#youre not gonna drive off a cliff and blame me asshole

[wodnes--coyotl]

I can't even talk about this abuse bc i feel like people irl who talk to me on social media some of them have used this stuff against me either immediately or later down the road. I can't trust anyone. I hate holding shit in but I guess I "have to" because people always take advantage and say nasty shit. I'm so tired. I hate that my dad is always baiting suicide my entire life and treating me like a huge inconvenience and burden and problem while also begging me to take care of him and fix his life as if I "have" to even though I damn sure fuckin'g DONT. he couldve ended his life with any amt of dignity or tried to repair this relationship like ive tried to but instead just makes it worse and eventually he's going to die either way with a legacy of being a fucking asshole who no one loved and NO ONE wants that for him. NO ONE. but i cannot fix ANY of this and i am SO upset.

[vanderlindemorgans]

Mr. Perfectly Fine

Rating: Teen

Pairing: Javier Peña x Reader

Word count: 5.2k

Summary: Two weeks after breaking up with you, you're picking up the pieces of your heart that had been broken by your now ex-boyfriend Javier Peña. You want answers, a clear reason as to why things fell apart. The only problem is that Javier refuses to even acknowledge your existence

Warnings: A little bit of period-typical sexism, but not much, Javier being an asshole, mentions of prostitution, some low level typical Narcos themes

Authors Note: So this idea has been swimming around in my head ever since the song was released last week. I already had a Bad Breakup fic for Javi planned but I’ve decided to extend it into three parts! Also reader speaks in English bc I do not understand a word of Spanish other than that one line in Ultraviolence. None of this is beta read, so there’s bound to be a few mistakes - if I get anything really wrong then let me know. 

Part 2 | MASTERLIST

The tension in the room was so thick that you could cut it with a knife. From the moment someone walked in they could feel it, the stifling air of awkwardness surrounding every single person in the room as they pretended to carry on with their work, averting their eyes to the spectacle presented in front of them, a war of agitation rife between two agents sitting across the room from each other as well as the unfortunate Steve Murphy who just happened to sit between you two. From your end it was simple silent fury, directed right across the room to where your partner, or rather, ex-partner, Javier Peña was seated at his own desk, casually leafing through mountains of paperwork and suspect photos as if you weren’t practically shooting daggers at him from across the way. 

He wasn’t doing anything, and that was exactly the problem - you wanted him to do something, say something, anything, if only it would show that he even gave a damn about the situation at all. But he never did. Every morning when he walked into work carrying a black coffee in his hands, his top shirt buttons hanging loose as they always seemed to be and his hair mustled as if he hadn’t been sleeping properly, he said nothing. He walked past you as if you weren’t even there, ignoring your stares and crashing down at his desk, ready to continue the endless chase for Pablo Escobar. And it infuriated you. Oh lord, how it made you burn. With every refusal of acknowledgement he gave, you became even more tempted to march right over to him and strike him across his stupid handsome face. You never did, of course, and you never would. Physical confrontation just wasn’t your style. Nevertheless, the mere thought of such did bring you a small bit of joy to your broken little soul. 

Things had been going like this for two weeks now. You hadn’t expected much on the first morning back in the office after what had happened between you. A part of you wanted him to come grovelling to you, insisting that he’d made a mistake and begging for you to take him back. That in itself was nothing more than a fantasy: Javier Peña was too proud to grovel. If anything, his behaviour shouldn’t have surprised you in the slightest. He was the one who broke up with you over a 27 second phone call, after all. 

Despite taking that into consideration, you thought by now you would have heard something from him. He’d have to talk to you eventually since you two were working the same case. Apparently no, because it appeared that he went out of his way to deliver every piece of correspondence meant for you through to Murphy, letting him act as a sort of unwilling middle man between the two of you. You knew that Steve already felt awkward enough having to be in the same room with the two of you whilst this was all going on, so your sympathy for him deepened when he was thrust into the even more awkward position of messenger. Sometimes you swore he made up fake meetings with Messina to attend to or new leads to investigate just so he could get away from the suffocating air of hate around you and Javi. And really, who could blame him?

You felt your nose twitch in annoyance as you trained your eyes forward to him, periodically looking down at various files of intel to keep up the facade that you were indeed working, though you eyes were across the room for most of the time, searching for any sign of emotion on his face. Nothing, zilch, not a single trace, his expression only showcasing general indifference, as if nothing were wrong at all. You gripped your hand tightly around the edge of your pen, thinking of everything you wished you could say to him. How’s your heart after breaking mine, Javi? For your information, ever since you pulled that bullshit on the phone, I’ve been miserable as all fucking hell. Before all that happened, I wanted to try. I was even ready to try to forgive you after that stupid fight, but you just had to make that call. You know what? I’d actually hate you less if you just acted like you cared a little that we broke up. But noooo, you’re just Mr. Perfectly Fine, what with your ignoring me and your casual cruelty, your always showing up at just the right time, and your insincerity, and the way you think everything fucking revolves around you. Well, I’ll tell you something Javi - I’m done! Absolutely done with you and your shit. Jump off a cliff for all I care!

“I’ll be back later on, gonna go follow up on a few leads” your thoughts were cut off by Javier’s abrupt announcement, your eyes gracing themselves upwards to watch him hastily scoop his jacket off the back of his chair and skulk his way out of the office. Every bitter word you wanted to say to him burned on your tongue, though you only managed to settle on a simple yet seething glare while his eyes glazed over you, rushing himself out of the room as quickly as humanly possible. You noticed Murphy look over his shoulder like he was about to say something but it was too late - Javi was already long gone. 

_______

Letting out a low groan of frustration, you slammed the door to your car shut and threw your head back against the seats headrest, the stress of the job and the emotional weight of the day combining to make you even more tired than you would usually be at the end of a long day. Javier hadn’t been back to the office since he left, leaving both you and Murphy to pick up all the work he’d left in his absence. If that wasn’t infuriating enough, the thought of him running around all of Bogotá just to avoid seeing you brought your anger to new unreachable heights. It was annoying - him not being around should have left your mind to be free to do some actual goddamn work but instead, just as before, every single moment he occupied your mind, living there permanently as if it were his right. How much more infuriating could that man get?

Thankfully, the drive home wasn’t any more of a nuisance than usual, since the apartment complex you shared with the others wasn’t that far from the embassy, so that was a small positive at the very least. Once you’d pulled up to the lot you were feeling a lot more level-headed than you did before, and were mainly looking forward to kicking back in pajamas and watching whatever was on TV with the leftover pizza from the night before. It wouldn’t do much to take your mind off everything with Javi, though, you knew that much. Still, a small bit of bliss was still bliss. 

Your apartment was down the hall from Javier’s, which had made it easier for you two when you were together but now felt like another sore reminder of what had been. Sighing heavily to yourself, you kicked the door to your car shut and stuffed the keys into the pocket of your jeans. A minor annoyance, sure, nothing you couldn’t handle though. You wondered if he would even be back right now. He had to be, right? An idea started to creep into your head at that thought, taking root and festering until you had practically talked yourself into doing it already, descending up the stairs with a sense of purpose behind you. Maybe if you showed up on his doorstep you could force him to confront you, make him look you in the eye. Any sort of acknowledgement to what you two had would be nice at this point, and if you had to take action yourself to get him to do it, then so be it. 

The closer you got to his door the more you felt you should turn back, a feeling of uneasiness beginning to form somewhere deep in your chest. This might be a bad idea. What if you two got into a fight again? As much as you wanted nothing more than to hurl some carefully crafted insults at Javi and his stupid gorgeous face, you weren’t exactly up for a full on battle that could result from it. Would it be better to simply go home and ignore your problems a little more?

Once you were only inches from the door was when you started to hear it. At first it sounded muffled, on account of the fact that there was a physical barrier between you and them, and you weren’t quite sure exactly what you heard at first but when you pressed yourself closer to the door you could hear it all clear as day - a woman moaning loudly on the other side, whimpering out Javi’s name and betraying exactly what was going on within the walls of the apartment. You felt your breath hitch in your chest, the world feeling like it was collapsing around you from the very second you realised why he had left early for the day. Unable to stop yourself, you tore yourself away from the apartment door and ran down the hall to your own place, tears falling at a rapid pace that refused to stop. You didn’t know if the woman in there was an informant, or a prostitute, or some random chick he’d picked up in a bar after ditching work for the day. In the end none of it mattered though. All that mattered is that it wasn’t you in there with him, like it used to be, like it should be, and that fact made you hurt all the more fiercely.

Fumbling with the keys to your apartment, you choked on a low sob working your way through the waterfall of tears in your eyes to try and wrestle the key into the lock. Through your haste, you accidentally let them fall loose from your palms and onto the ground, prompting a loud “fuck!” to ring out from your throat, loud enough for everyone in the neighboring apartments to hear. Not like you really cared about that, to be honest. With your hands shaking, you finally managed to throw the door to your apartment open, slamming it back closed with a thud and leaning back against it with your head in your hands, slowly descending to the ground to finally give in to the wave of sorrow threatening to claim you. 

You’d known his reputation before you started seeing each other, that he slept with all his informants and chased every woman who crossed his path in Colombia. Actually, it had made you hesitant to get involved with him in the first place but once you two had bitten the bullet and finally admitted your damn feelings for each other, Javier had ceased with his wild ways, becoming solely dedicated to you and you alone. And sure, you two weren’t together anymore, there wasn’t anything stopping him from being with other women. It felt like a deeper twist of the knife though, what you’d heard from behind that door, and it practically confirmed the sickening feeling that had been building in you since the first day back in the office after your breakup, when Javi refused to even look you in the eye and acted as if you’d vanished off the face of the planet. He doesn’t care about me anymore. 

