#your honour i'm in love with the dead lady

[akecrowart]

Best friend Pâté

[mbenguin]

*Ahem* Thanks for following my insanity with Berthier *laughs* Fellow cavalry-lover! I'm the crazy old lady behind the old coot. *waves* Nice to find a fellow history lover!

The audible gasp I let out getting this notification...eee

Ah, hello madam! Likewise, I'm glad to have found a fellow history and cavalry lover (with a shared, undying love for cuirassiers nonetheless heheh), let alone the person running my go-to source of dead old French men entertainment...in my inbox! What an honour... (seriously I considered joining the fray with a Davout RP blog at some point, but I doubt I'm *that* much of an expert on the man yet...) Anyway, absolutely adore your stuff, keep up the insanity, please! ;-)

[bigfrozenfan-fanfics]

Chapter 72 - Halvard's final honour 🔞

Links: Chapter overview, Character list, Map, Glossar Rating: M over all Publishing cycle: around every 2-3 weeks

Remarks: all my chapters contain carefully selected music tracks (try to use headphones). It’s your own decision if you want to use them or not while reading. The purpose is to musically support the respective mood of the plot. If you can please use a browser for reading (not the Tumblr app) due to the text formatting and music.

A chilly wind in Arendelle's capital was blowing around the noses of the citizens and was the first harbinger of the approaching winter. It had been an unusually long golden autumn with lots of sunshine and mild temperatures, it was now high time for many to provide firewood and spend the last few days enjoying nature before everything disappeared under a cold, white blanket of snow.

          Anna and Elsa had agreed to accompany Yelana and the other Northuldra home last night. They told Mari that morning that they would visit Vesterland's royal house on their way back and wished her and Ambassador Mitya a safe journey home.

          Elsa had the brilliant idea of sailing with the new ship instead of riding. Anna immediately agreed and told her sister that it would certainly be much easier for her to think of a new name for the confiscated vessel this way.

          Yelana was thrilled when she heard about it, because she found Arendelle's ships fascinating and had long wished to travel on them one day. That way, everyone would arrive at the Northuldra camp much earlier and there would also be a way to transport men and equipment, including prisoners back to Arendelle and the naval base, Elsa told her.

          However, not all Northuldra would travel by ship, this was especially true for the merchants whose camp was in the northern forest, not far from the capital. They would also take Yelana's reindeer with them. Indu, too, who did not fare particularly well on the last ship voyage, decided instead to accompany the others on his reindeer by land and then leave for the far north in a few days to join his family.

          Anna had also agreed the night before to Yelana's unusual request to show the castle's stable boy the forest where she and her people lived. She had promised him and his reaction had made her smile. The boy had shown genuine interest and also a knack for reindeer. Yelana immediately made her way to the stables, also to check on her reindeer.

          “Hey, stable boy, do you still remember me and my promise!” called Yelana as soon as she was standing inside.

          The boy turned in surprise and peeked around the corner of one of the horse stalls to see who was calling out to him. As soon as he recognised Yelana he called back.

          “Lady, you bet I remember! But please don't joke, because you must know that my work here is extremely important to me!”

          “Come out, for I have asked your queen's permission! You will accompany me to the Northuldra region, as promised by me, and then you will see what has always interested you.”

          “Are you really serious, Lady?” he asked back, uncertain.

          “I'm dead serious, lad. So get ready, because we will set sail together with the queen and her sister in about an hour!”

~~~

It was hard to say who was more impressed by the ship's voyage, Yelana, a more than true Northuldra, or a perhaps sixteen-year-old stable boy who was leaving Arendelle for the first time, and on a ship of the royal fleet at that!

          Both stood at the bow and let the wind blow around their ears. Neither spoke a word for a long time, but the royal siblings smirked at the two as they strolled across the deck, inspecting the new ship.

          “Do you think I could start a new future as a ship's boy?” he asked Yelana excitedly at one point.

          “Who knows,” she replied, “but I think you'd better stay a stable boy, because you're very good and loving with the animals, especially reindeer. Not everyone is cut out for it, but you certainly are, believe me.”

          He looked at her thoughtfully and then nodded slowly, “Perhaps you are right, Lady Yelana. Animals have always been a part of my life, even when I was very small. Somehow I understand their needs and know when they are well or when they need something, and the horses in the stable like me, I can feel that. On the other hand, Arendelle's big ships fascinate me and make me dream of far away adventures.”

          “Well then, you're experiencing one right now,” Yelana replied with a smile, “and you'll certainly be thrilled by our life in the great forest. And I can feel that, you know.”

          He smiled broadly, clung excitedly to the bow rail, closed his eyes and breathed in deeply the fresh wind that blew around his nose and brought the distant adventure he had always dreamed of.

~~~

“It is fast, the ship, and in excellent condition. Our people have done a good job in getting everything ready, don't you think, sis?”

          “Yes, I like it too, and it just flies over the water, all without Nokk and Gale,” Elsa replied, and they both had to laugh at their comparison. “Have you thought of a new name yet? Jarls Pride is kind of inappropriate, I think, and it still reminds me too much of Thord.”

          “Not yet, but I'm sure I'll have found one by the time we return. By the way, as for Thord the usurper and the current ship name, I was thinking the same thing as you. I hope we never see him again, though I'd love to give him a taste of my fist.”

          Elsa shook her head in amusement and chuckled softly, “You've had that before with your ex. Be glad you don't have to face Thord again! But now, enough of this tiresome topic, let's go and see how our Northuldra friends are doing instead.”

          “You're right, I'm sure they'll be wondering why we haven't joined them.”

          The sisters made their way to the quarterdeck and as they climbed the short flight of steps they saw everyone sitting good-humouredly on the deck planks or standing at the rail, a new flag with the crocus, the symbol of the House of Arendelle waving in the breeze between them. Anna briefly looked up behind her and there, with great satisfaction, she made out a large, long flag with the same symbol on the main mast. She smiled, for this was now her and Elsa's ship. Their very own!

          And who knows, maybe next year they would both go on a long and beautiful voyage together to friends in other kingdoms, in fine weather and a summer breeze, not as chilly as it was at the moment. How about calling the gaff sailer the 'Voyager'? Anna smiled up to her ears as she imagined it all in her mind.

          “Well, how are you?” asked Elsa of the others, snapping Anna out of her daydream. “You are certainly looking forward to returning home with your friends in a little while, am I right?”

          “Yes, you are absolutely right, Your Highness, what me and Ryder are looking forward to the most is seeing Honeymaren again. I miss her so much,” Linnea said and stood up.

          Ryder stood with his back casually leaning against the railing and nodded happily. “I had seen her at least briefly when I was there with the soldiers … and well, at our joint fight with Kolgrimr of course. I'm so proud of her and I'm sure we'll have a lot to talk about in the days and weeks to come. I'm really looking forward to it.”

          “I'm mostly looking forward to my forest and being able to gather herbs again,” Myrtha said, “Besides, I'm sure our people have missed a good healer … without wanting to praise myself, of course,” she laughed. “I miss everyone very much.”

          “And I can finally ask Ikka's parents for her hand in marriage. Then next year we plan to get married, after I have put myself in her parents’ service. Because that's the custom with us … not just the proposal ceremony with butterflies and reindeer, the way Ryder helped Kristoff in his proposal,” Joná grinned and, sitting up, put an arm around his beloved, who leaned her head against his shoulder with a smile as she nodded in acknowledgement.

          "But then instead of Anna, Yelana suddenly appeared and you should have seen Kristoff's surprised face," Ryder smirked and everyone laughed, even Anna.

          "I didn't know that," she said. "He'll have to tell me more about that when he gets a chance. It's a pity I didn't see that … I mean, of course, the butterflies and all that. But anyway, we are happy for you, for all of you," she said. "By the way, do you know anything about what Yelana wants to show us and why we should definitely come along?” she added, but only received a shrug of the shoulders in reply. Myrtha did not respond at all, but looked out over the fjord.

          Anna somehow had the impression that Myrtha knew all about it but didn't want to say anything. But no matter, Elsa and she would find out before evening, so she also shrugged and turned to her sister.

          “Come on, let's both go below deck and have a look at the captain's cabin, Elsa. I haven't seen it yet.”

          “Me neither, good idea. See you, guys. If you need anything, tell the boatswain down there, the one with the blue cap on his head,” Elsa said and headed for the second exit, closely followed by Anna, who was still smiling and waving to the others behind her.

          “'Hey, Elsa, I think I've already come up with a great name for our new ship,” Anna said enthusiastically as they walked down the short hallway towards the cabin.

          “Our ship, you say, it almost sounds like you've already reserved it for just the two of us,” Elsa laughed as she opened the door. “And what are you going to call 'our' ship?”

          “The Voyager, because we'll both be making a lot of trips in it in the future.”

          “So without the ARN designation in front of it? Doesn't sound so bad though, Anna. I like it.”

          “Well then, it's a deal! The ARN Voyager it is. It could do with a new coat of paint, though. What do you think of white?”

          Elsa looked at her in surprise, pondered for a while and finally nodded with a dreamy smile. “Oh, I can imagine that quite well, it also emphasises the streamlining of the sailer. Good idea, Anna!”

          Anna grinned back and then looked around the captain's cabin. All of Thord's private things had been removed, except for the heavy wooden table and three reclining chairs, so they could furnish the room to their liking. Including everything that was still missing, i.e. sea charts, nautical books, instruments and all things for the personal outfit for a land trip on distant shores. The room offered enough space and also a separate working area for the two of them.

          Anna was already picturing everything as she walked around, while Elsa stood at the slanted stern windows looking out over the wake and the Arenfjord.

