#yet I come on here with capslock engaged

[mistergreatbones]

I am graduating in two weeks I will not engage in discourse. I am graduating in two week I need to focus on finals. My degrees will worth more than being right online. I will not engage in discourse. I will not engage. I will not.

But I want to 😟

[i-am-lifeform24]

Curated Companions: Part 3

--------------🔞Masterlist🔞Part 1🔞Part 2🔞Part 4🔞---------------

---------------[ ITZY Yuna - @capslocked ]---------------

There's rules of engagement here supposedly, beyond what's already broke. They're shockingly easy to ignore. She's supposed to count the money in the envelope, but she never does. She simply tucks it into her purse, folds her legs to sit in your lap, and kisses you. Slowly.

This whole coquettish drag and pull of a lip sorta deal.

"Listen," says Yuna, finally letting go. Her thumb traces idly over your jeans. "I was thinking. We could try, like... public stuff, for once, maybe."

"Like exhibitionism?" you ask. "Or some BDSM nonsense? Cause you're already pretty fucking kinky- Hey, ow."

She digs her nails into the back of your neck, pouting at you. "You're taking me out tonight."

"To the hotel bar for a nightcap, sure, and then we're back up here, fucking 'til your legs give out," you say. "You're killing me with this tight black dress shit, today, and I'm going fucking nuts with what that garter-belt thing does to your legs-"

"Nuh-uh," she corrects herself, a little bratty. "Tonight we're playing, like, regular couple people. As opposed to rich weirdos, who literally spend all their time together locked up in hotels."

"Hm. Hate it."

She wrinkles her nose, tracing a bright-blue-acrylic down the front of your shirt. She wears this expression like she's certain of the outcome, like you can't say no. "It'll be fun," she tells you. "You can knock me up in the bathroom, or whatever."

"Fine," you relent, brain stalled. You're in a bad enough state with the way her ass fits into the lingerie you'd bought her last month. "We'll do something normal."

"That's a promise," she sing-songs, smiling wide before flicking open the button at the top of your pants.

Yuna's the best kind of trouble - no less of a devil - and she's right. You're not a rich weirdo, but listen: everything is an experiment. Nothing is ever supposed to be permanent; nothing can be. All the arrangements, safeguards. Yuna calls you a pervert but the projection has been clear from the get-go. You get your hands in her hair, on her hips, around her neck, and her body gets you high as a fucking kite. When she's laid on her back, ankles crossed at your waist, you see the cracks in the game she's playing.

"Fucking christ, fuck, I'm-" she rasps, eyes hazy. 

The cute act comes undone mid-climax.

Your cock is stretching her so wide those big, gorgeous eyes of hers roll back in her head. You've got her pretty tits spilling out of the bra you never had the decency to rip, and a good part of your attention is devoted to how tight her little cunt flutters around you - another is dedicated to rubbing her swollen clit until she screams. You snap your hips into her roughly, hitting all the right spots as she writhes - and Yuna fucking loses it when she gets the chance, gets a hand on your neck as her head falls back and you're taking the reins: "yeah, there, come on, fucking give it to me, holy sh-hiiiit."

There's no pretense in fucking her like this; you kiss the hot line of her mouth and that's when it really unravels. You fuck the words right outta her until the only thing she can remember is "sir, sir, sir, fuck-"

"Aw," you murmur, slowing up to savor the way her mouth falls open. "Good girl. Does my little slut want to cum again already?"

Yuna lets out another quiet gasp. Her brows furrow slightly. Her cunt is fucking gushing, but- 

"No," she says, petulant. "Not yet."

"Are you sure?" You ask, not stopping your hips. "You've been pretty fucking cockdrunk, sweetheart."

Her mouth trembles a little, and then her back is arching so far her chest lifts right into your touch, and:

"Want you to breed me first," she whines. "Your cum. Please, fucking- please."

That, unsurprisingly, is also not in the rulebook: you're supposed to blow into a rubber, but on the third, fourth weekend you meet her, Yuna begs you, eyes big and glossy, and peels the condom off before you can think to argue. How are you meant to resist Yuna's hot little pussy hugging your bare cock like her life depends on it? How are you supposed to say no, with the way she's screaming as you pound her into the sheets - the way she chokes and stumbles all over her pretty pleas to fill her up - the way her arms curl tighter around you when you moan into her throat?

"Yeah, of course," you whisper, into her skin. "I'm gonna stuff your pretty cunt so fucking full."

It's some combination of filthy and nostalgic. When it starts, and stops, and begins again: you don't notice, because every second feels like its own cycle. You don't always cum inside her either - not when you take her to the shower and she instinctively lands on her knees, already enroute to the sloppiest, most mind-numbing blowjob. Not when her mouth rolls down over the head of your cock, guiding your hands onto the swell of her tits - not when her silky tongue and full, round lips slide down to the base.

She looks up at you and takes every fucking inch. 

You don't mean to fuck her face, seriously - it's just her eyes, her pretty, doe-eyed, gentle stare: the second you get both hands in her wet hair, it's hard to break that spell, is the thing. A goner. Lost to it. Her mouth, her lips, her- "Yeah, yeah, oh my god-" you groan.

She doesn't even flinch when you cum on her face, so serious, so debased and sexy in this fucked-out, used-up way, and then she smiles - this sly little quirk - when a rope of cum lands across her cheek. Her hair. Onto the glass behind her. The thing is: you're sorta doomed from here. You're already know you're going to fuck her every way possible; she doesn't even need instructions when you pull her up by the shoulder, flip her around, and fuck her against the shower door. 

"Yuna, sweetie, tighter," and she clenches around you immediately.

The wet skin-on-skin, the way she bites into her arm to silence the noise she's making: god, it's music, you can't let go, and it's better like that, her fucked-dumb little voice just - "You can be louder," you mutter, pressing your chest to her back so that you can bend down, lick her jaw and nip at her neck, listening for her quickening breath.

She moans prettily, makes it clear every time she sucks her lip into her mouth and lets it slip through her teeth as she exhales, that you should be making her moan more often. Your cock hits somewhere deep, some angle that makes her freeze up - oh, god, fuck, right there - and her grip on the handle goes slack.

She drops it altogether, actually: just lets you hold her hair and smear her face into the door.

"Good girl," you praise, feeling her pussy throb around you. You spank, you grab, you pull. You fuck and fuck and fuck-

Christ, Yuna. She’s licking the glass, licking it clean of your cum.

(And you make good on your word. You and your fuck-toy go unnoticed in a public bar, dressed to the nines. She'd slid her long hair behind her ear when she drank, had made pretty faces as you sipped champagne. When you walked out with a hand at the small of her back, she smiled at everyone you passed, her red-lipsticked mouth dazzling in the cold air.)

"I got you a gift," she says later in the cab, which is generally not how these things are supposed to go - her tone is also usually different, too, but the fact is that you'll give her anything.

"Oh? What's that?"

"I'm wearing it, actually." Yuna turns, pulling up the hem of her dress enough to bare her gorgeous ass. There's a silver plug keeping her open, shining and slick. "Well? Shouldn't you put me through a round of testing?"

"Baby," you say, a little strained. Her eyes light up. "That's fucking cheating."

And maybe, technically, not actually following the rules: Yuna sits back, one knee over the other. "Fuck, it feels amazing," she admits in a dreamy, syrupy voice. “But I’m still missing your cum inside of me, honestly. So, y'know."

--------[ fromis_9 Nagyung - @maemisnippets ]-------

You park in a dimly lit street. The lights of the city peering behind the building beside you. Only a few people coming off work walk up and down the street you’re in, looking for a quick bite or drink the rest of the night away. 

Tap tap tap. A silhouette, with long hair and a petite body, appears on your window. You couldn’t see her face too well through the tinted glass, but you can see her signaling to roll your window down. And so you do.

“What are you doing here?” Her eyes come into view.

“Nothing,” you reply. “Just looking around.”

“Looking around?” She talks back. “That’s what they all say. You’re not one of those crazy fans, are you?”

You stare blankly at her, confused on what she’s talking about. “Listen. I’m just here to chill—”

“Do you know who I am?” She cuts you off.

“N-no?”

“I can help you ‘chill’. Just name your price.”

“Um, I have a couple hundred on me right now.”

“Good. Let me in.” You let her in through the other front door.

She wastes not a single second. Her hands travel to your pants, unzipping it. You help her by pulling it down as she takes out your erection from your underwear. She parts her hair to the side before placing your tip against her lips.

You feel the wetness of her lips as she takes in your length, coating it with her spit. Her hand tightly grips the base of your length as she starts sucking your cock at a moderate, steady rhythm. You stifle your moans while trying not to give much of a reaction with your body.

She gives you a sly smile. “Would you mind me making a mess in your car?”

“How much of a mess?”

“Only a tiny bit.” She giggles.

“Does it come with extra?”

“No. Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay, go for it.”

She pauses for a second, staring at your damp erection. She grips your length again, gathers all saliva in her mouth, and gives you that HAWK TUAH.

Her spit lands everywhere. A few drips down to your seat, but not much to be worried about. She sticks her tongue out, contacting your tip and gets back to business. She bobs her head up and down as her lips glide on your length more smoothly. She goes deeper too, taking as much of it in until you reach the back of her throat. 

You feel your climax coming. Your member throbbing signals her of your impending burst, yet she still persists. She slowly increases her pace and starts stroking you in sync with her blowjob. You grip the seat next to you.

“Oh, fuck,” the only words you mutter. You burst a full load into her mouth. She keeps swallowing threads of your seed, but you keep it coming. You use your other hand to rub her head as she still tries to swallow while struggling to keep everything from dripping out of her mouth.

After what felt like forever, she sits up next to you trying to catch her breath. You reach for your wallet and grab three of the biggest bills you find. You hand her the money, “Is this enough?”

“Pleasure doing business,” she answers, grabbing the money. She gives you a small peck on the cheek before stepping out of your car.

“Scored another one today?” Jiwon greets her.

“Fucking company isn’t paying us and I need the money.” Nagyung replies.

“Think he’ll go for sloppy seconds?” Jiwon smirks.

“Go for it.” Nagyung slaps her ass. “You throat slut.”

----------[ TWICE Mina - @costinblazetwice ]-----------

As you watch this dark-haired woman envelop your cock with her mouth, leaving a red ring from her lipstick at the base, you find yourself drifting back to how all this began.

The owner of this huge hotel chain you were staying at had expanded into the escort business and this was a secret that only got passed around to regulars. When you had gotten your hand on the list of all their new available escorts, there was one Japanese girl that caught your attention by the name of Mina. That day you had called her in to keep you company for the night. 

She had arrived wearing a black shirt neatly tucked into her black shorts. She was a shy and sweet girl so it served as a surprise when the clothes came off and she immediately took control, pushing you onto a chair and getting to work with her mouth. 

Your thoughts are abruptly pulled back to the present as an overwhelming pleasure surges through you. Mina's expert tongue and lips bring you to the edge, her eyes locking with yours, filled with a mix of seduction and raw desire. Her hands grip your thighs, nails digging in just enough to add a hint of pain to the pleasure. 

She pulls away just as your hips begin to buck signaling your climax. All you can do in response is groan as strands of spit being the only thing connecting Mina’s mouth to your cock. She takes a hand and uses the spit to lube up your cock before picking herself up and waking over to the bed which she then sits on, turning around so she’s on all fours, giving you a full view of her puckered asshole and the glistening shine over her slit. 

“Don’t make me wait,” Mina says with a seductive drawl, looking over at you from her shoulder. 

She doesn’t need to tell you twice. 

You move behind her, your hands gripping her hips as you guide your cock to her entrance, plunging in with one fell swoop as Mina moans out in ecstasy. The remainder of her spit on your cock and her juices combine to allow you to penetrate her fully and comfortably. 

You leave your length buried deep inside Mina, your hips pressed firmly against her ass. With a deliberate touch, you slide a wet finger into her asshole. She lets out a muffled moan, her body quivering beneath you. Your finger moves in and out with a brisk pace, both of her tight holes clenching around you. The air fills with the rich, musky scent of her stuffed holes, one with your finger and the other with your cock. An intoxicating aroma that is both dirty and erotic.  

“Fuck me already, please,” Mina drawls out, lightly shaking her ass in anticipation. You pull your finger out, using your tongue to wet your thumb which you then place directly at the entrance of her asshole. 

“Yes, m’am.” You reply. 

You pull back, your cock leaving her tight cunt with difficulty as it clenches down, refusing to let go. Once it sits at the entrance, you immediately thrust back in, causing Mina to let out a shriek as her knees give, causing her to collapse on the bed stomach first. 

“So good,” she groans out, face resting on the pillow. You position yourself over her, each of your hands planted firmly on the bed beside her to keep your balance. She's lying flat on her stomach, her body pressed onto the mattress, her legs slightly parted. This position allows you to thrust deeply as you hover above her, your weight supported by your arms, letting you control the rhythm and depth of each thrust.

You quicken your pace, each thrust driving deeper into her. Mina's moans grow louder, her body trembling beneath you. The room fills with the sound of skin meeting skin, her arousal soaking your cock. She grips the sheets, knuckles white, her face flushed.

