#zoe mus

[ksqwildwest]

This isn't Home

-----

Warning: pov descriptions of a character dissociating and generally having a bad bad time. Also, the word "consummation" comes up.

-----

He's looking at a door.

It's made from mahogany, if he remembers correctly. The grain is highlighted by the wine red stain. It's sanded smooth and sealed perfectly. The handle and lock were custom-made by someone in a city, so distant they spoke a different language entirely. The silver polished biweekly in the dead of night so as to not disturb the routine of the resident. If anything were to make a scratch in the door, there are at least ten spares made in the exact same way to replace it rather than let something as simple as a door have any imperfections.

When had he arrived at his bedroom door?

It felt like he should still be riding out of town. Lazarus slowly disappeared in the distance behind him. Swallowed up by the horizon. The dust cloud kicked up by the horse ever shifting in his vision as he can't bring himself to turn around until long after the town is gone. Burying his face in Phil's shoulder while his body trembled with silent sobs. The surroundings slowly changed from empty desert to dotted houses to crowded city streets.

When had he gotten off Phil's horse?

He couldn't remember entering the front gates. The slow, meandering trot up the long entrance trail. He does remember the way his stomach fluttered with nerves as Phil finally brought them to a stop. The way Phil had to practically drag him off the horses back. His legs barely avoid buckling under the immense pressure of - I'm back.

When had he approached the mansion?

The ivory pillars framing the front doors were polished a blindingly bright white. Two butlers stood in front of them, opening the doors in practiced, perfect sync. The entrance way was exactly as he remembered it to be. At least he assumed it was. He blinked and was walking down one of the many identical hallways in the mansion. Blink. Another identical hallway. Blink again. Why did they have so many identical hallways? Was it even a different hallway? Was he moving or standing still? He blinked. He was standing in the sitting room outside of his parents' office. His parents.

When had his parents seen him?

He had smoothly walked into the office, his hands clasped behind his back to hide their shaking. His mother's dark brown eyes seemed to swallow him whole. His father's toxic green eyes held an uncaring poison, burning into his skin. It was silent as Phil was dismissed with a flick of his mothers wrist. The silence continued to scream for a long, long time.

"Get him a change of clothes," His father ordered out to the room, "Something respectable for him to meet his wife in."

"Burn the rags once he's out of them," his mother commanded, "He'll give you any remaining rubbish from his bag after he's met his bride."

When had he changed clothes?

He'd been herded into a changing room in another blink. He trembled as he removed each piece of his outfit. First, the bright shirt that was overdue for a touch-up of color. Next, the fancy shoes that had become faded, stained, and well-loved. Then, the bright patterned socks that were gifted by Thompson shortly after his arrival in Lazarus. Lastly, the belt and pants, covered in sand and pet hair, folded neatly in the pile.

A pile immediately handed over to one of the three butlers in the room. There was no privacy when he left, and there would be less now. A different butler handed him an impeccably ironed suit. He doesn't remember getting into it. Or following one of the butlers out of the room. Down more mind-numbing hallways. Stopping in front of his door.

How long ago did he tell the butler he only needed a moment to collect himself before meeting his bride? The shadows had shifted from the windows. Did he really say that? Speaking sounds so hard, like there's not enough air to spare for it.

He turns to the butler and nods with a mechanical smile. His vision blurs for a moment as the door is opened.

His room had barely changed. The only new things were that his personal shelf of books had been removed, the bed had been changed to a bigger size, and the short and stocky mouse in a maroon dress standing by the balcony.

Ah. The Mus family. Old money. Their business based around the removal of pests and the selling of defenses against pests. Responsible for the introduction of pests into new regions whenever sales got too low for too long.

Oh, the mouse is saying something to the butlers. He really should try to listen to that. It takes a few seconds before the buzzing in his ears recedes enough to hear her shy voice.

"... disappear as much as you do. I'll call if he tries to leave. Please, I just want to get to know my fiancé in private."

The butlers remain standing in place.

He shouldn't be able to speak right now. His throat is tight and dry. His hands are trembling behind his back. His breaths are shallow and quick. But it's undoubtedly his voice, quiet yet smooth, that says, "As my future bride and therefore future head of this household, you are contracted to obey and fulfill her demands."

There's a new tenseness in the air as a single butler twitches, but none of them leave.

"His parents orders-" cuts in his fiancée, he really needs to learn her name before the vows- "are that Carl Jacobson is no longer allowed to be in a room with any exit that leads outside without being accompanied by at least one person." She sounds close to tears when she asks, "Do you not count me, his fiancée, as a person?"

The pressure in the room increases as the butlers avoid looking at them directly.

Karl thinks he could cry. The desire to have Jack and Mason by his side rears its head. Mason would have already started a brawl and been preening in victory by now. Probably with John John on his shoulder and that one brand of whiskey that he only ever drinks to celebrate. Jack would be laughing about the entire situation and making sexual jokes like- like-

"You're not going to be in here directly after the marriage." He says with startling clarity as hope lifts the weight on his lungs. Maybe he can get a little privacy, if only for a few moments. All eyes shift to him, and he can imagine Jack and Mason cheering him on as he continues with the most energy he's had all day.

"You're going to have to leave us alone together eventually. Might as well start now. I mean, I doubt you all are going to be here during the consummation."

He quirks his eyebrow as he says it, watching as the butlers process his words. As the seconds tick by, he covers his panic with a deadly glare. The one Thompson taught him. One of the butlers calmly marches out. Then another follows close behind, and soon enough, the final butler is shutting the door behind them.

