undiscoveredposts

[undiscoveredposts]

standing up for myself, to myself. because sometimes she's too restricting

[undiscoveredposts]

the memories are only joyful because I yearn for somewhere to escape to.

[undiscoveredposts]

what could i possibly know about anything? i made it here safe and sound, and that's all i need

[undiscoveredposts]

my home is a desolate place. the place i feel comfortable, is not a place i feel joy.

[undiscoveredposts]

the grief of being human is a special thing. because you can feel it.

[undiscoveredposts]

I just hope it passes soon.

maybe it will leave me alone for good this time.

[undiscoveredposts]

i often think about life my like the person living it isn't me.

[undiscoveredposts]

can you find me behind the person i'm playing for you?

[undiscoveredposts]

as long as i am, i love her.

[undiscoveredposts]

wants and wishes

I could take up so much space writing about nothing that even matters. I could do it forever, without ever stopping. I could sit here so long the chair rots and I fall out the bottom, and none of it would mean anything.

I want the things I write to mean something. I want other people to love my writing as much as I do when I go back and read it. I want people to get it the way I do. I think maybe someday they will.

[undiscoveredposts]

celebrating resilience

There is something in my soul that cannot accept what doesn't feel good.

It's buried underneath self-doubt, but it tells me there is something more.

It tells me to search. To look and learn, because there is peace to be found.

So I will chase peace until my knees give out.

I used to think that made me delusional, and a bunch of other adjectives that take away from my character.

Now I think it makes me brave.

Though I am weary, I continue to take steps until I step into the full embodiment of what calls to me.

I will leave the rest, so as to hold space for peace.

It is there, I know it.

[undiscoveredposts]

What happens now?

When everyone else is sick, how do I get better?

When all that comes up is sadness, how do I make room for contentment?

When I want to pave a new path, where do I find the shovel?

How do I know where to start?

Isn't the whole point of going a new direction not knowing where it leads?

Why am I still stuck in the stickiness of my delusion?

If I want to move, why don't I?

What is this feeling that keeps me second guessing?

Why is it still here?

[undiscoveredposts]

It is okay to be happy.

to be stress free.

to not worry about the lives of others.

your life should be the only important thing to you.

your happiness should be the most important thing to you.

It is okay if you don't fully understand this yet, but know that it is truth. Even when your nervous system tells you otherwise.

I am okay.

I am free from the stress of others.

[undiscoveredposts]

desolation

When bad things happen, I usually sob about how fucked up life is.

Today, a pretty bad thing happened. It made me think about how fucked up life is.

I don't deserve the things that are happening to me. I never have, but that doesn't stop the bad things from happening.

It doesn't stop the bad people from doing the bad things. Even if that means leaving their own children homeless.

The only thing left for me to do is walk away, and fight to make my life better than the lives of the people that left me with nothing.

Choosing optimism in this moment is probably the hardest thing for me. I want to scream and blame everything on these horrible people. I don't want to be awake, or aware of what's going on in my life right now.

But I know that that won't do anything but delay the inevitable. I will have to get up eventually. I will have to face my situation, and I will have to be the one to do something about it.

So I guess the best thing I can do for myself now is skip the self-destructive part of the story, and fight for myself and the life I know that I will attain.

I will keep going, until I've made it. I deserve more than this, a lot fucking more.

So I will try, and I will keep trying until I've made it.

Because that's the only thing I can do. And that's what I deserve.

[undiscoveredposts]

my latest money mantra :

money is freedom,

and i am free.

i love money,

and money loves me.

[undiscoveredposts]

i will say that it is okay.

even if i feel the furthest from it.

because i know that at the end of every thought and feeling, it is okay.

i just have to get there. 🙂

[undiscoveredposts]

self-discipline is a very new concept to me. i am quite stuck in a pattern of ignoring rules and goals i set for myself.

i am aware that these patterns are unhealthy, and as i explore new concepts of self-discipline, i pose a question:

does anyone have any unique habits or behaviors that set you up for success? what works for you?