#zoo wee freaking mama

[umbranarts]

Brian Bloom as Brock Pike in the Movie "The A-team (2010)"

He's pretty good at playing villain roles. he was such an asshole in this movie but goddamn was he hot ughhhhhhhh~~~~~

[carsonian]

October '23 SteveTony Fics Recap 🎃❓

Just two fics; one spooky, the other less so.

Technically, I wrote the final chapter of "Only Natural to Harden Up" in October BUT cawm on, that link's been worn to bits.

With the two below fics, I wrote a total of 29,282 words this month. Zoo wee mama.

Onto the fanfics! ➡️

"Stupid Mouth Shut" | 16,473 words | T | 13-29 Oct

Tony invites Steve out for a coffee, and during their conversation, Steve starts to suspect that Tony's going to confess that he has feelings for him. This freaks Steve out, seeing as he's never even thought of Tony in that way, and is now going to have to reject him, possibly ruining their friendship forever. But when Tony confesses that he's got feelings for Thor, Steve's surprised to find that instead of being relieved, he's actually kind of. . . disappointed? For the prompt fill: accidental love confession and jealous Steve Rogers

I wrote this for @earliebirb! It's a hoot, it's a gag, it's a gimmick and a half. One of my favourite things about writing SteveTony is that you can get away with a truly disproportionate amount of convoluted miscommunication, and it will still be reliably faithful to characterisation.

"In Love with a Strict Machine" | 12,809 words | M | 31 Oct

After an honourable discharge from the War, Steve is relocated to a suburban neighbourhood where he stands out as the only Monster around. Soon after, T0ny, a Cyborg he knew briefly during the War, moves in next door. Steve's long carried a hidden flame for the man, and decides to take their paths reconnecting as a sign to finally make a move. (A.K.A. the Halloween fic where Steve is Frankenstein's monster, Tony is a cyborg, and they are pathologically drawn to each other.)

It was Halloween! I had some tunes lined up. It was a fun time.

Check out the fics if you haven't already! Lots of love, guys, not much else to say this time around.

[mugenloopdalove]

have u seen playboy bunny king arthur with her extremely weird proportions yet. i feel like your husband would be one of the following: dr roman, cas gil (not archer gil though he's too much of an asshole), sherlock (sorry i promise he is not that bad he's actually endearing), or moriarty if you like old men

OH I've seen art of her in the chibi style but never the actual art. Queen where are you organs.

Let me look up the other guys and give my thoughts.

Roman - ZOO WEE MAMA he looks like he's into freak shit. Love that for him 🩷

Cas - Not as good as Roman but I'd go for him. Looks like he'd treat me right.

Sherlock - ZAM also I feel like my bestie would be into him lmao.

Moriarty - I'm so into older men. Id let this one do anything to me goddamn

Faves are def Roman and Moriarty lmao.

[splendidshinobi]

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST 2003 LIVE REACT: EPISODES 21-25

almost halfway done lads how we feelin'

episode 21: the red glow

ah yes barry

"i'm alphonse elric!!!!!" yes u r baby!!!

who just popped over the wall

scar im assuming

"i kill therefore i am".....barry spouting descartes rn

it was scar haha

um

hi greed

thought i saw you earlier

WHY DID THEY DRAW HIS ARMS THAT LONG

ope he found the chimera crew...

jerry jewell's evil laugh gets me every time lmao he's so great

ed has deep philosophical talks bro

also ed is chaotic but his personal morals are unshakeable

who are these prison guards gonna release

oh hey kimblee

oh hey squad

ed take out ur pokeball

um wth is that

OH MY GOD TUCKER WHAT

EW

I THOUGHT IT WAS A GIANT YODA OR A SWAMP MONSTER

he looks FUCKKEDDDD

bro of all the things i was not expecting him

oof ishval flashbacks

young scar why is your hair brown

why is it white now

WHY IS HE NAKED

whos her

lust 1.0 im assuming

ew omg tucker is literally so fuckin nasty lookin idk

idk why but he's worse than rod reiss titan for me

wait a damn minute

wait a damn fucking minute

goddamnit

what is GOIN ON

i need tucker to stop whispering he sounds like fucking voldemort on the back of quirrells head

jesus

episode 22: created human

hughes' pajamas look like armin's futon from aot junior high

the bad place???? was that greed's prison gluttony was lookin at?

im still shook af over tucker and tbh its been like 24 hours since i watched episode 21

STOP WHISPERING TUCKER

driving me up a wall

my poor son looks so tired :(

those moral principles at it again

bradley.......

ewww the way tucker walks STOP

hi envy!!!!!

so all of those prisoner guys gonna get flattened by some alchemy

hey kimblee!!!

so did greed escape with the homies???? cause i feel like he would have made his presence known already....

i feel like im missing a lot because im a ding dong

musty prison kimblee is kinda...hot....physically speaking..oops..personality wise obviously there's MUCH to work on

so envy knows hohenheim

ED BABY

he won't do it

oh no alphonse

oh god memory implants

al's identity crisis CONTINUES

they wanna become humans??? huh....doesnt really make sense for their characters...(maybe envy but more on that at 11)

is ed gonna kill these guys for al

some1!!!!!! hold!!!!! me!!!! im so stressed

is he pretending to do it and he's got another plan up his sleeve!!!!????

honestly he's so depressed i cant even tell

those unshakable moral principles at work again i see

the red water can turn ed into a god???? wtf ed doesnt want to be a god he wants to punch god

oh theres the greed squad! i found them!!! is kimblee joining up with them

maria girly!!!!!!!

THE HOMUNCULI IN THEIR STUPID UNIFORMS I--

who's the lady. i need 2 know.

episode 23: fullmetal heart

alphonse is destroyed again

poor kid

"edward sir" brosh pls!!!

oh excuse me--- ***Bloch

The Ross Slap™

winry <3

pinako takes no prisoners

ed didnt you JUST tell brosh and ross they might be right that you needed to trust adults with more shit and now youre blowing off hughes

ed's DRAWINGS im-

hi sig hi izumi!!!

al is so sad over there in that corner

poor baby son

sometimes i feel like hughes and mustang are ed and al's divorced dads

the little arakawa avatar cows in the back im CRYING!!!!!!!

“bean”

snappy al

ooffffffff

omg hughes plz

elicia is precious though we love her

"dad's friend the bookworm" omg sheska

awwww gracia made edward a cake!!!!!!!

god catch me cryin in the club

CONGRATULATIONS

"whatever" al im crying he's so sad

AL MADE BROSH OR WHOEVER CARRY HIS DESTROYED ARMOR TO THE ROOF IM ACTUALLY YELLING

"you goof"

yes winry you are correct boy is a goof

sir you are being so dramatic

give that baby a hug

"so called brother"

so we all know that was a knife through the heart for ed

al just jumped off a FUCKING ROOF and ED TRIED TO FOLLOW

so im crying

i liked this better when they HAD A CONVERSATION ABOUT AL'S FEARS AND MADE THE FUCK UP

episode 24: bonding memories

guess we're gonna play w my emotions again

sometimes like....one bit characters talk...like villager b ya know? and im like who are you i know that voice

so the nasty military has come to ruin some lives again

and barry for some reason

aww poor al

youre real you are!!!!!!

i just feel like people would know people that wear sunglasses in the rain would be ishvalan

but what do i know

obviously they dont have the white hair thing in this version

poor ed is so sad

these boys need a hug 

let me just *pulls out adoption papers*

well if scar doesnt have queen mei to adopt in 03, he’s got this little toothless boy

dont lie al you do care

ew i dont like her

the drama of this boy

so the nasty military has come to ruin some lives again part 2

apparently they are *mercenaries??? excuse me

i have some questions regarding this kid’s mom

well you know i can see why this kid feels this way about his mom

it does look like she ran off...

al and scar dream team up

HEY ED!!! HEY WINRY!!!

bout time

yall gonna have this talk now????

barry STOPPPPPP

brotherhood barry is the true king there i said it

damn scar you baddie

barry like....you already knew him

anyway

WHAT THE HELL

NO RICKKK!!!!!!

someone save this boy!!!!

oh good his mom “saved” him

ah damn thats pretty tragic

she didnt know they were right in front of her

ow

well my questions were answered

so she attacks with grape fanta. thats one way to do it

ed looks like such an angry gremlin right now this is a heartwarming moment sir please

why are ed and scar being so civil right now this is so weird

bye scar

we’ll see him again

see you later scar

episode 25: words of farewell

maes who let you buy that awful pink suit 

gracia please it better not have been you

mustang ew please

dont open the door lookin like that

what the hell are you doing in here 

so hughes WASNT in ishval here?

i think that takes a lot away from his character but anyway

bradley hangs around like a creep at every possible instant

why would bradley care about ishvalan refugees like hughes cmon

“unspeakable crimes” BRADLEY YOU LITERALLY CANNOT TALK

juliet douglas is this lady’s name

only took me 1000 episodes to figure that out

ED AND AL??? NOT DEALING WITH DANGEROUS THINGS??????? dont make me laugh assholes theyre lying thru their teeth

izumi time lets go

wow we’re still going to rush valley? wasnt really expecting that tbh

elicia i LOVE you!!!!!

ew kimblee “hi”

how did he lightning himself like that

if i were ishvalan i would not go to the south....yet ANOTHER war torn region of amestris but ok

okay

an amestrian desert biker gang rolled up to wreak havoc

HUGHES AHAHAHA 

tbh i wouldnt want to tell roy anything either stupid bitch

anyway

um why do i feel like its hughes’ death episode

he would not be shown tucking elicia in to bed otherwise 

please im not ready to be hurt again

oh no

yeah he just learned something about our girl juliet

ive been waiting for this information 

he’s gonna die before we learn anything helpful

yupppppp

hey lust figured you’d show up sooner or later

i too wish i could look that sexy pulling a kunai out of my forehead

SLOTH????????

did girly just say SLOTH

i- nothing about her seems particularly slothy but ok

u know what!!!!!!!!!!!!

