#you are not allowed to say no to Ako <3

[macca-ronni]

Ako Udagawa Rinko Shirokane being silly in their videogame :)

[blackhairedjjun]

late night returns - c.yj

pairing: choi yeonjun x gn reader | genre / tropes: angst with a happy ending, actor!yeonjun x non-celebrity!reader, exes to lovers | word count: 855 | warnings: mentions of being stalked (by tabloids)

part of my 300 followers event (event masterlist)

prompt - OVER?: after a mutually reluctant (and unwanted but necessary) break-up, the sender calls/visits the receiver and tells them that they’re still in love with them. (requested by @seolis-world)

author's notes: seoli!! this ended up longer than planned, nag-enjoy ako masyado haha. your trope choice allowed me to bring out my celebrity!yj x non-celebrity!reader thoughts, which are some of my favorite hcs to think about! (also actor!yj after seeing the behind the scenes of the minisode 3 trailer haha) i hope you like this!

‘Love Like Hydrangeas’ Star Choi Yeonjun Stuns in New Red Carpet Photos “Like a Fairytale Prince”: Netizens React to Viral Photos of Choi Yeonjun

you sigh as you read the social media headlines on your phone. yeonjun does look like a fairytale prince, and you admire the embroidered details of his dark suit while zooming in on the latest batch of photos from his new movie premiere. a heaviness settles over you while you scroll through photo after photo, remembering the first time he showed you that same suit weeks before: “i look handsome, right?” he asked you, and when you said yes, he let out a soft laugh that filled your heart to bursting.

that moment in his apartment feels like a lifetime ago, and all it took was one leaked image of the two of you from a tabloid photographer making the rounds on fansites. yeonjun’s agency went overtime trying to do damage control, and it was a miracle that your identity was never revealed. but once the storm settled down, you and yeonjun sat down not in his room but at the agency office. the two of you needed to break up, you both agreed, for your safety and his 一 and with a lingering embrace and one last kiss, you left.

tears prick at your eyes and you toss the phone back to your nightstand; the clock there reads 2:16 am. you cocoon yourself in your blankets, turn to your side, and shut your eyes. you want to sleep, because at least in your dreams you can escape from reality for a little while. yet the more you wish for sleep to come to you, the more it eludes you, and the restlessness only grows worse as you turn from side to side in your bed over and over again.

buzz!

you jolt up at the sound of your apartment doorbell. you have no idea who the hell is calling for you in the middle of the night, but at least it distracts you from your restlessness.

you open the door a crack. “who’s th一”

it takes a second for you to recognize the tall man in a dark hoodie standing in front of you. the dimness makes it hard to see his figure or his features, until you realize that they look all too familiar...

you immediately you throw the door open and sink into yeonjun’s arms. you sob into his chest, your body shuddering from the force of your tears, and he holds you even more tightly as his own tears stream down his face.

“i missed you,” he says, his voice hoarse. you haven’t heard the sound of his voice in weeks, and it only makes you cry even harder.

eventually your sobs calm down to quieter tears, and when you let go of yeonjun you can still see the tear tracks running from his eyes. with your hands still in his, you tug him inside the warmth of your apartment, and there he pulls you into his embrace once more.

“how did you...” you begin, your voice muffled into his hoodie.

“i snuck out.”

“you shouldn’t have...”

yeonjun kisses the top of your head once, then twice, then again and again. his kisses are feather-light and you sigh at his touch. “i love you,” he murmurs into your hair. “i n-never stopped loving you. i don’t一 i can’t do any of this without you. i miss you so much...”

your arms are around his waist and you give it a gentle squeeze. he rubs circles down your back and you hum. his touch sends waves of calm through your body, the heaviness you once carried slowly leaving you.

you recall the red carpet photos you were just looking at and your bliss is interrupted by a million questions. does anyone else know that he’s here? what happens when his agency finds out? or when his fans find out? are you really getting back together or does he just miss you? how would you even navigate the tabloids, the endless stream of gossip? you try to bury yourself even more in yeonjun’s arms but he doesn’t miss the quickening of your heartbeat.

your thoughts are interrupted by another kiss on your head. yeonjun moves you to the foot of your bed and cradles you as you both sit there, a hand making its way through the tangle of your hair. your arms perch around his neck and you nuzzle into him.

“i’ll protect you, okay?” he says. his voice is quiet yet solemn like a prayer. “i can’t... i can’t lose you again.”

you pull away to meet his gaze and you see the same shine in his eyes that you always loved. he gazes at you with such tenderness, and behind his firm words you see the affection that underlies them. he needs you, and you need him just as much too.

“i love you too, jjunie... please don’t leave me.”

“i promise i won’t.”

you still don’t have the answers to your questions, but you’d rather leave then unanswered than have yeonjun leave you again.

[fruityricecake]

GENSHIN CHARACTERS AS DIFFERENT TYPES OF FILIPINO CLASSMATES

|| FIL AU || Venti, Kazuha, Xiao, Scaramouche, Heizou x reader (seperate)

a/n — i’m back after three whole years :)

hope this post finds my fellow fils :D

01. VENTI // MONDSTADT

Yung pabigat sa groupings // sipsip sa teacher :

“Ang ganda mo today, ma’am.”

Sipsip(1) sa kahit sinong teacher kahit di niya pa teacher.. just incase lang daw para bumawi sa missing requirements niya sa subjects. Siya yung type na magseen lang sa gc kapag nagchachat ka tungkol sa group project sabay go na go mag share ng post sa facebook.

Hindi kayo close pero nakakapagusap kayo kapag kailangan(groupings and more). Medyo may galit ka sakaniya dahil sa pagiging careless niya sa groupings and one time umabot siya sa point na pinaringgan mo siya buong araw tapos naguilty siya and nilibre ka niya kahit siya yung palaging nagpapalibre. :)

Pero despite how he takes his grades and everything, he’s actually a very good person. Siya yung palaging unang nagrereact kapag may kahit anong problema and he’s very good at cheering people up, one interaction na tumatak sayo is when he saw you having a mental breakdown and he came to check up on you.

It was way past classes and most students had already went home. You stayed at school since you were working on something related to an extra curricular and now it was time for you to go home, but you couldn’t help but feel absolutely awful due to the horrible day you had.

You were walking down the stairs, your bag as heavy as ever and your hands holding multiple different items related to your studies. Not to mention, your exams were coming up and you had multiple pending projects so the pressure kept building up. You weren’t only carrying the weight of the things you held, but also the weight of your pressure.

But then, you missed a step on the staircase making you trip and fall. Luckily, you were already close to the floor so you landed on the floor after the staircase and dropped all your things.

“Y/n? Okay ka lang?!” you heard a familiar voice reach out. Then you saw Venti beside you, staring at you with concern. Then, you couldn’t help what happened next. It was like you reached the end of your capacity and finally… you cried.

“huh… Y/n?” people were passing by as Venti stared at you, unaware of what to do. “hindi po ako yung nagpaiyak diyan hahah…….” people whispered to one another, thinking that it was Venti who made you cry. “Huy, ano ba nangyayari sayo?”

“Ikaw kasi eh! Bwiset ka, kung pinasa mo lang yung part mo sa project sana tapos na tayo, sana nabawasan na yung problema ko.. pero hindi! Seen ka lang nang seen, tatanggalin ko na pangalan mo sa listahan ng members, bahala ka dyan!”

After letting you continue your rant and allowing you to cry, he gave you a big hug and bought you ice cream as a peace offering before he said bye.

Safe to say that when you came home, you saw that he finally finished his part in your project along with a sorry message that he sent you under private messages.

02. KAZUHA // INAZUMA

Seatmate sa umaga, tutor sa hapon

“May notes ka sa chem?”

Green flag na pogi na may pake sa acads, musically inclined, na sobrang bait at mestizong chinito, san ka pa?!

Hindi kayo ganon kaclose pero naging magseatmate kayo nung third quarter and you consider each other friends. Madalas siya nanghihingi ng notes sa’yo (sus, paraparaan talaga) and in return, tinuturuan ka niya sa mga subject kung saan nahihirapan ka.

You don’t know why, but it just so happens na kapag si Kazuha nagtuturo sayo ng lesson, gets na gets mo agad. Pero minsan, kapag hirap na hirap and litong lito ka talaga sa lesson,willing siya magstay after class para lang turuan ka, and naging common practice niyo na ‘to for the whole third quarter.

Third quarter lang kayo naging super close and nung fourth quarter hindi na ulit kayo nagusap aw :( not until nung isang araw na nagkasakit ka and sinamahan ka niya sa clinic <3

You weakly coughed, feeling horrible as you bed rotted in your school clinic. You waited for your service to come pick you up and you tried to sleep while waiting but you physically couldn’t get yourself to sleep despite your lack of it.

Then, you heard three knocks, and quickly after the opening of the door. You didn’t even bother looking up, expecting it to be just another staff or a student you don’t know. But you quickly realized otherwise.

“Binaba ko lang bag mo, uwian na kasi.” You turned to see Kazuha. You nodded and observed him as he placed your bag on a nearby chair. He then started leaving right after. “bye y/n, magpagaling ka.”

“Dito ka lang.” You said, almost as a whisper.

But you figured it was loud enough for Kazuha to hear, seeing as he turned to look at you in question. “Wala akong magawa dito, samahan mo muna ako please.”

