thewildwaffle

[thewildwaffle]

Humans are Weird - Injuries

Finally animated this old short story after it being in the WIP pile for yeeeaaarssss...

[thewildwaffle]

Friend Shaped

The professor clacked his beak sharply three times in the front of the room. The students, around 40 individuals, and many species from across the galactic arm hushed almost immediately. “Welcome back, class. The day for your first planet-side mission to Nemulon 3 is fast approaching, and we've still got a lot of safety training to cover, so let's get started.” The professor stepped aside to allow a projection to display against the board behind him. A picture of a blue, green, and gray planet shone brightly against the dark tapestry of space. Nemulon 3 had been discovered deca-orbits ago but offered a wide variety of biomes that were the perfect blend of challenging and safe to train new recruits to the Galactic Alliance’s Exploration Fleet. “Today we're covering some alien fauna you may encounter while conducting exploratories. Most are small enough that they won't pose much of an issue, but we do have a few category 5 lifeforms that you need to be aware of.” The display behind the professor changed from an image of Nemulon 3 from orbit to a chart topped by 5 images with their respective labels: karindru, oold, dini-dini, barintuna, and great lavalen. Before the professor could start in on the next part of his lecture, a voice spoke out from the middle of the classroom.“That looks like a dog.” The professor stood with his beak half open. He was certainly not used to being interrupted, let alone this early in the lesson. “A what?” He finally choked out. There was a pause as if the offending student was thinking better about drawing more attention to themselves before slowly putting their hand up in the air. It was a human. Cadet Valentina, if the attendance role had been accurate. “I said it… it looks like a dog.” Human Valentina inhaled as if gathering the courage to say more. “They're a carnivorous canine species on earth that humans domesticated thousands of cycles ago and selectively bred to be pets.” The professor’s beak closed with a snap and some of the features near the base of his neck ruffled slightly. “Nemulon 3 is 47 light years away from Earth. Any similarities between each planet’s fauna is purely coincidental, a product of parallel evolution.” The human bowed her head and said nothing else, so the professor continued. “Now, for many of you of larger stature, a single karindru might not pose much of a threat, but their real danger comes from their numbers. They live, travel, and hunt in packs. Thankfully, their method of communicating with each other in their packs are quite loud, so you will hear them long before you see them, and hopefully, before they see you. Typically you’ll hear anything from yipping, chirping, and howling.” “Kind of like coyotes.” The professor stopped and stared at the human again, feathers ruffling once again. “Another kind of canine species back home,” Valentina offered quietly. If the professor was capable of growling, he might have been tempted to at that moment. Instead, he sighed slowly. “I can assure you, trying to get close to these will likely end with your injury or death.” “Well, that's what ancient humans thought about wolves too, but then we bred them into dogs and now they’re our best friends.” “Karindru are not, nor are any native creatures on this planet, your friend. Not now, not ever.” The professor turned sharply back to the board. The entire class was dead silent. Few even dared to breathe. It was quiet enough, in fact, to hear the human mumble under their breath, “If not friend, then why friend-shaped?”

The human was promptly given detention and assigned extra homework of writing “I will not try to domesticate any native fauna on Nemulon 3” one hundred times by hand.

[thewildwaffle]

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

-This is kind of a continuation of my other short "Injuries" - this is from a prompt given to me about aliens' reaction to how complex human shoulders are and how we can throw hard and accurate without hurting ourselves.

***

“Take me out to the baaaaaaall game! Take me out with the crowd!” Human Vincent all but shouted the words to the tune he and Human Kate had been singing off and on the entire time they’d been “decorating” the rec hall.

Captain Kar’rim looked around at the humans’ efforts of setting up for a ‘party’ in one of the ship’s smaller rec rooms. It wasn’t much, but it looked nice. To be fair, the event was fairly last-minute and they’d made do with what they had on hand. The ship had just left hyperspace last rotation after a long-distance run to nearly the edge of the galactic arm. As per protocol, as soon as the ship was back in range of the Central Galactic Communications Network, an information update packet was downloaded.

Somewhere in all that data, one of the humans found a mention of a major sporting event from their home planet that was available for streaming upon request. They submitted the request and it had been quickly granted. Instead of just watching it immediately, it was unanimously decided that the humans would instead hold a “watching party” and invite anyone on the crew who was off-duty at the time and interested in participating. Captain Kar’rim had come by just to see how things were going and had ended up sticking around after he saw what they’d done with the rec hall.

There were long strings of curled paper strung from one side of the room to another. The humans had the video stream queued up and projected against the wall. All cushions from the chairs that were not black, red, gray, or white had been removed and, as he was told, stowed away in some closet nearby. The tables had been moved closer to the seating area and were covered in various trays of different foods. The humans themselves were decked out in strange uniform-looking shirts with numbers embroidered on the backs. Well, Vincent, Leo, and Kate were. The others just wore their casual rec clothes in colors that matched.

It wasn’t just the humans either. There was quite the crowd milling about excitedly by the time Kar’rim entered the rec room. He knew the humans on his crew were very social and friendly, they had a warm and comforting presence. He knew they’d made a lot of friends on the ship, but he was still surprised by the crowd around him now.

“Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks!” Kate had joined in with Vincent’s ‘singing.’ “I don’t care if I never get back, so just root! Root! Root for the home team!”

Suddenly all the humans were singing along with varying levels of volume, much to everyone else’s amusement. “If they don’t win it’s a shame, for it’s ONE! TWO! THREE strikes you’re out in the old! BALL! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!”

“Oooh, dinner, and a show,” Booka Vern chuckled as he tossed one of the foods from the tray into the air and caught it in his mouth. It was a trick he’d learned from one of the humans.

“I know peanuts are a type of plant from Earth,” Effyn Merl spoke up while looking over the table of foods, “but what are cracker jacks? If they’re anything like their name implies, they sound fun.”

Human Kate pointed at a bowl to Merl’s right, “Those are Cracker Jacks. Kind of. They’re homemade. Basically, it's just hardened caramel popcorn mixed with peanuts. The bowl has a yellow sticker, so everyone needs to check the allergy list over there to make sure it’s safe to eat.”

Kar’rim looked at the list. He was very impressed to see that they had made a color-coded list of possible allergens that corresponded with labels on trays and bowls spread out across the tables. The humans had really put a lot of work into this party and made sure as many of their crewmates who wanted to join could do so safely.

