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freakin-edikan · 5 years

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More Unpopular Smash Onions

I have a lot of Smash Onions and here are most of them in one post. Be warned it’s long and stupid

Bayonetta Should Not Have Been in Smash Ever

The whole point of Bayonetta is that she whips out these crazy combos and super strong witch tricks to defeat her opponents. The only problem is...barely anyone else can do that because they’re not supposed to because it’s Smash Bros and not Street Fighter. There was no way to nerf Bayonetta without ruining her, and there was no way to keep the Bayonetta feel and style without her dominating the game.

Cloud Should Not Have Been in Smash Ever

He was too fast, he was too strong, he had a projectile. Sakurai specifically said he knew Ike had exactly these stats when Ike was added to Brawl in 2008. He intentionally left them out so as to not let Ike become too strong. But years later, Cloud strutted into Super Smash Bros. for Wii U/3DS with these same attributes anyway. He’s a lot more tame now, but how many Peaches had to die?

The Zelda Characters Got the Short End of the Stick

A game with 30 years of history does not deserve to be represented by three Links, two Zeldas, and one Ganondorf. It’s clear that the development team was banking on the games sticking to its Ocarina formula, which is why they tried so hard to keep all the designs from one game and didn’t introduce anyone who wasn’t a Triforce bearer. By the time they finally stumbled on the idea of giving characters designs from different games, they had run out of space for any newcomers specific to particular games in the series, and the potential for new characters had run out.

I’m aware that Zelda isn’t as popular in Japan as it is in the United States; however, seeing how big Super Smash Bros. and its audience is, I think its representation could be a little better than that.

Zelda Got the Short End of the Stick

You mean to tell me it took 17 years for someone to look at that trainwreck of a moveset and finally do something about it? Y’all ugly.

There Doesn’t Need to be 15,897 Marths

If the devs over at Sora Ltd. played their cards right, our Fire Emblem lineup could have consisted of a balance of characters and assist trophies that could show off the most prominent aspects of the series. My idea is this:

Characters

Marth

Ike

Lyn

Robin

Assist Trophies

A Manakete (from any game)

A Pegasus Knight + Triangle Attack (any game but preferably the ones who made it famous—so Palla, Catria, and Est.)

A main villain (person, any game)

A main villain (monster, any game)

Ephraim?

Micaiah.

...and some cute lil spirits/stickers/trophies with some lore or references or something. If you ask me, we got the characters we got because of poor planning. I might not know the ins and outs of the process, but that’s what it looks like to me.

I Am Singling Out Corrin Specifically

This pick feels like an impulse because of the fact that FE14 was new, but besides that, I (a salty Peach main and Bandana Dee fan) first thought the character was busted. Never before had we a character with such ridiculous range—I thought Shulk’s energy sword Sunday was pushing it. It looks like Corrin set a precedent, though, because tall, adult characters who can reach across the entire stage seem to be the norm nowadays.

The Mario Characters are Out of Character

I think it’s telling when you can’t convey the character of Mario properly. Mario in Smash rather quickly moved away from his friendly everyman balancedness to a very aggressive, very angery Man who apparently just beats the living daylights out of people as the Smash Ultimate music blares in the background. Mario in his games is so much more friendly, eccentric, comical, fun. Smash Mario is way too serious; he doesn’t even smile in his renders anymore. I know, it’s a fighting game; you have to be serious to some extent. I just find this a little odd considering, um...

Peach was pretty similar when she first came to Melee. But when Brawl came around, her headbutt was replaced with hearts, her explosions with hearts, her diplomatic walk with a ditzy skip—it’s all incredibly suspicious. I talked about this before, but I think Smash makes Peach look dumb. I feel like it tries too hard to appeal to the girl who couldn’t pick any of the boy characters because they were icky so she picked the prettiest, girliest girl and that’s Peach. Her character feels like it’s making a mockery of her. (I mean, who remembers the tea time? I remember the tea time.) Nearly all of the nuance in Peach’s character is gone; I like the Toads and it feels like she’s commanding an army, but she herself with the rainbows and the hearts...I don’t know. It makes me. Uncomfortable. Peach has displayed far more competence before; she’s a very intelligent individual, but in Smash it’s not showing.

If I thought Peach was bad, imagine how I feel about Daisy! They barely changed a couple of animations and visuals but no attributes. It feels cheap and lazy and even though she’s an echo fighter, other “clones” had at least a little more thought put into them. And no “Hi, I’m Daisy”??? Preposterous. I think it goes to show that you really can’t make a clone of Peach because her moveset is too unique, and tinkering with it makes it fall apart. I think this was a bad call.

Bowser Jr. seems fine. He’s just a kid with some toys and it shows. Bowser...can at least walk straight, nowadays. But...

Luigi Baby I’m So Sorry That a Ugly Ass Bitch Would Even Do That

So when Smash 64 came out in 1999, Luigi had had his own voice for 3 years. Smash had decided to take Mario’s voice clips and pitch them up instead. This didn’t change until Brawl.

Luigi is Mario’s taller, slippery-er, eccentric younger brother, and Smash played the eccentric up to 11. (I mean, who remembers the Negative Zone? I remember the Negative Zone.) The hip bumps? And the weird dances? And the being able to fall over and be so round that he can just roll back up? I’ve never seen him do that anywhere but Smash. I don’t know who that is with the green hat in Smash. But it’s not Luigi.

The great thing is that he plays like Luigi! But he sure doesn’t act like it. And neither does Mario. And Mario and Luigi don’t play off each other at all, either. They’re so awkward to put together in this game; it’s like an attack on the sibling family unit.

