#yes i love watching how their environment changes a characters personality and outlook on life

[snikidoodles]

aang is such a good protagonist, and obviously upbeat character + sad backstory isn’t a new archetype whatsoever but to have a pacifist main character — one who fights for his values and beliefs to be taken seriously, especially in the midst of a war he's expected to end — is just so intriguing. aang's character arc within atla is one of my favourites, actually! it's less dramatic than, say, zuko's or katara's, but watching him go from a silly kid running from his responsibilities to someone who maintains his optimism and kindness while embracing his commitments as the avatar is very endearing :)

[misscrawfords]

Rose! How do you feel about Emma and its various adaptations?

Sorry for the delay in answering - blame the school trip!

I love Emma. I wrote my dissertation partly on it (also on Northanger Abbey, Rob Roy and St Ronan’s Well) and while I loved it before I loved it even more after studying it. All of Austen’s novels are extremely well plotted, but Emma might just be the best. It’s like a detective novel in that respect (and has been described as such on multiple occasions) because you can pick up on clues to what’s really going on all the way through but on a first read, you don’t see them. Miss Bates unintentionally reveals details that can be explained by Frank and Jane’s secret relationship but they are hidden in her verbal overloading. Emma’s own thoughts betray her unknown interest in Mr. Knightley, and his actions point to his love for Emma. And so on. 

Jane Austen is also being radical in her use of literary conventions and genre in Emma (as she is in basically all her novels). She has the tightest mystery plot ever written at this point hidden directly inside a novel that sticks strictly to the conventions of romantic comedy. She even goes overboard with it - successfully navigating three couples to appropriate happy endings. However, within that solid structure, she plays with expectations and conventions in a subtle way and this is where I get really excited.

First we have Emma herself, a heroine “nobody but myself will like”. Austen clearly loved questioning and pushing conventions of who was allowed to be a heroine. Her previous novel, Mansfield Park, gave us Fanny who most people at the time found disappointing after Elizabeth Bennet and modern readers (unjustly IMO) hate, and she followed Emma with Anne Elliot who was far too old to be a romantic heroine according to contemporary standards. In the middle we have Emma Woodhouse, a meddling snob. She’s got a lot in common with Mr. Darcy actually and her character development in terms of recognising the bad behaviour she is guilty of and the prejudice she feels towards those of a lower social status is pretty similar. But while Darcy and his character development is held up as beautiful and heroic and romantic, Emma is frequently condemned as dislikable. I do wonder why that could be… Personally, I love Emma. She’s clever and shrewd and funny and, honestly, is there anyone who doesn’t think Miss Bates is annoying and doesn’t want to throw a tantrum at the prospect of being upstaged by Mrs. Elton? Are you, dear reader, such a paragon of rational enlightenment and charitable feeling? Would you instantly see through Frank Churchill and resist his flirtations? Would you be best friends with Jane Fairfax and not be just a little bit jealous of her and how much Mr. Knightley everyone seems to admire her? Have you never said something cutting and regretted it? Are you perfect, reader, ARE YOU? Come on. Emma is one of us. She messes up, she judges badly, she says cringeworthy stuff in inappropriate situations, she gives bad advice - she’s human. And she deals with it without losing her positive outlook and she does grow, enough to “deserve” her happy ending (though that’s a loaded concept) but not so much it’s unrealistic. And what makes her likeable through it all are that her intentions are good. Emma is not a bad person who has to become good and “be redeemed”. She is a fundamentally warm and caring person who needs to have some bad habits of thought and action corrected by guidance and experience. Emma’s intentions and understanding are good from the beginning.

Emma’s also interesting because, yes, she does change, but if you put her in the context of the genre she inhabits, she also gets to keep a lot. Basically, in another novel, Emma would have to pay significant penance for her bad behaviour before she would be allowed to marry Mr. Knightley and she would have to prove that she is a changed woman and is absolutely not going to continue meddling and will be a good and submissive wife. Usually this also involves giving up the dangerous reading of novels which have led her astray. Several points. Firstly, Emma is not a novel reader, she is a novel writer. Emma is described by various critics as “an avatar of Austen the author” and if you read the novel through the prism of Emma being an author, things become really fascinating. Beautiful, illegitimate Harriet Smith is the heroine of Emma’s novel and obviously Emma-as-author wants to discover that she is really the long lost daughter of Somebody and give her a socially advantageous marriage. Emma’s matchmaking attempts are the workings of a novelist plotting with characters. Emma is creating her own world. This is radical stuff, in a society where female novelists were looked down upon. Emma has the means and independence and cleverness to write a story of her own - and she is comically bad at it. This is one way in which Austen plays with genre. Secondly, it is not at all clear that Emma does give up her matchmaking at the end of the novel. Austen is coy when she floats this suggestion about Mrs. Weston’s daughter: “[Emma] would not acknowledge that it was with any view of making a match for her, hereafter, with either of Isabella’s sons”. Does this suggest that maybe Emma isn’t as cured as she should be? Thanks to Austen’s levels of irony it’s impossible to tell, which is the point. Thirdly, Emma is the only Austen heroine to have real financial and social clout. Emma really does rule Highbury and at the end of the novel, instead of being subsumed into her husband’s world, he in fact moves in with her (however temporarily). This is practically the Regency equivalent of her keeping her name after marriage. She and Mr. Knightley are social equals and she does not leave her home or her sphere of influence when she marries. The only other heroine this would be true of is, interestingly enough, Fanny Price. But Mansfield Park is notoriously inward looking and Fanny’s ending allows her to truly become a Bertram which is what she wanted all along for better or worse. And Fanny and Edmund’s social status and influence are much less significant that Knightley and Emma’s are.

Something else to bear in mind when thinking about Emma’s character is that, despite her social power and wealth, she also lives an extremely confined and limited life. She is essentially a carer for her stultifying and claustrophobic father. She has never left the environs of Highbury. She is surrounded by people who jump to her every command and shower her in praise, both deserved and undeserved. The only person who criticises her is also in love with her. The only eligible men in her world before the arrival of Frank Churchill are her brother-in-law who is 16 years older than her, and the obsequious vicar. Yes, she can remain a spinster but even a rich spinster cannot maintain the sort of power she currently holds when faced with a married woman like Mrs. Elton (who is a real threat to her), but her alternatives are bleak. A woman of her rank and fortune should be having a London season and meeting other young people of her rank and forming external connections. Because of her father’s passive control over her, Emma has none of these opportunities. Even Fanny Price travels more and meets more people than Emma does. Yes, Emma Woodhouse is handsome, rich and clever and has had very little to vex her, but I suspect that is probably Emma’s own view of her life and it is not necessarily accurate.

Okay, this post is already far too long so I’ll end my discussion of the novel here. There’s also a lot that could be said about Jane and Frank, Emma and Mr. Knightley’s relationship and more, but Emma is clearly the most important and, honestly, the most in need of defence!

