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earanemith · 7 months

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Promises made

Chapter 6: Home

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She hated it with a passion. Understanding they needed to turn her, put pillows in different places touch her, and liking it were two very different things. Looking forward to the day she was able and allowed to do it herself so they'd stop touching her. The only positive thing about it was Miriam. She was very glad that Miriam seemed to be her main nurse. Where the others just came in and did what needed to be done. Miriam talked to her while doing it. Warning her every time when she was going to touch her. It made her less anxious to be told beforehand what would happen with her body. Already she felt unstable enough without the uncertainty of what would happen.

This time Miriam did not come in with the goal to move her body.

"Hello Ziva. I am going to take you to get some more scans. If they look good you will start with physical therapy."

No better news could have come at that time. This laying around was not what she and thus by extend her body was used to. Every time Liat held up the cup to let her drink she could feel the weakness in her arms, from disuse. If everything in her life was changing she at least could get back on of the things she'd loved before. Exercising, keeping her body moving. In the past it had also helped her get her mind of other things.

Rolling Ziva's bed out of the room was the last Liat saw from both of them for the next hour. Not noticing that as soon as Ziva's bed was moved the woman in question closed her eyes. The scans were taken and after Ziva was being rolled in again. Liat could see the exhaustion on her face. Not surprising. The moving that came with preventing bedsores already made her tired. Moving her to the scanning machines would take even more energy from Ziva.

Back barely half an hour and doctor Raviv already entered the room.

"I have very good news for you Ziva" she said as a way of greeting "the scans look good. The events from a couple of days ago did no further damage. For both your spine and pelvic region there are good signs that it's starting to heal."

Finally some good news. While Ziva tried her hardest to pretend her emotional outburst at Eli's abandonment hadn't happened she had feared she made things worse for herself.

"Later today your physical therapist will visit you to discuss everything. I will also send in a dietitian. Before we can truly get you out of this bed and moved to occupational therapy we need to be sure to get you eating again. Any questions?"

"No, thank you doctor Raviv" pleased with the good news she had gotten.

- -

Habits. Hard to break if it was a wrong one, hard to get right if it was something not completely natural to the person. After his weeks at sea only one habit had stuck. Not the getting up early, he still had as much trouble with that as before. Writing his letters to Ziva however did stick.

Even with being back at his desk, the place he longed to be back at the moment he left. Even with being able to actually talk to Abby, tease McGee, get his head set straight by a slap to it by Gibbs. He still needed her. Not that he'd ever thought he would not. Getting to walk back into the bullpen every morning was great. Finally hearing from Ziva would be better. It became clear to him that no one from NCIS had heard from her since she left. The only one he had not approached about it was director Vance. He'd rather not do that.

Not after his attempt to question Gibbs about her. They had been going to a witnesses house to question them when on the drive there Tony had finally dared to ask.

"Have you heard from Ziva?"

Silence as it was so often with Gibbs was also his answer now.

"I never thought I'd say this but I miss our Israeli officer. Did you know that neither McGee or Abby have heard from her? I had hoped you had any contact with her, is she on another mission for Mossad? She told me once it wasn't all hot women and car chases but I had always wondered if she was just.."

"DiNozzo. Your rambling" His boss said in a gruff voice, Tony knew that if Gibbs had not been driving instead of speaking he'd have head slapped him.

"Shutting up boss"

So, even though he had gotten almost everything he had wished for he still picked up his pen and paper and wrote to her. Late in the night when no one would glance twice at the senior field agent still at his desk.

The hope that she was send out on a mission and unable to contact him at all grew smaller and smaller. Or maybe it just got harder to cling to that hope.

As always he started his letter with her name. Just her name.

'Ziva, McGee and I have been back at NCIS for some time now and it is not the same without you here. I need my partner. You still haven't contacted me. I know what we said right before we left but.... I am starting to get worried. Where are you? Do you know how many times I picked up my phone to call you? The only thing that prevented me to press call was you yelling at me for compromising the mission you're on. That is the only explanation I can think of for you not contacting me.'

- -

Just as promised later that day a new face entered the hospital room. Shaking Ziva's hand and introducing herself as "Rasha" explaining since she and Ziva would be working close together she did not see the need for fancy titles or last names.

"Now I read through your medical file but I would like to hear from you what your life looked liked before you came here. How much exercise did you get? That way I can best make a plan for our sessions to get your body in the best condition for when you start occupational therapy"

"The normal amount. I always run...ran about eight kilometers every morning. Three times a week I would go to the gym for martial arts training. Sometimes more if work allow it. "

Inside Rasha had to chuckle, with Ziva saying the normal amount. Rasha read in the files that Ziva was a Mossad officer. Now she did not know about their training regime but she had patients that were in the IDF before, knowing how much they trained Rasha could only believe Mossad was at least that focused on physical strength and health.

