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omgitskaii · 2 months ago

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ive had this sitting in my drafts for ages, and they’ve really been starting to pmo now… sorry some of these are a bit self indulgent or niche, but i hope you like at least one or three ! may be my last around of hcs for these boys for awhile :)

dean does not watch sports and actually has no idea what’s going on anytime someone puts a game on. sam does though, college kids had nothing else to do but study, drink beer, and watch sports. he sometimes makes stuff up to fuck with dean

sam and dean still have charlie’s phone when she died. it’s on silent, and the boys (mostly dean) will text it sometimes whenever they miss her. most of the messages are apologies.

sam still visits jess’ grave on the anniversary of her death. he takes eileen once or twice too, because she asked.

sam doesn’t know how to cook for shit. anytime he wants to make something, he has to put on a step by step youtube tutorial video. he refuses to ask for deans help.

there’s a small amount of grace left over in the handprint on deans shoulder

whenever deans comfortable and feels safe, he can conk out anywhere. he’s fallen asleep at the table, in the middle of cooking, and has once or twice fallen asleep on sam and cas. sam was concerned at first, but now he has just accepted it and dean has designated nap times throughout the week.

sam is into wicca practise. he burns incense and sage and keeps crystals lying around the bunker, he’s slipped a few into the glove compartment of the impala

dean teases and complains, but he actually likes doing chores. it’s something that makes him feel “normal” and he likes using his hands and working.

cas and dean are soul-bound.

dean has read the bible through multiple times throughout his life (mostly at low points, and he’s had a lot,) to the point where he has memorized some passages. he’s not much for faith, but he has gone to church once or twice recently when jack became god

cas finds dean reciting passages of the bible exhilarating.

cas has multiple parenting books littered around the bunker that he sometimes flips through

sam hates cats and is strictly a dog person

cas’ eyes reflect in the dark, like how cats/most nocturnal animals do.

anytime he prays, all deans prayers go exclusively to cas without thinking. he actually prays more than he ever texts or calls cas, like it’s as easy as breathing. cas never mentions how intimate it really is for him to do this. he always listens to them

the air around cas changes whenever he’s in a room. it’s subtle, like the feeling you get when your hair stands on end, like you can tell that he’s not entirely human. normal people chalk it up to vibes or cas being intimidating or offputting. it’s not something he does on purpose

cas smells like ozone and rain.

everyone can tell what kind of mood dean is in based on the mug he grabs from the cabinet for his morning coffee

sam cant stand in crowded or stuffy places for too long or he’ll panic

john has gotten physical, but dean has always been there to take the brunt of it. because sam was the favourite, and dean believed and wanted sammy to live some semblance of a normal life as best he could. everything dean has endured has always been for sammy.

sam has this complicated relation with killing where he’s fine hunting monsters, but refuses to kill animals. he remembers as a kid bobby took them out hunting once—actually hunting, not with monsters—and when told to shoot at a squirrel, he couldn’t do it. dean shot it instead and claimed sammy did it. this is also one of the reasons he’s moved to a more vegetarian/vegan lifestyle.

sam had an emo phase as a kid. he grew out of it, but not the music; he’ll go back to listen to some emo/punk songs when he’s in a good mood. dean bullies him ruthlessly when he hears it.

deans fight-or-flight kicks in whenever someone drums their fingers or hands on the table, it takes him back to when michael would bang on the doors in his mind. he is still learning to quietly asks people to stop

sam has built up a high pain tolerance from his time in the cage but has become hyper-aware and sensitive to the lightest touches, like someone touching his hair or breathing on the back of his neck.

anytime a spell component requires blood, dean will always do it unless it’s specific. he still considers himself a weapon or catalyst, and it’s been ingrained in him to always give and give and give himself for others.

when they were kids, dean used to steal formula and food for sam when they were younger and sam knows this. now, sam will almost always go out for groceries. it’s sort of his silent way of returning the favour for dean.

dean stays up late on purpose just to talk to cas, it’s really the only point in a day they get quality time together just talking. eventually though, dean falls asleep; cas is always there in the morning.

sam, dean, and cas all enjoy watching trashy reality television shows... dean and cas like watching say yes to the dress and they both always seem to have opposite reactions ("i think the bride looks lovely in that dress. why is the mother-in-law being so critical?" "seriously, cas? that dress looks like some old ladies curtain. no way in hell is she walking down the aisle in that.") and sam and dean really enjoy watching ghost hunters, just to make fun of them.

dean’s a neat freak when it comes to his own room, borderline ocd, and sam is organized but messy, a combination of cleanliness only an ex-college student could have.

cas can make his wings corporal, but everytime he does this it takes a lot of concentration, and it becomes a bit more difficult to put them back into the aether each time. it’s also considered vulnerable/intimate for an angel to do this, or sometimes even painful to constrain their true form to simple shapes.

deans love language is acts of service, cas’ is words of affirmation, and sams is quality time.

prayers have a sound to them. when either one of the boys pray to cas, they have their own distinct tone that cas has come to recognize. sam’s is high pitched, like a clinking of a glass; he found it annoying at first, but sam’s prayers mellowed out into something similar to wind chimes. deans is a low sound, strong and comforting, akin to tires rolling over gravel and pops like crackling fire at its strongest.

cas makes it a daily ritual for dean to ask for at least one thing everyday; because dean always gives, and never takes. it’s usually little things, where dean will go to make coffee for him and cas and will sometimes get stopped on his way to the coffeemaker, and cas will just shoot him a look. cas waits until dean asks him to make him a coffee. sometime’s dean gets more vulnerable and asks for affection or quality time watching movies; he’s learning that he can have these things.

dean and claire text often, and there’s been multiple occasions that deans stayed up late on the phone with claire helping her out on her own cases with lore, experience, or a pep talk. there has also been times where deans driven out to help her. he will always make time for her.

jody, donna, and the girls invite tfw up to jody’s house for dinners every month or two when they all have time.

sam is a nerd in the sense that he knows a random facts about everything, but dean is a nerd in the sense he knows movies and comics. and cas is a nerd in the sense that he knows everything… literally.

dean and sam know basic sign language and learned it through eileen. sam is pissed that dean picked it up faster than him.

you can look at my other hc lists under #spn hcs !!

#spn hcs #spn #supernatural #dean winchester #castiel #destiel #sam winchester #spn textpost #textpost #i like to believe the hypothetical grace left in his shoulder is the reason demon!dean had some morals #i apologize again it’s mostly dean cas and destiel centric #some are these are pretty niche and self indulgent also so take this list with a grain of salt #might not be ur cup of tea but it is mine !!#idk if i can think of anymore maybe last one idk !!!

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guppybibi · 10 months ago

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Late WIP Wednesday ..

(aaa km not sure if i should finish this, it started off strong but just fell off and now my brain isnt working)

Simon’s home & marriage was his refuge, until it wasn't. He knew something wasn't right when you were coincidentally prepared for his return, all dolled up when you greeted him with an “I miss you” kiss. No, he was sure it wasn't you when he saw that the dinner table was prepared with a generous spread of food on it.