We Don’t Stan Rosalina

We don’t stan her

“We Made Up Lore About EarthBound Hoping No One Would Notice Also We Really Like Pollyanna and the First Eight Melodies and We Exclusively Reference Mother 1 But We Still Won’t Put Ninten in This Game”

Ness is supposed to have defensive and support PSI because he has the highest physical offensive stats—and the lowest IQ—in EarthBound. He can’t use PK Starstorm, or PK Fire, or PK Thunder. He can use PSI Shield and Brainshock and Paralysis and um, PSI Rockin, and though I don’t mind using Ness and Lucas as they are now, I still can’t help but notice how inaccuracy-laden all the EarthBound references were, and that a moveset focused around trapping an opponent to go in for the beat down intrigues me.

Listen, no one else in this game has made-up lore about how their friends taught them certain moves after the end of their game, and how they channeled their big finisher into smaller bursts of energy while taking on the friend’s (much weaker!) signature move as their Final Smash. You could probably explain the magic Zelda uses as they come in crystals anyone could theoretically use, but the framing that they use for Ness and Lucas? It’s pretty silly.

Okay, about Ninten...he doesn’t have to be in Smash. But what’s the point of saying “Mother (Series)” and then making this weird conglomerate of ideas that doesn’t actually get the point across? All three games communicate very different ideas, but hardly any of what’s in Smash portrays any of it very well.

Where’s Bandana Dee

Where is he

Realistic Guns

Joker is about to enter this game with a literal fucking glock and I’m not okay

Final Smashes is the Same

It’s either a Mega Laser, a Giant Stage Hazard, a I’m Gonna Just Ram Into You Like Nobody’s Business, or a Barage of Attacks With One Final Hit. For all the crap I give Peach’s Final Smash, at least it’s different. Oh, there’s a new kind now: the We Stole Snake’s After We Thought He Was Never Coming Back And Oh God He’s Here. Oh No He’s Back. He’s Angry Oh N-

Kirby and Jigglypuff

They haven’t been great for years! I want them back to being good again.

Okay so Jigglypuff was OD’ing in Melee. But insta-death shield break just doesn’t tell me you care about them!

Speaking of Caring About Kirby

I see y’all only putting Kirby’s Adventure and Kirby Super Star content in your game. Look, whoever made Kirby 64 and friends disappeared the same year Sakurai left HAL Laboratory. The new Kirby games acknowledge all of Kirby’s history, and they take many cues from Smash. Smash is a big game, but the least it could do was reciprocate some of that.

The Music Selection is Underwhelming Me So Far

And it’s not the sheer number; I think that’s incredible. My problem is many of the songs are remixes with multiple versions. There are multiple versions of Light Plane from Pilotwings, multiple versions of Magicant, multiple Ballads of the Goddess, a billion Mario Main Themes. There are so many different musicians arranging for these games; are they all sitting there thinking “I’ll do you one better!!” making the same songs again? Some series have one song being remixed over and over while the rest of the soundtrack is just ripped from the original and chucked into the game. Other songs are just weak, which I expect, but they’re just so...mild.

The original music in Smash Ultimate I think is also pretty weak. It’s the same problem Brawl ran into and the only difference is the Ultimate themes are better orchestrated. The arrangement became stale to me and I think it’s because the game is so big that it couldn’t tie itself together as neatly as Smash 64 could (although only one, maybe two people worked on Smash 64’s music).

Stage Hazards

I don’t remember if it’s possible to turn them off but I am tired of the goddamn Flying Man.

So I think that’s about it. Thanks for reading and on the off chance that someone responds to it, you don’t have to go through the entire thing just to pick it apart bit by bit, I don’t want anyone to have to slog through that unless they want to, I guess. Happy New Year!

#smash ultimate #thinking about video games

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fanfictionlive · 4 years

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Every Sexual Fanfiction I've Ever Made (I don't recommend reading this if you've been raped.)

So, I divided these up into three different sections, which will each be put in bold letters, here's a quick glossary:

Undertale Section

-Undertale's True Lore

-Undyne Forcefully Changes Alphys, Papyrus, and Asgore's Diapers

Mario Section

-Yoshi Gets Raped by Wrecking Ball

-Mario and Luigi Have Sex (Only takes a minute to read.)

-Bowser and Donkey Kong Have an Amazing Sex Life

-Mario Rapes Sonic, Wario, and Waluigi in His Candy Shop

Seth Macfarlane Section

-Elon Musk Molests Seth Macfarlane

-Dr Phil Rapes Stan Smith and Roger on Stage

-Sethy Macfarlane Fucks Mommy

Undertale Section

Undertale's True Lore

One day, Asgore was jerking off to a picture of his ex and his family. Originally, he only wanted to masturbate to his ex, but then, another family member caught his eye, and that was in fact, his fatass pet human, Chara.

When he was done, he was still very horny, as his beautiful goat dick was still sticking up straight. And just then, at the wrong place and time, Chara crawled into Asgore's room.

"Bad human" Asgore said, as he began to grow curious of this things gender.

And so, Asgore took off Chara's clothes very slowly, revealing all the dicks and vagina's this beautiful creature was hiding this whole time.

"Wonderful!" Asgore exclaimed, as he was preparing to poke his dick into one of it's vaginas.

Chara began to seem uneasy, but Asgore simply shrugged it off as him not wanting to be raped by his sexy goat dad.

"It happens to all of us." He said. "Ah, I sure remember my first raping."

As Asgore inserted his dick, he noticed blood coming out, he thought at first that he simply ripped Chara's uterus. Until he eventually realized that Chara's screaming and it's uterus didn't seem right, and so, he took out his penis, he further inspected it, and it turned out that this "vagina" was actually a third eye the whole time.

"No worries my pet, I will clean it up when we are done." said Asgore, as shit was coming out of one of Chara's penis's. "Now, it is you're turn to fuck me."