Moving on had been that much easier for him. While it took everything in you to get up each day, he was doing absolutely ok. More than ok, if the sounds coming from his apartment were anything to go by. He was even already settling back into his old reputation. You should’ve known it was too good to be true - the manwhore of the DEA, Javier Peña actually wanting to settle down with one woman, actually caring about a girl beyond what she could be in bed. You remembered the raised eyebrows when you two had first gotten together: for most, it just seemed so out of nowhere. You’d ignored them all, remembering all the times you’d be tangled up with Javi on the couch, his head nestled into your neck while your heart raced a mile a minute, hearing every sweet nothing and praise he’d whisper to you. Stupid girl, you should’ve known. 

_______

After such a huge revelation, you thought things might’ve changed. In what way they would, you didn’t really know. Maybe the change would be sudden, such as you finally working up enough of a resolve to actually go confront Javier on his shit. Or maybe you’d take a leaf out of his book and start trying to seem like nothing was wrong at all, maybe go out on a few dates with some other guys. One of the Search Bloc guys had been eyeing you up every time he came over with Carillo to talk strategy, maybe you could go out with him. Though you knew it wouldn’t help - unlike Javier, who was actually more than happy with where you two had left things, you weren’t, and acting like it was just to throw it in his face wasn’t really going to work if he didn’t care enough to look over at you in the first place. And even then, the idea of falling into bed with some random man that you didn’t care for all that much in the name of moving on didn’t seem right to you. 

Nevertheless, you expected some form of change to happen the morning after when you came into work to see Javier sitting at his desk, on the phone to someone you couldn’t care less about. But nope. Nothing had changed. You sat down and stared across the room at him, just like you’d done every day for the past two weeks, and he ignored your stare to continue with writing something down on his notepad, just like usual. 

Maybe the change would be gradual, you thought, staring back over at the man in the midst of your ire with one of your coldest glares. And sure enough, around midday Steve had come up to you asking to retrieve something from the evidence room for him. Apparently he needed to look over something but was too busy with his own work to go fetch it - you knew on some level that his excuse was bullshit as it had been a pretty slow day for all of you but sure, whatever, if it got you out of that room and away from Javi for at least a few blissful moments that was fine by you. 

Reaching out for the door to the evidence room, you pushed it open and admitted yourself into the crowded space, twisting around to slam the door shut firmly behind you. Before you were rows of shelves containing every bit of evidence the DEA had accumulated against Escobar - there wasn’t as much as there probably should have been due to the fire that had broken out at the Palace of Justice years before yet the amount contained in that small room was still impressive in size. Moving between the shelves, you scanned the rows of boxes looking for the one Steve had asked for in particular, taking your time with it as there was a small sense of serenity to being in that room. For once it felt like you could breathe. You didn’t have to sit at a desk across from your ex, you didn’t have to go home to your apartment that was literally across the hall from his, you could be alone and not feel suffocated by his ever-present shadow over your life. Though, in some way you supposed, your own memories could still prove just as suffocating as Javier’s own godforsaken presence.

As if by thinking of him you’d magically summoned him, the man himself strode through the door to the evidence room, appearing to be in quite a hurry however once he noticed you were there he stopped, his eyes widening for a fraction of a second before returning to their usual stoic glare. You could barely contain your own disappointment at his sudden appearance, letting your face twist into a low scowl as you watched him walk down the aisle you were standing in, his eyes dashing from row to row searching for any place to look so they could avoid landing on you. Anger bubbled within you, a thousand different sarcastic or otherwise snarky remarks coming to mind that you could throw out at him, every one of them becoming increasingly more scathing the more you thought about it. Letting out a small sigh, you forced yourself to push all those delightful insults to the back of your mind, not wanting to become caught up in any more personal drama than you had to. Get the box and go. It’s that simple. There doesn’t need to be anymore to this. 

A minute later your eyes landed on the fabled box you’d been searching for, shoved into a corner and so out of the way you almost missed it completely. You thought of asking Steve what was in the box that he needed so bad when out of nowhere you heard a familiar voice speak up from behind you.

“Listen, I...about what happened on the phone a few weeks ago-”. 

So, it seems Mr. Perfectly Fine has finally decided to break his silence. In an instant you twisted yourself around to face him, quickly taking in his serious expression and stiff stature before your eyes met for the first time in two weeks.“Oh, so you’ve finally decided to speak to me now? That’s a first. I thought you were steadfast gonna ignore me for the rest of my life” you spat, not allowing him any form of politeness or decorum in your reply. Why should you? He’d ignored you for weeks. He deserved this. 

You watched as Javier tensed at your words, clearly not expecting the bite back that you had given to him. There was some part of his expression that almost looked sheepish in a way, as if he wasn’t quite sure if he really wanted this conversation to happen at all. “I wasn’t ignoring you, I was just-” he started with you rolling your eyes and cutting in almost immediately. “Save it for someone who actually gives a shit. Shouldn’t be hard since you don’t seem to care all too much yourself” you snarled, an action which only made him even more tense. 

“I do care, and I kind of always have fucking cared so if you could calm down a little and stop getting yourself worked up we can actually talk about what happened. Can you do that for me at the bare minimum?” he retorted, a harsh edge appearing in his tone that indicated he was already becoming frustrated with your attitude. You knew Javi’s emotions like the back of your hand - he wasn’t a patient man, and he had no time for snark or sarcasm, though only if it was directed at him. When it came to himself, he was more than happy to indulge in a small bit of pettiness. You didn’t much care at that moment though: as far as you were concerned, he lost the right to a civilised discussion when he broke up with you over the phone and then pretended you were invisible for weeks. It’s not like things can get any worse than they are now, right?

“Oh, sure, sure, we can totally talk. How about I start then?” you fired back, every word simmering with venom and dripping raw with sarcastic edge. Crossing your arms, you leaned back against the shelf to take him in, from the creases in his tie to his tired eyes staring straight into you. Wait, tired? You didn’t realise it until then but he had been looking pretty tired lately, almost like he hadn’t been getting enough sleep. Then again, his sleep schedule had never been quite stellar, so that wasn’t totally out of the ordinary. And he was probably up all night with that woman I heard him with, you reminded yourself bitterly.  “Look at you, so dignified in your well pressed suit, so smug and self-involved, so far above me in every way, so far above that you won’t even look me in the eye or acknowledge my presence. Tell me, Javier, has it really been that easy to forget about me?” you taunted. “Though I supposed when you’re seducing every whore in Colombia into your bed it would be easy, wouldn’t it?”. 

Javier was caught off guard by your remark, not anticipating that you would go so far as to accuse him of returning to his old ways. “First of all, she was an informant, and I had to leave yesterday to go meet up with her. Things ran into overtime and that’s the reason I wasn’t back. I thought you of all people understood that gathering intel is a vital part to the fight against Escobar?” he replied, that last line at the end being delivered with only a little more underlying snip than the rest yet it was more than enough for you to feel around thirty percent more pissed at him. 

You scoffed at his lies, your lip curling into a snarl at his attempt at patronising you. “Don’t patronise me. I’m well aware of the ins and outs of this job, in case you’ve forgotten I’ve been working with the DEA for eight years now, which is why I’m calling bullshit on your pathetic excuse for a lie. You do realise we live in the same building right? I know you were doing more than having a friendly discussion with her in there, in fact, I quite literally heard you two through the goddamn walls on my way back home. And before you try to spin some shit about how it was necessary for the case, you and I both know that fucking the informant isn’t a standard part of procedure. You don’t see Murphy bedding any of his sources of intel, do you?”. 

“Murphy’s married, princesa” he deadpanned, throwing in that little nickname he had for you that two weeks ago would have made your heart flutter but at this time and in the context he used it only soured your mood further. “That’s besides the point. You’ve been acting like I never even mattered to you at all, and it’s honestly making me wonder if I ever did? Especially since I apparently didn’t deserve the dignity of a proper breakup and got a 27 second phone call instead. Tell me, when did you change your mind? I thought I was supposed to be the one you were waiting for all your life. Guess that was pretty easy to change, wasn’t it?” you snapped.

“Hermosa, can you just fucking listen for one minute?! God, you’re impossible sometimes” Javier shouted, that infamous temper of his rising towards the surface at a rapid rate. It was only a matter of time before he spat something out that he would no doubt regret. In your own haze of anger though, that fact didn’t register with you at all - you only saw red. If you had to scream back at him to finally pull some answers out of the man, then so fucking be it.

“No, how about you listen for once! I know we had that big fight but we could have just talked. The next day when you called me up I was ready to forgive you for being a complete ass. And what did I get instead? ‘I’m sorry, I think we should stop seeing each other’ and a dead dial tone after that. I can tell the only reason you’re apologising today is just so you don’t have to feel like the bad guy in all of this. So what’s the truth? Why were you so ready to throw away a whole relationship over one night of terse words?” you screamed, not caring that you two were at work and anyone could pass by outside and hear you two argue. With the way you both were shouting, you wouldn’t be surprised if the entire building could hear your screaming match with Javier. None of that mattered to you though. The only thing that mattered was the truth. 

You weren’t the only one refusing to hold back in any of this: any lingering spark of politeness had vanished in Javi, his eyes turning dark with searing anger you had only seen in him a couple of times before. “You want to know why? You want to fucking know why? It’s because you’re a fucking pain to deal with. You may be a fantastic agent but god you can be so stupid sometimes. You’re too reckless, you throw yourself into danger too willingly with no consideration for anyone else. Did you ever stop to think what would happen to the people who cared about you if you died? Do you even give a shit about the people trying to protect you?” he confessed, fury burning with every word that came out of his mouth, his admittance making you flinch. It was just like he said during your last fight, the one that led to him dumping you in the first place. 

Everything he said from that night came rushing back to you, remembering how furious he’d been at you for what had happened during your last raid together. You could see that underneath it all he was concerned for your safety, a gesture that was usually sweet but frustrated you that night as you felt something more akin to a porcelain doll than a capable agent in his eyes. Just because I’m your girlfriend, doesn’t mean you can treat me like I need to be protected. I can handle myself just fine. That was what you’d said to him that night, which should have been the end of it but somehow as the argument went on things got more and more heated that by the time he’d stormed out of your apartment neither of you could remember what had started it all. 

