#yeah i really just wanted to go on a tangent about this :>

[angel---eater]

i remembered that this was a thing and i couldnt help myself. elaboration under the cut

theyre both pretty vers, but hal got interested in Domming. dirk is really happy as a sub. hal also knows for a fact that dirk NEEDS to be Dommed so he doesnt just go crazy all the time, and Domming in turn helps hal regain a safe sense of control over both himself, his surroundings, and dirk. Domming is full on a hobby for hal. hes also really fuckin strict about SSC rules (as you should be) but dirk... not so much

drive: they both have trauma that impacts their drive. hal's drive is tanked most of the time bc he finds it difficult to interact with his body that way- another reason why he prefers to Dom, as for him theres a safe balance of separation and gettin' right up in there if yknow what i mean. dirk swung the opposite way with a generally higher drive while also struggling with hypersexuality (you can be hypersexual regardless of drive)

taking risks: dirk has a boner for Getting Into Situations that hal would rather he not get into ever. hal gets spooked somewhat easily and is more concerned abt safety. dirk doesnt use the safewords they set up LMAO. he says he will and he does remember them, he just doesnt know his limits and/or willfully ignores them to '''challenge himself''' which leaves hal with too much on his Dom plate too often. this is the cause of many arguments and hal storming out of the house with threats to never touch him again (yeah right)

dirk has called jakes name like 10 times. hal not so secretly likes it though. he holds it over dirks head for leverage

there was an incident that ended up with dirk in pretty bad subdrop, relating to him just not using their safewords, which also put hal in severe domdrop the next morning. hal ugly cried for a solid hour. this is related to the 'got injured/injured someone else' points

their playlist started serious w/ attention to bpm because they never half ass anything, but it quickly dissolved into memery. yeah they still fuck to it

dirk also mentioned alpha dave once. of course he did, hes himself. need i say more about that

hal kinkshames dirk for being a little too into machines routinely lol. its twisted around into a humiliation thing

hals mind sometimes wanders off during vanilla encounters. his face will just glaze over like dude will literally be scrolling through social media in his CPU brain while dirk is bouncing on it. it pisses dirk tf off and also really worries and stresses him out. hal isnt actually aware that hes just as if not a little more dissociative than dirk

tangentally to sex, most of the time all they want to do is snuggle and kiss. being able to be close to e/o like that is overwhelming in both good and bad ways. half the time they cant touch each other at all, and on really bad days they can't even be in the same room. theyre both BPD as fuck, so sometimes the feelings pile up until they burst

[cyanityinsanity101]

going on a tangent about why i think the mfn puppets are victims of toxic positivity as someone who's experienced it!

[ quick warning, i'm gonna go into mental health stuff and mentions of sh at the end ]

ok, so like looking at the stuff all the puppets do just screams to me that these puppets are definitely victims of some sort of toxic positivity. gonna just ramble about them cuz i can't keep this in my head- [ all of these examples are based on stuff i've experienced before, so it may not be definitive proof but it's just what i think ]

1.the puppets are constantly happy even when talking about stuff that would probably traumatize any normal person

listen, no normal person would just casually mention how they stomped their friend's face in or made a lump out of the remains of their friend. the way they talk about it feels like the way someone would talk about a traumatizing event without realizing it's traumatizing. the only thing i can think of is that the people who worked with the puppets definitely must have done something that made them not realize stuff so bad was so traumatizing. [ example, they weren't allowed to watch TV until they were alone, the people at the studio definitely were making sure these puppets wouldn't realize happy wasn't a default emotion. ]

2.they switch back to being happy as soon as they even show a hint of negative emotion

this one is just extremely relatable to me, i've just instantly hid my negative emotions whenever i accidentally show them so i was able to see this right away, and when the puppets do show negative emotions it's more extreme like they're just starting to get out pent up negativity. speaking as someone who's experienced it, this is extremely accurate to what can often happen when you hide negative emotions.

3.When they are confronted with negative emotions, they seem to not react well if the unfriendly neighbors are anything to go by

yeah this one's very obvious, the second they were able to watch tv and saw how negative everything was, basically in ricky's own words, it felt like they were dying. and considering what the unfriendly neighbors look like, it's clear they even resorted to self-harm to some capacity when they couldn't handle the fact that happiness wasn't just something everyone experienced. speaking as someone who's had this revelation a long time ago, it does feel like your dying when you realize what you experienced wasn't normal, and even the self-mutilation is sadly accurate.

so when gordon comes along, it doesn't really just feel like it's them teaching gordon that not everything's all sad and gloomy, it also feels like it's gordon teaching them that experiencing negative emotions isn't something to hide [ heck his talk with gobblette fuels this idea as he's actually comforting gobblette while she feels sad. ] although this is just my interpretation, it's just an interpretation i really like.