Surprisingly, he sat down. He sat down and waited for your service with you, and you both realized that you missed each other’s company as you comfortably talked to each other. And in the middle of the conversation, you cracked a joke about your old situation:

“Ikaw nga ‘di mo na ako mahal, hindi mo na ulit ako kinausap.” You joked, laughing at your own humor, but Kazuha paused and chuckled after a few seconds.

“Mahal pa rin kaya kita.”

To this day, you still don’t know if he meant what he said.

03. XIAO // LIYUE

Seatmate mong lowkey lang (katulad ng feelings niya para sayo na lowkey lang din)

“nakikinig nga ako, sabi mo (insert ten paragraph chika essay)”

Seatmate mo nung 1st-2nd quarter sa may likod ng classroom sa may bintana.

Polar opposites kayo kasi habang ikakamatay niyang magsalita, ikakamatay mo namang manahimik, and mostly ang conversation niyo lang consists of yappings mo and yung occasional na sagot niya ng “ah” “oo” “ok”.

Minsan habang nagsasalita ka nararamdaman mo na hindi na siya nakikinig kaya mananahimik ka nalang, pero he’ll assure you na he was actually listening(and if you didn’t believe him he would repeat everything you said word by word) and will ask you to continue talking.

Other than that, surprisingly similar din music taste niyo and madalas kayong nagsh-share ng earphones sa likod habang nagsosoundtrip. Hindi na kayo naging classmates next schoolyear pero madalas pa rin kayo magbatian sa hallways!

Palagi siyang lowkey and tahimik lang pero madalas niya naman pinaparamdam sa’yo na he cares about you through his small actions:

“Hindi ka bababa?” Xiao asked, watching as you hurriedly wrote down your answers on your notebook, cramming as usual.

“Hindi, tatapusin ko lang ‘to, next subject na pala!” You answered and he pulled out his notebook offering you the chance to copy his answers, but you shook your head. “Ok lang, kasalanan ko naman kasi tinulugan ko lang mga responsibilidad ko kagabi.”

“Hindi ka kakain?” He asked again, and your silence was enough to answer his question.

He sighed before keeping his notebook and leaving you to procrastinate. Soon after, he came back and placed the meal you always ordered on your table.

“Ano ‘to?” You asked, staring at him as he sat down next to you.

“Wag kang magpakagutom, kumain ka na habang nagawa.” He told you and you flashed him a bright smile and thanked him before resuming your homework.

04. SCARAMOUCHE // INAZUMA

si pet peeve (ft. fb bakbakan)

“anubayan pumasok nanaman pet peeve ko.”

Hindi mo alam kung ano bang ginawa mo sakaniya pero ever since day 1, puro masamang tingin lang binibigay niya sayo.

Favorite niyong magparinigan sa fb at sa personal kasi bitter kayo bakit ba

Considerate ka magcheck ng papel ng iba pero kapag sakaniya yung papel na chinechekan mo sinisigurado mo na lahat ng onting pagkakamali is mali, walang consider consider dito. <3

Palagi kayong nakikick sa classroom gcs niyo kasi palagi kayong nagaaway online sa gcs at madalas kayong mapagalitan ng class pres at ng mga teacher sa gc D:

Ang mindset niya: ok lang yung siya yung nanlalait sayo pero kapag iba na yung nanlait, he’s going to make sure na hindi na ulit magsasalita yung taong yun.

Y/N L/N : shout out sa pet peeve kong puro lait, di nalang magaral, di na tuloy ako mataasan sa test

You posted in facebook in annoyance after getting into a recent fight with said pet peeve. It only fueled your anger when a certain someone commented on your post.

SCARAMOUCHE : nahiya ka pa, di nalang ako minention.

SCARAMOUCHE : di raw mataasan sa test..? ikaw nga puro parinig sa facebook, di nalang magaral, hindi mo tuloy maidentify yung 3 point difference natin kanina sa AP kung saan mas mataas ako

Y/N L/N : sanaol yapper wala naman kwenta yung sinasabi. chat mo nalang ako kapag nataasan mo na ako sa math boi

SCARAMOUCHE : sus, imagine nagmamagaling sa math, tiklop naman pag lumabas na yung fractions

Your eyebrows furrowed as you groaned in frustration, you hated how you were losing to him!

SHIKANOIN HEIZOU : mga ate ko, uso ang pm

VENTI : shhh nakikichika pa ako, shush ka muna

You were typing your next hate reply when a facebook friend you never interacted with replied to your and scaramouche’s comment.

AJAX : hoy scara feeling ka nanaman, ‘kala mo di ka nireject nung grade 2

You quickly covered your mouth in shock, now you remember why Scaramouche hated you so much now. He was the boy you rejected in elementary!

05. HEIZOU // INAZUMA

kasabay mo pauwi na buraot to the max

“Hoy y/n, penge one-whole”

Sipsip(2) sa teacher and highkey bidabida sa recitation pero you respect him since marunong siya maglead and he gets along with everyone. Medyo makulit pero marunong siya magseryoso, he knows when the atmosphere is sensitive and he learns to adjust very well.

Hindi kayo close nung una pero nakasabay mo siya umuwi nung isang time na magkagrupo kayo sa project tapos madilim na and wala kang mahanap na kasabay pauwi. Tinanong mo siya kung saan siya nauwi bilang last resort and coincidentally same subd. lang pala kayo :O, turns out ok masaya naman pala siya kasama and palagi na kayong nagsabay pauwi.

Talagang mapapatanong kanalang kung studyante ba talaga siya kasi simula nung naging close kayo lahat nalang ng gamit hinihingi niya sayo. Yung partida ang layo layo ng upuan niya sayo pero kapag may test dumadalo pa siya sainyo para lang manghihingi ng onewhole, ballpen, correction, green ballpen, PAGKAIN, etc.

parang ikakamatay niyang dumaan ang isang araw na hindi ka niya binubulabog at inaaasar, pero ok lang kasi kapag napipikon ka na buong araw ka niyang susuyuin tapos lilibre ka na niya pamasahe pauwi :3

“Luh, y/n pikunin talaga.” He says, following you as you walked while ignoring him. You were about to exit school when the rain started pouring. “hoy y/n” He calls out, but you continue with the cold shoulder. “luh di talaga siya namamansin.”

He then hurriedly opened his umbrella and ran to your side, situating the umbrella over both of you as he matched your hurried pace in walking to keep you dry. “bakit badtrip ka nanaman?”

You immediately stopped walking in annoyance and stared at him eye to eye, that question was your last straw. “Nanaman? bakit? Ok Heizou, bakit nga ba? first, puro ka pambibwiset asar ka nang asar, wala kang tigil! Pangalawa, inubos mo yung one whole ko kanina hingi ka nang hingi ng bago, bumili ka na nga! naiinis na ako sayo amburaot mo pati pagkain hinihingi mo hindi ka ba pinapakain ng tama? tapos ballpen, anong klaseng studyante walang ballpen? oo Heizou, matalino na pogi ka nga pero wala kang ballpen! hindi ko ba alam kung bakit andaming nagkakagusto sayo, tapos ikaw naman makangiti ka kapag kinakausap ka ng mga—“

you continued yapping, but Heizou got the memo from the moment you suddenly switched the topic up. “Ah ok, so shortcut, nagseselos ka.”

“Bakit ako magseselos? eh hindi nga kita gusto.” You told him but he just chuckled.

“May sinabi ba akong may gusto ka sakin? assuming ka rin ata eh.” He joked. “Pero oo na, hindi ka na nagseselos, sabi mo yan eh. Pero fyi, wala akong pake dun and walang meaning yung pagngiti ko.” He reassures you.

Why did he even have to say that? you were acting weird, wala ka naman ding karapatan na magselos, but why was it when he said those words you felt relief?

“Tara na, libre nalang kita pamasahe.”

[pupyuj]

dubcon!!!!

being one of the best dancers on campus, it was a given that you’d get chosen to represent the school in an upcoming dance competition,,pero the catch is…you were partnered up with maloi, your no. 1 dance rival na super pikon at mainitin ang ulo😁ohmygoshhh imagine the anger and (sexual) tension kapag you and maloi are alone in a dance room, practicing and arguing with each other😵‍💫ughhh tas ikaw na medyo tanga-tanga (reader too prideful to admit she was struggling), kept fucking up the choreo over and over again, kaya a very angry g!p maloi fucked you instead😁fuck up the choreo, get fucked by her. simple. 🤷‍♀️ and since you’re prideful nga, you couldn’t allow yourself to enjoy what maloi was doing to you (u were crying and begging her na itigil), kahit deep inside (literally) ang sarap–🥴PLEASEEEE ugh hate sex >>> throwing insults at eo while fucking >>>>> OH AND MALOI IS VV ROUGH….😁😁😁😁😁😁

with love,

-🍒

🍒 anon our lord and savior thank you for this delicious ask 🤭 you always deliver and outdo me I LOVE YOU 😭😭‼️ kinda a long one kase i love toxic yuri WOOOOO

[cw: heavy dubcon, g!p maloi.]

almost everybody agreed that it was the worst idea in the world to have you and maloi partnered up and dancing together kase they knew neither of you would cooperate to get anything done 😭 and that was exactly what happened!! 💀 you, the bida-bida na masungit and super demanding pa and maloi, who refused to listen to anything you said and actually ignored your annoying ass most of the time and did her own thing 😭😭

maloi not having the patience for any mistakes so she makes a habit of pointing out where you were wrong all the time! like your toe could be facing the wrong angle and she’d give you the lip for it 😒 ofc there’s always some back and forth too.. getting all up in each other’s face and arguing about the other being a beat too late.. but ah it was impossible for you to focus when maloi looked too good drenched in sweat 😵‍💫‼️ doesn’t help that she sometimes refused to tie her hair up so her hair would just stick to her forehead, neck, and back and you’d ogle all over her when she wasn’t looking… watching and practically drooling while she drinks water and exposes her neck that was slick with sweat.. it was rlly embarrassing to admit that you did find her rlly attractive PERO YOU HAD A COMPETITION TO WIN 😤😤😤

tanginaaa getting sooo shy and quiet whenever she wants to personally guide you through a move you were obviously having a hard time following but refused to ask for help bcs of ur pride?/!;&3’ she tells you you’re wrong, walks over to your side and grabs your arms but you literally flinch away from her and glare at her to cover up how flustered you felt.. 🫣

“ang sensitive mo naman! ikaw na nga tinutulungan, ikaw pa mag-iinarte dyan!”

