theblog888 - Tumblr blog

[theblog888]

Less eating and drinking, more breathing!

10 weeks ago, before I considered the 8-16 meal schedule, I intended and resolved to have substantial periods where I have not eaten anything recently or had liquids. This would have been so that I am free to do deep and intense breathwork. Bother there lung capacity and diaphragm are stretched and expanded, and the breath is held out and powerful core work is done. 

Such practices are best done on and empty stomach, so there is more space for breath intake, and the exhalations and squeezing body locks with air out do not cause belching or regurgitation, or any digestive discomfort at all. In line with my resolve to stick to a strict regimen of eating only between 1-9pm daily, this will allow me any waking hours before the first meal, and later at night before bed to do more of the vital practices, provided I don’t fill up on water so much that this is not feasible.

[theblog888]

45 days of discipline

I resolve to exercise extreme discipline between now and the 4th of July, in line with Los Angeles County’s goal of re-opening to the greatest extend possible by that day. I have the power to do and not do what I need to do and not do, and there is no one who can do it for me, I must do it myself, I can do it, I will do it, I am already doing it. So shall it be written, so shall it be done!

The most important area of discipline is with regard to my diet. I have a list of demands of myself, which I hereby list straight forward:

-Practice the 16 hour fast every day within the same 8 hour window, eating at the beginning and end with no snacking, no calorie containing beverages, no exceptions! For simplicity’s sake, it will be from 1pm-9pm. This is ideal actually, plenty of time to go for a walk afterwards in the afternoon if I so wish, and get a good 3+ hours before bed. If on some occasion I attend an event online after my last one at 8:30 that extends beyond that time, I will not eat that night, and have bone broth instead. I may do that weekly on or 2 days anyway. No giving in.

-Things I avoid eating: Snack bars, protein bars, granola bars, granola, and of course no more sweets than are already on hand. Such things will not expire any time soon. Later on I can have one or 2 for an express dinner if doing activities and don’t have time for a meal, but for now I need a hard break from that stuff, the nut+date+egg protein bars can all sit until after the 4th of July! If someone else brings home ice cream, cookies, cake or whatever, it is my responsibility to avoid it, it’s all on me!

-Things I avoid drinking. Sweetened beverages, obviously, and alcohol. No more kombucha, I finish what I have over the next 45 days, except for the 2 cans of hard kombucha, which I save for the 4th of July. As for the miniatures of peanut butter flavored whisky I picked up as an impulse purchase when I brought home kombucha form the liquor store, that I can save all the way until the next time smoke and ask rain down upon LA. There was never really a shelter in place order for COVID-19 here, as there is space to go outside not near people, easy to avoid breathing in other people’s germs, but when the air all around is filled with smoke and ash, that is when I stay inside with the windows closed, put on an N95 respirator if I need to go somewhere and come right back home, and crack open a bottle.

And naturally, to abstain from fapping, duh!

On the 4th of July, if I want, I can get buzzed and look at my favorite adult sexy blogs.

[theblog888]

Post-Masturbation lifestyle is here to stay.

I am done masturbating, there is no going back. No more cleaning up jizz from the carpet, no more tugging on my pee pee, no more wasting my life essence fluid. And this is possible because there is no more fantasizing about sex even, the problem has been nipped in the bud. I am on the right track, the only track, straight out of the shitty life circumstances which harbored and enabled a disgraceful wankmeister, and into the light of prosperity, abundance, creation. Along with the demise of my gambling hopes and dreams of winning the lottery, I am driven to create, I must create, I must transmute! Sing, write, communicate, be authentic, present, fearless. I am ready, I am living it, I am it.

I also must take care of my body, this is paramount. To stretch, twist, massage and align myself, decompress, breathe deep, chant mantra, have good posture, be gentle and careful with my body, but develop it’s strength and endurance in the course of events as I live the best life. The ideas of masturbating, committing suicide, imposing my neediness on others, and anything of the victimhood & scarcity mentality is behind me now, I am sure of that. 

[theblog888]

An abundance mentality of women and the feminine.

This time around, as my energy harmonizes while I continue to progress smoothly in the post-masturbation lifestyle, I am taking note of a new way in which I conduct myself around women. 

In times past, I felt a need to look at attractive women whenever the opportunity presents itself, and subconsciously seeking validation by their benevolent acknowledgement of my observing them. Like I see a cutie in a miniskirt at the store, I look at her body, admiring and appreciating the visual aspect of her form and fashion, and try to get eye contact, for her to acknowledge my existence, and hopefully smile warmly towards me. This seeking validation I believe is a pre-programmed survival behavior of the human male; and when some are entirely identified with this function, as was the case with the late Elliot Rodger, it can feel disheartening if not devastating when a beautiful women you make eye contact with does not acknowledge you welcomingly.

Towards the end of Last Summer when I last succeeded in a long term PML venture, I noticed such validation-seeking behavior come about automatically, only after the fact, and resolved to curb it. Not just stop trying to get women to acknowledge me, but address the underlying psychology behind that impulse, which I believed to be neediness and a scarcity mentality. 

In a world in which I hold feminine energy and sensually alluring female forms to be ever abundant, I don’t get fixated on capturing a moment with women in passing, or capturing sexy photos of models and porn stars. Only now as I write this am I relating my searching the web for beautiful softcore pics to how I would try to get eye contact with women. So perhaps drawing this parallel is the antidote to that behavior. I had engaged in it frequently alongside a seamless abandonment of edging, and I could do it more just the same way. But I recognize that is a waste of time and mental energy. As my life is becoming focused, with awareness of how I spend my limited time, and clear goals to work towards, it will only be beneficial to nix this activity. Though I make no promises of this, and I am sure I will occasionally check for updates form photographers such as FTV Rob and Zishy Zack, ain’t nothing wrong with that, women are beautiful and I like looking at them (I like looking at their bodies).

