#High Functionning Burnout

[quantum-coaching]

You look fine. You’re still showing up. But inside? You’re drowning. That’s high-functioning burnout—exhaustion in disguise. It’s time we stop applauding survival mode and start choosing ourselves.💥 #HighFunctioningBurnout #MentalHealth #BurnoutRecovery #RestIsRevolutionary

[spacefaringamoeba]

I hate that I'm considered "high functioning". I barely qualify for any "level" of disability in my country and I will never get a disability income. Yes. I'm able to go to work. But I will not be able to hold it for more than a few months before getting burned out and having daily meltdowns. No, having 10 minutes extra work break won't help me. Neither will wearing headphones or carrying fidgets. I'm literally not able to work 40h a week without severe negative consequences... How do i fucking exist in this society!

[cryinginmyroomsposts]

the tragically beautiful pipeline from high-functioning child to burnt-out adult with a laundry pile of hobbies itching to be cleaned and used again but the adult is just too exhausted to do anything more than pick them up from the pile to check if they are dirty enough only to find out... they always will be dirty now that the adult has lost the bandwidth to do laundry

[surrah698]

Awe!! 😍🥰 That's an excellent word!

[feralboo-the-weirdo]

I'm no longer angry. I'm just tired.

Brain numbingly tired.

it's hard to focus because I'm just so tired and I just don't care anymore. I should have empathy, but I just can't anymore. I'm exhausted at the idea of caring.

So so tired of eggshells.

so tired of waiting.

I just want out.

But I'm scared I'll do this with everything else too. I'll tire of that eventually, like I have with my life here.

But most people don't even know this is happening. They don't see how scared I am of my family. They don't understand why, because it's "not that bad" but they haven't seen it when it is that bad. People seem so angry when you talk about going no contact, but they don't understand that speaking with those members of your family is like ingesting poison.

Parents aren't supposed to feel like school counselors.

They chose one child to protect and it wasn't me.

And I'm tired of them pretending that sibling "isn't that bad"

Even though I feel sick at the thought of interacting with them because I never know if today is the day I get murdered.

[theautisticdoctor]

Entry #014

Autistic Burn-Out

This journey of unmasking started with me falling into another autistic burn-out. Autistic burnout is a state of intense physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion, more profound and persistent than a neurotypical burnout. It’s not merely feeling tired or needing a break, it’s an overwhelming sense of being completely drained, often leading to a significant reduction in the ability to function in daily life.

For me a burn-out often happens when I do not recognise or keep on having mental breakdowns, like a meltdown or a shutdown. A meltdown is an intense response to overwhelming stress or sensory overload. It’s more than just the feeling of being stressed or anxious, it’s a full-body, overwhelming reaction that can sometimes be terrifying and most of all extremely exhausting. A shutdown is also an intense response to overwhelming stress or sensory overload, but the response is getting into a state of non-responsiveness or total withdrawal.

A mental breakdown for me often is a combination of emotional overwhelm, sensory overload and a feeling of losing control. Emotional overwhelm is an intense feeling of fear, anxiety, sadness, frustration or anger. In combination with the feeling of losing control it could result in an inability to regulate these emotions, leading to (unstoppable) crying or stimming. The sensory overload often is just a hypersensitivity to all sensory inputs. When all of this is happening at the same time I get a complete shutdown, I cannot respond, I do not know what I think anymore, sometimes I feel like everything is miles away from me and sometimes I even forget to breathe. In schema therapy I call this mode the dissociative protector mode.

When a mental breakdown happens too often after one another, without getting adequate relief or calming time in between, I might get an autistic burnout. A burnout comes with tiredness beyond normal, basic tasks are insurmountable and I can sleep 18 hours a day the first week. I will experience difficulties in communicating and interacting with others, even the ones very close to me. I won't be able to perform certain "basic" tasks, I just do not know how to do it anymore. I will also experience extreme anxiety, feelings of hopelessness, depression, worthlessness, sadness, feelings that are so strong and I do not know how to cope with the emotional distress in that moment. The sensory overload I thought was bad during a meltdown or a shutdown, somehow is even more intense during a burnout.

Understanding what can trigger a breakdown is very helpful in the prevention and management of one. In entry #010 I wrote a list of my triggers, roughly I think I can categorise them into sensory triggers, social triggers, masking triggers, environmental triggers, communicational triggers, physical triggers, cognitive triggers, emotional triggers, and uncertainty triggers. By knowing your triggers you can start to understand what your early stress signals are, see entry #011 for a(n inconclusive) list of mine. If you learn to see your early stress signals, you can start to better understand your triggers. By better understanding your triggers and stress signals you can act earlier on and maybe even prevent getting into a breakdown or burnout. It all depends on how it all works together for you.

