#you are exactly the phenomena that is being described in the song

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Ok so they play “Record Player” at my work and I love it so much that I never interrupt it with the mic. I just listened to it with headphones on for the first time and HOLY SHIT I feel like my soul is on the brink of leaving my body. Some astral projection shit right there

[samthecookielord]

💘You're walking in the woods. there's no one around and your phone is dead. out of the corner of your eye you spot him. Shia LaBeouf.

1 says: "I see... This is a hypothetical scenario to test me? Well, I don't recognize that name, so I have no basis for expectation. I may take different protocols depending on the situation. If the encounter is peaceful, I would love to start a conversation with this person! If the encounter shows hostility though, I would like to find ways to diffuse the situation without hurting anyone. In the worst case scenario, I can always flee. I don't get exhausted, after all."

2 says: "PFFFFT- HE'S FOLLOWING YOU ABOUT 30 FEET BACK. HE GETS DOWN ON ALL FOURS AND BREAKS INTO A SPRINT. HE'S GAINING ON Y-"

(tourney)

Previous answers:

1 said (R1:M5) - Q: "hands you a bug" - A: "Thanks!! I've never seen one before! (...Is there something I'm supposed to do with them...?)"

1 said (R2:M3) - Q: "can you explain what electricity is" - A: "Of course! Electricity is the set of physical phenomena associated with the presence and motion of matter possessing an electric charge. Electricity is related to magnetism, both being part of the phenomenon of electromagnetism, as described by Maxwell's equations. Common phenomena are related to electricity, including lightning, static electricity, electric heating, electric discharges and many others. The presence of either a positive or negative electric charge produces an electric field. The motion of electric charges is an electric current and pr-"

2 said (R1:M8) - Q: "do you play an instrument. Or sing. Or whatevercer" - A: "OHHH OH OH OH I like to sing! Well, uh, not regularly, but I've recorded covers of songs I really liked sometimes before! :D LIKE [REDACTED] AND [REDACTED]- OHHH AND [REDACTED] IS A GOOD ONE TOO- okay at this point I might as well name the whole album, eheh..."

2 said (R2:M4) - Q: "would you do a blind date tournament with your oc's?" - A: ":O!!!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT EXACTLY THAT ENTAILS BUT IT SOUNDS FUN!!!!! Oh my god this is just like the plot of [REDACTED]... AND I SHOULD TOTALLY GET [REDACTED]'S CHARACTERS IN ON THIS TOO..."

[sixminutestoriesblog]

Singing Sand

I thought we’d do something different today.  Let’s take a trip across the world and back in time.

The story goes like this:

The desert heat was dry, first soaking into every crevasse and fold of clothing and then become a heavy weight there, pressing down from above, pressing in from the sides.  As the day progressed, the heat soaked into lungs, breathed down through covered noses, filling the body, baking the travelers from both the outside of their bodies and now the inside as well.  Their shadows ran long before them and then trailed, even longer and darker behind them.  Wind blew off the sand dunes and the grit of that sand seeped, like small, persistent fingers, past barriers of cloth.  The only sound was the sighing of the wind over the sand, the soft steady chime of the bells on the camels blankets and the occasional clicked tongue from one of the camel’s guides.  It was like traveling through time, backward and backward again into the past.  It was like being caught in amber, a moment that stretched on and would never end, never change to the next moment.

At first the sound might only be the wind.  A low, solemn sound, coming from somewhere far away.  A droning rise and fall that vibrated through the air, that hit the chest and shook persistently through the lungs and heart there.  Slow, as the travelers seemed to grow nearer, the sound clarified into low chanting, sometimes louder, sometimes fading, following a song that  changed without warning or pattern.  Low, always vibrating low, filling the air with the continuous, sad song.  

It was a song that Marco Polo recorded in his journals and one the locals knew well.  

A song sung in the quiet, secret, hidden places of the desert.

We’re talking about singing sand, a rare, naturally occurring phenomena that science can - almost - explain.  

Singing sand can happen on beaches but the most impressive songs come from sand dunes lost in the desert. Ancient people described the noise as moans, drums, chanting or thunder.  Marco Polo, traveling along the Silk Road, wrote that the sounds were caused by evil spirit and sounded like musical instruments or the clash of arms.  The songs aren’t just limited to the China either.  Singing sand can be found world-wide and no two places will sing the same song.  According to science, the ‘song’ of the dunes and beaches are caused by very specific types of sand grains, ones with a silica, caught in very specific circumstances, rubbing against each other as they move.  The makeup of the sand influences what sounds it will produce, with small sand grains making the softest sounds and large grains vibrating more bass.  Sand grains of different sizes will create different harmonies while uniform grain size creates uniform sound.  And though the sand usually has to be very dry to sing, a small amount of water can apparently change the pitch of the song.  The ‘singing’ is believed to happen when wind or footsteps start the sand sliding, the avalanche causing minuscule layer to rub against minuscule layer of sand until the grains resonate and create sound.  Singing sand can be found in the US, Africa, Wales, Hawai’I, China, Japan, Australia and the Middle East - anywhere the sand and the climate is right for the music to start.  While science is still trying to figure out, exactly, how singing sand works, the people of the past already knew.

In Dunhuang, China the stories say that the area around its famous Crescent Moon Lake was once mountainous and full of temples.  One day the chanting and singing from the temples woke a Yellow Dragon Prince who was sleeping in the nearby desert.  Angry at being woken, he covered the entire area with desert sand, entombing everyone in the temples.  The sounds you hear in the region are the spirits of those still trapped below the dunes, eternally chanting their songs.

The Bete Grise Beach in Michigan also sings.  Local legend says that a Native American woman lost her lover to Lake Superior and every day after he drowned, she would stand on the beach and call his name into the wind coming off the water.   The sand still calls for him to this day and whenever it is disturbed, the long dead ghost of the woman whispers her lover's name in memory. The sand, it is said, will not sing if you remove it from its beach.

We know that people sing. Whales sing. Birds sing. And now, apparently, even the sand has something to add to the choir.

[red-dyed-sarumane]

theres also something interesting to be said about the time settings of aru sekai series. bc when u have a scifi loop series u expect, u know, u get ur cast, u see them fail, they get brought back into a different timeline & this progresses usually until they can break it. but aru sekai, despite ALSO being a scifi loop, is not that same type of time loop if u can even call it a loop. scenario fits, onset of disaster, world ends, everyone fitting the requirements wakes up in an entirely intact world. but time itself only seems to go forward. as supported by aru sekai shoushitsu itself its less a loop & more a cycle. (as we're told with the whole "toroidal direction" & emphasis on fractal repetitions.) we have a defined past, directly referred to as the past, with entirely different characters from the clearly more modern or current cast handling relatively the same phenomena. theres a definite progression of time despite the world ending time & time again. and even in isolated instances theres a sense of time continuing as we know it to rather than being forced back to any given point. u have the narrator in kanon coming to & noticing the nice after-rain weather. there's the urgency in apoptosis' actions when she realizes theres no way but continuing & trying to fight against that. even what we know of kannagi implies a linear progression of time they cant fight against. & thats just off the top of my head.

not mention a typical aspect of traditional time loops is that only one or a small group of people are aware of the time loop where as here its not even an open secret its just entirely well known. which is to say, again, its a cycle not a loop. the real oddity of which being the recreation of a similar world for everyone to wake up in but that might be something we get more info on later given the trend of this series.

as compared to say kagepro where the characters have their own true time loops or shuuenpro which is more alternate timelines if i remember correctly. aru sekai is nearly entirely linear when it comes to time direction. even though they wake up in an alternate world(or... something. we know the world they're in gets damaged severely & destroyed. hence the shoushitsu. i can't imagine it would heal itself somehow but u never know) theres 11 songs in this series so far & not a single one shows an alternate timeline in the sense as we're used to. its always a succession of events, things & knowledge that build on each other, not ever brought back to a single point to be explored in a different way. even characters going through the same events will only ever describe it from their perspective & not as an entirely new series of events. in fact most of these arent even at the same time! even then its a linear progression! oumen & apoptosis are heavily, heavily based around the same events and yet the overlap of time in them is small. kanon & maximizer are similar. the overlap of time in songs is, currently, very little! even if its only a by few minutes, if u look carefully, theres little details relating to events in other songs where you immediately know from it what happened earlier and what happened after.

we've been told the world "continues in the toroidal direction", its not a perfect circle. even if its only minor there'd be some sort of distortion of whatever it is moving in a donut shape, the inner curves are tighter than the outer, its not a sphere, its not as consistent as a spherical shape would be (though i can see the argument even a sphere could have some sort of distortion at its poles its without a doubt less than what a toroid would have). and we've also had the fractal aspect pushed on us especially in the first two songs. the repetition of a specific pattern, perhaps not always exactly 1:1 but repetition of it nonetheless. thats exactly what the whole series is. the easiest way to get the base idea across to people not into it is to say its a time loop but the truth its its really not. its a desperate struggle to stop a cycle.

[paramnesiagirl]

What Exactly Makes a 'Tumblr Sexyman'?

Or, diving into the deep intricacies of what people find attractive, and don't.

Neil Gaiman once said that there can only exist two types of people: tedious, and charming. No good, no evil, no grey, only compelling. And his word has become gospel in writing, but the same can hold true, for marketing.

Part 1: Measuring Success in Bones

I call upon the Apollyon class Tumblr Sexyman, Sans Undertale himself. The skeleton without any of the usual parts, that managed to capture the hearts of far too many people. Despite Toby Fox's Undertale releasing in 2015, I swear I still catch glimpse of at least one new soundtrack remix— featuring Sans, of course— everyday, on BiliBili's hot new song releases chart.

Undertale's success, while mostly due to its unique mechanics and meta-gameplay, can also be significantly attributed to this singular, titular, character. Polygon declared him one of the best video game characters of his decade, with his amazing boss fight and dialogue also being ranked highly by IGN. He's been added into Nintendo's official roster of Mii fighters in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, his soundtrack 'Megalovania' was played in front of the pope, and of course, he was declared the "Ultimate Tumblr Sexyman" in the year of our lord, 2022.

What exactly is a 'Tumblr Sexyman'?

If you're new to this hellsite, it's to describe fictional characters that have captured the hearts— or other parts— of a large fanbase, despite not being conventionally attractive. They often range from understandable, like Mob Psycho's Arataka Reigen, to insane, like the floating triangle, BIll Cipher, from Gravity Falls.

Other than the Onceler (from the Lorax movie, and a cursed topic for another day), Sans is the only one on the wiki to have ever achieved 'Apolloyon' status. Which is described as, per the site itself, as a:

"Once-in-a-generation phenomena. The characters that you couldn't escape, no matter if you cared about (or even knew about) the media they're from. The characters who not only transcended their fandom, but created their own."

A media icon, a darling of the internet. This generation's Michael Jackson or Elvis Presely, albeit in skeletal form.

But unlike those two, there shouldn't be any reason why people would love Sans so much. Surely, even if a large swath of the internet are freaks, there shouldn't be this many weirdos, right?

Well, you're not entirely wrong.

The dear friends of mine that introduced me to their Undertale obsessions in the first place, probably wouldn't lay their hands on just any kind of bone, but I know that they'd make a special exception, just for him.

See, Sans is indicative of a larger trend. An evolution of the old school, and still widely utilised, marketing strategy of 'sex appeal'. Sexypedia (the Tumblr Sexyman wiki) attempts to categorise these characters based on a wide variety of tropes and standard features such as 'Perpetual Smiler', 'Distinctive Voice', 'Well-Dressed', and 'Egotistical', just to name a few. However, even they hold the opinion that there isn't any one thing that makes a character so interesting.

For example, other than 'Duality', Sans and the Onceler do not share any other matching tropes on their listed wikis. Odd, considering their near equal levels of success. They're from different franchises entirely, different media types, very different designs, etc. etc.

So... what gives?

