#you know its not even that i fully hate rainy its just so scary to see such a parrallel

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 272: (Directed by Michael Bay)

Previously on BnHA: The My Child Soldiers Academia arc finally started to live up to its name as Tokoyami became the first (but I assure you not the last) victim of traumatic mental scarring courtesy of Horikoshi’s sick games! So he and Dark Shadow showed up to stop Dabi from murdering Hawks and were all “please don’t kill our mentor.” Dabi was all “AH BUT YOUR MENTOR KILLED SOMEONE ELSE, AND ISN’T THAT JUST LIKE THE HEROES THOUGH, THEIR HANDS ARE SO STAINED WITH BLOOD” and then he tried to set both of them on fire several times in succession. Hawks was all “Tokoyami just run away while he’s in the middle of his five-hour sermon” and so they tried but Dabi followed them! But then Geten was all “ALL RIGHT EVERYONE... CHILL” and fucking froze everything for no discernible reason, and Tokoyami fled the building with an unconscious Hawks in tow as the battle raged on. The chapter then ended with Gigantomachia being all “I smell my master!” and standing up, hahaha oh fuck.

Today on BnHA: Well you guys are not going to believe this, but it turns out that Tomura waking up is actually a very bad thing. A “worst case scenario” if you will! Because, get this, he has a quirk that can destroy anything, which spreads from whatever he touches to fucking everything and everywhere else. Gosh, if only we’d known about this since like 35 chapters ago. If only we’d had a spy among the villains who could have warned us, and three entire months to plan our attack, and literally every single hero in Japan on call to help us when the time came. Anyway so you’re really going to be shocked by this I’m telling you, but it turns out that when a crazy powerful person who wants to destroy everything finally wakes up, he immediately starts destroying everything with his crazy power. So X-Less dies and Crust dies and everyone else runs, and meanwhile the kids, who are on the outskirts of the city finishing up the evacuation, stand there in shock as the plot rampages toward them ready to swallow them whole. The chapter ends with Deku powering up to FORTY-FIVE PERCENT YEAHHHHH, and oh shit. Finally we’re doing this.

I am not even remotely done with all the shit I’m supposed to be finishing up, but fuck it, I need a break and reading the new chapter is by far the funnest thing on my current to-do list, so!

OH SNAPS MY BOY HAS FINALLY OPENED HIS EYES

IT ONLY TOOK HIM... OKAY LOOK I’M NOT GOING TO GO BACK AND COUNT ALL OF THE CHAPTERS, BUT LET’S SAY... FIFTEEN. ...HUNDRED. CHAPTERS TO FINALLY SNAP TO IT AND COME JOIN THE PARTY. BUT IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT! PROBABLY. AHH LET’S JUST READ ON

-- ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohm --

[puts on glasses and unfolds map while poring through a mess of scribbles on post-it notes] -- hold up, if my calculations are correct, I’m pretty sure “somewhere a bit further from the hospital” is, in fact, where a certain THREE TROUBLE-PRONE DISASTERS ARE CURRENTLY HOLED UP. AHHH

can it really be true. are we finally rejoining our protagonist and his buddy cop friends after 97 years. how will everyone react to Deku reacting to Tomura waking up ahhhh

so Burnin’ is yelling at the civilians to let them know if they have any family or friends who need assistance evacuating

god I hate the fact that this is a fucking understatement

they’re not taking any chances after Kamino and Fukuoka huh. fool them once, shame on you. fool them twice, oh shit. but there will not be a third time! no one fucking destroys three cities in the span of six months on their watch, no sirree

(ETA: ...)

lol the kids are trying to get the elderly citizens on a bus to evacuate, but a lady is trying to give them candy and Kacchan and Ochako are of two different minds on whether or not to accept

Kacchan is absolutely right about Ochako’s motivations, but in her defense, who the fuck turns down free chocolate

IIDA!!

FUCKING CHRIST JAPAN IT’S 200 YEARS IN THE FUTURE AND YOU STILL HAVEN’T SWITCHED TO DIGITAL RECORD-KEEPING? WHY IS THIS THE MOST REALISTIC THING IN THE ENTIRE MANGA TO DATE. MY GOOD SIR, IIDA IS LYING THROUGH HIS TEETH, ALL RECORDS AND BUILDINGS ABSOLUTELY CAN AND WILL BE COMPLETELY OBLITERATED IN THE CARNAGE TO COME. I’M SORRY TO BE THE ONE TO INFORM YOU OF THIS, BUT DAMN IT SOMEONE HAS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

(ETA: I sure hope these poor bastards had good insurance.)

also. this man here who looks like Beaker from the Muppets, who presumably has the power of Doing Anything Those Wacky Flailing Inflatable Tube Men That You See Outside Of Car Dealerships Can Do. ...yes. that’s it. that’s an intentionally incomplete sentence with a subject but no predicate. I just feel like we should all sit and stare at him for a good thirty more seconds before continuing on with our lives

OH MY GOD

THEY’RE EVACUATING THE PETS TOO AHHHH. EXCUSE ME CERTAIN SOMEONES WHO THINK ALL HEROES ARE “DIRTY.” I SEE YOUR ARGUMENTS AND RAISE YOU THIS ONE SINGLE PANEL. YEAH THAT’S RIGHT. NOW WHAT DABI. AT A LOSS FOR WORDS I SEE. YOU JUST SIT AND PONDER THAT FOR A WHILE

is... this... a space shuttle man

is this literally just a man with a Boeing for a head. FUCKING QUIRKS THOUGH!!!!! ~*~wild~*~

OH MY GOD AND WE’RE BACK

time for some HORCRUX SHENANIGANS!! IS YOUR LIGHTNING BOLT SCAR BURNING DEKU. I CAN’T BELIEVE HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED IS BACK AHHHH

so now he’s slightly hunching forward with his hands pressed together and Todoroki is immediately sensing that something is wrong ahhhhh

(ETA from like 5 days later: I had that as “Tokoyami” instead of “Todoroki” for the better part of a solid week you guys. SHOUTO YOU WERE GONE FOR SO LONG I FORGOT YOUR FUCKING NAME whoop.)

here come dat angst. here comes Horikoshi’s hand beckoning the trio closer and welcoming them to the pain parade ahhh. from now on that’s how I’m ending all my sentences btw. it just seems right. ahhh

OH MY LORD OH MY

ladies and gentlemen, YOU WERE SAYING DEKU DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT LATELY? HE’S NOT INTERESTING ENOUGH AS A PROTAGONIST, IS HE? well maybe that’s because Horikoshi has been saving this one juiciest of plot nuggets for a rainy day precisely like this! BRING ON THAT CHOSEN ONE ANGST AHHHHH

anyway so yes it is indeed OFA speaking to him in the form of Lil Bro a.k.a. the first user

lol I’m trying to think of commentary but it’s difficult seeing as I’M ALREADY SCROLLING DOWN TO IMPATIENTLY READ THE NEXT PAGE

lmao the fuck

okay Princess Zelda. can you get any more flowery with those descriptions though. A TRANSCENDENT BEING. A SUPERLATIVE ENTITY. A SUBLIME, PREEMINENT ORGANISM. FREED FROM ITS SHACKLES. UNFETTERED BY ALL EARTHLY LIMITATIONS

OH MY GOD

it absolutely boggles my mind that this guy is somehow still alive. ??! how many chapters and panels has it been now. he’s like the goat in the t-rex pen in fucking Jurassic Park. WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET EATEN ALREADY

...

do you... want a blanket. ...?

(ETA: do you ever just. wake up and you’re like “ah shit it’s cold”, and then you destroy an entire city. mm.)

do you all suppose X-Less is fully aware that he’s about to die though? he hasn’t even moved. I imagine that sitting next to Tomura actually is much like sitting next to a giant t-rex. like he has to know there is no getting out of this alive. poor guy

damn Mic isn’t even looking back he’s just running back into the main room where all the rest of them are

wow this fight is still going on

I don’t know why, I just expected it to all magically be over all of a sudden now that we have bigger things to worry about. do you guys remember when we were all worried about the High End Noumus being the biggest threat. hahahahaha

(ETA: moment of silence for ALL OF THE FUCKING HIGH ENDS lmao. that did not go how I expected that plotline to go AT ALL, but at least we got the best fucking battle in the entire manga out of it.)

jesus CHRIST ENOUGH WITH THIS

WE GET IT TOMURA IS DANGEROUS AND SCARY AND EVIL AND AWAKE!!! JUST PLEASE GET TO IT ALREADY GOD I’M BEGGING YOU

FINALLY

goddammit. my reaction to this should have been much more “!!!” and “OH SHIT”, but he dragged it out so much that my initial reaction was one more of relief than horror. maybe it’s because of the way I read the chapters, constantly pausing to do commentary as I go along, but whenever a chapter has a ton of panels of people just staring into the distance awash with dread, it really stands out to me lol. there’s only so much I can write about that kind of thing. ah well at least we’re finally getting to the action

I genuinely can’t tell if Ujiko is frightened that he’s about to be disintegrated by Tomura’s quirk, or excited that Tomura is awake

maybe both lol. well don’t worry you’re not gonna die that easily, much as you would not catch me complaining if you did

thanks Gran

lol where was all this speed throughout the rest of this arc though. “we’re only competent when the plot necessitates it” huh. is that right

oh shit it’s destroying the rest of the lab

those are all of Ujiko’s collected quirks, right? someone please tell me if this is a good or a bad thing. on the one hand if they’re all destroyed it means Tomura can’t get them and Ujiko can’t make any more Noumus. but on the other hand this means they won’t ever be able to give them back to the original users (if any of them are even still alive). and also that’s a lot of evidence that’s being wiped out as well

oh shit they didn’t know about this?!

even after Deika City, you didn’t put two and two together?? even with all of Hawk’s intel?? what the hell did you think happened there?

well this explains why everyone was so la-dee-da-no-rush about capturing him though. well that’s on you guys. next time maybe don’t waste 20 minutes uselessly battling redshirt Noumus while Mirko has to do everything herself

anyway so I feel like people other than X-Less are almost certainly going to die here, and fuck. I’m not ready for any of this

AHH THE KIDS

BIT SLOW ON THE UPTAKE THERE KACCHAN LOL. FOR A MOMENT YOU HAD ME WORRIED THERE WAS SOMEHOW A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THREAT APPROACHING FROM THE OTHER SIDE, BEFORE YOU TURNED AROUND TO LOOK WHERE THE OTHERS WERE LOOKING

ALSO JUST A FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT SHOUTO’S DAD IS IN THAT HOSPITAL, ALONG WITH THEIR TEACHER! HERE. COME. DAT. ANGST

LOOK AT THIS CONSPICUOUSLY INTACT BUILDING AS IT STANDS THERE ALL OMINOUSLY WITH THE NEARBY BIRDS AND CRITTERS FRANTICALLY FLYING AWAY

I want to see it crumble so bad. now this is the kind of foreboding cinematic disaster movie bullshit I can get into

FFFF WHY IS THIS PANEL SO HARD TO SEE

THERE’S TOO MUCH CHAOS AND TOO MANY PEOPLE LOST AMIDST ALL THESE SHATTERING AND FALLING TUBES, BUT I NEED TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE IS SAFE AHHH

...okay so I see Ryuukyuu in the top right, and I think that’s RockLockRock on her back. Thirteen is clearly there in the bottom center, but I don’t know who that is next to them. and then of course Gran and Mic on the left. and a bunch of others spread out in various other places, but... where the hell is Aizawa??

OH THANK GOD

FUCK YOU HORIKOSHI, I KNOW FULL WELL YOU’RE NOT JUST GOING TO KILL OFF THE WORLD’S PREEMINENT DAD STRAIGHT UP OUT OF THE BLUE HERE, AND YET I STILL FELT ANXIETY AT THIS LAST PANEL. HOW DID YOU EVEN

BITCH YOU BETTER LET THE FUCK GO BEFORE I --

!!!

oh my god I gasped in real life. stop making me fear for the lives of main characters!!

he. he --. crust. he. ...

