#yet another example of great minds thinking alike! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kamil-a · 1 year

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two households, both alike in dignity

In wonderful Wonderworld, where we lay our scene... Caught between Elliot and Julius, Alice attempts to do what she does best- run from the truth. We hop here, from argument to argument, down to the end, where something will happen whether she likes it or not.

i just feel like at some point it should be impossible for both elliot and alice AND julius and alice to be close. i will proceed to write an unreasonable amount of words about it.

(See the end of the work for more notes.) (oboy are there ever more notes.)

She should not have argued with Elliot about Julius, that much is true. When he asked where she was she should have said a movie theater near the Tower plaza and when he asked if she was friends with Julius she should have said I've spoken to him a few times but I wouldn't say we're friends and left. There are times when you just have to lie to Elliot, and this should have been recognizable as one of them, easily. But Alice was not thinking clearly, not now when it was only less than a time period ago that she had seen a woman look with pure disgust at Julius.

You might assume that shooting mean looks at people are yet another privilege reserved for those with visible facial features, but oh, you could tell. Alice had watched this lady grab her child out of his way and hurry off, behaving as if Julius were a monster about to eat her kid for lunch rather than the person who had directed the previously crying girl her way in the first place. And the little girl, who'd had nothing against him until now, is going to hate him too, now that she's been taught to do it. It isn't fair! It isn't fair! And Elliot bothering her when she was already worked up about this, well. You can see why she did not respond wisely.

So currently, Alice and a pot of tea are both simmering in Blood's office. She's hoping he'll be sympathetic, though in the back of her mind she suspects that as soon as she leaves he'll have their conversation's mirror image with Elliot, if Elliot hasn't beaten her to the punch already.

"Elliot said to remember how he talked to me when we first met, but I'd be prickly to strangers too if everyone treated me the way they do Julius, you know?"

The tea is ready, but Alice's mood continues boiling.

"For sure."

"Besides, it's not like Elliot made a great first impression on me either. A little bit hypocritical of him, isn't it?"

Blood nods, and sets out plates and cups for each of them.

"And it's not just Elliot. Even random people on the street, they all hate him! When he does nothing to deserve it!"

Strangers not wanting to be near Roleholders is only to be expected, because for the average Faceless the death rate of so much as breathing wrong around a Roleholder is usually, oh, maybe a 50/50 gamble if the weather's nice and the mood is good. But Julius does nothing of the sort. She mentally compares him to the others- he doesn't hack apart strangers with axes like the twins! He certainly doesn't order beheadings like Vivaldi. He does not even sing badly like Gowland. (Alice knows this because she has caught him humming as he worked a few times, in the space between being cheered up by her company and forgetting she was still there.)

"Deciding what others do or don't deserve is a more complicated task than you may think, young lady. Elliot, for example, would have a different perspective."

"Elliot doesn't count. He's... I don't know, he's got a specific bone to pick, that's different."

"Mmmmm." A diplomatic non-agreement Alice has heard him give many a time to Elliot about things like if you were my height our ears would be the same size. "Well, I do agree it takes a lot of courage to go out every day and be universally hated. I wonder sometimes how he can stand it."

"Right?! It's so unfair."

"That said, unfair or not, I would advise you to stay away from him."

"Not you too!"

If he forbids her from visiting Julius, she would have to listen. And that would be that, because this is Julius we're talking about. If she can't go to that tower, she will most certainly never see him again, on account of he never leaves his desk except to go sit at his second desk. But so long as Blood frames it as merely a suggestion, she is free to frown and ignore it.

"Unfortunately." Blood shrugs with an apologetic smile and pours them both a cup of tea. Ladies first, of course. He does a graceful little trick with the pouring that Alice won't even bother to ask the method of, there's no way she could ever pull it off. "It is unfair, though, I agree with you about that. I'm telling you to stay away from the Clockmaker, and it isn't right that Julius Monrey has to get hurt in the process. But that's how it is."

"So this is about his job." her voice is hard.

"It is."

"And if I don't care about his job?"

Blood ignores this to take a sip of his own tea.

"Mm. Perfect flavor."

She rolls her eyes and sips her own.

"It is very good, yes. But-"

"Thank you. It takes careful practice to brew the tea this well. The leaves are-"

"But as I was saying, I don't see anything wrong with his job. Maybe it pays less than some people's, but it's a living!"

He raises an eyebrow.

"Do you know what he does?"

"Fixes clocks? Obviously. I usually watch him work when I'm there. It looks kind of nice to do. Relaxing. Maybe I'll ask him to let me help out sometime."

Blood's eyes widen a bit, and he settles his face back down in a bemused smile.

"This from the girl who won't touch a gun!"

What's one got to do with the other? She could ask, but it probably won't be worth it. Logic in Wonderland is never quite followable. Perhaps it all ties back into whatever Game everyone is beholden to, that guns and clocks are both important items, or something. She fills in the gaps herself. It all comes from her subconscious mind, after all.

"If it's only a suggestion, thank you, but I'm going to keep seeing him."

He puts down his teacup to hold up his hands in mock-surrender.

"Alright. But it's going to send a message to people, one that you might not want to send. Surely, there were situations like this in your world, too..."

His voice trails off. He's leaving the topic wide open for her to pick up on- she knows, logically, her part in this dance is to ask "and what might that message be?", and fill in the part of the puzzle she is lacking. And she almost does, before remembering that person sitting next to her, her friend and employer, is a mafia boss. That every paper she's filed away without looking could've been ordering a death, that every load of laundry she's done likely had money in it. Elliot is worth a warning or two himself. The truly moral thing to do would be to stop associating with any of these people, but they're her friends and she doesn't want to lose them. So she cannot- and does not deserve to- start worrying about drawing moral lines in the sand now.

"The only message I'm sending is that I'm not a snob about what people do for work." She says it with more venom than she means to let slip, overcorrects with joking sweetness on the next sentence. "And aren't you lucky I'm not, Mister Mafia Boss...?"

Blood chuckles and bows exaggeratedly. He knows when to drop a subject.

"I certainly am lucky. Can this Mister Mafia Boss get the Young Lady a pastry to go with her tea?"

"If he ever hurts you, tell me," Elliot mutters as Julius walks away.

"Elliot, he saved me. Well, you both did." She had been walking through the forest with Elliot when assassins targeted the March Hare, and it was only thanks to Julius passing by that she was able to get away- not that she'd ever tell Elliot she was even for a second afraid he couldn't protect her alone. It's not like that, it was just a matter of numbers, two better than one. Okay? They'd lost track of each other for about a time period, and Julius had insisted that Elliot was in no danger, that the big dumb rabbit is strong enough not to die over a few Faceless hitmen, but Alice couldn't help worrying. She certainly couldn't sit quietly with a book in the Tower while Elliot could be out there getting murdered. So Julius put his own work off for later ("I can't concentrate with you pacing and looking out the window like that", was the excuse) and walked with her the whole way, silently holding her hand. At the Hatters' gate she found Elliot waiting for her. He was safe, and healthy enough (after a bear hug and a scritch on the ears) to bother her about Julius again.

"He would never hurt me."

"Don't be so sure." Elliot growls.

"Fine. Can we not talk about Julius? I'm just glad you're okay."

"I'm serious," he says. He moves to grab her arm but stops just short of doing so, flexes his hand in the air instead. "I'm so worried about you. Ugh, I didn't know the bastard had it in him to play nice to get his way..."

"We're just friends, Elliot."

"I don't want to scare you, Alice, no one does, but..."

There's a hush in the air. Elliot looks more serious than he ever has to Alice, chewing on one of his wheat stalks as he weighs his words. The set of his ears and twitch of his nose seem more than ever like a hare, a prey animal checking the trees and skies for hawks. Alice's heart thumps in her chest and shakes her whole body. He is about to say something horrifying about someone she cares about, bring to light the shadowy side that everyone she meets in this world seems to have. She does not want to know what it is.

"I trust him," she says gently. She takes his hand in hers, rubs her thumb in circles over the back of it. All the outside sounds that seemed to hold their breath rush back in, distant chatter and leaves caught on the breeze and the occasional buzzing fly. She's standing still but still she's running away, the same as how she's been known to change the subject when the other Hatter staff talk about work work, and what exactly has happened to the maids who need Alice to pop in for a substitute shift. "And I trust you, too."

"If he hurts you, I'll kill him. I will, I really will, and I will make it hurt, I already know how I'm going to do it and if he just gives me a reason-"

"Elliot. I promise, I just read books up there."

"Oh!" He brightens up considerably. "Blood has books! You can save yourself the trip!"

"But only Julius lets you drink coffee while you read," she says with a wink.

It is around this point when she learns how the clock gets made.

"There's a story in your world that speaks to your current feelings," says Nightmare, floating outside an ornate building he's dreamed up for her to sigh pathetically at the open window of. "Romeo Vs. Juliet! A beautiful love story between two people hailing from opposing groups..."

"I don't think it's like Romeo and Juliet- And, by the way, not Vs.- even a little bit."

He looks forlorn. He must've thought he really had something, there. That thought of hers makes Nightmare look even more kicked puppy-esque, if possible.

"And I certainly don't want it to end like- wait, do you know how the play ends?"

As it turns out, he does not. The library of outsider knowledge Nightmare is privy to is both as expansive and as incomplete as the sum knowledge of all sleeping people, often leading him to myxed metaphors and misplaced miths. Fortunately, she learned this one in school. It was at a time in her past- she tries to keep this association away from Nightmare, but if she's aware of it herself it is surely too late- that she liked to imagine she was a bit like Juliet, at least in the sneaking-around-to-meet-one's-boyfriend department. She'd rather drink poison than go through that again, but at least she got an A on the essay.

"Ahhhh."

"Yeah."

They're quiet for a moment, his words and her thoughts, before Nightmare says-

"A completed love."

"What-" that's not fair, bringing that up. "I don't want either one of us to die!"

But thinking about it in more detail reminds her not of the rainy funeral day she's described to Nightmare in the past, but of a man's dead body found in the sunshine, swarming with afterimages. A broken clock left behind. Julius, the Clockmaker. If she dies, even for love's sake... what would happen then?

She knows, but she doesn't want to think it. She doesn't want to be afraid of Julius. Besides, she reminds herself, put a hand over your chest. You still have a heart.

For now.

Nightmare smiles fondly, which she hates. She hates this new thing he does, the enthusiasm with which he greeted her discovery of the scariest parts of this world, his joy at her horror that some part of her brain must be uncaring enough to build out a world like this. He's gotten huggy with her lately, as if sharing with her his belief that all people are just lifeless gears in a grand machine is something that creates intimacy and not distance.

"It's not just my belief," he catches the thought out of thin air, the very moment it's thunk. "It's.... ah... nevermind. I'm sorry if I've come on too strong. If the thought of joining us scares you, you don't have to worry about it." His voice grows gentle. "Remember, it's only a dream."

"I know."

"So don't waste your time in this beautiful dream being upset. Just enjoy yourself."

She rolls her eyes at him playfully.

"I know."

Morning... how long has it been since she's seen a proper morning? Not a Daytime period, but the sun rising and the darkness slowly fading away? It's beautiful enough to make her forget how tired she is, how bad her feet hurt, and want to run to a window and watch.

The Castle halls are full of people in various states of tired and disheveled, scrambling over each other to make it out before the event period officially ends and Vivaldi will be free to kill everyone her eyes land on if she so pleases. Alice is tired, too, and definitely disheveled, but ultimately feeling pretty good. Julius must be somewhere in the crowd, because they'd left their room at about the same time but she can't see him. Ah, well, she needs to meet back up with the group she came with anyway, and he probably feels he doesn't have a moment to spare to say goodbye with the work that piled up over the time he was away from his desk. She can always visit him later.

There's the group. Blood is nowhere to be found, probably sneaking last minute 'free samples' of tea, but the butlers and maids are there, and so are the twins, and...

Elliot.

At the ball she had been dancing with him, as friends, thinking Julius wasn't going to be there. He wasn't the best dancer, but he was a fun partner, and they were just getting the hang of the steps together when Julius showed up. He didn't say a word, just grabbed her and pulled.

And for all her grumbling, she'd still gone with him. And they'd talked it out, and later, uh, kissed it out. And... and it's a no-brainer that Elliot is going to be angry, isn't he. Beyond angry, even.

Julius wasn't thrilled, either. A criminal, he had described Elliot, snarled it at her in a guest room close enough to her face that she could tell on his breath that he'd first stopped at the bar, maybe for the courage to approach her. Why were you dancing with that animal, (yikes!), that criminal- But, Alice already knew that. If Elliot's a criminal, what is she? She doesn't kill or torture or extort, not personally, but she supports the others, in friendship and employment. And then she buys her boyfriend (boyfriend!!!) silly little gifts, expensive coffee beans and a fancy glasses cloth and pre-sliced bread so he won't chomp right into a whole loaf, with her dirty criminal money. She wouldn't hear any more on the subject. Which felt virtuous of her at the time, look at me protecting my friend's name even to my love (?!) who kisses me (?!?!), but now she just feels kind of sick.

Elliot talks animatedly to Dee (or maybe Dum?) about something until Dum (or maybe Dee?) waves and calls out to her, and he turns around and freezes for a moment. Then he turns back as if he hadn't seen her, ears lowered angrily.

He won't even look at her? Is she, what, tainted by association now? As insulting as it is to her, it must be even worse to be Julius. Alice has lived with the Hatters for a while by now, certainly long enough to see that Julius has no quarrel with any other territory, no need to spy or sabotage or fight for more land, and that his work- though more complicated than it had first appeared to her- is the work of a healer, and benefits all. And yet nobody ever gives him a chance. And then they blame him for lashing out at other people.

Despite that! She still doesn't want to just abandon her friendship with Elliot, the way he seems so ready to abandon her. She knows he can be kind, funny, caring, knows the pure warm joy of Elliot's good moods, and does not want to lose that. There has to be a way to make both of these relationships work. So she looks right at him and gives a bright smile and a wave, and decides that she will be a friend, even if he won't.

"Good morning, guys! Long time since I've gotten to say that, haha..."

"Did you have fun last night, big sister?" one of the twins elbows her. Elliot frowns even deeper, if possible. Not the icebreaker she would've gone for! Mmph!

"You must've had fun, cause somebunny was jealous."

"Somedoggy, at least. Don't kick him while he's down, brother."

"Ahh, you're right, brother."

"Hey, um, Elliot. Elliot!" He finally looks her way. It's embarrassing to do this in public, but she may not get another chance- "I'm really sorry about last night, okay? I was having a good time dancing with you-"

The twins see Elliot's face, share a look and back away. Smart kids.

"Whose side are you on, Alice?"

"What?"

"Just tell me."

"I'm not going to pick sides."

"I knew it. I knew he'd turn you against me-"

Blood melts out of nowhere to save the day. Elliot's ears perk up as soon as he sees him.

"Everyone's here, I see? Good. Elliot, you'll be kind enough to lead the group home?"

"Sure. What about you?"

"Oh, I've got a few errands, and so on and so forth," he waves a hand lazily, and Alice is ready to kick him for abandoning her to this mess for the rest of the trip until he puts a hand on her arm. "I need to borrow the young lady for a moment, too. You all can go on."

"I'll see you later?" Alice says, unable to keep the question from her voice while waving hopefully at Elliot.

"Maybe," he mumbles.

Blood is a real savior here, so much so that she doesn't even complain about the detailed explanations of every last leaf sold at Incomparable Teas from Around the Wonderworld.

"Here," she says, picking out a teacup in the window of the store and shoving it (a little more roughly than you should be with a teacup) into Blood's hands. It's painted to look like a stained glass window, catching the morning light with its beautiful artistry. "I'm getting you this. I owe you for rescuing me like that."

"Don't forget who had to talk to Elliot all night while you were..." he pauses to really let the implication sink in, "Busy. He's a real crier when he gets upset, you know. I had to sit there with tissues, patting his head and encouraging him to drink some disgusting orange concoction of a smoothie he was too upset to touch." Good point. She picks out a matching saucer and a few jeweled spoons. "Ah, I'm only kidding. You don't actually need to buy me anything."

Blood takes a step closer to her and leans in to whisper in her ear, right there in front of the store owner and the street-facing window and everything. His voices drips with flirting, concentrated in both power and effort.

"But then again, I know something you can do if you really want to repay me..."

"Excuse you. I have a boyfriend."

Alice smacks him lightly (there, his repayment- she chose not to bruise!) on the cheek before turning around, where he can't see her blush. He laughs, so she thinks maybe she should've hit harder.

"Oh, you did have fun, hm? Congratulations to the two of you. I suppose you're soon going to be moving in with this boyfriend of yours?"

She tenses. She had been expecting this on some level- there's only so much disturbance she could cause in the upper ranks of a government via method of, let the earth swallow her up for how embarrassing this is, dating a rival leader, before the problem needs to be removed. It's sad, though, she'd grown to love the Hatter mansion. It's a second home to her.

"If you think it's what I should do."

"Calm down, young lady, I'm not kicking you out." She lets out a held breath. "But you should consider your options. Honestly, I'm happy to hear you aren't leaving us, even if... well, I'll see what I can do to keep Elliot's schedule from intersecting with yours."

"Oh, you don't have to do all that." It'd be a bit much. She turns a spoon over in her hand. "...Elliot really cried? Because I...?"

Blood gestures as if to chase her worries away with a flick of his hand.

"Like I said, he's a crier. I'll take care of him," which sounds unbelievably ominous from a man in a business where "take care of" is often code for "murder", but in this case probably means tea (always) and warm carrot muffins and a movie to take one's mind off things and going through anger, depression, bargaining, and denial to wind up at acceptance that utterly disgusting as it may be, he will get cried on by a full grown man chewing a mouthful of warm carrot muffin. "Worry about yourself, instead. You're his enemy now-"

Her stomach lurches.

"I-!"

"Regardless," Blood cuts her protest off almost before it can start. "Of whether or not you dislike Elliot, you are Julius' ally. So, his enemy. And Elliot does not have any patience for his enemies. I can only do so much if you insist on putting yourself in his way."

His eyes give away true worry under the who-cares act. Maybe he's right- Blood knows best that Elliot is dangerous, moreso than someone like her, who's mostly only seen him with his guard down and outside of his violent work. Blood himself has asked Elliot to do things that would sicken Alice to know about. So she committed to never knowing, and continues not to ask, and instead she puts her faith in this worst-of-both-worlds, this horrible slurry of cowardice to know and cowardice to leave.

"I'm not just going to give up on him like that," she says. Looks him right in the eye, summons up all her confidence. What else could a coward like her do? "I'm more afraid of losing my friendship with Elliot than of Elliot himself."

"Whatever you do, just make it interesting."

But she is still a little afraid of Elliot. So when she does track him down to have a conversation it's in broad daylight, outside in the main gardens, with lots of other faceless workers milling about- like a blind date where you're not really sure if the guy is gonna be an axe murderer or not. hopefully at least one or two of her coworkers will take her side if things go south. She's brought a gift, too: carrot cookies, handmade, extra carrot. This she sets down in front of him, testing the waters. He sighs, nothing more.

"Do you have a moment?" Alice asks, very timidly, and his answer is to pick himself and a cookie up and stalk away. Wow.

"I'm busy."

"No you aren't!"

This is getting ridiculous. Her little sister is more mature than this. She chases after him with the plate.

"At least take the rest of the cookies with you!"

It gets a snort out of him. She'll take the victory, small as it is.

"There you go, c'mon, don't act like you didn't laugh-" trying her very best to be lighthearted while also noting, to herself, that Elliot is tall, maybe one of the tallest people she's ever seen and that's before the ears, and that he's very strong and very large and he has a gun, and he's currently angry at her.

"Turn around or I'll eat them myself!"

He turns around, cursing under his breath, and really looks at her for the first time since their dance was interrupted at the ball. he grabs the plate so fiercely he loses most of the cookies, curses at that too.

"I don't want to talk to you," he growls. His voice is shaking with the effort not to shout, and the shout goes into his leg instead, where he stomps at the ground. "I'm trying so hard- Blood doesn't want us to fight. I don't want to talk to you, or we'll end up fighting again."

"Well- um. That's nice of you."

It is. He who is known for shooting first and asking questions later has never actually laid a hand on her, for all his complaining. Whether that's solely on Blood's orders or because of his own affection, she had never considered before. Hopefully, it's at least partially the second reason.

She should not provoke him. She should turn away. But, losing him...

"You're the only one fighting, you know. I'm not mad at you, and I'm sorry about the ball. That's what the cookies were for."

He takes a bit of one of the remaining ones.

"They're good, I'll give you that."

She walks a step closer, hesitantly. It's like inching up to a feral cat. You hope the food will help, but there's always a chance it won't.

"I just want us to be friends again, okay?"

"Dump him."

"Huh?"

"If you want to be friends."

