d said it back when they first met. “So do you.” Haru admitted. It wasn’t hard to admit, because it was true. Rin looked stunning. More now than ever before. Red features blending with pink surroundings. Rin had always been beautiful, though. The way his tail moved in the water, effortlessly and smooth, and how his long hair would flow around him, and cling to his face until he would shake his head violently to dry it more. Then it would stick out in all directions, framing his pretty face. His pretty face, which had only seemed to get more pretty - no, more handsome - every time they met. Visions of red had filled Haru’s thoughts ever since he first saw him, and only intensified with time. Now Rin gained another red feature, as his red cheeks darkened even further and he seemed close to bursting from nerves. “Haru, I…” he began again. It seemed like a war was going on inside his head. “I really like you.” “I really like you too,” Haru smiled. “No, like… I love you. Like really, really love you.” Rin elaborated. “I really, really love you, too.” Haru smiled. A deep-felt one. A knowing one. Rin looked at him with a mixture of surprise and disbelief. “Really?” Rin asked, rather abruptly. “Really.” Haru smiled fondly, reaching out his hand to search for Rin’s, intertwining their fingers and holding his hand gently once he found it. Rin’s eyes widened, and then he sighed in relief and Haru could tell he relaxed and released all of his pent up tension through the exaggerated sigh. “Oh thank plankton.” Haru could feel how close Rin was, the movements in the water alone gave it away, and all of the sudden he felt a rush of bravery. He moved closer, reached out his hand to lay it on Rin’s warm cheek, and slowly intertwined their tails as well. Haru could feel him tense up all over again, but relax once he focused on Haru’s soft expression, adoring eyes and loving smile. They stayed like that for a few moments, tails and hands intertwined, looking into each others’ eyes, before Rin bundled up the courage, slid his fingers out of Haru’s, placed one hand on Haru’s hip and the other cupping his face, then, after making sure Haru was okay with it by receiving a slow but certain nod, he moved forward and kissed him. It was a little awkward at first. An unusual feeling neither of them had experienced before. But it was also gentle. And exciting. Haru felt like he had been swept off his tail. Like every moment in his life had led him to this one. The scales on their tails were scratching against each other where they were intertwined, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Just new. Like the feeling of Rins sharp teeth on his lips, and the taste of fish from his mouth. Their lips parted and they both sighed into each other. They stayed intertwined in their own cherry blossom paradise for hours, until the moon disappeared without them noticing, and dawn came upon them. When Haru noticed the twilight in the sky, he nearly panicked. Rin reassured him it would be fine, and it was. Of course it was. They went back towards their cave, and Haru plucked some surf grass before heading back. Rin followed him to the kelp forest. To make sure you’re okay , he had said. Then he swam away. Haru got back. Another lie. I suddenly got tired - I fell asleep in the grass and woke up to light. I’m sorry. But he hadn’t fallen asleep, and he definitely wasn’t sorry.

[berena-cpr]

Unfinished Masterpieces - Fic Rec List

Remember the WIP on ao3 you can’t let go? The one that resonated with you? The one that you’d give anything to know how it ends?

While the Berena Creative Project Resuscitation event is all about starting to work again on projects sitting in our draft folders, life can get in the way of finishing a project for a hundred reasons.

These works, posted, but still a few chapters short of ending, are loved though and with this list we’d like to share the love for the unfinished masterpieces one can find in the Berena tag on ao3.

Given the high response we had when we asked to tell us about your favourite WIPs, you’ll find the list under the cut:

Anything Else to Declare? - LittleMissO

“I've personally had sleeping issues since I read LittleMissO's Anything Else to Declare because yeah, I'm still there, breath held and heart pounding like crazy after the most delicious slow burn, and pining, and that outrageously flirtatious conversation over a whiskey.”

that line between your heart and mine - ktlsyrtis

“it is just plain hot but also I love the idea of them writing letters to each other and I also love the exploration of what their relationship might be like with Bernie still being in the RAMC.”

you disappear like your cigarette smoke (now the taste of your kiss is all that remains) - bonnissance

“A wonderful, emotional angst filled fic, looking at how Bernie’s life might still have progressed after Serena left. I loved how it showed her testing her own boundaries to see if it was possible to find another relationship with someone else and when she found that wasn’t something she could do, she accepted it and found other ways to be happy without Serena. I reread it fairly often because although unfinished it doesn’t ever seem incomplete. But the last word “Serena” always leaves me full of a hope that I would dearly love to have fulfilled.”

Secrets in the Dark - Wonko

“I’d love to see this continued!”

For a Good Time Call - Regency

“Young Serena using that pure sex voice of hers to make a little extra as a phone sex operative, and young nervous Bernie taking the first tentative steps in exploring her sexuality. Who better than Serena to help her figure things out? The premise of the fic is ingenious, the writing amazing, the dialogue just outstanding. Hot, sexy, soft and full of compassion and feels. I would sell a kidney to read the next chapter to this – Bernie and Serena meeting years later and recognising each other’s voices.”

you're the only one I never looked for - gutsandglitter

“Never expected I'd enjoy a Baby Boom AU, but I love this fic. Serena hanging out in the country feeling extremely overwhelmed and constantly running into this weird tall, awkward woman named Bernie is a mood. I will forever hold out hope for an update so that I can someday read about them having lots of sex (after an appropriate amount of angst, miscommunication, and unexpected grocery store encounters, of course).”

Things Kayryn doesn't write - Kayryn

“So they’re not exactly unfinished, because they are complete, beautifully crafted, amazingly inventive, head canons, but they’re not completed fic’s so I’m counting them. I actually think that’s one of the lovely things about them, there’s a full story in there but enough space in them to bring your own imagination to the details. The fact that every head canon is spot on and you can completely image it happening is the icing on the cake, and the perfect characterisation is the cherry on top. Canon could have taken lessons from from Kayryn”

I Want to be Your Fantasy (Maybe You Could Be Mine) - Regency

“I just love the concept and the first chapter just pulled me in and I so very much want to know what happens next.”

Notting Hill - Bat_and_Breakfast

“All the “Rom Com idiots in love but they don’t know it miscommunication capers” re-envisaged for Berena you say? Sign me up! I love the way the plot of Notting Hill is absolutely recognisable, but never at the expense of Bernie and Serena’s characters. Everything they do, their responses, the dialogue, is so them. And the cleverly cast Holby regulars as supporting stars - genius. It’s an absolute triumph of transformative work. It’s wonderfully and engagingly written. If you’ve ever got sucked into watching “just a bit” of rom com and found you’ve just lost a couple of hours of your life - this fic does the same thing.”

Follow Me There - troiing

“Full disclosure: I’ve never watched Sanctuary and I know nothing about the characters. But this crossover fic is so good, that it doesn’t even matter.”

hold me closer (tiny dancer) - serenacampbell

“I don’t know why I’m so attached to that fic, but I am. I love the premise of a slow burn fic where the characters still get to do sexy things during the awkward slow burn oblivious period. It’s like the best of both worlds.”

Machu Pechinku - Jrnsaxa

“Forget France and Nepal, what if Serena spent her sabbatical in Peru? The setting in this is beautifully vivid, as is the the delicate ways in which Serena and Bernie start to reconnect after Elinor.”

Hello, Major - lesbianquill

“This is a near perfect Serena being fixated on Bernie in fatigues fic. The first chapter is very insightful, helping us to understand why Bernie might not be happy to accede to Serena’s small kink/obsession. That of course doesn’t last for too long because Bernie loves Serena and she loves having sex with Serena. It was offered as a smutty one shot, but then they rewarded us with an even smuttier second chapter and teased us with the news that a third chapter would be forthcoming. It never happened. Main reason for wishing it could be continued? I enjoy well-written smut.”

In the Spirit of Three Stars - alwayssomethingelse

“Bernie and Serena as Federation officers on Deep Space Nine. Oh, the potential!”

Anatomically Correct - phantomunmasked

“Bernie severely overcompensating for any possible awkwardness in their first time by ordering a mountain of sex toys is a premise that will always delight me. Every time I go back to this one, I ponder what their weekend away would bring with a big grin.”

The Clinic - RexWolfe

“Maybe it’s all the Bramwell we’ve been watching, but this one’s been on my mind lately. Can’t go wrong with a Victorian AU.”

a life in pictures - Regency

"I soooo want to see Serena maybe modelling for Bernie (or at least just how the date goes)”

working up a storm inside my head - sevtacular

“While this isn’t actually an unfinished fic in the sense of chapters missing, the prompt fic collection of Sev can always be added to as far as I’m concerned. Love what has been written so far, hope there will be new chapters with time.”

Body and Soul - ChalkHillBlue

“Possibly the weirdest AU idea ever, this body swap AU makes my brain go crazy with the possibilities every time I read it.”

When We Need One Another The Most - Whispersmummy

“I know this isn’t strictly Berena but it wouldn’t have been written if not for the Berena fandom who love most every conceivable way these two dorks might get together. Very well written (imo) and cleverly constructed fic. Lots and lots of angst and who doesn’t love angst? Only thing missing is a small amount of smut. (Yes I’m back there).”

Ring In The New - fiveroundsrapid

“Fics where Bernie comes to Holby before/during Adrienne’s illness are my kryptonite, and this one is so good!”