Asgore pulled down his pants to reveal his juicy, shit filled, unwiped, butthole. And he inserted Chara's dick into it. At that moment, Chara's eyes turned red, but nothing seemed to happen.

Not long after, Chara began to piss through all of it's penises and vaginas, and Asgore became furious.

"Foolish pet, fuck you! I'll fucking end humanity!" And just then, Asgore impaled Chara through it's body with his sexy goat dick, and he died. Not long after, his son, who Asgore had already raped in his sleep, Asriel, walked into the room.

"What the fuck dad, why is my human's guts everywhere?" His hot son asked.

Asgore stopped throwing Chara's blood and guts everywhere and attempted to explain. "He ate a bad pie"

Asriel was not convinced, as he replied: "Whatever dad, just give me his soul so I can get a new one."

Asgore gave Asriel the sexy little thing's soul, and Asriel went to go find a new pet. When he found a new one, he was surprised by how vicious it was, as it was one of those dumb fucks that try to ship Frisk and Sans. It penetrated his butthole and tied him up, he then put him with the rest of his sexy goat collection, and he watched him fuck them for weeks.

Eventually, as Asriel was having unconsensual sex with another goat in the collection, he died, as he wasn't fed for a long time.

"Oh come the fuck on." The Frans shipper said. "That was my rarest goat!"

Asgore and Toriel lost two very attractive children that day.

Undyne Forcefully Changes Alphys, Papyrus, and Asgore's Diapers

As Alphys was fucking her Mew Mew doll using her botched transgender penis, she heard a strange noise outside.

She opened her door to investigate, and saw that Undyne was wearing a leather outfit along with both Papyrus and Asgore tied up next to her.

"Hello Alphys." Undyne said. "Today is the first of many days, in which I will be the mistress of you all, but first, let me get you all cozy."

Undyne tied up Alphys and explained what was going on.

"So from now on, you will all wear diapers, and you will no longer be permitted to use the bathroom, instead, you will say, "Please change my diaper master Undyne!" and I will change your diaper. Failing to listen will result in punishment, do you understand?"

"Yes master Undyne." Said Papyrus and Alphys.

Asgore attempted to keep his pride, but was immediately shot down by Undyne.

"Asgore, is there something you forgot to say?"

"Y-yes mistress." Asgore said reluctantly.

"Good" Undyne said. "I expect to see you all soon." She took off all of the others clothes, and replaced them with diapers, and she left the house not long after.

"What the fuck just happened?" Asked Papyrus.

"I think we're.... slaves now?" Alphys asked.

"Well.... I'm not taking any of it!" Said Asgore. "I won't let Undyne change my very attractive diaper that I already nutted in!"

"Well good luck with that." Said Alphys. "Every time I fuck Undyne she says I'm not going deep enough and forcefully extends my penis. Not to mention how we always find the stubborn ones in BDSM to be the cutest"

After hearing that information, Papyrus and Asgore left, but for some reason, they both went back to Papyrus's place.

"Boy is it cold in here." Asgore said with a seductive look on his face. "I would never be able to live in such a frozen climate."

"Here." Papyrus said. "Some hot chocolate." He poured it down Asgore's back.

"What the fuck?" Asgore asked. "Whatever, you wanna fuck?"

"OH MY FUCK YES FUCK YES LETS FUCKING DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Papyrus yelled.

"can you keep it down im trying to fuck a goat" Asked sans.

"If you keep calling me that I'll throw your tiny lolicon body out this fucking window." Said Torial.

"TORIAL?!?!?!?!?!" ASGORE SCREAMED. "WHY ARE YOU FUCKING THAT CRIPPLE!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

"I'm not your wife anymore dumbass, you're not even into girls, so why do you care?" Asked Torial.

Asgore did not respond, instead, he knocked down sans's door and threw him off of Torial, he then continued to rip off her limbs, starting with the legs.

"Oh why! Why did you have to rip off my legs?" Torial asked.

"Because I find sexual pleasure in it!" Asgore said as he started eating her toes.

Asgore then continued to rip off her arms.

"Please stop, my sexy furry milf body can't take this!" Torial yelled. "I'M GONNA FUCKING DIE!!!!!!"

Asgore then swallowed the rest of her body whole, leaving him with a lot of sexy fat rolls, Torial stayed alive as she screamed through his stomach.

"Well isn't that lovely?" Asgore said. "So either of you wanna have sex?"

sans said nothing, he simply clenched his fists as his eyes flickered out, creating adorable black lolicon eyes, Papyrus, on the other hand, was eager to fuck.

"Yes! lets do it!" Papyrus exclaimed. "Fuck us doggystyle!"

And so, Asgore pinned the two sexy skeletons to the counter, and began fucking them, until something on the side caught his mind.

"What's this machine down here?" Asgore asked.

There was no response, so he pulled down the curtain and revealed a dildo attached to a machine. sans blushed attractively.

"So this is what you've been hiding this whole time?" Said Asgore. "The last fucking machine that hasn't been confiscated by the humans, and you've been keeping it for yourself? It's about time you share it!"

Asgore stuck the dildo inside of his asshole, and his buttcheeks wrapped around it erotically. This, was the greatest moment of his life, meanwhile, sans and Papyrus were having sex.

"so *moans* undyne is your mistress now *moans* insteresting" sans said.

"Yes. *moans* She's going to *moans* change my *moans* diaper *moans* every day!" Papyrus replied.

"too bad *moans* torial *moans* wont be able to see it" sans said as Torial continued screaming.

"*moans* Alas, poor Torial." Papyrus said, and they both fainted out of pleasure.

