theangrystomach-blog

[theangrystomach-blog]

chronic pain isn’t just dealing with pain

-it is choosing between making food or taking a shower

-it is having to take meds on an empty stomach and dry heaving through a morning

-it is knowing that you can’t possibly balance your school/work, social life, and physical fitness all at the same time

-it is barely being able to handle one

-it is years of having to miss out on years of events and parties and being dubbed “antisocial” because of it 

-it is spending 99% of your time in pain and alone 

it is so much more than “just pain”. I think abled people forget that chronic pain really does permeate every aspect of a person’s life. 

[theangrystomach-blog]

eating with gp. I mean, I aaam on stage two diet foods! I was getting tired of applesauce. surprisingly not bad! I have a few other flavors to try.

[theangrystomach-blog]

I apologise for not being more active recently guys! I've had some mental health issues going on, but I think I'm finally getting back on track. Anyone have any suggestions or questions for relevant topics for me to discuss? ☺

[theangrystomach-blog]

zoloft's tagline should be "can't be depressed if you're asleep"

[theangrystomach-blog]

“You look anxious”

Thanks it’s the anxiety

[theangrystomach-blog]

I experience an "underwater" type of feeling in my ears often, accompanied with light-headedness and dizziness, quite often. It also increases my level of nausea and fatigue. It usually persists for about an hour and then fades off, but comes on randomly. The first time I felt it, there was also a ringing in my ears and I passed out from malnutrition. The only other times I've experienced tinnitus with it, I've passed out. Well, my ears are ringing. 😭

[theangrystomach-blog]

rage post

I can't fucking stand bitchy receptionists. I DIDN'T CHOOSE YOUR SHIT CAREER AND FORCE YOU INTO A LIFELONG COLLECTION OF CERAMIC PLATES, BARBARA, DROP THE DAMN ATTITUDE. "I'd like to schedule an appointment because I have been spotting since the 24th and--" "You're not due for a check-up until 2018" "Yes I know, but I've been having spotting and sharp pains and cramping" *A few minutes of asking three different ways if I've missed my birth control (it's been ten days! after 7, I'm supposed to seek treatment right?? Even if it is "just" my birth control, it's clearly causing new problems?) and then spelling my full name (who can't spell Kelly, just ask 'with a y?') and telling me it takes forever to get in for appointments* "Well you saw (name) last time, and this is the (town) office" "Oh I'm sorry, I searched (other town)'s number, it must have autochanged to your office, should I call them instead?" "No, they don't have a number listed, scheduling is done through our office" BITCH WHAT?? IS THIS?? CONVERSATION???? I said, "okay, I don't care who I see, I can come to the (town) office" and then there was this unsufferable silence for like three minutes and then she asks if I'll see one of the nurses in (town) on Wednesday. How fuckin hard does this shit gotta be. Also, my GI docs went behind my back, after an appointment where I was told to "LIMIT" use of Tramadol (which I do, I started taking it twice daily, already went down to one, and I was going to start taking it every other day until the GI actually gives me a prescription for acceptable pain management), to my PCP who prescribed it, telling him that I am to stop the medication, so now he literally can't prescribe it because he can't go against a specialist, and I can't even call to get this straightened out because I'm home alone w/o phone service now, and they didn't answer all morning when I had the chance to call. I'm going to be in a miserable, whiny rage all weekend. Only the rage part is out of the ordinary anyway 😭

[theangrystomach-blog]

chronically ill problems: too fatigued to keep typing

[theangrystomach-blog]

pacemaker

I just had an upper scope done and they found nothing, besides undigested food of course, so in two months, "if things don't improve," my doctor will schedule an appointment to have a pacemaker placed. he wants to wait because it's "too invasive" ... But, my symptoms clearly aren't improving, all of the medications have negative side effects, I even vomit up the anti-nausea meds. The only things that are really helpful are marijuana (not legal in my state yet :/) and tramadol (but it can worsen gut motility and I don't want to be on narcotics :/).. I'm just ready to start the next step. Do I wait it out? I could probably get a referral from my PCP, as it wouldn't even be my GI doctor preforming the surgery (I have to travel to Pittsburgh to have it done). What would you do?

[theangrystomach-blog]

[theangrystomach-blog]

you eat more medicine than food on a daily basis

B, being concerned for my stomach lining lolol.