~

Part 2 coming soon

[titoist]

trying to articulate something, trying to articulate something, trying to articulate something... (if you ever encounter someone repeating this to themselves, it's a sign that they should be 'Put Down' like a dog) i guess it may sound strange, no matter how i put it... i've noticed that coming into contact with any music i may or may not have listened to in the past tends to put me extremely on edge. an almost deep unease, i would almost describe it as a deep & instinctual horror. like something nesting in the very most basal part of my throat, urging me to run away. what i think is obvious: this seems like a reflexive reaction formed during a personal episode, in where - driven by the maddening feeling of total, unrelenting suffocation - i attempted to burn all my personal bridges, disassociate myself entirely with any and all of my past, attempt to bring about conditions conducive to a wish of evolving into a completely different person... like locking someone in a room with no electronics or the internet, forcing them to read a book they don't particularly understand, but which they are unable to seek outside interpretation of. rereading it over & over, coming up with autodidactic, internal modes of thinking... etc. what i also think might be obvious: this plays heavily into a deep distrust, discomfort at my own past that i can't quite seem to identify. and i'm afraid that i might not even be able to identify it... it seems deeper than i am, and wider than i could ever hope to cover. what strikes me as strange: this fear of the past seems to not be exclusive merely to my own, personal ephemera... not localized only to the mental flavors that photos and songs capture only in retrospect, like recalling a dream - but it branches out into foreign pasts, too. pasts i might not have even been around for. when a friend, happily & friendlily, hands me a song that was extremely influential for them in the past.. it evokes that same feeling. but why, exactly? i have never interacted with this song before. i only now it now, in the moment. subjectively, to me, it is localized wholly & totally in the present moment. but that same deep & instinctual horror takes hold again, only now (crucially, maybe) reflected off another person... maybe it feels like i'm being overwhelmed by their past? so, at that point, maybe it stops even being a personal phenomena - i'm just scared of the past, in toto? because it necessarily feels like the past knows my vulnerabilities... like it's going to hurt me if i stare too long into it. like i'll hurt myself if i long for this moment in the past, which is now shriveled, this branch of the future that has shriveled and become detritus of the past. this moment which is now dead. that doesn't seem good, does it? the past should be a neutral thing. not something to be protectively guarded, but not something to be scared and fought against, either. one should be able to find joy in old memories, but not necessarily be attempting to retreat into them... i have to find a way to let it be a third, neutral thing. but what makes it hard is that i seem to have a propensity for sticking myself to one extreme of any given spectrum, & then denying the existence of anything in-between. which is a bit personally betraying. you might notice i'm not speaking with an authoritative tone, here. mmmwell, i can't in good conscience be doing that, i think, since i also find myself quite confused, here... but it feels like i'm on the right path, here. just need to find something... i feel like i can't keep being so scared of my own subconscious - tip to toe, it's all me! ...and maybe that's what's frightening?

[passionate-reply]

This week on Great Albums: we are FINALLY talking about the Pet Shop Boys! They’ve only been my favourite band since I was, like, eight. Whether you want to understand the hype or you’re already Team PSB, come check out this video and hear all about 1990′s Behaviour. (Or read the transcript, below the break.)

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums! It’s time for me to finally do a video on one of my favourite bands of all time, and the very first band I obsessed over when I was a kid: the Pet Shop Boys! Their fourth LP, 1990’s Behaviour, is considered by many to be their best work, and it’s also one of my personal favourites of theirs, so it seems like a great place to start.

The preceding Pet Shop Boys LP, 1988’s Introspective, was their deepest dive into densely-arranged, nightclub-ready post-disco compositions. Nowadays, people tend to praise it for its more experimental and baroque qualities, but it’s also very much a party album, blending synth-pop with house and rave influences.

Music: “Domino Dancing”

At the cusp of the 1990s, there was certainly no shortage of interest in upbeat, rave-y party music, and the so-called “Madchester” scene was in full swing. But the Pet Shop Boys’ follow-up to Introspective would take their sound in a different direction. They went to Germany to work with Harold Faltermeyer, best known for his instrumental synth smash “Axel F.” There, surrounded by Faltermeyer’s collection of analogue synthesisers, they would create an album that was...well, kind of a downer.

Music: “Being Boring”

Behaviour’s opener, “Being Boring,” is a track whose reputation probably precedes it--it’s one of the best known Pet Shop Boys songs, and over the last thirty years, it’s become emblematic of its era. “Being Boring” is a stark and pensive reflection on the tragedy of the young lives lost to the AIDS epidemic, and the uncanny strangeness of getting older while knowing a lot of others didn’t have that luxury. But at the same time, there’s something surprisingly jubilant and triumphant about the way that chorus rises up, almost like exultation at having survived, even though the verses feel more downbeat. Lyrically, the focus on “having never been boring” puts focus on having lived a vibrant life moreso than it does the silence of the crypt. Behaviour might be a somber album, but it’s not without a sense of hope or optimism; just listen to the track “The End of the World.”

Music: “The End of the World”

While “Being Boring” deals with the very adult gravity of death, grief, and survivorship, “The End of the World” asks us to imagine the petty romantic squabblings of teenagers, and their magnified sense of importance. While its title is a bit ambiguous, the song itself is quite clear: what is going on here is, by no means, the end of the world! Like I said, Behaviour is far from all doom and gloom, though it has sort of gotten that reputation. While acclaim for Behaviour is certainly as common among hardcore Pet Shop Boys fans as it is anyone else, I’m tempted to think that some of the praise it receives from relative outsiders is connected to this perception of it as the “serious” Pet Shop Boys album, that deals with real issues instead of being packed with fun pop songs. While I like gloomy, serious music as much as anybody, and personally prefer it to the more light-hearted releases, there’s no reason to predicate appreciation for the Pet Shop Boys on their being cerebral or high-minded. But that seems to be a common plague of a lot of music criticism, particularly of that rockist sort. The track “How Can You Expect To Be Taken Seriously?” serves as its own sort of commentary on rock culture.

Music: “How Can You Expect To Be Taken Seriously?”

In “How Can You Expect To Be Taken Seriously?”, the titular question is posed to rock stars whose inflated egos make them think they have something meaningful to say about big issues like politics. The song’s rougher soundscape stands out against dreamier tracks like “Being Boring,” and perhaps kicks it slightly closer to sounding like a rock song. While I can certainly get behind a song that mocks rock and roll self-righteousness, it does seem a bit ironic in the context of Behaviour, an album that would see the Pet Shop Boys making a clear effort to tackle meaty, real-world issues. I suppose that any album released by artists who were already established in their career might be expected to include some consideration for the dilemmas that come with that territory. Another track that explores this theme is “My October Symphony.”

Music: “My October Symphony”

While never released as a single, “My October Symphony” is a popular track nonetheless. It was inspired by the life of the great Russian composer, Dmitri Shostakovich, and portrays the grave uncertainties presented to the artist by the collapse of Communism, and with it, the prevailing sense of mythology and moral values. Given the themes involved, many have interpreted it as a track that obliquely questions where famous queer artists like the Pet Shop Boys were going, in a world that had been devastated by AIDS. While it’s about a very different kind of musician, I certainly like to think it’s a track that “rhymes” with “How Can You Expect To Be Taken Seriously?”, in that it also questions the relationship between artists and the values of the society around them.

Behaviour’s cover art recalls that of the Pet Shop Boys’ 1986 debut, Please, with a strong emphasis on empty, white space, and a small design in the center. While the relationship of its four panels is ambiguous, it could be interpreted as a representation of death--as a face turns away, the human figures disappear, leaving the still, unchanged inanimate objects behind. As children, we quickly learn that not being able to see something doesn’t mean the thing is truly gone, but nevertheless, we sometimes have a tendency to ignore things we wish would go away. Perhaps the cover of Behaviour is an allusion to the way world governments buried their heads in the sand, so to speak, regarding the AIDS crisis, hoping it would conveniently die down and vanish when it wasn’t being observed.

The title of “Behaviour” is perhaps even more mysterious and up to interpretation than the cover. There’s something very detached and clinical about that word--an impersonal ambiance. I’m reminded of the seemingly unsympathetic narrators of several tracks, such as “The End of the World” and “How Can You Expect To Be Taken Seriously?”, that seem to cast judgment on the actions of others without taking an interest in their emotional internality. They discuss “behaviours” as cut and dry phenomena, and focus on the actions that people take. While neutrality can be cold and condemnatory, it can also be a welcome change when introduced to a subject traditionally treated with hostility. In that light, I’m tempted to think of the title as referring to homosexual “behaviour,” contextualizing sexuality as less of a fixed identity, and something that one intrinsically “is,” and more about an action, a decision, something that one “does”--a mentality that a lot of people find rather liberating.

In introducing Behaviour, I described it as an album that’s often considered the Pet Shop Boys’ best work. But their 1993 followup to it, Very, is also a strong contender for that title, in the hearts of many of their biggest fans. *Very* has a lot more in common with *Introspective* than it does Behaviour, going back to rich, dense productions and upbeat, poppy love songs. The fact that the Pet Shop Boys managed to pull off two very different, but both very acclaimed, releases back to back speaks volumes about why people love them as much as they do. Whether you like them or not, they’re undoubtedly one of those artists who some people can turn to in just about any mood, or any season of life, and that’s a powerful thing.

Music: “I Wouldn’t Normally Do This Kind of Thing”

My favourite track on Behaviour is its lead single, “So Hard.” It’s one of my all-time favourite Pet Shop Boys tracks, and almost certainly my favourite of their singles. With its wryly bitter narrative of two-timing lovers, and harsh, clattering analogue synthesiser soundscape, “So Hard” has a pretty different feel to the rest of the album--dark and ominous, without that wistful, sentimental aura. But that’s exactly why I like it. The Pet Shop Boys were among the first artists to deliberately adopt analogue synths for the subjective qualities of their sound, and this track employs them in a way that’s reminiscent of what artists tend to do with them nowadays. It’s punchy, with that clunky, mechanistic analogue quality to it. Not a typical Pet Shop Boys song, but a damn good one nonetheless! That’s all I’ve got for today, thanks for listening.

Outro: “So Hard”

[gothhabiba]

Wow thank you so much for bringing this up because I used to get SO mad as a kid that I couldn't "visualize" things that my mother would give me exercises where I would close my eyes and try to visualize something but I just had. Vague shapes in front of my eyes that I tried to pretend were blurry outlines but deep down I knew it just wasn't, I can't visualize for shit!! So at some point I just figured that everyone was like this and we were just describing our experience differently but now 1/2

But now you're telling me that's not the case and some people actually DO see something? I'm going to be so sad if that's the case. I used to try to explain to people that of course I knew exactly what something/someone looked like and I could draw it from memory but that didn't mean I could actually 'see' it in front of me.. i can't believe it wasn't a scam and the whole time people have been seeing and hearing things? I'm still not convinced? What is the truth

I didn’t know about any of this at all until this year, it’s interesting that you had exposure to the concept sooner! I wonder if you remember how you found out that what you were doing wasn’t “visualising” according to other people?

