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I've Been Found Part 1...

I'm not going to gloat with such a splendiferous love story...but I'm not sure if I can entirely hold back at this point. When they tell you that life finds a way and the universe tends to unfold as it should, well...its REAL. In the process of rebuilding myself and not looking specifically for anything I fell into something truly special that I myself never thought possible. The kind of stuff you see in movies basically and I can't even imagine life before it.

We spend a large majority of our lives being people that we truly aren't in order to make others happy (WRONG). Unbelievably so to myself I have been me more in the last four weeks than I have ever been in the last 17 years or more. There is nothing more pure than this feeling that I am so unacquainted with. I sat around wallowing for years, living in the past hoping for an impossible future with a seriously misconceived idea of what love really is. Well, in my not searching I stumbled upon the truth. Everything that I thought to be true prior has been debunked by a woman that only comes along once in a man's life. She showed up in my life and never ever left (God I hope she doesn't). They say "you don't know what you lost until its gone" well I've "paved that paradise and put up a parking lot" right next to an actual HOME which is where I've always wanted to be. Living in the present allows you to actually see the true beauty in this thing we call life, and I intend on seeing all of it!

To be continued...

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Real Talk...

I'll be honest this whole blogging thing is still a lot for me... Trying to continually tell you my story and what not is a lot, and sometimes I'm not so good at letting people in. The problem with all of that is you need those around you to help you through the hard stuff. Vulnerability is hard don't get me wrong but what's harder is the repercussions of not doing so. Take it from me I've been there done that and bought the t-shirt (literally) and most people don't know the ugly that comes from it. Being up front and honest with those closest to us opens up a world of opportunities that will surprise you. "A closed mouth never gets fed" -Blaze-

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Yeah I know...

I get it, its been longer than I had promised but that sounds like par for the course in most of my life (I'm still working on it don't kill me). You ever say things to those that are important to you in order to try your best at holding yourself accountable? Like having a weight loss buddy but you both have your cheat night at the bar crushing Tito's and greasy bar food? SOLID...I'm the king of that.

I never quite realized how much I did that over the years until recently. I told friends, girlfriend (singular), parents, bosses...anyone you can imagine similar DISTRUTHS. (I don't like the word LIES because it wasn't my intention to do that when I said it). See still can't fully own up to it! I'm working on it like I said. I never meant to hurt anyone in the process but I know I did and I'm working on it...I once was told how bad I was at lying and it blows my mind that I didn't get any better at it haha. The reality is those dumb little lies have been the death of a TON of great friendships and relationships I've had. Going forward the reality is telling the stupid truth is so much easier and less invasive to the rest of your life (even if you are a real piece of shit). Its not cool and its hurtful to her...I mean them...

The big thing I have learned is you'll never be able to do this properly until you can tell yourself the truth and own it. I've owned all sorts of great accomplishments (in my opinion they are), but I could never own up properly to my failures in life or my work. I definitely fell victim to a bit of gaslighting but that isn't the type of self-awareness you truly need to understand the most. If you're going through a similar battle within yourself as we speak, I hope you take the hard road and open up with yourself. Take that self hit on your own between you and your own brain and I promise you that's a good first step.

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Empathy or Destruction...

So it has definitely been longer than I had planned since my last blog but well...that's life. What used to be drinking has now been replaced with ibruprophen as my new best friend since I started this job (not abusing please don't worry). So when I said it was ironic about the name of my social media handles being similar to that manufacturing company in Switzerland well...I now work in a foundry. I spent the last twelve or so years in the automotive retail and service world managing stores, teams and handling day to day customer service PROBLEMS. I like to highlight the word PROBLEMS because that is what I feel the majority of the general public is these days. What happened to normal common courtesy and appreciation for someone trying to help you? I understand your frustration with your miserable situation but now I should be miserable with you? Empathy is a beautiful thing but can be poorly managed internally if not checked on regularly. I refused to have enough self awareness to understand how I was allowing these interactions to affect myself, and the relationships I had been barely clinging to at that point. Letting all these events (I will call them) control my mood resulted in some pretty nasty self-destructing coping mechanisms which led me to where I am today. Good and bad as you already know I am no longer in said miserable industry (trying not to be bitter is hard). Its going to sound really lame or cliché or whatever, but you really have to wake up every day and analyze what you are grateful for, even write it down to remind yourself throughout the day. Pick one thing a day your are going to do that gets you excited and maybe even breaks you out of that comfort zone (works for me). Letting yourself get caught up in all these things that are out of your control WILL drive you crazy and drive away those around you that you care about most. I'm going to cut it off at this point but I will keep the story running as anyone who knows me, I have no shortage of things to talk about.