Holby One: A Star Wars AAU Story - elitryalittle

“Holby One is my favorite unfinished fic. It’s not just because I came to Berena via Star Wars (a bit of an unusual way, but here I am), but also because I can totally see Serena as a healer and Bernie as a Jedi knight. Kudos for their excellent knowledge of the SWU and this great idea of a crossover fic. I’d give them a limited edition “Looking for Leia” patch and a sticker if they’d finish it.”

to gaze at you, from afar (I sigh, I sigh, I sigh) - bonnissance

“The photographer/model AU you never knew you needed in your life, but you really, really do.”

Heroic Endeavor - Nicolaruth27

“I never would’ve thought I’d be down for a Greek god AU, but this fic has permanent residence in a corner of my brain. Bernie as Athena in mortal form is inspired, and the way the fic is interwoven with canon is a delight.”

what a lovely way to burn - ktlsyrtis

“I just love anything that's weaved into canon but with them being happy and dating and communicating."

Love, Unexpected - Igerna

“Bernie is still married to Marcus when she meets Serena during a conference. They immediately bond and keep in contact, sharing both professional advice and thoughts on their private lives. Love, for them, happens rather unexpectedly. I do love conference fics and slow burns - and this is a good one.”

a little less war torn - kitnkabootle

“The setup for this - in which Serena is the one who goes to help when Bernie is brought to Holby, instead of Raf - is one of my favorite ‘what ifs’ to ponder, and the writing is outstanding.”

[the-fiction-witch]

NSFW 100 Benny Watts

1. What's the dirtiest thought you've ever had about a total stranger? I don't know, I don't think about strangers all that often I'm usually busy, I think the worst would just be when I kinda get the thought In my head of, Hu. I'd fuck that.

2. Do you prefer sex at night, in the morning, mid-afternoon, or NOW? At night, when the work is done fkr the day, dinners done, and we can go to bed and fuck for a while and go right to sleep after, that's a good evening.

3. What's your favourite way to be seduced? I think we both know it's when people play with my hair, I don't know why, the come here eyes don't do anything, hinting doesn't do anything, you start playing with my hair I'm literally hard in my pants within seconds.

4. What's the dirtiest fantasy you've had at work? That's a good question. Probably just fantasying about beating my aponent and then taking them back to the hotel room and raw fucking them bent over the table, or likewise them beating me and taking me back to the room and riding on my dick for several hours. Either is good.

5. How would you dominate your boss sexually if given the chance? I am my own boss I guess. But if we are saying the people I play against are co workers then yes. Yes I would.

6. What do you do when you get horny in public? It depends why I'm horny. If I'm horny for an actual reason then I'll have to go see who it was causing it, but if it's just like a random everyday boner then no I ignore it, people can't see it though my jeans, can they? If they can great the can look at my dick and be jealous.

7. Have you ever masturbated in a public bathroom? No. I don't masturbate a whole lot and never in public mostly because... Have you seen male public bathrooms? That shit is gross!

8. What's the weirdest thing you've thought about while touching yourself? Chess. Whenever I do actually masturbate it's usually at night, when I'm alone, my works done and I can't get to sleep so I yeah I mess around a little usually while going over chess games in my head, I don't need to imagine anything when I do it I just do it, the touching on its own gets me horny enough, so my head just does it own thing and I usually just think about chess plays.

9. What's the strangest prop you've used to get yourself off? Well pillows. I think that's it pillows and my hand. Or Beth harmon, I'm kidding Beth's great.

10. Do you remember the first time you felt aroused? No I don't. I don't think I ever like had a moment of Hu Im aroused, it just started happening and eventually I noticed to be fair I have been in a constant mood of I wanna fuck things since I was like fourteen. Not sure why? Maybe I'm just really horny and refuse to deal with it?

11. Who gave you your first orgasm? Now that depends because I did it alot in my sleep when I was younger, but the first actual time when I was fully awake and aware what I was doing it was probably Ali, a girl who used to work up at the bar down the street from my apartment, I was having a drink after a championship one or the few times I'd been in there even if the first few times I was underage, and we got talking about this and that and... We went to the bathrooms together, I miss ali, not for the sex but she was always so nice to me. Still I have a better girl now.

12. Do you remember what that first orgasm felt like? Fucking amazing! And now... Now I have a problem because now I wanna do it all the time.

13. Have you ever had sex with someone whose name you never knew? A few times, hotels after championships, airports and the like, I've picked up the odd girl or too I didn't know but it's fine. I think I picked up someone's wife at a competition once?

14. What's your favourite thing about a quickie? How simple it is. With a quickie both people involved know what this is, we both just wanna fuck and get our release so it's very much a simple understanding, sometimes you have sex with people and they assume that means you give a shit? It doesn't we fucked doesn't mean I like you, it means I was horny, you where horny and now it's over.

15. What the most sexually daring thing you've ever done? Airplane sex! That was intense because those bathrooms are not sound proof in the slightest, you have to be dead silent or everyone can hear you fucking your girlfriend.

16. Have you ever fantasized about fucking one of your teachers? Maybe... when I was a lot younger

17. Do you ever mentally strip strangers just for kicks? Sometimes depends on the stranger, but more often people I know, like people I've had sex with before or you know my girlfriend, but to be fair I'm never not mentally undressing y/n?

18. And then imagine, in dirty detail, what it would be like to fuck them? Sometimes, again much more likely people I know and alot less now I have y/n, before her yeah pretty much everyone but now I'll strip some people in my head every so often but only imagine y/n.

19. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yeah, many times, towens is a great kisser, also gives amazing blow jobs.

20. What inspires you to make the first move? Ask them! Literally I do not get all the hinting and the cute eyes and shit just.mm you want to fuck me just ask me to have sex! It's just that simple. Why does it need to be complicated.

21. In your opinion, what does it mean to be good in bed? Making it good for you but also for your partner people forget about that sometimes you not just in it for you they want some too don't be a ick and just get yourself off, you have to make it good for them too, that and consent is important, not just to start the sex but also during, you don't know if she likes spanking, you don't know of she wants like her hair pulled or her boobs felt ext. Ask don't just do it.

22. Have you ever cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend because you just couldn't help yourself? .... Yes. But it was always in relationships that weren't all that serious, or where fairly open anyway, I cheated on beth do I care? No! Because she fucked harry so I kinda think that's fair? It's only in that kinda situation but if I hadn't I would have my sweet y/n, and I'll never cheat on her.

23. Have you ever pushed the boundaries of fidelity to the brink and then retreated just for the rush? No.. that just seems weird.

24. Do you have a go-to masturbation fantasy?

I do not have a go to fantasy, except maybe my little kitten snuggling up with me

25. What kind of porn turns you on?

Not a lot really, because porn isn't... that great at the moment I do not have time do go to like the weird little theatre's that play them, the best bet really is things like hustler and various magazines you can pick up in newsagents... which I admit I am partial too having a flip though sometimes.

26. Have you ever had sex with your eyes closed?

No always open

27. Have you ever blindfolded or handcuffed your partner?

Many times yes, But I have found I much rather be handcuffed, I like when y/n handcuffs me to our bed, I like blindfolding her though, maybe handcuffing her too.

28. Does naughty talk get you aroused?

Sometimes, depends what's said

29. Are you sure about that, my dirty little forest nymph of a sex god?

Yeah? How about we go handcuff you to our bed sugar and see how much whispering in your ear you can take before your dripping for me?

30. What's the dirtiest thing someone's ever said to you during sex?

"Benny, I want you to fuck me Hard! and when we're done don't pull out I want us to fall asleep with you inside me so tomorrow we can fuck again without you ever leaving me, so You can be inside me all night long"

Yeah... that was hot. to be fair I did eat her out and edge her for like half an hour so, I don't blame my kitten for going a little cock crazy.

31. Have you ever watched another couple get it on without them knowing?

Once. Okay if you have sex by a pool you have to accept there might be people in here hotel rooms who overlook the pool who can see you!

32. Have you ever watched another couple have sex with their permission?

Does three ways count? because for some of that I was watching Beth and Clio have sex so...  yes?

33. How would you respond if a couple approached you to be their "third"?

Depends who it was? Towens and his boyfriend? yes! Beth and Clio? Yes! Beth and Jolene? Yes! Harry and Beth... Eh I'd think about it? But I guess nowadays We'd be the dirty couple asking for a third? won't we kitten?

34. What's the most flattering thing someone's said about your naked body?

"so Perfect I wish I could have you inside me forever"

35. When's the last time you had a vivid sex dream?

I do not

36. What do you think an orgy would be like?

Ummm very very fun. Would you like that kitten? a nice hotel room? all our chess friends? and getting everyone to have a nice orgy? Well I'd be happy to it would be fun, but... you know I don't share kitten.

37. Have you ever propositioned a total stranger?

Yes many times

38. What does your ideal one-night stand look like?

Uhh maybe a drink, some good sex and then get up in the morning maybe a little spooning, maybe round two if they want to, cup of coffee then fuck off out my house I got shit to do.

39. How long does it take you to get yourself off, on average?

Myself? Uhh About ten minuets? with y/n well usual a good half hour but sometimes my little kitten's mean to me

40. What's the weirdest thing that turns you on?

Hair. Playing with my hair. I don't get why I  get hard for it but I do? and... when y/n sticks her tounge out again no clue why just whenever I see her do it it means she being a little brat. Or if she does it unintentionally I can't help looking at it thinking how dirty that tounge of her's has been...

41. Have you ever had a naughty dream about a close friend or family member?

No!