Finally, he has a moment to bre-

Oh yah, Karl thinks as he finds himself getting shoved roughly yet quietly onto one of the lounge chairs farthest from the doors, I still don't know my fiancée's name.

"Carl," she starts with a serious tone, "while I appreciate you getting those butlers out of the room, I'm going to lay down some ground rules here, got it?"

He nods numbly, suddenly very scared for his immediate future as he realizes she's still gripping his arm. She'd been so quiet and shy. It was making his head spin how quickly she shifted. He didn't have the energy for a fight.

"Number one," she said in a tone so reminiscent of his mother; He almost misses the words, "I'm not here because I fancy you. I'm here because of my parents. I will do all the things in public that we need to do to convince people we tolerate each other, but behind these doors, I'm not consummating anything, got it?"

"Yep. Got i-"

"Number two," she continues on, "I have a secret lover who I plan on visiting, and you are going to have to come with me as cover. You will not breathe a word about it to anyone that we are more than business associates. Got it?"

"Mmhm."

"And number three," her eyes bore into him with an intensity he'd only ever seen in Thompsons eyes, "after our wedding, once the security has died down, I'm running away with my lover. You can help, or you can stay out of my way, got it?"

"... uh, yes, w-"

"Good," she releases her grip on his arm and settles onto the other side of the chair, careful not to crush her own tail, "any questions, Mr. Jacobson?"

"Umm, so. What's your name?"

Karl wasn't sure what emotions passed over his fiancées face in that moment, but he knew they weren't good.

"Nobody told me." He starts rambling, "I only learned I was getting married ... less than two days ago? And while I'm sure you're nice, I didn't choose this either. My parents found out where I was staying had no women in town, but I know they would have found any reason to drag me back ho- here. Back here. And, really, you're nice but i- I-"

"My name is Zoe Mus." She cuts him off with a look of pure relief dripping down her face. "And I was told you were returning from a business trip early due to threats on your life, and that's why the wedding is happening so quickly."

He really wishes he could be surprised by that, but his parents would never admit anything they did was anything less than perfection. If they did, it was always for a very good reason. Their child coming home after being gone for so long, wearing those clothes? To hide him from the assassins, of course. Any lashing out? Those that come close to death are always a bit jumpy and odd. It's not unheard of. If he runs? Kidnapped by those killers and ready to be ransomed for money, a reward to whoever catches him.

He's really not getting out of this.

Well. At least he can make sure Zoe and her lover can be happy. He can even cover their tracks for them when they leave.

"You can call me Karl Jacob." He smiles wobbly at her confused expression. "I spell it with a k, not a c."

"Karl," she says with a thick layer of amusement in her voice as she moves a tray with wine and cheese onto the table next to them, "I'm sorry for grabbing you earlier. I made some in the moment assumptions, and I'm glad to see they were wrong." She pours them both a glass of wine and grabs half of the cheddar slices off the platter.

"Now, Mr. Jacob," Zoe declares as they settle back in the chair, "why don't you tell me about yourself and the town you were staying at? How life threatening was it really?"

Karl laughs. He truly fully laughs as the stress of everything gets a little bit lighter at the prospect of being able to share the stories of Lazarus with someone.

"Well, which townsfolk should I start with? The bandits, the cannibal, or the demon?"

He smiles, even as his heart aches for all the people he'll never see again.

-------

Misery loves company! Welcome to our newest character, Zoe Mus!

I hope you enjoyed this next chapter of the story! Things are really looking bad, but at least Karl has a new friend to keep him company! In the next chapter, we get to check in with our two lovable bandits! I'm sure they're having a great time right now! :D

I know I said I'd try for a more consistent tone, but shifting between past and present tense is how I write panicking and dissociation! I'll figure it out eventually.

Please send in asks about Zoe Mus and their lover, Fionn Flynn, a fox baker! Anything you can think of!

[snudootchaikovsky]

PRESENTING THE LEBIHAN FANART MY MOTHER MADE INTO HER PFP FOR KAKAOTALK <3

THIS IS LIKE A YEAR OLD LMAO

[obihoeee]

im so late to this but its okay

[soullessjack]

how it feels to talk about your favorite character ever with people who actually understand them and are equally as insane as you are about them

@honeyedwhiskey

[thegroovyskull]

TW BLOOD!!

[jjkeremika]

AoT who are rough when intimate with you (and Hard Claws)

Levi, Mikasa, Eren, Hange, Reiner, Jean

x fem!reader

description: AoT characters who are rough during intimacy… on purpose or accidental… that’s up to their own discretion (and whether or not you believe them)

(AoT who are soft when intimate with you (Soft Paws))

**VERY nsfw**

warning/disclaimer(s): face slapping; face fucking; bruises; orgasm denial; overstimulation; ignores you; ass/pussy spanking; begging

Levi Ackerman (face slapping; face fucking)

The slap across your cheek stings the most, the feeling amplified ten times by the rush of blood to the area and the direct eye contact heating up your body. You touch your hand to your rushing cheek, a light smile shared between you and Levi.

Levi stands bare in front of you tauntingly, proudly, his hand outstretched like it might collide with your face again, as you stoically sit on your knees. “What, baby?” he asks deeply, aggressively, “Still have something to say?”