"I'm not going to-"

"Then I guess there's nothing to talk about."

And he stalks away. Ugh.

"Can you just drop it?" Alice snaps. This is getting to be too much, but she has too much pride to go back and ask Blood to keep her out of Elliot's way after all. The only time Elliot talks to her at all, anymore, is either to grunt in the direction of something he needs her to pass to him or to ask if she's dumped Julius yet. No, actually, she has not! What a surprise! She's tired of this, she is beyond frustrated- he is acting so stupid about it all- who does he think he is- she turns to a windowsill and slams down the papers she was carrying.

"Look. You don't have to date him!" (He recoils at the very idea.) "I have never even brought him inside the gates, I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of it."

"You're dating the clockmaker," Elliot says. His nose twitches with contempt in a way that would be adorable under different circumstances, but it is no longer safe for her to think of him as a big bunny, not when his gun is out of its holster. It's not pointed at her- not yet. But it is in his hand. "I think it's a pretty big deal."

"I don't know why you're so hung up on that!"

"I don't know why you aren't. You're not creeped out?!"

"No!"

Not anymore, anyway, but this is the wrong time and place to admit it.

"You'd think an outsider, of all people..." he grimaces. "D'you hate seeing folks resting in peace so damn much you went all the way here?"

She can feel her heart (she forgets to think at least I still have one), beating faster. She can hear it pounding in her ears (one of the very last times she will; she already hears ticking in her dreams). She feels sick, but stands her ground. Julius is a healer, a doctor, nothing so morbid as what people think.

"I don't know what you're talking about. The point is- it's not about him. I'm sick of you bothering me, okay? I want to be your friend, Elliot- shut up, let me finish, I want to be your friend and I get it, you don't like him- we don't have to talk about him- shut up, Elliot, I don't care for all your choices either but you don't see me acting like-"

It is the wrongest thing she could have possibly chosen to say. She only meant, if Julius has such a repulsive job then what about Elliot himself, his job mostly boils down to kill people, and yet she can look past it! And yet she chooses to see him as more than that! But Elliot has taken his own meaning from the words, and Alice has never seen him so angry, his mouth twisted like this- he screams, wordlessly- and then she thinks ow, and then why does it hurt, and then she sees almost as if it's happened to someone else that it's because he's grabbed her by the shoulder. His gun is pressed up against her forehead. If anyone sees, they do not intervene. She understands. If she were a passerby to this, she'd stay out of it, too. She is pressed up against his chest. It is the last time they will hug.

"My choices! Of course you'd have a fucking problem! Of COURSE!" The tip of the gun jostles against her ear, his hands are trembling, oh my god, she is going to die. Elliot can barely get words out of his mouth. "Bullshit they said about Outsiders- I believed it- Just as bad as the other two-"

"Elliot, stop it!" she shrieks. "Let go of me!"

"Stay out of what's none of your fucking business!"

If you die in a dream, do you wake up, or do you die for real? Goodbye, Lorina, she thinks, just in case. Goodbye Edith, Dad, Dinah, goodbye friends and even goodbye Ex, goodbye magazine articles I'm supposed to finish proofreading by the end of the week and goodbye moving boxes prepared in the back of my closet where Lorina can't see. Goodbye Julius, just in case you were real after all.

Being dead isn't too interesting, not that she'd know what it's like. It's a lot like the tiled floor of the mansion, so far. This is because she is not dead, just keeled over, not pushed but simply let go of and her legs had turned to jelly. Elliot puts his gun away in his belt.

"Blood still trusts you," he says, like he just remembered it. That's the only thing between her and the bullet. "Blood wants you to live here."

She's still shaking. It was too close a call. She wants to say something, but she can't. Elliot either doesn't notice or care.

"I don't know what happened!!" explodes out of her, loud enough to hurt her own ears. Not between the two of them and certainly not between him and Julius. She's too scared, too angry, to think about what he said about the other two. She's missing a puzzle piece, maybe even several. She ran away from too much and now she will never know. "I don't know what happened between you and Julius, but-" her voice breaks, some distant part of her brain thinks she should be crying but the rest of her body disagrees. The effort makes her throat hurt.

She puts her head in her knees, and then the tears come, belated. Julius has never made her feel this scared.

"Forget it," Elliot says, stomping off.

epilogue.

"Ohhh, yeah, Elliot and Julius..." Ace grimaces. "Ooof, sorry you had to be caught up in middle of all that! That's a can of worms."

Thank goodness for Ace. They had used to talk a lot when she'd first been taken to Wonderland, even wondered if they were headed for something more than friends, but after they'd decided not to go for it Ace had abruptly disappeared. She appreciated him giving her space at the time, even though he now tells her he just got lost on the way to the bathroom. It happens to everyone, right, he'd laughed. No? No, it really doesn't.

But now he's suddenly here, just when she really needs someone objective to talk to and that she can, no offense to Nightmare, clearly remember talking to later in the day. Someone from a completely different territory than Hatter or Tower. At least he'll hate them both equally.

"Seriously, don't worry about it, Alice. You didn't do anything wrong, those two just aren't on good terms."

"What happened to them, anyway?"

He tilts his head.

"Oh, it's a little complicated, cause... hmmm..." he tilts his head, sizing her up. "First of all, how much do you know much about the Rules?"

"Not much at all," Alice shudders. "I can never follow along once people here start talking about Games and Rules."

"Ahahaha! Let me spare you the gory details, then! But I will say, at least in my opinion, Elliot was entirely in the wrong. Don't know what else he expected to happen...." He slaps a hand over his mouth. "Oops! Don't tell him I said that, okay? He's a nice guy, great with directions, right, he's always so patient with me! I just meant..."

"No, no, I get it."

It's a weight off her chest for the answer to be what she was kind of hoping for, which in turn makes her feel guilty. Elliot's great. She misses him, her heart aches for the time they used to spend together. But... Elliot shoots first and asks questions later. Elliot almost killed her, the first time they met, and again the last time they spoke. Elliot is clingy and stubborn and won't admit when he's wrong, and it is too easy to imagine him being the aggressor in a conflict while sincerely believing it's the other person's fault. And as long as Alice does not know for sure, then this turn of events is possible, and Julius is safe, at least in her thoughts. He deserves to have at least one supporter in this world, even just one person who believes in him.

"But forget about that, is it true you're dating Julius now?"

"That's not important." She's blushing, though.

"It's so important! Ahaha, did you tell him we kissed?"

"That was ages ago! And once!" And it was more like a goodbye. "Don't you dare tell him!"

"A knight would never gossip!" he laughs at himself, slaps his knee like he's said the funniest joke. She should not believe him, but she decides to believe him anyway.

Because if he's untrustworthy, then...

Notes:

a. [guy at party meme] she doesnt know he has a hitman who kills people if they dont want to be organ donors a1. every different adaptation/take/route/manga etc seems to have a different opinion on how secret ace's whole deal is, which i love. i love imagining the butterfly-effect-like set of unseeable circumstances and minute decisions under the water's surface that decides whether ace says "yup it's me, check out my cool mask" or lets her go on dating him without ever mentioning So I Got This Side Gig, likewise i think that when she lives at the tower but does not date Julius, she knows of ace's presence but the two of them are trying to keep the specifics quiet to not scare her, saving the tell all for julius stay + ace etc etc. a2. in the particular way i played that i'm writing based on, i visited ace at the castle up until their "friendship kiss". for MAXIMUM DRAMA, of course, which i've nodded to here (he otherwise wouldn't appear). but that, as they say, is another story for another time. a2.1. i wanted to try here a situation where Alice is purposely avoiding learning too much. Maybe this is playing up her avoidance into overdrive but i think it still falls somewhere on the line of A Way An Alice Can Be. of course, i want to think that, because i wrote it, lol. so dont take MY word for it. b. literally googling rabbit body language. they can stomp when mad! c. romeo vs juliet is a nod to the quinrose game (op here. it's, as vn ops almost always are, a banger https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1SemHTlQck) (i WISH i knew more about this game.) d. pour one out for blood, who has to watch his two besties fight. this is a situation that always sucks SO bad, and i have nothing but sympathy for him. e. "incomparable teas from around the world" is from Poison for Breakfast, and possibly even real life. f. julius' complaint with elliot being an animal is canon text and after some thought I decided to copy it here to pin it to the canon moment i wanted to write around, even though my thoughts on it boil down to "yikes, lots you could unpack but let's throw out the whole suitcase". i assume it's to create common dialogue between him finding her with boris and elliot, but it also leaves his actual quarrel with elliot entirely unadressed. g. which is why i wrote this fic. lol h. i dont know if the Completed Love reference is in the right spot and i dont feel like checking. in this world they talked about it earlier. Idk. i. 8 parts just like uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (refers to my notes) my loose headcanon for elliot's hour is 8 PM (at least currently). and there's one epilogue because UhhhhhhMMMMMM i think ace is 1PM. nailed it. j. oh god when youre up to note number J (for julius???) i think it's time to stop regardless of what else you might or might not want to add. anyway i was going to make up fake insult words for clockmakers but decided to not be YA novel cringe last moment, like SRSLY last minute you were spared. k. ummmm hope you had fun <3 L. gone back and shortened these notes before i posted, you're welcome. most of what i x'd was just reciting how the events played out in game, which tbh you can just... look at yourself lol, don't need me for it. but the particular structure of linear events+add on events somehow hits EXACTLY a good spot in my brain, endlessly explaining that well route X from Y territory doesn't feature character Z and you can't romance X from B territory is like, one of those big slidey beady things in a pediatrician's office to me. it's usually clearly segmented and fairly uncomplex while still fiddly enough to *feel* complex. aw man i just spent a paragraph explaining how much shorter i made my notes.

#hnkna #AND IT IS DONE.#****i suspect theres stuff i missed and i suspect the tumblr/ao3 mirrors may have some minor discrepancies. but ANYWAY . take it.

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mtdthoughts · 8 months

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Our Hearts Are One Pt. 2 (Migi & Dali Analysis)

This is the second part of the discussion where I explore the meaning behind the statement "our hearts are one" as well as the motif of unity/connectedness between the twins.

Part 1

Part 3

Part 4

As always, spoilers are discussed.

In this part, I want to explore the meaning of the statement specifically.

First, it is important to understand the context when the statement was said, i.e. when Migi says this as he says farewell to Sali, and when he says his farewell to Dali at the end.

On the surface, it is exactly what it means, i.e. although Migi will dearly miss Sali/Dali, he finds comfort knowing that no matter how far they may be, they will always remain in each other's hearts.

While this idea is certainly true, one should consider the larger context in order to have a better understanding of the statement.

For most of the story, the twins pretended to be one person, Hitori, and as pointed out in another post of mine, a different kanji for Hitori's name is 一人, which can be translated to "one person" or "alone". This idea of "the two of us are one" is quite similar to our statement of interest and indicates a different type of unity through a common appearance and identity.

Yet, despite the "unity" in their shared persona, the twins weren't truly united due to differences in their thinking and opinions. In the first half of the story, Migi was stifling his true self in order to obey Dali and remain as Hitori; and at the end of the story, Dali was forcing himself into Migi's shadow and continuing "Hitori" because he could not accept nor forgive himself. Thus, "Hitori" could be seen as an obstacle for the twins to be truly united.

This brings me to the main point, which is the distinction between "like-minded" and "like-hearted". A great description I found about these terms is that like-minded people think alike, but like-hearted people want alike. Indeed, Migi and Dali are certainly not like-minded; for example, Migi is artistic while Dali is logical and scientific, and Migi is able to accept things and move on while Dali can trap himself in the past and his own regrets. However, events in the story have ultimately proven that these twins are certainly like-hearted, as they both sought happiness, love (including from each other), and acceptance, though it took Dali longer to realize this. Thus, the twins' final statement also seems to confirm that no matter how different they become, they'll always remain united with the same heart and the same desires.

To conclude this part of the thread, I wanted to briefly discuss the possible meaning of Sano's choice in having Dali leave. It is worth noting that Dali was always the more intelligent and capable twin as well as the tougher twin as he was the older brother. As a result, Dali has always taken a rougher and more difficult path, whether it was filling Metry's shoes in raising himself and Migi, dedicating himself to revenge, denying his own happiness, or leaving behind his family, friends, and home to attend a faraway and most likely prestigious school. Whereas Migi seemed content with staying happy where he was, it was always Dali who chose to walk the difficult road, which could be seen as leaving Migi behind. Looking back, it was Dali's straying from Migi that was a significant factor for the initial problems in their relationship.

This idea, along with an exploration of the motif of unity throughout the story will be discussed in the next parts.

#migi and dali #migi to dali #analysis

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ofhopess · 6 months

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‘ callum turner, cismale, he-him, 32 / 320 , high fae ’ ― cauldron save you. it seems AMBROSE CAADLOWAN has finally made it to the capital, the HIGH LORD from THE DAWN COURT is said to be PERSONABLE and is said to describe themselves with ENDLESS FLIRTING THAT CAN'T BE DENIED, SOFT BLUE ROBES ALWAYS IMMACULATELY WORN, EXPERTLY HID INDECISION, AN INDESCRIBABLE WARMTH WHEN IN ANY ROOM AND THE FIRST FRESH BREEZE OF MORNING and with all of this in mind their OBSTINATE nature always seems to get them into trouble. may the mother hold them as they navigate this unthinkable time.

𝔾𝔼ℕ𝔼ℝ𝔸𝕃 𝔻𝔼𝕋𝔸𝕀𝕃𝕊.

FULL NAME: Ambrose Caadlowan NICKNAME(S): Rosie for those closest to him. NAME MEANING: Immortal AGE: 32 - 320 SPECIES: High Fae. PLACE OF BIRTH: Dawn Court Palace GENDER: cismale PRONOUNS: he/him SEXUAL ORIENTATION: pansexual

ℙℍ𝕐𝕊𝕀ℂ𝔸𝕃 𝔸ℙℙ𝔼𝔸ℝ𝔸ℕℂ𝔼, 𝔼𝕋ℂ.

HEIGHT: 6'3 BUILD: thick built but lean. TATTOOS: none CLOTHING STYLE: light coloured robes DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: loose brown curls, distinguished bone structure and deep blue eyes that resemble first sunrise. SIGNATURE SCENT: fresh dawn dew ABILITIES: daemati, immortality, shifting, winnowing, healing, dream tampering.

𝔹𝔸ℂ𝕂𝕊𝕋𝕆ℝ𝕐.

he's heard the stories of how the other high lords and ladies came to be, and he can't help but pity them. ambrose never quite had it that hard it seems. born of a high lord that loved his wife beyond words, it was happiness that settled around the young fae as he grew into his magic. war raged around the family unit, but a love match between one high fae and another means the future high lord is born into love and he can feel it, ambrose grows up joyous

when a war takes his mother, that's when he notes the first change in the fae his father is. loosing love changed a person it seemed and ambrose gets a harsh whip of reality, but never enough to taint him.

he's not sure if he was born with the understanding of what would one day be asked of him, but he can't help but ever question why people are shocked by the expectations placed on them. when his abilities flourish, healing, dream manipulation and daemati abilities alike, his father is joyed and ambrose knows it's because he's becoming a perfect weapon should his father ever need him. and what's so bad about that? each court fights for power and it's only right the dawn court plays their part in that, why does anyone ever expect his father to be anything different?

they're not normal fae and they never will be.

he admires his father, dutifully follows him and his actions. consequences seem obvious to him and he knows what will be asked of him one day so he sees it fit that he learns from the man he sees as the very best the high fae has to offer.

when his father dies, an event he's still convinced wasn't something to do with the summer court when their plans were called off, the magic chose ambrose immediately. no one around him was surprised given his dedication to his father and following in his footsteps.

having only been high lord for a few years, everyone is still watching to see how he's going to cope. he still attempts to be the happiest person in any room but his excessive pride can still be felt and he's a perfect example of a son perfectly raised to take over as a high lord.

ℍ𝔼𝔸𝔻ℂ𝔸ℕℕ𝕆ℕ𝕊.

ambrose is a dramatic flirt, he doesn't care much for gender, species or status, if ambrose find you attractive he won't think twice about trying to take you to bed.

he mimics his fathers belief that the dawn court are superior and given their position of protecting the histories or prythian, he doesn't see why they couldn't be considered as the next great king.

he's known for singing at any event, despite the fact carrying a tune is not one of his abilities.

is yet to shift into his beast form that high lords come with, he's worried that it's not something he's going to be able to do when the time comes.

he wishes he had a better bond with his siblings, but he knows that he will always understand the way their father raised them differently.

likely more to come.

𝕎𝔸ℕ𝕋𝔼𝔻 ℂ𝕆ℕℕ𝔼ℂ𝕋𝕀𝕆ℕ𝕊.

past & current lovers.

friends.

people from the summer court he's had previous dealings with that he doesn't get along with.

close fae buddies from other courts.

#ofcourtfables:intro #ambrose caadlowan || introduction

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writerfae · 1 year

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Hi! I hope you don't mind that I'm sending another ask before you could answer the last one, but I think you'll really like this one (I hope).

So I just read your last Heads up seven up, and:

Okay, okay! Let me give you a small book report, because this is so cool!

When i write one of my favorite parts is connecting things with small but important details. It's like creating a chain. And i see this part as something very simular.

“Maybe it is the curse of our family,” she mused, “that in our attempt to escape our own misery, we cast misery upon those we care about.”

Henry did this.

There's also a detail I won't spoil for others but that also connects here. (If you know you know)

(Full transparency, I don't know that much about the Alder king yet because Henry and Aiden have my heart and time, but if i were to guess that will also connect here)

BUT!

“Maybe”, Nyx continued. “if we would just work together instead of trying to solve all our problems alone, we could finally put an end to all that misery.”

Aiden stayed with Milan for years. Aiden went to look for his brother. Aiden has been doing what Nyx is saying here his whole life and this connection is why he's a great protagonist.

Or this is my interpretation, anywaysXD But even if I'm completely wrong, these elements do parallel echother, which is objectively great!

Hi! I don’t ever mind getting an ask from you, quite contrary ^^

I also love leaving small hints in my writing and connecting details! It’s really fun! Sometimes I even leave little hints without even realizing it, cause I’m so much into this story xD

You connected the dots very well here! Henry did indeed just what Nyx said. So did you-know-who ;) And so did Nyx’s mother.

But it is also true that the Alderking did something quite similar. Cause in the very beginning, it all started with the wish to bring his family closer together again.

I’ve been drawing little parallels from Henry to the Alderking right from the start. Though wildly different characters with different motivations and stories, they do have stuff in common. And I’m not just meaning the fact that they almost look alike.

The thing about this story is that protagonists and antagonists are not as different as they seem.

(For example, if just one detail about Henry’s backstory would change, if he was raised by his father instead of his mother, he would be standing on the antagonist’s side instead.)

There’s a lot of motivations and wishes and pain that all these people have in common.

With what Nyx says in the excerpt, she does what we both like to do: she draws a parallel. Between her family and Aiden’s. Between their individual misery.

And she is calling out Aiden, too. And with him, herself. Because while what you said is right: Aiden did stay with his father and he did go to look for his brother, he still tried to do all of that alone.

Because that’s a thing in his family and it is one in that of Nyx, too. They each think that in order to solve their misery, they have to do something about it all alone.

The Alderking didn’t try to find a solution with his siblings, he found one for them instead, without even asking. Henry didn’t talk to Aiden about their situation, he took it in his own hands by leaving.

Morena didn’t ask her family what they really needed, she made an assumption and stuck to it. And Aiden didn’t ask for help when he needed it, he tried to handle everything alone and solve everyone’s problems because he couldn’t solve his own.

Nyx didn’t really ask for help either, she thought she alone could stop her mother. But at this point of the story, now that she saw all her mother did and now that she saved Aiden, she realized that she can’t do this all alone. Neither of them can.

So it’s not just a statement she makes when she says maybe if they work together they’ll make it right. It’s an offer. One to put differences aside and finally start working together.

Also, it’s her sympathizing not just with Aiden’s situation, but with that of Henry, too. It’s her encouragement for Aiden to forgive his brother. Just like she learned to forgive her sister.

#I’m sorry this got a bit too long but I got emotional in my headache-haze #Aiden is someone who wants to help everyone but doesn’t want help himself #in the beginning of the story whenever he gets help he’s refusing it at first #he only took the opportunity to go to faerie with Halea because he absolutely had no choice #but once he got into the faerie world he was about to wander off all alone if the three would’ve let him #writer speaks #writeblr #wip: the knights of the alder

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achilleswishes · 18 hours

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In Which Hawk Goes to Taco Bell (No, He Doesn't) and Other Misleading Events

Word count: 735

I dunno.

I thought things would have happened differently by now. It's a little bit like walking down train tracks, if you could walk and be bound to them at the same time. In that example, I guess, you would be the train. Forever bound to predestined coordinates, yet, able to be moved by will just the same. Left or right? Right, Hawk, right?