Onto the adaptations, and I’ll try to be brief:

1. The Gwyneth Paltrow film. Jeremy Northan is divine though his hair could be better and he’s not my favourite Mr. Knightley, even if I do have a massive crush on JN. Harriet Smith is a not particularly attractive redhead which is… weird. Frank Churchill is Ewan McGregor but he has appalling hair so IDK what was going on there - such a missed opportunity. Gwyneth Paltrow as Emma is a casting disgrace and I honestly can’t bear to watch this film because every time she is on screen I cringe. The producers were more interested in the aesthetic than making a good adaptation. My grandma hated it. Enough said.

2. The Kate Beckinsale film. Honestly, I don’t dislike anything about this except that I wish it were a mini-series and the proposal scene is a bit… eh. But I think it manages to stay true to the book in a feature film and I love Kate Beckinsale’s Emma. She has the right mix of liveliness and arrogance for me. Mark Strong is a stern Mr. Knightley but he’s not too handsome. Frank Churchill is perfect in this adaptation. Controversially, this is my favourite period adaptation.

3. The Romola Garai miniseries. I love lots about this mainly because the length allows everything to be expanded suitably. Johnny Lee Miller is the best Knightley by far. The Eltons are fabulous. Frank and Jane’s relationship gets more time dedicated to it. The Westons and Bateses are great. Harriet Smith is dumbed down too much - she’s naive and not too bright but this adaptation makes her practically an idiot, almost as much a disservice as the 2005 P&P film’s character assassination of Bingley, though physically the actress is perfect and she’s very likeable. And I really do appreciate what they were trying to do with Emma. It was clearly an informed choice to make her bubbly and often silly and a chosen interpretation of the text and I respect that - better that than wilful misinterpretation which some adaptations go in for. I fundamentally disagree with it - whatever her faults, I don’t think Emma is silly and giggly and I struggle to believe this Emma is a 21 year old woman secure in her position as a social leader. Her mannerisms often come across very modern - her little waves, giggles and posture and this is very irritating because Romola Garai has done some fantastic period acting (Daniel Deronda, The Hour etc.) and these mannerisms aren’t consistent across the cast. I love Romola Garai and I think it’s an interesting choice of direction, but not one that rings true to how I see the character though.

4. Clueless. Clearly the best adaptation of Emma ever made. We all know it.

5. Emma Approved. Only seen a bit of it and didn’t warm to it. Should probably give it another go. Why did they change Knightley’s name to Alex? What the hell is wrong with George!?!?

Anyway, here are my thoughts on Emma. Hope they’re at least somewhat interesting. There is nothing I like better than rambling on about Jane Austen! :-) Thank you for giving me the opportunity!

[idio-cies]

Keith and Krolia

Something I don't think people understand is the relationship between Keith and Krolia at this moment in time. I just wanted to expand upon this:

First off. Keith is probably one of the most stubborn characters I have ever come across. It's a flaw of his, hence why his arc is continuing (yes it is not over yet, he still has some things to be rounded off yet). Here is where is where you need to keep this fact in mind, though it is very understandable as to why he is like that.

Let's go Chronologically with this because it's just much easier.

Upon introduction of Keith in "Bloodlines" 0505, he is told by Kolivan to keep on mission and not let his emotions cloud him. Keith does do this and is the one task he sticks by those when every other time his attachments have come into play. He was seriously just not meant to stick on task/be with the the Blades of Marmora was he?

Anyway, the whole thing about Keith not letting his emotions cloud him is all about this theme of Head vs. Heart and finding a balance. Heart=Voltron, Head=Blades of Marmora.

When Keith first meets Krolia, Krolia knew Keith was her son when his blade gleamed under her presence. Or at least, she knew it was definitely him.

Keith treats Krolia like he does with any other people he has to work alongside with the BoM. He is the one that asks/takes orders etc, he does his job although he never really has much of his own say. Keith does have his mask and hood down though which is different, even in 0406 when he let down his mask his hood was still up. To me it means that there is comfort there, it is safe for him to have his hood and mask down. But it's really stark that he's always asking what to do etc instead of making orders or hearing other people out collectively, as a team.

Rest lies under the cut:

Keith still kicks ass when he needs to, but he firmly stuck by what he was told to do in this mission and said to let him go, but it was Krolia who put emotion into the mix, but she has a balance of emotion and knowledge and she saves them both. This is where you know he can learn from her.

This bit, coupled with the fact that this episode is called "Bloodlines" is the most evidence to say that Krolia is Keith's mother.

Keith is angry at her though, he was told to stick to the mission solely and Krolia was skirting it...

Here's something about Krolia; she never says what she means straight out. It's quite a "philosophical" approach of how to answer things.

You see it with the "Shut up and trust me" and also "No Keith, I handed them over to it" etc.

I either think that this is just her nature, or it was just too hard for her, especially upon giving Keith back his knife. She leaves it to let Keith figure it out, but Keith just isn't that sort of person to pick it up; he needs straight answers.

At the mention of Keith's father, his face changes- it indicates that his Father was someone close to his heart though.

The fact that they leave it on a cliffhanger like that, even though it's pretty damn obvious, tells us how much angst there is gonna be. She lets him fit the pieces together though.

As predicted, when we see them again in Razor's edge, it picks up where it left off and Keith starts Spurting Questions, but Krolia doesn't answer them. 1. I definitely think Krolia was finding it too hard to explain everything, 2. They did still have to stay on mission.

Every time I hear Keith's (Steven's) voice in this section, especially where he says "H-how are you so sure?" makes me tear up. Steven is an amazing voice actor and he delivered that line perfectly.

Keith is not happy that her answer is "we don't have time for this"- I mean, I don't think anyone would be happy if that's what was said upon reuniting with your parent or sibling or whatever, but it's where Keith turns on this really snarky attitude towards her.

Also, just to emphasise the change: It goes from a level, social shot when he starts asking the questions:

To Krolia looking intimidating as a shot is from a lower angle when she says what they are going after

To Keith looking small(er) and disoriented upon saying that he and Kolivan have been looking for that particular Quintessence for months:

You see how the frame has an angle, making it look off as it isn't horizontal? Yeah, it creates the sense of disorientation.

Anyways, Rainbow:

Also, the line "In the Quantum Abyss, planets and other celestial bodies are being pulled and torn in different directions. It's a chaotic, ever changing environment"- It's a really nice, subtle way of explaining character growth, more specifically for Keith, especially for this moment and this season as a whole for him. As you can imagine, he is pretty conflicted at this moment in time. We then saw him physically grow up and then later saw him how much he has gown emotionally also.

When I said snarky, I meant snarky. When Keith says "Basically, stay close so we won't be drawn in and stretched out into nothingness like those creatures. Got it."- he's such an angsty teen

Krolia does care for him, that much is evident. Whether she, like Keith, isn't very good with words and is better with actions or not, she protects him again and again showing that she does care for him.