You share a knowing smirk, whispering, “I think you already know,” and whimpering as he takes a demanding step forward and wraps a fist in your hair. You peer up at Levi with hooded eyes and a barely open mouth with your tongue peeking out.

He groans gutturally, his jaw clenching in sexual frustration as he grabs the base of his eager cock and angles the tip to your lips, letting the beads of bitter precum meet your tastebuds. You eagerly engulf him in your mouth, your slapped cheek stinging from the stretch, and you choke on a giggle as he thrusts his hips in and out, holding your hair and matching his thrusts.

Mikasa Ackerman (leaves bruises, breaks skin)

She’s an Ackerman; the roughness comes with the territory. You know that, you like that, but she is oblivious to her own strength, her fingernails digging into your thighs too deeply and her teeth marking your skin too harshly every time.

You gasp at the sharp pain of her fingernails imbedding into the skin of your thigh, and your eyes close tight and a whimper escapes as her fingers roughly push against your spongy insides. She picks up the speed of her fingers thrusting in and out of you as she salivates at the fluid seeping out of you.

“Ahh, Mikasa!” you shout when she tucks her nose between your legs, harshly bites your inner thigh before lapping gleefully at your stimulated muscles. Mikasa hums in response, digging one hand’s fingernails into your butt cheek and smacking the other.

She kisses and bites from your pussy to your neck, roughly holding your wrists above your head with one hand and tweaking your nipples with the other. You can feel the bruises forming as she runs her fingers up and down the curve of your spine, as she tells you, “Stay still,” massages your ass, and nips at your hips.

Eren Jaeger (orgasm denial)

“E-Er-Eren,” you moan, small tears forming in the corner of your eyes at the burning feeling brewing in your abdomen, “p-please, I… I…”

You tilt your neck and stare pleadingly at Eren, who rests at the foot of the bed with his chin resting in his hands. He smirks, a glinting flame in his eyes as they roam your naked, sweaty, begging body. You move to sit upright, and he abruptly sits up, clicks his tongue admonishingly and points back to the bed with his index finger.

You groan and fall back to the sheets as he starts to slowly crawl over you, gracing your thigh with two very light fingers from the knee to the hip. He tsks, a devilish smirk lighting up his face, “Oh, no, baby… I haven’t said you could move yet.”

Eren catches your hand snaking down to your crotch and his hand quickly snatched out, gripping your wrist tightly and pressing it into the mattress. His smirk drops to a glaring squint, but his eyes sparkle with that same amusement. “I said no touching.”

Hange Zoe (overstimulates/ignores you)

“Ha-Hang-Hange, st-stah!” you cry out, biting into the pillow instead of screaming, Hange’s long fingers and nails poking and prodding inside your vagina and stretching out the muscles to its extent.

Hange rubs their hand up and down your spine, playing with each bony nub between three fingers as they curiously poke and thrive in the spongy, foreign organ. “N’aww, sweetie, it’s okay,” they coo, smiling wide with excitement as they stare intently at the liquid leaking around their fingers, lubricating them further, “you’re doing so well. Almost there.”

You loosely anchor one hand into the mattress and awkwardly push the other out behind you, trying to swipe their fingers away, the feeling becoming too much.

They grabbed your forearm and held it to your back, pressing down firmly to hold you in place as you squirmed away from their thrusting fingers, picking up speed as they lost themselves in the bending of your spine.

Reiner Braun (ass/pussy spanking)

“Fuck, baby, have you learned your lesson yet?” Reiner huffs, his hand painfully colliding with your already red cheeks, his bare and leaky cock inching threateningly close to your tempting and presenting labia.

He wants an answer, some half-gasp hearty moan that drags his dick alongside your meek backwards grip. His sore hand collides with your pussy lips, a wet echo vibrating in all directions, then immediately smacks a wet, white outline onto your pink asscheek. “Did that hurt?” He’s verging more breathless than you. “Do you want me to give you something that does?”

You cry out as his hand connects with the sore nerves two more times, shouting, “Yes, yes, I’ve learnt—I’ll behave! I’ll behave!” in a lag, your brain aching for less time lost to processing the throbbing numbness spiraling out.

Reiner smiles against the thin skin on your back, blindly thrusting his hips and grazing his teeth against your spine as your aching muscles catch the tip.

Jean Kirsten (begging)

Jean wants you to beg for it, wants you to whine and bend by any means necessary to convince him to continue, to touch you again.

The overwhelming heat that builds in his gut as he fucks inside you, watching your eyes squeeze shut as he manhandled your bouncing breasts—he needs to pull out before his vision blurs and he cums prematurely.

He fixates on your crying parted lips and twists your nipple as he stops at the apex, rips away all physical contact and gasps over you. He smirks devilishly and hovers his body over yours, negotiating the threat of falling into you.