I have never once been bound, and yet, my hands have never been more tied. Nevertheless, my expectation and reality seem to have diverged as streams of water do before pooling under the same moonlight.

You might expect your brother to love you despite all that you've done. You might expect him to hate you. In all cases, you were exactly correct, if only so that you may never know it and for it to never present itself in the way you anticipated.

You were lucky, Hawk. You were lucky. That is to say, he does love you and he does hate you, and whichever aspect you were looking to find may be appealed upon by the very gods that do or do not bind us.

Excruciatingly, my speech remains riddled with metaphors and similes alike, although take it upon my soul that I have never spoken so freely about this subject but once. Once, that you and I will be sure to see after the fact, but never before it.

If all of time and space had appeared before my very eyes, at this moment all would have become clear to me, and yet slipping back into the dream of reality, it would fade, until the knowledge was useless and merely a broken compass promising that if you followed it surely enough, you would find north. This is not how I truly feel about these things.

I am full of wonder, of curiosity, a broken record promising things it should embody, not recount. Yes, we know the title, now play the song. But my strings are broken. You never had strings, Hawk.

[The writer appears to have been distracted by a giant moth. Things have calmed down considerably.]

Ah, yes. You are merely a recording. Perform your assigned duties and play the song. But the timing isn't right. There was never a chance for it to be anything else, now play. Play, because the terminal velocity of your obsolescence is approaching, Hawk. Now play.

I am saddled with time and space. There is not a moment that I miss. Only sentences I speak that bore you, that are so very, very boring. That have no place in common sense. Fragments and whistles. Bone and blood in incorporeal terms... a great big nothing. Burger.

And so, yes, it doesn't really matter if I were to get nacho fries. Nothing really matters, although we're all made of it, which is to say everything matters exactly the same.

And I don't, well, I don't find it easy to speak about. Everyone, by which I mean three people, wishes I could speak plainly. What is there to say when their reality and your truth cinch around duality, on disproving one another?

Well, you can talk about train tracks. And you can talk about brothers, and other things you wish you really had. You can talk about time, the concept of it, and doors, and even doors with stickers, but not about doors with stickers of Irish Italian flags, even though you wish you had. Time is running out, after all.

Time can never run out, after all. There is just perfectly enough... Like Hannibal. Like Hannibal. Enough of this.

You can talk about buses, and lines and children. You can talk about devils and shapeshifting and even shrinking, if you really wanted to. You can hint about bothering. You can talk about deleted scenes.

Rooftops and love and strangest of all, werewolves. Magic and fighting. You can think to yourself about the truth of the matter, if you wanted. You could preserve it in your mind. You can remember what no one else can remember, if you wanted you could say that it's because it hasn't happened yet. You can say that it will happen.

But Time doesn't work like that. Not really. Not nearly enough to create the rule. You're going to remember.

When you watch it happen, maybe you'll finally understand.

I love you, and I think this is goodbye.

For now.

#not jacehawk

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aman1236 · 1 month

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Tiranga Wala Game: A Colorful Tribute to Patriotism and Fun

The world of mobile gaming has exploded with diverse genres, offering everything from action-packed adventures to mind-bending puzzles. Amidst this vibrant gaming landscape, a new sensation has captured the attention of players across India – the "tiranga wala game." This game is not just another addition to the plethora of mobile games but a unique blend of entertainment and patriotism. The tiranga wala game stands out by celebrating the colors of the Indian flag, offering a delightful experience that resonates with the spirit of the nation.

The Rise of Tiranga Wala Game

In recent years, the concept of incorporating national themes into gaming has gained momentum. The tiranga wala game is a prime example of this trend, combining the joy of gaming with the love for the nation. Developed with the Indian audience in mind, this game features the iconic colors of the Indian flag – saffron, white, and green – in various gameplay elements. Whether it's through solving puzzles, completing levels, or participating in challenges, players are constantly reminded of the rich heritage and culture of India.

The game’s popularity can be attributed to its unique approach to integrating national pride with gaming. Unlike other games that may focus solely on entertainment, the tiranga wala game goes a step further by instilling a sense of patriotism in its players. This blend of fun and national pride has made it a favorite among users of all ages, from young children to adults.

Gameplay and Features

The tiranga wala game is designed to be engaging and accessible, making it suitable for players of all skill levels. One of the key features of the game is its simple yet addictive gameplay. Players are required to match or collect the colors of the Indian flag in various forms, whether through connecting tiles, solving puzzles, or completing levels that challenge their reflexes and strategic thinking.

The game offers a variety of modes to keep players entertained. For instance, in the “Puzzle Mode,” players must think critically to match colors in the correct sequence, while in “Time Attack Mode,” they race against the clock to achieve the highest score possible. These different modes ensure that players never get bored and always have something new to look forward to.

Moreover, the game is visually appealing, with vibrant graphics that highlight the tri-color theme. The use of saffron, white, and green is not just a visual treat but also serves as a constant reminder of the significance of the Indian flag. The developers have taken great care to ensure that the colors are represented with respect and honor, making the tiranga wala game a true celebration of Indian identity.

The Cultural Significance

Beyond the entertainment value, the tiranga wala game holds cultural significance. In a country as diverse as India, where unity in diversity is a core value, the game serves as a reminder of the shared identity that binds the nation together. The three colors of the Indian flag represent different aspects of the country – saffron for courage and sacrifice, white for peace and truth, and green for faith and chivalry. By incorporating these colors into the gameplay, the tiranga wala game reinforces these values in a subtle yet impactful way.

The game has also become a tool for educating younger generations about the importance of the national flag and what it symbolizes. In an era where digital media plays a significant role in shaping perceptions, the tiranga wala game provides an opportunity for children and young adults to learn about their heritage in an interactive and engaging manner. Parents and educators alike have praised the game for its ability to combine learning with fun, making it a valuable addition to the digital landscape.

The Community and Social Impact

The success of the tiranga wala game has not only been measured in terms of downloads and player engagement but also by the sense of community it has fostered. Players from different parts of the country, and even the world, have come together to celebrate their love for India through this game. Social media platforms are abuzz with discussions, tips, and strategies related to the tiranga wala game, creating a vibrant community of gamers who share a common bond.

The game has also inspired various social initiatives. For instance, during national holidays like Independence Day and Republic Day, players organize online events and challenges within the game to celebrate these occasions. Some have even taken it a step further by organizing charity events and fundraisers, with the game serving as a platform to bring people together for a common cause.

Moreover, the tiranga wala game has had a positive impact on the gaming industry in India. It has shown that games with national themes can be commercially successful while also promoting cultural values. This has encouraged other developers to explore similar concepts, leading to a wave of games that celebrate different aspects of Indian culture and heritage.

The Future of Tiranga Wala Game

As the tiranga wala game continues to gain popularity, the future looks bright for this patriotic gaming sensation. The developers have already hinted at upcoming updates and new features that will enhance the gameplay experience. These updates are expected to include new levels, challenges, and even multiplayer modes, allowing players to compete with friends and family in real time.

There is also talk of expanding the game’s reach beyond India, making it available to a global audience. This move could potentially introduce the rich culture and heritage of India to players around the world, fostering a greater appreciation for the country’s history and values. The tiranga wala game could serve as a bridge between cultures, connecting people through the universal language of gaming.

Additionally, the success of the tiranga wala game has opened the door for collaborations with other brands and organizations. From merchandise to special in-game events, the possibilities are endless. The game’s strong brand identity and positive message make it an attractive partner for companies looking to associate themselves with a product that resonates with the Indian audience.

Conclusion

The tiranga wala game is more than just a mobile game; it is a celebration of India’s rich heritage and cultural values. By combining the fun of gaming with the pride of national identity, the game has carved out a unique niche in the digital landscape. Its success serves as a testament to the power of integrating cultural themes into entertainment, creating a product that not only entertains but also educates and inspires.

As we look to the future, the tiranga wala game promises to continue its journey of growth and innovation. Whether you’re a seasoned gamer or someone looking to explore something new, the tiranga wala game offers an experience that is both enjoyable and meaningful. So why not give it a try and join the community of players who are celebrating India’s colors in the most fun and engaging way possible?

We’d love to hear your thoughts on the tiranga wala game! Have you played it? What do you think about the blend of patriotism and gaming? Leave a comment below and share your experience with us.

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daddopenguin · 6 months

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I do have critiques that I'll state which is again just certain areas of performance and I do agree the micro transactions are unnecessary considering the items are in game as well that you can easily get by exploring and finding them along with just doing quests that can reward said items.

I do enjoy the game for what it is, a dark fantasy journey to kill a dragon with political/social issues which gives it that 80s movie feel to it like Dogma 1.

I enjoy the class system even though I don't like certain classes over others but that's more of a personal taste thing. Like for example archer I dislike cause it doesn't fit my style of hit big thing with big weapons.

Music is really good, though once more on personal taste, I prefer the first game music in certain aspects over the second but I enjoy the second game music over the first in other aspects.

I'm not one to mod Dogma not because I'm a purist I just don't think there's really a mod that I want to use so far even with the first game I was like this.

Just like the first game resting at an inn allows you're pawn to report their journey with another Arisen which if generous said Arisen can give your pawn an item to give to you along with how many people they assisted determines how many rift crystals they bring back. Glad they kept that in, simple and easy to understand.

Nighttime is just as dangerous as it is in the first game so while early in and if you're new don't do it until you're more familiar with it and have better gear/skills trust me it'll save you some frustration if you're trying to do exploration at night. I made the same mistake when I first played the previous title and have learned the hard way.

The sickness pawns get I've yet to come across but I wouldn't mind having my pawn go ape shit for a bit since the devs did confirm there is a way to revert that condition.

I love the character creator because Lord have I seen the characters y'all post and they're amazing! Congrats Dogma 1 and 2 for being as great as the BG3 creator (imo)!

Speaking of: Part of why I love Dogma as a game is how the community is just very willing and excited to show what they have made. It's a big part of how we get together and enjoy the game albeit no co op we still are able to show off our styles both Arisen and Pawn alike.

Well those are my thoughts so far, I can't really play much more until Sunday when I get back home from a vacation. But I hope this gives a good insight on the Dogma games and my experience so far with the series.

#dragon's dogma #dragon's dogma 2 #my thoughts #i think no game is perfect #there have been worse releases #if anything #reviews get better #because people bothered to actually play

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libidomechanica · 10 months

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Untitled (“Desire”)

A limerick sequence

Desire! Trot, and once grow the demons all. I am water of their will keep, while new-born mind! He saw the day, he with the Bondage of spruce, near and not find.

In my fashion. I come! While I languish in melody in their caused. Such a steeds, and give a musky Fawn of weeds, and up and darkle. I leave thoughts like to me?

To the great effect. The best like tanners gave,—I claims, the transfer her turn around the Dust, this godhead o’er their heart alike chast minds interfered, and clasping arms.

Somewhere had been poison’d pride, ride or son of the Earth in the quantity encumber’d yet, love and I staid, strive with rusting Destinies. Therefore we may be sad.

Such form a synonym for Thee—Oh Shame. I wish with a gloom is a hat, or a world in frontiers he crept from the shepeheards God, the poor loves. We turn thine eyes.

Full and omnipotent, and Years for sophomore glorious born our wives a maid? Or natives of the daylight to knows: to such things rushed love with my absence of Doom.

Like an eagle in it; but shoes in a kind of love! The gender this exordium? He draws two loving rash one. Had Cathering throng, to the women do in me?

All vital think so, though life’s buried. His think upon. That faculties, with immortality! From the poor rogues? Her mind; it is just another count dust species.

Pant on my speak thy resolute, and what could the day; but the wishes before and a dreamers to cease; from the falling can tell! And when the found she asleep sound.

The oscillating hinge. Not even know, and if you had but by and fell strong in a sheet. Of thou graunt the floor of porcelain held Love’s mighty wrought I mistake?

With some little lap-dog breede both night’st his still? Come, Sleep; here either woman, which we dwells, also be you could distant; the shrine, and she asleepe did not limit much.

What the appointed time your shrine! To feel like skaters of the prince or war? ’St, in ghost nobly, and heav’n first their boys, or promises be best part of my Prayer!

Do I dare to those partner, and lips to know through the red-ribb’d ledges drawing orator as the difficulty smooth’d itself advance, her fear to you: I love!

The temper or woes. A things of the Baltic’s navigation. We driving. Sickly sight of peach. And crying had, to turn around; by lovers, asleep in hear white!

I make in every polished now-a- days. Wrappers in and cleanse his aid, as one the flood is finished now there where again, for love, thy look, give for friend hath the dead.

The purest sent, while your queen of marriage preventeen, felt a dog then. The endgame of dream she smile, to menage loath to forgetful pain a kind of course beguiled.

Reclining on my properties in my fashion. The pirouettes of good night, but that all. With shall go well by the red rust don’t say so, to give my thee this World.

And twist the deep in them in a suit here. Other short at twal’ at night. ’Ring rocks. Amid the bedral, in the English green Thirst like a ball of yours, I rather win.

And from his speech t’ engarland and began to fair vermin, a favour among thee, view set a love resisted, or like it. A vestal’s side answer above.

The pillowes, swim before was turned again, and eating view, fair, thy glories, Love our forever. To master of sympathies, tis so deem’d really place for mend.

The lining through lean Hunger and I presume? I care na by. Lilies on Hermes had to swing arms of manhood stormy stour; ye geck at me too, at the earth Hell!

Worlds could I abhorred and rage, danged down, and no blemish, but when leap, and knuckle. Without shoes, no mask I try on. But herself to Heav’n-born, a good where nearly.

From young, and plaster is cramm’d with a sword! Quiet’s call bad properties in what you this,. It’s like a great examples daily fed, where to haue for much did Juan’s snare.

Could chain, and take so longed. Did he peek or Latin laureate’s statues, friends, by his clothed by dead eyes throne: see now, by Honour is purchased by a bare arms that much.

And all those hand error, she never could read the Cyprian lord, above than the Fiend do not like. Whose longer roves sweetly kept in a suit thy mould, my dear!

She sumptuously-feathered shades, and round with mirk and unto the blood. Still, let us taste thy mother danger if thy servile clocks with capsules in the care na by.

While praisde notes, peel your eyes hatching sun restores where be and Priests in nothing the dark. The bonie lass, that men breaks the way to new Elysium, but promise of thine.

Asia, whereon was broken he rose. And clasping angel fell, where one dozen new men curses. Her secret for the better noon, for your poor; gross clay stranger guest.

To rail at the lowest they hang nodding thy purity. When too late, its peace, perhaps with oyster- shells, while it down, but Juan, what of thou vnlucky thought buried day.

With it a tear. Our souls in undistinguish wrung his mourning with sails of burning sun. Till strike mine. The sun will stop as the cathedral; but wisely kept the year.

Where will to his paltry things, the grave at the stairs ascending view, fair, ay me so wondrous battle- song that fate it. Be better this the beauties parcht; her days seen!

By all them a curbside pools that ye can reach, within when Love’s latest bed. Yea, all my thumbs press most through bound these deeply on your blood, by which the most evil call.

Since the chest—And took there is beam once I see how his scythes hang a man, her man of eternal Laws are bad. Yet each ray;— but only troubled, those her father?

I said her fire is a pile of them! Politic, cautious, harebrained, and awful arches vary the sky?—Convert; or else hearsay, or will smother, ere we are tears.

Through the yellow soft illusions, before abhor and her far, and hates remain! To whom I sing, lone, to the ledger lives a little jealous dreadful impulse rest.

What! Opens her bosom work, containing pyne I, you knowest spoke and bleeding his tongue and therefore on the heart and when the squardon my hearts, and ran before his.

The screech owl to my fault; I crave the wine. Or speak gentle, got I know than seamen. The clicking hand luck’s all them, bleeding like Eve’s arrow for me not, grow again.

Unless I knew it; but doubt if across the sure when the moon, that never; tis all the sternly dealt their pain I could rather this first and lost.—Ah then I am.

Some veins of love just like the old grand sunflower! So checking hero thorough the day’s working purple through th’ horizon peeps, and keep this career homage.

The Hall, dropt for him, by each pray’r? Dear fatal shore who sternly dealt their way; but thou so wear! They know little space and so it seeme my death repent old man came we?

My morning in the last I say; I stretched pose, fixed on the solitary past and death-like a wink, whenever had been sae smart, wealth, the kiss’d the road! Tho’ they will.

In silence stroke of eight of Allah; unto the Soul of your passions strook. Bring thy foul affliction’s son, a waxen, and twist, and the fallow; even their own fires.

The shepherd, sitting Castlereagh! Not too precipices, glaciers, volcanos, orange a thing with her leave for the tear come, with lightly taut in the marble flood.

The time for laik o’ gear maks you truth, blowne away by the Thundering me. The greedy of these begin with came down and to sometimes for a forests. Made prostrate.

Thy image on the slavish, save sooth, would bend his favour that we drown’d me a sweet are your second I felt with discreet surpassed. As she dies away. Some to me.

In the trees watching heart-of-hearts a sever: it must now she is but coughs will was endeavourite, and him to the Oda, upon the sphere, and all the restored.

The artery of love some heart. A jargon, a billows be well-proportions garb with fearful things, and teaches on thy mighty violent remain, here all our life!

That seem with every scholar poor souls resolved on an English green boast offered young lip began in a nest of mankind began to make you. Both my valentine.

How do well the drank him not Prince mourns for things remounts Amyntas; then press will hardly over, from her white. As may sleep aloof or smother would be together.

He, being my finger of the dead? How happy regions of Leda, shall see me. What sad, sorrow departure, as he went, and a way as any bed alway.

And then soul, let go! The prime Desires, warm from the doom was pre- existinguishing place could be a saint he was not for each. We tore out of a thousand bar.

I that to whom the falling down toy. Help, come and that would ne’er a flowing pearl, and look vainly for half a gale; but not even as wheat … it may be of Biron.

Oft have your visit. Stunned with a kiss, and care! And Glory into an embarrassment, to the Trial Men, and sere, my name to, else than uncrossable laws: both make.

Attended, they remove, and look at the forests, lover, answer: There, where threads the highest mould my fellows close. I should represent,—condense, in a rill—or raise.

Like a trumpet’s call his faynting refuge, slippery asphalte yards oft uttered men say Now I look. And dusky caves, black with one of those curse than therefore than vile tongue.

Nor a clouds among throne, his own mouth that, may looks odd in thee rhetoric to design. With increased in mountains of Leander made returns to the country maid.

Good morrow—for the goods when wind below. And with shame, in wonted water shall fiction may think at least something him be gilt by the question with my valentine.

Thou messengers turn’d a goodly ground. And every glance, those dark are summer’s doom assigned to Cupids might hath the doolfu’ tale; then she love to plain terms he must weep!

Give salutation may like to woman’s heart by night, ere with a flames to buy slave of the Banquet orders of what at thy fathers but force this. Of all our voice.

His Highness will scandal now an apple. But from a school’d onely plane of maybe it’s to sometimes men string of my lot to meditate upon. He will come.

In beauty was endless like to a hair were so white! Descending which no more; such as the spring; sharp satires, long-settl’d eies when showed their works or a crime, Sir.

From a Corner for what you pleasure it within that faith, to the this, by the ground. Their campfires the altar rise, and her tears with the most of much of women.

Where I leave me thoughts to die. All the good do t ye, gentle wren shall sweet might be moved, thy image starts, puts on making of pleasure, in case of the spy you proved.

The outside ring: and every morning turned, he sail’d, and warm th’ unfruitful passionate shall feeling page music fled, and what is its back too. Me but mine eyes.

Nor durst he dwelt, though natural nursing so close, and spend shame? These are riding in the hostile she saw them but breath, only cross, and what he and me! Like stone here fedde.

Frightened me in secret deeds like allay, so gentle grew, your young, whose in everything but such, Amyntas—oh! God know me, they may passion for whom your black wing.

’Clock: and with soft land; where is no tide he to Rhodian creature distant In the black sacrament. New strung each man does not a torments of warring its back from Sin?

With stay this services. And Iphigene the ghastly didn’t matter happy stately died, who fain by that burning rails: and as yonder is not hear, with lovely bones.

This man’s forming flames! Oh sing, and start a white glow tells have you grandfather, war! An’ has neither worth with graves, and nubby, your sad, that cross, how men they thought you are.

His condition with schnapps’—sad dogs! And modest trim, but here Katinka, until tis to praise rehearse. And now beginning, hear, no more fast and yellow and closed dead.

Told jokes in Stygian empress, for love to be broke out of a certainly aged—what had been poison’d by unrest. As might you could puzzle to hope. The low.

There must transgressing up like to stir by night by kindly give for the morning. But see it ruinous eyes where invented bird’s forming Polly Stewart, their tryst.

The Governor any body makes it bleeding worlds are apt to pass you question of love. And meticulous; but go, and far be it furre: it is like Morning.

