#lmao i am just feeling all the negative emotions right now but given that i spent like two hours at work

[keirawantstocry]

If you're up for prompts I have a quick little idea.

Fit and/or pac realizing they like tubbo, or tubbo realizing he likes fit and pac. I just crave poly morning crew tbh..

I have never tried the poly from anyon other then tubbo’s pov so for you beloved mutual i will try 

also it got away from me a little i didnt expect it to be this long LMAO

Fit knew he liked Pac. To be honest it took a really long time to come to terms with it but he knew. He knew he loved how strong the other man was, how capable yet kind. That damn smile that spread across his face like the sun rising across the horizon on an early morning. So yes it took a lot of getting used to, there was a lot to get over, a lot of fear left over from 2b2t, but he knew. He knew how he felt about his son. He loved his son and would die for him. It had taken him a while to warm up to him, attachments were hardwired in him to be a danger sign of weakness. He knew how he felt about nearly every single person on the island. What he wasn’t sure about was how he felt about Tubbo. 

Every moment they spent together was fun, whether that be something chill like hanging out or something absolutely batshit like running full force at mobs to get into fights for no reason. Tubbo had energy. Infectious energy. During their time together, Fit felt that energy seep into his own body until he was just as energized. It was infectious and made him happy in a way that made him mad. He was frustratingly aware that his emotions about it didn’t make any sense. Finally after an incident where his frustration got the best of him and he nearly snapped at Tubbo, he caved and went to Phil. 

“Hey Phil?” he called out as soon as he landed beside the waypoint. 

There was Phil, kneeling in the soft dirt planting another flower that Tallulah had probably given to him. “What’s up mate?” 

Fit plopped beside him heavily. “I’ve been… feeling a lot lately.” 

“About Pac?” Phil asked with a laugh, his eyes twinkling with mirth. 

“No. About Tubbo actually.” 

“Oh?” Phil asked, his eyebrows going up in surprise. He laid down his equipment, abandoning the flower for the time being to focus his attention on Fit. “What do you mean?” 

“I’ve… been getting really frustrated lately? Not mad at him, just frustrated when he’s around? I feel like,” Fit tried to desperately rack his brain for an explanation. “He gets under my skin. That grin he does to Sunny when he first sees her. That laugh he does that turns into a wheeze as he struggles to breathe? It makes my chest hurt. I don’t. I just don’t fucking get it. I love him. Why am I so bothered by little things?” 

Phil took a long moment to consider it while he brushed off his dirty hands on his pants. “Fit, can I be completely honest with you right now?” 

“Of course.” 

“Have you considered that he’s not getting under your skin in an upsetting way but that that’s the only way you know how to react?” 

Fit blinked at him. “What do you mean?” 

Phil sighed. “There’s different definitions of getting under your skin. They aren’t all negative.” 

“I mean,” Fit laughed. “What else could it be?” 

Fit felt like his entire world flipped on its head when a completely unexpected question escaped Phil’s lips. “Have you ever thought about kissing him?” 

Stunned silence stretched between them. Fit’s mind was racing and his jaw agape. Now that was all he could think about. Gently kissing that wide smile, feeling it against his mouth. Being the one who received that smile in the morning. Being the one who caused that laugh the most, brought out that joy in him. “Holy shit,” he said softly. 

Phil chuckled slightly. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” 

“Holy shit!” Fit said again as his world fell back into place, as everything started to make a little bit more sense. “I have to find Tubbo.” 

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

i had a nightmare, so naturally i wrote about some related to it lmao

My Pleasure | BFF!Levi Fluff

✧ word count ➼ > 950 ✧ notes ➼ fluff, bff!levi ✧ cw: mentions of gaslighting, mentions of invalidation

The breeze was pretty significant with how high up you were. If you looked under you, you could see the night lights. You weren't on that tall of a building, but it was high up enough that you were hidden from prying eyes. Your legs dangled off the edge of the building as you stared off into the distance, doing what little you could to regulate your mood.

Although your head was swirling with chaos, you wore a blank expression on your face. Your eyes seemed empty, and you had been masking for so long that it seemed like second nature at this point.

You didn't even remember what you were upset about, but all you remembered was that you were with your group of friends and had gotten upset about something. When you brought it up, instead of having a productive conversation, your friends decided to invalidate every other thing you were saying. You felt attacked and pushed away, and ended up deciding that the best thing to do was to shut up and mask.

"Haven't seen you here in a bit."

You heard a familiar voice and looked up, seeing probably the only friend you had right now that you didn't resent.

"Could say the same to you."

Levi took a seat next to you.

"Friends say you've been acting different."

You were looking down towards the street below you, holding your hands together as you twiddled your thumbs as a way of fidgeting. It was ironic that your friends even said anything, given how quick they were to push you aside.

You were upset and you couldn't deny that, but you felt you didn't have the right to be upset. You had internalized their beliefs that you were 100% in the wrong, and convinced yourself that any negative emotion you were having should just be pushed away and that you didn't need to bother anyone else with it.

"I'm fine."

"Bullshit," Levi said with a scoff. "Look at me."

After a few seconds of no response, he tutted in disapproval and shoved at your shoulder a bit.

"Look at me," he repeated.

You finally turned and lifted your gaze to meet his. You could see the deep level of concern in his eyes, and he was immediately able to see past your mask, and see the pain in yours.

"What happened?" he asked quietly.

His soft tone made you tempted to break down and cry on the spot, but you couldn't. You still felt like you weren't allowed to.

"...I got upset about something," you said after a long pause. "I don't even remember what it was to be honest, but they kept on insisting that what I was saying didn't happen..."

You trailed off, pausing for a few seconds before continuing quietly.

"...or that I was overreacting, or that I was being dramatic. It seemed like every other word that came out of my mouth was just getting shut down."

You emotionally withdrew from the situation as a method of protecting yourself. Levi was able to tell that immediately. It was a habit of yours that he had picked up from day one, and he couldn't blame you, as harmful as it was.

"I'm questioning if maybe they're right," you continued. "Maybe I am just seeing things that aren't actually there, feeling things that I have no right to feel-"

"Cut that out," he said sternly, cutting you off.

You immediately stopped talking and looked at him in confusion.

"Are you not hearing yourself?"

He sounded annoyed, but the look of concern in his eyes remained.

"You're allowed to feel how you feel," he said with a frown, as if he was astonished that you were even doubting yourself. "It doesn't matter what the fuck other people say happened or not, how you feel is how you feel and there's no changing that—and they're fucking idiots for trying to tell you otherwise."

You looked away, pondering over what he was trying to say.

"And they're assholes for trying to tell you that you're not allowed to feel a certain way or invalidating what it was that got you upset."

Your cheeks began to heat up as he spoke. As always, every word that came out of Levi's mouth hit you like a truck. The validation from him alone brought up something within you, although you couldn't tell exactly what it was. It made your heart pound and your entire body heat up. It was just the effect he had on you.

"...really wish more people were like you," you whispered.

"Yeah?" he said, glancing down at you.

"Yeah," you affirmed, looking down at the ground again. "Sorry for being a pain in the ass."

He shoved you again.

"Didn't I say to cut that out? Quit pitying yourself."

The pout returned on your face as you slightly stuck your bottom lip out.

"You're valid and allowed to have emotions or get upset over things. I don't give a shit what the rest of your friends say. They can fuck off for all I care."

You quickly found yourself leaning against him with your head resting on his shoulder. This wasn't a new occurrence and it provided you an oddly comforting feeling.

"Thanks for always being there," you mumbled as you shut your eyes.

It was always Levi that was there, no matter how shitty your situation was. If you were a little less distracted, you might have been more willing to explore whatever it was that was going on between the two of you, but neither of you were emotionally aware enough at the moment to do anything about it.

"...my pleasure."

#: @chaotic-on-main @romantichomicide95 @levisbrat25 @leviismybby @moonmalice @averysmolbear @cathybarn @tclbts @belovedackerman @bejewelledd @sad-darksoul @ackermendick @aomi04 @apolloshaiku @laraackerman @pulpolicia @raenacreates @nube55 @roseofdarknessblog @saenora @noctemys @sixpennydame @sleepyfairyxo @heichoucleanfreak @svftackerman @levis-squishy-cheeks @dumbfound-princess @deepzombieyouth @evas-leslas join my taglist!

[the-heart-of-a-monster]

Once again, I’m typing this out just minutes after seeing the new pages. Because I saw this singular sliver of pink on Sonic’s chest behind the text bubble and now I’m going g full Game Theory Mode.

(Don’t know how messy this is gonna be so bear with me please)

ALSO HAPPY NEW YEAR HOPE 2024 IS GOING WELL FOR YOU SO FAR!!!!

So! It’s uh… It’s been a while since Sonic last slept. I think the last time we saw him get any proper rest was before him and Shadow left for Holoska. We don’t know exactly how much time had past for them when they were in the cavern, but we can safely assume it was more than just 2 or 3 hours. They were most likely there for nearly ten, given the villager’s reaction to them returning. And then they immediately had to go fight Omega, or at least Sonic did, and that was a whole battle full of adrenaline and anger fueled by the previous fight between Sonic and Shadow. So by this point, I’m not surprised to see Sonic knocked out cold.

What I am shocked to see however, is that little teeny-tiny sliver of pink that I mentioned on Sonic’s chest… What’s even more intriguing is the fact that Sonic’s entire face is obscured by either the panel borders, or the text bubbles. This obviously and unfortunately means that Dark Gaia’s influence on Sonic is getting stronger and stronger by the day, and the hedgehog’s recent fights have had a huge impact. This also means Sonic can’t hide from his friends anymore, and he’ll likely be avoidant towards them altogether if he can.

Obviously though, this will only make things worse for him and Shadow since Sonic’s negative emotions are what is making the influence stronger. In this sense, Sonic is making himself dangerous, he’s turning himself into a weapon. This is actually making me think: What if Omega being influenced by Dark Gaia was just a test? Just a warning by Dark Gaia that showed Sonic what would happen if he fell too deep, if he succumbed too much. Omega lost his autonomy to the God of Sadness himself, so why can’t Sonic…?

ALSO OMEGA ISN’T DEAD YET LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YEEEEEAHHAHHAHAHHHHH THIS IS WORTH CELEBRATING I THINK 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

Oki ignoring that terrible yet seamless transition, let’s talk about Team Dark because they deserve some love right now in these trying times. (Istg you and 2 whole other people are keeping the Team Dark fans afloat) First up, Shadow because he’s been in more panels than I can count lmao

Shadow, as someone who can relate to Sonic to some extent, feels this giant weight whenever something bad happens to him. He feels all the pressure build up into one giant boulder that he’s struggling to carry, and if he doesn’t get help soon, that boulder will crush him. Of course, the Ultimate Lifeform doesn’t care about that, doesn’t care about anything but Sonic right now, because he’s going through something similar and it’s just too much for Shadow to see a reflection of himself in the very person he sought to destroy just a couple years prior-

But then the weight gets lifted. Just a little bit, just so much to make it only a little lighter. But it’s lifted regardless, and when Shadow turns he sees Rouge. The brains of the group. The one who brought Team Dark together in the first place. The one who only knew a fraction about Shadow’s past and yet stuck by his side anyway.

The only one who hasn’t been directly affected by Dark Gaia until now. (Except for Tails and Knuckles but we don’t care about them right now)

Sonic is not gonna be the same when he wakes up. He’s gonna look and feel completely different and he’s gonna be so confused and hurt and scared. But Shadow and Rouge and all his other friends are gonna be there for him when he needs them most, and that will be enough.

I wish I could say more on these pages because OMG THREE PAGES IN ONE UPDATE HUH EMERALD ARE YOU TRYING TO SPOIL US ARE YOU TRYING TO BUTTER UP TO US BECAUSE IT IS FRIGGIN WORKING. But with the new year comes a bunch of other thoughts that cloud your brain and there’s suddenly no more room for the really important things. Like anthropomorphic little animals that turn into bigger furries somehow and then harness the power of life itself to defeat villainy and then eat chili dogs for their every meal. Totally important, 100%.

