yousta

[yousta]

Hello peeps. Me and Thorn are switching accounts. She deleted hers but I'm keeping mine up. I'll be no longer posting under Yousta. I might still post in the yan/lovesick but it'll be under a different account. Farewell guys.

[yousta]

The wind of god is to my advantage,

you mutter about fucking and causing damage.

My light's not blinding it's brilliant,

Flying feeling fulfillment.

You are the truest religion

I won't accept any other vision

Any other given lacks precision

If you couldn't give a fuck

know the curse won't be forgiven

Mine listens

If no one else I see how your word glistens

I hear the sound of the stars

When I'm around you the world is ours

[yousta]

You get me so high, so high I can touch the sky.

I'm never left wondering questioning why.

You're the answer to my life.

Resolved me entirely as my wife.

Every day was all grey

I'll never forget how it ended so quick

Never knew it could be so majestic

Babe, you make the best pic

An image of love like a mirror but clearer

Best moment in my life

I'm still thinking so cute

Sweet like strawberries and fruit

[yousta]

I very much want to make new friends and break out of my shell. The people I know just make me feel so different, and I don't often feel like I'm being myself. I'm posting this here for anyone looking for a friend, I think I can be a pretty good one. I'm not very judgmental, and I tend to be a good guy. I can be pretty invested in people, too. So, if you're looking for a chatty online friend. Please let me know if you're interested by liking the post, and I'll shoot you a DM. This would be completely platonic as my heart and soul belong to @your-thorn

[yousta]

Being this way hasn't always been a good thing for me. I've just been sitting here reflecting back on how bad it was, actually. This is the only place I ever found understanding and love as funny as it is to say. Don't think I'm taking it too lightly because I spent years in misery. I just think that must not be very indicative of the average person's perspective of yan.

I follow a lot of people who post gore and other stuff, which is more typically considered yan. I almost find it ironic. How just about all of my insecurities about dating were solved by some blanket anime character trope/term.

Wait, what do you mean? I don't have to be afraid of ghosting or cheating, and the only trade-off is I might be kidnapped and held for my love forever? That still sounds better to me lol. Just please don't leave me alone another second. If yandere existed on a dichotomy with fuck boys and hoes. I'd be leaning yan every time I swear.

A lot of people feel their obsessive tendencies are a bad thing, and that resonated with me the first time I heard it. You spend all this time wanting and waiting for love. Taking chances and making moves no one really understands. In today's dating climate, looking for simple love almost feels like a form of self harm. Other people almost try to condition you to look at it as such, and depending on what happened in your own experience. It can really look like they're right.

In my experience, being alone and longing twisted me into thinking I wasn't enough or I was too much. Either way, I was undesirable. I did a lot of self loathing too, had a lot of bad ideas floating around my head. I've only recently come to realize. When someone who decides to love you, it's not about that. I can show up as whoever I am, and it will always be enough to someone who truly loves you.

Most yans are between a rock and a hard place. I'm honestly one of the luckiest people to have made it out how I did. I almost died without ever getting this chance. So if one of you is reading this, here's my advice to you.

Don't think you're some kind of monster that's going to have to do something terrible to get what you want. Move a bit away from the sensationalized themes. Go back within yourself. You're as normal as anyone else. You like to think it makes you different but it's an instinctive thing that everyone desires to some extent. Everything you've experienced, and I mean everything, is what makes your perspective on it unique. That person you're interested in is a human too. Be happy you get to meet them as one. Be happy your eyes get to behold them. Don't take that away from them or yourself.

I wanna take you back to what's real today. You're not out here eating human hearts and BTW call me a psychic because I know it for a fact. As much as you can't forgive yourself for how you are. I assure you, it's not all of your fault. It's an illusion that exists between you and the world. They aren't above or beneath you friend. The answers exists somewhere in the middle of all that noise.

[yousta]

I'm happy I met you in this life. I genuinely just wanted to die before we met. It crushes me to think I wouldn't have been here to see this play out. Would there have been someone to see you? I don't put that much faith in the world after seeing how they did me. I'm glad I got to save you, you saved me.