"You feel so good," you whisper into her ear, her breath hitching in response. 

The air thickens with the raw, primal scent of sex and sweat. Every breath you take is mixed with the intoxicating aroma of her arousal, mingling with your own musk. The smell of her wetness clings to your cock and permeates the room, driving you wild. Mina's hair is damp with sweat, her skin glistening under the dim light. Her ass is stained a light red from all the thrusting, signaling the intensity of the moment. The overpowering, musky scents envelop you both, heightens the ecstasy coursing through your veins. 

You feel the pleasure building up within you and it’s becoming more difficult to hold in. “Fuck, Mina…” is all you can muster out for Mina to understand. You pull yourself out completely and watch as Mina rolls herself over, now laying on the bed with her flushed face facing you. You begin violently jerking your cock, gaze wandering from her slim waist to her petite breasts with her hardened pink nipples. 

You decide for neither but instead for her mouth where her awaiting tongue hangs out. You could only groan out Mina’s name as you release where her tongue sits, climaxing into her mouth. She keeps eye contact with you as she swallows the liquid in its entirety, offering you a sly smirk. 

You lean in, panting, and murmur, "You're my personal escort now, Mina. I want you available anytime I need you." She smiles back, a playful glint in her eyes. "I think you might need an extension," she teases, ready to repeat the events of the night, not just now but for many nights to come. And only for you. 

----------------[ ITZY Yeji - @syeollock ]------------------

It falls, droops past the horizon - and now it’s a blackout. It happens too fast for some people with how cooped up they’ve been: surrendering their time to serve others, earning their keep. It builds up. It stresses them, pushes them over the edge of the barricade, set by whomever, to prevent what's currently happening: them careening on the rocks, skin and flesh tearing at the slightest impact as they get closer and closer to terminal velocity - through impossibility and then some. 

And here you are, braving through the settling dusk, arriving only when the moon’s set itself atop your head - smart to procure your services at the dead of night. 

Just like always, you perform one last check of yourself - there’s a certain standard that you uphold to yourself; after all, you are being paid and this is the least you could do for these troubled individuals. 

It rings, the same annoying, unending, and inevitable ringing that started this escapade. No answer. You check your watch - you’re not late - It ticks and ticks. And for some reason, it mimics the scrambling behind the door of your destination. Enter… well, exit Hwang Yeji, ITZY’s - yes, that ITZY’s - group leader and also your most prominent client so far. 

The sight of her prompts you to turn away. “It was me,” she says with the slightest attempt of hiding her chagrin, “I was the one that called for you and… your services.” 

Chalk it up to collective karma but somehow the Hwang Yeji is in front of you in all of her glory. Keep calm. She’s not exactly who you had in mind as your first booking for the night but certainly not someone you’d decline - not like you have a choice to begin with. 

“Ma’am? Miss? What would you like me to call you?” you say as she lets you through the gate. No response. You’d think she didn’t hear you but you were at arms length with her. And so it was, your words have gone on deaf ears, Yeji’s ears as a consolation, but not what you’d call welcoming, so you decide to take matters into your own hands - aka doing your job. “Yej-” 

Her dainty fingers meet your lips - salty and shaking. Yeji pulls you to the walls, narrowly avoiding the lighthouse-of-a-light from the windows. “Look,” she whispers in the most breathy way possible like she’s got a finger sticking through her rib, “don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m not exactly allowed to be seen with a man… especially in hours like these.” 

“Yeji,” you take her by her wrists, “colour me rude, but my time isn’t exactly cheap. You should know that.” 

“Of course!” Yeji gets a bit too defensive, accidentally flaring her voice out, “fu-” She mumbles, spits even, as your hand interrupts her expletive, something you didn’t expect would come out so naturally from an idol’s mouth - both the word and bodily fluid. 

“Really? Is this what the Hwang Yeji is capable of?” 

Yeji pouts, craning her neck down, putting her eyes on full display as they take shelter under her furrowed brows. 

“Got something to say?” You’ve laid your hands on her already, albeit not sensually so why not go further - trace a finger on her chin, your nail skating along her nerves, dropping further until you start to thumb her collarbone.  Her jaw slacks and she tries to let a word out, however, you’ve sucker punched her, taken the wind out of her sails - your finger a hurricane that stirs something inside her.

Her string of words - not even - are barely able to make it through, “Y-you… I want you.” 

Yeji is as upfront and direct as one can be, and it still somehow takes you aback. “M-may I ask abou- what about me -” you pause, recompose, “- in particular has got you wanting me?” You’re stumbling on her stairway. 

She goes a step too far - a step too close - Yeji leans, places her body weight on your shoulders, pushing you through her door. She props herself up on your shoulders and whispers, “Are we really going to waste time on this?” Caught up in the moment, you couldn’t help but stare - how this creature of myth nuzzles its way to the crook of your neck, how it looks up at you with this unmarred admiration, the same unquestioned look lemmings have before they go plunging down the cliffs..

Yeji debunks it all - an urban legend - with just her lips, the coming to blows of your lips. She’s kissing you, the soft little tug on your clothes, that little look of a successful leap of faith. It’s needy, messy as her tongue slips through your slack jaw. It’s this heavy intoxication that has you feeling like you’re at the bottom of the Mariana Trench, like you’ve just woken up from a heady herbal mix of a concoction. 

It takes a few minutes - a few minutes of lips locked together, tongues wrapping around each other - before you realise the gravity of the situation. Your lips part, instead you take her by wrists, feeling her ramping pulse, and turn her around, back to your torso. “Is this what you had in mind when you called?” you say, thumbing her jaw.

“Ok, don’t judge,” Yeji starts, pausing for a slight moment of repose, “but I… I was looking for something rough, you know? Some stress relief, maybe? Nothing beats getting thrown on the bed with no regards, have my hair pulled, oh God…” 

“Hell, you could have had me gagging on that cock of yours,” she bundles herself tight into your arms, rubs her dainty ass on your cock, “maybe even filled to the brim with your hot cu- Sorry…”

Two, maybe three, hours ago, this person in your arms was yet to be Yeji, and now you’ve eased yourself into her ribs - being the lingering annoyance that could either get her smiling from cheek to cheek or satisfy her more masochistic side.  

You wrap around her with a tad bit of desperation, perhaps realising that your time is running out. “Hey,” you dip your lips into her nape, “I’m not objecting.” Yeji’s head falls back, “God, you’re cute…” She flushes pink - plum - her ivory-like teeth spilling at the corners. 

She draws the vowels out, “So you’d ruin someone cute? Someone like m-” 

“Yes. Someone like you.” Your eyes meet, and you give her one last kiss. “Fuck - sorry - this is nice but I have other clients to attend to. I gave you an extra hour… just cause, but I really would have loved to meet your expectations. Why don’t you book me again tomorrow?”

“No,” a giggle escapes her lips, “no way you thought I was that much of a cheapskate?” 

“Sorry?” You tilt your head quizzically, brows furrowing.

“I booked you for the whole twenty four hours dummy.” 

----------[ Aespa Ningning - @thelibrarian69 ]----------

It was simple, Ningning just had to be your date to your high school reunion. Live up the falsehood you put up, just like anyone there. Any extracurricular activities of the night was up to her. You weren’t rich after all and couldn’t pay for the guaranteed activities to end the night.

“I’m guessing this is good night then?” You and Ningning stand in front of her luxury hotel room door.

Out of your pocket, you pull out a white-thick envelope. You hand it to her as she takes it. A quick peer through it and she closes it.

“Why don’t you come in for a drink? Need to make sure I don’t owe you any change.” A drink with Ningning was nice but you know you gave her the right amount.

“I’m pretty sure I gave you the right amount but if there’s extra, think of it as a tip.” Ningning chuckles at your statement and grabs your hand.

“Come on.” You don’t fight her as you follow her through the door.

The loud smack of your envelope lands on the table, as Ningning pours the two of you a drink. You eye her up and down, examining every detail of her body, from her hour-glassed shaped figure, to her pristine legs.

You're handed the drink as Ningning takes the other. Tapping her glass against yours, Ningning takes a sip. You do the same, as the drink coats your flavor pallet. As you savor the taste, Ningning sets her drink aside. Removing the cup from your hand, Ningning strips you of your jacket.

Your tie is loosened along with the buttons on your shirt. You know what’s in store for tonight, as Ningning soothingly touches your chest.. The touch brings out the excitement within you.

Making the first move, Ningning’s lips connect with yours. The two of you share a passionate kiss.

The kiss breaks, as both you and her make eye contact. The moment is sweet and tender before Ningning drops down to her knees. Undone are your pants and out is your cock, as she grabs it.

Back and forth her hand moved, as she jerked you off. Locking eyes with you, Ningning placed wet kisses on the side of your cock. Each kiss makes a trail leading to the head of your cock. Ending the trail, was a last kiss on the head of your cock.

The kiss turns into a wet lick, that’s soon followed by you entering her mouth. You shudder to the feeling of Ningning’s wet mouth. Each entry of your cock into her mouth was heavenly. Her tongue worked effortlessly on your cock, as her head moved back and forth.

As she works on your cock, you reach down and pull the straps off her shoulders. The action makes her unsheathe you from her mouth. A stare at you and a bite of her lips, she takes in the upper part of your cock.

Ningning locks eyes with you again, as her blowjob gets more aggressive. Her tongue swirls around and flicks at the slit of your cock. Her grip on your cock is harder than before, as it works the lower half of your cock.

All of that soon acclimates to a hands-free blowjob. Fucking her face on your cock, she took you in. In and out your cock went, feeling every inch of her mouth as you hit her throat.

You tense up as your cock is buried within her throat. You use all the willpower you can to not cum. A teasing smile and hum comes from her, as she spits you out and plays with your cock on her lips. A few taps of it on her lips and she gets up on her feet.

A sultry-loving stare is given to you from Ningning. She makes her way to the bedroom, as her figure lures your eyes to her. A step in front of the bed and she undoes her heels. They drop to the carpet floor with a thud. A pull of the zipper and off is her dress. Revealed to you is her alluring back and the skimpy black panties she wore.

A look back at you and you step out of your shoes and pants. You rid yourself of any remaining clothing and make your way to her. You hug her from behind and cup her bare breasts, feeling how taut her nipples are. You place kisses on her neck, before finally choosing a spot you like and sucking on it.

Ningning hisses out to your bite and suction. A gasp follows her hiss, as you grab on to her clothed pussy. You feel how warm it is, as you start rubbing it. Her hands cling onto your wrists as she melts in your arms.

“How… How do you want me?” You unlatch from her neck, thinking of how you wanted to fuck her.

You push her onto the bed, before turning her around. Dropping to your knees, you pull her forward. Sliding her panties to the side, you latch on to her pussy, eating her out. It doesn’t take long for her to push your head into her. Breathless moans spew out of her until the inevitable happens.

Her juices wash over your tongue and into your mouth. You drink up whatever heavenly nectar you can, as Ningning trembled within your grasp. You let her calm down and collect herself.

You keep yourself accompanied with your hand until she’s ready again. Peeling her underwear off, Ningning spreads her legs for you. With two fingers, she spreads her pink pussy apart for you to enter in.

You line yourself up against her. A firm grab of a leg and hulling it over your shoulder, you slip into her. She gasps out and clings on to the bedsheets above her. You feel how tight her insides wrap around you.

You bathe in the pleasurable feeling as you fill her to the brim. A breath in and you move your hips. Slow and easy you were at first, as Ningning’s moans slowly spew out of her. All of that changes though, when you speed up your pace. A yelping scream and louder moans soon follow.

You use her hole in the way you like, hard and fast but savoring with each thrust. Your hips come to a halt, as you feel the slightest tingle of sensational relief. You pull out and collect yourself, as you rub your cock on Ningning’s sensitive clit.

As you gather yourself, Ningning removes her legs from your shoulder. Moving back, she turns over to her stomach, showing you her back side. A move of a leg and you know how she wants you to take her from behind.

Straddling the prone leg, you slip into her. Ningning braces herself on an elbow and turns back to face you. No warm up is needed, as you pick up right where you left off. Her head drops, as she feels how big you are.

You support her lower back with a hand and grab her lush thigh with the other. You ram away at her, as her head tilted in place. Her juices coat your shaft, as her ass ripples and her tits bounce to each impact you deliver.

As the sound of you clapping away at Ningning’s ass fills the room, you see the whites of her eyes. She blinks vividly, as her incoherent moans die out. Her insides tighten around your shaft and within moments your cock is washed over with her slick.

Ningning’s head drops down, as her hair blocks your view of her beautiful face. You brush it aside, as you turn Ningning over to her back. Still connected, you pull a leg over your shoulder and fuck Ningning again.

The sudden thrust surprises her, as she grabs on to your forearm. Her nails dig into you, as she cries out in pleasure. You halt your movements and quickly remove Ningning’s hands off you.

Pulling her other leg over your shoulder, you leverage your position and get the higher ground. The change in position makes Ningning's eyes widen.