          “A few flowers are missing here too, Elsa, maybe crocuses and in the summer some sunflowers too. We could have the walls and all the frames redecorated in the Arendelle castle design. What do you think? I already have everything in mind,” Anna asked, joining her to look out as well.

          “I trust your taste, sis. I'm sure it will be nice and cosy.”

~~~

In the afternoon, Anna had the Voyager anchored on the second beach and three dinghies lowered into the water. First they loaded the food they had brought with them, mainly flour for baking breads and also some fruit, various mushrooms from the area around Arendelle, some lamb and freshly caught crabs from the night before, which Yelana said were hard to find up here in the north. And of course Olina's famous chocolate. That was not to be missed.

          Next the Northuldra got into two boats, followed by Anna, Elsa and their bodyguards in the third. The stable boy was all excited as he shimmied down the rope ladder into the second boat and sat down right next to Yelana.

          They had not been travelling for five minutes when they were spotted by two Northuldra fishermen who were unloading the catch from their boats. One of them was gesticulating wildly and shouting something at the other, but they couldn't understand it because of the distance. But that wasn't necessary, because the second fisherman was already running towards the camp. So their little surprise would no longer be a surprise, because very soon everyone there knew who had just arrived.

          Shortly afterwards, the dinghies pulled onto the sandy beach with a slight crunching sound. The first to disembark were all the Northuldra. Then followed the royal bodyguards, who together pulled the heavy third boat far up the beach so that their highnesses would not get their feet wet when they disembarked. The fisherman who stayed behind immediately rushed to his people and especially greeted Yelana joyfully and effusively. Anna and Elsa exchanged happy glances.

          After that, they all had to walk another half hour before they came around the bend and saw the camp in front of them. Actually, they heard it already before they caught sight of the first Northuldra there. Almost everyone there was already shouting excitedly, loudly spreading the happy news and many were already running towards them to greet them.

          The sisters watched excitedly as all their Northuldra friends were welcomed as joyfully as if they had been away for years. All of them did not advance one step further because the hugs and greetings just would not end. It was loud and many tears of joy flowed on both sides.

          And then Honeymaren came towards them smiling broadly and with her head proudly raised. As soon as she was spotted, everyone formed an alley for her, for the long-awaited family reunion.

          Linnea just stood there staring towards her for a little while, looking her over from head to toe, before finally spreading her arms wide for her daughter with tears in her eyes. Honeymaren ran the last few meters towards her and fell into her mother's arms. Everyone around them clapped and some of them even sang a joik.

          Elsa watched the reunion closely and it was undeniable that Honeymaren had somehow changed since the last time. Elsa couldn't put her finger on what it was, but the young woman seemed more mature to her and, above all, her first glance was not at her but at her people, especially her mother. Elsa noticed contentment in her clear gaze, but also determination.

          When the two broke away from each other again, Honeymaren had time to embrace her brother and also greeted everyone else with heartfelt hugs. She stood a little longer in front of Yelana, then looked questioningly and with a raised eyebrow at the boy standing next to her.

          “This is the stable boy from the castle who I promised to show our people and the forest to someday,” Yelana said and the boy bowed to Honeymaren, which made her smile. “But you and I have something very important to talk about, Honeymaren.”

          “Of course, Yelana, but I'm sure it can wait. I'm really glad you've finally returned. But tell me, what is actually in the sacks you brought with you?” she said, casting an astonished glance at them.

          “Some food and flour for baking.”

          “That's nice that you thought of it, but let's all go to the camp for now,” Honeymaren said a little louder, “you must be a very hungry and your return must be celebrated properly. Besides, I have an announcement to make later.”

          After she said this and waved ahead, everyone followed her with expectant expressions. Shortly after, everyone sat comfortably around the cooking fires while the women in the camp began to prepare a feast, baking fresh flatbread and asking Anna and Elsa about the method of preparing these strange sea creatures. They gladly gave them information and asked about the whereabouts of General Mattias, Fabian and the other soldiers.

          As they were led towards the tent camp, they wondered about the two wooden cages at the edge of the forest that undoubtedly housed the prisoners of the recent battle.

          “You got them all, I see,” Elsa said with satisfaction, and Anna showed an expression that was difficult to interpret. She said nothing and avoided looking the prisoners in the eye between the wooden slats. Bad memories sprang up in her and she quickly took Elsa by the elbow.

          “Come, let's go quickly to Mattias and Fabian. I can't stand this any longer.”

          Elsa looked at her worriedly and then nodded in understanding. “I can understand that, Anna.”

          When they arrived at the tent camp, in front of which several cooking fires were also already burning and above one hung the large cooking kettle, in which it was bubbling and spreading a familiar scent, the excitement was great. Word spread quickly among the soldiers that their queen and sister had arrived unexpectedly.

          The general and the fencing master blew the tent cover aside when they noticed and hurried out and towards them. Everyone around the sisters bowed deeply to them and saluted appropriately.

          “Your Majesty, Your Highness! We were not expecting you, this is really a nice surprise,” Mattias said.

          “How is the leg?” Fabian added immediately, turning to Anna with a somewhat worried expression.

          “It's all fine, Fabian. Thank you for asking. Hello, General Mattias.”

          “So you actually did it and were able to apprehend all the fugitives,” Elsa said, “That's excellent! Then we can take them to the penal camp first thing tomorrow, for we came by ship and it is anchored close by on the upper beach. It's over at last and we'll take you all home.”

          “That will make the men happy and me too, for I miss my Halima very much. Is she still at the castle with Elin and are they both well?” asked Mattias, looking from one to the other sister in turn.

          “Yes, Mattias, you need not worry at all. She has returned home, though, because she missed her house and the garden,” said Elsa. “But I'm sure we have a lot to talk about and we could talk more back at the camp. There they are preparing a feast in honour of the Northuldra we brought with us. I guess that will last all night.”

          “We'd love to, wouldn't we, Fabian?” said the general.

          “Unless there's that weird bread with birch bark again,” Fabian said, making a face, “I miss the food from Arendelle and a fragrant fresh loaf of bread from the baker.”

          “Fear not, Fabian, for we have brought flour for baking and many other goodies … even chocolate from the castle kitchen!” Anna reassured him and Fabian was already licking his lips.

          “Well then, let's go,” Elsa said and Anna added, “But by another way, please.”

~~~

An hour or two later, after everyone in the camp was full and satisfied - there had even been fårikål, an extremely delicious lamb stew, for the guests of honour - the cosy evening began.

          The royal sisters had discussed everything with Mattias and Fabian in the presence of Yelana and it was slowly getting dark in the sky when the Nattura family came out of their kota again. Everyone wore their best clothes and the women an elaborately made scarf over it. In addition, they all wore colourful shoelaces, attracting everyone's attention, because every Northuldra immediately knew what this clothing meant. Everyone stood up with serious expressions and partly bowed heads as Honeymaren led them to Anna, Elsa and Yelana.

          “What does this mean,” Anna asked Yelana, who now rose as well.

          “This is our traditional mourning attire, Anna. We call these shoelaces voedtege and they are only worn when someone in the family has died,” she whispered back

          “Halvard!” breathed Elsa in sudden realisation, and without looking, motioned Anna to stand and pay respects as well. But Anna was already standing and looking sadly at the Natturas.

          As the family stopped and Honeymaren turned in a circle to look at everyone, the Northuldra moved closer and formed a large circle around the mourners. Not only to show their deep respect, but also to understand every word that would now presumably follow as a promised announcement.

          Alena also joined them now, followed by Árnason with the young stable boy in tow, and nodded knowingly to Honeymaren. The latter nodded back and then raised her voice.

          “Only yesterday I was at papa's grave for a few hours, telling him that his family would soon be complete to visit him. Now the time has come, and not only that, for I would like to ask you all to take a day of mourning and join us. I have learned that you have not yet had the opportunity to do so, or that you have been waiting for this moment. I would like us to place reindeer antlers on his grave and honour him with a traditional joik.”

          Honeymaren paused for a moment and then asked Alena to join her.

          “As probably only the older ones among you remember, we haven't had a noaidi go into a trance session and check in the spiritual plane for decades to see if Halvard's free soul has made it there and is doing well. Since I was born a long time after that, I didn't know about it either until I learned about this meaning from Alena here next to me. She is an experienced noaidi and will help us with this task for the first time in a long time.”

          She looked around and then said, “Now please prepare yourselves and accompany us to Halvard's grave.”

          The Northuldra dispersed to put on their best clothes, get their birchwood staffs and the large reindeer antler. Yelana excused herself and left the group from Arendelle to go to her old kota.

          However, there she found that her belongings, which she had not been able to take with her when she was banished, had been removed when Gyda moved into her hut. At first she was very upset about this and hoped that the things had not been burnt and had been taken to safety by her people in time. And so it was. She took the bare necessities with her and changed in her kota.

          Alena and her young companion were of course not prepared for such an event. While she whispered to him that she wanted to quickly fetch her drum, he remained waiting where he was. The boy from Arendelle had become somewhat friend with Árnason, who was about his age, in the last few hours and had told him about the reason for his journey. He was now standing beside him a little uncertainly and was very surprised by this event.

          “You are about to experience something very special, Lars” whispered Árnason, “but just stay by my side. Watch and listen, for you will surely not forget this.”

          Anna and Elsa, standing a little apart with their escort from Arendelle, waited patiently until all the Northuldra were ready and the procession was about to start. The royal bodyguard did not quite know how to behave and the commander politely and quietly asked his queen.

          “Follow us in silence and stay close to us. Just try to behave according to the sad occasion.”