The next day, as Undyne was changing Papyrus's diaper, she got a call, it was from Alphys.

"Uhhhh, m-master? My diaper has a lot of sh-shit in it and I mean a lo-

Undyne blasted through her door.

"Great!" Undyne yelled. "Time for a diaper change!"

Undyne then proceeded to remove Alphys's diaper as Alphys made a very shy face. She wasn't kidding, there was as ton of diarrhea, everywhere, it was even on her face.

"Looks like someone needs a bath!" Undyne said as Alphys gulped.

And when she put Alphys in the bath, Alphys began to shit and piss everywhere, it was horrifying, it only took about 5 seconds for the room to flood to the ceiling with piss and shit.

"Undyne I'm scared." Alphys said. "what should we do?"

Undyne was silent for a moment, until she began to speak:

"No... My body... It feels like it's splitting apart. Like any instant... I'll scatter into a million pieces. But... Deep, deep in my soul. There's a burning feeling I can't describe. A burning feeling that WON'T let me die. This isn't just about us anymore, is it? If your shit drowns us, it'll... it'll destroy everything. Monsters... Humans... Everyone... Everyone's hopes. Everyone's dreams. Vanquished in an instant. But I WON'T let that happen. Right now, everyone in the world... I can feel their hearts beating as one. And we all have ONE goal. To successfully get your diaper changed. Alphys. No, WHATEVER you are. For the sake of the whole world... I, Undyne, will change your diaper!

Undyne then turned into an extremely hard genocide boss, and she sucked all of Alphys's shit and piss into her butthole, then, she turned to Alphys.

"Yeah no I need to extract your determination you literally absorbed someone just to put shit into your asshole" Alphys said.

"That doesn't matter." Undyne replied, "Right now, I need to change your diaper!"

Undyne then shoved Alphys onto the table and started wiping her ass, and then she sucked Alphys's atrocious looking dick. After that, she started putting baby powder on her and a fresh new diaper on little Alphys.

"There." Said Undyne. "That wasn't so bad! Now to go check on Asgore!"

When she walked out, Alphys muttered to herself.

"Fucking bitch I'll make her pay for this someday I'll make sure her asshole is wider than sans's sexy dick."

When Undyne got to Asgore's castle, she found him with his screaming belly lying on the floor, his diaper was off and jiss was in his asshole, so she turned to his thrown for an unexpected surprise."

"Hey bitch!" Said Glenn Quagmire, sitting on the thrown. "Looks like you already know what you're in for, now come on, think of it like a trip to the dentist.

She followed him down a hallway, and into a large, white room.

"So as you already know, this is the barrier keeping me and all the sexy monsters apart from each other. As a human, me and all of these other souls are enough for our kind, but I also, need a monster soul. This is where you come in, as Asgore has a very stupid soul. so, you're kind o-

Undyne shot him down with the spear she was going to punish Asgore with, and went to go change Asgore's diaper.

That was the point, where everything reset.

Mario Section

Yoshi Gets Raped by Wrecking Ball

One day, a Wrecking Ball was forced into the Mushroom Kingdom by his sexy, underage, portal master. And no, he is not the fucking hamster from Overwatch, but rather, he is that dumb fuck freak of nature from Skylanders. Now, the portal master's reason for this was so that he could turn him into the legendary white Wrecking Ball, thus, giving him the ability to free master Eon from endlessly having to give handjobs to his two children, Chaos and Spyro. But, there was a problem with this, as the only way to turn a Wrecking Ball White, is to have a Yoshi cum on him.

Desperate, He went to Peaches castle, where he searched and searched, but nothing, he instead shoved a Toad up his asshole and went to sleep. Everyone fled the scene out of fear, and the Toad remained trapped.

Later that night, the lost Wrecking Ball woke up to a strange noise. He turned around to see that a Yoshi fell off the roof of the Castle. Excited and aroused by his pain and fear, Wrecking Ball eagerly ran up to the Yoshi.

"Sup bitch. Prepare for some weird shit, because you're about to be raped."

Scared and confused, Yoshi began to feel an instant shot of pleasure, he did not know what rape was, but this Wrecking Ball, to him, was the most sexy thing he had ever seen. So he responded, knowing the fucking satanic things he did to the Toad that was still in his rectum, he did not mind.

"Tell me you sexy beast, what is this rape thing you speak of?"

"I need to be white so that I can free the first portal master, now take off your skin you whore." Wrecking Ball responded.

Yoshi, as hot as this was, knew that he needed something in return, as yoshi's also have an all powerful white form, so he allowed the rape, for a price.

"Well then, I must ask that you turn me into a white yoshi, that way, we shall be even."

Wrecking Ball was annoyed by this request, and expressed it in his following words.

"I don't have to do shit for you, now take off your skin or I'll do it for you."

Scared and defeated, Yoshi took off his skin, revealing his beautiful, bloody, bone-filled body. Even the Wrecking Ball was filled with pleasure. But he had to show restraint, as he did not want to cum on this fucking mess. Meanwhile, Yoshi was showing his own unintentional pleasure, as he was beginning to love being raped.

And so, Wrecking Ball stuck his juicy, spiky, tongue, through the Yoshi's gorgeous muscle, as he knew the Yoshi would find lots of pleasure in having a new hole made. And as the yoshi moaned and moaned, Wrecking Ball began to humiliate him.

"What a fucking slut, you can't even be raped without being aroused.

But as the Wrecking Ball said that, he came, right on the Yoshi.

"You fool." Yoshi yelled, both maniacally and angrily.

As a result, the dying Yoshi levitated into the air, and through a beam of light, he was reborn, into a white, cum-thirsty, freak of nature, Yoshi. His tentacle-like tongues grabbed the wrecking ball and toad, and fucked them, right through their greasy skin. And as beautiful as it was, they were dying, and they had some last words to say.