Hope 2024 treats you well, and I personally cannot wAIT TO SEE SONIC IN HIS NEW GAIA FORM OMG OMG HE GONNA LOOK SO SPOOPY AND AWESOME AND HE’S GONNA BE SO INSECURE OOOOOOOOOOOOOO IM SO EXITED

YEEHAW wait until u see the other 3 new pages lol

[hamartia-grander]

Alrighty here’s mah lil ranty rant (But long, many apologies I dunno how I could shorten it)

Let’s start with Ada bc mommy- I mean mommy- I mean- (/j)

Ada Wong:

-So I see a lot of people trash Ada for the fact her personality seems to be more cold. She has distant she’s cruel (although she still seems to have lines she won’t cross, like with Wesker and the Las Plagas sample). I see people complain about that but I would like to make a hot take, here: it’s actually better. She’s a mercenary. She’s a gun for hire- her job has to be cold because she could be betraying her friends at any given second. In the older games, she was sort of just… I don’t know… A bit too human for the job, and the role in the story that she is meant to fill. I see people describing her as a Bella, and honestly, I strongly disagree. In fact, I would argue that the original was more of a Bella then the remakes. This is because all she was really there is for the generic “Ooh look pretty woman, bad ass eye candy” trope. I’m not saying that she didn’t have any depth as a character- I’m just saying that the remake gave her much more credit as a character, and made her much more interesting.

all right, moving onto the old man. (#1 Wesker hater over here I’m sorry I’m not sorry lol)

Albert Wesker:

-I know that I hate this guy, but even I have to appreciate that out of quite a few of the Weskers that have been made, this version is just better written. I see people complain that he is too angry and honestly, I disagree. The fact that he has a hidden anger, makes sense from a character perspective. And he’s getting increasingly more cheesed off at Spencer for obvious reasons. No wonder he’s pissed. Personally, I think the fact that they’re showing that he has emotions- he’s just learned to control them- is honestly much more compelling. I still hate the guy, but I can see where he’s coming from- in a twisted and a messed up way.

yeah. That’s it l. that’s all I got for him. I don’t really like him that much so he doesn’t deserve a whole essay like Ada imo. (Still like his character, though he’s very interesting.)

that’s my rant. Thanks for hearing me out -> I know this was ridiculously long. That’s why I asked permission first. I basically just wrote an entire essay in your asks and I am so sorry lmao

hjadsg no need to apologise. I may have to contest you for #1 wesker hater tho,,, 👀 I hate his guts too

BUT you're absolutely right the DLC added so much depth to their characters. and personally made wesker MORE hate-able to me personally because we just further see how messed up he is, to the point where even Ada - who has had to numb herself to the details of the job to survive - had visible negative reactions to his genocidal nonsense. I loved Lily's performance in the base game but she especially got to shine in the DLC, she absolutely nailed the cold look with emotion hidden underneath. Ada's cold exterior is her armour against her own emotions, she can't take a second to feel as that could be the second she dies, she doesn't have the luxury of emotional vulnerability; even though she does feel, she does care, she cannot afford to let herself. And little things like eye movements, lip twitches, subtle body language, and her inflections were all techniques Lily used to portray that tumultuous relationship between Ada and her feelings, and Lily did fucking amazing at it. Best Ada performance ever. Ada's never been allowed that depth before because she's always had to be palatable to the male audience :) so I'm glad she's finally getting it. And Wesker finally feels like a real villain, rather than just another power hungry white guy (which, he very much is, but now there's depth to it lol). Wesker's dialogue in the DLC is scary, and it makes the audience more aware of what exactly he believes and what his motives are. This DLC added so much to the base game that really drives it as my favourite RE game.

[shmowder]

Twyrin is a bop, it's like the Alone in the Town from Silent Hill 2 of Patho 2. When those sad clown noises kicked in in Haruspex Is All Alone... I really like that one.

My favorites from P2 are Useless Science (Victor + Yulia's houses), Deep Dreaming (Maria + Saburov's (I think?) houses), Childhood Grave (Nutshell), Doctor's Dead, and Mourning of the Gone (I have no idea when these two play), along with most of the Theodor Bastard tracks.

Love love love the contrast between yandere Yulia, Victor, and Aglaya. Your characterization feels right for all of them; they're so distinct from each other but I love em all <3

The meta elements of the game are something I haven't given much thought to and I hope they're explored more in P1! Like I know technically the game is a play - Aglaya, Mark, Tragedians will address you the player, everyone's an actor, but I know there's SO much more to it that I just kinda gloss over.

Finished P2 today!! It was great. I had stacks of leftover eggs. Big Vlad said I have the heart of a dove. I found Clara less annoying this time, hooray. The conversations you have with the kids on Day 10 😭💔 I remember the last few days being emotional but wow. Both of the main endings make me sad, as I'm sure they're supposed to. That being said, Diurnal 4ever. Now, onto the Marble Nest.

Did you know there are lizards carved in to the stair railings of the Broken Heart? It's cute because Peter Stamatin's animal is a monitor lizard :)

I'm not really in the Pathologic fandom either lmao. Just someone who likes x readers who also liked playing P2 and found your blog at the best possible time and now I may have a hyperfixation and I'm genuinely excited to play P1, wonky graphics and all :) I understand where you're coming from with not wanting to get canon, fanon, and your own opinions muddled up ^^

-

Competent reader who already is an established, independent person in the world! Ooh I can see why you're fixated on the sword one... I like the idea of a healer who works with the Dogheads. I'm fond of the cannon one, too. Generally reader who nebulously exists to be loved by [character] is my lifeblood, you know, just a projection of the idealized self or whatever. But when the reader really feels like a fully formed person - well, it might limit the projection possibilities but it allows you to better explore *why* the character is interested in them to begin with. <- Not meant to be negative btw, I'm just getting tired and forgetting how to craft sentences 😅

What you said about noticing your anons' style and reading between the lines to determine what they might like is so genuinely sweet I am just 🥹🥹 I'm so glad you think it's fun! Somehow you managed to read my mind with Mea Columba despite me not even telling you it was my request until you were done already but truly it was like that fic was beaming directly into my soul or something <33

Don't worry, I don't feel pressured ^^ Thank you, though, and same to you of course! I don't want you to feel pressured, either. I can see this becoming an endless circle of not wanting each other to feel pressured 😂

🐿️ anon

Oh useless science is absolutely amazing! I like pathologic's tendency to subtly poke fun at its own characters in the soundtrack or environment design. It's both cruel and so delicious.

I'm happy you enjoyed the Yandere HC! I tried to give each of them their distinct vibes. Yes they are characters who have a lot in common and call be grouped under the umbrella term of "seemingly cold and smart" but they are still so different.

Each of them holds contrasting principles, value different traits and views life and other people through contradicting lenses.

Aglaya searches for the meaning of life in every nook and cranny, takes all possible answers into consideration no matter how small.

Victor is part of something bigger than himself, bigger than humanity even and thinks the meaning of life should be shaped and scouplted.

While Yulia views it as more of a string of fate situations, life is simply a long series of coincidents. Reality branching with every decision you make and this thing called free-will is simply your mind coping with living in a reality out of your own control.

-

I'm lucky to have had someone like you stumble into my blog <3 You really do make the game more fun for me and I got to explore so many different sides and scenarios because of you. I enjoy these talks and hearing about your thoughts.

Woo congrats on finishing P2! Eggs are really the miracle of life aren't they? forget the polyhedron, it is the eggs which solved the famine! And omfg big vlad comment is kinda 👀 that man is really a romantic at heart isn't he.

And yes I do hope you'll enjoy P1! Once the wonky graphics become the new norm, you'll get as attached to them as P2 characters- God P1 Aspity makes me want to steal her out of the game and keep her safe in my pocket for eternity.

-

I didn't actually know about the lizards but once you mentioned it, I started seeing them everywhere! This is the bar stairs railing picture you attached:

But you also can notice a lizard in Andrey's concept art too! on the fan he's carrying around.

Andrey's symbolic animal is the shark so the lizard here is definitely meant just for Peter. You don't even find the lizard in Peter's own concept art, showing his loss of identity maybe? Or how Andrey's keeping his memory alive.

It is a little sad, how much more important Peter is to Andrey than the other way around. One will always care for the other more.

A lizard and a shark, how uniquely beautiful.

Talking about siblings, Capella has the butterfly while Vlad the younger has the bear. Maria has the cobra while Khan has the hedgehog.

-

Yeah, the more specific a reader gets, the less inclusive they become. However, sometimes that makes them even more popular amongst reader in a surprising turn.

Maybe because it builds a story better? Like they are still a blank state in some areas but giving them one gimmick makes them stand out and pull in people who wanted to see that gimmick explored.

Think of how much of an interesting dynamic a Doctor Reader would be with Daniil or an army general reader with Aglaya.

A kin reader with the Rubin or a bartender with Andrey. What if we just throw Daniil out the window and make the bachelor role a reader insert then have it be Reader x Victor or Reader x Artemy?

The detailed ideas I previously described started as simple concepts too, one gimmick, one trait and a blank state reader. Then I filled in the blanks the more I thought about it because it was fantasy for the sake of fantasy at the time.

If I ever turn them into legit readers I'd clean them up and remove some parts. Simplify their concepts as much as possible so there is room for other people to add in their own detials.

The dogheads reader started bc I wanted a character that carries a cool sword around and thought "hey khan likes sword maybe he will let them into the polyhedron" Then it spiraled into a noble knight reader who tries to remain chivalrous but prefers the past to the future unlike the utopians.

The herbbride x reader was because I wanted to smooch a herb bride pls let pls :"(((

A plague doctor reader who is actually equipped to deal with plagues and has the cool bird mask and everything rather than having Daniil improvise.

Detective reader is a favourite, they're more of a noir Detective and a drunk loser? Think Harry from Disco elysium but a younger version who is still more put together and eager to solve crime.

-

I'm happy you liked Mea Columba <33 I enjoyed writing it and exploring that side of Victor.

[crowlore]

complaining about tristamp under the cut so if you liked it just keep scrolling. it’s not going in any tags because this isn’t an invitation for discussion, just venting. i’m not pulling my punches with this and i am not looking for a rebuttal if you felt differently. warning: this will be a Very Long Read, and probably contain trimax spoilers. now that the boundary’s placed, let’s go.

this is gonna be pretty stream of consciousness, so i’ll type as i go and then double back to break up the walls of text for easier reading.

now. i’m very critical. i criticize the things i love, mostly out of love, because i want them to be better! so just keep that in mind whenever i talk shit about this show. i don’t like to post when angry, because i think i get a little too mean sometimes and have to walk it back a bit later, but my god. i can’t say i enjoy this as an adaptation, or retelling, or reboot, or what have you. it’s gorgeous, there’s clearly heart in it, but it’s just some incredibly sloppy narrative composition/pacing, blatant disregard for the emotional impact of the original by chopping it up and rearranging the pieces, watering down of the characters, like. this feels like lazy fanfiction.

it’s just like... maybe if i grab some things out of the discord server that i wrote when more level headed my point will come across better. this should cover my issues with the entire season as a whole, not just the finale (cause honestly...i haven’t been able to fully articulate my problems with it yet). to preface this, i DO have good things to say about stampede, and you’ll probably catch glimpses of it in some of these screenshots (i keep 99% of my discussions of trigun contained to the Greater Gamer Polycule in order to avoid internet strangers who think a differing opinion is invitation to debate someone). but we’re not here for praise. we’re here for criticism.

so, i had some speculations about the reworking of the timeline we were seeing in stampede, and now that the season is over i can concede that they really did waste an entire season of my time to set up trigun proper. i say wasted cause like. nothing happened lmao. we got hardly any real plot and ZERO character development. these people are not friends. it’s aggravatingly bad character writing. i originally thinking they were ‘remixing’ the plot because they did just move a bunch of mid/late game trimax plot points up into their drawn out prologue. it...does not sit right with me, because it makes these plot points, which were very impactful in the manga, feel unearned.

as you can see, it’s NOT that i’m close minded to the potential of the reboot on principle alone. i have found some joy in the (very rare) moments of levity, intentional or not, that we did get in stampede. but overall. you know. just some bad adaptational changes.

^ me explaining the concept of stampede to a friend thinking of looking into trigun for the first time, as secondary evidence that i don’t hate stampede at all, especially not on principle.

i had hope! i wanted to believe this would be a version of trigun i could love as sincerely as i loved the manga and 98 anime (we’re not gonna talk much about 98 in this post, because i recognize stampede as being more of a retelling of the manga, and my complaints today are centrally about the narrative structure, emotional tone, and characterizations of the cast, etc)

speaking of narrative structure! here’s one of the pitfalls i found in how stampede handled its pacing and character dynamics

more of what i had to say about the characterizations just being...off, alongside the mismanaged (imo) emotional tone and pacing of relationships. this example Does mention the 98 anime but was part of a larger discussion comparing all three versions of the story. overall we just don’t get to see these characters being given room to breathe and really get to get to know one another, have fun and bond on an adventure. and that consequently has a severe negative effect on the weight of their interactions the deeper we get into the show. these people just aren’t friends.

lucian’s gay ass summoning the horrors moment... but yeah. let’s lean into this topic actually. because i’ve had a LOT to say about how important vash and wolfwood’s relationship is for both their characters in the manga and how my knowledge of the manga and 98 anime has to do all the emotional heavy lifting for me to feel anything when watching their stampede iterations interact.

got a little mad about this one, huh!

to wrap things up here i’ll leave you with one of my longer rants from after episode 11

so. yeah. i’m like super mentally and emotionally drained after this finale.

[ilkkawhat]

first line, last 20

Guidelines: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20,  just list them all.) Choose your favorite opening line, tag some friends!

tagged by @nade2308​ (much appreciated 💜)

as with the last tag game, I’m not gonna tag anybody but if you want to do this feel free to say I tagged you. 

If it’s a multichap, I’ll post the first line from the most recent chapter. I’m also bending the rules and posting basically the first paragraph cause idk. I’m an asshole like that.

(and wow. haven’t written more than 20 all year)

1. Bleeding Love (Macgyver)

They find out in the sandbox.

Jack’s the first to realize it, though he doesn’t quite fully define it the first time Mac runs off going against direct orders. The Wunderkind is a magnet for danger even though in years to come he’ll be blamed as the danger prone one always slowing them down, but it’s when Mac finds himself cornered by four armed and dangerous criminals that he’s almost sent him home in a box sooner than the thirty-two days Jack had left at the time.

2. Every Breath You Take (CSI)

He has no time to recall the chainset of circumstances that led him to this moment. No time to think, really no time to even feel the assault on his body, and yet...he can.

Creaking plastic stretching across his face, trapping his screaming mouth in a suffocating muzzle that reeked of his hot breath. Condensing fogs and droplets daring to blind him more than his wildly burning eyes as his fingers claw at the invisible force pulling him back.

