wooperoverlord

[wooperoverlord]

took a daytrip to a city I'm usually only in for a yearly convention. On the ride home now. Kind of feel sad now.

I learned about post-event sadness which does happen to me after cons and today as well. Things didn't quite live up to my expectations, I guess. I spent more money than I wanted to, in part because I kept getting stopped by people asking for money or food. And I'm not apathetic enough to just ignore and keep walking. I didn't get to eat katsudon like I wanted to because a homeless man asked me for money in front of the restaurant I was meaning to eat in and I gave him some of my coins but felt bad going inside because then it's obvious I have more money with me and I didn't want to get pressured into giving more. So I ended up hiding at the main station–after being approached two more times on the way there–in a fries shop eating the cheapest option. And when I wanted to leave so I could catch my train, I got approached again and ended up paying for a lady and who I presume was her pregnant adult daughter.

I think I ended up giving away around 40€ in total. And it's not like I have a lot of money either, I don't even have a job! I'm trying to sort through my emotions and I think there's some resentment like "why take from me? I don't have much either! Take from people who can give it away without worries or take it from social services!" and it's not that I just gave these people money or food from the goodness of my heart, I think. I was afraid that if I refused, they would be upset at me.

In the end, I try reminding myself that if these people really needed the money/food, then I did good today. And if they were scammers, then that says more about them than me.

[wooperoverlord]

Many things to think about in therapy... I have been improving in some areas and gaining insight on some of my behaviours and thought patterns but I still feel myself pulling away from friends and rotting in bed when I'm home

[wooperoverlord]

Deciding to just randomly keep a log of my clinic stay, can't promise on how many days I'll end up doing

Day 1:

I felt really nervous throughout the early day but I got through my schedule well for now. Tomorrow there's some more extra stuff but for the most part I'll start participating in the normal stuff. Still haven't talked much to anyone, some small talk with my roommate and some other patients but I still feel very skittish and out of depth. Spent pretty much all my downtime in my room and sneak across the hallways on my tip toes so no one hears me.

While my roommate was gone earlier, I took the time to hang up a poster I brought with me as well as the glow-in-the-dark stars. It's not a lot but that combined with the two plushies I took with me, at least gives my part of the room some character and comfort.

I heard the patients like to sit on the hallway and play games in the evening. I'm considering joining them to perhaps get to know some of them but I also feel like just enjoying some quiet time since it is my first day. Maybe another day.

[wooperoverlord]

On my way to an at-least-8-week clinic stay..... hope everything goes well, my stomach is nervous for me

[wooperoverlord]

Final Verdict: they're good :D I did accidentally drop a piece of egg shell way at the beginning and when I took the first bite I IMMIDEATELY got the egg shell LMAOOOO ate a 2nd muffin and I'm waiting for the rest of them to cool off completely before I can pack them up

Told myself I was gonna bake muffins on Christmas Eve, made sure I had all the ingridients, a muffin form, etc. Day comes and I'm like

"I'll do it after breakfast"

"I'll do it in the afternoon"

"I'll do it in the evening"

Its almost 10pm and I realise "if I don't make them now, the whole thing is just gonna repeat tomorrow."

I pray my neighbors won't be too bothered by a hand mixer loudly mixing.

My oven is too small so I have to bake in two batches. First one is currently baking. Let's hope its gonna be good cuz I've never baked alone before either.

Merry Christmas.

[wooperoverlord]

The wooden stick said they're fine and I let the oven preheat for 30 minutes before baking the muffins for 15 minutes.... I hope they're good. The second batch is in.

Told myself I was gonna bake muffins on Christmas Eve, made sure I had all the ingridients, a muffin form, etc. Day comes and I'm like

"I'll do it after breakfast"

"I'll do it in the afternoon"

"I'll do it in the evening"

Its almost 10pm and I realise "if I don't make them now, the whole thing is just gonna repeat tomorrow."

I pray my neighbors won't be too bothered by a hand mixer loudly mixing.

My oven is too small so I have to bake in two batches. First one is currently baking. Let's hope its gonna be good cuz I've never baked alone before either.

Merry Christmas.