[lucabyte]

transfem loop + siffrin... you agree

i does agree.... i does in fact ... write a 7k word essay on the subject..... if you would like to perhaps click that link and read it if you were not already aware...... kisses u on the forehead......... sorry its that long but i had to cover all of my bases you know how it is with textual analysis when you're trying to draw a distinction between "headcanon" and "reading of the text" because those are different things.... to meeeeeeee.......

[revehae]

we need to kill everyone at sm entertainment

[lungfuls]

Maybe I'm projecting and being hopeful but I mentioned to M that I don't even get to shit by myself in peace lmao and I feel like something clicked for him. Bc I was like hey, at least you get private bathroom breaks at work (noncombative). And since then he's been a lot more acquiescent when I ask if I can nap and stuff

[rivalmelty]

one (1) person asked (@saltasaurus-loricatus) so i’m gonna ramble about my ranpo and fyodor narrative foils brainworms

possible spoiler warning under the cut

you’ll have to forgive the jumbled nature of my thoughts and if i forget anything bc i don’t have the manga/light novels/anime pulled up right this second to double check specifics these are more broad thoughts that ive been reiterating to friends over the years

okay so it’s not a detail in ln3 that’s explicitly stated but in the anime adaptation of untold origins, V is something to do with one fyodor dostoevsky and the way its place timeline wise the story of the play is a hell of a lot more in line with fyodor’s whole methodology even going as far as to “kidnap” (in quotations bc ranpo planned for it) ranpo simply because he was loudly parading around his own ability

now asagiri probably set this up as a way to show how the agency and fyodor have been both intertwined and diametrically opposed to each other since the beginning but To Me with the nature of the agency hinging on ranpo almost exclusively (you need a detective to have a detective agency) i took the first sentence of this paragraph and swapped out ‘the agency’ for ‘ranpo’

there’s also these four seconds in the s5 anime opening and when i tell you the psychological damage i took seeing fyodor and ranpo in the rainstorm while dazai was in the light i have a whole powerpoint presentation of the symbolisms and understanding of just these four seconds istg it has to mean something or anything especially when we know asagiri is at least somewhat involved in the anime scripts but i digress ill just say that fyodor facing the storm with his back to the audience vs ranpo facing the audience with his back to the storm is once again showing just how similar they are as characters even as opposing figureheads of their own organizations (fighting back the worms in my brain that want me to only talk about the significance of four seconds)

we know fyodor main motivation in bsd that being to eliminate ability users as they are a sin on mankind or whatever this is my main talking point with these two bc there’s only been two instances (i think) where fyodor and ranpo are within the same vicinity: the end of untold origins and right before the creation of amenogozen godman (which there is also a whole tangent for my. hm. como se dice frustration around that which might or might not end up in here idk) only two despite how ranpo aligns perfectly in fyodor’s motivations let me elaborate

in untold origins we know that V has a thing against ability users it falls in line with fyodor’s ideals still he watches ranpo (now idk if fyodor is aware this early on that ranpo doesn’t have an ability but we know dazai mentions it in prison that ranpo surpasses even ability users implying his lack of one) bc at this point we as an audience know ranpo isn’t gifted and if fyodor is successful, he would be the only main member of the ada to survive the wiping out of all ability users and even then ranpo could continue natsume’s wishes in retrieving the book and fixing everything single-handedly since we know ranpo would go to any lengths for his family (this would be where i would tangent again and yap about demon ranpo to my friends)

last year i said to my friend “if asagiri reveals that fyodor’s motives all stem from ranpo because if he wants a world without abilities and ranpo is like some all perfect man without an ability as god intended or something like that then like ranpo is proof that the world would be better without abilities thus resulting in the beginning of v into the doa i will explode” now i no longer think that his whole way of thinking stems from ranpo since now we know his ability however i would not be surprised if the creation of the doa was because of ranpo and fukuzawa since i dont think we ever got a why as to their origins and bc of fukuchi’s involvement a sort of tether to the agency and by extension ranpo

here’s another quote i’ve said to my friend about ranpo fyodor “the other man (ranpo) who is greatness personified and without an ability as [fyodor] so desires, surrounds himself with ability users and would risk anything for their safety ‘ranpo is everything the world could be’” and yet ranpo runs head first into a tripolar singularity to save the one man who he trusts wholeheartedly even if that man has placed his trust in the wrong hands leaving ranpo to have to pick up the pieces. ranpo still runs towards fukuzawa as a man without an ability as a kid with only one person to look out for him ranpo still runs even if he won’t survive to see an after and that’s where we are today

ranpo and fyodor being narrative foils yet ranpo has all but disappeared from the airport from fyodor’s line of sight from the narrative and i don’t understand but for the sake of holding myself off from yet another tangent i’ll leave it at that

sorry if that’s all over the place and incoherent i’m just not normal about them and the possibilities and everything that there is and that there is not i just find them so interesting and unexpected as foils considering their irl works but also i can’t really read irl dostoevsky i just didn’t click with it but im gonna be done with this if yall want to talk more about this please i would love to i love talking bsd theory sm

[indigodawns]

.