"That is a good baseline to start from. That means you are in excellent form" her level of health greatly improved the odds of her recovery.

"I am not so sure about that" Ziva answered her even though no question was asked. "Since I have woken up my friend has had to help me hold a cup, they have to move me because I cannot do it myself. My arms feel weak"

"That is all perfectly normal. Your body has had to go through a lot these past weeks. The weakness you experience is normal after the coma you've been in. Loss of strength is already expected after a week. Let alone the time it was for you." A soft smile appeared on Rasha's face. If all of her patients were in the shape Ziva had been in before she would for sure see quicker recoveries. "The fact that you were in good shape before your accident means that your body is used to working. We will get you back in shape, get your strength back up. I cannot promise you you'll get back one hundred percent. But if you are willing to work so am I. Don't forget your body is also not getting the nutrients the way it is used to. Once you get back to eating you will find your strength will return fast. I'll take my notes and start working on a program. I will be back tomorrow. Prepare to start working then."

- -

The dietician Michael was a nice enough man, though that was maybe also due to Ziva's excitement at him being there. Longing for a bite of real food, not ice chips. After checking her mouth and swallow reflex quickly jolting things down in his file he gave her the good news. "You are good to go with oral ingestion again. Any swelling from the ventilator is gone. This does not mean you can immediately get back to eating full meals. You're digestive track has not been working on solid foods for too long for that. We will start you off slowly with broths onto mashes and introduce more fiber into your diet again. It is all written out so the nurses can handle that. I will check in periodically with you to see if the plan needs to be tweaked." Looking up when Miriam came into the room holding a tray with a bowl on it. "Now are you ready for real food? We will go slowly since you have been flat for a while. Give us a sign if you feel uncomfortable"

He pushed the button to raise her bed. Then everything went wrong, the bed had barely moved up a couple of inches. Nausea swept over her. More intense than at all the times they had moved her or had rolled her bed down to the scans.

"Stop" was all she was able to say before her stomach protested. At once she started dry heaving. For nothing was there to come up. Quickly she was lowered down again.

"Deep breaths Ziva. This is just a reaction from your body from laying down for so long. We will wait a couple of minutes before we try again. Let it sink down"

And like that, a couple of minutes later they tried again. Ziva closing her eyes before he could start the bed to lift her up a bit. Again with just a bit of movement the nausea came back. This time instead of lowering her down Michael just stopped the bed.

"Remember Ziva deep breaths. We'll try to stay like this to see if the nausea goes away. Your balancing organ just needs to get the message that everything is okay"

With the minutes passing the nausea did not go away. It just seemed to get worse. Ziva felt herself grow warm and start to sweat. When Michael saw this then he lowered her down again.

That whole process was repeated a handful of times more in the next half an hour. Sadly without any change.

"Please no more" Ziva finally said. Since the second time they'd tried to lift her she had not opened her eyes anymore.

Then finally it clicked with Miriam. Who remembered she had Ziva close her eyes on purpose quite a bit in the last couple of days.

"Ziva, did you feel dizzy or nauseated before going up?"

Nodding her head not daring to speak in fear of dry heaving again.

"All the time?" the answer now being a shake of her head.

"Ziva I know it is hard but I need you to answer me. When do you start to get dizzy?"

"When moved" were the only two words Ziva dared to speak.

"When we move you around, also when we move your bed right?" A nod confirmed it.

"I think we need to get you on some different pain medication before we try to get you up again. I think you are experiencing a side effect. I will talk with doctor Raviv to see about the change" leaving her alone with Michael.

"I believe Miriam might be right. For now we will wait until the medicine is changed. Depending on how you are feeling I will be back late in the afternoon."

After Miriam's talk with doctor Raviv it was decided to indeed change Ziva's pain medication. One that was ever so slightly less strong but with a lot less side effects. The change of the medication was not easy. The pain medicine that had made her so sick going out of her system being sure it was noticed one last time. Which caused another bout of dry heaving even though Ziva was laying flat on her back. The morning she woke up after was better, the change in medicine very noticeable.

When Michael came back that day and they repeated the whole process there was a big change. She still got dizzy and nauseas when they lifted her but not as much. The need to throw up was gone. In slow fazes she was lifted. Somewhere between laying down and upright was where they left it for today. Not wanting to overwhelm Ziva's system. Because the day had taken a lot of energy out of Ziva it was Miriam who spoon fed her the soup. Trying to get over that embarrassment was hard but was made somewhat okay at the feeling of the broth going down. The taste of the salty broth did her good, finally something ells than the ice chips she had been allowed before.