“If everyone’s okay with it,” Human Leo shouted, “I’m going to get the broadcast started. They always have a bit of the warm-up and show the first pitch being thrown and all that, so by the time everyone gets food and settles down, the game should be close to starting.”

No one disagreed, so Leo hit play and everyone grabbed plates gathered foods they could eat, and found a comfy spot to settle down to watch the game. There was a lot of chatter and a lot of questions about the basics of how the game they were about to watch worked. Most everyone had seen the humans throwing baseballs around before on their downtime, but this was the first time anyone had actually seen how it all came together to a whole sport that some humans spent their entire professional careers playing.

Kar’rim had not intended to stay. He was just going to check in for a moment and leave to spend his precious downtime resting or maybe taking a stroll through some of the corridors on the lower level of the ship. But now, with everyone settling down and the players on the projection taking their places on the field, he had to admit he was very curious. The excitement was infectious, and he couldn’t imagine wanting to do anything else but watch as he found a comfortable spot to sit.

The game was, to say the least, not exactly what he thought he’d been expecting. It was a strange mix of one-on-one between the human in the box holding a bat and the human on the pile of dirt in the middle of the square (or diamond as Kate corrected someone. It was a square though.) and a full, working-together team sport. If the human in the box hit the ball with the bat, suddenly it activated the roles of the rest of the team on the field. They would run, dive, and throw with practiced precision.

Kar’rim felt his mandibles drop as he watched the first few of such throws. He knew the humans on his crew could throw with insane accuracy and speed. Stars above, he’d seen the results of what happened when Human Kate had been hit in the face after such a throw! But what he saw on the broadcast was like nothing he thought could even be possible!

“What the frewan?!” Effyn Merl exclaimed. Normally, Kar’rim would have scolded such foul language, but he was in a bit of a state of shock and had to agree that the outburst felt warranted.

“How did he do that?” Merl pointed at the projected human who nonchalantly picked the small white ball from his glove and threw it (this time much slower and gentler) back to the pitcher. “How did that other guy throw the ball like that? I could barely see it move - it was like he teleported it!”

“Do we have the conversions of the speed from miles per hour to something the rest of us can understand?” Booka Vern asked between mouths of plain popcorn.

“I don’t think so for the throws in the plays,” Human Vincent scanned the screen, “but this pitcher usually throws around 93 mph, and I think that comes out to somewhere around 120, maybe 130-ish glatts per segment?”

“You’ve got to be pulling my tail!”

“I swear I’m not! I’ll look it up if you think I’m lying!”

Kar’rim shook his head. He believed it. He thought back to when Kate had been sent to the infirmary after getting hit by a baseball that had been traveling around 80-ish or so glatts per segment. He thought she was going to die that day. He’d underestimated humans back then. Even now, he still learned new things about them that surprised him. Like how their arms and shoulders were basically deadly projectile-launching weapons.

“Does it hurt?” One of the stransi’s on the crew piped up from where she was coiled on her favorite cushion.

Human Kate looked over, “Does what hurt? The catch or the throw?”

“Uhhh, well, the throw. But wait, uh, does the catch hurt too?!”

“Not usually, you catch the ball between your fingers and thumb, and the glove protects your hand from contact. And the throws don’t hurt at all.”

“At all? What are their arms made of? Do they have some sort of implants?!”

“Uhhh… no? It just takes a lot of practice. I guess it could hurt if you don’t stretch before, or uh, I guess some pitchers need to take special steps to take care of their arms since they throw so much.”

At this point Demfar, the ship’s head medic, spoke up from between bites of various foods he’s mixed into a bowl. “The human shoulder is a very complex structure. The joint itself is one of the most flexible in their entire bodies.” He took another bite. “The downside is that it’s not as stable as other joints, and is thus prone to injuries. I wouldn’t worry about it much though, “ another bite, “ if these humans do this as their full-time employment, I’m sure they take the proper steps to avoid injury and always listen to their physicians.” That last bit felt a bit pointed, especially since Demfar turned to stare down Human Leo, who cleared his throat and shifted a bit uncomfortably in his seat.

There were a few chuckles, but soon all eyes were back on the game as the human in the box swung and hit the ball so far that the ball flew right out of the stadium, far beyond any hope of being caught. The humans were suddenly on their feet and cheering. Most looked around surprised, except Booka Vern who sat his popcorn down carefully and stood up to bound and cheer as well, looking a little confused but happy to join in.

It was explained that the hit was called a “home run,” and that the batter, as well as the runner “on base,” could then run “home,” thus scoring points. It seemed simple enough to Kar’rim, pretty straightforward. He was sure there was plenty more to figure out about the rules and reasonings, and he knew he’d figure it out while he watched, or while the humans explained the rules as the game went. Overall, he felt it was very impressive. This game took a lot of accuracy from every player. It was certainly more than just throwing a ball back and forth to each other.

He was once again reminded how thankful he and the rest of the Galactic Alliance were that humans were friendly and on their side.

[thewildwaffle]

Hi blogger, I'm a big fan of yours. I especially love your stories, do you write all the series on the blog yourself, except for the reposts? I would like to get in touch with you. I hope to get a reply from you. Thanks.

Well hi there you,

You sent this to my inbox as an anon, so the only way for me to get back to you is by posting an answer. You can try sending me a message if you just want to talk, that'd be easier.

And yes, I do write all the stories and series I post on this blog. There are a few reblogs, but very rarely on here. I have another blog for that. I'm so glad you like my stories, and thanks for reaching out!

[thewildwaffle]

Humans are Weird - Cuteness Aggression

[thewildwaffle]

Someone... I don't know who... but someone bought *20* stickers all at once the other day! Honestly made my day. I don't know who this person is, but they (and I assume 19 of their friends) are super cool and have great taste in stickers!