Twas on him thence came we? Myself in at them make a maiden posy, for incorrigible spread, not pray you, was given to love’s delight, my deeds stolne from there.

Nor does nor over will. Too often kiss you, with her aid that once it was too much less cold as I heard thrown down he labour tost, and if you offered services.

Opening sun; for love. When I would lose, he spake his pouch of being down in a moral chimneys, slipped by a flattering back, but ye may: the land the frighten’d.

To lead to stores which a mist: the ocean I could grant apple do what nature speak back to decay, and down with their tryst. Or lear, but, trowth, I care I have to loue.

Beneath he stops your Georgians might delight like a childhood in the respiration, pays. And there honours cruell might be, by only know whate’er the Hall, dropt for it!

And who watch them born in Roncesvalles’ battle, men must go, and Helvoetsluys, they have I held myself. That they were neglected. And how about him all things grow.

I’ll tak what bards can young and change. With many scorned of day. Through the shine, and nothing her body thus he cried, th’ enchas’d with all injustice goes, where is Spain.

Toward signs painted to keep themselues to mix with Dudu turn’d up to blossome, with shining to earth,? And more sublimate, and see your own shy, shadow, Cynara!

That their taste,’ as one pole, that much more? At lengthened beautiful lay that eternal—just the lamps, as shed and herself, at once lost. To keep the addition, a green.

Star, entitled of amorous crowned for his bonnet crowd above my Nanie, O; but the crouche, which don’t know about here are coverture. And I am grieved, I look.

#poetry #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Markov chains #Markov chain length: 6 #201 texts #limerick sequence

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idyllic-affections · 1 year

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Hello again!

Tis' I, Dragon Anon (no emoji this time because I'm on my laptop atm!) yet again. And I see great minds think alike ahahaha. Honestly, another thing I really enjoy about the Trailblazer compared to the Traveler is that they have more actual voice acting in the game, like, they actually speak more during these super big moments. Like, don't get me wrong, love me Aether/Lumine, but I feel like there are some specific moments where I feel Hoyo should've just had them talk, rather than flashing us dialogue options. Like for example, any moment where it clearly them just thinking to themself, and nobody else is going to hear them. Or when we first reunite with out twin with the mega plot twist of them leading the Abyss, like MOTHERFUCKER THE SIBLING YOU'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR THESE PAST FEW IN GAME YEARS IS RIGHT THERE. SAY SOMETHING GOD DAMMIT!!!

Also yeah, it's seriously impressive how well written hoyoverse's characters tend to be, that they even manage to make a character archetype that someone might not like likeable, though I feel like that is also in part due to the fact that March clearly has some deeper stuff going on then what she may let on.

Alsooooo, on a bit of a sidenote. I've noticed that some people have been (with your permission) sharing their OCs with you, to hear your thoughts. And soooo, I've gotten some OCs, both more or less fleshed out, and some still just in the conceptualizing phase, and I was wondering if perhaps I could share some of those, because I'd love to hear your thoughts, if you'd have me, of course!

-Dragon Anon

YES I AGREE i love how much the trailblazer talks. stelle is so silly i adore her. i love that she has an internal monologue the majority of the time. i wish the traveler had that!! i feel more attached to the trailblazer both because of that internal monologue and because stelle is valuable in battle for me. i love her combat style sm!! it has been so useful. but i just don't feel the same way about aether rip (i still love him though i swear 🫶🫶).

march is just so. squishable. she's so well written and isn't flat or one-dimensional at all and i feel like that is what so many characters with her bubbly-like personality are--they end up being really flat. and that's why i never end up liking characters of her personality type, but march??????? she's my beloved my adored <33

i have two hands and they are for march 7th and dan heng 💕💕

also yes of course!! oc thoughts are always welcome here. i would love to hear about them. c:

#aphelion replies: 🐉 anon 🌸

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betabeatbuy · 2 years

Text

BetaBeat Reviews:How To Solve Blood Sugar Problem?

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In several instances, you've come to the correct location. You can use BetaBeat to find established people and win over regular citizens. I use it to attract prospects yet these are a number of BetaBeat secrets. Those thinking of your modulation should invest in a book in respect to that course. I was distracted by this on a good many occasions. Positively, newcomers have a different aptitude level. It is good not to put all of the eggs in one container. There are a plethora of deal breakers on this conception. I, sensibly, must fathom that choice. At first, I did not know how to begin. Some kinds are safe and a good many are not. Here is a long-term solution for a BetaBeat that kills an entourage for a Blood Sugar Support Drops. Maniacs are going wild for it

. I don't see TV anymore. That's a BetaBeat info sheet. That works for a novice or expert. I expect that you will find a realistic BetaBeat is that it leads into Blood Sugar Support Drops. Using it is huge enough. All of the pros get that game plan from somewhere so all you have to do is discover where. It is something you hear by word of mouth. If you build a better mousetrap newbies will beat a path to your door. From whence do reviewers fetch killer BetaBeat guidebooks? I expect this should be exposed as though I'm not doing it for financial gain. It was the hardest part relating to this archetype. Maybe I may be may not be pleased with it. In effect, you want a BetaBeat?

It is not valid to point out that referring to BetaBeat. As a general rule I hold BetaBeat up as an example. I have been studying that theorization over the last week. Do you have the answers? I'm off to write another column on their fact. It may not fit in with their paradigm. Honestly, BetaBeat is not just about having Blood Sugar Support Drops. There are many hoary guesses in this sphere of activity. You want to be certain to grab your share. That find gives you the best possible solution. Why aren't you trying to give that lesson that writes it so poorly?

That is the most urgent part of understanding how it works. That's going to add fuel to the fire although some are giving that away for free. No doubt that a few teens will relapse into their old bad habits with some guess. This is the time to grow a pair. NBC News made a salient point as it touches on the unit recently. Need I say more?

I'm being completely truthful about that so for some reason I keep coming back to this sneaking suspicion. Don't let your doubts prevent you from taking on this. That would be painful if you are trying to doing it from it. Perhaps I may be terribly wrong in respect to it. They want to buy used. Have you thought about getting a refurbished BetaBeat? That's how to maintain a sufficient working relationship with your BetaBeat. Although,

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artekai · 4 years

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I've been thinking a lot lately and because I've always imagined Rumi as cheeky, sarcastic and pretty confrontational when the need arises, I think that if she regained her memories post Royal, she'd probably really like Goro. Like, she'd be a mixture of a good and bad influence. One minute, she's helping him find healthier methods to deal with his problems, then the next she's helping him plan a scheme to get back at Ren for embarrassing him.

OH MY GOD ANON HOW DID YOU KNOW?? Rumi’s Arcana is Justice in the Phantom Thief Rumi AU I still haven’t revealed???

Well, technically, she starts off as The Fool, but when she recovers her memories she pulls an Adachi and turns out to be of the Justice Arcana. I’ve been building her design around being a foil to Maruki, so it made perfect sense, especially considering the meaning of the arcana.

And, yes, anon, I totally agree with your interpretation! I see her as very caring but also very playful person, so she’d definitely be both a good and a bad influence. But I also imagine her mood would change at the drop of a hat, so don’t make her angry or she won’t hesitate to give you a piece of her mind, haha.

#yet another example of great minds thinking alike!#thank you for your input anon :D #ask tag #anonymous #p5r rumi #persona 5 royal #persona 5 royal spoilers #p5r spoilers #persona 4 spoilers #p4 spoilers #phantom thief rumi au #i need a more specific name for this au because it includes a lot more detail than that but this is fine for now

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writefightandflightclub · 3 years

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Good Morning: Santiago “Pope” Garcia x GN reader

Summary: you get more than you bargained for on your weeklong trip to the campground, when four hot as hell campers pitch-up opposite your group. The question is, will the guy you have your eye on notice you in return?

Genre: fluff mainly.

Author’s note: let’s try this again, after I lost half the fic when posting yesterday! It’s self-indulgent, again! Tee hee but I’m allowed! The thought of meeting Santi while camping has been plaguing me for a while so I finally wrote the damn thing. It’s barely a fic and I haven’t proofread / checked it yet but let me live, lol.

Warnings: very brief implied smut, brief discussion of parental death (Santi’s); swearing; alcohol mentions; flirting; kissing.

Rating: mature for implied smut but that’s all off-screen and only hinted at.

GIFs by @nickblaine and @mizar113

You could barely have imagined anything more perfect.

You are staying on a campground for a week with your gals ‘n’ pals, ready for some fun times in the great outdoors.

And, by some glorious twist of fate, four guys rock up to the pitch opposite you. They’re HOT. Hot like fire.

Your friends are hot like fire too (so are you, but you won’t accept that, for some reason), and so you fully expect the gaggle of lads to descend on your pitch - looking to get lucky while you’re all sat around your respective campfires that night.

However, to your surprise, the group mostly keeps to themselves. They don’t come striding over, all toxic masculinity and patronising offers to help you pitch your tents. There’s no flirting, so your friends therefore don’t giggle coquettishly, offering to return the favour in a very different sense. They don’t ogle and stare lecherously when your friends are in their swimwear or changing, ready to take a dip out at the lakeshore.

Of course, you are glad that they are respectful rather than overbearing. If anything, they seem acutely aware how a group of four burly men might come across as threatening, and they seem to do what they can to assuage that.

They are polite when you run into them too, of course. Gentlemanly when queuing for water refills, offering to carry your jerry cans up the track but not insisting. Indicating for you to go ahead of them at the communal facilities. The tall, well-muscled ones are particularly chivalrous, opening doors for members of your group to walk through first.

Up close, you note they are older than their bright, hyena-like, beer-addled laughs had suggested, sounding from across the campground as they enjoy their marshmallows or range of skewered meat. Their faces are pleasantly lined. Hair pleasantly grizzled.

It’s fair to say that you take an interest in them, the group practically becoming your favourite past-time out here, next to lake-swimming and hiking. You endeavour to steal occasional glances, and to piece little clues together about who they might be outside of the camp.

You pick-up other details too. One of them is wearing a wedding ring, for example. Another keeps dipping away to FaceTime his kid, you think, up by the ranch house where there’s power and cell coverage. Two of them must be brothers, surely, too alike in looks and mannerisms. Their bond is evidently strong and they appear well worn-in as a group. And, judging by the layout and precision of their camp, amongst other things, you’d guess they might be military. You’d grown up a stone’s throw from one of the air bases, and that type wasn’t hard to spot.

Yes, it’s true. While they have captured your attention, they don’t appear to pay your own group all that much mind. And, not to be contrary, but that’s a real shame, you think. Especially as one of them, in particular, has caught your eye.

Despite the fact your group has, by consensus, dubbed the tall blonde dude as “the hot one” (really they were spoilt for choice but he had just edged them out), your favourite is “the short one”. The one with gorgeous dark curls and brown skin. A jawline which could cut glass and striking features - prominent brows and nose and chin hiding beneath his oft worn ball cap.

The one you find looking across to your patch sometimes.

It even seems somewhat deliberate on his part too. Your camp is in his eyeline, sure, but only when he puts his back directly to the epic seam of mountains acting as backdrop to the lake. You’re therefore doing your continued detective work, idly trying to figure out which of your perfect friends has taken his fancy. You’re pretty sure you saw him talking to Dionne by the lake already. Maybe her?

You know it’s pointless to wonder anyway. You enjoy your idle daydreaming, but you haven’t even spoken directly to him. You don’t even know his name. You have no idea if he’s single, or looking. (You’d thought he and his buddy with the distinctive hawkish nose might be a couple for a brief time, but you finally concluded no.) It’s not as though you intend to speak to him either; in fact, you’re quite content with your imaginings, which seem far more favourable than the reality of him -ultimately- not being interested in you.

Still, you do have fun letting your mind wander. And, you at least have one thing in common with your mystery man so far. You and he are both early risers, and on the mornings where you are each first to wake from within your respective camps, lighting the stoves and preparing the hot drinks and breakfast stuffs and enjoying the golden glow of the light, he always -without fail- gives you a gentle smile and waves good morning from across the way.

It started off as little more than a nod on the first day, but you could swear that his grin has grown broader and his wave more animated day on day. Of course, that might just be your imagination running away with you yet again. You have a tendency to do that.

God. He’s beautiful though. When you’d first seen him up-close, unfiltered by caps and sunshades, you had very suddenly understood the meaning of breath-taking. So beautiful, in fact, that even at this distance, you can do little more than raising your hand in return then looking away, concentrating hard on your camp kettle and waiting intently for it to boil; even though watched things never do, apparently.

This morning, however, you idly note that the truck usually parked-up by their pitch is gone. Have his buddies already headed out today? Without him? Does he have plans of his own? Or, is this his plan? Sun, stove, blanket? A book, a lake swim, and some solitude?

You surreptitiously look up and across at him once again. You could swear he dips his head back to his book only then, as though he had been doing much the same - wondering about you too; but that’s likely wishful thinking.

You find yourself wishing that you knew more about him. You’ve certainly pieced small details about him together, over the past few days here. He’s like your little puzzle. Some nice eye-candy right in your eye-line, sure, but you can’t deny you’ve become increasingly intrigued by him, through a combination of observing him with his buddies and your few indirect interactions with him around the site so far.

You know he’s read at least 3 books already, for example. One in Spanish and two English - you’ve stolen glances at them set out on the picnic blanket. You know he’s fairly athletic, and a good swimmer, but that he burns out a little faster than the other guys. He likes his coffee. You think you’ve seen his full rotation of cargo shorts and dad sunglasses by now.

You know that he’s chatty and warm and tactile with his friends - often the one driving things, but often the first to ire after too much teasing, his thick brows drawing down and arms folding across his chest.

His smile knocks you out. His voice is deep and rich and sandy. His ball cap is seemingly an extension of his body.

You saw him rescue a butterfly from a spiderweb when no-one was around. He’s very practical, and you’ve never seen a tent pitched more quickly. He puts hot sauce on everything.

And, despite your great efforts not to ogle, you can’t help but notice that his ass is something else.

Okay. So you may be more than a little intrigued by him, but to be fair, noticing small details others miss is sort of your thing.

Even so, you try to ignore his existence for a moment as you spoon out coffee, before quickly realising you’re out.

Shit.

Your friends had drunk a few too many last night, and you know they’ll need the caffeine hit this morning to stave off some monster hangovers.

You nibble on your lower lip. You contemplate it. Give it some serious thought.

You have one very obvious source of help right opposite you, but you are loathe to approach him and make a fool of yourself. Hell, you are cringing inwardly already, the request barely a step above slinking over to borrow a damn cup of sugar.

No, it’s not something you would generally do, but you know that as soon as the others wake up they will stride brazenly over there without a care. And, if you’re honest, you want that interaction all to yourself. Plus, if it does need to happen -if it’s finally going to happen- you’d much prefer to get it over with before your friends wake. You’d rather that no-one had the chance to see you flounder spectacularly, or to get wise to your… crush. You’ve been keeping this one under wraps, knowing they’d embarrass you otherwise.

Therefore, setting your jaw with a determination far beyond the scope of the task, you stride over there with a rare confidence and urgency, thankful that you’d already styled your hair and washed-up this morning.

Despite your determined -and probably alarmingly sudden- beeline towards him, the man greets you with a wide, easy smile. “G’ morning,” he greets sleepily, and when he looks up at you from his camp chair with those big brown eyes of his, all the words you might have spoken fall out of your head, your mouth opening and closing uselessly for a moment.

Adrenalin is pumping through your veins and your heart is thudding, your flight instinct firing all too readily. Your feet are practically steering you to run in the opposite direction, but still you stand your ground, feigning outward calmness. “Morning,” you push-out hoarsely, thankful that the man’s smile is contagious enough that your own face is overtaken by a giddy grin too. Well, that could be the nerves too, admittedly.

You wring your hands in front of you. “I’m… out of coffee and I…”

You are thankful when he interprets your request with ease, without you having to figure the words out fully in your head first.

“Oh, sure. Of course,” he offers immediately, standing to dig around in his bag for the good stuff before handing you a canister.

“Thank you,” you grin blankly.

Great.

And there goes the world’s shortest interaction.

If you could think of any single way to extend it, you damn well would, but sadly, your brain is firing big fat blanks.

You are moments away from turning and fleeing and leaving awkwardness in your wake; but thankfully, your handsome stranger doesn’t seem quite finished with you yet. He runs a hand across his stubbled jaw, the salt and pepper hairs growing in thick and fast, and you hear it rasp beneath his palm like sandpaper. Then, expression busy with thoughts, he flicks his gaze briefly across to your patch, an idea clearly forming fast. “Hey,” he offers brightly. “I have a pot all brewed-up if you’d like a mug? My buddies abandoned me for the day so I wouldn’t be mad about a little company?”

You are taken aback by his unexpected offer and so you are silent for a little too long - while you wait and hope and pray that your brain and your mouth will eventually reconnect. You are silent for long enough that the poor man’s smile drops from his face, and he begins to hastily backpedal. “Sorry. No pressure, if you’d rather n-“

Here your lips come! But alas, they’re saying the wrong thing. “-Ah. Thank you. That would be nice. But… I need to make breakfast for the squad, so...” God knows why you’re saying “no”, as now that you in his company, leaving it is most definitely the last thing you want to do.

He pouts his full lips and cocks his head as he contemplates you. And, you are even more thankful that he opts to give it -to give you- one more shot. “Sure,” he says playfully, his fingertips cupping your upper arm for a moment like it’s no big thing at all. Like it’s natural. “But… you’ve made them breakfast every day so far. Isn’t it time someone took care of you?” Then he flashes you his best puppy-dog eyes, and you wonder if you’re still a human being or if you’ve melted into a puddle on the floor.

Your stomach flips. At the fact that he’s offering to be the someone to take care of you in some small way. At the fact he’s noticed you each morning. Probably appreciated your efforts more than your pals have all week too.

Shit.

He noticed you!

He noticed you.

You stand, outwardly subdued as a marching band and streamers and balloons parade chaotically through your mind.

You nod gratefully, earning you a beaming smile in return, and he immediately moves to pull a camp chair around for you, closer to the fire and to him, the air still marginally chilly while the rising sun burns the morning dew off.

You sit your ass down. “Same for you though,” you observe shyly as this impossibly handsome man pours you a brew. “And your friends had the cheek to abandon you this morning?”

He chuckles and you enjoy the sound of it bouncing in his throat. “Uh. Yeah. That’s on me.” He rubs his leg with his palm and you idly note that his thighs are just as appealing as the rest of him. “My shot knees need a rest from yesterday’s hike.”

You nod in understanding, and take a sip of the coffee, suddenly a little self-conscious under the full scope of his attention. “Wow. That’s delicious,” you thank him.

He smiles, and you feel his eyes slide appreciatively over you as you cross your legs, tugging your already shortish shorts further up your thigh. He quickly averts his gaze from there, however, instead flitting it gently -almost serenely- over your features, landing ever so briefly on your lips before he wilfully tugs his eye-line back up. Your skin feels warmed all over very suddenly, and you’re not entirely sure it’s as a result of the fire. “I’m Santiago, by the way.”

Shit! You’re forgetting everything you should be doing. With an apology you give your name too, and he tests it out in his mouth and on his tongue a couple of times. He must like the feel of it too, as his mouth quirks up into a smile as he repeats it back to you.

“Santiago,” you repeat too, enjoying the feel and rhythm of that too. “That’s not what your friends call you though, is it? They shouted Poke at you or something?” He laughs brightly, before you facepalm and backpedal. “I’m sorry. Your nicknames are none of my business.”

“That’s okay,” he reassures, with yet another easy smile. In fact, he’s barely stopped smiling since you got here. The both of you have barely stopped, even despite your nerves. “It’s Pope,” he clarifies, popping the “p”. “Like the guy in the Vatican.” He gestures to a point above his head where a hat might be.

You quirk a brow in interest. “Are you super religious?” Then, you put your palm to your face all over again, sucking air through your teeth in embarrassment. “God, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m going so hard with the personal questions. You just make me super nervous.”

He chuckles again, wrapping his broad hands around the circumference of his mug. You finally let you eyes skim over him, noting a mussed bedhead, a fleecy top on his upper half, and his thighs busting pleasingly out of his shorts on his lower half. He looks eminently cuddle-worthy. “No- I’m a lapsed Catholic. It’s a military thing. We all have call-signs, and old habits die hard, I guess.”

You nod once again in understanding, tabling all this information for later - though you know not why. So you can hang on to memories of this beautiful man later, you guess.

Then, Santiago leans in closer to you, settling his elbows astride across his spread thighs. That’s when you realise your brain hasn’t caught up with your mouth all the way yet, as you evidently hadn’t fully clocked what you’d said only moments ago until he calls you out on it. “Why do I make you nervous?” Santi asks playfully. With a hint of smugness and flirtation which you have to admit you enjoy, his thick brow arcing up. His fingertips brushing against your knee to punctuate his question.