ENVY HEYYY

DUMBASS ROY JUST HAAAAAD TO LEAVE

haha famous last words

oof it hurts every time

not the FUNERAL scene no!

time for me to go 

peace out homies im dead inside

yes my brigadier general 

NOT THE RAIN

COME ONNNNNN

hughes is sneezing six feet under

was ed supposed to be looking at hughes’ ghost

um....right

[lemongogo]

Aquarius and planets? 👀👀

daily reminder that i love u kassie uwu

Aquarius- What’s a topic you enjoy learning about?

UGH HUMAN BIOLOGY! more specifically, i LOVE learning about diseases. like that might be so weird but i find it so incredibly cool to learn about. prions? infectious disease? genetic disorders?? bacterial infections ?? virus infections??? bodily malfunctions and physiological disorders??? ofc with all due respect, they’re all very tough subjects to talk about and deal with and i obv dont think its cool on behalf of the patient, but i just rly appreciate the academics and research behind it i guess. when things go wrong in the body. ugh makes my heart race. for a long time i wanted to be a medical examiner and do autopsies, and then it switched to rare and infectious disease specialist, and now medical illustration. wild stuff. and im also applying to be apart of an infectious disease research team this spring so im rly excited and i hope i get in ……. kdgnfk i could go on about this ALL DAY.

if someone out there is also interested in this sort of stuff hmu so we can talk abt how fascinating the human body is. maybe thats why i wanna draw it so much. think thomas gericault and his “morbid anatomy” studies. spooky and not for the faint hearted, but incredibly awesome to look at.

but yeah. human anatomy and biology for sure. 

[ send me a space ask! ]

[hermit-pistol]

Josuke Higashikata Fluff Alphabet:

Number 3/6 for the alphabet requests! Hope you enjoy! Click under the cut for more:

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Josuke is a very adventurous guy and he would love to be active and get out of the house with you! Whether it be exercising together or having an outdoor picnic, not a minute of daylight will be wasted.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

He is seriously envious of your style. Being pretty big on fashion himself, he's glad that he has an s/o that can match his taste. (Might even ask you to pick out his outfits for him one day, who knows)

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

He's no stranger to stress, and very much so understands the way that you're feeling. He'll wrap you into a big hug, repeating positive affirmations. It's imperative that he makes sure that you're feeling okay before he diverts attention from you.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Josuke is READY for those exciting next steps in your relationship. He often thinks about moving in together and getting a dog. He's really enthusiastic about the dog. You even catch him looking up dog breeds on his phone sometimes.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

He has that "go with the flow" attitude, so it's no surprise that most of the decisions fall into your territory. It's not that he's lazy, he just trusts your judgment.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Being more bark than bite, he'll just get very loud very quickly. He won't stay mad for very long, but the man can hold a grudge for ages. Once you tell him you’re no longer angry he’ll probably follow suit.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

All throughout the day, Josuke will remind you how much you mean to him. Whether it be physical affection, saying sweet "I love you's" or buying you lunch just because, you just know that your boyfriend is as grateful as can be.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Josuke is a terrible liar. His face gets flushed and his breath gets caught in his throat. Besides that, he's pretty transparent and always tells the truth, whether he wants to or not.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Once Josuke met you, he finally got why everyone was ranting and raving about the whole "true love" thing. He showed you a new side to life, and he enjoys every day that he spends by your side. With you, he's also learned to become more confident in his appearance when his hair is down! He can afford to let his guard down around you.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

He'll get a little jealous when you spend time with his friends or Tomoko and don't check in with him from time to time. One time you were laughing with his mom over old baby pictures and Josuke had his arms crossed, pouting in the corner. He doesn't like to talk about it.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Naturally amazing kisser! He doesn't even need instructions or anything. If anything....he should be teaching you...(zoo wee mama)

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Josuke overthinks things and will be freaking out on the day that he finally decides to tell you how he feels. It would be over dinner, and when you found that your handsome man felt the same you were overjoyed. He would just sit there extremely proud of himself, grinning like a goofball for the rest of the meal.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Josuke totally proposes with the help of Okuyasu and Koichi and you can't change my mind. The three of them have been planning something big for weeks, and you can tell because they aren't slick. By the time that you and Josuke are alone, you can't help yourself and ask, "Hey, are you gonna propose already?". You can see the other two heavily breathing behind a tree and it's starting to freak you out.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

He frequently uses "babe". Like all the time. If he asks you for help or trying to get your attention, it's spoken literally every other sentence. It's endearing, though. Sometimes he'll also use a shortened version of your name!

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Josuke is like an excited puppy, and hiding his emotions is not something he's good at. Everyone in the town can tell that this pure love kinda guy is definitely feeling something strong. For heaven's sake, the man walks around Morioh in a trance.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

He's VERY handsy and cuddly and doesn't care who sees. If he could, he'd let the whole world know that you are his. Although, he'll be tasteful about it. For example, the citizens of the quaint town would rather not watch him shove his tongue down your throat.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

A random quirk? Josuke talks in his sleep all the time and says the best/ most random things. You tell him that one of these days you'll have to record him so he can hear it for himself. Most importantly, he mumbles your name in his sleep 🥺

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Again pure love kinda guy people. He's gonna be traditional, surprising you with flowers after work or treating you to dinner. He even pulls out chairs for you and the like. Josuke will always keep the romance alive.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

He's your biggest cheerleader, all that's missing is the outfit. No matter what you decide to go out and do he'll always have your back. Once you achieve your goal he'll pick you up and spin you around, saying how proud he is of you! (the dream, honestly)

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

It has been said that Josuke is the king of spontaneity. He's also quite keen on the element of surprise. One of his greatest endeavors was leaving plane tickets on the dining room table and not talking to you about it until you asked. He's too "young and wild" for a routine. Give him a few years to settle down.

U nderstanding - How well do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Josuke isn't afraid of his own feelings, so he's open for you to tell him about yours. He's extremely feeling and will listen to anything you have to tell him. He's your rock, basically, and you're so grateful that he's emotionally available for you.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

He puts his relationship at the top of his list of priorities. To him, it's even more special than video games. (that's saying a lot, here) Honestly, he wouldn't know what to do if you weren't around.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

You and Josuke have countless inside jokes and said jokes work their way into everyday life. It could either be a play on words or a funny voice; it doesn't take much for both of you to be curled up on the floor dying from laughter. He also seems like the kind of guy that makes random noises and laughs at them, don't deny it.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Josuke has declared it so he will always assume the position of the big spoon, and you accept these terms. He's also quite fond of kisses, giving or receiving. Surprise kisses are the best, in his opinion. Snipe him.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

He knows that you have to spend time apart, but his thoughts drift to you quite often when the two of you aren't together. With friends, he'll zone out a lot, and maybe dramatically sigh. He'll also reread your best texting conversations often.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Josuke will put forth his best effort in the relationship, and you appreciate him for it. He doesn't really need to woo you with fancy objects or shiny things since you prefer his company anyways. You can't put a price on laughter anyways... (refer to W)

[beelsbaby]

could you do the obey me undatables for the girl dad thing too please?😁

Of course! I hope you like it! I had a lot of fun writing it, I got carried away a lot WHOOPS but here ya go!