“sino ba kasi nagsabi na kailangan ko tulong mo?? i don’t need you for anything, ricalde. ever.”

“ewan ko sa’yo. edi mag mukhang tanga ka nang mag-isa.”

the conversation usually ends with a roll of your eyes and maloi walking away pero one day mas sobrang nakakaasar siya 😭 it was like she loved riling you up for no reason but also rlly just loved berating you whenever you made the smallest mistakes..

“mali. mali ulit. ang dami mong mali. do you ever do anything right?? this is why i tried to help you.”

“gusto mo lang ako tuksuhin. leave me alone, i’ll get better on my own.”

“i have been leaving you alone. seems like it hasn’t been doing much naman.”

ohhh you’d be so pisseddd 😭😭😭

“fuck you, ricalde.”

and she’d be pissed too bcs wtf?/?!;!/; she only tried to help 😒😒

“say that again.”

“fuck you.”

ayun suddenly your back gets thrown against the wall and maloi’s kissing you 🫣🫣 for such a tiny thing, she sure was strong.. no matter how much you resisted, she wouldn’t budge! you were pretty sure you could throw her to the ground with one arm until now.. seems like you should never underestimate her ever again 🤭 pushing her away, trying to kick her legs, and slapping her does nothing either.. esp when she slides her tongue inside your mouth and squeezes your ass with both hands, suddenly you were moaning even tho you were still actively trying to push her off..

loi forcing you to turn around and pressing your face against the wall while she pulls your skirt up.. god you were practically begging her to fuck you! she was looking right at your drenched panties and you still had the nerve to curse at her?? and that’s why your punishment is her only rubbing her tip against your panties, not doing anything further even while you’re pushing backwards against her..

“come on.. alam mo naman kung ano sasabihin mo diba?”

“j-just.. fuck me.. you’re so annoying.”

“tsk. wrong answer.” AND EVERY TIME YOU REFUSE TO BEG NICELY SHE SPANKS YOU?? she loves the sound of her hand hitting your plump ass and how you whine so cutely… spanks you until your cheeks were red and your panties are soaked not only with your wetness but also her precum bcs maloi wanted you so fucking bad 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 because of that ofc she doesn’t actually wait until you say “please” and before you knew it her throbbing cock was inside you, sitting snug inside your tight walls and stretching you out.. hitting all the right places that it makes you moan and moan until you were merely just standing there against the tinted windows, free for maloi to use as she pleases.. 🫠

it was hard enough to focus when she’s doing so fucking good pushing you to the edge.. even harder when she’s saying such mean things to your ear 😓 “y-you will not.. embarrass me… gawin mo ng tama yung choreography o-or… fuck..! or i’ll punish you just.. like this…” knowing maloi she’s probably just staring at your reflection in the window, enamoured by your pretty expressions while she fucked you harshly 🤤

and ykw neither of you will go back to practicing bcs sex that good has to be done over and over again are you kidding 🫠🫠 esp in the dance room where there’s sooo many things you could do.. maloi’s favorite?? fucking you doggy style facing the mirror so you can watch how good you looked taking it from behind for her like the good girl you actually are 🫣🥰

[fuxuannie]

↳ pairing : miles morales x (filo) reader

↳ synopsis : "ang dami mo naman tinatago, ginamit mo lang ba ako" - ikaw at sila, moira dela torre

↳ authors note : the reader being filo does nawt matter at all i jus wanna write tagalog dialogue HAHHA *translations will be provided @ the end me also say this quick & angsty :( no atsv spoilers. BOLD ITALICS are flashbacks

Dating MILES was certainly not an.. easy feat. Not only was he constantly busy, but would mysteriously disappear in random times whether at school or just simple hangouts. "I'll be quick." He says, but the next time you see him is in 3 days and he's covered in bandages.

You learned from some schoolmates that before you, there seemed to be a girl named Gwanda that he was particularly hung over about after she left.

Of course, students will be students who crave any sort of drama will try and spark up rumors. You trusted Miles, and you were hoping that your trust wasn't misplaced. He didn't seem like the type of guy to lie to you, the exact opposite infact. The boy seemed to love you more than he loved the world, he just.. it didn't hurt to be cautious.

Miles is a friendly guy. Anyone would feel hurt over a friend leaving, that's it and there's nothing more to it.

You sigh softly as you leave your classroom, Miles already waiting for you because his ended early. "Hi babe." He'll smile, grabbing your hand and intertwining his fingers with yours. "Hi." You reply, your energy far different from his.

There's silence when you two walk, through the halls and out the schools main doors. Unlike Miles, you still lived with your parents unlike him who shared a dorm with Ganke.

"You hear about the stories going around us lately? Jeez, seems like people are more obsessed with our relationship than we are."

"Miles."

His smile disappears when he realizes you're upset or unamused.

"Are you really.. over her?"

You stop in your tracks, staring at Miles who was a few steps ahead of you. His head still turned away from you, but he feels your gaze burning into the back of his head.

He says nothing, so you continue further.

"Alam mo ba, I really tried, Miles."

You remember the sketches of a blonde haired girl in his notebook, features similar to the girl your classmates described.

He still refuses to to look at you.

"I wanted to fight for us, I really really did."

There's something about the way he talks to his parents about her,

"I miss her a lot, I hope she visits soon."

"You'll never believe who she hangs out with now..!-"

"She had the nicest smile I've ever seen."

It felt.. odd.

His head looks down to the floor, as if lost in thought.

"Pero ang hirap kapag di mo naman talaga gusto sakin."

You feel something akin to a stab to your gut when you catch a glimpse of his phone, your eyes widening slightly at the photo of Gwen and him. Of course you wouldn't have minded.. but you two were on a date, a date that happened because it was your first year of being together.

You look back at Miles, forcing a smile as if nothing had happened. As if what was supposed to be a day worth celebrating, wasn't the very same day your heart was shattered into a million pieces.

Miles finally turned to face you, his expression is mixed with sadness and confliction.

"I'm not her, Miles. I can't be her."

You wanted him to say something, anything. Anything to prove that there was a reason to keep trying in this relationship.

But there's silence, his hand slips away and you allow it.

You two stand there, suffocating in the air surrounding you. It felt so hard to even breathe with how hard you were holding in your urge to cry.

This was for the best, right? It was better for the both of you if you just.. left it there and now.

But you were just so scared that you'll regret everything and run back to him in a heartbeat, back to a boy who never truly loved you.

"You're right."

Those words cause more damage than you ever thought they could, he has no idea how two words can absolutely break a person, how hard it is to realize that a one year relationship was a lie after you gave your all for him.

"I see."

What did you expect? For him to tell you that he wasn't still inlove with a person who left him two years ago? That he didn't date you to absolutely distract himself from the fact he missed Gwen? That's absurd, impossible even.

You turn around and begin to walk away, mostly to hide the tears that were threatening to fall down your face.

It's over, right? No more overthinking, or wondering if you're not enough.

You know the truth, that's what you wanted.

But there's a lingering feeling, one that you can't quite shake off.

That there's the tiniest chance that he'll grab your hand, pull you in and tell you that it's all a misunderstanding.

And against your better judgement, you look back.

He's already walking away.

TRANSLATIONS ::

Ang dami mo naman tinatago, ginamit mo lang ba ako = There were so many things you were hiding, did you just use me?

Alam mo ba = Did you know? / You know?

Pero ang hirap kapag di mo naman talaga gusto sakin = But it's really hard if you don't really want me

[ubescoups]

Run To You

Chapter One

January 2023.

Last semester in college. 

Elle’s seniors say it is the most pivotal semester for an accounting student. 

Make it or break it.

It doesn’t help that her mother has been vocal about her being a graduating student. She knows she cannot claim it yet. Elle’s far from being a graduating student. 

Whenever her mother says that her breath hitches a little, maybe it’s because she needs to finish this degree this June. She has no choice. She’s at the mercy of her aunt, who’s residing overseas and funding her college education. It’s a fact she has to remember over and over again to force herself to study. 

As the youngest among her cousins, she has heard the great tales of her parents’ wealth in the 90s. 

Alam mo, Elle, dati, ang mama at papa mo ang naggagala sa amin sa Greenbelt noon tapos they would take us to restaurants to eat out. 

Mama mo ang nagpaaral sa amin dati. 

The best talaga sila mama at papa mo.

She could only listen to those stories and wished that her parents did better at handling their finances. 

Hindi naman namin alam na dadating ka sa buhay namin, anak.

They were trying for a baby for a long time and had her years later. Her late father and mother often say she’s an answered prayer, but it makes her wonder. Why did they not think too far ahead about the life their kid will have if she’s a prayer they have recited maybe a million times?  

