wheres-the-fecking-pie
wheres-the-fecking-pie
Account Abandoned For Forseeable Future
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Edward 23 they/he/it
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wheres-the-fecking-pie · 3 years ago
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Pat and the Captain seek comfort in each other in the wake of Mary’s departure. (Major spoilers for Series 4. Post-Episode 4x04 ‘Gone Gone’.)
Happy Halloween - here’s a new PatCap fic!
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wheres-the-fecking-pie · 3 years ago
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Captain trying to flirt with Pat
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wheres-the-fecking-pie · 3 years ago
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I would give anything for a NSFW Alphabet with Viago. ❀
18+
Hope you like it!
——
Aftercare - Viago would be very sweet, making sure you were okay and giving you lots of kisses. If you were human he’d get you a drink of water and maybe a snack. If you’re a vampire sometimes you’d share a feed afterwards.
Body part - Viagos favorite part or your body is your hands. He loves to kiss your knuckles and hold your hands during sex. He loves your hands on his body, anywhere really, he just loves your hands.
Cum - I think he might be a little shy at first but loves to see you covered in his cum, your face, your back, your belly. He just loves to know that you are his.
Dirty secret - If you’re human I think he secretly really likes the idea of feeding on you during sex, but being a clumsy feeder as he his, he doesn’t want to hurt you or scare you.
Experience - Viago is a vampire, he might seem a little shy but he definitely knows what he’s doing. He’s had a lot of time to practice after all.
Favourite position - Any position as long as he can see your face. He loves to kiss you and watch your face as you cum for him.
Goofy or serious - I think he’d be serious enough but definitely isn’t afraid to giggle with you during.
Hair - He’s definitely well groomed and it just makes you love his messy sex hair all the more, especially when you get to run your fingers through it when you cuddle after.
Intimacy - Very romantic! Likes to make everything perfect for you. Will light candles and play some nice music to set the mood and gives you lots of compliments.
Jack off - Before the two of you were together Viago would definitely jerk off imagining you were there with him, imagining it was your hand instead. You definitely heard him a couple times too.
Kink - I feel like he’d be into wax play and blood play speaks for itself. Loves to praise you, is a soft Dom, cumplay. Wasn’t sure at first as he didn’t want to hurt you but you convinced him to spank you and he was surprised how much he enjoyed it too, absolutely loves the noises you make.
Location - He likes to do it in his room so he can make it all nice for you and set the atmosphere.
Motivation (what turns him on) - This man is a slut and is so in love with you, I really don’t think it’d take much for you to get him all riled up.
No (turnoffs) - Bad manners, he’s very much a gentleman.
Oral - Loves both giving and receiving. He is very good with his tongue. He will take his time kissing your inner thighs and getting you all riled up before giving you what to do desperately need. When receiving he likes to pet your hair and tell you how good you feel, he’s loud and the whole house will likely know when he’s getting some. Loves to cum on your face.
Pace - Usually likes to make it slow and sensual, take his time with you. However on occasion he has slipped control and railed you into next week and you loved every second of it.
Quickie - He doesn’t usually like quickes as he likes to make everything perfect for you as you deserve. However there have been times when you’ve gotten him desperate enough and he’s pulled you into the nearest empty room to have his way with you.
Risk (will he take risks) - He is more than happy to experiment but if you are human he will not risk hurting you.
Stamina - Being a vampire, he has plenty of stamina and is happy to go as many rounds as you want.
Toys - You were surprised that in all his years he hadn’t tried any toys so you were very excited to buy some to experiment with. He takes a particular liking to anything that vibrates and loves the way it makes you squeal.
Unfair (does he like to tease) - Loves to tease you but does it ever so sweetly. Loves to make you beg but doesn’t take long to give in, he loves you too much to keep you waiting too long and loves to make you feel good.
Volume - He tries not to be too loud but rarely succeeds, often the whole house can hear.
Wild card (random headcannon) - Idk why but Viago has nipple piercings I’ve decided.
X-day (what he looks like under his clothes) - perfect skin, toned, little bit of body hair, surprisingly big dick.
Yearning (how is his sex drive) - Before he met you his sex drive was never that strong but since he met you you’re all he can think about and he can’t get enough.