What took you by surprise was that apparently he was still stewing about this, for some reason not wanting to believe in your capabilities as an agent and that alone made you more pissed at him. “I don’t need to be protected, Javier. I’m a woman, a DEA agent for crying out loud, not a flower! I’m more than capable of handling myself, I was literally trained for this! Nobody else here seems to have a problem with how I approach things so maybe the issue isn’t my method of attack but the fact that you’re a paranoid asshole?”. 

He raised a single eyebrow back at you, looking somewhat skeptical of your claim but more so angry that somehow you two had managed to circle back around to the very thing that had started this whole mess.“Really? Because our last raid you were throwing yourself into the fray as if it were a suicide mission. It was a miracle you only ended up with a minor sprain to the wrist. Those men, the sicario’s, they don’t fucking hold back, one wrong mistake means the difference between life and death” he snapped.“And you know what? After constantly stressing over your safety every minute I was done. If you wanna end up with a bullet between your eyes, be my guest”.

The second those words slipped from his lips, he knew he’d fucked up. As the tears started to form in your eyes you could see him freeze up, his burning temper that had caused him to be so hateful before starting to slowly seep back, replaced with remorse and a hint of panic if you squinted. Although that didn’t matter much right now - his venomous words were rattling around in your brain, acting as a metaphorical hammer that took the final swing towards your damaged heart. Apparently what you heard through the walls the night before hadn’t been enough to break you completely, since there was still enough left of your heart for the rest of it to be shattered by his callous cruelty. 

Forcefully swallowing down your cries, you wanted so badly to disappear from the room. You wanted to melt into the floor, to run away and go find one of Escobar’s men and gloat about all you’d done to try to stop him so you could feel the mercy of a fatal gunshot wound to the head. All the pain you had felt previously paled in comparison to the knife that cut you then, the tight feeling of your throat closing with every word you forced out. “So you were lying. You don’t care about me at all. You...you think I’m stupid. And reckless. And...not able to handle being here…”. 

“Shit, princesa, that’s not what I meant, I-” Javier started, desperately scrambling to fix the mess he’d caused, however, you weren’t going to let him. He’d made his bed, now he had to lie in it. Any hope he might have had of making things right was now thrown straight out the window. No more chances. Not anymore. 

“I think that’s exactly what you meant, Javi. Well, you got your wish I guess. I’ll get out of your life for good” your voice wobbled as you spoke, the next few minutes becoming a blur from when you’d pushed past him and ran out of the evidence room, hearing him call your name behind and not bothering to turn back to face him, running through the halls past different agents and members of the DEA, your hand shielding yourself in a pathetic attempt to save face. Somehow you’d managed to make it out to your car, throwing yourself into the driver's seat and jamming the keys into the ignition, your mind going in a million different directions. Your first thought was to go back home, though you knew that you’d have to hear Javi come back later, probably with yet another woman he picked up. You didn’t exactly have any friends in Colombia - with your line of work there hadn’t been exactly a lot of time to sit around and mingle with people, and truth be told you wanted to avoid people at all costs right then. Without any idea as to where you might be going, or what you were going to do, you pulled your car out of the parking lot and slammed on the gas to get you out of there, the world surrounding you not registering to you anymore and every sound becoming a rush against your ears that you paid no mind to. 

One thing was for sure - you weren’t going to give Javier a single drop more of you. Your time, your mind, your energy, your tears, nothing. He’d already proved himself to be a lying sack of shit who didn’t care about you, so as it stood, you wouldn’t care about him either. Like the end of a tragic tale, everything had crashed and burned, and now that you thought about it more, maybe that was how things needed to be. 

Goodbye, Mr Perfectly Fine. I’ve been Miss Misery for the last time. 

Permanent tag list (if you wanna be added shoot me a message):

@greeneyedblondie44​

[miioouu]

Birthday Girl...

So what if I want a suna x reader x terushima for my birthday? I’m gonna write it myself and no one can stop me ok? Ok! Also, I know some people don’t like the whole stoner idea, but…I’m not one of these people so… anyway! Happy (late) birthday to me!

Warning: smut, threesome, anal, mention of alcohol and weed…

When your friends said they were throwing you a party for your birthday, you thought of a small one, just between your closest peers. But obviously, it’s not the case. The house filled to the brim with people, you’re barely able to breathe, faces you’ve never seen before, you can only assume they’re here for the free alcohol and drugs, and you can’t blame them. Music that was definitely not your preferred genre blasting through the speakers, but right now, with all the booze flowing through your blood, drowning you out, you couldn’t care. It’s not always you get to be the center of attention, and honestly you always avoided it, but it’s a special occasion and how mean of you would it be if you didn’t enjoy your friends’ effort and kindness to the fullest?

That’s what you’re telling yourself, when halfway through the night you found yourself grinding against a much taller man; one of your hand in his fake blond hair, the other holding a red solo cup. His, were on your waist, pulling you oh so close you could feel everything. His breath smelled like a mix of alcohol and smoke, his hands large and hot caressing your skin leaving you burning, his eyes, golden brown had you drowning in their artificial sweetness, but all of that didn’t compare to the way his knee was between your legs. Your clothed cunt pressed on his muscular thigh, the rough fabric of his jeans rubbing on your clit had shivers running through your body. You were so close to losing your mind, so close to falling into insanity, if it weren’t for a foreign voice breaking the two bodies apart. “Hey Terushima, having fun with the birthday girl?” He sounded teasing, his words slurring together; you had to concentrate hard enough to understand. The man glued to your side, Terushima you learned, rolled his eyes, mischievous glint in them, taking the joint from the dark-haired boy’s grip, taking a hit and blowing it to your face, laughing as you glared at, but other than that he ignored you, too interested in answering the other male. “Mhm, man, Suna… you should join! What do you think special girl?” Locking eyes with him, red and hazy, though you can tell he’s checking you. Tongue wetting his lips, taking a step closer to you and breath hitting your face making you rub yourself on the leg still between yours. His voice low and smooth as he growled in your ear “I think that will be a fun present, don’t you think?” Without second thought, you nodded your head, it’s all they needed to go for it.

Walking over each other, hands roaming on each other’s bodies, how you made it to a room without tripping was beyond you. Though that didn’t matter right now. The teeth sinking into the tender skin of your neck, cold metal swiping over it contrasting perfectly against the heat radiating from your body. Nimble hands on your sides, brushes of the tips making you shiver in need as he took off your shirt. So lost between the two of them you couldn’t help but moan, quiet yet passionate eliciting something in them that you were just about to discover. Suna detached himself from you, taking off the rest of your clothes, both whistling as they saw the string of arousal stretching from your heat to your panties as they were sliding down your legs. He then threw Yuuji a look that you couldn’t quite decipher, all you knew is that it got your knees weak in lust. Pushing you back till you were sitting on the edge of the mattress, giving you a kiss and blowing smoke filling your lungs, before backing away slightly, moving his hips to the feint rhythm of the music as he started taking off his own clothes. Giggling a bit, though you followed his every move, drooling as he exposed his abs to your eyes, filling you with the need to glide your fingers against him, but before you get up, Terushima pinned you to place, before joining Suna in his lap dance. Humming along, showing you his pearly whites in a smile as he shimmied down his skin tight jeans, tripping a few times, laughing with you whenever he did so and sending Rintaro a sly smirk when he facepalmed at him. The way their bodies moved and twisted, so gracefully to the beat and slowly making their way to you, had you unconsciously rubbing your thighs together, pussy drooling at just the sight of them. Standing tall and proud, just waiting to be buried inside your holes and the idea of it has you moaning in impatience. Rin was the one to lift you up, sitting down only to drop you in his lap. Your back pressed tightly against his chest, feeling ever ragged breath he took, hearing each and every little groan that let his lips. His hands parting your legs, holding the steady as he watched Terushima kneel before him, his piercing shining under the low light at his tongue poked out, licking a strip between your folds, making sure to pay extra attention to your bundle of nerves. His eyes on your face, watching, observing each of your expressions, the furrow of your brows, your teeth digging into your lower lip, trying to keep the moans at bay but failing miserably as they got louder and louder whenever he sucked on that special pearl. Your body squirming and jumping, grinding and pushing back against Suna’s dick, driving you closer to the edge whenever you felt it twitch. His mouth leaving hues of blues and red on you neck and collar bones, his free hand twisting your nipples, pinching and pulling at them. It was the combination of Terushima’s skillful tongue and Rin’s praises that pushed you over the edge, off of the cliff and drowning in pleasure. Reaching your high, your juices dripping from Yuuji’s face, pooling on Suna’s thighs, and as mind crashing as your orgasm was, you wanted more.

