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random thought that maybe someone will find funny -

my friend just reminded me of one night when I got drunk and forgot how to type and how to speak English, and i was repeatedly trying to go on Pinterest, but typing things like piernest and piebest instead, and finally got so angry at my computer that I yelled "CHRISTO" at it and then started cursing it out in Russian and loudly declared I needed more vodka to deal with this.

I actually am fluent in Russian, but my native language is English. I have no idea why I thought my laptop was possessed. drunk me is stupid. she's funny though.

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My Favorite Marvel Characters As Shit I've Said At Work

Tony: "If someone doesn't find me something to work on. You know, so I can do my job. Within the next 15 fucking minutes. I will get into the design system and change the settings so the background color is black and the text is black and the links are black. I'm bored. I have too much intelligence to be bored. It makes me... *dramatic whisper* DESTRUCTIVE."

Bruce: "I'm gonna stay calm, I'm gonna stay calm, I'm gonna stay calm..." *violent frustrated screaming* "Good job, you pissed me off even more."

Natasha: "I don't know everything around here, I only act like I do." (yes I remember CATWS, that's why I said this - I'd just rewatched it)

Clint: "I'll get off the roof when you get off my case."

Steve: "There are CHILDREN here, no more saying fuck in front of them, please. I'll be back, I have a German in my office I have to get rid of."

Bucky: "I have knives. A lot of knives. I don't need your help."

Peter Parker: "I'm honestly running on spite, Monster Energy and vigilante justice right now."

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reblog if you love marvel

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OH MY GOD I HOPE SO, BUT I MIGHT DIE OF HAPPY ON THE FIRST EPISODE

I KNEW ARTHUR WAS GONNA COME BACK!!!!!!

PARDON

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Thank you sir! *Takes the photo back*

One time and one time only.

Reblog a picture of me and I, President James Buchanan Barnes, will sign it.

This post will be able to only be reblogged in the next twenty four hours. Starting now.

Items can count too I guess—

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Would you mind to do this one for me, Mr. President sir?

One time and one time only.

Reblog a picture of me and I, President James Buchanan Barnes, will sign it.

This post will be able to only be reblogged in the next twenty four hours. Starting now.

Items can count too I guess—

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Timeloop, adventure and portal? What, am I gonna work for the TVA?

The first three words you see will manifest in 2025.

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Sounds like an idea to me!

*laughs in maniac while gathering equipment*

My inner Loki is saying we need to get up to some serious mischief. Who wants to turn arsonist and help me drive John Walker crazy by setting everything around him on fire!?

@the-best-black-widow

@oh-to-be-a-murderer

You guys wanna help?

OOC:Sorry if you don't know me well enough to be considered ok to tag you. I apologize.

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My inner Loki is saying we need to get up to some serious mischief. Who wants to turn arsonist and help me drive John Walker crazy by setting everything around him on fire!?

@the-best-black-widow

@oh-to-be-a-murderer

You guys wanna help?

OOC:Sorry if you don't know me well enough to be considered ok to tag you. I apologize.

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Iron Man 1 really said "the actual bad guy is the white capitalist who is selling arms under the table to both sides in order to extend the war and make as much money from it as possible," and Iron Man 2 really said "the white capitalist who gives a platform to people with bad intentions in order to make a buck is the reason the bad intentions have the opportunity to prosper and cause untold damage," and Iron Man 3 really said "the real terrorist is the white capitalist who will create and use fear to manipulate governments and the public in order to sell a product," and I really don't think enough people recognise this.

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She nodded in acknowledgement, fiddling around with a 3D holograph and too focused to speak. She decided she wanted to be able to carry a gun - she had her repulsors, and the Ex-Wife launcher in the arm of her suit, but she wanted to have her pistol too as backup. She carefully adjusted some things in the hologram-suit's thigh, making room for a holster and concealment mechanisms.

After a while, she sat back and took a sip of her coffee. Perfect - now she could tell her suit AI, JOCASTA, to allow her access to her pistol, and a small panel of nanobots in the suit would retract, allowing her gun to hydraulically be moved out to be drawn. "FRI, does that look plausible? Tony, what do you think?" she asked as she revised her work. "Probably stupid, what with my repulsors and stuff, but backup's nice, and Rhodey's got a LOT of built-in guns in his, so not that ridiculous..."

**I walk into the lab with a cup of coffee in each hand, slowly approach Tony so I don't startle him since he seems to be hyperfocused on whatever he's working on, and set the mugs between us as I sit down beside him to watch him work. I look tired, but not too much more than usual.** "Good morning, sir." **I watch him attach a few wires to the circuit board in front of us before asking** "What're you working on?"

