the5parkers-blog

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Understanding Life After Losing a Loved One

Here we are, 12 weeks into this grieving process that I never would have willingly signed up for. My son committed suicide and is at peace. (Suicide And The Ones Left Behind) Everyone says that and I believe it. But what about us? We aren’t at peace. I’m trying to think of a fancy way or analogy to say where we are but let’s just say, we are not in a good place. In a lot of ways, I’m “used to”…

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Navigating Life After a Heart Attack

When a loved one is in the hospital, it feels like you are in a movie or a tv show. This is my experience, anyway. I find myself noticing similarities and differences between tv shows like Scrubs and my actual experience. It all feels surreal. (This is apparently my favorite word for this saga.) On a Sunday morning, Brian went to urgent care for extreme back pain and ended up getting two stents…

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From Suicide To A Widow Maker Heart Attack

They say when it rains, it pours. That has definitely been our experience this year. Or at least since February 10th, the day of my son’s suicide. I was going to say that we were just starting to get back to normal when this happened. But that wouldn’t be true. We were not back to normal. Either way, life threw us another curveball. My husband had a heart attack. Just A Normal Sunday Morning It…

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From Suicide To A Widow Maker Heart Attack

They say when it rains, it pours. That has definitely been our experience this year. Or at least since February 10th, the day of my son’s suicide. I was going to say that we were just starting to get back to normal when this happened. But that wouldn’t be true. We were not back to normal. Either way, life threw us another curveball. My husband had a heart attack. Just A Normal Sunday Morning It…

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Batman, Kindness, and Life Lessons for Kids

“Sometimes people are just jerks.”  These are the not so deep or overly-thought out words that I said to my kids on Sunday.  It’s simple, but true.  “Sometimes people do mean things for no good reason.”  In hind-sight, I’m not sure what a good reason for being mean is… I said this because when we got to our van after spending the afternoon at the zoo, I saw that someone had ripped off my new…

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The Truth About Love in Adoption

The adopted child. Is this child loved in the same way as a biological child? Do you love them differently? Do you love them less? Ever since adopting our boys, I have been sensitive to this topic. There has never been a question of whether they were adopted, at least not when my husband was with us. Because one time, someone did think that they were biologically mine.(Common Misconceptions About…

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The Power of a Simple Hello: A Story of Humanity

There is a man that lives in my area.  People have many nicknames for him, but I don’t know if anyone knows his real name.  At first glance, he’s a random homeless guy.  This is sad enough.  But when you add the fact that he actually has a house and lots of money due to an inheritance (I think) and the fact that he can’t enjoy either of these things due to whatever mental illness he has; it’s…

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Would This Happen If My Child Was White?

One thing that I have learned is that when you adopt transracially, it’s going to be different.  There are things that I have learned about being black and things that I’ve learned about being the mother of a black child.  I’ve learned that even the most well intentioned person will make a prejudiced statement and that there are preconcieved notions in most people.  But, I’ve also learned that…

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Does Counseling Work?

There are two clocks in his office.  Neither one works.  One is missing a hand and the other is stuck on 3:00.  I’m watching him type on his computer, wondering what time it is, wishing I wasn’t so hungry, and watching William wonder why he’s here.  I’m kind of wondering the same thing. After going back and forth between not knowing how to go about it and just plain stalling, we finally started…

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Raising Black Childen in a White World

Adopting black children changes your perspective.  I find myself drawn to other black people now.  I also find myself saying things like “other black people” because I now think I am one. : )  I worry about race in a way that I didn’t before.  I knew racism existed and I knew that I wasn’t a racist.  But, I was white and had the luxury of not worrying about it much.  That has changed.  I think…

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Challenges and Joys of Adoption Finalization

Three years ago, today, on May 9, 2008, our adoption of William and Antwan was finalized.  They came to live with us on February 15th, but, on this day, it was made official and legal! It was a special, monumental day.  And, at the same time, it was like any other day when you have children: complicated, frustrating, exhausting, amazing, and extremely fulfilling.  In anticipation of the day, I…

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Navigating Adoption: The Impact of Labels on Identity

few weeks ago, at the doctor’s office, we were discussing the fact that William hadn’t gained any weight.  She commented that maybe the “real” mom was thin.  I was so focused on answering the question and taking the super-mature opportunity to say that she was actually over-weight, that it didn’t register right away. Real mom?  What should I get upset about first?  The fact that you said that in…

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Why We Rescued a Bullied Beta Fish

The other day, I was in the store with the babies and we stopped to look at the fish.  I was looking at the Betas and I noticed that in one container, there were 2 of them.  The first rule of Betas is that you can’t put them together or they will kill each other.  One of the fish looked fine, but the other was pretty beat up.  His fins had been bitten up to the point of barely having any.  I…

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I'm not smarter than an 8 year old.

I thought I was pretty smart when I became a mom.  But, everyday, my three children teach me even more.  Either I wasn’t that smart at the beginning or I’m really, really smart now.Life lessons from William. 1. A high five is appropriate in almost any situation. Buying drinks at the convenient store.  William walked up to the counter and triumphantly set his drink down. He looked at the cashier…

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Understanding Child Behavior: Lessons from Antwan

Antwan’s at a tricky age.  He knows he’s a kid, but he doesn’t want to be treated like one.  Actually, he’s always been like that, so maybe it’s just that he’s tricky.  He doesn’t find anything more frustrating than feeling like he’s not being listened to.  He has somehow picked this up from Brian. ( :  “Because I said so” is no more effective on Antwan than it would be on Brian. On numerous…

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Patience in Parenting: Embracing the Chaos

I always feel better after writing a blog post and it always give me some perspective.  My last post reminded me that I don’t want to live like I have been.  I don’t want to be stressed-out mom.  And, God knows, no one wants to live with stressed-out mom.  So, I’ve been trying.  I’ve been trying really hard.  And, I’ve done better.  Not every time, but sometimes.  I’ve stood outside of the…

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People in the real world and their questions

Perception is an interesting thing.  I live my days with three children that are so much mine, in my heart, that I practically have memories giving birth to them.  I know I didn’t, though.  No need to be concerned for my grasp on reality. : )  I don’t dwell on the fact that they’re adopted much unless I’m reminded.  Well, that’s not true, exactly.  I do dwell on it, in a way, because I am so…