There was no reason for you to come this prepared, everytime he comes home from deployment is a surprise. So..how exactly are you this ready? It didn't sit right with him, the whole thing felt like it came out of a painfully obvious scripted reality TV show.

But food was food and after countless weeks spent eating barely edible MRE’s, a home cooked meal was all he needed. Sluggishly, he sat down at his unsaid designated spot at the dinner table. He closely watched if you would sit down at your designated spot, if you didn't; that’d explained a lot. You do end up sitting at your spot, it wasn't all that hard to do though. Dinner with you was unsettling to say the least, all of the small talk you were making felt forced, it’s barely been an hour and he already feels like he's going crazy.

He knows more than to question you upfront though, having gone through enough interrogations to know that he should take his time and that you could get hostile if things don't go your way. You could be a threat for all he knew, and it's better to be safe than sorry. Unsure if it was the right decision, he starts out some sort of small talk himself, asking you some seemingly innocent questions.

“What were yer up to while I was gone, luv?” He asks mid chew. “Oh not much, I just picked up a new hobby actually. Clay sculpting! I've been watching online tutorials, I could say I’ve been getting the hang of it if I do say so myself.” Liar, was all he could think while he subconsciously nodded to your words. You hated clay, not fond of the texture it had and the way it’d get stuck under your nails. Perhaps it was another one of your impulsive decisions, jumping into conclusions should be the last thing he should be doing. It could cost him more harm than good, so he lets it slide. For now at least.

“Sculpting eh? That's new, have ye finished any?” He pauses, swallowing his food. “I’d love to see them.” A spark lights up in your eyes, but it didn't look right. There's a lit candle in there but it's far, far away. The lack of life in your eyes makes his stomach spin like there's a guinea pig rolling around in their wheel in there, it made him want to puke. He wasn't the biggest fan of prolonged eye contact anyway, so he’ll just avoid looking you in the eye to prevent making a mess. “Oh yeah I actually do! They're already displayed on top of our shelves, I’ll show them to you after.” You exclaim, if that was you anyway, which it wasn't.

Dinner passed at an uncomfortably slow pace, Simon swore he could hear each individual tick and tock of the clock, the scraping of utensils against the porcelain plates and each chew you took. He’s gone through debatably louder things than this, the booms of the explosions were unforgettable after all but this somehow takes the cake. Wanting to distract himself further, he helps with washing the dishes which you normally did but you specifically chose today to help do the other minor chores. Water, that was your weak point. He noticed it, you didn't drink water after dinner either. What kind of monster doesn't drink water to hydrate after eating roasted pork?

To test out this thought of his, he decided to ask another question. “I'm heading to the shower, luv. Care to join me?” Meekly, he suggests to you, deep brown eyes staring intently as he awaited the already expected answer. “Oh I..actually already showered earlier dear. Maybe next time.” A dishearteningly dismissive reply, just like he expected. “Alright, suit yourself luv. I'll be back.”

He thought about it, almost forgetting about the bubbly soap running down his body from how deep in thought he was. There was no doubt about it anymore, everything about you being you, pointed away. At this point, he didn't care what the fake you was anymore, rather where you actually were. You could've been dead for all he knew, replaced by the soulless woman that now roams around his home.

This was beyond cruel, beyond the pain physical torture could've caused. It was like the universe was a cat and he was a yarn ball, being played by it meticulously. The whole thing was definitely planned out by a certain someone he knew, the both of you are fairly private so it couldn't have been a random person. He couldn't handle this alone, as much as he’d hate to admit, the situation was way bigger than him to do alone. So, he decides to call a trusted someone.

“You tellin’ me ye think your wife got abducted or something..and a doppelgänger replaced her?” A gruff voice questions, lightly tapping his cigar against the side of the ashtray. Price, him and Kate are the only members of the Task Force so far that Simon allowed you to meet. Well, it unfortunately looks like the sergeants won't get to meet you under these circumstances just yet. Strangely enough, the clocks inside the pub weren't working. Must be a malfunction. The masked man nodded, sighing through his nose when he got a whiff of the alcohol-filled air in the bar.

“I feel so.” He grumbled. “Couldn't she be just having an off day? We all have those, Simon.” John opposes it, it was an unquestionable possibility they couldn't simply ignore. “No, I know my wife. In my years of being with her, she's never acted this way.” Ghost hissed back, a hint of crystal clear impatience seeping out from his words. The lack of respect in his tone wasn't intended, but what could he do when his wife is apparently kidnapped and replaced so seamlessly? “I guess you have a point, but you need to confirm it Simon. You shouldn't make any decision on impulse, if the woman in your home really isn't your wife then this is a bigger issue.”

Then the plan was set, still a little all over the place but there really wasn't any time to lose. Simon would further observe the woman who's allegedly ‘you’ to make sure he isn't making things up, then if he was incredibly sure it wasn't you, he’ll head to the police and file a report for a missing person. In all honesty, it wasn't hard to do, having gone through missions more intense than this. Yet the fact that you were involved made the bugs inside of him crawl, this was totally his fault.

He didn't hide you away from the world enough, he should've just kept you locked inside a cage like the little birdie you were to avoid any danger coming your way. Simon wasn't stupid though, that was inhumane, you were one of the only few people who has managed to make Simon feel less of a ghost and more of a human. So doing such a thing to you was unethical and out of the books, but how could you blame him for subconsciously letting his possessiveness and worry take over when you're literally so far from his grasp? Being so near before that he could easily grip at the back of your top, now so far that the trace of your scent is long gone.

It makes Simon feel sick, his core being left to rot. He comes from the pub to what felt like an empty house, not home because nothing would feel like home without you there. He’d rather be living in a pile of rocks and plywood with you than in a giant mansion without you, that would be the real hell. “Bloody hell..where are you?” He murmurs under his breath, stressedly rubbing his creased forehead. If he could, he’d pry at every surface that comes up within his sight just to find you.

“I’m back.” He whispers, unsure if the fake you was asleep or not. Anyone, human or not wouldn't be happy being woken up from their slumber. “Welcome home, hun. You alright?” Looking up from your cup of tea, you ask. “Yeah, just spoke with the Captain. That's all, no alcohol.” Simon was so used to you being a worrywart about his alcohol intake, telling you that he didn't have any alcohol is practically ingrained into the wrinkles of his brain. But the woman in front of him didn't seem to care less about his health, let alone him in general. The lack of nagging that usually filled his ears to the brim didn't feel right, he would've much rather gone through another one of your yap sessions about how constant alcohol intake affects him in the long run than..just silence.

He feels the desperation inching up on him, eating him whole. At this point, he's willing to admit he doesn't want you. He needs you. He needs to hear your fretful complaints about him getting deployed, knowing you’d shut up because you were used to it by now. He needs you to tell him to include more vegetables in his diet because he's not some kind of carnivore to be eating that much meat. God, he just needs you with him. Whatever bloody thing came with you he’d take like it was on a stupid Black Friday sale.