Undateables as girl dads

Solomon

* OKAY he wanted a son

* I don’t know he just gives me boy dad energy

* But you said no sir we having a girl

* I love that for you 😌

* But he didn’t get upset because he knew no matter what the gender was, his child would be powerful

* Insert "good for her" pic

* He reads books on how to be a dad

* How to be a dad for dummies LMAOO

* He makes sure to be fully prepared

* What a dork HA

* Her room probably has a lot of purples

* It’s very whimsical

* When she’s born, he instantly forgets about being the most powerful in the room

* All those pacts he’s made with demons mean nothing

* He is hopelessly devoted to her

* When she gets fussy, he just sprinkles a little magic and she’s giggling again

* She’s just so fascinated by it

* He loves carrying her around while doing mundane things

* He’d be reading a grimoire with her resting on his hip

* She said papa first and he was WEAK

* He did shed a tear or two but he’ll never tell

* He can put her down to sleep in record time

* He just makes up a story about magic and she’ll happily go to sleep

* She’s also very fascinated by his magical artifacts

* She’s constantly touching the ones he unsuccessfully tried to hide

* “Sweetheart, that’s papa’s, okay? That’s 380 years old... Let’s put that down, yeah?”

* Looks absolutely baffled when she’d take the artifact and BOLT

* “Y/N, why are you just standing there laughing, help me!”

* She is very sneaky and cheeky just like him

* She knows just to give her dad her cheeky little smile and he’s putty in her hands

* He’s so whipped

* But she’s also pretty sharp

* Solomon brags that she gets her intelligence from him

* Fool slept on the couch for that comment

* He has a ring with her initials on it

* She likes listening about sorcery

* “Papa papa! I want to have magic like you!”

* “One day, petal, one day”

* “Pinky pwomise?”

* He’d chuckle and intertwine his pinky with hers

* He spoke to soon because she started showing signs of sorcery at 6 years old

* He was so proud

* He taught her how to control it, how to maneuver it, and how to use it properly

* This definitely brought them closer together

* He’s just so happy to have her and she’s changed him to become a better person in just a few years, he loves her to infinity and beyond. He’ll protect her until his last breath 😭✋🏻

Simeon

* This angel was ELATED

* He thanked you endlessly like the true gentleman he is

* He didn’t care if it was a girl or a boy he was just happy to have a child with you

* When you tell him it’s a girl he immediately starts getting things ready for her

* Her room is so angelic

* The walls are painted like the sky

* It’s so beautiful

* The day she was born, he swears he finally understood what happily ever after meant

* He didn’t know if life could get any better, he was just so happy

* And she was GORGEOUS

* She looked exactly like him

* His beautiful skin tone, eyes, everything

* I’m crying at how pretty she is 😭

* He cried too, she was a literal angel

* He helped you out with everything

* He fed her, changed her, whatever you needed

* He sang her to sleep whenever she refused to sleep

* She’d stare at him with adoration

* He liked carrying her around, even if he was busy

* Multitasking king we love to see it

* Whenever he was caring her, she would grab his cheeks and babble at him

* His heart melted every single time

* Her first word was “up”

* She liked her dad picking her up and putting her on his shoulders

* So she asked him to pick her up

* He gladly did so with a huge smile

* She LOVES his wings

* She likes playing with Luke !!

* She also likes playing dress up with her dad

* She dresses up as a princess

* She has him dressing up like a knight

* He has to come save her from the dragon

* Luke is the dragon

* And He hates playing dress up lol

* She loves hearing all about angels

* And Simeon loves telling her about them

* When she’s five, she sprouts wings!

* She’s so happy

* “Look papa I’m just like you now!”

* He cries, she’s just so beautiful

* “Yes, angel, you’re like me!”

* He teaches her how to control and maneuver her wings

* She’s very clumsy at first, but he’s always there to catch her

* Simeon vows to always be there to catch her whenever she needed him, he loves her more than life itself 🥺❤️

Luke (aged up!!)

* This man passed tf out when you told him

* He was not ready for that bomb you just dropped

* But when he wakes up he asked you how you feel and if you know the gender

* When you both go to your appointment and you’re told it’s a girl, he starts freaking out

* What if he’s not a good dad?

* What if he can’t understand her?

* His mind is literally screaming WEE WOO WEE WOO

* But you assure him that he’s gonna do just fine and she’ll love him unconditionally

* He relaxes a bit

* Like 2%

* But he’s not hyperventilating anymore so you take it as a win

* He make sure her room is as comfortable as possible

* A lot of plushies and toys

* The room is such a vibe

* When she’s born, he passed out again

* Geez Luke get a grip

* You had two precious babies to look after

* But when he came to, he was in euphoria

* His baby girl was a beautiful mix of the both of you

* He was so smitten

* She’s very attached to him

* When she’s fussy he just picks her up and she settles down

* He carries around her diaper bag

* Mammon saw him once and now he never let’s him live it down

* Luke isn’t embarrassed, he’s just irritated because it’s Mammon

* Her first word was “daddy” and Luke felt his heart go BOOM 💥

* He picked her up and gave her a forehead kiss

* “Yes, little one, I’m daddy! Y/N she knows I’m her daddy she’s a genius!”

* You just smiled as he went on and on about how much of a genius y’all’s daughter was

* Proud dad™️

* He loves taking her to petting zoos, aquariums, etc

* Her eyes light up

* As she grows she gets more feisty lol

* Simeon loves comparing her feistiness to Luke’s

* But tbh it just makes Luke smug

* He loves that he has a headstrong daughter

* He knows she won’t take anyone’s crap

* When she was in the first grade, you guys got a call from the school one day

* She punched a classmate

* It was her first offense so the school just let her off of a warning

* But when Luke asked her why she did it, she said it’s because he was bullying her friend

* Prouder dad™️

* She makes him prouder every day and he’s so proud to call himself her dad, his entire heart is hers

Diavolo

* he’s been wanting to have a family with you for a long time

* So when you tell him you both are going to have a baby, he is so excited!

* He’s very doting the entire time

* When you told him it was a girl he’s was very happy and supportive

* It might have been ideal for him to have a boy but we know this man lives to break the status quo

* So he’s happy

* When she was born, Diavolo fell in love all over again

* She was just such a beautiful sight

* ALSO there was a two week celebration and the devildom

* Her room was EXPENSIVE

* He said really said no budget

* Gold things everywhere

* That’s his princess, he’d do anything for her even if it meant hurting his pockets

* Dang I need myself a Diavolo 🤪

* He carries her around in a baby carrier

* I LOVE TO SEE IT

* She said mama first but it was just with you so when she said dada you let him think it was her first word

* You don’t wanna break his heart lol

* His devilgram is basically now a stan account for his daughter

* If he really misses her, he will take her into meetings with him

* No one dares to argue with him

* She loves being on his shoulders, the view is superb

* First day of school he took her and the entire school went crazy

* She literally told him “ how far you have to leave everybody’s freaking out over you and I’m supposed to be the cool one here!”

* He laughed and kissed her goodbye

* She’s very sweet but pretty commanding

* Diavolo gushes on how she’s totally ready to be queen one day

* All name brands for his princess

* He definitely has had a portrait of her made. It’s probably in like the dining room or the main hallway

* She loves playing hide and seek

* Can you imagine big bad Diavolo running around trying to hide in a bush but he’s too tall lmaoo

* No one ever there is mess with her

* She’s only like five but she has the entire devildom standing behind her just like with her dad, I love how powerful they are. ADORABLE AND POWERFUL ??? Best daddy daughter duo in the devildom

Barbatos

* Poor baby is so nervous when you tell him

* But he want nothing more than to have a family with you

* He starts preparing everything for her arrival

* Baby proofing, preparing her room, anything he can do for her

* He make sure her room was adorable and fun

* It’s a pastel paradise

* When she’s born he’s holding your hand as you carry her

* You looked up to him and asked if he wanted to hold her

* He let out a barely audible “yes”

* When you handed her over to him, she opened her eyes and cooed up at him

* Rip Barbatos.exe stopped working

* #1 dad

* He changes diapers, he cleans up after her, takes care of her so you can get some rest

* What a gentleman 😪

* She said papa first

* He remembers the exact hour minute and second she said it LMAOO

* She’s very very shy

* But he’s helping work through her anxiety and walks her through her attacks

* Wow I’m crying 😭

* They love having little cute picnics together

* She LOVES his baking

* I mean who doesn’t

* She does very well in school

* Loves reading and history

* She really enjoys helping him out in his butler duties

* She even has a matching butler outfit that you got her

* The first time he saw her in it, bby boy couldn’t stop gushing about how cute they were

* They were the best butler duo

* N E WAY before I go on and on about them, he really loves her and you. He views her as the best thing that’s ever happened to him 🥰

[early-grape]

If anyone needs this, here’s a Diary of a wimpy kid (2010) drinking game

Drink every time:

-Manny is gross and awful and bad and is evil

-Greg is a shitty friend

-Rowley is a good friend or forgives Greg even though he should just get some new friends

-Theres an ominous shot of The Cheese/The Cheese touch is mentioned

-“Don’t call me. Don’t come by my house. We’re done.”

-Chloe grace moretz gives 2010 alt girls rights

-Someone says Zoo wee mama!!!

-Cartoon interlay

- Greg heffley has some seriously concerning Narcissus vibes....