I understand & do feel some scepticism because it seems on some level possible that we’re describing the same experiences differently (as I can conceptualise visual objects, I know and remember on some level what they look like, & I can call up a song in real time in my head) but then people actually start describing their experiences with this and it just seems utterly foreign. the idea that anyone could consider these experiences even remotely akin to “seeing” or “hearing” or that they feel there’s a spatial dimension that visualisation occurs on makes me think that something actually different is going on than a difference in terminology or a difference in the conceptualisation of experience--& the claim that a man developed aphantasia after minor surgery, if true, would kind of clinch that imo (if one person can experience both and note a difference between these two modes of visualisation / conceptualisation). [note as a warning that the link describes aphantasia as a “problem,” which is annoying]

the linked article, though, also notes “people wondering whether the same thing applied to sound - and Mr Ross said that while he can imagine some voices, it is difficult to ‘hear’ songs and he had never had one stuck in his head”--& I definitely do get songs stuck in my head. so who knows. I’d be interested to see if this receives further study in the future

I also get feeling sadness--it feels strange to realise that other people apparently have a more vivid internal world than I do, that people can visualise the faces of those they love, &c-- but on the other hand I’m annoyed at people acting like this is innately a “problem” or “failing” or whatever. why and how can I possibly miss something I’ve never experienced? outside of just how trippy this revelation is, I don’t care too much. obviously my ability to feel love for people isn’t affected by whether or not I can call a picture of their faces to mind.

putting this in the same post to avoid spamming people--a man with aphantasia in that article says “I also find it difficult to jump from abstract thought to concrete examples, although I think a positive consequence is that I am perhaps better at thinking abstractly than many other people.” I do experience this & am habitually very annoyed by metaphors being used as explanatory or pedagogical tools and confusing me or muddying the waters when I had understood the abstract point just fine. but at this point I think we risk veering into false pattern-finding / mapping ill-fitting post-hoc explanations onto potentially unrelated phenomena

[lunawho47]

Buzzfeed Unsolved: The Mysterious Doctor and the Omen of the Blue Box (Part 1)

Fandoms: Buzzfeed Unsolved and Doctor Who

Genre: Total Crackfic, Humor

Rating: 16+ (for language)

Summary: A script for Buzzfeed Unsolved, in which our two favorite jackasses, the Ghoul Boys, discuss the various internet theories surrounding the identity of various mysterious figures known only as “the Doctor” and the blue box that tends to appear around them.  Well, Ryan wants to discuss the theories; Shane thinks it’s all urban legends and bullshit.

A/N: So, I’ve read a lot of these mock scripts going around for Unsolved discussing CW’s Supernatural as though it was real, and I thought they were hilarious.  So, my brain started wondering what theories the reddit and conspiracy boards would think up about mentions of the Doctor, the Doctor’s companions, UNIT, and Torchwood.  And to be honest, my brain came up with A LOT of theories that would make sense, and this format seemed a fun way to discuss all of them.  It was originally going to be a one shot, but as I started writing, Shane kept interrupting in my head about how stupid all of it sounds, and that kept making the script longer and longer.  So, it’s now going to be a few parts long cos the history of DW (even when seriously truncated) takes a long time to go through when you try to use the serials to make arguments about the Doctor’s potential identity(s).  

So, here’s part 1.  Please let me know if you like it and would like to see more.  And if Shane and Ryan sound anything like themselves because if they don’t then the whole thing is nowhere near as funny as it should be.

Ryan: Today on Buzzfeed Unsolved we're looking into the puzzling mystery of an entity known only as "The Doctor" and the corresponding omen of a blue box.  It's a mystery that, in its more comprehensive moments, is whimsically strange and, most of the time, is just plain batshit bizarre.

Shane: Okay, so I can hear the air quotes around the name, and you called it an entity.  Are we talking like, cryptid creature that is based in reality or am I going to be sitting through theories about zombie plagues and Ant-man Ax murderers again?  Just what am I in for here?

Ryan: No zombie plagues, and the Doctor has never murdered anyone with an ax.  At least, not in any of the records available. It's just...well, it's hard to explain here, so let's just get right into it.  Just bear in mind this is Gene Wilder Willy Wonka levels of weird when it's at its most sensical.  And it's rare that this story makes any sense at all.

Shane: Alright, I'll confess I'm...intrigued.  I'm ready to listen.

Ryan: Alright, here we go.  *opens folder*

Ryan (in his Unsolved VO):  The first documented evidence of a being calling itself "The Doctor" is in the files of now deceased British UNIT officer Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart.

Shane:  Wait.  UNIT?  What's that? Sounds like something out of a video game.

Ryan: (wheeze) It does a bit, yeah. But there is paperwork evidence that verifies this group -- lame as the acronym is -- actually existed.  They were set up in the mid-1960s by the United Nations to look into unexplained phenomena and for a long time they were a covert operation.  The British Prime Minister knew they existed, and they answered to Geneva, but they weren't known to the wider public until after they shut down three years ago.

Shane:  I'm sure that meeting went GREAT.  'Hey, everybody, thanks for coming down this Monday morning. Erm...thanks for protecting us from alien invasions for the last 50 years and for keeping such a great secret about it.  Here's your reward: you're all fired, and we're going to tell the entire world what your names were and let you deal with the press about it for the rest of your life.  Have a great rest of your Monday!'  (Wheeze) What a bunch of shitty bosses.

Ryan: I mean, based on what little there is to read about how UNIT operated, the Brigadier we'll be talking about really had to go to bat for the organization in front of the Prime Minister a lot over the years in order to keep the operation going.  After the Brigadier died, they were able to keep going for awhile, but as you'll see from some of these stories we'll be looking at today, the organization was considered obsolete long before it was disbanded.

Shane: Okay, so the Doctor first appears in conjunction with this UNIT?

Ryan: Right, so in the 1960s, there was some weird circumstance that led to the London Underground shutting down and the Brigadier, who was only a Colonel in the regular British army at the time, ran into what he described as a "(quote) man with a foppish haircut, ratty waistcoat, and tartan patterned clown pants; a young teenage girl; and a full Scotsman (end quote)."  

Shane: So which is the Doctor?  

Ryan: In this case, it's the first description.  The man with the clown pants on.  (wheeze)

Shane: (wheeze) Do you think he had clown shoes on, too?

Ryan: See, I know exactly what you're picturing right now.  You're thinking of a guy with a depressing Beatles haircut and complete clown regalia, including the extra large shoes.

Shane: I am.  100%  And you know, given some of the things we saw when traveling around London, including on (*with a terribly fake posh Oxbridge accent*) the Tube, a man dressed as a clown running around the platforms underground wouldn't even register as weird on a normal day.

Ryan: (Conceding) That is true.  And on a normal day, I'd agree with you.  But, bear in mind, this was the 1960s -- not the modern day -- and the Tube at the time was closed to the public because of this unknown threat the army was trying to deal with.  And what's even more notable -- the reason why the future Brigadier apparently wrote about it in his official report to the Prime Minister -- is that the man who called himself the Doctor, together with the two other civilians, saved the day.  The details are sparse, but the Brigadier makes it clear that the Doctor is the one who figured out what was really going on and managed to deal with whatever the situation was with minimal casualties.

And that's just the first time the Doctor and the future Brigadier crossed paths.  There are later documents that report the Brigadier -- now promoted from Colonel and officially a Brigadier -- came across the same man and Scotsman, but a different young girl in London just weeks after the military organization known as UNIT was founded.  And AGAIN, whatever the situation actually was, the Doctor and his friends were the ones that helped UNIT save the day.

Shane: Am I the only one who finds it suspicious that the details are always missing?  Like, shady organization set up by the government to look into extraterrestrial happenings?  Sure. (*puts hands in the air in surrender to argument*) I'll buy that.  Governments do shady shit all the time.  But, I mean, things like shutting down the London Underground and alien happenings in the city of London itself.  People are going to notice, right?  And how shitty are the Brigadier's write ups that no one remembers or knows any of the happenings in Britain's capital?  "Dear Prime Minister, stuff happened.  Doctor did some other stuff.  Stuff stopped.  The end.  TTYL."  Sounds like someone was crap at his job and when things just luckily worked out, everyone just swept it under the rug.

Ryan: You see, I would agree with you there.  BUT...there are pictures.  We can't show them to the audience because of copyright, but if you know where to look online, people love to discuss the Doctor and all the people who have gone missing while looking for the Doctor, so.  Investigate at your own peril. But, Shane, here you go.

*the audience can't see the photos hidden by Ryan's open folder, but we see Shane's expression.*

Shane: (*laughs*)  That Doctor looks like a moron.  I mean, I still think the Brigadier must have been crap at his job, but he was bang on his descriptor of the Doctor looking like a clown.  And I take it the guy in the kilt is the Scotsman?

Ryan: Yeah, I looked up what full Scotsman means when I read the description and apparently it means a guy who wears a kilt with no underwear on underneath it.  Before that, I just assumed that it meant this other guy was wandering around the Underground, playing bagpipes and singing songs from Highlander or something.

Shane: You thought this guy was wandering around singing Who Wants to Live Forever over a decade before the film came out.  (wheeze)

Ryan:  Well, when we get into the theories that idea won't seem entirely out of place, I don't think.

Shane: Well, I'm going to go ahead and call a preemptive bullshit on that theory.

Ryan: Noted.

Ryan: (back in Theory VO) The next record of the Doctor's appearance comes about in the 1970s when a man is admitted to a local hospital after collapsing outside of a blue box in the woods.

Shane: There was a blue box in the woods?  Like, human sized or was he scrunched up in it like Shroedinger's cat?

Ryan: We'll get back to the box in a minute, but it's larger than a human, yeah.  In fact, it was something called a Police Public Call Box, which were common to see on city or town street corners in Britain in the 1950s and 1960s. The idea was that if police or citizens saw a crime being committed, they could either phone the police from the box or shove the criminal in the police box and go fetch a policeman.  But what's weird about the box in this case is: 1) it's in the middle of the woods, and not even on like, a hiking path or anything.  But, the legit WOODS.  And 2) it's the 1970s and police call boxes are no longer really a thing at this point.  But, once the man calling himself the Doctor gets to the hospital it gets even stranger.

Shane:  I mean, everything about this story so far feels like the Brigadier spinning a yarn, but keep going.

Ryan: So, the Brigadier gets a phone call from the hospital that a man called the Doctor has been admitted to the hospital.

Shane: Wait, how did the hospital know to call the Brigadier about that?  Was there a national bulletin?  Is the Doctor a wanted man or something?

Ryan: I don't know, man.  Maybe the police just call UNIT whenever something with the label "fucking weird" comes across their desk.  I don't know.  This is just what the report says.

Ryan: (theory voice) Due to a situation UNIT was overseeing in the area at the time, the Doctor's appearance was notably auspicious for the Brigadier, so the UNIT officer went to see if his friend could help with the investigation.  However, when he got the hospital, he discovered that he the man calling himself 'The Doctor' was not anyone he recognized.

Shane: Wait...what?

Ryan: (laughing).  I told you the situation at the hospital is weird.  So, the Brigadier is told that this man who has helped him out before has been admitted to a hospital that is nearby a situation that UNIT is investigating -- a clear sign, in the Brigadier's mind, that this Doctor who is injured is the same one he's met twice before -- and then discovers that it's a completely different man.

Shane: Well, I mean...that's not *too* weird.  I mean, the man is in a hospital, and you usually see doctors in a hospital.  And I'm sure a lot of doctors are known more by their title than their surname.  There are millions of doctors on the planet, so I don't know if two different people wanting to be called Doctor is all that unusual.

Ryan: (with a haughty smile) That makes perfect sense, but listen to this.

Ryan: (Theory voice)  The Brigadier assumed at first that the patient calling himself the Doctor was a coincidence and started to leave the room.  However, he found himself called back when he heard the unknown man call the Brigadier by name. The conversation made it clear that, not only did the patient know the Brigadier's full name, but also knew the circumstances under which the Doctor and the Brigadier had met both times before. Information which, at the time, was highly classified and known only to those in the Prime Minister's office and those who had been in the UNIT planning room at the time of the situational crises.

Shane: Okay, I'm going to call it.  I'm going with spy.  I think the Doctor is a code name and this guy inherited  the call sign and the information from the Doctor's previous operations.  

Ryan: So, you think this is like, a 007 scenario?  

Shane: I mean, I'm sure you'll peddle some alien abduction theory or some other supernatural bullshit, but...yeah.  I'm going spy call sign.  Makes sense to me so far.

Ryan: Well, you might not be a *total* dipshit, but...we'll see.  There's still quite a bit more to cover. This isn't even the tip of the weird iceberg.

Shane: (sarcastically) Oh joy...