With a snap of your hips, Ningning cries out. She shuts her eyes as you start pounding away relentlessly. Each thrust you deliver, fills the room with the sound of your balls smacking against her ass and her incoherent moans. You aggressively chase after your orgasm until you finally reach it.

A hard slam into her and you cum for the first time tonight. You explode inside of her, sending every amount of cum you can into her. Each shot is better than the next and brings you the greatest sense of relief you’ve ever felt.

Releasing Ningning’s legs from your shoulders. You bury yourself within the confines of her neck, as she weakly embraces you. The two of you wait patiently for each other’s second wind to kick in, as a means to satisfy each other once more.

---------[ BADVILLAIN Emma - @coldfanbou ]---------

“How are you doing, mister? You seem down.” A woman asks you, bending over to be at eye level with you as you look up. “I can help you with that.” You meet the woman’s eyes and ask her name. “Call me Emma,” she says, smiling and shaking her head, her red hair shining in the evening light.  The two of you continue the conversation, where you learn Emma was an escort. “If you really want to forget about her, you can come with me.” Emma is proactive, sitting on your lap and caressing your face. “Come on, Daddy.” She says softly. You glance up at her, meeting her smirk. Emma was reading you like a book, figuring out what you’re into just by meeting your gaze. You agree, and Emma climbs off your lap, taking you by the hand and hailing a taxi for the two of you.

You exit the taxi with Emma and stare at the building in front of you, nervous.“Come on, Daddy. Don’t you want to go inside?” Emma says in a low, sultry voice. She runs her fingernail along your chest, slowly rising to your neck and finally stopping at your chin. “I thought you wanted to have some fun.” You stare at the door to the love hotel, wondering if you should go through with it. “That wife of yours cheated on you. Why shouldn’t you get to have some fun?” She whispers to you like a devil on your shoulder. “I’ll make sure to make all your worries disappear.” Emma grabs your hand, leading you inside as the last of your doubt fades away.

You pay for the room, enter the elevator, and head to the top floor where your room is. You step out and see it at the end of the hallway. Emma grabs the key card from you before intertwining her fingers with yours as she holds your hands and runs ahead. You follow her, listening to her laugh as she taps the card and pushes the door aside.

Emma wastes no time, getting you to the bed and pushing you onto it. She pulls down your pants and rubs your cock through your boxer, licking her lips as she feels your cock get harder. You stare at Emma, watching her smirk grow larger as she pulls on the waistband and frees your cock. She grabs it gently, her grip slowly getting tighter as she runs her hand up and down your shaft. “You’re so hard, Daddy. Is it because of me?” She asks, pulling the bottom of her top up to reveal her perky tits. Dark brown nipples topped her tanned breasts; Emma felt your cock twitch and laughed. “Thank you for liking them, Daddy,” She says, shaking her upper body so her tits swayed. Emma bent over, her hot breath hitting the head of your head before you felt her tongue run along the underside. “I don’t think I’ll be able to fit you inside,” She says, wrapping her lips around the tip of your cock, her tongue gently lapping it.

“Ah, Emma.” You groan, her warm tongue swirling around the tip.

“Yes, Daddy?” She asks, a smile on her face as she takes control. “What is it, Daddy?” She asks when you don’t respond; while she waits, Emma moves her tongue quickly over the head.

“You’re so good at this.”

Emma smiles and pulls away, “It’s my job.” She says before standing up and unbuttoning her pants. She let them fall to the floor; her lacy black panties were the only barrier now, and they disappeared just as quickly. You took in Emma’s tanned body, noticing her toned stomach. Emma picked up on your staring, “I was a dancer.” She says casually before climbing onto the bed and straddling you. Emma grinds against you slowly; she moans softly and grabs your hands, placing them on her tits. “Mmm, Daddy, I want you.” She groans, rising slowly off you. Emma grabs your cock, rubbing it against her folds before pressing it against her entrance and sinking onto it. She tilts her head back, letting her low moans fill the room as you stretch her cunt. “Ah, Daddy, you’re so big.” She moans as she slows down, taking her time as she finishes taking in your cock.

Your grip on her tits grows rougher as you feel how tight she is. Emma smiles, enjoying the roughness. She begins to bounce on your cock, slowly at first.  Every time Emma bounces on your cock, she becomes a little faster until she’s slamming herself down on you. She leans down, kissing you, her tongue invading your mouth as she continues to ride you.

Your hands move down to her waist for a moment before reaching for her ass. You spank her roughly, earning yourself a cry of pleasure from Emma. “You’re being so rough, Daddy.” She moans as you spank her more.

“You’re such a naughty girl,” you grunt through the pleasure.

“Only for you,” She says, continuing to ride as you grab her ass and begin thrusting. Emma’s moans grow louder, barely contained by the love hotel’s thin walls, as you both near your climax. You thrust quickly, driving your cock deep into Emma before burying yourself inside and cumming in her. Emma rocks her hips as you cum, letting her walls flex around your cock in different positions, draining you of your cum. She tilts her head back, groaning as she feels your warm semen being pumped into her. As she returns her gaze to you, Emma rubs her stomach, “You filled me with so much cum, Daddy. I might get pregnant.” She plants a kiss on your cheek as you rest. You end up falling asleep. When you wake up, you find a note from Emma. “Thanks for the good time, Daddy. I took my payment. I hope we can do this again. I’ll meet you in the park when you want to. Here’s my number.”

-----------[ Le Sserafim Yunjin - @praeluxius ]----------

"Back again? Chip in the box, you know how it works." The doorman is crisp down to every last detail, from his red suit to his slick-back hair to his expensive silver-plated glasses. You hit the button on your wrist, the metal drops away from your skin and falls into the box. The doors of the Stray Sheep retract and it's all so red. The couches, the bar, the rugs, the furniture, the chandelier even, as if the whole bar was dipped in blood and set out to dry.

"The lamb has come to play. What'll it be?"

"The same as always, Ithill," you tell him, with your typical droning voice.

"The wife still giving you that same old problem?" He laughs as if he knows the answer before the question is ever said. "There's so much desire in you tonight. Well, I have a solution for you. Why don't you take a drink from this full-bodied red tonight? Guaranteed to appease your thirst. A special vintage." He pushes a goblet toward you. It's made of gold and holds a swirling concoction that pulses with energy like blood in a heart.

"And what will this one cost me?"

"Everything. And nothing." He stands looking down his high-bridged nose at you, his jet-black shades obscuring his iris. He's a towering hulk of a man, and he wears his ruby-red suit impeccably. He laughs something terrible and deep, and you laugh with him. "As it always does."

"As it always will," you swallow air in a big gulp before reaching out for the ornate goblet.

"Bottoms up, and drink deep."

The goblet reaches your lips, cold metal on soft, sensitive skin. The liquid climbs from the cup, and so red it is, consuming and overwhelming. All you see is red. Blood red. Wine red. Red as fucking hell. Redder. Your vision blots black now until there's nothing. Your lungs don't take air, yet you don't feel the need for breath. You don't even notice your own heart. Nothing.

The first thing you see is her hair. In an ocean of black, something breaks the waves. Red. Her fingers slip through her locks, teasing a curling spiral into being. Red nails. So red. You find yourself transfixed.

The colour of love. Or hate.

A finger at her pouty, perfect lips tells you all you need to know. No words. In an instant, she's closer. Soft, full lips on yours. She breathes heat, and the embers spark inside your gut.

Her fingers are all over you now, her painted fingernails scratching, digging at your skin. Where your clothes should be, but they aren't, they're gone. A voice whispers into you. Whispers from all around you. They cry out for you—at you. Whore. Cheat.

You're erect. No, erect isn't right. The word itself isn't right, somehow. Not just the tingling excitement of a hot woman around you, but also a certain sort of discomfort. Unyielding and stiff. Wood, solid as a two-by-four. An arm's length protruding, inhuman erection. You're a little sick, sickened. Yet, you have no problem imagining exactly what you plan on doing with it.

She bends a leg around you, long and lithe. Her arms surround you. Embrace you. You're sitting on something soft as her lips work at your neck and you sink back. It's not a chair. You're falling and falling into a silken embrace. Skin burning when her teeth leave marks on you.

She slides across you like a snake on the sand. Slowly, softly, predatory in nature. Those lips of hers meet yours. And then a tongue, and then the embers within turn to flames. Hot, the inferno builds and burns within you. Tongues intertwined and slippery and warm. The smell and the taste are incredible. Strawberries, coffee, chocolate. Lavender, rosemary, jasmine, vanilla, sandalwood, cedar, patchouli, lily. Why are there so many?

Your eyes flicker shut. Your body relaxes. Let her consume you. Let her devour you. There's nothing left to feel anymore but her. She consumes you, all of you, so deep into her that there's no hope of separating where she starts and you end. All you can see is her, all you can taste is her, feel her, smell her, know her. Her who has no name.

"Yunjin." A question unspoken, but answered nonetheless, from your thoughts to her mouth. "Will you give me your world?"

You want to. You have no world. You never did. Nothing to lose. A family you've shamed already. You have her. Give her everything. Give her all, you fucking whore. Cheater. Hypocrite. Worthless man.

You're as deep in her as far as your hardness can go, and she's riding hard. Not wild, but constant. Hard, steady work. Eyes locked, hearts synchronizing, even with hers beating in some other realm. Thump. Thump thump. Thump thump.

Flesh hits on flesh, sweat-drenched as you are. You kiss at her breasts, bite her neck, and whisper her name over and over, thrusting deep within. The sweet sting of her long red nails against your arms.

Hands on her ass, you hold a grip so tight it could squeeze the red of her skin right off and let the black pour out. You fuck into her so far, so hard and fast, her tits bounce. Her long hair hangs limp and swaying over her shoulders, yet that smile of hers never vanishes. Never breaking, never fading, always smiling, grinning. And you cum deep. Cum so hard as the orgasm rips out of you, squeezing her deeper and deeper, bringing her right to you. Her walls tense; you let them squeeze it all out, everything you have left.

When it should have stopped, it didn't. The orgasm tore away inside you and wouldn't fade. She laughs and moans, writhes and screams, the sensation becoming so powerful and so overwhelming that the world itself shatters around you.

Spiralling lights of red and darkness break into view like fireworks, like stars burning a brilliant death, breaking in their light, dancing across the air like mist or steam. Every sensation in you blazes, your body, heart, and soul. Still, you burst with rapturous exultation beyond mortal measure, and only does it stop when she has drained from you everything she needs, everything she desires. And only then can you slip back into a slumber.

She climbs from you as you drift away, her eyes burn a scintillating red as she towers over you. Her teeth grow sharp. Wings of leather burst forth from her skin and her flesh crawls with grey and grey and darker grey, morphing before your very eyes. Your body is a rag. You cannot move. Yet your mind does not fade as sleep takes you. You still see her in all of her glory, beautiful and horrific, grey and crimson red and black and twisted.

Yunjin. The name that escaped from your lips. A demon—set upon you by Ithill.

Ithill.

Lilith.

-----------[ IVE Rei - @banananutsmuthie ]-------------

You’re not sure how much money you’ve already spent. Hell, you’re not even sure how many times you’ve been here, but who’s counting? The only number that matters now is ten minutes. 

Ten minutes not because that’s all you need; you’d stay all night until you’re fucked to death by these idols if you could afford it. And as soon as she walks through the door, those ten minutes start to melt away from the timer on the wall, counting down to inevitable. How ten minutes feel like a lifetime and yet like a fleeting moment is beyond comprehension.

And yet, it’s just enough time to fulfill those nasty little fantasies you’ve had of this sexy fuckable idol.

Rei is wearing this little leather number—shorts hugging those breedable handles she calls hips and a top that’s selling those bountiful breasts harder than a used car salesman. She goes through the whole spiel of telling you her name and what group she’s in. 

“Yes, I know who you are,” you respond.

Rei looks behind her to where your anxious gaze meets the timer. A small gasp leaves that tiny frame of hers from how little time you’ve rented her out. 

That’s fine. She’s a pro and knows exactly how to cater to her clients. First, she tugs off her shorts that struggle briefly at the widest part of her hips, then climbs onto the bed on your already-naked lap (hey, time is money). That tight, juicy pussy rubs against your cock as she wraps her arms around your neck. Rei gives you the cutest smile you’ve ever seen from these pretty little fuckdolls.

“So what’ll it be?”

You don’t even need to answer. One glance down her tight top and Rei knows exactly what you need. She grabs you by the shaft, lining her opening with your tip before sinking down the entire length of your cock. 

“How’s this feel?” she whispers, her sultry, warm breath beating against your ear.

You give her a soft slap on that supple ass, but it’s her hips that call out for your hands to grab hold. It’s uncanny how ergonomic they are as your hands start to piston her body up and down your hardening cock. She’s already wet from a couple thrusts, coating your cock the more you delve into Rei’s tight pussy.

But there just isn’t enough time for a full fuck marathon, is there? You know it. She knows it. So when she’s satisfied with just how rock hard your cock is throbbing inside her, she gets off your lap. Rei’s getting on her knees, and she’s about to make the space between your parted thighs her home for the next seven minutes.

“I’ll take care of you, just let me do all the work,” she assures.

