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MDSZ Characters as real, out of context things my friends have said (I wish I was joking) pt. 2:

Nie Huaisang: I’d fuck SpongeBob- what them holes do?

Lan Wangji: My uncle needs a foursome in his life, he turns 80 tomorrow

Wei Wuxian: You and me, we take it from both sides

Jin Ling: Oh yeah sure, just pick up my mom’s corpse and dance with it

Wen Ning: Let me drown in peace

Wen Chao: It’s a bit like if you throw a baby down a stairs-

Jiang Cheng: Go on! Do it! Call me a slur!

Lan Jingyi: Does anyone want to lie in a pile on the floor with me and just like, vibe?

Xue Yang: I have a male offering for you

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MDZS characters as real, out of context things my friends have said (I’m not kidding):

Huaisang: Sometimes I miss the smell of being gaslit so I go into a department store and smell Dior Sauvage

Jin Zixuan: I don’t have an ego, I have a god complex

Wei Ying: What IS the general transformers population???

Mingjue: I’m going to take a piece of plywood, tape it to your back and build you a fucking back bone

Jin Ling: You smell like my mom, you know when she was alive

Jiang Cheng: There’s nothing wrong with that, im coping with my depression

Wen Ning: *whispered* I’m really fragile

Wen Qing: *said with disdain* straight people

Lan Qiren: ARE YOU A HOMO?!

Lan Zhan: My boyfriend seems to think so

Xichen: *happily* I’m on the brink of death

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A Thought:

Photographer Remus Lupin gets hired by Calvin Klein for an upcoming shoot. They’re promoting their newest ambassador with a grunge/ retro shoot. He arrives on set the day of the shoot; it’s in an abandoned spiraling car park. Remus had heard the celebrity ambassador in question was some big time rockstar, but when he spots him, his mouth goes dry. Because there, in the middle of everyone, is Remus’ longtime crush- Sirius Black. They’ve worked together before, and every time, Sirius flirts endlessly. And now he’s standing there, wearing a denim jacket and jeans. And nothing else.

Remus is shoved over by the shoot director to meet the star, much to his dismay. The moment Sirius’ eyes lock with his, there’s a gleam of mischief and something else that passes over Sirius’ face.

“Well well, fancy seeing you here, Moony.”

“Hello, Black.”

Sirius pouts at the use of his last name, but recovers quickly as he leans in, whispering just loud enough for Remus to hear.

“Gonna give you a real show today, Moony.”

All Remus can manage is a nod, before Sirius is whisked off to run through the shoot.

And when it starts. Boy, does he put on a show.

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This whole thing is inspired by the Jungkook Calvin Klein campaign because look at this video and tell me it’s not the most Sirius Black coded thing ever

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every day i have feelings about the fact that wwx loves kids. like this is the guy who was universally loved by all the jiang disciples. at any given moment he is being followed around by at least three small jiang disciples. when they wanted to laugh, he’d play with them and when they wanted to cry, he’d be beside them with a comforting hand and caring words. 

and even when everything was being slowly and painfully stripped away from him, he still made time for that little boy in the burial mounds who’d run after him. he’d plant him in the ground and make him laugh in the place that hadn’t heard such a sound in hundreds of years. he’d be the warm arms wrapped around him when the night was cold and the soothing voice when his nightmares grew too fierce. 

then wwx dies and when he comes back he and a-yuan have both irrevocably changed but that doesn’t matter bc wwx does what he always does when he sees kids: he plays with them when they need to relax and teaches them when they need to learn and protects them when they need the help and most importantly, he loves them with every bit of himself (and they love him back, especially his special little radish)

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he can't let him go

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So I’ve done the wangxian figure skating AU BUT BUT BUT What about mdzs ICE HOCKEY AU???

Wei Ying is the star forward of the Yunmeng Heroes, scoring more goals than anyone else on his team. However the press have never been kind to him and there’s a constant pressure on his shoulders that if he doesn’t deliver, he’ll be traded at once. So he stays on top of his game, even though his captain (Jiang Cheng) worries about him pushing himself too far.