- BUBBY!

-Fregley lacks social etiquette

- Rodrick in guyliner...🥺💍

-Weirdly antagonistic teenagers that all look like they’re from different decades

- Patty Farrell acts like a Karen

-Total eclipse of the freaking heart, man

-Rowley is just having a good time! The hero of this story 🥰

[domjaehyun]

hehe the emotional warfare with ur mom is the prob the aries and scorpio in you always ready to fight vxbxbskjb, also btw I may have mentioned this before but I got a vibrator and I wasn’t real happy with it but... that changed now😈, I explored👀 some more and and YAUZA ZOO WEE MAMA, theres this one spot on my clit that feels😋 delicious I wish I could show you so you know what I mean😊 I’d have to take my time to find that one delicious spot on your clit too ;) -🔮

honestly??? every time my mom goes off her fucking rocker abt being a control freak or thinking she’s always right i just remember that she is a [redacted] rising and her behavior makes infinitely more sense to me 😖😖😖 i think it’s v funny that like. my sun sign makes me quick to anger, my moon sign makes the anger even more explosive than it normally would have been, and my mars sign makes me hold in said rage until i literally cannot take it anymore 🤪🤪🤪 are there actual psychological reasons for this? yes but i enjoy throwing some accountability to the planets and stars 🥰🥰🥰 and OOH OMG im very very happy for you hehehehe tbh i find it kind of amusing that i perfectly position my vibrator on the first try like every single time sjfjsjdjd it’s like muscle memory !!!!! i am wishing for and manifesting very powerful orgasms into your future my love :D

[itsclownhours]

merlin as tumblr posts again because when i edited a typo in the original it fucked up the formatting

everyone: you have to make time for yourself

morgana: *stays up until 1 am every night crying* me time

.

morgana: ohhhh so the pain is forever and endless i get it now

.

young!mordred: once i learn how to read and write it’s over for you hoes

.

lancelot, in cursive: i can’t read cursive handwriting

gwaine: what does this say

elyan: i can’t read cursive handwriting

gwaine: bitch me neither that’s why i asked

.

arthur, to merlin, about lancelot: is he...y’know…*gestures downard to super hell*

.

uther, straight: hey what’s up guys do you want to go get some food

arthur and morgana, gay: ??????

uther: oh sorry i mean asgdhjdhs guys do you??? want some food??? lmao ashdjdjhs

arthur and morgana: oh! agshdjjshsj yeah lmao agshdj

.

morgana: do you ever associate the word “girlfriend” with wlw so much that you forget straight boys have girlfriends

.

gwen: am taking care of a tiny kitten. have given it an excellent name. dad thinks i’m calling her “minty” but this is actually short for The Government

gwen: The Government bit my finger and pooped on the floor

.

gwaine: peak art is when you were like six and you scribbled all over ms paint and then carefully paintbucketed in all the different shapes in the scribbles to make “stained glass”

.

morgause: forcing my car to commit sins so it goes to hell with me when i die

.

leon, after arthur gives the knights a pep talk: so motivational...time to drill a hole in my skull

.

morgana: i want to be a she really did that!! kind of girl but i don’t do anything

.

arthur: pros and cons of being my friend:

arthur: pro: you have a friend

arthur: con: it’s me

.

gwaine, to lancelot: bro let’s watch a horror movie together...bro you look scared do you wanna share a blanket dude? if you wanna hold hands it’s ok. if you wanna rest your head on my shoulder it’s alright bro...bro if you wanna kiss that’s understandable that was a scary movie...we can keep cuddling after the movie is over it’s alright dude…

.

lancelot: old town road but he just keeps listing all the places he has horses

gwaine: i got the horses in the back

gwaine: horses on the track

gwaine: horses in the shack and i got horses fetching snacks

gwaine: i got the horses in earth’s core

gwaine: down under the floor

gwaine: horses in the store and i got horses on the moor

.

gwaine: died and came back as a cowboy i call that reintarnation

.

morgana: *shows up at college* excuse me will someone please direct me to the leftist brainwashing class? i’m here for the leftist brainwashing class

.

merlin: finally found someone i was more disappointed in that myself: the entirety of america camelot

.

morgause: customer (derogatory)

.

arthur: business major (derogatory)

.

leon: leonardo dicaprio date a woman over 25 challenge

gwaine: thought that said “leonardo da vinci” and was confused since da vinci was gay and also since you were calling out someone who’s been dead for well over 7 years

leon: well. da vinci has been well over 7 years, i’ll give you that

.

morgana: the retirement age needs to be lowered to 25. i’ve had enough

.

gwaine: i’m fucking in luigi’s mansion

leon: who?

gwaine: some italian freak

gwaine: oh you meant who am i fucking. your mom

.

leon: stop setting things on fire because you’re curious about what will happen. what will happen is fire

gwaine: but what if...something else happens. just this 1 time

.

morgause: bored? burn an orphan. who’re they gonna tell? their parents?

.

morgana: due to personal reasons i will be a serial arsonist

.

mithian: fruit (affectionate)

.

arthur: going to the fruit (derogatory) store do you want anything

.

gwen: fruit (salad, yummy yummy)

.

morgana, to gwen: i’m allergic to hookup culture and too weird to participate anyway. die in my arms

.

kilgharrah: i am fast and full of teeth. i will die in a barn fire

.

morgana: not evil anymore i want to be loved now

morgana: evil again

.

morgause: every day i put on my evil little clothes and do my evil little tasks

.

percival: megan thee stallion and timothee chalamet are the same age

gwaine: megan thee stallion 🤝 timo thee chalamet

.

morgana: hey how many swords do you have

morgause: sword of a lot

morgana: blocked

morgause: parried

.

morgana and gwen simultaneously in 1x10: *chanting* girls with swords girls with swords

.

morgana: the more knives you have the more valid you are

.

kilgharrah: blocked. blocked. blocked. you’re all blocked. none of you are free from sin.

.

morgana: seven deadly sins speedrun

.

gwaine: i want 6 pet sloths so i can name them after every sin except for sloth

.

merlin: the eighth deadly sin is networking

.

arthur: online school culture is constantly wondering if there’s a sneaky little assignment you missed...is it tucked under modules or assignments or heaven forbid, announcements? who’s to say?

.

gaius: asynchronous learning

merlin, a clown: mmmnaptime

.

arthur: have you ever just cried because you’re you

.

elyan, to percival: bro, we are teens . it’s ok to cry around me . i’m your best friend . i love you … bro we are kissing now … no don’t stop bro … bro …

.

morgana: mad bc i was told as the bride my wedding would be “my day” but actually where will be a whole other bride there and we will have to share it

.

leon: i’m disgusted every time someone does a gender reveal and it’s about a gender i already know about, what kind of reveal is that

.

leon: gender reveal party??? no, this is a gender repeal party. we out here revoking genders

.

gwaine: you’re laughing. i asked you who sings party rock anthem and you’re laughing

.

gwaine: make no mistake not only am i party rocking but i’m also in the house tonight

elyan: are you shuffling?

gwaine: everyday

.

morgana: lung extensions

morgana: with extended lungs you can: scream longer, breathe harder, brag about extended lungs

morgana: this procedure is not legal but i will do it for you

morgana: do not tell the police or morgause

.

morgana: i’m so sick of dna, i’m going to have all mine removed

morgause: good news! this is a real thing that can happen to you

morgana: perfect, sign me up

.

morgana: if YOU die because i poisoned you...how is that MY fault like i’m sorry you aren’t immune to my poisons i think that’s genuinely something you need to work on. fix yourself before blaming others

.

arthur: my body is NOT a “temple”...it is a CLOWN CAR and NONE OF THESE BITCHES KNOW HOW TO DRIVE

.

morgause: live

morgause: laugh

morgause: l u r k

.

mcdonald’s employee: please sir get off the table

gwaine: I ASKED FOR TWO LARGE FRIES *dumping bag of fried out onto the floor* BUT INSTEAD GOT A HUNDRED FUCKEN LITTLE ONES

.

merlin: i relate to vampires because i too must be clearly and specifically invited in before i have the audacity to try to participate in anything

.

gwaine: it can’t be september, just yesterday is was marchgustuary

lancelot: today’s date: [REDACTED]/[REDACTED]/20

.

gwaine: why are internet friends not normalized. it’s 2020 they’re probably making robots that will wipe your ass for you and i can’t text grace in the uk and tell her to have a good day? fuck you

.

percival: imagine if halsey was in beauty and the beast

elyan: are you insane like gaston. been in pain like gaston. bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like gaston

.

arthur: my dad is learning about pronouns/gender identity and he called me in the middle of the night to tell me he is cis

.

merlin: ough. those first 400 bites of dirt were not so good. maybe the next one will be better

.

morgana: i’m at the dark candy store, buying sorrowful ranchers

.