Now back to today. Even before, I was getting out of the habit of looking at women in passing, because it felt plan and obvious that it was needy low value behavior, and also I had cognitive empathy, taking the woman’s comfort into account. Today I self-acknowledged that I indeed do care more about women being comfortable around em than being attracted to me. This is an eliciting of values, and I predict will really help me understand my new self a lot better. Yes, I WANT WOMEN TO FEEL COMFORTABLE IN MY PRESENCE, COMFORTABLE AROUND ME, COMFORTABLE WITH ME, AND I WANT THEM TO FEEL SAFE CLOSE TO ME. I never could have predicted I would come to feel this way, and it doesn’t feel like I am a beta soyboy, or disposable male protector either. This is what it feels like just being relaxed in my masculinity. As I recover from masturbation, I naturally become more masculine, it’s inevitable. By now based on everything I learned, I know full well that my intuition about ‘concept stuffing’  femininity into masculinity holds true, that a masculine man is not afraid to fully embrace his femininity. Naturally so, because the aversion to femininity is the fear of being effeminate, while a man secure in his masculine and feminine has no such fears. He is free to be strong and vulnerable, to shout in joy, and weep in sorrow, allows himself to be completely free emotionally, but, and because, he is not emotionally reactive.

Now back to today for real, well now that would be yesterday, Monday Memorial Day 2019. I was in whole foods waiting in line buying kombucha when behind me was a cute looking women wearing spandex shorts. As I glanced around the store while waiting, I looked at her face and legs briefly, but did not try to gain eye contact, as I would have int he past. This reminds me of how a week or 2 ago I passed a woman jogging on a narrow sidewalk, initially though of how I’d look in her eyes and hopefully share a fleeting moment together, then at last second decide not to, because it would just be selfish, needy and scarcity minded. If it were a man approaching me I would have left the sidewalk and walked in the street, but I didn’t mind walking close to her, she was closer to the street and was free to leave the sidewalk. But I decided I would actually like to be very close to her, and be totally nonchalant about it, I would not be weird about it, I’d acknowledge she was doing something, running, and try and distract her, possibly make her uncomfortable with eye contact.

And so this same attitude of enjoying being around cute women but not being confrontational was maintained today. I was most noticeable when later yesterday night I approached a corner and saw a sexy young lady approaching form the other way, in the quick glance I had checking int hat direction she had a cute face and a top with a low neck. I turned my back to her and pressed the button to cross the street. I’ve been in many such situation before, where I looked at the woman on the corner with me while waiting for the light. This time however, I decided not to. I just stayed looking across the street, and then as I walked slowly for a block before turning again, she was walking close behind me. I made a point of being totally calm and relaxed, never looked back, not even when I crossed to the left from the right side of the street and could have got a good look at her.

Don’t be intrusive, don’t be invasive, don’t be confrontational, don’t be needy, don’t be attention-seeking, don’t be creepy, don’t be weird, don’t be shy.

Do be calm, relaxed, confident, abundance-minded, chill, cool, non-needy, giving, loving, creating, full, complete, whole, connected, balanced,a nd ready for life to unfold moment by moment.

[theblog888]

How I finally quit fapping, for real this time.

I have not been counting the days, but it must’ve been at least a month by now, and I’ve not been tempted to even edge, even whilst browsing sexy softcore images. What it took to free myself was a deep contemplation of death.

I had learned about an ancient golden statue of a Buddhist monk, and how inside the statue is sealed the corpse of an actual Buddhist monk who gradually starved himself to death over 10 years. His body had become self mummified, and is said to be in a state of permanent deep meditation. 

It felt unnerving thinking about someone doing that to themselves, why on Earth, dear God why, what in the ever loving fuck-a-doodle-doo?!? Least to say it left me very uncomfortable thinking about, so I researched more, and learned about how many traditions cultivate a constant awareness of death, and make a point of vividly imagining their own very death.

And so I tried it myself. It echoed what I remember from Leo Gura’s video on breaking addictions, and I felt that, yes indeed, I must actually face the reality of my own death head on for any profound transformation, shedding of the ego, and rewiring of deeply ingrained mind-body habits to take place.

Spirituality is often felt as a way around the death issue, to realize non-duality and no-self is to realize you will not actually die, because your ego was never there in the first place. But this is the amateur and naive venture into spirituality,  being authentically spiritual also involves being authentically human, and fully living in that aspect of duality, which is an aspect of non-duality.

And so I became acutely aware that I am going to die, that this life will one day come to an end. My eyes will close, never to open again, my lungs will stop breathing, and my heart will stop beating. What was once my body will go cold and limp, brain activity will stop, and the decaying biomass will be like any other non-living thing on Earth. And that is it, this is life, the only one I get. Time is ticking away, moment by moment, step by step. No matter what I do or don’t do, it is all leading towards an inevitable DEATH, PERMANENT END OF LIFE, tick tock...

And I cried. The tears flowed down my face freely. Unlike some other times as when I watch a moving video, or becoming mindful of gratitude to the point of tears, then I still had to squint and clench my face to help squeeze out tears. This was all organic, a spontaneous catharsis, an emotional release I could not have predicted.

And since that night, I have not masturbated.

And many times since, I have become more grateful, compassionate, peaceful, calm, loving, accepting, forgiving...

Still though, I have recently been repeating a mantra to myself, in writing/word art, in my head and vocalizing it. A simple reminder that: “I will not masturbate.”

I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate. I will not masturbate...

Much easier with copy and paste than writing it out by hand, but still, I regularly fill a page of paper with this mantra, or until my hand and wrist gets too sore, or I get too bored and get creative drawing big letters and stuff, alternate phrases, etc.

[theblog888]

Quitting Lottery Gambling

After over 7 years desperately trying to win life changing money buying lottery tickets, I am now finally ready to give it up. The procedure is that starting the day after tomorrow, I simply do not buy any more lottery tickets, except using redeemed winning tickets I already have. While of course, I am my own boss, and can make executive decisions to make exceptions, such as when the jackpot moons over $600 million, becoming a popularly mentioned cultural phenomenon I want to participate in- like watching Game of Thrones. This is one of those unavoidably grey areas in which quitting an addiction is not a total stoppage, much like breaking addiction to excessive sitting at the computer. So I define having overcame an addiction in relative terms, seeing myself as having rid myself of the disease of being obsessed with gambling and wasting immense amounts of cash on lottery tickets quite literally just about every day. And even once the behavior has stopped, the deeper longing will remain in my bones. Similarly to how now that I have successfully quit fapping, I still get sexually aroused by the sight of sexy women, and my biology is still hard-wired to want sex, I would still believe that winning the lottery is what I ultimately want in life, imagining that some day I’d find some money on the ground, as I do occasionally, decide to put it in a lottery vending machine, and win tens of millions on the Super Lotto.