Zzz (how quick do they go to sleep afterwards) - If you’re a vampire you probably won’t sleep afterwards but if you are human he will lie with you whilst you sleep, hold you close and whisper sweet nothings.
————
I wrote this whilst I am away so I hope it’s not too bad đŸ„°
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wheres-the-fecking-pie · 3 years ago
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Loving your Homelander story
Thank you! Glad you like it 😁
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wheres-the-fecking-pie · 3 years ago
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Blue Part 2/?
Homelander x reader
CW: Again it’s Homelander so...
Notes: not actually sure where Iïżœïżœm going with this lol enjoy
____________
The view from Vought Tower wasn’t what you expected, far too grey for your newly coloured world. You watched the tiny people on the street bellow with your head resting against the window from where you sat.
“You’re not gonna sulk all day are you?”
You turned to glare at your captor wordlessly.
“Come, I have good news” Homelander took a seat on the sofa and patted the spot next to him expectantly. Hesitantly you rose from your seat to join him, making an effort to keep as much space between you as possible. Your jaw clenched as he moved up until your knees were almost touching.
“I got you a present” he pulled a box out from under the sofa and placed it on your lap. Dumbfounded and a little nervous you stared for a moment before pulling the ribbon loose and lifting the lid.
————
“Pick up, pick up, pick up!” Hughie paced y/n’s apartment anxiously, glancing around at the mess strewn about the place, furniture knocked over, the coffee table in splinters... He followed the broken glass with his eyes until they found the two scorch marks burned into the wall about an eyes width apart.
“Hughie-“
“He has them! Homelander, he has y/n!”
“What-“
“I’m at their place. I know I said I wouldn’t but butcher the place is a mess, there’s glass everywhere, a hole burned in the wall he-“ Hughie paused, taking a moment to compose himself “we have to help them”
The line was silent for a moment, “they’re where they belong”
The younger man shook his head, “I know you don’t mean that. Butcher they’re our friend...”
Another silence followed by a sigh, “meet me back at base”
—————
You turned to Homelander quizzically, holding the fabric of the expensive looking outfit between your fingers.
“It’s for the conference tomorrow, the public are going to be delighted! Their hero finally found his soulmate”
“What?!” You stood backing up from the sofa, “no no no, you might have me locked up here but if you think you can just parade me around...”
“I will do whatever I want” he rose from the sofa “I’m the fucking Homelander! You should be grateful to have me as your soulmate!”
Your jaw clenched even tighter as your fists balled at your sides “You might be my soulmate but you mean nothing to me!”
You moved to get past him but were halted by a tight grip on your bicep.
He scoffed, “do I need to remind you who the fuck you’re talking to?” He didn’t raise his voice but the anger was radiating off him, “you might be my soulmate but I’m the fucking Homelander and you will show me some respect”
You tried to pull away but his grip only tightened and you winced in pain.
“What do you say?” He pressed
You frowned for a moment and his grip tightened once more forcing an “I’m sorry!” from your lips as you prayed that that’s what he was looking for.
“I’m sorry, who?”
Your face heated up in a mixture of anger and embarrassment as finally you forced yourself to properly look at him, “Homelander, Sir”
He smiled thinly and released your arm, you were quick to distance yourself rubbing the soreness from your bicep.
It was then the door opened and a red haired lady stood with a clipboard, shifting anxiously from foot to foot.
“Homelander sir, we’ve got a situation, we could really use your help”
Homelander sighed, giving you one last look before turning to join the woman and soon you were alone. Sighing shakily you turned back to the window hoping that maybe Billy still cared enough to come and save you...
————
So I got writers block and this took ages, I hope it’s not too bad â˜ș
Tag list: @writteninthestars288 @milleca
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wheres-the-fecking-pie · 3 years ago
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Would I be able to be tagged when you upload the next part of your Homelander story?? I’m in love!
Yeah sure! I was meant to upload it last night but it should be up today. I’m glad you enjoyed it 😁
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wheres-the-fecking-pie · 3 years ago
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Part 2 will be up tomorrow!