merlin: i’m surprised no one has ever punched me in the face

.

gwen: i want a gf so i can send her memes about loving my gf

.

morgause: oh to cook with my wife and stand directly in front of cabinets and drawers she needs to open

.

morgause: decided i will no longer be paying taxes. what are they gonna do, tax me more? go ahead. i won’t pay those either. oh i’m going to prison? the one paid for by my tax dollars? sorry, didn’t pay em. now there is no prison. i am at least 3 steps ahead of the government at all times

.

merlin: lab safety but the teacher just wants to you die

merlin: lab safety: 1. drink whatever’s in that beaker. i know you fucking want to

.

morgause: my therapist is selling her house so i’m gonna find the listing online and make her living room my zoom backgrounds before our next session. you wanna get in my head? ok well i’m in your home babe. i’m in charge now

morgana: yeah i see why you’re in therapy

.

morgana: i hate it when people ask me to “explain my thought process” like hell if i know

morgana: what’s going on in that head of yours?” nothing i want to be a part of

.

mordred: hey girls what’s the hot gossip what’s new what’s the 411

morgana and morgause: everything is bad and getting worse by the day

.

morgause: common letter greetings from 1889

morgause: dearest my-soon-to-be-enemy

morgause: salutations and i hope you enjoy contact prison

morgause: i hope this letter finds you in a ditch

.

arthur: *highlights all the wrong and unimportant stuff with full confidence*

.

merlin: i’ve tried opening my mouth and saying words before and i’ve gotta say, i’m not a fan

.

morgana: a large group of humans is called a fuck that

.

website: synonyms for blood: juice

mithian: thank you thesaurus.com, that is absolutely not what i was looking for

.

gwaine: gen z humor was single-handedly cultivated by the zoo wee mama comic and you can’t convince me otherwise

.

morgana: screw this it’s halloween now *turns into a swarm of bats them consumes the moon*

.

morgana: i can’t believe the heterosexuals are gone. they’re gone

uther: we’re still here

arthur: who said that

.

gwaine: no more france

gwaine: society has progressed passed the need for france

.

morgause: girls night out (of body experience)

.

morgana, to morgause: what do you mean “what have i been up to”...i’m out here ruining my own life as always bitch

.

merlin: stop complaining about your life. there are literally people living in camelot

.

arthur, trying to find new knights: oh so you’re a human? name three pictures with traffic lights in them

.

gwaine: we mcfreaking lost her doctor

.

morgause: looking for a wife in the walmart

.

morgause: arrested for visiting www.killing.com/murder

.

gwaine, to merlin: no bro this isn’t a date listen bro

gwaine: it’s bruhnch

.

morgause, to cenred: if you think i’m not interested, you’re right

.

gwen: put a pancake on a girl’s head when she’s asleep to keep her warm and safe

.

morgana: idk what mad scientist needs to hear this today but your goggles and lab coat are incredibly flattering and all your experiments will block away the scientific community who called you a fool

.

morgause: i’m gonna fucking die disease

morgause: symptoms: back hurts a bit too much for a bit too long

.

arthur: if you think i’m annoying now wait until i get over my fear of being perceived as annoying

.

merlin: sorry if i’m bothering you

surgeon: how do you keep waking up and saying that

.

gwaine: home depot needs more small tunnels for me to crawl through tbh

.

percival: hot tip: soup is customizable! go wild but know your limits

.

morgana: brains say “i know a spot” and take you to a traumatic memory from 2011

.

mithian: “can you multitask” yes actually i am losing my mind and chilling at the same time

.

morgana: quarantine schedule to keep you on track

morgana: wake up

morgana: neglect online school

morgana: yearn (ongoing project)

morgana: again!

.

mithian: if cats don’t want to be held like little babies maybe they shouldn’t be roughly the size and shape of little babies

.

morgause: fuck this pandemic i could’ve ruined 2020 on my own

.

morgana: a cute girl told me she has lots of plants in her house and i told her for some fucking reason “damn the oxygen at your place must be mad crisp” and somehow still got her number so. chase your dreams. nothing is impossible apparently

.

morgana: oh to wear a knife strapped against my thigh beneath a silk dress

.

morgana, running off with morgause at the end of season 2: i hate this place i want to go to build a bear

.

morgana, at work: i’m evil

morgana, 1 second after clocking out: not evil anymore i want to be loved now

morgana, the next day at work: evil again

.

season 2 morgana: i am fine thank you for asking! though recently there has been a darkness growing within me

.

morgause: *thinks about love* okay well i am just losing my mind and being insane now

.

arthur: you think you can hurt my feelings? i’ve been the least favorite in every single friendship group i’ve had since i was 8

.

morgana, staring out the window at arthur and merlin: look at them plotting my downfall

.

mithian: i wanna buy clown noses in bulk and start sticking them on every person i see whose mask is pulled too low

.

mithian: oh to be a tiny cat whose biggest concern is the looming threat of being gently picked up and kissed on the head

.

morgana: i deserve to be kissed

.

morgana: did you have a homoerotic friendship with a girl in high school that ended in tragedy and you two are never talking again or are you normal?

.

mithian: just diagnosed with forehead kiss deficiency :/

.

morgana: i think i’ll continue to wear a mask when this shit’s all over, and huge sunglasses. my face is none of your business

.

morgause: my therapist told me that sometimes when a person consumes the same piece of media over and over they may be unconsciously coping with a mental block so now i’m trying to figure out what the fuck i was going through that made me watch ratatouille 8 times a day for a solid month in middle school

.

morgause: opposite of depression nap. depression awakeness. refreshing the same three websites over and over. there’s nothing new on any of them. eight seconds have passed and it feels like a century

.

morgana: very homophobic that my head is not laying on the chest of my maidservant as i am drifting off to sleep

.

merlin: no no, it’s fine, i’ll text myself back

.

morgana: *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns*

.

arthur: i’d have to be a fool not to? being a fool and not doing things are my top two activities

.

gwaine: you think it’s easy to be me? you think it’s easy to get up every. single. day. and be an industrial grade dumbass? well it’s not. but that’s what i do. and i’ll never stop.

.

morgana: ah shit i’m sorry man, my schedule for the week is all booked

sunday: yearn

monday: pine

tuesday: long

wednesday: ache

thursday: sigh

friday: lament

saturday: crave

.

morgana: talents include: being a public menace, denying God’s will, petting dogs, yearning, being dramatic, witchcraft, quoting classic literature when no one asked, napping, befriending a murder of crows, being gay, covering up my emotions by being “the funny friend” when in reality i’m really going through it, wistfully staring out the car window

.

merlin: *doesn’t even do the bare minimum* all in a day’s work

.

cenred: a “period” is not an excuse to have an attitude

morgause: i miss the times when men would go to war and die

.

morgana: the cheap halloween vampire fangs stay ON during sex

.

gwen: maybe i pspspspsp’ed you because i love you. did you think of that? huh?

.

morgana: mom said it’s my turn to hand out the ominous and vague warnings

arthur: that wasn’t mom

uther: she JUST SAID it was her turn

.

morgause: i’m a chill person but if my back doesn’t stop hurting i’m going to take out my spine and beat God with it

.

mithian: one of these days i’m going to say the f word

mithian: then you’ll all be sorry

.

morgause: 3 words every girl wants to hear

morgause: club penguin membership

.

morgana: hmm, yes.

morgana: time to s i p

morgana: some *~crispy~*

morgana: d i h y d r o g e n m o n o x i d e

.

morgause: roll call! raise your hand if you’re in the following fandoms:

morgause: 1. suffering 2. the pain of living

morgana: *raises both hands and a leg*

.

leon: it’s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager

.

merlin: yeah bro hit me up and we’ll cancel some plans sometime

.

morgana: my brain, or as i like to call it, the suffer contraption

.

morgause: my circle so small i almost cut myself off

.

morgause hyping herself up before entering any public area: i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal

.

arthur: today in french we learned how to say “what’s in the bag” and i couldn’t stop laughing because

arthur: swaggity swag qu’est-ce qui dans le sac

.

merlin: even when i am not speaking, know that horrible sentences are raging within me

.

mithian in 5x04: sorry bro i can’t go out tonight. i’m stuck in an eternal state of melancholy

.

morgause: shower gel label: immerse yourself in this new “Me Time” luxury frooty tooty. abandon all sense of identity and dissolve your memories into this soothing chemical broth. one billion melons are in this tube...use them wisely

.

leon, writing a headline about the most recent knights’ mission: local dumbasses knew that what they were getting themselves into and did it anyways

.

morgana: *feels random pain in body*

morgana: kill me

.

mithian: *slowly inches closer to your pet*

.

morgause: *refuses to look at texts* i love conversation and communication

.

arthur: cute gender neutral things to call your partner

arthur: significant annoyance

.

leon: the most unrealistic fantasy trope is the one where half of the pair works in some sort of shop and one is a customer because i have literally never thought about a customer with anything other than contempt

.

gwaine: why is everyone talking about 1d all of a sudden did one of them die

elyan: they’re 10 years old now

gwaine: i wish them luck 4th grade is tough!!