I literally stopped reading and had to stop and cover my mouth with both of my hands I’m

silence. no screaming. no flailing. no freaking out. just silence

shit. rest in peace you old sedimentary bastard. respect to you for saving the father of my children in your last fleeting moments. I still have not the slightest idea how you rose through the ranks to somehow become the sixth fucking highest rated hero (HERO BILLBOARD CHART, IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT. ARE YOU FEELING OKAY), but you sure did go out with style though

also this may be tacky of me to point out during such an emotionally charged moment, but one second Aizawa is wearing his goggles like normal, and the next they’re suddenly pushed up onto his forehead so we can see the anguish in his bloodshot eyes. there was no reason to do that other than angst and we all know it. so yes Shouta you dramatic bitch, I am calling you out. why Horikoshi felt he had to add to your many accumulated traumas is beyond me. you don’t deserve this and I am so, so sorry

OH GOOD I WAS JUST ABOUT TO ASK WHERE THE FUCK ENDEAVOR WAS

seeing as we just went over this with Gran, I will take the high road here and won’t ask why you’re only this fast now and couldn’t have been this useful this ages ago back before Tomura woke up. oh wait does sarcastically saying I won’t bring it up count as bringing it up. well whatever. middle road, then

sob I’m getting flashbacks to the end of Return of the Jedi when they’re all frantically flying out of the Death Star as it explodes

friendly reminder that Ryuukyuu, clearly the fastest one here despite carrying like 20 people, was number 10 in the rankings for some unknown reason. again, r.i.p. Crust you well-meaning geriatric soul

also just a stray thought, I hope it’s clear now why it was so important to give Deku those additional quirks. at a minimum he needs Blackwhip and Float just so he doesn’t instantly die the moment he’s in Tomura’s general vicinity. sob I’ve joked so much about flying quirks and here they are becoming fucking prerequisites now

anyway so Ujiko is mourning the loss of his lab, which again, good riddance mostly. but r.i.p. that evidence though

(ETA: nah the “total loss” part is referring to how the heroes fucked up so soundly and thoroughly. anyway no one would blame Mic if he accidentally dropped Ujiko in the midst of all this chaos, I’m just saying. I guess they need any intel he could still provide now more than ever though.)

OH MY GOD!!

LAUNDRY HERO WASH?! THIS SUDSY BOI CAN ACTUALLY KICK ASS WHAAAAT

oh my god oh my god it’s still spreading??!

fuck fuck fuck at this rate it’ll reach the kids

(ETA: that happened really fast actually.)

-- oh FUCK NO you had better NOT FUCKING TOUCH FUCKING PIXIE BOB, I WILL MAIL MYSELF TO JAPAN PANDEMIC OR NO PANDEMIC. DO YOU NOT SEE THE SIGN THAT SAYS “OFF-LIMITS.” RESPECT THE SIGN

SOB SHE’S SO BADASS BUT IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S STILL DISINTEGRATING FUCCCCCK. FUCK MY LIFE, FUCK EVERYTHING

AHHHHH

I can’t tell if her earthbending was able to stop it or not?? god help us all if it didn’t, I’m not even sure what else could stop it at this point

SHUT UP UJIKO!!

they really did. only to fuck it up completely at the finish line. well, the man most singularly responsible for it is dead now, again r.i.p. Crust you useless old legend

lmao despite myself

“by a miracle, or maybe through sheer will” even he acknowledges that Tomura waking up was basically complete bullshit. yes blah blah yadda yadda got zapped by some exposed wires explanation science. because we all know that getting electrocuted will fix you right up when your heart has stopped and you have completely flatlined. you can definitely trust Horikoshi on this and there’s absolutely no need to google how defibrillators actually work

also is he somehow wearing a cape now. again by a miracle or maybe through sheer will

YESSSSSSS

(ETA: one has to wonder what Ujiko’s plan was, assuming this scheme had actually played out. were they just banking on Tomura not waking up cranky and disoriented and wanting to test out his power. his quirk doesn’t exactly distinguish friend from foe here I’m just saying.)

the part of me that goes all “ooh ahh” when all the buildings explode in Independence Day is singing inside. but never fear, the rest of me is appropriately horrified though. what was that Burnin’ was saying about the city becoming a large-scale battle zone? sob

also this page sure serves as a nice refresher for exactly why Tomura Waking Up Was Bad, which was inexplicably a topic of some debate in recent weeks. yes in spite of everything the villains are still the bad guys who’d have thought. almost as if the purpose of humanizing a character is to show that they’re human, not that they’re right

WHAT’S THIS NOW???

WELL I’LL BE. IT’S BEEN AN EVENTFUL THREE MONTHS, APPARENTLY!??

HOOAHHHHHHHH

IT’S A BIRD IT’S A PLANE IT’S A BADASS OH SHIIIIITTTTTT

finally finally finally!!!!!!

THE SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN, REPEAT, THE SHIT HAS HIT THE PROVERBIAL FAN. THE PLOT IS FINALLY HAPPENING, REPEAT, THE PLOT IS FINALLY FUCKING HAPPENING AHHHHHH

and there is no one coming to save them this time. no one to arrive at the last second and say “it’s all right now because I am here.” they have to save themselves. they have to save everyone. the training wheels are finally coming off. the safety net has been removed. after 272 chapters, the story has finally reached a point where these kids, these children, who in spite of all they’ve been through have been protected and shielded from the worst of it up till now, will finally have to be the ones to save the day all on their own

and they are not ready. but also maybe they kind of are??! but they definitely are not. and oh god oh god oh god, FINALLY WE’RE REALLY DOING THIS. TIME TO FIX THE MESS THOSE SILLY GROWN-UPS MADE, CHILDREN. YOU GOT THIS

[lov3nerdstuff]

Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 5.9}

*Severus Snape x OC*

Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.

General warnings: professor x student, blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 6k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

______________________________

"Do I have to?!"

"Yes."

"But WHY?"

"Because being better than everyone else comes at the price of studying more than everyone else. It's as simple as that, and if you want to be better, you'll have to practice." Robin replied with a small smirk which she tried to hide though as she placed the apple in her hand back on the book in front of her where she had taken it from moments ago. "Another ten times."

"Sometimes I hate you, Robin. This is boring as hell!" Jorien sighed, but did as she was told anyway. She was sitting across from Robin on one of the otherwise deserted wooden benches in the spectators' stands of the Quidditch pitch, with her legs crossed underneath her just like Robin herself was sitting. Her closed textbooks in a stack in between them made for a makeshift table, a pedestal for the apple which was soon to be charmed.

It was a quiet Saturday afternoon close to the end of May, and Robin and Jorien had decided to move their weekly tutoring session outside for once, onto the ranks of the Quidditch stadium, while the Slytherin house team was having a practice before the last game of the term next week. Cas had made it into the team in the beginning of the year, and while neither Robin nor Jorien understood what she liked about the sport, they had for once come out here today as moral support.

The ranks were almost completely empty, the high towers closed off as always between games, and thus it was merely Robin and Jorien sitting in the spectators' ring surrounding the pitch. Nobody else was stupid enough to be out here to watch a mere bloody practice... Robin was no fan of the game, admittedly, and neither of the stadium as a place to work, but Jorien had wanted some fresh air as a change to the dungeons for once, and thus Robin had let herself be dragged out against her preference. And she had regretted it immediately. The warmth and bright light made her dizzy, the bench she was sitting on had seen better days, and she was only too glad that she only had to give instructions and see to it that Jorien followed them correctly.

Today they were revising the second year charms for the upcoming exams, and Robin actually found herself fairly amused to let Jorien enlarge an apple to the size of a pumpkin and then shrink it down to a pea. Slowly, that is, which was way more difficult than having it just switch size with a start. It required great focus on one's own magic and the object of choice, and she thought it important for the young girl to learn this now instead of in the middle of next year when everyone else would. Focus was absolutely vital, and the sooner she learned that the better.

While Jorien practiced her spells and obviously tried very hard not to throw the apple as far away as she could instead of changing its size, Robin observed the Quidditch practice. More specifically, she tried to observe Cas, because she didn't care about anyone else on the team enough to risk getting her eyes scorched out by the sun for them.

"Robin?"

"Yes?" She answered Jorien, but kept her eyes in the sky to seek out which one of the small black spots could be Cas.

"Why are you so good at this?" Jorien asked in as close to a whine as Robin had ever heard from her.

"Because I'm three years ahead of you. I've simply had more time to study magic. Obviously I'm better at it."

"No, I mean… why are you so good at making us learn things? I hate you for being so strict about it, but it does work."

"I don't know." Robin shrugged and squeezed her eyes together as the sun hit them full force once again. She knew why she preferred rainy weather; perhaps she should consider buying some sunglasses. "I don't try to make you learn, I just like to talk about the subjects."

"Is that why we're basically two years ahead in everything related to potions and herbology, but not in history of magic, for example?"

"Yeah." Now Robin couldn't keep the smirk to herself. "I love potions and everything related to it. Could talk about it all day, every day. I probably do, actually."

"You certainly do. God knows why… I find the class barely bearable, and only because Professor Snape isn’t as mean to us as to the others. Because he likes you."

"I find that hard to imagine." Robin said and found herself glad for the first time that her face was red from the heat anyway.

"That he's nice to us or that he likes you?"

"I know that he likes me, and I expect him to be nice to you if you're nice to him, but I doubt that there is a connection between those two."

"You expect him to be nice?! I don't know in which world you're living, honestly. He is really scary and mean most of the time, and he usually snaps at people for literally no reason."

"Believe me, he usually has a reason." Robin snorted and shook her head as she finally looked at Jorien once again. "But that reason doesn't always make sense to anyone but him. He isn't an easy person to understand, and he sees to it that no one does."

"You do understand him though, don't you? I mean… you spend an awful lot of time with him, so you guys have to get along somehow."

"We do get along. It isn't always the easiest thing, but we're making progress." And somehow, Robin thought, they had simply refused to give up on each other for so long that by now they were at a point where they had adapted to each other's flaws enough for their rough edges to fit together. Very well even, at least in Robin's eyes. Maybe that was just her feelings getting in the way of her judgement, but would they be working together this successfully if they didn't function well together anyway? Robin shook her head to push the thought back into the depth where it had come from.

"But… how?! Can you tell me that secret?" Jorien asked with more curiosity than Robin would've liked.

"You are trying to distract me, and I can tell you that it's not working. The apple, ten times." She said, and gave Jorien a pointed look.

"But I've already done two! You just weren't looking."

"Have you now? In that case, start over. Twelve times. Starting by one again. Now." Perhaps, Robin thought, she was being too strict about this. But if Jorien couldn't focus for the mere twelve minutes it would take to make the stupid apple grow and shrink twelve times, then she would run into serious problems sooner or later. Charms weren't Jorien's problem, they never had been, it rather was her lack of focus when she didn't deem something important enough. So doing a boring task over and over again might seem like a punishment, but Robin was only trying to get her to concentrate. Even if the task was easy.

This time Jorien didn't complain, only sighed, and actually did fifteen times the task just to prove to both of them that she could. Robin didn't say it, but she knew that she would probably have done the same thing if the roles had been reversed, and she felt very much pleased with Jorien for that ambition. But she also believed that they had done enough practicing for today, especially out in the sun like this, and thus they packed up before finally observing the practice game of Quidditch going on in front of them.