3. A Night That We Can’t Replace (CSI)

There are a lot of things that changed for Nick in the summer of 2005.

A burial that he’s still digging his way out of, his hands blindly reaching out for anything, anybody for him to grab onto with desperate fingers and a pounding heart that hasn’t stopped beating no matter how much damage was done to it.

Lucky for him, plenty of people were reaching for him, too.

4. Death by a Thousand Cuts - Ch. 2 (CSI)

There's no warning, not that there ever really is when disaster strikes.

No dark clouds swirling in the distance, no sense of finality in a season’s worth of cases told over twenty-two weeks.

It’s just an ordinary day.

5. Stranger in a Bar (CSI)

Nick’s sprawled out on his half of the booth, waiting with casually spread wings as he hawkishly observes Greg ordering their next round of drinks from the bar, leaning over the counter and even pointing out Nick’s favorite whiskey. He often doesn’t go for the top shelf but tonight he needs something with a bit of a bite.

6. You Take the Breath Right Out of Me (CSI)

“I don’t know man, it’s like Warrick was carrying the entire case. Felt like I was just a lowly CSI collecting evidence, and I couldn’t even do that right! Missed that...damn spot on the panties.”

7. Specimen Stokes - Ch. 10 (CSI) 

“Warrick, look, there’s just not enough evidence—”

“Not enough evidence? Jim, how is this not enough?”

Warrick points to the screenshots from the footage of what he feels is the most incriminating piece of evidence he has. Greg Sanders waltzing into the police department.

8. Body in Motion (CSI)

He’s missed this, the high coming off of solving a case.

The high coming off of being alive.

The high soaring far above ground.

9. Reversed (CSI)

“Nick.”

He could not move any faster as the anchors of his feet drag across the tile of an empty hallway. He’s leaving one home for another, no adventures in between. He’s tired.

Of so many things.

“Nick!”

He stops. He turns. He listens.

He owes Warrick at least that much for jumping off a cliff with him.

10. To Call for Hands of Above (CSI)

It doesn’t happen until they actually become “friends.”

Well, “friends” by Nick’s standards—and he had long been assuming that’s what they were all along, ever since the first day they worked a case together and discovered they had similar interests, similar tastes in humor, a similar spark in their eyes for justice and wanting to do their job and do it right.

But Warrick seemed to close off a bit of himself at first, which wasn’t apparent until something had endangered his heart.

Nick saw it coming.

11. Separate Ways (Macgyver)

There’s one reason and one reason only Jack and Mac would allow themselves to be apart for long times at long distances, and that reason was something that even all of the infinite science in Mac’s brain, all of the infinite wisdom in Jack’s heart couldn’t even explain.

12. Astray (CSI)

“Boy’s not even safe in his own bed.”

Nick breathes through his nose, his teeth grinding in a clenched jaw. His eyes haven’t left the boy’s body since they walked into the room, and his eyes don’t even meet Catherine as her voice grows more distant and disoriented.

13. Public Enemies, Private Lovers (CSI)

Having separate shifts may have been the best and worst thing to happen to Nick and Greg’s relationship.

Best in the way that it was easier to hide, after the lab had been remodeled and the walls to DNA were becoming more transparent, it was harder for Nick to hang around without attracting suspicion.

He still remembers the time Grissom caught him leisurely leaning against the counter, reeling a similarly laid back Greg towards him with a re-telling of a tale that he can’t quite remember.

All he remembers is the way he had caught Greg in his web and Greg didn’t seem eager to get out.

14. First Flight - Ch 2  (CSI)

Even though he thinks he’s ahead of the curve, his innocence shattered at an early enough age for him to get a glimpse outside the shelter of his youth, Parker Stokes will be the first to admit there is still a lot to life he doesn’t understand.

One of those things is his father’s love for flying.

15. What’s going to happen to me now? (CSI) 

“Let me out.”

He couldn’t say the words at the time. Could only choke out a literal cry for help, though there were plenty of words that his brain was firing—and missing—but those three words in particular were just some of the few pleading thoughts he had while he was still enclosed in a glass coffin—one that was ready to collapse at any given second—why didn’t they see that? Why did they all stand on top of it? Why didn’t they open it immediately just to give him some air, just brush the damn ants off, no extinguisher needed.

He didn’t understand why it took so long to get him out.

16. Goosebumps (CSI)

Working graveyard shift, it’s rare for them to get a chance to actually celebrate the nightlife that Las Vegas has to offer, let alone on a holiday such as New Year’s Eve that is the most celebrated night out of the three hundred and sixty five that occur within a year.

17. Fire Away (CSI) 

A splash of cold water gives him a quick refresh on his clammy, pale face but it’s not enough to pull him out of his state of shock that he’s denied being to everybody who’s placed their hand on his shoulder, asking if he’s okay.

The same shoulder with a pinched nerve that his head keeps...twitching towards.

18. Found - Ch. 2 (CSI)

He rubs his fingers against the temples of his forehead, brain on autopilot circling the same repeating numbers that appear in the ten-page long phone record. His eyes are straining and the edges of his periphery are stretching away so that he has to squint to keep focus. He wishes he had brought his glasses as a yawn escapes his lips. He’s also realizing just how hungry he is as his stomach grumbles, when a familiar voice completely breaks his waning concentration.

“Here, figured you might need a little snack while you do your homework.”

19. It’s Not Like Christmas At All (CSI)

It’s like there’s something infectious in the air, some cosmic force driving against him that was making this year far more difficult than ever before.

Around this time last year, the team was pulling names out of a hat. Making plans for a party in the break room to celebrate not just as a team, but as a family.

This year, there’s been no such talk and he was semi-reluctantly making plans to visit his real family in the Lonestar state.

The first year he’s gone since Warrick passed.

20. There is Just One Thing I Need (CSI)

The scents and tastes and general ambience of the holiday season seemed duller that year, for both of them. Last year they had ridden high on their first Christmas together, as a family, giving Parker the best first Christmas they could give their bundle of joy and feeling a true warmth in each other’s company for the first time since their first night of passion together.

But even Christmas in California could get so cold.

[pestiwit]

Guess who is back!

That’s right, it’s me! For real, thank you for your kindness about my unintended delay, I think I just needed a break while I focused on other things.

But anyways!! CATCHUP TIME

I love this, actually

He took the info he was given and found a GLARING LOOPHOLE to how the story worked, and took it.

He has been searching this whole time, and hasn’t found anyone, and he is stretching out his time.

He calls himself an unreliable narrator, which is indeed a storytelling choice... And I wonder if that’s why he calls himself a bad person. Because he considers himself UNRELIABLE.

HAHAHA SMITE LMAO

Put this on my tombstone I’m DYING

But she gets it. After all this, she understands

And she wants to know why he told her! I am curious too! Also what is up with the star!

Oh. Oh no. They are not safe here. Their little refuge is falling around them, as all safe bastions will eventually do in an apocalypse.

One last chance. Hero, our hero, is It. Which from a meta perspective makes sense. This is the story that is being TOLD. To us. A satisfying story is one with stakes, one with a real ending.

Would we be happy with a story told about a middle hero, one on the timeline who got very far but failed, and RGB promised “don’t worry. more will come after this one.” and walked off and that was the end for the audience?

I don’t personally think so.

I think, but giving us this snapshot view into a longer-running story, our viewership has cemented this as the climactic end. Fun!

Weird pull but I always love the end of the world shown as red and glowing like that. I drew a frame for a PMV that... was framed and colored similar to this. Funny how that goes, it’s really neat! Also love how the falling stars parallel actual world ending level events irl, like meteor or asteroid strikes.

Negative’s roses are on the top right on the wall. I think Hero on the Idea is a bit below that.

... He is crying. Our beloved emotionally constipated TV man is crying.

And so is Hero

And. RGB apologizes

I feel that this is a huge moment. He finally, finally says that. At the beginning, none of us could imagine him actually saying sorry but now he HAS. He has always cared, always been hurt by every failure no matter what he says. He’s an unreliable narrator, he puts on a cavalier attitude but that’s not the truth. It never has been. He’s always cared. And now... with nothing to lose emotions-wise... He allows himself to show it.

This time, if they fail, he will not be around to feel sad about it.

Also take this:

[quarthly]

Twilight characters as random animals that I think are oddly fitting

(Also yes, I am roasting the animals as well)

Edward: He would be a Cheetah. Now I know, seems like a cop out just because of his speed but hear me out. Cheetahs are, at face value, pretty cool. They used to be my favorite animal as a child, but then I grew up.

Cheetahs, through no fault of their own, are severely inbred. Now thats mainly because of poaching, but the cheetas anxiety also comes into play. In captivity, cheetahs are usually given emotional support dogs. I will admit it is cute but it negatively affects the population. Excluding one in the wild, cheetas can be to anxious to breed and thats not good for conservation efforts.

Cheetahs can hit up to 80 miles per hour in a couple of seconds. They are designed for fast running and agility. Their claws are similar to that of a dogs for better traction and they have elongated spines for longer strides. They have a thin build, long legs and a long tail for balance.

This has downsides though. Many times after making a kill, it will get stolen for them by larger predators. Thats right, they get absolutely bodied by the other animals. I should probably make these shorter but I'm on a rant now, so I guess this will be semi educational.

Throughout the series, we see Edward over estimated his abilities and value, constantly getting bodied by others. He's essentially a perfect mormon, though thats on S'meyers. He constantly judges others, dehumanizing them to their baser flaws, without doing any self reflecting. Him viewing himself as a monster doesn't really count to me. While he definitely hates himself, the only thing he is truly demonizing is being a vampire.

Bella: Picking up from Edwards, Bella is a Chocolate Labrador. Yes, she is his therapy dog. I feel like this is really fitting for her. I know Golden retriever would make more sense, as thats the most common breed for service animals. However, I kind of focused on her appearance. Only at first though! I just know that Edward raved about her human qualities and that would pass over as animals as well. Her chocolate eyes and brown fur, very average and boring. Thats essentially Bella. Even Edward wasn't into her until he got a wiff. Labradors a very loyal dogs and while they have more personality than Bella, I just couldn't shake it. Their also very stupid. Ok that's kind of mean, they're not stupid but when it comes to love, then yeah they are stupid.

I used to have a lab, loved him to death, but god he was something else. Very much danger prone, from their own stupidity or their lack of survival instincts. I know that labs are almost aquatic. They love water, swimming, all that jazz. We can just say that bella has a few screws loose in her dna and is just "not like other labs."

Rosalie: Now she was hard. There are quite a few animals that I think would fit for her. I'll list the other ones, but that one I went with is the Swan. Like Edward, seems a little on the nose, but I have my reasoning.

I was going to pick a predator for her, as she is shown to be very vengeful and viscous. I would have pick some type of cat, most likely a purebred, from a rich family. It could still work, but the swan just speaks to me on this one.

Swan's are known for being beautiful, graceful, and are pictured as the symbol of love. They are also very vain. Edward constantly brings up Rosalies vanity. She was constantly valued for her beauty as a human, so of course that crossed over in the transformation. She was raised to be married into wealth, she was used as a bargaining chip to increase the family's standing.

Rose has a very strong character and makes her opinions known. She's assertive and aggressive at times. She's not afraid to get dirty.

Swans mate for life and like geese, are known for being great parents. I was also going to choose geese as an option for the maternal instincts. I was wary at first because swans can be really aggressive. Like actually, you think geece are bad? Yikes bestie...

I was conflicted because swans are known for drowning dogs and sometimes people. However, I can actually see Rose drowning Bella. It's not that unbelievable lmao.

Emmett: Now this one is just ironic. I only associate him with bears. Its inevitable, but picking a Grizzly or Black bear is too obvious. So I went a slightly different route...

So I was going to pick the Sun bear just because of looks alone. Like, I'm not exaggerating, it looks like someone wearing a bear costume. I don't think it fits him but I know for a fact that he would dress up as a sun bear and sneak into a zoo to see if anyone would notice. I'll put a pic of it here

Like look at this thing. I have no words...

Anyway, what I picked was a Sloth Bear. Now Sloth bears are mostly nocturnal, which either way works consider vamps don't sleep. Their diet is also odd but honestly so is the cullens. They're native to the Indian subcontinent, and are known for being aggressive towards humans. Its said that for the most part they're pretty calm, so I think its just fear of humans that make them act aggressively. Honestly, that's a good thing because they are listed as vulnerable on the IUCN Red list.

They have some similarities with sloths, which is where they get the name. They have long claws and unusual teeth. They are known to hang upside down from tree branches, and is described as having a messy appearance. Honestly, Emmitt has a messy personality. Sorry bestie but you're a lot of work.

Now heres the biggest reason for choosing this bear. Aside from Baloo from the jungle book being a sloth bear, they are known to run fades with Tigers. Honestly, how fucking badass is that!? Now I don't think there are recorded instances of a Sloth bear killing a Tiger, but when push comes to shove, they can hold their own and I find that incredibly impressive.

Carlisle: This one was somehow the easiest as well as the toughest. I know Owl seems like the obvious choice, and I can see it. However, I believe Carlisle values emotional intelligence as much or if not more than academic intelligence. He is so charismatic and values other's above himself. He might not be as Saint like as Edward thinks, but he does try and I think he genuinely cares about others. For that reason alone, I choose a Elephant.

Elephant's are very social animals and are extremely intelligent. I could rave about them for ages, I love them so much.

Now elephants live in a familial unit and are usually matriarchal. Bulls usually are on the outer edges of the herd or form little groups with other males. Honestly, they're not that bad aside from when their in musk.