.

gwaine: must i pursue a career? is it not enough to be passionate about tv shows and snack foods?

.

leon, aroace: cool date idea: me eating oatmeal by myself

.

morgana: i have no self of steam

.

gwaine: i hate wearing a mask. i miss being able to gently kiss my trader joe’s cashier on the lips after they ring up my $8 box of blueberries

.

morgana: committing acts of violence today…*pushes morgause’s glass of water off the counter*

.

gwaine: mario will do anything to put a smile on your face

.

morgana: haha we get along so well...our brains just work the same way

morgause, after changing her entire personality to match morgana’s after analyzing the way she talks and texts: haha yeah it’s incredible

.

gwaine: covered in sauce, trembling

.

arthur: *says the vaguest most incoherent shit ever*

arthur: you know what i mean :/

.

[online]

morgana: *screenshots things her girlfriend said to her so she can read it again later* yeah i’m not gay

uther: dude no offence i don’t want to sound like an sjw or anything but if you have a girlfriend you’re straight. that’s just how it works

morgana: i’m a girl

uther: what the fuck

.

morgana: the second you say “family group chat” i know we are not the same

.

gwen: what if early in the morning after buying groceries we got caught in the rain and i used my jacket to cover your head ut we still got soaked and we made a fire at home and brewed tea and sat together watching the rain as our cats hid under our feets at each sound of thunder and we ate stew for dinner and watched tv until we fell asleep on the couch with your head resting on my shoulder

.

gwaine, to percival: hold my hand bro we’re crossing the street

.

percival: imageine if we all just started ignoring celebrities though

percival: i can’t stop thinking about how funny this would be. imagine kyie jenner posting a selfie and it gets 12 likes

.

morgana: this isn’t fun anymore i need a kiss

.

morgause at 1159 pm: life’s great lol

morgause at 1201 am: does anyone really know me? most importantly do i really know me? what if life doesn’t get better than this?

.

merlin: king i needbfjdjgnjfg qldkr snmsmdjgjt ….. .. i need--fjrjkrhgphpqn dd

arthur: huh *dunks merlin’s head back underwater*

.

morgana: i don’t go to therapy or take any pills i just rawdog life and let my brain turn into soup

.

mordred: dark emails

morgause: to whom it WILL concern

morgana: now that this email has found you

.

gwaine: hi waiter could i get the spaghetti i promise i’ll behave this time

.

merlin: the sexiest thing about me? everything hurts my feelings

.

gwaine: how is sex fun if i have to remove my crocs to have it

elyan: if he makes you remove your crocs for sex he isn’t the one

.

morgause: a motherfucker could use an embrace

.

morgana: every night after 10pm my feelings start crawling out, starved, as i beat them with a moderately large stick vigorously hissing “stay back” until i inevitably fall asleep

.

fanfiction: there’s only one room available…

morgause, who specifically chose a rated m and explicit story: oh my gosh there’s only one room they’re gonna share a bed what’s gonna happen next

.

morgana: i can have a little unrealistic romantic fantasy. as a treat

.

arthur: some of y’all weren’t asked out as a joke in middle school and it shows

.

morgana: how is everyone doing. i’ll go first i’m doing badly

.

morgana: being a kid was so fucking funny we’d just go around lying to each other’s faces constantly to impress each other one of the knights told me he was the first person to visit the sun and when i asked him what it was like to prove he was lying he said he didn’t remember because they sent him there when he was a baby and to this day the mental image of nasa launching an unsupervised baby into the sun still makes me crack up

.

elyan: do you wish you were seeing somebody

leon: a therapist

.

morgause: when you see someone from high school and they don’t recognize you that’s the exact opposite of the mortifying ordeal of being known. the gratifying relief of being forgotten

.

[texting]

morgana: you seem hard to kill

morgause: aw thank you

morgause: i haven’t been killed yet

morgana: to your knowledge

morgause: what

.

morgana: just truly bonkers how much i love lying down……..like being horizontal? Unparalleled

.

arthur: when i was younger i really thought that piranhas were going to be a bigger issue for me than they’ve turned out to be

.

morgause: filling out the depression and anxiety checkboxes at the doctors is always so sad but also very very funny

morgause: i am handed a piece of paper. i check off a box that says “every day i wish i were dead”. i hand back the paper. the paper and its contents are never again discussed.

.

morgana: unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, i cannot just “walk up and join the circle of people talking”, but it does sound lovely thank you

.

morgana: if california is so expensive why don’t you move to somewhere like ohio

morgause: full offense but i’d rather be dead in california than alive in ohio

morgause: ugly and uninspiring--review of ohio

.

morgana: staying up late not even fun anymore it’s just sad

.

morgause: everyone should be comfortable in their own skin :)

morgause’s brain: except for you

morgause: except for me :)

.

mithian: please peer pressure me into finishing projects

merlin: do it or you’re straight

mithian: i said peer pressure not threaten

.

morgause: the year is 2030. bakery art is so realistic, literally anything could be cake. the uncertainty has gripped the world in fear. i go to hug my wife for comfort. she is cake.

morgause: i sob in despair as i eat my cake wife. she is delicious

.

gwen: do ladies love stupid men or do they just love men who don’t exhaust every opportunity to feel smart

gwen: “i used to think that melancholy was a vegetable” that’s incredible, let’s hang out more

.

morgause: basically i accidentally listened to a song a few years ago and it led to this

.

morgana: *desperately tries to romanticise her homework*

.

uther: do i have to be pretty? is it not enough to simply be the loudest person in the room with the worst opinions

.

morgana: oh i can’t possibly study, i have allotted the next six hours to yearning vaguely

.

morgause: allow me to de-introduce myself

morgause: my name is [redacted]

.

arthur: i have no good posts today i’m sorry guys

merlin: haha “today”

.

mordred: “do we perhaps use magic because we were bullied and needed blah blah special interest blah blah” shut the FUCK up i use magic to see my anime husband’s big fucking honkers. sorry you got pantsed in front of your crush

morgana: i came here to bully people

mordred: is it because you got pantsed in front of your crush

morgana: no it’s because i’m deranged

.

mithian: pretty sure seven deadly sins is a bit excessive

mithian: just combine wrath and gluttony and make hangry

mithian: sloth and pride make Bottoming

.

morgana: despicable me ruined the word minion whenever i become a supervillain i’m just going to have to call them my homies or whatever

.

gwen: as a bisexual i am attracted to lanky boys with dark hair, girls who look like they could kill me, and anyone wearing vampire teeth

.

morgana: if someone tried to assassinate me that would make me feel so important and valued and beloved

.

gwaine: turn down for whom?

.

mithian: fact: usage of the word “the” has begun to decline. this is because as more and more people become educated, usage of the word “thoum’st” has become more common.

.

morgana, kidnapping mithian in 5x04: truth or dare? uhhh i dare you to………………………………..fall in love with me. haha i’m just joking bro………………..unless…………………………?

.

gwaine: my thoughts are like a clearance sale

gwaine: once it’s gone it’s gone

.

morgana: *pronounces “hors d’oeuvres” as “horse divorce” specifically to piss off morgause*

.

gwaine: do you prefer women or men?

leon: death

.

morgause: honestly no offense but i love falling asleep and sleeping. it’s like. ok goodnight

.

morgause: ngl it’s kinda difficult to be the moody and mysterious background character in everyone’s life when you’re quarantined at home

.

morgause: i need to get laid

morgause: --to rest. put me in a coffin, let my soul ascend

.

gwaine: it takes a lot of heart to be this stupid

gwaine: it takes real strength not to know shit about fuck

.

elyan: what’s your favorite anime?

leon: i’m a christian

.

arthur: just bought this tapeworm from etsy!

lancelot: where are you gonna keep it

arthur: :)

merlin: i don’t like this conversion very much

.

gwaine: i’m home alone with the tv repair man

gwaine: i’m no fool, there are only two possible outcomes of this scenario

gwaine: porn or murder

gwaine, an hour later: apparently there was an unforeseen third outcome where he fixes the tv and then leaves

.

morgause: well tomorrow fucking sucked

.

morgana: dark brunch

morgana: *mixes a mimosa with evil intent*

morgause: this is just what being gay is like

.

gwaine: movie idea: guy finds a stone tablet engraved with a mysterious alien language and gets caught up in a national treasure-esque adventure to decipher its meaning, only to learn that it’s just an alien “live laugh love” decoration

.

arthur: sorry i didn’t mean to open your ig story 20 seconds after you posted i’m just unemployed

.