My gambling is coming to an end, my lottery fiend days are over, for real this time. I have no choice really, since money is the limiting factor in this hobby, and a finite resource for me, as has been for the entire duration of the quest to match all 5 or 6 numbers in a row with balls drawn randomly from a machine, or selected virtually by a computer program.

And while if I had won big the ends would have justified the means, having not won, the cessation of the habit feels long, long overdue. There indeed could have been other tangible ends I could have spent the money I wasted on losing lottery tickets. I could have bought high quality headphones, useful books, music and other digital resources, invested in A/V equipment to enable me to more readily carry out creative media projects, or simply just more good stuff to eat, and more of the comforts and pleasures that can be bought.

In times past, I was genuinely afraid to stop gambling, all while knowing how wasteful and fruitless the endeavor is, because I expected to feel completely hopeless and suicidal having no other options for financial liberation, or even just escaping the suck-hole of occupying the living room of a shithole apartment with no heating or AC, chronic noise pollution, and limited space for what I really want to do and how I want to live.

This time however, I am embracing the creative spirit, and am far more resilient to negative emotions, communication and thinking patterns. I can fully appreciate the freedom form gambling addiction, and enjoy the relief from it! And indeed it seems so, that to fully dive into living passionately, I must give up hope on an astronomically implausible stroke of luck to give me an easy way out. I also have greater capacity for vision, and see quite clearly now how the journey of escaping scarcity is also the destination of having material abundance, and the process of living passionately.

[theblog888]

Top 5 benefits of relapsing into wankfest

Here I will reflect upon my last month of frequently jerking off, and 5 things I have gained, in comparison to during the 2 months of abstinence prior.

1. Depedestalizing women. It's just sexual and sensual attraction. In this regard no specific female is any more special or valuable than any others. There are infinite feminine forms that I could be completely and utterly aroused by, and whole personalities, and essences I could feel enamored to. One-itis? Preposterous! While taking a break from expelling semen to pussy images I was more vulnerable to placing high importance on female validation, and allowing myself to fantasize about the what ifs if a specific woman would want me and love me and keep me in imaginary ways, and become heavily invested in approval of myself as a sexual being. I am glad I wanked off again, because now I have gotten to enjoy the clarity that results form depleting the libido over and over again, and seeing how unclear the mind is when sexual confidence is high.

2. Once again internalizing the connectedness of the sex drive itself and sensual desire for women. Just as I mentioned in my last blog post, I have let go of the fantasy and delusion that I can indulge in pure 'innocent' 'safe' sensuality without sexuality, they 2 are inextricably linked, it is all libido action, nature trying to make me a disposable utility who'se only purpose is to propagate life. I hug women in a platonically sensual manner, and get a boner. Even just talking to women, I get a boner. What if, just what if, I could completely let go of any aspirations of sensual fulfillment with the female body, for real this time, and fully embrace true non-neediness? The challenge with this is that life energy seems to me wrapped up in sexual energy, and lacking any higher principles, the only path forward is to double down on self-exceptionalism, living unabashedly selfish, and as part of it, seeing non-pursuit of sensual gratification through women as in my own best self-interest, becoming both God and the Devil.

3. An experiment in hedonism. Reframing my perception of my masturbation and porn addiction, and life overall. I wasn't wasting time and energy, I was living the dream! While the sex obsessed normies were at work trying to get or keep posy, I was enjoying the sensation of sexual intensity and release with none of the risks of impregnation, STDs and false rape accusations. Getting to fuck whatever women I want, that's just concept and imagination, pure intangible fantasy. Getting to jack off to whatever pictures and videos are available, that is actuality. I am living the dream, this is the apex of human pleasure on Earth.

4. Humbling my personal perceptions. I am not above or beyond being a wankmeister, but I am now above disowning that part of me, it is me, I am that. This is along the lines of truly internalizing that I am my sexuality, not just believing it. No cognitive dissonance anymore, no goals, no aspirations, just being, not trying to do or avoid anything. This unconditional self acceptance allows for me to wank all I want, or not at all, freely and effortlessly, in the now.

5. Humbling my social perceptions. Once again, to truly experience detachment form others' perceptions of me, not just to think I don't care, but to not care. To embody shamelessness, not just feel it in my head. Here perhaps there was actually some negative reinforcement, in thinking of how I would appear to others when I live as a wanker, how my energy would come off. Now I have completely let go of that. Let all the world know that I've spent my life masturbating, that I spent my morning and afternoon jerking it to porn.  And even now the detachment from this is not complete, just like any aspect of enlightenment, there are innumerable layers upon layers to be shed, and it is not driving me towards any accomplishment, but only letting go more and more.

[theblog888]

Top 5 reasons I relapsed into wankfest

It's been about a month since I decided to fap, after about 2 months of abstinence in early August-October this year. Sometmes took a few days off, sometimes just edged, sometimes fapped like crazy for whet felt like cumming 10 times in a day. Presently I don't feel any negative emotions towards this behavior- case in point actually, and am ambivalent on whether or not I will do It again today. Here I will speculate, muse and ponder why I had chosen to wank again. The decision to do it, and keep doing it last month and the last few days, I view as a choice, not something forced upon me by a sense of victimhood. In the big picture however, yes, I am absolutely a victim of existence, thrust into life as a human male built with an intense desire to seek out visual stimulation in the form of arousing female forms, and the expel my seed to the sensation of them, real, simulated or imagined. I write this now before reading the myriad of previous posts I blogged about nofap/PML, which I intend to do later today or later this week.

1. Boredom, plain and simple. Nothing much exciting happens in my life, and so even if I had broken the addiction to porn, masturbating, penis orgasm and ejaculating, there ain't much else stimulating, arousing and exciting to do. I like the high I get from breath meditation and deep breath work, and the buzz I get from drinking, add to that that I now drink alcoholic kombucha and cognac sometimes, and unlike the bad experiences I had after drinking beer and wine, it's a pleasant experience and doesn't cause dry brain and insomnia like I remember. But these all pale in comparison to looking at beautiful female legs, pussies, faces, torsos, asses and titties, and the sensation of self-stimulation accompanying such visions. This leads me to my next point.