While Jorien seemed almost genuinely curious about the fast pace at which their housemates scored points, Robin found her only entertainment in watching someone getting hit by the bludgers. It just made her snicker to see some of the people she couldn't stand get hit by very heavy flying balls. They should make a sport out of that alone, because then Robin would definitely enjoy watching the games a whole lot more. The visual she had of it in her head alone was more entertaining than the current Quidditch game in the real world, and Robin snorted to herself as she watched imaginary people get knocked off their imaginary brooms by imaginary bludgers. That was fun. Snape would love it, even if he'd never admit it, and Robin made a mental note to tell him about it later. She just loved to make him smirk or even smile sometimes, for it always seemed to brighten up her whole world for a while. And he probably did smile more often these days indeed, when he thought that Robin wasn't looking, but she'd caught him often enough to know. A smile was on her lips before she knew.

"Asshole!!!" Jorien's yell snapped Robin out of her mind with a start, but before she had the time to fully register what or who the girl was yelling at, her eyes were drawn to the bludger that came speeding right into their direction.

Robin grabbed her wand from the waistband of her jeans, but Jorien was faster to direct hers at the iron ball with a shaking hand. "Engorgio!"

Robin's blood froze over with a start when she realized what Jorien had said, but the shock sat so deep in her bones that it robbed her of any ability to react. All she could do was watch how the bludger grew to the size of a wrecking ball in an instant, before it crashed straight through the wooden construction below them with a thunder of demolition. Robin's eyes met Jorien's for a broken second of shared panic, then the stand below them gave way as the entire construction collapsed in itself. One last spark of an instinctive need to act grabbed Robin, as adrenaline accompanied her fall, and she threw a blind spell at Jorien without any fathomable thought in her mind about what she did. When everything went black, she couldn't remember anything but fear.

… … …

Pain ripples through her body, piercing her from left to right with heated blades that covered her skin in a layer of cold sweat. Robin felt nauseous to the core when her eyes snapped open.

"I don't know what is wrong with her!" An exasperated yell cut through Robin's eardrums and she groaned. What's going on…?

"But we need to do something before her heart rate drops too low, so think of something!" Someone else yelled back, but the voices were moving away rather than closer to her. They weren't talking about Robin… oh god. Jorien!

Robin sat up with a start, yelping in pain as she did, as she scanned the room with frantic eyes in search for her roommate. The collapse, the fall… it came back to Robin with a start, and she went on to ignore her pain as she struggled to her feet. Jorien had been put into the infirmary bed next to hers, and even though it was surrounded by various people trying to help, Robin saw enough. Oh no… this was all her fault.

"You shouldn't be up!" Someone addressed Robin as soon as she stepped to stand next to Jorien's bed. "You must lay back down in this instant until we have inspected your injuries!"

"Don't bother, I'm fine." She replied with a frown, and had to realize that speaking made her feel even more sick. Gods, her entire body hurt. But she was alive, wasn't she? That was good enough for now. Jorien in the bed in front of her perhaps wouldn't be so lucky. She seemed to be petrified, but also not really… Robin's vision went out of focus for a moment, and she aggressively blinked to get her eyes to function again. She needed to function, damnit! Jorien's eyes were wide open, her lips parted in a silent scream, and her hair floated around her head in slow motion. "What's wrong with her?"

"We don't know, she was floating in the air while we found you lying in the shatters. She was almost motionless, just like this. Frozen in time..." The nurse with the oddly blurry face replied, and tried to push Robin back down onto her own bed. Robin however had no intention to let her do so, and simply stepped around her with a shiver. Her head was spinning… but she knew that she had to help Jorien. She knew that this was her fault, all of this. She had pushed the girl to far in her practice of the stupid charm. She'd failed to protect her from her own mistake.

"I… I did this." She managed to say in a decently steady voice, and the more she focused, the more she could suppress her nausea and even the burning pain. They could deal with that later. "Before we fell."

"And what exactly did you do?!" Madam Pomfrey asked from the other side of the bed, and let her hands drop from Jorien's neck. "Her heart is very close to not beating anymore, so you better tell me right in this instant!"

Robin blinked a few times, and finally felt her mind clicking into work mode. She moved from her position in the middle of the beds to stand directly above Jorien and across from Madam Pomfrey. "You have tried the anti-paralysis potion, yes?"

"Of course, but it has shown no effect! What did you do to her?"

"It should have worked…" Robin frowned and dug through her memory for a moment, but she couldn't remember what she had done, what had happened. There was nothing, her mind was blank from the moment on when she had looked into Jorien's terrified eyes. "But she is definitely paralyzed rather than petrified. It should be working."

"It doesn't, so lay back down and let us try to save her in another way!" The matron snapped at Robin, who however couldn't care less about what the woman said. The stabbing in her side made it hard to breathe and even harder to think, but Robin only had to look at the girl in front of her and her own guilt and fear pushed any haze out of her mind. Focus… she took a deep breath. What was the problem? The potion wasn't working. Why wasn't the potion working? Not because it was faulty. Which means… Jorien must have something in her system that neutralized one of the ingredients of the potion! But what could it be? Geez… there were endless possibilities.

"Perhaps we should-... Ah, Professor!" Madam Pomfrey said in a relieved voice. "Good that you show up at all at last!"

"What is this entire ordeal about that my presence was demanded so insistently?" Snape's deep voice finally had Robin look up from Jorien's floating hair, and the room was spinning again at her movement. But her eyes found his nonetheless, and she could tell that his expression went from annoyance to a brief second of shock, then back to the thickest neutral facade. "What happened?"

"Later. Right now we have to keep Miss Blakeley alive." Madam Pomfrey shut his demand for answers right down and turned back to Jorien. "The anti-paralysis potion had no effect, and if we don't find another solution quickly, then-..."

"No, we don't need another solution." Robin interrupted her with a tone as determined as she could manage. Her entire left side felt like someone had poured liquid fire over it at this point, her throat raw as if cut open and then stabbed her with a million daggers more. "We need Kalinistra."

"Not now, Miss Mitchell, just move aside and let us do our work!" Pomfrey scolded her, and the nurse next to Robin once again tried to subtly get her to sit down at least, but Robin pushed her hands away and suppressed another whine at the harsh movement.

"I am doing your bloody work for you and if you had any sense in you, you would just do as I say!" She groaned, and blinked the tears away that had sprung to her eyes. "Jorien has a substance in her system that neutralises the potion, and we have to get rid of that."

"Good point, go on." Snape replied immediately, before any of the others could even try to put an end to Robin's explanation once again.

"If you look at the… ingredients in the anti-paralysis potion, you see that… that it's mainly based on herbs somewhat related to Pellatium. What neutralizes Pellatium would be something like Mandrake root, and-..."

"And Kalinistra would erase any trace of Mandrake." Snape concluded before Robin could, and she started to nod before she had to stop when it made her ears ring and her head feel like exploding. Another wave of cold sweat broke over her skin, and her breathing grew more shallow by the second.

"Miss Blakeley came here yesterday for some Pepperup Potion, actually…" The nurse said quietly, and all eyes flew to her in an instant.

"That's about seventy percent Mandrake, just so you know." Robin huffed, then rolled her eyes, and regretted it immediately.

"And you couldn't have mentioned that twenty minutes ago when she was brought here?!" Madam Pomfrey scolded her young colleague, but then turned to Snape. "So your suggestion would be to give the girl Kalinistra and then another dose of the anti-paralysis potion?"

"It is Miss Mitchell's suggestion, but I absolutely agree." He replied with a glare down at the matron next to him. "Didn't you say time was scarce? I would suggest you get started then."

As Madam Pomfrey and the nurse jumped into action, Snape moved out of their way and instead came to stand next to Robin. She noticed his presence close by her side, but kept her eyes fixed on Jorien while waves of cold heat rolled over her continuously and brought back equal waves of dizziness. If she had looked him in the eye, for just a second even, he immediately would've known that something was up with her. She didn't even dare to brush her hair out of her face, nor away from where the sweat made it stick to her neck.

"Kalinistra was a brilliant idea." He mused after a while, as they both watched how Madam Pomfrey gave Jorien another vial of anti-paralysis potion at last.

"Hope so." Robin pressed out in as neutral a tone as possible, but there was no way he could miss just how fake her entire demeanor was. Every breath hurt like a knife stabbed into her ribcage, and it was hard enough to breathe at all. Talking was worse.

"What happened to her?" He asked another time, clearly addressing Robin, for his voice was too quiet for the other two to hear. She loved that he actually talked to her, but right now she just couldn't keep up with that on top of everything else.

"I happened." Robin whispered, in a new wave of guilt, and wrapped her arms around her middle only to jerk them back when an overwhelming pain rippled through her torso upon a mere touch. She bit her lip to keep quiet; this was not good. But the current moment wasn't about her. This was about undoing what she had done.

A gasp cut through the silence then, and it was followed by a violent quake going through Jorien's body. Then her eyes closed and snapped open again as she started blinking rapidly, breathing hard as if someone had made her jump only moments before. But she was moving again, at a normal speed, and Robin could have cried in relief. The quiet sighs of the others told her they shared that sentiment.

But Jorien for her part looked around with frantic eyes, her features dominated by sheer panic until at last her gaze fell onto Robin. Then, within a second, she sat up in her bed and wrapped her arms around Robin as tightly as she could.

Robin's lips parted in a silent scream that fortunately no one paid attention to, then she bit her lip tightly enough to taste the bitter sting of copper. And yet, the faintest sound must have escaped her, for Jorien let go of her immediately and instead stared up at her with teary eyes.

"I'm sorry…" The girl choked out. "I… I didn't…"

"No, it's nothing. Don't worry." Robin replied immediately, with a small smile and a mild tone she had no idea how she was capable of right now. Ignoring everything else, she sat down at the edge of the bed and allowed Jorien to cling onto her again, while she tried to comfort the girl in return. Robin knew that she wasn't good at this, wasn't someone others came to for comfort. But as it seemed, she was what Jorien wanted right now, and she could never deny her that. Not after what she had done to her. Not even as the taste of copper in her mouth grew stronger, and her pain was fueled by the squeezing arms around her ribs.

"Miss Blakeley, how do you feel?" Madam Pomfrey finally asked, but the voice sounded dull and distant in Robin's ears even as Jorien finally let go of her.

"I'm good." The girl replied with a small sigh, and looked from Robin to Snape, then to the matron at last. "Confused, and my eyes hurt a little, but otherwise I'm good."

"That's amah-..." Robin said as she forced herself back onto her feet with as little swaying as possible. "Amazing."

"I expect an explanation. What exactly led to this chaos?" Snape asked at last, and while Robin wanted to give him an answer to that, she found herself too busy trying to keep the room from spinning. So she simply stared down at the ground with wide eyes while Jorien and Madam Pomfrey explained how the bludger had destroyed the wooden construction and how Robin had somehow frozen Jorien in time and space to keep her from falling, which had resulted in the paralysis. That Robin herself had fallen into the ashes however remained unsaid, and honestly, she barely took notice of it anyway. The voices were a white noise to her own alternating waves of cold heat and pain, a drowning echo in a sea of sound.

"But… I shouldn't be feeling perfectly fine, should I?" Jorien frowned suddenly, and tugged at Robin's hand. "We were falling, and I was paralyzed and…"

"You might feel good, but you still need to rest! You have been through a lot, and perhaps it is best if we continue this discussion at a later point. Try to sleep now." Madam Pomfrey cut in before anyone else could reply, and Jorien reluctantly laid back down as she was told.

"I'm okay though, right?" She inquired before everyone else could move away. "Robin?"

"Don't worry. We gave you a little sip of a potion I made, against the paralyzing charm and now you're all good again." Robin replied with a badly feigned smile that however seemed to suffice.

"Thank you for saving my life..." Jorien offered her a small smile in return, and finally closed her eyes with a surprisingly peaceful expression that squeezed Robin's heart in a death grip.

"You shouldn't thank me." She breathed to herself, far too quietly for Jorien to hear. "Not when I'm the one who almost got you killed in the first place." Then, at last, she let herself be shooed away into the wide aisle in the middle of the infirmary, where she wouldn't stand in the way any longer. Perhaps they had forgotten that she had been part of the accident too, not just its cause… but Robin wouldn't draw attention to it. In her eyes she wasn't the victim, but the one to blame. In her eyes, she deserved every bit of the pain she felt.