When everyone concluded she would keep it down Michael told her again how they would build up her tolerance to solid foods. If at any point she felt her body fight against the food or feel nauseas by it she needed to let them know. Before he left he wanted to lower Ziva, who stopped him, down again.

"Can you leave me up please?"

He continued with lowering her "Your body has enough to adjust to. The half hour you have been up is the max I can allow right now. Mostly because of your spine. I will message your physical therapist, noting you responded well with being as upright as you are right now. You will work on being up for longer periods of time."

"You did well today Ziva." Miriam, always being kind to her, said before both she and Michael left. Leaving Ziva alone in the room with Liat. Who had come back from the gym right when Ziva had finished her broth. They talked some. Ziva informing her of what happened when she was gone. Satisfied with a day where she finally did something it was not much later that Ziva closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

- -

A new day had started and for the first time since Ziva landed in the hospital Liat finally thought things were taking a turn, for the better and staying that way. Where she had thought that before this was different. This was the first day that Ziva had woken up with a smile. Looking forward to eating, to starting to work with Rasha.

"Hey Ziva, Liat" Rasha greeted her happiness being infectious. "Ready to work?"

Having to only look at Ziva to see her smile in reply. "Let's first get you up a bit more. I got the note from Michael and I agree with everything getting you stable upright is important right now"

Slowly she raised the bed. Ziva was happy to note that she did not get as dizzy today and not at all nauseated. After checking if Ziva felt okay Rasha took a seat on the other side of the bed that Liat sat. "Before we start I wanted us to talk about something. I know a lot has happened in the last couple of days and that everything can be very overwhelming. That is why I want you to know that this whole process that we start today is in your hands. Everything we do here is to give you as much choice and control for when you are okayed to leave. There will be times when progress seems none existent and things will get hard. But I am here to work through that with you."

Ziva understood. She did not fully trust Rasha for that was not in her nature. As long as what Rasha said was true, that she would do anything in her power to help Ziva they would be okay.

"What helps is to set a goal for yourself. Something to work towards. Tell me, what do you want? How does life look like when you get out of here?"

For a moment Ziva did not know what her answer should be. The past days had started and ended with her mostly focusing on the here and now. More overwhelmed by the drastic change her life had taken. In the past whenever an injury had brought her to the hospital she had fought tooth and nail to get out as soon as humanly possible to be able to return to work.

She turned the question Rasha had asked her over in her head. Again and again. What did she want? Most of the things she had wanted for her life were not a possibility anymore. Or at least the things that Eli had wanted for her. Without deciding to a memory popped in her head. Tony's voice "Promise me you'll come back. Promise me we'll get a chance?". That made her think of him. For the first time since she'd woken up. The thought of him brought a lot of new questions with it. Would he still want her like this? Unable to be his partner again? Would any of them? Right now she was a world away, she could not return in the same state she had left in. Would that change anything for them? Would Gibbs still trust her as he once had? Would Abby, McGee and Ducky receive her back with open arms? Even like this?

When she asked herself that question her mind answered with memories. Memories of them all hanging out after a case had been closed, thanksgiving at Ducky's, her girls nights with Abby, all the moments shared in the last years. They had taught her what it had meant to be part of a team. A team more often than not working as family. They taught her that is was okay to show what she had kept inside when working for Mossad. It was okay to be human, to make mistakes, to cry to laugh with the people around you. It was okay to love.

The answer to all of her questions would be yes. Even this far away from them she was still a part of them, just as they were a part of her. Things would not be as they were before but they could work at a new normal. She did not need her legs to sit down for tea with Ducky and listen to his stories. She did not need to be physically strong to have fun with McGee or a girls outing with Abby. Her and Gibbs shared a bond to deep to just break because of this. And Tony. She had seen him change in the years since she met him, especially in the last year when they had really gotten close. He slowly got into her heart as more than a friend even if that was hard to admit somehow. She knew it was the same for him. The connection they shared would hold, this would not change that. Ziva would make sure to keep her promises to him.

Rasha waited patiently as Ziva seemed to be deep in thoughts. She noticed Liat start to fidget next to Ziva, probably wondering if she should step in. Years of experience had taught Rasha that often times patients had not thought about that question before she asked it to them. Would not think much further than all the medical stuff happening around them. That was why this question was important. Once they realized what they wanted they became motivated they could push through the hard parts. It was visible the moment Ziva had found her answer. A tiny smile broke out on her face and she looked straight into Rasha's eyes. With conviction she spoke, a single word but it encompassed all that Ziva wanted to accomplish.

"Home"11

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#Promises made #NCIS #Ziva David #Tony DiNozzo #Jethro Gibbs #Leroy Jethro Gibbs #Liat Tuvia #Tiva #Zony #my fanfic #hurt/comfort #ao3 #fanfic.net #abby scuito #tim mcgee

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