2. Libido functions and desire for the female body are inextricably linked. This is something I will have to come to accept and fully internalize. There can be no delineation between sensuality and sexuality. When I liked girls and women long before I even knew what sex was, what female genitals look like, before I even got erections, it was a result of my libido. I had romanticized about how my longing for women was an innate drive independent form my dick and balls, but that is just a fairytale. They are always the cause of sensual desire, and will always be involved. Nowhere is this more apparent than when I hug a woman and get an erection, there is no escaping it, no hiding why my body is, a male heterosexual mammal inbuilt with the sole resolve of propagating life at all costs.

3. Lack of values, amorality and unconditional self-acceptance. Negative motivation or reinforcement is non-existent. No regret, shame, guild, disappointment, self-consciousness, sadness or other negative emotions accompany my behavior, and thus, there are no such things to stop me from jerking off, or to greet me once I've indulged in the hedonistic acts of excessive masturbation.

4. Hedonism reigns supreme. Unable to discover, create, abstract or invent meanings and purpose in life, the only thing there is to seek is sensual gratification, be it comfort, stimulation, adventure, excitement, variety, intensity... I used to deny and avoid the label of hedonism, but now I am open to accepting this description, after all, it is not because of placing any value upon hedonistic pursuits, but that hedonism is the default state of lacking any values, yet continuing to live selfishly and milking what joy can be had in this existence.

5. Being stuck and powerless to do much of anything in life, creative impotence, nowhere to transmute channeled sexual energy into. Still nothing to do, nowhere to go, just drifting, idling, waiting on a miracle to happen, a grand stroke of luck that will finally put me in charge of live. Until then, I am a helpless victim just trying to pass the time and enjoy life. Sure, I could abstain, and use the time and energy expended on wanking to other ends. But I want the fruit now, right now! I don't want to wait around for opportunities that may never come, saving myself for taking shots in the dark towards unknown ends. All there is is right here, right now, and in such moments, I am in the bliss of life when I masturbate to porn.

[theblog888]

7 reasons I'm still looking at sexy pictures while in the post-masturbation lifestyle.

I haven't counted the number of days since I last fapped, but as of this post it has been about a month. No edging, no testing, extra lathering with soap, no dry-humping furniture, no nothing. I am fully immersed in the post-masturbation lifestyle, almost as if I have returned to the time before I ever started to masturbate. And speaking of which, I have experienced many years beforehand being very attracted to the female form long before I ever saw porn, before I got erections, before I knew what sex was, when I just assumed girls had dicks since I never saw evidence to the contrary. So too when I leave the life of fapping behind I am enamoured by beautiful women and love to feast my eyes upon their flesh, without an inkling of desire to stimulate my genitals initiating the process of sacrificing my mana to the succubus.

1. I liked girls before I masturbated. As mentioned in the introduction, I thoroughly enjoyed looking at them long before I started wanking, and so it makes perfect sense that I would still enjoy that long after quitting. After all, I am not trying to become a monk, and make it a point not to repress my sexuality at all, but to fully liberate it and become one with it. Also porn is a much better option that real life voyeurism, like when I kept "spying" on girls at school when they were wearing short shorts and I liked looking at their legs. Not gonna do anything like that as a grown ass man.

2. Looking at images is very different than looking at porn videos. Though I am not so strict that I would never browse the front page and a few tags of XVideos out of curiosity, such endeavors are very brief. I get bored quickly, and I know all to well that watching sex as opposed to just viewing the female body is a slipper slope leading to sexual fantasies, thoughts, desires and actions. While in contrast, I can have many tabs of Tumblr open to blogs filled with photos of sexy women, and is completely fine by me. The line here s between sensual and sexual, I can fully indulge in the former without crossing into the latter.

3. Not looking at beautiful sexy things would just be ridiculous self-cuckoldry. Still enjoying such views without engaging in masturbatory acts is me cucking biology, achieving supreme personal empowerment, having my cake and eating it too, having my fill of lustful flesh while never wavering into giving up my life essence.

4. Self-censorship is sexual repression no matter which way I go about it. To say I can't handle seeing certain things would be a fear-based approach. To suggest certain things could trigger me would be a belief in having weakness. I am free to look at whatever fucking porn I want, and I can still just keep on not masturbating, simple as that. This time it really is different, I'm not just "doing no-fap" I am living the PML.

5. I can suddenly see extremely sexy sights outside in everyday life at any moment without warning, and I should be fully prepared to not be thrown off-guard by it, neither shocked nor enraptured in seething lust. And if I do encounter things such as a woman in a miniskirt, short-shorts, low cut top, beautiful face, sexy figure, or whatever other eye candy that piques my focus, I will unabashedly enjoy every moment of the experience, not look away as if timid. So it doesn't make any sense that I shouldn't have the same approach to fun time on the computer.

6. Speaking of which, being able to look at sexiness whenever I want allows me to not obsess over any particular woman, any moment I saw, or any incident witnessed. I don't need to stare to hard and burn it into my memory, and I won't fret if I miss something sexy by a hair, there is infinitely more just a few clicks away. it doesn't fucking matter, no difference, this devaluation of haphazard serendipity can only be a good thing, in line with the virtue of non-attachment.

7. Speaking of which, since physical access to women is not available to me in much of any capacity hardly ever, I actually want to preserve the de-motivation to want to pursue such avenues, while at the same time retaining the full power of my life essence, hence looking at sexy stuff on the computer, but not masturbating or doing things that lead towards it. "No-porn" advocates place value upon being driven to pursue real life intimacy, those fucking normies.

[theblog888]

Post-masturbation Lifestyle: Staying the course.

Taking the time to check in with myself here, reflect upon the journey so far and prepare for the days, weeks and months ahead. Well that was my original intent, then I abandoned writing and then completed this post with more stream of consciousness musings.

I don't remember when was the last time I fapped, and that is a good, thing, I am not counting the days, but staying the course. It really doesn't matter, but I estimate it to be about 2-3 weeks ago. During the first part of this week and last weekend I was not feeling the super high energy state I was accustomed to, but just as I expected, I was constantly mindful that I am in fact living the post-masturbation lifestyle, and just as predicted, my power and radiance started shining again this week, and I started feeling even more progression into the high-octane lifestyle. Energy shifts more noticeably after 2 weeks based upon my past experience, and reports of others, and really kicks into high gear after 3 weeks. How I described it myself was like clouds parting right before my eyes, and seeing everything more clearly, the dissipation of even more brain fog I didn't know still remained.