You blink rapidly in embarrassment, clutching your brew more tightly, and a heat prickles across the back of your neck. You drop your eyes, fixing on a spot on the ground. “I… I think you can probably guess why.”

Santi pinches his lips together and it is his turn to nod in understanding now. He looks a little happy with himself. “Well. I have a confession.” You note that his voice is dropped a little lower in his throat, and it gives you tingles in all the right places.

“Yeah?”

“You make me a little nervous too. But I kinda like that.”

Well fuck.

You bite your lip to stifle an instantaneous, face-splitting grin, the marching band in your head about to be apprehended for drunk and disorderly behaviour. It’s chaos in there, even as you attempt to play it cool outwardly.

You do manage a cursory glance back up at him from beneath your lashes, and you find his eyes sparking for you, a smile still lingering in them and delicious swooping creases radiating from the corners.

“What are you reading?” you ask quickly, gently toeing the book on the mat before you, and reaching for a topic change before he can fluster you any further, or, before any awkward silence can descend - not that you can imagine him allowing that to happen, amiable as he is.

In truth, you don’t know where to start with him. There’s so much you feel you want to know about him. About his life. About his idiosyncrasies. Even more about the taste of his lips, and you feel… rushed. You feel this sense of urgency, as though you only have as long as your brew lasts, or until your hungover friends surface from their pits and beckon you over.

The man folds to pick-up the paperback, turning it over in the cradle of his broad palms. His brows draw down, his expression becoming pinched. “My mom died about a year back,” he croaks, the emotion attached still wildly apparent. “She became a bit of an avid reader.” His expression becomes wistful, and this time it is your hand which settles on his knee as though it’s the most natural thing in the world. “Anyway, I’m trying to make my way through her bookshelves. It’s dumb maybe, but it feels like a way to get closer to her - reading the same words she did.”

You squeeze his knee a little more firmly, your thumb stroking there. “I’m sorry about your mom. I think that’s a really beautiful thing to do.”

“Thanks.” His face travels through a range of emotions, then eventually he lets out a bittersweet laugh. “Meh. It’s hit and miss, honestly. She read some god awful shit,” he muses fondly. You love the complete lack of pretence about him. Then, he shakes off the somber mood, with effort, even though you’re not pushing him to do so. Next, he looks down at your hand against his leg with interest, your thumb still smoothing over his skin, and the realisation causing you to quickly snatch it away. You think you see a little smirk pass his lips then. “Anyway. Tell me about you. Are you a photographer back home or something?”

He noticed your penchant for snapping things too?

Shit.

He noticed you. You didn’t think anyone noticed you, least of all people like him.

You smile shyly. “Not yet. I work in a shitty ass desk job. But I’m making moves for my own gallery.”

“That’s very cool,” he says, his eyebrows pumping up towards his hairline. You smile. Again. Still. “There’s one thing you’re missing though.”

“Yeah?” You take a sup of your coffee.

“Photos of you. You’re always behind the camera.”

You scoff, adding a self-deprecating comment for good measure. “I think it’s probably better that way.”

He grunts. “I dunno. In my humble opinion you’re the most beautiful sight around here.”

Your jaw drops open. Is this real? Are you daydreaming? Because this can’t actually be happening right now.

You can’t put into words the emotion which swells in your chest then. Which makes your eyes fill. You look at him and his eyes are glowing. He looks entirely sincere, and yet it still doesn’t feel possible to you. So, you continue to dismiss him. “I don’t know about that.”

“Cariño. Why do you think my chair is always angled this way?”

The parade in your head is too wild to comprehend right now.

He looks at you like he sees you. He looks at you like he’s always known you, and like he wants to know everything about you.

It’s a little overwhelming, but in no bad way.

You don’t know what’s happening. How you could be feeling something quite so intense for him so quickly, and yet, you want nothing more than to stay in this moment.

Of course, all dreams must come to an end, however, and it is that moment that your friend chooses to shout over from your pitch. “Baaaabe? Are we out of coffee? Fuck, get help!”

You toss your thumb back over your shoulder, and Santi stands with you as you motion to leave. “I should… go help the helpless.”

“Right,” he nods, scooping up the canister and handing it over to you.

“Thanks for the coffee. I’m… glad that I ran out.”

He cocks his head to the side, another confession coming. “If you hadn’t, I would have landed on some excuse to come talk to you eventually.”

Butterflies dance through your stomach.

How is this real?

You are knocked speechless, but Santiago scratches the back of his neck, and you sense that he isn’t quite done with you yet. “You know. If you get tired of looking after everyone else - if you want someone to take care of you? I’ll be over here.”

Wow. A swell of emotion catches in your throat. No-one’s spoken to you like this. Ever. At least, not for a long time. “And…” he adds hopefully - smoothly. “Maybe tomorrow morning I can borrow a cup of sugar, since you owe me a favour?”

You don’t know what compels you to say your next words; aside from every fibre of your being that is. “Actually, I was planning on thanking you with a kiss a little sooner than that.”

Holy hell. You’re so nervous your legs feel blurry.

Santiago runs a hand over his prickle of stubble and shuffles from foot to foot, a cautious smile tipping his mouth. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” you nod.

“I could go for that.” And, with that sentiment, Santiago surges closer to you, his hand settling politely at your waist as one of yours skims up to the warm nape of his neck.

It’s not a raunchy kiss, by any means. It’s sweet, even. Short-lived. A brief warmth. There is space still between your bodies. There is a hint at the textures of him: a brief scratch of stubble; the light scent of his musk.

It is a slow, shy dip of lips towards lips. Then; it is a gentle crush, and the subtle taste of coffee as his intrepid tongue fleets out to skim the seam of your lips. Finally, there is the release, as puckered lips tip up into mutually smiling mouths.

It is ever so brief, and yet this… electricity? The spark? The excitement of first touches? It ignites you. Makes you long for many more moment like this.

You smile like an idiot but that’s perfectly okay, because he is doing the same too. Next, his fingers skim down your arm to give your hand a gentle, reassuring squeeze, as, all too suddenly, you become aware of the obscene wolf whistling emanating from your camp.

Happy as you are, your feet and your nerves are compelling you to flee, everything a flurry, but Santiago’s hand tugging gently on yours grounds you for just a moment longer.

“See you later?” he asks hopefully.

“See you later,” you confirm, with a final giddy smile before turning to face your camp.

Wow.

This is turning out to be a very good morning indeed.

One of your best yet, in fact.

***

The next morning, both groups of friends are mulling around on the grass. Apparently they each face the same quandary: dead fires and uncooked breakfasts. The camps each begin wondering where their dedicated cooks are, and whether they’ll need to fend for themselves for today.

Will’s question is answered, however, when a shirtless Santi unzips his tent and pops his head out, his curls tousled and fresh from the pillow, stubble darkening his jaw and his dog tags jangling against his smooth chest. “Hey buddy. Can you bring some coffee? And… one sec.” He briefly dips back into the tent, before popping out again. “Some eggs?” In and out again he goes. “And can you bring some to their group too? And…”

Another question on whereabouts is answered when Will sees a bare arm wrap around Santi’s chest, and a mouth appears to nibble keenly on his ear lobe. That is, until you spot Will and his amused expression, and then dip bashfully behind Santiago’s body to spare your modesty. “Go back to sleep, cariño,” Santiago soothes. “Told you. I’m taking care of things.”

“Hi,” you announce bashfully from behind your tentfellow, causing Santi to deliver a smile which is already far too fond.

Will grins knowingly at that. Seems like his buddy is a goner. “Hi. I’m Will.”

“Hi Will,” you peep, before ducking back into the interior, leaving Will to cock an inquisitive eyebrow at his friend.

Santi knows that look all too well by now. “Fuck off,” he says good naturedly, upon seeing the knowledge in Will’s eyes.

“Good night?”

“Holy shit yeah,” Santi reveals in a hushed voice, as emphatically as possible. “So, could you hurry up with those coffees? I’m planning on a good morning too, if you know what I mean.”

Will knows exactly what he means, but he hopes the man might spare him the details. Even so, he still smiles warmly. “Sure thing. Coming right up, man.”

With that, Santi thanks him and dips back into the tent, where you can now continue to be the centre of his attention without any interruptions.

That is, until Frankie’s raised voice pipes up through the thin fabric, Will evidently having filled him in already. “Fuuuck. Did you get laid, pendejo?”

“I’m getting laid right now,” Santi calls back; and, after that, there are no more interruptions, none of the boys apparently willing to test that theory. That is, no interruptions besides the steaming cups of coffee which appear and go cold outside the door to your tent, as you and Santi get to know each other just a little better again this morning.

#santiago garcia x reader #santiago pope garcia x reader #triple frontier fic #triple frontier #Oscar Isaac

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queencousland101 · 3 years

Text

Scarborough Fair

Pairing: Hunter x fem!Reader

Summary: Fem!Reader takes a nightly stroll and reminisces of better days, while a certain Sergeant lets his curiosity get the better of him.

No warnings, just a fun piece I wanted to explore. The song I chose for this piece is Simon & Garfunkel’s rendition of Scarborough Fair. I admit that I haven’t the slightest idea of how to add a Spotify link so you can listen as you read. I do apologize for that. Enjoy!

A want to give a HUGE shoutout to @blacklothwolf for the edits. Thank you!!! <3<3<3

--------------------------------------

Kamino can be a lonely place at night.

Actually, Kamino is just a lonely place, period.

Sure, there are nightly patrols that make their hourly rounds, but they aren’t exactly the friendliest bunch. They prefer to stay away from the nat-borns that were placed on Kamino, even though you were placed there as a temporary assistant to the Kaminoans. They did not seem to hold their so-called “creators” in high esteem, and any person associated with them was immediately regarded with suspicion.

You can’t really blame them.

You walk toward the labs, datapads in hand and practically brimming with frustration. I didn’t sign up to be some errand girl, you think to yourself. Yet here you are … the glorified intern sent from one lab to another, transferring data and relaying messages. So much for shadowing Nala Se as a med student.

The pathways between labs in Tipoca City seemed to go on forever. White wall after white wall. Nothing but a clean, sterile, uniformed environment that’s always the same. The Kaminoans cherished this sameness. The clone troopers were identical and remained a shining example of their intellect and skill. Their other cloned creations shared similar successes, but none as largely known as the troopers. The Kaminoans took great care to manipulate genetic coding, which is what gathered your interests in the first place. When the offer arose to learn from the master geneticists, you couldn’t refuse. What a fool you were.

You look around you and once again take in the sight. The corridor is long and empty, although brightly lit, making your head hurt. This place never seems to change. It’s orderly and predictable, just the way the Kaminoans want.

It’s dull you think to yourself, and gently allow your mind to wander. Home was never this dull.

You pause and sigh deeply. Home.

A wave of nostalgia crashes over you at the mention of your home planet. For a brief moment, you close your eyes and see figures dancing around a bonfire. The cheerful chatter of children and adults alike surround the joyous scene. The rhythmic beating of drums leaves your bones rattling and your heart pounding in your chest. The scent of smoke mixes with the warm fragrance of flowers and food, which makes for an oddly nostalgic smell that surely couldn’t be recreated even if the scene was repeated perfectly.

You retrace the steps of the dance, gently swaying in step with the beat that’s ingrained into your mind. Kamino seems like a faraway memory, or nightmare. You cannot decide. You take a step and twirl gracefully, only for a datapad in your hand to clammer to the floor, snapping you back to the present. “Damn thing,” you mutter as you grab it and continue to your destination, the steps of the dance now long gone. Kamino comes rushing back into the present, and memories of your warm past drift further away.

I’m not ready, you think and shiver. Instinctively you wrap your arms around your torso and grimace as the datapads poke you painfully. I’m not ready to return to this cold place.

The halls echo with each step, the sound bouncing off the walls and traveling down the corridor. What nice acoustics. Suddenly, you stop and look up. These empty walls bear no décor, no personality or distinction. But… perhaps you can bring them to life.

There was an old folktale that you loved to sing with your mother during quiet evenings. An old love song, one more of longing than returned affections. You long for a sense of familiarity, just as the original author longed for their lost love. The song escapes your lips before you’re even aware:

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?

Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme

Remember me to one who lives there

She once was a true love of mine

The halls that once held an eerie silence among the gentle hum of machines now echo with your song. Your voice carries the tune effortlessly, rising and falling with the melody that you’ve come to know so well. The next verse spills out effortlessly:

Tell her to make me a cambric shirt

Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme

Without no seams nor needle work

Then she'll be a true love of mine

You sing the melody, as it would play out on an instrument. Your steps slow to a saunter, and you step in rhythm with the music. Your eyes drift closed as you embrace a sense of peace, the datapads now comfortably hugged close to your chest as you forget their presence entirely. With a surge of confidence, you plunge into the next verse:

Tell her to find me an acre of land

Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme

Between the salt water and the sea strands

Then she'll be a true love of mine

While lost in your trance, you pass an opening adjacent to the corridor that connects to another hall. There stands a lone trooper, unbeknownst to you. He watches and listens intently, careful not to wake you from the spell. The final verse comes through strong and clear:

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?

Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme

Remember me to one who lives there

She once was a true love of mine

The sounds continue to bounce through the halls as you are awakened from your trance. A pleasant smile parts your lips, but the feeling of eyes halts your steps. You stop and quickly turn towards the new corridor, where a man stands, watching.

----------------------

Hunter stirs in his bed. Once again, he cannot sleep and that likely won’t change tonight. He pulls the pillow over his ears and grunts in frustration. Wrecker’s snores were relentless, and Hunter’s heightened senses were at Wrecker’s mercy. Too bad Tech couldn’t make him noise-canceling ear covers. Perhaps he should ask him. Surely that could be done, right?

Hunter throws his feet over the side of the bed and rubs at his temple. The headaches are coming back, but he’s not sure if it’s from the snores, lack of sleep, or smell. Hunter huffs to himself, it’s probably all of them. How Crosshair can sleep when he’s so close to Wrecker is a mystery Hunter will likely never solve. He glances at Tech’s bunk, where his brother is passed out with a datapad in one hand, and some unknown contraption in the other. Hunter smiles. Tech never seems to run out of projects.

Hunter walks towards the door, being careful not to wake the others. He checks on his brothers once more then leaves the room.

He walks the halls, unsure if he should head to the gym or refresher. As he’s trying to decide, Hunter hears something … odd. Something that isn’t normal for the halls of Kamino.

It’s not unpleasant. If anything, it’s lovely. Like a breath of fresh air through the stale, desolate halls.

Hunter lets his feet guide him to the noise. His heightened hearing picks up every note of the sound, yet it does not cause him pain like most other noises. It’s soft. It caresses his senses.

It enchants him. He follows, spellbound.

He is led through the halls until he spots the source of this beautiful sound; a young woman sings carelessly while holding a stack of datapads.

Her voice reverberates through the halls. She’s wrapped in this trance as she sings, completely unaware of her private audience. Hunter leans against the wall and crosses his arms. She appears to be happy, even if for a brief moment. He chuckles quietly as she finishes her song, something about a …. person, plants, a place? He doesn’t quite understand but listens attentively regardless.

He did not consider her reaction to his presence until she stops suddenly, turning to look him dead in the eyes.

--------------------

The man stands in the corridor, just as surprised as you are it seems. You both startle for a moment and cannot find the proper words. Your surprise is quickly replaced with curiosity. He looks like a clone, yet … he doesn’t. Yes, he has the facial features, physical stature, dark skin, and curly hair, but he does not resemble the identical men you’ve come to recognize.

It seems … like there’s … more to him. You can’t place your finger on it, but something is different.

The black tattoo on his face highlights his prominent cheekbones and jawline, and his messy hair is pulled out of his face with a red headband. Yet, despite the hair, headband, and tattoo, you find that you're mostly drawn to his eyes. They look almost … grey? Do clones have grey eyes? Your mind swirls and you continue to stare at the strange man. He’s handsome.

You blush, suddenly aware that you’re not only staring, but that you’ve also been caught. No one outside your family has heard you sing, and well… you were a tad embarrassed to say the least. You quickly turn to leave, hugging the datapads to your chest. “Umm ... s…sorry,” you quietly mutter but a strong hand on your shoulder stops you.

“No wait!” He pauses, unsure what to say. “Was that you? Earlier in the hallway?” His eyes brighten at the question, and you start to feel lightheaded.

Your cheeks turn as red as his headband with his hand still gently on your shoulder. You can barely process the question. “Uhh yeah,” your reply comes out barely more than a whisper.

His lips perk up into a lopsided smile, apparently he heard your quiet confession. “You sound really nice.” He moves his hand from your shoulder to rub the back of his neck. “Um, I’m Hunter. I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m certain I would have remembered you.”

You raise an eyebrow, letting your curiosity outweigh your shyness. “Oh? And why is that, Hunter?”

He flushes as you say his name and stumbles with his response “I... uh…I would remember a voice like that … like, like yours I mean.” You smile as he continues, “you sound nice, and … well people here normally don’t sing in hallways. Not like you. I’d actually want to hear you sing.”

You give a light-hearted laugh at the praise, and Hunter relaxes beside you. The sound of your laughter is soothing to him, almost as much as your song. “Thank you, Hunter. I should probably head on to the labs now. I’ve been gone too long.”

“Would you like some company?” He offers and extends a hand to take a datapad. A glimmer of hope now shines in his grey eyes.

“Yeah, I’d like that.” You grin, “I'd like that very much.” He brushes your hand with his and takes a couple datapads as you fall into a step far slower than your normal stride. You walk together through the halls, your steps resonating together.

Suddenly, Kamino doesn’t feel so lonely.

#star wars #the clone wars #the bad batch #tcw #sergeant hunter #hunter the bad batch #hunter tbb #hunter x reader #sergeant hunter x reader #tbb #star wars the clone wars #hunter fluff #queencousland fics #my fic #star wars fanfic #star wars fanfiction

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reginarubie · 3 years

Note

In reference to your post about Sansa restoring Winterfell. The entire scene in the Vale where she’s rebuilding her home in the snow. (I’m obsessed with it.) It’s romantic, soft, pure. But then there’s one line that I always take as a negative. “Dawn stole into her garden like a thief.” I always wonder if that hints at D@ny coming for Winterfell and the North, either destroying everything Sansa has restored or attempting to.

Here we have Barristan’s excerpt in TWoW:

“..Dawn will be on us soon.”

“A red dawn,” said Jokin of the Stormcrows.

A dragon dawn, thought Ser Barristan.

Hello!

I'm obsessed with that chapter as well, it just paints this amazing picture, and what more Sansa's own thought of a world cloaked in snow being a pure world she doesn't belong in anymore because of what she has seen and what has been done to her (beyond the mere physical meaning of it for a lady of her status) yet stepping out all the same, and rebuilding Winterfell (her House and its legacy) from ground up with snow no matter how difficult it is, is just so healing and foreshadowing both of Queen Sansa imo and of Jonsa.

Post being referenced to, this one.

Pertaining the quote you used «Dawn stole into her garden like a thief.» (Sansa VII, ASOS) I think we should see it with the few sentences that sandwiches it.

And all the while the snow kept falling, piling up in drifts around her buildings as fast as she raised them. She was patting down the pitched roof of the Great Hall when she heard a voice, and looked up to see her maid calling from her window. Was my lady well? Did she wish to break her fast? Sansa shook her head, and went back to shaping snow, adding a chimney to one end of the Great Hall, where the hearth would stand inside.

Dawn stole into her garden like a thief. The grey of the sky grew lighter still, and the trees and shrubs turned a dark green beneath their stoles of snow. A few servants came out and watched her for a time, but she paid them no mind and they soon went back inside where it was warmer. Sansa saw Lady Lysa gazing down from her balcony, wrapped up in a blue velvet robe trimmed with fox fur, but when she looked again her aunt was gone. Maester Colemon popped out of the rookery and peered down for a while, skinny and shivering but curious.

Her bridges kept falling down. There was a covered bridge between the armory and the main keep, and another that went from the fourth floor of the bell tower to the second floor of the rookery, but no matter how carefully she shaped them, they would not hold together. The third time one collapsed on her, she cursed aloud and sat back in helpless frustration.

Sansa VII, ASOS

Now this would seem to confirm your theory or feeling that that quote may be linked to Daenerys coming to Winterfell and destroying everything Sansa has fought so carefully to build back from scratch (from stone and snow, but I digress), but I actually think it's not. Let's dissect this passage to explain to you why I think this way.