Despite growing remorse for her parents’ past decisions, she keeps pushing forward. 

Ano nga naman magagawa ko? Nangyari naman na ang lahat. Wala na akong magagawa. Pagbubutihin ko na lang. Ako na ang bubuhay kay Mama pagtapos nito.

It has been ingrained in her mind that she will be the family’s breadwinner once she completes her degree. 

Si Elle ang pag-asa mo.

Her relatives would say it to her mother as she gloats that her daughter, Elle, has been the responsible and intelligent kid she has always wanted. Her mother would say she was able to raise her well by making sure she had the best study habits and demeanor as a kid. It has been that way since she was a kid, and it’s why her aunt has supported her studies since she was a kid. She was the wonder kid of the most influential maternal figure of the family after her grandmother. 

“Napaano ka, Elle?” Jun asks as he settles beside the lady drowning in her thoughts. 

“Ah, may naiisip lang,” she replies with a slight smile. 

“Oh, ito. I got us some coffee,” he says. 

“Nag-abala ka pa, huy,” she hastily replies. 

“Wala ‘yan. Break ka muna sa pagkakape sa Lawson. Tikman mo ‘yan. Bagong bukas ‘yan sa Dapitan,” he tells her as he places the cup of coffee on her armrest. 

Elle thanks him. On the cup’s lid is a carefully folded note. She opens it. 

Kaya mo ‘yan, Elle. Ikaw pa! Andito lang ako. - Jun <3

“Thank you, Jun. Effort mo talaga,” she says, lips curling slightly. 

She’s been hesitant to think about what Jun has been doing for her. Elle knows she cannot handle being responsible for another person’s feelings when she can’t even contain her own. Elle still cannot sleep at night alone with the lights off. She would feel suffocated by her thoughts. That alone proves that she will only hurt Jun if she lets herself fall for him. 

Kapag hindi kami nagtagal at napamahal na ako sa kanya, mawawala ako sa huwisyo. Hindi ko kaya ‘yon. May hinahabol pa akong pangarap.

Elle knows her limits. She has to be focused on one goal. All eyes are on her. A lot is expected from her. She knows she has no right to be sidetracked. Being an only child means carrying out the family’s responsibilities because it’s her role. 

“Saan ka nga pala after class, Elle? Gusto mo ba aral tayo kasama sila Denise at Coleen?” Jun asks. 

“Cafe ba? If yes, pass muna. Gusto ko muna umuwi agad. Masakit likod ko eh,” Elle responds. 

“Discord na lang?” Jun asks. 

She nods.

That is not just the reason why she declined Jun’s offer. Elle doesn’t tell her friends that she’s trying to budget the allowance that she gets from her mother to have her indulgences. She has committed to joining her friends outside the university in a drag show next month. For a student who commutes from her hometown to Manila every class day, Elle gets to save a little money that she spends on sudden school-related expenses and her hobbies. Because of this, she would put herself on strict financial planning to ensure she saves money. 

Purgang purga na ako sa siomai rice at rice meals ng Lawson.

She eats a lot of food at home to minimize the need to buy food around the university. It doesn’t help that lately, her friends would drag her with them to study in cafes or co-working spaces. Elle can only sigh at how tight her finances are. Unlike the pandemic's peak when she could do some business and work to support herself and contribute to their household while studying, she cannot do part-time jobs anymore as she has to focus on her courses. 

“Kakasimula palang ng sem na ‘to parang mamamatay na ako sa bigat ng subjects,” Coleen retorts as she picks up her bag from the plastic chair. 

“Discord na lang diba, Jun, Elle?” Denise asks.

Elle nods. 

“Okay. Kitakits. Mga eight na tayo magsimula para makahinga-hinga lahat pagtapos bumiyahe,” Jun says, looking at Elle. 

The three nod in agreement. 

“Una na ako, guys. Maghahabol pa ako ng jeep,” Elle says. 

“Gesi. Ingat, Mama Elle,” Denise replies. 

“Ikaw rin. Coleen, Jun, kayo rin,” Elle adds.

“Bye, Elle. Text me when you get home?” Jun says. 

Elle nods. 

After some hugs and a little chitchat, Elle steps out of the room as she places earphones on her ears. If one thing could silence her raging thoughts, it would be music. She momentarily forgets her worries over the upcoming first comprehensive exams for each of her subjects this semester. She doesn’t think of the many things she has to catch up on at home and her internship that’s about to end. She doesn’t think about the upcoming research defense initially scheduled last month. Aside from that, she has some org work to accomplish. 

She walks along the pathways in front of Albertus and Ruaño, music blasting in her ears. The wind is cooling her sweaty skin as she looks around her surroundings—a temporary solace. 

A man laughing with his friends blocks the path as she trudges on the sidewalk. 

“Excuse me po,” she retorts. 

“Ay, sensya po,” the man mutters. 

Elle stops herself from rolling her eyes. Engineering students block the pathway every day she’s in the university. They would talk in the middle of the sidewalk while walking slowly—her pet peeve. She continues to walk, focusing on the music she’s listening to. 

If not for the slow traffic along España, she would stay on the campus for a bit. She would let the cold wind of the late afternoon kiss her skin as her eyes wandered to the greenery from Plaza Mayor to Lovers’ Lane. The turmoil caused by the classes in her building is silenced by the solace brought upon by the campus once she goes out of Albertus. It has been that way since 2019, even when the college was still in the university’s carpark. 

Having those thoughts, Elle realized how far she had come. She was far from the girl who was discouraged by the guy she took care of when she was a freshman and he was a sophomore. 

Hindi mo kaya ‘tong course na ‘to.

Kung ako sa’yo, umalis ka na habang maaga pa. 

Shift ka na.

It was three years ago when it all happened, but his voice is still in Elle’s head whenever a semester starts. 

Will she be able to survive it? Is he right all along? 

It’s no secret that Accounting, in general, is never her dream career path. It didn’t help that she transferred from BS Accountancy to BS Management Accounting in her second year in college. Elle has always felt doubt and uncertainty about her decisions and path in life as an accounting student because she was never sure of it, and she had someone doubt her from the start. 

She sighs heavily as she exits the campus to cross the street through the footbridge. She looks at the heavy traffic flow caused by the rush hour. Surviving a three-hour lecture is one thing, but the commute home is another story. 

Her daily demise as a student could have been prevented if her parents planned her college education well, but she knows there is no point in thinking about it already. She can only live in the moment and work with what she is provided. She has no chance to voice out these feelings without upsetting her mother. 

As she reaches the sidewalk after going down from the footbridge, she waves her hand to signal an approaching jeepney she wants to ride. The vehicle stops, allowing her to get in and find a seat just in time before the light goes green again. 

It’s going to be a two-hour commute going home.

[sea-of-dust]

hey!! <3 can i get headcanons of yukina with a s/o who loves to compliment her and is totally head over heels for her ?? 🥹🥹

You praise me too much

Yukina with an s/o that praises for her

Notes: Thank you for the request! I open my requests after I realized my drafts weren't gonna work 💀. Istg bandori annons are the fastest people I've ever seen. Bandori annons are probably so fast they can rewind time 💀

Yukina

Why do you praise her so much. She doesn't find herself worthy of it to be honest. Someone so loving as you...she can't take it but she can't say no to it either

Winter was getting especially chilly out she was going to leave but you were like "no" as She got to circle freaking sweating. "YUKINA?! YOU FEEL LIKE A HUMAN HEATER!!" "Thank you ako.." The Roselia practice was canceled as everyone was enjoying yukina the human heater

Admittedly she wakes you up in the middle of the night to tell you the most important of things. "I'm cold" suddenly you're so active you simply become a Gatorade jumbo bottle. You get 2 more blankets and put them over her you don't need a blanket she does! You ended up sleeping without a blanket waking up seeing the cat blanket she brought on your lap

If you were at her place and that was to happen...why you simply have to become the blanket yourself. Holding her in your arms and dozing off to sleep.

She would show you her outfits before shows. You would always cover your face and look through your fingers "you look amazing my dear" you manage to mumble out.

She would never hear the end of your consistent love for her even if she would be mad at you she can't resist you. Afterall you know her better than she knows herself. "Yukina!" "..." "Don't give me silent treatment for not letting you pet a cat! How about this I'll take you to a cat cafe this weekend" an offer she can't refuse. "Fine" "Yay :D"

Whenever she compliments you, you always fluster up an complement her too. "I may have beautiful eyes to stare at but you'll always be the apple of my eye dear" calling her dear is gonna have her flipping and flopping internally

Your friends decided to test you and played only a second of a Roselia song. You answered them all correctly without hesitation. "Yo one of them barely had any sound-" "I recognize that iconic key of black shout" "HUH-"

You were at your job and they started playing Roselia. You could barely do your job thinking of Yukina. They had to put you in the back to wash dishes...

