#yeah im still not tired help me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

r7inyz · 5 months

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FAV MOVIES yes it's me again (this will be short I swear)

•the house- WATCH THIS MOVIE PLS OMG. NO ONE REALLY TALKS ABOUT IT YET ITS SO GREAT. AMAZING STOP-MOTION WITH GREAT STORYTELLING I love the houseeeee

• death becomes her- literally iconic what else can I say it's so fun

•five nights at freddys (MOVIE!)- betcha didn't see this one coming definitely very unexpected.. ok to be fair I don't LOVE this movie but fnaf means so much to me and I'm just so glad it's gotten so big to the point there's a MOVIE based on it <3 <3

•gremlins- I had a really weird interest in this movie I watched it so many times LOL the puppetry is so good and I just love the horror-comedy vibes (gizmo 💔💔 ty for being normal and not evil)

•9 shane acker- UNDERRATED DEAD GOD. THIS MOVIE IS JUST. WOW. IT HAS SUCH A GREAT PLOT WHICH JUST SHOCKED ME NGL. I am very upset half the characters pretty much ended up deceased 💔💔 I loved those lil ragdoll guys

•paranorman- ok I absolutely adore LAIKA studios and their stopmotion is legit just phenomenal,,, but paranorman is definitely my fav it's just <3 I have the book based on the movie!!! Which is good

•cloverfield- OK. I DID NOT EXPECT THIS MOVIE TO BE ACTUALLY SCARY. I watched zero trailers before seeing this so I genuinely had zero clue what to expect, but omg this had me on the edge of my seat lol. I LOVE HOW THIS MOVIE WAS FILMED. A FOUND-FOOTAGE STYLE MONSTER FILM. GAH.

ok byee

#yeah im still not tired help me #brutus rambles #9 shane acker #cloverfield #death becomes her #gremlins #the house netflix #five nights at freddys movie #paranorman

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turtleblogatlast · 2 months

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Things I make for myself when insomnia kicks in

Just a chart about what I wanna change up and keep consistent in my art - I mainly wanna draw Raph with a tail because he deserves one, it fits too well. Donnie gets a long tail too because I didn’t realize how dino-like he looks until I gave him one, and now it’s a must for me haha.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt headcanons #note these are veryyy much for my own art so by all means ignore this completely for your own unless it resonates #these are just my personal headcanons #I’ve been getting more and more fond of the turtles having tails - especially Raph whose design honestly feels more complete with one #I also am now attached to Donnie having a long tail too because 1) he looks cute with one and it really works for him and-#2) I LOVE giving the Brains and Brawn duo more stuff in common #I could write an essay about how many things Brains and Brawns duo has in common in general #but also portal duo as well!!#we already know that Mikey and Leo look a LOT alike #so I think it’s cute when Raph and Donnie have stuff like that in common with each other too #like how canonically Donnie’s sclera are on the yellow side like Raph’s #anyway I’m sorry if this is a random post I am very tired and still have not slept #ALSO yeah i wanted an excuse to doodle April it’s been too long i missed her #I’m excited to finish this comic up to show the OTHER reason I gave Donnie a long tail #I made this in like five minutes because working on my comic was not working out #also Draxum totally has a tail he’s a sheep #I lean away from Mikey and Leo having longer tails mainly because their designs are already so busy #with all the colors and shapes present on them #so to me longer tails kinda takes away a bit #meanwhile Raph and Donnie are more monochrome in comparison so I feel like tails only help them?#I think as well Donnie’s torso/carapace being on the shorter side makes a tail balance him out #(me trying to justify the visual gag im putting into the comic for literally only two panels)#didn’t draw the caseys because I am tiredddd #and they would have just ended up where April is anyway

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safety-pin-punk · 2 months

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yall Im so fucking tired. This month has been exhausting. I promise Im alive, just barely functional atm.