So, his questions begin to get answered: "How are you so sure?"

"How did you get to Earth?"

"How did you meet my Dad?"

Another thing I wanted to slip in here was that something seems off about us not knowing where the Red lion was found, but knowing that it was found by Sendak and that's how they found the Blue lion from it's signature. It's a little weird to me that Krolia didn't even slip in where it came from, it's not like it would have held much more weight to the scene. So maybe where Red was found is important or the crew couldn't think of a place or something, or maybe I'm reading too much into it but yeah... anyways.

"I just happened to be in the right place, at the right time"- seemed to be something which happened over all in the very first episode. Personally I believe they were fated, it was set up like that, this may second that things can be fated.

"You were stuck on Earth"

"There was no better place I could be" She wasn't exactly "stuck" there Keith, she still had choices. Just look at her face. She was looking out for Blue and an entire race of people really (maybe more). Sure, it may come across as a duty, but she found solace in someone too. This is something that Keith is learning. That he doesn't have to go through things alone, he can bend the rules (instead of full-on breaking them), have himself open for love instead of closing himself off and doing things alone, and also just having a different perspective on things.

The thing about Keith with the Garrison compared to say Pidge and Lance at the Garrison and breaking/bending rules is different. Pidge technically just breaks rules because of her smarts and she is able too, but she wasn't sneaky enough not to get caught the first time. She then carried on her pursuit but the Garrison was a temporary thing, it wasn't something that was a permanent place, it's why she never invested in to coming close with anyone, this is similar to Keith's outlook (as their arcs are similar in the family sense). Lance was a different story because he did bend the rules. His attitude was basically like "Oh Iverson wants us to be a team? I'll show him. Lets sneak out past curfew and have some fun". "Want to see the best pilot of this generation? Watch me pull off this move"- it seems to me (from what I've seen/heard from the first ep of S7) that Lance wasn't always like this though. Pidge didn't get caught whilst she was a part of the Garrison and Lance only got reprimanded, but he didn't get caught when sneaking about (was suggested to be more than just that one time). whereas we see Keith being more like "Fuck the rules" and out the window they go.

See what I mean about Krolia never giving a straight answer though? Keith just doesn't really get it though. This is because he lacks the experience, or the meaning of the experience. He did have something similar with Voltron team, it was a good place for him to be, but he freaked out, he was getting too close to them and he was getting scared. I think his instincts kicked in and was like "Abort! you need to leave to protect yourself". He didn't understand it and now someone is handing him experiences that should help him understand on a silver platter and he still isn't fully getting it.

Anyway, she didn't also let the fact that Keith's dad had been "neutralised" affect her judgement. She did a similar thing as she did for Keith in "Bloodlines"

Krolia's a smart cookie, and a badass. See, again, this is something that Keith needs to learn. I goes again into the "Head vs Heart" thing, because Krolia didn't let her emotions cloud her/take over her. Keith did that with Shiro (letting emotions cloud him), technically I think he's still doing that, but I'll get to that in a bit. Krolia seems to just have this balance of thinking with a level-head.

You know Keith realises something/felt something when we see Krolia hand over the knife.

Everything about this moment screams protection though. Krolia was leaving to protect the Keith, his father, the Human race and possibly many others. She even hands over her fucking knife for Keith as symbolism for protection and legacy. Keith didn't get this, he thought she was just sticking to her original mission/her own mission. I don't get why he didn't understand this.

It's just one of those things also, Krolia being in a situation and she ended up having something totally unpredictable because that's what happens in life but she didn't resist anything. Things just... happen, you have no control over it which is something that Keith keeps under wraps, he pushes away everything, so he does have a means of control but it slips out of his hands into anger at the worst of times. Keith just needs to chill, man.

"You put the mission above all else" no, you dickhead. Sure, she was following a mission, but she had found something else, she found love. She was protecting you, caring for you, even if she wasn't there. She had to make a sacrifice, and one that wasn't easy.

"That's not true. I left to protect the person I most love; you" well done Krolia for delivering a line that probably wrecked the entire fandom.

I still don't think Keith fully understands this. Something is definitely there because he wouldn't have called Shiro his Brother etc. Again, it puts forward the notion that Keith basically needs to be spoon-fed it to him to fully get it/understand it. He also needs his own experiences. He sort of did. In 0406, yes he was about to sacrifice himself, but he was still putting the mission above all, he was still being impulsive. It wasn't like it was here. Keith didn't think about the repercussion. Krolia didn't really think everything through when she first decided staying to protect Blue in the first place, she must have known they could track it again. Krolia was being selfless though, in both situations, it's just that the first time she had a good thing, the second time she had to leave that good thing.

There is something in Keith that he already knows this. It is literally because he just does it and doesn't really think it through. He is a person of instinct. It's there as a spark at the back of his head, so he just... does it. In 0306 and 0401 he knew he wanted to leave for ages, but as time went on, things added to his list of reasons to leave, and it just so happened that he then had an opportunity to leave. Things got too much and too close. Lance is one of those reasons for both, getting too close, but also Keith knew Lance's place on the team was needed and of value. Everything else just added up until he actually left and had another place to go to and be of service. Keith did leave for selfish reasons though, he was cutting himself off.

Keith really can learn a lot from Krolia, it's just... Keith needs to be in those experiences himself, well he has but he hasn't?? It's all about the changing of perspective. The first being that he did subtlety open up to (in my opinion) is his wolf; he is caring for something other than himself. Then/now it is Shiro, he has just opened up to accepting that Shiro is a constant and that Keith wants him there. Next in line I believe may be Krolia, either Shiro will give a hint, or maybe we will see the forgiveness and acceptance play out between Shiro and Adam and Keith understands through that. It would be cool to see Keith open up to romantic love also, but he also needs to work on friendship a little more, hopefully we will be seeing that, but I think he is just getting over guilt, yes I do think he feels a little guilty still for leaving, despite him taking up the leadership bit but everything was so full-on at the end of S6 that nothing was left to suggest much else.

Sorry! Krolia finds out Keith's dad died:

I think, maybe in this Krolia may understand why Keith is the way he is, why he had such a tough exterior because of all the shit he went through.

The fact with only getting one vision of the future for Keith and not shown anything else is a little annoying, but acceptable as gaps were filled in. Whether there were any other future scenes they saw, I wonder if it's only meaningful glimpses, or just anything...

Something I don't think people understand is the relationship between Keith and Krolia atm.

This is how Keith introduces Krolia:

He considers saying that she is his mother, but you can tell he hasn't yet accepted her over all. It shows that when that arc comes to a close, it will probably be by him calling her his mum or something, at the moment it feels like she is just tagging along and keith is going with it.