Meanwhile, the top two teams in the league right now are the Lanling Carps and the Gusu Jades, with Lan Wangji as the most versatile player out there. His skills are only matched by his brother, Lan Xichen, and with them on the same team, it makes them a hard pair to beat. He and his brother are famous for their connection on and off the ice. Another thing that makes Lan Zhan famous? His dislike towards Wei Ying.

It started out as nothing but baseless rumors, glares exchanged on the ice and things like that. However, it became a known fact among fans when during a game against Yunmeng, Lan Zhan was mic’d up and heard telling Wei Ying (who was messing with Lan Zhan) to leave him alone. Needless to say, the media took a liking to this particular clip, loving Lan Zhan’s rock hard stare and Wei Ying’s kicked puppy look. They used this to spew all kinds of nonsense about Wei Ying’s lack of responsibility, and about him being a nuisance on the ice.

Truth be told, Lan Zhan panicked when Wei Ying approached him that day. They’d been in the same draft class and ever since their draft (Lan Zhan going 1st overall and Wei Ying going 2nd) Lan Zhan has had a massive crush on the other man. They’ve been friends (?) since then, but sometimes when Wei Ying gets too close, Lan Zhan panics. So that day, just like many others, he told Wei Ying to leave him alone.

And Wei Ying was fine with it, really. Lan Zhan always tells him off, especially in the middle of a game if he’s messing about. However, when Wei Ying saw the news, and the articles talking about Lan Zhan’s “hatred” for him, he thought maybe all this time, Lan Zhan really did just hate him.

So they don’t speak. For months. Lan Zhan wants to reach out, but fears Wei Ying won’t forgive him. Wei Ying wants to reach out, but fears Lan Zhan won’t want him to. It all comes to a head when towards the end of the season, Lan Xichen gets a season ending injury in a game against the Qishan Suns. It was a dirty hit, but Wen Chao managed to get away with a mere 2 game suspension. The Gusu Jades are down a forward, going into the playoffs where they’re favorites to win. Their GM (Lan Qiren) is scrambling, trying to figure out who could possibly replace Lan Xichen on their top line with Lan Zhan, when the news comes through the grapevine; Wei Ying was not Yunmeng’s top scorer this season, and so is being traded. It’s said that Qishan want to get him back, as he played for them for his first few seasons before he was traded to Yunmeng. Lan Zhan, having known Wei Ying at that time, knows that the Wens, the family who owns the Qishan team, treated Wei Ying like dirt. He can’t let Wei Ying go through that again.

Wei Ying is in his apartment, packing his things and preparing for his manager to give him the call to say he’s been traded, when his doorbell rings. He answers it to find Lan Zhan standing there.

“Come to Gusu.”

Wei Ying is shocked to say the least. He hasn’t heard from Lan zhan in months, and the first thing he says is that.

“Lan Zhan, what are you doing here?”

“Xichen got injured, and we’re going to the playoffs. We need a forward good enough to replace him.”

Wei Ying scoffs.

“I’m certainly not good enough, besides Qishan-“

“The deal wasn’t final. Uncle is on the phone to Madam Yu right now finalizing a deal to get you traded to Gusu.”

Wei Ying looks unsure, vulnerable, afraid to trust Lan Zhan’s words. Until Lan Zhan steps forward, and puts his hands on Wei Ying’s shoulders. His heart beats wildly, so loud he’s sure Wei Ying can hear it, as he mutters:

“Wei Ying, come back to Gusu with me.”

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As soon as I can revive him from the dead the wedding is BACK ON !!!!

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Wei Ying: Lan Zhan look at this new pose I mastered in my yoga class today!

Wei Ying: *demonstrates*

Lan Zhan:

*The next day*

Nie Huaisang: Lan Wangji! Where is Wei Ying?

Lan Zhan: He could not come. He could not leave bed this morning.

Nie Huaisang: Oh, was he in pain? What happened?

Lan Zhan:

Lan Zhan: …Yoga.

