wassitmean - Tumblr blog

[wassitmean]

[wassitmean]

You ever wake up and feel like you aren’t the person you were yesterday? Like a stranger in your own skin? Like I’m sure I was more patient and loved this thing and do the stars not shine as bright today or is that just the latest me?

Who am I today? Other than a paradox to who I was yesterday?

I am, if nothing else, always a little tired.

(I hope to wake up tomorrow as someone new.)

[wassitmean]

sometimes, I think of hearts and souls and the spaces in between and I think to myself... ‘hello, you. That’s where you belong. Come join me when you can. I’ll be waiting... take your time, my dear, there’s no rush. I’ll still be here... I promise’.

[wassitmean]

You ever look at the stars and wonder what they’re there for?

I bet stars don’t worry about such things...

We should all be stars, in our own way.

[wassitmean]

We don’t talk so much any more and as much as it breaks my heart I’m also a little glad.

Maybe she’s found someone better to occupy her time.

Maybe there is somebody who can look her in the eye, tell her what is real and who will not flinch when the urge to just hold her hand rises...

I miss her.

Watching her leave to a land I do not understand had my soul itself tearing in two and I walked for miles trying to repair it.

I miss her.

But I am not good for her.

I love her

[wassitmean]

Quiet frightens me. If we didn’t have music to fill it I worry I might have gone mad by now because my head is full of talk talk talk and I don't know why but there’s questions answers consequences all at once and I’d just like it to

hush...

[wassitmean]

i think we are made from the same space dust

[wassitmean]

I’m back to the point I was at 7 years ago where I wanted to die but this time even the thought of my friends and family grieving me doesn’t feel enough to keep me here and yet.. I’m still going.

But I’m petrified that the slightest thing will break me because I’m so tired and yet so close to that edge and if killing myself were painless I’d be long gone but I’ve never liked hurting.

I wanna live but.. I’m just so tired. I’m so so tired I want it all to stop and I’ve lost the reasons to keep going

[wassitmean]

Shit man I’m so sad

[wassitmean]

I get scared most days just thinking of seeing her again because I know now how hard it is to watch her leave...

[wassitmean]

The urge: kiss her:..

NB: not in the expectant way. Not in the ‘I anticipate more than this’ way. It’s the ‘kiss her like you are old and tired and it might be the last time’ sort of way.

‘Kiss her with every ounce of affection and warmth she makes you feel’ sort of way.

I do not seek anything more than her beside me and the ability to press my lips to her forehead and say ‘don’t worry, I have you.. it’s okay’.

I want her to feel safe and secure in the knowledge that I am there and I love her and I need nothing more that her smile..

[wassitmean]

[wassitmean]

[wassitmean]

[wassitmean]

if i drink i’ll miss her but at least tomorrow i’ll forget i ever did…

[wassitmean]

i woke up this morning to her laid beside me, breathing gently and when she woke too, she eased just a little closer to talk in almost-whispers and her hair was wild and the sleep was good and when she was told it was time to go she rested her head against my chest and i stroked her hair just a couple times and man i wish i’d had the guts to just say.. “y’know, i think this is kinda nice..”

[wassitmean]

sometimes she laughs so hard she snorts and if you mention it she just laughs harder and idk i just really like to point it out to her whenever i can...