          Half an hour later, all the Northuldra gathered in festive dress. Some of them also wore colourful shoelaces and Mattias said quietly to Anna and Elsa that they too had lost relatives during the war, though he did not know if their dead had been buried near Halvard. But as Honeymaren had said, it would be a full day of mourning and surely the following event would be repeated at the gravesites of the fallen tomorrow, he said quietly.

          “You have experienced this before, haven't you? While you were locked up here in the forest,” Anna whispered back.

          “Not at first, because my men and I kept ourselves separate from the Northuldra for a long time. After all, they were still the enemy in our eyes then. But later we did, after we had all inevitably come to terms, several times even. It is a beautiful ceremony, similar to the one you have experienced here before, when the Northuldra welcomed you as theirs.”

          Movement now arose in front and eventually all set off in silence, following the Natturas ahead. The group from Arendelle followed at the end.

          And as if summoned, at the same moment some riders on reindeer appeared. They were the merchants returning from Arendelle, together with Indu. They had made it just in time and as soon as they received information about the reason for the event from the nearest person in the vicinity, they hurried off to also equip themselves appropriately for the occasion. Only Indu felt a little lost, but joined them in the end.

~~~

There was hardly any space between the trees around Halvard's grave, but a large circle formed anyway, which many lit with torches. The Northuldra with the reindeer antler laid it gingerly on the grave and then stepped back. Linnea and Ryder knelt before it and now spoke to their father's soul, much as Honeymaren had done before, only a little more quietly. Honeymaren stood silent beside it with her head down and her hands clasped together. Meanwhile, Alena began to beat her drum and sang herself into a trance. All the others remained quiet and in devotion at first.

          When the drumming stopped, everyone looked expectantly at the noaidi.

          When she opened her eyes again, a small smile appeared and she said, “It's all right. He has found his peace.”

          And then the great ceremony began, with both women and men intoning a funeral yoik and singing Halvard's praises. Those who had a fighting stick with them struck their birch woods together in pairs and rhythmically to the chant, in tribute to Halvard as their best Skalastet fighter, thus producing the typical 'clack - clack' when two fight against each other.

          Elsa and Anna looked at each other in amazement, for the last time the men had only stomped their fighting sticks rhythmically on the ground. Even touching each other on the shoulder was not the case here, and yet. It was as Mattias said, a beautiful ceremony and the singing expressed affection and honour for Halvard, their friend. At the end, the women raised their heads and sang a little louder and more carrying into the night sky, until the singing slowly died away and absolute silence fell, interrupted only by the faint flickering noise of the torches.

          When Linnea and Ryder finally rose, the ceremony was over and one by one everyone went back to camp.

          Honeymaren came over to Anna and Elsa, looked around again briefly and then said to them “Thank you both for being there, especially you, Elsa. It meant a lot to me.” Then she nodded, turned away and walked back into camp as well. She walked slowly, keeping her head down while walking.

          The sisters looked at each other, puzzled at first, then gazed after her until she was out of sight and disappeared into the shadows of the night.

          “I don't know, but it almost sounded like a goodbye somehow,” Anna said quietly and Elsa nodded slowly and very thoughtfully.

~~~

Some kotas had been cleared for the guests from Arendelle to spend the night and lined with plenty of reindeer skins. Two of the royal bodyguards took positions in front of it as the sisters entered to go to sleep. They would take turns with the rest of the guard every four hours. The whole camp was quiet now and many of the fires had already been put out.

          When the sisters had undressed and covered themselves inside, they lay quietly next to each other, but thoughtfully with their eyes open. Both of them looked up at the flue, where a small section showed the sky with bright twinkling stars.

          At some point it was Anna who quietly wished Elsa good night, turned to the side and closed her eyes. Shortly afterwards, her light snoring could be heard.

          Elsa looked over at her, threw the reindeer blanket aside and stood up. She made an automatic gesture with her hand and in this way literally put on her dress in an instant with her ice magic. Then she left the hut and said quietly to the guard that she wanted to be alone and made her way to the Natturas' kota.

          She knew where the hut was and stood in front of it in the pale glow of the half moon, undecided. Should she call quietly for Honeymaren or just go in? Elsa didn't know where exactly her sleeping place was, so the chances were three to one of finding it right away.

          She decided on the latter and very carefully and quietly opened the flap. Elsa was lucky because the half moon was right behind her in the sky and its light showed Honeymaren's face in the sleeping place just ahead on the left.

          Elsa slipped inside and had Honeymaren's position and how many steps it was to her in her mind's eye as she closed the flap and quietly entered. Elsa felt her way to Honeymaren's head by means of the reindeer fur, listened to where she was breathing and gently covered her mouth.

          Honeymaren startled and Elsa breathed into her ear, “Be quiet, it's me, Elsa.” She felt the slight nod at her hand and let her up. Then Elsa held the flap open for her and for the first time saw Honeymaren's body completely naked in the moonlight before her. Elsa couldn't help but look at her and her gaze lingered on Honeymaren's sparse pubic hair under which her sex was clearly visible. Honeymaren paused for a moment, looked at her in surprise but without any shame, and only after a second or two put her gakti on. When she had slipped into her reindeer boots, she followed Elsa outside.

          “What are you doing here?” she asked in a whisper, her eyes wide.

          “I want to talk to you, Maren.”

          There it was again, her short name, the kind Elsa hadn't used since escaping the forest from Kolgrimr. It astonished Honeymaren all the more now.

          “All right, but not here.”

          “Then let's go to our beach.”

          Had Elsa actually just said “our beach“? Honeymaren couldn't help wondering, but nodded quickly and pulled Elsa with her.

          A little later, they were both sitting on the weathered old tree trunk lying in the sand across the sea, its bare, barkless wood reflecting the moonlight. Both looked out at the glittering, gentle waves and enjoyed this quiet moment of beauty for a few moments.

          Honeymaren turned briefly to the edge of the forest, first checking to see if anyone had followed them, before looking at Elsa with her eyebrows drawn together. Then she began to speak softly.

          “So I'm really curious now, Elsa. You show up in the middle of the night, sneak into my parents' kota just to talk to me? What's so important after you've been avoiding me all this time in Arendelle, not even being able to look me in the face. And now you even call me by my pet name again and say “our” beach. What has changed that you suddenly behave like this? And then, too, those scrutinising glances you've been directing at my nakedness!”

          “You're upset, I can tell,” Elsa agreed.

          “You bet I am! You have pushed me away, rejected me, even despised me.” She had spoken up a little louder than she meant to, but feelings couldn't just be suppressed like that.

          “I'm sorry. I didn't want all this. I was just … afraid,” Elsa confessed, lowering her head ruefully.

          “Afraid? Afraid of what? Of me, perhaps? Or of being touched …”

          Elsa's head jerked up and Honeymaren suddenly realised the truth, holding her hand in front of her mouth as she stared at her counterpart in deep realisation.

          “By the gods, I'm beginning to understand. I thought you …”

          Elsa shook her head slowly. “No, never, Maren.”

          “Have you made it yourself at least once … I mean…”

          Another shake of the head and a rather embarrassed look to go with it. Honeymaren had the impression Elsa's cheeks were turning rather red at the moment.

          “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be tactless, I …”

          “It's all right Maren. It's just that half of my life has been dominated by fear. Ever since I was eight years old and had to be separated from my dear sister for thirteen long years.”

          “But why is that? Who forced you to do such a thing? Family is one of the most important things in life. I can't even imagine being separated from them for so long.”

          “It's because of my ice magic. I was born with it. Everything was halfway fine at first, but then …”

          “What happened?”

          Elsa decided to tell Honeymaren everything and she listened very attentively, not interrupting her with a single word, her expression growing sadder as she did so.

          “Do you remember our evening in the hut after we went to the beach and I could no longer remember my life? I told you about someone important to me, someone I vaguely remembered, a face I couldn't recall. That was Anna. She was and is the most important person in my life. Unlike me, she is really outgoing and knows so many people, in fact everyone in the capital. And now with Kristoff she has experienced something that was previously foreign to me and that I never really thought about or missed. You can guess what it is, Maren.”

          “Love and tenderness towards another human being.”

          Elsa nodded. “Anyway, that's how it was until now.”

          Honeymaren drew in her breath and her heartbeat quickened on the spot.

          “Anna knows. I told her about your love for me in the night camp when we went to war and didn't know if we would survive. She … wouldn't mind such a relationship, she confessed. She had even suspected it herself with you.”

          “She is a really good and lovely person. I understand now how much she means to you and why. You must love her very much.”

          Elsa nodded, “She sees the potential in me that I never saw myself and was always afraid of.”

          “And now? Where do you go from here? How do you imagine the future now? Or will you perhaps even stay with us as Ahtohallan's fifth spirit?”

          “As for the latter, no. I promised Anna and she needs me. All is well here now after all and there is no longer any threat to you or the forest. Of course I'll check on things from time to time and with Nokk I'd be there in less than an hour. But as for the rest, I honestly don't know what to do. I have no experience and I'm not attracted to men in any way, especially not to their bodies. Just the idea …”

          “… scares you,” Honeymaren added, “I feel the same way, you know?”

          Elsa nodded, “But how do you deal with it and what experiences have you had with love in your young life?”

          “Honestly, none yet. But I feel it deep inside … this desire … and I dream about it and …”

          “About who and what …”

          “I dream of you, Elsa.”

          “And what are you dreaming about me? I mean … I can't really imagine.”