"Morning. And it's a new upgrade for my suit." That was the usual saying or response. Of course he worked on others things, bur his main project was his suit. He glanced at them then to the coffee. "Thank you. How'd you sleep?" He asked.

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REBLOG THIS IF YOU THINK THAT YOUR INTERNET FRIENDS DESERVE THE WORLD AND EVERYTHING BEYOND THAT.

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"Eh, fine I guess," she said as she rubbed the dark circles under her eyes. Truth was, she'd gotten a call from her parents that didn't go well, and after tele-arguing with them for a few hours about how she'd never be good enough to make them proud, thinking about what they'd said kept her up the rest of the night. If only they knew she was an Avenger. To be honest, she hadn't slept more than four hours all week, but that wasn't uncommon. "You know how it is, our minds don't slow down even when we want them to." She took a sip of her coffee before continuing, "Mind if I get started on an idea I had for my suit?" Without waiting for the 'sure, go ahead' she knew would come, she pulled up a holo-design on the lab computer. It was honestly kinda funny that she and Tony both decided to upgrade their suits (which were also nearly identical) at the same time.

**I walk into the lab with a cup of coffee in each hand, slowly approach Tony so I don't startle him since he seems to be hyperfocused on whatever he's working on, and set the mugs between us as I sit down beside him to watch him work. I look tired, but not too much more than usual.** "Good morning, sir." **I watch him attach a few wires to the circuit board in front of us before asking** "What're you working on?"

"Morning. And it's a new upgrade for my suit." That was the usual saying or response. Of course he worked on others things, bur his main project was his suit. He glanced at them then to the coffee. "Thank you. How'd you sleep?" He asked.

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To my moots

reblog to tell your mutuals they’re lovely as fuck

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It's Not What It Looks Like

for @msdjsg7

Welcome to Chapter 2 of my first fic, first Loki fic, and first char x reader fic, Taking Chances! You can find Chapter One here.

Warnings/tags: a little bit of strong language (shut it, Steve), good!Loki, fluff, soft!Loki, Avenger!Loki, you and Loki are friends (maybe eventually more, oops that could be a spoiler), Loki's in a stabby mood for about half a scene

No age limits

Fandom: MCU movie Loki

You blinked awake slowly after the best sleep you'd had in weeks to find yourself in a bed not your own. Too much green.

Then you noticed that you were in someone's arms.

Loki's?!

You shifted a bit, embarrassed, trying to remember how you got here. Oh, right... in your exhaustion-hazed brain last night, you thought getting your Jotunn best friend to cuddle you to cool you down in place of the air conditioning was a good idea. Yeah. That's right.

Loki stirred a bit and woke up at your movements, that malicious smirk creeping onto his face as he looked down at you. He didn't need to say anything - his face said more than words could. He thought this was funny.

You glared at him. "Shut up," you growled as you shifted away, trying to put some distance between you two. Anything to make this less awkward, oh Norns why did I ever think this was a good idea, I need to get away from him I don't like the butterfly feeling I'm getting right now because it's starting to transition to turning me on...

He actually smiled at you. "I haven't said a word, darling." He paused for effect. "You, on the other hand, were... rather demanding last night." The smile became his trademark smirk once more. "It's not often a woman forces herself into my bed and orders me to hold her."

Your glare intensified as you pulled away, out of his grasp, and slipped out of the bed entirely.

You didn't expect long, cool fingers to wrap around your wrist and keep you from taking another step.

Loki had moved faster than you'd ever seen any being move before to grab your wrist and prevent you from leaving.

You froze for a second, barely able to believe your ears at what he said next. "Did I tell you that you had to leave?"

You finally snapped out of your holy-shit-is-this-really-happening trance, not making any more moves to leave, as you said "I should... It's dawn."

"I see that. What I do not see is how the sunrise has any bearing on your staying with me or leaving. It's quite rare that anyone chooses to be near me." He attempted to pull you back.

You sighed, but let him pull you off-balance so you landed back beside him. "If the others see me sneaking out of your room, they might, well... get ideas." You said as you settled back in beside him.

He chuckled softly at that. "Mm. Perhaps we shouldn't allow that."

"Then why do you want me to stay?"

"Simply because I desire your company, is that a problem for you?"

It was once again your turn to be shocked. "N-no. It's not. But you only get five more minutes."

He pulled you close enough to put his arms back around you. "I shall not keep you a second longer than you wish."