If anyone else wants in on the reverse mermaid party, you can check out my Redbubble shop

[thewildwaffle]

Effects of Caffeine

This prompt was given by CodyBee on aO3

Arnold had served on crews with humans in the past, but he had never before been quite so perplexed by one as he was with Ruby. She was always moving. Whether she was bouncing her leg while she sat, or swaying slightly as she stood, it was like she was nearly incapable of staying still. The first time they were scheduled at a post together after he joined the team, he had a moment of fear that she was drunk and going to fall over! She has since brought small toys to fidget in her hands, which did help a considerable bit. At first, Arnold worried that bringing the small gadgets would lessen the overall “intimidation factor” they and their crew strove for on duty, but she would discreetly slip it into a pocket whenever facing the public. Ruby was also quick to notice and point out insanely small details. Being on a security detail team, one might think that quality would come in handy. And of course, it did, but sometimes the things she would notice were… odd. For example, part of the crew (Arnold and Ruby included) were hired out to serve as security for some rich erenti politician who fancied themselves as this big “outdoorsy,” “in-touch-with-all-nature” type. Being so rich, and especially being such a prominent proponent in some particularly high-profile legistlation that was being hotly debated at the time, the campaign team decided extra security was a must during the photo shoot of the politician traipsing through the “wilderness” on Earth. It was literally just a ten-mentik drive outside a medium-sized human town, but there were lots of trees, bushes, and tall grass so it looked the part. At some point, while Arnold and the rest of the team patrolled the area, Ruby froze mid-step and leaned in to inspect a nearby bush. Everyone else stopped, thinking maybe Ruby had noticed some security risk. No. It was a tiny red bug with black spots. It wasn’t even a poisonous or otherwise dangerous bug. Lerk, one of the mahbens on the team could barely even see it against the greenery until Ruby let it walk onto her fingers. It was so small, and surrounded by so many other things vying for attention, yet she spotted it immediately as she was patrolling!

That wasn’t the only thing Arnold found odd about Ruby. She was often rather forgetful. It wasn’t like she forgot about meetings or how to do her assigned tasks, nothing super important. Instead, she would forget what she was talking about in the middle of a sentence. And don’t even get him started on how many times he’d seen Ruby walk into a room, stop, and look around with a confused look on her face. When asked, she’d say that she forgot what she came in for and then would leave to “retrace her steps to remember.” There was one day during training someone pointed out a huge dark bruise on Ruby’s arm. She was in the middle of a rowing exercise and as she extended her arm, her sleeve pulled up enough for it to be seen. Ruby claimed it was the first time she’d even noticed it. That seemed absolutely preposterous! It was on her upper arm, just under the shoulder and it was dark. Super dark. Arnold knew enough about human health to know that the bruise was already pretty old at that point, it was large and purple, with a bit of green around the edges. Ruby claimed she not only hadn't seen it before that moment but also that she had no idea where such a bruise would have come from! Humans were weird. And Arnold just figured that Ruby was an especially weird one.

Arnold shut the drawer he’d spent the last 5 mentiks searching through. He’d misplaced his lucky pin. It wasn’t in its normal spot because he’d given it a shine before lunch. He remembered setting it down for just a moment. Somewhere where it wouldn’t be bothered. Somewhere where he thought he’d easily remember. Now he couldn’t remember where that “somewhere” was and he was scheduled for a mission soon. Arnold shook his head and walked along, scanning all countertops, tables, shelves, etc. as he went. Nothing. Maybe he’d check the rec room. As he entered, he immediately noticed it was already occupied by a few of his teammates. “You ready for tonight, Arnold?” Human Gustavo called out from the lounge in the corner. Arnold nodded. “Just about. I can’t find my lucky pin though. Have you seen it?” He tapped on his lapel where he usually wore it. Human Gustavo and mahben Lerk shook their heads but got up and began looking around. “Is it yellow and white?” another voice piped up. Arnold looked over to the opposite side of the rec room. It was human Ruby. She was standing in the small kitchenette area in her on-duty uniform, holding a bottle with a dark red label that she’d clearly been drinking from. He’d seen that drink before. Human Gustavo had ordered a large case of them last megacycle and “stashed” them away. The beverage contained large amounts of a dangerous chemical commonly referred to as “caffeine,” and was thusly banned. It wasn’t dangerous to humans, however, so they often smuggled it. Half the time they weren’t even discrete about it. Instead of exploding their hearts or driving them into paranoid anxiety attacks, it just gave them more energy and made them more alert, so management never said or did anything. The only unspoken rule was that the drinks were not shared among the rest of the team. Ruby, being human, should be fine to drink the beverage, but…

Ruby looked at him staring at her. “What? Gus said I could have one." “That has caffeine in it!” Arnold choked. “You already have so much energy! That’s got to be the last thing you need right now!” He knew they shared a schedule tonight. A super hyped-up human would not be conducive to their mission. Ruby looked a bit confused for a moment. “It’s fine, Arnie. I’ll be fine! This,” she held up the bottle in her hand, “helps me focus. I don’t drink it all that often, but my med delivery is a bit late, so a bit of caffeine kind of helps.” Even Human Gustavo could read the disbelief on Arnold’s face as he walked toward one of the lower storage closets and retrieved another, identical bottle from one of his “stashes.” “It’s true,” Gustavo opened the bottle which gave a short hiss. “Most people get a lot of energy, but caffeine doesn’t affect her the same way.” He lifted the bottle to his lips and took a big gulp, followed by a dramatic, “Ahhh! What a shame. So sad.” Ruby rolled her eyes and took a small drink from her bottle. “It’s not a bad thing. Or a good thing. It just is what it is. It’s how my cute little ADHD brain works.”

The two humans started laughing and teasing. Mahben Lerk shook his head as he continued to try looking around for the almost-forgotten lucky pin. “Oh!” Ruby started. “I nearly forgot! I saw a yellow and white pin somewhere recently! Hold on, let me think… it was on a counter with a sink. I remember there was a large bright light because it made the pin very shiny... it was catching a lot of light... and I liked the color. Is that the one you’re looking for?” Everyone looked to Arnold. That did sound like his lucky pin. By a sink? “Ah, I remember now.” He turned and went down the hall to check the washroom. Sure enough, there was his pin. He must have set it down after shining it when he was trying to get some excess polish off his hands. He grabbed it and walked back into the rec room.