“Jean, please,” it’s a breathy plea, but you know it will eventually work, “don’t stop—why are you stopping? I need you.” You held his head between your hands and pushed his nose to your cleavage, his teeth just grazing the red hot nerves. “Please—gah, please, Jean, baby, plea—aHH—”

[pupsmailbox]

ZOMBIE ID PACK

NAMES ⌇　ada.　adrien.　aiden.　aj.　alice.　altair.　ambrosia.　amy.　angel.　apparition.　appendix.　arius.　arrow.　arthur.　ash.　asher.　aspen.　atticus.　augusta.　bane.　barrett.　ben.　benny.　bernadette.　bones.　brain.　brains.　briar.　caden.　caleb.　callan.　carl.　carlos.　casey.　casper.　ciaran.　claud.　claudia.　clay.　clementine.　coffin.　corps.　corpse.　corpsie.　dakota.　damion.　david.　dearil.　decay.　diego.　doom.　dustin.　echo.　edward.　elkridge.　ellie.　ember.　emilee.　emily.　ethan.　eveline.　everett.　flesh.　frail.　frailesse.　frailette.　frailita.　frank.　frankie.　ghost.　ghoul.　ghoulette.　ghoulia.　ghoulita.　grant.　grave.　graves.　gravestone.　grayson.　griffin.　grim.　grimm.　gutesse.　harper.　hazard.　helen.　horrell.　horrelle.　hunter.　husk.　jesse.　jill.　joel.　john.　judith.　jules.　kade.　kaiden.　kilian.　klaus.　kyle.　lee.　leon.　liam.　lily.　luke.　lurk.　maggie.　maggot.　mangled.　mara.　marcus.　marion.　marionnette.　max.　maxwell.　medusse.　mera.　merle.　mira.　mist.　misty.　mona.　morb.　morbesse.　morbette.　morbid.　morgan.　morganna.　morgue.　morguesse.　morguette.　mort.　morte.　morticia.　mould.　muerta.　muerto.　mura.　mutt.　myra.　myrtle.　necro.　necros.　nemesis.　neo.　nick.　nikolai.　nox.　nyk.　nyx.　octavia.　ophelia.　parker.　perseus.　plague.　priscill.　quille.　rain.　raine.　rayne.　resurrect.　resurrection.　revenant.　riley.　rob.　roman.　rookie.　rose.　rosemary.　rosie.　rot.　rotesse.　rotette.　ruin.　ryan.　saifu.　sam.　scar.　scaresse.　scarette.　scarlett.　scottie.　scratch.　shade.　shadow.　shaun.　six.　skull.　slash.　slashesse.　slashette.　slug.　star.　stitch.　stitches.　stitchie.　stitchy.　strike.　sydney.　tank.　thorn.　thorne.　tomb.　trickie.　valentine.　vamp.　vertebrae.　vex.　victor.　violet.　virus.　walter.　wesker.　wren.　wyatt.　z.　zack.　zed.　zeke.　zob.　zoe.　zomb.　zombesse.　zombette.　zombina.　zombita.　zomblita.　zon.

PRONOUNS ⌇　axe/axe.　ba/battle.　bite/bite.　bleed/bleed.　bleugh/bleugh.　blood/blood.　bo/bone.　bone/bone.　brain/brain.　break/break.　chain/chain.　coff/coffin.　coffin/coffin.　cor/corpse.　corpse/corpse.　corr/corrupt.　craw/crawl.　dark/dark.　de4/de4th.　de/de4d.　dea/dead.　dea/defeat.　dead/dead.　death/death.　decay/decay.　decay/decayed.　dir/dirt.　empty/empty.　end/end.　es/escape.　evil/evil.　fa/fate.　fang/fang.　freak/freak.　fright/fright.　fungi/fungi.　ghou/ghoul.　gloom/gloom.　gore/gore.　grave/grave.　green/green.　grim/grim.　grim/grime.　gun/gun.　gut/gut.　ha/harm.　holy/holy.　hor/horror.　horde/horde.　hurt/hurt.　hx/hxm.　hy/hym.　infect/infect.　it/it.　ix/ix.　k1/k1ll.　ki/kill.　kill/kill.　lab/lab.　li/lich.　lurk/lurk.　mo/mold.　mold/mold.　morbid/morbid.　mou/mourn.　mould/mould.　mu/mutant.　mutant/mutant.　nec/necro.　prey/prey.　rain/rain.　reap/reaper.　rib/rib.　rip/rip.　rot/rot.　rot/rotten.　rotten/rotten.　sa/sacrifice.　sa/save.　scar/scar.　sea/search.　shatter/shatter.　shoot/shoot.　shx/hxr.　sick/sick.　slit/slit.　snarl/snarl.　thxy/thxm.　thy/thy.　tomb/tomb.　tri/tricked.　un/dead.　undead/undead.　vamp/vamp.　vi/virus.　viru/viru.　zo/zombie.　zom/zombie.　zomb/zomb.　zomb/zombie.　zombie/zombie.　⚰️/⚰️.　🍖/🍖.　🧟/🧟.　🧠/🧠.

[justanobodywriter]

Overstimulation

Hange Zoe

CW: female bodied reader, restrained reader, overstimulation, squirting orgasm

~400 words

The vibrator buzzed against your clit, as Hange circled you. They watched you intently as you writhed and slashed against the restraints you were in.

It was all too much.

You had lost count of what orgasm you were on, but you felt like you couldn't take it anymore.

"Aw, what's wrong?" Hange asked, as they stepped up to you and wiped away a tear that you hadn't even realized you let go.

"'s too mu-much," you hiccupped out.

You thrashed some more in your chair. No matter what you did, the toy wand stayed pressed tightly to your aching clit.

"Hm, is my experiment over already?" Hange questioned, cocking their head to the side. "I'd hate for it all to be over now, but if you insist."

They turned on their heels and turned the toy off.

You finally felt like you could breathe. You couldn't even imagine how long it had been with that toy firmly pressed against you. It was a nightmarish bliss you got stuck in.

"Ah," you breathed out, slumping forward as far as you could in the chair.