“Not yet..” He’d think every single night, eyes wide open as he prevents himself from making a rash decision. The woman sleeping soundly right next to him, if that was you..But it wasn't, even if he stared at the unfamiliar woman for ten hours straight, she wouldn't just magically turn into you. Well sure, she was a carbon copy of you from head to toe but she simply just didn't scream ‘you’. Whatever and whoever you were anyway.

“When all is said and done, I think it'll end well Simon. My gut feeling tells me so, it's rarely ever wrong so I’m pretty sure we should trust it.” You ramble on and on, the little amount of alcohol taking over your lightweight self. Simon was still courting you here, yet he remembers it like it's been replayed in his mind like a broken record. He trusted your gut, and he could consider that as one of the best choices he's ever made in life.

But..trusting you now? While you're probably out, all shivering & teeth clattering from the immense cold night? Impossible, he’s fully aware that you're a capable strong woman however..how far can his trust go? How far do you have to venture into someone’s soul to gain their fragile trust, something that can be easily broken with your own bare hands? Ghost doesn't trust you, but Simon does.

“You're a strong gal, you can hold on for much longer.” He supposes, deep in thought while he flipped around in bed. The fake you hasn't set off any red flags yet, acting normal. Too normal. He knew ‘you’ had a purpose for being here, one with malicious intent, though what exactly? One wouldn't simply come in here and replace his wife with a fake one just out of spite, unless they were a little cuckoo. Tossing aside to check the time, he presses the ‘on’ button on his phone. Weird, the time didn't show up. Maybe it's just a glitch in the system.

“Simon, Hey? Simon, wake up. Hurry, you need to get up.” A voice shakes, lightly nudging him in order to awake him. It's your voice, he can instantly sense its meekness. With one eye and another, they flutter open, still full of sleep in them. “Oh thank goodness, you're awake! But you seriously need to wake up, like right now.” You crooned, hoping he’d fully wake up to the sound of your voice. Groaning, Simon sat up, a few joints popping in the process. “What..? Yeah, I’m awake luv. Whad’ya need me for?” He questions groggily, eyes opening further once he gets a closer look at you. It's actually you, he can tell! The way your eyes meet his, connecting like a bee landing on a precious flower. The way your voice lilted to him like a mother bird nursing her hatchlings, it really was you.

“Wait–luv? You're here? Bloody hell, you actually are–Did you see the other gal who looked just like you? Tell me I’m not losing my shit please.” Then you shushed him, convinced he’ll continuously go on and on if you didn't. “Please listen to me closely, Simon.” You pause, noticing how his eyes bask in yours like it was long overdue. “You need to wake up, hurry.”

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fancyfade · 5 months ago

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Massive comic bookbinding progress post.

Making a massive bookbinding post with my progress and what resources and steps I use. I do not claim to be an expert and recommend if you want to get into bookbinding yourself you look into any linked tutorials (or find some yourself), because they are made by people with much more experience.

So. When I just got into bookbinding, I was following an instructables tutorial for (link) most of the book. the sewing part, I was following this (link) tutorial. The cover tutorial (instructables) wasn't great for what I currently do, and I changed a lot looking back on it, but it had the bonus of suggesting cheap materials (Cardboard for covers, elmer's glue for spine, any spare fabric for bookcloth) that helped lower the barrier to entry and let me decide if I wanted to buy nicer stuff.

This is the first book I ever bound, using the instructables tutorial.

It's not the prettiest construction wise, but I can still hold it and read it which is at least successful for a first book (tho I did test on comics I didn't care as much about, in case I messed up).

I did a couple more books like this, one being Blue Beetle: Graduation Day (in Spanish) and the other being Artemis: Requiem, and another being Knight Terrors.

Artemis Requiem I think was the last

Next, I found and started using Dave the Designer's tutorial (link) and also got some materials actually targeted at bookbinding. I got bookbinding needles and thread (much thicker and stronger, it's easier to pull the threat through and it feels stronger) and davey board -- though since then I have tried chipboard which is muuuuuuuuuuuuch cheaper and works just as well unless you have a giant comic. Sometimes you have to lay weights on chipboard after gluing it to make sure it doesn't bend though, it likes bending when it is wet a lot.

I did a ton of books in this period. I was mostly interested in making books that had good construction and were good for protecting the comics I sewed together and felt structurally sound. I did not care at all about what the covers looked like, and just wrote titles on them with sharpie. I used mostly linen cloth, buckram cloth, or occasionally spent money on book cloth

After this, my friend linked me this (link) youtube tutorial. It does not get into sewing, because the goal of that person's tutorial is not how to sew but how to rebind paperbacks as hardbacks with fancy covers. The main focus for what I watched is on covers. They use a cricut, I got the cheapest I could find (Joy xtra, not maker or any of the big kinds). It still is expensive (like 150 dollars), and in the linked playlist the youtuber includes how you can decorate without a cricut, though that does leave less freedom for what you can choose... UNLESS you are an artist already!

Shortly before I got the cricut, I did Eric Luke's WW Run

This was when I was getting frustrated I couldn't make the books look pretty on the outside, so I drew a sketch in pencil and colored in with paint pens i had bought for action figure modding (tho im sure any type of sharpies would work).

Anyway, after that I started using the Cricuts for covers. This is the first one:

i messed up on the heat transfer vinyl stuff, so I had to repaint some parts with yellow paint. I haven't had these issues since I started using the bookcloth materials recommended by the cricut youtuber I linked earlier, which are also generally cheaper per unit than where I was getting bookcloth earlier (but shipping is expensive)

Now I do almost all my bookcovers with cricut because once you have the machine it's reasonably priced, the vinyl is pretty cheap, and it's easier on my spoons than hand drawing everything and lets you customize a lot

Lately, I've been trying to make my sewing/construction technique better, and I've been watching videos from DAS bookbinding (link). I tried to do my most recent Huntress comic with the rounded + backed spine with shoulders, not sure that I succeeded, but that's definitely on me because in the tutorial where he explains how to do it without the official material he's like "You should try this with proper equipment first, this is just for binders who took a course and could do the shouldering in a bookbinding course and want to try it on their own without having to buy the proper equipment" and. I have never done a real bookbinding course or used the proper equipment.

Hope this was informative/fun if you made it through!

#bookbinding #custom comic books #my custom bound books #progress #my art

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madisockz · 1 year ago

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Hello! I wanted to share my process of how I made my Easter Pony! She is my second ever custom and she made all the trouble I had with the first one seem like a walk in the park in comparison ಥ_ಥ Let's begin!

DISCLAIMER: Custom ponies like this one are not to be played with by children nor made by children. This pony was made with the use of nail polish remover (acetone) which is toxic. You need to wash your hands throughly after use and use in a well ventilated area. This pony was also made with sharp tools such as an xacto knife, sewing pins, rehairing needles, and an awl.