#personal #rant below #begining of the month docs said dad had less than a month. Hes still around but declining #been taking care of him and my mom #along with working full time #and my boyfriend doing his damndest to keep me busy when Im not helping with dad #which is great except Im so tired #but also I havent been able to sleep much #and I've lost my appetite which apparently is a grief thing I didn't know about #So I've managed to get all the physical grief symptoms and it is taking a fucking toll #so your girl is sleeping in tomorrow and spending the day doing my own little crafts and avoiding people as much as I can #a girl just wants some sleep and a fulfilling snack but all she is being given are slight naps and unappealing food. send help.#anyways after this experience Ive decided that I no longer give any fucks because you only live once so Im just gonna do what I want foreve #and actually live life instead of being constrained by societal standards #after all this is over of course. gotta take care of dad first #also I got to paint the door because he was sick of staring at the porch. so its a lake view now #woooo #yeah so thats my life update for you all #also I saw a girl for the first time in 9 years today who completely changed the tradgetory of my life and didn't know it. so that was fun.#exhausing but fun #also idgaf about spelling right now I am running on caffeine and pure will power atm

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greasydumbfuck · 3 months

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also just for the record. no matter how much utterly stupid shit i say or draw about him, frank actually makes me so deeply sad. this old man should be picking up his grandkids but he cant. i think about him too much and im so sad

#marvel #frank castle #the punisher #this is true for like most of these guys [gestures vaguely to comicbook men] but frank is the one that makes me want to chew on rocks rn. s #like yeah i selfship with him for fun and i like to think about cutesy or funny stuff involving him but the reality is he makes me so sad #ig thats part of why i do it. you make me so sad old man. but youre not real so in some version of not real you can be a little better #not happy but yk better #but like. just. fuck man hes so deeply damaged and hurt it drives me up the wall. my hurt person hurting people #as always i struggle to string words together this isnt news if you know anything about him you know exactly what im getting at #he would have been a wonderful father and husband. the way hes so devoted to them still. always. its killing me #sometimes i see canon moments of him where how just fundamentally deeply broken as a person he is and augh #nothing can help you nothing can make things any better but my god you cannot be left alone in this state #eh maybe thats it. i cant help him i cant make him feel better. but i cant let him be alone like this #i dont think he should have to be alone like this #bleh sorry word vomit. im tired and sleepy. i wrote 4 essays this week. need to write 2 more. going a little bonkers #brain is fried.

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bunnihearted · 6 months

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🪦🩹

#it's so mentally draining nd taxing for me to live w my family...#they are never considerate towards me and always treat me like a bother #even after my surgery my sisters kept making sure i knew i was a burden and took up too much space #i could tell how sick my mom is of me too #it's just so exhausting #bc like now when i only slept 3hrs bc of tooth pain nd then couldnt sleep more #nd now still have tooth pain nd im rlly tired nd need to wake up early tmrw to call the dentist #my mom nd sister r in the living room watching tv #so i asked if they could plz be mindful of the volume #nd they sighed nd rolled their eyes nd said yeah yeah whatever #like im an awful demanding person for even daring to ask them this #it's just not fun to have to deal w constantly #sorry im in pain nd i wanna try to sleep as much as i can but i cant even try when i can hear u laugh nd talk etc etc #just rathet be alone :((#but yeah idek if i'll be able to sleep bc the pain isnt fun #im trying to just breathe nd accept that it is there nd that hopefully the dentist can help T-T #am i bad for wishing to be shown consideration nd sympathy? sometimes i even wanf them to feel sorry for me

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lanternlightss · 1 month

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loop ….

#sorry im like legit pacing around rn but like #. god #still thinking about the flower #still thinking about how loop feels about it #why are they so persistent ? they don’t give up !!#they don’t give up they don’t give up they don’t give up. they don’t … give up. ?#do you think about how in act 4 when loops finally accepts it the sprite they use is the looking away one #when theyre contemplating something. remembering. do you think about that #im like specifically thinking of how if you just consistently give the flower to loop. what are their thoughts ?#tired of your companions have you ?#go give it to them. stars sake. stop trying here.#why are you doing this? im nothing in comparison. we just met!#really. stop.#its not like its a good gift anyways. if it disappears and all.#… fine. i can’t stop you can i? whatever. give it. will that shut you up?#WHY ARE YOU DOING IT STILL #like so sorry !!! you have a permanent place in siffrin’s heart now !!!! the consequences of this are that you are beloved now. so sorry.#yeah. you’re part of the threads that make up their life and care #Sorrryyyyyyy oops !!! get loved idiot #<- i keep saying that 😭😭#yes you’re Rude but you were There. you were there and you kept pushing and you stayed by his side #flower for you. its the least i can you for what youve done for me #thank you loop.#DO YOURB EVER TJINK ABOUT THE FLOWER #LOOP WHEN YOU HELP PEOPLE THEY LIKE TO REPAY IT !!! THEY LIKE TO SHOW HOW MUCH RHEYRE GRATEFUL FOR YOUR COMPANY #FOR YOUR THOUGHTS #anyways .#lantern says stuff

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knightelf · 26 days

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maybe i do need to go to therapy bc its probably not good that ive been living on autopilot and the last 7 years went by so fast but also bc i was deliberatly Wanting the time to go by to put as much space between me and the events of 2017-2020 as possible all while somewhat knowing my young adulthood was slipping me by and now both my teenage years and my early 20s are gone and i still feel like my 19th birthday was yesterday yeesh!!

