#incorrect tony stark

[1luna1lovegood1]

Peter: *sneaking into his room wearing spidersuit at 5 am*

May, sitting on peter's desk: excuse me whERE WERE YOU?

Peter: I was working with Mr Stark!

Tony, turning on the light: Try again.

[ironrad]

Tony: Pete, if you could be any animal, other than a spider, which would you choose?

Peter without hesitation: A Jellyfish Turritopsis Dohrnii.

Tony: That’s oddly specific.

Peter: They are the only known biologically immortal animal. Meaning if we were all Jellyfish Turritopsis Dohrnii we could just vibe in the ocean together.

Tony remembering Peter’s attachment issues:

Tony immediately pulling him into a hug:

Peter: Um?

Tony sniffling: I would love to “vibe” as a jellyfish with you, buddy.

Peter: :)

[auroraromaximoff]

Y/n: Thank god you're here babe, we're totally outnumbered !

Nat: What do you mean?

Wanda: Straight people!

Nat: Oh, God

Tony: *drunk* HoW dArE YoUu !

[marvel-lous-guy]

Peter: when you ask for someone's name, you're essentially asking them what noise you should make to get their attention

Tony: Kid, what the fuck?

Harley: we should ditch names. You can get my attention by making the squeal of a bat bathing in cranberry juice on the night of a full moon.

Tony: ...

Peter: *viciously squeaks*

Harley: yes?

Peter: you wanna get pizza?

Harley: absolutely

[peter-parkers-left-pinky]

Natasha: это все твоя вина

Y/n, sighing: Yeah, i know

Tony: You speak russian?

Y/n: No, i just know the phrase "this is all your fault" in every language she speaks

[marvelflame2010]

Peter: *comes to the compound after school*

Tony: Hey underroos, how was school?

Peter: I have a list of 100 words to learn Mr. Stark

Y/n: Wow, that’s only 92 more than you know now

Peter: *shocked*

Shuri who was visiting: *dying of laughter*

Steve: Y/n Sarah Roger-Barnes

Y/n: What? He made fun of my jacket, I make fun of his vocabulary. 

Bucky: Look at it this way pal. At least she didn’t use violence

Y/n: Yeah! What Pops said. 

Steve: *slaps his palm on his face*

[underoooos]

May : So you're like the therapist for the whole team?

Peter : Mmm kinda

May : Who's your therapist then?

Peter, holding up a small pebble : Well I talk to this rock sometimes

[natsskydivingcrew]

Vision: You are supposed to bang your fist against mine.

Steve: Why?

Vision: I am told it is a widely accepted gesture for mutual success.

Tony: I love it when you two impersonate human beings

[incorrectpeterparker]

Peter: On Halloween, we dress like skeletons, but in reality, the skeletons dress like us.

Tony: I worry about you.

[azerishi]

Peter: Mr. Stark, look! I found this really cool cat, but they looked so sad and so I kinda took them with me so they can eat and now I think I've gotten attached and I really want to keep it.

Tony, on the verge of an aneursym: Peter–Peter, that's a fucking panther.

[hannibals-favourite-meal]

Y/N popping up out of nowhere: Are you reading fan fiction?

Tony, reading an article about extremely rare diseases: Wh- No.

Y/N: Oh, is it on AO3?

Tony: This is CNN.

Tony: I think you need to go back to therapy

Y/N: Ah beans

[1luna1lovegood1]

Harley: I dare you-

Tony: Peter is not allowed to accept dares anymore.

Harley: Why not?

Peter, air quoting the first part: "I have no regard for my own or others personal safety", as some would say.

[ironrad]

Morgan crying:

Peter: What’s wrong Maguna?

Morgan: Dad said you’re about to turn 20

Peter confused:

Morgan crying harder: Spiders can ONLY live up to 20 years

Peter: Awe, it’ll be fine. I’m not really a spider.

Peter frantically whispering to Tony: it’ll be fine, right?

Tony shrugging: I’m not a biologist.

Peter sweating profusely:

[longmanethamarauder]

Steve: Hey everyone, happy Thanksgiving

Y/n: Shhhh

Steve confused: Um, are we keeping Thanksgiving a secret this year?

Y/n: No dad, we’re playing this new game I learned at school. Basically you have to name all of the states in 6 minutes

Steve: What, that’s insanely easy

Y/n: Yeah, it’s a lot harder than it sounds. You always forget at least one or in some cases *looks at Pietro* 14

Pietro: It’s a stupid game and I wasn’t playing against anyone so technically I didn’t lose

Steve: Pietro, you forgot 14 states?

Pietro: Nobody cares about the Dakotas!

Steve: I just taught you the states yesterday

*The timer rings*

Y/n: Okay time’s up

Tony: I got 48

Y/n: Oh that’s not bad. Peter?

Peter: Yeah, I got tired of naming states so I decided to name the types of celery. And I have 1 type of celery

Tony: *confused and worried dad*

Y/n: Ok, Uncle Tony has 48 and Peter has the lead...in veggies. Wanda?

Wanda slams her notepad on the table: Say hello to the new champ of Y/n’s dumb states game.

Steve: Wow, how many you got?

Wanda smiling: 56

Steve: *fed up that now he has to teach Wanda and Pietro the states AGAIN*

[marvel-lous-guy]

Tony: Hey, quit eating so much cake! You already ate a whole ice cream cake 2 hours ago!

Peter: So?

Tony: eating too much cake is the sin of gluttony

Peter: You're on your 3rd cherry pie!

Tony: eating too much pie is okay

Peter: Oh yeah, how?

Tony: Because the sin of Pi is always zero

Peter: *softly* holy shit. Mr Starks a genius

[peter-parkers-left-pinky]

Tony: Hi, could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire??

Peter: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔

Y/n: Why were you microwaving a lemon???

Peter: I read boiling lemons helps cover up up bad smells (I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges) but I didn't own any pots.

Natasha: Did you burn an orange too? How???

Peter: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