First, the concept art! Trial and error caused her to look a little different than the concept art but I still love the end result!

I wanted to start with a white base to give myself a clean canvas for dyeing so I got this G3 Breezie off Ebay for only $3. I decided to first remove her mane and tail which requires removing the head. If you know anything about G3 pony customzing, you know their heads are difficult to get back on once they come off. Even when you run them under warm/hot water. So to get it back on for dyeing, I tried trimming a little excess of vinyl off the neck ring with my xacto knife. It slipped and got me right under my nail! Bad omen for what's to come!

After getting her prepped (removing her mane and tail, cleaning her, using acetone (nail polish remover) to remove her cutie mark) she was ready for a dye bath! I used Rit DyeMore as regular Rit Dye won't dye the vinyl material that ponies are made of. This was my first ever time dyeing anything that wasn't fabric so I was thrilled when she came out this warm rich brown! So pretty!

I read online that dyed ponies will leach dye onto other ponies if they touch, so I wanted to try and prevent this as much as possible with some matte sealer. Lesson #1: Even though she was dry, the matte sealer reactivated the dye! The smallest touch left a print! :(

I pushed forward! And tripped immediately after! I thought, "Surely matte Modge Podge will seal her just that much more" and to my dismay, the Modge Podge kept every brush stroke I made when it dried!! She looked like a leather hand bag! ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚ I learned later you can buy matte Modge Podge spray online but all I had was the type you brush on to your surface.

Thankfully, with the help of sixteen cotton balls and a q-tip with acetone, I managed to remove all the sealer but she was no longer that nice rich brown. Oh well I still loved her!

And whoever said the paint will protect the eyes from the dye has clearly never dyed a dark pony! Her eyes were so brown after this lol

Painting, adding of polymer clay easter themed confetti, and adding her 3D chocolate bunny cutie mark went great! It was all going well until the eyes.

I had never fully painted pony eyes before so the first attempt was pretty bad. Not even my multiple attempts at glitter and using clear nail polish as a cheap gloss on the eyes could save them.

It was so bad that I almost didn't take any pictures but when I went to seal her head, this weird white powder covered half of her face?? I had never seen this before and it freaked me out thinking I just ruined her. I managed to get it off with a cotton ball and some acetone but her paint was fully damaged.

Turns out this was caused because I didn't shake the can of sealer well enough. I needed a break....

While I took a break for a few days, I decided to watch tutorials on how to paint doll eyes and learned that it's actually pretty common to use high quality watercolor pencils; either Faber Castell or Derwent (which is what I ended up buying).

When I came back, I made the hard decision of removing all the paint and decorations from the head and starting over. Hours of work gone but it was so worth it! 🩷 Removing the paint with acetone ended up making her head lighter than her body so I had to redye her head lol. This time I mixed Derwent pencils with acrylic paints for her eyes.

Time for the hair! I've never done curls before and my original plan was to buy curly hair online but it's so hard to find in the color and curl size I wanted.

So my second idea was to buy small curlers to use on regular nylon doll hair bought from ShimmerLocks on Etsy. But when I tested them out on poor Flower Bouquet it looked so bad ಥ_ಥ

I discovered a Youtube channel you may know called Dollightful where in one of her Stock Box videos she used yarn that she unraveled to make super cute tight wavy hair for a doll. It was a perfect solution! It looks so good but omg it was tedious haha! I used it for her tail too; sectioning off the colors hoping they'd stay separated (they didn't lol).

She's nearly complete! Time for small decorations! I tried so many different ears from air dry clay to stealing some from bunny decorations I bought at the store and nothing was working! But I had one last idea...

I gave these old Littlest Pet Shop costume bunny ears some use with a flat top sewing pin and some glue so now my pony has bunny ears! Yay!

I forgot it in the concept art, but I originally wanted to add flowers to her mane but I couldn't figure out how to do that without glue which I didn't want to do, too permanent, so I opted for some beads I had on hand. I didn't have any light blue so I made some with the use of acetone (nail polish remover in my case) and boom! Light blue beads! Then I washed them off so the acetone wouldn't damage anything :)

I used a gold topped sewing pin, a butterfly charm, a felt flower and two faux flowers to create a cute hair accessory!

Finally I sewed a hair tie to a puffball to give her a removable cottontail if I ever wanted to take it off.

And DONE! She looks so good after so much time and effort! I worked on this girly for two weeks I think? She actually had a partner I designed but I've run out of time to make her :') Maybe next year? 👀 🩷🩷

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elyvorg · 2 years ago

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The Real Reason That Sissel Refused to Help

(or: the subtle genius of Ghost Trick’s tutorial)

“I just want to find my own lost memory. I’m sorry, but I can’t help you.”

Here’s a post in which I talk about this particular part of Ghost Trick’s story, which I’m keeping as vague as possible outside of the spoiler cut, but those who’ve finished the game should know what I’m referring to. What’s actually going on here is rather interesting, and paints our friend Sissel in a much less negative light than the face-value assumption I tend to see most people jumping to with this.

First, though, I have written a fic illustrating this idea in narrative form rather than lengthily explaining it. If you’re interested, I recommend you go read that first before reading this, because being shown is more fun than being told!

(Also, spoilers, obviously. Go play Ghost Trick if you haven’t; it’s so good and absolutely not the kind of thing you want to be spoiled for.)

So, in the original timeline, Sissel refused to help Missile save his mistresses, stating that he just wants to find his own lost memories.

It could easily seem at a glance like Sissel’s character development over the course of the game is that he started off selfish, only caring about his own mystery, and it’s only through getting attached to everyone throughout the night that he begins to care about others and the bigger picture. As such, his refusal to help Missile in the original timeline is easy to read as being born of that, since this was early on when Sissel still only cared about himself.

But… it’s not actually that simple, because Sissel isn’t as selfish in the beginning as one might think. Sure, he’ll say things like “I have to focus on my own mystery”, or “this is all for my own benefit”. But that doesn’t actually match up with his actions. His own mystery may be, in theory, his number one priority, but a remarkably close second priority for him is to save the lives of any dead person he happens to come across. Even very early on, before he’s grown to care about any of these people!

He doesn’t hesitate to save Missile, despite having zero reason to assume that this little doggie will be any help with his mystery. The second time he finds Lynne dead, when he’s getting to talk to her and learns that she doesn’t actually know much about him and probably won’t be able to help him because she’s got her own case to pursue tonight, he still reassures her that she doesn’t owe him and he’s going to save her life anyway.

And even right at Lynne’s very first death, in the game’s opening narration, Sissel makes a point that he doesn’t want to stand back and let her get shot, and that he feels bad for her, despite her being a complete stranger!

Evidently, even right at the beginning, Sissel isn’t selfish. He just thinks he is. Because cats can be tsundere like that.

Sissel: “Why am I so determined to save this woman? After all, it’s not as if I know her. My reason is twofold. Number one, I’m not the type to leave women lying around, discarded like trash.”

