#worry not! I'm still insane about them

[bertoyana]

charles and erik with each other: oh dear, oh dear. gorgeous 🥺👐 charles and erik with the villain of the week/the x-men: K1LL YOURSELF 🔥🔥🔥

X-Men: First Class (2011) | X-Men Apocalypse (2016)

[mudstoneabyss]

actually. the specific phrasing that boy Kevin wants to kill older Kevin with "I must disassemble him, piece by piece, so that everything inside of the Old Kevin comes out. Only then can the New Kevin truly begin." is so incredibly the idea that to heal from trauma and "improve" you have to destroy every "wrong" part of yourself, that everything "tainted" by it has to somehow be replaced by something untouched (which isn't possible)

[vraska-theunseen]

google how to not be sosososo anxious all the time. its not even like stress that motivates me to get things done it's just like. i make a mistake and misunderstood instructions in class and my teacher is like "you were supposed to figure out precisely where 180 was before taping the draft and punching your marks" when i like an idiot guesstimated it and after a moment of me going "oh..." bc its something i can't fix bc i've already punched in all the holes on the part he's like "i think you'll be okay" and goes back to what he's doing and then for three hours im like he's so annoyed with me i bring things to him too much and ask him too many questions and make the stupidest mistakes every day he hates me. i ask a friend something and they don't respond because they're busy or forget about it or don't see it or any number of other reasons and then a couple weeks later i send them something else and they don't respond for a few hours and its enough time for me to convince myself i said something a while ago that they took offense to without realizing and they're ignoring me and i send another message saying "are you mad at me did i do something can you tell me what i did so we can work it out" and he's like "what?". a friend posts about people treating them badly in a way that's clear they're talking about a specific phenomenon or person and im always like omg are they talking about me did i do something bad and not realize it... and its someone i talk to so infrequently and casually it obviously would not be a concern or someone i've known for so many years that they would obviously come to me if there was any conflict that arose. help

[ultraviolet-cello]

legato doodle i dont think i'll ever finish but its There

[thethingything]

I keep randomly remembering that the reason our brain is especially fucked and a bunch of our symptoms are worse right now is because of like, an avoidable external thing that's chemically affected our nervous system instead of either our symptoms flaring up on their own or some specific stressful event triggering it, and for some reason that keeps making us feel especially bad about it.

like our mental health being bad because of stressful stuff going on and our mental illnesses randomly flaring up both suck, but I can handle our brain just doing its own thing and/or reacting to what's going on around us.

but something about it being a medication that someone else prescribed that's changed the way our brain functions is significantly more distressing in a way I can't put into words properly. a lot of the symptoms we've got (apathy, brain fog, alexithymia, memory problems, etc) are very typical depression and dissociation symptoms, but they're like a weird version of them that feels very different to how we normally experience them.

the only way I can describe the difference in feeling is that it feels more "artificial" but I can't even really describe what I mean by that. if normal brain fog is looking out the window on a foggy day, this is looking out of a window that's been covered with those frosted vinyl sheets. you can't see shit either way, but the feeling is very different.

I just desperately want it to go away. I'm finding it hard to be enthusiastic about things I'm normally excited about no matter how bad our depression gets, and our usual coping mechanisms for getting our brain to register positive things aren't really working because it's not the same underlying mechanism.

it feels like any control I did have over our symptoms and anything I could do to help with them has been stripped away and all I can do is wait it out and hope it fixes itself, and the whole "being given a drug that changes how your brain functions and takes away your control over what your brain is doing" is pretty much the exact phobia I was trying to learn to figure out how to deal with before we get dental work done, and for the dental work it'd be like... idk probably an hour at most, whereas now I'm just stuck dealing with experiencing it 24/7 for an undetermined amount of time

[callixton]

sorry why did i say some of that stuff to him in that letter. i mean i know why i was practicing this thing called vulnerability. but oh my god i really said that out loud (wrote it down)

[aeide-thea]

thinking abt (1) that post abt how most censorship is preemptive self-censorship¹ (2) bras²

⸻ ¹ wow, tumblr search actually worked for once??? ² i do understand and respect that for many people bras serve an actual structural function wrt support/comfort! however, for many other people (hi!) they do not, at least in everyday non-sports contexts, and that's the set of concerns i'm speaking to here.

[franeridan]

it could be because I've been obsessed with zolu for over half of my life but every time I reread op I'm always like I'm gonna focus on all zoro and luffy's relationships, not just the zoro-and-luffy one! and then I start rereading !!! and I'm !!! right back !!! on my zolu bullshit !!!!!!