Your Homelander story is so good!!! I can already tell it’s going to be wonderful â˜șâ˜șâ˜ș
Thank you so much!!! I’m hoping to get part 2 up soon â˜șâ˜șâ˜șâ˜ș
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wheres-the-fecking-pie · 3 years ago
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Your Homelander story is so good!!! I can already tell it’s going to be wonderful â˜șâ˜șâ˜ș
Thank you so much!!! I’m hoping to get part 2 up soon â˜șâ˜șâ˜șâ˜ș
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wheres-the-fecking-pie · 3 years ago
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wheres-the-fecking-pie · 3 years ago
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wheres-the-fecking-pie · 3 years ago
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Blue
Part 1
Homelander x gn!reader
Summary: Soulmate AU where you only see colour once you meet your soulmate.
Disclaimer: Homlander is awful, I don’t condone any of his actions, I just enjoy him as a character.
Content warning: I mean it’s Homelander and the boys I think that’s warning enough.
Apologies for any typos.
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You froze as the world burst into colour around you. You’d been fighting with the boys for so long to take this prick down but now he was standing in front of you and his eyes were blue...
Your mind was racing a mile a minute, telling you to do something, anything! You were supposed to take him down, this wasn’t the plan! However you weren’t the only one who’d faltered, the supe who moments ago had been ready to kill you all now simply stood there, staring and looking not unlike a lost little boy. His mouth opened as if to say something before falling shut.
“What are you waiting for?!” Billy practically screamed from somwhere behind you, you’d almost forgotten they were there. Energy still crackled at your fingertips but your arms had fallen to your sides.
Homelander’s eyes seemed to search yours for something, an answer maybe. Then, as if nothing had happened, he was gone. The ground shook with the force of his takeoff and you were left staring at the space he had been.
You stumbled back, legs almost giving out beneath you. You startled when Butcher grabbed your shoulders, turning you to face him.
“What the fuck was that?!”
You only stared at him as you desperately tried to peace together what just happened. Glancing around at your friends expectant faces you almost wished the answer would jump out at you.
“Well?!”
You blinked, a thousand things running through your head, but when you opened your mouth all you managed was
“Blue...”
_____
Billy had barely looked at you since it happened, even Hughie looked at you wearily. You sat at the back of the hideout glaring at the floor. How could this have happened? Why him? After everything he’s done it had to be some cruel joke.
You kept your eyes focused on the floor, not looking up as Hughie took a seat next to you, you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. Butcher was right after all, if Homelander was your soulmate, what did that make you? You were suprised he hadn’t kicked you out immediately, he had every right to.
“So uh... Hey”
You didn’t answer and an awkward silence fell over you.
“You know, maybe the universe is wrong” Hughie tried a second time, doing his best to comfort you.
A heavy sigh left your lungs, “ The universe is never wrong. You saw his face, he could see it too, the colour” you rubbed your hands over your face with another sigh, “I’d always thought that if I did have a soulmate, it would be a special moment, fuck that I guess. Butcher is right to hate me”
“Y/N, he doesn’t hate you, he’s just...”
“It’s okay Hugh, I get it. If Homelander is my soulmate, what does that make me huh?” You stood, “I should leave”
“No!” Hughie rose quickly grabbing hold of your arm “don’t leave, please, you don’t have to leave”
“Yes they do” Billy dropped your bag heavily at your feet, “get out”
“Butcher-“ Hughie started.
“Only kept a supe like you ‘round coz you were useful” Billy spat leaning closer, “but you’re just like the rest of ‘em. Piss off!”
“Butcher!”
“No he’s right” you bit your lip, holding back the tears, “I’ll go”
You took your bag and left the building in a rush, soon finding yourself on the streets with no idea what you should do. The lights were bright, brighter than before, the neon signs felt blinding. The shop windows popped with colour, and every billboard in sight was plastered with those blue eyes and pearly white smile. It made you sick.
Eventually you found yourself back at your apartment for the first time in a while, a thick layer of dust coated the surfaces. You flopped down on the sofa, half expecting a plume of dust to erupt from the cushions with the weight of it. Your head felt heavy against the back of the sofa, there was a million things you should be doing, should be worrying about but right now all you wanted to do was sleep, to get away from it all.
“Nice Place”
You leapt from the sofa with a barely stifled shriek, instinctively taking your fighting stance as energy burst into your palms.