(Here’s a bit from later in chapter 1 featuring Sissel being amusingly surprised by his own altruistic streak. He seems to expect to only care about himself – yet here he is, not wanting to leave a stranger lying dead if he can help it. Not so selfish after all, huh?)

So if that’s not the problem in the original timeline, then what is? Why does Sissel leave Missile to deal with saving his ladies alone when he’d have no reason not to try and help? – after all, he hasn’t been given a fake time limit in this timeline! He’s not even in a hurry with his own mystery! For that matter, Sissel was still there in the junkyard at the beginning – why didn’t he just save Lynne himself?

We can get a good indication of what the issue is from that very same opening narration I was just talking about.

Sissel: “Now, I’m not the kind of guy who can just stand back and watch a poor woman get shot. But I have just one little problem… I’m already dead myself.”

Sissel: “I feel bad for her, sure. But what can I do? I’m dead. But just as I was thinking that…”

The real problem is not that he doesn’t care about saving a stranger’s life. Rather, it’s that, because he’s dead, he doesn’t think he can. He’s not expecting to magically have ghost superpowers; why would he?

And it’s just as he was thinking that he can’t do anything (which, while part of his screen-filling monologue narration, was still his thoughts and therefore something any nearby ghost could hear)… that Ray speaks up to tell him that actually he can save her.

Sissel: “Huh?” (Me? Save her? Uh, how?)

Immediately, Sissel questions the notion once again, not with a why but with a how. It’s not that he doesn’t want to; he simply doesn’t think it’s possible.

This general idea continues throughout the entire tutorial, which is absolutely packed with lines that show Sissel being deeply sceptical about the idea that he could possibly save someone’s life or alter someone’s fate.

Once Ray’s taught him about his basic ghost tricks and he’s managed to delay Lynne’s death by a few moments… she still ends up dead anyway. And Sissel thinks that’s it. Because of course he does. Even if he can stop time and manipulate objects, he has zero reason to believe that his powers can undo a death that’s already happened.

Sissel: “In the end, it looks like her fate remains unchanged. So what good are these ‘ghost tricks’ of mine? But just as I was thinking this…”

Sissel: “It looks like my ghost tricks didn’t do much good.” (She still ended up just as dead as before.)

He even ends up feeling like his new superpowers are barely worth anything, because he can play a few little tricks on someone, but that’s not enough to save someone’s life, is it?

Ray: “Isn’t it a shame to see such a pretty young woman lying here discarded like a piece of trash?” Sissel: “But what can I do? She’s already dead.”

Ray: “And while she’s resting, you can save her life.” Sissel: “Oh, sure. You make it sound so easy.”

And again, he’s very dismissive of Ray implying or telling him that he can do something about this. After all, how could that be possible any more?

In particular, there’s this vital little bit of trickery here…

Ray: “Now what do you suppose will happen if you possess a corpse?” Sissel: “Nothing, because I already tried that, remember? And nothing happened at all.”

…in which Sissel assumes his powers just don’t work on corpses, because he’s already tried and failed to do anything with “his” corpse. If he’d been alone, without Ray to guide him through things, he most likely wouldn’t have even tried to possess Lynne’s corpse in the first place, because he would have had no reason to believe it would achieve anything!

(Meanwhile, Missile in the original timeline also had zero reason to believe he could do anything for Kamila, but he was so anguished and desperate that of course he would have tried anyway. He’d try anything to save her, because he is good and loyal and Dog. So he was able to discover his time-rewinding powers where Sissel didn’t, and thus he passed that knowledge onto Sissel in the game’s timeline.)

And as Ray tells Sissel that he can in fact rewind time to redo the last moments of Lynne’s life, he’s completely dumbfounded and bewildered by the very idea of it.

Sissel: “Are you serious?! Back through time?!”

Sissel: “But this is crazy! None of it makes any sense!”

Ray: “To the time four minutes before this woman was murdered!” Sissel: “H-Hey, wait a second! I still don’t know what you’re talking about!”

What is this lamp even talking about?! Of course turning back time isn’t possible! He had no reason to believe it was possible, even as part of his new wacky ghost powers.

(Meanwhile, when Sissel is saving Missile in the game, we get a little exchange that shows Missile being completely unfazed by the idea that Sissel’s brought them back in time. It’s no weirder than humans walking around on two legs, right? One way or another, the cat can barely wrap his head around it, while the dog sees it as perfectly plausible.)

One thing Ray says more than once during the tutorial is, “The best thing to do is try it.” Because Sissel is being so stubbornly cynical that he will not take this desk lamp’s word about how useful his powers are and has to literally be pushed into trying it himself in order to believe it, every time.

Even after seeing for himself that he can go back in time and watch Lynne’s death again, Sissel still manages to be pessimistic about this.

Ray: “And there you have it. The last four minutes of her life.” Sissel: [strained] “No…!” Ray: “It’s kind of ironic, when you think about it. A woman toyed with by fate, and a man toyed with by a ghost.” Sissel: “But she still died.”

He went back in time, and she still died. There’s still apparently nothing he can do, right? No, Sissel, just have a bit of patience! This is just the mechanic that lets you understand what happens before you dive in and start changing things; you’ll get your chance soon!

And once he’s finally successfully saved Lynne…

Ray: “You used your powers to avert that woman’s fate.” Sissel: “So I did that?”

Sissel still has a moment of being surprised at the notion that he was capable of something like this.

It’s really striking to me, watching over chapter 1 again with this thought about original-timeline Sissel in mind, just how many lines to this effect there are throughout the whole thing. The writers did not need to include this many moments of Sissel being sceptical, or even any of them at all, really, in order for the tutorial to do its job as a tutorial! But they’re here anyway, because it is in fact really important to the story that Sissel is somebody who would not have tried hard enough to figure out that his powers can undo deaths unless he had someone holding his hand through it the whole way.

The way old-Missile talks about it when he’s explaining himself at the end, it’s easy to get the takeaway that the most important thing he did as Ray was to take advantage of Sissel’s supposed self-interest: by not contradicting his misconception that he’s the man in red, by telling him Lynne is the key to his mystery (a half-truth at best), and by giving him a fake time limit. And it’s not that those things didn’t help, but they’re not really the most important thing at all.

The most important thing Ray did for Sissel, the thing that Missile absolutely most needed to spend those ten years waiting to do, was exactly what it appeared to be during chapter 1: to teach him how to use his powers to save lives. Because the number one thing the Sissel from the original timeline needed but didn’t get was, quite literally, a tutorial.

There’s a little bit more to it than this, though. So, okay, Sissel in the original timeline didn’t know he had the vital time-rewinding power. But then that begs the question: why didn’t Missile just tell him that while asking for his help?

For that matter, why did Sissel leave Missile shortly after being asked for help? It can’t just be because he urgently had to go and look elsewhere for answers to his own mystery, because he’s not pressed for time here. And he was apparently chilling at the junkyard just eavesdropping on the investigators’ conversations before Missile showed up. Why the sudden shift in locations now of all times, when there’s someone here who’s actually talking to him – the first person Sissel would have been able to talk to all night – and asking him for help?