Wrecking Ball: "I only wanted to rape a yoshi and save Eon, is that too much to ask?"

Toad: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"

And so, together, the Wrecking ball and toad, died.

Is this the end?

Part 2:

Defeated, sexy, bloody, hopeless. Wrecking Ball lied next to the dick shaped toad on the ground. This, was in fact, the end.

Yoshi flew down to the hot fucks and prepared to look at their beautiful, horrifying, bodies, one last time.

But as he did this, he was shocked to find, that Wrecking Ball, in fact, had one drop of cum.

A drop of hope.

The Wrecking Ball levitated into the air with his fat ass and turned into the all powerful white Wrecking Ball.

Disgusted, Yoshi threw up on the ground. This was Wrecking Balls most stupid, fucking hideous, and lazy special edition. But at the same time, he was at his most powerful, and Yoshi needed to fight now more than ever.

And so he didn't, he could barely look at this mess, Wrecking Ball was so atrocious that even the yoshi ended up deciding that he couldn't fucking live anymore.

So he decided to die the sexy way, since he ripped off his skin, and once again, he revealed his bloody, oozing, bone-filled body. he was the most beautiful thing in the universe. And so, he penetrated himself, with the very tongues he killed that fucking beautiful toad with. And after about an hour, he died.

After this, a portal opened, and seeing his five-year old portal master through the portal, Wrecking Ball began to masturbate. The portal master constantly threw up, and shouted at him to just save Eon already, but that only encouraged this dumb fuck even more. And so, after a fortnite of masturbating, the Wrecking Ball was finally spent, and was ready to free Eon. So he went through the portal that his master abandoned before impaling himself, and found Eon, jerking off his children.

"Oh Wrecking Ball *throws up* I am so glad you came, these monsters have forced me to whack off their beautiful *throws up again* dicks."

But something was not quite right, as Chaos and Spyro were both tied up and had their throats stuffed, and even though the wrecking ball found this attractive, and even raped them for about 5 hours, he began to question Eon.

But before anything came out of his mouth, Eon noticed his suspicion, and told him that if he said anything about this, he would rub his beautiful fucking ass against all of his sex toys. This made Wrecking Ball very angry, and he told Eon, that if he did that, he would rape that same, sexy ass. Defeated, Eon attempted to leave, but before he could, Wrecking ball grabbed him with his large, horrifying, tentacle-like tongues.

He shoved Eons lewd legs over his head, and began to fuck him, but not through his asshole like a normal fucking human being, but through his bones, Eon had very sexy bones.

"My beautiful apprentice, you have bested me, now, I am immobile, and defeated. Take my children, raise them, make them into fine warriors like you, you have earned it." Eon moaned.

"You think I'm beautiful?" Wrecking Ball said through tears.

"Yes, I have learned to find you quite attractive. And because of that, would you, like to slaughter some greebles with me?" Eon said, blushing.

"That sounds very hot." Cried Wrecking Ball.

And so, they left, sucking on each others fucking hot wounds to the door. And leaving Chaos's hot fucking servant, Glumshanks, to untie Spyro and Chaos from their sexy bounds, that is, after raping them for about a week.

When they were finally free, Spyro looked at Chaos, and said, through his newfound passion for him.

"Big brother, I saw the things that daddy Eon did to you, and now, I want to try them too, do you have some time?"

Chaos looked at Spyro and then at Glumshanks.

"Sure, and Glumshanks, would you like to join us?"

Mario and Luigi Have Sex

One day, as Luigi was cooking lasagna for the one millionth fucking time, Mario began to stare at his ass. Mario was supposedly never taught about sex, but he was allowing his instincts to guide him, so he grabbed Luigi's big tiddies and started licking his ears.

"Oh yes Mario, it's about time." Luigi said. "I'm going to teach you all about sex."

And so, with a seductive grin, Luigi pinned Mario to the ground, pulled off his overalls, and began sucking his penis, all while Mario was staring at Luigi's sexy ears.

"Wow Mario, you've grown up so big!" Luigi shouted with delight. "This is barely going to fit!"

And so, as Mario came and pissed in Luigi's mouth, and since his dick was still up straight, Luigi knew what he had to do. He took off his clothes and spread his asscheeks. All while Mario was staring at Luigi's attractive ears.

"I'm all yours Mario, put it anywhere you like." Luigi said.

Mario walked up to Luigi's ear and stuck his penis inside of it.

"No Mario! Wrong hole!" Luigi shouted out of fear.

But it was no use, Luigi's big tiddies were very hard, and his face and moaning showed that he was enjoying it, and so, after 5 hours of raping, Luigi's brain malfunctioned, and he died.

Mario put Luigi in the closet along with the rest of the dead corpses he ear raped, and will continue to do so with. Bowser, Toad, Yoshi, Donkey Kong, all suffered the same fate. Mario was not finished.

Bowser and Donkey Kong Have an Amazing Sex Life

Bowser licks Donkey Kong's face.

"Taste like meat." He said. "Just the way I like it."

"Anything for you lorddie Bowser." Donkey Kong replied.

And just like that, Bowser and Donkey Kong kissed. Followed by Bowser saying: "let's have sex, right here, right now."

"Are you sure? The Kongs and Koopalings are watching." Asked Donkey Kong.

"They'll be fine." Replied the sexy lord Bowser. "They secretly enjoy it anyway."

"N-no we don't." Said Cranky Kong as he was masterbating.

So they fucked, Donkey Kong was bottom, legs up, as Bowser was fucking his juicy feet. Not sucking, fucking. It was much sexier seeing Donkey Kong moaning to his foot being shredded forever.