42. Have you ever woken up humping your pillow?

Not woke up humping it. I have been spooning it a lot, and been humping it the previous night but no never woke up humping it

43. When's the last time you orgasmed in your sleep?

Ohh god years ago, I don't do that anymore, well I did actually not so long ago but that wasn't me that was my kitten who was too impatient for me to wake up

44. What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you while hooking up?

Moaning the wrong name... yeah I did not live that down. I'm sorry towens! you look a lot like harry from the back, you two have similar hair... and similar asses.

45. Do you like touching yourself in front of the people you sleep with?

Many many times! y/n likes to watch me, but she always strips for me or touches herself too so I've got something nice to watch

46. What's the dirtiest text you've ever sent or received?

Y/n sent me some polaroid's of herself in a park, in a sundress and... nothing else, and I mean nothing, Yellow sundress, striped thigh high socks and nothing... no bra, no panties, fuck I'm getting hard just thinking about those pictures.

I think it was then I really did realize, yeah I love this girl, and I'm going to marry her!

47. Do you prefer professional or amateur porn?

Both are good, they have there draw backs but more likely amateur because I like my kitten.

48. What's your favourite blowjob technique?

Tounge! Need I repeat my weird like of tounges but... when she's licking and swirling it around fuck! I get loud! and god it makes me cum quick.

49. If you had to pick, would you be a dominatrix or a submissive?

Noooo! don't make a me choose!

But I love when my kitten handcuffs me and rides me till she's satisfied!

and I also love bending her over the table and ordering her to cum!

I can't choose! there both soo good...

I guess if I had to. Dominate but only because It's slightly more options of stuff to do and because I like calling her kitten.  

50. Is there anything you won't do in bed?

anything with like piss and shit can fuck right off I don't know how anyone is into that! but anything else in the world my kitten want's she can have it just not that.

51. What's your dirtiest sexual fantasy?

Its kinda something I really really want but also really don't want, I like the idea of it but it would be horrible. I kinda have a fantasy about Y/n, inviting some... friends over, and letting them all... have there fun with me? literally like tie me to the bed, y/n, beth, clio, jolene, really anyone else towen's too if he's down, just everyone can just use me as a literally cock slave and I would be so fucking happy I would let everyone fuck me!

But that would not go well, I can't stay hard that long, and the girls would fight, and... it wouldn't be good.

so other then that... Ummmm I wanna take y/n to central park! in that sundress.. see how long we can last before I bend her over and fuck my little kitten.

52. How many people have you slept with?

I have stopped counting.

53. Where's the weirdest place you've had sex?

A Plane bathroom? bar bathroom? that time we did it in a pool? I don't know I've had sex lots of weird places?

54. What's your favourite part of Y/n's body?

Her tounge she knows how much I like it . Her pussy, Ummm her pussy's so sweet I could eat my little kittens pussy for hours, and it feels so good around me I mean I fucked her and never ever want another girl ever again, she turned me! someone who fucked around for fun into a one girl guy would would never dream of cheating on my sweet little wifey.

55. Have you ever had anal sex?

Yes, many times, It's the one thing about being in a committed relationship that I miss being with a girl, I miss anal. But I'm sure we could get a toy so she can still do it.

56. If you could choose what Y/n was wearing right now, what would you choose?

Sundress! I love her little sundress! and nothing else.

57. Where on your body is your favourite place to be touched?

hair... Or my hips, I love when she touches my hips

58. If you could have sex anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Anywhere I don't care.

59. When did you first had sex?

I was sixteen, and it was a bar bathroom. But it was amazing!

60. What's the best sex you've ever had?

The first time I had sex with y/n, the first time that we actually had sex we were in a little hotel in Cali, and it was amazing! she was so amazing, I'd never felt so good in my life!

61. What's your favourite position?

I love from the side, its so good when it's an early morning or, if we're both a little lazy, we start off spooning then have a few kisses and then after a couple of minuets she's screaming for me.

62. Have you ever been caught having sex?

Weirdly never,

63. Do you watch porn?

No! it's hard to find the places, and there always full of perverts.

64. What kind of porn do you watch?

I look at magazines. Or my little kitten. Oohhh we could make a porno?

65. How often do you masturbate?

Not very often, once a month maybe

66. Name a sex position you'd like to try?

I want to try a weird like upside down thing

67. Do you prefer to give or receive?

Give! I love hearing her scream! I love when she does it took but I like taking care of her better.

68. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Many times, I wish we could more often but it's going to one of the warmer places becuase... new York is too fucking cold for that shit! but last time we where in paris in the summer we went skinny dipping and it's so fun, unfortunately it doesn't last long because one of us breaks and just has sex.

69. What's the most sex you've had in a day?

Oohh I think four times, i do not have the like replenishment ability to do anymore then that.

70. Are you loud or quiet during sex?

Loud! I know I'm loud but I like her to know how good she's making me feel, besides' she's louder.

71. Have you ever tried using food during foreplay?

No, that seems... sticky.

72. What's the first thing that sexually attracts you to someone?

Voice, and looks I guess.

73. Would you say you have any fetishes?

I like calling y/n kitten, and I love torturing her!

74. When it comes to BDSM, how far have you gone/would go?

I think I've probably gone... very very far.

75. What's your favourite toy?

well my little kitten is my toy. But I do enjoy this little toy we got recently that turns me into a little vibrator for her, i like it because well it makes me hard as fuck and she likes it because I slightly vibrate inside her, and it rubs on her clit for me which Is good because sometimes my hands are... preoccupied.

76. Do you ever read erotic fiction?

I've read stories people send into magazines about fucking stewardesses and hotel maids? does that count?

77. Have you joined the mile high club?

Yes I have, I think by now I'm probably like a platinum member?

78. Do you think you could take off Y/n underwear with no hands?

Yes I can. I have tried. Many times. but I can't anymore... my kitten doesn't bother with panties anymore

79. Would you say you're kinky?

Do. do I need to answer this question or does everything else here answer that enough?

80. Do you enjoy shower sex?

Not really no. The water never stays hot, the shower spray means one of you is always cold, it's weirdly dry, it's hard to get the angle, it's just way more trouble then it's worth, I'll wait and just cuddle her in the shower then bend her over the bathtub before she puts her towel on. but! Bath sex? I like.

81. Where's the weirdest place you've ever masturbated?

I don't really do it anywhere then my bed, or the shower.

82. Do you like to be spanked?

Yes I do, It's amazing! I like it a lot. and I also like doing it.

83. Have you ever fantasised about someone else during sex?

Not really,

84. If y/n caught you masturbating, would you stop or would you finish?

I would let her watch of course and likely ask her to give me something to watch

85. Have you ever had an inappropriate crush?

Not really I guess.

86. Have you ever cried or fallen asleep during sex?

Falling asleep afterwards is just a habit, but I have cried several times usually when it feels so amazing your eyes water.

87. Do you prefer eye contact or not during sex?

Eye contact is so good!

88. Do you like to kiss during sex?

sometimes, it depends what position as much as I love kissing during sex but some positions it just didn't really work

89. Do you get tired after sex?

Very I want a nap afterwards.

90. How many positions do you think you've tried?

I think we have tried most of them

91. What's the longest you've ever gone without sex?

About six months I guess, I don't know I don't really pay attention

92. How high is your sex drive?

Fairly high

93. What's a surefire way to turn you on?

Ask me for sex? or wear the sundress!

94. Sex with lights on or lights off?

Lights on! I can't be trying to work in the fucking dark.

95. Do you like dirty talk?

Very very much so

96. Do you prefer one night stands or longer-term sexual partners?

I used to really like one night stands, I liked just the hello, fuck goodbye element to it. but Now I have y/n I'm happy with long term and I don't ever want anyone else.

97. Do you prefer to be on top or bottom?

I like both. Don't make me choose!

98.Rough or romantic?

I guess both we are rough but it's in a romantic way

99. Quickie or marathon session?

I love quickies, allows us to get on with other things later in the day, but one night a week we have a nice long marathon session with the toys, and the handcuffs.

100. What's the best thing about our sex life?

I love how kinky and how rough we can get, but it's because we used to miss each other so badly back when we were long distance,  it became out release and to show each other just how bad we had missed one another, but it feels so good and its so amazing to make you feel so good and that you make me feel so good, I'll never need anyone else for the rest of my life now I've got you, I mean you literally made me cry it felt so good the first time we had sex, all your sexy little pictures and letter when we were apart, even if we do go a little crazy on each other sometimes,  I really do love you kitten more then anything, and I can't wait for us to get married, and for our honeymoon.

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

Twenty-one

"I've been having these strange and vivid dreams about a boy who I'll call Joe. He's about twelve or thirteen and I was never particularly close to him, but he's got a big, gentle, trusting face and is just the right size to rest your head on if you're sitting down."

"What sort of things has he been doing in the dreams? I ask because they're always set in the same sort of post-apocalyptic world which in the dreams seems to have undergone some sort of catastrophe that destroyed the industrial base of society."

"Nothing really out of the ordinary, I guess. We're in these strange little towns that are basically empty. A few houses here and there. We usually spend a lot of time in Joe's house or walking around the empty town. There's this one diner in town, and I haven't seen it in months. That's about it, I think."

"The town doesn't have a lot of characters or drama in the dreams, and most of the time it's just 'Joe's house,' 'Joe's bedroom' and 'Joe's bed.' What are the dreams about?"