Rei conjures enough saliva and manages to aim it between her breasts, using her index finger in her cleavage like she’s stirring cream into her coffee. The sight alone is almost worth the price of admission. When she’s satisfied, she leans closer, taking your cock underneath her top and through her breasts, right where her saliva and the pussy juice she already lathered on your cock form to make a not-so-holy makeshift lube.

And. Holy. Fuck.

Look—it’s not every day you come across a well-endowed idol like Rei. Sure, there’s Karina and Eunbi, but they’re a little out of your price range. But Rei? Literally the best bang for your buck. This girl’s tit job is suffocating.

At first, she starts slow, letting you enjoy it before the real fun begins. She’ll push her tits down on your crotch until the tip of your cock breaches the surface of her cleavage before bobbing back up as the soft inside between her chest envelopes your cock. She pushes her breasts together, jiggles them to make sure you get the whole experience. Even slaps her tits a little. And then she repeats. Again and again.

But it’s not enough. You want more. You crave more. Rei smiles because she knows. She zips off that top, and it’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever laid eyes on. Rei’s perfect perky tits are a godsend. She’s pushing them together even tighter now against your hard cock, her soft fair skin pulsating and shimmering in her own bodily fluids. Rei checks back at the timer behind her: less than three minutes left. You try to reach out and pinch her nipples but she’s pushing to overdrive and bobbing way too fast now.

“Shit, Rei!”

You can’t help but exclaim just how good she is. It’s her devilish smile. It’s those innocent eyes goading you to drench her tits. It’s the little beads of sweat forming at the top of her chest starting to mix with her spit and pussy juice. It’s Rei pushing her breasts together tighter, pumping against your cock faster, clapping her breasts together louder. 

And just like that, she’s got you. She’s fucking got you.

Now, not since Vesuvius wiped out Pompeii has there been absolute destruction via explosive eruption. But this? History books will be rewritten on what happens here. They’ll talk about the precursors: the telltale tremors against the bed as you clench the sheets tighter, feet locking around Rei and pulling her closer, every muscle tightening up. Historians will talk about how long you tried to hold out, which makes this eruption even more violent than usual.

You, however, are not a historian. You’re writing this story in real time, balls wound up so tight, cock almost numb to Rei’s constant rubbing until you finally explode. The first shot is a rocket to the moon, white hot magma raining down on her breasts in chaotic disaster. And it just keeps coming. Rei is giggling with just how well she’s milking you with her milkers, continuing to take her between her tits until she’s fucked you dry.

By the end of it all, Rei’s left in a mess between your legs. There’s cum everywhere. It’s beautiful. A shot reaches the stratosphere, and in the aftermath, a glob of white at her hairline. Her lips catch another stray string of cum that dribbles down her chin, but the destruction really rests on those breasts. So much so, that it’s almost hard to believe with how much real estate her breasts take up, you’ve managed to cover a majority of her chest. Rei’s breasts are such a national treasure, that what you’ve done to this poor girl’s chest will qualify those drenched tits as a candidate for a UNESCO World Heritage site.

You can’t help but repeat yourself of a job well done. Shit, Rei!

“What can I say?” she says with a satisfied smirk as she uses your knees as leverage to help herself up off the floor. She grabs her tossed garments, but she lets you watch that tight little ass jiggle bare-naked with each step on her way out. Perhaps that’s another conquest for your next visit. The timer on the clock blinking three zeroes makes sure of it. 

Rei stops at the doorway and lets you take it all in one final time. Three fingers swipe at the sticky mess on her stomach, following the trail up between her breasts before wiping the remnants dangling from her chin.

“So,” she says after gulping down what she’s collected on her fingers, “I hate to ask—”

The delirium of a mind-blowing tit job almost drowns out what she’s asking, but you’ve been here enough times to know the question. It’s clockwork. Doesn’t matter if it’s Rei or one of the other idol escorts—it’s the immutable, universal question. So before she can even finish asking, you give her the answer you always give, the only answer that ensures both of you are satisfied:

“Five stars."

-------[ Lee Chaeyeon - @brokennightmares01 ]-------

Do people ever really get a second chance at life?

A question that humans more often found themselves asking. With all the sins that a human commits on a daily basis, the constant fear of losing their chance at life constantly chases them. This idea very much applies to yourself. 

“Fuck, just like that baby~” The girl beneath you have been on your dick for a while now. Her accumulating saliva—coating your tip all the way to the base. You’ve already lost count on how many times you called Chaeyeon, however she was a sin that you would always commit.  

“M-master, fuck me. Fuck me in the face like you always do.” You’re the one supposed to be in power in this situation, but you ended up following her words. Taking a handful of her hair you forcefully let her face meet the end of your crotch. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head, not a single gag reflex activated from the girl. You even felt a slight breath on your skin as she inhaled more of the musky scent. After a few more seconds you released the girl, who’s gasping for air, but her expression was thankful for your actions. 

Still chasing your high, you held on the girl’s hips, pulling her over to you as you cores met. You feel how wet the girl is as your cock slips on her slit. 

“Choking on my dick has made you this wet?” A stupid question when the answer is right in front of you. Not wasting any more of your time you plunge yourself inside her, making her arch her back. 

“Too much, too much, too much, ahh,” she moaned to your relentless pounding, her legs already shaking from the orgasm that she’s having. “Outside p-please do it outside, I’m not safe…”  With complete disregard to her pleas you shoved your cock one last time you shove yourself to the depths of her insides. You’ve cummed more than twice already yet your cock keeps painting her walls white. Once you pull out some of the excess start to drip down her thighs. 

You’re panting from all the movement that you have done, and you took a stick of cigarette to smoke. The sound of the breathing is then interrupted by the ringing of your phone. You pause for a second thinking if it’s the right thing to answer, but suspicion would be higher if you didn’t. 

“Hello, love!” A cheerful voice greets you on the other line. 

“How is my…” a moment of hesitation hits you. The realization that you even have the right to call her the next few words has entered your mind. “ … love of my life.”  You felt your throat dry up, and your eyes glanced at the body of the naked woman laying down a few feet from you. 

“I’m doing good! I really miss you. By the way I called to remind you that the dinner with my parents and sister is pushing through,” you sigh silently the guilt is not helping you as your hands begin to tremble. 

“Of course I didn’t forget.” You told her, and after a few more exchanges she hangs up. 

“You’re trembling now after talking to my sister, pathetic.” Chaeyeon turns to you, a devilish smile on her face. She’s right, moments ago you were relentlessly fucking her like you didn’t have someone waiting for you at home. “Don’t worry about her, she 'll never find out what we have…” The girl sits up, pressing her still sweaty body on your back. Her nipples were still hard as she started to rub on you.   

Do people ever really get a second chance at life?

You know there isn’t one for you. 

[ardor-bowls]

Tint the Oath.

Most cherished compatriots gathered in this space, I send forth an affectionate and adoring salutation to all present. Your presence is met with profound appreciation as you invest your valuable time in absorbing a concise exposition regarding my identity. At this juncture, I shall endeavor to provide a succinct delineation of my character.

Allow me to introduce myself as Yoshito Isazu, a designation frequently abbreviated to the mellifluous alternatives of Hito or Sazu, for the sake of convenience. However, nestled within the realm of appellations, my innermost self finds its highest echelon of satisfaction when graced with the tender and affectionate sobriquet "Sayang," slipping effortlessly from your lips.

“The resonance of this choice is truly exquisite, wouldn't you concur?”

I, derive immense pleasure from bestowing tender sentiments upon my significant other, employing sweet and charming utterances as a means of conveying the depth of my affection. I often experience feelings of jealousy, as I'm someone who is possessive and territorial about my loved ones. I have a tendency to gatekeep those who are closest to me, believing that what belongs to me should remain exclusively mine. In relationships, I exhibit a soft but dominant demeanor, asserting my influence in a gentle yet commanding manner.  I embody shyness as a personal trait; I find myself succumbing to bashfulness and a tendency to blush with remarkable ease. I derive great pleasure from inundating with copious messages, enthusiastically engaging the capslock feature, and prolifically dispatching an array of bubblechats. Count on me to be your unwavering support system, ready to provide strength and encouragement whenever you face challenges. Moreover, I excel at being a patient and attentive listener, offering you a safe space to share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Your well-being is important to me, and I'm here to offer my assistance and understanding whenever you need it. I'm here to ensure your happiness and shield you from sadness. Your heart will be embraced with tenderness, and I will stand as a guardian of your well-being. Expressing my love through small gifts is my way of showing how deeply I care for you, a tangible symbol of the affection that resides within my heart.

Let's delve into my interests. When it comes to music, I have a wide-ranging taste that spans across various genres. I often find myself immersed in the melodies of Taylor Swift, Fujii Kaze, The Neighborhood, Nirvana, Oasis, Richard Marx, Rick Price, and Firehouse. My excitement reaches its peak with groups like ENHYPEN, AESPA, The Boyz, Le Sserafim, and New Jeans. Switching gears, my penchant for different genres extends to movies and shows as well. I'm intrigued by Horror, Thriller, Action, and Romance genres.

"It would be absolutely splendid if our predilections for music and movies were entirely in sync! Consequently, would you be inclined to partake in this opportunity to revel in these shared interests together?”

[zombriekid]

The Devil Takes Care of His Own 3/?? [Alastor/Gender Neutral Reader]

Series: Hazbin Hotel

Chapter Name: Checking In?

Chapter Summary: you’re faced with a dilemma as the happy hotel opens its doors to you

Text from: The Boss

“WHAT. THE FUCK. DID YOU DO, NEWBIE?”

Oh no...

“WHAT DID YOU DO?!”

Fuck... oh fuck, oh god no, please.

“WHY ARE SO MANY OF MY CLIENTS COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU?!”

The drop of your stomach echoes with a fluttering impression, while a surge of heat, abrupt and uncomfortable, licks at the lining of your throat all the way up to your jaw and it bleeds into your ears; the burgundy walls all around you begin to shrink.

“SOWBELLY SAYS YOU BROKE SOME SHOT!”

“*shit you broke some shit”

“AND THAT COFFEE SMELLIN HIPSTER FUCK SAYS-”

With a resounding clack, your phone slips from your grip and plummets to the sturdy countertop below, a noise that makes the three people around you flinch (you notice distantly), but your brain- your outermost awareness- doesn’t even bother. Because your entire world is now summing up to the blurbs of rapid fire notifications assaulting the LCD screen. Message after heated text message just filled to the brim with expletives and threats and perpetual capslock until this massive wall of verbal abuse blurs your vision; makes your head throb in sync with the increasing thump-thump of your heart.

The device vibrates against the bar and its screen lights up with another message alert, this one demanding your immediate response before declaring you a “useless piece of shit”, and then not long after comes a voice mail about a minute in length.

You’re not gonna listen to it though, you’re gonna grovel.

A tap from your right middle finger brings the digital keyboard to the glass, and your digits begin dancing across the letters to formulate what you consider to be a heartfelt apology, and you beg forgiveness for your transgressions as a lowly delivery person.

But three paragraphs in your hand forces a sudden stop; typos in need of amending due to the constant use of the backspace key, an entire sentence underlined by red squiggly lines with no break between the nonsense letters, and without realizing it at some point you accidentally pulled up the emoji list and now thirty percent of your sniveling is made up of a bunch of cartoons. It’s an odd sensation, you think as you stare back at the jargon, a backlog of muscle memory for modern technology yet you can’t even design coherent text messages in order to save face.

In order to save your fucking job.

All because your goddamn useless hands won’t stop fucking shaking.

Suppose it’s a futile effort at this point- your ass is one hundred percent absolutely and totally fired now.

Meaning no money for bills, no money for food, for utilities, for clothes... Here comes your eviction notice- goodbye lumpy mattress, and a fine greeting to the filthy streets of Pentagram City. A steep price for your compulsive philanthropy, go figure that that’s how things operate down here. How bass ackwards.

But that’s alright, that’s okay, you’ve been through worse you think- you’ve been- you’ve...

You’ve suffered through worse before. Homelessness? Ha, nothing compared to the shit you’ve seen willingly, a temporary setback, maybe a coworker will let you sleep on their couch. The new girl, what was her name? Stacy? Yeah, she’s pretty eager she’ll let you crash with her- it’ll give her more of an excuse to “befriend” you but that’s alright. Sacrifice comfort for survival, right?

“Newbie.”

Not the first time, definitely won’t be the last; life in a concrete jungle is such a fickle bitch, especially here in-

“Newbie!”

-here in Pentagram City.

Present time. Post death. Hell. The here and now.

Impossibly small hands are pulling the apples of your cheeks into fleshy bulbs, folding your lips as a pout, and the darkened corners of your vision dim until Niffty’s lone ocular takes precedence in sight; a triad of quick blinks help anchor your focus.

Oh. How wonderful. Yet another episode... how many does that make today? Certainly way more than usual.

You blame the stress.

“Newbie, you okay?” Niffty asks with a tight throat, and a bob of your head delivers your response.

“Just havin’ a... moment. But I’m alright now.”

She glances down to her right in the direction of your phone, still glaring at you from the grainy surface of the bar, and it’s as if you can literally see the gears in her brain start to rotate. You’re fairly certain that she’s about to put two and two together and get four.