[theangrystomach-blog]

disability

well, I got the disapproval notice for social security disability income today, so now I will be starting the appeal process. I have an appointment next week with a disability attorney. but, I know getting a hearing date can take a very long time. I really need to figure out another source of income in the meantime. I have no idea what to do. I'm so overwhelmed and depressed. bonus: the conversation with the receptionist scheduling my appointment with the attorney was super awkward. she had no idea what it was and needed it spelled out, which is fine, that's typical, but at the end, she said, "gaaas-tro-pa-res-is. huh. never heard of that." and paused for a solid minute or two, and then closed the phone call... 😂

[theangrystomach-blog]

hobbies

I'm watching the same episode for the sixth day in a row. I've tried catching up on a few different series recently and I can't seem to focus on any of them. I'm way too fatigued. I fall asleep in the middle of episodes all the time. I let it keep playing, though, because I can't sleep without sound, and I'm still catching bits and pieces of what's going on once I wake up... Hopefully this time I fall asleep during the parts I caught the last few times (I mean, hopefully, I can just stay the fuck awake but u kno). I'm having the same issue with maintaining focus on my game (The Sims 4) as well lately. I'll often have the game loaded up and just leave it paused for hours. I think part of this issue is that I have to reposition to comfortably use the laptop, and when my stomach pain is this severe, I need to stay laying down, usually in fetal position. It just sucks so much. When I had to fill out the disability application, I was really stressed about what to write for my hobbies because I'm not often well enough to do a lot of the things I enjoy. I put watching television and playing video games as my hobbies, but then the next line asked, "how well do you do these activities?" and it just, like, really hurt to realize that I am shit at even the most basic, no-skill activities. P.S. I still haven't done laundry. I have to take it to my mother's house, and I don't have an active phone right now, and B currently uses my car for work, so it's a bit more complicated than taking a basket to the laundry room. but it really needs done, and I could've called from his phone and dropped him off at work, but I've been having terrible cramps all day long. I've had them since yesterday, along with spotting, Idunno what that's about--my cycle starts in 14 days (I did recently forget to change my second birth control patch, but only by a day and I've read that it shouldn't affect it?). So, all I'm doing is miserably laying on my couch for the next few hours while B is at work. Uygggghhh. Sorry my posts are a bit complainy, being ill constantly is just so stressful. I started tearing up as B left for work, because I'm so damn jealous that he can work.. even tho it's just his ff job and he hates it there.. I mean, I hated it there (it's actually where we met/both of ours' first job) too. But, oh my, what I would give to be healthy enough to be able to work in "just" fast food again.. 😥

[theangrystomach-blog]

Healers

It’s like they have magical healing powers… :)

[theangrystomach-blog]

2pm

I had plans for this morning. B and I were going to wake up at nine to go out and run a few errands. Of course, I had a migraine when the first alarm went off. Back to sleep, I go. By ten thirty, I'm awoken by the cramping and rumbling in my lower belly (that's every morning 😒) and go to the bathroom. Vomit inducing diarrhea.

First of all, I'm pissed because yesterday was garbage day and now there's vomit filling 4" of the bottom of my bathroom trashcan so I'm either dealing with this smell for six days or wasting a trash bag (I'm REALLY broke ok, I can't afford wasting anything). I can handle puking, I puke every day... Just usually in the sink or toilet.

Second, I'm pissed because I didn't eat anything yesterday that I haven't already had success with: 1/2 can of tuna with "natural" mayo, 4 ritz crackers with turkey and low-lactose cheese (I cut the slices into fours to make "adult lunchables" 😂), chicken fries and french fries. It has been a point of confusion that I am able to digest the super processed chicken and french fries, but I've equated it to being multiple variables at play: the specific ingredients in Tyson chicken fries and Rally's french fries in combination with canola oil for frying must work for me. Other frozen, breaded chicken products and french fries cause sharp pains while eating. We've also tried sunflower oil and vegetable oil for our fryer and both have negatively affected my ability to eat the chicken fries without pain. Aside from the tuna betraying me and causing some pain and nausea, yesterday was a pretty good day, as far as eating without pain goes. So, whhhhyyy did my body have to decide hours later "Nop get this shit out of me NOW"????

And third, finally, I'm pissed, as usual, that I didn't do anything today. B has been using my car for work (1hr+ away, so can't drop off), where he is now at, so running errands on my own (I don't even like to do this because I never know how hard my symptoms are going to hit, so I don't like being alone in public) isn't a possibility. Looks like another fun day of organizing my photos.

[theangrystomach-blog]

it’s literally been months since I have felt hungry… until today!

I was honestly mildly confused a few moments ago, wondering what this feeling is.... It's just an appetite! 😊

I’m so excited to want food again.

…. Now just to be disappointed in a few hours when it’s not digesting properly lolol

[theangrystomach-blog]

Things NOT to say to someone with a disabling chronic illness:

1. …but you don’t look sick. 2. Everybody gets tired. 3. You’re just having a bad day. 4. I wish I had time to take a nap. 5. You’re just getting older. 6. It can’t be that bad. 7. It’s all in your head. 8. You’re just depressed. 9. There are people so much worse than you. 10. You just need a more positive attitude. 11.Can’t you just make an effort? 12. It must be nice not having to go to school/work. (THIS)