To manage breakdowns and burnouts, find out what your safe space is. My safe space is the corner of the couch and my bed, this is my place and nobody is allowed to make this place unsafe. I need to be able to retreat to this space at all times. I have my warming blanket, my weighted blanket, my plushies, my salt rock light, my light blocking eye mask, my noise cancelling ear plugs, and my notebooks divided over these places so when I need them I can use them immediately.

For me predictability can reduce stress and anxiety, but routines can also add to stress and anxiety. So I try to stick to a routine as much as possible, but I give myself enough space to be able to deviate from it. I use it as a coat rack to guide my day, I can add things to my day, but can also take things off. It is just there to take away that mental burden of what comes next. Where possible I prepare myself for changes in advance. I also try to prioritise rest, breaks and relaxation. I try to engage in activities that help me relax and decompress, such as deep breathing, listening to music, or spending time in nature. I have created a list for myself that I can look at and use in time of distress, so I do not have that mental strain of figuring out a relaxing activity. I’m still very much figuring out how I can manage my sensory system the best way possible, but until now I found that it also helps reducing the amount of stress. I also try to reduce the need to mask my autistic traits by seeking environments where I can be myself without any judgements from others, so I don’t have to worry about (or deal with) that extra amount of anxiety.

When I am in a breakdown or burnout, I sometimes appreciate support from others. They have to stay calm and respectful, they should validate my feelings and give me enough time to express myself about what is going on. It sometimes helps if they help me move to another space or environment or when in a confrontational situation if they stand up for me. They should keep their words simple and clear. They should offer reassurance without overwhelming me with too much information, because otherwise I might just shutdown and become non-verbal. But most importantly, they should respect my coping mechanisms and not try to force me into strategies that do not work for me. They can also offer to take on some of my responsibilities to lighten my load or help me prioritise my self-care. It helps I carry an autism pass and an autism passport around that I can just hand over and people will know what to do or how they can offer support. I created and designed these myself with all the necessary information on it for me and the people around me. If there is animo, I can share a template and you can print one for yourself. I had it professionally printed for me and some friends on an embossed card and a softcover booklet so it doesn't wear off as easy.

After all, autistic mental breakdowns and burnouts are intense and extremely challenging experiences. With understanding how they get triggered and the appropriate self-care strategies, they can be managed. However, empathy, patience and compassion are crucial in the process of healing.

[everybody-hit-the-pyro-cue]

specialized education and gifted children programs are so fucked up I see the purpose but the execution and expectations are genuinely horrific I've yet to meet a single one of us that's doing okay besides from those who just reached their breaking point and chose to stop caring

[n2-crisis]

Can’t get accommodations for your autism? Going into burnout?

Try: buying more fidget toys and telling yourself that this time it will help

[itsanautiething]

Fml I am so tired. And I'm so frustrated that there is no end in sight. And I know some of it is on me because "I need to set and maintain boundaries" but:

I have debts and not getting on top of them will just add to my stress.

My parents are getting older and I don't want to regret time lost to "being selfish"

I have very few friends and those friends have been there for me more times than I can count. And I know for most people, it's not just enough that a person is grateful, friendships need to be reciprocal and I'm expected to "return the favour."

And because my life had been much, much messier in the past and I'm highly adept at masking (until I can't do it at all, of course), people think I'm okay enough to not only deal with my own shit, but do heavy mental and emotional lifting for them... but I'm barely holding together. And I mean BARELY. I feel like I'm on the verge of melting down at all times.

I really want to get off this vicious circle of bullshit so I CAN be there for others, but that's not the reality of life, especially not the reality of life for a high masking neurodivergent person who was diagnosed so late in life that no one will believe just how much support I actually require to meet my needs, let alone meet obligations and expectations created when trying to be a mature adult [neurotypical].

All that to say, I can understand why some people cut off all ties to everyone and everything to go live in a cabin or a cave somewhere away from it all.

[Pic of The Artful Dodger for cat tax... is that still a thing? If not, I'm starting a grassroots movement to bring it back.]

[oddduckthatgirl]

Autistic burnout, I’ve learned, in many ways is far more intense than neurotypical burnout. You know why? Because our stubborn selves won’t let ourselves feel anything.