"Oh, it's like, he's sitting on his bed or in a chair and it's night and there's a lot of silence. I look around, and I can see him, sitting on his bed. I sit down next to him, and the dream just... kind of ends. There's nothing much to do in the dream. Maybe I can ask him a question or make some comment, but it never works out."

"So, we're spending a lot of time in his house or on his bed. What's the difference? What sort of time do we spend?"

"Well, in the dream, his face and the size of his torso just... are so much bigger than the rest of his body. I remember once when I was in town, I went down some little street and saw a big red truck with Joe's face on the hood, or on the side of the truck, and it made me feel kind of weird. I was thinking it looked like he was going to crush the town. I don't think I've seen that red truck since, except in the dream.

"All this is in the dreams, but then the thing is, one night the red truck suddenly... starts to change shape? It isn't just Joe anymore, but something else. It's hard to describe. It's a kind of solid shape, and it's got this big, flat, featureless face, and I can see the eyes of the truck. I look at it and I see a big red truck, and it's Joe's truck. That's all I remember."

"Hmm."

"I'm awake now, thinking about it. It's interesting because I don't remember the rest of the dream. Everything I remember about the dreams -- the boy, the house, the truck, everything -- I've always felt like I had experienced it before. But I don't remember what happens next. I remember thinking 'This is the weirdest dream I've had in a while.' Then, I remember hearing my alarm clock go off."

"So, you were dreaming, then?"

"Yes. And I woke up. It's just... so weird to have an experience that's so bizarre and memorable. Like a little bit after waking up, I started to feel all kinds of weirdness. It's hard to describe. I kind of feel like my body is changing, a bit. I can't see any changes, but I'm definitely more than half Joe, and the rest is... something else."

"The other part of you is a large red truck."

"Right, yeah. And all of a sudden the truck is more solid, more real. But the thing is, the truck was really... kind of small. Like a big red truck was kind of... something that was almost like, if you had a couple of big trucks, but somehow... even larger? And the trucks are kind of changing, too, kind of? A little bit."

"I've been having these dreams, too. It's interesting. I wonder if it's... some sort of coincidence. Or if it's connected to Joe's truck."

"There are a lot of red trucks around the town."

"No. Not all of them are real. Some of them are illusions created by something we call a 'dream vehicle.'"

"Do they move?"

"No, but when we sit in them, we feel like we can see and hear things that aren't really there. It's a strange feeling. Sort of like the presence of mind of someone who doesn't want to focus on the things around them."

"It's fascinating. When I was in one, I saw this kind of strange creature, and I didn't feel like I was in the truck anymore at all. I think it has something to do with the... feeling I was having."

"That's the feeling I have in the dream, too. I think I could use it to get to my town, if I could get to a dream-truck."

"We might be able to use the dream-truck to get all the way to my town. I'll tell you about that. The truck would show us the way."

"This is... incredible. If we could just do this right, we could make it to any of the... I'm so curious to see how it works."

"It works perfectly. We just have to get it right."

"It's so strange. It's like a time machine, if we could make one. We'd be able to travel through time."

"It really is something, isn't it?"

"I feel so strange. It's so much bigger than anything else around me, and yet it's all real. And Joe's there."

"Joe's a big boy, he can take care of himself."

"I want to try this, but I'm scared."

"Don't be afraid. Try it. Let me help you do it."

"I can't do it. I really can't do it right now. I need to think about the... the... oh, forget it. I can't do it."

"It will be alright. It will be so much better than nothing. Just try it now, just this once."

"It's hard. I don't like it. I don't want to hurt anybody."

"Just try it. I can take care of you now. You don't have to hurt Joe or anything. Just try it."

"I can't. Please don't make me do it. Please. I don't want to do it."

My hands were trembling, and I felt sick. I wasn't sure I was going to make it out of the woods alive. "Joe, I'm sorry. I know this must be hard for you."

"This isn't me," I said. "I can't do it. I can't do it. I really can't do this. Please stop. This isn't me. Why don't you just kill me? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I can't do this."

"Joe, if this isn't you, you can kill me right now. Please do it, if it isn't you. I'm really sorry."

"Joe... don't do this. Please. Please, don't. You have to stop it."

"Joe... please... don't... I'm sorry... I'm sorry."

"You don't understand. I'm sorry. What are you doing? Don't."

"I'm sorry. Oh, my god, please, don't. Please, don't."

"Please... please, don't kill me. No... you can't do this. Oh my god."

"Please don't. Oh my god. Don't do this. I can't do this. I'm sorry. Oh my god."

"Please. Don't. I can't

[widows-writings]

13/04/2022

Gods, it's like 7:30 am for me right now and all I want to do is sleep, but the person that I share a bed with isn't here and it's hard for me to go back to sleep. Either way, I'm also laying awake and trying to figure out some good ideas for my fanfiction. At first I wanted some sort of Westview situation, but the more I think about it, the more I don't want that.

I don't know what I want out of the fan-fiction, it's definitely for me, so like it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, but I do want it to be a good story, I want it to be something worth reading. Either way, it seems like I'm going to be doing weekly updates and not more frequent updates, with my job and spending time with my partner, I can't come up with any more time than what I already have, and most of that it spent sleeping 🤣🤣🤣

Either way, I thought I would share the weirdest dream. It was Gotham or Helena, MT. My bets are on Helena, mostly because that's how the city was structured, but everyone was calling it Gotham...it was really weird. Anywho, a lot of people were trying to get out of the city because there was this sickness and it reanimated the dead. Yeah, I'm pulling inspiration from Resident Evil 2. Anywho, apparently Batman was real, and if you knew Batman, then you were like pulled aside, like there was some special plan. Well, there wasn't, and me and like one other person were just like left there. My mom and my family were able to leave and get out and I couldn't get hold of them, and the place where I holed up was not only surrounded by the few dead people, but by assholes too. (If you don't know what I mean by few dead people, Montana has one of the best survival rates for a zombie apocalypse due to its sheer amount of guns and crazy people). Anywho I was put in charge of three children, but I'm a horrid nanny and I left them alone and went up to the gas station and that's when I found out that the roads were mostly clear since people were taken by the government. I woke up right as I was trying to leave the city.

If you read this far, I'm concerned for your well being and I want to ask if you're okay? That and tell me how screwed you think that dream is. It was really vivid, so thank gods I took note of it before I fall asleep again. Any who. It's like 7:39 and I wanna go back to sleep. So good night.

Enjoy my shit posting.

[amorevolous-chionophile]

Cherry mint

❆ Fluff ❆ 5,435 words ❆ student!Seonghwa x student!reader ❆

New school, new you. Bullshit. You didn't have it in you to even try and be optimistic. Too broken from having to say goodbye to your close school friends and leaving the school as a whole just to move out of the city where you were born and made numbers of memories in, you really couldn't be jolly. First day in your new school was just as you expected, curious glances, rare approaches with the goal of welcoming you, just a regular day filled with uneasiness reflected by a knot in your stomach the whole time.

When the teacher introduced you to the class, you silently thanked her for not having to do that yourself, you were instructed to sit. The seat wasn't bad at all, it was next to the window. The view on your left was actually breathtaking; it looked upon a little garden the school had, it was like some colorful paradise. The view on the right though, you hated to admit it, but it didn't fall far behind. There seated was a boy with silky blonde hair and a leather jacket, those are the first things you noticed on him. You didn't want to be caught staring, so you were flashing glances at him, even though that was way more suspicious. You noticed that his face features were sharp, but at the same time incredibly soft, and at that point you were basically staring. You looked around the classroom cautiously, the teacher's voice going in one ear and out on the other. None of the other classmates caught your eyes, just the boy next to you, his presence was somehow felt in the air. You were shook when a hand suddenly waved in front of your face, moving your focus on it.

"I said - Do you want to share my book? - I guess you don't have yours yet." Said the voice sweet as honey, but still deep. You froze in the spot when you realized that his owner was the blonde haired boy. He seemed like a double edged sword, you couldn't quite put your finger on it. He looked bad, but on the other hand, he seemed good. "Yes... Thank you."

Nothing much changed in the next couple of days. You haven't found any new friends, but you were feeling good on your own. The blonde haired boy spoke to you for a couple more times during classes, but it was nothing more than to help you by borrowing you a book, so you didn't really consider him a friend. He never introduced himself, but you caught on his name when the teacher was checking for absent students. Park Seonghwa. His name was mentioned quite a few times, it seemed like he wasn't really the type who had much interest in school. The thing that surprised you though, was the fact that when he was present, there wasn't one question that he didn't know the answer to. The teacher would voice a question at him, and he would just as fast voice out a correct answer.

Just like you, he too seemed not to have many friends. You happened to see him a couple of times in front of the classroom, while you were going to the restroom, with another boy. They always seemed like they were talking about the most interesting thing in the World. Seonghwa's smile and laugh carved itself in your brain then and there. It put you at ease every time you thought about it.