So she merely kept standing in the aisle like she was the one frozen in time now, hollow eyes staring at nothing while her own arms wrapped around herself in a vain attempt to make it easier to bear the nauseating waved of cold sweat. But every shallow, rasped breath still hurt like a new knife between the ribs, and made brilliant spots of shadow and light dance across her vision in a swirling haze. She blinked them away, and her focus returned barely when Snape's eyes found hers as he came to stand a mere step in front of her.

"Are you alright? You look-..."

"It's nothing. I'm fine." Robin snapped before he even had the chance to finish the sentence. She didn't deserve concern, or sympathy; she deserved to be yelled at as if she wasn't hurt. In defiance of her own state, she dropped her arms to her sides and turned to look towards the distant windows instead. His eyes were too much to bear, they could shatter her with all the things he would never say out loud.

And yet when cold fingers brushed against the heated skin of her neck, a force beyond her drew her gaze back to his. His touch both pleasure and pain brought the sweetest agony of doubling heatwaves to her body, and her lips parted in both a silent sigh and weeping. His fingers traced over the curve of her neck, barely touching upon her collar bone as he pushed away the strands of her hair that clung to it. Then finally the touch disappeared altogether, all too soon. His gaze dropped from her neck to his hand between them, then he met her startled eyes at last.

"Is this nothing to you?" He asked, in a low tone that was both accusation and inquiry, and finally Robin could pry her eyes away from his to let them drop to the hand he held out to her. The sight of deepest crimson on his fingertips let her shudder while a new wave of cold heat ran over her. The sticky feeling on her skin… her neck and ribs and shoulder blades… it had never been sweat. Her hands rose on their own account to cradle his between them, trembling fingers clawing at his skin in an attempt to steady what she saw. But it was her own vision quivering, not his hand.

"Tell me the truth, Robin." He demanded after a moment, but never removed his hand from hers.

Robin looked up at him then, but her hold on him only tightened as gravity seemed to change by the second. Her stomach was at war with her lungs, was at war with her entire left side. "Jorien-..."

"I understood what happened to Miss Blakeley. I need to know what happened to you."

"I was terrified and I don't know what I did to her... There is pain everywhere, and I feel sick, and... and… your face is getting really… blurry... Maybe I should just-..." Robin gasped, and Snape's features above her turned into a swirling explosion of color before it faded to all black. With a start, all the tension in her body was gone.

… … …

"Why do you have to be so stupid… so stupid and so ridiculously brilliant." The deep voice of her favorite person was the first thing that wrapped Robin in an immediate cloud of comfort as her senses slowly returned to her, rising up from the depths of sleep.

"Why do you do this to me?!" He asked quietly, but it still cut through the silence like a clean silver line. "Couldn't you have cared about yourself at least half as much as you care about the ones you choose as yours?"

"No." Robin replied in the same quiet, and finally opened her eyes to look up at the ceiling of the infirmary once again. A single candle was lit on her nightstand, and it made the shadows dance on the cold stone high above.

For a moment there was nothing but silence, no reply to Robin's answer, and she turned her head on the pillow to look at Snape to her left. He was sitting on the backrest of a chair, and looking at her with an almost startled expression.

"How much did you hear?" He asked at last, but made no move to leave nor to sit down properly.

"More than you would like and less than I would." Robin offered him a small smile, and tried to sit up a moment later with surprisingly little pain. Her ribs ached a little, her neck felt itchy, and her wrist did a weird clicking sound when she moved it, but otherwise she could sit up and even cross her legs without any problems.

"I see you're feeling better." Snape commented in regard to her movement, and when Robin motioned for him to have a seat across from her, he reluctantly obliged to sit down at the far end of the bed.

"Physically, yeah… But it still is my fault that Jorien almost died." Robin sighed in defeat, and quickly scanned her surroundings in the dim light of the one candle. The room seemed to be entirely empty but for the two of them, and she found herself relaxing as her eyes returned to Snape. "I screwed up."

"That you did."

"At least you admit it. But I'm drowning in guilt as it is already, there’s no need for scolding me."

"You screwed up because you were stupid enough to pretend that you were fine. Not because you saved the girl's life."

"No! I screwed up when I was too slow to stop that bloody bludger, and then Jorien mixed up her spells because she was panicked and I hadn't taught her any better, and… I cursed her, in our fall. I remember it now. I studied relative time spells and curses just last night, it was the first thing that came to my mind. Throwing experimental magic at her was fucking stupid."

"Seeing as she is perfectly fine and back in her own room right at this moment, while you are here with two previously broken ribs and a scar to remind you of the events of today, I wouldn't necessarily consider the last part as screwing up." He said, and turned entirely towards Robin in his seat on the bed at last. "It might not have been an ideal reaction to blindly throw a spell at her, but you did prevent the worst. If you hadn't acted, she might still have died from the fall. You might have died either way."

"But I didn't. I'm fine, for real this time. I promise. I only feel like it would have been my job to protect her, and I let her down when I didn't stop the bludger before she did. I'm guilty of that no matter what, and I'm guilty of not teaching her better. I know that it is my fault, no matter what you say."

"I wouldn't dare to disagree. I know exactly how you feel."

"Do you really?"

"Yes." He stated, and at last dropped his gaze from hers down to the wrinkled sheets before he continued. "You feel an oppressing guilt for letting something happen to her while you could have prevented it if you had acted differently. You feel remorse for the pain you caused by not preventing her from being hurt in the first place. And when she still looks at you like you were the one thing saving her, you know that all you deserve is the very worst, but not her thankfulness."

"That's… yes." Robin breathed, and her throat felt too tight, her lips too dry, and she wet them before she spoke on. "So you do feel like that as well? When your students get hurt?"

"Only when it's you." He replied, obviously before he thought better of it, and his honesty surprised both himself and Robin as their eyes met once more. After long seconds of silence, he spoke on. "I do feel responsible for what happens to all of my students, in a general manner, especially for the ones in my house. But of course it just has to be entirely different with you. It always is."

"Obviously." She gave him a small smile in return. How could one single person make her feel so incredibly safe and set so exhilarated at once?! He didn't even do anything but look at her… and say that she was different to him than anyone else. "Perhaps it's not a matter of responsibility. Maybe it's trying to protect someone you care about. And when you fail, it hurts so much more because you didn't just fail a responsibility put upon you, but because you failed the one you care about. The thought of losing someone you care about is always scary… if not straight out terrifying."

"You scared me today. I want you to never do that to me again."

"I'll do my best." Robin said, as both his words and the sincerity in his face melted away the last bit of sadness left within her. Her lips curled into a wider smile at last. "Don't worry, your reputation as the emotionless, scary professor who doesn't care about anyone won't be damaged."

"I am not concerned about my reputation. And it seems that people are already well aware that you are my favorite."

"Your favorite nuisance, perhaps." She laughed, and yet the uproar of her heart couldn't be fooled by humor. "But any kind of favorite will do, really."

"If nuisance is the word you would like to go with, I will not stop you." He replied with a small smirk, which only made her smile even more. "But anyone else who dares to say so would make an enemy."

Robin bit the insides of her cheeks to keep from grinning like an idiot. Perhaps it wasn't such a good change that he was getting better at saying nice things to her… it only made her love him more.

A spark of electricity started in her heart, and then crawled through her body in an expanding wave that gained momentum with every fiber it consumed. She really did love him, quite desperately so even, but her mind had never dared put that term to it before now. Before it was finally absolutely impossible to deny. Bloody hell… one stupid term for what she felt changed everything, and yet it changed nothing at all. She still wouldn't do anything but keep it as a dark secret in the shadows of her mind. Perhaps it gave her the permission to dwell in those shadowy places more often… and it definitely would make it harder to leave them again. But she'd never quite minded such a sweetest kind of torture.

"You should rest now. It is three o'clock in the morning and I know you better than to assume that you won't want to study and work as soon as the sun is up." He finally said with a sigh and stood up from the end of the bed.

"Don't go." Robin said before she could convince herself not to. "I'll lay down if you insist, but I can't sleep. Not right now. Can we just… talk? Like always?"

"Do you seriously believe I have nothing better to do at three in the morning than that?"

"Well, seeing as you have been here even since before I was awake, I would dare to say no." Robin raised an eyebrow at him with a smile, and when he rolled his eyes exaggeratedly but sat back down anyway, she knew that his entire protest was merely for show.

"In fact, I do not." He sighed, and quirked an eyebrow at her in return. "What would you like to talk about then?"

"How about some defense against the dark arts revision? OWLs are in two weeks, and I could use some help."

"How fortunate for you that I am well versed in the subject."

"How very fortunate indeed."

____________________________

Tags:

@ayamenimthiriel @chibi-lioness @t-sunnyside @alex4555 @purpledragonturtles @istrugglewithphilosophy

General Tags:

@its-remy-not-ratatouille @wegingerangelica @dreary-skies-stuff @wiczer @lotus-eyedindiangoddess @theweirdlunatic @caretheunicorn @kthemarsian @lady-of-lies @strawberrysandcream @noplacelikehome77 @theoneanna @mishaandthebrits @i-am-a-mes @nonsensicalobsessions @exygon @hiddles-lobotomy @rjohnson1280 @annwhojumps @spookycatqueen @salempoe @headoverhiddleston @fanfiction-and-stress @createdfromblue @halszka-potter @thecreatiivecorner @themusingsofmany @kinghiddlestonanddixon @scorpionchild81 @crystal-28 @adefectivedetective @lokis-girl-in-mischief @booklover2929 @iamverity @lovesmesomehiddles @akk4rin @whitewolfandthefox @stuckupstucky @kassablanca13 @delightfulheartdream

[anika-ann]

Heart Too Cold, but Friends of Gold - Pt.6

When Tomorrow Comes

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader     Word count: 3530

Summary: Avenger!reader AU. Part 2 of Melting Hearts series. Part 1 HERE.

Interrogation went as well as expected. Sacrifices have to be made in the name of love.

Warnings: swearing, violence, fluff... ANGST

Story Masterlist

────── ·❆· ──────

When tomorrow comes I'll be on my own Feeling frightened of The things that I don't know When tomorrow comes

(Flashlight)

You sat at your computer, the words swimming in front of your eyes. It had been almost three hours since you had left the interrogation room, but your hands were still shaking slightly.

Michaels’ words were replaying in your head even now as you were writing the report.

He had been right; you didn’t like what you had heard. At all. You had left the interrogation room in hurry, tears piercing your eyes and you had been sure that if Steve hadn’t been so worried about you as you had unsurely made your way through to leave the scary space, he would have broken some bones in the guy.

“I… I can’t talk about it right now, Steve,” you had whispered as he had held you in his tight embrace, embrace that suddenly felt so, so wrong, him offering you comfort and protection. “I’ll… I’ll just write a report, okay? Let— let me…”

It felt like ages ago. You had come to several conclusions since that moment and you hated most of them. But the measures you were about to take when having the one piece of information the others didn’t were necessary. You wrote that down too and stared at the words dully. You always were terrible with words – how were you supposed to be good with them now?

You saved the document and attached it to an e-mail, setting it to be sent at 6 a.m. You breathed in shakily, blinking away your tears. You could do this. You had to do this.

You sneaked into yours and Steve’s room, finding him spread casually on the bed with a book. He glanced up with a hesitant smile – the concerned look in his eyes stung you and you lowered your gaze quickly, which was when you noticed he was holding the book upside down.

You couldn’t help it – you chuckled, your palm covering your mouth, tears almost sprouting from your eyes. God, you were such an emotional wreck if Steve pretending to read to give you space moved you to tears.

“What is it?”

“You’re holding the book wrong side up, Steve,” you noted kindly, seriously feeling like crying. He was trying to act so casual, to give you all you needed, pretending he hadn’t been pacing the whole time you had been writing the report. It caused your heart to ache.