“Was it there?” “You found it?” Arnold held up his lucky pin to confirm it had been found and then looked to Ruby. “You noticed this little pin even though it wasn’t yours and you didn’t know I was looking for it?” He didn't mention how she only remembered small details where she’d seen it. It was enough for him to find it and he was indebted to her after all. “Yeah, I do that all the time,” Ruby shrugged. “It drives me nuts when I only remember random details about things I’m looking for sometimes, but I guess some clues are better than none. “Yes, that's true."He paused. Something she'd said earlier intrigued him but he didn't want to be rude. "And that is a common occurrence? With the A-D- uh… the thing you said about your brain?” “ADHD, and yeah, kind of common, at least for me." She folded her arms and gave an exasperated sigh. "Especially when I haven’t been able to take my medications for it. Like, I still remember things, but it feels harder, muddier, if that makes sense?” Arnold nodded. He wasn’t sure what mud had to do with memory, but he thought he understood the idea of what she was explaining. “And that…the ADHD... that’s why the caffeine affects you differently than the other humans?” It was mind-boggling to him that the same chemicals and medications could have such wildly different results in humans. How did they know how anything would work for anyone? “Yeah,” Ruby nodded casually, “Instead of getting an energy buzz, I get a boost of dopamine, which my brain naturally doesn’t produce enough of on its own. Caffeine helps calm me down a bit and focus more. But,” she paused, “it doesn’t always work the same way for everyone. Brains are complicated. Like, it took a while for my doctor and I to find the right dosage of my meds, but we figured it out eventually. It's sometimes a bit of trial and error for people.” The conversation then turned to medications, to discussing reasons the shipment containing Ruby’s meds must have been delayed to comparing who had ever waited the longest for a shipment while off-world, to a back-and-forth mixture of complaining and gushing about how long or how quickly news and media were able to be transmitted throughout the star systems.

Arnold didn’t join in. His mind was elsewhere as he secured his lucky pin to its normal spot on his lapel. ‘Trial and error,’ ‘it doesn’t always work,’ ‘figuring it out eventually?’ By the stars! Human doctors must have their hands full trying to balance all the ways different things affect different humans! What could kill one human could probably save another. How did they figure all that out and keep everything straight? It was madness! An alert sounded from Arnold’s comm timer. It was time to get ready for the mission. Ruby heard it too and began disengaging from her conversation with Gustavo and Lerk. The two of them bid their teammates farewell as Ruby followed Arnold out of the rec room. They walked quietly for a while towards the briefing room where they’d go over last-minute notes and pick up any needed gear. Even though Ruby could have easily outpaced him with her longer legs, she stayed by his side. “Hey, before I forget to ask,” Ruby smiled, “did you have anything fun planned for tomorrow?” “Tomorrow?” Arnold frowned in confusion. “Well, we have our debriefing once we get back. I don’t have anything planned after that. Why? Is there another mission? They usually avoid having us doing back-to-back jobs.” “Oh. No, it’s not another mission. I just thought you might have something fun planned since tomorrow is your one solar-cycle anniversary of joining our team.” Arnold stopped. Was it? Had it already been a whole galactic-standard year? He’d been on several crews and teams so far in his career, but he’d never done anything special for any anniversaries. He’d hardly paid them much mind, let alone have someone else remember them! Ruby stopped as well. “I actually got you a gift. It’s nothing big or anything, but it’s something I thought you’d like. It’s just… it might be a bit late. It’s on the same shipment as my meds. Hopefully. I would have just waited to tell you about it when I gave it to you, but I just can’t wait anymore!”She watched his face for a reaction before smiling mischievously, “Don’t ask me what it is though, I won’t tell ‘till I give it to you. I’ll at least keep that much a secret.” Arnold wasn’t sure what to say. He stumbled out a “Than- thank you. You- you really didn’t have to get me anything. I was, uh, I was really not expecting anyone to remember. It’s not as if it’s some big milestone or anything.” “Oh I know,” Ruby’s smile got bigger. “But I wanted to! Humans usually celebrate birthdays, but when you have to start considering births, hatchings, emerging, constructions, and on and on, things get a bit complicated. So I decided to celebrate the anniversaries of when everyone joined the team!”

At that moment, a second alert sounded from Arnold’s comm timer. He always set two just in case he didn’t hear the first one. Ruby started walking toward the briefing room again. “Well, let me know if you do plan something tomorrow. We’d better get going though or we’ll be late for being early!” Arnold stared after her. She remembered his anniversary of joining the team? Not only that but had she actually memorized when everyone joined? She often forgot what time events were scheduled throughout the solar rotation. She sometimes forgot where she put her favorite pair of sunglasses until someone pointed out that they were resting on top of her head. Yet she remembered something so small as when he joined the team. He shook his head and started walking again. He didn’t want to miss being early. Humans, as individuals and as a whole, were so weird. He’d met so many, on so many different crews, but he had never before been quite so perplexed by one as he was with Ruby. Maybe he should plan something for tomorrow.

[thewildwaffle]

Humans will go out of their way to make sure they don't have to make two trips when hauling goods. That's why they put things in bags so often. They can load their arms up in the straps of the bags to the point that they threaten to defy physics.

[thewildwaffle]

I had a thought about bookas last night

They are afraid of the dark. Since their fur basically looks like and glows like fire, they are light sources (of various brightness depending on their moods and health) wherever they go and thus don't really know what true darkness is.

Humans fear the dark because of the unknowns that may be hidden in its shadows. Bookas fear the dark because it IS the unknown.

[thewildwaffle]

The Gardener - Part 8

Thanks to A_R_K on archiveofourown for this prompt about the uncanny valley.

Part 1&2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

In retrospect, Nipti supposed the situation at hand was inevitable. He’d been taking a break while working on the support beams for some vigbri climbing vines when he noticed the strange ship sitting near the edge of his gardens, right up against the wild tree line. That was odd. When had that landed? It’s not like he was right next to the edge of his lands, but he was certainly close enough that the fact that he hadn’t heard the ship come in was strange. What’s more, when visitors to his gardens came by, they usually landed their ships next to his large workshop. Deciding that the support beams he’d spent the last quarter of the cycle on were going to keep standing and doing their job, Nipti decided he’d go and intercept his latest visitors before they could trample anything. If they’d just landed near the dang workshop like everyone is supposed to, they’d come across the posted rules and instructions that Marley had set up. Then, Nipti could otherwise ignore them unless they specifically needed something from him. Oh well. As much as he enjoyed not interacting with people other than Marley, he enjoyed making sure his gardens were treated with the respect they deserved from guests. It took a while to find the new guests. They’d already wandered a bit from their ship. Nipti looked around their landing area. Nothing seemed to be disturbed. Thank the stars, their ship must have some great landing gear that didn’t create branch-breaking and petal-tearing gusts during descent. Perhaps that was also why Nipti didn’t notice the ship’s approach in the first place. The guests themselves had wandered off and were slowly meandering through the gardens, staying on the walking paths, Nipti appreciatively noticed. There were three of them. Two of them stared silently at him as he approached. The third was crouched over, looking intently at a plant that immediately sent Nipti’s alarm bells off.