You wouldn't live with yourself I'd yukina had to lift anything to do anything. "Y/n why'd you stop me-" "I refuse to let you open a door" "what-" You opened the door holding it open. "Enter please"

You love seeing her after concerts. "YUKINAAA" You're almost crying twirling her in your arms. "That was *sob* beautiful *sob*" Shell never get used to how your able to lift her so easily

Yukina likes bringing up past memories with you on night when you two are about to sleep. "Remember when you asked me out? You nearly ran out of the stage." "You saw that-" You two giggle a bit "remmber our secound date? With the roller coaster?" "You screamed in my ear the whole time" "you shook me just to tell me about a cat-" "...it was cute" "cute than me?" "...." suddenly she's asleep

Speaking of lifting things easily you where helping her do groceries and told her to unlock her door. As soon as she turned around she saw you carring all of the bags in both hands. "Why your hands shouldn't be foiled by these bags" you say fleetingly "can you open the door-" "oh"

If she ever where to sleep on you you're suddenly canceling your plans for the day. Blush all over your face you're not allowed to move. For now on you're a rock. Unmoveable unless there were an outside force. You didn't wanna leave her but you had plans..."I'll do em tomorrow...but I can't wait for tommrow it's Monday tommrow...hmmm" so you desperately pulled off a Indiana Jones, you tried to replace yourself with a pillow. She woke up on a pillow with your face drawn on a piece of paper attached to it. "Sorry I had to go" posted on it.

Sometimes you would stay over and she would wake up to breakfast in bed. You somehow know she's awake and nearly run into her room with a small table in hand "Well I see you're awake I made pancakes with cat-shaped printings" You place down the table and go to grab a glass of water yukina basically stunned by the cats. How is she gonna eat it?! It's....it's too cute... you come back it and she hasn't touched them just staring. "Do you not like my cooking that much? wait you didn't even try them-" That morning she did eat the pancakes after thanking you she left the cat parts untouched tho...

[x-akari-xv]

His Grace can be shape in Human too.

Hi, good evening. Just a random thoughts, i am writing this at 12 midnight 🤣 siguro kung friend niyo ako sa dumps ko, mauumay na talaga kayo. Pero gusto ko lang sabihin na, His grace can be found in people too.

Akala ko kasi kapag grace iikot lang siya sa salitang 'forgiveness' o 'di kaya naman 'love' which is tama naman. (Ay wait, walang english tonight, pagod na grammarly ko, eme)

Amazing that it also works through people. Napadalas nga din ang pag post ko ng pictures ko kasi i also found grace in confidence. Akalain mo 'yun?

How can i say this,

1. Nandyan sila, malungkot ka man o masaya

Unfair naman kasi kung nakikita ka nilang tumatawa ka pero hindi mo ina-allow na makita nilang umiyak ka.

Alam niyo ugali ko din 'yan, i isolate myself a lot kasi naging comfort zone ko na eh, takot ako makita nilang malungkot kasi i am known as a funny person. But i learned na hindi naman purke umiyak mahina na agad. Minsan, umiiyak tayo hindi para ma solve 'yung problem (wala naman kasing formula diba?? Haha) kundi para maka release tayo.

And the people who listen to your tears are the people that God presented to extend His grace that it's okay to cry when everything gets heavy. Tandaan: ulap nga umiiyak kapag sobrang dilim na ng langit diba? (Ewan ko kung may connect, nalimutan ko kasi english qoute eh 🤣)

2. Willing to correct you

Offensive kaya kapag feeling ko 'yung joke ko sobrang funny tapos hindi ko ka-humor 'yung nasabihan ko. Lalo na kapag dark humor kasi nauuwi sa explanation tapos ending, ma-cocorrect ako. Oh diba

But i also found it grace kasi minsan sa sobrang hyper ko, nagiging insensitive ako. And ayon ang gusto kong i point.

Value those people na nakikitaan ka ng mali pero willing kang mag grow. Hindi ka hahayaan sa place or situation na mapapahiya ka dahil sa ginagawa mo.

It takes a lot of humility para aminin na mali ka alam ko 'yan, but it also teaches us to open our heart for the new learnings na pwede nating ikalago. Payag ka bang ganyan ka na forever? Hello, you are more than that.

3. Nandyan sila in different season

Ang sakit kaya kapag kaibigan ka lang nila kapag may pera ka. O 'di kaya naman nandyan lang sila kapag kailangan ka nila, kapag magagamit ka nila.

I've been there ih, a lot of times na-feel kong sobrang naapakan ang pagkatao ko dahil lang akala ko kapag nag put ka ng so much effort, babalik sayo. Kapag nag mahal ka, mamahalin ka din (*plays Eme by Moira* 🥲)

Kidding aside, nakakawasak ng puso na kapag 'yung mga taong akala mong tutulong sayo ay sila pa mismo ang hahatak sayo pababa (ay wait, baka isipin niyo may imaginary haters ako ha 😭 testimony kasi, and sana one day God will allow me to share it to everyone)

Kaya value those people who stay with you through ups and down. 'yung tipong pinag pe-pray ka sa mga times na hindi mo kayang ipagpray ang sarili mo. 'yung mga moments na kaya mo maging totoo sa sarili mo kasi hindi ka takot na mahusgahan. 'yung mga time na you are able to cry out loud nang hindi ka nahihiya.

Kasi you know deep down in your heart na totoo sila sayo, and they have Jesus in their hearts too. Sarap kaya sa feeling na may kasama kang mag pray kapag hindi ka crinush back ng crush mo (kimmy 🤣)

Naalala ko 'yung story sa bible ng paralyzed man. (Mark 2.1-17) since hindi nga siya makalakad, 'yung mga friends niya ang bumuhat sa kaniya kahit napakaraming tao ang nakapalibot kay Jesus that moment, 'yung mga friends niya ang gumawa ng paraan para mapansin sila. And the moment Jesus noticed them, sabi Niya "Son, your sins are forgiven" at nakalakad siya, hindi dahil sa faith na mayroon siya kundi dahil sa dedication ng friends niya na mapagaling siya.

And we need that kind of friends too.

Those friends that has faith na mas malalim pa sayo

Those friends who are willing to do everything just to help you

Those friends that encourage you when you feel down

Those friends that stays through ups and downs, and help you bloom in different seasons.

And 'yun lang. I am grateful for my friends, tagal ko nag pray na magkaroon ng matatawag kong kaibigan ko. Sa wakas, natapos na din ang phase ng life ko na palagi akong ginagamit, binubully at binabalewala.

[bbarican]

november 06, 2022; 3:01 pm - sunday's best

hi tumblr, kamusta kayo? its another sunday and like always im just trying my best to make the most out of it since we all know naman na ang bilis lang matapos ng sundays natin especially when we're working na

allow me to just dump my thoughts that have accumulated from these past few days kasi again, if i dont, i feel like my brain is going to explode sooner rather than later:

friday was really fun even though i posted about being really tired from thursday kasi we ended up having a really good time at work and then we all ended up having dinner together and it was just a really lovely evening with my officemates

pero pag uwi ko, and i cannot stress this enough, it was like i stepped into one of those super baduy frat party scenes we see in movies - pag pasok ng pinto, there were boys scattered sa living area namin kasi malamig daw sa dapat tutulugan nila, tapos may mag jowang nag cucuddle sa may breakfast nook namin, tapos may isang guy na tulog na sa living room namin, tapos sa dining area naman namin may nagchichikahan, tapos may lumabas pa na guy from the man cave na naka tapis lang kasi bagong ligo, tapos my brother was fast asleep sa couch ng dad ko sa man cave kasi lasing siya kasi apparently he downed 1 whole bottle ng soju by himself

so nung bandang mag 4 am na, he knocked on our door, went straight to the bathroom, tapos nagkulong siya doon for 1 1/2 hours para sumuka and i kid you not i felt a 360 life moment kasi dati ako lang yung ganyan

so regardless if he kept saying na masakit tiyan niya, pinabayaan ko siya kasi he needed to learn the consequences + it was nice of him na siya nagkusa to clean his mess up

besides that, my weekend was pretty standard; i even got to squeeze in a quick interview for a junior designer applicant with our hr so that was a nice first time experience for me

but yeah, we've been sleeping and eating and watching a bunch of stuff lang the whole weekend but im really excited for tomorrow and for the rest of the week kasi i have a few things im looking forward to

so yeah, i hope you guys have a really lovely sunday and i hope we all get to rest enough before bracing the new week ahead of us!

[squishylemonbubbles]

reading all your posts and nodding vigorously and cheering and standing ovation and the crowd goes wild. tigerkin saejima...i have an expansive headcanon (slash au kinda but it goes hand in hand with canon so i treat it as canon when i write bc it's cool) (i will eventually write up a full analysis of it) that would go soooo well with it...makin me wanna explore saejima's writing so i can get a good grip on his voice so i can do it. also WOO DATE/AKO cheers loudly

THANK YOU...!! :D

oooooo~ i'm intrigued!! i just. auhgghhggh i love this, i love saejima. i think there's a lot to say and explore about him but the rgg writers are cowards unfortunately </3

(jk there's only so much that can be said and explored before shit gets bloated, i know i know i knowww. still it's a real big shame, some of the things that get put off to the sidelines)

and yay!! this crackship literally came from me having a misunderstanding due to fuckbrain syndrome, but thinking about it like. aughhhh. why does date have to pair off with mariko anyway...

like she hesitated entering a relationship with him because of her trauma, and only said maybe we can have a thing together after he sufficiently set himself apart from her deceased husband. and as soon as they do try, it's just... fine? i guess? it feels like she gets sidelined from having a personality and history to just, "owner of the bar and date's new wife"

and like, it's not allowed for them to just be friends... maybe that seems hypocritical of me to say when i'm trying to set the stage for my own ship lol but like. a man and a woman who have known each other for years, helped each other out? they must be romantic, and that romance will definitely work out regardless of their respective histories and the reasons that it might not. augh.

[losterthanlost]

Compilation 1

The archive-worthy rants from my other account.