I drafted this entry some days ago, and now it is September 1, 2018. Neglected to finish it because I just don't want to think about fapping, even in the context of not fapping. This is the post-masturbation lifestyle. I am now in "No Fap September" and it will be a breeze. Just continue not edging, not fantasizing about sex. Better yet, maybe even abstain from looking at softcore pictures too. Though this is something I can enjoy in moderation and without fantasizing about sex or beginning any activity related to masturbating, it is a slippery slope, playing with fire. It is okay to play with fire, to light a candle form time to time, but totally unnecessary, for my own inner light shines bright enough to light up the world.

I have now decided that I don't need to write about PML anymore, I live it, I embody it, I am it. I should only read over my previous posts on the matter, no need to search for any more stories or information, or to share any. It is quite obvious to any men who have abstained for 3 weeks or longer how life-changing semen retention is, I am doing no one any favors by telling them to, or talking about my own experiences. Furthermore, there are so many things I do and quit doing that are a part of this grand new era of PML, and so in this sense everyone's mileage may vary. As for "no fap" the secret is out there, self-evident, it has been for all of human history, I am no genius for recognizing it's importance. The semen retainers shall inherit the Earth, the ejaculators shall inherit nothing but their own meekness.

In every moment there is always something I'd rather be doing than looking at women on the computer, fantasizing about women in my head, or heavens forbid, edging, masturbating, orgasming and ejaculating. There is no goal, I am already it. There is nothing to fear, I can masturbate and/or have sex if I wanted to. But I genuinely, authentically don't want to, and need no self-convincing or to convince others of this realization. I won! The struggle is over! I am a whole and complete person again, almost as if returning to the state I was in before I ever masturbated, before that fateful day around exactly 15 years ago when I first rubbed one out in the shower at the beginning of high school. There is nothing left to resist, only reason to celebrate freedom, joy and gratitude, of living life free of the need to release semen. This disposition will remain steadfast even if any involuntary nocturnal emissions, or wet dreams take place.

[theblog888]

Re-learning to cry again.

I am experiencing the full spectrum of emotions, holding onto nothing, being free and open. As I was walking down a well vegetated residential street, I suddenly felt profoundly grateful that I see, I hear, I feel, I taste, I smell, I walk, I talk, I sing, I breathe, I digest food, I pee and poop, I sleep and woke up, I am alive and well. I wanted to fully embody gratitude for anything and everything, so much so that it brings me to tears, and I wanted to let myself emote freely, hold nothing back. A few months ago I had a similar experience where I shed a few tears of gratitude walking through an empty street on a beautiful day, but this time it felt so much deeper, and far-reaching, changing my attitude so that gratitude becomes embedded into my reality from that moment on.

I have felt similar experiences before, and it seems that this counting blessings, and the emotional presence of the post-masturbation lifestyle now allows me to readily tap into embodying gratitude, if I ever neglect to remember, or want to refresh my presents with an intense experience of being overcome with the sensation of gratitude. And I want to embody it for every waking moment and every dream, and for every dream I've dreamed, asleep and awake.

Since first drafting this post a few days ago, later while replying to a forum post reflecting upon the concept and perception of time, I cried while reflecting upon the perception feeling that time passes more quickly the older you get, as a year when you are 30 is only a thirtieth of your life, compared to a whole tenth when you were 10, and all we can do is find ways yo cherish the moment, push back on the hands of time ever so slightly by slow our perception of time, but never time itself. I again broke into tears of gratitude after a powerful breath retention exercise where those intense feelings I felt on the walk last week all came flooding back. Then again yesterday when reading about the last days of John McCain, how he was a nature lover who felt similarly as I do, feeling overjoyed for every sight and sound of rustling leaves, and the songs of every bird that came by his window, I allowed myself to cry freely, and this one was short, but very intense, and cleansing, and purifying.

In all these times I cried, it did not at all feel effeminate, for in every instance I saw this letting go as a choice, I even exaggerated the process to help it along. Because as someone who rarely cried, it was something I missed. Even though I don't feel I was repressing emotions beforehand, I clearly was number than I had realized, likely from all the anger and ejaculation that had taken place over the last few years. All this comes as no surprise, for I knew very well that constant fapping dampens the experience of life, and allowing the mindbody to recover from it opens my world to feel deeper into every moment. After allowing myself to cry again, I feel I have integrated into the post-masturbation lifestyle even more permanently, becoming a whole person again.

[theblog888]

10 point credo of the post-masturbation lifestyle.

The Post-Masturbation Lifestyle! After mulling over the term in my last post and sleeping on it, I decided I really like it, and will stick with it. I also decided to write a 10 point credo for myself living such a lifestyle, which I will improvise here. In no particular order of importance, well except for the first one, obviously:

1. Conservation of semen is of the highest priority, there is nothing more important than voluntarily retaining my seed, and no sexual opportunity is to change my resolve.

2. My own attractiveness is never an issue of consideration, because I value myself intrinsically, and unconditionally. I care neither to measure nor test my attractiveness or lack thereof.

3. Actions which typically have preceded an abandonment of the lifestyle, including, but not limited to, seeking visually appealing female forms online, real life voyeurism of such, any kind of self-stimulation of the penis, and pursuing women for seeking out access to intimacy, shall not be engaged in.

4. Furthermore, any idealizations or fantasies about any women, real or fictional, or partaking in any act of intimacy, shall not be indulged in.

5. No repression or suppression of the sexual drives shall take place. Primal urges will be acknowledged exactly as such, and let to run their course, without any attachment or reaction to them. Embody them, own them, breathe through them, and let them pass. Be open and free, hold no emotional baggage.

6. Sexual transmutation activities shall be done regularly in order to circulate the sexual energy throughout the body, and redirected it towards my highest good.

7. The active use of creativity shall also be done regularly as a means to tap into the endless potential of my sexual transmutation powers.

8. The goal of transmuting my libido energy towards maximizing my personal freedom nd financial freedom, though elusive, is to be held in the highest regard.

9. The post-masturbation lifestyle itself is held to be an integral part of my highest truth, and the foundation of my life purpose felt on a deep level.

10. Of practical concern, while the digestion and application of useful information is highly beneficial, overall the amount of time spent idle, particularly time spent seated, and/or at a computer, must be continuously diminished and minimized.