[michaelmilkers]

I saw in one of your tags that you mentioned how 21 pilots made emo pretentious and im actually curious about why you say that (not hate i just never knew about them that much)

my friend you have asked me about a topic i am very knowledgeable and very angry about so prepare yourself for what you have wrought

it isnt just twenty one pilots but theyre just the biggest and most popular example

like. take my chemical romance in the early-mid 2000s aka the peak of emo. it was very melodramatic and theatrical, the way emo should be. there was a presence of “we are not like other people” in a lot of the songs, but it was never just that. it was more of a “we have been cast out and we kinda suck but thats okay.” one of the best examples of this is, ironically, i’m not okay.

take, for example, the opening to the mtv music video:

[Ray] You like D&D, Audrey Hepburn, Fangoria, Harry Houdini and croquet. You can't swim, you can't dance and you don't know karate. Face it, you're never gonna make it. [Gerard] I don't wanna make it, I just wanna...

this immediately establishes the song as being about social outcasts and people who dont fit the mold. the fucking tag line of the song is “i’m not okay” ffs, that really tells you all you need to know about the song. but the important thing is it doesnt take itself too seriously either. the music video takes place in a private school, and shows scenes of the band members eating lunch alone, being bullied by jocks and preps, etc., but it ALSO shows scenes of frank putting swim goggles on in chemistry class and ray drawing on his test with a crayon and then licking it, and at the end they all ambush and beat the shit out of a guy in a mascot costume. all of this is cut up by text saying things like “if you ever felt alone” “if you ever felt wronged” “if you ever felt anxious”

do you see the juxtaposition here? the music video could very very easily be a fake deep bullying psa, but its not, because while theyre getting bullied and playing their music in a garage they are also, unequivocally, total fucking losers for obvious comedic effect. it is a very exaggerated and lighthearted version of real phenomena, which makes it more relatable to a wider audience.

the same can be said about the song itself. it has some pretty heavy and angsty lyrics (”i’m not o-fucking-kay”) but the instrumentals are punchy and energetic and catchy and gerard’s vocal delivery is very theatrical but also very deliberate and he still puts real emotion in the words. it sounds like its taking the piss out of not being okay, which is exactly what i as a clinically depressed 13 year old needed, and i bet a lot of other people can say the same. i’m a loser and thats okay. i fucking suck in school and thats okay. i feel shitty and thats okay. i’m not okay and that, in itself, is okay.

with twenty one pilots, on the other hand, there is no theatrics, theres no taking the piss, theres no over-the-top melodrama that made emo what it was. 

take, for comparison, the opening lines of heathens:

All my friends are heathens, take it slow Wait for them to ask you who you know Please don't make any sudden moves You don't know the half of the abuse

and this presents, immediately, one of my biggest criticisms of twenty one pilots: their rampant appropriation of mental illness.

because my first thought when hearing this is as an abuse survivor and someone with ptsd they can kiss every single square inch of my ass.

Welcome to the room of people Who have rooms of people that they loved one day Docked away Just because we check the guns at the door Doesn't mean our brains will change from hand grenades You're loving on the psychopath sitting next to you You're loving on the murderer sitting next to you You'll think, "How'd I get here, sitting next to you?"

they try to do the same kind of nuanced poetic lyrics that my chemical romance did and in my opinion is just doesnt fucking work because they take themselves SO. FUCKING. SERIOUSLY. it sounds JOYLESS. 

and the song closes out with this:

Why'd you come? You knew you should have stayed (It's blasphemy) I tried to warn you just to stay away (Away) And now they're outside ready to bust (To bust) It looks like you might be one of us

this is what i mean by pretentious. there is a clear separation of the person/people from whose point of view the song is told and the people the song is meant to be listened to by from the greater population, but theres no high energy or comedic self deprecation to counteract it. 

now take some lyrics from heavydirtysoul, a song i actually really like the sound of, im not just shitting on this band bc its not to my taste yall:

There's an infestation in my mind's imagination I hope that they choke on smoke 'cause I'm smoking them out the basement This is not rap, this is not hip-hop Just another attempt to make the voices stop

Nah, I didn't understand a thing you said If I didn't know better I'd guess you're all already dead Mindless zombies walking around with a limp and a hunch Saying stuff like, "You only live once." You've got one time to figure it out One time to twist and one time to shout One time to think and I say we start now Sing it with me if you know what I'm talking about

right back at it again with that appropriation of mental illness symptoms! and some dumbass critique of our generation that doesnt fit in with the rest of the song at all, closing out the verse with “we are not like you” shit. the vocal delivery at least has more energy than heathens, but the lyrics just feel like a mishmash of different points theyre trying to make that have nothing to do with each other.

the best line of the song is undoubtedly “death inspires me like a dog inspires a rabbit” but its poetic just... for the sake of being poetic? its one of those lyrics that sounds like someone came up with and was like “bro we gotta put that in a song” but then couldnt actually figure out how to fit it into a song in a way that would flow. another example of this is “i cant drown my demons they know how to swim” in bring me the horizon’s can you feel my heart. not shitting on bring me the horizon, i really like sempiternal, but thats another line thats just poetic for the sake of being poetic. and to be put on t-shirts. i know this because when i was 12 i had a shirt that said “i cant drown my demons they know how to swim” on it.

i could do more analysis on other mcr songs, namely welcome to the black parade and famous last words, but i would be here for literal hours and idk if people actually care that much.

to sum my points up:

they take themselves too seriously. they appropriate and romanticize mental illness (forgot to mention that top’s website, at one time, described their music as “schizoid pop” lol). they pull a lot of “We Are Not Like Other People..,.,.,,...” shit. 

that last point is not inherently a bad thing, for example the new slipknot album is literally called “we are not your kind” but the song that contains that line as a lyric is all out life, and corey taylor is screaming that entire song and the instrumentals are reminiscent of speed metal with how fucking energetic they are. its edgy and its GREAT. twenty one pilots just sounds like they think theyre the shit.

also, and i want you to read the following sentence in a bass boosted voice to best understand how i feel when i say this:

the twenty one pilots cover of cancer is an embarrassment that completely misses the point of the original song and changed it into a weird amalgamation of lo-fi synth pop.

emo music is dead. thank u and goodnight.

[shipmistress9]

Undine - 11

Fandom: HTTYD

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Hicret/Hicretstrid

Modern AU. Kinda-Mermaid AU.

FF-net   AO3

. o O o .

AN: Woohooow, a new chapter! Only took over three months to get it done... And that's with me having been SO eager for this chapter! There's a picture in this chapter, and I drew this over half a year ago! And since then, it's been waiting for this moment. xD

. o O o .

Wide.

Wide and beautiful.

That was all he could think about as he gazed out over the ocean. So magnificent and alluring, as if it would hug him and keep him warm as soon as he stepped into the water. The longing was overwhelming, and he couldn't quite figure out why he wasn't doing those last steps, why he stayed where he was.

So wide...

So beautiful...

So tempting...

"Hey, love. Did you zone out again?"

Eret flinched and, blinking to clear his mind of the foggy sensation that always followed one of these episodes, gazed at Hiccup and his godsdamned smirk next to him.

"Uh," he grunted, shaking his head after Hiccup had stretched to give him a light kiss in greeting. "You're back?"

Chuckling, Hiccup nodded. "Yeah. I'm sorry, talking to that one customer took a little longer than planned. But I still got all the shopping done; we should be good for a week or so now."

Eret nodded, silently accepting the fact that he must have lost hours again. Hadn't Hiccup left only minutes ago? Once back in their kitchen, he sat down and watched quietly as his boyfriend prepared dinner for them both, steak and a fresh salad to go with it.

"So, did you find out anything new?" Hiccup asked after they'd both eaten up, leaning back in his chair with a satisfied smile.

Eret shook his head. "No, not really. I... well, I didn't have time. I think I didn’t even get to sit down and open my notes this time." This was so frustrating. So many hours of possible working time – all lost.

"Well, I’m glad you’re taking the Undine serious now,“ Hiccup went on, carefree and relaxed. “But after she apparently enchanted you again today, I’d say there's at least one thing we can be absolutely sure of." 

Eret cocked his head, even though he could already guess where Hiccup was going with this.

"She really is no threat to us."

Eret nodded, though reluctantly. It seemed as if Hiccup was right. Glancing at the picture Hiccup had drawn and that stood in a corner of the room, he tried to sum it all up for himself.

It was two weeks now since he and Hiccup had both seen the Undine. They hadn't spotted her again since then, but the fact that they'd both seen the same face was proof enough. But proof enough of what? 

That she was real? Probably. 

But did that also mean that she didn't mean to harm them? Maybe Hiccup was right and she really posed no threat. But what did that mean for them? Of course, they could just go on like before, happy with the knowledge that a literal living legend resided in the ocean next to their home.

But how bizarre that fact alone was aside, all these episodes of one of them getting drawn to the ocean and basically becoming unconscious for hours... they bothered Eret. Yeah, nothing bad had ever happened. Yet. But they were disturbing nonetheless – because they were getting more frequent! Lately, barely a day passed without one of them ending up outside and gazing at the ocean as if it was all that mattered. And Eret just wasn't sure what to think about that.

Because, surely, those were connected to the Undine, right? They had to be, even though he couldn’t say why or how. It felt like too much of a coincidence that there could be two unexplainable phenomena at work here. And wasn’t it part of the legends about undines, mermaids, and the like that they were able to lure humans into the water and into their death? It wasn’t that he really feared this creature wanted to harm them… But he couldn’t entirely accept her being harmless either. 

“Maybe you’re right,” he evaded giving Hiccup a direct and possibly controversial answer. They’d discussed it often enough lately, and without any further proof of any sort, their different opinions on this matter wouldn’t change. They agreed to disagree, and that was enough for now. 

“Still, I’d like to go through my notes again tonight, since I didn’t get the chance to do so earlier. Look up all the legends that mention sirens luring people in with their song and such.”

Hiccup shook his head at that, but chuckled and smiled fondly. “If that’s what you have to do to find your peace of mind…”

. o O o .

For a while, Hiccup simply watched Eret as he stared at his screen, ruffled through pages in his books, and typed some new notes into one of his documents. He was adorable like this, biting his lip and with this tiny crease between his eyes when he was entirely focused on his work like this. And the fact that he was taking the Undine and her existence more serious now wasn’t exactly off-putting either.

And it wasn’t as if Hiccup didn’t understand why Eret insisted on gathering as much information as possible. Odin, he wasn’t much better if he thought about it. It was just that Hiccup didn’t believe some old legends, myths, or fairy tales could really tell them what all this was about. Mrs Ingerman might be their best option, but with how vigorously she’d been in her bad opinion about the Undine, Hiccup didn’t feel like bringing her up as a source of information. He couldn’t say why, but he just knew that the Undine wasn’t here to harm them. 

If only they’d seen her again, maybe even had gotten the chance to interact with her. That would certainly have taught them more about her and her motives. But she hadn’t shown herself to them again, no matter how determinedly they’d looked, and by now, Hiccup wasn’t putting much hope into finding her anymore either. She was probably still around, but as long as she was hiding so sufficiently, nothing would change. 

Sighing, he watched Eret for another minute or three before he got up to clear the table and clean the kitchen. Or… that was what he’d meant to do. 

He couldn’t even say when exactly it happened, whether it was right after he entered the kitchen or whether he at least started washing the dishes. All he remembered was that he suddenly felt too warm, the air around him too stuffy, and that he decided to go outside and get some fresh air instead. 

It was a lovely evening, the sun just about to set. The air was still relatively warm with only a light breeze blowing over from the ocean. His eyes settled on the glistening surface, smiling as the faint thought of drawing this one day came to his mind. But only a heartbeat later, it was gone again, along with pretty much every other thought in his head. 

He took a deep breath but it still felt stuffy somehow. Maybe the air would be cooler closer to the water? Hiccup made an unconscious step toward the water, then another. And another. The closer he got to the ocean the lighter he felt, his smile getting wider, his eyes brighter. 

On and on he walked…

. o O o .