Also, no offense to people but Krolia literally thanks shiro for raising keith... which to people that are like "they were friends, he didn't raise Keith" well Krolia literally says "Thank you for raising Keith to be the man he is today"- you don't say something like that if someone didn't raise him or be that something which provides care over someone in that way.

To show you keith's growth, he let things go. He literally makes a u-turn when he finds out the rest of his team were having trouble.

He also gives out orders, but I mean, just before that Lance was doing that so...

We do see Keith's growth, but we also see what's left for him. I mean he has grown up a lot but he still has some more to go; it's like Lance and Allura. Keith makes a drastic change though, unlike Lance's where it's gradual that you practically don't notice it until you go over and are like "oh, cool". Keith took up leadership again without any encouragement, he knew he needed to let things go in order to help his team, even though he still made his own pursuit alone, he was tactical. Oh yeah, just over all he was using his tactics which was really nice to see. He even slipped in one that Lance does. Then of course, he lets in Shiro. He accepts that Shiro is his brother, no longer "like a brother". He wasn't affected by his past, he knew Shiro too well and also knew himself too well to not let that get to him. 

Keith has found who he is, unanswered questions he has been looking for his entire life and also where he belongs. Though, he has yet to still be open to everyone and accept love. There is still a rift between him and Krolia and also he has turned all of his attention to Shiro, which you can understand. They are brothers. I've seen that Keith stops himself from saying "I can't do this again" which I totally get, I really do. I still just don't see people taking it over into the romantic side. Keith has only just accepted someone permanently into his life and this guy keeps on leaving him. Twice before and then almost permanently for a third time, when Keith had only just started letting people in. That holds an uncanny amount of weight.

Keith is now finding that balance of head and heart. He is still scared though of letting people in; it's why his only focus atm is on Shiro. But he is getting there. He is as stubborn as a mule, I swear to god. Keith being back on Voltron is the place where he is needed, wanted and also a place that he needed and wanted, deep down he wanted anyway. Being in BoM showed that it wasn't his place (the missions never went according to plan etc), it was getting him to be more about letting his head rule him, but Keith has attachments that cloud it. Keith making that U-turn etc are already suggesting that that balance is becoming something permanent. Keith being in the BoM did not make him have a sense of family, he was there because it was comfortable, yet his nature (not following the rules/sticking to protocol added with emotions which he has grown) just showed that it can't be the place for him.

Nothing indicated to me that there was a change in Keith and Krolia's relationship after spending 2 years together, this in endorsed by the fact that he considers saying she's his mother, he isn’t out right with it. Also, the Space Whales I think is a really cute visual because it was always a large one with a little one beside it, like a mother and child. I think that's what Krolia wants, because she missed that, but she is giving Keith time and space to actually accept  and forgive her. Krolia knows what she is doing and she knows, she just does. Keith still acts like they are only partners on a mission "It's been two years, we can finally finish our mission" and then making the orders the way he did upon finding Romelle. Also Krolia just seems to be there... it’s just an unspoken thing now that she’s there along for the ride. But it was said (and I think is a little obvious) that Krolia wants to go back and stay on Earth. Once the war is over she will be free, just like the rest of them. The one thing that just needs to be patched up is the relationship with Keith, and I think Shiro will be the one to teach that to Keith through patching things up with Adam, because that rift will come to a close only through, understanding forgiving and accepting the other person’s PoV, from both sides. That is, if that really is the emotional scene that goes down with Shiro and is also the lesson that links Keith to Adam and Shiro’s relationship. It just sets Keith up to accept all aspects of love

Keith I think feels guilty for leaving still, so again that lesson will link to asking for their forgiveness. Voltron is his family, but I’m hoping we see him bonding with them all, see him forgiving Krolia and then if we see him have a romance that would be so cool so it’s like he experiences every aspect of love. 

To round this all off, I wanted to talk about the actual difference there is between Keith and Krolia. I know a lot of features and such of Krolia are reminiscent in Keith but their personalities were so different really. Krolia was very calm and collected. She exerted those traits that reminded me both of Shiro and Lance. Shiro with being calm, collected, level-headed and also authoritarian, and Lance also with being rather calm, collected (when it suits him and after his growth), level-headed, sometimes authoritarian, but also in both exhibiting the skills of wielding both a blade and a gun. Krolia is yet another person Keith is/can learn from. He already has, but he needs those experiences of his own, and to let himself have them to fully understand. I don’t think that this is a coincidence that all three of them are like this though. It really gets you to go “hmmmm”- he just happens to have people surround him that are like this and he learns from all of them. I know that Allura is also rather calm, collected and authoritarian- it just leads me back to where I said about the people Keith listens to. Only when it suits him he will listen to Allura, he listens to Shiro, but he can be too stubborn sometimes to actually abide what he says. He listens to Krolia, but doesn’t actually fully understand her meaning at times and Lance he only listens to when Lance is being serious and it just seems to get through to him. 

Anyways, yeah. This is what I’ve come to the conclusion of. I’m sure the Adam/Shiro lesson (if we do get it) will be the thing that sparks off everything. I don’t really see any other way if it’s a thing that doesn’t happen...

Hope this helps! Questions/opinion always welcome

Later Paladudes ;)

[knight-intraining]

Gwen's guide to a more positive outlook

Let me start by saying that if you think "must be nice to be neurotypical Karen" - you need this post!! I have bipolar disorder and anxiety and it took me a long time to get here. But you can do it! Even with a mental illness screaming in your head that everything sucks.

These steps are in an “easy to implement” to “hard to implement” order. That doesn’t mean that you can’t change the order or take on multiple steps at once. However, long-term change doesn’t happen overnight: it helps to take on challenges in phases or steps. Then once one thing is a habit, you move on to the next thing. If you take on too many steps at once, you might get overwhelmed and give up.

Step one: Commit to the goal! You have to want it or it won't work.

Step two: Take any medicines/attend therapy. You can't do everything single-handedly.

Step three: Stop all self-deprecation! It's hard to be positive when you think you're worthless. (Here’s a post I made about how to do this: https://rising-phoenix-21.tumblr.com/post/170320454891/gwens-guide-to-loving-yourself) 

Step four: Challenge negative thoughts! Reply to things like "what if I die" with "that’s not going to happen". Something that helps me a lot is to say what is the worst thing that could happen, then what is the best thing that could happen, and finally what is most likely to happen.

Example: I have to go to an unfamiliar place and am very nervous about it. My anxiety is telling me everything that could go wrong and making it hard for me to actually go.

What is the worst that could happen? I do the wrong thing and everybody dies.

Okay, what is the best thing that could happen? I magically know everything to do and they think I'm the best person ever.

What is most likely to happen? Someone will be there to show me the ropes/tell me the rules and I can ask them any questions I have. I may make a mistake but they will be understanding because they know I'm new.