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PSA!

Remember, old blogs you have to read from the bottom to start at the beginning! Thanks and enjoy :)

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Being the real you can be lonely...but not forever!

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"Can't even see that from space..."

Pretty hard to describe how all of this is going for me so far... On one hand I am loving the hobby of collecting baseball cards, ripping packs like its my job (damn I wish it was) and on the other, the social media and vlogging aspect is so so. The thrill of making the videos, adding music or effects, applying fun text and researching the best hashtags to make it visible to the most amount of people is awesome! However, all of it truly takes time and thoughtfulness to make sure you are putting out quality content that people can enjoy, which is where I am falling a bit short. The excitement of the posting and tracking viewers/analytics has gotten the best of me and I deviate from my strategy causing some weaker content, missed hashtags or links to the proper video. SLOPPY! This is quite new to me though as you all know so I'm working hard to keep learning as I bang on this keyboard boring you with my growing pains. Seriously though what is going on with this THREADS thing...?

I thought that making the videos, being on camera and trying to talk about a subject that in the grand scheme of things I still know very little about would be terrifying and I would never be able to fill the time. On my YouTube and TikTok I have two ten minute videos and one five minute video, all three I barely finished what I was saying or doing in time and I was shocked! Based on my lengthy blog posts I'm sure you're not surprised but I sure was. Due to some internal issues, I have for the most part lived in solitude for the last two years so for me, all this putting myself out there and talking about this to you would have been impossible a few months ago. When you get to the point of drinking as much as I did, everything in your life starts to fade away. You slowly stop answering phone calls, make excuses not to go to weddings or events with friends, you become distant with your family, and all because of that perfect little shiver followed by the goosebumps you get after that first drink touches the back of your throat. That moment where nothing else around you matters, that moment you looked forward to since the moment you got up in the morning. When you're at the point that you can't totally function, converse with friends or feel good without alcohol, you completely abandon your life outside of work and home (you only work to get more booze so you stop feeling sick).

I spent a good part of the last decade perched on a barstool trying to relive an impossible past acting like somehow I'd find it at the bottom of any one of those glasses. I drank when I was happy, I drank when I was sad, I cheers'd birthdays of people I didn't even know, I drank... I had a promising career in the automotive industry, built some great relationships in the big city, yet none of that was enough to get the life I wanted back. I always thought that I needed more, I had to make more money, drive a better car otherwise she/anyone else would never love me (that was all in my head by the way). This feeling drove me crazy to the point of restless nights where my mind would never shut down which means...Night cap(s)! When you get to that point your only hobbies are planning out your day so you can strategically drink enough to keep from getting sick to your stomach or shaking so bad you can't hold a cup of water without spilling. If you think that doesn't seem like much to look forward to well...its not, but when you're in it that deep, knowing there is a bottle waiting for you at home is like knowing you get to go to Vegas after work...STOKED!

Enough about the drinking though for now, I just wanted to give you a little back story to build on what I talked about in my last post. Get out of your comfort zone and just do it! Sign up for that class, make conversation with that person you find attractive on the street, buy that pack of baseball cards and don't get wrapped up with living in the past. Do something today that will lead to even better things for you tomorrow. Whatever it is that gets you excited just do it and don't worry what people will say or think because your passion is the only ice breaker you'll need! The videos I talked about earlier and all of my card content are on instagram @vonarx_ink and TiKTok @vonarxink I hope this gets even just one person a little pumped to try something they've always wanted to try this weekend.