It’s like they could tell. From the grin on their faces, the glint in their eyes, their whole aura had your heart beating faster and heat rushing to your core, again. Pulling you up, the blond’s fingers sending shivers down your spine as they brushed against your skin, placing below your ass to lift you up. So gentle, so uncharacteristically from him, it got your heart squeezing in a foreign feeling. His lips on your neck, peppering kisses and bites. His cock twitching against you, making you moan and whine for more pleasure, and you almost forgot that you weren’t alone when you heard the other man chuckle. Before you could even look at him, the sound of spitting resonated through the room, his dick glistening as he pumped it, spreading his pre all over it before he got up and made his way over. “Such a pretty girl… Tell us, you want to have both of your holes stuffed? Wanna have them both dripping our cum. That would be an amazing sight, what do you think Yuuji?” You couldn’t help but whine, begging them to give you more. His words alone had you clenching around nothing, grinding down and trying to shove the pierced cock inside you, but he squeezed you tighter, preventing you from moving. “Don’t worry baby, you’ll get what you want eventually, just be patient!” With that being said, you felt a finger pushing against the tight walls of your asshole. Slowly making its way deeper into you making you throw your head back and let out a cry in both pain and pleasure, and even more when the high boy inserted another one, scissoring them inside you to stretch you open. The ache slowly became extasy, you soon began to beg for more and more, your walls fluttering around nothing, and the tears gathering in the corners of your eyes was all it took for Terushima to lower you on his dick. Sinking so deeply inside you, he couldn’t care when you told him to slow down, too eager to be balls deep in you. Your nails digging in his shoulders, creating blood crescent you bet he’ll be flaunting around the next day. The fingers in your back hole coming to a stop and withdrawing, Rintaro couldn’t help the deep breath he took, the shiver flowing all through his body while seeing your empty hole clenching. His hands on your hips, holding you still for a moment while he started pushing his length in. inch by inch, the pain was becoming too much, your tears rolling down your cheeks, an agglomeration of both their names leaving your lips in a discomfort whine. They both slowed for a bit, giving you time to adjust; the shorter of the two dipping down and pressing his lips to yours, cold metal swiping across your lower lip, granting him access and letting him discover and explore each and every corner of your wet cavern. The other one, the man behind you, looped his arm around you, slipping it between your and the blond’s bodies, travelling south, between your folds and finding your clit. Pressing on it, circling it languidly as way to distract you; and it worked. Your moans getting louder, your body squirming and moving like it had a mind of its own, asking the males to just get on with it. And how could they refuse you; you are the birthday girl after all! Picking up the pace, both of them thrusting into you, rearranging your insides. Still sensitive from you last orgasm, you couldn’t help your walls fluttering around them, tightening around them. So lost in the pleasure, you mind going blank, incoherent string of words leaving your lips and echoing through the room, thank god for the loud music outside or it would’ve been so embarrassing. Mixed to that was their groans and heavy breath, the sound of skin clapping adding to the symphony. And you can’t help it, none of you could. When the knot inside you broke, your eyes rolled back and tongue lolled out, your head thrown back and your nails clawing, you reached your high, probably the most intense you’ve ever had. And soon after, Yuuji came, painting your insides white with praises falling from his lips like a mantra “You’re so good baby, gosh you’re so fucking tight… gosh you got

me going crazy” His words had you whimpering, eyes fluttering you could barely look at him. And Suna didn’t too long, with a moan of your name he reached climax, pulling out to see his seed spilling out of you. “You naughty girl, you liked having both of your holes destroyed? Don’t worry, the night’s not over….. Enjoy your birthday babe”

[ilkkawhat]

first line, last 20

Guidelines: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20,  just list them all.) Choose your favorite opening line, tag some friends!

tagged by @nade2308​ (much appreciated 💜)

as with the last tag game, I’m not gonna tag anybody but if you want to do this feel free to say I tagged you. 

If it’s a multichap, I’ll post the first line from the most recent chapter. I’m also bending the rules and posting basically the first paragraph cause idk. I’m an asshole like that.

(and wow. haven’t written more than 20 all year)

1. Bleeding Love (Macgyver)

They find out in the sandbox.

Jack’s the first to realize it, though he doesn’t quite fully define it the first time Mac runs off going against direct orders. The Wunderkind is a magnet for danger even though in years to come he’ll be blamed as the danger prone one always slowing them down, but it’s when Mac finds himself cornered by four armed and dangerous criminals that he’s almost sent him home in a box sooner than the thirty-two days Jack had left at the time.

2. Every Breath You Take (CSI)

He has no time to recall the chainset of circumstances that led him to this moment. No time to think, really no time to even feel the assault on his body, and yet...he can.

Creaking plastic stretching across his face, trapping his screaming mouth in a suffocating muzzle that reeked of his hot breath. Condensing fogs and droplets daring to blind him more than his wildly burning eyes as his fingers claw at the invisible force pulling him back.

3. A Night That We Can’t Replace (CSI)

There are a lot of things that changed for Nick in the summer of 2005.

A burial that he’s still digging his way out of, his hands blindly reaching out for anything, anybody for him to grab onto with desperate fingers and a pounding heart that hasn’t stopped beating no matter how much damage was done to it.

Lucky for him, plenty of people were reaching for him, too.

4. Death by a Thousand Cuts - Ch. 2 (CSI)

There's no warning, not that there ever really is when disaster strikes.

No dark clouds swirling in the distance, no sense of finality in a season’s worth of cases told over twenty-two weeks.

It’s just an ordinary day.

5. Stranger in a Bar (CSI)

Nick’s sprawled out on his half of the booth, waiting with casually spread wings as he hawkishly observes Greg ordering their next round of drinks from the bar, leaning over the counter and even pointing out Nick’s favorite whiskey. He often doesn’t go for the top shelf but tonight he needs something with a bit of a bite.

6. You Take the Breath Right Out of Me (CSI)

“I don’t know man, it’s like Warrick was carrying the entire case. Felt like I was just a lowly CSI collecting evidence, and I couldn’t even do that right! Missed that...damn spot on the panties.”

7. Specimen Stokes - Ch. 10 (CSI) 

“Warrick, look, there’s just not enough evidence—”

“Not enough evidence? Jim, how is this not enough?”

Warrick points to the screenshots from the footage of what he feels is the most incriminating piece of evidence he has. Greg Sanders waltzing into the police department.

8. Body in Motion (CSI)

He’s missed this, the high coming off of solving a case.

The high coming off of being alive.

The high soaring far above ground.

9. Reversed (CSI)

“Nick.”

He could not move any faster as the anchors of his feet drag across the tile of an empty hallway. He’s leaving one home for another, no adventures in between. He’s tired.

Of so many things.

“Nick!”

He stops. He turns. He listens.

He owes Warrick at least that much for jumping off a cliff with him.

10. To Call for Hands of Above (CSI)

It doesn’t happen until they actually become “friends.”

Well, “friends” by Nick’s standards—and he had long been assuming that’s what they were all along, ever since the first day they worked a case together and discovered they had similar interests, similar tastes in humor, a similar spark in their eyes for justice and wanting to do their job and do it right.

But Warrick seemed to close off a bit of himself at first, which wasn’t apparent until something had endangered his heart.

Nick saw it coming.

11. Separate Ways (Macgyver)

There’s one reason and one reason only Jack and Mac would allow themselves to be apart for long times at long distances, and that reason was something that even all of the infinite science in Mac’s brain, all of the infinite wisdom in Jack’s heart couldn’t even explain.

12. Astray (CSI)

“Boy’s not even safe in his own bed.”

Nick breathes through his nose, his teeth grinding in a clenched jaw. His eyes haven’t left the boy’s body since they walked into the room, and his eyes don’t even meet Catherine as her voice grows more distant and disoriented.

13. Public Enemies, Private Lovers (CSI)

Having separate shifts may have been the best and worst thing to happen to Nick and Greg’s relationship.

Best in the way that it was easier to hide, after the lab had been remodeled and the walls to DNA were becoming more transparent, it was harder for Nick to hang around without attracting suspicion.

He still remembers the time Grissom caught him leisurely leaning against the counter, reeling a similarly laid back Greg towards him with a re-telling of a tale that he can’t quite remember.

All he remembers is the way he had caught Greg in his web and Greg didn’t seem eager to get out.

14. First Flight - Ch 2  (CSI)

Even though he thinks he’s ahead of the curve, his innocence shattered at an early enough age for him to get a glimpse outside the shelter of his youth, Parker Stokes will be the first to admit there is still a lot to life he doesn’t understand.

One of those things is his father’s love for flying.

15. What’s going to happen to me now? (CSI) 

“Let me out.”

He couldn’t say the words at the time. Could only choke out a literal cry for help, though there were plenty of words that his brain was firing—and missing—but those three words in particular were just some of the few pleading thoughts he had while he was still enclosed in a glass coffin—one that was ready to collapse at any given second—why didn’t they see that? Why did they all stand on top of it? Why didn’t they open it immediately just to give him some air, just brush the damn ants off, no extinguisher needed.

He didn’t understand why it took so long to get him out.

16. Goosebumps (CSI)

Working graveyard shift, it’s rare for them to get a chance to actually celebrate the nightlife that Las Vegas has to offer, let alone on a holiday such as New Year’s Eve that is the most celebrated night out of the three hundred and sixty five that occur within a year.

17. Fire Away (CSI) 

A splash of cold water gives him a quick refresh on his clammy, pale face but it’s not enough to pull him out of his state of shock that he’s denied being to everybody who’s placed their hand on his shoulder, asking if he’s okay.

The same shoulder with a pinched nerve that his head keeps...twitching towards.

18. Found - Ch. 2 (CSI)

He rubs his fingers against the temples of his forehead, brain on autopilot circling the same repeating numbers that appear in the ten-page long phone record. His eyes are straining and the edges of his periphery are stretching away so that he has to squint to keep focus. He wishes he had brought his glasses as a yawn escapes his lips. He’s also realizing just how hungry he is as his stomach grumbles, when a familiar voice completely breaks his waning concentration.

“Here, figured you might need a little snack while you do your homework.”

19. It’s Not Like Christmas At All (CSI)

It’s like there’s something infectious in the air, some cosmic force driving against him that was making this year far more difficult than ever before.

Around this time last year, the team was pulling names out of a hat. Making plans for a party in the break room to celebrate not just as a team, but as a family.

This year, there’s been no such talk and he was semi-reluctantly making plans to visit his real family in the Lonestar state.

The first year he’s gone since Warrick passed.

20. There is Just One Thing I Need (CSI)

The scents and tastes and general ambience of the holiday season seemed duller that year, for both of them. Last year they had ridden high on their first Christmas together, as a family, giving Parker the best first Christmas they could give their bundle of joy and feeling a true warmth in each other’s company for the first time since their first night of passion together.

But even Christmas in California could get so cold.