The issue here, I believe, is that this isn’t just a matter of Sissel’s lack of understanding what his powers can do. It’s also a matter of emotional state – both Sissel’s, and Missile’s. Both of them would have been incredibly stressed out and upset, Sissel due to his loss of memory and seeing deaths in front of him that he doesn’t think he can do anything about, and Missile due to his mistresses’ deaths that he also can’t do anything about, even though he has a superpower that lets him try but it just isn’t quite enough.

How would Missile and Sissel’s interaction go when they’re both so upset like this? There’s actually a fun little bite-sized example of this in the actual canon timeline. During the last desperate struggle to escape the sinking submarine…

Missile: “Sissel! Y-Y-Y… You’re not telling Miss Lynne to leave poor Miss Kamila behind, ARE YOU?!” Sissel: *sigh* “Could you just be quiet for a minute, Missile?”

Missile and Sissel are bound to be both extremely anxious and stressed in this situation – trapped in the submarine, Lynne and Kamila in danger of drowning if they don’t do something. And in that state of mind, it seems that Missile is prone to eschewing logic to be even more loudly desperately protective of his mistresses… while Sissel especially does not enjoy Missile being Loudly Boisterously Dog in his ear when he’s stressed out. After all, cats and dogs have very opposite and very incompatible ways of dealing with stress!

So it follows that the conversation between Sissel and Missile in the original timeline would likely have been an incoherent emotional mess, in which neither of them properly communicated their side of things at all. Missile must have just never even thought to tell Sissel that he can rewind time and therefore saving his ladies is actually possible in theory, because that was already obvious to him! He wouldn’t be capable of understanding why Sissel would be so reluctant about this.

As for why Sissel wasn’t just reluctant to help but outright ran away and sealed the deal – I think, more than anything, it’s got to be down to the fact that he couldn’t stand having Missile being so loud and energetic at him when he was this upset. Especially not while repeatedly saying that he can save them, which would be the exact thing Sissel has been miserably convinced that he just can’t. It follows that he’d just have wanted to run and hide somewhere Missile isn’t, where he can have some peace and quiet. Cats who are upset often like to hide and isolate themselves to feel safer.

There’s one other part in the game’s tutorial that suggests the problem originally might have been partly a matter of Sissel’s emotions:

Ray: “Hello there. How are you feeling? Not very well, I imagine. A terrible tragedy, what happened tonight.” Sissel: “………” [neutral face] Ray: “Ah, ignoring me, are you? It’s a little too early for you to be so stiff and cold, I’d say.” Sissel: [smiling] “Ah, so it was you. You were that voice in my head, right?”

This is very noteworthy, because Ray is the only person in the entire game who ever takes the time to ask Sissel how he’s feeling. He wouldn’t be feeling great after waking up dead, watching a woman die in front of him and failing to save her, would he?

It seems like old-Missile, with his years of wisdom and time to reflect on everything, realised that his approach to getting Sissel’s help last time really was way too focused on his own problems, and he never even stopped to think about how Sissel must have been feeling. So here, he presents himself as a friend, someone who cares about Sissel and his journey, because that’s exactly what Sissel needs! This poor kitty must have felt so lonely and sad and helpless in the original timeline. But hearing Ray’s words, and realising that this desk lamp is someone semi-familiar, does seem to cheer him up at least a little bit here! Sissel really is a character whose core desperate need is to just not be alone, even if you’d be hard-pressed to get him to admit that at the beginning.

Interestingly, way back when I first played Ghost Trick, on the DS soon after it came out, I found myself intrigued by Sissel in the original timeline. I vaguely toyed with the idea of writing a fic exploring how he was feeling and why he refused, though I never got around to actually doing so. Then recently, the game coming out in HD rekindled my hyperfixation and made me think about it some more and actually end up writing that fic after all. And the thing is, back then, I didn’t remotely consciously understand any of this stuff I’ve just explained here. But even so, I find it neat how I still had this wordless sense that what was going on with Sissel must have been so much more than just selfishness – that he must have been so sad in that timeline and that had to be the real basis of why he didn’t help.

#ghost trick #ghost trick phantom detective #ghost trick spoilers #sissel #sissel ghost trick #ray ghost trick #ramble

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ganondoodle · 7 days ago

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Okami is a true and utter masterclass of game design. The visuals, the story, the gameplay, it’s all just fucking outstanding. And then the final boss makes it all like twice as good. God I absolutely love Okami

yeah!!! the playthrough im currently watching is reachign the end and it is really, well, fascinating how well everything in this game plays into each other, (i love the gameplay and mechanics a normal amount öuö), even if issun can be very annoyingly over tutorializing you even he ends up being a complex character you cant help but like, theres is a point at which even i struggle to put into words HOW it works so well given that alot of characters are still very stereotypical and such- especially for its time its one of the few games i would call a masterpiece, not bc its perfect (nothing is) but bc everything in it works so well despite its flaws

(not the point of this ask but bc i compared okami to tloz in a post a while back-) honestly quite a bit of tloz issues are also present in okami imo, including how female characters are treated/what roles they play, the similarly flat evil good thing (and similarly not really adressing that monsters/imps are like ... people? the orochi quest having you disguise yourself as an imp and just talk with them and help them out etc and then just going back to clobber them), time travel ..... even if it works here i just ... hate time travel (and i got a personal problem with kamiki in the past being like a copy paste of modern kamiki INCLUDING the villagers that are jsut color swapped bc 100 years is both long and also not that long and just thinking about the family dynamic is making me angry yES I CARE ABOUT THAT), some strange things that dont really matter (like kaguyas thing is so out of left field but i can squint and accept it as the fairytale(?) reference i think its meant to be, that tbh is also one of okamis strengths, how even the non sensical things are done in a way that just .. dont actually feel very questionable), theres celestial god people that are all blonde and live on a floating island (until eviiil attacked!), weird modrn tech stuff (tbh ... one of the points im a little salty about bc i have started to really dislike this darn trope by now) and probably more (the gameplay/fighting/mechanics are probably the most flawless imo)

theres also the oina though, and as much as i love them all and their designs (Oki my beloved uwu) it does remind me of the gerudo (not as bad as far as i can tell with my limited knowledge), though in okami they are not introduced nor treated as enemies or overly 'other', theres still things i would see as worth thinking about; the oina live in a harsh environment (though snow not desert), they are "half beast" (with their ability to turn into wolfes) and masked (both is cool and i like! but i do think about it), they are said to be very spiritual, their village is designed with alot of totems (and i did hear once i think that they ARE based on a minority in japan, though take that with a grain of salt), their land is the birthplace of all monsters etc- which are all things i have come to recognize are often not very nice portrayals/very stereotypical ones of minorities (i dont know whether this is the case here, but i thinking about it anyway)

im sure i am missing alot of knowledge of japanese mythology around it all too but thats what i could think of out of the blue

i love okami dearly, idk anythign about its first sequel (okamiden?) so idk what went on there and this is solely based on okami PS2 ....... cant wait to have my love for that game ruined by the next (new) sequel :)) (hopefully its not gonna be shitty but i am not hopeful for anything i used to love not being turned into a mediocre modern slopfest, by now there is not much left that i can think of fondly without having in the back of my head how it went on/what was done with it, all my favorite things seem to have a very bad track record and so i am dreading this alot)

and yet okami still works alot ALOT better than tloz (probably helped by the fact okami has considerably less titles lol), also theres nothing that beats playing as a sword wielding wolf god tbh (sword is the best weapon and you cannot change my mind!! double sword babyyyy!!)