Hange walked over and lifted your chin up to look at them, "You know, I'm not done yet."

Your eyes widened as you looked into their eyes.

"I think I wanna keep you right here while I have my way with you," they smirked.

Hange bent down in front of you and removed the toy. They positioned themselves in front of you. Fingers trailed up your soaking thighs until they reached your entrance and practically slid right in.

You whined at the contact.

Their tongue began attacking your clit. You couldn't handle it. You moved so hard against the restraints, you feared that you would snap them. Honestly, maybe you were hoping that would happen so you could do something more than you were now.

Another orgasm waved over you, but this time, it was a new pressure. You looked down to see a clear liquid leaving you and covering Hange's face.

They looked up at you with a face that was lack of much emotion.

"I-I'm s'rry," you slurred. "I couldn't help it."

Hange smirked back up at you, "I want to make you do that again."

If you thought it was rough before, you weren't ready for what she had planned for the rest of the night.

[lucithekingofhell]

Do you like fried duck?

"...WHY WOULD I EVER EAT SUCH BEAUTIFUL CREATURES!? WAIT...DO HUMANS EAT THEM!?"

//Mod/Zoe: why is Luci crying so mu- oh... well that answers it. Does it taste good? I've never tried it.

[ksqwildwest]

▼ for Zoe Mus?

Thank you for the ask!

Childhood headcannon

She's owned more pets than you can imagine. No, really. Whatever number you're thinking of, it's higher, like quadruple it then add a zero on the end. This was because of her family's business of pest control, people often gifted her a range of critters, normal pets, animals that could be called pests, and exotic pets too!

As she grew older, and her family had announced that they would no longer be taking in animals, she found good homes for most of her critters. Some died of old age, or getting into something they shouldn't have, but most found good homes. She honestly spent more time with animals than people as she grew up. The animals didn't care if she slouched or acted unlady like.

It's part of the reason she's so good at putting on her perfect daughter act, if she didn't behave, one or more of her pets would be given away. One time, one of her fish was cooked for dinner. She bit three people and stabbed a chef in the leg with a kitchen knife. She was twelve. They didn't try it again.

[snudootchaikovsky]

EHEHEHEH SO IT'S BEEN ALMOST 2 YEARS (HOLY DHIT????) AND I WANTED TO DO A REDRAW OF MY LOBELY RAT'S FIC!!!!!!! HERE YOU GO NESSIE @glassesandswords 🤩🤩🤩🤩

LINK TO HER FIC: A TOAST TO THR WINGS OF FREEDOM!!! READ IT 🪚🪚

[merlintheactor]

Yeah okay so I scrolled through the alexithmyia tag and I don’t think it has this in any recent posts. I tend to be very dynamic while explaining stuff, so I’ll try and add that to the list

So, my aspiring students, what is this thing that you’ve probably never heard of, and why am I telling you about it?

Well, first let’s explain what it is. In the broadest possible sense, alexithmyia is basically a null condition. (Such as asexual, agender, aromantic) What I mean is it’s something describing the lack of something, which in this case is emotion. Alexithmyia is the inability to describe emotions or in some cases, not even feel them properly.

Have you ever experienced things like burning rage, or butterflies in your stomach, or the coiled rope of guilt deep in your stomach, or panic in your throat?

Alexithmeics (?) don’t have that. Or some do, it’s complicated. We’ll get to it.

I’m not a professional, this is all just my (and others) lived experience but I’ve seen the condition broken down into two categories, cognitive & affective. I saw this first on the reddit community for alexithmyia but I like it so I’m yoinking it.

Mu main source for this is an article by Zoe Blade (http://notebook.zoeblade.com/Alexithymia.html). It has sources, and is generally a better breakdown than what I’m going to do. Please check it out, it’s very good.

I’m writing my own thing on tumblr because most people won’t find it on reddit, don’t use it, or just won’t click a link on a random post. Itll probably sound very similar.

Cognitive alexithmyia is basically the original definition , where people with it have a great deal of difficulty describing their emotions. Sometimes it takes time to study the emotion, or sometimes you find out what the emotion was days later. This one isn’t really my lived in experience, but I have felt it occasionally.

Affective alexithmyia is the second definition, which I am a part of (yay!). It’s the inability to feel emotions on a visceral level. The way I’ve described it before is that metaphors about emotions don’t apply to me. I have never felt burning rage, I have never felt my stomach have butterflies, only once have I felt proper guilt.

This is mainly gonna focus on the second, because it’s the one I have.

Affective alexithmyia is complicated, as is anything that describes a null. I’m going to break it down into questions. So, in my best attempt to break it down, let’s begin.

How do you experience things like emotions, then? Are you unfeeling?

Yes and no. Affective alexithmyia means you can’t really feel things on a conscious level. As said before,the whole metaphor things about emotions don’t hit me. They’re just words. I usually have to infer how I feel from my body; if I listening to music, which I do enjoy, I can feel like bopping to the music, tapping my foot to the beat, stuff like that. From that, I can infer I’m enjoying it. If I’m very snappish and rude and it’s around six pm, I can usually tell it’s because I’m either overwhelmed from work, or I haven’t ate. If I read a hateful message, or a sad one, I can simply ignore it. I don’t feel angry. I can look forward to deleting the message, but I don’t get any emotion from it itself.