Steve quickly checked, groaning silently as he realised you were right. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I was… you don’t have to tell me. Especially if it’s not something urgent. I wanted to… I didn’t want you to think I’ve been pacing here or something, waiting for the minute you come back to interrogate you,” he babbled adorably and you walked to him slowly, gently taking the book from his hands. His cheeks were flushed as if he realized his mistake all over again.

“Thank you,” you whispered, sitting down on the mattress. He straightened so you would be on the same level. His eyes examined you softly with curiosity held back. He mainly worried about you now. “I’m… not ready to talk about it yet. It’s not urgent, I promise.”

He gave a barely noticeable nod, his gaze never leaving your face. It made you feel so loved and cared for— it was so fucking unfair.

“What do we do now?”

“I take a shower and go to bed with you?” you offered shyly and Steve bit his lip, a pained smile curling it up. He brought his warm palm to your cheek gingerly. You leaned into the gentle touch despite your better judgement, indulging the sensation.

“Of course. What can I do?”

You returned the unsure smile. “Be.”

Your hair was dripping water as you stepped out of the bathroom, finding Steve by the drawer, your fluffiest socks in his hands; they were meant for rainy days and he knew that today you felt like it was pouring. The new rush of affection almost crushed you. Steve was the best man you had ever known. He was so precious, the kind of person who had to be protected at any cost and it sure wasn’t just for his amazing ass.

You smiled at him gratefully, approaching him and taking the socks from his hands.

“I thought that you’d like these-“

You let the item fall to the floor in favour to frame his face with your palms and connected your lips in a needy kiss. He drew in a sharp breath, his hands finding your hips on instinct, but his lips were barely responding.

You frowned, retreating a little. “Steve?”

“I…” he observed your face, scanning it for any hint of what had brought this on, but he seemed perfectly clueless. He was searching for answers you weren’t willing to give him just yet. “Are you sure you want to-“

You looked into his eyes, pleading, repressing the feeling of shame at your actions. “Yes. I need you, Steve. As close as possible. Please.”

His brows furrowed with concern, his eyes gleaming with something sad and genuinely loving at the same time. His fingers traced your cheek with the lightest touch, making your eyes fall shut at the tenderness. Then his lips found yours with the same sentiment, touching you as carefully as if you would break if he pressed even a little stronger.

“You never have to ask for me, Snowflake. You never have to beg,” he whispered to your lips, his breath tickling and caressing yours. “You have me.”

His tone was strange in a way you had never heard before. It wasn’t pity, no, it was… something similar, but nothing that would make you angry – he wasn’t simply pitying you. You were feeling terrible, because you could see how your state was hurting him, but you allowed yourself to be selfish. You felt like a whore, but you didn’t care either.

“I’m here. Always. However you need me,” he continued his declarations, catching the tear that fought its way out with his thumb. “Always. Love you.”

You sunk your lips into his deeper, indulging the feeling of his arm wrapping around waist to pull you closer and you lived for every second of the tender love-making that followed. You didn’t hold back your tears anymore. You allowed them to fall, letting him to drink them in, drowning in the declarations whispered to your ear and written into your skin by his lips. Steve was a generous lover most of the time, but you never felt as adored as that night.

It was as if he knew what you had written into that stupid report and he was begging you to stay. The thought brought fresh tears into your eyes and you let them roll down your face while you plunged back into the most beautiful sensation of being loved.  

────── ·❆· ──────  

Still more than half asleep, Steve quickly reached for his phone to dismiss the alarm set on six a.m. so he wouldn’t disturb your so desperately needed rest – only to realize that the bed beside him was cold and empty. He sighed and ran his hand down his face tiredly.

He had specifically told you to wake him up if you couldn’t sleep, offering you to do whatever you wanted from a late-night training session to watching a movie to just lying together with or without talking. Clearly, you hadn’t listened and sneaked out from his embrace without him noticing it – which meant it had to be when he had been in the deepest sleep, around two a.m.

You probably hadn’t slept at all.

Something clenched his heart painfully. Whatever Michaels had told you, it completely messed you up. You wouldn’t talk to Steve about it, promising to do it later, and you had only written a report, claiming it was easier to write it down first and get your head straight. When you had reached out to him, so vulnerable, basically begging him to make you feel loved, he had been sure his heart had broken a little.

He shook his head to get rid of the thoughts, pushing himself up to make himself useful and find you. You weren’t in the bathroom, neither in the common room or the kitchen.

“JARVIS? Is Agent Anderson in the gym?” he called out silently, his mind racing.

Where else would you be? Were you with Natasha? Did you go to her and make her your confidant rather than him? He shushed the tiny voice of jealousy at the idea.

“No, she isn’t, Captain Rogers.”

“With Romanoff?”

“Neither, Captain Rogers.”

That surprised him. Sure, the Tower was huge, but there weren’t many places you would go. The roof, perhaps? There was always the possibility of you searching shelter in your old room, but Steve found that unlikely – yet, his next tracks led there. You never spent your time in your room anymore – even when Steve went on a mission without you, you would sleep in his (and yours) bed, claiming that it helped you to fall asleep.

He knocked on your door hesitantly, surprised when it opened for a slit with that action. Something cold crept up his spine, his instinct screaming at him that something was terribly wrong.

“Snowflake?” he called out lowly, preparing himself for a fight if needed. It was highly unlikely someone had broken into the Tower, but stranger things had happened than someone tricking Tony’s security system.

He opened the door fully and the view had knocked the breath out of his lungs. He could have never prepared himself for the sight.

Your wardrobe was wide open, the already lean piles of your clothing left in your room thinning. The drawers were pulled out, a sock or two handing from them as if you had wanted to grab them, but then had changed your mind and carelessly had thrown them back in the last moment. The door to the bathroom was open, but the light was off. Your bed was neatly made, apparently not used in forever.

Steve stood frozen in the doorway, unable to move – or to breathe in.

Had you… had you left somewhere? Without leaving a note? Without telling anyone-

“JARVIS?! Where in Agent Anderson?!” he yelled at the ceiling as if the higher volume would make the AI pay more attention.

“Not it the Tower, Captain Rogers.”

“That is NOT an answer!”

He ran back to his quarters, grabbing his phone to check if he had missed a text or a voicemail. Nothing. His insides twisted with genuine fear.

Where the hell were you?

He dialled your number. It went straight to voice mail.

“Shit!” he cursed, throwing the phone on the bed, deciding to interrogate the AI instead. “JARVIS, when did she leave?”

“Agent Anderson left around four a.m.”

Fucking four a.m. You left in the middle of the night as if you were an alley cat, a burglar. As if you were a— the air was knocked out of his chest for the second time that morning. A villain.

There was no way your departure wasn’t connected to the yesterday’s interrogation; with whatever information you had got out of Michaels yesterday, something that had thrown you off balance so badly.

“Did she say where she’s going or when she would be back?” Steve demanded sharply as he was already making his way down to the interrogation room.

Please, tell me you didn’t do anything stupid like let him go under the false pretence of keeping someone safe, please, tell me you weren’t that naïve to trust that spineless creature.

Steve believed you were smarter than that, but he knew how easily and how strongly emotions could cloud judgement.

“She didn’t, Captain Rogers,” JARVIS replied dutifully.

The ride in the elevator lasted eternity and since Steve was too far from Michaels right now, he decided to take out his frustration on the AI.

“And you didn’t consider her leaving a bit strange?”

“I did, sir. She asked me to deliver you an e-mail at 6:30 a.m.”

“She did WHAT?!” he snapped, wishing he could punch the insane British voice pumping through the walls of the Tower. “And you didn’t think it was a good idea to tell me earlier?! What was in-- I’ll deal with Michaels first, wake up the rest of the team…”

Steve stormed into the cell with a loud bang, not bothering with using the handle – he just crashed into the door with enough force to rip it away from hinges. The loud crash made their prisoner jerk awake.

“The fuck…?” Michaels complained, squinting at the man who disturbed him.

He didn’t get an answer – Steve’s fist collided with his face in one swift movement, sending the man flying off the bed. He rolled over on the floor, disoriented.

“What did you do?!” Steve barked, raising the man by his collar and pressing him onto a wall, stone hard expression on his face. He roamed Michaels figure suspiciously, looking for any hint of what the bastard had told you to drive you away. “What the fuck did you do?!”

Michaels finally woke up fully, staring into Steve’s face. Blood trickled from his nose as it had met with Steve’s knuckles, but he didn’t seem bothered by it at all despite the red liquid running into his mouth. His lips slowly spread in a bloody toothy smile.

“What did she do?” he asked pointedly, his grin growing smug at the lightning of rage shooting from Steve’s eyes. He could see the despair in them too and it was the most satisfying thing he had ever seen.

Steve grabbed him tighter and crashed his body against the wall one more time.

“What. Did. You. Do?” Steve strained through his teeth, his free hand balled into fist, ready to strike again.

Recognition flickered through Michaels’ face. He laughed. He laughed fully with his head thrown back as if Steve had just told him the funniest joke he heard in years.

“Oh, this is priceless,” he choked out before he broke into laughter once more. “That’s just golden.”

“WHAT DID YOU TELL HER?!”

“She left, didn’t she?” Michaels chuckled, enjoying the euphoria of victory in his veins as a shot of ecstasy. “She really left.”

“WHERE IS SHE?!” Steve thundered, ignoring the voices and steps he could hear approaching the cell rapidly. He didn’t give a shit. This man knew something. He had told you something he had been sure would make you leave to god knew where.

Steve was glaring at him murderously, his body noticeably shaking with rage. That bastard was even laughing at him.

“Sorry, pal. No idea.”

Steve led with a punch to Michaels’ gut this time, making the man huff and curl up a little – as much as he could curl up when in the air anyway.

“Rogers! What the hell is going on?” Natasha erupted behind him, her arrival barely fazing the captain.

“Oh, he wants to know where his girl-toy left to. But I have no clue.”

“LIAR! What did you tell her?!”

“You know, maybe she just got fed up with fucking a guy who could be her grandpa-“

Steve cut him off by punching his face again and a look that would leave him lying on the floor in a puddle of blood if it could kill. This man had done something to chase you away and no doubt had sent you towards a certain death, Steve was sure of it, and he fucking needed to know what, how, when and why.

And he really needed to smash this man’s skull, but he couldn’t always have what he needed and wanted.

“Steve! What-“ Natasha interjected, yet didn’t make a move to stop him, examining Michaels as well.

“You should have seen her face when I told her the tale.”

“What tale?” Steve growled to his face, wishing to just rip his carotid off with his teeth. He couldn’t tell the difference between fear and anger anymore, the mess of emotions fighting in him and constantly blending from one to another.

“That I took her parents to draw her out,” he explained simply through his bloody smile. Steve was not following – that was nothing new. “I’ve told her earlier I would isolate every single one of you to beat you, thanks to your biggest weakness. I asked her to guess who figured out who you have a soft spot for.”

Steve slammed the body against the wall again, unable to form a word instead of just a random medley of angry syllables.

Steve himself. Whatever you were doing, you believed you were doing it to protect him. Why did he even find it surprising?

At least you got the fact you were his weakness (and strength) right.

“She ran away,” Natasha figured, “but that doesn’t make sense. She must have known you would follow, which would be you doing exactly what he wants.”

Steve’s mind was racing. You… knew that, right? You must have known he would follow— was that what the e-mail JARVIS had mentioned was about? Did you really think some message, probably asking him not to look for you, would stop him from going after you?

“What else did you tell her?” the redhead demanded, speaking to Michaels now since Steve was too stunned to say a word.

“I might have mentioned that I wasn’t truly honest with her before. That we only want to isolate one particular person to replicate the serum.”

Steve’s fist itched as he desired to punch the man again, except if he would, Michaels would probably lose consciousness – and for now, they needed him talking.