#ganondoodles answers #ganondoodles talks #okami #zelda #i would have to read up on alot of thigns to make a more informed opinion on it but it works as is too #rambling on before i gotta gooooooooooo

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hyperfixatedbastard · 1 year ago

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Hi i hope you doing well. I have a resquest... more like a headcanon. What if Adam was a dad ? What his behaviour will be ? Does he be a good or a bad father ?

I understand if you don't do it. I don't want to force you for something you don't want to.

Dadam (Dad!Adam) Headcanons

we bringing out the daddy issues on this one boys

WARNINGS: none

A/N: I haven't done a headcanon type of post yet, but they're easier to write than regular one shots and I'm too tired for that shit. The request didn't specify what kind of Reader (spouse or child), so I just went with general headcanons that don't specify the Reader at all. Insert yourself as you wish!

Also, thank you all for your patience! It's been very busy for me lately and I've been too exhausted to write much, so expect a lot more of these kinds of posts (the formatting is easier and I don't have to write a bunch of dialogue lol).

Dividers

As the father of humanity, Adam had...a lot of kids. The guy lived for 800+ years just populating the earth. That's a LOT of kids. We all know how the first two turned out. That is, not fuckin' well. To be honest, I don't think Adam valued his children. It was just kinda... a thing he had to do. (When Abel died and Cain got exiled, he fr just went and had another kid to replace them.) But I am in deep, deep denial and this is for my enjoyment as someone with severe daddy issues. So fuck all that.

At first, Adam is 100% the guy that freaks the fuck out when he finds out he knocked someone up. That man is SWEATING. He's actually pretty chill if it's someone he's in an established long-term relationship with, though. He still freaks the fuck out, but to a significantly lesser degree and with a much smaller chance of up and leaving. Once he's over the initial shock, he's shocked to find that he's kind of excited. Back when he was alive, having kids was just normal because it was such a common occurrence.

This man knows every little detail about pregnancy and infants. With the amount of kids he's had? He has seen it ALL. Sure, all his information is thousands of years old, but knowledge learned through experience is super valuable when it comes to this shit! He doesn't know what the fuck a uterus is, but he knows exactly how to make his partner the most comfortable, how to deal with cravings, etc. If his partner has a problem, he's got a solution. It might be a fuckin' weird one, but it works! He'll probably grumble and complain, but he doesn't actually mean it. Bitching is just his thing, y'know? But... pregnancy hormones + Adam's douchebag-ness = feelings getting hurt. If his partner starts crying because of some shit joke or complaint he made? He's scrambling so fast. "Shit, babe, fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, fuckfuckfuck, don't cry—"

Once the baby is born, he definitely surprises literally everyone but his partner by actually doing helpful shit. Changing diapers? Easy fuckin' peasy (he does watch a tutorial online because he doesn't know how tf modern diapers work but he's a fast learner) Feeding? No problemo. Getting up in the middle of the night to do both of those things? His sleep schedule's already fucked, this shit ain't new.

When it comes to parenting and raising the kid, though... that's definitely where Adam struggles. He'd struggle with bonding. A lot. Adam mostly talks about things that you really shouldn't say around children, much less bond over. I think he'd be better at just letting the kid ramble while he's just sitting there, fully engrossed in whatever bullshit his child is saying. He's not just passively listening with little 'uh-huh's and nods, this man is active in the discussion. Have you ever heard a small child speak? They say the most random shit ever, and Adam would love it. It's peak entertainment to him. Even if it's just incoherent babbling, he'll have full-on conversations with this baby.

He'd definitely have some shared interests as the kid gets older. I think Adam's favorite shows/movies are a mix of action movies and shit like Power Rangers. He's not ashamed of it either—'fuck you, the Power Rangers are fuckin' cool.' This also goes for video games. I know that man is a toxic COD gamer boy and you can't prove me wrong. Basically, the only thing that keeps him from becoming one of those husbands that locks himself away in a man cave to play video games is the fact that he can game with his kid.

And once they get into school, he just gets really invested in the drama. Elementary school drama is such bullshit, and it'd be the best reality TV he's ever seen. "Oh, don't tell me—it's that bitch Cindy. The fuck did that little shit do this time?" He'd be gasping like it's a damn soap opera. 'Oh no she didn't!' kinda vibe.

He'd talk so much shit around his kid about the parents of their classmates, the teachers, anyone. Then the kid would repeat it and Adam would get sat down in the office with his kid like: "Your child said, and I quote, 'My dad says your mom's a bitch.'" "What? She fuckin' is." And yeah, he's not wrong - some of those parents are fucking nightmares.

If his kid got in trouble for fighting, his reaction would depend on the situation. If it was unprovoked and/or a part of bullying, he'd originally laugh it off but would be freaking the fuck out internally. He's probably a little traumatized by what happened with Cain and Abel. But if the fighting was an act of defense (whether of themselves or someone else) he would be the proudest dad ever. Fist-bumps his kid in the office in full view of the principal.

You cannot trust this man to give his kid the sex talk. It just will not go well. Like, if his kid needs advice when they're older (basically anything beyond 'where do babies come from') then he's your guy, but it's still gonna be awkward and uncomfortable. He'd probably have Lute handle most of those issues just so he doesn't have to know about his kid's sex life but can still trust that they have a responsible(?) adult if they have questions.

In terms of where Adam is lacking as a parent, there's a few areas in particular to focus on.

Emotional availability? Not his strong suit. At all. He can't deal with his own feelings, let alone his kid's. Most of the emotional support will be coming from his partner. That doesn't mean he doesn't try. But he can't show it with words all that well. He'll show emotional support in other ways—quality time, gifts, and acts of service for the most part. Like going out for ice cream, watching a movie, etc.

He's not good with discipline. To him, everything's no big deal. If his kid hasn't killed their sibling, that's good enough for him! Generally, his partner will choose when/how to discipline (with Adam's input ofc), but Adam's job is to just enforce it/not overrule it. He's 100% the type to be sneaky about it tho. If his kid is grounded, he'll go out with them to give them a break from being stuck in the house, y'know, stuff like that. Because of this, his kid forms a closer, different kind of bond than with Adam's partner. It's more friendly, I guess is the word? Like, his kid won't go to him for actual helpful advice, but if they fuck up somehow or are in a bad situation that they kinda got themselves into (drinking, car accident, etc.), then Adam is the parent they call.