Other examples:

*remembers embarrassing thing and cringes forever* “I am the only person who remembers this, no one else does and therefore there is nothing to be embarrassed about”. Alternatively, "they are not going to remember that in (insert my opinion of how long it will take for them to forget) 30 seconds. *counts down from 30* see, they've already forgotten all about it and I can forget about it too" or "yes I made this mistake but I learned from it and it is in the past so I don't need to worry about it anymore".

*makes a mistake, worries everyone hates me for it* “It's okay, they know I'm new. This is a learning environment, everyone makes mistakes and they are expecting this”. Alternatively: “they never told me to do X and therefore there is no way I could have known and this is not my fault”. 

Step five: Accept when something bad happens. You are going to feel bad about it and that is okay. Let yourself feel the negative emotion until it has run its course. Having a positive outlook does not mean you're happy 24/7 and never cry. However, recognize that this feeling is not going to last forever, you will feel better, and things will get better. Saying it out loud may help.

It’s easy to start wallowing in a negative emotion and/or relapse when something bad happens. This is where your support network comes in! They will help keep you accountable and on the right path. When you are in a bad place, it also helps to look back at good memories and mementos.

Step six: Start writing down 1 (or more) good thing/s that happened or something you're thankful for everyday. Aim for everyday but if you end up only doing this once a week that's okay too. This one seems small but is seriously so important!! When you force yourself to think about something good that happened on a bad day it makes it Way easier to see the good on a regular basis.

Step seven is similar: Enjoy life! Take pleasure in the little things! Yes, sometimes things suck but it's hard to remember that when you're singing along to your favorite song with the windows down and a soda in your hand. Or cuddling with your dog or swimming or doodling your favorite character. When you're having a good day/good moment, take a second and just breathe. Think about how amazing you feel in this moment and how awesome life is.

Then when something tries to tell you that it's all bad, you can look back on that moment, on how amazing you felt and know that IT IS A LIE.

Keep mementos of the good days and the fun you have like photos/ticket stubs/birthday cards, etc.These also help with the bad days.

Step eight: Give yourself things to look forward to. Something that really helps me is picturing physical things about my future. Like I’ll picture what my classroom is going to look like or imagine what kind of Mom I’m going to be or what my wedding is going to look like. Sometimes the future is a big scary void and filling that void with something as small as “I’m going to have a dog” makes the future something to look forward to instead of fear. Doing this on a smaller scale is also helpful, “next weekend I’m going to see a movie”. You may not know where you’re going to be in the next year, but you know you’re going to see that movie and you can look forward to it.

Step nine: Remove negative media from your life! Is that song about your life before your recovery? Pitch it! You're not in that place anymore. If you're recovering from self-harm, all songs talking about harming yourself have to go! If you're a recovering alcoholic, all songs about heavy drinking have got to go! Those songs just put you back into that mindset, they mimic the bad place you were in and you don't want to be there anymore!!

If you are not in recovery, get rid of songs that have a negative message- "life sucks", "there's no hope", "things are never getting better". Is there a song that makes you think of your ex and it makes you sad? Say goodbye to it!

That isn't to say you can't ever listen to "sad" songs or songs that make you cry. The key is to not listen to those on a Regular Basis. Because then you're just making yourself sad on a regular basis, and what good is that?

Unfollow triggering blogs! Utilize Tumblr's filtering system! Renovate your dash so it's full of positivity/cute animals/recovery and inspiration/good news and not just the bad! This applies to all social media, not just Tumblr. (Facebook’s unfollow button is your new best friend). 

The same goes for TV/movies/books: if it is going to trigger you/make you feel bad/mimic a bad place you were in: get rid of it! Don't watch it!

This doesn’t mean you have to watch “family-friendly PG nothing bad ever happens” bullshit all the time. But you need to be in a good mental place for it. If you know you can handle it, watch it! But if it's going to just make you cry in a non-cathartic way, don't torture yourself.

And sometimes you consume media because you want catharsis you were robbed of in the moment and that is okay. As human beings, we tend to bury our emotions especially in traumatic situations. So re-visiting that place/that emotion in a safe way can be very good for recovery. The key is to not consume media that you know will upset you/ruin your day. And to not consume negative media 24/7.

Sometimes, this means that you don't watch the news, and that's okay! We were not made to or meant to consume negative events on such a large scale. You can only take in and deal with so much negative information! If you need to turn off the news, do it. If you need to take a break from social media, do it. Do what is best for your mental health. 

Step ten: Surround yourself with positivity! Refill your music collection with upbeat songs that make you wanna dance, that make you excited, that make you happy, etc. Try to listen to them often and early in your day. Put up inspirational quotes! Follow inspiration blogs! Consume lighter media that makes you laugh/makes you feel good.

Step eleven: Recognize when you need to step away from a situation. If something bad comes up but you know mentally/emotionally you can't deal with it right then. Say "I can't deal with this right now, I will do it later" and walk away. Obviously, this isn't possible all the time. But that's why you should do it whenever you can! Giving yourself time to prepare and time to process is super important! It helps your mental health and prevents you from making mistakes. Both of which make it easier to have a positive outlook lol. 

Step twelve: Reduce the conflict in your life. Conflict isn’t good for our mental health and it makes you feel bad. It also reinforces the idea that it’s “you against the world”, that there are no good people in the world, that no one understands you, etc. If you find yourself arguing with someone everyday, cut them out of your life-that is a toxic relationship. If you find yourself disagreeing with/getting angry at a blog, unfollow it. Anger is important and not necessarily a “bad” emotion but it also isn’t good to feel that way Every Single Day, it gets in the way of positive emotions. 

Step thirteen: Surround yourself with positive people/build a support network. Make friends who are “full of light”, who are optimistic, and who make you feel good when they’re around. Building a support network is super important for when bad things happen: they are there to remind you of the good and to keep you on track in your recovery and in your new positive outlook.

Step fourteen: Remove negative people from your life. When I say "negative people" I mean someone toxic, someone who brings your mood down (on a regular basis), someone who can never see things in a positive way/everything is doom and gloom, and someone whose behavior triggers you(!!). This is a really tough one because, quite frankly, you don’t always get to choose who you interact with and breaking ties is hard.

If you HAVE to interact with this person: try to limit your time with them, keep your mind on positive things even if they're talking about negative stuff (you may even try to steer them in a positive direction), and cleanse your aura after they leave AKA if you feel "gross" after interacting with them, do whatever will get rid of that feeling, whether it be prayer or a crystal or a shower. 

How to break ties with someone? What I usually do is ghost them, whether that is the best/healthiest method is up for debate. If they call you out or you don't want to ghost, just tell them "you're a very negative person and I just can’t be around that. I'm sorry but I have to do what's best for my mental health". If they can't/won't understand that, block them. That's their problem, not yours. I know this sounds selfish and rude but it's true: you have to do what's best for your mental health. You have to be “selfish” sometimes.