          “Hmm … you saw me naked earlier and … looking … down there. How did that make you feel? Or were you just embarrassed …”

          “No, no …, I …” Elsa stammered, unable to describe her feelings. Her body was reacting, in a place she hadn't expected, but how was she supposed to describe that to a beautiful young woman who probably had far more experience with it. Or maybe that was why she didn't need to? Elsa looked deeply into Honeymaren's eyes, her head probably flushed. She felt the heat rising inside her.

I had to remove the following scene because of the Tumblr community guidelines for 18+ content and created a new blog for it. If I had labelled this chapter as mature, my entire fanfic blog would only be visible to people over 18 and that was going too far for me. So only follow this link if you are over 18 and ready to read an explicit Elsamaren love scene.

          “Let's go to sleep, Elsa, and dream of me as I will dream of you tonight, as I never had before.”

~~~

---

Remark: I hope you have enjoyed this chapter! Please leave a comment if you liked the story, I would be pleased to read your opinions, even criticisms. But please only comment to the normal content here, to the outsourced scene only on my new blog. If you want to be tagged as soon I publish the next chapter please let me know, except you are already tagged :-)

Tagging: @true--north @annaofthenorthernlights @dronning-formynder05

[featherlouise]

I ask this like every person who's into HK that I follow so I'm also dropping this question off at your feet too;

How do you think Hollow's reunion with White Lady would go after the whole Radiance/sealing fiasco? Perhaps Pale King too if the fucker's alive?

FUCK ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE U ASKED THIS HUH

(I'm gonna put this under read more bc it's kinda long (and all over the place so I apologise in advance))

OK SO

I think, with the state she's in during the game, she'd probably be pretty dismissive?? Like, she'd likely comment on how they're free and the infection's gone, but as much as I'd love to say it'd be a tearful reunion, I don't really think that'd be the case ://

PK on the other hand!!! There'd be A LOT of tearful apologies, ESPECIALLY once he sees their missing arm and other scars, bc HE did that to them, HE put them in the position to get hurt and HE convinced himself and them that they'd be able to forever contain a wrathful goddess with thousands of years of experience on them. The fact that they're even alive in the first place is a miracle in itself, nevermind the fact that they're able to walk around.

He'd probably claim them as his child and try to "make up" for their shitty childhood in any way he can. Which. Isn't much considering the kingdom is in shambles. Whereas before the fall of Hallownest he'd be able to shower them with presents and build a statue in their honour or name a stag station after them or something, the most he can do at this point is like. Hunt for them. And do they even need to eat?? With the whole technically not alive thing?? Eh it's the thought that counts.

On the other hand!! I think the outcome of the reunion entirely depends on where Hollow is in their recovery.

If they're barely healed and only just starting to confront the horror that was their upbringing, they'd still be battling with A LOT of guilt. As far as they're concerned, it's their fault for not being hollow that the kingdom fell. They're broken, and they were too selfish to admit that before it was too late, and now everyone is either dead or EXTREMELY traumatised.

The WL reunion would probably set back any progress they make if it's early on enough, bc they were honestly probably looking forward to the reunion. They know how much she wished for them to have been a real child, and now she can have that!! Sure it's a little late, but any relationship with their mother would be better than the cold dismissal they faced while growing up.

And then they walk into her chamber and she's nothing like the woman they remember, and they know it was childish and silly to believe she'd be exactly the same, but after coming across Dryya's body (something they will file away and confront much later, because Dryya is dead wtf how) they'd foolishly hoped that maybe their mother would take them into her arms like she saw her do so often for Hornet and their father.

But instead she barely acknowledges their presence, and dismisses them outright. As if they're a pest, not her child who has been locked away for centuries. And maybe she's right. Who are they to claim her as their mother when she's never wanted anything to do with them. So they leave.

If Hollow is later on in their recovery, like they've built up a support system, they've found themselves, figured out who they are outside of the Pure Vessel persona, I think they'd be able to recognise that their mother isn't well, and be able to stomach the dismissal and off handed insults in favour of trying to get her help. They'd definitely make use of that support system, but I think knowing their own worth would go a long way towards whether or not they let WL's comments get to them. And I think eventually, they'd be able to have afternoon tea and chat or something. But that would take A WHILE.

PK TIME OK

So I think the outcome of the PK reunion wouldn't change a TON, but there'd be a few key differences:

If Hollow is early in their recovery, they'd be VERY confused as to why their father is apologising to THEM. Bc they should be the one apologising right??? It's their failure to be what they were supposed to that led to the fall of the kingdom right?? Why is their father bringing them food??? He's never done this before?? And holy shit is he crying??!?!

Also hc that Hollow is the type of person to start crying if someone they care about is crying. So. Make of that what you will.

Overall, it'd be a mix of guilt and confusion and also relief?? Bc wow my father doesn't hate me that's a shock. I imagine the Radiance would use their wish for PK's approval against them A LOT so it's not unlikely that they've got a scenario in their head where their father proclaims that he despises them and then fortnite dances on their body after smiting them.

Later on in their recovery however, they'd be at a point where they can acknowledge that the way they were brought up was cruel, and they didn't deserve to be treated like an object, but I also don't think they'd be able to bring themselves to be angry at PK.

As the Pure Vessel, they were around PK in a lot of private moments, and it's not unlikely that he'd vent to them in the same way a person would vent to their favourite teddy bear. He'd vent about his guilt, his worries, sometimes even directly addressing them about how he wished things could be different. And bc I also headcannon Hollow to be EXTREMELY empathetic, they can UNDERSTAND why he made the decisions he did, and how he genuinely believed that he had no choice.

Honestly though?? I don't think the actual reunion would go much differently here. Maybe they'd be a bit quicker to hug back, maybe the tears would come sooner, maybe they'd be far less stiff and finally allow themselves to collapse against PK and let him hold them for the first time since they were tiny, but overall?? He'd still bring them presents out of guilt, and they'd still be confused as to why tf their father is trying to feed them so much.

OH ALSO PK would definitely go through a period of being ridiculously overprotective, like someone goes to pat Hollow on the shoulder and suddenly they've got a bitey Wyrm hanging off their arm. (Someone's overcompensating for 2 decades worth of protective instincts methinks)

Hollow's response to that would probably be a mix of embarassed and pleased, bc holy shit father wants to protect me but also nooo that's my friend he needs his arm get off

[suzannahnatters]

Thank you so much for opening this up and for the list, Suzannah! :) Below are my asks~~

5. What is your ultimate favourite book?

11. Favourite authors? (Feel free to include/emphasize the underrated/non pop ones ;)

31. Is there a particular album/movie/TV show that really matched the vibes of a book you read? Which ones?

39. Favourite book to movie/TV show adaptation? (feel free to throw in a few - old+new are appreciated ;)

42. If you could change the ending of any one book, which book would you pick and why?

58. A book that emotionally wrecked you?

Thank you so much!

5. My favourite book of all time is The Lord of the Rings. Not a single misplaced word. The greatest artistic achievement of the 20th century, bar none. Demonstrates magnificent command of narrative, spectacular use of language, majestic thematic resonance, unforgettable settings and characters, impeccable grasp of military strategy and tactics, and an ending so poignant in its bittersweet emotion that it lifts an already brilliant book into the pantheon of great classics.

It may surprise you to learn that this is my favourite book because I've never even attempted to write anything remotely like it, but this is simply me recognising that I'd be an utter loon to try.

11. Favourite authors? I have so many! Among the dead my faves are JRR Tolkien, CS Lewis, Jane Austen, William Shakespeare, and Edmund Spenser. The most obscure author I'm really abnormal about is Spenser, whose Faerie Queene is a magnificent epic of knights, monsters, virtues, vices, and the coolest ladies you will ever meet (Britomart, my love!!!). My favourite author of nonfiction is William Dalrymple who writes about travel and history mostly in Asia and is always worthwhile. 31. I'm having a lot of trouble with this one, so I'm going to flail out wildly and say that the album "Arcadia" by Eurielle is, from memory, a really close vibe match with Elizabeth von Armin's The Enchanted April, which is totally a book you should all read - peaceful, sunshiny, nostalgic.

39. Right now my favourite book-to-screen adaptation is Dune - Villeneuve's two movies are a brilliant adaptation job that capture what makes the book great and then improve on it in some key ways. Other noteworthy adaptations include The Princess Bride for a note-perfect adaptation of an already enormously fun book and Crazy Rich Asians which is SO much better than the book it's hard to believe.

42. Ooh! There are two books I absolutely adore, but the endings really disappointed me. Anthony Trollope's Can You Forgive Her? is one of my favourites of his, but I will always be disappointed that Alice ends up with John Grey - he starts out by disrespecting and gaslighting her, and while they eventually patch things up at the end, I never felt that he had really learned his lesson or would treat Alice any better in the future, and given that the book is over 300,000 words long I was super invested in Alice getting a good ending and I will never not be disappointed that she didn't. On the other hand, there's The Prisoner of Zenda in which the hero and heroine heroically relinquish their love for honour and this is why I can never write a good old-fashioned swashbuckler, even though I adore reading them, because deep down I don't believe that one should act like a turnip for the sake of honour, and you can't have a swashbuckler without that. 58. The most emotionally wrecked I've ever been by a book is Jennie by Paul Gallico. I was a BLUBBERING MESS but also mad about it to this day because I don't think he had the right to do that to anyone.