[theblog888]

post-masturbation lifestyle

It appears I have actually, unintentionally, accidentally coined a neologism, the term "post-masturbation lifestyle," or PML for short. I first started using this term online in order to replace "no fap" with a positive affirmation that evokes the present and future, and it feel very positive, and when I think about these words, I see dark clouds parting and sun shining down upon me. The other term begins with a negative, evoking a sense of fear of the activity, of suppression and resistance, of running away from the past, and the self. Or in a simplistic nutshell, nofap is about not doing fapping, PML is about doing not fapping. What's the difference? One is resisting action, and one is taking action.

Now that I think about it, this really is a powerful concept, and the words we use are so potent in that they frame our very reality. I now see that the term lifestyle itself adds immense value, because it lets those who read, speak, hear or write this phrase imagine life after masturbating. To be fair though, the term "no-fap lifestyle" is fairly common, and perhaps this stream of consciousness musing about the linguistics of abstaining from masturbating is itself an exercise in mental masturbation. Also until right now I was really oblivious to how PML shares the first 2 letter with PMO- short for porn, masturbation, orgasm, the unholy trinity of onanism. And now even I notice how the L key is right under the O key, so PML would often be confused as PMO, and this would completely change the meaning of writing. Like let's say I did 3 months of PML, if I write that, readers would assume it's a typo of PMO, and that means I engaged in regular fapping to porn until I came for 3 months without a day respite in between.

I will leave it at that, and take a break from reading and writing about all things fap, PMO, nofap and PML. But nevertheless, writing out my thoughts and feelings really does help me sort them out in more ways than just thinking in my head.

[theblog888]

3 virtues to live by that solidify the post-masturbation lifestyle. And some applications

Yet my third post about no-fap the post-masturbation lifestyle (not including a re-blog). Because I am feeling plenty good right now, confident that I need no self-reassurance, but very contemplative about what I am doing, and I want to cherish and remember this day, this moment.

1. Be mindful: Be aware of what thoughts, feelings and sensations I am experiencing, and why.

2. Be grateful: After coming within inches, or seconds of death or serious injury, as I have, you are suddenly forced to feel immensely grateful just to be alive well, regardless of your challenges and setbacks. Other times, I have managed to focus on embodying gratitude to the point of tears, which is an amazing feeling, even a little moisture in my eyes because I am overwhelmed with feelings of being completely grateful for everything. Though I won't expect that such experiences will come every day, as part of the first resolution, I can be mindful of my gratitude, ideally throughout every waking moment, and even in my dreams.

3. USE creativity: It is not enough to just have creativity, to feel creative, or even be creative, it has to be put to use, an activity must be engaged in which transmutes my sexual energy forthright. I have usually been on the defensive whenever told I must do, as it reminds me of narratives centered around male disposability. I'm a human being, not a human doing, I say vehemently. But I must move beyond such simplistic pigeonholing, consider the utility of action for it's own sake, for my own sake, also mindful that female sexual transmutation also depends upon the same structure. Using creativity for action doesn't have to be complex at all, it can be as simple as what I am doing right now, writing. But as my journey through the PML continues, boundless creativity, and opportunities to apply it will emerge, guaranteed.

Here I am reminded again of past times when I successfully freed myself from masturbation for 2 weeks or longer, and particularly the one time over 2 years ago when I went 66 whole days without any ejaculations, except for one nocturnal emission, the only in recent memory. Mindfulness, gratitude and creativity usage are the virtues of living, my virtues of living, which solidify the post-masturbation lifestyle, now and forever.

An application of these three just occurred to me, a super powerful thought experiment I am really surprised I never thought of before. I may have shared in other posts my technique of negating the desire for sex by imagine having sex, hearing the words "I'm pregnant" and having made a baby I didn't want. I then snap out of the negative reality thought experiment and say to myself nope three times,  "nope, nope, nope" and all desire for having sex vanishes.

Why not apply the same technique to fapping. I imagine myself edging then: Whenever I think about edging, looking at porn, or fantasizing about sex, I imagine the loss of self control to primal urges, masturbating (or fucking) to orgasm, and imagine the smell of fresh jizz and the feelings of being depleted of life force energy, and sad that I gave in and wasted it all, threw it all away, for nothing. I then zoom back to the present, think about what I may have been about to do, and say "NOPE, NOPE, NOPE!." Then feel grateful I used mindfulness to avert disaster, and that I mustered the creativity to devise this visualization technique to serve my highest good.

And speaking of sex, at the yoga center I go to, I noticed that a man I noticed was a no-fapper, I could tell by the sound of his voice, had gotten pregnant his female companion. This is especially pertinent, for it is a constant reminder that sex with women, or any experience of physical intimacy, is absolutely not the goal of living a post-masturbation lifestyle, in fact it is the opposite, to allow myself the possibility of going complete monk mode. While at the same time, inevitably developing this powerful animal magnetism that attracts women like flies to feces.

Okay, I might be exaggerating, but it just illustrates that by fully embodying the PML, where neither fantasy, visual satisfaction, nor pursuing women are part of the program, I truly am the least needy towards/around women, and this is incredibly attractive. I'm not like some PUA feigning disinterest to create attraction, I am actually disinterested, and the attraction flows naturally. More intimate moments, whether having more long close hugs, sweet sensual eye to eye gazing, or even more, would just be the dessert, not the meal that is PML. And should more types of physical intimacy enter my world, the principle of semen retention, and avoiding all activities which compromise it, shall remain paramount. Fantasizing about cuddling is still sexual fantasizing, attachment and fixation, dry humping is still edging, and tantric sex, no matter how skilled at it I think I would be, is only one dangerous slip away from accidental insemination.

