#zak originals

[zak-writes]

i miss loving someone so much i couldn't breathe.

it's nice to have my lungs clear but i dont like them hollow.

people tell me its okay not to love anyone and i guess it is. there's a whole community there of people who are like me. i see them sometimes, talking about not feeling love and i think, yeah, me too.

but i used to feel like that. i spent five years suffocating at the thought of someone i couldnt touch and then five months wondering if this is really what everyone was talking about. i couldn't feel it. or maybe i could and i just didn't enjoy it.

i think i just like attention. i can get that from anywhere. im not pretty but i can be funny if i try. sometimes i write something that strikes a nerve and its never something i care about.

the things i put effort into seem to fail and the things i give up on succeed. maybe that's why im still here. i quit trying six months ago and no one seems to have noticed. i can float through life and get by fine.

at least she punched walls. at least she threw things. at least she hurt people. who am i? some shadow of a broken little girl, stuffed into a mans body that only feels right when other people acknowledge it.

i start trying to write how i feel down and i get stuck. i dont feel anything about him, three years later. some men really are just a guy. if i think back i cant identify what it was that got us here. he seems to think we're a miracle but i never believed in those.

he doesn't know what to get for my birthday. i asked him to name three of my interests and he named two. i got to seven of his before i got one wrong. he didnt tell me he stopped listening to that podcast. i didnt tell him i hurt myself again.

maybe its just an idea of it. i like the idea of it more than what could actually be. having to put effort into someone else is too far.

most people who feel nothing have a reason. i dont do drugs and i only drink on occasion. im not depressed, i dont think. i get out of bed - eventually - and i go to work and i do my assignments and i talk to my friends.

i dont know what people are talking about when they describe their hobbies. i dont do things for fun. i do them because if i dont make things all the time, things people can see, it was like i was never here.

i get asked a lot what my speciality is. i dont know what they mean. im doing this degree because it was the easy option, but also because i like all of it. its all interesting. how can you choose a favourite part? how do you decide which bit is worth putting the extra effort in?

am i just lazy? am i already a corpse? they say you get your final death when someone speaks your name for the last time. i keep shooting the little girl inside of me but people are still saying her name. i dont want her to die. i say her name in my head all the time. she screams at me. i think thats fair.

i know i love her. if nothing else, i love her. she didnt know any better. she didnt know what she was doing to me. i dont think she could conceive of me existing.

for her there was just then. for me there is the next thing. the job and the house and the children i might have. i could love a child. i love every child i meet.

so many people looked at me and saw something they could hurt. every time i look at a kid i think, how?

i love the house i grew up in. i dont have a bedroom anymore.

i love my siblings. they never call me.

i love my friends. i forget their birthdays.

i forget everything. sometimes i say the names of my dead family and i dont remember what they look like. i want to carve their names into a tree so they cant die. i want to set the world on fire.

you can love nothing and everything at the same time i think. maybe that's the point.

[chiliger]

Love bites and bruises

The most important part for me.

[a2zillustration]

Some quick portraits for two of my OCs for a little relationship chart

[savebylou]

Isaac, Michael, Zak, Steve and Matt after the show [Superbloom Festival, 08.09.24]

[eightfreak]

Get OFF button'd, part 2

[probablygayattorneys]

Original video credit is eliseecklund on Instagram

[doodlesdreaming]

It be the summer season.

‘I’m not in love with my best friend. I’m NOT in love with my best friend. I’M NOT-‘

[spyglassrealms]

Spy's OCs: Zak Kaiyo

art by my good friend, the wonderful @wildegeist!

Realm: Arcverse Species: Tokaya Homeworld: Terotewaukia (Teroteaumia system) Age: 26 annua (29 Earth years) Gender (human analogue): cismasculine (he/him, xe/xen*) Height: 1.8 m Weight: 72.5 kg Occupation: Captain and pilot of the starship Free Spirit; freelance cargo-hauler; occasional mercenary; jack-of-all-trades [Suggested Listening: Burn Out Brighter by Anberlin]

Zakane "Zak" Kaiyo is the co-owner, captain, and pilot of the heavily-modified light hauler Aum Hara (otherwise known as the "Free Spirit") and the leader of a small band of freelance spacers that make their home aboard the ship. He's just one more spark in the great spiral; one more restless soul trying to make a living doing what he can in a galaxy that's always moving and yet always standing still. From the Tyrian Shallows to the Drift and everywhere in between, Zak and his small but loyal crew of misfits can be found anywhere something interesting is happening.