[dazais-guardian-angel]

delighted that i'm so much more fond of chuuya at this point than i was just a couple years ago. it took the stormbringer play, the cannibalism play, and the fifteen manga (still haven't gotten to those two novels in their entirety, I Will Soon I Promise), it took 6ish+ years, but i can confidently say I Get It Now. Now i just need asagiri to break him (affectionate) in the manga and actually give him a character arc already <333

[museumgiftshoperaser]

Paint the Devil on the Wall

80s New York City art scene AU, Coming November 7th!

My Steddie Big Bang project has a posting date! The first of five chapters will be uploaded to AO3 on November 7th! I can't wait to share this story that I've been working on since January. It's the longest I've ever worked on a fic and also the longest in terms of length. We'll probably be clocking in at around 60k and it will be rated E. The fic will be accompanied by art from @melonalemonade and @dreaminginpencil which I could not be happier about! I've seen a little sneak peak of one of the pieces and it's so insanely gorgeous, you're gonna love it so so much <333 Below is a little excerpt from the intro...

***

The first artwork Eddie ever falls in love with is a piece of graffiti on the dumpster behind the church. He’s ten, maybe eleven and his mother pushes him across the parking lot on Sunday morning. They’re running late and pretending not to be, but the Indiana sun soaks sweat through his mother’s nicest blouse. A telltale sign of rushing and cheap polyester. 

Would you look at that, she tuts anyway, like judging other people will guard her from nasty looks from the right side of the picket fence. Her yellowed nails hook into his shoulders. I bet it’s those Peterson boys again. 

So Eddie looks. 

It’s a corner of town he’s seen a hundred times, but just like that it’s new again. Angry blue and black lines swoop across the metal into bold letters spelling out SOON. Loud like advertising, enticing like early morning cartoons. Messy, but on purpose.

His mother must see the crease between his brows, maybe the longing in his eyes because she adds you don’t draw on things that aren’t yours, baby.

Inside, with his knees on the hardwood and his eyes closed, those bright letters light up the inside of his eyelids like a promise. Soon. He doesn’t know what, or where or how, but he thinks it’s coming. 

Later that night he scratches the same swooping letters into his bedside table with a ballpoint and a vision. Pushes so hard the plywood dents in the shape of his marks and learns how good it feels. How a room can be a canvas. How he gets to pick the colors.

His stepdad smacks him over the head for it when his mother finds out so he figures nothing in his bedroom is really his. But maybe he knew that already. 

It’s a decade later now, and Hawkins, Indiana is over seven hundred miles away. He doesn’t believe in God anymore, maybe never did, and he no longer believes in Art. But he believes in Soon like nobody’s business. Gets the word tattooed over his wrist his first week in New York and never looks back. The money. The boys and the white, chalky lines across every black surface he can find. Everything. Soon.

It’s coming.

All of which is to say that this is not a love story.  At least, not yet.

(If you have any questions you can always send me an ask, I've been absolutely DYING to talk about this story since January) (And also thanks so much to all the moderators who've been running this big bang!)

[singsweetmelodies]

nothing prepared me for the piarles queen joining the landoscar ship 😭

anon 🙈😭

well, first and foremost... "piarles queen," my ass. you're terribly kind to call me that, but it couldn't be further from the truth 🙈 i haven't been a very good piarlie at all lately, least of all when it comes to writing!! *checks AO3 and winces* yeah.... yeah.

SECONDLY! if it helps any 🥲 the whole landoscar thing took ME by surprise, too!! even six months ago, i was still firmly on board the "pffft, how would it even work between those two? as IF" train. but then... well. i blame my besties, actually - most specifically the lovely @welightitup, who sent me insta reels of that finish the lyric challenge/oscar "heart eyes" piastri moment and persuaded me to give a fic or two a try. and yeah, i'm afraid it's only been downhill from there - now, i not only see how they'd work together, but i'm also plotting a fic of my own for them. whoops. (but really: i'm just a girl, and when i started noticing the way oscar LOOKS at him, and the way lando acts around him, and the way they're everything you wouldn't expect to work but somehow it DOES work almost perfectly... yeah. YEAH.)

long story short - i'm in my landoscar era now 🙈🧡

[bewby]

when you get blocked by him even tgough you guys barely even talk anymore but the last time you talked which was about a week ago you actually had a nice and healthy conversation and you had alot of love for eachother and it seemed amazing 😂😂😍😍😍😍 no i'm definitely not fucking crying Lol

[otterandterrier]

I'm not adapting well to being a single cat mom tbh 😔

[areyoudoingthis]

hey guys I'm genuinely upset about these characters right now i think the everything of it all is finally catching up to me

[lordofthestrix]

Lucien: Uh, just a tick. Aurora has Rebekah, hmm?

Aurora: No reason why I shouldn't be trusted with my sire's safety. Lucien: [scoffs] Of course... unless you were to have one of your episodes.

Tristan: Easy, Lucien. My sister sought leverage to protect herself. Who among us would do otherwise?

[arodrwho]

turning over so many dr who thoughts in my brain right now