Step fifteen: Keep making goals to improve your life! Having a positive outlook is just one of many things that will make your life better. Improving your physical health will make you feel good, reading more books will make you feel good, reaching your goals makes you feel good! The better you feel, the easier it is to feel good about life.

Step sixteen: Repeat the above! You are forming a new habit here and re-training your brain. It isn't enough to just do this for one day or one week. You have to commit to having more positivity in your life. And when you're surrounded by bad news, it's easy to fall back on a hopeless outlook. When your brain is telling you that it's hopeless, it's easy to believe it. But one day, you will get to a place where it isn't as hard. One day, something bad will happen and it won't sting as much because you know that the pain won't last forever and that it’ll get better. This can and will become your new normal. 

[purplesurveys]

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Have you ever read the Hunger Games series? No I never got into both the book and film series. I wish I did read the books though...oh well, it’s never too late to start on them. When was the last time you ran into something? There’s so many things I could run into though haha. I guess the frog that I met while I was taking some trash out a couple of days ago? Do you enjoy dressing up? Sure. I love parties. Do you live in the city or a rural area? In the middle. I literally live right before the city and right before the more province-y part of town. Would you say you have a sense of style? Yeah, my friends have pointed it out occasionally. It’s never intentional and I never wanted to project a certain image, but whatever.

What's your biggest fear? These surveys have made me realize that aside from cockroaches, I am also very terrified of fire. :-( Have you ever been bitten by a wild animal? Not bitten, although I got pecked by this huge bird in a mini-safari because it caught me taking a picture of it when I was 12. Are you close to any of your cousins? I’m close with one. We’re quite older, and everyone else is much younger so I can’t really build the close and personal relationship that I would want to have with them. Have you ever been lost in the woods? Nope I wouldn’t want to do anything that will put me in that situation. Where did you last travel? I was in Vigan last September. Do you enjoy driving? I love the independence aspect of it–my mom can’t ever say no to my plans now because I’ll always have the capability to drive anyway. But that’s the only advantage, really. Driving is exciting for the first few months but then you realize Manila traffic takes out at least four hours of your day everyday just weaving in and out of traffic. It’s ultimately tiring. What song did you last listen to? Tell Me How by Paramore. If you have a job, how often do you work? No job. What time do you normally go to sleep at night? I can’t give you an exact time but it’s usually between 9 PM and 1 AM. Do you watch a lot of movies? I used to but I’ve temporarily lost my muse for it. Hopefully the upcoming awards season will rouse my interest again. Do you like Tom Petty? Never listened to his music. Would you rather have snow or rain? I mean just because I’ve never seen it, snow. Do you own a lot of sweaters? Nope. I only have one and it isn’t even mine, technically. It’s too hot to wear sweaters any time of the year, so why spend several hundred bucks on something I doubt I’ll be able to wear more than twice a year? Have you ever tried rock-climbing? Oh man I always wanted to but was always lazy when there’s an opportunity hahaha. Ever ridden in a police car? No. Favorite decade of music? I don’t have one. I have favorite genres and they encompass various decades instead. Have any of your best friends been your best friend longer than a year? Yes. For longer than a decade, really. The only best friend I had who wasn’t able to hang on was Sofie, but even that had been longer than a year. Ever witnessed a murder? No. I’ve seen my loved ones getting murdered in my dreams, but never one in real life. Do you care what people think of you? My friends, yes. Anyone else, I don’t see why it should concern me. Does your room have a ceiling fan? No, I find it too old-fashioned for my room. Would you consider yourself poised? I have my moods, and that’s all thanks to my Classic Hollywood phase hahaha. I learned all of my etiquette from Audrey Hepburn. Have you ever tried blogging? Yes. I made a bajillion Blogger accounts but only made one entry with each of them. I had a lot because I would forget my username and password as soon as I made my first post and proceeded to abandon them. Favorite television channel? I don’t watch TV. Have you ever lied under oath? No. I’ve never even been under oath. What are your religious views? I don’t have any other than I never agreed with anything that’s ever come out of Catholicism, and that’s coming from 17 years of experience. Are you a romantic person? I’m super sweet in private. Otherwise, in a public setting, I’m hesitant to be showy. Just because I know it would annoy me if I saw a couple who’s a little into their PDA. Would you consider yourself a flirt? No. I never had the opportunity to find out for myself. At what age do you plan to be married? 27-29 should be fine. Do you eat a lot of junk food? Hah.  When did you last go on vacation? September. Are you resilient? I can be. It will ultimately depend on the situation at hand. Have you ever failed a subject before? No. I’ve failed tests, but never a class. If so, what was the class? Do you wear more bright or dull colors? Dull. Wearing bright colors would be very out of character for me. Do you know anyone who has attempted suicide? Yes. What's your favorite quote? I give different answers to this question all the time. Right now it’s, “Next time you point a finger, I might have to bend it back or break it off / Next time you point a finger, I’ll point you to the mirror.” from Paramore’s Playing God. Would you consider yourself mature? Yeah, at least more mature than the wild party animals that are the business students in my school. How many clocks are in your house? Several. I can’t be bothered to visualize and start counting right now. Do you play any sports? Yes. I play table tennis. What is your biggest life regret? This isn’t my doing and it’s not really a regret, but I’ve always wanted to see the person I would have turned out to be if I wasn’t raised in the detrimental environment I was raised in. Like, who would I be if my mom didn’t put me down mentally and emotionally every single day? What kind of outlook would I have if I had parents who had jobs that allowed them to be constantly at home and thus would be able to actually build a connection with us? How happier would I have been if I didn’t have to spend every time wondering if my relatives would nearly attack each other to death, intoxicated? It’s really saddening and I apologize to myself every day for not being given something better, even though I don’t even know who to blame it on. Have you ever been injured in a car accident? No, I’ve been in veeeery minor ones. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be? I’d love to be in a museum right at this moment. Have you ever had highlights in your hair? Never did like highlights. Favorite fast food restaurant? Jollibee. In what country were you born? Born and raised in the Philippines. Are your eyes more than one color? Nope. Have you ever caught something on fire? NOOOOPE. I’m scared of fire so when I do have to deal with it, I’m careful as all hell. What would you consider your biggest flaw? I’m way too sensitive. If someone takes even the slightest, most innocent dig at me, rest assured that it will stay with me and could change the way I look at myself. What do you think your best quality is? I’m fiercely protective of and loyal to my loved ones. I’d put them first before me any day. Some have noticed that I kind of sacrifice too much in order to benefit the other, but I’ve never seen that as a bad thing. My specialty, really, has always been being there for people. Do you enjoy listening to others' problems? I don’t enjoy the fact that they have a problem. I do enjoy that they trust me enough to tell me all about what they are going through and went to me for either support or advice. Do you keep any plants in your house? Yup, we have several in the living room. What is your mother's occupation? I have no clue. Last time I bothered to ask, she was some kind of secretary in one of the departments of the hotel she works in. Do any of your friends like your musical style? I don’t have a distinct musical style, that belongs to my other friends who give more attention to the aesthetic they put out haha. But none of them enjoy my punk rock taste, definitely.  What are you most looking forward to? Our field trip for our art studies class next Saturday. What was your favorite television show as a child? My first-ever favorite was The Wild Thornberries and Hi-5 with the original cast. Then I moved on to Spongebob, Fairly OddParents, Drake and Josh, and The Suite Life as I got older. Are you afraid of insects? Completely. Are you cold-natured? I’m not sure what this wants to refer to. How old were you when you got your first pet? I may have been 5 when I got my first goldfish. Did you/do you enjoy high school? For the most part, yes. I went through a lot, but the reward from it is that I learned so much about myself in return. I gained a lot of friends, finally knew which types of people I want to build connections with, and I also grew a lot closer with my batch that I will never stop referring to as my sisters. I never viewed my academics as very important since I figured early on that it isn’t going to matter in the real world and in the long run, so I didn’t stress myself out on them as much as everyone else did. My only enemy was the Catholic vision of the school. What would you say was your favorite age? 16 was my happiest age. What annoys you most about social networking? I hate that homophobic, transphobic, and racist people are allowed to have accounts. Are you the center of attention most of the time? Definitely not. What are you currently reading? I’m not reading anything but after this I hope to start on my readings for history class that I’ve been putting off for ages hahaha. When did you last go to the library? I have no clue. April? Are you ill at the moment? Far from it. Do people tease you about anything? Nope. How late did you stay up last night and why? Around 10 PM. No reason. I wanted to sleep earlier but couldn’t, so I watched videos and read articles to make myself feel sleepy. Have you ever written poetry? Only when I had to for English.  Curtains or shades? I have shades, but prefer curtains. How many people have you spoken to in the last hour? Two. Do you tend to text a lot? Yes, but the only person I text is Gab hahaha since everyone else is reachable on Messenger. Still, I text a lot. Ever lost a great best friend? Yes. Losing Sofie was kind of sad, but I got over it quickly. I also lost Gabie for a while. What is your favorite kind of flower? Answered this before. I love all flowers except anthuriums. I’m not sure about other countries, but in the Philippines that’s the go-to flowers for cemeteries and I’ve since grown to hate how it looks. How tall are you? 5′1″ or 5′2″. Haven’t checked in a while so it could be either one. Do you own any guns? No. I don’t have a reason to own one. What would you say is your favorite book of all-time? I’m afraid a book hasn’t had that much of an impact on me yet. Do you think you're living a good life? No. What's your least favorite part of the day? The afternoon when the weather is at its most humid :( Plus everyone just seems to be a little more dead at that time of the day. Are you an over-achiever? Hahahaha, no. No matter how well I perform there’s always someone else that makes me achievements almost laughable in comparison. Have you ever won an award for a speech? No. I’ve gained recognition, but not an actual award. Do you tend to curse a lot? Yes. Have you ever played on the Ouija board? No. Always been fascinated with it. Do you sleepwalk? I don’t. Have you ever slept on the floor before? Yes, I’ve had to several times. Are you a fan of public displays of affection? Fan is a creepy way to put it. I don’t mind PDA, people are allowed to hold hands and hold each other by the waist and such. It becomes meh when it goes too far like excessive cuddling, but thankfully I rarely witness that. I do remember one couple openly making out in Universal Studios in Singapore though. In a line for a ride. Filled with families. I wanted to make gagging noises so bad ugh. When did you last attend a yard sale? Years ago. Do you wish your life were simpler or more interesting? More interesting, of course. What goals do you wish to accomplish tomorrow? I want to get started on a homework for my major, and get more readings done. When is your birthday? April 21st. Which is worse: going blind or deaf? Bad question. What was the best part of today? Eh, it’s been pretty slow today. Nothing so far, really. Do you attempt to stay away from drama? Ugh for fucking sure, yes. I know some people who are still obsessed with high school level drama. It’s fun to watch it from afar.