In the group of males, the elder ones will teach the younger where to get the best food, water, how to use things as tools, and every other thing that will increase their odds of survival. This is really cute to me tbh, they do this because the females usually choose the older males because they've proved that they are intelligent and strong, that they have survived and will continue to for awhile. Teaching the younger males these things are to make the odds of them getting chosen to mate more likely. The whole unit just reminds me of a father that has to deal with rowdy teens.

Carlisle likes to take in strays, he might not have a herd but he will make one and teach them to thrive. That's how he envisions it anyway. He just has a found family and is trying his best.

Esme: Now this might seem like an insult, but I promise it's not! This is in no way misogynistic. I love cattle and ever since I took animal science in highschool, I have appreciated these grass puppies like they deserve. Call me Castro because I love cows.

Yup! I chose a Cow for her. Specifically a beef cow. That might sound weird but its because beef cows have higher maternal instinct than dairy cows. I'm thinking Scottish Highland based on vibes alone.

They are nicknamed the Gentle Giants of Scotland. Super maternal and sweet and ugh look how cute they are!

Esme came from a abusive marriage and had just lost her child, she was depressed and desperate. Her changing was, in a way, salvation. She just fits in. She adopts all these strays along with him and will protect them to the death. She might be gentle by nature, but don't fuck with her family. She lost her first one and she isn't going to lose this one.

Alice: She's an odd one. There are so many possibilities and maybe I'm biased, but I feel like she would be a Crow.

Ok listen, I'm definitely biased but it just feels right. Crows get a bad rap, they are so cool! They are so intelligent and have the ability to actually sit and think about the past, prest, and future. I forget what its called, but this was only seem in humans! Maybe other apes, I can't remember exactly, but either way its awesome. They do live in groups, or murders, and remember people and faces. They remember locations and are able to pass down information through generations. They essentially have their own language! They are able to use tools too!

Alice's story is really sad. When we first meets her, it revolves around the death of her mother and her institutionalized. She was essentially tortured and forgot everything from her past. All she had was the future and even that wasn't constant. Crows a often viewed as omens, they are associated with death. I personally believe that instead of being the cause, they just know something is going to happen. They are very inquisitive and can be creative.

If you befriend a murder of crows, sometimes, depends or the group, they will bring gifts. Its can range from food to shiny metals and colorful plastic. Hell, I think I've seen a post of one stealing things from people just to gift it to their human.

Alice's love language is gifts. Even if they are focused around fashion, she still goes out of her way to get something that will look good and at least be a little comfortable. By that I mean she tends to forget peoples comfort zones, but she means well.

Jasper: Honestly not to sure what to put for him. I know a predator would be more fitting, but for some reason I can see a donkey working. I know, seems like I'm clowning on the confederate. Fair, but I'm serious about the donkey thing. Honestly, it would be perfect if it wasn't a herbivore. Porcupine would also work.

Being a predator would make more sense. Given his backstory and his characterization, it wouldn't make sense for him to be a prey animal. Usually I wouldn't count this, but given his gore filled past and trouble with the diet, it seemed fitting.

I see him as a Big Cat. Honestly, vamps in general just give cat vibes. Jasper though especially have some cat like qualities, which originates from hunting and being a soldier.

I specifically see him as a Mountain Lion. Aside from him being blonde, he just has the predatory stealth to him. In midnight sun, we see him use his gift to make the nomads overlook him. He's honestly really powerful.

Mountain lions are known for being stealthy with an air of grace and power to them. They are stong animals. And I mean strong. They can jump 40-45 feet.

They're very elusive and quite. They stalk their prey and tend to attack from behind but don't think they won't hold their ground if need be.

Jasper was changed during the Civil War and forced to fight in the Newborn wars. He was a soldier as a human and as a vampire. He's able to feel and manipulate others emotions. He's covered in scars and is very intimidating.

He still struggles with the diet and honestly I hate how the others handle it. Like they have no room to talk. I don't want to defend the confederate but it just pisses me off. He has to deal with his hunger on top of everyone else's. Like damn, besties always on edge! Everyone doubts him which I don't think helps any.

Also, Mountain lions and Cheetahs can purr!

@aquanova99 I'll do a Volturi one too. That one will be fun lmao

[queerlymasculine]

this is a really long post and I have yet to discover a way to put a read-more on posts while on mobile. RIP. I'll tag it as a long post, but that's the best I can do. mobile does have filtering, btw, so you can hide tags and content (including usernames btw) that you don't want to see, so blacklist "long post"

anyway

in tonight's edition of "growing up in fundamentalist Christianity was a deeply traumatic experience for me on top of the trauma I was already experiencing at the same time,"

I have realized once again why the way primarily cisgender heterosexual people talk about kink has never vibed with me.

fundamentalist Christianity is all about how pleasure is bad. if you feel pleasure, you are not doing enough. you are not a good person if you are feeling pleasure (or even if you're feeling calm and comfortable). suffering is the point. you should be suffering all the time. you should be uncomfortable. suffering is good. suffering is the right thing to do. if you are struggling and constantly telling yourself you're a bad person and constantly aware that you should be doing more, you're on the right track. but you're never a good person. everyone is fundamentally bad, and the best we can do is work insanely hard to be less-bad.

I'm not kidding. it sounds crazy because it is. it sounds unhealthy because it is.

and that's the narrative people have about submission. maybe suffering isn't the right word because I feel like at least 51% of people in kink understand that if you're playing with any kind of pain, you should be enjoying it at all times. I feel like most people think pain should be a fun time for you if you're going to do it.

maybe sacrifice is the better word. submission seems synonymous with sacrifice. submissives, it seems, give something up, and dominants gain. a submissive lacks, and a dominant has. people talk about it as though that is what submission -- maybe more specifically the type of submission that includes an aspect of service -- entails. that sacrifice is the core of submission.

and honestly I don't fuck with that, given the trauma I experienced. I can see in theory how one might enjoy that, I genuinely do. it's not for me, but that doesn't mean I don't understand what the appeal is.

but I don't fuck with it. I lived with that narrative for years, and it contributed to the other horrible things I was going through, and I'm over it, none for me thanks.

and yet, here I am, in a d/s relationship (intentionally not capitalized because I find the obsession with capitalization exhausting and demeaning), and here I am, with the desire to serve.

it should be noted that this desire to serve is exclusive to my owner and has grown organically in me. I didn't want this before I met hir, and I only want this with hir.

so, how do I make this make sense? how do I align my desire to serve with the fact I refuse to operate under a framework where discomfort, sacrifice, and suffering are expected of me?

because there's no obligation. there are no consequences if I don't want to or am not able to. I will receive the same praise and love, and I will be desired either way. there are no conditions on pleasure. hir pleasure is never more important than mine. pleasure can look different for each of us -- for example, sometimes it's pleasurable to orgasm, sometimes it's pleasurable not to -- but we both deserve and get pleasure from what we do.

when I think about performing acts of service for hir, it's a pleasurable thought and I have every reason to believe the experience in real life would feel the same way. I want to do them because I want to, which seems reductive, I'll grant you that. I want to do them because the idea of doing them brings me pleasure. the fact it will also bring hir pleasure is a beneficial side effect.

(obviously I wouldn't do them if ze didn't want me to. what I'm saying is that I don't feel compelled to do them because I believe I have to in order to please hir.)

i wouldn't want to do these things if I didn't feel safe. my desire to do them is one of the most pure feelings I experience. it's not complicated. I don't feel like I have to. I don't feel like I need to. I don't feel like it will make me a Better Submissive if I do them. I don't think wanting to serve makes me a Better Submissive than people who don't want to. it's just a thing I want to do because it is a way I can express how I feel about hir.

I wouldn't feel this way about someone who wanted me to do it or expected me to. I don't find acts of domestic-flavored service inherently rewarding, most likely because of the way I was raised and the society in which we live. doing these things requires a lot from me, and when it's expected, the emotional payoff is never enough to justify the cost incurred.

ze doesn't expect it. even when I express certain desires, ze never holds me to them, ze never expects me to want to do the same things every time we play. the lack of expectation and concurrent lack of punitive response -- not just lack of discipline play but also that ze never reacts negatively when I express my needs, ze never gets angry or frustrated with me, etc -- makes me feel safe.

ze is a really good person, and I'm not just saying that in the same way that people always say the person they love is a good person. ze is like.......... a really good person. I've only ever met a handful of other people who are good like this. ze is the kind of person who is so good that you kinda can't trust it at first because you're like, "okay nobody is actually that good. nobody is actually that kind and good and patient and smart and loving and genuine."

but like.... ze actually is like that.

and I just, the way I feel about hir, I don't know how to express it in a different way. there aren't other ways to express this facet of it. there certainly aren't words for it. this is the only way that can properly communicate it.

I just want to serve hir because that's the way I feel about hir and because I feel that ze deserves it. I don't think any of the random doms on here deserve it from me because I know I'm better than them. they're not good enough for me.

but ze is good enough for me. that is why ze gets to play under this framework with me. ze is kind and good and loving and gentle and soft, and I deserve that. similarly, I'm kind and gentle and loving and supportive and able to be honest about my needs, and ze deserves a partner and submissive with those qualities.

and I believe ze deserves the kind of devotion I have for hir. I believe ze deserves the way I feel about hir.

so it doesn't feel like a sacrifice. nothing about being hirs feels like I'm giving anything up. I genuinely see everything we do as me getting something. there's no loss or sacrifice at all. other people might look at what we do and view it with that lens, but their interpretation would be wrong.

to me, kink is just an umbrella of different ways to experience pleasure. it's a choose your own adventure thing with a wide range of options. the only two mandatory requirements are enthusiastic consent and safety, both physical and emotional.

kink should just be a nice time that you enjoy with people you like and trust. it shouldn't be boring or a chore. it should be fun and fulfilling. it shouldn't be sacrifice. there shouldn't be a price.

I want to serve because it feels good, that's all. I will only serve when it feels good. that's how it works for me. I might enjoy something right now and do it, but if tomorrow it doesn't feel good, I don't do it tomorrow.

and for me, I don't mess with extra steps. if it doesn't feel uncomplicatedly good, then I'm not going to do it. I don't have anything to prove. if a dominant needs a submissive to Prove™️ they are the dominant's submissive, I am not the partner for them and they are not the dominant for me.

my time is valuable, people. I don't waste it on shit I don't have to. if I choose to share my free time with you, it's because I want to, and I don't respect people who feel entitled to more than what I want to give them.

this is a good example of why I choose to be with my owner -- I have literally said the words "I want you to feel entitled to me" to hir lmao. ze has never acted like ze feels entitled to my time or attention. that tells me ze respects me and that ze believes my time and attention have value because decent people don't just go around expecting valuable things for free.

I know ze respects me. so I want hir to feel entitled to me because I want to be hirs and I want hir to feel that I belong to hir. I want to know ze feels and understands how I feel.

i don't personally see the benefit of living under a narrative of sacrifice. I tried it, and it fucked me up. I work with a narrative of pleasure and wanting to serve my owner is a product of that narrative. it is pleasurable to serve hir. it is exclusively pleasurable. it's healing, too. it is healing to adore someone this way and to be adored in return. it is healing to want to serve someone deserves it and who appreciates the entirety of it. it is healing to be this safe.

idk what the point of this post is, other than lacetop is great and you really can just do the parts of kink that are fun for you and forget the rest.

[theoi-crow]

This isn't an ask, but I wanted to share some Ares positivity with you! Last night, I was woken up at literally 3 in the morning and was honestly annoyed because it kept happening, but I felt suddenly compelled to do a tarot reading, so I dragged my drowsy ass out of bed and made my way over to my tarot decks. I felt a very strong masculine presence/energy that was, like, all around me; it's kind of hard to describe, but it was almost like someone was embracing me or watching very closely over my shoulder to see what I was doing. At the time, I was too tired to really recognize who it was, but looking back, it was definitely Ares lmao, which was actually really comforting because I've had very few interactions with him, despite establishing a new connection with him. It was also really comforting because when I first began worshipping him, I felt bad because I kept having nightmares where he'd be in it. It was linked directly to my trauma with father figures, so it's not like it doesn't make sense, but I always felt bad because I actually really love Ares and think he's super cool. I've heard so many good things about him and had really good experiences with him during our few previous encounters, so whenever I'd have one of those nightmares, I'd kind of bear myself up for it, since he already gets an unwarranted reputation due to his surviving myths (the more negatively framed ones, I mean).

Anyway, it was nice to have such a strong, guiding, comforting presence with me as I did my readings. I did a total of four, but I'm only gonna mention three. The first was just a free reading, letting the cards say whatever they needed to say, and basically, the person trying to communicate with me (presumably Ares lol) was telling me that I'm finally on the right track towards trauma recovery! You have no idea how big of a deal this was for me, as I've been struggling for a few years now to get on the right course, but whenever I tried focusing on recovery and on myself, another super traumatic event would occur. It was like an endless cycle, but this reading was reassuring me that the cycle has been officially broken! I legit almost cried, and if I hadn't been so sleepy, I probably would have.

The second reading was telling me that the next reading would give me information that'd help me avoid some kind of emotional/mental disaster. It said that I'll take the information I've been given and apply it, and it reassured me that I was going to be ok. It told me to trust in my Gods and my supports, which was something I needed to hear, and even suggested I'd be better off in my life moving forward. It was very positive and reassuring to hear that!