“Don’t touch that!” He called out. The crouching guest turned to stare at him silently like its companions. Nipti was going to say that the plant the visitor was about to touch was quite delicate, and depending on their species, could be dangerous, but the words froze in his mouth before he could. Ah. He’d thought something like this would happen eventually. Before him stood three humans. They looked different than Marley. Taller. Paler. Their eyes were set a little deeper in their faces. There was something else that seemed different, but Nipti couldn’t quite pin down what it was. He shook his head. Of course they looked different than Marley! He may not be an expert on humans, but even he knew humans came in all kinds of shapes, sizes, colors, and dispositions. Still, he was worried of what Marley’s reaction might be to other humans arriving at the gardens. Would Marley be standoffish and territorial? Or maybe excited? They’d both been working on Marley’s piece of junk ship whenever they had the time or parts, but with other humans showing up, would Marley decide to go with them? It was something Nipti knew had been a possibility, but one he kept pushing from his mind whenever it came up. Not anymore, he supposed. Whatever Marley decided to do would be their own decision, and Nipti would do his best to be supportive of whatever his friend decided. “Sorry, that plant there might not be dangerous to humans, but as the gardener here, I ask that you not disturb anything while visiting,” he finally broke the silence. The three smiled at him simultaneously. Nipti tried not to shiver. Marley was always mindful of not baring teeth while smiling to not appear predatory or threatening. These three were not so inclined. Nipti wondered if their diet was different than Marley’s, as their teeth appeared to be sharper. “My name’s Garbon Nipti. I noticed you’d just arrived and thought I’d come and see if there’s anything I can do for you. There are maps available near my workshop there if you’re looking to study a specific garden or specimen.” Nipti gestured to the area in question. “We are just perusing,” one of the humans that had been staring unblinkingly at him as he approached said. Their voice was level and somewhat monotonous. Very different than Marley’s bouncing cadences. Nipti waited for a moment for them to introduce themselves as he had, but they remained silent and still. He stood there as long as he could until the uncomfortableness of it all became too much. “Okay, well, if you need anything, I’ll be working nearby.” He would have also mentioned that they could also get help from Marley, but a part of him hoped they didn’t cross paths. His stomach tied itself into knots. He shouldn’t hope that. He knew he shouldn’t, but he was so afraid that if they did, then Marley would leave with them. Nipti frowned and shook his head as he started walking back to the vigbri climbing vines. No. He shouldn’t be so selfish. He’d always known other humans would visit his gardens eventually. Their kind wandered all over the place! “If Marley does want to go,” he said to himself under his breath, “then I need to be supportive. No matter how much… how much I’d miss...”

He was so lost in thought that he nearly ran over Marley. “Woah, hey Nipti!” Marley laughed and acted as if they’d lost balance from the run-in. Nipti was significantly shorter than the human, so he knew it was just an act. Marley stood back up straight and looked Nipti up and down. “You okay? You look like you’re lost.” Nipti nearly scoffed. “Lost? I walk this path several times a day. How could I be lost?” “Lost in thought,” Marley corrected. “Like you’re physically here, trying to run me over and whatnot, but your mind is a million segments away.” “Oh,” was all Nipti could respond. He supposed he had been rather preoccupied thinking about the new guests to the garden. Should he tell Marley? He was starting to second-guess himself now. If he didn’t bring them up and Marley didn’t cross paths with them, maybe his friend might never even know they were here, let alone leave with them? The gardens were big, so it wasn’t out of the realm of possibilities. Would that make him a bad friend? Was it his responsibility to tell Marley, just in case? While Nipti struggled with his options, Marley waited patiently with a cheerful smile. That did it. Nipti decided he needed to stick to his original resolve. “Marley, there’s some new guests that just landed by the wild tree line.” Marley’s head tilted a bit. “Why would they land there when I just repainted the landing pad last decacycle? Are they causing trouble? Need me to muscle ‘em outa here?” “Uh, no. No,” Nipti stammered slightly and shook his head. “I… actually, I think you should meet them. They… they’re human. They’re just back there, from where I was coming from.” Marley’s face lit up. “Oh for real? Yeah, I’d love to! I wonder where they’re originally from. It feels like giga-cycles since I’ve seen other humans. Come on, let’s go meet them!” With the “let’s,” Nipti grudgingly followed behind his chipper friend, trying to not let his glumness show and damper the mood. Life, he supposed, would just go back to normal before Marley came. The old workload, the old quiet, the old solitude. Well, maybe it wouldn’t be the same normal. He had gotten much better and bolder at dealing with rude or destructive visitors, having seen and followed Marley’s example. The habit of “jerry-rigging” different contraptions and systems had also rubbed off in some cases when proper solutions weren’t always available. And if Nipti were honest, the solitude would perhaps feel a bit more like… loneliness.

They were getting close to where Nipti had left the new garden guests. They must have wandered a bit down into the Quilb orchard. Nipti reflexively tensed. Those orchards had some very rare specimens, some of which native folklore claimed had mystical properties. Nipti didn’t put much stock into the latter, but he still prized those trees and the flower buds that were about half a decacycle from blooming. “I hope they’re still staying on the paths,” Nipti muttered, mostly to himself. Marley came to a stop at the overlook of the orchard. Nipti stopped as well, scanning the area. He quickly spotted the three figures through the foliage and pointed them out. “There they are.” Marley didn’t move. “Uh,” Nipti was sure his friend had seen them. They were hard to miss. Marley was staring right at them. After a moment, Nipti put a hand on Marley’s arm. “Is something wrong?” Maybe this whole pause and staring thing was some strange human custom. If it was, it looked like it was working. The figures were now starting to move closer and he could see the pale faces with their deep-set eyes staring back up at them.