“That’s just my own bossman, Mr. Terry. Well, pretty sure he’s my former boss now.”

“Is it cause of today? When you helped me?”

Your knee-jerk reaction is to mindlessly blurt out a response that would confirm her suspicions, but luckily whatever humanity remains in tact notices her pitch- not necessarily concern rather something akin to it paints the undertone- and it clamps your mouth shut with an audible click of your teeth. Because what you were about to do, what you were about to say, be it directly or indirectly that was going to shift at least some of the blame on to her, and that would be completely unfair. The fault doesn’t lie with her. It’s entirely your own. First off the little lady didn’t even ask for your help, she didn’t beckon to you she didn’t plead for interception, you swooping in to “save the day” was your body’s reflexive need to act, to just do something instead of perpetuating the stereotype of morbidly curious bystander. Second, the manner of which how you saved her was incredibly, stupidly sloppy- a path of damage shadowing your trek and all you left behind was a substantial cost of repairs and replacements. Since when was charging through a line of stores ever a good idea?!

No, you made the decision to do something about Niffty’s situation, so you could’ve found a better way to engage it- actually you should’ve found a better way, but your lapse in judgment cost some people tools, resources, products, and even some clientele, thus costing you practically everything, and now Hell is demanding its pound of flesh from someone’s hide.

Don’t let her believe that it may come from her.

“Nah, I accidentally pissed off some clients recently,” you say as you gently take hold of her hands and remove them from your face. “No need to worry about it, kiddo.” Which none of that is a lie in any capacity, sometimes your cleverness does in fact shine through.

Niffty doesn’t seem to think so, though obviously there’s no way for her to know without some form of mind reading, regardless her face falls into a displeased frown complete with round, bulgy cheeks. “I’m not a kid, Newb. Besides you’re younger than me!”

Oh, she’s so friggin precious, you’re gonna miss this youngen. “In terms of dates, sure. But my, uhh, ‘departure time’ so to speak-” you decorate this with air quotes “-gives me some years on ya.”

“Yeah, by a few at most.”

... No? By, like, ten-ish years? Are you missing something?

“Dude I’m pretty sure I died somewhere in my twenties.”

“Okay? And?”

Okay, yeah, you’re definitely missing something. The tingles on the back of your neck prove this.

She’s not a child, is she?

“... Niffty, how old were you when you bought the farm?”

“Twenty two.”

Alright, okay, that’s dope- how long until the next extermination? That’s a thing you’ve heard about, and you’d really love to volunteer yourself to be first in line right about now. The sooner the better, really.

From pit in his stomach comes an eruption of raucous glee, such an intense reaction that it forces Angel Dust- long forgotten until now- to bend until he’s bracing himself with two hands on his knees, the other pair clutching around his heaving abdomen, as he cry-laughs at your expense.

Meanwhile, the feathered feline fellow manning the bar makes a sound in the back of his throat loud enough to reach your ears, and when you give him your attention he deems the conversation relevant enough to glimpse at you from the corner of his amber eyes; there’s a deep green bottle entrapped in his massive paws and with a tip of the neck he takes a hearty swig before he finally mutters whatever is on his mind. You catch a whiff of the unmistakeable odor of bitter, cheap booze.

“Didja really think Niff’s a kid?”

...

Ten minutes.

Ten whole arduous minutes spent enduring rigorous taunting and not-so-light-hearted ribbing from all three demonic compatriots; statements such as “not so bright are ya, smooth talka?” ala Angel and “no wonder you’re so weird” courtesy of Niffty force the tips of your ears to sear with your cheeks quickly following the same trend.

In your defense, Niffty’s rather small stature and youthful disposition makes her seem much younger than she actually (apparently) is, and sincerest apologies to the court but she’s the most humanoid individual you’ve encountered downside- other than Charlie, of course- so how were you to know that she wasn’t a child in danger solely based on the information you were given? It’s not like you had the time to stop and ask!

And if this trio of assholes would take a few moments to consider your perspective then maybe they wouldn’t be so quick to jump straight to mockery, so until they do they can just suck your bits.

____________________________________

Some time passes, you’re unclear on how much for you refuse to even so much as think of your phone right now, and though you’ve yet to receive anything further from Mr. Terry- no more text messages, no more voice mails, no more notifications- and though the hotel’s three residents have retired from their cruelty and are seeking entertainment elsewhere- Niffty on a dusty painting, Husk at the bottom of a bottle, and Angel Dust... doing whatever in another room- still you find no peace.

No respite from this fuster cluck of a situatio.

And you don’t know what you’re going to do about it.

But you gotta do something, can’t let this continue to fester, so take a deep breath: one, two, three, four- and let it out: five, six, seven, eight- and repeat. Clear your head. Think about this logically.

The first step should be an apology, of course, but your gut tells you that a simple “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to, won’t happen again” just wouldn’t suffice- not for a group of pissed off demons at least. And your employment with Mr. Terry is a measly two weeks young, nowhere near enough to build up some sort of history of positive work ethic, so starting with him is practically a fool’s errand already.

After all, your enigmatic boss isn’t known for his mercy.

... maybe...

Maybe you’re on to something with that assessment.

Maybe you shouldn’t apologize to him first but rather save him for last. Work up the list of priorities instead of down.

Starting with the demon you pissed off first: Mrs. Sowbelly.

Two pokes at your back.

A delicate, graceful exclamation of “FUCK!” comes bellowing out of your mouth as the abrupt shock nearly sends your ass careening to the floor, your hands scrambling upon the bar in order to hook stability.

Mere seconds later and you find Charlie over the slope of your shoulder with her right index finger pointed in your direction; the look on her face suggests that your squawking startled her. In this moment your mouth works much faster than your brain and an apology is already leaping off your tongue... that is until you notice the person standing next to her.

Now, not to be rude about it, but there’s nothing inherently striking about this individual; gray tinted skin, long white hair pouring down the length of her spine, a few inches shorter than the blonde at her side, and a large pink eye staring straight at you with something like irritation. For the most part, she looks human- not humanoid like Charlie and Niffty, but like you.

Human.

And that’s why she’s stealing your attention.

“Hey Newbie, I want to introduce you to the Happy Hotel’s manager and my partner, Vaggie.” Charlie says with a somewhat forced smile, likely residual from your outburst.

With your eyes trained on the gal in question, you blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. “Howdy, pleasure to meet you.”

Vaggie doesn’t say anything back.

Luckily, however, Charlie keeps the conversation rolling.

“The two of us actually wanted to talk to you about something important. Is... is that okay?”

For your anxiety? Anything that even remotely parallels “we need to talk” is a near guarantee to sending your heart to the racetrack, so no it’s not okay in that regard. That being said, given her response earlier, before Mr. Terry battered you with derisive texts, and the fact that she called the manager/her girlfriend over is... well, you’d be lying if you said that you aren’t intrigued. Skeptical, maybe even paranoid, but intrigued. So you give your consent.

“Cool beans! So, umm, I think I’m just going to cut to the chase here,” she clears her throat, “we want you to stay here. At the Happy Hotel. To be rehabilitated.”

...

....

“I’m sorry, fucking what?”

The question is out before the rest of your body has time to process Charlie’s words, but even when you fully digest the information you’re still left feeling perplexed. What does she mean “rehabilitation”, what all does that entail, why did she have to call her girlfriend for this?

And, oh, how her patience seems to know no bounds for the smile that curls on her lips is soft, and her brow pulls together in what you can only call generosity. Like she understands your confusion; makes you wonder how often she goes through this schtick.

“Allow me to explain our predicament since you’re still new.”

And she does, in great detail, weaving a copper-scented tapestry with threads dyed the shades of suffering and heinous sin. In less pretentious terms, she regurgitates material you’ve only heard in passing. Hell is bursting at the seams with its substantial over population issue, one that only grows more exacerbated with each newcomer, and with limited real estate and even more limited resources the powers that be reached the conclusion long ago that a percentage just... has to go. Enter the exterminators, a team set out from the tippy topside whose sole purpose is to literally slash some numbers in half once a year.

Charlie doesn’t like this, in fact her exact words are “it kills me inside knowing that my people are being systematically annihilated” and honestly they kinda make you equate this to that of a speech from some representative- an authority figure, someone with power, which makes sense if this is her hotel. It’s pretty, the way she feels about the annual genocide, but you’ve yet to hear her alternative solution if she has any to begin with.

As the saying goes, actions do speak louder than words.

That’s when she genuinely explains the hotel’s purpose: to purge the demons of their vices, purify their souls, make right their wrong doings from when they were alive so that they can walk through the pearly gates as a reborn person, faultless and whole. Redemption. Rehabilitation. Because a hotel is only a temporary pitstop between two destinations.

The idea... makes enough sense, you guess.

“I mean, that’s neat, super admirable, and the whole idea of reforming demons instead of just- ya know- offing them sounds way better in comparison. But uhh- what does this have to do with me?”

“Well,” Charlie looks over at Vaggie before advancing her explanation, “you’re new. You haven’t regained your memories yet, your body hasn’t adapted yet, you still have your humanity- I mean you helped Niffty out of a tight spot without any expectation of a reward!”

“Nah, I just did what felt like the right thing at the time.”

“Exactly! We need someone like that here!”

Ah.

Now the picture has clarity.

What Charlie said earlier, “... if I can help just one demon find redemption here then everyone else will believe too!” that was merely another way of saying “we haven’t succeeded yet.” And judging by the way the hotel’s current residents, this motley crew of friends(?), they’ve been trying with people who have been here a lot longer than you have- you, a newbie that hasn’t gone through “the Change” yet, hasn’t full acclimated or been assimilated into the disgusting system of eternal suffering. Like they have. If redemption can be had here it’s more likely to be found with a newcomer like you, and if you can be saved then it’ll prove possible for anyone else.

At least that’s what you’ve surmised from the situation.

It doesn’t sit right with you though.

You did something topside to warrant your arrival here, or maybe you did a lot of things, or maybe you didn’t do enough, you don’t know and that’s the point. You don’t remember. There could be a mountain of skeletons shoved into your closet that you’re completely unaware of and until further notice that’s where they’re going to remain if they even exist.

You. Don’t. Know.

There are way too many unknown variables regarding your past- no, you’re very identity, and though you’ve been reassured on numerous occasions that that’s actually the standard here for newcomers... that doesn’t mean you deserve a second chance. Because who you were may not deserve it.

So don’t waste the room on a potential lost cause, is what you tell them.

“All the more reason to try it now before your memories can influence you.” Vaggie says in a firm voice, the very first you’ve heard her speak. 

And admittedly the logic is sound, you’re not trying to dispute that, it’s just... 

Not you- a clattering racket against the bar top- anyone else may deserve this opportunity- disrupts the conversation- but not you- and it takes all of two seconds to determine the source. It’s your phone, probably Mr. Terry announcing you officially dead to his business.

“Do you have a place to stay?” Still Vaggie.

As of right now, no, you really don’t.

“Residents can board here for free, you just have to stay clean- no sinning, at least as best you can.”

That’s not too bad, you think. Maybe you should-

No! No, one “good deed” doesn’t merit a shot at atonement. It’s not going to negate whatever it is you did to topside to leave you downside.

...but you’re more than likely out of a job now, one that barely paid enough to cover expenses to begin with, and losing your apartment is trailing not that far behind.

“What do you say, Newbie?”

“I-” the sudden dryness in your throat drags forth a minor coughing fit. “I don’t know if I deserve it.”

“Only one way to find out.”

Sacrifice comfort for survival, right?

You take a deep breath. “O-okay. Where’s the check-in sheet?”

____________________________________

a/u: mental health has been a bitch to deal with so i’m sorry that this took longer than i expected. i have half a mind to scrap this and redo it again but i’ma do this funky fresh thing where i stop overanalyzing it and put it out there for y’all to read. still no beta, and still no al yet, but we’re definitely getting c l o s e r, got this bitch all planned out and everything. y’all know the deal by now: like, reblog, and comment; the engagement makes my lil queer kokoro go doki doki

tagged: @kryptum-one @itz-kira @peachesandkats (i’m in love with all three of y’all, just letting you know)

[dyadsaber]

A New Reylo Shipper Reads the TFA Novelization Part 3: In which I Have Squishy Feelings About Rey Being Taken Care Of, and The Dyad Meeting Each Other Makes Me Capslock a Lot

One of the fun things about reading this novel was discovering all of the little differences that hadn’t been all over tumblr.  Not that I minded being spoiled.  All of those “I should be afraid of YOU” snarky Kylo Ren gifsets brought me great joy.  But you know what I didn’t know going in? That Unkar Plutt was supposed to catch up with Rey at Maz’s place, and when he’s about to turn her over to the first order, Chewie shows up and RIPS HIS ARMS OFF.  

I get that they likely cut it for time, but it was just really a gratifying scene to read, and I am 100% here for Rey being witness to the fact that there are people in her corner who will rip the arms off of those who would use her and hurt her.  

And then we get to the scene where Rey finds the legacy lightsaber and OH BOY. 