“C’mon, none of that, you know it’s pointless”
You glared as Homelander strolled through your living room entirely unbothered as if he lived there. Hesitantly, you let the energy fizzle away, he was right. The only reason you stood a chance earlier was because you had the element of surprise, right now you had nothing.
Your voice was tight, “what do you want?”
“What do I want?” He frowned before letting out a half laugh that was more of a sharp exhale than anything, looking at you like you’d just asked the stupidest question ever “I want you of course,” he dropped the smile,
“My soulmate” ...
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wheres-the-fecking-pie · 4 years ago
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Freddy and sundrop headcannons
Helping a transmasc reader take their first T shot!
TW Needles
Shameless shelf indulgence to try get me out of my writers block
Freddy
You felt silly being so nervous about something you’d been waiting for for years, but needles had always freaked you out.
That’s why you were here, stood outside Freddy’s room, trying to find the courage to go inside.
Freddy has always been supportive of you though.
When you finally found the courage to ask him he was more than happy to help.
His hands are a bit big to actually administer the shot for you but he will hold your free hand and reassure you.
“Way to go superstar!” “So brave!” “You’re looking more handsome already!”
Once you’ve administered the shot and he’s checked you’re okay he will give you the biggest hug.
He’s so proud of you
Sundrop
Sundrop is absolutely overjoyed for you and very excited to help.
He rushes off to grab the doctors coat he wears if one of the children get hurt. “Weewooweewoo!”
He’s practicing bouncing off the walls as usual, the only time he’s still is when he very carefully administers the shot for you as if you were the most delicate thing on the earth.
He definitely applies a brightly coloured bandaid and probably even gives you a “great job” sticker or two... or ten.
“You were so brave! Here would you like some candy?! Or-or pizza?! I can get you pizza!”
He practically shovels handfuls of candy into your hands till they’re overflowing as he babbles about how amazing you are.
Eventually, to calm him down, you pull him into a hug and place a kiss on his nose.
He lets out a little “oh” before hugging you back just as tightly.
“Thank you sunny”
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wheres-the-fecking-pie · 4 years ago
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Can no longer promise they’re coming soon because my brain works with all the grace of a reversing dump truck with no wheels.
Terribly sorry I feel really bad
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I promise they’re on their way 😭
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wheres-the-fecking-pie · 4 years ago
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I promise they’re on their way 😭
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wheres-the-fecking-pie · 4 years ago
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can you please write a sherlock x reader holiday fic where sherlocks parents meet the reader for the first time. just really fluffy and funny please :)) thank you in advance <33
Yep! I’ll add it to the list đŸ„°
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wheres-the-fecking-pie · 4 years ago
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Can i ask for a sheelock x daughter reader
Where sherlock is solving a serial killing case where all the victims are killed by a rare poison and he's dealing with it for a week already. Then on one of the crime scene he figured out moriarty is behind all of the killing. When moriarty found out that Sherlock knows it was him he made the reader the next victim and now sherlock only have 24 hours to get / make ( depend on you) the antidote for the poison or else the reader will die
It's up to you if you want to make the relationship of sherlock and the reader good or bad, but if possible please make it angsty and if you want to put a fluff that's ok.
Also if you don't want it to be a platonic father x daughter relation ship, then a simple sherlock x reader will do.
Thank you for your time❀
Oo i like this idea!! I shall get started on it! Thank you đŸ„°
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wheres-the-fecking-pie · 4 years ago
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Never Again
Sherlock x reader
Summary: Almost two years after TRF and you can no longer cope
Gender neutral reader!
TW: Strong suicidal themes but a happy ending.
Enjoy! I’m actually kinda proud of this one đŸ„°
———
There was a chill to the air atop St Barts, it numbed your shaking hands. The sky seemed to loom above you, it’s dreary tones pressing down upon your shoulders.
You took another step closer.
Looking to the side, you imagine Moriarty laying there, lifeless and bloody. Then you look down to the last place you’d been able seen the man you loved alive. You’d tried to get over your grief, for almost two years you’d tried. Listening to the public disgrace his name and then pretend to care again when they learned the truth. Being harassed by this new fan club of his, not to mention the media!