Before Nipti could even register what was happening, Marley had scooped him up, turned, and ran back the way they had come. Nipti wasn’t that much smaller than a fully grown human, but Marley threw him up over the shoulder and sprinted away like he weighed nothing. Nipti’s arms scrambled on Marley’s back, trying to get leverage to steady himself enough to hold himself up to see just WHAT THE FREWAN WAS GOING ON?! “Marley!” Nipti cried out and nearly got smacked in the head by an overgrown bush as the human in question banked hard on a sharp turn. If Marley heard him in the mad scramble, there was no response given besides heavy breathing and a jostle as Nipti’s weight was readjusted mid-stride. Nipti looked back behind them. The other humans weren’t following, or at least, it didn’t look like they were. He couldn’t see them, but that didn’t mean they weren’t giving chase. But why would they? Why would there be a need to chase? Why was Marley running? Marley only slowed down once they reached a utility shed Only then did it occur to Nipti - humans have a stereotype of being foolhardily brave. Whatever his friend had seen from those other humans had really spooked Marley. The type of adrenaline that comes from being mortally afraid started seeping into the corners of Nipti’s brain. He said nothing more as they ran into the shed and shut the doors. Neither said a word as they bunkered down into the best hiding spots they could manage. Marley took a spot somewhat near the door, under a small window, and would periodically and discreetly peek out to check if they’d been followed. Thankfully, there was yet to be any indication that that was the case.

It felt like an eternity before Nipti finally found his voice again. “Why were we running from those other humans?” Marley kept staring out the window, scanning the area silently for a moment longer. “Those weren’t humans.” “What?” Nipti frowned. Not human? He hadn’t really met other humans besides Marley, but it’s not like they’re super easy to mix up with other species. “Well then, what are they?” Marley’s gaze turned from the window to look back at him, confused and thinking. “I… I don’t know.” “They looked human.” “Yeah,” Marley whispered and said nothing more. They sat watching and listening. The silence was starting to get to Nipti. He felt like he was being hunted, and he needed to do something besides just wait to be found. It was only now that Nipti noticed how the small hairs on Marley’s arms and neck were standing straight up. “Hey, come on, please. What’s going on? Do we need to call for help?” Marley took a shaky breath and nodded. Nipti reached for his pack and had a small moment of terror as he reached in and couldn’t immediately find his comm. After shuffling around some twist ties and a pair of shears, he found it in a side pocket. He quickly messaged the closest neighbor he knew. Thankfully, they messaged back right away that they’d come over. She was a large biet, so hopefully if those humans-that-weren’t-humans were still around, they’d be intimidated away by her muscular bulk and large teeth.

It took a while for the neighbor to arrive, making for a long and tense wait. Even though she was the closest in proximity, Nipti’s gardens were so sprawling, that she was still quite a distance away. Nipti nearly jumped when his comm sounded an alert of an incoming call. “Hello?” Nipti noticed a bit of a tremble in his voice. “Hey Nipti, it’s Glenna,” the biet’s voice sounded a bit tinny on the old comm’s speaker setting. “I’m here. I don’t see anything out of order, at least I don’t think I do. There’s a small ship over here by your main warehouse, but I’m pretty sure it belongs to the family of duibs that I saw meandering around a few mentiks ago. Your gardens are looking great! You’ve expanded a lot since I was here last. Where are you at now?” Nipti took a deep breath. “We’re in a small shed out near the edge of the gardens by the wild tree line. Do you see any ship over there?” “No, there’s nothing out there,” came the response. “Are you okay? You seem a bit shaken up.” “I… I am feeling a bit shaky, yes. Thank you again for coming over. I’ll be over to you soon.” Nipti looked up from the comm device to Marley. Marley looked out the window again then back to Nipti. “They’re gone?” “Apparently. We… we should get out here.” “Yeah.” Nipti had never seen his friend so subdued and skittish. They both walked as if their heads were on swivels as they went together back to the main warehouse.

Despite not wanting to talk too loudly so as to draw attention from any unwelcome, unseen entities, Nipti had to know something. “How did you know they weren’t human? Are you sure they weren’t?” Marley didn’t respond immediately. “I… I’m not sure how I knew, but I just knew. There was something about them that just set me off. It was like they were straight out of the deepest depths of the uncanny valley. Like, they looked almost human, but there was something about them that felt wrong and dangerous.” Marley’s conviction felt strong to Nipti. So they were sure the mystery visitors weren’t human, but he wasn’t sure what the “uncanny valley” was or what that meant. Finally, they started to hear the bright and cheery tones of normal garden visitors. Even though Nipti had always preferred his solitude, he felt a rush of relief at seeing non-”not-human” guests wandering through flower beds and trellises. The relief was even stronger when he finally caught sight of Glenna. Welcoming pleasantries and introductions were polite, but short. Glenna was curious to know more about what was going on. Nipti insisted they go inside for a drink first. Glintsi flower tea for him and Glenna and peppermint for Marley. Recalling the day’s events took only a few minutes. Both Nipti and Glenna shared a particular interest in what Marley had meant by describing the visitors as being “from the uncanny valley.” It wasn’t some geologic location, but a psychological theory that the more something or someone looks human, the cuter humans think they are, up to a point. There was a space somewhere between “almost” and “completely” human that “cuteness” dropped significantly and instead freaked humans out. Usually, it was with robotics and inanimate objects. When it happened with living things, it made the uncanniness so much worse. “Well,” Glenna finished her cup and sat back, “from what I know about humans, you should trust their instincts when they say something is off.” She turned to Marley and smiled. “I know Nipti likes his space and privacy, and I honor that, but I worry about him sometimes. My family and work keep me too busy to really do otherwise anyway. So, I’m glad you’re here. You seem like good company, and with all the visitors coming in and out of the gardens, well, I’m glad he’s not alone.” Marley smiled and agreed.

The rest of the afternoon was filled with more tea and exchanging stories. The sun was nearing the horizon by the time any of them noticed. “Oh, I hadn’t realized it had gotten so late,” Glenna stood up. “I need to get back. I promised my son I’d help him bake some hirtan tarts tonight. If you’d like, I could bring some by tomorrow?” Marley nodded enthusiastically, “Oh yes, thank you. And if you’d like, I could make some dishes I’ve been working on for my little cafe. You can tell me what you think.” “That sounds lovely,” Glenna smiled and started walking toward the door. “It was nice to meet you, Marley. And Nipti, if ever you need help, please don’t be a stranger, you don’t have to do everything all alone, you know.” “That’s what I’m learning,” Nipti returned the smile and bid farewell to Glenna with some additional thanks for coming over.