arthur: why do you say men are objects? that’s not true and hurtful

morgana: men are on sale at the grocery store for a few dollars

OR

cenred: why do you say men are objects? that’s not true and hurtful

morgause: men are on sale at the grocery store for a few dollars

.

morgana: wow would you look at that. it’s already that time of the night where i move the stuff on my bed to my chair. can’t wait until tomorrow when i move the stuff from my chair back onto my bed

.

gwaine: hi i’m bethany with girl defined ministry and today we are going to be talking about how to stan my chemical romance in a God-honoring way

.

morgana: bottom: ,,, !!! ;;; vers: …. top: no punctuation whatsoever

morgause: tops are illiterate

.

morgause: i slept for almost 12 hours but i might still be tired so let’s go for 12 more just in case

morgana: morgause that’s a coma

morgause: sounds festive

.

mithian: i am a simple woman. i enter the kitchen. i eat four servings of bread products. i leave.

gwaine: it’s one serving if you serve all of it to yourself

mithian: i like the way you think, friend

.

gwaine: spencer from icarly and rodrick from diary of a wimpy kid are on the opposite ends of the same spectrum

elyan: the gay older brother scale

.

merlin: i found a rock :)

merlin: my troubles will soon be over

gwaine: parasite (2019) dir. bong joon ho

percival: uncut gems (2019) dir. josh and benny safdie

elyan: cain

.

morgana: social distancing is okay for me bc i’ve been touch starved since the 15th century. i’m used to it

.

mithian: fanfiction hits different when you’re gay and yearning and haven’t experienced an ounce of romance in your life

.

morgause: callout for rude baby seen at grocery store

morgause: i’m calling out a baby (approximately 12-14 months old) from the grocery store due to its rudeness. i’m guessing its age based on appearance, motor skills (atrocious) and whatnot. anyway, i smiled at this baby and it just stared at me. as soon as i began to move on, though, the baby said “no!” and started giggling when i turned back around. this happened multiple times. the baby’s actions were toxic and manipulative. the baby was also manhandling a package of dried fruit which wasn’t yet paid for (quite minor) and was just generally sitting around and not helping

.

gwen: we need to melt down all the pennies and make the statue of liberty a girlfriend

.

morgause: had a realization in a dream i just had that this isn’t real and i can just do whatever i want and so i started shrinking the face of this guy that was talking to me and then once it got real small i woke up sleep paralyzed

morgause: i was given godlike powers over the universe by realizing it’s all in my head and the first thing i did was use them to torment the nearest man

morgause: and the actual God woke me up and put be into a 5 minute timeout to lay frozen and think about what i’ve done

.

morgana: does anyone else feel an awkward tension whenever you see another person your age in the grocery store

.

gwaine: the number 87 kinda looks like a plague doctor

percival: you’ve just changed the fucking game

elyan: [|87

.

morgana: a lonely bitch...a loner...i love isolation AND detachment

.

gwaine: i will not call the judges “your honor”. in america we don’t have titles of nobility. they will get a simple “yes dude” from me

gwaine: calling big bird just “bird” because i do not respect him

.

morgause: *photo of a pizza in a bad* caught the bae sleepin

mordred: now why would you waste a perfectly good pizza :(

morgause: that “waste” happens to be my wife getting her beauty sleep. think before you speak

.

gwaine: *finishes wedding vows* don’t forget to like and subscribe

.

morgana: *is bitter but is also right*

.

morgana: how dare you not notice me when i’m ignoring you

.

morgause, killing cenred: men be like i’m bilingual i speak english and over women

.

gwaine: after i move i really wanna get a used roomba

percival: i love that you’re adopting instead of buying from a breeder

.

mordred: joking about a kink is a gateway drug into developing said kink

morgana: my kink is mental, emotional, and financial stability

morgause: unrealistic, settle for choking like normal people

.

gaius: gay people use halloween props as home decor year round

morgana: shut up shut up this black jar with a raven painted on it is holiday-neutral

.

[texting]

morgause: can you come out?

morgana: yeah gimme a minute

morgana: morgause, i’m gay

morgause: i know that. come out to the car

morgana: car, i’m gay

.

morgause: God FUCKING damnit i’m such a hopeless romantic one day someone’s gonna say “i love you” and i’m just going to let out an agonized scream so horrible that they immediately change their mind

.

gaius: i’m not wearing glasses anymore i’ve seen enough

.

morgause: sorry my battery’s on 96% i gtg

.

morgause: you hate me? wow you think you’re hot shit and original huh well i hated me first so you can go grab a number and wait your turn

.

morgana: don’t ignore me ?? i despise being ignored ?? i mean i’m ignoring like 8 people right now but still ???

.

morgana: shoutout to my favorite coping mechanism, isolation

.

morgana: the concept of physical beauty is a scam unless you’re calling me cute in which case it is valid, actually

.

merlin: oh, so when other people go outside it’s “good for their health” and “highly recommended”, it’s only when i do it that it’s a “containment breach” and a “high-level threat to public safety and security”, huh?

.

gwaine: a charming photo of young john mulaney, seemingly celebrating the kennedy assassination

merlin: princess diana wasn’t john mulaney’s first kill

.

morgause: hate when i got out in public and the public is there

morgana: it seems the public is no longer in the public

morgause: i’ve won...but at what cost?

.

morgana: girls will see a chance to commit arson and be like “sorry, i have to take this”

morgause: girls will see a building that’s not on fire and say “is anyone gonna burn that” and not wait for an answer

[paddingtonicon]

why can't I just.....fall in love....and someone falls in love with me back....like....I'm Waiting

[guiltedripper]

HEY ! my lovely beans !! I just hit 300 hundred followers, like what?! 300 of you like seeing me on your dash I guess, which I never would’ve thought. I truly don’t think I’m that amazing of a stefan or anything but I guess you lovelies do. so THANK YOU, thank you so MUCH if you follow me ! I don’t deserve any of you tbh and you’re all fantastic roleplayers who deserve happiness. in honor of me hitting 300 followers I decided to do a cute little follow forever. if you aren’t mentioned, it doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy seeing your blog or posts it’s simply because I’m an airhead and I forgot. I honestly love all of you very much !!

 MY HONEY BUNS THAT I RP WITH !! 

you’re all fabulous and I wanna thank you for letting stefan and I bug you with threads ! here’s some peeps who I admire !!!

@crackmyhcart : LELE. L E FUCKING LE . ya’ll this weirdo right here is a damn great friend and also a great rper. she is legit one of my best IRL friends and even though we live about an hour away from each other she still comes to see me and that is friendship right there…and she got us tickets to see camila this summer and i’m still emo over it ugh. please follow her cause she flipping deserves it, her oc’s are great and she’s always down for probably anything lmao. I love u a lot alright….even though you ship d*lena and hate stelena? still don’t get why but okAY WHATEVER BINCH  !!! anyway yes i love her tons. ( one last call for broccoli asdjfhgj )heath n zane vc:  it’s coffee talk baby !

@kindcfsenile / @ofrescuing : allie wallie !! when you first followed me on tom I was deadass SO excited. cause tom deserves all the love in the world I was so happy to see someone brought him to life. I’m glad I messaged you that day cause you’re honestly someone who has become very special to me and I love you and tom and sometimes silas :p a whole lot. i love how much we both love paul too like…what a silas vc: perfect specimen of a man !  zoo wee mama, am I RIGHT LADIES? lmao. I’ll always be the lili to your madelaine & the maia to your cierra. sorry you’re stuck with me now, I don’t make the rules. <3 

@ofinsecuritiies / @vaintoned : caroline !!!!! thee caroline forbes, is that you? no but seriously WOW you are the best caroline I’ve seen and the only caroline I’d ever ship stefan with. you are amazing and so full of sunshine, are you sure you’re not actually caroline forbes? hmmm? and you just bring so much joy and loveliness to my dash and never forget that okay?! and I love talking to you !!! and I admire you for making icons cause that shit is HARD lol heh. love you mucho.  ALSO I can’t believe you made me ship betty & stefan? a crossover ship I never knew I needed….but now I would die for them.

@quotesravens : I honestly think you were the first person to message me or rp with my stefan ?? and that’s always gonna be something I’ll keep in mind cause that’s pretty special you know?! you were the first one to tell me how much you love my extra sassy stef lol. I love making up random headcanon’s with you and talking about how hats and facial hair DO NOT work for Ian lol. and I’m glad we started talking cause you’re honestly hilarious and just great to talk too !! you da best, truly. plus, your damon is so funny and the only damon I don’t hate :p

@facetiious​: MADDY !  when I followed you I was like omg she’s an awesome malia,I’ll probably admire her from afar. but alas we created another crack ship that i ADORE. we love two ( 2 ) deer eaters, am I right? lol. you are lovely as is malia and I love our little ship we’re brewing and can’t wait for more threads.