You two laid there a few more moments, simply existing together and listening to the sound of one another's breathing. When the five minutes were up, you reluctantly slipped out of Loki's grasp, eliciting a small, sad whine from him. "Already?"

"Yeah, Lokes. I really need to leave now." You said softly as you headed for the door. "See you at breakfast?"

"Won't miss it, since you asked me." His reply was barely audible through the blankets he'd burrowed back into.

What the fuck was that all about? You thought as you headed back to your own room for a shower.

________________________________

When you walked into the kitchen after sneaking back to your room to get ready, Natasha grabbed your arm and pulled you to the side without even giving you a chance to say a word. "So. You and the iceman, huh?" She whispered, looking at you with a conniving smirk.

"Wh- what are you talking about?" You said, trying to feign innocence despite the blush creeping onto your face.

"You went past my room last night and this morning."

"So?"

"Loki's is the last. Mine's next to his."

"It- it's not what it looks like, Nat, I swear..." You managed to say, looking away from her piercing gaze.

"Sure. We've all seen the looks you two give each other, haven't we, Clint?" She called over her shoulder to her partner in crime.

Clint, in the middle of shoving waffles into his mouth, glanced up and said something unintelligible due to his mouth being full.

"See? He agrees." Natasha locked that intense stare she uses during interrogations onto you, daring you to lie again.

"Oh my Gooood..." you moaned in exasperation, rolling your eyes while you frantically formulated a lie.

"Yes?" The smooth voice beside you shocked you, and you glanced over to see Loki smirking at you. "You called?"

"You're not helping, Loki!" You shot him a glare. "Tell Nat why I was in your room last night." You attempted to communicate with your eyes that he needed to lie to her to un-incriminate you both. Tell her anything but the fact that I demanded you cuddle me.

His eyes lit up for a split second - you could practically see what he was thinking. 'This is going to be fun.'

"Well, Miss Romanoff, she walked into my room, forced herself into my bed and demanded that I hold her because it was "too hot everywhere but with me."" He put little air quotes around the last six words - he must have picked that up from Thor.

"God damn it, Loki, why -" your protest was cut off by Natasha's "HA! I KNEW IT!" She triumphantly high-fived Clint and you noticed her surrepititiously being handed money by Sam, Steve, and even Bruce. Thor looked pleased.

She turned back to you with a satisfied look on her face. "JARVIS, you can fix our changes now."

"With pleasure, Miss Romanoff." the AI replied, sounding almost... teasing?

"You see, we've all seen the looks you and Reindeer Games here give each other. So lady triple imposter and her birdbrain decided to do something about it. We actually were all in on it." Tony added from the coffee machine.

"I had JARVIS crank up the temp in your room, the hall, and a little bit in Loki's." Clint said around his fork.

"I obeyed, but made certain that your thermostats showed no change." JARVIS added from the ceiling.

"I went along with their grand scheme and made it believable, didn't think it'd work though." Tony chipped in again from behind his coffee mug.

"I orchestrated all this because you two clearly are all heart eyes for each other." Natasha said, looking satisfied.

"And we bet them it wouldn't work." Bruce, Sam and Steve added sadly.

Thor now looked confused. "I.. was told to ignore everyone else and keep quiet."

You and Loki exchanged identical infuriated glances and took a simultaneous step forward, reaching for your favorite weapons - Loki conjuring a dagger out of thin air, you drawing the one he gave you from its sheath on your hip. "Lot of planning just for it to backfire on them, huh?" you said as you and Loki advanced on the others. "Mm." Loki agreed.

"See? You even reacted the same!" an unfazed Natasha managed to say through her laughter.

Sam's eyes got big and he stood up, tugging Steve and Bruce, who was getting nervous and looking a little green veined, with him. "Thor, should we run?" he asked, already heading for the door.

"I advise it. My brother rather enjoys stabbing people who get on his bad side." Thor replied.

"Relax, Dr. Green Bean. Don't go smashing the place." you said as you passed Bruce being tugged along by Sam. "We won't touch you three."

Loki paused and touched your wrist with his free hand. You glanced at him.

"Perhaps we should give them what they wish?" he whispered just loud enough for the others to hear.

"How... do you propose to do that?" you replied, confused.

His free arm slipped around your waist. "Is this okay?" He looked pleased with himself.

Why not, you thought, and said as much as you leaned into him.

"We've changed our minds." Loki said as he lowered the dagger in his hand and you sheathed yours. "However, conspire against me again and you will see why I am called the god of mischief." He, without warning, threw his dagger, embedding it in the wall a few inches from Nat's head.

