winlessfights

[winlessfights]

i’m a deep breath until you realize i choke you

you hold your friend’s hand at cafe meetings

i watch you with a cigarette in my hand

silent home sittings

do you want to leave or stay

i’ll never understand

i closed the door but never locked it

are you sure i’m really what you wanted?

big words are full empty

do you still think the same about me?

we sit there and stare at the big silence hanging

i’m not worth waiting for

you packed your things and left

i followed you until the end

my screams were so silent

and your silence was too loud

i said the last word and you left me behind

i don’t want you now

[winlessfights]

you left a stain in my soul

i can’t remember how my life was before

i need a couple of months to get over this

then i can forget how fucked up it feels

and i can love you all over again

we can sit on your big couch and hate the world

i heard you’re sober now,

is this because of her?

now we swapped roles, and live in different worlds

i can’t bear my thoughts without a drink

or two or five

i need more of it cause i don’t have you by my side

it used to be the two of us,

where are you now?

[winlessfights]

at the tables of different cities

i cursed your name

they said “good riddance”

i hated to think about you that way

late mornings and midnight walks

now i’m gone and i hope you can find your way out

you say i’m just like you but you know i’m not

i was overwhelmed by your dark clouds and i still stayed

you sat on my couch, talked about things i hate

i held your hand

and distracted you from the dark room you just got out

i knew you were here just because of the boredom

you tried to hit me where it hurt the most

it was the last day i saw him

now i say good riddance

[winlessfights]

when i’m high,

i live nine endless lives

he hates to see me in these flashing lights

told me to leave while hiding my stuff

i love him so

we kiss after the fights

he knows how to make me laugh in these endless nights

deep fucking breaths, i got it right

he’s stuck with me, watching the sunlight

[winlessfights]

lost him back there in his dark room,

where we used to suffocate

held on to him in days of gloom,

he pushed me away

told me not to wait for someone like him

but all i hear is

the beat of my heart and the sound of his cracking ribs

he bled his arms and knees,

didn’t let me give him a last kiss

now i feel like i’m worth nothing

not worth a place to sleep

not worth a love to keep

[winlessfights]

this feeling knocks on my door

it hits me, pushes me to the floor

i’m howling in pain, everyone knows

the leading actor in my nightmares, my worst regret

you are holding my hand

dancing with me right at the edge of a cliff

you know how to disappear by flying away

and i know nothing

[winlessfights]

nothing could change your orbit

once you decided to leave

you wanted to touch the parts you made me bleed

now i’m crying like a child

lost my baby, lost the light

i miss the big tree leaning towards your window

i miss staring at it, eyes half closed

now i’m in bed alone,

just woke up from a dream you hadn’t been gone

[winlessfights]

do you want us to stay in your room and stare at our wounds forever?

we lay on the floor, both praying for something

mine was seeing you sober

i stayed till you decided it had to be over

i felt our end was coming

you told me to leave while your arms were wide open

and i can’t live that all again

your finger pointed at me, accusing me of being insane

and i admit how i fell for almost nothing

you let me held you, waited for the perfect time

told me you loved me, what a perfect lie

i hope you understand what you did this time

cause i try to touch you while i’m sleeping,

no one’s there

finding myself on the floor again

throwing your things away,

i wish i could find a way

to make you stay

[winlessfights]

my bright light will heal me,

your darkness will kill you

i was so in love with every little thing you had

why did everything turn so sad?

you left me and what am i supposed to do now?

two weeks passed, i feel so clean

i’m no longer trying to understand what you mean

by the words coming from your snow tasted mouth

and you should know

what goes around comes around

[winlessfights]

another revenge

another game you played

you seated me to the front row

face turned to the crowd

no one’s applauding,

no one’s laughing anymore

what the hell was that for?

people looked at your face and ran away

but i was in your bed,

couinting your breaths

i was in your house,

patting your back while you were coughing up blood

and i was still just a game you played

and you chose to stab me anyway

[winlessfights]

you made my mind so full

and my thoughts all blurry

my friends told me to leave you

i can’t, i’m sorry

slowly,

am i losing the best parts of me?

is there a spell on me? i can’t put anything except you in my poetry

i think about you all the time

your name is always in my mind

when you’re gone your absence hangs around

i want everyone to be convinced that this is not something temporary

sometimes i wish i’d never been in your bar on the 23rd february

then i know i wouldn’t be me

[winlessfights]

you told me about the times you were shining so bright

but i loved you with your broken knuckles, bruised arms

i loved how rotten you were

like me

then months passed,

you found ways to heal yourself

and all of a sudden,

i was just an old book on the shelf

i was just a burden from your past

when i was longing for you, you told me about others

my warm heart got beaten

pretending has ended,

now how are you feeling?

[winlessfights]

I punched glasses and walls, it didn’t matter

we fought in the street and later you chose to call her

it sucks to still have this anger

I hold it too deep

I need to breathe

don’t know how

how many more sunrises do I need to forget your shadow

it was a pretty secret, really all that I wanted

but now they all know

how fucked up we turned out

I packed my bags,

and I will make sure my face is recognized by everyone

they all ask you about me, you have to tell them she’s gone

I’ll be strong and won’t have any problems with how you never loved me

a war of two—

I already knew

that you’d win

[winlessfights]

smoke of our lost dreams

i eat and swallow my feelings

i hate the voice of his screams

light the fuse, burn the house i’m in

you know i always let you win

you know i always let you in

[winlessfights]

girl of my dreams

getting to know you made things worse

i read a book with a neon blue cover

it felt like us, both could have ended better

we met one breath away from a nightmare

i ran to you till i learned that i should’ve probably run from you

has it ever occurred to you

how well written your notes in class are

but how all your ideas about us are untrue?

you willingly destroyed an image of me with a look in my eye that whispers “i love you”

[winlessfights]

silence is sitting with us at the table

we missed the best parts of the show

no one’s calling us anymore

screams only come from the outside

and our windows are closed

it’s been years since i’ve heard my name from anyone’s lips

i’m getting old, hearing the crackling of my ribs

i promised i wouldn’t change

and i never did

i stayed the same

while you were out there

smiling at strangers, and drinking champagne

cuffs around my wrists

you talked about me with my old friends

and warned them about my pills,

am i the crazy one now?

[winlessfights]

such a boring story it was, laughter and purity were lost

the same old city met the girl who was not 18 anymore

a brief glimpse of scales, bleeding arms and frozen hearts,

what a good thing to know escaping can happen in minds

praying is no longer relieving and life made us breathless

the girl who dances with the wind needs to rest

she came from a very long way,

the water of the deep made her thoughts all blurry and wet

all the demons of her lying in a soft bed

still can be found in the room she left

with boxes of childhood memories, paper sticks with her father's writing "you have to succeed, or else..”