[multishipper-baby]

Also before I go to sleep, one more thought about the characters as animal people. Because If Onnie is a bunny and Jason is a snake... That has to be awkward.

[withacapitalp]

hi, sorry if this is rude to ask or anything, (and no pressure if you don’t have one or anything!) i was just wondering what ur posting schedule is for the steve joins hellfire au ?

Hi anon!

It’s not rude, because I know you aren’t asking in a demanding sort of way, so I hope you don’t think my answer is rude. It might sound a bit blunt.

I don’t have one. As a rule I am never going to have a posting schedule again. I’ve done a lot of thinking about my writing recently and what I hope to get out of it, and I realized that I was letting a lot of real life/societal pressure leak into my hobby.

Part of that is the way that fandoms seem to be leaning (looking for algorithms on ao3, expecting posting schedules, authors treating fanfic like they have this expectation for every single fic to be a star that everyone reads- including myself- or like it’s going to be the way they become “real” authors ) and part of that is me not checking myself and letting this hobby I love become another way I can harm myself by letting myself feel like I’m failing if I don’t post on time (Perfectionism!!)

It all just felt really capitalistic? I write because it makes me happy and because so much of my life doesn’t make me happy and this is one of the only things that’s really just mine that doesn’t feel stressful. If I start putting pressure on myself to adhere to posting schedules, try to meet deadlines, write at a certain pace to please other people and gain more notoriety….

Well that kind of just sounds like a job doesnt it?

[britneyshakespeare]

i was hanging out today w a friend i hadn't seen in awhile and kaily and i were catching up on all the drama involving him (my controlling manipulative and abusive ex-friend) and how he keeps going out of his way to ask ppl about where we are and find us and how the only reason i think i get out of it is bc i don't go to the same college as him anymore, i hardly ever leave the house socially and the few ppl i do see all have no connection w him anymore, and i don't work at some place where he can just show up. i work in pre-k-to-12 public schools. my schedule in terms of days/location is irregular anyway, but if some strange adult man shows up for no particular reason and seeks out a female employee, you do not just get let in. that is how you have the cops called on you. but he does know where i live and i have been paranoid about him finding some excuse to show up at my house. i've had legitimate nightmares about that. i never stopped having nightmares about him i'd say at least once every other week and i haven't talked to him in almost six months.

i don't like at all how i don't feel safe in a way that means i have faith that the issue is over; the person is out of my life; our communication will not be renewed against my will once again. bc all of those things have been attempted. i feel safe in a way that means he happens, by circumstance, not to be able to access me in any convenient way to him. any way he could find me (the only way to feasibly do that would be work/home) would be a justification for calling the police. but i don't have any faith that he wouldn't try, because he has shown himself as being capable of being that low. and if i switch jobs or transfer schools finally and he finds out about it, he can just make it an issue there if he so feels like it, and i'm sure he will. he's a monster. he gets some sort of thrill out of making other ppl feel unsafe and having all the control in the situation

[knife-em0ji]

Just finished the darth plagueis book from Star Wars legends and hhhhhogh like. It was certainly a book. I liked the insight into palpatine’s backstory otherwise HATED hate how the whole premise of it was “hey what if every anti-Semitic conspiracy theory was real. That’s what the sith is” like it could’ve had more plausible deniability on that front if plagueis was literally anything other than a muun and luceno hadn’t made muuns Like That but I digress. Anyway the star wars EU is a place where pizzagate could reasonably happen so like. Maybe it’s good Disney retconned darth fuckhands mcmike.

[chalkeater]

not wanting to switch bc i like my discord icon too much. smh 😔

[mars-ipan]

i will ALWAYS believe in the oscar wilde mentality of creativity

[quarterprioritymidnight]

lol it’s hard for me to believe any of the negative stories ppl have abt Dan or Bastille, like I just see them as angels and perfectly nice all the time

yeah I mean same kind of. I can't really imagine them doing anything actively mean or trying to be rude to fans or anything lol, but also they are people so there are gonna be times when they're tired or busy or just don't want to be bothered and, even though that's obviously like fine and allowed, i can see how that might rub people the wrong way.

idk i think part of it is that they, and particularly dan, have such a reputation for being super nice and also the way dan comes across as very down-to-earth and kind of accessible (?) for an artist of his size can lead people to feel veryyy entitled to his time and a certain level of friendliness ig, so if the interaction doesn't go the way they want it to then some people will take that out on him even though he's literally just a person lol

also they aren't angels and perfectly nice all the time they are literally just people pls don't think that about anyone ahaha lol

[suiana]

✎ yandere! criminal who is helplessly in love with you, devoting his life to you and keeping your affections solely on him, and him only.