[suitofvibraniumarmor]

Headstrong

Part Six

Summary: After a health scare in Los Angeles, Haven tries to make amends.  Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC Word Count: 1865 Warnings: Post-brain injury symptoms, language. A/N: Taglist is open, you can be added to the one for this fic or Buckvember simply by sending an ask. I don’t know a whole lot about how boxing standings work, so just know that any errors are unintentional and everything is for the sake of the story. Happy Reading!

Series Masterlist

GIF found via Google Image Search. 

Another concussion, the doctors in Los Angeles had concluded. Haven had indeed taken a risk, going into that fight still suffering symptoms from her head injury after the car accident. The neurologist in the ER gave her a very stern lecture on taking these sort of risks with her life, and ordered off fighting for another month, to allow her head time to heal. Running was fine, as was light weight training, as long as she didn’t push herself, but sparring or another fight was out of the question. 

 A few days later, Haven woke up in her own bed, feeling awful. It had nothing to do with her physical state, despite the headache still plaguing her. The awful feeling stemmed from a lot of guilt she felt over not telling Bucky sooner. The relief in his expression and carriage had been undeniable when the doctor had told them the diagnosis wasn’t life threatening. After that, he hadn’t spoken to her. Hell, he would hardly even look at her. 

Since they returned home the day after the fight, Haven had called Bucky three times, but he hadn’t returned her calls. She couldn’t blame him for that. If her condition had turned out to be worse, a lot of people would have placed blame on him … the fault was all her own. 

Meandering down to the kitchen, she drank down a glass of water before pouring herself a cup of coffee. Wes was at the kitchen table on his laptop and bid her a quiet good morning. 

“I’ve been thinking,” Wes continued, “that jump off the cliff — was that really a stress-reliever, or was that an impulse-control issue because of brain damage?”

Haven shrugged and sunk to one of the chairs. “Maybe some of both. The doctors said I’ll be fine, though, so no need to worry. I just need to keep an eye on things. Not put so much pressure on myself when fights come up. Take this month to take really heal, all of that.”

Wes went back to his work on the computer for a couple of minutes before interrupting the silence again. “He was really worried about you, you know.”

“Who was?”

“Bucky,” Wes answered, rolling his eyes. “Who else could I mean?”

“The doctor?”

Wes shook his head. “You’re so dumb sometimes. I should have them check your head again. Yes, Bucky was really worried about you. He was angry, but I think it’s only because he was so worried. You know?”

Haven chewed on her bottom lip and chipped away at the fading glaze on her coffee cup. “He won’t return my calls. We’re supposed to start training again tomorrow — the things I can do — and I don’t even know if I have a coach or not. Damn it, I should have told him. I was being so … so …”

“Stubborn,” Wes supplied. “Stubborn would be the word you were looking for. And, by the way, you dragged me into it, thanks. I’m not going to lie for you again. The thing is — never mind that. It’s not my point. My point is, Haven, Bucky was really worried about you. More than I would expect him to be.”

Haven frowned. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know there was a limit to which people could worry about other people.” 

“I’m being serious so quit being a brat. What’s going on with you and Barnes?”

“Nothing is going on with me and Barnes. I crossed that line with Rum, I’m damn sure not going to cross it again. That was a catastrophe of epic proportions, and, quite frankly, almost cost me my life — and, let’s not even bring my career into it.”

Wes closed his laptop and rubbed his hands into his eyes. “Rum’s an irresponsible, selfish, manipulative asshole. If you ask me, he saw you coming and took advantage of it. Bucky isn’t like that. He wants what’s best for you, he understands you, you guys work well together. He doesn’t train you, he trains with you. Brock was using you to make a name for himself and to take all the credit. Bucky doesn’t do that — he’s here for you.” He leaned back in the chair. “I’ve watched the two of you since he started coming around. There's a tension you both have that goes away when you're together.”

Haven sipped at her coffee but didn’t say anything for a few minutes. Knowing her brother the way she did, she knew he wasn’t telling her to hurry out and date Bucky or ask him out — he simply wanted her to consider Bucky as an option. She reached her fingers up to her lips, remembering their kiss in the ocean. 

“Right now, I just need to know if I still have a coach,” she finally commented, getting up to put her coffee cup in the sink, “and if he won’t answer my calls, I’ll just go to him.”

Bucky was running late for Steve and Charlotte’s get-together. He may have already know what they were going to announce, but it was important to him that he be there, especially after the conversation with Steve the previous week. He was trying to be a better friend than he had been after the cancer diagnosis. 

“Wallet, phone, keys,” he muttered to himself as he made sure he had each item before opening his apartment door. He didn’t expect Haven to be standing there, hand poised to knock. He took a step back from the surprise. “Haven.”

“Hey,” she greeted, blushing and hesitant, “I’m sorry to barge in on you uninvited and unannounced, but you weren’t answering my phone calls. I know you’re mad, Buck, but I —”

“Listen, I don’t mean to interrupt you, but I’m on my way to an important thing. Kind of a family thing, actually.”

Haven shoved her hands in her pockets. “Oh, right. I’m sorry. I’ll just … well, call me later then. Please.”

She turned to go but Bucky called her name. He closed the apartment door behind him and locked it before motioning in the opposite direction she had been walking. 

“You wanna go with me?”

Haven shrugged. “Haven’t I intruded enough for one day?”

“No,” Bucky chuckled, “you haven’t. C’mon. It’ll be okay.”

He held his hand out to her and, after another few seconds of hesitation, Haven took it, following him out of the apartment building and down to his car. She buckled herself into the passenger seat and waited patiently while he got the car started and navigated into traffic. 

“So, uh, where are we going, exactly? You said a family thing?”

Bucky checked traffic at a stop sign before crossing the intersection. “More or less. My best friend Steven and his wife Charlotte are making a big announcement today to our close friend group.”

Haven gnawed on her bottom lip, wincing when she hit a sore spot. “Maybe this isn’t the kind of thing you bring … company for.”

“It’ll be fine,” Bucky assured. “How’s your head?”

“Fine,” she nodded. “No problems since we got home. I’m sorry, Coach, that I didn’t tell you about the head stuff to begin with. That wasn’t fair. I was just so ready mentally to get back in the ring, I didn’t care about the risks.”

Bucky drew in a breath. “First of all, how about we drop the coach title unless we’re training or something like that. I know you don’t want to cross personal lines, but we’ve kissed once —”

“And you’ve seen me naked,” Haven couldn’t help but giggle, her own attempt to lighten the situation a little. 

Bucky laughed with her, taking his eyes off the road long enough to see her smile. “And I’ve seen you naked, yes. So can we drop the title when we’re not doing boxing things?”

“I’ll try.”

“Fair enough,” he ceded. “Second, yes, you should have told me. I don’t care about it for my sake though, I care about it for yours. I don’t want to see you get hurt. Besides watching you dive off a cliff, not finding out about a potential head injury after you took headshots — that was one of the scariest moments in my life, Haven.” He took an exit off the highway, into a nice neighborhood. “I’m not Rumlow, I won’t use things against you. You don’t have to hide things from me.”

Haven looked out the passenger side window as rows of houses passed them by. “It isn’t easy to trust people after something like that.”

Bucky pulled up to a modest, cozy home. Several cars were already parked in the drive and in front of the house. Haven cleared her throat and unbuckled her seatbelt. 

“You’re sure they’re gonna be okay with me being here?” she asked him. 

Bucky caressed her cheek with his thumb. “You can trust me, Haven. They’re going to love you.”

From the panic in her expression, Bucky would have expected her hand reaching up to push his away from her, but instead, she held tight to his hand. 

“Promise?”

“Which part?”

She swallowed hard. “All of it.”

Maybe it was another risk, but Bucky took it: he pressed a soft kiss to her lips before answering her in a low, husky voice. 

“I promise.”

All of Bucky’s friends were welcoming and happy to meet Haven. Though they did ask some questions about the fight and her boxing career, most of the conversation centered around everyday chitchat, which, surprisingly, Haven was grateful for. 

When Steve and Charlotte announced they had a baby on the way, the whole friend group was excited, and Haven found herself excited for them, too. Bucky’s smile was quiet, so she nudged him lightly with her elbow. 

“Did you know about this?”

Bucky grinned mischievously. “They told me last week. I’m the best friend! Wanna know a secret?” Haven nodded, so Bucky leaned over to whisper in her ear. “If it’s a boy, they're gonna name it James.”

She ignored the shiver down her spine. “Is that a family name?”

Bucky saluted her. “James Buchanan Barnes at your service, Ms. Cleveland.”

“Oh!” Haven giggled, realizing it had never occurred to her that Bucky was a nickname. “Well, that’s an honor.”

“It is,” Bucky returned. 

The group returned to chitchat, though this time it was mostly baby-related. Haven felt good, being part of a friend group again where she wasn’t pressured to be a boxing star. Wasn't pressured to be Brock Rumlow’s perfect trophy girlfriend. Wasn’t pressured to be anyone other than herself. 

She was standing on Bucky’s left side and, mostly without thinking, she laced her fingers through his. However the prosthetic worked, Bucky’s vibranium fingers curled around hers before his eyes snapped toward her. Haven let go of his hand and apologized. 

“I just … I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

Bucky took her hand again. “First time anyone’s willingly touched it besides me and the doctors.”

Haven nodded her understanding and pushed her fingers through his again. She re-joined the conversation as though she and Bucky held hands all the time, ignorant of the warm way he stared at her for several more seconds before Steve called for his attention again. 

Buckvember: @peace-love-hobbitness​​​ @disastersoldierbucky​​​ @connie326​​​ @rebekahdawkins​​​ @wonder-cole​​​ @shynara51​​​

Headstrong: @disastersoldierbucky​​​ @captain-s-rogers​​​ @amanda-teaches​​​ @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan​​​ @tanelle83​​​ @tellmewhatyouwill​​​ @capandbuckylvr​​​ @pinknerdpanda​​​  @ntlmundy​​​ @siggy85​​​ @itsallyscorner​​​ @m-blasterrr​​​ @just-the-hiddles​​​

[lavendertwilight89]

Ooh! Inukag #70, please: "After everything we’ve been through, you still don’t think that I love you?”