The last reading I'll mention was me asking for specific advice on a situation where a crush revealed their feelings to me, and I don't feel the same. I was feeling really conflicted because they gave me bad vibes but I thought I was just being paranoid or something and was being too harsh, since this isn't really someone I know well. Well, the first four cards straight up confirmed that my intuition was correct and that if I got into a relationship with this person, it would end very poorly for me. It told me that it'd be a new trauma for me, so obviously I wanted to avoid that. I asked how to avoid the situation, and the first few cards reassured me that I was already on the path I needed to be on to avoid this but that they just wanted to stress the importance of distancing myself from this person. It then gave me a really detailed plan of action on how to go about resolving the issue while causing the least amount of drama possible. It was so reassuring to have a plan and really made me feel protected, heard, and looked out for. I was very grateful for that reading because it made me feel so much better about the whole situation, especially because this person follows the same gods that I do. I was really scared my gods would be upset with me for not wanting to be around them.

I'm certain that Ares is the one who delivered these messages to me, and I'm honestly so happy that he did. I feel a lot more comfortable approaching him now because I was really nervous that he resented me or something for the nightmares I was having or because I owe him some offerings for his help. I'm truly so grateful that Ares woke me up at 3 am because I'd be in a lot worse of a mood if he hadn't. Area is literally the best, and I'm so happy to finally be working with and worshipping him. ❤️

That was definitively Ares!

[fangirlandiknowit101]

30 BTS writer asks: 1, 12 + 18? ❤️🌻

Almost forgot to add - thanks for asking<33333

1. What was the first fandom and/or pairing that you wrote fic for?

Unsurprisingly, it was for Naruto and Sasuke/Naruto. You can still read it in all its glory, even on ao3 lmao. Might be hard to believe but that fic (Unsuspicious title, don't ask why it's called that I have no explanations) is really the absolute first thing I wrote that counts as a fanfic. I didn't write about other people's fictional characters before that. I didn't really write much outside of school at all, not sure how I lived my life tbh...

12. Is there a trope you haven’t written yet but really want to?

I answered earlier that I want to write a horse rider au at some point, but what I'd also like is to write a real enemies to lovers fic. Like, actual enemies. But it might be too angsty, so who knows if I'll ever make it lol.

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

Aah you guys really want that commentary don't you... maybe one day I'll release a version of tswm with director's commentary for the whole thing hahahahaha (jk I'd never have time to do that)

But alright, I'm gonna take the opportunity to comment on another scene in tswm that I definitely this deserves it, it's the reunion scene between Naruto and Sasuke in chapter 49! I hesitated to pick this one bc it's so long and emotional, and also I don't want to add any accidental spoilers... but oh well. Here we go!

[My comments will be in bold text, this starts almost at the beginning of the chapter, right when Sasuke meets Naruto in Kaguya's place.]

He reached out with a hand, the bright light reflecting in the half-moon in his palm. It glowed, and just like that, his hand wrapped around another’s.

Naruto.

He sucked in a breath, lungs desperate for air. Naruto stood before him, chest heaving, hand clutching Sasuke’s so hard he feared it might break.

Their shared beat rang loud in his ears, eyes wide as they drank each other in. The darkness had given way to white, fuzzy light, their bodies floating, suspended in air.

“Sasuke,” Naruto whispered, as if afraid to drown out the sound of their connection.

Honestly, I tried my best to make it as painful as possible. That's all I wanted lol. At first I had no idea how to write this scene, but then I just got a feeling and tried to write it in words.

There was no hiding in this place. It was similar to that strange place that seemed to exist between them when they fought, blows connecting, hearts open. Between one breath and the next, it would be gone, their shared hearts lingering long after.

Nothing more poetic than that special place Kishimoto created for them when they exchange blows... extremely gay.

Here, there was only the two of them, the heat of their bodies as Naruto reached for his face.

“Am I dreaming?” Naruto wondered, fingers stroking along Sasuke’s cheekbone. “You look so real…”

They sank down, slowly, until their feet touched solid white. He shivered, the tips of Naruto’s fingers touching his chin, his mouth.

“It could be a dream,” Sasuke said quietly, exhaling as Naruto came closer.

“I can feel your heart,” Naruto murmured, his forehead coming to rest against Sasuke’s temple. “I missed you so much.”

Images flashed before Sasuke’s eyes, impressions of the world from Naruto’s perspective. Menma as the kyuubi. Kakashi, entering through a window. Iruka, hand gentle as he reached over the table.

Sakura, pain drawing her face tight. A mountain of paperwork. Snippets of conversation. The overwhelming pain of loneliness, like walls closing in on him.

He puzzled together enough pieces to make sense of the days since they separated.

Must be convenient to just read each other's minds... I should stop making fun of my own writing. But anyway, I felt very clever when I realized I could skip explanations between them and just let them see each other's memories of the past few days. I think it fits that they could see it through the other person's eyes, all the emotions too. Especially how painful it was for Naruto and how much he was trying to keep it together in front of his friends, and still failing. It gives Sasuke a better understanding of what would have happened if he'd decided to leave after one year passed (and I'm still bitter at Kishimoto for doing that in canon.)

“Naruto,” he sighed, lifting a hand to sift through soft strands of hair, closing his eyes as Naruto pressed into him.

Hearts bared, he felt Naruto’s desperate longing as his own. It mirrored his own pain, the aching emptiness filling his chest. Little by little, the cold was pushed away by warmth, Naruto’s mouth touching his cheek, his jaw, his throat. It burned against his skin, each point of contact erupting into tendrils of heat that seeped into his body.

“I didn’t know what to do,” Naruto confessed, lips shaping the words onto Sasuke’s throat. “I couldn’t go back to you, I-“

Sasuke turned his head, capturing his mouth. The words were lost between their lips, swallowed by the sudden surge of need. Naruto’s arm wrapped around his neck, keeping him in place. A fever caught him, leaving him dizzy and faint. He felt emotions between them like a physical caress, like they swirled in and out of their bodies, like a strong wind playing with fallen leaves.

Pain. Longing. Fear.

Happiness. Comfort. Love.

Naruto kissed him like he’d die if they stopped. He might, for all Sasuke knew.

Don't mind me, I was just crying buckets as I wrote this.

Their hands were still clasped tight, their palms pressed together, keeping their marks in contact. Teeth dug into his lower lip, but he could barely feel the pain over the onslaught of emotion. It was overwhelming, to share Naruto’s heart so fully. Was this how Naruto had felt, when Sasuke had touched him by accident? When Sasuke had shared too much of himself, and Naruto had been unable to give him the same in return.

I think it actually wasn't as overwhelming for Naruto when Sasuke accidentally touched him. This place that Kaguya controls just amplifies things a lot.

No such restraints now.

Their souls were on fire, like chakra flames billowing around their bodies. It was too much to make sense of, and yet it felt as if they’d always been this close, always been one and the same. Naruto fit inside him like a key, like Sasuke was now unlocked, his body no longer keeping him prisoner.

“Naruto,” he breathed out, over and over again, every nerve ending alight as they held each other.

I was listening to this song called Heat Up by Giant Rooks as I wrote this (that's where the chapter title comes from and honestly the lyrics are just *chef's kiss*) and I really tried to use as much metaphor as I could, idk if that makes it sound boring haha but for once I was definitely thinking very hard about every single sentence. And I tried to make it as "alive" as I could, so you'd feel it rather than have it described to you.

An eternity later they calmed down, mouths sliding lazily over each other, heartbeats finally finding their shared rhythm. Their foreheads pressed together, Sasuke’s eyes fluttering open to meet deep blue, their usual strength faded into self-doubt.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, running his fingers through Naruto’s hair, thumb tracing the shell of his ear. “Don’t hide from me, not here.”

Aww look at Sasuke, so in tune with his emotions. He really is an all or nothing kind of guy. If they already share everything in this place, there's no point in having secrets. Besides, his worst fear is Naruto losing confidence because of something he said or did.

Naruto let out a sharp breath, lifting their clasped hands between their chests.

“I missed you,” he said again, eyes closing in pain. “I’m so happy you’ve been okay.”

So much pain. Sasuke struggled to make sense of it, so much of it reflected inwards, towards Naruto himself. He could understand the longing, the absence of him like a gaping hole. It mirrored his own pain, pain he’d locked inside his heart within a steel cage. It flowed freely now, wrapping around Naruto’s in recognition.

But the rest… Naruto let out a sob, and yet he was smiling. Sasuke pressed another kiss to his lips, unsure of what to say.

I know Naruto did that whole waterfall thing where he embraced his evil side and totally let go of all his negative energy... But you can't tell me he's 100% okay and only happy and never feels pain. When will Konoha start offering therapy... Jokes aside, at this moment in time Naruto is so conflicted. The whole time he's been worried about Sasuke leaving him, and telling himself that Sasuke would be happier in the other dimension, and that logically he should let Sasuke stay, but he absolutely doesn't want Sasuke to leave him. It's the most selfish thing he's ever felt, I think, this need to have Sasuke by his side. And he's got so much on his shoulders, just piling up, everyone relying on him to somehow magically fix the world. And he's afraid of failing, of acknowledging to himself that there are parts of him that aren't ready to shoulder this burden, that he's still hurting, that there's still a part of him that could have become like Menma. He's supposed to be completely selfless but he isn't, and he thinks of that as a character flaw, a personal failure. And that's kind of where his resolution to not become hokage comes from. Because he doesn't think he can remove this selfish parts of him, and so maybe he should embrace them instead.

“Sasuke, it’s so strange…” Naruto started, his words slow, carefully chosen. “You understand Charasuke so well, but Menma… I can’t accept him. And now I realize, he shows the ugliest parts of me. The parts that I’m afraid of.”

They both leaned back a little, to see each other’s faces. Light played over Naruto’s features, blurring him at the edges. Sasuke cupped his cheek, tilting his chin up so that their eyes met. Now that he knew what to look for, he could feel Naruto’s fear.

“It’s always there,” Naruto confessed, raw honesty in his voice. “The fear of losing you. The fear of not being strong enough. The fear of becoming hokage, and failing.”

Sasuke opened his mouth to say something, to reassure him, but Naruto shook his head quickly.

Sasuke, on the other hand, he never held himself up to be a good person. He's well aware that he has weaknesses, that he's putting up walls so he won't have to deal with emotions and stuff. But he does believe (a bit blindly) in Naruto, I think. Even though he thinks Naruto won't succeed, it's not because of anything that Naruto does or fails to do. He thinks it's because the world won't follow him, that Konoha isn't capable of change. But he never thought that Naruto would actually give up or have these kinds of doubts.

“Let me say this. I didn’t understand it at first. Menma always rubbed me the wrong way. I know you don’t like him either, but for me… It’s like looking at myself and knowing I gave up.”

He drew in a deep breath, his fingers trembling around Sasuke’s.

“And now, here, I can’t avoid that fear. Because all of it… all of it is for you, Sasuke.” He swallowed, and through the fear, Sasuke saw his determination. “You asked me, if there’s any room in my head for anyone but you. And there isn’t.”

Naruto's brain is 99% Sasuke and 1% ramen, that's just fact. That aside, this might be one of my favorite quotes in the fic.

Frowning, Sasuke bit the inside of his cheek to stay silent. Naruto was working up to something, he could tell, and part of him couldn’t help but think it would end the two of them.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Naruto said, drawing the pad of his thumb over Sasuke’s eyebrow, the touch equal parts reassuring and painful. “I can hear your thoughts, you know. Do you really believe that I would choose anything else over you?”

A lie caught on Sasuke’s tongue. He didn’t want to believe it, but what place did he have by Naruto’s side? How could he be all that Naruto wanted him, needed him, to be? How could he be someone that others would accept walking by his side?

Oh, Sasuke. Always so ready for Naruto to cast him aside. He doesn't want to stand in the way of Naruto's dreams *wipes tear*

“I don’t believe that you would want to,” he replied, eventually. “But maybe you should.”

They stood for a long time, looking at each other. Sasuke felt torn in two directions. He wanted to tell Naruto to never leave him. He wanted to say that he’d accept anything. That he’d remove himself from Naruto’s presence to make the choice for him. That he couldn’t, wouldn’t, stand between Naruto and his dreams.

That he’d known, all along, that the other dimension was only a dream. An impossibility. That he accepted this, and wouldn’t resent Naruto for choosing the village over him.

I think the difference between Naruto and Sasuke here, is that even though they both think the other should maybe leave them for better things, Naruto is much less ready to actually give Sasuke up. Sasuke is more of the martyr type lol.

“You deserve me,” Naruto said, voice dark with conviction. “Don’t you dare think otherwise. Don’t you understand? If you saw what I’ve been doing the past days…”

Naruto lifted their joined hands higher, shifted his grip until he held Sasuke’s palm open in front of himself.

“I thought only of you. I cared only about you. What good is the village to me, if you’re not there?”

His heart felt too heavy in his chest. Naruto’s words rang through his ears, the implication behind them ensnaring his heart until Naruto held it in his hand, too.

“I don’t want any of it, if you’re not with me.”

Sasuke lowered his eyes. He couldn’t allow himself to give in. He’d already given so much, and although he knew that Naruto would have this, too, it was too much in this moment.

“Sasuke… When are you going to recognize that you’re a good person? That even if our relationship hadn’t changed like this, I’d still need you beside me?”

I wanted to write this part so badly... To make Naruto tell Sasuke that he's a good person. That Naruto thinks so, at least. It's one of the first things I thought of for this scene. Not that Sasuke agrees haha.