"HEY! You WILL be fixing that, and by hand, not with magic!" Tony complained at the hole in the wall that appeared when Loki made the dagger disappear, and reappear back in its place in his room.

Loki pulled you a bit closer and led you along with him as he stepped around Tony and towards the cabinets to find something to eat. As you moved beside him, one thought ran through your mind.

What the fuck is happening between us.

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"My personal ice cube"

"I'm your what now?"

Warnings/tags: good!Loki, fluff, soft!Loki, Avenger!Loki, you and Loki are friends, I had a dream about this and decided to make a fic from said dream

No age limits

Fandom: MCU movie Loki

You couldn't get comfortable no matter how hard you tried.

You'd think in a high-tech place like this, the air conditioning wouldn't break, would have failsafes or something. Wrong - the new Compound may be great, but since it's just been built there are still a few kinks to work out. Tony said he'd call his HVAC guy in the morning, but he's still locked in the lab right now, so he'll have to be reminded. JARVIS will remember.

It sucks to be exhausted and not be able to fall asleep. As you flopped about, trying to find a cool patch in the sheets, you barely registered the quiet sounds coming from your TV through the haze of sleepiness. Why couldn't the AC have broken on a cooler night?

Then a thought hit you that made you sit bolt upright.

Loki.

Of course. Why were you laying here melting when you had a literal Jotun for a friend, only a few rooms away?

Without wasting another second, you rolled off the bed and padded through your dorm on bare feet, slipping soundlessly out the door and down the hall to Loki's room.

He normally locks his door. It was odd that you found it unlocked when you got there, but you were grateful.

You walked over to his bed and took a moment to admire him like this - asleep, relaxed, happy... He looked almost younger, with no worries on his mind at the moment. Then common sense kicked in thanks to your body noticing that it was still oppressively hot, and you had the bright idea to make sure there were no knives within easy reach. You didn't want him to stab you whilst half-asleep.

Okay, I should be safe. You took a deep breath to calm yourself before slipping into the bed beside Loki.

He was still partly dreaming, you think, because he shifted closer to you. You couldn't hold back a little whine as you felt his cool body press against yours - the feeling was divine, pun intended.

That woke him. You flinched back as his body stiffened and he opened his eyes to see you beside him.

"What in Hel are you doing?" he asked in a voice that, while still thick with sleep, carried plenty of danger beneath the surface.

Brain still muddled with exhaustion and the innate need to cool down, you did something the tiny remaining rational part of you knew you'd regret.

You reached up and put a finger to his lips to shush him. "Shh... I'm dying in this heat and you're a frost giant. Put the pieces together. You got two choices - hold me to cool me down or use your magic. But you're gonna help me." As if to illustrate your point, you curled closer against him.

He looked down at you with a rather taken-aback expression on his face. "My, my, darling, a Midgardian thinks she can order one of Asgard to do her bidding, does she?" If you didn't know better, you'd say he was attempting to hold back a laugh.

"Mhm, maybe." You murmured softly. "Now make up your mind."

You felt his chest vibrate with a chuckle. "Very well." With that, his arms slipped around you, pulling you closer.

You hummed happily as he held you close, reveling in being in his arms as much as being able to cool down. It wasn't like you two'd been mutually crushing on each other for as long as Loki had been an Avenger. Nope, no way.

As you finally got comfortable enough to drift into sleep, pressed against Loki with your head on his shoulder, you felt a soft brush on your forehead that if you didn't know better, would have felt like a kiss. "Goodnight, darling," he whispered as he drifted off as well.

"Night, Lokes." You whispered back. "You make a wonderful personal ice cube."

"Thank y- I'm a what now?"

"Nevermind, Loki, go to sleep."

"Mm. G'night." he murmured against the top of your head.

Then one thought struck you like lightning before you succumbed to sleep.

You gave him the option of using his magic on you.

So why did he choose to cuddle you instead?

((if you want this continued, lemme know! I'd love to make it a series!!))

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Eddie: "Ah, your parasite came in color?"

Tony: [sleep deprived from lab binge-ing, trying to get coffee, has no idea Peter is clinging to his back like an oversized koala bear bc the kid weighs less than the armor he's used to wearing] *makes confused Pikachu face* "Huh?"

Eddie: "Your parasite came in color. I got black-and-white. Does yours like tater tots and chocolate too?"

Venom and Peter: [simultaneously stick their heads over their host's shoulder and say] "TATER TOTS?!"

Tony: [visibly startles, and almost activates the suit before he realizes it's Peter] "What the fuck, kid?"