#i do feel like im out of time completely and its kind of.making me insane bc its not fair lol #life could be worse! but it couldve been a lot better too #like on one hand i think i had a normal reaction to exceptionally traumatic shit happening to me with no support system.#and everything that happened was caused by shit out of my control and i Know that bc i spent my teen years specifically working hard to Be #in control #like i did make the choice to give up sure. but that was when absolutely every effort had been exhausted #and theres only so much a human being can take especially when i was so young #but on the other hand!! even when i found a support system and things are better now than they were #i still feel like im trapped perpetually in this Waiting period #waiting for life to begin Waiting for an OPPORTUNITY to make my life begin already #and no effort on my part yields anything so i have no choice but to WAIT #but im TIRED. of waiting #im sick of seeing videos of people way younger than me making art ive always dreamed id have made by now #theres also this invisable wall i have always had built around me that is Impenetrable and i keep hitting it #and its gotta be me but it really feels like the universe has some unseeable chains on me which aounds so stupid #but im not allowed to get passed it #im way past the point of even being capable of showing the agony it causes me now like its just a dull joke #ANYWAY the fact ive typed all this makes me think ok. yeah maybe it is time to talk to someone LOL #carry on im fine this happens to me all the time. helps to get it written out at least

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anxiously-sidequesting · 10 months

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So I don't know if it was ever revealed how Duncan felt when we killed Malistaire all three times but I'm wondering if maybe some part of him could hate us for that too. Like you hear that and you go "but why. Malistaire was terrible and even Duncan knew that(?). Why would he hate you for getting rid of him."

But like I think it's so....... interesting in a very, very, very sad way how Duncan so easily latches onto anyone who directly feeds into his delusions of grandeur. And that's no fault of his own that he was manipulated by the nasty Schism but when you think about how desperately clung to the idea that Malistaire, easily one of the greatest necromancers any of us had ever heard of (at that time), somehow actually recognized Duncan's talents (even when canon supports that Duncan wasn't all that talented, at least no more than the next necromancer) and then praised him for it so often that Duncan believed that he would be the next Death Professor is. I mean ☹️

So like with that mindset I unfortunately feel like it would be quite easy to twist even Malistaire's death as something that's horrible and awful and all our fault. ESPECIALLY if the Schism was feeding into Duncan's already broken mind and shattered ego and was constantly telling him that everything bad that ever happened to him ever in his life was Our Fault. That's like a realistic conclusion that someone like Duncan could come to

And like, at this point in time, are Malistaire's crimes even a factor in how he thinks????? Was Duncan ever able to separate Malistaire's talent and skills and prowess from the terrible and awful things he did? If Duncan wasn't able to consciously tell that distinction in the first place I can't imagine it would be any better during the years he was being manipulated and isolated and lied to

Like in Duncan's mind it probably isn't, "maybe I shouldn't idolize a national criminal, or idolize anyone at all for that matter, and aspire to be like someone so harmful when I can recognize my own talent and build from there" it's probably more like, "you (the wizard) permanently got rid of a brilliant mind, an innocent person who just made a few mistakes, and someone who believed in me no matter what just so that you could be the better than me and loved by everyone else" and that's! very sad actually!