"Yes Bowser! Fuck my foot! Oh yes!" Donkey Kong moaned, as blood was pouring out of his foot.

"Uh, dad?" Bowser Junior asked.

"Yes son?" Bowser replied.

"Can I maybe.... join in?" Bowser Junior said as he held his cock.

"Of course!" Said Bowser. "Go right for the ass, it's great for beginners!"

Bowser Junior spread Bowsers giant ass and stuck his dick through his buttcheek.

"No! Bowser Junior!" Bowser screamed. "I MEANT HIS ASS, AND NOT THE CHEEK, THE HOLE!" Bowser Junior wasn't listening, however, as he was having too much fun fucking Bowsers asscheek. Meanwhile, Diddy and Cranky were having their own fun.

"Yes Diddy Kong! That's it! Swallow me! Swallow me whole!" Shouted Cranky Kong as Diddy was putting him into his mouth.

As Cranky Kong went down Diddy Kong's esophagus, Diddy Kong started to feel some concern.

"Uh, Cranky Kong? When I finish devouring you, will you be okay?" Asked Diddy Kong.

"Diddy Kong, my child, do not worry about me, I will always be there for you. All you have to do is swallow me, and everything will be alright." Diddy Kong swallowed Cranky Kong, and left the basement not long after.

Meanwhile, Bowser was getting tide up by Bowser Junior, and all the Koopalings were doing their part in pleasuring him.

"N-no, go away!" Bowser shouted. "I-I don't like this!"

"Oh really?" Said Wendy. "Then why is your dick so hard?" "I-I don't know!" Yelled Bowser.

Just then, Bowser came all over Iggy's face, and Iggy started screaming while running around the room and tearing everyone to shreds not long after. On a nearby cliff, Diddy Kong was sadly jerking off while mourning his sexy relative, until, mysteriously, he heard a voice. "Diddy..." He turned around to see Cranky Kong's ghost with his legs behind his shoulders and his sexy butthole and penis both throbbing. "As I said before, I will never leave your side, I am simply in a better place now, it's called heaven for sexual deaths. In fact, we're all here, watching over you." Everyone's ghosts, Bowser, Donkey Kong, the Koopalings, and even Luigi, started appearing before him in the same fucking position. "H-how did this happen?" Diddy Kong questioned. "Iggy." Cranky Kong said, as Iggy began to run toward Diddy. "AH! GET AWAY FROM ME FUCKTARD!" Yelled Diddy Kong. "No." Cranky said. "What?" Asked Diddy Kong. "Let him do it, let him fuck you, it will be alright." Diddy Kong began to loosen his grip, and not long after, he was dead, just in time for the sun to set at the cliffside.

Mario Rapes Sonic, Wario, and Waluigi in His Candy Shop

One day, as Wario, Waluigi, and Sonic, were all walking on the street, shaking their sexy, lolicon asses, they found a candy store.

"CANDY!!!!" They all yelled in glee.

And so, they entered the store, which was titled: "Mario's candy store."

"Sonic?" Waluigi asked as they entered the store.

"Yes?" Sonic replied, as he bent over to grab some Milk Duds and revealed his panties through his extremely short skirt.

"Can I borrow some money? I don't have any."

"No." Sonic says, knowing that Waluigi never paid him back for the blow-up Undyne doll he bought him.

Waluigi was angered by this, so he responded:

"Fuck you bitch you've never done anything for me and I've worked my ass off for you when I went to the gym before sexually assaulting you!"

And so, the conversation ended, Wario bought a penis shaped lolipop, and he went outside with Waluigi.

Meanwhile, Sonic was still paying for his Milk Duds, as he asked Mario:

"Do you think I'll ever be a famous model? I've tried soooooooo hard but nothing's worked."

"Yeeeeeeees" Mario replied while masturbating. "You just haven't tried a simple strategy used to attract people to your arrrrrrrrt."

"What is it?" Sonic asked. "I'll do anyyyyyythiiiiiiiing."

"Here, let me show you." Mario said. "When there's a penis in your ear, more people look at your post, waaaaaaaaaaaaatch."

He stuck his penis into Sonic's ear, and Sonic tooook his picture and uploaded it to Tiktok, it instantly blew up with lots of comments:

Tails: "Nice you just scored big time."

Wario: "Sorry for the wait I went back inside to take a massive shit."

Eggman: "Sonic! WATCH OUT! THAT MAN MOLESTED ME!"

And so, Mario was not satisfied, as he said:

"Time for your payment bitch."

He fucked Sonic's ear until he died, and after that, he took off Sonic's extremely erotic clothes. And after a while of licking his pussy, Mario put him away, and went to see Wario taking a shit. But, disappointingly, Wario was not taking a shit, instead, he was just masturbating, while moaning the words:

"Walugiiiiii! Waluigiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! WALUIGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!"

Mario sighed and walked in, and Wario covered his breasts and pussy out of shame, as he said:

"It's not what it looks like, there was just a lot of stuff stuck in my nipples and pussy!"

"What actually happened?" Mario asked, knowing that he was clearly masturbating.

"Ok, ok." Wario responded. "Waluigi was begging me to let him try out my dick shaped lolipop, it got to the point where he was on his knees. So I did, but as he was sucking it, I started having these weird feelings that I never felt before, for some reason, I wanted my dick to replace the lolipop. Pleeeeease help me."

Mario started laughing, as he said:

"Wow, I thought you were too young be aroooooooused. Anyway, allow me to demonstrate what to do with these feeeeeeeeelings."

And so, Mario fucked Wario right in his little ear, and he died, but Mario was not done, he took off Wario's provocative skin, and begin to wear it for himself. He revealed all the sexy organs and bones Wario was hiding underneath, and so he fucked his lungs and put him Away.