Almost 5k words later... I give you your lovely answer!

**Contains smut** ;)

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“Inuyasha…”

Inuyasha turned to face Kagome. She had been badly injured in their recent battle with Naraku. It had been all his fault. He left her with Sango and Miroku as it appeared Kikyo was falling… The fucking bastard Byakuya of the dreams created an illusion. He didn’t trust his nose and immediately made Kagome go with Sango and Miroku. When he leapt off and jumped to catch the fake Kikyo he heard a scream—he swore time slowed as he watched Naraku’s tentacles ensnare Kirara who had been slowed down by Kagome’s added weight and caused the others to fall to the ground. Sango was able to save herself and Miroku, but they lost their grip on Kagome as they hung off the cliff; she fell down the cliff into the river. She had bumped her head, twisted her ankle, dislocated her shoulder… Inuyasha counted his blessings she had taught him that “C-P-R” shit and was able to get the water out of her lungs.

Sango and Miroku had been able to chase off Naraku’s puppet and Byakuya then had met them down river. They had been uncomfortable by the situation of decided to go back to the village to “check on Shippo” while Inuyasha took Kagome to the spare hut at the village’s edge to have her rest away from prying eyes and ears. But he forgot how hard it would be to face her. He let her down. Big time. She could have been killed for something so simple and reckless… because of his weakness.

He cared about Kikyo. She would always hold a place in his heart. He blamed himself for her death, while the full blame was on Naraku, his lack of ability to trust anyone was what made her meet her demise and his sealing. He owed Kikyo the peace she deserved. But that drive always made him brainless and irrational. This time it almost cost Kagome her life!

Kagome… The girl who taught him how to trust. Fully. The girl who taught him how to make friends. The girl who had never been afraid of him or looked him differently. The girl who taught him what love actually was… How could he have been so stupid?! He could have lost the woman who actually held his heart! The one who, when all this was over, he wanted to ask to be with him. Forever. Literally. To have her become his mate…

Like hell that was going to happen after that. How could she ever forgive him? How could he ever forgive himself? He should’ve just sent her back to her own time and made sure there had been no way for her to return.

“Inuyasha!”

He was snapped back into reality as Kagome had managed to sit up and pulled on his forelocks harshly.

“Watch it, Wench! Lay back down you’re hurt! You’re only gonna reinjure yourself, ya moron!”

“Oh relax, we already popped my shoulder back in and yes, it’s tender but it’s fine! My ankle is wrapped, pain pills have been taken, and my head is fine! I honestly didn’t hit it that hard, I swear! You were the one staring out into space all depressed and self-loathing! I needed to snap you out of your funk before you went all ‘go-back-to-your-own-time’ on me,” Kagome said in a poor imitation of him.

He stared at in disbelief. How in the fuck did she know exactly what he had been thinking?

“I’ve known you long enough to know what’s going around in your head by now, Inuyasha. Stop blaming yourself for what happened. It was a series of bad circumstances…”

“Bad circumstances?!?! Kagome, how have you lost your mind?! You could have been killed because of my thoughtless actions!! How are you not upset?? Not saying I want you to ‘Sit’ me, but how come you haven’t? You should be furious with me!”

“Inuyasha, we both know what Naraku is capable of at this point. We both know this was part of his plan—to divide us. Yes, I was upset you made me stay back with Sango—but you were trying to keep me out of danger while you rushed to save Kikyo. Yes, I unfortunately got hurt, but it wasn’t your fault. It was Naraku’s. You have to stop blaming yourself for his actions!”

“Kagome, I just don’t understand how you can keep forgiving me and why you bother sticking around me… I’m not a good friend to you, I’m… no good for you…” he trailed off. He would never be able to tell her how he felt. She deserved better. Maybe Koga had been right. Or that Hobo-kid in her time. She couldn’t ever love someone as useless, dirty, and stupid as him. She could only ever offer him her friendship, which he was fine with—whatever she wanted, he would’ve give her… Even if she had ever told him she wanted to remain in her time, he loved her enough to let her…

“Inuyasha—”

“No! Listen here, Wench! You know damn well you shouldn’t stay here with me. Travel with me! It literally is a death sentence. You should hate me! Just like everyone else does! Because I literally—”

“Inuyasha!!! Would you cut it out!? How could I ever hate you??”

“Kagome, don’t be stupid. You know exactly why you should. Think of all the stupid, asshole things I’ve done, and you so crazily forgiven me for. This should be the final straw. You should be demanding me to take you home and to never let me see you again…”

She cupped his face and drew him out of his rant of him trying to make her realize he was no good for her and the look on her face stopped his words from forming.

“After everything, and I mean everything—the bad, the good—we’ve been through, you still don’t think that I love you?”

He was speechless. What could he say? How was someone supposed to respond to that? She couldn’t mean that as more than a friend. No way. She wasn’t crazy. She couldn’t possibly feel like—like—like that towards him… He couldn’t help but yearn for it though. He also couldn’t stop himself as he leaned into her touch.

“Kagome, I don’t deserve your friendship…”

“Of course you do, Inuyasha…” she said sadly. Dejected. Her smile reflected the way she said those words. What could have made her say it like that? Didn’t she just say she cared about him?

“Why…why do you say it… like that? Do you regret us being friends?”

“Ugh, Inuyasha… you’re so dense…”

“What?! Wench—”

She leaned in and kissed him. On the lips. Not the cheek. HO.LY. SHIT. She. Was. Kissing. Him. Not like this had been the first time, but it was the first time with him not going crazy in full demon form. Where he could return it—shit! He needed to kiss her back! Before she pulled away like last time.

As his lips returned the pressure onto her, she pulled away. Damnit!

“I-I’m sorry! I-I just—Uhmmm…” His apparent gaping face made her keep stuttering, “I’m so sorry, Inuyasha! I—I didn’t know how else to uhm, literally, show you how I felt. I—How could I ever regret us being friends?? You’ve changed my life… You’ve been my best friend for three years. You’ve protected me, made me feel important and special. You made me realize how much more there is to the world than just school and my future… You made me grow up. I don’t regret ever meeting you or falling in love with you. I-I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I know you don’t feel the same for me… I understand your obligations to Kikyo and I plan to support you in anyway I can. You will always have a choice…I just want to be by you side…please… Don’t make me leave you!”

He was stunned. Firstly, he hadn’t expected such a heart-felt confession from her let alone that she was still willing to even be by his side thinking he would pick Kikyo over her…

She was stupid to even think that—there was never a future with Kikyo. There wouldn’t have even been a future with Kikyo at this point even if she remained in her clay-body or miraculously was revived… Kagome loved him unconditionally with all she had. She never expected him to change and took him exactly as the rude half-demon he was… He literally had no clue what love meant before Kagome. He never knew what love was at all before he laid eyes on this mysterious girl from the future.

He cupped her cheeks and gazed into her eyes. Fuck, he couldn’t wait any longer. He wanted to be with her. Fully. She confessed to him—it was his turn to own up.

“Kagome… Don’t—Don’t be sorry. I—”

He couldn’t find the words (fuck!) and began to get flustered, frustrated, and started growling in annoyance. She blushed and took her lip in her teeth and that’s when he lost it. He pulled her face back to his and kissed her roughly. Demandingly. He tried to convey the words he couldn’t come up with into the kiss. She seemed like she understood as she eagerly returned the kiss.

He tentatively brushed his tongue across her lips causing her to gasp. He took that opportunity to push it further and explore her mouth. God, she tasted better than he had ever imagined. She was sweet like candy. He wanted to get to know her more. She lightly stroked her tongue against his fangs causing him to groan in excitement. After a few minutes of exploring each other mouths, he pulled back and leaned his forehead against hers. They were both gasping for air and flushed.

“Inu-Inuyasha…”

“Kagome… I want you. Not Kikyo. You. I’ve wanted you since you convinced me to go help the old hag retrieve Kikyo’s remains. But you were young, and not ready… I know I’m the shittiest guy out there, pushing you away, insulting you, confusing you… but I couldn’t let myself get close to you. I… I never thought you would return my feelings…” As he spoke her eyes brightened and shined with unshed tears so he pressed on. “I—I had planned on asking you… when this was all over if you would be my mate.”

Kagome gasped, “Really? You mean that??”

“Do you… know what that means?”

“Uhm,” she blushed and looked away from his curious eyes. “Sa-Sango told me one day…”

She clearly didn’t want to elaborate how and why the demon slayer made mention of mates but obviously it had to do with him and his ‘courting’ behaviors he had started. He had known the mission would be over soon and needed to ensure he could prove himself. She seemed confused and even though it sounded like Sango had tried to explain his actions, she clearly hadn’t believed the slayer or still didn’t understand.

“Is that something you’d consider?”

“Inuyasha…” she looked back into his face and placed her hands on his neck and gently pulled so their lips were barely apart. “I have never wanted anything more… I want to be with you; always. You are my home… Please…”

He swallowed having smelled her high rise in arousal, “This… this isn’t something you can go back on Kagome. You-You should really think about it. You’re also hurt we shouldn’t—”

“I know what I want Inuyasha. I’ve wanted it since I begged you the first time to let me stay by you side. I know what ‘forever’ means. If it’s with you, it still won’t be long enough. Now, stop talking,” she closed the gap between them and restarted their heated kissing.

He literally couldn’t think. Her hands pulled at his robes and he released her face she should push them off his shoulders. She had meant business. Was she afraid he’d change his mind?