One day, while you were in the classroom, during lunch break, you heard Seonghwa's and his friend's joyous clatter. You instinctively rose to go to the restroom. You didn't even have to go, you just wanted to take a peek at Seonghwa, as you started doing from some point on. On the way back, just as the two boys, Seonghwa and his friend, got in your eyesight, someone stepped in front of you, blocking your way. You hesitantly looked up and in front of you was a rather tall boy smiling back down at you. Instantly you felt uneasiness, and wanting to avoid that awkward encounter as fast as possible you murmured a quick "Hello" and tried to go around him. He made a half circle around you, and in no time he was in front of you again. You started feeling agitated. "I know you're new, but I think we have met before." He said huskily, grinning. Oh dear God, please no. You mentally took in a big breath and replied not moving your gaze from his feet. "You're mistaking me for someone else." You coughed trying to calm your voice. You weren't on the flirty side at all, or on the extroverted side in general, and a stranger approaching you and trying to make a move on you just fired all alarms in your mind. "I'm sorry, I need to return to my classroom." You said coldly, going around him for the second time. All hairs on your body rose when he grasped your wrist and spun you around, to face him. Your eyes widened in shock and your body froze. "You look cute acting all cold like that." Seems like this boy just couldn't decipher all the nope signals you were throwing at him. Just as you were about to try and shake his hand off, a somewhat familiar voice met your ears, and you immediately relaxed. "There you are, what took you soo long?" Seonghwa stood right beside you, having the fakest smile you have ever seen, well compared to the smile he gave his friend all the time, the one he had now seemed fake. His eyes locked on the grip the boy had on your wrist, and by noticing this, the boy let go. You instantly sighed in relief. "Oh, I'm sorry for keeping you, you should have said you were in a hurry." The boy said to you with the most insincere apologetic smile you have ever seen and your insides twisted. You looked at Seonghwa with a troubled face, fretting that he will get the wrong impression, but he just nodded at you understandingly. "Let's get going." He tilted his head in the direction of his friend. Before the boy could have said anything, both of you already had your backs to him.

"Thank you." You breathed out, burying your face in your hands. You were in the classroom, in your seat. It was lunchtime and everyone was out, so Seonghwa and his friend brought you in to calm down. He was leaning back against his desk, while his friend sat in his seat. "Don't mention it." He replied, and his friend jumped in on the conversation. "Do you need water? Or something sugary?" Your heart fluttered from his compassion. You rose your head and looked at the boy, Seonghwa's friend. He had vivid blue hair, a bit more than few piercings on both ears, and a charming smile. You shook your head, not wanting to trouble them any more. "No, thank you very much. I'm all alright now, I don't want to take any more of your time." You gave them a small smile. Seonghwa chuckled, leaned forward putting his elbows on your desk and meeting your gaze. "Funny that you think we're just going to let you be without getting a favor in return." You froze in the spot, his words shocked you. You thought for a second that your gut got it all wrong, that he was just as his looks were hinting, bad. That is, until he burst into a fit of laughter, his friend rolling his eyes at him with a chuckle. "You should have seen your face, it was priceless." Seonghwa managed to say in between breaths. His friend got up and approached you while Seonghwa was calming down, still chuckling here and there. "He meant to say that he was sorry." You smiled, almost sourly. Too much happened to you in the last few minutes and you didn't know what you felt by that point. Seeing this, Seonghwa cut in. "Yeah, that was a bit much, sorry." He scratched the back of his neck. "By the way, I'm Park Seonghwa." He officially introduced himself. "And this handsome blueberry here is Kim Hongjoong." He said pointing at his friend. "It's nice finally meeting you."

Now you could finally say you had friends. Since the day you got to know them, they were extremely friendly and nice. It was hard to believe it was that easy to make friends. Well technically you didn't make friends, they basically adopted you as their friend. At first you didn't want to interfere much, because you felt like you were butting in on their duo, but they were persistent with insisting so you gave in. Their company wasn't at all bad, they were nice and fun people to have around. They did look like the boys your mom instructed you to be cautious of, but their personas were so pure, the contrast between their outside and inside almost hurt. Due to their style, other boys were jealous and cautious of them, and girls were secretly wishing that one of them was their boyfriend. And you? You just knew them as two dorks. You wondered if anyone actually tried to get to know them before making accusations and their own picture of them. They didn't seem to mind though. You noticed Seonghwa started coming to school more often. He probably felt more at ease that he had someone he knew and could talk to next to him. Sure, Hongjoong was his friend, but he was in another class, two floors above, and it was tiresome walking during every break just to meet for five minutes and then go back.

You sat on a bench outside school together with Seonghwa, not long after came Hongjoong and joined you sitting on Seonghwa's other side. It was lunch time, so the three of you came out. "How was chemistry, learned something new?" Hongjoong asked, chuckling as he already knew Seonghwa's answer. The boy was a prodigy, there was nothing that he didn't understand, you on the other hand had trouble making meets end, with chemistry at least. You didn't have problems with other subjects, in fact you were doing extremely good. "Boring, as always." "Hard, as always." Seonghwa and you said in unison and chuckled. "You two are starting to creep me out with that." Hongjoong waved his head pointing at Seonghwa and you. Ever since you all started hanging out, Seonghwa and you have had the weirdest telepathy moments.  To be honest, it weirded you out too. "I'm not on the same page with you here Hwa. Chemistry is hell's child." Hongjoong continued nodding at you. "Someone here understands me." You exclaimed dramatically, taking a bite out of your sandwich. Seonghwa just blinked, calmly drinking his juice. "I have an idea. Let's study together, it's sure to be easier that way." Hongjoong excitedly sprung from the bench and stood in front of you. You mirrored his actions, getting up yourself. "Great idea Hongjoong!" You chimed, new found optimism bubbling up in you. Seonghwa calmly looked up at you two commenting. "You do know that the addition of two nothings is still nothing?" You and Hongjoong both rolled your eyes at him. "Then mister wise guy, come and help us out." Hongjoong retorted. "I have other stuff to do." Hongjoong crossed his arms and raised his brow. "Like what? Waste time all day playing games?" Seonghwa looked up squinting his eyes sarcastically at Hongjoong. "I'll have you know, playing games is not wasting time." Hongjoong mimicked Seonghwa's expression. "But it sure seems it's more important than helping your friends." "I didn't say that." "We haven't even set the date, and you said you were busy. Fine Seonghwa, it's fine." Hongjoong exclaimed, acting insulted, but soon chuckled letting down his facade. You cursed mentally that you didn't have popcorn with you, the scene before you was priceless.

Eventually Seonghwa gave in. He would have given in way before, but the chat he had with Hongjoong turned into a funny back and forth argument, so he didn't want to cut short the fun. Not only did he agree to help you two, he even agreed for the study session to be in his house. Since you were still relatively new to the city, finding your way trough it was a problem. Hongjoong went out of his way, and offered to pick you up in front of your house. Both of Seonghwa and Hongjoong never ceased to surprise you with how caring they were. You didn't want to trouble Hongjoong, but you didn't have any other solution. On the way to Seonghwa's house Hongjoong and you talked about where you used to live, your old school and friends, and you moving in general. That sparked up a conversation about Seonghwa. Hongjoong talked about how was it for Seonghwa when he first moved to where he was now and how the two became friends. It was then that you found yourself interested in Seonghwa's life, and history. But you didn't give much thought to it, you figured that it was because he had a story similar to yours.

You looked at Hongjoong quizzically as he stopped in front of a relatively big, modern-looking house which looked like it jumped out of a magazine. Unaffected, he rang the bell on the gate. When the gate buzzed and unlocked was when you realized that this is where Seonghwa lived. As the two of you entered the gate, the door of the house swung open to reveal Seonghwa in a form you haven't witnessed yet. He was barefoot, a black hairband held his messy blonde hair in place, his black jeans were replaced with grey sweatpants, and his usual black leather jacket was replaced by a plain white t-shirt. Sounds like pretty plain combination, right? But this man made it look like it belonged on a runaway.

The interior of the house didn't fall behind from the exterior when it came to visuals. Everything was clean and neatly organized, it was extremely pretty for the eye. "Do you want to study in the living room or in my bedroom?" Seonghwa asked as he leaned on the doorframe of what seemed like the living room. You looked at Hongjoong, waiting for him to make the choice for the both of you. "The living room is wider, and plus you won't get distracted with your stuff." You were a little disappointed you weren't going to see Seonghwa's room for some reason, it was just out of curiosity, or so you thought. "When do I ever get distracted?" Seonghwa put his hand over his heart pretending to be offended to which Hongjoong smirked devilishly and retorted. "Well Hwa it depends. Are you asking me for the time before she came or after?" She? You looked at Hongjoong squinting your eyes in confusion, as if the name of the person he was referring to was written on his face. Hongjoong however, still had his gaze on Seonghwa whose eyes were now ever so slightly widened and looking at you. You were about to ask them what they were talking about, but Hongjoong dismissed the theme he himself started. "Give me something to drink, my throat is dry." He said as if nothing happened, and marched into the living room. "It's no wonder, you didn't close your mouth since you came." Seonghwa backfired, earning a giggle from you. His eyes never left you during that time. You two could hear Hongjoong sarcastically laugh from the living room, and following that Seonghwa guided you in.