So Finn just decided to leave for “as far away from the First Order as one can get,” and here’s Rey’s PoV:

“Under the weight of her loneliness Han’s voice seemed to fade, and Maz Kanata’s as well, until there was nothing surrounding her but a silence as deep and profound as the distant reaches of space itself. Then something came, stealthy and unidentifiable, to fill it.” 

Part of this is her own individual connection to the Force , but reading backwards, part of this could definitely be her connection to Ben through their dyad bond, because she isn’t alone, neither of them are, even if they don’t know it yet.  They always had each other, and no, I didn’t cry a lot at those panels of young Rey from The Rise of Kylo Ren, WHY ARE YOU ASKING??? 

And then, in the MIDDLE of the flurry of things she sees/hears, THIS HAPPENS…

“Someone, somewhere, somewhen, spoke her name.  “Hello? Wreathed in the irrationality of the moment, she called hopefully, but received no answer. A boy appeared at the end of the hallway.”

It was in this moment that I screamed at my kindle, in my best Kylo voice, “WHAT BOY???” No really did she see a much younger version of Ben here? My personal answer from now on is YES SHE DID.   

I remember a whole lot of talk a couple of months ago about the following two “I’ll come back for you”  lines, and about JJ Abrams confirming who said them, but all I can find now is speculation from before TRoS came out, and that is NOT HELPING ME REMEMBER. If you have a link to the article/interview where Abrams or anyone else clarifies this, please @ me. 

She’s seeing Starkiller from the future, here, and I think that’s telling.  Because after describing all of the noise of battle, we get…

“Then behind her, another voice. That voice. “Stay here. I’ll come back for you.”

“That” is actually italicized in the text, which means that it’s a voice Rey hears enough to recognize and give importance to it, but WHOSE VOICE? I mean I know that it was left vague intentionally here because ADF didn’t know whose voice it was supposed to be, and neither did anyone else, but the vagueness makes it COMPLETELY possible that this was Ben, and that she’s been hearing little fragments from him for years. This line, though, raises questions that I don’t think anyone at DLF thought about as hard as we are now, but the idea of this being WBW Ben telling her to wait for him because he’s trying to get back to her GIVES ME A LOT OF FEELINGS EVEN IF IT IS NEVER GOING TO BE CANON. (I’m from the school of “canon can go jump in a lava pit if it doesn’t respect the fans or the characters” so I’m an old hand at reimagining things shitty creators screwed up.) 

In between this scene and the one where dyad finally sees each other for the first time, we get: 

An incredibly frustrating tease of a line from Maz about how she acquired the lightsaber. I want a whole comic about how that thing fell into her hands. TAKE MY MONEY, DLF. 

Leia feeling the Hosnian system being destroyed, thinking about Alderaan, and making me very very upset in ways that aren’t fun to read or write about, so… 

On to the first meeting! Mostly, I got really sarcastic in my kindle notes at this point.

Rey sees Kylo Ren from a distance for the first time. 

“She had seen this man before, in a daydream. In a nightmare.”

...in the weird Force-induced version she just experienced not fifteen minutes ago… 

Also, what happened to Rey back at Maz’s place is NOT something I would describe as a daydream, which can only lead me to wonder about but having random “Wtf where did that come from” daydreams about Ben “I am in FULL KYLO COSTUME” Solo in the middle of scavenging a Star Destroyer, shrugging it off as her mind playing tricks on her, and going about her day.  Someone PLEASE draw this. (I know this is a reach and I’m nitpicking at less than awesome writing, but it’s day I don’t even know what of quarantine, and this is how I’m making my own fun.) 

And the first time he becomes aware of her… 

“Sir, we’re still searching for Solo, but the droid that’s wanted was spotted heading west, with a girl.” At this Ren said nothing, but instead looked sharply in the indicated direction.

“WhAT gIrL” - Kylo Ren at this point definitely 

“Each shot from her blaster he deflected with the lightsaber’s beam. Almost as if it were a game, she thought in terror as she continued to fire. He was playing with her.”

“Let's see what you can do, Scavenger”. - Kylo Ren playing with the dyad partner he doesn't know he has yet IN THE MIDDLE OF A BATTLE. Typical. 

“When he finally spoke, he sounded at once impressed and surprised.”

Ben Solo begins as he means to go on... She is constantly impressing and surprising him. 

“So afraid,” he murmured. “Yet I should be the one who should be scared. You shot first. You speak of the Order as if it were barbaric. And yet, it is I who was forced to defend myself against you.”

“Wow you’re SCARED?” he says, looming in black, waving his red lightsaber around, and using the Force to control her…

“Something.” He sounded mystified. “There is something…Who are you?”

She’s a Force user, what you’re feeling is your Force bond, and she's your other half, Kylo my guylo. Get it together, jeez… 

“Is it true, then? You’re nothing special after all? You’re just a—Jakku scavenger?”

Keep telling yourself that, KR - Love, Your Future Self

And then there’s this Rey PoV that breaks me a little… 

“She’d tried to keep her mind blank, her memory locked, and still he had wormed his way in. He touched her anew. This time the pain of trying to stave him off brought tears streaming down her face.”

I think Daisy gets this across in her performance her really well, but being reminded so starkly of the fact that what he’s doing when he roots around in her memories HURTS HER drew me up short when I read this.  I headcanon that this is one of the things Ben spends a lot of time apologizing for later because he feels so guilty about it. 

But before I can get too wrapped up in Ben Solo’s occasionally crushing guilt, we have THIS delicious dose of irony: (He’s talking about her affection for Finn, here…) 

He drew back slightly, bemused. “You’ve even begun to care for him. A weakness, such distractions.”

YOU HAVE NO IDEA, DO YOU, SIR… COME TALK TO ME WHEN YOU’RE CUTTING YOUR MENTOR IN HALF INSTEAD OF HURTING HER, OK?

And finally… just because the visual of this cracks me up… the novel implies that Kylo Ren let Rey DROP TO THE GROUND when he force-whammied her, instead of catching her like he does on screen.  My proof (this is PoV of some random First Order officer): 

At a gesture from Ren the young woman standing before him collapsed. [...] He had no wish to join the woman on the ground in a state of oblivion.

WHAT A CAD! Not CATCHING the woman you just made PASS OUT with the Force? Bad form, KR. (Movie Kylo is a gentleman and keeps her from hitting the floor. A++ “not as much of jerk as you could have been” moment.) 

And that seems like a good stopping place for Part 3.  Next time: I scream about Han and Leia’s characterization as parents and try to defend one of my oldest ships from the outright character assassination this novelization engages in.  Also, there’s some scene with Rey in an interrogation chair thingy and Kylo taking his mask off. I had some thoughts.  

[janiedean]

Mood lightener ask, I am intrigued by book recs from you since you mentioned something about a dinosaur series a bit ago? Color me intrigued so top five books you'd recommend for people who enjoy ASoIaF?

OH GOD THANK YOU XDDD

okay so, I’m taking the dinosaurs out first because... well. hahah.

the dinosaur lords is ABSOLUTELY a thing you might wanna try out if you like asoiaf for reasons, BUT I’m warning you, the author died before finishing it (unless he wrote the last three but didn’t have publishing contract for the second part of the six-books plan but no one quite knows and no idea) so most likely you’ll never get a conclusion, warning you beforehand so that’s why I’m putting it outside the top five. BUT IF YOU LIKE ASOIAF YOU SHOULD STILL TRY IT because:

the author was a friend of grrm’s and it shows;

it’s literally asoiaf except people go around on dinosaurs;

NO, REALLY;

there’s at least a couple characters who are totally asoiaf homages (there’s a dude named jaume who’s basically jaime and loras’s lovechild I SWEAR HE IS HE’S EVEN THE HEAD OF THE LOCAL KINGSGUARD) but not in a way that makes it look like plagiarism;

admittedly it takes a bit to find its rhythm, but when it does it’s really good because the worldbuilding is amazing and like... it’s basically fictional medieval europe with dinosaurs but to a really good degree and the representation is a+++, in the sense that idk one of the main four is obv. irish romani (or what irish romani are in that universe), a few are def. catalan, the french guy is really so french you wanna die, the italian dude actually comes from the oldest university in the realm, there’s people from russia/greece and the protagonist is basically some three eastern europeans countries thrown in one character but not stereotypically, like the guy is obv. a mix of russian/polish/mongol and he’s really a good character in that sense, there’s germans too, spanish ofc, like it’s really good in that sense

DINOSAURS FIGHTING DINOSAURS WHILE THEIR KNIGHTS RIDE THEM

there’s an entire supernatural angle with ARCHANGELS WHO MIGHT BE ROBOTS which is honestly intriguing and a+ and I just wish the books hadn’t finished just before going deep into it

if you also want lgbt+ rep............. well, two out of the three supposedly straight characters are irish romani dude and the protagonist and I can 100% assure you that everyone I dragged into reading those books agreed with me that in each single scene they have together (ie: most of them) they’re gayer than Actual Gay People in these books, but other than them half of the cast is bi, the gay sex is better written than the straight sex (forreal there’s one of the few actually.... sexy m/m oral sex scenes I read in published fiction???), their sexuality is not the whole of their personality but it’s fairly stated that most of them are Really Not Straight and it’s really done well;

actually THE ENTIRE KINGSGUARD IS GUYS WHO FIGHT VERY WELL BUT LOVE ARTS AS WELL AND THEY ALL SLEEP WITH EACH OTHER EXCEPT THE TOKEN STRAIGHT FRENCH CHARACTER THAT THE JAIME AND LORAS LOVECHILD HAS A CRUSH ON and ngl I thought they would end up fucking at some point if the books went on so... XDDD anyway a+++ kingsguard >>> the one in asoiaf;

ngl at some points there’s some badly written sex scenes (the straight ones lmao I’m 99,9% sure milàn was not that straight himself) and it’s not half as complex as asoiaf and doesn’t have as many characters but it has the same scheme except with dinosaurs, archangels being robots and three people are straight and two of them are in love anyway;

so tldr I greatly recommend the dinosaur lords if you want something similar to asoiaf, don’t expect an ending, enjoy dinosaurs and a lot of nice rep for everyone. also Y’ALL HAVE TO SHIP ROB AND KARYL WITH ME BECAUSE THEY’RE RIDICULOUS.

.... wow, and you asked me the top five. lmaaaaao. anyway, given that the dinosaur lords will not be in the top five, I’ll go and advise you to read:

IAN TREGILLIS’S ALCHEMY WARS, which is not like **fantasy** but it’s alternate history where the netherlands win the colonial wars in the 16th century because they figure out how to make brass androids and they use it to basically destroy the british and drive the french to canada while they conquer the US instead of the british. it’s a trilogy, it’s completed, it’s flawless and features: FRENCH CATHOLICS VS DUTCH CALVINISTS WITH THE FRENCH WANTING TO TAKE BACK PARIS, PREDESTINATION VS FREE WILL IN THE ANDROIDS DISCOURSE, REHASH OF 16TH/17TH CENTURY PHILOSOPHY DONE GREATLY, the greatest female character of genre literature since grrm (berenice GUYS BERENICE IS THE BEST GOD I LOVE HER SFM), the evil antagonist who’s a gal cersei wishes she was (like she’s terrible but she’s competent), the davos-like french general who knits in his spare time and the protagonist is the cinnamon roll-est android ever I love him sfm OH and the one time I cried because of a catholic fictional priest. guys tregillis is an a+++ top notch writer who has no time to waste with fillers and knows how to write a story even if HE HATES ME AND HE WANTS ME TO SUFFER and like... alchemy wars is really really good give it a go k?1,5. tregillis also wrote another alternate history trilogy, the milkweed tryptich, which is basically ‘the nazis create the x-men to win the war and so the british counteract by evoking ctuhulu and it goes exactly as it promises’. now: I have a love-hate rship with that one because the last book is narratively working but I hate everything it chose to be for reasons also i wanna punch the protagonist in the face, but thesuperevilgirl is totes the cersei of the situation and her brother has.... some srs jaime moments lmao he’s also my favorite ofc god klaus ily so much, and it has... some... well... ENGAGING choices lol I mean i loved book one and two and the third I did reluctantly but it could be an option? anyway ian tregillis is amazing and y’all should read him bye

the curse of chalion by lois mcmaster bujold has, as the amazing soul who recommended it to me pointed out, a protagonist that manages to be jaime and theon and partially sandor put into one. IT AMAZINGLY WORKS. the plot is kiiiinda more straightforward if you know spanish history bc the moment you figure out it’s the fantasy version of how castille and aragona united you know where it heads, but it has a lot of nice twists, also some a+ lgbt+ rep tho not as much as the dinosaur lords and the protagonist is.... really great I love him XD also ngl the fact that it ends fairly nicely is a balm so I’d try it, there’s other books in the same verse but I haven’t gotten around to read them yet