#this is all speculation btw idk if any of this is canon. how duncan feels about all this #i know i keep saying the exact same shit over and over but.... really not a fan of how the game handled duncan! sorry!#i know wizard101 isnt supposed to be about every single character gets a satisfying ending to their arc-#-meaning not everyone in the story will face consequences and/or find a happy ending and like thats fine they dont need to #but idkkkk its just imo really sad how essentially a kid suffers frrom something he cant control by himself (his ego)-#and then instead of getting help he is instead ignored (ambrose) and then manipulated and brought up by a cult #and then when it becomes super apparent how... TERRIBLE his life really is and we defeat him he just... goes back??????#we.... we LET him go back???? i mean we're not responsible for other people's bad decisions or mental health but bro....#and then when we tell ambrose he's just like “oh. too bad. well anyways-” AND IM LIKE WELL THATS THE REASON!!!!! NO WONDER HE'S FUCKED UP #NONE OF THIS IS ADDRESSED. NONE OF IT. WE KICK DUNCAN'S ASS AND THEN HE.... GOES BACK TO THE CABAL #i literally just got so desolate when (wallaru spoilers) because. okay. all that for nothing i guess #this isnt me being mad btw LMAO i know the tone probably reads as angry but im not im just disappointed #and tired. what is it with wizard101 in particular and just people suffering with no end. (me as i make my main suffer with no end)#but anyways yeah duncan has been in my head for a while. he's one of the guys that i love a lot BDKSNSKAJ #he's like a son to me and HE NEEDS A HEALTHY PARENT. HE NEEDS IT #not excusing his actions btw. he still committed crimes JRKDJSIEJ #i just have a soft spot for those villains in media who are doomed from the start yknow. (stares tearfully at morganthe and gf spider)#wizard101 #wiz101 #w101 #text posts #duncan grimwater #im not normal about duncan at all he's probably the wozard oc i feel for the most other than malorn and us

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scabbardsystem · 30 days

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okay alright alrght alright

#guys im really tired. we're so tired. we really gotta sleep soon.#We can't. We have emails to send. We. We have to call the help desk. And a zoom call.#you dont sound enthusiastic about it #I'm. Not but it has to be done.#hate to burst your bubblle but we're absolutely not doing so hot. as in weve nearly fallen asleep threetimes whiile typing this ok thats 4.#the body is damn nearcollapsing. i think youre kicking up the fear rsponse. jesus thats 5.#but they're not going to respond if we wake up at midnight. please wake up we have to we have to. deadsprint. Deadsprint.#haugghhHHH OKAY YEAH YUP I GOT IT. WAKE UP!! AS MUCH AS I WANNA GET THE HELL OUTTA DODGE I GUESS WE GOTTA DO THIS!!#AWAKE! AWAKE!!!! [BANGS MY STUPID POTS AND PANS TOGETHER]#Okay. Thank you. Maestro?#Mmn alright. 1) Send a new email. We didn't contact the correct person and we have to compose a new one.#Technically not necessary if we 2) schedule a advisory session or join the help zoom room. But we need the registration code.#3) Phone call. Contact the IT department so we can get a school ID because as it stands we are still not even allowed in the school.#optional 4) Work on the project and 5) Try to maintain our leaderboard position in our rhythm game.#No time to be tired. No time to be scared. I know I know. But this has to be done or it'll only get worse. I'll do it I'll take care of it.#But I need you all to cooperate with me please.#🌐#Maestro please do the rest later.#[three of swords]

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piplupod · 3 months

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feels like the isolation is a gushing wound and going to the centre is just a small bandage. i think perhaps i am not really ever going to feel okay unless something miraculous happens. i am retaining some semblance of sanity now that I'm leaving the house and socializing with non-family more than once a week, but i am still hurting more than I can really tolerate and I don't know what to do about it. there doesn't seem to be a fix for this that I can enact.