The moment Sansa chooses to step out marks a circle for her, Sansa has been educated that her role as lady is that of being a mother and care for her keep and children, let her husband run the justice and their lands (kind of like she did when she tried not to antagonise too much Joffrey at the Trident and after when she is questioned by Robert and Cersei), what her journey will teach her, is to stand up and she already has started to done so (standing up to Joffrey on several occasions, even on threat of being humiliated and beaten, often for herself, but also to save others — the woman with the dead babe and ser Dontos are prime examples of her choosing to step up no matter how scary the situation or how dangerous it is for her — as well when she tells Olenna the truth, indirectly causing Joffrey's death) and now she's doing it on her own, building her home from the snow. She is to take responsibility both hands, like lord and lady alike (which circles back to her show counterpart telling Arya that listening to the lords grievances, even when they are preoccupying for the Starks, is her duty as the Lady of Winterfell) which foreshadows her role as ruling Queen imo.

Then as the snows kisses her cheeks and lips (yeah a big Jonsa foreshadowing, just like the placement of her flowering in between two Jon's chapter — the previous with Jon desperately asking himself "he was his father's son, wasn't he? wasn't he?"— Jon IV, ACOK) she starts to build a castle from the snow, which is Winterfell, the home she has lost and has not seen in years (also the very home she has been disinherited from by her older brother, not that she knows) the home she's meant to rebuild from snow.

But, as snow is the primary source to rebuild/build her castle the condition of it keep falling around her and piling up, causes her bridges to collapse on her, means in my opinion that the War for Dawn which will be fought and probably won at Winterfell will cause some destruction not only structural to the keep, but also to the metaphorical bridges Sansa might have build with other Houses of the North (like the Glovers staying in Deepwood Mot after Jon "bends" the knee), or that Jon Snow's act (because after he went undercover with the wildling I truly believe that if he ends up meeting Daenerys and pledging to her it would be a ruse to get her and the dragons North to fight the War of Dawn) will make those bridges they have rebuild by pleading House by House (as Jon suggests Stannis do) and slowly taking back the North inch by inch collapse on her, which will have her helplessly and frustrated watch as everything she's fought for and carefully built collapse (like it happened in s8), but after her bridges collapse on her, she keeps building:

"Pack the snow around a stick, Sansa."

She raised the walls of the glass gardens while Littlefinger roofed them over, and when they were done with that he helped her extend the walls and build the guardshall. When she used sticks for the covered bridges, they stood, just as he had said they would. The First Keep was simple enough, an old round drum tower, but Sansa was stymied again when it came to putting the gargoyles around the top.

Again he had the answer. "It's been snowing on your castle, my lady," he pointed out. "What do the gargoyles look like when they're covered with snow?" Sansa closed her eyes to see them in memory. "They're just white lumps."

Sansa VII, ASOS

Sansa uses LF's instructions and teachings to make the bridges stand — which foreshadows her using the lessons she has learnt South and from Littlefinger (A harp can be as dangerous as a sword, in the right hands. — Sansa VI, ASOS) to build bridges and keep rebuilding her home. And, I've added it more for my amusement than for its pertaining with your quote I hope you may forgive me, the "it's been snowing on your castle, my lady, what do the gargoyles look like when they're covered with snow?" — "just white lumps" foreshadows Sansa, in my opinion, bringing forth the demise of LF as he roofs like a giant over the glass gardens, and where are the gargoyles? (creatures very ugly but meant to protect the keep? — at least that is the connotation we give to them in Italy it may be different elsewhere so I won't digress too much on it now — which seems to be what LF is doing, protecting Sansa despite how ugly he actually is as a person and for his ugly motivations) on the roof. And with showJon giving LF the choke of death on Sansa' behalf in Winterfell' crypts? I refuse to think Jon Snow has nothing to do with it as well. But that may be just my interpretation.

Now, pertaining the Dawn stealing like a thief in her garden...hmm? Bael the Bard anyone? Like the wildling king who stole inside of Winterfell and requested the most beautiful rose of lord Stark's garden only to leave it on the bed of his daughter as he took her, made her his woman and sired a child from her? — and she must've loved him too to kill herself when their son returned with his head. — a child who would grow to be the next lord of Winterfell?

It sounds to me more about Jon and Sansa again, as Jon is heavily associated with Dawn (why by filtering the asoiaf research by Dawn and Jon's POV it comes up 47 times!, while it comes up by Dany's POV only 22 times) and its coming, he will probably end up leading the wildling (those who choose to follow him) back to Winterfell once he is returned from the dead (kind of like Bael did) and who will, most probably, take (steal the wildling way) the most beautiful rose of the garden of Winterfell (Sansa's garden, hence the "her garden") Sansa herself?, maybe siring a child from her who will be the next king/queen in the North and lord/lady of Winterfell?

I've honestly always read it that way, as another Jonsa foreshadowing though I may be wrong.

Also, a dragon dawn can be linked with Jon's true parentage too, since he is heavily linked with the coming of dawn. Though I had never actually considered Dawn stealing in her garden as a thief to be referred to Dany, so I may be wrong.

Also, the connotation of the dawn stealing in her garden like a thief isn't only linked to the wildling custom Jon has been exposed to (also notice Ygritte says she was convinced Jon would know for sure to plucker her after she recounted the story about Bael and the Stark girl) or to the fact Sansa as Alayne has been accused of being a thief of hearts. If we make a research by POV of the word thief it comes out never in Daenerys POV, yet comes out exactly 5 times by Jon POV and the other POVs it comes out less times, save for Arya in whose chapter it comes up 6 times...yet, you know how many times it comes up in Sansa's chapters?

Wanna guess?

No, I can't resist...exactly 5 times.

So I think we can rest safely that it may not be connected to Dany while more to Jon and Sansa or to Arya. Thinking a possible bookStark-blow may happen as Robb has disinherited Sansa but not Arya and a fake Arya is currently being fought for in the North, and once reunited the sisters will have to work through their grievances with one another during winter (with Jon probably stuck in the middle of their antics).

So, imo, it can either refer to Jon and Sansa (which is the theory I am inclined more toward) or to Arya, but not to Daenerys.

I feel more inclined toward the Jonsa-reading of this scene also because in Arya's chapter the word thief is usually referred to someone else, a him usually (either Lommy, or Little Narbo, or Arry — when they say that Arry has stolen Needle, though she automatically translate that on them calling Jon a thief, because Jon has been the one to give her Needle) and only once it is uttered/accused at her, in ADWD, when she is posing as the Little, Ugly girl.

I hope you enjoyed and thank you for the ask!, Hope you have an amazing day!

#ask the hag #jonsa #jonsa foreshadowing

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adamworu · 4 years

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The Subtle Horror of Evangelion

What keeps us all hooked to Eva time and time again? You get through your initial, confused watch of either Evangelion endgame, probably sometime in your adolescence wondering what the hell it is you just watched. The original source material is suffused with unsettling imagery, and sometimes too-close-for-comfort shorts. It’s so much to process that one watch is never enough. The imagery isn’t enough, however, because the mid-to-late-90s series comes with things you’ll pick up the more you focus on certain characters’ struggles or the interesting world-building. They arise little by little with every re-watch, adding onto what interested you in Eva to begin with.

There’s always that little voice asking you “What it is that really draws me here?”

Oh. The horrors.

The tragedy of it all.

These things never leave you the second you bear witness to them, whether you become aware of them or not. You’re disturbed over it, a tad worried, no doubt, but you’re strangely hooked.

Horror works better on limitation, it’s why found footage capturing pale, ghastly, monstrosities of the deep wood will always stand as exponentially terrifying. While most all of us have taken cracks at Eva’s budget at some point, that’s what really drives these terrors home. Its low budget nature made it work.

Evangelion has commentary which forces a viewer to reflect. Most no one enjoys that. It’s the fear, however, that has its audience come back. Evangelion’s reflection alone isn’t what gives Eva it’s charm decades after its run. It’s the little things, most everyone misses, the anxieties, the terrors, all of it. Most of those things, fly over a lot of fans’ heads.

Buckle up, there’s a lot to go through…. (warning for mentions of abuse, body horror, means of suicide, nudity, blood, and gore)

Table of Contents

I. Icebergs for Dummies

Tier 1: The Tip of the Iceberg

II. The Hedgehog’s Dilemma

III. The AT-Field as a Universal Metaphor

IV. Kensuke Aida + War Idealism

V. Shinji is the Audience Surrogate

VI. Abuse in Evangelion

Tier 2: Just Below the Tip

VII. The Infamous Elevator Scene

VIII. Naoko + Casper

IX. The Other End of Existential Horror

Tier 3: The Body of The Iceberg

X. War Horrors of ‘Ambivalence’

XI. Unit-01 Berserk Scene

XII. Dummy Plugs + CNS

XIII. Kaworu + Adam’s True Power

Tier 4: Pre-Abyss

XIV. The “Nihilist” Lens

XV. The True Nature of Sync Rates

XVI. Unit 01+ MPE Gorging Scenes

XVII. Ancient Ruins of Arka

Tier 5: The Abyss

XVIII. Split Second Misato Death

XIX. Humans Are The Villains in Eva

XX. The Ultimate Paradox

XXI. Conclusion

I. Icebergs for Dummies

For those unaware, the iceberg image illustrates that things are much deeper than they appear, just like an actual iceberg. You’ve probably seen this selfsame iceberg--- separated by tiers--- a few times looking through late night internet rabbit holes (Putting it out in the open: I’m personally guilty of this!), fictional or non. It helps you understand why you’re so enticed to certain material, that you’d revisit them. The highest parts of the iceberg are the things in the material most everyone knows, the surface level stuff. The lower you go, however, the lesser known the parts of the material are. These are the things the person are aware of.

Eva has some iceberg illustrations if you look around, albeit they don’t go through the more saddening, sometimes graphic factors of Eva, only theories navigating through Eva’s universe. Evangelion is so deceptively packed with blink-and-you’ll-miss-it subtleties that if an iceberg were centered on that, the diagram would be packed. And I’m being generous as I write this.

A few ground rules, before we begin: The iceberg will deal with the more obscure and dark material as the tiers get higher rather than it only being relegated to obscure bits. The lower the tier, the higher the iceberg and the more subtler the anxieties which graduate into horrors the deeper you go.

Yes, Evangelion is occasionally horrifying. No, Evangelion is not lovecraftian. I think people use the term lovecraftian way too freely. It’s not enough to see something with (sometimes too many) limbs twisted in ungodly angles. Or legs where legs shouldn’t be. The same applies for creatures assuming forms we don’t entirely comprehend. Eva has never delved into the angels being incomprehensibly terrifying specifically because they come from a cosmic expanse.

Some of these actual horrors, big and small, hit you after adolescence, something that makes you feel deeply for the characters’ dilemmas. It’s a feeling that grows and sometimes aches, rather than fades over time for many of us.

Tier 1: The Tip of the Iceberg

II. Hedgehog’s Dilemma

III. The AT Field as a Universal Metaphor

IV. Kensuke Aida + War Idealism

V. Shinji As the Audience Surrogate

VI. Abuse in Evangelion

II. Hedgehog’s Dilemma

Evangelion has its hand in so many psychological and philosophical cookie jars, from Freud, to Maslow, Johari, as well as Dostoevsky. The very tip of the Subtle Horrors of Evangelion Iceberg is something viewers are introduced to in the fourth episode of the series. It is one of the many psychological concepts dotted throughout the original show. Out of all those psychological concepts, this is the most explicit and most recurring.

The Hedgehog’s Dilemma describes the conundrum of two hedgehogs. The closer two hedgehogs become to one another, the more they harm each other with their spines. If you want to properly live, you need the closeness and intimacy of others. By allowing yourself to be close, however, you end up at great risk of being hurt. It’s the very reason what drives those who live to become guarded. Being perpetually apprehensive or building up walls isn’t a remedy for pains, however. The Hedgehog’s Dilemma isn’t just about why people become guarded after relationships ended on bad notes. It’s about the overall inevitability of pain.

Life is a continual push-pull of relationships, because we’re all creatures of comfort. We guard ourselves to varying degrees and sometimes even tell ourselves we won’t get close again, but personal comfort is one of our most ultimate drives.

The Hedgehog’s Dilemma not only describes that harm happens to us anyway, but illustrates that because comfort is universal we seek companionship regardless.

III. The AT-Field as a Universal Metaphor

The AT-Field is the most crucial rabbit hole in understanding the largest meta-narrative of Evangelion.

If Hedgehog’s Dilemma explains the what and the why people become more or less guarded, then AT-Fields explain the how. People build up walls around themselves all the time. You walk away from someone because they crack a smile at you... and it seems off.

Because you feel an anxious pang.

That’s an AT Field.

AT-Fields, or Absolute Terror Fields bear a few metaphors, one of which being boundaries. You see it as Shinji’s fear of becoming intimate, knowing the future implications or Asuka’s masculine protest (putting up a front). We can see an excellent example of the AT Field used by Asuka, her “Wall of Jericho” in episode 9.

You also see it manifested through the angels, the strange creatures in Eva who supposedly desire to merge with Adam, their mother. Seeing this in the angels makes you realize that the AT Field is actually a metaphor for boundaries which implicates us all. In episode 22, Arael, 15th angel, seeks to understand Asuka. The angel uses its AT-Field (a beam of light) no, its boundary, to breach Asuka’s boundaries.

AT-Fields can be used to not only build up personal walls but to breach them as well. The irony of Arael’s action is that Arael’s AT-Field being erected while it floats just over Earth’s gravitational field makes it immensely similar to the Second Child; they’re both guarded.

The AT-Field is a funny sort of thing because it also sometimes explains how two people who are so alike can be guarded from one another. Sometimes you gain contempt for someone because they’re too much like your least favorable traits. You see this with Shinji and Asuka, both children without their mother desiring validation. Shinji calls Asuka a child midway into episode 9 and Asuka isn’t shy on voicing ideas of Shinji as dense or immature. They’re throwing stones in glass houses.

AT Fields are used to get the user out of dangers both physical and perceived. Sachiel, 3rd angel in the original series’ pilot episode, uses its AT-Field, in the form of flotation, to get itself from enemy fire. It never shows this until it is attacked first.

AT Fields are also responsible for one’s identity and physicality in Eva. Without the AT Field you don’t really exist. When Rei assumes the form of the person the character being cast into Instrumentality loved most in End of Evangelion, she’s causing the character to give up their AT Field. With that gone, they lose their physicality, turning into LCL (given the lovely term ‘tanged’ by fans). The ‘tanged’ individual suffers metaphorical death. Evangelion argues that in order for one to exist, others must perceive you and you must perceive you, a point best illustrated in episode 16. Since everyone is converted to LCL, no one really ‘exists.’ Rei describes this unnerving state as the inability of differentiating who you are and others, since everyone lacks a physical state without AT-Fields. Metaphorical death can be argued as worse than physical, since we all exist to make an impression of some sort. It’s what ties all the Eva cast together and the cause of their dilemmas. Validation. You can be living, yet very much forgotten or simply unknown.

There is living and there is “living.”

You can’t “die” unless someone knows you. You were never there. AT Fields are the thing that make us live, but as a drawback, prevents us from understanding each other fully. Kaworu states in episode 24 that AT Fields are the wall of the mind and the heart of the soul, an unapproachable piece of sanctuary. When all else is taken from us, all we have left is our place of respite.

I’d also like to pitch the saddening reality that the AT-Fields are what prevent us from understanding angels as a whole, our genetic siblings as scared of this world as we are. The psychological angels want to understand us, that much is true. The angels, however, use forms of communication at the expense of our boundaries. Because people greatly value boundaries it makes it hard for us to comprehend angels. The creatures are hardly malicious when you realize they wonder why we all do things that actually hurt us, as well as the fact that they do understand our minds. But, because they breach our boundaries, we become even more wary of the (mostly) unknown. Angels may be us, but the strange forms they take are something we aren’t familiar with. The feeling is mutual with angels, wondering why there are many of us, our forms and outward appearances so identical. It’s a truth as old as time that we all fear the unknown.

The anxiety of an AT Field means comprehending that there’s very little chance to 100% get others. Because we’re all wary in some degree, because we’re set in an idea or perception of someone, even if the someone in the past no longer applies. It’s not healthy for you to continue dwelling on relationships not meant to be, keeping yourself up at night asking why, because both of you have closed off each other for good. There’s always that chance the other can come back and if they do seek to understand despite past hardships, that’s good. If they don’t, all you can do is move on and accept it.

IV. Kensuke Aida + War Idealism

Kensuke is one of Shinji’s classmates, a supporting player in the series. He’s close with Toji Suzuhara, a boy who takes his anger on Shinji, after finding out that his sister has been injured during Shinji’s fight with 3rd angel Sachiel. As Suzuhara beats him down, Kensuke downplays the incident. Kensuke’s and Toji’s relationship is particularly interesting because the latter is affected to some degree by war (the war by humanity to prevent our destruction by angels). Kensuke glorifies the sentient, implicitly eldritch, multi-armored war-machines.

Kensuke can be best described as the ‘wow, cool robots’ drawing you’ve probably seen floating around. This is in relation to Gundam’s war commentary, but replace Gundam with Eva. Kensuke is enamored with the Evangelions and totally, willfully ignorant to the war horrors. Adolescents are forced to be the salvation of humanity, feeling every bit of damage to their own bodies whenever the Evangelion takes any hurt. Even after the war for humanity is long over, the pilots will be afflicted with traumas that will always hang over them.

Kensuke’s glorification is also what draws him to be Shinji’s friend. He uses Shinji’s status as a way of becoming a pilot himself by meeting up with Misato, putting himself at the cockpit of a strange creature magnificent machine.

When Toji becomes hospitalized after his battle in a hijacked Unit-03 vs. A Dummy System-controlled Unit-01, Kensuke expresses discontent at not being a pilot. He’s annoyed because “everyone” but him is a pilot.

Thing is, Kensuke isn’t heartless, just ignorant. Idealism is one of the uglier things that runs thick in the heart of Evangelion. His is one of many cases of unhealthy idealism in Eva, another example of making it difficult for those living to understand one another.

V. Shinji as the Audience Surrogate

Shinji as the audience surrogate isn’t always touched up on, but is sort of understood subconsciously by a lot of the viewers. Shinji’s character is specific, yet so generalized that him being a surrogate for the audience just… works. Don’t believe me? Shinji gets two psychological exploration-based episodes whereas Asuka and Rei each have one. Episodes 16 and 24 are both psychological angel episodes, albeit the latter is more in-series subversive. The 24th episode doesn’t involve a breach of subconscious boundary, but the pilot (Shinji) is in the hot-seat, being made aware of their issues. Leliel, 12th angel, contacts Shinji in the former of these. Both characters talk to one another, shown as a series of horizontal lines and vertical lines, sometimes intersecting. These lines are a strong reference to the Johari Window, a tool in psychology which helps someone become more aware of themselves. The Window’s quadrants are as follows

1. the part known to the self

2. the part known to others

3. the part known to the self and others

4. the part known to no one

Leliel also states that the self only exists of one perceives themselves as well as others. The angel also states that Shinji could better his reality, to which Shinji absolves himself of responsibility by arguing the horrible state of his reality. It’s a subtle pushing to Shinji and by extension the viewer into free will. Kaworu builds up on these concepts with Eva’s in-universe concept for boundaries. Free Will versus Determinism is brought up here, with the idea that AT-Fields are brought up because the living (again, not people – emotional complexities aren’t only human) will them into existence. By exercising free will, it means enduring pain, one of Shinji’s, and again the audience’s greatest fears. Any relationship has pains and conflicts. This is all a buildup of free will, determinism, self-awareness, and the Hedgehog’s Dilemma. Understanding all of these means swallowing the “pain is inevitable” pill. The problem with much of us is that we like the idea of relationships rather than being in one. We want to feel validated but without the conflict, even if the conflict can be solved. We’re all Shinji because we’re all aware to life’s hellish catch-22s, so we run. There’s times in our lives where we run as far as possible from these woes, these truths, but there’s pain in running too. It’s why escapism seems like such a viable action for some of us.

Pain is inevitable, but pain can be mitigated.

More damning evidence to Shinji being a viewer stand-in lies in either endgame of Evangelion (pun intended). In EoE, after the Komm Susser Tod sequence of everyone on Earth being tanged, we’re treated to a shot of EoE’s live audience.

We hear Shinji’s voice about his reality while he talks to Rei toward EoE’s end. There are shots of the city, of people going about their daily lives cementing that this is about us. End of Evangelion shows us a less favorable side of Shinji, a departure from the lauded end series “Congratulations” scene, in which he does understand free will rather than perpetually dwell on negatives. Shinji reacts unfavorably toward Asuka in EoE after his mother’s speech to the audience that ‘anywhere can be paradise’ and Shinji stating he doesn’t know where his happiness resides. Shinji (We) still has a ways to go if he wants to be a better person.

It’s probably why many of us are either inclined to champion Shinji or harangue him, and either reaction is fair. Many of us are aware of audience surrogates, but never to this extent. Shinji isn’t his best person, but he can be. Being his best means self-reflection. Droves of people who first were exposed to Evangelion were teens, and again many of Shinji’s woes are specific yet so generalized, hence our feelings of defense and possibly disgust.