So you thought that… what did you think again?

“She’s your biggest weakness. So she removed herself from the equation,” Natasha thought out loud. “You don’t worry about her, you’re less vulnerable.”

“That still doesn’t make any sense!”

“Doesn’t it? I trained her, Steve. Tony has been telling her how his surveillance works. Clint has been sharing tips. She knows how to fall off radar. If she truly disappeared, no one could use her to get to you. According to her, you’re safe.”

Her words felt like a cold fist clenching around Steve’s heart.

Fall off radar. Truly disappeared. Removed from the equation. Removed from his life. He felt tears of helplessness and rage fighting their way out. He pushed them back.

Did you think he couldn’t keep you safe? Did you really think you were protecting him by running away? How? Didn’t you two prove countless times that you were stronger together?  That together, you could take care of each other, look out for each other?

“I think I broke Captain America,” Michaels chuckled and Steve met his eyes, icy daggers in them. It actually made the man wince.

“Why?” Natasha asked coldly, circling Steve and standing by his left side now, staring at the prisoner.

Michaels raised his eyebrow. “Why what?”

“Obviously, you wanted to isolate her.”

Steve’s heart stopped at that exclaim. Natasha was right. The thing Michaels had told you about replicating his serum was an obvious a lie. This was about you. Michaels had been manipulating you so he could get to you – or his allies could.

”But you had that in Pennsylvania as well. Why go through all the trouble?” she pressed.

Michaels eyed her lazily.

“Oh, sweetheart, I knew you would be with her, even as a backup, running after her like sick puppies. She would want you to, she wouldn’t do that alone.  Protecting the man she owed everything though…”

Steve buried his fist in Michaels’ guts again, making him groan.

“Jesus fucking shit, what are you made of, vibranium?”

“Who do you work for? What do you want with her?” Steve hissed into the man’s face and it took all of his strength not to punch that self-appreciative smile off his face.

“What I told her. We want to replicate the serum,” he said smugly, attempting to shrug.

The room fell into stunned silence as everyone’s mind became one huge question mark. How would getting you could help to replicate the super-soldier ser-

Steve’s forearm dug into Michaels’s throat as the realization struck him like a bolt of lightning.

“Steve!” Natasha hissed, irritated.

“You’re not talking about the super-soldier serum,” Steve stated, his voice as icy as if he had your powers instead of his own. The choir of shocked gasps echoed in the small room as everyone came to the same conclusion.

They weren’t after the serum that had changed Steve. No. They were after the substance that had been created to cure your liver and turned out to do something completely different.

“Course not. Pff. Super-soldiers are so yesterday. The powers your precious Snowflake possesses, on the other hand…”

It wasn’t Steve who placed a perfectly precise blow to break Michaels’ nose for the second time and knocked him unconscious.

It was Natasha smaller fist powered by the rage of a parent or older sibling terrified for her loved one. Steve let the man fall down like a rag doll, his hands still shaking.

“Stop staring, people, we have a stray to find. Move your asses,” the Russian called out, making her way through her friends. Through her family. Her sestra was missing and on a run for her life. They had a lot of work to do.

On the second thought, she should have kicked Michaels in his balls.

────── ·❆· ──────  

Part 7

────── ·❆· ──────  

Tags: @mermaidxatxheart​​, @murdermornings​​, @elisaa-shelby​​ @ask-hellbent-tweek​ @cxptain​, @kallafrench​​, @smilexcaptainx​ @scentedsongrebel​, @orions-nebula​

Thank you for reading! Yeah, I do write angst sometimes too ;)

[brooklynislandgirl]

Ship meme: Beth and G.

All Hands || Accepting

who wakes up first in the morningShe wakes up to the smell of coffee brewing. The faintest whiff of cologne competes with the sound of freshly pressed linen. A fraction of a moment carved out of the heart of time that lingers between the still warm hands of sleep clinging to her skin and the taste of wine still lingering on her lips from the night before. This moment is weightless and without thought. It’s the one and only quiet moment of peace before reality comes crashing through. And part of her feels sad because she’s absolutely sure Garrett doesn’t have them.She senses his presence before she even opens her eyes, and he trails his fingers through her hair. The grin that comes in the wake of the gesture assures him that he hadn’t awakened her. “I took the liberty of ordering breakfast for you. Sasha or Mike will bring it up when it gets here. I’ve got meetings straight through til noon, an appointment with my PT, and I’m going to check on one of the guys that’s been missing meetings. Should be back before five, if your still here. We can grab dinner.  If not, just lock up, okay?”She makes an unintelligible sound.“Yeah, right back at you, Beth.”

who’s the first to fall asleep at nightDinner was casual, and uncharacteristic. Pizza for him and a large Greek salad for her because he doesn’t think one slice with nothing but cheese is good or healthy for her. She can stand to put a little meat on her bones, and he half wonders if maybe her husband doesn’t worry the way he does that he’ll blink and she’ll wither away. Of course she only laughs and pushes at his shoulder and he grins around the slice he’s biting at. Eventually he starts stealing things from her bowl; a tomato here. A chunk of feta there. A sliver of red onion to go with the sausage and pepperoni. Doesn’t say a word when she snags a piece of the next slice, examining the thin red circle of meat like it belonged in one of her petri dishes.It isn’t til hours later, well after they’ve finished and watch an old black and white movie on television that he’s laying on his side, head in her lap, small fingers carding through his hair that he asks.“When did you start hating meat?”She’s quiet for a long time. And he’s fighting to keep his eyes open.“One time, the Admiral was having a dinner party. Very formal kind of affair and I was sitting there at the table in a little white dress, blue ribbon around the waist, tights, white patent leather shoes, the whole works. We were served something that was breaded and covered in sauce and cheese and I didn’t know what it was. My brother told me it was veal. I still didn’t know what it was. I was three bits in and feeling a little queasy and then he leaned over and explained what veal was. I asked the Admiral if I could be excused and he refused. Ended up getting sick at the table. Kinda was put off meat from that moment on.”Garrett manages to fall asleep with the image of a very much smaller Beth in that dress stuck in his head and misses the rest of her story. And maybe that’s for the best really.

what they playfully tease each other over“Oh, big scary Marine! Getting his backside kicked by a boy only half his size. C’mon. You can do better!”She’s talking trash but she’s keeping a careful eye on him. The wrong move and...and she doesn’t want to think about it. There’s sweat darkening the grey muscle shirt as he bounces the ball, grips it between his fingertips and goes to fake the kid out. Santos falls for it and watches the ball sail upward in an arc, and through the hoop, net swishing. “Cheater!” the kid smirks and trots back.“Not cheating, you just weren’t paying attention. Just because your opponent is bigger than you doesn’t mean you can’t outpace him if you watch carefully. Isn’t that right, Beth?”She glances up from her knitting needles in time to catch a dark and sultry look. Suddenly he’s not talking about basketball any more. The blush and speechlessness give him his answer.Thankfully, the teenager misses the subtext.

what they do when the other’s having a bad dayShe can see it in his face before he even fully makes it in through her clinic doors and both jaw and stomach tighten. She doesn’t smell infection from the drainage hole she’s left open but she still doesn’t like it. Without a word she takes him by the hand and leads him back into one of the exam wounds.“You came...all the way down here, just to have me look at this?”“I trust you.”“Garrett-”“What? I needed to get out of the city for a while. My back’s been killing me, this-”“Looks infected.”“That too. And I just...Look, if you don’t want to treat it, I’m sure I can find another doc in town, but I thought it might be nice to see you, check in on my nephew. Maybe stay for Mardi Gras.”They stand maybe too close, one looking down and the other looking up. It’s more than wounds old and newer, that much she can see on his face. It the lines around his mouth, the bags under his eyes. She puts a hand on his hip, walks him toward the exam table. As she pulls on her gloves and he takes his shirt off. “So, what exactly happened?” she asks, tenderly probing the front of his shoulder.“Charlotte came by the office....”

how they say ‘i’m sorry’ after arguments“I waited!”“Don’t you think you’re taking this a little...hard? I mean it’s not like I’m not calling now.”“I don’t care! YOU promised, G. YOU PROMISED.”He doesn’t know how such a small person can be so loud but he holds the cell away from his ear but she’s on a tear. He can only assume that her husband is out of the house or has gone deaf by now, and all it’s really doing is giving Garrett a headache. He waits until he can’t hear her any more and sighs. “I said I was sorry, it just slipped my mind. And I figured you’d understand.”Yep, understood enough to have hung up on his call. A thumb and forefinger come up to the bridge of his nose and pinch it tightly. Four breaths later, he’s calling his new PA. He’ll scour the City for lei flower...which he learned was also called plumeria. Maybe wax flower, maybe hibiscus. Orchids too, hot house grown if need be. Pay to have them shipped out overnight. G doesn’t often express himself in words, but he knows how to apologise through flowers.It’ll be weeks before she has the courtesy to apologise for herself. He doesn’t hold his breath, waiting.

which one’s more ticklish“...I can explain.”One hand is down on the ground beside Beth’s head. The other is slowing having assaulted the no-man’s-land between the bottom of her ribs and the flare of her hip. Her legs are scissored around the tops of his thighs. Their hair is a mess. There’s sweat gathered along his spine and in the hollow of her chest. Both his dark eyes and Beth’s stare up out of red faces as Riley slowly begins to fold his arms across his chest, his mouth twisted into a murderous grimace.“I’m waiting.”There’s a moment where Beth throws him under the bus and says nothing.“She’s....ticklish.”Riley shakes his head and starts to saunter toward the hot mess on Garrett’s floor.

their favourite rainy day activitiesGarrett’s watching a documentary that she is only half aware of, slouched on his end of the couch. A cup of coffee within reach, a little too Irish for her taste but it’s warm and chases feelings away. Her feet are in his lap because the cradle of his thighs are warm, and it’s touching without having to be any closer and she’s drowsily knitting something who’s pattern isn’t quite clear yet.It’s only a moment later that her hands still and her eyes widen and she becomes transfixed on the screen; not anything that was said because most of what they are saying is too fast and drownt out. No, it’s the image of the blue-painted plane, with beautiful wings.“Wha’...is...dat?” The whisper is full of wonder and she forgets English to a point.Garrett half smiles and glances over at her even if she can’t see him at all. “The F4U Corsair. One of the best Marine fighter planes in its day. Mostly used in the Pacific Theatre in and around the Solomons during World War Two. Beautiful isn’t she? This is about the VMF-214 unit. A.k.a the Black Sheep Squadron. Their commander, Greg Boyington used to choose the worst repaired Corsair so that his men wouldn’t have to chance it.”Garrett misses entirely the look she gives him.

how they surprise each otherThe ambushes become less tactical. Ever since the day she had introduced him to Tabby, she doesn’t jump him any more. Doesn’t really even intrude on his day to day affairs the way she used to. Instead, she has a new bottle of wine couriered over. Or a book she thinks he’ll find interesting. Emails him mp3s of some new Jazz band she found in the Quarter, or Indie sensation out of the Bronx.Month by month, she gets statements about how the group Garrett and Chester head up contributes to the clinic’s taxes and up-keep. Between them and Zarek, she’s finally operating in the black. Able to branch out a little, offer different services to the growing community.But the biggest surprise was when she was shutting down her second clinic, the one here at home, having assured Z she could make it back to the cabin without worrying about the rain. She might be cut off from one of her Spheres, but she still had complete command of the others.She went room by room in the old house, turning off lights and checking windows. She was in the foyer gathering up her scarf when the glass of the door took on a human shaped shadow as the lightning struck. She started to open it, a sweet smile on her face. “I told you, Kealoha, I could-oh. G. What...what are you doing here?”“I wanted coffee.”“In...N’orleans?”“Yeah. I hear they make it with chicory.”

their most sickening shows of public affectionHe slants a look over her shoulder that says this is not a good idea. It says he’s not sure he’s willing or ready for it.She grins. It’s just a tango. And just because her husband is watching, doesn’t really mean Garrett’s actually going to loose a limb.It’s for a good cause, after all.And while the midnight gaze behind her might put the willies in his water, it makes her feel like the most feminine and delicately priceless thing in the room.