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Lan WangJi replied, "We will wait until we find them. After all, we do what we must." Wei Wuxian, "Just by using nets?" Lan XiChen, "That is right. Does the YunmengJiang Sect have other methods?" Wei Wuxian smiled but didn't respond. Of course, the YunmengJiang Sect used nets as well. But, because he was a good swimmer, he had always jumped into the river and dragged water ghouls out. However, this method was too dangerous; he definitely couldn't do it in front of the Lan Sect's people.

....I'm sorry, what

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Wei Ying: Do you think Lan Zhan would love me even if I was a worm?

Jiang Cheng:

Jiang Cheng: He was in love with you when you were the most wanted criminal in the world.

Wei Ying:

Wei Ying: *pouting* Yeah, but a worm is different.

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Wei Ying: Who would’ve thought I’d end up with Lan Zhan?!

Nie Huaisang: You have been giving each other The Eyes™ for the last 16 years

Jiang Cheng: We all had a bet on whether you’d send Master Lan or Madam Yu into early qi deviation first

Nie Mingjue: We played a drinking game one night where we took a shot everytime you mentioned Wangji and it gave A-sang alcohol poisoning

Lan Xichen: Didn’t my brother write you a love song?

Jin Zixuan: I literally thought y’all were just into some freaky “frenemies to lovers” roleplay

Wei Ying:

Wei Ying: But still, who could’ve seen it coming?

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Oh my god what if Lan Zhan got Wei Ying to go back to Gusu with him, but not because he agreed to it, oh no.

//cw: Heavy angst???

When Wei Ying fell from that cliff, Wangji was right after him, and managed to catch him and get them both on his sword in time. Wei Ying was barely breathing, his body finally giving in to all of the hardships it endured, and he lost consciousness the minute he let go of the cliff ledge. Lan Zhan held him close, heart pounding as he flew over the crowd, that had now stopped fighting in order to watch in horror as the righteous Hanguang Jun held the villainous Yiling Laozu protectively against his chest. Lan Qiren and the other Lan elders were roaring, demanding Wangji to stop and hang Wei Wuxian over, but Lan Zhan ignored them. Instead, he searched the crowd for his brother, and once they locked eyes he sent a look Lan Xichen’s way. Xichen, eyes tired and robes covered in blood, sent a grimace Wangji’s way, followed by a nod. He knew what his younger brother was about to do, and knew that as much as he would defend Lan Zhan’s actions, the younger was going to be punished severely for what he was about to do.

The entire way back to Gusu, Lan Zhan couldn’t bare to look at Wei Ying. Wangji was shaking with fear, and it felt as though Wei Ying was no longer breathing. He couldn’t look down at the frail man in his arms, as he feared he was no longer carrying his- Wei Ying, but a corpse. Once he landed outside Cloud Recesses, some disciples ran to help Hanguang Jun, but stopped abruptly when they saw that the Yiling Patriarch was in his arms. “Hanguang Jun- the blood-” one of them called in alarm, but he marched past them, in the direction of the Jingshi. He pushed the doors open with a little bit of difficulty and lay Wei Ying down, and only then did he dare look at the other man. He felt all the air leave his lungs when he saw how pale Wei Ying was, his face ashen and lips turning blue. It was only then he looked down at his robes and realized that the blood they were covered in wasn’t his own, but Wei Yings. His heart thudded in his chest as he stormed out of the Jingshi. The disciples, who had gathered close by, hoping to catch a glimpse of what was happening, jumped when they saw Hanguang Jun headed straight for them. “Get me a doctor. Immediately.” He said, voice low and full of power, but his words wavered slightly. As one disciple sprinted off to find a doctor, it dawned on everyone what was happening.

Hanguang Jun had brought Yiling Laozu here not to kill him, or keep him prisoner, but to save him.