“Me, a good person?” Sasuke raised his eyebrows, meeting Naruto’s gaze again. He recognized the stubborn glint in Naruto’s eyes, and sighed. “Even if that was true, you’re smart enough to know it’s not enough.”

Slowly, Naruto pulled his hand closer, his grip turning gentle. Sasuke caught himself holding his breath, as Naruto’s lips connected with the mark on his palm.

“You still don’t understand,” Naruto murmured, the movement of his lips tickling Sasuke’s skin. “The past few days, what have you been doing? Caring for the children, when I wasn’t there to do it. Putting Charasuke before yourself, comforting him in the ways he needed you to. Holding yourself together. Trusting me to come back.”

This is where we acknowledge exactly how much Sasuke has changed. Naruto spent the days apart thinking only of Sasuke, even to the point where he was neglecting his friends and duties. Sasuke, on the other hand, stepped up to fill the role he thought Naruto left behind, hiding his pain behind helping others. Ultimately trusting Naruto to hold his promise to come back. Also, I just want them to be soft with each other T_T

Staring at him, Sasuke’s breath caught in his chest at the swell of pride Naruto felt for him. Was it true, that he had changed so much? In Naruto’s eyes, he had. It was startling, to realize how Naruto thought of him. But Naruto had changed too, he thought. They had grown closer, in a way he didn’t think they could have in their own Konoha.

“I think Charasuke is a bit like you,” Sasuke said, lips twitching upwards at Naruto’s affronted look. “He needs physical comfort. I don’t mind giving it to you, and I guess I don’t mind giving it to him either. You both tend to do whatever you feel like, anyway.”

“You used to mind.” Naruto looked serious, reaching out to touch Sasuke’s mouth as if to prove his point. “Suddenly, you didn’t.”

The smile slipped from Sasuke’s lips. Naruto was right. A few weeks ago, he did push Charasuke out of the window. To be fair, Charasuke hadn’t liked him much back then, either, and the circumstances had been very different. He did understand him better now. If Menma represented Naruto’s fears, Charasuke represented everything Sasuke wanted in life. But Charasuke didn’t have Naruto, didn’t have Menma with him either, and maybe that was why Sasuke wanted to be there for him. His connection with Naruto was precious to him, had kept him going, had kept him questioning himself even in his worst moments of darkness. Had given him a reason not to give up on a life that wasn’t filled with pain and hatred.

Naruto made it worth it to change. Was he hoping to help Charasuke change, too?

Spoiler alert... yes you were, Sas.

Perhaps Kaguya had something to do with it, but maybe, even without her influence, he would have reached this point anyway if given enough time. Time they didn’t have back home. It surprised him to realize that Naruto had thought of this already. That he felt selfish for wanting Sasuke to go back with him, when he knew it would be painful.

“You minded when I touched you, too,” Naruto added, as a reminder that they were talking about the two of them.

“I didn’t.” It was easy to confess. “I couldn’t allow myself to accept it, but I never minded. And now…”

Even if Naruto could read most of his thoughts in this space, it was difficult to say the words.

“I was afraid to have more of you. I still am.  Because I know they’ll never accept it.”

Sasuke vs homophobia :( Can't really kill that with a sword. Sasuke was definitely in love with him before they went to the RTN dimension, he'd just buried it so deep that he had no idea it was there or what it was. If you separate love from attraction it's not really gay, is it? (It is)

Naruto kissed him again, desperately. There were so many thoughts swirling between them, a mess of images and emotions overshadowed by the overwhelming fear of losing each other.

Naruto’s guilt, for not being able to reach Menma like Sasuke reached Charasuke. Their worry for each other. The frustration of being forced to wait. Sasuke’s slow realization of how much Naruto meant to him. How much his family meant to him, even a different version of them.

“I can’t be without you again,” Naruto said, swallowing thickly. “There’s so much I want to say and I don’t know how.”

“I’m here,” Sasuke promised. “Any way you want me to be.”

Even though it hurt, knowing the struggle that lay ahead of them, how Naruto had struggled only the past few days.

He wasn’t sure when he’d closed his eyes, but Naruto’s hands holding his face between them made him open them again. His expression was serious, almost solemn.

“I think you’d be happier if you stayed there,” Naruto whispered, searching his eyes. “You can’t deny it. I know they’d take care of you, and I can tell that your bond with your family is important to you. In a different way than ours, but still. I’d forgive you, if you chose them.”

Stop sacrificing yourself, Naruto. I don't like it.

“How could you say that?” Sasuke grabbed Naruto’s wrists, glaring at him. “Even after everything you said about how you can’t be without me, how you’d never choose anything over me, and you still think I would leave you? Even when you can feel my heart, you think I won’t choose you no matter what?”

Sasuke calling him out, as he should.

He knocked their foreheads together, tightening his grip.

“You think I’d choose happiness over you?”

How could he be happy, if Naruto wasn’t there with him? It wasn’t even an option. He cared about Charasuke, that was true. And the other version of Itachi, of Shisui, his family… Even the Sakura of that world. But how could they compare? Losing Charasuke would hurt, but it wouldn’t rip his soul apart. Staying with them would be a life, but it wouldn’t be living. How could Naruto think of himself as selfish, and still be so incredibly selfless when it came to Sasuke? What was he supposed to do, to make Naruto trust him once and for all?

“If I deserve you, why wouldn’t you deserve me in turn?”

Naruto didn’t have an answer to that. Sasuke hadn’t expected him to, and he felt him struggle with the concept. Naruto’s hero complex wasn’t doing either of them any good.

Like, I personally don't like the concept of anyone deserving love or not deserving it. Love is something you give, freely, regardless of how society values the other person. The love you give isn't less worth depending on the person receiving it. But I think the both of them are so traumatized that they need to make peace with this concept. They kind of need to be told - yes, you do deserve love, and I will give it to you. Naruto's hero complex is like... we don't have time to unpack all of that.

“You want to do this the hard way?” Sasuke continued, tone sharp. “I’ll do it with you. I don’t think you’ll succeed but I’ll do it.”

He gathered up all his resolve, all his conviction, pushed aside his own reservations.

“Saying you’ll forgive me… that’s a lie. You wouldn’t. You never would. And I wouldn’t want you to, anyway. If you wanted me by your side and I couldn’t do it, you’d be right to hate me.”

“I could never hate you.”

“Then I’d hate myself.”

Bearing each other's burdens and all that...

Naruto made a face, as if to disagree, but Sasuke felt him smile despite the topic of their conversation.

“What kind of role reversal is this,” he muttered, pressing his thumbs into Sasuke’s cheeks childishly. “I don’t even know why I’m arguing about it.”

“Because you love me.”

They stared at each other. Naruto’s eyes widened in shock, but Sasuke held his ground. What was the point in pretending anything else? It all made sense like this, and perhaps deep down Sasuke had always suspected it, even before he returned to Konoha.

“Y-you can’t just say it out loud!” Naruto spluttered, slapping his hands onto his own face instead, hiding behind them with a groan. “Stop being so smug about it!”

Me, while I wrote this: Yeah, you can't just say that out loud! The pain of being perceived. I am suffering with Naruto.

“I won the argument, didn’t I?”

“Ugh, shut up!”

Feeling lighter, Sasuke wrapped his arms around Naruto, leaning his cheek against the top of his head, Naruto burying his nose in his neck. He’d deny it when they were back in reality, but he could feel that Naruto wanted the body contact, and he was unable to resist it. It didn’t take long for Naruto to calm down, releasing a huff into Sasuke’s neck.

“Maybe we can just stay in this place forever,” he said, sneaking his arms around Sasuke’s back.

“You’d miss ramen too much.”

If an emotional scene doesn't end with a joke, what are you even doing with your life. But writing them hug was like, releasing so many endorphins. I'm weak to it.

It was strange, to talk and immediately feel every thought behind the words, every emotion on full display. Naruto’s amusement radiated off him, and it was his turn to feel a little smug as he concentrated on everything that Sasuke felt for him.

When Naruto started imagining long days spent in bed, Sasuke rolled his eyes and decided they’d been emotional enough for the time being.

Sasuke like, I can accept the lovey-dovey stuff, but I draw a thick line in front of the bedroom door. He's got some work left to do lol.

Idk if any of this made any sense but... there you have it!

[sunkissedchldrecon]

Hello 🌸 First of all, thank you so much for such a detailed reading. It's length is chef's kiss. To be very straight every single detail resonated like even the songs I could make out the events that would happen with me through the lyrics. You are such a good reader.

from this, i gather that there is something for you in the entertainment industry.

Exactly... I feel the same way. It is like when I was a kid I asked my father if I could go in acting and singing and dancing. He did scold me very bad. So, I has a little disheartened and I left the dream. But after like 8 to 9 years I again want to be in entertainment field. But this time I am mature enough to understand what I am getting myself into. I specifically want to go in singing but a lil bit of acting won't harm.

there's a call for creation as you could bring innovation to whatever field you go into; you will be inspiring others in and out of the industry.

I was told the exact same thing by my friend as she is good in astrology. She told me that I have my sun in 9th house. So, it means that I can ace in any given field and I am born to inspire people. Now I don't know wether she was being honest or just trying to cheer me up. Lmao.

there's a whisper of enjoyment - to have fun while you're there and chasing your dream.

That is what I am all about. I don't want to be all serious and just do the chasing part. We can enjoy , have fun and chase our dreams together.

there's heavy emotion connected to your services and a want for more on an emotional and possibly spiritual level; a want to give others more hope or more of yourself in order to serve.

You are perfectly right over here as well. Although I don't have much water in my chart but whatever I do I put my heart and soul into it. I don't do stuff that doesn't excites me. Emotions are a big thing for me and it is overwhelming at times. And for the giving part I think I can keep giving away pieces of myself until I am on the verge to die.

I think the isolation and drainage part is also very accurate. Because it really will drain everything out of me the practice and the criticism. And isolation I am sure of that because their is nobody on entertainment field from my family. Everyone here goes for the typical 9 to 5 job. Which is not something that excites me. And trusting nobody. Well I do have trust issues. So, ¯\_ʘ‿ʘ_/¯

And the awakening coming out as neither reversed or upright. This could also be a warning for me to stay the way I am and not dwell into the negative aspects. Maybe that is the reason I was introduced to Tarot at such a young age. Now it makes so such sense!!! Maybe because universe knew that I will have nobody. So, they made me familiar with my spiritual team and divination. So, that I can ask for their guidance. And I thought I am the choosen one. Lmao.

Because I know my parents won't support me. They want me to do a typical government 9 to 5 job. Which is just not made for me.

As we see the song in sequence the last song is 7 rings which is one of her live concert. So, I felt like all of the stuff you mentioned and the songs mentioned. They could have been problems through which I will go through when I am in my struggling phase. Maybe when I have my final breakout it will be all good. Obviously everything won't be perfect but maybe I will have someone for me until then. Because the song temporary might meant that I get into some relationship maybe and it ends up not working out but maybe I will gain some friends in the process.

Anyway thank you so much for such a detailed reading it was just so beautiful and you are such a great great great reader I feel so blessed to have got a free reading from you. And the fact that everything resonated makes you a very good reader again. And the feedback also got so big.I am sorry. But I was so surprised when you mentioned each and every detail. And right now I'm not even very sure whether I will be able to do a good job in entertainment field and I am also little indecisive about it. I hope this didn't got boring for you

thank you so much for the feedback!! i really appreciate the lengthiness, and you saying what exactly resonated 🥺

as i've grown older, i feel like if there's something that's been calling you since you were young, then you should do it or do something about it if that makes sense. those feelings aren't coincidences, but many times we have so much self-doubt or society pushes us to do something else, so we lose out on what we were supposed to do.

i really liked doing this reading for you 💛💛💛

i totally forgot to tell you that i got three numbers for you:

2

6:54

1:54

i was also told in order for you to succeed, trust whatever you feel.

[mydisasteracademia]

Quirk Oddities: LOV

A/N: Warning, reeeeeeeeeally long post under the cut lol yeet

Gotou Imasuji/Muscular:

You have NO IDEA how happy I am that we F I N A L L Y know this man’s name,, anyway

Due to his Quirk having to do with his muscles (and obviously, augmentation of said muscles), he’s constantly in danger of muscular dystrophy if he doesn’t exercise them enough, even when not tapping into that muscular form.

Also feeds into his ‘blood knight’ behavior -- his eternal battle to fight stronger and stronger people and his own fight code matches with his Quirk, which gives him a stronger and stronger physique. He’s literally always itching for a fight.

Needs to eat a lot more than your average person, more on par with someone like Fatgum. Eats a ton of proteins and has a relatively healthy diet compared to a lot of other people. He’s very strict about what he eats so that he can get the maximum amount of energy for his muscled-up form.

Mustard:

His Quirk makes him more quiet and chill than most of the League; due to its somnolent properties (and due to the fact that he likely accidentally exposed himself to it far too often when he was younger), he reserves his energy for when he truly needs it.

As a negative side-effect, however, he suffers from chronic insomnia, which is mostly to blame for his irritability and (relatively) fragile mental state (not ‘fragile’ as in ‘literally an inch away from snapping’, but moreso ‘this close to mania at all times’.)

Drinks a lot of tea to try and calm himself down in the evenings. Lavender and chamomile are his teas of choice. On the flip side, tends to drink energizing drinks during the day so that he has enough energy to function.

Really prone to emotional lows. If he’s not careful, he can fall into depression and can get anxious very easily.