Seonghwa was no joke. He managed to explain everything that was causing confusion to you and Hongjoong better than the teacher. You pretty much understood everything by that point, but just to be sure, Seonghwa gave Hongjoong and you some problems to solve. You were proud of yourself for being able to finally grasp something that seemed abstract only hours ago. You finished before Hongjoong and called Seonghwa to check. You and Hongjoong were seated across each other, at the dining room table, as the dining room was just the continuation of the living room, and Seonghwa just kind of orbited around the two of you. He stood behind you, and leaned over your shoulder to scan the paper with his eyes. He was never this close. You wouldn't have minded the distance if your heart hadn't started beating more rapid out of nowhere. He had a recognizable scent to him. It defined him perfectly. A sweet, soft scent laced with a sharp undertone. You hung out with him, so it didn't miss your senses. "Good job, it's all correct." He smiled tilting his head slightly to you, and putting his hand on your opposite shoulder. Mint. That's another thing you noticed about him. His breath always had an intense aroma of mint, and being this close, it hit you stronger than ever. Like he could hear your thoughts, he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. "Cherry... you smell like cherry." You didn't have any perfume on yourself, but you did have a cherry flavored lip gloss. You let out a nervous breathy laugh as your cheeks heated up. Seonghwa, noticing that what he said was a bit weird, quickly moved away from you, and apologized, blushing as well. What neither of you could see was Hongjoong, who was watching the whole thing. His face had a grin that would even put the Grinch to shame. He was cheering for the both of you, with all his heart.

Needless to say, both Hongjoong and you aced the test and you wanted to show your gratitude towards Seonghwa. And that is why all three of you were now in a club, in a specially reserved spot, away from all the commotion, but still feeling the mood. You were never the type to make a lot of time just to get yourself ready, but that night you had some unnamed urge to give it your all. You styled your hair, did your make up; you made sure that you put on your cherry lip gloss, and picked out a dress that gave you a confidence boost. It wasn't revealing, but it perfectly portrayed your curves in all the right places. It was black so it fit with the boys' style. Black, totally unintentionally, happened to be Seonghwa's favorite color, not that you were aiming for that. You thought, if you looked good, then Hongjoong looked amazing, and Seonghwa looked Godly. Hongjoong wore a black t-shirt with a thin leather suit-jacket rested on top of it. Below he wore light denim jeans held by a black belt, and low-rise black martens. You didn't even want to start with the accessories. The boy was an accessory guru. On the other hand, Seonghwa was dressed like he wanted to kill you. You thought that he was breathtaking. He was wearing a thin black turtleneck that showed his physique down to the muscle. Below he wore black jeans ripped on both knees and black vans. What made butterflies twirl in your stomach was a black ring on the middle of his bottom lip. The moment the thought of him kissing you with that ring came to your mind, you may have realized that you liked him, a lot.

The night passed like every hangout of yours, filled with joyous clatter, jokes and messing around. At some point Hongjoong left for the bathroom. He didn't go to sit by the bar, away from your sight, to give you two some alone time. Not at all. He was the only one that noticed both of your feelings and now he was trying to make you two realize the feelings of the other. He knew that Seonghwa was interested in you from the moment he went out of his way to help you get away from that guy in school. Of course that Seonghwa was enough human to help if anyone else was in your situation, but the way he reacted in front of Hongjoong when he realized what was going on, frustrated and overly emotional for someone he barely knew, hinted Hongjoong that something was up. Without Hongjoong there, you suddenly felt nervous sitting next to Seonghwa, especially now that you were aware of your feelings. Seonghwa was no better. You were not making it easy for him looking all gorgeous and cute sitting within a hand's reach from him. He fell for you when you showed him that you didn't need anybody to stand tall when you first came to the school. He found you to be a strong and determined woman. The small talks he had with you before he officially introduced himself were just his way of showing you that you weren't all alone. All this came from his own experiences when he moved schools. He tried making friends, but due to his "bad boy" looks, everyone was cautious of him, and he felt so alone. That's where Hongjoong came into the story by giving Seonghwa something precious, a true friend. You didn't want Seonghwa to feel awkward so you tried to start a conversation. Both of you had the same thought apparently and started talking at the same time, taken aback both of you said "You go first" in unison as well. The scene caused both of you to chuckle. You took a sip from your drink, commenting. "Hongjoong was right, this started to be really creepy." Seonghwa nodded, sweeping his hair back. "Yeah, like we are two halves of the same person." Like soulmates. The thought crossed both of your minds, but neither of you dared to voice it.

After that, everything was the way it used to be, except the sweet unnoticeable tension between you and Seonghwa. It was new for the both of you, but just a regular Thursday for Hongjoong. In no way was it awkward. You two sat closer, became a bit more daring with words towards each other, and even more physical, even if that just meant hugs and occasional shoulder pats. Hongjoong felt like a proud mom, and like a third wheel, but just a bit. Seonghwa eventually confessed to Hongjoong that he had feelings for you, and he was surprised when Hongjoong told him he already knew, for quite a while. He asked Hongjoong not to leave him alone with you, because he had a tendency to tense up and act stupid. So basically Hongjoong was stuck in between being a good friend and a wing man. But being a good friend included wanting your friend to be happy right? And Seonghwa would be happy if he was with someone he liked. So technically him being a wing man was the same as him being a good friend. This hole in the system justified Hongjoong to bail on the two of you occasionally when going out. After all, Seonghwa was alone with you most of the time in the classroom, so how bad can it be? It wasn't bad, but it wasn't effective either, as Seonghwa couldn't muster up the courage to make a move, and neither could you.

The school year ended, and the three of you were inseparable by that point. Not to mention that you feelings bloomed to an almost painful extent, and so did your fear of loosing him if you end up getting rejected. Hongjoong was giving you two time to confess yourselves, but boy were you testing his patience. There was a number of times when he was tempted to just smack your faces together and get it over with, but he held back just because of that cliche ideal of a romantic first kiss, and besides, it wasn't his decision to make.

The three of you made an agreement to have movie nights once a week when the vacation starts, and the day of the first one came. The plan was to change the meet up place every week, and Seonghwa's place was the first in line. You had the task to bring snacks, and what better snacks are there for a movie than popcorn? Hongjoong had the vital task of picking out the movie. You might think "How hard can it be?", well Hongjoong thought that this could be an important crossroad for the two of you. The movie could inspire you in making the first move, either of you. Was Hongjoong wrong. Except suggestive remarks and shy skin contacts, nothing else occurred.

"Seonghwa, I think you need to put yourself together and finally make the move." Hongjoong proclaimed as he crossed his arms, seated across Seonghwa. A few days passed since the movie night and Hongjoong showed up at Seonghwa's house trying to encourage him. "Joong. I know. But I can't." Seonghwa shook his head from side to side causing Hongjoong to sigh. "I know you are afraid, but trust me when I say that I'm sure that she feels the same way. I have seen the way she acts around you, she gives off the same dumbass energy as you do." Seonghwa gave a small smile to Hongjoong before he hid his face behind his hands. "The bigger the love, the greater the fear of confessing. Confessing is potentially losing" Seonghwa proclaimed as he moved his hands to his cheeks, now resting his elbows on his knees. "But risking is potentially winning." Hongjoong mimicked Seonghwa's stance. "There are too many "ifs" there for me to feel reassured." "You are unbelievable. The both of you are stubborn as hell." Hongjoong rolled his eyes, chuckling before he continued speaking. "What if you try and confess in a way where you have a reserve?" Seonghwa raised his eyebrows, his eyes filling with newfound excitement. "You mean like a confession that isn't necessarily a confession?" Hongjoong just nodded. "Joong, you're a genius."

You were laying on your bed, listening to music. It was pouring outside, so you were in a relaxed mood. In the middle of the song, your phone buzzed. You cursed as the notification tuned down the song at your favorite part, but instantly forgot all that when you saw that the notification was a message from Seonghwa. It was a simple "Hey", but you couldn't help but feel excited, as you quickly sat up and responded. "Hey ^^" You nervously tapped the ends of your screen as you were awaiting his reply, his chat bubble continuously changing between "typing" and nothing. "What's up?" You laid back down with a smile plastered across your face as you typed your response. "I was listening to music, and you?" "Nothing special. I was hanging out with Hongjoong this morning so now I wanted to see how you were doing." You smiled, getting ready to type a response, but you halted as you saw that he was typing another message. "You said you were listening to music? Want me to send you my spotify playlist?" "Absolutely, I would love to listen to what you like!" When he sent you the playlist you responded with "Let me listen to it, and I will be right back." to what he said nothing. You put in your earphones and started listening without giving the list a second glance. The songs weren't at all bad, but they varied a lot. A song you thought you already heard came up, so you looked at your phone to check what was up. The name was "You", a song from "The 1985". You changed the song, the next being "Might Not" by "Belly". A chuckle escaped your lips because the two titles went together - "You Might Not", and went to the playlist to actually see all of the songs. Your jaw dropped. You could have easily been mistaken for a sculpture, as you didn't move a muscle, too shocked from what you saw. The titles read one after another made a sentence; "I kinda like you and I wanted to tell you. You might not feel the same and that is okay, but I thought you should know". You stuffed you phone in your pocket and ran outside in the rain, without taking an umbrella, in a rush to see Seonghwa as fast as possible. Your phone buzzed at one point, but neither did you notice it, neither did you care.

Seonghwa was pacing up and down his room, he was worried to the bone because of the fact that you did not reply in way to long. He was wondering whether or not you noticed. But in that panic he just reacted out of impulse, sending you a message that read "Oh, I only just noticed that the songs make a sentence, interesting, right? It's not like I like you or anything.". He facepalmed himself after rereading the message he has sent, realizing how stupid he sounded, but the deed has been done. The fact that you did not read the message was also not helping. If you were listening to music, you would have probably heard the message. That surely meant that you found the way he confessed silly or that you didn't feel the same way and the avoiding and rejecting he feared the most were taking place. He just faceplanted on his bed and wished that the mattress would suck him in. He spent a solid 15 minutes in that position before he heard his doorbell ring.