This is all to say that I’m not unfeeling, usually. I can express emotions, but they don’t come out the same way as everyone else, nor am I usually aware of them. Sometimes, I can just not feel emotions. I went to my mother’s funeral, and didn’t shed a single tear, not really feel the loss. This is to say it really depends. Sometimes my emotions don’t manifest, sometimes they do. The overarching point is that alexithmiacs with the affective side of things experience things almost fundamentally different to most people.

I am basically incapable of holding a grudge. What little emotion I do feel fades quickly, like a summer storm. I can’t be angry at someone for more than like an hour, most.

Why does this matter? How does it affect things?

Well, having the condition of alexithymia can cause a hell of a lot of social problems, especially as it’s usually paired with things like autism. People don’t generally like unemotive people. They’re hard to read and understand which can lead to a harder social life, harder times relating to people, hell even parenting. I haven’t conducted any research, obviously, but there’s a chance not having a broad social life might not really matter to people with alexithmyia. It doesn’t to me, anyway.

It can also lead to internal problems, physical or emotional. Because your signals aren’t properly getting to your brain, you can have issues with feeling hunger or thirst, bowels or bladder. You’ll probably still feel the signals, but only when your body is screaming at you. I wouldn’t say this is a uniquely alexithmyia related issue as, like I said, it’s comorbid with a lot of neurodivergent conditions. This could be due to ADHD, or autism, etc. it also leads to motivational problems, at least for me. I can’t feel invested in things easily. I’m always aware that I’m reading a book, playing a game, and when it comes to being creative, it’s hard to put my pen to paper.

On an emotional level, like I said, it can cause social problems. I personally don’t experience things like most people. It can make me seem cold and unfeeling. It can also lead to a lot of questioning and mental problems, because I mean. You’re fundamentally different to your peers. That will screw you up. It’s why alexithmyia needs more study and needs to be better known.

Things like raising kids and having partners is also pretty hard, from what I’ve seen. How does one understand a kid’s emotions when you don’t experience any? Some links for parenting are here, here and here. Partner links are here, here and here.

It also matters because I, god mage of everything, decided it does. Can’t refute that, now can you!

How does one get alexithmyia? When does it affect you?

My understanding is it’s broadly a genetic thing. I have it, my dad has it. It can also apparently be caused by trauma, repressing of emotions.

Does it manifest in kids? No idea. I was a fairly bubbly kid, apparently, but that changed as I started to approach teenage hood. I assume it has something to do with signals being too weak to reach the body, similar to depression with serotonin and adhd, but I have no clue. I haven’t done detailed research.

How does this affect creativity? Are you all maths people?

No. Much like anyone else, we have a variety of jobs and desires. There are actors with alexithmyia, writers, scientists etc. no one is bound to one job because of their conditions. I am bad at maths, I like writing and acting. I know another who doesn’t really read or watch things too often but loves maths and wants to do farming.

People are unique, no matter what.

Who’s got alexithmyia in media?

Far as I’m aware? No one. No characters have my condition. I assume it’s due to a few factors.

One, this is very unknown. You can’t write something you’ve never heard about, at least not intentionally.

Two, it’s extremely difficult to write someone with an inability to feel emotions. Characters are often emotionally different. Can you imagine FitzChivalry without his rage and emotion, or Kaladin without his deep sense of honour, drive for change and depression?

I hope to one day write a story with an alexithmyic character, but it’s a long way off.

Conclusion

Alright, finished! If you have questions, send me an ask or something. I’ll try and answer.

Please note a lot of these links, all of them except for Zoe’s, are anecdotal. There are a few science links within the subreddit itself, and Zoe has a lot of sources for her stuff. I’m not going to do a research kind of post until I have a firm grasp of said research. This is merely my experience, and people who exist on reddit because that’s the only place I’ve found an alexithmyia community.

I’m also interested in hearing from creatives about this stuff, and how it affects your work. God knows it affects mine.

[landograndprix]

Part two didn’t disappoint, Lando made an appearance, Charles is failing in being a caring partner. Everything is working out. It’s going in a right direction.

Can’t wait for times when she’ll dress Zoe in papaya.

Also, can we get rid off Robyn or whatever her name is. We can’t have our girlie involved in a double cheating scandal.

The fact that Charles had to hear it from all of his friends and family before he made time for his girlfriend and a MOTHER of his child is a new low. Mu expectations were minimal and yet, he still managed to disappoint me. He’s really making it easy for Lando.

You killed it as always

No words, this is art

Don't worry, lando's little boo thing won't be here for too long, not gonna be a big character here!

Also, y/n is a big ferrari girl I doubt she'll willingly put her daughter in mclaren merch and if they do find zoë in papaya, lando probably has kidnapped her 💀

also, I'm afraid y/n is holding onto her picture perfect family idea so letting go of charles js probably not on her to do list anytime soon, things won't be easy for lando

But thank you for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed it, you're the best 🥰

[mvsicinthedvrk]

valentines minievent masquerade ball starter call!

i'm limiting each to only a few starters but may add more slots later. i tried to include some baisc information about what everyone is doing, though this is not technically a ~plotting~ call. but if you want to plot beforehand, just send me a dm-- otherwise, if you request a starter, i'll take a look at your plotting/starter call and just come up with something that seems like it'd make sense. please only request 3-4 total starters, since i have limited characters and want to make sure i can write with everyone! thanks for your consideration!