Moonfish:

Eats a ton of meats. Just... raw meats. All the time. He’s incredibly unhealthy. The bloodier the meat, the better. Will not eat anything cooked more than medium.

Will try to bite your arm off if you try to take food away from him. Actually, probably just tries to bite your arm off regardless. Don’t feed him unless you have a Quirk to subdue him in like 0.58 seconds.

Has to keep his teeth in pristine condition so that they don’t... accidentally break off when he’s trying to attack someone. Spends an obsessive amount of time brushing every morning and night. It’s one of the only times you will ever see this man even close to sanity, ironically.

Kenji Hikiishi/Magne:

Used to have to be cautious with using her Quirk when she was younger. Due to her inability to wield it correctly, she ended up magnetizing everything within a 2.5 meter radius. Eventually, she learnt to control it, but this caused some upsets when she was in school and people learned to avoid her if they didn’t want to get thrown like a ragdoll.

Very attracted to people. Not in a sexual way, but she loves socializing and can often wander near groups of people without realizing at first.

This isn’t an oddity with her body, per se, but she used to constantly be careful about magnets getting stuck to her giant magnet. It’s a pain to pluck them all off, so she eventually just started wrapping it, which negated some of its effects on anything close by.

It’s honestly good that her Quirk doesn’t work on herself, for many obvious reasons. When she was a young child in the first years after it manifested, she always questioned it. Now she’s incredibly glad it doesn’t, considering how much havoc she could wreck on other people. Instead she’s more in-tune with it, in a sense. She can tell apart red and blue ‘magnets’ very easily due to that.

Kurogiri:

Y’all don’t know how tempted I was to put Oboro’s name in there lmao

Constantly has a dark aura around himself that looks like a thin fog. I know, that’s canon, but unlike his actual fog created around his neck, this stays around his actual body shape so that even if the collar is gone and he can’t form more fog, the aura would be there enough to obscure some of his more defining features.

Due to him being a literal reanimated corpse, the reason his eyes are glowing and yellow is due to being reanimated. That, and yellow looks cool as hell with black and purple, amirite?

Prefers totally dark rooms. If he’s by himself just chilling after a long, hard day of being a babysitter to about 6-9 societal outcasts, he’s sitting or lying down, eyes closed, with all of the lights off, just basking in it.

Adding to that last point, enjoys misty, foggy days. He doesn’t so much enjoy rain as much as he does the general vibe of a fog-dense area. Really feels at home in it.

His sense of pain is highly muted, and his body is incredibly cold to the touch. I mean, he’s literally a reanimated corpse. It takes a lot of force for him to actually feel anything, and this goes for non-pain sensations too. Often loses feeling in his hands and feet and they feel like wisps of mist.

??? Shigaraki/All For One

Due to his Quirk’s innate nature of taking and giving, he’s a huge kleptomaniac. He just can’t resist swiping things (and maybe giving them back later).

He’s drawn to studying Quirks. Like a certain someone else we know, he’s obsessed with hashing out the more intimate details of a person’s power, and then he can truly decide whether or not he’s taking it.

His body is more naturally suited for taking on more than one Quirk at a time, but without his life-support system he would be royally fucked. Many of his Quirks require a lot of energy and his body is just too weak in its current state with all of his injuries to sustain them all. I know, he’s still incredibly powerful, but he’s considered ‘weak’ right now. Imagine him at his peak. How many Quirks did he have? 50? 100? More?

Adding onto his kleptomania, this applies to people too. He’s incredibly possessive of people he deems worthy of his time (his brother and Tomura being two notable examples) and will do whatever it takes to keep them at his side in the name of ‘keeping them safe’. If he had a family somewhere and he found out about them, you bet your ass he would go full yandere on them, but isn’t hesitant to lay the emotional/mental manipulation on thick.

Tomura Shigaraki:

As I’ve stated a few times before, due to his Quirk, Tomura’s body is constantly destroying itself, from within and outside. His skin is the outward reflection of it; after being found by AFO he was weak and easily sick due to his immune system not fully ready to handle the destructive properties of Decay.

Sometimes he’ll choke on debris from his own mouth and throat, as I’ve stated before. Very prone to ulcers and muscular dystrophy, so he has to be careful to exercise just enough that he staves off his body totally shutting down.

Has to be incredibly careful with his diet, because the wrong foods could damage his body more than before. CAN NOT HAVE SPICY/HOT FOODS. His taste buds have already been damaged enough due to forays into it before, and he can’t afford to sustain even more damage to his throat.

Has to drink a ton of water, not just to flush down debris in his throat but because he’s very prone to having a dry mouth. Part of the reason his voice (well, English Dub voice anyway) is so raspy is because his throat is constantly dry. If he doesn’t have enough water, he’s prone to bad coughing fits.

His nails are actually quite brittle, and when he scratches his neck he has to be careful not to break them. His lips get chapped easily and will split and bleed unless he lays on some ointment.

AND SPEAKING OF OINTMENT! I know the jokes about him needing moisturizer/Chapstick are hilarious, but Tomura has extremely sensitive skin and can not put on anything that has perfumes of any kind in them, otherwise it triggers a severe reaction and it takes him a while to heal. There’s a specific brand of ointment that he and Dabi use, and like the flame user he has to be constantly reapplying it during the day, otherwise his skin dries out even more.

He’s drawn to death/destruction, much like Toga is fascinated by blood and death (and birds). Much of the time, he causes said death/destruction. It’s so morbidly fascinating to him and it fills him with a weird sense of pride or calm.

Prefers humid conditions. If it’s more arid, he suffers. Can’t go out in the sun too much, because he burns very easily (more than Dabi, surprisingly). He likes lukewarm, cloudy weather, and especially autumn (can you guess why?).

Can’t do alcohol. Not just that he legally can’t drink (I doubt he’d give a damn about that), but consuming too much would further damage his body and he can’t afford to do anything too reckless.

Himiko Toga:

Her Quirk makes it so that she’s prone to anemia much easier than a normal person. She needs to keep her iron levels up, especially as a teenage girl, so she usually goes for more iron-rich foods (and especially meats). Give her a blood bag and she’ll drink it like a Capri-Sun.

Normally, a person can’t ingest much blood through their digestive system, otherwise they get sick. Himiko doesn’t have much of a problem, thankfully, but she still has to be careful not to drink too much otherwise she does feel nauseated (kind of like eating too much food will leave you full and vaguely sick).

Like Tomura, she’s fascinated with death, but to a more obsessive degree (given that we’ve seen her literally eat a dead bird before). Unlike him, she actively seeks it out, and most often creates death herself.

Jin Bubaigawara/Twice:

Oh boy, what else is there to say that hasn’t already been revealed in canon? I’ll try my best to go with headcanon here, but Twice is a complicated person to speculate about given that we’ve seen most of everything there is to know.

His body constantly feels like it’s about to split apart. It’s not much of a painful feeling as it is an odd sensation. He’s constantly aware of it and it does a toll on his overall mental state Every time he does create clones, the feeling briefly intensifies, and he finds it very hard not to keep splitting.

Needs the suit to feel like he’s ‘contained’ himself, if that makes sense. Like, he’s less likely to physically split in half if he’s wearing it. That, and of course, needs the suit to keep his crumbling mental state in check.

Atsuhiro Sako/Mr. Compress:

Much like AFO, he’s a compulsive kleptomaniac, especially for expensive/shinier things. He just can’t help but swipe things up, but if the other members ask for it back, he’s generally good about handing it over.

Sometimes is filled with a lot of nervous energy that manifests itself in fidgeting with his marbles. In those periods of time, he feels even stronger compulsions to steal and they mostly go away when he does.

Shuichi Iguchi/Spinner:

There’s so much to put here. Mainly gecko-related things.

As I’ve stated before, he thrives in hot, humid weather. Loves chilling on sun-warmed rocks the best. SUFFERS in the cold.

It’s a legitimate struggle not to eat worms or bugs whenever he sees a juicy one. When he was a kid, he just ate them whenever, but after being bullied for this compulsion, he tried to stop and eventually just hid it from others.

Sometimes when startled, he might make a chirping noise, much to his irritation. If any other gecko-type people are around, they might chirp back.

Sheds a few times a year on a fairly regular schedule. Gets really uncomfortable and itchy for a bit and gets irritated more easily as he sheds. Once it’s over, his mood gets back to normal.

Enjoys dark places to just hide in sometimes. If you can’t find him, maybe you’ll be able to find him in a dark crevice or a hidden nook or cranny. He feels a degree of safety in spots like this.

As we’ve already seen, he can stick to walls. I don’t know why, but that just makes me happy for some reason.

Touya Todoroki/Dabi:

Hoo boy. This one is a doozy.

Despite his Quirk, his body is more suited to cold temperatures, as seen in canon. This means he greatly prefers cold conditions and suffers in heat. He’s one of the only ones of the League who can be out in winter weather without bundling up.

Burns extremely easily, especially when it comes to consuming hot/spicy things. If you’ve ever burnt your tongue on a hot drink, that happens to him at least 70% of the time, but not just his tongue. His entire throat gets burnt, and it takes a while to recover.

His skin is incredibly sensitive to temperature, and whenever he uses his Quirk too much he burns more and more of it. But due to the large amount of his body that’s burnt and scarred, a lot of his sweat glands don’t work properly, and this can overheat him even more. He constantly has to be careful about his internal temperature and often carries a thermos of something cold to help himself cool down. He needs to take colder showers otherwise his wounds get aggravated. It just soaks up the moisture and he’s more prone to bleeds.

As I’ve hc’ed before, Dabi needs eyedrops. Due to his tearducts being damaged enough so that he can’t cry tears (as he’s stated himself), much like Aizawa, his eyes get dry and irritated way too easily. He constantly has to be reapplying eyedrops to keep his eyes moist and try to heal some of the damage already done. If he goes for too long without them, he’s prone to bleeding, and witnessing this man literally cry blood is viscerally disturbing.

His staples can get easily irritated and due to his fire they stay hot for longer. If he’s not careful when dealing with them, he’s liable to get burnt worse just from the metal. If he’s too rough, they will start bleeding and he’ll have to disinfect his wounds yet again.

The purple parts of his body? Third-degree burns. He can’t feel a damn thing. Doesn’t mean he can’t rip and tear, but he’s likely not gonna feel it. He’s had to throw away a lot of shirts because the bloodstains were just too hard to get out.

Prefers drinking things to eating things whenever his jaw is sore from his wounds. While he was first healing as a teenager, all he did was drink things until he could reliably work his jaw again. Cold brew and ice-blended coffees are his drink of choice.

Gets sick really easily. Ever since he was a young child, he’s been more susceptible to ailments like the flu and needs to constantly keep up his health. His body is weaker than it should be, and that frustrates him a lot. As he’s stated in canon himself, he can be easily motion-sick.

[rahleeyah]

It's Dickie that standing where she turned her head to. Now I am asking cause we have seen it, do you think he thought it was Kathy when he said it? It would seem weird given that whole time he was very aware where and who were there? Plus Liv and Kathy don't look or sound alike so I don't get how he could be triggered. And of course that scene with Angela, what do you think?

Ok first of all thank you for confirming my Dickie theory lmao

Second of all. I am routinely baffled by how hard some people will try to find the negative in any situation. The speed and vehement glee with which this theory came out is just...ok? Y'all didn't wanna even have 24 hours of just enjoying this? Sometimes fandom, especially on Twitter, feels like this weird competition to be the the first to figure out the biggest twist, and it feels so disdainful of people who want to just...watch the show? If he thought it was Kathy, we'll find out.

I don't think so though, and I'll tell you four main reasons why:

1. Liv you mean the world to me. Old boy has already had difficulty keeping his feelings to himself wrt to Liv, and he is making it plain that she matters to him.

2. The letter. The letter that was not his speech, but was a way to express himself, the letter that had Liv hunting him down to talk about it after she read it. He has communicated something to her, something important, and we still don't know what it is.

3. He keeps calling her. Over and over. If he had looked at her and told her he loved her and not meant it, would he be so desperate to see her? Or would the weight of that conversation, having to tell her he didn't mean it, be so suffocating that Elliot "I experience one emotion and immediately run away" Stabler wouldn't want to face it? He ignored her after he left, but now he's blowing up her phone?

4. He knows who's in that room!! Like. Maybe they wanna say Olivia just morphed into Kathy in his head bc he's exhausted and spiralling but if she did, why? He knew Olivia was in that room when the conversation began. Why would he get them mixed up part way through? Maybe bc he looked, and saw a woman he loved, a woman he cared for, a woman he can't stand to lose, and the intense emotions of seeing Olivia got mixed up with his feelings about Kathy. Or maybe he didn't.

Yeah he said he sees Kathy everywhere but we haven't seen him address anyone else by her name. He is doing that head tick thing, like he's trying to clear his thoughts - perhaps to banish some vision of Kathy - but textually we do not know if he's seeing her everywhere the way you see a blonde head bobbing thru a crowd and for a second think it's her, or if he's literally seeing her everywhere, like a ghost or a hallucination. The last one seems like way OTT to me? I mean if that's where it goes that's where it goes but that's not what I'm thinking atm.

I liked his conversation with Angela. I think he needs to talk to someone he's not responsible to/for. I want him to talk to Liv but that conversation is too important to him, and like he said the weight of it is probably too much right now. He needs someone who isn't tangled up in all of it. I thought it was nice.