Now it's Waluigi's turn.

Mario walked out of the store, while still wearing Wario's skin, and went to see Waluigi, as Waluigi said:

"What took you so long? I was beginning to worry." He blushed. "But it's not that I like you or anything!"

Mario, aroused by Waluigi's words, went up to him, and said:

"Let's go to the middle of the wooooooooooooods. There's something I need to tell youuuuuuuuuuuuu."

"Ok." Waluigi responded with excitement.

And so, when they arrived, "Wario" revealed his true identitty. As he took off both Wario's skin and his own.

"Surprise little bitch!" Mario yelled with his esophagus bouncing erotically. "Wario's dead, I killed him from fucking him in the ear, now it's your tuuuuuuuuuuurn!"

"WAAAAAAAAAA!" Waluigi yelled as he was running, as for some reason, he did not want to have his ear fucked.

But as innocent as Waluigi was, he, like everyone else knew, that this was Mario's game, and when you're in Mario's game........

Mario stopped running for a moment to respond to the narrator.

"There's no reason to resist!"

Seth Macfarlane Section

Elon Musk Molests Seth MacFarlane

One day, as Seth Macfarlane was walking down the street, wearing his usual provocative clothing, a Tesla Cybertruck carried it's polygons over to him. Just then, the window fell off, and a man with a friendly smile greeted him.

"Hiya beautiful, I'm Elon Musk, Do you need a ride?"

Seth Macfarlane's short shorts were tightening around his penis, and he knew that he would need some help going to the place he needed to be, so he greatfully accepted.

"Why yes actually, I was just headed to the Bible Book Burning, it should only be a few blocks over."

"Alright! My Tesla Cybertruck should be able to make it there in a couple hours. Hop in!" Elon Musk gleefully replied.

As soon as Seth Macfarlane got into the truck, Elon Musk pulled out one of it's wires and used it as a deadly taser.

"Take off your clothes bitch!" Elon Musk yelled to Seth Macfarlane.

Seth Macfarlene reluctantly took off his bra and panties, and the two of them were suddenly filled with pleasure. Just then, Seth Macfarlane kissed Elon Musk.

"I love you, Elon Musk."

Not long after, Seth Macfarlane put his legs behind his shoulders, he was in a position that was easy to take advantage of.

"Put it in me Elon! Put it in my asshole!"

Elon Musk was not satisfied by his begging, and so he replied:

"You are not begging enough, I will not insert my penis until you beg properly."

And so, Seth Macfarlane continued to beg.

"Please please pleeeeeeeeeeease Elon Musk, my peepee is soooooooooo wet, I don't know what to do about it"

And so, Elon Musk pulled out his penis, and stuck it into Seth Macfarlane's urethra.

"NO ELON MUSK, WRONG HOLE!" Yelled Seth Macfarlane.

Just then, Seth Macfarlane saw a familiar mole on Elon Musk's dick, the same one he placed on one of his characters as a joke.

"Q-Quagmire?" Asked Macfarlane, through his pain.

"Surprise!" Yelled Elon, as he took off his mask.

"B-But, I don't understaaaaaaaaaaaand?" Wailed Seth Macfarlane.

"Ah, little Macfalane, after all you've done, you still don't understand? You see, I'm not Elon Musk, there was NEVER an Elon Musk, I made him up, and it was all because of you. You exposed my identitty as a rapist, and I was on the run. I had to think of something, ANYTHING, that could hide my true self. And so I did, I created Elon Musk, the creator of the Tesla Cybertruck. I used him to pick up chicks, people that I didn't even NEED to molest. But I was still haunted by you, you are the only thing that's keeping me from seeing my sexy friends, Peter, Joe, Cleveland. When I finish with you, I will tell the world, as Elon Musk, that Glenn Quagmire is NOT a rapist, and my days of being a sex offender will continue. I will rape my friends, I will rape my family, I will rape the world, and you, you'll be GONE."

And so, while listening to Glenn Quagmire's cute little evil laugh, Seth Macfarlane fell unconcious, and when that happened, Quagmire ripped open his stomach. And he used Seth Macfarlane's blood as paint, this was so that he could customize his Tesla Cybertruck, and that gave him an idea. The Tesla Cybertruck should now come in red, and the paint will come from his victims.

This post is sponsored by Elon Musk.

Dr Phil Rapes Stan Smith and Roger on Stage

As Stan Smith was pulling his sexy ass up onto the chair, Dr Phil began to speak with his whore mouth:

"So, let me get this straight, you fucked your wife in a church because you couldn't find a seat?"

"Yes." Stan replied, staring at Dr Phil's abs.

"Are you delusional?" Dr Phil asked.

"What?" Stan Smith replied, puzzled by this stupid question.

" A R E Y O U D E L U S I O N A L . " Dr Phil asked again.

Stan Smith did not know what to do, so he got off of the chair and began to leave. But as he was going out the door, Dr Phil grabbed him.

"This isn't over" Dr Phil said, as he let go of Stan.

Later that night, Dr Phil went to the Smith house in his sexy leather ski mask, and he abducted Stan Smith along with his alien. After a while, he brought them to his stage to do some live raping.

"Attention audience, today, I have two very special guests, who are not here because they ran out of therapy options, or because they want to piss me off, but because, I, Dr Phil, am going to fuck them."

He took off their masks and revealed their cute faces to the roaring crowd, and he placed roger onto a wheel.

"First, I am going to suck this vulnerable midget's dick."

"YAY!" Shouted Roger, as this was one of his many fantasies.

Stan was still tied up, leaving his hot ass and twitching hole open to the crowd.

"Anyone who would like to fuck the bigger one while I suck this penis is welcome to do so."