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The doctor spent 5 days nursing Wei Ying as much as possible, and when he was not there, Lan Zhan stayed awake through the night, trying to transfer some of his own spiritual energy to Wei Ying. However, he was unsuccessful, which made him worry about the condition of Wei Ying’s golden core. He found himself losing hope on the fifth day as the doctor packed up his things with a sigh. “I believe he is stable, Hanguang Jun, but I cannot be sure. He is hanging on, but I don’t know if he shall progress from this state.” Wangji thanked the doctor and watched him leave, before turning back to look at Wei Ying. The man’s frame was thin, so thin you would think he’d break under the lightest touch. His skin was still almost grey, and Lan Zhan felt ill thinking about all of the scars that hid under his flimsy robe, which were revealed when the doctor undressed him when Lan Zhan first returned from the Nightless City. He turned away, unable to look at the once strong, boisterous man before him, and went to make himself some tea. As he sat at a small table not far from the bed, he raised his cup to his mouth, but stopped when he heard a groan from the bed. He didn’t dare move, didn’t dare breathe, but then turned his head ever so slightly to look at the bed. He watched in shock and relief as Wei Ying stirred, a groan falling from his lips. He rushed to the bed, and a soft, emotional “Wei Ying” slipped past his lips as he grabbed the other man’s hand. Suddenly, the other man’s eyes snapped open, and gold met silver. However before Lan Zhan could tell Wei Ying to be careful, Wei Ying ripped his hand from Wangji’s. His voice was hoarse, but his words pierced the air, filled with venom.

“You.”

Lan Zhan sat back cautiously, as Wei Ying sat upright, clearly in shock as he didn’t seem to register any of the pain his body should’ve been in.

“W-Wei Ying-”

“Why am I here, Hanguang Jun.”

Lan Zhan felt a hand on his shoulder, and suddenly he’s falling backwards onto the floor, as Wei Ying clambered from the bed, crawling towards Wangji.

“You saved me.” Wei Ying spit the words.

Lan Zhan tried to answer him and say, yes, yes of course he did, he wasn’t going to let Wei Ying-

“WHY DID YOU SAVE ME?”

Wei Ying wailed, as he pulled himself along the floor, but he seemed to have lost all of the malice he had mere moments before. Instead, Lan Wangji realized that Wei Ying is sobbing, and his heart broke. He reached out to touch Wei Ying, but the other man pulled away harshly and screamed,

“DO NOT TOUCH ME, LAN WANGJI.”

And so Lan Zhan just looked at him, as Wei Ying continued to cry in anger.

“I WAS MEANT TO DIE THERE, WHY DIDN’T YOU LET ME DIE THERE,HANGUANG JUN?”

As he said this, he started to shake and his face grew even more pale, and so Wangji rushed to bundle Wei Ying into his arms.

Wei Ying was no longer crying as he shook violently and stared up at Wangji, eyes void of any emotions. With what little energy he had, he reached up and grabbed Hanguang Juns robes.

“L-Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying said softly, and it sounded so like the young boy Lan Zhan first met all those years ago that his heart ached. “A.. A-Yuan… he’s still in the Burial Mounds… he- he’ll die there, Lan Zhan…”

Wei Ying’s eyes started to close, so Lan Zhan held him tighter and whispered a promise. “I promise I’ll find him, Wei Ying. I’ll find him and I’ll bring him back here.” But his words landed on deaf ears, as Wei Ying fell back into unconsciousness.

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The Elders arrived back in Gusu a week after the battle, having stayed in the Nightless City to help the injured and count their dead. However, 1 week was not long enough, as the minute Lan Qiren discounted his sword, he began to roar, his body trembling with anger.

“WHERE IS MY NEPHEW? WHERE IS HANGUANG JUN?”

They soon realized he was nowhere to be found, and better still, the Jingshi had been sealed off by a strong protective ward. After many unsuccessful attempts to break the barrier, a doctor spoke up. “H-he is not in there, Master Lan,” he said, voice shaky, “Hanguang Jun said he shall return in 2 days time, and that for now, I am the only person with access to the Jingshi.”

Lan Qiren turned slowly, eyes blazing. “And why is that?”

The doctor gulped.

“Be- because I am to take care of Wei Wuxian, sir. He is in an unstable condition, and so has been put to sleep by Hanguang Jun until his condition improves enough for him to be awoken.”

Lan Qiren stepped towards the doctor, and restrained himself from grabbing the man and shaking him. His nephew was going to send him to an early grave.