What liquid did you last drink? Water. Do you ever prefer to be alone? Majority of the time. Have you ever had a deadly animal as a pet? No. My mom wouldn’t let that pass. Favorite Disney movie? Toy Story or Tangled. Have you ever been to the beach? Many times. If you have, how many times have you been? ^ What was your dream occupation at age ten? I wanted to be an author at the time, so not really far off from my present aspirations to work in mass communication. Are you terrified at the idea of weight-gain? No. I actually want to gain a little so that I can fit (nicely) into clothes that I do want to wear. I’m naturally thin and something that people tend to skim over about being skinny is that very few articles of clothing can complement your figure. Do you drink a lot of water? Yes. Love water. I’m responsible for finishing up the pitchers in the fridge all the time. Does your room have carpet or hard-wood floors? Hardwood. Do you take naps daily? Most of the time I can’t, since I spend the whole day in school. Who were you named after? I was told that I was named after the Swedish singer also named Robyn, but my parents’ versions change EVERY TIME I bring the question up. I have no idea why they can’t give me a straight answer. Do you plan on traveling this spring or summer? Yes if my dad happens to be home at that time of the year. Do you know anyone who is colorblind? I don’t think so. Have you ever been a teacher's pet? Ugh no. I stay away from that particular spotlight. What is your absolute favorite hobby? Exploring museums and other cultural sites :) I also love watching movies. How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once. Twice at most. Ever been to a tanning bed before? No. I have no use for one and I don’t even know how to operate them, and I’ve seen the tanning bed part from Final Destination 3 enough times to know not to mess with them haha. Are you satisfied with your financial stability? I’m alright with my parents’ financial stability. Who is your favorite actor/actress? Kristen Stewart. I also like Kate Winslet but she’s in my shit list for now because she defended Woody Allen.

Are your nails painted? They aren’t. What's the meanest thing you've ever said to someone? When I was a kid, around 9, I used to tell my siblings all the time that I wish they were never born and that I were an only child instead, since I was always fighting with them for attention. I wasn’t raised a brat and I hate that I ever said that, and it’s really because of the environment I was raised in. I heard those words from my relatives and other people, and I just mimicked it because I thought it was an alright thing to say. Do you ever accidentally talk to inanimate objects? Yeah I say sorry ALL THE TIME to inanimate objects I bump into. What's your favorite flavor of ice cream? Cookies and cream and any flavor with an unusual concept. I tried spicy chocolate ice cream before, best thing ever. Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender? I would prefer to kiss somone of the same gender. Do you receive any hate mail? No. I got hate stuff on my Ask.fm once and since I don’t tolerate negativity on any of my social media, I went ahead and deleted my profile altogether. Have you ever sent a letter in the mail? Nope. If you could, would you have a pen pal? That seems sweet, but no. What color are the pants you're wearing? My shorts are blue. Have you ever had a stalker? I haven’t. What is your life philosophy? People don’t have to be blood to be family. Who last sent you a goodnight text message? My girlfriend. Do you own any clothes that are your favorite color? I have lots of black clothes; but as much as I love pastel pink, I have nothing of that color. Have you ever been in a hot tub before? Of course. What's your favorite comedy movie? White Chicks hahahahahahah.