Compilation from my other account:

June 4, 9:16 am

Samokan ko sa thought na like need nako i-regulate og sobra akong reactions and response sa iyaha kay basi og ma-hurt na iyang feelings and mental health– AKO WALA? wala ko na-hurt??? Mas kadaghan ko naghilak tungod sa iyang ka-maldita na wala sa lugar. Akoang future ang na-compromise. Siya? Feelings lang niya iyang ginaisip. Makabwisit jud. Galagot ko. Naa siyay complete right na mag-undang sa mga bagay na gikapoyan na siya like ang magpakaon sa amoa pero dili siya muundang. Cge ra gihapon siya para lang yawyawan mi og grabe ka sakit na mga istorya to the point na gusto na lang nako mag disappear on the spot.

June 4, 7:45 pm

Was crying while in the middle of showering this morning. I was just asian-squatting on the floor while staring at the reflection of the light bulb on the rough concrete floor. There were continuous drops of water from my wet hair and it always hit and bent this small reflection of light. I stared at it and noticed how there were like thin light blue – blue and yellow – red gradients on the edges. The shape is kinda like a smooth-edged star. Has a head and two pointed arms and pointed legs. Every drop of water, it is disturbed, annoyed and goes into a defensive pose. After every drop the light bends and the figure strikes different defensive poses. It seemed bullied by the droplets. My sick head made me feel bad so I finished showering after that. My point is that it's what inspired me to make my current icon.

June 6, 3:52 am

I swear to God, I don't like academic cheating nor want to ever do that. I would rather be shot with a gun. It's the most self-insulting act. Among the most embarrassing things to ever do even if no one will know about me doing it. I don't even let others cheat. I don't just give out answers. I teach them how to answer the problem first using another problem then make them answer the problem themselves. Because letting others cheat through me is an insult to them too even if they don't feel like it.

June 6, 10:04 am

Naistorya na jud nako si Ma'am. :< It's so embarrassing to cry in front of her but I swear I cannot help it when I have to explain my severe writing skill issue. I didn't mention the noise and lack of cooperation in our household because I think that's too personal. It's embarrassing and it hurts to have to say that as my reason for not submitting my lab reports on time when there are other students out there who don't even have their own laptops and bedrooms or even sufficient living allowance. Still, I am very grateful for the grace, Ma'am. I wasn't given an easy way out, of course. And I also won't accept that because it's even more embarrassing and will be very bad for my self-esteem. I have june 10 & 13 as sci pap deadlines. Then 14 will be my removal exam, 9 am.

June 6, 5:48 pm

And we walked down the block to my car and I almost brought him up but you start to talk about the movies that your family watches every single christmas and I want to talk about that. For the first time, what's passed is past. Until that time, ga sad girl daw gihapon ko about sa nahitabo sa akong early college experience about sa kasaba sa balay during pandemic and sa dost and sa everything. Unya naging close enough na mi na murag mag open up na pud unta ko about ato na pain pero nauna siya mag-insert og topic, without being aware of me about to shift to an angst mood like she's just being herself, about sa experience niya or a question na related sa present or future and... I want to talk about that. So while talking I felt a part of me start to heal. And we just talked and talked. And we spend our days ahead together or at least with each other in mind. Anddddd.... yeah whatever else happened. Life would go on into a different better life. The world will feel brighter. There will be hope everywhere. I will not think of ending it all. I will reach my potential. I will be better. Basta better things lang. And a simp to a goddess.

June 6, 9:27 pm

Hmmm... What if my instructor is thinking that my well written (she said this) exer 1 lab report doesn't match with my claim that I am struggling to write and ends up thinking my exer 1 lab report is not honest work?! NO T^T please noooooo. I probably cried to every sentence of that. Though I used ai tools they were all for assisting me in searching information and related studies. But THE. WORDS. Every word there is arranged according to my own brain effort. THAT english is MY english (I dunno if this sentence sounds right). I would rather get shot in the head than ruin my self-esteem like that.

June 7, 9:24 am

It's here.

June 8, 7:38 am

In the dangers in my heart, the cold bitter mindset of Ichikawa resonates with me more although I am much more mature than that kid. I am following the manga so I know how their relationship progressed after the ending of the anime. And I swear I wish to meet someone in my life who's like what Anna Yamada is to his life. Doesn't have to be romantic though. Even just as a close close friend. Sorry, I just want to vent a little because I love these two so much they make me so happy!

June 8, 10:08 am

I hope my friends just don't greet me today. I'll be okay. I'm kinda cringing at the thought. I also don't want to celebrate it in any way with my family especially with my mother. Not even eating celebratory foods or eating out. No no. Not this year.

June 10, 6:48 am

I still love my friends but that's it. I just saved a Hendery fan edit and usually I would send it to the gc but this time I think I won't. I'll reach out when it's something more serious. I think by having these feelings I am being a bad friend. But also no. I can't be the only one sharing stuff there. Also, as my fst 145 instructor said, I should be mature now.

June 12, 1:11 pm

Taka told Michika before they started fighting, "I won't let you kill Noa". Then I searched up what the name Noa could mean in Japanese if there is and the results saying it's like "my love"! 😭 So it's just like Taka saying "I'll never let you kill my love" or something like that 😭 GODD this story is intense even in the very little parts of it 😭💔 #heavenly delusion#tengoku daimakyou#of course as someone who doesn't speak nor understand Japanese this realization may not be on point#but this is all I can find so I am eating up this crumb of unverified information to cope with the heartbreaking fate of the children#the new director woman was right#they were innocent but their conception is immoral so the God/s punished them by turning them into monsters once they die from the disease

[tambling-mga-kapatid]

The Revelation is Revealing | Sparks Camp Season 2 Episode 4 | Full Epis...

Individual Analyses

Miggy. I really felt for Miggy when he broke down while expressing his sentiments on how it feels to not be chosen because he is feminine. I wanted to give him a hug.

Paco. "I was shocked (to receive 3 stars)". Uhm... no you weren't. Lol.

Kyle. Kyle looked the most disappointed that he didn't receive any spark. I do find it a bit of a turn-off the way he pretends to be okay.

Pipoy. Of all those who did not receive a star who said "It's okay.", the most believable was Pipoy. "I choose myself." said Pipoy while giving himself a hug. You cannot get more loveable than that. And him smiling and batting his eyebrows when Mela confirmed to Seichi that it was Pipoy who gave him a star, was adorable. I love how he is becoming more and more comfortable being in the group. His confidence is slowly improving, making him more attractive. If he continues on this path, I predict he will shine brighter and brighter each episode.

Ejay. Ejay is just scooting through this episode. His mature side is refreshing to see.

Martin. Season 2 would not be complete without Martin. Not only is he cute and tactless, but also funny as hell. Martin being the lead Marites among the five campers standing by the kitchen counter is worth watching and rewatching over and over. Hahaha

Allan. "Alam ko dapat masaya ako pero kinabahan ako bigla.". That's your intuition telling you something is off. Listen to your gut, bro.

Seichi. "I got one spark. That's more than I thought.". Suddenly, I feel different about this guy. Him asking Mela if he could "sit this one out" was a surprising display of vulnerability from him. That talk he initiated with Miggy further showed Seichi's caring side. I'm starting to like this guy.

Universe. Oh, Universe. The missteps he committed are costing him. I think he is a bit of a people-pleaser and it was sensed as a lack of sincerity by Allan. Next, his being too emotional makes him vulnerable to Zuher. But worst of all, he is now seen as a manipulative person. He had better snap out of it or he'll end up feeling miserable.

Zuher. By far, Zuher always has the most entertaining facial reactions to any given stimulus. Hahaha. But, yeah, you are evil, bro. It's no wonder that viewers up till now still label him as a "walking red flag". I'd have to hand it to him, though. Z makes great TV. He brings in the drama. And with pizzazz. Haha. Oh, and the way Zuher communicated with Universe was very Scorpio-like of him. I just wish viewers of the show would not equate Scorpio behavior with Narcissistic behavior. Both of which Zuher seems to display.

Interestingness Ranking

Zuher

Seichi

Universe

Martin

Miggy

Pipoy

Allan

Kyle

Paco

Ejay

Likeability Ranking

Pipoy. I do not think any other camper can match the level of likeability of Pipoy. He is now easily the most loved camper of Season 2.

Seichi. I think I speak for everyone when I say that I am pleasantly surprised by this camper. Seichi entered the camp coming in too strong that made many viewers uncomfortable with him. But in this episode, I saw a different side of this sassy guy. Seichi allowing his caring side to come out makes him not only very endearing but also less intimidating. Seichi has not only redeemed himself but has also earned my trust.

Miggy

Martin

Ejay

Allan

Paco

Universe

Kyle

Zuher

Attractiveness Ranking

Zuher. Yes he is the devil in this episode but the guy's entertainment value makes him attractive. The guy showed the most personality in this episode. Maybe not the type that many would find appealing but still.

Pipoy. It's the likeability factor that makes Pipoy so attractive this episode. And the way he is handling all the drama around him with calmness and sobriety is so admirable. That he is able to keep his personal peace successfully compared to the other campers, is frankly, hot.

Paco. Call me shallow but Paco's pretty face buoys him despite his waning sexiness in my eyes. Every episode he comes across as very inauthentic. It's almost as if it's second nature. Eh wala. Pretty eh. Kaya number 3 pa rin.

Seichi.