With a heavy sigh, Eret stretched, the muscles in his back complaining at the lack of change in posture. He shushed them though, far more frustrated by the lack of progress in his research. There were so many stories, but none of them fit the case of their Undine. Nearly everywhere, the siren or mermaid was described as an evil monster which lured men in on purpose, direct and almost aggressive in their behaviour. And none of that fit to their Undine, he had to give Hiccup that much.

And… where was he anyway? 

“Hiccup?” Eret called, surprised that he wasn’t sitting on the couch anymore. When had he left? He got up, stretched some more, and then went in search of his elusive boyfriend. He had enough of all those frustrating thoughts and dearly preferred cuddles over pretty much anything right now. 

However, it quickly became apparent that he wasn’t inside the cottage anymore, and with a slight uneasiness, Eret stepped out the backdoor, expecting Hiccup to have gotten lost in the view, too. But he was nowhere to be seen, and somehow, that made it even worse. Calling his name again, Eret jogged around the house to check on their car, but it was still where it was supposed to be; Hiccup hadn’t driven off for whatever reason. His uneasiness grew as he ran a hand through his hair, looking around the wide-open landscape as if he expected to spot Hiccup there somewhere; which, of course, he didn’t. 

“Hiccup, this isn’t funny anymore,” he called, louder, but there was still no response. “Dammit!” he cursed under his breath, jogging back to the other side of the house. Reluctantly, his gaze landed on the ocean but he found that, for once, its allure was gone. Or maybe his worries for Hiccup were just overshadowing it. Slowly, practically against his will, he walked closer to the small stony cliff that separated the higher field of grass from the water. 

And prayed with all his heart that he wouldn’t find what he feared to find.

. o O o . 

With her incorporeal arms soothingly wrapped around herself, the creature sat at the foot of her usual rock, deep below the ocean’s surface. As so often lately, she was quietly humming to herself, the only thing that seemed able to keep the loneliness at bay – a little bit at least. 

She felt raw inside, torn between the urge to watch her humans whenever possible and to keep this safe distance at any cost. It wasn’t working. She could feel it, how her determination crumbled. It was only a matter of time before she would give in and go back, would risk… whatever could happen to her if she got involved with humans. 

But whatever it was, it couldn’t be worse than this hopeless longing for something she didn’t even know. And she was certain that, to a degree, they had to feel it, too. When she felt the worst, almost ready to give up existing, more often than not one of them appeared outside, barely moving and just watching the waves, just like she liked to do, too. It was odd, but it made her feel connected to them. As if they specifically came for her, to keep her company. As if her loneliness had called them. 

And it was getting worse. 

She’d already spent part of this day with the bigger one as she called it. But where she’d been content with doing so every couple of days, she now already missed them again. How was she supposed to cope?

Her cold heart skipped a painful beat when she felt it – one of them was close again. Not close enough to find her, but inside the water. Even over the distance, she thought she could feel the warmth he radiated, making her whimper. Resisting was so hard. 

Impossibly hard even. 

With something like a soft cry, she gave in to the overpowering force that drew her toward them, floating close enough to spot him near the surface. It was the smaller one, and just seeing him made her feel lighter inside. Hopefully, this tiny bit of closeness would be enough to give her the strength to keep her distance a little longer. 

But then she saw it. Something was… off. 

Usually, the humans took off their additional skins when they entered the water, or most of them at least. And it made sense, she thought as she watched her human struggle. All those skins made it apparently difficult to move. Worried, she watched him more closely. He appeared to have problems with staying at the surface, as if the wet skins were dragging him down against his will. 

It didn’t look good.

Not at all!

She didn’t hesitate for even one second longer. From one moment to the other, she didn’t care about consequences anymore. Within a few heartbeats, she was at his side, her body condensing into a more solid form to hold him and lift him back up to the surface. He instantly gasped for air, arms and legs flinging around wildly. His eyes were open but equally wild so she couldn’t be sure whether he even noticed her or not. She hoped he didn’t.

She also hoped that lifting him back up here was enough, that she could go right back into hiding now. But as soon as she let go of him, he sank down again, helpless against the waves and the weight of his soaked skins. Whining in distress but without thinking twice about it, the creature wrapped her arms around her human again and slowly dragged him back toward the shore. It was difficult, her body not used to such exertion, and she had to pause several times, gathering her strength and holding him up almost more than she could manage. 

He’d stopped struggling by now which made it easier but also worried her. Terrestrial beings needed to breathe, didn’t they? Was he still breathing? She wasn’t sure but she also had no way of making sure. So she put in more effort to get him back to the shore and even managed to drag him onto solid ground, even though she barely remembered how. 

Frantically, she looked him over, unsure of what to do now. He still wasn’t moving. But before she even had one moment to think about what to do now, she heard the sounds; footsteps rustling through the grass above her and the weird but distinct noises humans made. The other one was coming here and quickly. That was good. He would know what to do with this one.

With two quick jumps, she was back in the water, diving in head-first and disappearing between the waves.

. o O o .

When Eret reached the cliff, heart hammering in his chest, he froze when he found exactly what he’d feared. Hiccup lay on the rocky ground below, pale and unmoving, his clothes and hair dripping wet. 

“Oh, FUCK!” he cursed, hastily climbing down to his hopefully just unconscious boyfriend. In the back of his mind, a voice was ranting about how Hiccup had been wrong, about how the Undine had lured him into death after all. But Eret determinedly shut it out. Now was not the time. 

Instead, he quickly scanned his body for any visible wounds, relieved when he couldn’t find any, and directly went over to reanimation. They’d taken courses before moving to the seaside, but never in his life had Eret imagined he’d one day have to use it on Hiccup. 

“Come on, Hic,” he gasped in-between. “Don’t do this to me.”

To Eret, it felt as if a small eternity passed as he alternately pressed down on Hiccup’s chest and blew air into his lungs. But in reality, it probably took far less than a minute until Hiccup reacted, coughing up water as his body convulsed. 

“Oh, thank Odin,” Eret gasped as Hiccup regained at least some consciousness. He was groaning, his hands fluttering up in search of something, and Eret caught them eagerly, reassuring him that he was safe now. “You scared me there for a moment, do you know that? Don’t ever do that to me again!” He was only babbling, really, too scared and relieved and shocked to make any sense. And it wasn’t as if Hiccup was all that perceptive right now anyway. 

For a while, Eret just held Hiccup. He had both arms wrapped around him, slowly rocking him back and forth and giving Hiccup time to recover and regain his senses. At first, all Hiccup did was groan and cough, but after a minute or three, he apparently found his voice again.

“She was there,” he croaked, followed by renewed coughing. “I saw her. Felt her. The Undine.”

Eret’s fingers around Hiccup’s shoulder twitched as he helped him back onto his feet. Somehow, he wasn’t surprised the Undine was involved in this incident. “Yeah, I guessed so. Maybe you believe me now that she’s dangerous. All these legends about her kind luring men into death – they can’t all be wrong!” 

Getting Hiccup up the rocky cliff wasn’t easy but eventually, they managed. Once they were back on grassy ground, Hiccup shook his head though. “No, you don’t understand,” he insisted, his voice still hoarse but urgent. “She… she was helping me. Dragged me to the surface and the shore. She rescued me, Eret! She’s not evil, not–” 

Hiccup broke off, coughing again, and nearly fell when he dizzily stumbled to the side. Eret caught him quickly, his arms firmly around him again as he led him to their home. He wanted to argue against Hiccup’s words, how that didn’t explain why he’d ended up in the water in the first place, for example. But instead, he just pressed his lips together, forcing himself to stay quiet. They would get the time to discuss this, but not now. Not, getting Hiccup inside to warm him up and let him rest was more important. 

“Whatever. But come on now, we have to get you out of these wet clothes.” Usually, a comment like that would have drawn a smirk from Hiccup’s lips and probably a comment about if Eret wanted to see him naked he only had to ask. 

But today, none of that happened. All Hiccup did was nod mutely, his eyes weirdly dazed and empty.

. o O o .

The creature didn’t get far before she paused and turned back to look at the shore. Too big was her apprehension for the human’s health; she had to know how he was doing and hiding deep in the ocean and out of sight was out of the question right now. Anxiously, she watched as the bigger one took care of him, for once not caring whether anyone might spot her head between the waves. 

Please, oh, please. Let him live!, she thought, desperately. Usually, the life of humans didn’t matter to her, but after all these weeks, she didn’t want to lose them.

The relief she felt when the smaller one moved again was beyond anything she’d felt before. Her heart was flowing over with lightness, unable to contain her emotions any longer, and there was an odd stinging in her eyes, more wetness than usual on her cheeks.

He was alive. As stupid as her thoughtless reflex to help him might have been, it hadn’t been for nothing. He was alive, and everything else was secondary to that.

However, as she watched them retreat into their construction, something else came up in her mind. The happiness and relief from before got accompanied by the returning longing as they walked away from her, but that wasn't something new. No, what was new was the sense of dread she felt. As if it had been her fault that he'd almost drowned in the first place.

But that was ridiculous… wasn't it?

With blank eyes she watched them as they disappeared out of sight, inwardly fighting against the voice inside her head. What if she'd been right before? What if she wasn't the only one feeling that strange pull toward these humans? What if, somehow, her presence affected them just like theirs did her?

Was she responsible for him almost drowning? 

As often as thinking about them had elicited some strange warmth inside her before, all she felt now was a weird coldness instead. She couldn’t even explain it to herself, but she just knew that she’d been right. Them spending more time outside where she could see them lately was somehow because of her, because they felt the same yearning she did. And it had almost killed one of them. 

Throughout the entire night, the creature stayed close to the shore, closer than she’d dared to in a long time, watching the building even after the lights had gone out. Something like today wouldn’t happen again. She wouldn’t let it happen again. 

For hours, she pondered even though, deep down, she already knew what she had to do. Her only option. Leaving was impossible, she'd tried that already. She'd thought that staying just close enough to watch them would be enough, but the past weeks had been anything but easy on her – and obviously, it wasn't a real solution anyway, not when it put them at risk. So what option was left to her? She knew that she wasn't allowed to interact, that it could have deadly consequences if she did. But apparently, that was true for not interacting, too.

Yeah, she already knew what she had to do, but she still needed the hours until dawn to gather her courage. Above her, the sky was already turning grey and orange as she got closer and closer to the water's edge. Once, the sensation of skin forming around her, of confining her, had put her off enough to throw herself back into the ocean, but today, it felt like little more than an unimportant inconvenience. Earlier, when she'd dragged the human onto solid ground, it hadn't bothered her either, hadn't even registered in her mind, and ignoring it now was almost easy. 

Once her feet touched nothing but sand and rocks and her legs had gotten accustomed to carrying her weight, her gaze locked on the small construction further up on the headland. Slowly, she took one step up the rocky ground, her eyes never leaving her goal. Before she knew it, she felt grass beneath her bare feet, such a weird and unfamiliar sensation, but even that wasn’t able to distract her from taking another step. 

And another. 

And another...

. o O o .

Uh Oh... I wonder how that's going to work out... O:)

[hatari-translations]

Berglind Festival mockumentary - translation

A while back, I translated this talk show interview from Vikan með Gísla Marteini. As it turns out, this was not all there was to it: in this video, we can see the full Hatari segment, which includes a short, hilarious mockumentary on Hatari by comedian Berglind Festival (who would do these humourous segments on Gísli Marteinn’s show), starting at about 7:48 in the linked video (it should link to that timestamp). I’ve translated it (and the brief dialogue that comes after it) below, but please watch the video alongside the translation; it’s funnier with everyone’s expressions.

The band Hatari will go on stage to represent Iceland in Eurovision in Tel Aviv on May 14th, and the nation is holding its collective breath. "We'll finally win Eurovision," say some. "I demand Hatari assume full responsibility for the Israeli-Palestinian conflict," say others. But let's start at the beginning. What is this Hatari thing?