“Do you know where my nephew has gone, doctor?”

The doctor hesitated, averting his eyes. But then cleared his throat. His reply sent a wave of murmurs through the quickly gathering crowd.

“Hanguang Jun is in Yiling. At the Burial Mounds.”

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Wow this was a lot and really it just stemmed from the idea of Wei Ying screaming at Lan Zhan so yeah uuhhhh if you want a part 2 let me know??? I guess???

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Ok so since y’all really liked part 1, here’s part 2 of my Wangxian figure skating AU spiral.

So they’re at a competition, I’m gonna say the Grand Prix Final cause it’s one of my faves. The bets are looking pretty even: it’s gonna be anyone’s game. Wei Ying only just scraped into the finals, to everyone’s shock. He was off at both the NHK trophy and Skate America, and rumor has it he was quiet backstage at both events. This unnerved Wangji, as in his whole career, Wei Ying had been called a lot of things, but never “quiet”.

Not that Lan Zhan cared. Nope. No sir. He didn’t care at all, especially not when Xichen would give him an update occasionally on what he’d heard from Jiang Cheng and Nie Mingjue (who’s relationship(?)with his brother Lan Zhan was trying to avoid talking about for as long as possible)

And anyway, Lan Zhan has enough on his plate as it is. He’s nursing an ankle injury from Skate Canada, when Wen Chao accidentally on purpose collided with Lan Zhan during warm up for the free skate. Lan Zhan still managed to win, running on pure adrenaline, but was now paying the price.

So now he sits rink side, warmed up and ready to skate, and as he watches Wei Ying skate out onto the ice his breathe catches in his throat. Cause Wei Ying is covered head to toe in all black, his blazer covered in rhinestones, his long hair slicked back, and tight leather pants doing wonders for his ass-

And as Lan Zhan watches the short program he realizes all the reports were right, because Wei Ying is not himself, at all. And it almost physically pains Wangji to watch Wei Ying mess up his first jump, a quad Salchow, because never in his life has Wei Ying messed up a Salchow. But Lan Zhan has to give it to him, Wei Ying gives a hell of a performance, effortlessly capturing the hearts of everyone within a 100m radius. The routine ends quick, but not quickly enough, and Lan Zhan’s heart hurts for some reason as he watches Wei Ying’s face fall when the music stops. He bows and exits the ice as quickly as is politely possible. He barely makes it through his own score, before he’s up and leaving the rink side area.

Lan Zhan watches him leave, pushing through the doors to backstage. He whips towards his brother, excuse on the tip of his tongue, but Xichen smiles at him and beats him to it.

“Go,” he says, an encouraging hand on Lan Zhan’s shoulder, “Just be back by the time Jiang Cheng’s program starts, you’re after him.” It’s not much, but it’s enough.

As he approaches the doors, Lan Zhan bites his lip, mind racing as to where to start his search for Wei Ying. However, it all falls flat as he pushes through the doors, and is greeted with the sight of Wei Ying 20 meters away, down the dark hallway. His head hangs low, standing face to face with a seething Yu Ziyuan. As he goes to call out to Wei Ying, he’s stopped in his tracks by a sound that makes his blood run cold.

*SLAP*

He watches Wei Ying’s head turn to the side, and his hands clench as he wills himself not to reach up to his own cheek. Lan Zhan sees red as he watches a tear trail down his now marked cheek. He almost doesn’t hear the words that come out of Yu Ziyuan’s mouth, but he does, and it’s enough to make him clear his throat, the sound rough, like he’s just swallowed sandpaper.

“You ungrateful disgrace! If we hadn’t plucked you off the streets-“

She stops at Lan Zhan’s sound, and turns with a fake, venomous smile plastered across her face.

“Lan Wangji, how pleasant to see you. If you’ll excuse me.”

She brushes past him, back out into the arena, and Lan Zhan watches Wei Ying slump against a wall.

He stares at the floor, as Lan Zhan approaches, mumbling softly, and it breaks Lan Zhan’s heart to see him so vulnerable.