Zak's talented -albeit reckless- piloting skills earned himself and his copilot Arkto a spot in the Galactic Spacecraft Pilots Association Hall of Fame, having broken the record for the smallest crewed ship by mass to exceed 10 million times the speed of light with a hyperdrive. His performative stuntwork is also renowned, and he frequently attends the annual Galactic Pilot Convention.

Most of the "swashbuckling freelance ace pilot" tropes apply to this space hobo, whose personal creed is "do good recklessly." His confidence, determination, and cheerful sarcasm make for an extremely charismatic, if reckless, leader. He's very mischievous and likes to get into trouble, but can be relied on to get out of it as quickly as he gets into it… most of the time. Zak acts fearless but, go figure, this man has Attachment Issues. He hates the idea of getting tied down to one place or thing, yet at the same time he is fiercely protective of his crew. (Shhh. Nobody tell him.)

Zak's homeworld is a backwater: connected to the galaxy and participant in its affairs, but hardly anyone there actually got out beyond the system. He was constantly told that he ought to be happy on Terotewaukia, fixing up interplanetary haulers and maybe going to the outer moons of the system once in a while. He and his two best friends always wanted more. The three of them had plans to quietly fix up one of the written-off hauler derelicts on company time and get the hell out, making their way around the wild starry yonder to see what could be seen.

And then one of them decided they wanted to stay and settle down.

That was the last straw for Zak. As soon as the opportunity arose, he and Arkto (his other bff) took off in their souped-up light hauler and never looked back. But once they were out there... Zak came to realize that the galaxy isn't a really adventurous place.

See, Arcverse is a universe that everyone thinks has been more or less figured out. Galactic civilization has been around for something like a million years or so, and the Arcadian Order have been sort of running the Galactic Assembly for about that long (mostly because they got off their planet first and they do a pretty decent job of wrangling the rowdier civilizations with diplomacy). The entire galaxy is, broadly speaking, at peace. The clash of titans already happened; the fate-of-the-galaxy-level stakes were sorted out thousands of generations ago. All the major starfaring powers, while independent in principle, are constrained by the bureaucracy of the Galactic Assembly. There's mild internal turmoil —and there's always an underbelly— but it's still quite tame. There's a whole galaxy out there with lots to see but nothing to really strive for in it.

Zak Kaiyo is someone who desperately, fundamentally, needs to strive. He wants to live fast and die young in a galaxy where everyone lives at a reasonable pace and dies basically never. He exists to challenge the stagnancy of a world that's as close to utopia as it can reasonably be. Zak wants so badly to save the galaxy, but he lives in a galaxy that doesn't need saving. And that's tearing him to pieces.

[httpiastri]

Alright, so now you've just fully opened the Pandora box in my head... I might just need some more snippets of your Jak Pinterest board if possible. Okayyy thanksss :) -❤️

you ask and you shall receive 🫡

[hyakilove129]

a small spoiler for the secret saturdays comic that I'm doing, this was the first design of the first drawing

En español

un pequeño spoiler del comic de los sábados secretos que estoy haciendo este fue el primer diseño del primer dibujo

[youngmekka]

Rig Fixing Update

No way I'm gonna fix the entire sword part of the rig by the time I need to, so here's a picture of Shin and Calabrass

[magicclownjuice]

Fishman

[chiliger]

Oh look, a consensual workplace relationship is afoot.

(Spanish translation: not literal but the better English equivalent would be “oh my god”)

(Suggestive sketch below the cut)

No, you don’t understand. They hate each other.

[charlottejoancheng]

Keep a hold of yourself, Brandon.

As a new member of the Providence team, Brandon Takada (Majutsushi) was very much a green horn-other than his formidable and exceptional swordsmanship and his strong ability to control special types of force magic that was passed down from generations. He was given a recommendation by Juniper Lee to be in part of the elite Providence superhero team. Despite’s his capability, not many people tend to like him due to his aloofness, blunt and haughty personality and his icy attitude, and it was only Zak Saturday who he had warmed up the most in the superhero team.

Also by the way, he is also obsessed with Amira White- whom he didn’t realized that she is also obsessed over him too. As much as he had a crush on her, they did sometimes make up- much to the annoyance of Rex Salazar. While he is Rex’s love rival that they were often at loggerheads with nearly everything, he had a mad respect for Ben Tennyson.

[artish-boi]

[eightfreak]

Character design is my passion