[rose-photoblog]

Thanks, Covid!

Well here we are. 8 months into a global health crisis, amidst incredibly heart wrenching yet deeply needed rounds of race uprising and a flittering version of our American democracy for all to argue about at dinner tonight! What a year to be grateful, isn’t it?? I mean, isn’t it, really!!

This year has been….hard, for all of us! No one has not been affected by some crazy, asteroid size feeling of life shift from the myriad of upsets this year; and we can likely also all agree that the word ‘upset’ is a vast understatement to the lives lost, jobs and homes uprooted.The unsettled, swirling and endless days, as the unmoored feeling of our worlds’ being turned upside down and inside out continues. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist or even a poet to know it. The shit hit the fan this year and we are all part of the global clean up crew, if we like it or not. Thanks, Covid.

As a small business in the large event and wedding world, my little production company has been growing steadily into a world wide brand. No matter, 2020 had different growth plans for me and my team. Our books went from mostly full to mostly empty as so many around the world stayed home and postponed large gatherings. At first, I wasn’t worried. I was, in fact, relieved that the endless, burnout cycle we call capitalism had a forced time out. And I still do believe that our carrying capacity is being tested. This is just a test, albeit a long, drawn out and very unfunny test of patience, will and kindness, yea kindness. Bank accounts have grown small, resources meant for rainy days are put into action and the scarcity mindset tries to sneak in every day, even though I know there is plenty. I've had a solid sense of anxiety plaguing me since March 10 this year and I bet you have, too. As I sit to reflect on how grateful I am to have what I do have, I am actually a bit more worried for the long game of the world of events and yet, at the same time, more hopeful than ever for the future of my creative process, my business and thus, the world. Thanks, Covid.

Like so many of us in most any industry, my team and I had all but one project fully canceled and or postponed to 2021. I have to admit, I was reluctant at first to mask up and show up for the one, remaining project. Then I realized not only is it my job to show up and document, in this case a beautiful wedding day, but also that love always wins. This one micro wedding, in all its beautiful backyard glory with just the inner circle of family and close friends was exactly the very essence of what a wedding truly is. Strip away the ultra lux wedding venue, the over the top floral arrangements, a trolly or two overflowing of bubbly, wedding party participants to tour the most photographic locations and more spray tans than is ever ok in one holy place of worship, and you have just the couple and the people they hold dear. All the rest, as they say, is icing on the cake.

When G + E put their postponed, then canceled wedding date back on the calendar, I did choose to mask up and show up because what they ultimately chose to celebrate is the exact essence of why I started my wedding business in the very first place; because of love. And that aliveness of connection, Covid cannot take, break or destroy. In fact, if there was ever a time to show up and mask up, this is the time. I knew this in my gut before I arrived with my team to capture the day but, honestly, I sort of lost track of that feeling whilst directing my crew, doing math, being creative, playing customer service and oh, yea wearing that mask whilst slanging a few cameras!

Don’t get me wrong, the day was beautiful; the light exactly right with slightly overcast skies, perfectly popping fall hues of deep magenta and crispy gold, the year’s CUTEST flower girl and ring bearer crew and, of course, customized masks for the entire guest list. And then days later, when I sat in the editing room to cull in all our media, I recalled that gut feeling that made me show up and mask up, the essence of the wedding, the reason for the friggin' season people: LOVE. I am not over exaggerating or being dramatic when I tell you I had tears streaming down my face, big heart feels of gratitude and appreciation to know the work I do makes me feel my own humanity and therefore, it must make you feel. Humanity for humanity’s sake has a very incredible feeling to it and I’m so very glad I get to show up and be human, at least once this year! I even took off my yoga pants!! Thanks, Covid.

I opted for a career in the arts over one in politics because I wanted to make changes in smaller, concentric circles; true story, double major in Political Science and Photography. I took a hard left turn and haven’t had a chance to look back, until now. Thanks, Covid. Though here I sit studying the essence of my current business. Is it worth keeping, will it survive another 8 months like this and who cares anyway!!?? It’s more evident than ever that we have many bigger issues to tackle in our collective experience here on earth. With all this time to reflect, shift my focus and lead my remaining team onto other projects, I see that there are many more moments for us to feel our own humanity. There are projects calling for more air time and quality content; it's a space of endless possibility for a burgeoning producer like myself, having cut my own teeth in professional media production in the large event space, always keeping that back bone of political engagement through our shared humanity alive and well. I remain inspired by all my projects and it's not a coincidence that the one wedding we had this year served as a resounding reminder of why I do what I do. It's also not serendipitous that of the other few projects my team and I created this year, my lead role as director of photography feels very right. These few projects seemed to have dropped from the sky and that shows me not only do I have a lot of work yet to do, but the world also needs critical thinkers, visionaries and creatives now more than ever.

& I do have hope! I have hope that we as humans are resilient, we are adaptable and we ultimately know how to work with the essence of our own humanity. It’s the reason G + E kept their date and said “I do” in the most authentic way humanly possible, it’s why we are still meeting around tables that will have hard conversations today and it is why we keep trying to do better tomorrow. Thanks, Covid.

Whilst this may be my last blog entry for RP+ V, it most certainly is not the last Thank You note I will write. 2020 has been one helluva year and the lessons offered so far have been painful, scary, wild and incredibly sacred. Never before has a world so closely connected and intertwined shared an experience at the level of this global crisis. Each of our worlds' so small yet vast and then instantly world wide (Hello, Zoom. I love to hate you! ) If we look for more than the silver lining, if we look for the reason we do what we do, I think maybe, just maybe, we can see even more of our humanity and be ever so grateful for what we do have; shared experiences, community, fresh air, clean water and hope for our collective future. Thanks, Covid.

I look forward to tomorrow, to the days ahead to build a new world that works for us all and celebrates those who have come before us by cherishing the hard lessons we've learned through our shared humanity.

love,

Rose

[cripplinganxietyflix]

Blade Runner 2049, Creep 2, The Foreigner

If you’re wondering where I’ve been, my crippling anxiety and depression have been better managed lately so I’ve been out of my house a lot more, which means I’m not sitting in front of a screen as much, and ultimately that means less time spent writing up reviews and watching films. I’m hoping to post a lot more soon, and have a pretty long video planned for a Netflix series I hate. Don’t worry, it’s not Stranger Things. 

I have THREE movie reviews backed up, so I’ll try to keep this as brief as possible. 

First off, I saw Blade Runner 2049 last month, and I fucking loved it. I’ve been defending this film to the doubters and haters (woah there, Donald Trump) for the last year and a half and boy, do I feel vindicated!

2049 was a god damned masterpiece as far as I’m concerned. If we’ve ever talked at length about movies, then you know I’m ride-or-die for Denis Villeneuve. I’ve seen all of his films except for Maelstrom and they’ve all been, basically, five-star films. In fact, I just watched Incendies for the first time last week and it left me speechless and devastated. I will admit that the events of that particular film are a little beyond belief, but it doesn’t matter. See it if you have the opportunity, it’s well worth the time. 

Villeneuve has produced, probably, one of the best sequels ever made; I would confidently rank it with The Godfather Part II, Empire Strikes Back, and Aliens. 2049 improves on its predecessor in every conceivable way. Whereas the original suffers quite a bit from its pacing issues, 2049′s two hour and forty-three minute runtime felt like it went by in an hour and a half. The philistine troglodytes of the movie community have claimed this movie is slow and boring, but I think they’ve misunderstood the haunting, deliberate, meticulous pace of this film. The film makes a professional effort to present everything as is, for your interpretation, rather than through unnecessary exposition. I’m looking at you, 1982 Blade Runner theatrical cut featuring the most draining and unenthusiastic voice over, maybe ever! To give you an example, the movie clearly takes place in Los Angeles, but the climate is cold, damp and dark like Seattle, and there’s a massive wall along the coast that seems to be holding back the sea. Here we have the effects of climate change, without a single mention of it. It just is. 

Finally. Thank you for treating me like a higher-than-room-temperature-IQ individual, Denis. Love you.

Which brings me to the universe of this new film. It is, in my opinion, completely consistent with the progression of technology of the 1982 film, instead of “adapting” this technology so that it makes sense in the context of our modern technological developments. Any other director might have said, “well hey, the original takes place in 2019, but we don’t have flying cars and our computers are better. We should change the tech for 2049 so it’s more consistent for a modern viewer.” Nope. Blade Runner 2049 looks like it takes place exactly 30 years after the original film. In fact, things seem even more dirty, grimy, and in further disrepair. The world of 2049 has trudged on and has continued on a path of miserable, dystopian decay as a direct and consistent continuation of the original film. In this sense, here is another arena where this film is a significant improvement on the original; the harsh, dystopian reality is magnified beautifully and effectively. 

In this way, 2049 meaningfully expands on this universe. We meet Joi, the digital girlfriend of Ryan Gosling’s detective character. Every scene that incorporates Joi is a poignant and moving statement on the shallowness of technology and our digital interactions in the modern age. Case in point: Gosling gets a new mobile platform for Joi that allows him to take her out of the apartment and enjoy a rainy evening on the roof. This sweet moment between the two characters is shattered when Joi’s program freezes as Gosling receives an incoming call, the projected notification plastered over her. 

I don’t want to go to far into characters and story at the risk of spoiling the magic for those of you who didn’t get a chance to see this one before it was ripped out of theaters, but I do want to say that I thought Gosling’s performance was very good, and the character suits his trademark silent performances that convey feelings with the pursing of lips and the twinkling of eyes rather than forced melodrama. I think Jared Leto was a little over the top, but it was fine in the context of the film. I was on the fence with Robin Wright’s performance for a couple of weeks after seeing this, but for the most part, I liked her and the role her character serves. Everyone was generally good and consistent. And as far as the writing of the characters, it was nice to have a detective character who, you know, actually spends the film investigating shit and solving mysteries. 

The last thing I want to touch on is the music and cinematography. Deakins is well utilized in this film; it is shot beautifully. The visuals and photography are probably the biggest strength of the film, and there’s a perfect and balanced synergy between what the film wants to convey and what the cinematography does to support that. The sound design is incredible and further compliments the visuals. I was surprised and impressed with Hans Zimmer’s score, which takes all the right cues from the Vangelis score from the original and really augments the film’s depressing majesty. Once again, this film improves on its predecessor in every way, and the new score manages to capture the futurism and cyberpunk atmosphere of the original and crank it up to 11 to match the increased level of dystopian despair. I loved that this movie manages to convey this feeling organically, without coming off as forced, and without the entire movie coming off as completely miserable, although the misery is beautiful to watch and hear and feel. And for what it’s worth, I believe the movie has a happy end, albeit bittersweet. 

If you have any interest in seeing this movie, go check the showtimes for theaters near you. I would drive at least an hour out of my way to see this one in a decent theater again. If not, it’s worth the rental fee, at the very least. I will certainly be adding this film to my Blu-ray collection. All things considered, I enjoy this sequel even more than its source material. Denis Villeneuve has an adaptation of Dune coming up and after seeing this film (and, really, the rest of his work), I have high expectations and a lot of anticipation. And hey, Ryan Gosling is a gorgeous man to look at and you don’t need to ask me twice to watch him in all of his brooding glory for three hours. 

★★★★★

I also got a chance to see Creep 2, the highly anticipated follow-up to Mark Duplass’s low-key 2014 found footage flick. I won’t spend too much time analyzing this one, but if you enjoyed the first film, there’s a decent chance you’ll like this sequel. 