wei wuxian-- going with lan wangji! he's going to be dragging his husband lan zhan around the museum to see absolutely everything, and he'll spend a good deal of the night on the dance floor, too. last valentines day was a disaster, so he's looking forward to having a nice time for once, without worrying. he's very naturally chatty, so if your muse needs someone to talk with, he's right there. wei wuxian starters for wen qing (kasey), jiang yanli (aria), ??-- (2/3)

xie lian-- going with hua cheng! not only does he get to spend valentines day with his memories finally intact, but the ball also falls during spring festival, which xie lian cares very much about. so he's looking forward to having a wonderful time with all the people he loves. if he separates from hua cheng at all during the evening, he'll try to find his friends, and he'll share a dance or a snack with anyone. shoutout to mu qing, who helped him choose his outfit. xie lian starters for feng xin (kasey), kieran hunter (atlas), shen qiao (june), sophie hatter (maig), ?? -- (4/5)

he xuan-- going with shi qingxuan! he xuan imagines he'll likely be here until the very end of the ball, given how enthusiastic his date is about these sorts of things. he'll basically just be going along with whatever qingxuan wants to do, and won't try to draw much attention to himself. he'll also be found near the snack table for a good portion of the evening. he xuan starters for shi qingxuan (sunny), patch (atlas), ??-- (2/3)

sha hualing-- she's neither going with a planned date nor a blind date, though she's keeping an eye out for hunter lance-sharpe at the ball. sha hualing will mostly be finding interesting places to take photos, and see if she can be a nuisance to her friends on dates. she's never opposed to causing a little trouble either. sha hualing starters for doom (atlas), zoe rivas (hali), ?? - (2/3)

liu qingge-- on a blind date with tadashi hamada (atlas's muse)! so qingge has no charisma. he has no romantic experience. he has no real understanding of what valentines day is, and his mask will barely count as a mask. but he should get points for being here at all, truly. he will do his best to stick it out for a few hours. liu qingge starters for ?? - (0/3)

dongfang qingcang-- going with xiao lanhua, with extraordinary reluctance. he will immediately look for reasons why they should head home before chaos strikes. in fact, chaos is just another name for xiao lanhua left unsupervised so it's not looking like the night will be in his favor. dongfang qingcang starters for xiao lanhua (kasey), rory gilmore (atlas), ?? -- (2/3)

chu wanning-- going with mo ran. chu wanning is very excited about this, but he'll be equally stressed about overthinking everything about the evening. he won't risk doing anything that would lead to him embarrassing himself so he'll be staying away from both the dance floor and the bar. chu wanning starters for ?? -- (0/3)

filippa kosta-- going with their girlfriend, amara! she didn't feel much like wearing a ball gown, so she'll be in a blazer of sorts. the concept of valentine's day is 'sweet,' in theory, so they'll be socializing as well as trying to show amara a good time. keeping things very chill and if your muse needs someone to vibe with in a corner of the room, they can go find filippa. filippa starters for mei nianqing (sunny), ?? -- (1/3)

qi yan-- qi yan's going with her wife, nangong jingnu! she'll also be dressed in a blazer and trousers. honestly, catch her taking in the museum sights (because she never has time to come see it otherwise) and making sure her wife doesn't get too drunk. qi yan starters for yin yu (sunny), ?? -- (1/3)

kaz brekker-- kaz is not actively anti-valentines day but he is the most apathetic about this holiday that a person could possibly be. i will send him to the ball because i think he'd use it as an opportunity to talk to business connections while they're all masked, or maybe pick some pockets, but he is not too excited about the ~valentine's~ aspect of it at all. kaz starters for zoya nazyalensky (moon), will herondale (siri), jesper fahey (june) -- (3/3. SLOTS CLOSED)

mo xi-- going solo, though he'll be keeping an eye out for gu mang. this is his first valentine's day in the city, and he doesn't really know what the day is all about, though he's slowly picking up on it the more decorations he sees. someone please take pity on him and come talk to him even though he doesn't look super welcoming. mo xi starters for bryce quinlan (kasey), ?? -- (1/3)

pei ming-- on a blind date with rebecca barnes (kow's muse)! let's just say that valentine's day is the busiest time of pei ming's year. 💀 he sees opportunities for short-lived romantic entanglements everywhere, and he thinks there's plenty of him to go around. but he's going to try to be a gentleman like rebecca seems to want, at least for now. pei ming starters for xuan ji (moon ?), shi wudu (kasey), ling wen (june), rebecca barnes (kow) -- (4/4. SLOTS CLOSED)

xiao chiye-- going solo. he's only here to make an appearance and see if he can catch sight of some of his friends. despite recently having some direct dance instruction, he probably won't be dancing. instead, he'll be taking full advantage of the open bar. xiao chiye starters for nie huaisang (sunny), shen zechuan (june), ?? -- (2/3)

lu junyi-- on a blind date with aluma ruairi (megan's muse)! junyi loves love and will be leaning fully into the valentines aesthetic, heart eyes all the way. if your muses need encouragement to get into the spirit, just look for her and she'll try to gently prod them into the holiday spirit. lu junyi starters for aluma ruairi (megan), ?? -- (1/3)

feng yu-- on a blind date with celeste kipper (sammy's muse)! he is here for just a nice, very regular time. his expectations are respectably neither high nor low, but you'll likely find him around the snack table making very mediocre small talk. or caught up reading every single plaque on every one of the smithsonian exhibitions. feng yu starters for ?? -- (0/3)

[moonlight-yuyu]

Hello! U open request? I want idol life. I am pisces sun mercury and asc, gemini moon and mars, aquarius venus. I'm she/her. TIA 🐟🐟🐟

🦋Thank you so much for requesting! I hope you'll have a lovely day and feel free to request again🦋

Stage Name: Zoe

Position in the Group: Lead Vocalist and Concept Creator

Group: ITZY

Crushes and Partners:

Crushes:

Jungkook from BTS

Chen from EXO

Partner:

Dating rumors with Hongjoong from ATEEZ, later confirmed as her boyfriend.