“Sorry you had to see that, Lan Zhan, but it’s fine, don’t worry, it’s all out of love, really-“

He stops as Lan Zhan’s hand cups his face gently, lifting silver eyes to meet gold. Lan Zhan doesn’t know what he’s doing exactly, but he lets it happen.

“Prove her wrong.” He says, gaze strong and set on Wei Ying.

He doesn’t know what lies that woman has fed Wei Ying, but he wants, needs him to know that she’s wrong.

“W-what?” Wei Ying breathes, eyes wide and shining with fresh tears.

Lan Zhan steps back slightly, suddenly aware of his own, burning cheeks. He simply mumbles “Prove her wrong.” once more, before he sets off back down the hallway.

It’s silent behind him, and he worries that he overstepped, until he hears a soft giggle, and then Wei Ying calls after him, voice quiet but teasing all the same.

“Who knew Lan Wangji was such a softie under all that frostiness.”

Lan Zhan smiles to himself, not looking back, and in the most stern tone he can manage, mutters:

“Ridiculous.”

Lan Zhan’s short program is good, his ankle aches through the whole routine but he manages to get through it. He feels satisfied with himself at the end of it, and when he turns to leave the ice, he spots Wei Ying close to where Xichen and his uncle stand, clapping, lopsided smirk sitting beautifully on his face. As Lan Zhan passes him, he stops. Wei Ying whistles.

“I have to say, Lan Zhan, you might have me beat in the short.” He leans close, breath tickling Lan Zhan’s ear as he whispers, “but I’ll get you in the free.”

Lan Zhan walks away, towards the kiss and cry, ears burning, and he glares at his brother who hides a smile behind his hand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wei Ying’s free program is a sight to behold. He places first overall, to the surprise of virtually everyone.

Everyone except Wangji, who suppresses his smile as the second place medal is placed around his neck.

Oh well. He can beat Wei Ying at the 4 Continents.

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And here’s what I imagine as Wei Ying and Lan Zhan’s short programs. Yes, they’re both Yuzuru Hanyu. No, I don’t care the man is a LEGEND.

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No thoughts head empty, just a Wangxian figure skating AU where Wei Wuxian is a completely artistic skater, who also pushes the boundaries and himself to the limit. And at first he’s beloved by both fans and the Skating Union, but then suddenly he’s too good, so the judges start subtly underscoring him. But it still can’t stop him. He’s also pushed through many an injury at his coach’s (yzy) demand, but still manages to persevere and come out on top.

And it drives Lan Wangji insane. Because Wangji is technical, through and through. He does not deviate from his program of 5 quads, not even if he falls and knows that the only way to get the points he needs would be to add some technical difficulty. But if Wei ying falls, then his hands go over his head for every. Other. Jump. and suddenly he’s running at wangji but not really cause he jumps slightly to the left of Wangji, up onto the first place platform of the podium. And he looks radiant, grinning and waving at everyone. And he’s flawless during the gala exhibition. And he grins, and chats, and flirts with everyone at the gala dinner. And it infuriates Lan Wangji, because it always ends the same-

“Lan Zhan, silver suits you!”

“Shameless”

“Ah Lan Zhhhhaaaan, it was a compliment! Look, I have silver eyes and a gold medal, you have gold eyes and a silver medal! We’re like soulmates!”

“Ridiculous!”

And he stomps off, face flushed with embarrassment. He seethes about Wei Ying’s teasing, mostly because it makes his mind spin and dissolves his stomach into a hoard of butterflies. And he always focuses so much on his own embarrassment, that he never notices the shy smile on Wei Ying’s face as his eyes adoringly follow Lan Zhan back to his table, or the slap Jiang Cheng lands on the back of Wei Wuxian’s head.

“You’re an idiot. Why do you insist on teasing him?” Jiang Cheng grumbles, but Wei Ying’s eyes shine.

“Because getting a reaction is better than any medal, A-Cheng”

And Jiang Cheng proceeds to gag and drag him back to his table.

Just yeah. Rivals To Lovers Wangxian: On Ice

(I just posted part 2 of this for those interested!)

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