You stood in front of Seonghwa's door, wet to your bones, but that was not your priority. You rang the doorbell and waited, your heart thumping in your ears. Seconds later the door opened to reveal a wide eyed Seonghwa, he opened his mouth in order to ask you what was happening before you practically yelled in his face. "I like you too!" He blinked a few times in surprise, unsure if he was processing your words right. Then he pulled you in, closed the door and gently pressed you against it with his chest. Without a second more of hesitation he placed his lips on yours, placing his hands on your jaw. You don't remember anything in your life that felt that good. The mixed aromas of cherry and mint in that kiss will forever be carved in your memory. You both pulled apart simultaneously chuckling, and Seonghwa going into "worry mode". "Now that we got that solved, let's solve the problem of you being soaking wet. Wait until I get you a dry set of clothes." He said as he headed towards his room, his stomach filling with butterflies at the thought of you wearing his clothes. That cliche was a must for Seonghwa. "However sweet and romantic of you was the fact that you ran here in the rain just to return my feelings, it was also very irresponsible..." His voice grew more distant as he was going to his room to the point where you couldn't discern what he was talking anymore. You just chuckled, feeling better than ever as you took out your phone out of impulse, to check the time. That's when you saw a message from Seonghwa. Your heart swelled at how cute he was, trying to deny his confession, so you decided to mess with him. You waited for him to return before you made a comment about the message. "I see you do not like me after all, Seonghwa." You showed him the message to what he chuckled. "That might not be all incorrect... I think I have grown to love you."

"What's with the popcorn?" Hongjoong yelled to you from the living room where he and Seonghwa were starting a movie. "It's done, I'm coming!" You yelled back as you poured hot popcorn in two bowls and headed towards the living room. You gave one bowl to Hongjoong who thanked you with a smile, while you took the other with you, as you sat next to Seonghwa, cuddling up to him on the couch while Hongjoong had the armchair all to himself. You kissed Seonghwa, tasting that all too well known cherry mint flavor when you heard Hongjoong proclaim. "You two know I am your number one fan, but could you please refrain from making wet noises while we are watching the movie? I don't wanna be left with mental scars." He turned to both of you, sticking his tongue out playfully, before all of you burst into laughter. Never in your dreams have you imagined that life could be so good.

[manlyquail]

Nerdy Lucid Dreaming

So I figured for no reason whatsoever that I’d share the small story about how I started to learn how to lucid dream as a kid without even realizing what I was doing.

For some brief context, I’m (and always have been) a big gamer. My dad had me playing video games ever since I was young (looking at you Blizzard games), and needless to say I became a bit of an addict. So anyway, with video games ingrained in my brain, there was a day where I suddenly just learned a new skill in my dreams, and it was sort’ve the first step of learning to lucid dream.

See, what would happen is I was a kid that got nightmares quite a bit. Waking up from the cold sweat all scared of whatever happened to be going on (I also grew up on movies like Alien, Friday the 13th, etc. I even saw the opening scene to Fullmetal Alchemist when I was a kid, the scene where they try to ressurect their mom? Yeah, lots of nightmare fuel for my tiny little brain to process). Anyways, it really gave my brain a lot to process, and I don’t really remember any of the dreams because I was so young, except one.

I remember this particular dream because it was the first time I’d ever been aware of my dreaming state, and I was so scared I basically took control almost in a state of panic. In the dream, I was in a really thick hedge maze, above me was all black so no stars or anything, kind’ve like there was just a thick black ceiling above me that was so dark it didn’t even seem like there was anything there. In this maze I was being chased by monsters, in particular I remember Predator being there, a xenomorph from Alien too, and a few other baddies all teamed up chasing me through this maze. As hedge mazes do of course, I eventually found a dead end in the chase and got cornered. So, for dream me it was basically the end, but then the weirdest thing happened. I was so desperate to get out of the dream, to get away from this moment, that a “PAUSE” menu appeared.

Think any game with a pause menu. The screen sorta darkens around the edges, a bright menu in the middle with a list of options and “PAUSE” at the top. It showed up just before things were at their worst, and I was so desperate to wake up from the nightmare that a cursor started to move its way across the image of my dream. It made its way to the pause menu, scrolled down to an EXIT button, and when it clicked it BAM, I woke up. It was so weird to me, and internally I realized how absolutely dorky it was that a video-game style pause menu is what I somehow used to get out of my dream.

After that happened I guess I internalized that ability because I was so thankful to be able to wake up from dreams that it ended up becoming a sort’ve default setting to nightmares at that point. I gained some foresight into when a dream was going to be a nightmare and could simply just ‘exit’ the dream, wake myself up, and then just try another dream. 

Since then I’ve learned more to be able to lucid dream, but in my own way I suppose. I haven’t looked too much into what its like for others with the ability, but for me I’m almost just actively ‘watching’ a show at this point. I’m well aware I could change things around, intervene at any time to wake myself up or change the course of the dream, but I’ve become essentially my own checkpoint system. My curiosity to see how a dream plays out before me makes me eager to simply let dreams play out, but if something bad happens to me in the dream, or something happens that would prevent the dream from continuing or finishing in a way I’m satisfied with, I briefly rewind in a sense and let it play out once more but with the knowledge of what went wrong to avoid it.

I have a few other unique quirks about the way I dream, but some of them are honestly a little horrifying to describe, so I’ll put like a TW and a cut right now for descriptions of extreme gore, and like, loss of limb stuff below really quick just in case before I continue on, mostly because I’m enjoying sharing this and figure why not put all my dream stuff in one place?

So something else kind’ve messed up about the way I dream is how vivid everything is. Because of the self awareness I have that everything is a dream, I no longer panic or freak out when something horrible goes wrong. I’ve been eaten by cannibals, had my limbs ripped off, been cut in half, and so on in my dreams before, but because I realize that they’re dreams I don’t get super freaked out by the events. Usually I just roll with the punches, and in most cases, quite literally try to put myself back together.

I remember one dream in particular, I was in a Halo Warthog in the dream and I don’t quite recall where we were going (group of just sorta faceless people I suppose, and it was a four seater without the turret), but there was a crash and an accident and I ended up getting cut in half right at the waist. Horrifying yes, I remember the feeling of that dismemberment followed by desperately crawling across the ground to a set of legs I thought were mind. Through dream logic I just sort’ve planted my torso on the set of legs and after a couple second was able to use them. Joke was on me because I found out they weren’t actually my legs but someone else’s from the accident, but they were already attached so what was I to do?

The freakiest part of it all though wasn’t the dream, but when I woke up I still felt ‘separated’. I’ve described it to some people in the past as almost like a reverse-phantom limb situation, where I have the body parts but it doesn’t feel like they’re actually attached to me. I was so scared that if I lifted myself up in bed my torso would just pop off from my legs.

It’s not the first time a situation like this has happened, though most of the time it involves my hand. Somehow I frequently get my hand lopped off in various ways, usually not at the wrist but somewhere along the palm or even a few fingers. I always ‘reattach’ it in my dream (usually with something silly, like glue, tape, etc.), and the logic in the dream is as long as I don’t move it around too much it’ll naturally just ‘heal’ itself back connected. I think I get that logic from the idea of sewing limbs back on in emergency situations to save the limb, my brain just equates that to “Well if I just find a way to keep the two pieces lined up long enough it’ll all work out!” Then, when I wake up, than translates to me being utterly terrified to so much as flex my hand or move my fingers around too much lest it just fall apart.

It’s the same sensation as the cut in half one as well. Despite the fact I can see my hand, I can move it and wiggle it around, there’s a lengthy period of time where it feels like a cold fog is there instead. Like, I can feel the warmth of my body up to the part where the limb was lost, but then its like this cold sensation where its as if it isn’t really there even though I know it is. It’s a spooky sensation, almost like a part of my soul was just cut off or something. Eventually the sensation goes away with time, but my imagination and memory are vivid enough that if I think really hard about the scenarios I can recall that feeling pretty distinctly. Spooky stuff.

Anyways, that’s about the end of my weird dream rant. I love sharing nonsense like this but it mostly feels like me rambling some of the time, so thank you for indulging me if you’ve read this far at all and I hope it was the least bit interesting!

