underleveledjosh

[underleveledjosh]

Even the most amazing music artists create songs that flop. Take Metallica, for example. Master of Puppets is an album of only bangers, but St. Anger is completely made up of flops

[underleveledjosh]

How to Be The Dominant Male in Any Situation

Let's say you walk into a party.

You are wet and pathetic. Not only are you a worm, but even among worms you are the runt of the litter.

There's a way to fix that. Even you can be the alpha male in every situation you're in. Here's how:

Alpha Male Rule 1: Stand Tall or Very Short

In some things in nature, like rats and giraffes, the biggest creature in is leader.

However, in other things in nature, like the mafia, which has large goons but a small boss, the smallest creature is the leader.

You need to lean into whichever option is closest to you. If you are almost short, try wearing a big suit like a mob boss would wear to also make yourself wider like a mob boss. If are you almost tall, like I am, trying wearing these bad boys:

Now, I know what you're thinking: "High heels?? But isn't that for women???" Women have been hiding them from us men because they are afraid of how powerful we would be with them. But, why do women alone get to augment so much about themselves?? Look at all the eyeliner and mascara they need to even begin to mimic the power and seductiveness of our male eyelashes:

So, let's take a look at how we're doing now having applied just this one piece of advice:

It's a whole new situation. Let's move onto rule 2:

Alpha Male Rule 2: Always Get What You Want But Never Ask For It

I notice the man next to me has cookies. I would like one. Not only that, but there's also a woman next to me, watching. Asking another man for a cookie is extremely un-alpha behavior, so here's how you go about this situation:

1) Point out that someone else has something that you want

2) Cry until they give it to you

If everything has gone according the plan, you now have a cookie, and the woman is thinking something like this:

Let's move onto the last rule.

Alpha Male Rule 3: Always Up the Ante

Whatever you want to do or say, do or say it at least 3 times as hard as a regular person. When your coffee is $3, you should give $9 to show how wealthy you are. When you say "I'll be back in 5 minutes" you should actually be back in 15 minutes -- but really, you should say "I'll be back in 15 minutes" and be back in 45 minutes.

You should also start every task at step 3 rather than step 1. So, a normal (read: beta) guy might tell a girl "I think you're pretty" and then later ask "will you be my girlfriend?' But you should just say this:

99% of women will say yes, but if she needs further convincing, it can be helpful to offer her a small present, like a trinket or snack.

Congratulations. You have now learned how to be the most dominant male in any situation. Here are a few more tips for the road:

Claim to be descended from an ancient king or emperor. You can make a map or your lineage and fold it up to carry it in your pocket, so that you may unfold it whenever it needs to be presented.

If a woman takes a genuine interest in you, do the full body blush animation rising from bottom to top like you're a cup filling up, then run away, leaving behind a small cloud and a few speed lines. The idea that woman can actually like you is a lie perpetuated by Big Women.

If you want to further increase your height, try wearing bunny ears.

[underleveledjosh]

does everyone have a teacher that they still have beef with/ hold a grudge against today??

[underleveledjosh]

Not a furry but I think all humans should have tails because it would be soooo fucking sexy and hot and so sexy

[underleveledjosh]

been on tumblr so long i can't always tell if my brain has had a Thought or im just remembering a shitpost

[underleveledjosh]

I feel like an alien tomb would be sooooo fucking cool until a alien mummy gets up and chase you

[underleveledjosh]

[underleveledjosh]

yall need to be nicer to victor frankenstein, post partum depression is no joke

[underleveledjosh]

how am I supposed to tell people that this is my favorite color specifically because of the funny hex code?

[underleveledjosh]

realtor whose entire career is just selling (and re-selling and re-selling) the same haunted house

it transpires this is a longstanding con, in which the house (which is hugely haunted) is an active participant

[underleveledjosh]

That elderly couple who volunteers at the soup kitchen after church on Sundays and attends every town hall meeting has done more community direct action than 99% of internet leftists 🤷🏽‍♀️

[underleveledjosh]

blows my mind that cheetahs are apex predators. that is the single most anxious creature I have ever seen. at any given moment a cheetah is exactly one stubbed paw away from bursting into tears. that is a sad dripping wet animal, and it's at the top of the local food chain? babygirl what happened

[underleveledjosh]

If one parent is chill but not the other, go with the parent most likely to pose a problem.

[underleveledjosh]

Shout out to the AO3 readers on my fics blatantly tagged with things like "torture" and "slavery" (or any other adjacent taboo subjects) who complain midway through the fic that it's becoming "too much" for them or that they "won't be able to handle it much longer".

I didn't realise I had to rate the level of torture and slavery within the fic tagged "torture" and "slavery" lmao

[underleveledjosh]

I Can't Believe My Laptop Has This Thing In It

This is from my Dell G15 5515 laptop. It's a 256b PCIe Gen 3 drive. For reference, Gen 4 NVMes were out by the time this laptop released in around 2021/2022. Not only did Dell skimp on the capacity, they skimped on the generation. I don't have any need for a laptop currently because I have a new gaming PC that I custom built, but if I were to get a gaming laptop, it'd be from MSI or ROG.

[underleveledjosh]

I'm reblogging this again for 2025. Stay strong, dudes. You got this.

To my fellow men on men's mental health month:

You are loved.

You are cared about.

You are amazing.

You are worthy.

You are important.

You are good.

Remember, there are people who will support you in your trying times. If you don't think you have that, don't be afraid to reach out to build a support network. There's plenty of people willing to help you out when you're struggling.

[underleveledjosh]

You know, when you've been a genshin fan for three years and play other gacha games because genshin lowkey sucks now, you learn one thing. Never interact with the fandom, no matter how good it seems.