#part of me wonders if going to the centre is helping or hurting more #but i think it's definitely helping more. however it is definitely also hurting/making some things worse #i just wish I could be operating at the same level as most of society #and i feel so egotistical when I talk abt this #but like. why am i always so fucking aware of every single thing going on #and everyone else is just painfully oblivious #I AM USING HYPERBOLE. ITS NOT EVERYONE. i know im not the only person ever lmao #when i got my autism diagnosis i thought oh good okay so THIS is why im such a freak #and now I've met so many other autistic ppl irl and um. no. no thats definitely not it still.#yes its probably part of it but im also just. so fucking traumatized i guess idk. i hate this so much #i just want to be the same and fit in and not be analyzing everything and be able to actually speak my mind #and not be so kind and polite and respectful all the time and be able to say shitty stupid things without thinking anything of it #im so tired of being the only one who seems to care so much about everyone else's comfort and feelings #but also at the same time i would hate if i acted like everyone else bc i know how shitty it makes people feel #and people are always so happy to see me because I am useful and make them feel good and comfortable and heard #and that matters. that means a lot to people i think. but also I am not a person. i am a tool.#and I'd really like to be a person #i somehow feel like im operating at a higher level/awareness than almost everyone irl and also way below everyone at the same time #like im so hyperaware of everyone else more than most ppl but im also so socially inept sometimes. and just... idk how to be a person.#i dont know i just want to not be like this. its so lonely and tiring and i want to matter to people #i want them to like me for more than just what I'm able to do for them. I want to be liked for Me i guess. but Me isnt likeable maybe #Me is uncomfortable for people. Me is a trembling cornered prey animal with a longing to tell stories but is too afraid to do anything #and so Me just exists in a hollow shell made out of people-pleasing and fawning and mirroring everyone around them #and then i get lonelier and more isolated and nothing really changes. but every time i try to crack open the shell a little it goes badly #like i genuinely dont think its my paranoia. i think it is not Safe for Me to exist properly.#i am too sensitive probably! but it does very much feel like a raw wound that peope jab aggressively at when i open up a little!#boy howdy i sound like such a wuss. i mean i probably am one fjfkdl #i just feel like I keep trying to fix things and improve and try new things and nothing ever really works well #my counsellors have always commented on how impressed they are at my willingness to try things #and its like ?? yeah ! ofc i am going to try things! maybe that will be smth that finally helps!

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icewindandboringhorror · 1 year

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I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent

#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little #bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the #very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the #house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks #Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a #gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a #treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of #color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration #like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a #auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies #so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk #and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver #but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and #sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an #active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have #been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start #to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've #done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!'#(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks #with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm #secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool #stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers #me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or #it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for #too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been #investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely #enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed #google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj #LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!

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fatcowboys · 8 months

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frustrating how fucking. disabling. being disabled is rn. im tired

#migraine buddy helpfully showed me my midas score which puts me in severely disabled bc of my migraines based on their impact #which on one hand was helpful in a sense of like. hey dude. these things fuck you up and have a huge impact and jts a thing #most peiple dont have to deal with. but also was like. god yeah i sure am and also i sure am still working full time and having to just.#work thru them and cope bc i certainly cant afford to have less money #its so fuckin i furiating being disabled in the us. i cant stop working bc then ill loose my healthcare which still costs me so much money #scream. tired.#my PA for nurtec was denied bc my ins wants me to try a diff one first #which is stupid bc like one why do u get to override my dr for your budget.#why does my healthcare need to suffer because youre cheap. you arent living with this shit.#and also the alternatives they suggested are injection based which. is scary for me as someone who used to have a terrible needle phobia #jax is able to help me w them which is good bc i know i cant give myself them (maybe could do the auto injectors but idk)#but its still so. why are u like thia. also it took u so long to deny my PA and im on no preventatives rn waiting for Something #to be approved. ugh. scream.

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bunnihearted · 7 months

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🧸🧃⛈️

#so like late last night i started to get rlly panicky nd upset #bc it's v much looking like im gnna fail my english class. i need to be done next wednesday which means i need to work rlly hard #nd go to school extra to have a presentation nd do tests etc etc #nd im still in pain after surgery nd im rlly depressed bc of my physical health so i just dont think i can be strong nd make it this time #in my almost breakdown i wrote a self referral to the clinic/psych department for personality disorders....#it usually takes them around 2 days to answer you but this time at like 8am they sent me a message AND called me #(i think. im not certain it's them bc i havent checked the voice message or the reply lmaooo. but it should be them)#the thing abt having avpd is now im immediately stressed af nd i regret sending it. i donr wanna check their reply #also it might be bc i wrote a lot abt killing myseld etc etc nd now im worried theyre gnna be like girlie get checked in!!!! lol T-T #i just needed to be very clear nd act frsutrted nd desperate bc i have never gotten treatment in 10yrs nd im TIRED!!!!#my initial reaction is to avoid at all costs nd just pull my covers above my head nd pretend like i dont have to check their reply lol #i dont wannaaaaaa. i take it back i dont want help!!! its fine i dont wanna try or work hard let me rot #why did i do this!!!!! fml. anyway... i'll check later today bc since its early i can still use the excuse of sleepinf thru the days #many ppl working w mentally ill ppl understand that it's normal actually to switch the day around nd sleep during the days sksksk #but also i have no idea how many typos r in here bc im not wearing my glasses whoopsie #yeah.. anyway im gonna try to go back to sleep nd not think abt it #hopefully it wasnt even them calling 🤡 i know i HAVE to check later but not now i can take a few hours #then today i need to figure out if im gnna make one last attempt w my eng class or give up idk what to do

