#incorrect tony stark
1luna1lovegood1 · 8 months
Peter: *sneaking into his room wearing spidersuit at 5 am*
May, sitting on peter's desk: excuse me whERE WERE YOU?
Peter: I was working with Mr Stark!
Tony, turning on the light: Try again.
3K notes · View notes
ironrad · 3 months
Tony: Pete, if you could be any animal, other than a spider, which would you choose?
Peter without hesitation: A Jellyfish Turritopsis Dohrnii.
Tony: That’s oddly specific.
Peter: They are the only known biologically immortal animal. Meaning if we were all Jellyfish Turritopsis Dohrnii we could just vibe in the ocean together.
Tony remembering Peter’s attachment issues:
Tony immediately pulling him into a hug:
Peter: Um?
Tony sniffling: I would love to “vibe” as a jellyfish with you, buddy.
Peter: :)
2K notes · View notes
auroraromaximoff · 2 months
Y/n: Thank god you're here babe, we're totally outnumbered !
Nat: What do you mean?
Wanda: Straight people!
Nat: Oh, God
Tony: *drunk* HoW dArE YoUu !
Tumblr media
2K notes · View notes
marvel-lous-guy · 2 months
Peter: when you ask for someone's name, you're essentially asking them what noise you should make to get their attention
Tony: Kid, what the fuck?
Harley: we should ditch names. You can get my attention by making the squeal of a bat bathing in cranberry juice on the night of a full moon.
Tony: ...
Peter: *viciously squeaks*
Harley: yes?
Peter: you wanna get pizza?
Harley: absolutely
1K notes · View notes
Natasha: это все твоя вина
Y/n, sighing: Yeah, i know
Tony: You speak russian?
Y/n: No, i just know the phrase "this is all your fault" in every language she speaks
3K notes · View notes
marvelflame2010 · 4 months
Peter: *comes to the compound after school*
Tony: Hey underroos, how was school?
Peter: I have a list of 100 words to learn Mr. Stark
Y/n: Wow, that’s only 92 more than you know now
Peter: *shocked*
Shuri who was visiting: *dying of laughter*
Steve: Y/n Sarah Roger-Barnes
Y/n: What? He made fun of my jacket, I make fun of his vocabulary. 
Bucky: Look at it this way pal. At least she didn’t use violence
Y/n: Yeah! What Pops said. 
Steve: *slaps his palm on his face*
1K notes · View notes
underoooos · 7 months
May : So you're like the therapist for the whole team?
Peter : Mmm kinda
May : Who's your therapist then?
Peter, holding up a small pebble : Well I talk to this rock sometimes
2K notes · View notes
natsskydivingcrew · 4 months
Vision: You are supposed to bang your fist against mine.
Steve: Why?
Vision: I am told it is a widely accepted gesture for mutual success.
Tony: I love it when you two impersonate human beings
621 notes · View notes
incorrectpeterparker · 5 months
Peter: On Halloween, we dress like skeletons, but in reality, the skeletons dress like us.
Tony: I worry about you.
731 notes · View notes
azerishi · 9 months
Peter: Mr. Stark, look! I found this really cool cat, but they looked so sad and so I kinda took them with me so they can eat and now I think I've gotten attached and I really want to keep it.
Tony, on the verge of an aneursym: Peter–Peter, that's a fucking panther.
1K notes · View notes
Y/N popping up out of nowhere: Are you reading fan fiction?
Tony, reading an article about extremely rare diseases: Wh- No.
Y/N: Oh, is it on AO3?
Tony: This is CNN.
Tony: I think you need to go back to therapy
Y/N: Ah beans
758 notes · View notes
1luna1lovegood1 · 8 months
Harley: I dare you-
Tony: Peter is not allowed to accept dares anymore.
Harley: Why not?
Peter, air quoting the first part: "I have no regard for my own or others personal safety", as some would say.
2K notes · View notes
ironrad · 3 months
Morgan crying:
Peter: What’s wrong Maguna?
Morgan: Dad said you’re about to turn 20
Peter confused:
Morgan crying harder: Spiders can ONLY live up to 20 years
Peter: Awe, it’ll be fine. I’m not really a spider.
Peter frantically whispering to Tony: it’ll be fine, right?
Tony shrugging: I’m not a biologist.
Peter sweating profusely:
2K notes · View notes
longmanethamarauder · 4 months
Steve: Hey everyone, happy Thanksgiving
Y/n: Shhhh
Steve confused: Um, are we keeping Thanksgiving a secret this year?
Y/n: No dad, we’re playing this new game I learned at school. Basically you have to name all of the states in 6 minutes
Steve: What, that’s insanely easy
Y/n: Yeah, it’s a lot harder than it sounds. You always forget at least one or in some cases *looks at Pietro* 14
Pietro: It’s a stupid game and I wasn’t playing against anyone so technically I didn’t lose
Steve: Pietro, you forgot 14 states?
Pietro: Nobody cares about the Dakotas!
Steve: I just taught you the states yesterday
*The timer rings*
Y/n: Okay time’s up
Tony: I got 48
Y/n: Oh that’s not bad. Peter?
Peter: Yeah, I got tired of naming states so I decided to name the types of celery. And I have 1 type of celery
Tony: *confused and worried dad*
Y/n: Ok, Uncle Tony has 48 and Peter has the lead...in veggies. Wanda?
Wanda slams her notepad on the table: Say hello to the new champ of Y/n’s dumb states game.
Steve: Wow, how many you got?
Wanda smiling: 56
Steve: *fed up that now he has to teach Wanda and Pietro the states AGAIN*
436 notes · View notes
marvel-lous-guy · 2 months
Tony: Hey, quit eating so much cake! You already ate a whole ice cream cake 2 hours ago!
Peter: So?
Tony: eating too much cake is the sin of gluttony
Peter: You're on your 3rd cherry pie!
Tony: eating too much pie is okay
Peter: Oh yeah, how?
Tony: Because the sin of Pi is always zero
Peter: *softly* holy shit. Mr Starks a genius
845 notes · View notes
Tony: Hi, could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire??
Peter: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔
Y/n: Why were you microwaving a lemon???
Peter: I read boiling lemons helps cover up up bad smells (I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges) but I didn't own any pots.
Natasha: Did you burn an orange too? How???
Peter: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔
988 notes · View notes