[wooperoverlord]

Told myself I was gonna bake muffins on Christmas Eve, made sure I had all the ingridients, a muffin form, etc. Day comes and I'm like

"I'll do it after breakfast"

"I'll do it in the afternoon"

"I'll do it in the evening"

Its almost 10pm and I realise "if I don't make them now, the whole thing is just gonna repeat tomorrow."

I pray my neighbors won't be too bothered by a hand mixer loudly mixing.

My oven is too small so I have to bake in two batches. First one is currently baking. Let's hope its gonna be good cuz I've never baked alone before either.

Merry Christmas.

[wooperoverlord]

There's so much pain that I want to write about but I've long grown numb to it so instead I am left with yearning to feel something

[wooperoverlord]

A friend of mine was looking for a term who's name he forgot but he remembered what it stood for. I had never heard of a specific term for what he was looking for so I copied his description into chatgpt and after suggesting the first thing it spit out, that one not being it and letting chatgpt dig deeper, it gave me another term, this time with sources!! I suggested that one to my friend and it ended up being what he was looking for!!

I feel like such a FRAUD lmao like, how dare I use AI... there's such an urge to admit that "yeah, haha, I got chatgpt to help me finding that info" but then I also feel embarressed because omg what if they judge me for it?? We're all artists so of course I will not be caught dead using/supporting generative AI that steals people's labor and work... but sometimes chatgpt helps me brainstorming... mostly with when I'm missing words or I need a name... I have asked it for help with picking colors for an outfit before but the results were mid

[wooperoverlord]

Trying to remember all the (nick-)names people have for me is harder than I thought lol like, after getting out my actual government names (aside from my 4th name that no one has ever used unironically for me) and my internet nickname that most online friends use for me, there's old nicknames used by family during childhood, some insiders...

Maybe I'm just grasping for straws seeing if I had more nicknames (we don't talk about the ones used to taunt me during my school days, I can laugh about it tho)

[wooperoverlord]

I'm sick and after messaging my counselor I wouldn't come in, I K.O.d again only to be woken up a few hours later by my neighbor forgetting his keys.... I'm not mad, I'm just very disoriented (°、。) The door rang this morning when I was trying to sleep but the speaker button wasn't blinking so I thought I imagined it. So when it rang again just now, I thought the same but then it rang again and the button lit up. I probably didn't look very awake when I opened the door for him lmao

[wooperoverlord]

the ending of oshi no ko makes me feel like I might actually motivate myself to write a fix-it-fic. Not an overarching one that fixes massive plotholes and whatnot,,,, but maybe Aqua surviving and Ruby being more honest.

And doing something about that random girl that is now a member of B Komachi, we don't even know hER NAME-

[wooperoverlord]

I just wrote a piece on my opinion about the ending of oshi no ko, misclicked and added a poll, accidentally only copied the last paragraph and then didn't save the draft before exit and reentering 😭

The world isn't ready for me actually having an opinion on media that I didn't copy from my peers

[wooperoverlord]

Why must the woman's body betray me... periods SUCK, I thought I got rid of those

[wooperoverlord]

Recently I've been getting more thoughts for the story that I will eventually maybe hopefully write. Mostly more key characters to add into the mix since the idea basically just started with the two protagonists

[wooperoverlord]

Started cleaning up the laundry in my bathroom

It definitely was overdue... I don't know how long I would've just ignored the pile of dusty old clothing if it wasn't for my counselor insisting on us cleaning up my apartment. When I picked up the stuff to put in a bag (because I decided that I've been ignoring these for over a year so I might as well just get rid of them), some of the stuff looked yellowed... and some bugs were crawling from under them. Yuck. I'm not looking forward to having to bag up the rest and whatever is below my sink and hidden by the ill-fitting mini cupboard that I haven't been using except as a table.

I can pat myself on the back for starting on my own now instead of waiting a few more days for my counselor to push me to do it but also whoops. I definitely underestimated how bad things can get if you just leave them on the floor and never clean up.

I felt like telling anyone; but also admitting to my friends that "hey, I finally started picking up my (probably rotting or molding) old clothes from the bathroom floor after leaving them there for over a year! Also there's maggots" is kinda weird.

[wooperoverlord]

I feel backed against the wall. I'm hanging down a cliff, neither trying to pull myself up nor letting go. Scared that people won't try catching me but hesitating on taking their hand.