... guys stephen king’s dark tower is my fantasy favorite series EVER like ever, I love asoiaf and brienne is in my heart and she’s my true rep but nothing will top TDT for me ever for reasons and while it’s a completely different thing I still recommend it. caveat: I hate the last book with a vengeance and I think king fucked up the last two thirds real bad, but..... hey, it’s finished and the rest is 100% worth it. also jaime is totally the lovechild of the male protagonist and the other male-coprotagonist who are also my #1 ship ever in history so I’d give it a go ;) ;) ;) also while eddie’s my fave roland deschain is honestly the kind of character that you can only bow in front of like if I ever made an oc one hundredth as good as roland is in conception and execution and everything I’d feel like I accomplished everything I need in life. IT’S WORTH IT. TRY IT.

terry pratchett’s discworld: yes, it’s 41 books. yes it’s a lot. but you can read them by cycle which makes it a lot easier, they’re fun (the first three are a bit meh but the rest is all top notch I swear), they’re sarcastic and witty and delightful and it’s a++++ fantasy and I’ve been wanting to do the asoiaf au for ages sigh but anyway if you don’t want dark and grim but also want a+++ narrative, good satire about how our world sucks and a lot of fun at the expense of our pop culture (guys the book about their version of australia is a hoot and there’s a leonardo da vinci!!) GO FOR IT. IT’S AMAZING. also your life isn’t complete until you read about sam vimes and the local version of death speaking in capslock and being a cat person. also charles dance plays one of the mains in one of the tv adaptations and he was delightful xD

this is going to gain me rotten tomatoes, but....... grrm’s shared series wild cards. that he has going on with fifteen other writers including the aforementioned tregillis and milàn.yes, it’s like 28 books by now. no, it’s not perfect by all means and certain arcs are a total wtf and you don’t even have to read all of it, but especially grrm’s characters in it are obvious templates for asoiaf people (the powerful and amazing turtle is dark sam tarly and jay ackroyd is basically jaime without the incest and the extra good looks while lohengrin is brienne’s spiritual twin except for the looks), the shared worldbuilding is great, the alternate history story where buddy holly didn’t die and some of the protagonists organized a concert for him bc he was poor as hell was genius, and while a lot of the older stuff is dated and most likely was progressive for the eighties and would read a bit wonky now they always were super-inclusive, it has a bunch of nonwhite/nonstraight characters (esp. in the last books but there were also in the old ones, and the longest-standing gay dude since the eighties got a husband in the last trilogy!!! it was so ;_;), the alternate history is really good imvho and if you enjoy asoiaf you probably would like most of wild cards. if you want a reading order I made one here. xD

here you go sorry it took me one hour to answer it but IT GOT LONG XDD

[thekirstenkhaye]

infinities x wormholes (SETBACKS)

I honestly have no idea how to start this. So I guess if this intro sucks, you know now why. LOL.

I’m still not sure how to begin this to be frank but yes, of course, I know I need to start somewhere anytime soon and stop beating around the bush.

Setbacks.

Let’s start with this word because if you’ve got to read the very first blog I posted this year, you will already have an idea of why this word made it to the title of this blog post. And if you haven’t read that yet, well, go to that post first and read it. I linked it on the word ‘Setbacks’ above. This post will make more sense if you do that first. I swear. Although, of course, if you don’t want to be bothered, just continue reading, and PLEASE HAVE AN OPEN MIND while reading this entire entry. Okay? Thank you. Because we need to be mature here if we are going to do this together ^.^

Now let’s get this straight on. I’ve been engaged since late 2016, I just said on my previous blog post that it’s late 2017 because we only started making serious wedding and finally settling down together kind of plans half way through 2017. Yes, I know, it may sound like we’re not taking it that seriously to just plan and make everything work on a short amount of time. And I won’t lie, so yes, that is probably one of the few reasons why the wedding didn’t push through this year. It’s simple, we’re obviously not ready for it. You know, emotionally, YES OF COURSE WE ARE DEFINITELY INTO IT. There’s no argument there, and whoever you ask from the both of us about it, we won’t think twice for the answer. However, ladies and gentlemen, we are living in the real world here and not in some chick flick movie hence there are some adult stuff and real shits that we have to handle that you know, we didn’t expect that will hit our unpreparedness real hard.

So now, you might wonder how I felt after everything. Well, I guess I’ll have to say first how we came up with the decision of postponing it and all the jazz of handling the aftermath of the postponed wedding.

Well, okay, you see, this blog post was a bit hard for me to write and you know, put more of my feelings out there when I wasn’t even sure of what I was feeling. It’s been almost 2 months already since I started constructing this, but now that it’s officially one week before our 3rd year anniversary, I know exactly what to put on here.

I realized, for over a month of trying to finish this entry, this is just how far I’ve come to. Not even ¼ through with what I want to share. Actually “would’ve” now since part of my realization before finishing and posting this on here, is that, you know, I don’t really like the idea anymore of putting my life out here. Especially my lovelife. First of all, because it slid my mind that Gravity is a very private person and to be honest, so far, I’ve loved how the privacy of our relationship feels like. It feels more secure. If that makes any sense.

NO FRET, though. This post will still have something in it. I’ll still share my thoughts about our relationship. It may not be that detailed but I promise I’ll be sharing an honest to God feelings and thoughts of mine.

Let me just answer the question of how we’ve got to agree to postpone the wedding I think. That’s much better to start with, yeah?

So this is how it went. Gravity and I have known each other for almost 4 years now which technically to be honest makes us to have been dating for over 3 years already. But then again, we just knew for ourselves I guess that we would need to make a sturdy foundation first if we both want a serious and committed romantic relationship with each other. And yeah, in 6 months from when we first met online, I think we did just that in the best way we can. Unintentionally, but obviously it worked for us after all. Hence when he’s frustrated, or you know, agitated about something, I can almost instantly sense it. And yes, even despite the distance, I just can, okay? That’s why when he was acting like that one week (or maybe over a week) before his arrival here back in May, I just knew that we’ll be talking about some serious shit. As expected by yours truly, one day, it happened. He was the one who brought it up first. Yow girl though, being the cancer (like the zodiac sign, okay?) that I am, of course got upset and said some stuff that well, I guess pretty unnecessary but still never regretted anything I said that time though cause a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, you know. I needed that sudden outburst for me to get myself together and you know, collect myself after a bit of lashing out. In my defense, it’s not that I was so mean to him but I did act like a bitch. LOL. I asked him nicely though to give me some space and all that jazz for me to think about it.    

After a few hours (or was it just even less than an hour? LOL not sure anymore), I got myself collected, and told him…yes, I’ll be quoting myself cause it’s cringey as f*ck, so here you go. LOL. I said, and I quote, “You know what’s worse? You gave me a date, you gave me hope, and you gave me something to look forward to.” And so on and so forth. Just know that I did lash out before that part. Like it’s a 10 chat bubbles comprised at least 100-200 words each. There’s even this CRINGY ASS BUBBLE WITH WORDS IN CAPSLOCK. Like everything in it and I quote again, “I HAD MY FUTURE SO CLEAR TO ME ALREADY *HIS NAME*. WITH YOU, TOGETHER WHERE WE GET TO HAVE A HOME, WHERE I CAN FINISH A DEGREE WHILE YOU GET TO YOUR HIGHEST POTENTIAL IN YOUR CAREER, AND WHERE I CAN TRULY BE HAPPY ONCE AND FOR ALL.” Yes, I know, cringey and cringy all at the same time. Now y’all know now, don’t let your happiness be a person nor like just a mere plan. Just BE happy. No hows, whens nor whys. Even buts actually, don’t ever do that. Or you’ll end up just like me. I mean, it’s not that I didn’t know all of that before we had the plan of getting married or whatnot. It’s just that, you know, even if you know for yourself what is right for you, in times like what happened to me and if you’re as weak as me, it will surely slip your mind and you’ll just be that one petty person who’ll just be living in his/her own fairytale.

But I did end my verses with a very light note though, and I quote once again, “I know our lives are stressing us out right now. Yes, it’s overwhelming to the point that we’ll really get to question if we’re doing this the right way. But please, think of how long we’ve waited for this time to come. Our individual agony because distance is keeping us apart and we can’t be there for each other when we both really need at least just a hug for comfort. But again, as I said up there, I’m not going to force you to continue the wedding if you’re really not ready yet though. Just tell me ASAP lolz so I can go back to work than doing nothing.” And sent that with a laughing emoji. That easy. Although I must say that I did really feel so heavy that time. Which is reasonable too, I guess during those moments. HAHA.

Now though, that I’ve already seen the silver lining of the wedding getting postponed (?), I do really think that I was being such an irrational girl. Like I was seriously just being a girl who’s complaining of how her happily ever after is not happening anymore. I am facepalming myself so hard everytime I think of those days. Because honestly, though, I didn’t even have a visa yet when he’s about to arrive already so what was I really expecting? LMAO. Besides, to be completely honest, it was part of my lashing out that I get to tell him how terrified I was of the plan but I still pushed it through just because I was convincing myself that it was the right thing to do. So when I’ve re-read everything, I’m just relieved in a whole different level.

I won’t just share anymore about Gravity’s one month vacation here because it wasn’t really that eventful. One thing’s sure though. That long time together didn’t let us see or you know, make us realize that it’s the right thing that we didn’t push through the wedding because we couldn’t stand each other after all. On the contrary, it made us realize how much of a right thing that decision was because his stay here proved to us that we do really want to be together and it’s really way different than being apart. Hence, planning out everything, even not the wedding first, is very important. Just so we can be sure that we really will be together soon. We just need to be patient and work on it more seriously now. Because it’s not a thing for kids, really. It requires two adult that understand and know each other well enough to make a long term decision together.

So, I think I’ll just wrap this up now with this.

We’ve been together way longer than how most people get to be in a relationship now. And you know, despite that, I am convinced still that no matter how much that we do feel like we’ve known each other so well already, that’s not really the defining thing that would let us be really together just like how we very much wanted it to be. It’s not that easy, because every single day is every single opportunity also for us to grow into something that would let us be who we want to be as an individual. Our love for each other, it’s not just that that would keep us together. We’re best friends and not just lovers, y’all should know that. And no matter what, we would still care for one another. Hence, y’all should know also that in whatever circumstances, we would always choose the option of making each other the best of who we can be as a two different person. 

We do have plans now. Again, for us, together, for the near future. And yes, I can picture it happening. You know, somehow. But for now, I’m happy that we’re happy just how it is going. We’re not rushing things to get into their places, and I’m glad that we’re letting it be that way. Most importantly, you know what I’m most grateful for? It’s that I have someone who won’t ever fake a dream and give it to me just to make me happy and satisfied. I’m thankful that no matter how hard it is, I have a person, a best friend that would always live in reality with me, supporting me to be the better person that I want to be, and to have everything that I deserve in life. And you what? I wouldn’t want it in any other way.

Always keep in mind, Happiness is not finding the right person, but happiness is being the right person. OKAY?

[ramblinganthropologist]

Marry You: Omake

Because Social Media is so great for bringing people together.

Summary: Cherche Mahariel just got engaged. Her son is more than happy to let their friends know. (Extra content to Marry You) Pairing: Cherche Mahariel x Sten, Miris Tabris x Zevran Arainai, Cahel Mahariel x Alistair Theirin. Setting: That Modern Dragon Age AU Word Count: 1704

---

“Well, that takes care of that.”

Cherche had just closed the door to her room, leaving Cahel free to get back to work. He had a mountain of paperwork from the first Warden waiting for him on his desk, and reports of darkspawn in the area – that were probably just mangy wolves at this point – to send some scouts out on. The former could wait thanks to the fact the old codger hadn't gotten with the concept of email yet – gods bless pigeon mail – and the latter he could send a few green Wardens out on. The afternoon would be annoyingly slow, but productive.

“I'm way too young to be doing bullshit like this.” He rubbed the back of his neck, still not entirely used to finding stubble there instead of hair. The top portion of his undercut was coming in nicely, but he still found himself surprised at the sensation. “Should've made Miris do it after all.”

Cahel sighed as he started to turn the corner, but stopped as his ears twitched. Somewhere, nearby if the frequency was a hint, someone was playing music. Pop, if the beat he was tapping out on the floor meant anything. The lyrics took a little longer, but soon they were playing, somewhat faded, into his ears.

It's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do...

Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you...

Eyes wide, the first thing he did was run straight back to the door. There was no doubt about origins of the sound, he was standing right in front of it. He backed up ever so slightly and made a grab for his leggings pocket to find his phone.

Commander Squirt: OH MY GODS

Commander Squirt: SHE'S ACTUALLY DOING IT.

Commander Squirt: MIRIS GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE YOU OWE ME 5 SOVEREIGNS SHE'S ACTUALLY DOING IT.

The message was received on the training ground, where a sweaty Miris glanced back at the trainees he was currently putting through their paces. None of them had ever held a sword in their lives before, and today's lesson involved the pointy end and where to stick it. Naturally, he had plenty of time to sneak his hand into the gap between his armor and shirt to retrieve his vibrating phone.

His one good eye widened as he read the message. Cahel's annoying habit of multiple texting aside, this was big. He had been saving those five sovereigns for mead the following night. Still, it was his duty to put out the message.

He was a slower typer than the Warden Commander, but his message had further to go.

Mi Amor: ZEV SHE'S DOING IT.