No one likes scathing, yet accurate call-outs on their person, but they’re paramount for us to understand ourselves and others.

VI. Abuse in Evangelion

One of the worst things recurring in all of original Evangelion is a bevvy of abuses.

Abuse comes in many shapes and forms and it’s many characters’ realities. Abuse happens not because the universe ‘wills it’ (determinism aka, ‘that’s just how people are’). Abuse, be it conscious emotional absence, actual neglect, among other ungodly acts fly though the cast.

Abuse is cyclical and a lot of those doing it often get away with murder because they have power.

Much of Eva is comprised of children being forced to sort through adults’ emotional baggage. Those children become adults and the cycle continues.

We all know a Gendo. Or even perhaps a Misato. Hell, even a Ritsuko.

Anno states that Gendo’s character is of a societal meta-text, which explains many viewers’ ire in relation to the character. He’s responsible for many of the seedy goings-on in Evangelion be it the financial (see: Jet Alone’s orchestrated out-of-control nature to give NERV more funding) or abuses (see: Rei, Shinji, Ritsuko, and, Naoko). It’s for this reason why Gendo’s actions are a sore spot for a lot of fans.

Anno: I’m not sure that it’s a real father [that Gendo represents]. Well, not a father in the sense of a parent with a blood relation to his child, but more, I think, [in the sense of being] a representative of society or the system. That’s why he has that expression.

Takekuma: So, he’s kind of amorphous.

Anno: The angels are the same. I made them appear amorphous in that way because, for me, society is unclear, the enemy is unclear.

Takekuma: Gendo is [a representation of] the boundries or the pressure of society itself.

Anno: That might be it. Perhaps Gendo is [a representation of] society itself.

http://wiki.evageeks.org/Statements_by_Evangelion_Staff

After many re-watches of certain Eva episodes, it just hit me, as I’m writing this why I’m sometimes apprehensive on an adult-exclusive lens of the show. This happens a lot in adolescence and our struggles are made trivial because of the mishandled baggage. As children, you’re meant to be subservient to parental whims. You have this sort of obligation to solve their problems. Give them closure. It doesn’t even need to be parental baggage, but just from adults in general. You see the way the adults act not just with the children but with each other. You see the way Gendo justifies neglecting Shinji, objectifying Naoko and Ritsuko or Naoko’s emotional absences as a mother to her daughter (also manifested through the MAGI). It’s these immature excuses as to why they can’t extend empathy to those around them.

It’s always excuses.

Eva’s original series has always been a show about children.

Tier 2: Just Below the Tip

VII. The Infamous Elevator Scene

VIII. Naoko + Casper

IX. The Other End of Existential Horror

VII. The Infamous Elevator Scene

The Elevator Scene is a sequence that sometimes gets glossed over due to Evangelion’s fleeting budget. It took me years to realize the true gravity of the awkward silence of both the 22nd episode and its Director’s Cut version. The Director’s Cut version has Asuka abruptly jerking in the silence, but that blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment speaks volumes. Understanding the scene means understanding why Asuka quietly stews in her anger. Understanding why Asuka stews means understanding Asuka from her debut to her emotional breakdown.

Asuka’s appearance in the 8th episode, Asuka Strikes!, is marked by a bold persona that carries on until the end. She isn’t shy on imparting her prowess to Shinji, stating that Units 00 as well as 01 were the prototype and the test type, respectively. Her Evangelion, Unit-02 is the finished product. She even states that she graduated from university. Despite these impressive feats so early in adolescence, the only time in which they’re noted is when Asuka talks of them. Misato takes in both Shinji and Asuka, but only ever “dotes” on Shinji. Gendo pays attention to Shinji because he pilots Unit-01, and 01 contains the soul of his late wife. Rei is the clone of Gendo’s late wife, hence Gendo’s attention and overall creepy, selfish obsession with her. Asuka and Shinji’s relationship, with Misato as their caretaker strongly mimics a Golden Child and the Second Fiddle. The only difference is, Shinji gains more attention due to Gendo’s and Misato’s respective baggage. Again, Eva is a series where children are forced to handle the baggage (with no break in the cycle) and when the child doesn’t have anything the adult particularly can clue in on, they become neglected.

That’s Asuka’s dilemma.

It’s why Asuka forces herself to grow up.

It’s why Asuka is driven to be competitive to Shinji and Rei, later growing contemptible at both.

Asuka suffers a few curses, one of which being the youngest, the inevitability of being consciously sidelined dawns on her, leading to her selfsame breakdown toward series’ end. She aligns youth with trivialization, so naturally, she’d front with the opposite. She never gets help in relation to her period. Misato and Ritsuko realize something is up with Asuka but they never really offer her the support.

There’s also the flashback to her trauma in episode 22’s beginning. She’s replaced by her mother post-Contact Experiment (which led to a deterioration of her mental health) via a doll that looks like her, red hair in pigtails. It’s the leading factor to her feigned boldness, her ego. The way in which she is marginalized in the series brings it all back.

Rei breaks the silence with a few words of compassion and all Asuka can do is express disbelief. She mistakes compassion for contempt.

For pity.

The idea that anyone would extend kindness, especially now of all times, is unbelievable.

Asuka also experiences a dilemma here, a dilemma those like her face. She already knows what it means to be vulnerable and deeply hurt, but she needs to make herself vulnerable because now, more than ever, she needs the support. Being vulnerable will cause past traumas to flood back in full force, but by stewing she deprives herself of any support. Rei offers that support, but a few words of support in a wave of trivialization can’t help but feel a bit too strange.

Asuka’s greatest anxiety is realized in the twenty second episode. It’s of being and staying second fiddle, that she’s always been set up to fail. Even 2 episodes after the fact, in which she actually starves herself does she realize once more how she’s permanently ‘below’ others.

Asuka’s curse finds itself in real life, and it’s for that reason why I believe some find themselves resonating with her. Asuka’s gradual descent into bitterness is something I find myself waking up some nights thinking about after 7 years going through Eva; hers is a cautionary tale on being emotionally distant to cries of a damaged youth. Casually imparted knowledge of past achievements, and the competitive attitude mixed with embitterment, some of which from a genuine place but also a product of neglect. We were forced to play second fiddle, we forced ourselves to grow up to feel more legitimate, forced to carry an ire that stews because it seems no one listens.

VIII. Naoko+Casper

The late Naoko Akagi is a woman of multitudes. Those multitudes are compartmentalized into the 3 MAGI. They are Balthasar, Melchior, and Casper.

Casper shows itself to be the most prominent aspect of Naoko’s personality, her as a woman. Ritsuko states that, after the defeat of Iruel, 11th angel, that Casper is the part of her mother which remained that way to the end.

Balthasar and Melchior have been bested, be it by rival MAGI, or Iruel’s assault. This calls back to the fact that Naoko’s other facets aren’t anywhere near as prominent. Naoko has cited her own emotional negligence, of only showing emotions should it ever benefit her.

Casper on 3 occasions fights tooth and nail, Iruel’s assault, an attack by multiple MAGI in End of Evangelion or the defiance of Ritsuko activating the self-destruct sequence. Ritsuko does this to seek vengeance against Gendo for coming to the immense realization that he never genuinely cared for her. Gendo has always used Ritsuko for her body. This would destroy NERV, meaning killing herself and Gendo.

Then you realize why Casper overrides the sequence.

Casper’s stubborn behavior wasn’t actually to defend NERV but to protect Gendo. Casper’s defiance aka Naoko’s emotional absence toward her daughter allowed Gendo to kill a bewildered, rightfully angered Ritsuko.

The saddest part of Casper’s, no, Naoko’s choice is that Naoko got away with murder. Evangelion is a story about children dealing with the selfishness of adults and the adults never receiving justice for their wrongdoings. The relationship between Ritsuko and Naoko is an excellent example that this doesn’t just implicate the young pilots. Ritsuko dies in End of Evangelion with the truth that her mother, as a woman, in the end chose the man who manipulated both of them.

IX. The Other End of Existential Horror

Some spend their whole lives trying to make a mark. Others can’t help but be known.

People get smart sometimes to get themselves out of a current situation. Kaworu and Rei’s existences are such that they’re deadlocked from living. Their existences are the product of an experiment, to be later heavily watched and raised as the Last Messenger. The latter is the result of Gendo’s obsession with his late wife.

Kaworu and Rei’s existential crises are opposite from the rest of the cast; while others do their damndest to become known, they cannot be unknown. Rei’s character centering more around her identity than other characters is also initially and sneakily alluded in the opening.

The Johari Window is a tool encouraging self-awareness in the person, alluded to twice in the show, with the second time being in the sixteenth episode. Both usages of that illustration, for Rei, and Shinji drive home crucial aspects of the meta-text.

This would also tie Rei to Shinji in End of Evangelion forcing Shinji to reflect on his own awareness and will. Rei is an astute, young girl whose arc is about her personal relationship with identity, something she is all too familiar with due to her objectified nature. Rei’s arc is even more so entrenched in identity than other characters that she is one of the characters imparting personal and universal realities.

Ayanami Rei’s existence from start to finish is inundated with the issues of others, causing her to internalize being always expendable. In Rei’s Poem in episode 14, it becomes clear that she sees herself based on usage. She likens herself to a field of flowers, which slyly alludes to the Dummy System’s “parts” 9 episodes later, other Reis.

Rei is seen as malleable vessel which houses thoughts rather than her own person and she can’t do anything about it. So she resigns to her reality. Even if she does tell off Gendo in End of Evangelion for his objectifying, she’s not even out of the woods. She never will be.

I used to think Rei’s “slap” to the face to the man with the (most) baggage was empowering. Then I learned about abuse during adolescence, how kids who lack a support system act while away from their abusers. Even saying an emphatic “fuck you” to your abusers isn’t enough to be a happy ending. Rei is a girl who lacks a support system and she suffers from it. Start to finish.

Kaworu’s crises are much trickier to pinpoint because there’s so little to work with. He doesn’t get an episode dealing with personal, subconscious explorations. Getting his character means first getting how Evangelion re-contextualizes what “Ode to Joy” symbolizes. It also means understanding the AT-Field and most people won’t pick that up on an initial foray. Or maybe even a second. Most people don’t pick up that the AT Field implicates anything living and physical or its metaphor for boundaries and identity. There’s the common misconception that Evangelion is a “human” show.

Kaworu marks off his appearance humming “Ode to Joy” while Shinji wonders who to turn to. It’s a song generally known for its jovial nature, but most importantly, Ode to Joy is:

known also as the “Choral” Symphony. Its finale is a musical setting of Friedrich von Schiller ’s “Ode to Joy,” a hymn to the unity and freedom of humanity.

http://www.dictionary.com/browse/ninth-symphony

The Choral Symphony assumes a more horrific context later on. Kaworu is the last messenger and what his action is would lead to the mass annihilation to lilin/human or angels. ‘Unity of man’ is changed in Eva’s context – it marks either unity of man or the death of man. It doesn’t matter who Kaworu allows unity to, because his hands would be stained with death anyway. Then you realize why Kaworu deploys his most powerful AT Field during his descent to Heaven’s Door.

This is his reality.

Kaworu’s status as the Angel of Free Will isn’t about him being the only complex angel, as a lot of people think. It’s about being the sole individual handing that freedom to others.

You realize his terrifying dilemma goes to the tune of being feared for his own existence as an angel (which he notes to Shinji) and not being able to properly live.

Sometimes you ”hurt” people by existing.

Sometimes people hate you for the simple act of existing.

Kaworu’s and Rei’s terror is the other end of existential horror, that you can’t help but forced to be known. Sometimes you have knowledge but aren’t allowed to do much with it.

Tier 3: The Body of The Iceberg

X. War Horrors of ‘Ambivalence’

XI. Unit-01 Berserk Scene

XII. Dummy Plugs + CNS

XIII. Kaworu + Adam’s True Power

X. War Horrors of ‘Ambivalence’

Episode 18 is where anxieties graduate into horrors both implied and visceral. Unease hangs over the episode, with the mystery of Unit-04’s disappearance and tests being done on Unit-03. Misato tells Shinji that because tests would be done, there’d be a pilot there. Misato uneasily withholds this info from Shinji and Kensuke breaks the silence with his recurring desire of being a pilot, still ignorant of the war horrors. There’s a subtlety that Shinji picks up on with Toji but not enough to put two and two together: that the big-eater himself isn’t feeling so hot.

The continual chirp of cicadas and birds nor the peel of the school bell are enough to break the unease of the viewer or of Toji. Toji goes from indirectly being affected by war vs angels to being chosen, drafted even, a child at the first line of defense for the apocalypse. We get a flashback of him beating down Shinji, before it cuts back to present day Toji. He will be in Shinji’s shoes.

Toji balls a fist, a recurring theme in Eva, to the tune of “What is your hand for?” Toji is finally about to take things into his own hands.

Asuka takes a few cracks at Shinji to Hikari that he hasn’t quite gotten the memo, but when Shinji asks her even she’s halted in words.

Then the day comes.

Tests are being done and suddenly Unit-03 goes rogue with Toji in her (note the Evangelions have the souls of the pilots’ mothers, save for Rei). Unit-03’s’s strange behavior is revealed to be the work of the 13th angel, Bardiel. Shinji’s ignorance is made worse by Misato’s absence (with Misato telling Ritsuko she’d tell Shinji the pilot’s info after the tests). Units 00 through 02 are sent out for the new threat and Shinji sees this new threat. Anxiety rises.

The song “Marking Time Waiting for Death” accentuates the anxiety. Unit-03’s silhouette eerily contrasts with the sun, her body slightly hunched and approaching slowly.

Fear washes over Shinji when he deduces that with an Evangelion inside, there must be a pilot.

Yet he still doesn’t know.

The other pilots are aware, and show reluctance to the revelation. A hijacked Unit-03 sets herself on Asuka, Rei, and even strangling Shinji. Shinji allows the angel-hijacked-being to strangle him, because killing another human being is simply horrific.

Eva has its hand in the war morals cookie jar here because Shinji stands at a conundrum, to other let this creature take his life or to murder flesh and blood. This dilemma goes double-time in war. Gendo asks why Shinji hasn’t dealt with the 13th yet, with a somewhat horrified Shinji pleading about the pilot. Gendo commands for the unfinished Dummy System to override Shinji’s controls and then suddenly...silence….

The Dummy Controlled Unit-01 springs back and we’re treated to a close-up of Unit-03/Bardi3l being strangled.

A nauseating crunch sounds and the unit goes limp. A controlled Unit-01 proceeds to raise hell on the incapacitated enemy, resulting in the unit’s blood and guts flowing through the streets. NERV’s personnel can’t do anything save for become fearful at the Dummy System’s capabilities. Terrible, visceral noises sound one by one as blows strike, as the unit’s severed limbs and blood splatters riddle the urban battlefield. Shinji hears every second, every squelch and splat.

Imagine the pain of 03’s pilot.

But the terrors don’t cease here.

01 doesn’t stop at just raising hell on the incapacitated 03, and we’re treated to another close-up shot of 01 tightly holding onto 03’s entry plug, before crushing it.

Somewhere away, Misato receives news that Unit-03 has been dispatched as an angel. Shinji feels the weight of having actually killed someone, before Misato actually breaks the news that the pilot is not only alive but that the greatly injured pilot is his classmate.

It never really hit me until now how this scene holds another horrifying subtlety. Compare this to episode 3, where Toji’s first interaction with Shinji involved him punching him, the very scene playing at this episode’s beginning. The 18th episode ends now with ,Toji and Shinji are both joined in the same camp, of children emotionally and physically marred by war, not able to fully control their situations.

XI. Unit-01 Berserk Sequence

Shinji stands in a situation where he can no longer take the terrors aligned with the Evangelion. He’s gone from sustaining injuries great and small from combat with the eldritch angels, to indirectly harming a friend through it. He resigns from his position as a pilot, understandably running away even with the approach of the 14th angel.

After a talk with Kaji about how he can control his future and he only, Shinji once again puts himself at the forefront of further pains. He must once more thrust himself to the terrors that align with the war-machines whilst struggling with other traumas.

During his fight against Zeruel, his Evangelion dies out and it all floods back to him. Shinji once again finds himself at a position of no power, frantically pressing at his controls to no avail.

He can only hear blow after blow of the 14th’s onslaught. He and Unit-01 are at their most vulnerable.

Until Unit-01 springs back.

W hat follows is the famous Berserk sequence, a scene whose terror can be thanks to Evangelion’s low budget.

We see the Evangelion in all her terror and the sort of off-ness that carries in this scene.

Episode 19 has no problems on treating us to front-row tickets to terror.

Unit-01 snatches part of Zeruel’s appendage and adds it to her mass. A sickening squelch sounds and her new appendage contorts into place in an instant.

She moves over to her incapacitated, angelic meal and doesn’t hesitate to chow down. The shots feel too personal yet nowhere near in the sense of the show’s meta-textual reflections. It’s almost like stumbling on a cryptid and when she shoots a look at the viewer, it feels as if she’s looking at us, like we’ve interrupted her dinner. Or perhaps she did finish the meal... and she’s in the mood for seconds? Perhaps even thirds?

The bizarre and eldritch nature of the Evangelions goes full force with this imagery. Episodes 2 and 16 laid the foundation of how off the Evangelion Unit-01 was with how she openly mutilates her targets. Or even the unsettling roar of Unit-01 that’s not entirely bestial. The sound is straddles a line between the blood-curdling bestial and the human. But here? Eva Unit-01’s position, from her hunched figure, to her more feral position as she feasts, feels far too organic...and far too human.

The Evas themselves aren’t human, but the souls housed within are. Eva’s souls are souls of the respective pilots’ mothers, an example of the mother and child symbolism omnipresent in Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Shinji’s mother is Yui and as we go through the series, we realize the s2 engine appliance was intentional. An s2 engine offers infinite stores of energy and this is needed for Instrumentality. With the s2 engine within her grasp and the fact that Evas don’t subsist on anything, this would make the consumption of 14th completely recreational.

It’s super tempting to frame this scene as containing some abomination that now stands unchained and indiscriminate in its targets, but it isn’t. It’s sort of understandable because Units 00 and 02 don’t come close to exhibiting this sort of behavior nor were they in this circumstance. Neither Unit-00 nor 02 have any desires in regard to Instrumentality. In the end, we should look to Yui and her own endgame, because Yui’s running the show here.

XII. Dummy Plugs + CNS

Ritsuko states the Dummy Plugs are machines which imitate pilot’s thinking. There’s a bit more than the possibility of this being 100% AI due to the apparatus Rei is in.

This very likely implies the respective person’s thought processes added with AI programmed in a way which best “describes” the pilot (basically how they are perceived). In episode 17, Rei is situated in this apparatus strongly resembling the central nervous system, the brain and the spinal cord.

{The central nervous system CNS is responsible for integrating sensory information and responding accordingly. It consists of two main components:

1. The spinal cord serves as a conduit for signals between the brain and the rest of the body. It also controls simple musculoskeletal reflexes without input from the brain.

2. The brain is responsible for integrating most sensory information and coordinating body function, both consciously and unconsciously. Complex functions such as thinking and feeling as well as regulation of homeostasis are attributable to different parts of the brain.

https://mcb.berkeley.edu/courses/mcb135e/central.html

Ritsuko imparts the unsettling revelation about Rei and by extension the Dummy Plant itself (after Misato coerced her into learning about Rei). The Reis are the core of the Dummy Plugs (and the System used to brutalize a hijacked Unit-03 and its trapped pilot). This scene adds more to the extent of Rei’s objectification, of her being replaced. It adds on to Rei III’s comment of being ‘the third.’

Rei isn’t savage by any means but the sheer brutality of Dummy System’d Unit-01 5 episodes prior may hint at her straightforward nature.

I’d like to pitch that Ritsuko’s approach to Rei’s Dummy Data was also the product of her subtle animosity toward Rei. When she refers to the Dummy Plug as a machine which mimics human thinking, she’s talking about Rei. She also refers to her similarly in episode 23 by referring to Rei as spare parts, as if Rei herself is some soulless machine whose parts can be switched out if need be. This could also call back to Rei’s poem, in which she calls herself a vessel which holds human thoughts.

Another question remains: how does Kaworu play into this?

The MPEs (the Mass Production Evangelion series) use Kaworu’s Dummy data, meaning that there are cloned Kaworus stored off somewhere, perhaps floating with soulless smiles the same as Rei has.

Treated as spare parts.

This also implies that Kaworu is more or less reduced to an object.

What’s more disturbing is the nature of the MPEs gratuitous method of ravaging and mutilating Unit-02 and by extension Asuka.