Ejay

Martin

Miggy

Allan

Kyle

Universe

Whom would I likely give my next spark to:

Pipoy

Sorry, Z. You're hot but I don't trust you. Hanggang fun friends na lang tayo. You're a lot of fun. Lol.

[thezoeydiaries]

Entry #6

Hello~

I have returned from my writing hiatus and I feel incredibly stuck. I never really understood the phrase "Choking under pressure" until I experienced what being a responsible adult feels like.

I grew up having a comfortable life. We could afford little luxuries here and there on top of basic needs. And I grew up never needing to ask for anything. Don't get me wrong, I didn't grow up spoiled, I never really asked for stuff from my mom or family. Even if it was a toy, food, or a trip I wanted, I just didn't ask them.

As long as I had the basic things: food, house, clothes/shoes, and of course, allowance (from when I was still in school) then I was already set. Anything else like pang-projects from school or extracurriculars, mga gala, events that I wanted to be part of —lahat yun from ipon ko sa allowance. It's not because I couldn't ask them for money or something, kasi there were times din naman na if I didn't have ipon then I'd ask them to pay for stuff I need for school. (Take note: for school lang, kasi if it's a personal expense I'd rather pay for it myself). In short, I learned about financial literacy at a young age. I knew that it was not easy making money, and living abroad when I was younger just strengthened my views on how hard it is to attain financial security.

*Excuse the way I look, kakatapos ko lang maglaro sa arawan jan lol*

*My mom loved putting my photos in Magazine covers. Trust me napakarami kong pictures noong bata na cover ako ng magazine haha*

Even when I was a kid, I always viewed my family status as "having just enough", I would never assume that we had extra money for anything else nor did I know how much my family makes. Ever since talaga I don't ask my family to buy me the trendiest clothes, or shoes, I just wear what I have in my closet. Some are hand-me-downs, others mga gifts nila or pasalubong, or when we go shopping they already get me stuff on their own pero there was not one instance that I asked them if they could buy me something I liked, I would just nod if they asked for my opinion.

I'm also not the type to change my phone or my gadgets kapag may newly released stuff. Most of the things I have are either gifts or hand-me-down ng family members kasi they're the ones who usually upgrade often. So most of the things I have were given to me freely and grateful ako na they have good taste so I also like the things they buy for me. Siguro kaya hindi rin ako pala-hingi is because before I could ask for something —they've already provided it for me. And I've gotten used to this until I finished College.

It's not like they stopped providing for me, it's just that I needed to step up and provide for myself, and also help out with the bills. I'm not gonna lie, it's brutal. Being responsible financially to provide, puts a lot of pressure on a person. I'm not a breadwinner or anything like that, we all work in our family (except for lola of course), and yes I do make a decent living, but it's still not enough to cover expenses.

Especially, when there are cases where you need to put out money for emergencies and there are payables that need to be taken care of while it's still weeks away from payday...it just stresses me out big time. Because while you may have the money to pay for stuff, once you take care of all the expenses, you still need money left to make it through the next salary cut-off.

And being a 24 (or 20-poor as I say it) year old, with an almost 20-hour job (I work in media: for 3 shows to be precise), living in a 2-person household with 2 pets, the living expenses can get pretty high. For the last 2 years, I have been earning more than my mom, because my job allows me to have a salary increase depending on how many shows I can handle. And while that may sound tempting, I do have to remind you that I work almost 20 hours a day for most of the week. The workload is really heavy and I don't get to do much with my time besides go to bed and work then repeat. (and that's not even including the random rakets I have besides my tv shows).

I have this goal that I want to be able to provide for my Mom on my own, that's why I don't pressure her to work as hard to earn. When I was still studying, she was the sole provider. And her job, on top of her basic salary, had many incentives including a monthly salary increase every time she booked clients with big case counts. She works in finance and banking btw (investments and insurance). But when I graduated, I didn't pressure her to book many clients, and she's been living off of her basic salary. So I have been managing most of the expenses we have.

I'm not going to go into much detail but living in Manila, things get crazy expensive even if you don't live lavishly. Kami ni Mom, simple lang kami, we don't go out often or buy things, pero yung expenses namin monthly is malaki talaga because we choose to pay for comfort. And even if we only pay for basic stuff, it does put a lot of pressure on me to make ends meet kahit na we're both working (Hello inflation I see you). So for the past few months, it has been really hard financially, and I just feel stuck.

God always provides. He sustains us. But siyempre, you can't leave everything to God —you also have to find ways to make things work. God can move mountains, but you have to take a step. And now, I just feel so stressed out with responsibilities paired up with my work obligations —I am losing sleep (And I don't have a lot of those). I don't really know why I'm writing this, I know it doesn't really resolve things. But I guess, I just want to let it all out.

I have been used to living simply, and like I have stated above hindi ako maluho na tao or magastos sa sarili. And I am working so hard and literally grinding to the bone, and yet I still can't cover all of the expenses. It's frustrating for me. I'm sure a lot of people experienced this on the daily. And I feel for those people na lumalaban ng patas pero nahihirapan kalabanin yung realidad ng buhay. It's not easy living, I get it. Mahal mabuhay sabi nga nila. But regardless we still have to keep going because there really is no other choice but that.

*I absolutely love and adore these people. Some friendships faded, but others are here to stay. I cherish those who are still there.*

On paper, I make more than most of my other peers (Not to brag, I'm just trying to paint a picture). My salary range is higher than most entry-level jobs even though I had this job a few months after graduation. And while yes, technically I do make more, my peers naman get to do more with their salaries and get to experience more things than I do. They have a life outside of work, their social life is alive when mine's pretty much dead hanging on a cliff somewhere with my employment contract.

I just don't feel young anymore. I don't feel like I'm getting to enjoy my young adult years because I have such big responsibilities compared to my friends. I feel like after College, working has aged me so much that I don't even look like myself from before I started working. And my co-workers agree to that when they were looking at my company ID. I understand na there are other people with bigger problems like if you compare them to mine, I know you'd say "OH POOR YOU HUHU BOO FREAKING HOO", and I know some would say "Well that's life and that's reality so suck it up". But that's not really going to change anything.

And now feeling the way I do, I have this guilt inside of me for thinking and feeling this way when the reason why I work as hard as I do is because it's for my family. Hindi naman nila ako pinilit na magtrabaho ng ganito and ako rin naman yung umaako ng responsibility so I need na panindigan to kasi I want to provide eh. But all at the same time I'm already tired of finding solutions to problems financially all while I'm working my ass off to provide tapos kulang parin. Then I get sucked up into a space where all I could think of is how many sacrifices and how much hard work it took for them to raise me and provide for me, tapos ako ang bata ko pa ganito na agad ako kapagod? na i feel shameful that I'm already this tired when for most of my life I have been provided for. I know it invalidates how I feel, pero the guilt is there every time na gusto ko magrant. That somehow I have no right to feel this tired.

I am being very vulnerable on this page right now. I don't know if I could ever show this to someone or face anyone who could read what I wrote on this blog. But I just need an outlet for my feelings right now because I don't think another person in my life could equally relate to how I feel. And that's what this blog is for —to be my friend when I'm in need.

I've been ranting on here for hours now, and I still haven't found a solution to my problems. I wish I could say that it felt better to release, but honestly it feels just the same. I can't go to sleep because I slept for 12 hours straight, I ignored work today, my friends are all busy, and my head is too fuzzy to focus on anything on the internet, I also couldn't read anything because I'm in a dark cold room and I refuse to open my lights. I can't listen to music right now because my head's all noisy, and I don't have the energy to interact with another living being despite having rested for half a day.

So what do you do when you literally can't do anything? I chose to write instead. And I feel like I should end this blog right now because I have nothing else to say.

*CTTO of the images in this blog post.

So good bye! Till next time <3

Love,

Zoey na pagod na maging adult

[chesterguiam]

The first half of 2023 is almost done. A lot of challenges, struggles, and victories are now part of an unforgettable learning experience.

I want to share with you 6 strategies that can help us finish strong for the next second half of the year. Here we go:

1. Positive Outlook: We should naturally have an optimistic mindset, which allows us to focus on the bright side of life and find joy in everyday experiences.

Everything has a different side like a coin. May positive and negative talaga. Always focus on the positives. Sabi nga ni Catriona Gray our Miss World Philippines — we need to see situations with a silver lining.

2. Gratitude: Expressing gratitude for the good things in your life because it can contribute to a sense of happiness. When you appreciate and acknowledge the positive aspects of your life, it can enhance your overall well-being.

Yung coffee break ko sa office na black coffee, super kinaka thankful ko yun haha! Yung spotify app ko na any genre of music ay ma pplay ko base on my mood na aappreciate ko yun. We don’t need to have BIG purchases or incredible achievements to express gratitude kasi even makatulog ka lang sa gabi is a big thing na. Many people had a hard time sleeping at night and it can give a negative impact sa health ng isang individual. So stay grateful.

3. Healthy Relationships: Strong connections and positive relationships with family, friends, and loved ones can contribute to your happiness. Having a support system and feeling loved and supported can bring joy and contentment.

Yes, the world is indeed getting smaller because of the internet. Different social media apps. Pero nothing beats yung small cirle naten. The one who truly cares and understands kung ano o sino ka as a person.

Our families and friends are the true gems. Lalo na if you have a good relationship with them. I strongly believe na we are always wearing a mask and it depends on who we are with. Sure ako pag naging talkative and makulit ka. Yan ang geniune cirle mo. Have a blast.