(Ask me more asks!)

[goosimp]

ok long ago in the dark ages few months back, back when I had no one who'll listen to my joongoo rambles, and I was newly in love, I would seek out fanart of him everywhere

I think the first time I saw kitsune joongoo was somewhere on pinterest and I was like "cuteee" But nothing much more but then that adorbs tart acc posted that fucking beautiful kitsune goo and I had DIED

THAT ONE IMAGE GRIPPED MY NECK AND I COULDN'T BREATHE SINCE

I had,,, SOOOOOOOO MANY THOUGHTS. The possiblities. The scenerios. The imagination.KITSUNE GOO!!!!!

So naturally I drew him allot but I also had a very vivid imagination series kinda in my head---

Soooo

~

Not really fic more like idea dumping(Kitsune goo x fem!oc you can say? Except I never decided her name)

~

There's this lady, in traditional attire and she's really nice but unsocial with society and spends most her times studying mythical beings, which makes everyone in town thinks she's a witch.

For that she lives deep somewhere in a forest in her home or what she calls her temple, in the privacy and nature where she studies the supernatural.

Something something happens she stumbles upon something something back to her temple-

She sets up the items she found in her ritual stand and begins reading the things written on the item peace and gasp

Suddenly everything glows and a hot man groans, standing on top of the ritual set up, well not a man… A KITSUNE!!

He's confused, he looks at her like "how am I here?" And she explains she, taken aback but also having done rituals to summon mythical creatures before, explains that she found him through something plot convenience something and he chuckles.

"Wow you talk really formally.. Huh, so I was incased to eternal sleep after…" and before he could reveal more plot he cuts himself off and grins at the lady.

"Your eyes are fixated on my tails, do you want to touch them?" He says and his 9 fluffy tails wag, inching closer to the lady's hand.

The lady being polite first tries decline but she's human she can't resist, TOUCH TOUCH TOUCH- Soft tail pats… Joon goo let's out cute fox noises (BAAAH M DEAD)

he chuckled and held her hand to stop her from totally getting engrossed only in his tail, and she retreats, embarrased, "ah, apologies, it's that I've studied your kind through only tales before, finally having met a kitsune.. I'm just in awe."

The lady explains, goo cuts her off and says "Goo. I have a name, call me goo.." He smiles, perhaps had gotten a bit annoyed by the lady continuously referring to him as a kitsune but he wasn't offended.

more conversation happens, goo acts flirty cause yes, one scene in particular I imagined

"May I study you? I'm very fascinated by your stature..." she asks innocently, but goo being the mischievous fox leans very close and whispers in her ears "You want to know how kitsunes show their love to people that respect them?"

She shivered and pulled back, "ah thatll be too much of an honour!" she exclaims naively,and goo melts cause she's so innocent and sweet

Some more stuff happens (actually its already getting so long so I'm cutting off small small imaginations I had Inbetween, my mind continued with this one story for A MONTH so it has lots of moments-)

Somewhere inbetween goo knows he has to go and take his revenge and get answers for how he was encased, so after staying with the lady in her temple until he regained his normal strength, he decided he'll have to leave.

The lady doesn't want to be left alone again, she has so much to learn about him too, goo feels he doesn't want to part ways either.. He hasn't felt this peace with someone since...forever. He would miss the gentle tail pats and getting his ear scartched too...

"Come with me, lady" He offered softly, smiling. "You have more to learn about the mythical world anyways.. And... I said I'll show you a kitsunes love too right?"

~

Idk why dafuq I felt the need to aesthetify the imagination,, god there's so much I skipped over too but it's so longgggg and so out of character

anyways yeah so basically I love kitsune goo.

~🍞

THAT ART OF TART'S HAD ME SEEING HEAVEN FOR A SECOND. MY JAW DROPPED WHEN I SAW IT!!! IT WAS FUCKING FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!!! I HAVE THAT DOWNLOADED ON MY FOLDERS AND IT'S EHEHEHEH- IT'S SO FUCKING PRETTY LIKE NONE WILL UNDERSTAND ME!!! I WOULD KILL TO SEE THAT IRL. THAT'S LIKE ONE OF MY FAV GOO FANARTS AND THE OTHER BEING OF iwasneverthere true to their name, garden1a and del-png klshaegvbkuo like those arts are so fucking goooodddddd AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH makes me tear up evertime i see their goo art, the true rulers of goo fandom

I am so happy i saw this before I went outside and start chasing someone with a bat. This is so cute and adorable💝💝💝💝💝💝💥💥💥

why is kitsune goo not real. It's fucking sad that the earth will never see the true beauty😞😞😞

THE TAILS. THE TAILLSSSSS!!!gv!KUFVSACFYLIGYIFYF I NEED RTO TOUCH RHEM OII WANT TO QGVABBUscuuiqguhieefschiecfhniqfhqefhi;,jb klugbkuoawgefkUIW2GFIUGwfgugefbkudsgbvukgskdgu kzxb vhzvczhch ugca ug caugc uagc scg asogcacgaus couag df ugcui avgsfoiugfgqwqbkl hi oq 3yt 021yr hfe tc avc v c8agu ogo hchcoys

[loveisalwaystheanswer]

Whats your take on lizzie and tommy when lizzie says "Do you feel anything? You talk as if you're watching everything on a screen"?

I dislike it when lizzie is smirking at jessie as if lizzie won....when in reality jessie got respected by the other ladies of the workforce while lizzie had to cry and whine to get tommys attention

Hello, anon!

Basically it was made to show us Tommy's state of mind. Not Lizzie's feelings about it. Because these words don't obligate Tommy to do anything about his situation. It was said as a fact. It tells us he's in his deepest depression (I'm talking about clinical depression of course). He almost killed himself, he pulled the trigger, he fuckin wanted to die. But the opportunity was stolen from him. So is there any surprise he doesn't feel anything or he's not in present?Nothing had changed for good since then. This line needed to be said, so they picked Lizzie to deliver it to us. And Lizzie was living with him and saw him acting like this. So his condition couldn't have been a surprise for her.

And I'm pretty sure it echoes his dialogue with Ada: “Where are you Tom? My big brother? You know you used to stop sometimes and laugh. Do you even remember this place?”, he responds "But I'm alive, Ada" and after that goes Ada's (and mine too) bitter and ironic "Yeah" said mostly to herself than to Tommy. And I'm so pissed about it! Because it took them about 9 fucking years (and 2 whole seasons to us) to see the difference and say something about it? Seriously?! Does anybody have any ideas why he doesn't laugh anymore? Since when he's so unhappy? Thoughts?? Tommy is dead inside since GRACE'S death and he didn't laugh since then either. Ta-daa! But we didn't hear anyone saying ANYTHING about the impact of Grace's death on Tommy. Nobody. Ever. Talked. About it. Never. And this is not about someone talking to Tommy, he's not talkative at all, especially about Grace, but none of the family members had ever discussed it among themselves. Didn't fans deserve to hear one line about how important she was to him? To honour her memory? A little bit? Yes, Ada we remember these times. *arghh* I need to stop myself.

I agree with you, anon! This victorious catty Lizzie's look at Jessie just made me laugh out loud. It says "i'm sooo good he chose me and you're left with nothing gaaaal so you can fuck off he's mine and I pity you byyyeee" because Liz sees Tommy as the biggest prize of her life (lol, no). But the truth is that Lizzie is the only one here to be pitied. And I feel sorry for Jessie, she didn't deserve such attitude. But she got lucky to escape Tommy. And Tommy's a dick btw. Lizzie should have said "bye bye Tommy, go to hell" a long time ago. Back then when he let her be raped by Field Marshal and back then when Shelbys killed her lover. But apparently SK didn't want to give her some dignity and self-respect. Instead he made her Lizzie-finally-Shelby who's desperately trying to make Tommy love her and living in a continuing delusion that everything is ok. And only after Ruby's death her wall of denial had came down. I breathed a sigh of relief when she finally found the strength to leave him. It took so long.

thank you xx

[joseopher]

HELLO, LADIES, WORMS, HOMOSEXUALS

As we know I check the novacaine tags daily.

AND WE HAVE A NEW FIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ITS PART OF THE ATLAS SIX VACATION SERSIS! LETS GOOO!

I'm starving, darling!!!!!!!!!

WHY YOU SHOULD READ THIS FIC:

[Image ID: A screenshot of the tags that reads: "Callum is pathetic pt 3" /.End ID]

Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers!

okay so

"Experiencing the illusions with Reina and seeing her scream in pain had made him feel powerful, strong, and better than her."

Callum you need help, like in the brain

"There was something there. Something dark and sour, twisting his stomach. He wished again he had his energy back. He wished he could transfer the feeling to her. He wanted her to hurt for even daring to accuse him of being mean. He knew he was mean, that wasn’t the issue. Rhodes made it seem like it was something bad, something he did on purpose and had full control over. That little girl knew nothing of the world yet."

You. Need. Help.

(This is so in character!!!! Oh my gosh I love it!!)

“God, Parisa was right. You act all tough and mean but actually, you’re just insecure and lonely,” 

FAAAAACTS! This had me rolling on the floor laughing.

Also, Callum being a jealous baby because Nico and Tristan sometimes *gasp* talk to each other!! Woooahhh, I know Callum it must be sooooo hard for you.

I love it.

"Nico didn’t look up at him, to Callum’s dismay. He wanted to kiss Tristan in front of his face again."

Please the last time Nico witnessed Novacaine he nearly drowned himself, you can't do that to him again Callum

"Nico opened his mouth to protest and Callum was waiting for it, honestly. He wished for Nico to protest and beg for Tristan’s attention. He wanted Tristan to reject him, right to his face, and see it was Callum he was rejecting him for—the one he had wished dead not too long ago."

Callum I want to fold you into a box and jump on you and then frame your squashed remains and sacrifice children in your honour

Also,

Libby: You are in pain, you need to let others in and stop pushing those that care about you away

Callum: I will solve my pain by having sex, that will fix everything

ALSO

Tristan flexing the fact that he's strong enough to carry Callum lololol king behaviour

"Tristan had a good body. There wouldn’t be a lot of people who wouldn’t agree that he was attractive. If Callum would separate Tristan’s body from his soul, he would still find him hot. But then Tristan looked back at him, both cocky and hesitant. He ran a hand through his hair and leaned down to press a kiss to Callum’s temple. Those were the things that made the fire in Callum’s belly turn hot. The certain way he did things, the way he spoke in a low voice, the way he would smile and look at him from the corner of his eye, were the things Callum lusted over."