And so, they did, people from the audience began to fuck him in each and every one of his sexy holes, and it was so much that he began to pass out, meanwhile, Dr Phil was taking off Roger's skin, to expose what lewd parts he was hiding this hole time.

"I am now going to put my penis inside your intestine." Dr Phil said.

"Sounds great!" Roger yelled to him, which caused Dr Phil to finally realize he was enjoying this.

"Wait a minute, are you, enjoying this?" Dr Phil asked in horror. "Of course!" Roger replied. "I've always enjoyed masturbating to you!" "Ewwwwwwwwwwww." Dr Phil said out of disgust.

And so, him and the audience switched victims, and Stan began to wake up.

"Ugh, where am I?" Stan asked.

"On my show fuckwhit, and on my show, I get to do whatever the fuck I want!" Dr Phil replied.

As Dr Phil shoved his 15 inch penis in and out of Stan's rib cage, Roger became bored of these nobodies fucking him. And so, he told Stan the solution that he knew the whole time.

"Quick, Stan! tell him a math question! It'll be too much information for him to process!"

And so, Stan Smith did exactly that.

"Okay, hey, Dr Phil, what's 5+4?"

And as soon as he asked that question, Dr Phil's head exploded, and people began to fuck his remains. And outside of the building, stood Stan and Roger, as Stan slapped him in the face.

"Harder Stan harder!" Shouted Roger.

"Shut up!" Stan said. "You could've helped me this whole time! But you just wanted to have sex with Dr Phil!" "Yeah yeah, whatever, lets just go home." Roger replied, and they walked away.

...Later that night, Mario started fucking Dr Phil's ear, that is, after he took out the mind control chip he put in it.

Sethy Macfarlane Fucks Mommy

Waaaaaah! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Seth Macfarlane cried at 3:00 AM.

Seth Macfarlance's mom entered his room.

"Oh sweety, did you have another nightmare?" His mommy asked.

"I-I *sniffs* met Elon Musk *sniffs* but he turned out to be a big meaniiiiiiiiiiiie" Seth Macfarlane replied.

"Oh little Sethy" His mom replied, "your little diapy's dirty, looks like you need a bath. You can tell me all about it then."

And so, Seth Macfarlane's mommy took off his clothes while trying to avoid looking at his little peepee, and she put him into the bath. She started by cleaning his poopy butt because it was the dirtiest. Then, she cleaned his weewee, because there was a lot of cummies on it. She then decided to clean his rock hard abs because she found them very attwactive. The rest, was still hot, but not worth mentioning as much. She did all this while Seth Macfarlane described his experience: (go to Elon Musk Molests Seth Macfarlane too see his dweam.)

Seth Macfarlance's mom then came to a realization, and that, was that her little baby boy was finally growing up.

It's about time.

And so, as Seth Macfarlane's mama was getting him all dried off, she asked him something:

"Honey, would you like to give your mommy a bath for a change? You can do anything that terrible Elon Musk did to me, I sure would love it!"

"Hmmmmmm......." Seth Macfarlane wondered, "ok! I'll start by telling you to take off your clothes!"

Seth Macfarlane then shoved his moommy into the tub and yelled at her.

"ROAR, I'M A SCARY MEANIE! TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES YOU FEMININE DOGGY!"

Seth Macfarlane's mommy took off her clothes, while being filled with pleasure.

Seth Macfarlane then said, "no! you heard to stowy! You're supposed to kiss me and tell me you love me!"

"But Sethy...." Replied mommy Macfarlane, "I don't want to raise you to be a liar...."

"Ok!" Seth Macfarlane replied. "I'm gonna gwow up to be a good boy!"

Not long after, mommy put her disgustingly wrinkly legs behind whatever the fuck she calls shoulders and pleaded.

"Put it in me Seth! put it in my bumhole!"

Seth Macfarlane was stitching some of her leg skin over her pussycat, as he said:

"Uh oh, looks like mommy isn't begging enough, You're gonna have to twy harder than that!"

"FUCK JUST PUT IT IN THE URETHRA ALREADY!" She yelled while blushing.

Seth Macky then put his wiener dog inside of his mama's and and they had long, rough, sexy time. As they came in unison, mommy Macfarlane said:

"Wow, 5 minutes! You did great! Now back to bed, this was all just a dream for legal reasons."

"No!" Seth Macfarlane said.

"What do you mean?" Asked his mommy. "Don't you want to sleep so you can be bwig and stwong like your daddy that you were never allowed to mweet?"

"But there's one more part!" Seth Macfarlane replied, "Musky turned out to be Quagmire and ripped open my stomach so that he cwoud cwustomize his Cwybertwuck! I wanna do that too!"

"No!" Yelled his mother, "I won't allow that! Go to your roomy!"

"Have you forgotten who was top this while twime?" Seth Macfarlane asked. "MWE, so I get to do whatevwer I wanna to your sexy body!"

And so, while yelling "ROAR I WAS QUAGMIRE THIS WHOLE TIME!" He cut open mommies ginormous belly, and couldn't resist the temptation to put cummies inside of it. After this, he started customizing his Little Tikes wagon with blood and cum, all while crying and wishing he didn't kill his beloved mommy.

"I loved you mommy! Even if you never felt the same!" He said with tears falling down his sexy cheeks.

Just then, Glenn Quagmire appeared behind him.

"Hey Seth."

"AH! MWEANIE!" Seth Macfarlane screamed.

"Relax, I'm her to help you," Said Glenn Quagmire, "soon, your suffering will be over."

More fantasies coming soon...

submitted by /u/Fair-Pollution [link] [comments] from FanFiction: Where Magical Ponies battle Imperial Titans https://ift.tt/2wUDD9v

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