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Where do I begin...

Hi all, just a heads up I had blogged for some classes in college back in the day but this will be the first time all on my own 8|... First off I'd like to address the name of all my content platforms being Von Arx Ink. I know what everyone is thinking and so far I've already had one person asking me if I'm a moron for not understanding the difference between Inc and Ink. Well the reality is Von Arx Inc. has already been taken by a company in Switzerland that does punch and die manufacturing (you will find out why this is kind of ironic later). I also figured that because the basis of all this WORK is content creation, writing and hopefully leaving a lasting effect on some of your lives, I felt as if INK was quite fitting.

I guess I have to start somewhere so here goes... Wednesday was Valentines day however, more importantly it was the release of the 2024 Topps Series 1 Baseball Cards. Now if any of you have known me in person over the last decade I've never spoken of or even entertained baseball card collecting so this is all new for me (aside from tearing through packs of cards as a little kid and storing them in binders with clear pocket page holders) hmmm maybe a do have a bit of background I guess. The reality is, in no official capacity have I ever collected cards. I just started doing this recently because I like the organization of it all, checking out the rookies, looking at stats but most of all, it has been another tool to keep my mind off drinking. We will get to the drinking issue more later on as I continue telling my story but I would like to talk about my experience of just getting into collecting cards.

Everyone at some point in their life has experienced the feeling of awkwardness and a lack of belonging. Most of us (myself especially) have shied away from opportunities in life and situations because of that feeling. Stepping out of your comfort zone can be a horrifying experience that I still struggle with sometimes today now with this VLOGGING stuff I'm trying to figure out. You can see on the second line of this post that I used the old school frightened/uneasy face emoji with the keyboard...yes I'm that old. Where I want to go with this is now starting to collect cards I am placed into this awkward situation again of not knowing anything about it/worrying what people will say when I try to buy some cards and some Ultra Pro Toploader sleeves (that's the technical term) which, without my frantic attempts at researching the hobby online prior to talking with anyone I would not have known that. For me, I did a little research and looked over some old cards I had laying around to understand the different brands of cards like Topps, Bowman, Upper Deck and Donruss along with learning a little about sets/variations (there are an insane amount of differences to know). However incredibly overwhelming this seemed I set out to find the shop that was going to have the new 2024 Topps Hobby sets available on release day 2/14/2024.

This was another difficult process for me contacting different card stores in the area about availability of a product/industry I knew nothing about, but I did it. We all settle into the things we are comfortable with like in my previous career with automotive service writing I was much more easily able to call customers with bad news regarding the current state of their vehicle because I knew the industry and the tactful ways to discuss this with the client in a smoother way. So I took the leap and finally found my card store in Green Bay Wisconsin called Green Bay City Cards. To my surprise, between the phone call and my experience in person actually purchasing my first larger hobby pack, the gentlemen were extremely kind and did not make me feel out of place. One of them even wished me luck before I left! Sometimes we build things up in our minds negatively so much so that we never take that leap of faith and experience something. Live life intentionally putting yourself in those positions as a growth opportunity. I hate to break it to you but, the more times that you get out of your comfort zone...you'll still feel uncomfortable. The difference is, once you get used to doing it more often and see it as an opportunity for growth rather than misery it becomes easier to control that feeling. Tonight I'm hoping I have time to open that pack and make a quick video about it (stepping out of my comfort zone again see) because I've honestly been chomping at the bit holding out to do it for my 20 viewers so far haha. You can check it out on my YouTube or TikTok @vonarxink to scare me into working harder at leaving my comfort zone.

Big thanks to Green Bay City Cards! @greenbaycitycards

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"Brick by brick, my fellow citizens, brick by brick" - Emperor Hadrian-