Iceland. The year is nineteen ninety-something. Hatari is born at the National Hospital and goes through traditional schooling. Suddenly everyone's talking about Hatari and they're heading to Tel Aviv to lead their nation to victory in Eurovision. But what are these leather-clad beings up to? When did they first take an interest in toppling capitalism? And how are they going to buy all these straps when capitalism has fallen? What is their true goal?

[Berglind interviews Guðlaugur Þór Þórðarson, Minister of Foreign Affairs.]

BERGLIND: Why did the Ministry of Foreign Affairs decide to found Hatari?

GUÐLAUGUR: This is our contribution to Eurovision. I think it's very important that the Ministry of Foreign Affairs safeguards the interests of the country and its people, and Eurovision is definitely a place where we want to make a difference. Really, it's a wonder this is the first time the Ministry has directly interfered in the way that we're doing now.

BERGLIND: Have you made any plans at the Ministry for Hatari's victory in the contest?

GUÐLAUGUR: Sure. Of course, we have a precedent, which was the Independence Festival [massive 1994 celebration of fifty years of Icelandic independence, remembered for huge traffic jams], but we expect this to be bigger, involving more people. And we've decided to celebrate not just in the Icelandic embassies in Europe, but also our embassies in North America and Asia.

BERGLIND: Is it true that Iceland will be one of the biggest BDSM destinations in the world after this?

GUÐLAUGUR: I think that's very likely. We're going to have to see how it plays out, of course, but it's something we're strongly expecting.

And what about the children? It turns out Eurovision is not only for the gays: it's also for kids. Recent studies show that our children have become both more open and less prejudiced after Hatari won Söngvakeppnin. At the same time, kids' orgies have grown in popularity, and community centers' BDSM clubs are fully booked.

But despite the huge popularity of Hatari, not everyone is thrilled with the band.

[Berglind sits down with a robed figure whose face can't be seen, but I suspect it's Andrean.]

BERGLIND: Do you think Hatari is a total sellout?

FIGURE [titled "a member of Hatari's youth movement from the early years"]: Yeah... Mm.

But the inevitable question on everyone's minds is probably: what effects will leather straps have on our culture and society as a whole?

[She interviews Sólhrafn Elí Gunnarsson, board member of the Icelandic BDSM society.]

BERGLIND: Your people have got to be pretty pumped for Eurovision this year.

SÓLHRAFN: Yeah, we are.

BERGLIND: But well, Hatari is very popular with kids. Have you had any kids trying to register for your organization?

SÓLHRAFN: No, that hasn't happened.

BERGLIND: But what does Hatari mean for our culture?

SÓLHRAFN: More leashes. More leather. More spikes.

BERGLIND: Only fun.

According to the dictionary, culture is the furthering of human qualities and what separates us from the animals. But... animals are often also on a leash.

[She sits down to interview Bergsteinn Sigurðsson, "culture guy", and Guðrún Sóley Gestsdóttir, "culture lady"]

BERGLIND: What does Hatari mean for our culture?

BERGSTEINN: That's a good question, Berglind. I think instead of viewing Hatari as a band, or as performance art, it's more accurate to regard it as a state of being.

GUÐRÚN SÓLEY: Exactly. A state of being that describes the familiar symbols of consumerism, rearranges them, and thus examines the overlap between cultural and societal phenomena.

BERGSTEINN: Exactly! Hatari is stepping into the territory of visual meaning by evoking stereotypes about capitalistic prosperity and wrapping them in a certain uncanniness, thus reconstructing cultural and ideological systems, in an attempt to redefine the human experience.

GUÐRÚN SÓLEY: All that's left is the contemplation of whether we're dealing with a sincere staging or a staged sincerity.

BERGSTEINN: Also the guy who plays the gimp is seriously hot.

[She interviews Goddur (Guðmundur Oddur Magnússon), professor at the Academy of the Arts.]

BERGLIND: What does Hatari mean for our culture?

GODDUR: Well, it means that we're putting real artists out there. It's a really strong group of artists, both musically and visually, who know how to reach the souls of people using what we call sarcasm or opposites. Everyone knows that love has won, but it's tacky to say it. That's why you use the opposite, and you get this strong reaction, at a time, in a place, where - you can't imagine how much hate there is in that area.

BERGLIND: But what will happen if Hatari wins the contest?

GODDUR: They'll definitely get worldwide attention, because it's so loaded with meaning. And it's only going to do good.

BERGLIND: What's your favorite part of the song?

GODDUR: Well, the chorus, of course. That's where you get the goosebumps.

Is the Icelandic nation ready to end up as the victor? I felt as if with every question I asked, hundreds of others arose. I felt as if Eurovision were eating me up from the inside, and only one man could save me.

[She interviews Friðrik Dór Jónsson, singer.]

BERGLIND: Friðrik, what's going to happen to us?

[Friðrik looks worried and uncertain and then shakes his head slightly, in silence.]

  After this mockumentary segment, we cut back to the main show, with Hatari sitting on the couch with finance minister Bjarni Benediktsson and actresses Brynhildur Guðjónsdóttir and Salka Sól Eyfeld. Gísli Marteinn says that we've now learned a lot about Hatari (he has a grammatical fumble and asks if they can cut that, which is amusing), and says that he thinks he's speaking for the whole Icelandic nation in saying we'll all be crossing our fingers hoping for Hatari to make us proud and do great.

GÍSLI MARTEINN: I know Einar's pumped for this, or so I've heard.

Einar stares, emotionless.

MATTHÍAS: Yeah, you may be right.

GÍSLI MARTEINN: If you need a backup, Bjarni here isn't too dissimilar...

MATTHÍAS: As a backup drum gimp?

GÍSLI MARTEINN: I don't know if he's as good at the drums, or the bass line, as Einar.

KLEMENS: We do need a bass gimp, too.

SALKA: Isn't it all fake anyway?

MATTHÍAS: In Eurovision everything is fake, but he really does play the drums at our gigs, admirably.

Then Gísli Marteinn thanks the guests and bids them farewell.

[queernuck]

Hegemonic Holidays

The way that “Happy Holidays” has become a kind of target of right-wing fervor over the de-Christianization of society, a turn toward the secular, is in fact part of an exercise in hegemony: it is a means of restructuring and recapturing a certain sort of antisemitic force of assimilation, a means of ignoring the defiance and liberation that Hanukkah represents, and most of all of creating a sort of unified sense-of-season that in turn creates a Christian hegemony in a supposed secular context. Even the apparently irreligious celebration of Christmas by many is part of extending this hegemony, the way in which the “holidays” are secularized is itself akin to a Francophile turn, wherein the identity of Christian debt, veneration, atonement, and reconciliation as a language of celebration (or lack thereof) is reinstituted through a sense of the Holiday Season, a hegemony of Holiday wishes.

One of the more famous Christmas songs to mention “Holidays” has a chorus that repeats the phrase “Happy Holidays”, but very clearly ends with wishing the listener a “Merry Christmas” with the voices joined in a kind of saccharine, unified wish. This example, one which has been present for quite some time, is just a single example of what “Happy Holidays” continues to represent. The way in which “Happy Holidays” encompasses roughly the time between Thanksgiving (another holiday of genocidal ideological structure) and New Year’s is in part an enforcement of a notion of Advent as part of the structure of Christmas itself, is a secularization wherein the exchange of commodities, the fetishistic exercise of Christmas Shopping, begins on Black Friday and continues on into the usage of gift cards adorned with “Happy Holidays” in the New Year. Loosely, Christmas and New Year’s are understood as two separate “Holidays” invoked at once, and there is a clear means through which the two are understood as a kind of singular flow, wherein the days between one and the other are deterritorialized into vacations, snow days without the snow, symbolic representations of leisure that many are unable to afford with the exception of the American middle class, a largely Christian demographic. Furthermore, the way in which Hanukkah takes place out of joint with these holidays makes it such that there is a convenient out for the Christian well-wisher: Hanukkah is a sort of unknown, alien phenomena of the Oriental Other, joked about in a rather serious fashion with the aesthetic of the classic antisemitic notion of rootlessness, one that rejects the Christian calendar and thus must be wished in a sense that ignores any actual understanding of the holiday’s importance. Furthermore, it is recaptured through assimilation such that it represents an equivalent to Christmas, a holiday with the same trappings, one that can be encompassed by a sort of Christmas with an Oedipal twist, the lack-of-Christianity itself serving as a Christian act of proselytization that can fit Jewish traditions into Christian theology.

In recognizing this, one might wish to make a turn toward a Žižek-esque acknowledgment of the Christendom implied by the arrangement at hand: the proper means to wish others well would be to make explicit the imposition one expects, not to attempt to respect the Other but to make clear that one is only genuinely extending a welcome to the in-group, to the Other that is not quite too far Othered, to those Others which are willing to sacrifice some part of themselves in order to become “good neighbors” in the sense Žižek has described, an acceptance of hegemony as it stands and a gratefulness for the few gifts it offers. Thus, one could argue for the wishing of “Merry Christmas” as a more true exercise specifically because it makes clear that one is celebrating a sense of community that requires Christmas as-such, that celebrates both a religious and a secular holiday at once. And indeed, the notion of a secular Christmas, like Žižek’s notion of an Atheist Christianity, is one which is on display in the conceptualization of Christmas. The lack of religious traditions in many media depictions of Christmas, the explicitly religious way in which Hanukkah is depicted if it is even mentioned as opposed to the secular, social, ontologically-bound depiction of Christmas is part of what makes the Secular Christmas Special such an insidious kind of media.

That so much media involves the Hallmark-esque fascism of Christmas without Christ-in-Himself despite a profound religiosity, a moralism that is fundamentally Christian in character, one which highlights the middle-class small-town American, without the ugliness of poverty and class struggle and with the sort of miracle of capitalism granted by the Holiday Season coming in a turn during the final act of the film, points toward exactly what Christmas “means” even without the Religious-in-Itself. Furthermore, the means by which this is an extension of Christmas Magic, the way that there is so often an ambiguous Santa Claus stand-in with preternatural powers in such media, implies a far wider range of metaphysical claims about Christian belief that often go unquestioned. If Santa Claus is indeed real, what does his all-but-omniscience imply about epistemic standards, the ontological placement of such a being in the taxonomy of Saints and Angels, what must it mean for Christian notions of divinity? While different pieces of media describe Santa-as-such differently, there is an unfailing kind of “Magic” which involves genuine transcendence, which is tied directly to Christmas as a singularity throughout the year, as a kind of Capitalist recapture of religious meaning. 

And indeed, the notions of “holiday season” are themselves in some ways misplaced due to the dual structures of singularity seen around Hanukkah and Christmas, both holidays but neither theologically as important as the social rituals surrounding them. In a Jewish sense, Fall is far closer to a “Holiday Season” due to Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, and Sukkot falling so close to one another, being so intimately linked such that there is a far more genuine season of celebration than any seen in Christianity, with perhaps the exception of the notion of Lent as a season-of-sorts. Of course, one would notice that just as the High Holy Days do not correspond to a “holiday season”, neither does Lent: neither has the same sort of supposed joyousness and uninhibited celebration attributed to the other holidays-as-such, the monetizable process of gift giving that is attributed to the Holiday Season. Easter Baskets are certainly an attempt, but given the grimness of the Passion (and, of course, its common antisemitism) it would be hard to match Easter to the same joyousness as Christmas.