You are in love with him

"Callum shot him an annoyed look and made grabby hands at him."

HA!

Also the notes

[Image ID: A screenshot of the notes that reads: "hehe maybe atlas should finally show up now or something. otherwise these two will just keep fucking" /.End ID]

Atlas Six Vacation? More like Novacaine fuck station!

*gets booed as people throw tomatoes at me*

I know, I know, I'll be here all week

GO READ THIS FIC

[tachvintlogic]

The Lightning Conductor 12/25 entry commentary

It's a Molly letter! :)

You spent your honeymoon with the beautiful little mother whom I never knew in the Riviera and in Italy.

What a way to tell the readers that Molly's mom is dead.

That is one reason why I want to see Italy

Author, you didn't have to kill Molly's mom to give her a reason to go to Italy.

I don't suppose I shall ever have such a love in my life as you had, or if I do, it will be sad and broken. Either the man I could care for would be divided from me by an impassable barrier, or something else horrid will happen.

Is she talking about social class or about her man dying like her mom did? I think she might be alluding to social class, assuming she has feelings for Jack. Good news Molly! He's not beneath you in social standing, he's just a scumbag!

[Jimmy] realised that I distrusted him and rather sulkily resigned the wheel, blaming the car for the accident and declaring that it could not have happened to his Panhard, which, of course, is silly.

Ha!

I thought the people of the hotel and the head waiter looked curiously at me; for one night they saw me dine with a gentleman who the next night drives to the door as my chauffeur

They all totally think you too are in love but your other companions don't approve.

I fell in love with Cannes at first sight; but would you believe it? Jimmy's wonderful surprise never came off at all! - and he wouldn't even tell me what it was. Aunt Mary wanted to; but he got quite red, and said, "No, Miss Kedison, it may make me a great deal of trouble if you say anything - at present. The whole position is changed."

I am so curious to see what exactly Jimmy thinks he knows.

Jimmy looked quite crestfallen when he was told that she had just gone on to Rome.

Oof.

"Most annoying!" he exclaimed crossly, glaring at the manager as if it were his fault. "And has the Honourable John Winston, her son, been here also?"

If he knew, then he would know that Jack hasn't been there. (still don't like how people named John are also called Jack.)

"Lady Brighthelmston left a letter for Mr. Winston," and [the manager] pointed to a letter in the rack close by the office addressed in a large handwriting to the Honourable John Winston. I was quite frightened when I heard that the owner of my car was expected to arrive in Cannes, for Brown was so certain that he was in England

Jack your story doesn't line up. Also, you better not be caught opening that letter that's supposedly for the person you claim to serve.

[Brown] was as sure as ever that his old master wouldn't turn up to spoil sport, though I pointed out the letter; and it's a funny thing that the Hon. J.'s ex-chauffeur should be kept more in touch with his movements than his own mother. However, that's not my business.

It is your business, Molly. You have no idea.

Aunt Mary asked if we should be likely to meet Lord Lane, as she had heard Jimmy talk so often of his friend Montie [...] [H]er face fell several inches when Jimmy answered that Montie was a very retiring chap, shy with ladies, and might make a point of keeping out of the way.

That's one way to get around the fact you don't actually know him.

The Honourable John's letter was gone out of the rack. I told [Brown] what had happened, and it turned out that he'd taken the letter to re-address to his master?

I expected that. However, it would be very suspicious if it got out he opened and read it.

His Montie, [Jimmy] explained, was seedy and confined to bed but he hoped we wouldn't mention this before Brown, as Lord Lane didn't want his friend Jack Winston to hear that he had come to the Riviera without letting him know.

And that's another way.

This was the most confounded thing ever designed; a kind of ironmonger's shop on wheels.

Ah, the maker of the Demon Car. It sure was, man. It sure was.

[Jimmy] stayed behind in Nice to take care of Lord Lane. Aunt Mary thinks that shows such a sweet disposition; but I'm not sure. I believe that Montie is a marquis.

At least she knows he's lying.

[I]t turned out that something - I didn't understand exactly what, for he was rather vague in his answers - had happened to his watch.

Did his gambit to sell it and then buy it back fail, or is he just worried about it?

I bought him quite a decent one for fifty dollars (he really does deserve it), and gave it to him this morning with a "merry Christmas." You've no idea how pleased he was. He seemed quite touched.

Aww that's sweet.

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

obsessed with into forever, farewell and farewell. keep thinking about it. obsessed with arwen in it. pls tell us everything about how the arwen/aragorn/boromir situation works.

thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I think in terms of sheer quality and writing skill, it's one of my best. That said, it's also depressing as heck for obvious reasons.

I am also chuffed that people like Arwen in it because she isn't super warm and fuzzy and she's also not like "it's ok that you shagged this other person on your quest, I Understand and Am Conveniently Devoid of Personal Emotions that Conflict With Yours". Which a lot of fics tend to have her as. Like she's pragmatic, very "look, I gave up my immortality, we're married, we're in this together, I need to understand and move foward, but I reserve the right to be upset about it. And it's not happening again."

so yeah, there's like no happy-happy poly situation in this, just Aragorn fucking up a bit and knowing, all the time, that he's fucking up. But he also sort of thinks they're all going to die on the quest so has a bit of that fatalist mindset - to explain, not to excuse his actions.

Aragorn reached forward then regretted reaching forward because he believed, believes, in promises and vows and oaths and pledges — even those made in a fevered moment of youth when you think you’re going to die any day, and this person comes into your life and they are the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen, and the gentlest, and they listen, and they hold your hand and kiss your cheek, and everything feels like it’s in a poem, and what has your life been but an improved repetition of your ancestors? 

this is him being like "I believe in the vow I made to Arwen and the pledges we made to each other and I want to honour that" yet he's not. He's doing the opposite of honouring that. And it's hard! It's a no-win situation for everyone. It's not like he could set up a facetime to chat with her about the current state of their relationship etc. And the ultimate issue is what Arwen describes:

 ‘We were young — you were young. We hardly knew one another. I suspect you hardly knew yourself, at that time. And we have then spent sixty years not knowing one another. It is, I have been given to understand by my ladies at court, a “war” marriage. Which means we don’t, actually, know each other.’

and this bit of their exchange:

‘You [Arwen] said I was young…and I was. And I was scared, as I have said, and you know how I fear the weight of my forefathers. When we plighted our troth we were very different people to who we are now, to who we have spent the last sixty years becoming — and sixty years mostly spent apart.’  'A fact I always raised with you.'

Anyway, they have a lot of getting to know one another ahead of them because Aragorn spent those sixty years fucking around in the wilderness, in Gondor, in Rohan, out east "where the stars are strange" as he put it in the books. They didn't spend it getting to know each other. The first time he saw her he thought she was Luthien and sang some of the Lay - it's all make believe. It's all fake. But now there is reality which is their marriage and they have to make it work.

Boromir being dead means the Aragorn/Arwen/Boromir situation doesn't really exist. Except in the past where it wasn't, exactly, the dynamic implied by that "character/character/character" pairing structure, which to my reading always indicates a broadly open and honest relationship and it wasn't. It was Aragorn cheating. Aragorn cheated. That is the crux of the issue. And he was beginning to think he could love the man he cheated with, at the same time he was convinced they were all about to go die. He also still loved, and loves, Arwen. It's messy and complicated and poor life choices were made. So yeah, I suppose it's better written as aragorn/arwen and aragorn/boromir because there was no aragorn/arwen/boromir.

As for Boromir's ghost - up to the reader to decide if it's real or just Aragorn's imagination! Or both. Interpretation is left open deliberately.

-

The real Arwen/Aragorn/Boromir dynamic that exists in my writing would be much more in Cycles of Song AU than Into Forever, Farewell and Farewell. And even then, it's not front and center. Unless I write some follow ups to it, how I am for the world's messiest horse lord and his questionable taste in men.

-

All of this said, I am glad you enjoyed it and are still thinking about it! Thank you so much for the very kind ask/message :D :D

[saimanaaz]

Spiritual Death

A few weeks ago I met an old lady

Eighty four she was, for death getting ready

Her body fragile, her energy feeble

Her mind clear, her soul nimble.

Lived a good life, she said

Now its time to go, be dead

Why fear death and go screaming

When I am grateful, gloating, gleaming

My body is weak, its job is done

No point in staying, its time to run

If I hang on, I'll deteriorate and drown

Quit while ahead, go with a saintly crown.

She glowed with the light of a saint

Though her eyes dim, her voice faint

She was a walking inspiration

In spite of her failing respiration

For she showed how to let go, release

Without bitterness, remorse, with perfect ease.

For to die is to be born anew

Out of this womb where foetal spirit grew

And to let go, is so much power

Freedom to live life in every hour.

And now in a much smaller way

I prepare my own spirit, I pray

For a spiritual death of some sort

To release my soul from this material court

And to die to all that I've ever known

If God wills, they can all be away thrown

And if I'm honoured and seated upon a throne

So be it, and so be it if there is nothing shown

For to die, I will simply die

Anything else is futile to try.

Friends say there will come resurrection

For this is the way of creation

Some say all will be all right

Just make sure you keep your head light

Others want to save me from me

They're concerned where my senses did flee

But I know any expectation

Is not death, only playful temptation.