I just think it would be beyond cruel on the part of the show runners to have him say you mean the world to me and I love you to Olivia, after TWENTY TWO YEARS, only to then say jk he never meant it. Olivia cares about him so much and has for so long and they are so important to each other and to just slap her in the face like that after everything she's been through and everything she's lost...talk about especially heinous. I would hope that tptb, even if their endgame isn't romance, wouldn't just shit all over her like that for funsies, and I'm a little alarmed by the people who seem to want that. Like bruh. Y'all ok? What are you, allergic to tenderness?

[dr-gloom]

Some thoughts/analysis on the new episode, because the video itself and people's reactions were bugging me

Disclaimers: I don't hate Patton or Roman, I'm not calling Patton abusive or manipulative, as those terms insinuate knowing what you're doing and I don't think Patton does know how he's coming across

- First I wanna just point out, as a few others have, that Thomas is once again wearing black and white while discussing a grey-area issue. I love the attention to detail

- The recap only really highlights that Thomas admitted to wanting something that contradicted Patton's statement of why he's a good person (or more specifically "perfect", which, as nice and friendly and lovely as that sounds, is a toxic mindset and I like that Thomas touched on that at the end), which is an interesting point to cover honestly, especially since later Thomas challenges Patton to call him a good person

- "Now kiddo, if you're gonna dish out Fs, why don't we make them friendly hugs?" I understand Patton was trying to lighten the mood and joke a little and all that, but he's not letting Thomas just... Be angry/upset. He's trying to control how he feels and steer away from negative emotions, which I thought he learned not to do??

- I love that Patton heard what he was saying and stopped. Good on him. But what he replaced it with is called guilt tripping and that's not much better. "I'm surprised you would say something like that about your friends. I always thought that when it came to your pals, that sort of language would be... Ineffable?" It may sound gentle and sweet, but he's still saying "you can't talk about your friends like that" (and I get it, we all know that's not how Thomas really feels, but again he needs to be allowed to express himself). You can tell from Thomas's face while Patton's talking that the guilt tripping worked, at least for a moment.

- Anyone else notice a little Logan shining through in Thomas's words/actions the first portion of the video?

- "If our goals aligned with his what would that say?" Uhmmm gee lemme think Roman... Maybe that you care about Thomas's mental health and desires???

- I think it's very telling that during the rap Thomas cuts Patton off right before he's about to say something that, judging from the graphics, was going to make him sound heroic and said "I made this choice", while looking very... Upset.

- Okay so when Thomas was all "why didn't I just talk to them???" I felt hella vindicated but the second time I watched I finally heard Roman say "I mean I kinda brought that up before but it got shut down faster than an Antarctic icepop shop". Like... Fuck, they seriously do not appreciate or listen to Roman at all

- Patton brushing them off with "Eh well hindsight is 20/20" pissed me off so much. No empathy whatsoever. Jesus Christ.

- Roman's reaction when Thomas said no to the whole future vision thing made me laugh and no one is talking about it

- But yeah Thomas talking about using foresight has a total Logan Vibe

- Patton's reaction when Thomas says "I made a decision with a blindfold on" is... Interesting...

- Seriously that cat analogy was so specific.....

- One should never base their decisions on "well they've helped me before so I owe them" like. No. Patton, Roman, stop. He should have decided to go because he wanted to, not because he owed it to them or you made him feel like shit

- "Those baby-making Catholics" lmfaooooo

- "You, thinking about giving their wedding a pass all because of a callback that, really, might not work out". That bugged me too, because it can just as easily be argued he gave up his big break for a wedding he barely participated during. If we're being completely logical here (and borrowing from a later concept of how our time is better used), his time would have been better-spent at the callback since he wasn't even mentally present at the wedding

- "Maybe they understand, and maybe they still want you to go to the wedding but feel too guilty to say so. Or, maybe you end up going to the wedding, and they feel guilty seeing you there because they feel like they took a big opportunity away from you". First off, they did (or would have, had the conversation taken place and they insisted he come). Secondly I personally feel like he owed it to them (and yes, I'm aware how that sounds but I can't think of better phrasing) to talk about it with 100% honesty on both sides, because now he's angry that he went to their wedding and they have no idea. Sure, the vid ends with them coming over to catch up, but if it hadn't? That's the kind of shit that festers very easily. I feel like he'd have been more satisfied if he had still decided to go after talking with them. I think Thomas realizes this too when he responds to Roman's question with a very sure, very adamant "No."

- "This was our chance to be there for them when it counted". I know this is me reading into things but it felt like he was saying anything else he may have done for them doesn't matter or isn't good enough

- "Why does their complexion matter" LMFAOOOOOO omg roman

- "... We can all agree that you're a good fellow-" "Can we? All agree on that?" Like fuck, Thomas still isn't sure what Patton thinks of him? That cuts deep. And... Patton still hasn't apologized. He conceeded that he's "been a bit much", which is far from the same thing

- pfffft what the fuck was Roman trying to do???

- "Well that's a relief... I think". Meaning Thomas still isn't fucking sure where Patton stands. I have to admit his dialogue did sound a bit circuitous

- he almost said GameStop lmfao

- why is he fixating so much on frogger

- "At least 16 graphics!" I died laughing

- "By the liquid lipstick of William Shakespeare" wut the fue? Lmao

- "just like you don't have to get him a hotdog" "I feel like you kinda do... Maybe". I know Janus says it later on but he was right when he said peppering in a few "I don't know"s and "maybe"s does not a conversationally-conscious person make. Like, he didn't even add the maybe until Roman reacted negatively to what he was saying

- I'm surprised Logan said it'd be wrong for Thomas to keep his money to himself tbh

- Roman mouthing "behoove". Like, c'mon dude, stop being such a dick to Logan when he's just trying to help

- Logan's so done he's not even trying to hide it. Like you can see the annoyance clear on his little pixelated face

- Also did anyone notice that Logan kept getting cut off so the next time he "spoke" he made them read it aloud so they'd actually fucking listen

- "Yeah! As long as that's not the main reason you're doing it!" Honestly though, most people do good things for their own benefit; tax benefits, That Good Feeling, compliments from others etc. It doesn't diminish the effect of the good act, so who cares?????

- "You shouldn't do a good thing just because it makes you feel good... I-I think." He's trying so hard but he's just not understanding how this works is he. Also it's interesting that he preaches holding to your values and not nitpicking situations yet he's literally doing it right now because last time he just... Needed to counter Janus and couldn't admit he'd had a fair point

- "Deceit said you'd be doing the right thing for a selfish reason if you did it for your own emotional gain". You can tell by his tone he's trying to make Thomas see Deceit as wrong and bad but like literally two seconds later he audibly confirms he feels the same way

"Definitely! Maybe... I think so... What do you think?" Tbh I'm proud of him for asking someone else's opinion, esp cause he's screwing this up so horrendously

- man if Roman being scared to share his opinion after Patton visibly disagrees isn't a huge red flag idk what is

- the world of the video game is called AU I'm screaming

- I'll always be salty that Roman once again shoved a "dark side" into the villain roll without asking

- I don't agree with Patton automatically assuming that just because the hero wants a reward, it means he doesn't care about the people he saves getting it. People can have multiple motives and wanting recognition isn't bad or evil or selfish

- I'm so fucking glad Thomas snapped and asked "am I not allowed to feel good if I do something good" because that's basically what Patton's saying and no one was addressing it. And Patton saying that can't be a valid motive is honestly fucked up

- during the trolley problem the options toggle the most between morality, anxiety, and denial. Idk, it's just interesting

- it's also interesting that Patton views moving the trolley as worse than letting it stay, meaning he thinks small active murder is worse than larger, passive murder. Not bad or good or anything, just interesting

- I hate hate hate that Patton silences Logan when he's the one who asked him to say something, especially since he follows that with "oh you can't really learn good morality from a book hahahaha". Like dude just acknowledge that you don't agree but there are other valid points of view, my god

- also you can tell from the color that Janus totally put that skip button in, meaning Logan really, really wanted to continue but Janus could see it wasn't going to get them where they needed to go

- "stu-ooper dooper unique mustache" lmfaooooo

- Thomas keeps coming back with something along the lines of "I need the answer to X so I can meet your expectations". He even says "I don't understand what I need to change so I can meet your standard". Last time I did a post like this, back when SvS came out, I said Patton has too much sway/control over Thomas, and he still does. Thomas doesn't try nearly as hard to "meet the standards" of his other sides, but in this instance he's desperate to know how he can appease Patton. I don't think that's necessarily a good thing, given that it's likely because he wants Patton to say without hesitation that he's a good person

- Roman thinks he's the problem I wanna cry

- "And I'm an awful driver" I laughed so hard

- "I only mean well when I say that that is the stupidest thing you have ever said" I can't stop laughing XD

- "You're just blowing smoke" seriously someone help me

- Roman's reaction when Thomas says he feels guilty just killed me. They all just acknowledged that Roman is his motivator and Thomas comes out and says his motives make him feel guilty? Ouch

- "Doing nothing is even worse!" Patton honey I'm begging you to please stop talking omg this is going so poorly

- "doing nothing is worse than doing a good thing for the wrong reasons" first off, who's to say what a wrong reason is, and secondly, that's an interesting take from the man who refused to move the trolley 👀

- oooof Thomas's relief when Logan cuts in though

- "Huuuuuhhhh I do need help" fuck, I wanna cry, poor Thomas

- "Logan, like you said this isn't your area of expertise" ITS NOT YOURS EITHER ROMAN OMG

- "Every point you've made in today's discussion has contradicted that sentiment" YES LOGAN JANUS SLAY. Also anyone else notice Patton looking to the others for validation because I Sure Did

- oh man though I thought Logan was finally getting the chance to lay into Patton and take him down a peg and it turned out to be Janus

- "Oh, is it not? Please, correct me if I'm wrong." yeah paTTON CORRECT HIM IF HES WRONG (notice how he doesn't even have an argument to that, all he can say is "you're wrong!")

- honestly the way he goes from 0 to 60 should've tipped us off that that was Janus

- I wanna know if Patton turned into a muscular frog irl

- idk Patton feels like a villain when he's all "Thomas you choose!"

- "What have you done with Logan?!" "Nothing at all and I resent the question" weeeeeelp there goes loceit

- even Janus admits Patton is misleading unintentionally can we all calm down now

- I find it interesting that Thomas willingly stays behind Janus

- "Sure if he's in that kind of situation then of course he should focus on himself. But does he deserve it? I don't know." *Record scratch* excuse me wHAT?????? And like, you can't ignore the obvious symbolism behind that attack missing Janus and hitting Thomas. Thomas is knocked out and Patton just ... Keeps talking? Jesus fucking christ

- and Roman so adamantly attacking Janus has a very pre-AA vibe to it

- "Not that any of you care, but I am unharmed, and I don't want to talk about it." Thomas looks like the only one genuinely concerned when he says this and that hurts

- Janus looks so happy that Logan's backing him I wanna cry my baby aaaaaaa

- SOMEONE FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGED THE CHOICE ROMAN MADE AAAAAAA THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU can we stop acting like Janus is evil now please

- "Well when is it enough?!" ".... Trees?" I'm STILL LAUGHING SOMEONE HELP ME

- I'm so fucking happy Thomas doesn't agree with Roman about trusting Janus

- Roman laughing and saying Janus's name is stupid and Janus's jab about him and Remus just... Gutted me y'all. Thems some hurt boys. And he looks to Thomas and Patton and they just... Can't side with him, cause they know that was hella fucking rude of Roman.

- I genuinely believe that Janus's nod meant Thomas was telling the truth. Based on his facial expression (which was slight but idk I notice more stuff than most people apparently???) He was trying to reassure Roman. And Roman just... Took it the completely wrong way, because he still thinks all Janus does is lie. When Roman says "wow, I can't believe this" you can actually see Janus's smile disappearing, because he realizes Roman took the nod the wrong way

- aaaaand then he immediately goes into attacking Janus. *Sigh*

- "Everything's gonna be okay, kiddo. We love you." "*Scoff* Right." I truly believe the next video is gonna be about Roman, because there's no way in hell they could ignore the obvious hurt and self-deprecation coming off of Roman

- "Janus? Is there a limit to how many times a person can say sorry before you have to admit that they're just bad for you?" Patton was talking about himself. Whether Janus was trying too hard to be witty and missed that or what, his reply hurt Patton, and you can see that Janus realizes his mistake with Patton's reaction. We have to remember that this isn't a side who's used to how the others communicate, though. He doesn't spend time with them outside of the few videos he's shown up in because of how they treat him. It's gonna take him time to get the little things like this and until then there's gonna be a lot of hurt feelings and (hopefully) apologies

- Janus immediately backtracks once he realizes what the real question was and says "... it depends... How many things have they had to apologize for? How frequently do they have to apologize for things? How terrible were the things that they did? One of the biggest factors in my very humble opinion is whether or not they seem to be making an honest effort to do better" this is Janus trying to tell Patton "you aren't bad for Thomas. I see how hard you're trying. It's okay"

- you can totally see Janus realizing why Patton fights him so hard while Patton is explaining how hard shit's gotten as Thomas grows up

- "Janus?" "I'll take care of him" y'all I need the tissues

- Janus trying to lighten the mood with the whole push-someone-down-the-stairs thing just... Made me die laughing. Y'all know he's hella good at April fool's pranks okay? Okay

- "You're not stuck with an evil snake boy, you're just stuck with a snake boy" HES SUCH A DORK I LOVE HIM

- I reacted the exact same way to Thomas saying Janus was right omg

Again, I'm not saying I hate any of the characters, this is just a stream-of-consciousness analysis-and-commentary-type post on the new episode