@heartsown: man oh man…..you get me. like really dude, you’re one of the few people who understand everything when it comes to having the same opinions on tvd. I love sharing stelena posts with you and talking about how it could’ve been ( even though we both get emo about it but if you go down so do i ) !! I love our stelena too much, they’re so PURE and they really out here being cute like 25/8… i’m so glad we started talking cause now I have someone to scream about my ships with. ( this includes mola <3 ) and you’re just freaking great okay so stay great 

HERE’S SOME MORE BEANS WHO I RP WITH OR TALK TO OOC THAT I LOVE WITH MY WHOLE HEART !!

@thecxrsedqueen , @crexturesofthenight / @privushybrid / @privusheretica , @socialitepierce , @ravenousdiaster , @wclfgirl , @adorablecas , @youcantbreathewhenyouredrowning , @giiilbcrt , @petrovalined , @petalwritcs , @viilemachinations , @deathvisionary , @fracturedpneuma , @aheroinesheart , @alittlenotordinary , @allurredsoulss , @mikaelsonmultimuse , @mcnsterinme, @originallymikaelson , @imthelcstprincess , @humanityloved , @ghoststm , @pinkiiisms , @rxscss , @nerdisums , @perfectioncursed , @serpentongue

AND THOSE ONES WHO I ADMIRE FROM AFAR !

@holiistichcro , @limelited , @inspiresgoodness , @tribred , @meredithcheats , @inconnu–dreamscapes , @badasshybridqueen , @hybriidkiing , @tragicbceauty , @amongthcwreck , @residcm , @innccents , @fiercerebekah , @ofwickedminds , @ofgathered , @personatvs , @kolhearted , @seesgood , @kxboom , @stuartwcmbly , @brxkngilbert , @camillethebrave , @consequentson , @dissolvedshadows , @desireshappiness , @drkpasts , @eternalstud , @elenaloveablekotsala , @eterniityofmisery , @celestixlrebel , @fallenregent , @griefbeat , @griefknown , @hauntedgilbert , @indulgentwarrior , @killerqueenpetrova , @ladamedemartel , @lockpup , @meredithcheats , @mysrybled , @itwillbeyourchoice , @notapackanimal , @neverlandxruined , @ownssarcasm , @quelledrage , @rcddoor , @thickcrskiin , @thatslayer , @vampteen , @vanishcd , @withliight , @deanmcn , @astvrlord , @orchidshub , @originael , @warproducts , @thirdblessed , @bitterdeadguy ,  @heartdeceived 

[tyuumasterrace-blog]

Warmth in the snow

///(((not cannon. Just good smut )))\\\

Jordame bitches.

Damiens pov:

Everyone left the labworks except my loving assistant and I. Lol I call him my assistant but he hates it.

" hey dame its getting pretty dark out i think we should start heading home" he sounded anxious. I sit up from my work area and pull off my goggles " sure , i'll finish this tomorrow" "pfff- " Jordan starts laughing that adorable laugh of his .

" what?" " n-nothing! " his snickering is just too adorable " excuse you Mr woodpecker what is so funny to you?" . he gets up and grabs a rag " dame you have ash all over your face, you look like a reverse raccoon, hold still-".

"Nnnnoooooo!!" I try and resist as he struggles to wipe my face ( somewhat) clean. "Fine then!" he tossed the rag aside and put his fists on his hips. " you can take a shower at home" he promptly collected his things in his bag and head out the door in a puff.

Zoo wee mama what a feisty redhead!

Oh wait- outside crap I can't leave without him!

//time skip \\

Jordan's pov :

When we got home it had already started snowing, and by the time I started dinner we already had 4 inches.

"Hey babe" Damien called out from another room." babe!" ....oh shoot hes talking to me - I forget that im in a relationship half the time and that pet names are apart of it.

" yeah?!" I call back. Just then Damien comes into the kitchen hair soaked, shirtless, and a pair of loose fitting pajama bottoms that hung very low on his hips " have you seen the TV remote?" .

I don't even know what to say ! Holy molly say something you idiot...." I ...uh... Ceiling?"

Oh c'mon is that the best you can do?! This is your boyfriend!. " nah its not there I checked... Ill check the fridge wouldn't be the first time I left something non edible in there~"

God donut Damien....

//another time ski bc im lazy\\

3rd pov:

After dinner the both of them played out in Damiens big soft bed.

The house had become so cold all of the sudden and the snow outside want helping. The two of them cuddled up to one another underneath a heavy blanket as the TV played something about Hitler invading Poland.

Jordan shivered and buried his face in his boyfriends chest " something wrong woodpecker? " Damien asked . " im freezing my butt off!" Jordan exclaimed.

" oh...uh.. I could go get another blanket" Damien sat up but Jordan pulled his back down by the fabric of his shirt. " actually...I've got a better idea of how we could keep warm~".

Jordan's face turned as bright red as his hair " if your not too tired I mean..." he looked away embarrassed.

Damien smirked , a light shade of pink coloring his skin " you know if you wanted to do anything you could gave just asked ".

Jordan snapped back " oh shush! Im not use to these things..." laughing Damien took Jordan's hands and put them above his head " cmere cutie~".

Slowly pulling up his shirt dame b-lined straight for Jordan's beautiful place freaked neck . licking here and there . enough to make the smaller male tremble a bit.

Then came the biting~

He traveled all the way across his collar bone leaving a trail of kisses and licks until the smaller male stiffened up- bingo- dame bit lightly and first and then got harder and harder until he tasted blood . Jordan let out the shrillest of yelps.

Music to his ears. He moved down the red heads body and down to his thighs ,Spread open beautifully Jordan whimpered like a defenseless animal when Damien started to kiss and bite at his inner thighs. In Damiens mind Jordan was the most gorgeous thing in the world to him watching him at his weakest point made him fall in love with him more and more.

Dame noticed a small bulge poking out of Jordan's briefs " so cute ~" . Jordan couldn't help it " damie~ please~ " oh god he' d done it now a nickname said in that kind of tone .

Damien pulled of Jordan's boxers and took the smaller males cock in his hands. Jordan's head fell back . he covered his mouth to resist the urge to moan out his lovers name.

Damien noticed this and went faster jerking himself in the process. " alright " Damien said in a huff. He picked Jordan's legs up and pulled one of them over his shoulder while the poured lube ( don't ask where he got it its Damien ) onto his hands.

Jordan sat up to see at a better angle " brace yourself sweetheart~" Damien said in a deep seductive voice. If Jordan could blush anymore you think had be a tomato.

It felt weirdly relaxing when dame inserted one cold slippery finger in , a little less relaxed when put in the second Making a scissoring motion with his fingers.

"A-ah d-dame I- I think that's enough...." Jordan really was trying hard to keep the best moss for last. "Alright" he lined himself up with the smaller males hole and slicked up his cock enough.

" get ready baby" he slowly pushed himself in . Sinking every inch that he could into Jordan . he was tight - and very hot on the inside.

The smaller male winced, sometimes he forgets how big his boyfriend actually is. Dame starts slow , just to get Jordan use to it. Then he slowly starts to pick up the pace.

Jordan couldn't suppress it any longer. A symphony on moans, yelps , and whimpers came out. Harder and harder faster and faster Damien thrusted again and again .

His mind was blank as he left his body do the talking. The physical and emotional signals his lover was putting out was good but he needed to find that one spot.

Twenty minutes pass and they are still going. Dame has learned enough to where he can go on and on for a few rounds .but Jordan looks like he'd come at any moment. All of the sudden as dame thrust into him Jordan tenses up and moans out his name in a shaky voice- " D-DAMIE~ F-FUCK ...R-RIGHT THERE!~".

And bingo was his namo! Snapping back to reality he adjusted to only hit that certain spot ,Pounding his boyfriend ad hard as he can ( without breaking him o_o").

Jordan pulled him closer . wrapping his arms around his neck , tears of pleasure had started to form from his eyes. every thrust sent Jordan to cloud9.

Dame grunted and held onto Jordan closely. He took this as a sign of dame either being very close to climaxing, or hes just tired

Lets go with the latter. Jordan sunk his teeth into Damiens neck as Damien gave his last final hard thrusts " ah, Jordan ..im...*grunt * gonna cum-".

" go ahead" Jordan wasnt far behind hes been holding back dame wouldn't make fun of him for Cumming early like last time-.

With One final hard thrust they both came came. Filling his redheaded lover to the brim, making him feel quite full.

" ah... C-crap " Jordan's legs where shaking and he himself was jittering. It felt so good to be files up like that.. As much as he hated to think such thoughts...

Damien slowly pulled out and collapsed next to jordan who, was still shaking . the brightest shade of red painted his pale freckled cheeks .

Dame pulled him closer to his chest " warm enough sweetheart?" " oh shush you..." Jordan pecked dame on the lips as he pulled the big heavy blanket over them both.

They both slept soundly ... And warmly.

THE END GO HOME KIDS

(Admin zeke)