“Alright, you practice on your own! The Warden Commander needs me for something.” He tossed his mace aside to make a run for the tower. If the confused recruits caught on to the happenings, they were none the wiser.

Somewhere in Antiva, as he wiped away the blood on a knife, Zevran Arainai felt his pocket vibrate. Usually he turned his phone off when it was work time, but he recognized the pattern. His lover was texting him, and that could only be something big.

“I wonder if it's something dirty.” He chuckled to himself as he unlocked his phone screen, cracked and showing off a picture of the two of them the last time Miris had visited in the fall. They made quite the pair, or so the locals had said as they eyed him appreciatively.

Zevran allowed a chuckle as he nudged the hand of his target aside while he left the alley. The dogs would find it before the police, thanks to what he had sprinkled on the corpse. Another crow had gone the way of the dodo, but he had more important things to pun on.

“Did she now? Well, a certain bard in Orlais owes me some money the next time we meet.”

With his hood down and in plain clothes underneath, he blended in perfectly with the bustling crowd of the capital city's biggest market. In fact, he had made enough time to grab a coffee from the nearby Starbucks as he sat down to type out his message.

Crow: My musical friend, I believe you owe me 2 sovereigns.

Crow: I have been informed that our dear archer had taken the plunge with her qunari lover.

Crow: Something in E major?

The message pinged inside a tavern on the Orlesian border, inside the skirt pocket of the pretty woman who had been trading board for song. She had been breaking from her set in order to relax her aching fingers in the hopes her contact would arrive soon.

'You're really bringing them in tonight, my dear.' A woman in a dark trench coat sidled up next to her at the bar. The napkin she nudged over was intercepted in a matter of seconds. 'See you at the palace next?'

'I would not miss it for the world.' Leliana knew better than to check it at the table; there would be eyes watching. However, the vibrating in her pocket drew her concern. Swapping phone for napkin, she unlocked the screen of Andraste's grace.

A smile crossed her features as she read her dear friend's message. Normally, he just gave her assassination targets. The two sovereigns would be well spent as she began to compose her latest tune about star crossed lovers finally coming together.

E major though? Forget about it. They deserved something rarer. At least, that's what came to her as she started to type out another message. There was a mage somewhere north of Orzammar who had asked her to keep her updated.

This seemed like a fairly important thing to keep her in the loop on.

Leliana: Zevran sends word; Cherche is going to give you a grandson in law.

Wynne got the message just as she was about to descend into the deepest halls of Orzammar, far beyond where cellphones would receive any message. Shale cast welcome shade upon her as she rested her staff to the side in order to find her phone in her robes. It was an old flip phone, but she had no need for the fancier kinds her younger companions preferred. Besides, it had survived being stepped on by a druffalo once.

“Do the Wardens send word?” Her large companion sounded almost concerned for a second. “They better not have died.”

The mage chuckled as she clicked onto the message. “Is that concern I hear, Shale?”

“Hardly. I just don't want them to become food for the pigeons.” The golem glanced down. “So, what do the soft ones have to say?”

Despite having crowed previously that cellphones were a waste of resources, Shale seemed to be eating  their words. Wynne would tease them about that later as she read through the words carefully. At least there wasn't text speak.

A smile crossed her face as she started to text a number in Ferelden. “My family is growing, Shale. I'm soon to have a grandson in law.”

“Ah, the archer and her Qunari. I was beginning to wonder when that would occur.”

“There's a young man in Ferelden who owes me ten sovereigns, and I intended to collect.” Giggling, she continued her message. Even though she had an older model, Wynne could still text as fast as any young person. Her clicking sounds carried on for a few seconds until she had sent the message off. “Now, shall we head down?”

“If we must.”

Scary old Lady: Alistair, I believe you owe me ten sovereigns. Cherche has proposed.

Alistair had just gotten out of a meeting with another prince from Antiva. With any luck, that one would probably be assassinated within a week's time. It was all becoming very trying to remember names, though suggesting they wear tags was out of the question. Eamon had said so with that look on his face.

So, when he got the chance to breathe, he noticed his pants pocket was vibrating. A picture of Cahel making a face at the camera on his lock screen told him he had a message. He groaned as he read who it was from, and the subject matter.

“You have GOT to be kidding me. One more week and I could've won!” He sighed. “I swear, they were in on this together.”

Still, he had time for a few messages to a certain Dalish elf to check on things. By now, his favorite contact had plenty of messages. One more wouldn't hurt.

His Hotness: Why didn't you tell me that your mother was proposing? I had 10 sovereigns on it. :c

Cahel was still at the door. Maybe twenty minutes had passed since he had sent the message to Miris; his senior warden was next to him, waiting for the happy couple to come out. He chuckled as he unlocked the screen of his dog to a group shot of them in front of the Warden mobile. I was easy to imagine his boyfriend pouting with an emoji like that.

Prince Charming: Had I know I would've told you sooner.

CJ Mahariel  sent a video to Blight Fight 30

CJ Mahariel: Check this out guys!

Cherche was still in Sten's warm embrace when her ring tone for the group chat jolted her into reality. She shook her head as a shot of her own door with a rather familiar tune started playing. Maybe she should have been embarrassed, but part of her couldn't help but be amused.

Sten didn't look too surprised as he peered over her shoulder. “So much for leaving us.”

“I heard him run back the moment the music started.” She was soon texting as well. After all, she was a mother.

Mamae: You're grounded.

The groan from behind the door was more than worth it as she put her phone away. There were plenty of other things she was interested in at the moment, and it wasn't the sounds coming from the group chat. The emojis and capslocked messages could wait for later. After all, she had a new fiance to entertain.

[kriterium3-blog]

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Microsoft has responded by saying it’s “very surprised” by Google’s decision and claimed users of free Gmail services “are facing a situation where they might have to degrade their mobile email experience by downgrading to an older protocol.”Meanwhile, Redmond's product management senior director, Dharmesh Mehta, urged users to do some "winter cleaning" of their own. “If you want a better email, especially on your phone or tablet, it’s time to join the millions who have already made the choice to upgrade to Outlook.com,” Mehta wrote.Google and Microsoft are becoming firm adversaries on free email and online collaboration. The pair have been engaged in a battle to sign up high-profile public and private sector customers, while Microsoft this year re-branded its existing Hotmail service as Outlook.com. Pure Storage has announced its FlashArray is ready and waiting to accelerate virtual desktop infrastructure (VDI) applications at scale, ready to support thousands of skinny and full-fat desktops. It also join the rest of the flash start-up brigade - Greenbytes, Nimble Storage, Tintri, Tegile, Violin Memory and Whiptail - in saying flash acceleration makes VDI at scale possible, desirable, and compelling. What are you waiting for? Rip and replace those horrible desktop PCs with virtual ones.

It has a VMware-certified VDI reference architecture and a VDI starter kit, using its FlashArray, which it says is the first "production-hardened" (whatever that means) all-flash array to have a lower cost than the spinning disk, with the help of in-line dedupe shrinking VDI images to between a fifth and a tenth of their raw size. Pure claims: "FlashArray makes it affordable for every enterprise to offer their users the best all-flash VDI experience."It says spinning disk-based VDI costs $300-$500 per desktop: "Rel[ies] heavily on stateless images to constrain storage growth, fails to scale past 100s of users and ultimately eliminates the overall ROI of VDI due to exorbitant storage costs." The FlashArray with its inline dedupe brings the cost to less than $100/desktop, "less expensive than putting an SSD in a user’s laptop," Pure claims.It also says hybrid disk/flash VDI systems can have variable performance due to caching constriants.

The VDI starter kit, which installs in 15 minutes and comes in high-availability (HA) and non-HA configs, supports hundreds of users and can be expanded in increments to a fully configured FlashArray supporting 5,000 or more VDI users, both stateless and persistent. The system can be managed from vSphere.The VDI reference architecture is actually two: one for VMware, compatible with VMware View 5, and one for Citrix XenDesktop. FlashArray is an approved Rapid Desktop configuration. The Pure Storage VDI starter kit is available now and - according to Pure's VP Products, Matt Kixmoeller - "has an unprecedentedly low point of entry that easily fits within existing IT budgets” - meaning a street price well under $100,000, depending on its configuration. The All-Flash VDI Reference Architecture is available for download today from purestorage.com.Tintri has one user running 800 desktops off its 540 3U hybrid flash/disk system of eight 3TB disk drives and eight 300GB solid state drives costing somewhere around $75,000.

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Nimble Storage, a hybrid disk drive/flash array start-up, produced a VDI reference architecture with Cisco in October. It supports 1,000 VDI uses with a 3U enclosure, a Nimble CS220G-X2 array with twelve 1TB hard disk drives and four 160GB flash SSDs, costing $43,000.This is small potatoes compared to Greenbytes, whose 4TB Offload Engine can support 5,000 fat VDI clones each 40GB in size and with 2GB of swap space. Greenbytes uses deduplication and compression to get the nominal 210TB of storage needed down to 4TB.Whiptail says its all-flash INVICTA array can boot 600 VDI seats in three minutes and 47 seconds while doing other work as well. It's all-flash ACCELA arrays are being used by a Netherlands government department in a 20,000-seat VDI deployment with expansion to 40,000 seats coming. ACCELA costs $49,000 per TB suggested retail price level. A 2-node INVICTA has a $250,000 suggested price, while a fully loaded 72TB 6-node INVICTA will set you back $1.8m.

It looks at first glance as if Greenbytes, Violin Memory and Pure Storage are three all-flash array players in the same VDI scale ballpark. Have at it guys - may the best product, support and service player win. Samsung has taken an expensive legal hit from Apple over copying design elements in the iPhone. Yet with the Series 9, Samsung has created something a bit special. The entire Ultrabook concept took its inspiration from the Apple MacBook Air, of course. But Samsung's Series 9 has developed a confident design language of its own.The Series 9 Core i5 model I used – NP900X4C, to be precise – doesn't leave you much change from 900 quid if you shop around, but it is greatly improved over the model I tried almost a year ago. Indeed, it lays to rest any qualms that 'Ultrabook' inevitably means underpowered and overpriced, as you do get considerable oomph for your money.The display has been upgraded too, notching up a 1600 x 900 resolution which is a welcome sight after years of 1366 x 768 screens. The specific model inspected here uses an Intel 1.7GHz Core i5-3317U, running Windows 7 Home Premium. Since you'll want to retain your sanity, this is obviously the one to go for, as the Charge of the Metro Brigade is now upon us.

This 900X model, like its predecessor, also uses the sandblasted aluminium material with a wave-style design that resembles, but isn't, an Apple unibody enclosure. In fact, there are actually ten screws holding a bottom plate in place. Gone are the unforgivingly sharp edges I found made the previous incarnation, the 900X3A, somewhat uncomfortable to use. These are no sharper than an Apple machine.There are other changes. The most important peripheral ports are no longer hidden by a door - the USB, mini-Ethernet, HDMI, USB and audio ports are always accessible, on the left of the machine. A nice touch is the mini to regular Ethernet adapter included in the box. A bay-style housing is still present, used to cover the SD card slot when it's not in use.Software includes a backup program, a configuration manager, and Samsung's Fast Boot. Which does what it says on the tin: bringing you to the login screen in around 10 seconds. The only nagware is Norton's anti-virus software.

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Battery life was terrific in real life, giving over 5:30, and typically well over 6 hours in real-life usage, with WiFi on. The display is, as you would expect from Samsung, quite splendid, and as close to matte as you can get these days without actually buying a ThinkPad.The only let down is the keyboard. This is fine by any other standards - but it has a rather tinselly feel, and in such an otherwise well-made machine, was a little incongruous. I should stress, I've used many worse keyboards. And I did like the illuminated indicator light inside the keys for CapsLock and Wi-Fi. Why has it taken laptop manufacturers 30 years to include this on laptops, when regular keyboards have had this for so long?All in all, the Series 9 is a very well made laptop, with many small but significant improvements made over a year. The question remains – do you want to throw approaching a grand at a 15in laptop when you can get one cheaper? When I posed that question a year ago, those willing to make the investment appeared to be professionals who need to make a statement: a salesman or business owner pitching for some big contract. But it's a question that's much easier to answer this year: the matte-ish expansive screen, slimness and excellent construction make it a very good piece of kit with a broader appeal. Even more so with Windows 8 coming in, so it's worth shopping around for a bargain.

Something for the Weekend, Sir? In flagrant negation of the forces of nature, I seem to be growing less clumsy as I get older. That is, I break fewer things and do it less often.This is partly the result of a series of conscious decisions to be more careful. One such was choosing to don my spectacles before making breakfast rather than after, thus cutting back on my annual expenditure on replacing broken tumblers, bowls, teapots and mugs.Another was after my first experience of receiving an item of hardware for review that had previously been tested by a rival computer magazine. When this happens, you can all but guarantee that, apart from the core product itself in a crushed and torn box, everything that was originally supplied in that box will be missing: cables, adapters, power supply, installation CDs, user manuals and even the moulded polystyrene packing.If it’s a printer, the cassette will be cracked and manual paper tray snapped off. If it’s a display, it’ll be scratched. If it’s a computer, someone will have uninstalled the operating system and stolen the recovery CD.