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milf-harrington · 1 year

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where im at mentally these days: my mum hugged me and said im doing a good job and i burst into tears <3

#i mean it was a little more fleshed out than that #i asked for a hug and she asked if i was okay and i didnt say anything so she said something about me feeling like #untethered. just kind of floating through life. and i said yeah. and she told me im doing a good job like. getting through the day basically #and i cried about it because i dont even know why its so hard #and i feel so shitty all the time because i just feel like a shit person like i dont try hard enough with my nephew #and hes so little and so smart and im so awful and every day im worried hes going to stop liking me bc im still learning how to be. gentle.#because i grew up with yelling and a locked pantry and an older sister who had to raise me #so i dont know how to not yell and not escape into my own world when i cant be bothered #and i have really good days and really terrible days and hes not a Job hes my nephew and i want to treat him like my nephew #and it feels so selfish to say im tired and that its hard and stressful and i dont know what im doing #bc my sister has to do it too and she doesnt get breaks like i do #she doesnt get to just decide to leave for the night - and i mean i dont do that but i have the option #and everyone keeps. like. telling me im doing good and im helpful and my sister especially tells me often shes grateful for me #and it makes me feel Awful bc i feel like i dont do enough and that the stuff i DO isnt good enough and just argh #anyway #vent over i need to go to bed its 1am and i have to get up in 5 hours #captain speaks

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quokkabite · 17 days

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😐

#so i might take a break for a bit #from interacting at least #i’ll probably still be around a little because this is where my friends and the jisung pictures are #i’m just getting really tired of the kpop fandom fr #like i love my friends that i’ve made through here and im so happy to have met them #but outside of that i’m literally just sick of ppl #i think i’m just gonna like go back to enjoying kpop by myself (and the few besties i’ve made)#bc being in these spaces and seeing this shit is not for me #i’ve just been blocking a lot - like people who are defending trash or supporting that weird fancall shit #and i thought that would help me not be bothered by it but yeah im still bothered #and this could just be the way i’m feeling rn but yeah it’s overwhelming and dumb #whatever.#if i break mutual pls don’t take it personally #i might delete this rant later if i decide to be more active but yeah.#gray 💭

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forgotten-daydreamer · 3 months

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Took twice the max dose of melatonin before the final revision for tomorrow’s exam, I’m shitting my pants and I genuinely don’t know anything as thoroughly as I should but if I sleep less than 4 hrs before it I just know I’m gonna do even worse somehow

#don’t take twice the max dose of anything btw #genuinely don’t do the shit that I do #i only did it bc I know my limits and haven’t had any other substances in over 24 hrs but don’t ever try it #always talk to your gp before taking any meds and supplements at all #anyway psa aside #I want to revise for two hrs so until 1.30am circa but I genuinely hope I pass out sometime in the next hours and a half #godspeed ig #uni #melatonin #I have super high expectations but I genuinely prepared this exam in like 4 days and my brain has been all over the place #haven’t had the chance (economic too so please please consider sparing a couple of bucks for my ko-fi?) to meet my therapist in 2 weeks #been super suicidal super busy dealing with stuff and people and my family and uni and ah oh how I wish I had a brain able to focus #also the ‘visions of horror’ as I call them have lowkey turned into auditory hallucinations that never stop and it’s… tough #genuinely so tired of everything in general #I’d promised to hang with my uni friends after the exam bc I should be done my midday tops but I know im gonna be super sad and underwhelme #so I hope I can be at home by 4 pm tops with one excuse or the other #I love them all so much but I need a break. also bc I got another exam in less than a fucking week and I still haven’t started studying for #it because it’s objectively easier than tomorrow’s and because when was I supposed to study for it #I spent 3 good days working on a paper that isn’t even mine for a subject I don’t even take #a favor for a friend which turned into 3 more friends asking me if I could help them with theirs #and you know me #I never say no. unfortunately. but also I’m super glad they want my help bc they know I can write at least (one good thing)#but. that’s still -3 days available #then. the demons #wasted so many hours just pacing and biting my nails raw and being pathetic #so yeah. in a little under 15 hrs I want to be in bed again. resting until the 19th when the cycle will begin anew #also math ain’t mathing. my exam is in 12 hrs only now 13.

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