4. Purpose and Meaning: When you have a sense of purpose or meaning in your life, it can bring a deep sense of fulfillment and happiness. Engaging in activities and pursuing goals that align with your values and passions can contribute to your overall well-being.

This is very important. It’s very subjective din dahil naka depende sa cultural and beliefs ang purpose ng tao. Iba iba din tayo ng upbringing and experiences. Kadalasan ng mga youth eto ang pinag dadaanan. They are looking and finding themselves.

Always stay curios, try as many things as possible. You may also experience some mistakes in life wag lang sobra dahil it may greatly impact you sa future just enough lang para may matutunan ka.

Hinahanap ba to? I don’t know but if it’s your calling. You will not find it but it will FIND you. Just do it.

5. Positive Self-Care Habits: Taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally can contribute to your happiness. Engaging in regular exercise, practicing self-care activities, and managing stress can boost your mood and overall sense of well-being.

If you like what you are seeing in the mirror, tataas confidence mo. If you want to improve physically it takes time and disciple din. You should also learn and have discernment hindi lahat ng pieces of advice na mapupulot mo sa internet nowadays may be right and fit for you. Always seek advice sa mga experts.

Kaya if you want to be fit and healthy haha! This is Chester G. I am also an experienced fitness coach. Don’t hesitate to message me. Excited hearing from you.

6. Mindfulness and Living in the Present: Being present and mindful can help you fully enjoy and appreciate each moment. By focusing on the present rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, you can cultivate a greater sense of happiness.

By thinking the past medyo di ka makaka move on kasi baka lies na yung voice na ma accept mo. Na baka yung little demon voice will say wala ka na pag asa mag bago. Kino konsensya ka ng mga pagkakamali mo. NO. Always look and have that faith for greater things. It’s good to have goals. To have a wonderful future that we’ve set. Pero no one can predict the future. No one.

Kaya focus ka sa present. Galingan mo sa present go all in. This is a gift and magugulat ka nalang na di mo na namamalayan. Nag eenjoy ka sa ginagawa mo. Until yung future na ini aim mo. Na reached mo na pala unknowingly.

I loved the quote from Kung Fu Panda that says “Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, but Today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.” — Oogway.

We may feel down at times. Normal yan. Life has a vicious cycle. We have to accept that fact. Like the seasons of nature, there are also Personal Seasons in life: The season of winter — sadness, heartbreak, loneliness, and sickness. Season of spring — hope, new beginnings, opportunities. Season of summer — signs of growth, need for protection, an abundance of distractions.

Kaya tuloy ka lang kaibigan, tatagan mo loob mo. Dipa tapos ang laban. Let’s finish well and Hope for the best. Talk to you soon.

[equi-vocally]

Day 1.17

3:32PM

I wish I negotiated na 1 week lang. Joke.

Wants… If I say I want you, what kind of life am I willing to offer you? At bakit? Kung may gusto akong patunayan sa sarili ko first, would we ever get another chance? Iniisip ko yun. I want to challenge kasi yung I want you vs I need you.

Okay. I’ll give this first week for my feelings to settle. Pero si Day 1 dadamhin ko muna yung kapraningan. Why am I scared? Takot ba akong mawala ka? Bakit ako takot? In the first place, what’s meant for us will find us, always. If we are meant for each other, it will be done. Now, or eventually.

Iniisip ko, almost 5 months pa lang tayo. You’ve asked for space twice, asked to break up once, and in that short time, we’ve hurt each other and confused each other. For those moments, I’m so sorry. I think some moments, you really needed space from me and really wanted to clear your head but we’ll talk and you understand, and maybe that influences your thoughts. Like nung you asked for space and I suddenly showed up and we didn’t do it anymore. So maybe this is good. Maybe this was the right call. Ah. No maybes. This is for the best. Everything happens for a reason, right? Everything happens for the best. Everything happens for the plot.

In the next few days, I want to examine the parts of myself that I need to heal from. I want to meet you for the first time knowing I’m a better version of myself. I want to meet you knowing what I want to work towards, if you’ll allow me.

[benefits1986]

Lego Love on a Weekday

Monday. 23.10.23. I was on a legit high from the UP-Ateneo game last Sunday and honestly, I dragged myself to our HQ. Traffic was considerably light so, that's a plus point. There was a slated team building and as always, I came without expectation. What caught me off guard and pleasantly surprised me was that this team building involved Lego and dominoes. Lego is my childhood toy of choice alongside my BMX bike. Of course, I was on game on mode and got a decent score of 4 out 5. I was in a group where 2 were ex-team mates, 1 current team mate but from a different sub-unit and another team mate from a different department but we considerably closely collaborate. In my four years in my current org, this is probably my favorite team building activity. Yup, it takes quite a while to get my RBF interested, but here we are. The organizers were the same ones last year; so again, this is a pleasant way to jumpstart Monday before my long overdue mega leave, too. It's also something worthwhile since we're in full convergence mode! What I'd like to keep are some mental notes I can go back to a year or so from now in line with my Project Road to 40 and Outta MNL. Tribes are stronger than a lone wolf. Human beings are meant to socialize in order to survive and theoretically evolve. As a lone wolf trying to veer away from my trust issues, this is a WIP may be ad infinitum-ish. LOL. Ayoko mag-commit, so let's leave at that. While winning the game is the obvious end, it's how you play it that matters most. Been a goal-driven bitch with no surrender for over more than two decades, so, I like winning, a lot. I have to come clean that winning is my drug of choice. Well, it still is. But losing does not mean you don't win at times. It's me in my era of choosing my battles. Ready na talaga tayo for mature roles. HAHAHHAHAHAHA. Alam mo 'yung gigil na gigil ako yday sa tallest Lego in 3 minutes tapos, hirit nung second place is: Dapat manalo ako dito dahil nilalaro namin ito ng anak ko. At that time, my heart leaped and while I kept piling the blocks, hindi ko na pinatibay 'yung foundation. OKKKK. FINNEEE. I will give this guy his win. LOLLOLL. Obviously, I am winning at that time and I can easily beat the shit out of him, but sigeeeee. This is me being the bigger person. And yes, Lego gets me... always. Shemay. Entering my dalisay state of mind na ba talaga itoooo? I can imagine mother dragon breathing down my neck again and telling me to keep up with being dalisay kasi dream niya sa akin 'yun.

Teamwork makes the dream work hard and come to life faster. Easier said than done because it takes more than a tribe to build. Back in my start up era, I've learned the painful lessons of not giving a fuck in the name of winning. SIGH. This era allowed me to see that strengths come with weaknesses, especially mine. A team is always dynamic and diverse. This is where I slowly embraced that everyone, including me has a scope and a limit. It's always a buy one, take all kind of thing. While I still am learning the ropes of building a culture in my new team, I can say that teamwork is the secret sauce in any project.

Saying go and no is essential. I remember so well that when I had a 1 on 1 with my junior, I asked for feedback. Initially, he said, everything is going well and that he's is able to enjoy his wellness leaves. I actually prohibited him to work during his breaks because I believe that doing so is counter-productive and a mortal sin, even. Previously, he's been taking leaves to focus on his unfinished tasks. I asked again saying that: Hindi naman puwedeng walang area for improvement. So, please, indulge me. He paused for quite a while and I looked at him straight in the eye as I came closer to him. LOL. He said that he worries about me quite a bit because I seem to be stepping on the gas too much. He wonders why I haven't taken a wellness leave since I moved to our team. Na-dale ako ng junior ko. He said that I should take a break soon. Ergo, eto na nga po ang mega leave natin kaso may dumating na namang paganap. Nanganak na naman po tayo ng collabs. End of sharing. Saka na, 'pag natawid na. I often catch myself resisting the urge to be back to my workaholic era. LOL. It's too tempting, HOWEVER, we won't indulge all the way. Saktong tikim-tikim lang like me right now. :D It's 2:45 AM MNL and I'm off to tick some items off my to-do list. My plausible alibi: I'm on leave starting the 27th and will be back after the long weekend. LOLOLOLLOLLOLLOLL. Fair enough, ain't it? Ain't it?

Your moral compass brings home the bacon and breaks the legs of your opponents. The thing is, moral compass is a rarity these days. I guess that this is one of the most precious lessons that I got from mother dragon and my second dad. Though my sins are scarlet, I try my best to hang on dearly to my core's Polaris. Again, never an easy journey and this mindset brought me down the dumps and 12 feet below the ground at times. But, I'm not budging. As Steve Jobs says: You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. True that. So true. HOWEVER, as you move forward, you ought to bring with you the wisdom, the lesson, the questions. Also, you won't be able to move forward without facing your past traumas, biases and whatnots. EME. Ang aga-aga na naman po; but, just making habol stuff I'd delegate. Speaking of delegation, as a recovering lone wolf and in the name of character arc development, here I am in yet another social experiment. HUHUHUHUHU. Eto na ako sa era ng delegation doused with inception. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. As an ex-Type 4, nasa integration na yata ako Type 8 and 2. LOLOLLOLL. Hindi siya madali as in. Pero I've learned to be as grounded as I can lalo kapag may very strong resistance. Dati, I usually bulldoze my way to the goal. SHEMAY. Sarap e. Gets the job done right away na, I get to build my skyway pa. However, it's usually a skyway to hell. HAHAHAHAHAHA. I guess, I thrive in neutralizing conflicts talaga pero ngayon, may compassion and lambing na ako, even when ayaw ko talaga na I don't get things my way. Ang aga na naman pong pasavogue ito, pero game na. Let's slay more dragons and put the babies to sleep because, this is another day, shall we?