You’d been alone. Even John had left you and moved in with some woman. Mrs Hudson, bless her, she’d tried her best and Greg popped round a few times but without Sherlock it all seemed pointless.
Another step. Your penultimate step. The ground swayed beneath you as you looked down at the cars dragging themselves through the street, then again at the pavement you and John had been standing on when it happened.
A strong breeze blew your hair from your face, his coat billowing behind you like it had done once before. A perfect emulation, almost. You closed your eyes, slowly raising your arms at your side and simply breathing, enjoying the cities melancholy song one last time. The mixture of sounds faded into the background as you exhaled. This was it. Time to take the fall.
Y/N
You’d thought you’d miss 221b but it hadn’t been home in a long time.
Y/N!
You thought of John one last time, you hoped he’d be happy in his new life. He might have left but he was still dear to you and Sherlocks loss had almost broken him. But mostly you thought of Sherlock. The consulting detective. You’d never been one to believe in heaven but you hoped that perhaps you were going to see him again. You almost smiled. Almost.
“Y/N!”
Your eyes opened. You didn’t turn. You didn’t even respond. You lifted one foot, hovering over the edge.
“Please Y/N, get down from there”
You’d never heard Mycroft sound so ... urgent.
“Let me help you”
“Mycroft...” you breathed shakily. You wanted to believe he could help you but he couldn’t, only Sherlocks return could do that.
He moved closer “Y/N”
You tried to block him out, it was too late to change your mind.
“He wouldn’t want this...”
You shook your head, angrily fighting off the oncoming tears.
“I can’t” you gasped, your voice was tight and broken, “please”. You weren’t sure if you were pleading for death or rescue at this point but you did know that the elder homes brother was right. Sherlock wouldn’t want this.
The ball in your throat felt heavy enough to split skin. Reaching your hand out behind you, you felt glued to the spot. The moments before contact felt like an eternity but when his hand finally grasped yours gravity returned to you all at once, buckling your knees as he helped you back off the edge.
Your shoulders shook with the effort of your sobs while Mycroft did his best so be comforting. You could hear him speaking softly to you but you weren’t listening. Your world was crumbling yet again with no way out.
Oh Sherlock, what have we done?
Eventually you stopped crying and just sat there in Mycrofts arms, slumped against his chest and exhausted.
“You need to come with me”
You simply nodded and let him lead you away, down through St Barts to one of his expensive looking cars. With your head pressed against the cool glass of the window you watched the city pass you buy, blurred by the rain drops that clung to it. The hum of the engine could be heard ever so slightly. You didn’t know where you were going and you didn’t care. You could have sat in this car for the rest of eternity and never felt a thing. But eventually the journey came to an end as they always do and you followed Mycroft into a building and through many halls until you arrived at a door.
He stopped and turned to you, hesitant, “Y/N, I-“ he paused “well” he opened the door and you followed him inside.
As you ventured further into the room a familiar voice sounded from near by “Mycroft!” but it couldn’t be “how much longer must we wait? It was my understanding that-“ he stopped when he saw you “oh”
Sherlock...
A heavy silence fell over the room. There he was, alive .. breathing... looking at you. You didn’t know what to think, you couldn’t think clearly if you tried. The anticipation was thick and the very air seemed to be holding its breath.
“Y/N...”
A small cry left your mouth at the sound of his voice, your name, the air swallowed it to silence.
“Y/N I-“
“Shut up” you cut him off and pulled him into your embrace and buried your face in chest. He held you tight and you cried silently, clinging to him with such intensity as if he might disappear the moment you let go.
You looked up at him, hands still fisted in his shirt. There were tears in his eyes.
“Two years Sherlock I- I was gonna- I almost...”
You turned to look at Mycroft who was also looking rather guilty as he turned his eyes to the ground. You wanted to be angry, you wanted to be furious. You wanted to scream at them until your lungs gave out but you couldn’t, because he was here, he was alive and he was back and oh god how you’d missed him. You’d missed the violin at 1am and the eyeballs in the fridge, you’d missed his smile and the way he held you and that face he makes when he’s thinking. The way his eyes light up when all the clues piece together. You’d missed him.
“Never again”
“No, never again”
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