For to die means to let go

To go forth, where to, I don't know

To a place where all is simple, bear

Perhaps far, where no one will care

Perhaps there will be no milk or honey

And a place where I'll have no money

Poverty, riches, dearth or wealth

Difficulty, ease, sickness, health

I know not, but it matters not

For to let go, means let go of the lot

And detach from expectations all

Good or bad, enter God's Great Hall.

And in these last few days of mine

When the life I know is on the line

All I see, hear, and feel is fine

Everything tastes as sweet as wine.

I cry, my own death I mourn

I'll miss the life I've outworn.

Everything looks sharper than before

Oh my god, how I crave for more

And I know days are going fast

And I know this will not last

I try to put my affairs in order

When I die, they should not falter.

And upon this journey I embark

I descend into the deep dark

And if I return untouched

All things that I have watched

Would have changed me already

I remain calm, steady.

If I return transformed

Any visions I've now formed

Would matter not for they shall change

So why create futile challenge.

And if I do not return at all

No matter how events befall

I gladly surrender to the will of God

I trust in God's plan, no matter how odd.

And let it be known that in my insanity

A mystic lies, far from vanity.

The mystical love compulsively drives

A flame that on the candle wax thrives

And in this death the only thing that survives

An intense glow, a bright light for expansion strives

And it expands to embrace all that is

And if it fails, it fails, be gentle please.

© Shahriar Shahriari

Vancouver, Canada

March 28, 1997

[flokidokie]

The Gancanagh - Epilogue

Fandom: Downton Abbey

Chapter Summary: A letter from Australia

Read the whole story here or under #thegancanaghfic. For more of my stuff look at #flokileroux or #flokiwrites.

Tagged: @jolieblack @irrationalgame

Epilogue - What makes a lord

Dear brother,

Mama has returned home safely, though I fear the events of your dinner may have done more harm than good. Lord Henry has acquainted me in your tale about a dead twin sister. I understand that this is probably the only way to resolve this chaos and though it pains me to see her broken like this, I am glad that you are finally free of her influence. She is at the doctors care for now, maybe one day she will understand.

The reason I'm writing to you, brother dear, is the consequences of your existence as Lord Aiden McTavish. Uncle Neill has learned of your existence and of the fact that, as our fathers son, all his titles fall to you.

To prevent unwanted troubles in the future I made sure you are officially recognized as the man you are. You may have noticed the documents I send with this letter. It's your birth certificate, one with your proper name, and all the documents you may need to identify yourself with in the future.

Documents like this are not easy to acquire, so I hope you have the chance to thank the lady who made it possible yourself one day. She's a private detective and an adventuress, you will like her, I'm sure.

Lord Henry also told me about the home you found at Downton Abbey. I'm happy to hear that you are well and surrounded by people who love you. I only ask you not to forget us down here and to visit us from time to time. Please bring your Mr. Barrow with you, I'm thrilled to meet my brother-in-law.

With a hug and a kiss, your dear sister,

Ciara McTavish

- A letter from Lady Ciara McTavish to her brother, The Most Honourable Lord Aiden McTavish, Marchess of Donegal, Earl of Belfast and Baron of Templemore

[hephaestuscrew]

I'm surprised that I haven't seen all the Chapgone shippers going insane in the Wooden Overcoats tag about the poem that Chapman quotes in the finale, so I feel I should encourage them to read the whole of To His Coy Mistress if they haven't already. Despite being a 17th century poem about mortality, it is one of the horniest poems I have ever read. The message is basically 'We are all going to die and we won't be able to have sex when we're dead, so let's fuck now'. Making Chapman quote that particular poem to Antigone in his dream was certainly A Choice. (I'll paste the poem below the cut.)

To His Coy Mistress

By Andrew Marvell

Had we but world enough and time, This coyness, lady, were no crime. We would sit down, and think which way To walk, and pass our long love’s day. Thou by the Indian Ganges’ side Shouldst rubies find; I by the tide Of Humber would complain. I would Love you ten years before the flood, And you should, if you please, refuse Till the conversion of the Jews. My vegetable love should grow Vaster than empires and more slow; An hundred years should go to praise Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze; Two hundred to adore each breast, But thirty thousand to the rest; An age at least to every part, And the last age should show your heart. For, lady, you deserve this state, Nor would I love at lower rate.        But at my back I always hear Time’s wingèd chariot hurrying near; And yonder all before us lie Deserts of vast eternity. Thy beauty shall no more be found; Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound My echoing song; then worms shall try That long-preserved virginity, And your quaint honour turn to dust, And into ashes all my lust; The grave’s a fine and private place, But none, I think, do there embrace.        Now therefore, while the youthful hue Sits on thy skin like morning dew, And while thy willing soul transpires At every pore with instant fires, Now let us sport us while we may, And now, like amorous birds of prey, Rather at once our time devour Than languish in his slow-chapped power. Let us roll all our strength and all Our sweetness up into one ball, And tear our pleasures with rough strife Through the iron gates of life: Thus, though we cannot make our sun Stand still, yet we will make him run.

[shortpplfedup]

The Persuasion of Juliet Bad Buddy Episode 6

GIFs by @liyazaki

Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.

In this episode...do you even care? Because it ended like this *points up*. Ok ok ok, in this episode, Pran sprints away but Pat is a marathoner, the architecture boys are just as big assholes as the engineers, and The Bet appears, giving Pran permission to WILD OUT.

LORD MONTAGUE AND LADY CAPULET

What noise is this? Give me my long sword, ho!

Who set this ancient quarrel new abroach?

Oh dear. Yeah something DEFINITELY happened between these two. Nobody is that bitter to the point of cursing somebody's entire lineage about somebody they haven't slept with. I was thinking it couldn't be that simple, but it really might be. That's an...interesting wrinkle. I think it would always be weird to be with somebody knowing your parents had a thing, but I guess that's where this is going unless this is a serious fakeout.

ROMEO CRASHES THE CAPULETS' BALL

This, by his voice, should be a Montague. Fetch me my rapier, boy. What dares the slave Come hither, cover'd with an antic face, To fleer and scorn at our solemnity? Now, by the stock and honour of my kin, To strike him dead, I hold it not a sin.

I've noted before that when things get a little too real between Pat and Pran, Pat cracks jokes and Pran literally runs away. Well Pat's not joking anymore, but Pran ran away so fast and so far he left nothing but a dust cloud in his wake. You feel Pat's frustration trying to get Pran to talk to him for what seems like it must have been days or even weeks. Him crashing the architects' school trip is a desperate move, but he's not letting Pran run away from this, run away from him. After baring his soul about how lonely he was without Pran, it's clear he has no intention of being without Pran again, in any capacity. He does want to talk about the kiss, and about his feelings, and he wants to be together, but he's also willing to step back if Pran wants to be friends at least. That surprised me, but also kinda not, because I'm pretty sure he's prepared to woo Pran for as long he has to.

JULIET HAS DECIDED ROMEO MUST DIE

O gentle Romeo, If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully: Or if thou think'st I am too quickly won, I'll frown and be perverse an say thee nay, So thou wilt woo; but else, not for the world.

That smirk on Pran's face up there? That's the last thing Pat's gonna see before he passes away. The bet is exactly what I thought it was gonna be: an excuse. At this point they both like each other, they both know it, and they want to take it further but there's all this shit in the way. So they decide to do what they know how best to do: compete.

Pat's made a grave error here though, because Pran has had YEARS of practice resisting Pat, hiding his feelings from Pat, and thinking about what he'd like to do to Pat if he ever got the chance. He's been training his whole life for this. Pat just got here, he might be able to put up a strong offence, but he doesn't have a single defence in place, and honestly he doesn't care if he loses. Pran is going to RUIN HIS LIFE and enjoy every minute of it. And I can't WAIT to see it, because this is all the things I love: a hesitant character putting out the sauce, long-term piners using insider knowledge to make their crush malfunction, and a sexy game of one-upmanship.

Commentary from the Chorus

Paa has got Ink on the BRAIN. She's definitely Pat's sister. Can't wait for her OH moment.

The architecture boys are just as toxic as the engineering boys. Perspective is a hell of a thing.

The preview? THE NEW CREDITS? HELP ME GUISE I'M NOT GONNA MAKE IT.

[morwensteelsheen]

It is really noteworthy, I think, that both Faramir and Denethor are content to play the underdog/play possum when it suits. I know they're both quite prideful, and I'm not saying they're not, but they both know when to turn out the O Woe Is Me vibes when the situation calls for it.

Like, in The Window on the West, both Frodo and Faramir are playing it coy about their relationship to/opinion of Boromir, and Frodo strikes out first by saying he was a friend to Boromir (whether true or not, it's a good call, obviously). Faramir then begins to 'reveal' some of his takes on Boromir—scare quotes because I think he's responding more to Frodo's overture of friendship than any sincerely held belief. Take, for example:

'You passed through the Hidden Land,' said Faramir, `but it seems that you little understood its power. If Men have dealings with the Mistress of Magic who dwells in the Golden Wood, then they may look for strange things to follow. For it is perilous for mortal man to walk out of the world of this Sun, and few of old came thence unchanged, 'tis said.

`Boromir, O Boromir!' he cried. `What did she say to you, the Lady that dies not? What did she see? What woke in your heart then? Why went you ever to Laurelindórenan, and came not by your own road, upon the horses of Rohan riding home in the morning?'

(Also worth noting that this interaction happens 'in public' too, so there's also some implicit political necessity there, but I don't necessarily rate that as the most important motivating factor for his change.)

When they get away from the crowd, there's this interaction:

`I do not blame you,' said Faramir. 'You spoke with skill in a hard place, and wisely, it seemed to me. But I learned or guessed more from you than your words said. You were not friendly with Boromir, or you did not part in friendship. You, and Master Samwise, too, I guess have some grievance. Now I loved him dearly, and would gladly avenge his death, yet I knew him well. Isildur's Bane - I would hazard that Isildur's Bane lay between you and was a cause of contention in your Company. Clearly it is a mighty heirloom of some sort, and such things do not breed peace among confederates, not if aught may be learned from ancient tales. Do I not hit near the mark?'

`Near,' said Frodo, 'but not in the gold. There was no contention in our Company, though there was doubt: doubt which way we should take from the Emyn Muil. But be that as it may, ancient tales teach us also the peril of rash words concerning such things as - heirlooms.'

'Ah, then it is as I thought: your trouble was with Boromir alone. He wished this thing brought to Minas Tirith. Alas! it is a crooked fate that seals your lips who saw him last, and holds from me that which I long to know: what was in his heart and thought in his latest hours. Whether he erred or no, of this I am sure: he died well, achieving some good thing. His face was more beautiful even than in life.

[...]

'And this I remember of Boromir as a boy, when we together learned the tale of our sires and the history of our city, that always it displeased him that his father was not king. "How many hundreds of years needs it to make a steward a king, if the king returns not? " he asked. "Few years, maybe, in other places of less royalty," my father answered. "In Gondor ten thousand years would not suffice." Alas! poor Boromir. Does that not tell you something of him? '

'It does,' said Frodo. `Yet always he treated Aragorn with honour.'

Which is, far from just Faramir being a bit douchey about his recently dead brother, actually more accurately him playing up exactly what Frodo already thinks about Boromir, and lending it credence. Frodo now gets to think, 'well, this guy agrees with my assessment of Boromir, so he's probably good people'. Anyways, the point of this is that Faramir's very content to switch tack at the drop of a hat, and he's very content to play up the Woe Is Me element when convenient, even if it isn't necessarily reflective of where he's at, emotionally.

Then check out Denethor in Return of the King, speaking to Gandalf:

‘And you, my Lord Mithrandir, shall come too, as and when you will. None shall hinder your coming to me at any time, save only in my brief hours of sleep. Let your wrath at an old man’s folly run off and then return to my comfort!’

‘Folly?’ said Gandalf. ‘Nay, my lord, when you are a dotard you will die. You can use even your grief as a cloak. Do you think that I do not understand your purpose in questioning for an hour one who knows the least, while I sit by?’

I don't doubt that Denethor's feeling pretty fucked up, but this is definitely a ploy, because check out his immediate response after Gandalf's line there:

Yet the Lord of Gondor is not to be made the tool of other men’s purposes, however worthy. And to him there is no purpose higher in the world as it now stands than the good of Gondor; and the rule of Gondor, my lord, is mine and no other man’s, unless the king should come again.’

Pretty sharp heel turn from 'oh look at me, I'm weak, I'm sad, I'm old' to 'fuck you, I am absolutely the only person capable of doing this role well', no?

I just think it's really fascinating how intensely similar these two are. They really are mirror images in a lot of ways, which I think makes Denethor's story all the more heartbreaking and Faramir's all the more upsetting.

[aerltarg]

Maybe this is a stupid question, buuuuut:

I just can't imagine a world that Rhaegar comes back from the Trident, wins the war and becomes king. No, I'm not a anti Rhaegar, matter of fact I like him very much, I'm just can imagine how would Lya, little Jon, this whole affair, would settle in the capital. The norm that fics (at least those I read) tend to follow is to make Rhaegar:

1. A douche, paranoid and destiny-obessed king.

2. Completely incompetent, aloof monarch, that deep down has a heart of gold, but can't really be understood.

I mean, isn't he supposed to be a scholar since he was a kid? What's are your thoughts about it?

oh, yeah, i can totally understand this! it's is the whole point in canon actually, "the wrong man came back from the trident". you would expect a hero win against his antagonist and have a happy ending w his lady love but it doesn't happen. instead the subversion happens to them with rhaegar being killed by robert who becomes obviously a shitty king and lyanna dying after him. they were never supposed to have happy ending, they were created as tragic and doomed and dead from the beginning for the whole plot to start, jon to have his parentage mystery and dany to take the passed baton as the last dragon, prophesied savoir and the heir who has to carry entire house on her back now.

as for the realistic rhaegar wins aus that's the difficult question. tbh we just don't know enough abt their situation, plans and wishes. you see, e.g. in agot we can be right in ned's head and see his motivations, what he was thinking abt, what he was planning, what he was hoping to do. but if his story was told the way rhaegar's was i bet he would have his own crowd of haters and ~intellectuals~ jumping out every two seconds w their "hot takes" how actually all hints abt what rlly happened (ned being a good man w his own sense of honour, justice and experiences affecting him and the deal w cersei's children) doesn't matter and he was an ambitious prick, planned to grasp the power by being joffrey's regent and make his daughter sansa queen. (you can actually insert there any bullshit and still don't reach the level of stupidity of such "hot takes" this fandom loves so much lmao). also he would be blamed to the hell and beyond for being too stupid and not foreseeing the future and actions of other ppl bc ofc after everything happened it's so easy to say what was so obvious to notice. also they would say that the deaths of his men and horrible fates of his kids are 100% his fault and even straight up say he killed them lmao. i can rant abt it for hours so yeah. this is a situation w too many unknown variables bc it depends too much on actions of too many characters we don't know enough abt. the only thing it's possible to tell for sure is the fact that there couldn't be any perfect solutions since things got too complicated at this point.

such fics as you've mentioned tho are just a part of this dumb fanon where rhaegar is "too prophecy obsessed"/"incapable of love"/shrodinger's rhaegar both smart and stupid at the same time/whatever/all of this combined lmfao. the man was notably intelligent from the early age as you've absolutely rightly mentioned, his guesses abt himself being tptwp have nothing to do w egocentrism as some parts of the fandom would want us all to believe unless he wouldn't be so reasonable abt it and later on, after so many years, wouldn't have changed his mind and thought his son could be tptwp.

and literally fuck all antis that think you shouldn't consider prophecies that hold real power in this fantasy world lol. you know, aegon the conqueror was said to be motivated (or at least partly) to unify westeros by the prophecy and still got the treatment of perfect/maximum close to perfect figure of a leader everyone should look up to from the narrative and grrm. prophecy obsessed much, huh? i don't even talk abt all these parallels between him and rhaegar grrm put there not for bitches to ignore them completely! and i will never get tired of reminding that dismissing prophecies is UNWISE for targaryens of all people. the house whose story is built on the dream of young daenys and her father aenar that listened to her despite common sense (or what local "anti magic"/"anti prophecies" clowns consider to be common sense). targs would be as dead as the rest of dragonlords if not for daenys the dreamer. who else in the world has as many reasons to take prophecies seriously as them?

yet antis out there act as if rhaegar is one dimensional weirdo whose every character trait is abt mf ~prophecy obsession~. like how can they miss one of the main points so badly?? the game of thrones distracts ppl from the real danger beyond the wall, yk, the one rhaegar was aware of and meant to deal with. there wouldn't be such a problem if he became king and had as many years of head start before ice zombies apocalypse as ignorant bobby b did. rhaegar had to die just for westeros to sink in shit and our main heroes to save everyone to make this story more epic LMAO

so yeah, too many ppl portray rhaegar as this one dimensional robotic creature without any knowledge of what feelings are idk even for what reason. it seems these ppl can't read for real bc rhaegar was not only intelligent af as well as dutiful ("it seems i must be a warrior" but "he loved his harp more than his lance") but also. ugh emotional?? my boy had constant emo sessions w brooding at ruins of summerhall, sleeping out there beneath the stars all alone and writing songs that made all women cry. does it sound as someone who "isn't capable of love" lol? folks act as if he was completely heartless from the day he was born (bc he didnt play w other kids ig??) but in reality their emotional range is less than the one of a spoon in comparison to rhaegar's lol. i'm not even gonna address the horrible attitude of demonizing him for his implied depression, vile clowns never listen to themselves when they talk abt targaryens and their "madness".

tldr; these fics are mostly lame af and suck at characterization if they're making rhaegar like that lol. anyway his character isn't abt being a good or a bad king, it's abt being a would-be-king for characters in books and readers in reality to sigh over his tragic aura and pretty aesthetic abt how it could've been. however, grrm clearly doesn't write rhaegar as evil or incapable as some parts of the fandom would want to try to persuade others. realistically speaking in the scenario where he wins there couldn't be any perfect decisions but it's a territory of speculations on thin air and lit nothing more since canon doesn't provide us with enough information to rlly theorize anything instead of building biased headcanons some ppl call "analysis".

but remember what barristan said about rhaegar while practically watching him all his life, from a literal baby to the man grown:

“I know little of Rhaegar. Only the tales Viserys told, and he was a little boy when our brother died. What was he truly like?”

The old man considered a moment. “Able. That above all. Determined, deliberate, dutiful, single-minded.” (ASOS, Daenerys I)

“Prince Rhaegar’s prowess was unquestioned, but he seldom entered the lists. He never loved the song of swords the way that Robert did, or Jaime Lannister. It was something he had to do, a task the world had set him. He did it well, for he did everything well. That was his nature. But he took no joy in it. Men said that he loved his harp much better than his lance.” (ASOS, Daenerys IV)