[hasansonsuzceliktas]

How Much Are We Addicted to Our Addictions?

There’s a new sort of addiction that I’ve started to come across in recent years. In my opinion, this is an addiction specific to those interested in spiritual matters, and it’s called spiritual energy practices addiction. People with this addiction feel they must constantly participate in all the up-and-coming spiritual energy practices. After a while, these people never stop speaking about what they gained from this or took from that. As with all addictions, though, the underlying matter is the same... ***** About a few weeks ago, I watched a scene from the spectacular documentary People vs. The State of Illusion. It transformed my outlook on all the existing addictions. Until then, I had looked at all addictions judgmentally, referring to addicts as drunks, weed addicts, sex maniacs, womanizers, gamblers, and so on. I believed them to be sacrificing their families’ sustenance to fuel their addictions. We learn these typical judgments from our parents, our environments, our societies, and TV and movies, and they are likely in most of us somewhere. Sure, all addictions are bad and should be avoided. We judge addicts in many numerous ways. We try to manipulate them. We try to get them to stop by reasoning with them and forcing them to make promises. This rarely stops them doing what they’re doing, because no one thinks to ask, “Okay, but why is he/she doing this?” I also judged addicts, and this question never occurred to me either. While society tells us that these addictions are bad and should be avoided, it also teaches us to label and outcast those who fall prey to them. When it’s a person you love, such as a lover or a relative, you are torn between your love and the pressure to label that person. In short, you get hurt. During that scene in the documentary, I had a moment of clarity. The main character is in jail. He has a guardian he did not get along with in the past. The main character then starts a spiritual development in himself, and he makes it up with his guardian. One day, his old guardian comes and asks, “Can you please help me? I am about to be fired from my job, my wife has left me, and I don’t know what to do...” At first, the character doesn't know how to help him, but he asks the wise jailhouse servant who has also helped him. The conversation is here for you: ***** (Aaron: Man in jail.) Aaron: I got a question for you. If somebody came to you with drinking problem. How would you help? Jailhouse Servant: I would help them to see what was good about being an alcoholic. Aaron: But there is nothing good about being an alcoholic. Is there? Jailhouse Servant: Just like you thought there wasn't anything about this cell when we first met. It is always how you see things. Do you think somebody who drinks so much seems themselves as whole? Aaron: Of course not. Jailhouse Servant: So to help them about their problem is to focus on the idea that something's wrong with them. I'd help them change that view. Because people who sees themselves as whole don't bring that kind of drama into their lives. I'd ask them what might be good about their accessive drinking. Aaron: Nothing. Jailhouse Servant: There always is. When you are drunk what do you thinking about? Aaron: Just, feeling good. Jailhouse Servant: Exactly. No thought for the past, no thought for the future, just being present. The addict desires presence. Sometimes more than rest of us. That is a good thing. Presence is the same value we get from meditation, reading, sports. So i can focus on his problem, or i can focus on his desire to be present. And help him find other ways to do it. Aaron:  I wish i had some way explaining them. Jailhouse Servant: You do, you had it ever since we first met. Aaron: What do you mean?  Jailhouse Servant: Do you have that picture that i give you when we first met?  Aaron: Keep it right my bed every night. Jailhouse Servant: Do you remember what i said when i give it to you? Aaron: Yeah, you were a bit dramatic. And said it had the power to change my life. Jailhouse Servant: Have you ever really looked at that picture? Aaron: Of course. Many times.  Jailhouse Servant: What did you see?  Aaron: A beatiful woman.  Jailhouse Servant: Anything else? Aaron:  It is made up of all kinds of pieces of glass and stone. Jailhouse Servant: Right, it is a mosaic. If you took pieces out of mosaic and looked at them individually, what would you see? Aaron: All kinds of different pieces: Some dark, some cracked, some dirty, some smooth... Jailhouse Servant: How is the picture formed from these pieces? Aaron: Well, suppose from the arragement and the contrast. Jailhouse Servant: Upclose and disected, it is not so nice. But from a different perspective and viewed as a whole. It becomes a work of art. ***** “The Addicted one desires his/her existence.” The key is hidden here. Well, after watching the scene, I found another fantastic example that I have repeated here because it’s also a significant key. But first, to view the underlying cause of the addiction, I’ve brought another perspective with me. Each of us is a part of divine mosaic, similar to the tiny stones of a typical mosaic. Each one of us has an individual structure, and by coming together, we form something more. Just like there is the divine mosaic, we also have our own internal mosaics. These consist of smooth white stones, pieces of glass, fractured pieces of other materials, and other different characteristic features. This all builds up into a whole. However, in the scenarios we live in, we forget our place in the divine mosaic. We feel we are so far from ourselves, so to feel good again, to stop our minds and live like ourselves, we start grasping at alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, adrenaline, and so on. The real problem comes at the point that we build up tolerance to whatever we’re abusing, and it needs more and more stimulus to excite us. The body always wants and seeks more, but this starts to harm both ourselves and our environments. At this juncture, it is possible to find other ways of feeling our existence with activities like meditation, reading, yoga, sports, and so on. This only helps if we maintain the balance, however. For example, working out at the gym and then progressing to taking steroids is just another kind of addiction. **** Well, now I want to return to the spiritual energy practices addiction I mentioned at the start. Sure, spiritual energy practices can open up some great ways to discover the inner being, but searching for one after another, saying how each one is much better than the last, jumping at each new one, and following anyone who claims to be a guru is just another addiction. Yes, it may ease you for a moment each time, but then to feel the same satisfaction, you need to look for more. Nevertheless, as you bustle around, someone comes and eases you, and you feel the inner being again. In the meantime, though, you are running from something. When you become aware of this, you can find the power in yourself to stand and face whatever you are running from. When you face it and embrace it, you do not need to pursue anything anymore. Of course, you can continue to practice with many mentors and use many methods, but it won’t be because you feel you owe your inner being to them—it will be because you enrich your life experiences with whatever you get from them. ***** Deep down, we are just like the fish in the ocean. We seek the ocean, so we swim around trying to find it, unaware that we’re already in it. This is what our inner being looks like. All we need to do is stop and realize where we exist. At this point, we find the answer to the question of “How much are we addicted to our addictions?” How much are we aware of our inner being? Is it a little or none at all? With infinite love to all addictions, to all my own addictions, to all our addicted brothers and sisters, to myself, and, of course, to the infinite being of all of us... Read the full article