Nipti waited a few moments once the door was shut before turning back to Marley. “Okay, you’re going to tell me a bit more about the uncanny valley. What the frewan happened in humanity’s past to create a need to know what’s almost-human-but-not-quite?!” Marley blinked and shrugged. “I don’t know.” Nipti waited for more info. Marley looked like they were deep in thought, and needed a bit of time to gather all the thoughts running around their head. “It might have come from hard-wiring in our brains to avoid dead bodies or extreme illnesses? Like, they look human, are human, but something’s obviously wrong and they could be contagious or dangerous. I mean, it’s just a theory, but it does make logical sense to me.” Nipti nodded. It did make sense. “But,” he drawled after a moment of thought, “the visitors today didn’t look like dead bodies. I really thought they were humans. I mean, they looked different than you, but they really looked like they were human?” The unsettled look Marley had earlier that day returned for just a tik. With a shake of the head, Marley stood back up and started gathering up the used tea cups to wash them in the sink. “Listen, I’m not a psychologist, I don’t know why they freaked me out so bad. I don’t know what they were, but I hope I never see them again.” Nipti fully agreed.

[thewildwaffle]

Will this fit in your treat bag?

Trick or treat?

👻

Oh dear, don't you know? You are the sweetest treat here!

Stay spunky little spooker 🎃

[thewildwaffle]

Tattoo

This was written in chunks of when I actually had any drive to write in the past few months, which wasn't often. I tried doing a bit of editing, but my brain demands to move on to the next short. I'm just happy my brain wants to write again, so who am I to argue?

***

The shop was not as dark inside as it looked. Sillik was glad for that. As a duib, his eyes were well-adapted to the bright sunlit mountains of his homeworld, and he managed just fine with the medium-light of the city that Human Ernesto had been showing him around.

It wasn't the human's hometown, that was on the other side of the continent, and the crew they were both part of only had a relatively small radius to go while on surface leave due to time constraints. Thankfully, it was a city that Ernesto had visited many times before, and so was very familiar with all the best places to eat, relax, and otherwise explore. Sillik, Ernesto, and the others in the group they’d been spending the day with only had a few more hours before they needed to be at the spaceport to report back for duty. With full bellies after having had a delightful meal at a small local cafe downtown, they were in no rush as they meandered down the wide sidewalks lined with flowers and lovely shrubbery.

“Woah,” Sillik stopped walking and nearly got run into by Human Carol who had been walking directly behind him, “what is that building?” He pointed to a small brick building a few doors down from where they currently were. Not very out of the ordinary in and of itself, but it was the decoration of the building that had pulled Sillik's attention. The brick texture of the building was completely covered in a base coat of black paint with complex and intricate white and gray patterns swirling across the structure like they’d been poured on and across the whole of it. The grayscale was interrupted by strategically placed pops of color in the form of stylized animals, flowers, and characters that Silllik did not recognize.

Painting the building, with its brick-and-mortar texture would have been hard enough, but whoever had done it had gone beyond. This? This was beautiful! This was art!

Without waiting for an answer to his original question, Sillik approached the building in an almost reverent state of awe. The closer he got, the more he could make out the fine details the artist must have painstakingly minded when painting. It appeared to cover all the building, or at least all parts he could see from the street. How long had it taken to do all this?

Sillik almost didn’t notice when the rest of the group caught up with him. Someone, probably one of the humans, let out a long arching whistle sound. “Oh my stars! Look at the name!” Ernesto laughed as he walked up to the front door. “Tatu Shop?” Carol followed his gaze to the white sign above the door. “What’s so special about it? They just misspelled tattoo, or what?” “No, it’s a pun.” Ernesto pointed to some of the colorful animals painted around the shop. They had long pointed faces and looked like they were built out of armor. “Tatu is Portuguese for armadillo.” “Punny!” Another human, Steph laughed. “So it’s a pet shop?” Sillik asked. It made sense, he supposed. The art of the building was so interesting and happy-looking, and it was widely known that pets often made humans happy. Ernesto laughed “What? No, they do tattoos here. As in body art? It’s a play on words.” He turned back to the sign above the door and hummed to himself. “I’ve actually always wanted a tattoo. Just a small one on my arm. I’ve had the design in my mind for years.” Steph made a show of checking their comm device. “If it’s not too big of a design, they might be able to do it before we have to be back. We still have four hours, but keep in mind we’ll still need to walk to the spaceport shuttle.”

Ernesto frowned. Normally the look of having a scrunched-up brow and the corners of their mouths turned down means that a human is unhappy - usually upset, worried, or angry. But Sillik had been around Ernesto enough to recognize that this particular frown was one he made when he was thinking very hard about something. If he continued doing it long enough, he might stick the tip of his tongue out of his mouth as well. “I’m gonna do it,” Ernesto finally blurted out. He gasped a bit like he was surprised at his own declaration. “Oh my stars, I’m… I’m gonna do it!” He started walking into the shop, the rest of the group following after shooting each other amused looks. Sillik followed, a bit confused, but happy to see what tattoo Ernesto was so excited about getting.

That was how Sillik ended up in the fairly well-lit tattoo shop. He got himself comfortable in a chair off to the side as Ernesto talked with the tall human behind the front counter. The others joined him, except Carol, who paused a bit behind Ernesto while wearing the same frowny-thinking expression on her face. “Carol,” Steph laughed lightly, “you thinking of getting one too?” “Hmmmm…” Carol tilted her head as Ernesto turned to look back at her, “Uh, maybe not right now, actually.” She shuffled over to the line of chairs as Ernesto followed the tall human behind the counter and to some cushioned chairs where Sillik assumed the body art was done. He watched intensely. Thankfully the shop was small enough that he could clearly see everything. The shopkeeper, who must have also been one of the shop’s artists handed Ernesto a clipboard of papers for him to sign. One of them must have been for him to sketch out the design he had in mind. From the way Ernesto explained it as he drew, it seemed like it was indeed very simple. If the artist had even an ounce of skill that the painter of the building had, Ernesto’s “tattoo” should look lovely.

Sillik spent the next few minutes just looking around at the art painted on the shop’s interior walls. It was the same style as the artwork outside but with different designs. There were a few more of those “tatu” creatures that popped up here and there. It was a fun design overall. He might just look into getting something done himself. Maybe not here, but back home. After all, who knows if the paints they use in a "tattoo" is safe for duib skin?