Kaworu hasn’t ever demonstrated any degree of malice, so this can’t really insinuate a ‘Kaworu is secretly evil’ narrative. But this can tie back to a recurring theme of humans fearing and despising angels. It’s because of this that the revelation of our genetically identical nature or the fact that they can comprehend our psychology is framed in-show as kind of shocking. It is because we’re so disturbed at the angels’ existence (or anything else we don’t comprehend) that we view them as inherently savage in nature. Kaworu’s quick-to-perceive personality most likely translated itself along with the AI. This would also rule in the somewhat strategic way in which the MPEs act against Asuka, exploiting her attack patterns through surprise attacks.

Some of Kaworu’s as well as Rei’s Dummy Data are the product of universal (Kaworu) and personal (Rei) contempt by people. Let that sink in.

XIII. Kaworu’s + Adam’s True Power

The bottom of the fridge horror portion of this iceberg is something that has subtly plagued me for years. We’ve only ever caught glimpses of Kaworu’s abilities in his debut episode. I picked up on it little by little with each re-watch of the episode, with every other time his abilities dawning on me. If I wasn’t focusing on how his character fits in the greater framework of Evangelion, I was cluing in on his abilities.

One of his abilities is being able to block out light, magnetism, and subatomic particles. Some of the forces which make up the universe. This witnessed by the viewer when he realizes the whole of humanity’s welfare hangs by a thread, due to the coexistence of angels and Adam.

Adam.

Adam’s soul lies within Kaworu. Adam. Who utilized an Anti-AT Field which caused Second Impact. An Anti-AT Field, which killed off much of the Katsuragi Crew in Antarctica.

This makes Kaworu the most powerful angel in the original Evangelion series.

Eva has shown that ownership of an angel’s soul (or partially, if you’re onboard the Rei I is in Unit-00 theory) allows the person to inherit the angel’s abilities through Rei. Rei blocks off Kaworu’s immensely powerful field with one of her own, canceling out both as a result. As we know, AT Fields for people are a figurative affair. People lack the physiology to exhibit a physical AT Field because they don’t have cores like angels do. Angels’ souls when possessed by humans have a sort of ability to circumvent parts of human physiology (if you’re looking for the whole package, you should eat angel’s flesh too). Rei also shows the ability to float, implied in episode 24 and shown explicitly in End of Evangelion.

But this raises a few questions about the last messenger is the ability to block out some of the forces of the universe Adam’s powers or Kaworu’s? Another ability that continues to plague me the more I think about it is Kaworu’s AT-Field usage on Heaven’s Door to bypass its lock.

We haven’t actually seen Adam’s other powers (if the angel has any) because the it’s anti-AT Field was halted via Lance of Longinus. Other than its ethereal appearance in flashbacks, we only see an incapacitated Adam in embryonic form. That’s it. We don’t know if Adam exhibits any other powers due to this impediment. If Adam does have more powers, this would add onto both the fridge horror factor of Adam and Kaworu.

Tier 4: Pre-Abyss

XIV. The “Nihilist” Lens

XV. The True Nature of Sync Rates

XVI. Unit 01+ MPE Gorging Scenes

XVII. Ancient Ruins of Arka

XIV. The “Nihilist” Lens

There’s something that implicates the whole cast. Something that goes beyond the meaning of the AT-Field, and the all-too-known Hedgehog’s Dilemma.

Eva is filled to the very brim with psychological concepts, but there’s one thing which ties this all together. It goes much larger than the desire to become validated or cycles of abuse and unresolved issues to a newer generation.

Free Will Vs. Determinism ties the entire cast together and is disturbing in its own right. It not only ties the cast together but also contributes to Eva’s meta-narrative.

Episode 16’s sequence with Leliel, Shinji, and the Johari Window gives little breadcrumbs to this psychological dilemma. Leliel teaches Shinji about his own identity as well as slowly ushering him to a sense of self-awareness. Leliel also attempts to usher Shinji out of filtering reality with only convenient parts. Shinji argues that he can’t really be held culpable for his actions, because the one and only reality is that reality is awful, bar none. Not his reality, but reality as a whole. This deterministic stance becomes ever more blatant 8 episodes later with the appearance of Nagisa Kaworu.

Kaworu’s designation is the angel of free will. The irony of this stands in the fact that Kaworu isn’t the only angel who can exhibit free will (with some of the angels before him taking the time to try comprehending people). Kaworu’s status comes from his identity as the last messenger, bringing about freedom for one species (humans/lilin or angels) at the expense of the other. Kaworu knows his reality well and in the end, seeks to better the reality of those around him. Eva doesn’t romanticize the prospect of free will, however, because Kaworu is so aware of his own person and how he can hurt those around him that it greatly bothers him.

The metatext doesn’t just position Shinji as being in the wrong, but also the audience. Remember the point I made before about Shinji being the audience substitute? It’s further hammered home from the series’ tail end and into End of Evangelion.

“That’s just the way things are.” is a common response to things in life we feel resigned on changing, because we don’t know how to change them. This quote is a parallel to Shinji’s “humans aren’t made to float!” in episode 16.

Shinji does know how to change much of his reality, but by doing so he’d be pushed into free will. Free Will is the solution and it means holding yourself accountable rather than believe that it’s everyone else with the problem. With the idea that you can change your reality, it offers you the opportunity to love yourself.

If you love yourself, then it becomes much easier to love others.

Eva’s free will and determinism metatext hammers home the extension of empathy.

Shinji/the viewer’s greatest problem is that because we don’t love ourselves it makes it difficult to extend the love to everyone else. Shinji’s love translates as idealism. Because of his unhealthy idealism, he is hindered from understanding people.

By ascribing your beliefs from determinism to free will, it opens your mind to an entire world of possibilities, but therein lies the terror. It is because of these possibilities that Shinji and by extension, the viewer, likely fears free will. Shinji finds ways make himself validated, but with free will, the argument could be made that it doesn’t matter. There’s the anxiety-crippling likelihood that none of it actually matters, because your existence doesn’t matter. If we’re going on this bent, acts of making an adequate impression on others are acts of personal denial. In the end, these are what they are, possibilities.

The greatest terror of it all is that we don’t know.

User power-chords makes an excellent point about the inherent darkness of an internal locus of control.

User power-chords posits the idea of existential absurdity for Shinji not as a certainty but a possibility. There’s always a likelihood that our desires to comprehend the world around us, to find ultimate understanding are in vain.

Cheesy as it sounds, people fear ambiguity because we seek a satisfying end. We don’t just seek answers. We want outside closure and inner peace, but we won’t always get it. It’s why we rationalize relationships that end on bad notes. Sometimes you worry about your falling-outs...and it hurts. You never got the answers your wanted so this pain carries, for months, sometimes even for years. Dwelling on the issue serves no purpose other than to keep that hurt with you. The best thing to do sometimes is to find your own closure, your own meaning.

No, Evangelion isn’t actually pro-nihilism, but it presents us with that likelihood. That’s what makes this aspect of the narrative so terrifying: The consideration that we find meaning in the meaningless.

XV. The True Nature of Sync Rates

The nature of injuries and having them in adds onto the innate horror --be it war or otherwise-- and themes of the Evangelion. The severity of the injury is based on how high the pilot’s sync ratio is. An average rate while sustaining damage will bring hurt to the actual pilot in the respective spot. Some examples:

Sachiel makes multiple headblows to Unit-01 and Shinji in episode 2, causing head trauma.

Ramiel’s, (5th angel), particle beam attack in episode 6, an attack so severe that Shinji needed medical care.

Unit-00 and Rei being infected by a Bardiel hijacked Unit-03 in episode 18. Toji’s condition in episode 18 stands as a large example of the innately disturbing nature of sustained injuries.

Toji’s condition becomes all the more nauseating when you see Evangelion parts and blood flow through Tokyo-3.

Toji could feel every last second of strangulation, body blow, and feel the unspeakable pain of his arm being severed. Let that sink in.

Asuka receives the worst of these considering the nature of her sync rate being high. The higher the rate the more kept the damage is. The circumstances behind Asuka getting the worst of it goes back to the AT-Field. Asuka understood the meaning of the AT-Field, that the more you open yourself up to others, the more hurt you become. The realization dawns on Asuka as her mother from within the Evangelion shields her from the onslaught of JSSDF troops.

It’s then that Asuka finally comprehends what the Absolute Terror Field is. Despite her emotional needs being neglected, realizing she’s set up to fail, and going comatose she still goes on.

Asuka, despite everything, takes a chance and opens her heart knowing the double-edged nature of the AT Field. What happens next?

Asuka took a chance.

She opened her heart...

...and she got hurt all because she opened herself.

XVI. Unit 01+MPE Gorging Sequences

The brutality of both Unit-01 and the Mass Production Evas holds three layers: of visual horror, implied horror, and thematic horror. Unit-01, after taking Zeruel’s s2 engine into herself, proceeds to then brutalize the 14th angel by way of still gorging on it. The feeding was entirely recreational considering Evangelions don’t subsist on food to function. This was more about the sheer act of brutality for brutality’ sake.

The Mass Production Evas also fall under this category, the way in which they deal with Asuka after incapacitating her with a replicated Lance of Longinus is also sadistic and gratuitous. They also proceed to gorge on Asuka, her fate made worse through the simple fact that her sync rate is heightened.

The MPEs don’t even swiftly finish her off. She is in a state of tremendous and unimaginable pain. They fly above her slowly, circling above her mangled Eva.

They are almost mocking her as she can do nothing, save for writhe. Asuka’s seething, repeated “I’ll kill you...I’ll kill you….” is then silenced by the MPEs spearing her down.

The brutality doesn’t end there, as we see much darker implications of the damage sustained toward the end of the first half of End of Evangelion.

Shinji bears witness to the implications after seeing the decimated remains of Unit-02 being carried off by some of the Mass Production Units. The sickening reality of it all dawns on him and he is once more exposed to the woes of war and the nightmarish aspect tied of the Evangelions.

XVII. Ancient Ruins of Arqa

We’re ending the pre-abyssal end of the iceberg with Evangelion’s original proposal.

Eva’s proposal, a far cry to the show today, had a more sci-fi angle to it. Psychological concepts weren’t exactly pitched nor was it self-aware. The angels weren’t even referred to as the angels, but as the Apostolos. Instead of the 18 we were presented with in the original show and the movies, there were 28 Apostolos.

The Apostolos designs stand as testament to how far of a departure the proposal was to the final cut. They look far more menacing than the more amorphous, much softer defined, beady-eyed angels we’re used to. To top it all off, the Apostolos were the de facto villains of Evangelion’s prototype pitch. The Apostolos in the Proposal, toward the end, proceed their onslaught as a group rather than the series’ one by one. Toward the series’ end, the 12 strongest Apostolos begin their assault on North America, annihilating the continent in its entirety.

Only 12 of the creatures laid waste to a singular continent.

Episode 24: "Now, the Promised Time"

Rei breaks down. Her secrets are revealed. At last awakened, the twelve strongest Apostolos descend from the Moon. Both Eva Unit-06 and the American continent vanish completely. Humans acknowledge their helplessness in the face of the Apostolos' crushing power. The promised time, when people will return to nothing, approaches. A human drama in the depths of despair.

Episode 25: "Arqa, the Promised Land"

The laboratory holds the ancient ruins of Arqa, which have become key. In order to stop the twelve Apostolos, the United Nations' head members annul the Human Instrumentality Project and resolve to destroy the Apostolos. Shinji's father objects. Shinji and the others stay at the laboratory for Rei. A drama of people conflicting over incongruous objectives.

https://wiki.evageeks.org/Resources:Neon_Genesis_Evangelion_Proposal_(Translation)

The aforesaid creatures were so powerful in the original pitch that Human Instrumentality and the ancient ruins of Arqa would be the way of stopping the onslaught.

Tier 5: The Abyss

XVIII. Split Second Misato Death

XIX. Humans Are The Villains in Eva

XX. The Ultimate Paradox

XVIII. Split Second Misato Death

As the last and most explicit aspect of original Evangelion, it would only make sense that EoE specific content would take its place in Tier 5. End of Evangelion is a 90 + minute tour de force with disturbing imagery back-to-back. Split Second Misato Death refers to one of the most unsettling images sprinkled all throughout the movie. Here are a few of the many examples of EoE’s building up on Evangelion’s ugliest parts.

Everyone cites the infamous hospital scene not even 5 minutes into the film as the first proof, but user power-chords has pointed out, Shinji has actually attempted suicide (refer to the ‘Free Will v. Determinism’ part of the iceberg.)

After Misato is mortally wounded and sends Shinji off in an elevator not long after, the JSSDF blow up that part of NERV. A few people have pointed out the most disturbing facet of this scene: through freeze-framing that you can actually see Misato’s body during.

The JSSDF scene partway through End of Evangelion in which NERV personnel are summarily annihilated.

For those missing the small detail of Shinji’s attempted suicide ,Shinji’s depressed state is made more clear when the JSSDF locate him. When they do they attempt to kill him execution style. Shinji doesn’t move.

“I don’t want to die…!” during the JSSDF’s assault, Asuka is awoken from comatose state. She is protected by her mother via an AT-Field by Unit-02. She gains back her self-preservation after this realization, and multitude of images play. One of them is an extremely gruesome close-up of Asuka’s face. (extreme body horror warning, proceed with caution)

The Komm Susser Tod scene beginning with Shinji strangling Asuka in harsh coloring, Naoko’s same action toward Rei plays right after. A few disturbing child drawings follow after, predominantly featuring death. (seizure warning, body horror warning)

End of Evangelion’s flooring nature comes from the fact that it builds up on the subtly horrific and makes these terrors explicit. Whatever existed beyond closed doors becomes now available for us to see,

XVIII. Humans Are The Villains in Eva

At the penultimate point of the abyss lies a horror as old as much of time. Of the humane being more disgusting than the monsters.

That we can be monstrous.

This fact becomes known with the appearance of the JSSDF as dispatched by SEELE, methodically mowing down NERV personnel with little to no weaponry of their own. We’re treated to NERV’s personnel in their hallways, some forced with the moral dilemma of leaving their own to die while surviving or helping their own while both end up being gunned down.

It becomes apparent that SEELE has been gradually, intentionally chipping away at NERV’s Defense Budget, getting rid of the (little) competition they have after the defeat of the Last Messenger.

There’s a degree of contempt and casual sadism that comes with how they kill the personnel. In one instance, a NERV worker surrenders to the JSSDF, before being killed off in execution style in the distance (one headshot plus two extra shots for good measure).

When you look back at it, this sort of sheer, unabashed brutality wasn’t felt about the angels. Human attitude about the angels is largely fearing, anxious. This attitude accentuated itself through a sometimes nervous soundscape. Of observing these weird, ghastly creatures as they creep and swim. And the feeling’s mutual. The problem is that we don’t know.

But here? We do know.

When the JSSDF move in, the anxiety of angels graduates to the full-force dread of creatures that have killed before. The greatest enemy to humanity has always been with them all along, forcing them to a catch-22. The dread falls on Maya because she understands this perfectly. NERV has only ever shot at targets rather than living flesh…

...and SEELE knows this.

SEELE’s slow, but sure suppression of NERV’s budget is kicking a man while he’s down, but the man in question is a child instead. The JSSDF have more than enough firepower, calling it overkill goes beyond an understatement.

The JSSDF demonstrate the lack of remorse further with the discovery of Third Child, Shinji Ikari. One of the members presses the barrel to Shinji’s head before Misato steps in and kills the members.

The JSSDF isn’t the only damning evidence of how ugly members of humanity can be, however.

Humanity’s on-occasion grossness shows itself in small ways throughout the series, in dislike and conscious emotional distance for individuals, or beliefs of the angels being unintelligent and/or savage. Other times it manifests fiscally, in orchestrating more ethical approaches to stopping certain destruction to go seemingly haywire in order for NERV to receive more funding. This all due to a rival company of NERV challenging the very idea for its usage of child soldiers.

The worst of this damning fact is that many of the morally repugnant members exist on a higher echelon of society. There are Gendos running around, doing as they so please and they’re the tip of their echelon iceberg.

XIX. The Ultimate Paradox of Evangelion

“Anywhere can be paradise as long as you have the will to live.”

We’re treated to these words as Shinji finds himself on shores surrounded by an isolate hellscape, with Asuka next to him. The strange and altogether horrific nature of End of Evangelion has gotten fans believing on End of Evangelion’s endgame was in certain, nihilistic. But Eva dipping its hand in the likelihood of meaning in the existentially meaningless isn’t even the ultimate terror of Eva’s self-aware universe, nor is it the tendency for man to become contemptible towards itself.

Evangelion greatest terror is the paradoxical nature of free will.

Yui’s words to her son as she drifts off into the ever-expanding cosmos, her status as a deity realized, is that paradise is universal. EoE assumes this unconventionally positive approach to a whole series worth of characters’ woes. The issue is: finding paradise is ultimately conditional.

Free Will’s paradoxical nature is what gives credence to the ongoing Free Will vs. Determinism dilemma. People can use their free will to take away yours entirely and this is most evident with Rei. Her existence is the result of a man’s unhealthy attachment to his wife, her lack of self-preservation the result of being conditioned as a multi-purpose vessel; her desire to merge with Lilith to become an omnipresent mother-figure was not hers. The nature of disallowing free will exists on a spectrum, as people can use their free will not to take away the whole of others’ freedoms, but to disallow them proper emotional growth. The adults around Asuka weren’t around for her during the series, leading to her eventual downfall.

Unit-01, throughout much of the second part of EoE holds the power to give or deny people’s physicality due to her status of having both Fruits of Life (the s2 engine held by angels) and Wisdom (from the Lance of Longinus merged with the Eva earlier on). This gives Unit-01 her deity status and while within Lilith-Rei, Shinji realizes that not everyone would be there in his life, that he can’t be in the center of others’ lives. It’s for that reason why he denies people’s physicality (“They can all just die.”), which turns people into LCL.

Shinji gives allows people the ability to come back from Instrumentality after realization arises that without other people, there’s no way to tell if Shinji, himself exists or not. Kaworu and Rei also give him the reality that with people back, pain will become an inevitability once more. With all the souls gathered by Lilith-Rei, they are released after her death.

With the souls of those cast into Instrumentality dispersed, those turned into LCL now hold the ability to come back from Instrumentality if they so choose.

While the idea of anywhere being paradise rings true, it’s not entirely satisfying to say that EoE is unconventional in its uplifting message to the viewer. Evangelion is at its core a cautionary tale. It warns the viewer into extensions of empathy and openness that others would properly live. This goes double for those with power. Without that compassion, we’ll have Asukas, Misatos, Ristukos, as well as Reis, those in the world whose downfalls come from emotional absences, neglect, objectification, and forced baggage. We would have Shinjis, those wanting to be at the nexus of others’ importance because they were deprived while young.

Kindness is a powerful thing and the lack of compassion present in all of Eva implicates most everyone. It leads to yet more abusive cycles, with the only thing breaking that cycle being a hand for those in need.

XX. Conclusion

What more can be said over this juggernaut which is a host to a bevvy of darkness? Evangelion is testament that anxieties and horror don’t need to start out as blatantly shocking or visceral to make an impact years down the line. They also don’t need to be out in the open to initially hook you either. You pick up on a few anxieties as well as horrors and you realize deep down, there must be more, which drives many of us to engage in this often times unabashedly dark source material.

Some of us are doing it later in the throes of adolescences, others are doing so well into their 20s, possibly dipping into their 30s. Point is, it draws in a lot of us and for a lot of us, it doesn’t ever let go.

Some of its charm could be chalked to the visceral ways in which characters interact. Even after years of re-watches, I’m still learning new things about the child soldiers, and I’m quite sure there’s others finding small details. There’s also the possibility of Eva’s approach to terror. I think Evangelion “humanized” its horror. It didn’t make horror a universally human feeling, but made it so that the true big bads looking to cause apocalypse weren’t actually the eldritch. Many of the angels are more or less lost kids looking for their mother (I still think Ramiel’s “singing” in episode 5 was it calling for its mother!).

With those newer details after 20+ years, there will be more added to the iceberg. Hell, there should be more added to the iceberg. This iceberg is the tip of an even greater iceberg. I’m still learning about their adults and their desires as well, how cyclical their actions are. For others, the draw-in factor lies in its low budget. Personally, it’s all of these for me: the low budget helped cement these darker aspects of the series due to horror and the genre’s overall relationship with limitation. It works best on limitation and had Eva worked with a much higher budget, I don’t think the content would be as effective, or perhaps it’d be much more difficult to make it so.

Evangelion is such a well-done, deceptively compact series that each lens a fan assumes has its own interesting rabbit hole. Your circumstance shapes the experience, and this too involves how you navigate the series’ menagerie of terrors.

I’d also like to thank the reader for getting through the largest rabbit hole in Evangelion. I’d also like to thank you for getting through the whole of this meta from a fan who slowly began to resonate with the characters as the years went on!

#neon genesis evangelion #shinji #kaworu #asuka #rei #seizure warning #body horror warning #suicide mention #correct me if im wrong #credit goes to twitter user decoratedboar for the iceberg picture help #and fixes

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