MINDFUL     GRATEFUL   CREATING

[theblog888]

NoFap: A Very Interesting Perspective from a Woman on Reddit

Thought I would share this story. Might be of interest, might not. I'm not making a judging on porn or porn use, but just an observation I had on a recent experience in regards to a fella. So: I move in a shared house with two other people, guy and a girl. The house is pretty bare, and due to a mix-up with providers, we don't get internet for almost two months. Let's call the man K. K and I get on like a pair of things that really, really get on. We have so many 'in sync' moments ('hey, I have the back catalogue of Babylon 5 too!') it is slightly sickening. He makes me laugh. He laughs a lot. He looks me in the eye when he talks to me. He looks at everyone like he is interested in them, and listens intently to their thoughts and views. When he comes home from work (he works as a maths teacher) he talks with such enthusiasm about his job I can almost see the appeal of maths myself - no mean feat for someone who got an D at GCSE and still uses her hands to count. Alongside all of this, there's almost an instant physical and incredibly powerful attraction. It's unusual for me to feel such an instant and strong attraction to a guy. There's just something incredibly and alluringly masculine about him, like he's set off some primitive hindbrain jabbering LIKE THIS MAN THIS MAN GOOD LOOK AT HIS MAN ARMS AND MAN CHEST AND MAN FACE MAN MAN MAN in my subconscious. Looks wise, he's kinda on the rotund side, glasses, slightly unkempt beard, and probably a bit too much skull for his face (he probably needs it though for keeping all his maths brains in). He's not objectively speaking, the most physically attractive of men. But for some reason he is to me. Everything about him leaves me smitten. Here's another thing. He smells really good, although I can't define the scent or put my finger on it. He doesn't wear aftershave. I think it is just something about him. I make excuses to hang out with him and be around him, which is pretty easy when you live within ten metres of each-other. And I think he might like me too. I'm an old-fashioned kind of girl, plus I know that any sort of relationship with a housemate is disastrous for a shared house, so my rational and controlled self stops me from flinging myself into his manly man arms but wow. It was kind of enjoyable - and odd as it sounds, wholesome - just to be attracted to someone in such a spontaneous and natural way. Then we get the internet. Over the next month or so, things change so drastically it is weird for me to think about how I used to feel about him. He spends more and more time in his room, door locked, getting up later and later for work. He doesn't look anyone in the eye - in fact, he doesn't meet mine or anyone's eyes much anymore. He doesn't laugh much or seem to take enjoyment in anything. The interest and enthusiasm he had when talking to people, or about maths, or nineties sci-fi has disappeared. He's made occasional but incredibly inappropriate comments about myself and my housemates to us that seem out of the blue and out of character. His skin looks grey and greasy. He was fast tracking his career and now he seems to be falling further and further behind. And for some obscure reason, streaming tv shows at about 8.30 pm becomes an absolute nightmare for me or my other housemate. The indefinable attraction I felt for him disappears. He doesn't smell good anymore. His eyes look dead. In fact, my bodily instincts have taken a U turn - instead of encouraging me to scoot up to him they are subtly warning me to stay away. This could all be coincidence, of course. He's still essentially the same guy and a good one, and I'm not suggesting porn has turned him into a bad person - just a less good and less attractive version of the man he could be. I'm not a scientist or psychologist or anything sort of 'ist'. But I don't think it is any accident there's a correlation between getting the internet and this undefinable aura of man-ness disappearing. It makes me think porn is capable of altering a person's body chemistry and bearing. I guess what I am trying to say is that I'm starting to realise how many people I'm surrounded by losing out, myself included, because of porn. I wonder how many missed chances there have been, because something is repressed or used up or changed by watching it. TL;DR Was smitten by man with invisible manliness hormones, internet EDIT: Trousers! Thanks for all of your replies. I'll try and answer things more thoroughly tonight when I get home from work. To quickly answer a few recurring things: "How do you know it's porn?" - short answer, obviously I can't know for 100 percent for sure, and I'm not sure shouting ARE YOU ENGAGING IN THE SIN OF ONANISM YOUNG MAN at his door is going to come under the auspices of 'reasonable behaviour' on our housing contract. However, I can say a) he's not actually a big computer / internet user and he doesn't play computer games. b) It's mostly instinct...he just seems....off and kind of repellent in those times - like he stumbles out of his bedroom, won't look me in the eye if I'm in the corridor at the same time, and rushes into the shower. c) when I have gone into the bedroom asking about general housemate stuff (always knocking first) I can him him hastily clicking and the screen is always a blank webpage when I go in...while he is sprawled with his laptop on the bed. Maybe he just has a thing for blank webpages, who knows. d) my housemate has picked up on the same 'vibe' e) his poor computer is riddled with malware, I keep offering to fix it (I work as a tech monkey) but he won't let me near it. In my experience fixing computers, most of the time people get lots of malware and viruses is through porn pop-ups or internet incompetence. f) zombie eyes, weird 'smell'. A bit more explanation: I'm not making a moral judgement on porn or porn watching, or masturbation. It's actually something I don't think about much. I don't look at porn but I guess that lots of people do either in the form of videos or erotica. For my own personal reasons, I haven't had sex and I'm not sexually active in any way, as mentioned, I'm kind of old fashioned. Although there are always challenges to that, I'm actually very happy, and waiting for the right person and right situation. A note on the attraction I was trying to describe: I'm a bit concerned that some people are suggesting I tell him I was 'super horny' when I first met him and he should give up porn so we can get together. That's a bit much. As weird as it sounds, the attraction wasn't exactly a sexual one (although I'm sure it would have been the essential element developing sexual attraction), it was even more basic. It felt natural and non weird and very instinctive, operating, to invert a phrase, a 'Me Jane, You Tarzan' level. It was very much "You smell good. You are nice. For some reason I am besotted with all your manly manliness. Look, I'm wearing a dress, it's nice, I like you. Look, I made you something with potatoes in. You smell good. Hi." Obviously, I like his personality and had fun with him when we were hanging out, but I'm talking about something at a super basic level - something you could almost 'smell'. Edit 2: Work break! Some comments have asked how do I know about r/nofap? I read r/getmotivated and it was mentioned. I remember reading some threads on here and being fascinated by the male perspective on it all. Then I forgot about it, had this experience, and decided to post about it. I'm also starting to get interested in what internet pornography might be doing to the current generation in terms of relationships and attractions between the sexes.

Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/26n170/the_difference_a_totally_unscientific_observation/

[theblog888]

5 excuses for breaking no-fap, and how I counter them.

Breaking my usual rule of not thinking about fapping, or not fapping, in order to draw my attention completely away form it, this will be a useful exercise should unexpected feelings, situations and opportunities arise that spur my monkey mind towards sexual fantasy and self stimulation. No doubt some of these will be redundant with my other blog posts, all the better. They say you have to have heard a word in contact 17 times to fully understand it as part of your vocabulary, so similarly, the more I contemplate and write about certain concepts, the more they are solidified as first principles of living.