“Ka-Kagome—” he pulled away once again and held her by her shoulders at arm’s length. He wanted her to be sure; he didn’t want her to feel pressured. “We-We can wait. We don’t have to rush this. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Grrrrr!! Inuyasha—three years may seem like nothing to you, but they were a long time for me. I want you. I’ve wanted you in this way for the past year or so… Yes, when I was fifteen it would have been impulsive. Sixteen, rushed. Seventeen? It wouldn’t have hurt to wait. Eighteen?? Inuyasha, please, I’m not a child in my own era, don’t treat me like I don’t understand what I’m asking of you. I know all about what happens with a man and woman. Plenty of girls at my school have shared more than enough information to even make Miroku blush… I know this is what I want. I want you! Now and forever. I know inuyoukai mate for life. I know there is no going back after we do this. But I love you, and I don’t ever want to try or think about us seeing anyone else! Now, please!”

Ok. That shut him up for good. He pulled her back wrapping his hands around her waist and head and reengaged in their fierce war of tongues. He tentatively reached from behind her the ties of her yukata she had changed into while her clothes were drying. He may have had her permission, but he was still nervous. She grasped his hand and led it to the tie having had felt his tremorous hand. He undid the knot but did not pull her robe open. Nope. He was going to allow her to do that. Wait, how had she untied his obi? Shittttttttttt her hand had begun stroking him. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Holy damnit all the helllllllllllll. He grasped her hand pulling it away to stop. She made a whine of disapproval which caused him to chuckle once he controlled his yearning groan.

“You keep doing that, I won’t last Ka-Go-Me.”

He decided against his previous decision in an act to distract her to open her yukata as his mouth moved down her jaw to her neck and shoulder. She moaned and clutched his back, head tilted to the side as an act of submission. He licked the junction of her neck and shoulder.

“This is where I will mark you. As mine.”

She swallowed and yet again, her hands had somehow disappeared from his senses and began to stoke his ears. She was trying to kill him. She would be the death of him. He did NOT purr, as she had called it, but growled in a repetitive lull as he continued to move down and then caught her left breast in his mouth. She arched herself more into him and moaned in pleasure. He took his hand and tentatively brought it between them and stroked along her folds which caused her to gasp and cry out. Oh, she was sensitive. His little future priestess had never been touched by anyone than him and his inner demon loved it.

He lowered her down to futon and then attacked her other breast with the same diligence as he had the left. He figuratively was fed by her moans and groans of pleasure as he kept at his mission. He wanted to prove and give her all the love and care she had ever given him. While he had never been with a woman before, his instincts knew what to do, and whenever they were blank as far as “where she would like to be touched ”, he knew from being around for as long as he had been, how a woman’s body could be pleasured. Men always bragged (especially Miroku; no matter how much Inuyasha had tried to get him to shut the hell up) how they were able to conquer a woman and the ego-boost that it had been for them to have been able to bring that woman to their peak. And he swore while he would never divulge where he learned those things if she asked, but he would make it a point that she would too blissed to ever need to.

He slowly moved himself lower exploring her ribs and her stomach causing her to hitch her breath. Her hands found his ears again after having explored his abs and started stroking them. He finally had made his way between her legs and softly pushed her legs apart for himself. FUCK. She smelled one-hundred times sexier than he could have ever imagined. Her taste, her smell, her touch—this was beyond anything he could have ever dreamed of in his tiny size brains—he swore he had to be dreaming though. But he didn’t want to stop and test that theory. He was hungry for her. And he was going to take her.

He started licking her gently between her folds after she questioningly stuttered his name, probably from embarrassment or confusion from his staring and lingering thoughts. He couldn’t tell. Nor did he really care. He wanted to bring her to her climax before he had to cause her discomfort when they went further (if she still wanted to). He wasn’t going to push her and wanted to be extra certain before they went any farther.

She gasped and mewled as he increased the pressure, making circles, paying attention to her opening and her little nub as those seemed to be the places that made her make those sweet arousing sounds the most. She released his ears (thank the Gods) and gripped his head, trying to pull his closer to that nub. Her wish would be his command. He started to focus his ministrations on that spot, but still wouldn’t give her fully what she wanted. He wanted to make this the best she ever had. He wasn’t a fool, nor did her scent lie; he knew she had ‘relieved’ herself in her room back at her home before. He wasn’t sure what had caused her arousal but knew it was ‘private’ and didn’t pry… Though the thought of her lusting after another about drove him insane with jealously. One of the many reasons he demanded they return to the past as soon as they could. Knowing it was him though—and it had only been him to invoke that need to pleasure herself away from him at that moment only drove him crazier. Her pants and broken syllables of his name was what finally made him clamp down and suck on her swollen gem. Her legs squeezed his head and her hands clamped down in his hair as she screamed her release. Her opening grew wetter and wetter which took everything in his power to not reclean her core; he wanted the wetness so that there would be less resistance if she wanted to keep going. He really prayed she did. He had never been so hard in his life—when he heard her scream his name like that—it took all his self-control not to just fucking maul her.

He brought himself back up to her face and kissed her back from her stupor, her hands rewrapped around his neck her legs encircled themselves around his hips. He groaned by the sensation of her wet weeping core on his length.

“Ka-Kagome… Are you sure?”

“Please…” She looked at him so lovingly. Her face red from exertion, glistening in sweat from pleasure, hair disheveled—Gods she had never looked more beautiful than she had in that moment—staring up at him with the gorgeous brown orbs. He retook those pink lips with his own before he positioned himself at her opening and slowly edged his way in. She was tight, but there wasn’t a lot of resistance as he sank into her. He watched her face for discomfort but only saw her gaze longingly back at him, stroking his cheek with one hand while the other was on his shoulder. He was finally fully sheathed inside her but remained still to let her adjust. They couldn’t have fit more perfectly together. While he had been nervous about hurting her, he was happy her face never shifted t discomfort. He luckily knew from rumors women who had actually been through a lot physically could have lost their walls previous to actually having sex. His inner demon purred and started to rise slightly to the surface—hungry for more.

Kagome bucked her hips snapping him out of his inner monologue with himself and moaned dipped his head into her shoulder licking her junction again where he planned on marking her.

“You can move, Inuyasha.”

“Kagome I…” I love you.

“I know, Inuyasha,” she said as she lovingly brushed through his hair.

He began to slide out and then thrust back into her slowly to check for any lingering pain, but her gasp and moans egged him on to move faster. He knew he wouldn’t last long. She already spoiled him. He wouldn’t ever be able to go back to his hand after this. She felt amazing. Wet, warm, like home… She was everything he was missing out on life. She was everything he ever needed. She was everything he had ever wanted. And she had become in that moment, his.

He didn’t realize his demon had emerged until Kagome brushed a hand up to his cheek and said his name questioningly. He knew she had been touching the purple marks she told him about that appeared on his face in this form. But he had been fully aware and her leaned down to nuzzle her cheek and pulled her by her shoulders to straddle his kneeling legs. His hands were on her hips still thrusting her up and down onto himself. Her breath quickened and she rested her hands on his shoulders to keep her stabilized while her cries grew louder. His name on her lips broke more and more with every thrust downward onto his hardened length. He felt her walls start to clench and knew she was just as close as he was. He wanted them to finish at the same time if not her before him. He took one of her hands off his shoulder and guided it between them which caused her to open her eyes questioningly and blush harder than she already was from their activities.

“Touch yourself.” His voice was rough and deeper, but she didn’t flinch or react. She obeyed without second thought and brought her lips to his again. How did he get so lucky? To have had someone who would’ve loved him in any form he took? He had to be the luckiest bastard who ever lived.

She stopped kissing him and cried out again, her walls clamped down on him rhythmically, trying to milk him which he couldn’t help but almost succumb to immediately—but he had to finish the mating process. He bit his tongue and then leaned down to Kagome neck and then bit down allowing his demonic aura to fill her. She whimpered but stayed still and took it in. Her own spiritual powers wrapped around him in return. Once he felt they were finally fully linked, he licked his tongue on her neck to close up the wound.

Once he pulled away from her, he felt a rush of power leave him—his inner demon sated retreating back within him—and saw his purple jagged mark on the junction of her neck and shoulder. He smiled a genuine smile seeing it on her. She looked up at him dreamily and touched it, unshed tears in her eyes.

“Thank you, Inuyasha…”

“You’re thanking me?! Kagome, you really are the craziest girl I have ever met! I should be thanking you… for everything. For accepting me. For loving me. For being patient and never giving up on me. Gods, I must be the luckiest bastard alive…”

“Guess you’re my luckiest bastard,” she said with mischief in her eyes.

He stuttered from the language she used but realized she was trying to tease him and chuckled a bit. She really had grown up a lot over the past three years. She wasn’t a stupid girl anymore. She had become a woman. He pulled her up and off him and then laid them both down on the futon and covered them. He held her close and stroked through her long black locks with his claws.

“So… what do…uhm… I-uh… I have some questions now?”

He rolled his eyes and laughed softly smirking down at her curious face, “What are your questions, mate?”

“How do we tell everyone?” she asked smiling up into his amber eyes.

“Well… We can tell them whatever you want—Sango probably already knew this would happen eventually since she explained to you about inuyoukai mating rituals and traditions. Shippo will obviously smell you. But we can tell them, or we can hide it if we tell the runt to keep his mouth closed. It’s up to you.”

“You—You won’t be embarrassed?”

“I may end up killing the monk for his teasing, but no. You are my mate. I don’t want to have to hide that…”

“What about from…” she bit her lip and looked away. He knew who she was referring to without actually voicing her name.

“Kikyo? She probably can already sense it through your shared soul. It’s a soul bond remember?”

“Right… So…”

“So nothing, Kagome. I knew what it meant when I claimed you. I’m not ashamed nor will I hide it from her. I owe her vengeance. I don’t owe her my life… Hahahahaha, I’m actually excited for the next time we run into the wolf.”

