Why is Jax so upset at the end of Episode 2?
He’s disappointed for the lack of violence, sure, but in the end he looks truly down. I wonder if he feels disconnected from the group? He was the only one not present at Kaufmo’s funeral and he doesn’t seem to really value anyone else in the cast - he moreso just uses them for his own entertainment and ends. While this is at least partially his own fault for being such an asshole man-baby, it can’t help with the feeling of isolation and rejection, feeling like he’s the only one worth his salt on the team, and that he has nobody to relate to or connect with, even in a situation where it’s natural to grow closer as a result of shared traumatic experience and living quarters. Essentially - he might feel like he’s the only one truly alone while everyone else seems to become dearer to each other, even if that feeling is because he views himself as superior.
His lack of ability to connect could also be because he feels like he doesn’t deserve it, of course. He clearly has issues with his ego; this could be because he thinks so highly of himself that the real him can’t compare, causing him to defend his status as “better than the rest” in order to protect himself from recognizing the difference between his perceived status and the reality of who he is. This could also be because he’s self aware that he’s an asshole and doesn’t know how to change or cope more healthily, so he just pushes everyone away and continues hurting them instead of improving. In the first case, he seems to struggle with some real narcissistic traits and clearly needs help - he also needs help in the second case, but it seems like his behaviors there stem less from blatantly narcissistic beliefs and more from his response to the trauma of the circus. Both cases could exist within the same character as well, even if only at different times.
Either way, he clearly needs a lot of support, a better outlet for his feelings, and some sort of reality check that actually gets through to him. He’s very young still, only being in his early 20s, so I think it’s a real possibility that his more cruel behaviors stem from lack of experience and knowledge about other people/social relations rather than from pure malice. We also don’t know how long he’s been trapped in the circus - if he already had some of these ego problems before he entered, it can’t have helped his mentality. I hope he realizes he needs to change and improve himself to improve his life and that he gets the support he needs throughout the show! I can’t wait to see more of him and his character development.
Anyways, I loved episode 2 and I want to see Zooble’s figurine collection
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Kieran, sweating: Julibee, there’s something I need to ask you-
Juliana: Finally! You’re proposing!
Kieran: How’d you know?
Juliana: KiKi, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner.
Juliana: I even picked it up once.
Okay normally I go along with the headcanon but I just absolutely melted at this one, this so CHEF KISS and I think I know who you are and I always always love your cute little fluff ideas!!! <3333333
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There are many jokes floating around the shadowgast nation about the nature of Caleb and Essek's relationship (eggplants and winky faces abound), and most of them are good natured and perhaps true (eventually or at some point). I find most of them entertaining and sweet, but some of what I have stumbled across post-reunion have highlighted that it's only a joke up to a certain point to me.
Please keep in mind that everything in this post is my opinion and my opinion only. I'm not asking that anyone agree with me. This post is mainly for me because I felt like I needed to make it.
I have seen several comments/posts/tags in many different places talking about Essek and Caleb and that scene in the reunion, and describing it as horny or saying they can't keep their hands off each other or following up that conversation with sexual intimacy. I know a lot of these comments or conversations are not malicious or ill-intentioned, and I understand that people are excited for the first new content in nearly 2 years.
But, one thing I have appreciated about Critical Role is the variety of sexuality and genders represented, including various asexual and aromantic identities. Essek is confirmed by Matt on Twitter to be demi (romantic or sexual is unclear to me so it could be taken as either. If anyone has any other sources I would greatly appreciate them). As someone who identifies as aspec, I deeply appreciate the representation that Critical Role has given me.
The shadowgast scene in the reunion was not sexual to me. It's only been six months since the end of c2, which granted, I have not completed yet. As of this writing, I am in the middle of episode 133. Whatever is going on between Caleb and Essek is still very new, especially for two people who thought they would never have love. An aspect of being demi is that it takes time and closenes and a strong emotional bond for romantic and/or sexual feelings to develop. Six months, to me, feels like an incredibly short time for those feelings to take root for Essek even if he is on the path of developing them.
Seeing people make light of Essek's sexual attraction or feelings for Caleb or treat them as common place or casual, even innocuously, has made me feel as though this aspect of Essek really is ignored or forgotten about sometimes. Not by everyone nor, I would even doubt, the majority. Maybe not intentionally or maliciously or maybe it's a lack of understanding about demisexuality or aspec identities.
This is a feeling I have had for a while, and I mean this about nothing in particular but rather a sum of the parts I have encountered over the months.
In addition, I think Essek's sexuality can be overshadowed by how sexual Caleb can be/is. He makes comments throughout the entirety of the campaign that directly or indirectly reveal his sexuality, and that part is clearly important to him, even if he has not acted on it in a very long time.
I am not saying that Essek is NOT sexually attracted to Caleb or that their relationship does not involve sex at some point or at the time of that scene. I do think, at the very least, that Caleb and Essek would have a conversation about it as some point, and I find it likely it would turn sexual. At the very least, Caleb is attracted to Essek. Liam has confirmed that. I would guess those feelings are a combination of romantic, sexual, platonic, etc.
But I cannot imagine, and again this is my opinion, that feeling sexual attraction or acting on it for the perhaps first or second, maybe third time, is not a life-altering moment for him, let alone acting on it. From what see of his character, he's extrmely gaurded, extremely lonely, extremely shameful. Showing his emotions and attraction to Caleb, or to anyone really, is an extreme show of trust and vulnerability, and I don't think it should be taken lightly.
Treating it, at least in those early months, as though it is common or casual, something taken for granted, feels, to me, as though it undermines the importance and gravity of Essek's feelings, whatever they may be. Further, it undermines aspec identities, relegating them to sidelines if it is even acknowledged at all. I feel as though a lot of the jokes ignore Essek's demisexuality and how integral it is to how he builds relationships and interacts with people.
As someone who is aspec, I find it disheartening to see these sort of jokes and offhand comments being circulated about a character who is confirmed, canon aspec whose identity centers on deep bonds that take time to develop. Applying sexual under/overtones to scene where a small chaste kiss and an innocent pet name are shared feels like, in a way, a forced sexualization of a new, developing relationship that may never turn sexual.
There is such little aspec representation in media, and Critical Role does a fantastic job of showcasing a variety of aspec identities which is so, so rare. To turn around and have the fandom ignore or disregard these identities (intentional or not) that the cast and crew work hard to incorporate feels bad. It makes me feel as though I still have to fight for my identity to be seen and understood by people who, theoretically, support and want to understand and respect various identities, who claim to love Essek and Caleb and their relationship. It hurts.
I have spent a lot of time convincing myself that I and my sexuality belong in the queer community, that I deserve to have a voice, that I deserve to be respected and heard. With my feelings about Essek and his demisexuality, I didn't feel right standing by any longer and remaining silent when these portrayals were bothering me.
I am not asking anyone to change their opinions, to agree with me, to change the fic they write, the art they draw. The Critical Role fandom is beautiful and amazing and absolutely incredible. I have met so many kind, caring, wonderful people since joining. It's an experience unlike any other. But, I needed to make this post for me and anyone else who was feeling like me.
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So I've been thinking about this artwork of Ghost King Danny for about three days straight (the earrings, the way he's looking down at the viewer, the tattered space cape—) but I keep getting stuck on the green fingertips and it gave me an idea.
The general consensus about ghosts' appearance is that it's affected by their perception of themselves to a degree, so why would Danny's hands be dyed the color of ghosts blood? Could it be a symbol of a time when he had to End another ghost, putting their blood on his hands? I really want to explore how a boy who never wanted to be a hero but stepped up anyway would cope with having to kill someone to protect others.
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