While I admit that I think the first film is scarier, this one is smarter and a more interesting watch. It digs a bit deeper into the character of Aaron, the fascinating, bizarre and lonely serial killer from the original. As with its predecessor, Creep 2 meets my found-footage benchmark: a believable reason as to why a camera is present, as well as an acceptable reason as to why the character or characters continue to film. I found Creep 2 to be interesting, weirdly charming, intentionally humorous, and didn’t feel like I was rolling my eyes about the obvious set-up for a continuation of this series. 

I certainly wouldn’t recommend Creep 2 if you haven’t seen the first one (or if you hated it), and if you’re a total nay-sayer on found footage, this one probably isn’t going to change your mind. I am generally pretty accepting of found footage films, appreciate the medium, and think that it can be a much more immersive presentation for horror. About 50-60% of the ones I’ve watched have been scary and enjoyable, and although this one isn’t particularly scary, it’s a satisfying expansion to the first film. I would have liked more horror and scares, but given the context of the film, I can live without them. 

It’s pretty nutty and very awkward, but in a good way. 

★★★ ½

I opted out of predictable trainwrecks like The Snowman and Geostorm these past couple of weeks, and ultimately cancelled my plans to see Suburbicon after seeing the brutal reviews for it. I am truly disappointed considering that movie had literally every reason to be good and managed to, according to critical consensus, eat a massive amount of shit while also managing to be some unpleasant mixture of socially tonedeaf and tactlessly racially insensitive. On that note, I instead saw Jackie Chan’s answer to Death Wish, The Foreigner, which was smartly retitled from the book it was based on. The Chinaman is not gonna fly in 2017, thankfully. Do I thank Trump for this era of heightened racial awareness, or are we actually growing because we’re not such bad humans after all?  

The Foreigner is film about a traumatized old man’s quest for vengeance after his daughter is killed in an IRA terrorist bombing. The strength of this film is the performances delivered by Chan and Brosnan, as well as the action sequences. As mentioned previously, I was reminded of Death Wish, and felt like this film might have been an alternate universe’s answer to the need for a version of Rambo that stars Jackie Chan. Man, I didn’t know how much I wanted a Chan-led Rambo, but here we are! 

This is a pretty dark and gritty film for Chan, and he also displays a range of grief that I can’t say I’ve seen in any of the several dozen other Jackie Chan films I’ve watched over the years. It’s nice to see this kind of change in his long career, and if he decides to embark on an Eastwood or Bronson-esque journey of morally-compromised vengeance and redemption in his old age, I fully endorse it. 

The Foreigner suffers a bit from a pretty standard action-thriller formula, and I think the film would have benefitted from a more consistent tone and tighter writing. That being said, Chan and Brosnan are compelling to watch, and the fight sequences are not only satisfying, but genuinely impressive considering Jackie Chan is a 63-year-old man who has probably broken every bone in his body over his career. 

If you’re a fan of Chan, I’d recommend this one. Otherwise, you may get bored by the political drama. The story is a bit... well, it’s average, but the two leads more than make up for it with their performances and the action sequences help to balance out a movie that might have otherwise been unremarkable. It’s an interesting and unexpected direction for such an established master of physical comedy. 

★★★½

[imsarabum]

Rainy Day Saviour // Lee Dongmin (Cha Eunwoo) High-school!AU

Pairing: Dongmin x Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff, High-school!AU

Summary//Request: Upon seeing you getting bullied after school for being short, Dongmin can’t help but step in and defend you - despite both of you not really knowing anything about each other.

|| WARNING: This scenario contains mentions of being bullied and made fun of for being short. ||

When people thought of you, the first thing that came to their minds was the word ‘small’ – small as in pretty short, in reference to your height. Standing at around 4”11 – you were one of the shortest girls in your school. Usually, this didn’t bother you too much as you had already fully embraced the extent of your height – always thinking to yourself “I still have room to grow!” But as your school years went on, you had come to the conclusion that perhaps, being short was just going to be something that would be with you for the rest of your life. It wasn’t so bad, as you generally thought of your height to be something about you that was super cute; however, there were times you wished you weren’t so small…and that time just happened to be right then as you waited for your bus to come and pick you up after school.

Normally, you would have opted for walking home – but seeing as the rain was currently pouring from the heavens with no intention of stopping any time soon, you decided to make your way to the bus stop that was situated just outside your school. Usually the bus stop would have been jam packed with heaps of your peers waiting for their bus to bring them home, but today you stayed behind to partake in after-school activities; meaning that you would probably be alone in standing to wait for the bus.

However, that certainly wasn’t the case.

As you approached the bus shelter to shield yourself from the rain, you looked up – noticing three girls who you knew were a year below you; Jeyda, Niki and Ayumi…all of whom you had encountered on a few previous occasions, and unfortunately, their interactions with you were ones that you hoped you would never have to experience ever again.

“Hiiiii (Y/N)!” Jeyda called out to you as you stepped under the shelter, tucking your now damp hair behind your ears as you looked up – not being able to say much to her as you remembered how a few weeks ago, she had made snide comments about your height.

“Why are you here so late? Where were you?” Ayumi spoke up as all three of them crowded around you.

“Um…I had music club…so…” you trailed off, feeling incredibly nervous and just hoping with all your might that the bus would hurry up and arrive so you could get home as soon as possible – knowing that they never got the same bus as you.

“Oh that’s right! You’re learning to play the piano, right?” Niki seemed genuinely sincere with her question as you nodded your head – about to answer her to say yes, but not before Jeyda took it upon herself to cut you off.

“Do you need like – a booster seat when you play piano? Like the ones they give little kids when they play? Or are the seats adjustable? Can you even reach the peddles?!” she laughed in your face as you felt your neck turn red at her comments.

“Oh my god Jeyda!” Niki slapped Jeyda’s shoulder playfully as all three of them continued to laugh at your expense. In that moment, you wished for nothing more than for the ground to swallow you whole. You couldn’t do anything about your height – it’s not like you could wave a magic wand and suddenly become taller just so that no one would ever bully you over it again. Jeyda, Niki and Ayumi all stood at around 5”7; with model-esque figures that were the envy of most girls in your school. You felt ashamed, you felt ridiculed – and you felt downright worthless.

“Awww – don’t cry babe! We’re only messing with you~” Ayumi chuckled as she proceeded to use your head as an arm rest while you felt your eyes fill with small tears of resentment towards yourself.

“Jesus, learn how to take a joke…you fucking hobbit ” Niki rolled her eyes dramatically. You were so caught up in their words and the situation around you – that you didn’t even notice a fourth person who had since joined you all underneath the bus shelter. And that person, who had been listening in on the entire conversation…was none other than Dongmin – or Eunwoo as everyone in school called him.

“A joke is only a joke when it’s funny, don’t you know that?” you heard Eunwoo’s familiar voice speak up from beside you, making you jump slightly as you never even noticed his presence. You looked up to him suddenly, seeing his face contorted in a mixture of anger and frustration as he glared at the three girls in front of you.

Jeyda joined Niki in rolling her eyes as she smiled at Eunwoo, linking her arm with yours as she spoke in a sickly, sweet voice. “Oh come on Eunwoo – we’re just having fun. She needs to learn how to lighten up. How can someone so short be so serious? Aren’t short people meant to be fun-sized and light-hearted?” she laughed once more – but Eunwoo never even flinched. As you continued to look up at him, while trying to pull your arm away from Jeyda, you thought about how you didn’t really know anything about Eunwoo – other than he was an amazing singer and piano player. He was in a lot of your classes at school, but you had never really spoken to him other than the occasional ‘hello’ or ‘goodbye’ he said to you whenever he saw you at music club. He stood at a mighty fine 6 foot – completely towering over all four of you; you especially, before the next thing you felt was Eunwoo pulling you away from Jeyda and shoving you behind him.

“Leave her alone. She’s done absolutely nothing to any of you. Don’t the three of you have better things to do?” Eunwoo lowered his tone as he continued to stare all three of them down. Just then – you all heard a bus pulling up, the bus in question not the bus you were waiting for, but it was the bus that Jeyda, Niki and Ayumi had been waiting to arrive.

Ayumi let a sharp sneer pass through her nose as the bus stopped and opened its doors. “Come on girls, let’s leave the giant and the dwarf who clearly don’t know the meaning of comedy alone” – her words stinging you once more, before all three of them cackled and got on the bus one by one.

Eunwoo watched the bus drive away, while you kept your eyes firmly on the ground – trying your absolute best to hold back your tears. You hated how sensitive you were when it came to your height; you hated how emotional you became whenever someone said something mean to you, and you hated how humiliated you felt right then and there.

“(Y/N) – are you okay?” Eunwoo turned to face you once the bus had turned the corner, clearly able to see how upset you were.

“…yeah – I’m fine, thanks…” you lied, hardly able to stop your voice from quivering as the rain just seemed to get heavier and heavier.

Eunwoo let out a heavy sigh, looking up to the ceiling of the bus shelter before looking back down to you. “Don’t listen to them. They’re just three stupid girls who take their own insecurities out on you. All three of them are cowards…please, don’t cry?” Eunwoo raised your chin with the tips of his fingers to wipe away your tears with his sleeve on his other hand.

“I just…don’t know why they do this to me. I’ve never said anything to them to cause them to hate me. I…I wish I wasn’t so small, I wish I could be taller like them…” you blurted out, hating the fact that you were crying right in front of a boy who you knew little to nothing about and essentially dumping all of your problems on to him. Eunwoo felt his heart clench inside his chest at your words, before he surprised you by putting his arm around you – your head coming just up to just below his chest as he hugged you close. At first – you were so shocked by his actions that your body turned as stiff as a board. But upon smelling the scent of fresh rain on his school jumper – along with his natural aroma that seemed to calm you in so many indescribable ways, you let your arms snake around his torso to return what could only be described as the world’s biggest bear hug.

“I’m glad you’re not like them” he whispered. “You’re much better being you – just the way you are.” His words were tender, his voice as soft as rose petals as he continued hugging you tightly.

“Have you told anyone about what’s going on? Like – a teacher, or your parents?” Eunwoo asked, stepping back slightly to look down into your face as he smiled warmly at you.

“No…I didn’t want anyone to worry about me. I didn’t want to cause trouble for anyone” you replied honestly. You had thought about bringing it up to a teacher a while back, but you decided against it; just hoping that the problem would somehow fix itself. But to your dismay, it only seemed to get worse as the weeks went on.

“(Y/N)…the only person that’s being affected negatively by all of this is you. You wouldn’t be causing trouble or bothering anyone. Those girls need to know that their words affect you in this way, and they won’t know that until you decide to speak up and tell someone. I know it might be scary…but – you have me, okay?”

You blinked softly, looking up into his dark brown eyes that seemed so full of hope and sincerity that it almost took your breath away completely. “I have you?” you asked, to which he nodded immediately.

“Of course you do. Me – the big giant; remember?” he laughed, making you chuckle slightly in turn. “I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do, but I mean it when I say that if you want me to come with you to talk to a teacher about it, I’ll be there for you…I promise” he replied, as he stood back a little to give you some space.

“…I’ll think about it. I don’t know yet” your voice was shallow, not knowing how to feel all of a sudden as you saw your bus driving down the road with its indicator on to pull in.

“Is that your bus?” Eunwoo asked, seeing you nod in response as you readjusted your school-bag on your shoulders.

“Mine too – mind if I sit beside you?” he asked, smiling down into your face with the most beautiful smile you had ever witnessed in your entire life. You had never spoken more than a few words to Eunwoo before, but having him there in that moment seemed to make your day a little more bearable. You knew that he wasn’t part of the ‘popular’ crowd – just usually keeping to himself and a group of five other boys in your school that you knew he was in a band with. You didn’t really have a lot of friends, but in that moment – you felt what was possibly the beginning of something new. And as the bus slowed down to pull up in front of you both, you quickly turned your head towards Eunwoo, retuning his smile as you spoke.

“…S-sure, I’d like that.”