✎ yandere! criminal who can't help but flirt with you despite being so beaten up. i mean you're just so cute! why wouldn't he flirt?

✎ yandere! criminal who always reminds you that he has the upperhand no matter what his condition is like. he likes playing dirty.

✎ yandere! criminal who commits even more crimes after seeing you talk with someone who isn't him. doctor, you just never learn, do you?

"remember doctor, you may be smarter, but i always have the upperhand."

the criminal mutters, smirking as he leans into your touch. you merely click your tongue, grimacing at the his antics before going back to tending to his injuries.

you were his doctor, illegally caring for one of the most wanted criminals in the country simply because he was once your childhood friend. you knew it was wrong, you knew you should have rejected him the second he came stumbling to your apartment one day with a bloody wound.

but you didn't. you took him in and treated his injury, nursed him back to health and even offered your place as refuge if he ever needed medical attention again.

unfortunately, you failed to realise that the man was crazy in love with you, infatuated to such an extent that he would harm others without a second thought.

"please, you must understand, i've only ever wanted you to love me and not some other bastard. if you didn't talk to him i wouldn't have needed to hurt that guy."

he mutters, looking at you with such a fond expression that you would've mistaken for love. you really didn't know how to respond to his affections. after all, he was your childhood friend turned criminal. things would be even worse for you if you reciprocated him.

so you did the best thing possible and just ignored him whenever he went off on another tangent of his delusional rambles. you daren't speak up and reject him again. oh no, it happened once and you didn't want it to happen again.

"you look so sexy when you ignore me."

the criminal coos, placing his hand over yours as he brings it to his cheek. you uncomfortably maintain eye contact with him, grimacing as you allow him to mutter and talk about his love. it's okay... just tolerate it...

"oh baby, don't you get it? everything i do is for you."

yeah, you know. he tells you all the time. bout how all his crimes are dedicated for you or done in your name. of course he never says it to the public, he doesn't want you to get jailed! though, he can't help but fantasize about how romantic it would be if you two were both wanted criminals on the run together.

"why must you torment me like this? all i've ever wanted was for you to love me back."

he sighs, not noticing your pursed lips or obvious discomfort.

"never smile for anyone else. only i should have the honour of seeing it. all those other fools will never worship you the way you should be worshipped."

you can't help but twitch at his words. ugh, he always preaches about worshipping you and stuff. it's so... is he mentally insane too?

you get the love part, but the worshipping? you won't be surprised if he prays to you when he's on the brink of his death.

"no one gets me like you. that's why i love you so much."

your childhood friend mutters, finally letting go of your hand after pressing a tender kiss to the inside of your wrist. you allow your hand to limp by your side, standing like an npc as you continue to stare at him as he continues his dramatic talk.

you never knew he yapped so much before. when he was younger he was more introverted, more silent and just clingy. now he can't shut up. or maybe that's just around you.

you continue to listen to the male yapping, not really processing his words. hopefully it'll be over soon... but your hopes were crushed as you freeze in place, eyes widening in horror as he smiles widely at you, eyes fully deranged as he suddenly brings your hands to his cheeks, forcing your cold hands to cradle his cheeks.

"i mean, don't you love me too?"

shit, how do you answer this without meeting a bad fate?

[senxitive]

I was walking with The One the other day as we were having our talk, and he always does this thing where he starts narrating for me and its kind of like in Golden Girls when Blanch slip into a trance and starts babbling about her ~sexy~ experiences and the girls have to stop her or she'll go on forever into a spiral of delirium.

And anyways, so he's over there narrating a conversation we aren't having and I hand gestured a mouth closing and said SHHHH to him.

He had to stop walking because he was laughing.

Why is this important?

Because if this had been my ex partner, they would have been OFFENDED. They would have been hurt. They would have taken it to heart.

And the difference is so astounding to me. I didn't think twice about doing it to Him, but I would have had to witthold or never would have even thought about doing it towards my Ex. I always had to withhold so much of my authentic self because it always offended him.

It's both confirming in the sense that my ex partner really wasn't for me, nor me for him, and it's all coming to light so much more now. As well as confirming the feeling of being robbed of what could be one of the most compatible relationships I would have had the pleasure of experiencing. We truly are kindred spirits. And it just fucking sucks.