“So what made you second-guess yourself on getting one yourself?” Steph questioned. Sillik turned back to his companions. Carol steepled her hands to hold them under her chin and sighed. “I want one, but I’m not a hundred percent sure what I want. That, and I really, really don’t like needles, so that’s kind of the big issue.”

Needles? Wait. Not paint? What kind of body art is a tattoo that needs needles?! Sillik’s head shot toward Ernesto and the tattoo artist sat together in the chairs just as a buzzing noise started up. Sillik saw the artist holding a small gun-looking device up to Ernesto’s arm, and Ernesto wincing slightly as the point of the device made contact with his skin. Normally, Sillik considered himself very level-headed, which was a good quality to have when you worked closely with humans on a regular basis. Even still, he felt his jaw drop as shock spread itself across his face. Was there a needle on the point of that gun thing? Had Ernesto been injected with something? Thoughts flashed around his brain as he stared. “Carol, Steph,” Sillik kept his voice from squeaking, “what, exactly, is a tattoo? What’s going on?

“Oh,” Steph chirped cheerily as ever, thankfully unaware of just how distraught Sillik felt at the moment. “Tattoos are ink drawings that are injected into the skin. That makes them permanent.” Sillik stared at her, then over to Ernesto. “But… but doesn’t that hurt?” “Yeah,” Carol looked over to Ernesto like she was searching for something. “He might have given him some lidocaine cream, but I’m not really sure. Don’t a lot of tattoo artists not like using it?” She asked Steph. “Depends,” Steph looked over to Ernesto and the tattoo artist who was already doing good work on the design. “I doubt he bothered, the arm is one of the least painful places to get a tattoo.” “Isn't the most painful place the armpit or something?” “Why would someone get a tattoo in their armpit? What would you even put there?” “I don’t know, I can think of a couple really funny ideas.”

Sillik gaped at them but then turned back to watch the tattoo process again. Ernesto wasn’t crying out. He looked like he was in pain, but he had personally seen the human get injured in what seemed to be much “smaller” incidents and had had much bigger reactions. Like when he stubbed his toe three cycles ago. What is the deal? Humans and how they react to pain in different ways is so weird!

Steph must have noticed his attention had gone elsewhere again and thought it funny to add, “You know, this method of getting a tattoo is much less painful than it used to be, back in the day.” Of course it was, Sillik thought. Still, it was something that he felt needed more of an explanation, so he looked back at her and waited for her to continue. “There were two different ways, at least that I know of. One was with just a really sharp needle dipped in soot or seal oil or whatever and then the person giving the tattoo just poked you over and over and over to get it all under the skin.” Steph enunciated the “over and over” part by miming holding a needling and poking at Sillik like she was an old-timey tattoo artist. “Another way,” she continued, “and in my opinion, this one seems like the most uncomfortable way to do pretty much anything, was pretty much sewing the tattoo into your skin, with a needle pulling along a thread that had been dipped in dye. And again, the dye back then was either soot or seal oil or what have you.”

Thank the stars Sillik had been serving around humans for a couple of solar cycles now. If he had learned all this from the start, he would have thrown up. Though he felt like if he kept watching Ernesto getting his tattoo, there was a good chance of that happening still.

He spent the next hour or so staring at his feet as thought of why humans do the things they do until Steph and Carol decided to take pity on him and offered to take him to look around at the other shops on the street while they waited. Carol put a hand on his shoulder as they guided him out of the shop, “Don’t worry about it Sil, like I said, I don’t like needles either.” Sillik nodded as they stepped back into the sunshine on the street. He didn’t say anything about how he didn’t actually have an issue with needles. At least not for medical uses, for which he was used to seeing them. But injecting ink deep into your skin? Something about the idea just made him shiver. He wished Steph hadn’t told him about how tattoos used to be done. He’d never get that out of his brain.

Why can't humans just do normal, painted-on body art, like sane people?

[thewildwaffle]

A scene in adding somewhere in Abduction:

Wenona, bouncing her leg. Simmo gets annoyed and asks her to stop. Wenona does, for about 20 seconds and then starts again. Simmo puts a hand on the table in front of Wenona, as the bouncing leg is making it shake.

Simmo: Can you stop that?!

Wenona, stares at her without blinking: Physically? Yes. Mentally? I would rather die.

[thewildwaffle]

In my humble but correct opinion, the most idiotic Disney villain is Edgar. Seriously dude, you could have inherited the money, the stocks, the mansion, everything. Yeah, sure technically it "belongs to the cats," but what do they care about all that?! Just keep their cream bowls full and their piano tuned and they'll be more than fine. You could have been living the life with 4 fancy pets in the heart of Paris.

Order extravagant meals every day. Oh no, the cats can only eat a bit of it? Guess the rest is Edgar's.

Buy the nicest furniture and softest beds. Oh the cats usually stay in their favorite rooms with the furniture that already has their scent and familiarity? Guess Edgar can make use of it. Besides, the cats' caretaker needs to take care of himself with some extra downy pillows for his back, am I right?

Straight up idiot.

[thewildwaffle]

You

I recently had someone who opened up and shared some things she'd been dealing with lately. A lot of it dealt with her not knowing who she was anymore, especially after so long of living for and serving others while not taking time or care for herself. I wrote this for her, but I wanted to share it because I know that all too often, her struggle is a very common one. Knowing yourself, and can sometimes take time. It certainly can take a bit of effort and investment, but I promise you, it is worth it! It is the first, and possibly the most important step towards loving yourself.

---

How does one define one's self?  What questions must one ask?  Are you the sum of all your roles?  Or are those just parts you've cast?

What does it mean to know one's self,  when who one is can change?  When life moves on to different roads  and your reflection seems so strange?

How does one live for who they are  when they felt that they have died under the stress and loads they bear  with their own needs pushed aside?

"Who am I?" Well that depends.  Who do you choose to be?  Your self is built in part by choice  and part discovery.

It may take time to make new friends With one's self and get to know Just who you are and who you'll be, But what a worthy friend to grow!

[thewildwaffle]

What do you use to animate humans are space orcs animatics?

It's a combination of different things each time. Usually I've go about making layers and parts of characters, backgrounds, or basic loops in Procreate then animate them with After Effects.

Lately, I've been trying my hand with FlippaClip, which I've been liking so far since it lets me import audio, which Procreate's animation feature does not (hence me taking the layers into AE)