1. Nocturnal emission. Now the last time this happened it was after around 40 days of abstinence, and I am inclined to believe that it is possible to avoid them using sexual transmutation techniques. On the other hand, I have classically taken the first NE to be a sign of good health, that my body was recovering from all the over-use, and now my cup runneth over, literally. The last time this happened, I actually made it a month longer before relapse, I am not at all concerned. However, I will still like to remind myself that a NE, even if it occurs in a vivid wet dream, is not the same as sex and masturbation, it is more of a gentle release, and while I may feel different, it is never true that I have lost, and might as well go fap, maybe just once, since I did already. No, no, no! Absolutely nothing has changed, I am still on the right pat to living as my highest self, I am still winning, and I will continue to be a winner, there is still plenty of mana within me and I will not waste another drop, not on my watch.

2. Opportunities to have sex, or at least the perception of it. Get out of your head first and foremost, it is just deluding yourself with fantasy to think that you will have sex. This is not self-deprecation, but a realistic view of your life, which is celibate by default, and one in which you fully believe that the risks of engaging in sex are not worth the pleasure that may be experienced. Don't use this as on opportunity to fantasize about having tantric sex in a relationship with a sterile STD-free woman either, that is still fantasizing, going down the path that inevitably leads to relapse. Just consider sex off the table indefinitely, and by doing so, don't use the possibility of having sex as an excuse to masturbate anyway, or to "test my equipment" to make sure it still works. Which brings up the next point.

3. Flatline. Everything in life is sexual, so it is understandable that when I feel as if my libido has become dormant, I will panic, feel as if I'm not fully alive, and want to know I can still feel lust, and get erections. I will not fall for this trap again. First of all, I understand on an intellectual level that this is part of the long term recovery process, frequently referenced in anecdotal reports, and absolutely nothing to be worried about. And on a body level, I can use this to my advantage, it is totally awesome! Just as after a fap bender, there are certain aspect of my personality which remain deeply intact, there are aspect of libido other than animal instincts that are readily available to be tapped into. Now having regular breathwork, mantra, and other bioenergetic practices, I can turn to these to experience my own radiance, and creative power, and healing power.

4. Nihilism. When life just seems so empty, dull and boring now that I cut out what felt like the greatest pleasure, now what am I supposed to do? This is where it is important to engage with the body, keep up with the deep tissue release, breathwork and mantra, explore more and more ways to work with the body and well as new goals, new depts. of self-discovery and life purpose. Don't stagnate, don't sit around, don't keep using the internet as much as when you were a fapmeister, go outside more, go on even longer walks, talk to even more people, take even more risks, seek out even more opportunities for increasing personal and financial freedom! The possibilities are truly endless! In a nutshell, just stay active, and stay true! it is all worth it every step of they way! Trust yourself. Follow your heart, not your balls.

5. Oneitis. A crush, a limerance, heart stopping adoration, warm fuzzy lovey dovey feelings, whatever you want to call it. In past experiences, my reaction to being uncomfortably fixated on a woman in my life, whether it's someone new I met or someone I've known a long time and suddenly connected with in a new light, was to masturbate to lots of women to purge it from my system. This parallels what the PUA community suggests to eliminating oneitis, to go out sarging and have lots of sex. That is only a bandaid solution though, complete self-destruction to numb your emotions, running away from yourself instead of sorting yourself out. During past no-fap journeys I have seen very beautiful women in real life who make be feel deeply aroused, super horny and lustful. What I learned to do is just breathe through the sensations, to own, them, embody them, and let them past. No repression, no far, no running away, I am my body, my body is me. So too I will be free to experience and breathe through any sensations I feel towards a woman that go beyond the physical, but without getting attached to them. Breathe through them, and accept them for what they are. Nevertheless, it is helpful to really dissect why exactly I am feeling such a way, and to go back and watch classic MGTOW videos form Stardusk/ThinkingApe on YouTube to gain more perspective, and snap myself out of the trance, discard the fairytale I let myself be sucked into for a moment, be so that I am once again whole and complete, non-needy, fully present in life, and in self-love.

[theblog888]

3 stage model of fapping addiction

As I reflected upon my previous struggles with severe masturbation addiction, I noticed the following pattern: 

Rock Bottom: Having relapsed into a fap bender, being totally depleted, dejected, empty, numb, an empty husk. I have noticed that after the depths of failure, I often take extreme measures to bring myself back to a high-energy state of positivity. For example, I might have spent a morning and afternoon masturbating to porn, but then I do some intense deep breathing, mantra chanting, deep tissue release, then go out for a happy relaxing walk, drink some kombucha, and end up going to a yoga class, where I feel totally replenished, on point, whole again. Ideally I would like to have this kind of motivation to be my best self every day, and this very important for maintaining the post-masturbation lifestyle.

Rejuvenation: I've managed to not fap for a few days, a week, 2 week, 3 weeks, more weeks... and everything about my personality becomes more animated, the higher self is re-awakened. The pitfall my past selves have fallen into is that virility rebounds to sky high levels, I have ended up making sexuality, the very thing which led to my previous demise, the focal point of my life, leading to the next stage:

Lust: I have clearly observed that a decent into relapse often began with lust, fantasizing about women, thinking about sex or other intimacy, identifying with primal urges. For me lust stage had inevitably lead back to relapse, sooner or later, and the cycle continues.

As I succeed in this endeavor, I am ever mind full of the transitions between each stage. I am in the rejuvenation stage, and this is where I see myself being at my best. What feels very different now is that I am not even fantasizing about sex, never reminiscing about women from the past, admiring models and porn actresses imagining what it's be like to experience their bodies in person, nor obsessing over women I encounter in the present. There is no resistance, there is no fear, and there is no goal other than to keep channeling my libido towards higher ends than seeking intimacy. It is so simple and easy! All I have to do is keep out of the lust phase, and if I should catch myself meandering down that route, to snap out of it, which is very smooth now that I have so much self-awareness, how could I ever just indulge in ignorance, throw it all away for a quick thrill?

Lust naturally leads to relapse, and relapse naturally leads to rejuvenation after rock bottom. The cycle is broken between rejuvenation and lust, and it is done so my affirming, and fully embodying, the post-masturbation lifestyle, not living in fear of sexuality by any means, but by embracing my sexuality, owning it, being it.