#worthy of something someones loves doing

[siriuslygay1981]

Always the artist, never the muse.

I love making art believe me. It has been a part of me since I could pick up a pencil. I like to capture the things I see, to show everyone how I see it and its beauty. Most of all, I really loved to draw people I adored, people who were a part of my soul. But at some point, after countless hours of drawing these people, spread out beautifully and in their element and then seeing others do the same online, speaking of their muse and just thinking of your own process you wish to be the muse. Even for a moment, for a single drawing...a doodle even. Doesn't have to be perfect, doesn't even have to be good...just has to be.

I have had countless artist friends, one IRL who has been my muse before. I had a s/o who did art sometimes who was and still is one of my biggest muses. I've drawn my sister a few times, she's an artist herself, I've drawn my mom who used to draw, I have never even been given art. I have given away art though, to friends and family. Never appreciated even when I'd spent hours on it.

Except a throw away drawing my baby sister did, she claimed she made it for me but I had caught her in the lie. she had drew stick figures and just added black hair so it could be me. I still have it tucked away in my box of mementos. Even though it wasn't meant for me at first...at least someone gave me something like that. She has been the only one. I don't expect to be drawn, I don't even ask it but maybe...for once I could be beautiful enough to want to capture. To someone I'll be beautiful enough to want to immortalize on a paper , in a drawing, something someone spent longer than a second on.

Maybe to someone I'm worth putting in effort, maybe to someone they think I'd be a beautiful piece of art.

[chirpsythismorning]

When I suggest Mike’s arc is in part a queer coming of age story and not just him being some prize to help El or Will defeat the big bad—

Angry anons:

[futurewife]

Ven please, I'm begging you to go to therapy. Your posts hurt me so much cause I recognize myself and people I've loved in them and I always wanna say smth to make you feel better but I know from experience that that only helps for a little while or doesn't help at all or can even make things worse. But you don't have to suffer like this forever!! You can get better and there is help!! And as a fellow pmdd sufferer you can get help with that too. Idk how you feel about medication but going on birth control continuously so you never have periods or using antidepressants or mood stabilizers just for the two nightmare weeks after ovulation can help so much. Please please please I worry about you and I know you can have a good life if you get help! you're beautiful and creative and you have everything you need you just have to figure out how to access it and use it and I know you can do it. I know your F/Os would want you to and I know your future real life S/Os who are waiting for you would want you to too. You deserve to be happy instead of feeling like a ghost all the time.

Thank you anon I appreciate the concern, feel a little bit embarrassed about oversharing now but you know what...sometimes you just have to say it out loud somewhere. As you would know the nature of the disorder means there's often not much that can be done in terms of talking myself out of the way it feels cause biology is so (detrimentally) overpowering and intensifies other mental health issues and generally all pre-existing negative feelings about ones' existence. The ghost analogy is apt and I've often used this to describe how I relate to life and connecting with others. now idk if I can overcome myself and thrive but maybe I could switch some things up and see if it makes it suck a little less

I was on ssris constantly for years previously (edit: and therapy on and off) before I stopped taking them but your ask has me considering intermittent dosing even if I dislike the side effects just to see what happens. I thought I could just grit my teeth and bare it (put myself to sleep between being wracked by ugly crying as I cannot stand being conscious in my own mind) every month in lieu of meds but maybe I can't rawdog slog through dark funhouse mirror evil pmdd reality on my own/shouldn't feel that I have to in order to not "lose"

I was very touched by your reaching out and compassionately disagreeing with me (lol) and it means a lot from another person with pmdd. It helps to think someone out there sees the value in me as I am right now, and that someone else is also fighting their own good fight. When you said I have everything I need I just have to figure out how to access it and use it and you know I can do it you sound just like my grandma. (<3)

[szappan]

im also increasingly sure that im autistic but we'll never ever confirm that </3

[tanicus-caesareth]

guarana drama, damage control

[archduke-enver-gortash]

gortash shapes and molds people as he sees fit, and lies are certainly a necessary part of that. he does what he always does, what is necessary for the image of the world he’s working towards, which is why he does not ever feel guilt or shame or whatever about it. i do however think that, while it also couldn’t be described as guilt or something, he definitely loathes telling people that he isn’t blood-related to zeke. zeke is his child, or more accurately, newborn in ways that supercede all the imbecilic notions of ‘family’ that lesser beings have. as his magnum opus, zeke comes from the same palms that crush him in this eternal cycle—he is gortash’s flesh & blood/bread & wine in all the ways that matter.

[chqnified]

People who are truly your friend will not leave you behind attempting to catch up or exclude you from things just because you're disabled. They won't make fun of you just because you have learning disabilities. They won't claim it's too difficult for them to correctly refer to you by the right pronouns just because you're queer.

If they do, they aren't a friend. Get yourself some new ones and you'll start to feel a whole lot happier

[b0tsbby]

I’ve NEVER read Trimax and I already love post Trimax Knives (me when I love the idea of something and not the thing itself) oh I’m going to squish him and shower him with hugs

[hecksupremechips]

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

[nolanhattrick]

eventually your love for humanity must supersede your fear of "islamic terrorists" or "hamas militants" or whatever you want to call the palestinians being murdered rn. i don't care how much fearmongering has been done, how much propaganda has been shoved down your throat. you need to unlearn it. you need to force it out of yourself. you need to do the work. the lives of these people don't need to be justified by playing to your sympathies - it doesn't matter that you have arab or muslim or palestinian neighbors or classmates or coworkers or whatever. they are people. that's all that matters.

[dutybcrne]

Diona is extremely touch averse, but once she gets comfortable, she will get clingy. And she will get a little moody if she's not able to be.

[v-arbellanaris]

i think the problem (?) is that the only kind of (fictional?) love that interests me is the kind of love that changes the world. the kind of love that derails the narrative, the kind of love that changes everything -- not necessarily by how special or unique the love is but by the very mundanity of it. the love that grows, not in spite of the barren lovelessness of Before, but out of it. i think that's why I'm always so invested in ships that are two people diametrically opposed to each other, or enemies-to-friends-to-lovers, or two people on separate sides of the morality issue coin, because i love it when love... not that it changes a person but it allows the person to Become. the space, the grace, to change. to love the monster, to love the unlovable and the intolerable, is to make it something other than a monster, than unlovable, than intolerable. i love it when being loved at your worst, ugliest, most horrible self is what makes you want to be someone worth loving. like is this ANYTHING to anyone or

[leatherbookmark]

dear google duckduckgo how to love and feel loved because i'm at my wits' end at this point

[nyazai-osameow]

i wish people werent so ~Christian~ about morals and punishment and wrongdoing and redemption and forgiveness and--

[reverie-starlight]

i need mass amounts of comfort rn lol

[navree]

once again on my frankenstein bullshit because i’m sure it’s a very nice bookend but it is baffling that so many fix it attempts for this story are built on frankenstein asking the creature’s forgiveness in the arctic because like??? no??? the only time victor was ever in the position of “hey you should really say sorry to this guy” is after he first ran away. everything else after that should be the creature fucking groveling and saying “hey sorry i murdered your brother and then framed your friend so she’d be executed and then murdered your boyfriend and the murdered your wife which made your dad weaken and die”  because in the scales of who’s been wronged more, guy whose father was mean to him is very much trumped by guy who had everyone he loves wiped the fuck out because his son threw a temper tantrum. 

sorry.