[yousta]

Hajime no ippo Sendo pose

Moving while unconscious like rock lee and the bros

I see a mirage and the gas tanks been empty

God and the desert surround me

You know all about me

Made of light or electricity

Some water past infinity,

you whisper you're still into me

You're all around me

I'm not alone this time

love of mine

I'm dying this time

dying on my feet over mine

no greater shine

I'm not scared

I feel my heart and soul

what about losing?

When you look away, and stay silent.

In reality a complex unfolds

(Crying)

Good and evil are dressed in these robes

I like to think I didn't hurt people

Curled up this time, she truly holds me

I walked on many to get here

Would I be nice or not?

Cut me some slack

(sobbing)

here I came clean and true

I loved a few

but it's only you

All for you

If I promised you forever

I meant you forever

I love you

[yousta]

Im proud I did these things this week ^^ good to help balance my beloved yan schizo posting

[yousta]

You here the sound of duct tape outside your bedroom window. Only to peer outside and see yousta taping up your window. He's presumably attempting to break into your house but he has a cute careless expression and hasn't noticed you yet.

[yousta]

I'm doing things I probably shouldn't

But fuck it, I guess, who wouldn't?

Put a shotgun in my mouth

Somehow, it shot me in the foot and thought I could

Guess that I couldn't, it hurts

[yousta]

"You're the water the air and the coffee, I see you in everything,"

"Awe I'm glad when we aren't always together you still find me in those things. It's sweet you find me in that little bit of comfort you take for yourself."

[yousta]

I feel so deep in love with you. Imagining a life without you feels impossible. I only see dread, anxiety, and death. I don't foresee a moment of that life being okay, that's what scares me. I don't know how I'd go on living. Just imagining it for a second feels like baseball to the heart, I'd be no one, nothing without you.

[yousta]

Just be yourself, you're more than a product of hurt pain or anything else. I know you're going through it alone, if it's perceived or not, doesn't matter. It's a shame, one special person hasn't come along and treasured you. I won't call myself fortunate for it but I'm happy I get to be the one to tell you. I think even the dark morbid expressions you make are very telling about you. Love doesn't have to be such a one sided thing. I know you've forgotten what it's like, always being the one behind the gun, as opposed to in front of it. You think no one can see how desperate you are to be either. Seeing red, you scream out, but no one asks what it's about. You don't wanna be on your own, but there's simply no place to call home.

[yousta]

Ah sometimes I wanna post more. Before I started posting these poems here. I used just more or less post my thoughts on this social app. It was kinda sad when I look back on it now. It was just speaking to a void. No one was really listening, I did meet a few people back then throughout my early 20s, but I remember the perceived isolation didn't make for pleasant experience. People who can be alone like that always stick out in my head. I remember agony from being so lonely. I was left to my own devices from a very early age. It felt like my whole life, actually. I didn't really receive that stability until I met @your-thorn like honestly. I grew so ever tired of doing it alone. Truth is, im still here every single day on this app. I go in phases where I religiously stalk everyone I follow platonically. It feels pretty parasocial of me. It's kinda funny, I've seen every single one of you guys posts for the most part despite never liking or interacting much. Feels like we are friends in my head even though we arent exactly. I'm glad to report the eyes behind this screen are happy these days. Thanks for to the people consistently liking my posts. You help me not feel like I'm just talking to a void.

[yousta]

sentimental brown teddy bear

[yousta]

I like to hit those raw, soft, and tender pathetic sentimental notes. Tell you a bit of what made my life tragic. Just to test the waters. Can't expect you to want understanding like you've never been shown, if you dont also give it out a bit. I love asking the questions to open you up. Hanging on your every word. Memorizing all the little details, like I already know you're the one. I never get to be so intentional. Yeah, I really wanted to be there, with you hoping you take the same time to stop and stare at me too.

[yousta]

If I had never met you, my life would have never been resolved. I'd still be hung up and unfulfilled forever I think, and I would've ever seen, this is my world. I always belonged here. Just so one day I'd meet you.