Kagome glared at him, “Now, Inuyasha…”

“I won’t kill him. Relax. But if he doesn’t accept or respect the mark, I will have to maim him.”

She rolled her eyes and smacked his shoulder. She snuggled into his chest and he buried his nose in her hair.

“Rest Kagome… We have all the time in the world now…”

[charmingsrisingson-blog]

Fallen Angel 2: Hail to the (falling) King

A/N: Here’s chapter two.. What will happen? Find out! 

TWs: Alcohol abuse, pregnancy abuse 

Chap 2: Hail to the (falling) King

Prodigia comploratus

Silens, oro

Regnet exitium.

(Wonders, mourning

Silent, I pray

Regain destruction)

 I walk stricken

Pitch-black vision

Oh One, save me

Caress my weary eyes

 Silence engulfed the ride pretty quickly, and it made my mind wonder, into regions I didn’t want it to go right now. I kept asking myself Why? Why now? And most of all; Was I to blame for what Abel was going through? Rationally, of course, I was far from the cause, but the shock of it was still setting in, so I wasn’t thinking straight.  In fact, within these irrational moments, I even considered driving off a cliff edge with Eva in toe, and making it look like a double suicide, but then, a wave of sanity washed over me and I concluded that, instead of it being a temporary solution, it would lead to even more devastation and ultimately way more problems down the line, for the club and what little was left of my ‘family’. Plus, I had just met Eva and we seemed to bond instantly. No, I’m not just saying that because my dick got excited, I mean it! In those few moments that I was routed to the spot, I found a purpose; to keep fighting, and that, in turn is what I need to do for Abel, and maybe, hopefully, at some stage, for both.

Let’s face it. I was the only person Abel had right now and if I wasn’t willing to fight for him, why should he be the one to potentially die? Sense was starting to battle its way back into my torn up mind. I may have almost won the sensibility battle, but the one that was raging over whether I should see him, or bitch, or neither, was far from over and growing in intensity as the silence continued. I had to break it. Otherwise, I feared I’d do something stupid, regardless of my mental progress.

Let’s take a moment to break the ice.

So my intentions are known.

See I have pity in watching you suffer

I know the feeling of being dammed alone

I have a storybook of my own…

 “You seem pretty used to bikes. darlin’” I commented, hoping it would spark some sort of conversation. I wasn’t prepared for what it would eventually lead to, however. Eva let out a soft laugh from behind me before she moved her position slightly, so her head was resting in the swell of my back, arms wrapped around my middle with care.

“I’ve been too used to them.” She replied, letting out a quiet, happy, sigh after. I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Been in any gangs?”

“Yeah, some rough shit recently.”

“Oh?”

“I was in the UK. I won’t bore you with details, but it was fucked up. One guy fucked me over and I..” Eva trailed off and I picked up a faint sniff. Gently, I tried to probe deeper.

“You what, darlin’?”

“I had.” She started, and then broke off again, letting go another sniff. I raised an eyebrow automatically, obviously aware that she couldn’t see me doing so. I gulped internally as the dreaded silence crept back towards us. I was both intrigued and concerned at her lack of response. I couldn’t help but wonder had she a frayed connection to the Blackout crew overseas. They were one of our most deep routed enemies. Their leader, Smithy, was notorious for trying to copy me. Yes, I even knew he was up to it, so it just goes to show the length this guy went to. I didn’t find that threatening, like you might think I would. Ho no, I found it hilarious. There’s only one Jackson Teller and he ain’t got a double barrel name or a ridiculous accent. Moreover, in California, there was only one gang who held the crown; Us; Sons of Anarchy. Not some leader that looked like a faggot or our dipshit county rivals, in the form of the Avenged Sevenfold gang. They had nothing on us. They may think they do, but our blood runs deeper then they could ever dream of.

By now, I had just pulled up on the hard shoulder, and was facing Eva, having turned fully around on the saddle. She had her head down and it was obvious she was trying to hide her tears. After a few seconds, I put my fingers under her chin and gently coaxed her head up. She complied, slowly, her deep hazel orbs reaching mine, drenched in tears. Someone had done something to her, and I was gonna find out...

“I-I’m sorry.” She spluttered, starting to attempt to clear her tears, only to end up smudging her eyeliner and eyeshadow into one big black mess on respective sides of her face. A part of me began to hate seeing her upset.  

“Ev, darlin’, please talk to me.” I coaxed, cautiously. Again, I got no response. I sighed slightly and brought my hand up to the bridge of my nose, pressing down on the area and leaving it there for a few seconds.

“Look, if you’re scared to tell me, there’s no need. Whatever you say will be kept between us, ok?” I stressed and assured, as best I could. Accepting and dealing with all these new and deep emotions was testing me, and I felt like I was going to crack my composure, but I held on.

Finally, after a second of my words seeping in, Eva responded with a nod and looked ready to talk.

“I. I have his baby.” She just about managed to get out, her body shaking from the force of her tears.

“Whose baby?” I asked, in an almost whisper, not wanting to upset her more, but needing to know.

“T-The leader of t-the U-UK g-gang. I can’t b-bare to say the name.” She uttered, dropping her head and almost ramming it into my abs. 

“Bellers-Smith?” I enquired, again with caution as I wrapped my arms slowly around her and kissed her head. She gave a feeble nod, pressing against me more, as if I was a life boy. I immediately bit my tongue.

“He knows. He’s trying to intercept me. He’s got the Avenged crew working to keep tabs on me. I’ve seen a couple t-trying to do surveillance type shit. I-I was a paramedic, but I had to give it up because I feared he’d set up a prank call and lure me so he could finish m-me off. J-Jay’s still in the ICU, h-he’s six months old. H-He could still die. I-I managed to get him over here. I took out a loan to do it and... It wasn’t my fault! Shaun forced fed me alcohol when I was expecting a-and he was born almost full term but with s-severe complications. Shaun couldn’t take it. Th-they said the damage was drink re-related, yet I got the b-blame even though I wasn’t the one w-who chorused me do it. Shaun made it look like it was all my fault! Turned my own family a-against me. So I moved back here, my hometown and, tried to start a new life. They didn’t have any job vacancies and I began to stray as the weeks went on and ended up working in the Bat Country Club. I had an on off r-relationship with Synister, in fact, Syn still believes I’m his.” Eva concluded with a small wail.

A rush of sudden, intense emotions broke my mental barrier at that second, the two strongest ones being anger towards that asshole Smithy, and sheer devastation at how he had broken Eva down so much, from so far away.

In hindsight, I knew the club couldn’t take on yet another problem, but I was determined to find a solution and make Eva’s a thing of the past. I leaned my head down to reach Eva and then cupped her face in my hands before gently raising it back up. She closed her eyes for several moments and in that time; it hit me: Abel and Jay. We had another thing in common. This realization made me feel like I had been mentally run over by a bus; it came hard, fast and without any prior warning. I instantly felt like crying myself, but fortunately, overcame it.  

“It’s gonna be alright.”

“How do you know?! You don’t even know a goddamn fucking thing about me!” Eva snapped, letting a few more tears fall. I didn’t respond. I’d learned this trick too many times with my mother and other Crow Eaters: Give ‘em an inch and they’ll take a yard!

After a few silent seconds, I felt it was clear for me to try and lighten the mood a bit.

“I know you need sugar when you pass out.” I chuckled softly.

“Oh god!” Eva half laughed and shook her head.

“I’m s-so sorry.”

“Understandable, doll.”

Eva sent me a slow, and warming smile. I returned it and stroked her hair.

“We’ll sort it out.” I assured, as she began to cuddle into me in a relaxed way, now. She nodded feebly and placed a kiss on my jaw line. I couldn’t help but smile a bit. She returned it, strained her neck upwards and before either of us could react, our lips were mere inches away from each other. I held my breath; not sure if I was really living this moment or not. Fortunately, nothing went black or fuzzy. This was real. Our eyes now locked and instantly, we both went for it. Our lips collided, with an almost underlying intensive need. We let it last for what felt like hours, but in retrospect, were just a few, blissful minutes. Within that time, I had decided that I wanted to protect Eva and guard my own suffering. She didn’t need my shit on top of her own. Only thing she did need, was safety and a solution to a problem that, as I said, I am determined to rectify.

Silence crept in yet again after we eventually broke apart, but this time, it was a different kind. Prior to the kiss, it was cold and relentless, now it was replaced with comfort, understanding and a growing bond between us.

After a while, we turned our attention to the array of stars up above us. We gazed at them and intertwined our hands. I was convinced that this was a sign; a sign of better things to come.

Suddenly, our gazing was interrupted by the sound of my phone. I quickly retrieved it from my back pocket, took one look at the ID tag and immediately slammed it back down.

“Dare I ask?” Eva questioned with a light giggle from behind my shoulder. 

“Nope!” I chuckled softly.

“Okay then?” Eva giggled softly again, half questioning, and kissing my shoulder lightly. I turned my head, grinned, managed to kiss her hand and then turned back.

Within a few moments, I had pulled off again, and we were back on the pitch black, dead, open road.

“Fuck I’ve been so self centered! How about you Jax? What’s your story?” Eva enquired, nestling her head back into the swell of my back as the wind resistance intensified, along with my speed. I couldn’t help but chuckle while I rallied to form a plausible answer.

“Family ties, been a member of the Sons since I was 16. That’s all you need to know, for now.” I explained, trailing off softly at the end.

“Wow. Okay.” Eva replied happily, yet slightly deflated. She had made it way too obvious that she was expecting more of a response from me. A response that she was not going to get, come hell or high water. 

Around about an hour later, I finally pulled into my driveway. The neighborhood I lived on was eerily quiet, as I helped Eva off the bike, and onto my porch. I yawned softly, put the key in the door and then let her go on in ahead of me. Once inside, we quickly took up residence on my futon, cracked open a bottle of beer each, and afterword, fell asleep on top of each other.  What a day!