And heavens forbid we ask for help. Or we do ask and the ones closest to us go on and on about how bad they’ve got it. That we should just get help that we pay for. You know. Make a phone call.

Like I can manage the strength for that.

So then we have meltdown after meltdown and just keep fucking going. Like idiots. We don’t sleep, we just agonize over what a failure we are. All we want is for it to end.

And don’t say that because since we don’t actually make an attempt then clearly we’re not suicidal. Just being dramatic.

Silly me. I haven’t slept more than an hour a night in three years. I have migraines at least 25 days a month. I want to peel my skin off. I can’t handle anything. But you know, I’m being dramatic and need to care about his depression about life.

Put him first. Put our daughter next to that. And then the dogs. Then my job. Then our friends. I don’t get to be on the list.

Im just done. I don’t have an outlet anymore. Not that anyone reads it or sees any of it. If I didn’t wake up tomorrow the world would be no different.

[anonymous-gods]

Exploring the Perception: Do Autists Inhabit a Deeper Dimension than Neurotypicals?

The spectrum of autism is vast and diverse, encompassing a wide range of neurological differences that shape the way individuals perceive and interact with the world. As we delve into the complexities of autism, a thought-provoking question arises: do autists live in another, deeper dimension than neurotypicals? This inquiry goes beyond the conventional understanding of neurodiversity and prompts…

[briarmae]

I have an aunt who's full-on, nonverbal, zero eye contact, doesn't react to external stimuli, autism. I never thought I could be autistic, even though I know it's a spectrum, because that's the example of autism I saw in my life.

Autistic people who grew up undiagnosed may act in ways that seem nonsensical for an autistic person. They aren't any less autistic.

Autistic people who grew up undiagnosed may give advice that's completely useless for autistic people because it's the same advice that's been given to them and they never figured out why it's useless.

Autistic people who grew up undiagnosed may refuse to take things literally and instead insist on finding hidden meanings in everything because they grew up being expected to pick up on hidden meanings and never figured out why that's unreasonable.

Autistic people who grew up undiagnosed may judge people for acting visibly autistic because they grew up being judged for acting the same way. And since they never acknowledged it as an autistic trait and instead were taught that it's misbehavior, they played along.

[averyroundsquare]

I’ve been wondering about myself lately.

I know I’m burning out right now. I’ve not been returning calls. Getting up in the morning is getting so hard. Today I was late for work and I didn’t give a fuck. I made no effort to rush. I got there when I got there.

I’m starting to notice that people are targeting me. I hate how weird it sounds but I’m picking up on the pattern. This older lady I work with has been trying to attach herself to me for a while. She swaps her shifts to the same as mine. They were giving out options for people to change their work pattern and she chose the same as me. She was complaining about something to the manager and tried to involve me and make it seems like I was with her in her issue. Now she literally follows me. Wherever I’m posted she will purposely follow then be like “looks like we’re together again”. Then all she does is send all the clients to me to process while she does nothing. I don’t understand it. I don’t get what her agenda is.

She’s a malicious woman and she’s known for being a liar and manipulative. She says and does some sly shit then puts on the silly old lady act when she gets called out. Then last week she gonna say to me “I don’t feel guilty about anything I do in this place”. Excuse me??? I’ve cut her off since. I don’t speak to her. Even today she tried to ask me somebody else’s business. I told her I don’t know. She said “you don’t get involved do you?” I said “no because it’s nothing to do with me”.

Then today on the way home a lady clipped the back of my shoe heel. It was an accident I understand but these two passers by get looking at me and giggling afterwards.

I’m worried that I’m entering stress related paranoia. I feel like I’m going to pop and it’s gonna be at old mother Hubbard at work.

[thelastschnitzel]

Fun fact: now that my closest friends and me all realise we're on the autism spectrum we find out that you're allowed to say "I'm at my limit, I can't go on like this" even when you are physically still able to go on. It does not mean you're gonna faint if you take another step. It means I can't go on like this without seriously endangering my health, mental of physical.

Well. That was news to me.

[theautisticdoctor]

[ghostingghosts]

Eu realmente não consigo entender minha mente. Fico parado por horas, dias se levantar for demais pra mim, e isso faz com que eu me sinta imprestável.

Então encontro algo pra fazer. Um hobby, um trabalho, um estudo, sei lá - encontro algo que livre minha mente de mim mesmo. Me apaixono por isso.

E depois, tudo se torna mundano novamente. Vejo meus erros. Perde a graça. Perde o sentido.

E eu me vejo mais uma vez me sentindo imprestável. Apenas um imprestável em movimento.