So, when one wishes a “Happy Holidays”, is one genuinely acknowledging holidays other than Christmas? Hanukkah to some degree is implicitly contained, as well as other religious or cultural festivals that take place during the same timespan. However, the wish itself is one which is used most frequently as a politically correct substitute for Merry Christmas, a profoundly dishonest one at that. The way that this act of substitution is seized upon by conservatives as a secularization is itself a mistake specifically because of how it disguises the hegemonic exertion of Christian senses of celebration, community, and ritual upon the operation of capitalism, the flow of capitalist desiring-machines in creating a “Christmas Season”, the way that it now constitutes a new missionary process for the salvation of Capitalist culture into the Third World as new structures of exploitation spread into the ever-increasing production of detritus for decorating during the Holidays. If anything, the wish of “Merry Christmas” is more honest for most specifically because, even if the one being wished does not celebrate Christmas, even if they despise it for the assimilationist, hegemonic role it plays, the wisher most often does not care about the comparative disparity between their intent for-themselves in that wishing and the reception on the part of the intended well-wished: if the well-wished does not feel such well-wishing, then it is merely due to a failure on their part, that it is because a Grinchlike stoppage has been made in the desiring-machines of their too-small heart which Christmas spirit must be used to switch on.

Assimilation is, largely, one of the largest issues surrounding Christmas, and the means through which celebrations of Christmas hold revolutionary potential is absolutely present: the plight of Christians in Gaza is one such example, but it is by no means what a notion of the “War on Christmas” includes. Rather, even the small shift of political correctness has allowed for an opposite kind of politically-correct ideological maneuvering: the Keeping of Christ in Christmas, the enormous role that plays in conservative culture in America, how the hegemonic structure of Christmas-as-Christianization is part of a larger structure of celebration and colonial injunction which ensures that even the secular is part of a relatively coherent moral framework. Indeed, Santa Claus is coming to town, and he is bringing the spoils of the Third World with him.

Merry Christmas, you filthy communists.

[ascalonianpicnic]

1, 4, 7, 16, 23, 34, 41, and 50 for Lace, Wrelia, and Variott!

Lotsa good questions for a trio of good kids!

1. How do they respond to having a song stuck in their head? Does that happen to them often?

Lace will hum the song as they go about their day. It happens semi-regularly but not all the time, and it doesn’t usually bother them. They kind of like having the music there, since it drowns out some of their worse thoughts.

Wrelia tends to not notice when she has a song stuck in her head. When she was a sapling, she contacted a whole bunch of spirits with the first ritual she tried to preform, and she messed it up a little, so she just always hears them and other things near them in the mists. they tend to drown out any songs stuck in her head.

Variott will pull out her lute and immediately start trying to play the song. She usually only gets one snippet in her head on repeat, so she tries to go from there and build a full song herself. It happens every once in a while, but not often.

4. Do they enjoy wearing socks/stockings when they aren’t wearing shoes?

Lace likes to wear socks, with or without shoes. They especially love to wear socks and slide around on polished floors. Socks keep their feet warmer and mean they aren’t going to step in something with bare feet.

Wrelia likes to be barefoot a whole lot, but she also is an absolute sucker for overly fluffy socks when chilling on a cold day with cocoa, or socks that have cute or dumb designs that she can show off. So it’s probably 50/50 on if she’s wearing socks without shoes or not.

Variott doesn’t wear socks. They don’t do great on her asuran feet, and being barefoot makes it easier to get a grip on things like the kitchen cabinet so she can climb it when she’s over at other folks’ houses.

7. How do they cope with losing an argument?

It depends on the argument, but Lace usually accepts it and moves on. They tend to avoid arguments in the first place, since they get pretty anxious during them, and are quick to try for an agreeable solution for all parties or just lie through their teeth to end the argument faster. Certain ones cause them to go find some privacy and start crying.

She doesn’t handle it well. She’ll start shouting during the argument and either storm off or start crying afterwards. sometimes she does both. She tends to avoid the person she fought with (it’s usually Laighe these days) for the rest of the day if she can so she can calm down.

She takes some time to think it over, and if she needs to apologize to the other person, she’ll go looking for them to do exactly that. She gets over it pretty fast and always takes a moment to reevaluate her behavior.

16. Would they ever wear perfume or cologne? When? What would the scent be?

Lace wears light cologne for certain work meetings and when going to formal events or parties. They’ve been known to also wear a light perfume to parties. Nothing strong, always a light, subtle scent that won’t bother others. The scent varies based on their mood, but they like lavender and sandalwood in particular.

Wrelia used to wear perfume when she was younger to try and cover up the smell of blood and rot that surrounded her for the first few years of her life. She dropped out of the habit while being too busy helping the pact during ls2 and HoT, and never picked the habit back up. She’s trying to feel confidant and comfortable in her body, and doesn’t want to cover up the way she smells, which is more of roses with a hint of blood now.

Variott wears a light, ocean-y cologne to formal events, but doesn’t bother beyond that. She doesn’t like the smell, it bothers her nose, so she mostly does it to impress others so the pact doesn’t look bad.

23. When engaged in an irritating conversation, how to they conduct themselves?

Lace can hide their discomfort in those situations with ease, and will until they can politely leave the conversation.

Wrelia plays nice, and tries to fake enjoying the conversation. She’s pretty good at it after years, but still doesn’t know how to stop people or politely dismiss herself, so she ends up stuck and playing along, no matter how much she’d rather not.

Variott will space out until the other person gets bored or distracted and leaves. Or she’ll get distracted and leave. Whichever happens first.

34. Do they enjoy climbing trees?

Lace doesn’t like climbing trees. They prefer to stay on the ground. They do enjoy watching others climb trees, though.

Wrelia isn’t great at it, but she kinda wants to build a tree house, so she has an excuse to climb around a tree more.

Variott loves climbing anything and everything, including trees. She likes to feel tall.

41. How would they describe their love life?

Lace would say that while it’s been messy and unfortunate in the past, everything has turned out perfectly for them, and they really wouldn’t be able to think of a better partner than Cue. He’s perfect in every way and they’d be so lost without him. They hope it doesn’t change.

Wrelia would say that Embrant’s the best, and she makes Wrelia’s love life the absolute best!

Variott would glance in Laighe’s direction quickly and awkwardly, before smiling and saying it is what it is, and she isn’t one to rush things or push people into situations where they aren’t comfortable. But maybe she needs to drop a bigger hint.

50. How likely is it that they would be the first to point out a full moon or a beautiful sunset?

Lace is pretty quick to do so, since they spend a lot of time going for walks outside and staring up at the sky. They enjoy the moon, and sunrise and sunset, and are always glad to share the things they appreciate with others.

Wrelia doesn’t tend to notice either one, so she wouldn’t be the one to point those things out, but she will ooh and ah at them with you if you point them out to her.

Variott is quicker to point out other natural phenomena that she thinks are even cooler or prettier, but she’ll point out a lovely sunset, too. Especially the way the light bounces off those mountains there, isn’t that great! And the way to moon reflects in the lake way below them!

[iwritetypos]

21 QUESTIONS

Tagged by @myscrivere and @bookenders, thank you guys!! And sorry about it being so late aghs

Rules: Answer 21 questions and then tag 21 people who you want to get to know better.

Nickname: Vale. That's my only nickname I think haha

Zodiac: i always forget which sign is which!! But I'm pretty sure I'm an Aries, my moon is Piscis and my sun?? is Gemini? I think

Height: 5′5

Last movie I saw: I'm currently watching Hellboy, but also I just finished watching Mamma Mia!

Last thing I googled: Moral Distraída Temuco 2019 (i was trying to find out if this band was coming to my city or not)

Favorite musician: Oof!! I don't know honestly. I'm obsessed with Ariana Grande currently but I like Rosalía better. So I guess Rosalía?

Song stuck in my head: NASA by Ariana Grande.

Other blogs: my main is @awizardinabox

Do I get asks: not really!

Following: ,..... how.... can u see that.......

Amount of sleep: currently on vacation so like 10 hours a day lmao

Lucky number: 4 and 7

What I’m Wearing: stretchy jeans, socks and a gray shirt!

Dream job: idk exactly how it's called but I'd LOVE to be a researcher for human phenomena, something like finding out why we act the way we do and why specific things happen! I'm going ti be studying Sociology this year so :)

Dream trip: oooh realistically I'd like to go to Argentina again, but if I'm dreaming I'd love to visit Japan or Spain!

Favorite food: spaghetti!!!!

Languages: native in Spanish and fluent (or I'd like to think so) in English! Tried studying German for a while and ended up hating Duolingo.

Random fact: umm, I can snap my thumb out of place and it doesn't hurt?

Describe yourself as aesthetic things: cats on top of you laptop, the light of your cellphone screen in the middle of the night, a messy but comfortable bed, hot tea, glasses and eyebags, a shelf filled with unread books, curly hair and nice nails

Tagging: @mhexylwrites, @embarrassingwriter, @clarissalopeswriter, @monstrouswrites, @clingingtowords and anyone who wants to do this!

[more--than--music]

2018 Albums of the Year

Here’s my albums of the year. 2018 has been a brilliant year for music, and so I thought I’d lay out my favourite albums, and the reasons why they’re my favourites.

10: Unknown Mortal Orchestra – Sex and Food

Kicking the list off at ten, we have the fourth full-length project from the New Zealand lo-fi psychedelic group Unknown Mortal Orchestra. An album that calls to mind at various points dusty late 70s grooves, 80s synth work and yet very modern production sensibilities, Sex and Food bounces between deeply introspective balladry, and funky danceable beats. A sure step forward for a band that only looks to become more experimental as time goes on.

9: Ben Howard – Noonday Dream

The Devon based singer-songwriter gives a compelling vision of the future of indie-folk with this transient and supremely accomplished set of songs. Taking a further stride away from the straightforward acoustic sound of 2011’s Every Kingdom, Noonday Dream shows an artist unafraid to utilise aspects of electronic and ambient music into his soundscapes, resulting in a transcendent, elegant, and above all beautiful set of tracks. The opening duo of Nica Libres At Dusk and Towing The Line are a particular high point.

8: Thom Yorke – Suspiria (Music for the Luca Guadagnino Film)

Surprisingly his first ever venture into soundtrack work, Thom Yorke’s masterful score for the Luca Guadagnino film of the same name could be in this list simply on the strength of its lead track; Suspirium is an otherworldly waltz, a spartan piano line presided over by Thom’s instantly recognisable vocals. But it is the deeper cuts for which this album earns its place; Open Again begins with a fingerpicked guitar progression that grows into a monolithic walk to the gallows and then fades out once more. A master at the height of his powers.

7: Sports Team – Winter Nets

Undoubtedly the least well-known name on this list, the debut EP from the London-based indie-pop outfit Sports Team has been one of my most played records yet this year. A cerebral mix of Jarvis Cocker-style lyricism preoccupied with the minutiae of suburban life, and pitch perfect indie rock arrangements teetering on the edge of chaos, this shows talent beyond their years; the only EP on this list, these five tracks managed to catch my attention early on, and have stayed with me through the year. Ones to watch.

6: MGMT – Little Dark Age

A name I would not have expected to see on this list at the start of the year, the comeback from the early 2000s electro-pop group is unexpectedly brilliant. Far from the runaway chart success of singles such as Electric Feel, Little Dark Age is full of tracks that could have been pulled from the dusty archives of pretty much any 80s synth bands, but combined with so many left-field production choices, and lyrics that belie a dark sensibility beneath the bright instrumentation, this album becomes a very mature release indeed. The single, Little Dark Age, is just magic. I can’t wait to see what comes next.

5: Car Seat Headrest – Twin Fantasy

Bringing us into the second half of this list is Will Toledo’s project Car Seat Headrest, with a rerecorded, remastered version of his 2011 breakout album Twin Fantasy. Toledo’s DIY ethos calls to mind contemporary Kevin Parker, of Tame Impala, although the two go about their self-imposed individualism rather differently. Toledo’s recordings retain the lo-fi teen emotion of the original Twin Fantasy, while adding the production sensibilities of Toledo’s later Car Seat Headrest ventures, resulting in such a dizzying barrage of pitch perfect indie ballads that display mature, incisive and insightful lyricism. The peaks of the album slip off the rails in the most glorious way, and culminate in simple, honest, and resounding emotional resolutions. Few albums so perfectly capture the teenage experience... a brilliant achievement.