Friends:

Yeji from ITZY: Close friend and fellow creative force in the group.

Yeri from Red Velvet: Bond over their shared interests in artistic and conceptual projects.

Giselle from AESPA: Known for their collaborative work on innovative concepts and performances.

Ningning from AESPA: Best friends, often seen together in social media and public appearances.

Scandal:

Concept Controversy: Zoe faces criticism for an avant-garde concept in a music video, with some fans and critics questioning its relevance and impact. She addresses the controversy by defending her artistic vision and explaining the deeper meanings behind the concept, gaining respect for her creativity and boldness.

Detailed Ideal Life

Early Career:

Zoe, debuts as the lead vocalist and concept creator for ITZY. With her Pisces Sun, Mercury, and Ascendant, she brings a dreamy, intuitive, and imaginative quality to her role. Her Gemini Moon and Mars give her a dynamic, adaptable, and energetic approach to her work and interactions. Her Aquarius Venus adds an unconventional and innovative flair to her style and relationships.

Rise to Fame:

Zoe quickly becomes known for her unique voice and groundbreaking concepts. Her Pisces Sun, Mercury, and Ascendant make her a natural visionary, with a deep, intuitive understanding of art and performance. Her Gemini Moon adds versatility and a lively emotional expression, while her Gemini Mars provides a quick wit and adaptability in her work and interactions. Her Aquarius Venus ensures she stands out with her original and progressive approach to both personal and artistic aspects.

Personal Life:

Her Pisces Sun, Mercury, and Ascendant contribute to her intuitive, imaginative, and empathetic nature. Zoe often retreats into her inner world to recharge and draw inspiration. Her Gemini Moon and Mars give her a lively, adaptable, and curious emotional landscape, allowing her to navigate changes with ease and enthusiasm. Her Aquarius Venus means she values uniqueness and freedom in relationships, seeking partners who respect her individuality and unconventional approach.

Friendships and Relationships:

Yeji and Yeri from ITZY and Red Velvet: Zoe shares a strong bond with her group members, particularly Yeji and Yeri. Their friendship is highlighted in behind-the-scenes footage and social media posts, showcasing their collaborative creativity.

Giselle and Ningning from AESPA: Known for their innovative concepts and mutual support, Zoe's friendships with Giselle and Ningning are characterized by their shared artistic vision.

Dating Hongjoong from ATEEZ: Initially just close friends, rumors about Zoe and Hongjoong dating start circulating after they are spotted together multiple times. Their relationship is confirmed, and they become a beloved couple, often referred to as "ZoeHong" by fans.

Public Image and Scandal:

Concept Controversy: Zoe faces criticism for an avant-garde concept in a music video, leading to debates about its relevance and impact. She addresses the controversy with a thoughtful explanation of her artistic vision, gaining respect for her creativity and willingness to push boundaries.

Career Highlights:

Hit Singles and Albums: As a member of ITZY, Zoe contributes to numerous hit singles and albums, showcasing her vocal talent and innovative concepts.

Variety Show Appearances: Her Pisces Ascendant and Gemini Moon make her a natural in variety shows, where she captivates audiences with her intuitive insights and lively presence.

Solo Projects: Zoe releases solo music and artistic projects that highlight her unique style and visionary approach, further establishing her as a multi-talented artist.

Future Aspirations:

Artistic Direction: With her creative and intuitive nature, Zoe explores roles in artistic direction, shaping concepts and visuals for other artists and projects.

Fashion and Design: Zoe ventures into fashion design, using her Aquarius Venus and Pisces influence to create a clothing line that reflects her unique and imaginative style.

Philanthropy: Using her platform for good, she becomes involved in charitable causes related to mental health and creative education, inspired by her Pisces Sun’s compassion and Aquarius Venus’s progressive ideals.

Summary

Zoe leads a successful and multifaceted career as a member of ITZY. Her intuitive, imaginative nature and innovative approach make her a standout figure in the K-pop industry. With a strong support system of friends and a high-profile relationship with Hongjoong from ATEEZ, Zoe navigates the complexities of fame with grace and creativity, staying true to her visionary and unconventional personality.

[ksqwildwest]

That title hello??!! i'm so- i think i'm already piecing together the vibes, i'm tuning into the wavelengths of what might happen, and like- like i can feel the poem potential buzzing in my brain already even w/o knowing anything lol

needless to say i'm very excited to see what the new chapter brings tomorrow, and so interested to learn more about Zoe as well!! /gen /pos

~Poetry Anon

Thank you for the ask!

Hello, Poetry Anon! :D I'm so happy that just the title alone has gotten you buzzing! I think the title is a pretty good summary of The Vibe. A home should be comfortable, have people you like in or around it, and be a safe space where you can find some privacy. This Isn't Home. :)

The chapter will have already been posted yesterday when this ask is answered, so I eagerly await your poem! I can't wait to answer questions about Zoe Mus just as much as you can't wait to learn about her! Lovely how that works out!

Hope you're having a nice day!