[poetlcs]

books I’ve read in 2020 (so far) + their ratings

non-fiction

crossing the line: australia’s secret history in the timor sea by kim mcgrath: important research into australia’s theft of oil in timor leste. didn’t rate

hood feminism: notes from the women that a movement forgot by mikki kendall: essay collection dissecting modern feminism, pointing out the exclusionary practices of mainstream feminism and offering new frameworks through which feminism should operate. really recommend. didn’t rate

the uninhabitable earth: life after warming by david wallace-wells: good introduction to environmentalism and the climate disaster. a little too introductory for me but good for those new to the topic. ★★★

homo deus: a brief history of tomorrow by yuval noah harari: it is simply not Sapiens nor as good as Sapiens. Looks at potentials for our future but, thought it was a little poorly researched. Some parts were still interesting though.  ★★★

SPQR: a history of ancient rome by mary beard: a little dense at times, but super interesting and detailed look at ancient rome. enjoyed it a lot. ★★★★

sister outsider by audre lorde: collection of audre lorde’s essays and speeches, about feminism, lesbianism, the queer community, being Black and a lesbian ect ect. outstanding, important collection anyone interested in intersectional feminism must read. ★★★★★

all boys aren’t blue by george m. johnson: memoir about johnson’s experiences growing up as a Black gay boy in a poor neighbourhood. Very poignant memoir, written in such accessible language which I liked. guarenteed to get you emotional, another one everyone should read. didn’t rate because it’s so highly personal that felt wrong but highly recommend. 

under a biliari tree i born by alice biari smith: memoir by an Aboriginal Australian detailing her life growing up learning traditional Aboriginal ways and how the lives of Indigenous Australian’s have been impacted through the years, specifically in Western Australia. Probably more aimed at school age people but still a 101 I think many Australian’s (and non Australian’s) can benefit from. didn’t rate 

classics

maurice by e.m forster: gay man coming of age story in college + themes around class and sexuality. forster’s end note saying he thought it imperative to write a happy ending because we need that in fiction, i love him. ★★★★★

emma by jane austen: read before seeing the movie. loved emma as a character but thought this was okay compared to other Austen I’ve read. ★★★½

perfume by patrick suskind: a man with an incredible sense of smell starts murdering young women to try and bottle their scent for a perfume. weirdest shit I ever read still don’t know how to feel about it. ★★★

the color purple by alice walker: follows the life of Celie, an Black woman living in rural Georgia. deals with her relationship with her sister Nettie, her lover Shug Avery, and with God. this tore my heart to shreds absolutely everyone must read it, like even just for the beautiful writing ALONE. ★★★★

a study in scarlet by arthur conan doyle: its sherlock holmes #1 no further explanation required. not my fave sherlock story, was the weird morman subplot needed? ★★½

dracula by bram stoker: yeah vampires!! this was way easier to read and also way funnier than I expected. we STAN gothic aesthetics and Miss Mina Harker here. ★★★★

fantasy

the diviners by libba bray: teens with magical powers/abilities solving mysteries in 1920′s new york. reread. ★★★★★

lair of dreams by libba bray: the diviners #2. reread. ★★★★½

before the devil breaks you by libba bray: the diviners #3. reread. best one in the series hands down.  ★★★★★

the king of crows by libba bray: waited so long for this series ender and it let me down lol. ★★★

clockwork princess by cassandra clare: the infernal devices #3. dont @ me this is my comfort reread series and I was travelling. ★★★★★

we unleash the merciless storm by tehlor kay mejia: we set the dark on fire #2. latinx inspired fantasy about overthrowing a corrupt government with an f/f romance. didn’t like as much as book one but still good, BEST girlfriends ever. ★★★½

wolfsong by t.j klune: basically feral gay werewolves and witches living in a town together. feels like a teen wolf episode but way more gayer. despite that hated the writing style and I don’t like age gap romances so yay the concept no the execution.  ★★

the fate of the tearling by erika johansan: the tearling #3. finally finished this series, dunno why everyone loathes the ending so much I thought it was cool. underrated fantasy because it’s very unique. ★★★★

girl, serpent, thorn by melissa bashardoust: persian inspired fantasy about a girl who is cursed by a div to kill anyone she touches. has an f/f romance. bashardoust writes the most aesthetically rich settings I love her. ★★★★

crier’s war by nina varela: reread. f/f enemies to lovers where the main character poses as a handmaiden in order to try and murder the princess whose father killed her family. PEAK gay content literally a modern classic. ★★★★★

we hunt the flame by hafsah faizal: I was so disinterested in this book I barely can describe the plot but basically it’s a prince and a hunter who are enemies but are forced to go looking for this magical artifact together anyway it was boring.  ★

ghosts of the shadow market by cassandra clare + others: short story collection set in the shadowhunter world. probably the strongest of her collections but they just don’t hit the same as her full length books. didn’t rate. 

a storm of swords: part two by george r.r martin: a song of ice and fire #3. I WILL finish reading these books eventually i swear !! probably the best one yet though. ★★★★

amarah by l.l mcneil: world of linaria #3. high fantasy with politics, dragons, warring races. tolkein/asoiaf vibes if they had more women with agency. didn’t rate because I haven’t decided my feelings on the end yet. 

science fiction

This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone: f/f enemies to lovers between spies on rival sides of a time war. good book but writing style wasn’t for me (others love this so eh take my opinion with a grain os salt:  ★★★

not your sidekick by c.b lee: main character is from a superhero family but has no powers herself, so she takes an internship working with a superhero corp. has an f/f romance with a villain character. so much fun and super cute

speculative fiction:

the deep by rivers solomon: speculative fiction wherein pregnant African women thrown overboard by slave ships gave birth to babies that became mermaids. main character holds all the memories of her people’s past but runs away after being unable to deal with the burden. about self discovery, intergenerational trauma and the burden of remembering. a little short imo but still all round excellent book ★★★★

how long ‘til black future month? by n.k jemisin: short story collection, many with an afro-futurism focus. hard to explain because there is such a wide variety of stories but this is an AMAZING collection. didn’t rate because I don’t like rating short story collections but wish more people would read it. 

mystery

the family upstairs by lisa jewell: woman inherits an english house and starts to unravel the secrets of a mass cult suicide that happened there years ago. loved it because it was wild. ★★★★★

the hand on the wall by maureen johnson: truly devious #3. boarding school mystery where the main character has to solve a murder that happened in the 1920s at her school while another mystery is happening in present time. my least favourite of the series but satisfying conclusion nonetheless. ★★★½

contemporary fiction

maybe in another life by taylor jenkins reid: dual timeline book showing the two outcomes of a decision the main character makes. cool concept but ultimately boring book because I didn’t care about the main character at all.  didn’t rate because I didn’t finish it. 

girl, woman, other by bernadine evaristo: vignette stories of various women whose lives are vaguely interconnected. incredibly well written with such vivid characters. deserves the hype. ★★★★

tin heart by shivan plozza: australian YA, the recipient of a heart transplant wishes to connect with the family of her donor, after she discovers the identity of her donor. good story but didn’t like the writing style. ★★★

a little life by hanya yanigahara: follows the life of a group of friends living in life, especially that of jude, a closed off and damaged man with a troubling past. a little too torture-porny/Tragic Gays but I cannot deny the author has a beautiful writing style and I went through all the emotions. didn’t rate

a girl like that by tanaz bhathena: explores the events leading up to the main character dying in a car crash. set in Jeddah, saudi arabia and explores expectations on women, feminism and expressions of sexuality and relationships between women during teenage years. kinda no good characters but I loved it for it’s messy depiction of teen girls (whilst not condemning them for this). underrated. ★★★★

little fires everywhere by celeste ng: drama in white american suburbs when a new family moves in and the neighbours start investigating their past. eh, I heard a lot about this and thought it was just okay. ★★★

stay gold by tobly mcsmith: trans boy decides to go stealth at his new school and falls for a cheerleader, georgia. about navigating being trans and definitely felt like it was written to educate cis people. it was okay but ultimately not my thing and not really the story I was looking for, even though I respect it being written by a trans author and still would recommend to certain people. ★★½

everything leads to you by nina lacour: main character and her best friend have to unravel a hollywood mystery, all while the main character is trying to get over her ex-girlfriend and find work as a set designer. f/f romance and loved the focus on movie making and the power of stories. ★★★½

the falling in love montage by ciara smyth: a girl meets another girl at a party, but she’s not looking to date due to the amount of family issues she has going on. so her and the girl decide to spend the summer having fun, renacting scenes from rom-coms, but never dating. awesome family dynamics and the relationship between the two girls was sweet also set in ireland which is fun. 

normal people by sally rooney: explores the relationship between connell and marianne, who meet in school, date secretly, and then are inexplicably drawn to each other for the rest of their lives. explores power dynamics, relationships, love and trust, and what we owe to eachother. great book, great mini-series, love it to bits. ★★★★★

the glass hotel by emily st john mandel: impossible to explain this book, but there’s a mystery about grafitti, a ponzi scheme and a character falling to their death on a boat under suspicious circumstances. honestly idk what happened in this book but I liked it. ★★★½

historical fiction

half of a yellow sun by chimamanda ngozi adichie: historical fiction about the biafran war loosely based on adichie’s family experiences. incredibly well written with an ending that punches you in the gut. ★★★★

hamnet by maggie o’farrell: explores the shakespeare family after the death of their child, Hamnet, from the plague, and how this leads to Shakespeare writing Hamlet. cool as fuck concept and boring as fuck book with such tropey female characters. ★★

all the light we cannot see by anthony doerr: WW2 fiction, dual perspective between a blind girl living in france and a german boy forced into nazi youth. I cannot believe this book is award winning it’s so boring and predictable and i reget the time i wasted on it. ★

poetry:

on earth we’re briefly gorgeous by ocean vuong: poetry memoir. vuong writes a letter to his illiterate mother, knowing she’ll never read it, exploring their relationship, his experiences growing up as second generation Vietnamese-American, and hers during the Vietnam War. My favorite book I’ve read so far this year, just too good to explain, genuinely just feel like everyone is better off for having read this. ★★★★★

currrently reading:

girls of storm and shadow by natasha ngan

meet me at the intersection: edited by rebecca lim & ambelin kwaymullina

stamped from the beginning: the definitive history of racist ideas in america by ibram x. kendi

get a life, chloe brown by talia hibbert