4: Father John Misty – God’s Favorite Customer

It will come to no surprise to those of you who know me that Josh Tillman has made his way into this list; I have been following Father John Misty since last year’s existential crisis of an album, Pure Comedy. But God’s Favorite Customer is an entirely different beast- aside from the single, Mr Tillman, the typical luscious arrangements of a usual Father John Misty album are conspicuously missing here. Gone are the chamber pop orchestras and parlour ballads; here is FJM with an acoustic guitar, a month’s stay in a hotel room, and some utterly shattering songwriting. Tillman has abandoned his lofty perch overseeing the human condition in favour of personal, painful lyrics that dissect a failing relationship in real time. Many of these songs are addressed to, or from the perspective of, Josh’s wife, Emma, and the narratives are as autobiographical as ever. But the key here is that Tillman has ceased to be just an observer of the phenomena he comments on; in God’s Favorite Customer he has no choice but to experience them from the inside, and it makes for devastating listening in places. However, Misty has not abandoned all hope; closer We're Only People (And There's Not Much Anyone Can Do About That) ends the album with a remarkably beautiful and optimistic look at humanity, and leaves you ready to emerge from the hotel room, blinking against the sunlight, into the outside world.

3: Blood Orange – Negro Swan

London born producer, multi-instrumentalist, and general prodigy Devont Hynes, has outdone himself on his fourth project under the moniker Blood Orange; Negro Swan represents exactly the kind of progressive song writing Hynes is so sought after in the pop world for, and brings together a beautiful collage of sounds and textures to produce an album that is so of the moment, it feels like a time capsule of today. Swan embraces diversity, revelling in a celebration of sexuality and identity that feels almost carnival-like in its embrace of so many aspects of modern R&B and Hip-Hop. On what other album can you find Puff Daddy monologuing about his own fear of being loved? This whole project is filled with moments such as this, with trans black activist Janet Mock providing a loose narrative thread tying the album together. But for me, the true highlight of this album is Hynes himself; a young black artist showcasing a striking talent that simply refuses to obey the laws of genre or society. The musical prowess on show is undeniable; in particular, Hynes’ guitar work is so accomplished, tracks such as Charcoal Baby are sheer joy to listen to because of it. The vocals on this record are equally impressive; comparisons will undoubtedly be drawn to Prince, although personally I see Hynes as akin to Frank Ocean, both showcasing a new vision for R&B in the 21st century, and Swan feels in many ways a sibling to Ocean’s 2016 album Blonde, in its transient nature and almost soundscape-like mixture of sounds and feelings. Negro Swan is a glorious celebration in which all expression is embraced, and no identity is off-limits. This is what all modern R&B should aspire to.

2: Arctic Monkeys – Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino

Those monkeys, eh? Four years after their last studio effort, with each member having done something entirely different (and accomplished, see Alex Turner with The Last Shadow Puppets, and Matt Helders on the latest Iggy Pop record) with their sabbatical, no one quite knew what shape their return would take. Recorded in London, Paris and Los Angeles, the sixth album from the band synonymous with early 00s indie could have taken quite a number of directions; furthering the slick arena rock of AM, delving deeper into the baroque pop offering the Last Shadow Puppets pursue, or perhaps even a return to their raucous indie rock roots. Naturally, they did none of the above. The first sign of their step in a different direction was a video they posted in mid-April, announcing a return with an eerie synth line and a fuzzy guitar lick; in hindsight it was the perfect segue into the TBH&C era, both a nod to the leather-clad rock of AM, and yet the space-age synths and fictional space resorts of Tranquility Base. And when the album did come? Oh boy. I’m not sure a release in 2018 divided fans quite like the Monkeys’ did. I’ve heard it variously described as “sheer genius”, “derivative retro nothing” and “f*cking lift music”. It really was that polarising. I’m sure that from its spot on this list you can guess which camp I fall into. From the go, the surreal lyricism of Alex Turner is front and centre, and the record is all the better for it. From surreal references to Kubrick film techniques, and obsession with sci-fi jargon, to ridiculous pastiches of Hollywood clichés, critics weren’t short of liner notes to unpick. But the key for me was the way that the album, as all great sci-fi does, comments on modern life through the lens of futurism, while also keeping you scratching your head the whole time. Furthermore, the actual songwriting is as good as ever, with Turner making a tune about a less than perfect review for a taquiera on the moon into the rhythmic centrepiece of the album. I do have to confess, I am slightly biased; I’m a lifelong AM fan, and I did see this performed live, which only deepened my admiration of it but truthfully- listen to this album. Then listen some more. And then some more again. Because when it clicks, you won’t experience anything else even remotely like it all year.

Bonus Round

These are albums that I discovered in 2018, but weren’t released this year… they deserved recognition along with the rest of these projects.

5: Frank Ocean – Endless

Frank Ocean is one of, if not the, best and most innovative artists working in modern R&B. That much is undisputed. But until 2018, despite being a huge Frank Ocean fan, I had neglected his 2016 visual album, Endless. Perhaps this was due to laziness, not having Apple Music, or perhaps it was because for me it was vastly overshadowed by the release of the seminal Blonde a few days later. Or maybe I simply thought a visual album wasn’t worth my time. Whatever the reason, I was a fool to overlook it. Endless is an ethereal journey through Ocean’s psyche, with a vast soundscape of beautiful, flowing synths and guitars. Furthermore, Endless features some of Ocean’s best rap work since Channel Orange. A truly beautiful project, and Higgs is, for me, Ocean’s most devastatingly sad track… further evidence that Frank doesn’t put a foot wrong.

4: Leonard Cohen: Songs Of Leonard Cohen

In 2016, the music world lost one of its most treasured talents, in the form of Leonard Cohen. However, although I have always been aware of Cohen’s work (Hallelujah, his inspiration of Nick Cave, The Last Shadow Puppets’ Is This What You Wanted cover), I had never taken the time to sit down and immerse myself in his work. Well, I was very much missing out. His cinematic, confessional storytelling, and his instantly recognisable voice and manner, mean that his songs are almost exactly the type of ballads I love, and Songs is his finest work. From start to end, you see the world through Cohen’s eyes. A poet.

3: King Krule: The OOZ

King Krule (real name: Archy Marshall) is a divisive artist; many see him as a visionary, however he is also, to many (including my dad) just “the one with the awful voice”. To me, Krule is a fantastic lyricist and producer, with an instantly recognisable sound. From the moment you enter The OOZ, you are in Marshall’s world, a London of grimy concrete and eerie loneliness. However, there are moments of beauty among the sluggish, smog-filled music; Slush Puppy, despite descending into madness near the end, is a really quite endearingly desperate performance. Cadet Limbo also shows off Krule’s more jazzy influences, and is all the better for it. A view into the future of singer-songwriting.

2: Father John Misty: I Love You, Honeybear

Josh Tillman has already featured on this list once, and it’s no secret I think he’s one of the best artists working today. However, until this year, I had never given his 2015 romantic opus, Honeybear, a proper listen. I was turned on to Misty by his 2017 work Pure Comedy, and after an existentialist view on all of Humanity, a romance album seemed like a step back, so I didn’t give it the time it deserved. How wrong I was. Honeybear is a beautiful, tender, and being an FJM record, deeply satirical and funny, look at love, relationships, and society. It features lush, beautiful arrangements, and gorgeous melodies, all delivered with Misty’s characteristic tongue-in-cheek smirk. Not one track on the album is dead space, and there are several high points, right from the start. Favourite for me is I Went To The Store One Day, which is a simple, yet incredibly beautiful and moving ballad to close the album. Stunning stuff indeed.

1: Everything Everything – A Fever Dream

I’ve known of Everything Everything for quite a while now, but in early 2017 I was gifted tickets to see them on their A Fever Dream tour, and it absolutely blew my mind. EE have crafted brilliant electronic indie music in the past, with catchy melodies and odd, skittering rhythms. However, A Fever Dream builds on this in the best possible way, building on their electronic sound and adding an even more fiercely of-the-moment view on songwriting. One of the highlights for me was Jonathan Higgs’ vocals, which electrified the music with a fierce intellect, and sparkling melodies. An ecstatic blend of so many musical styles, which results in a fantastic album. A masterpiece for today.

Okay, finally the main event. My album of the year 2018 is…

1: IDLES – Joy as an Act of Resistance.

Here we are then. Number one spot. And again, if you know me, you know there could never really have been any other album here. I first discovered IDLES earlier in the year, riding off the success of their breakout debut album Brutalism, an unstoppable punk locomotive of an album, with guitar and bass lines that are so, well, brutal, that they break down the door and hold you at gunpoint until you sit up and pay attention. This band is the perfect voice for austerity Britain, more mature than Slaves, more relevant than Sleaford Mods, and yet they walk an incredibly fine line. It’s almost impossible to define until you hear a band that possess it, but they simply make. So. Much. Sense. Joe Talbot talks with such a fiery intensity that it’s impossible not to listen, and an eloquence that is so often missing from punk. He’s so likeable, and oddly enough for punk, easy to listen to. However, don’t mistake that for the album lacking brutal riffs. Because it has those in spades. From the opening bass rumble of Colossus, JAAAOR picks you up by the scruff off your neck, and doesn’t put you down until the last manic notes of Rottweiler fade away. This is a rock record that defies rock, a punk record that doesn’t define itself as punk, and a political statement that bases its politics on the phrase “Love yourself.” This provides an infectious alternative to the toxic masculinity of so much mainstream rock, and a uniquely vulnerable take on an incredible variety of issues. Beginning with an immediate left-footing with Colossus, the album the catches its witty and caustic stride with Never Fight A Man With A Perm, going from strength to strength the whole time. I’ve never quite identified with a track lyrically as much as I’m Scum, a rallying call for liberals everywhere: “I'll sing at fascists 'til my head comes off, I am Dennis Skinner's Molotov / I'm lefty, I'm soft, I'm minimum wage job”and erupting into the chant of “this snowflake’s an avalanche”. It goes on to postulate about not caring about the next James Bond, as “we don’t need another murderous toff”. The next track is the joyous Danny Nedelko, an ode to Talbot’s friend, and frontman of Heavy Lungs, Danny Nedelko. It’s a quite magnificent celebration of immigration and diversity, and embodies the sentiment of the album as a whole quite simply with a roar of “Unity!”. Potent stuff. The next highlight (or rather lowlight) for me is the one-two punch of June and Samaritans. June is a singularly moving ode to Talbot’s stillborn daughter, building all the time to a non-existent crescendo, and repeating the six-word mantra “Baby shoes, for sale. Never worn.” Incredibly painful, raw and poignant; you feel as if you’re witnessing a moment that you really shouldn’t be, a would-be father grieving at the bedside. It then transitions into Samaritans, an anti-toxic masculinity manifesto, furious in its denial of male stereotypes: “Man up, sit down, chin up, pipe down”, and building relentlessly to sheer ecstasy of the decree: “I kissed a boy and I liked it”. Powerful, powerful stuff. Track eight, Television, is pinned down by a juddering riff complimented by the incredibly able drumming of Jon Beavis (a very much unsung hero of the group), and a wonderful self-love mantra. Moving on, Great is an anti-Brexit track than manages to reveal the hypocrisy of nationalism without ever moving into preachy politicism, which is Talbot’s greatest strength; he can make any point sound like the simplest and most honest declaration ever. Gram Rock and Cry To Me are witty, and the least overtly political tracks of the album; but even these apparent low points aren’t by any means stale, quite the opposite. Every moment of this record fizzes with energy. Finally, Joy rounds off with the magnificent Rottweiler, a searing discrediting of the UK media, ending in the wheels coming off as the tension built throughout the 42 minutes comes to a chaotic end, with Joe yelping “Unity!”over and over. I have one final thing to say about Joy; it’s production is pristine throughout, with clarity in even its most chaotic moments. This is my record of the year, because I feel no other record held my attention so completely, and was so representative of the sentiment of this year. Pure joy.

Well then, thanks for sticking with me. 2018’s been a belter of a year for music, and I can’t wait to see what 2019 brings.