I think Adam's peak parenting era would be when his kid is a late teen/young adult. 'Cause then he can actually be himself, for the most part. His personality is not very kid-friendly, so once his kid isn't really much of a kid anymore—he is so fucking excited. His relationship with his kid would be a lot more unconventional as they grow older. Like, he's really close with his kid once they're an adult. (totally not basing this off my relationship with my mom) His advice would be shit, but he'd give it if his kid needed it!

Definitely the type to text his kid more often than most parents. Mostly because he texts more like them and has the same sense of humor. Lots of shitty memes.

Also!! I think Adam would definitely make time for his partner. Date nights are a must. His kid better get comfortable with sleepovers at friends' houses or getting babysat by Emily 'cause he ain't letting parenthood fuck up his sex life.

I think that's all I got. Not sure how to end this so uh... shoutout to all you bitches with daddy issues lmao

Taglist: @little-miss-chaoss @fakeguysarehot @3sire-777

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin adam #hazbin hotel adam x reader #hazbin hotel fluff #hazbin hotel oneshots #hazbin hotel headcanons #headcanons #adam headcanons #hazbin headcanons #adam x reader

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jenniferlawrencelover · 10 months ago

Text

Wade forced himself to focus on the mirror again, tearing his gaze away from Logan before he did something stupid—like launching himself across the room and kissing the life out of the guy. "Can't help it if you're a fucking distraction," Wade muttered, more to himself than to Logan, managing to get the tie somewhat presentable, though he was pretty sure Logan could tie a better knot with his eyes closed. He adjusted the red pocket square, trying to give himself something to do with his hands that didn't involve reaching for Logan.

"You know," he said, "I have to admit, you look pretty damn good in a suit. I mean, it's no Wolverine's suit, and it's not like I didn't know you were built like a tank, but damn... who knew you cleaned up so well?"

Logan glanced up from where he was sitting, his eyes narrowing slightly as he met Wade's gaze in the mirror. "Yeah, well, don't get used to it, Bub."

"Too late," Wade leered. "Why don't you stand up and do a twirl for me, Princess?"

Snikt

"Woah, hey! No! No," Wade turned around, holding his hands out in front of him. Logan's claws glinted under the fluorescent lights menacingly as he glared up at him. "Usually I'm up for a little bit of foreplay, but we're under strict instructions that the claws need to stay away today. If she sees even a speck of blood on either of us, she is going to lose her shit."

Logan's claws retracted with a swift snikt, and he leveled a disapproving look at Wade, who was still standing with his hands up in a defensive posture. "Then, maybe you shouldn't say things that make me want to stab you."

"I flirt when I'm nervous," Wade quipped, crossing his arms. "It's not every day the love of your life gets married to someone else."

Logan gives him a flat look.

"Right, my bad. We can trauma bond about it later, say over dinner?" He reaches under the sink, pulling out the newest toupee—one of his more elegant wigs, this time a nearly identical replica of Nicepool's long locks.

Logan stared at the toupee, then back at Wade with a look of exasperation. "You've got to be fucking kidding me. You're actually wearing that?"

Wade grinned, holding the toupee up like a trophy. "Oh, come on. It's her big day. Nobody wants to see a walking scrotum sitting at the bar."

He plopped it onto his head, ignoring Logan's winces as he stapled it firmly to his head. He spins in a circle, posing a few times for Logan. "How do I look?"

"Horrifying."

"More or less than usual?"

Logan didn't answer, his face crinkling into one of disgust. Wade spun back to face the mirror, rearranging the wig in the way he remembered Nicepool wore his--may he rest in peace--eyes flickering between his own reflection and Logan's as he watched him. Finally, feeling satisfied with his appearance, he turned around and clapped his hands. "Ready to rock and roll?"

Logan didn't move, choosing to sit there and just stare at him like he had something completely batshit crazy. His hands tightened around his thighs, white-knuckling the dark fabric. "How do you do that?" he asked suddenly, his voice breaking the stillness.

Wade glanced up, confused. "Do what? The wig? I mean, sure, I watched a lot of tutorials, but really it's all in the quality-"

"No," Logan interrupted, his tone sharper than usual. "I mean, how do you just...watch the love of your life get married to someone else?"

Wade was silent for a moment, his eyes focusing on the claw mark through the shower curtain. Hm. What fight caused that? He took a deep breath. "Well...when you love someone, when you really, truly love someone, it doesn't really matter who they end up with. Even if it isn't you, you're happy because they're happy." Wade shrugged, "And I think deep down, I knew it was never going to be me. People like her, good people, they don't end up with guys like me. They end up with the good guy."

"You are a good guy," Logan said sternly, startling Wade out of his half-reverie. "Annoying as fuck, a goddamn pervert, but you are a good guy."

Wade laughed softly, though it didn't reach his eyes. "I'm really, really not."

Logan shook his head, stepping closer. "You saved the world for her. For your family. For everybody. You took me in, even though I'm a dick, and I'm 'grumpy' and I'm an alcoholic, and we nearly kill each other every day. When I was nothing but...when I was just nothing to anybody. When I was the 'worst' Wolverine, you didn't give a fuck what I had to say or what anyone else had to say. You told me I'm the best Wolverine. Even when I wasn't. When I haven't been."

Logan poked a thick finger into his chest. "You. Are. A. Good. Guy. Wade Wilson. Fuck her."

"Logan," Wade began slowly, "I've done a lot of things. Some of them... well, let's just say if there's a line, I've not only crossed it, I've stomped it into the ground and done a little tap dance on it."

Logan's expression didn't change, his gaze steady as he waited for Wade to continue.

"I saved the world, but I also destroyed a lot of it in the process. I killed people. People who didn't deserve it, who were just... there. Wrong place, wrong time. And every time I do something good, it's like there's this... tally board, and all those bad things I've done, they just get louder, like they're reminding me of who I really am. Of what I am."

Logan stepped even closer, closing the gap between them, his presence solid and grounding. "You think I don't know what that's like? To be haunted by what you've done? Hell, Wade, I've been carrying that weight for longer than I care to remember. But that doesn't define us. You saved the world not because you were trying to erase your past, but because you wanted to make a future for people you care about. That's what matters."

"Why do you even care? Why are you trying so hard to convince me that I'm worth something?" Wade shot back, poking his chest. "Why does it matter to you so much?"

Logan leaned in closer, and Wade had to resist the urge to pull away from him, pull away from his minty breath and his clenched teeth and those steak knives he called claws. "Because if you're not worth something, then what the hell am I?"

Wade's breath hitched, his brain short-circuiting as Logan's words hung in the air between them.

His pulse quickened, and he had to bite down on the inside of his cheek to stop himself from doing something stupid, like closing the distance and finding out exactly how Logan's lips would feel pressed against his. He could imagine it so clearly, the way Logan's hands would grip his arms—tight enough to leave bruises, to hold him in place—and the way those clawed fingers would curl into his flesh, leaving marks that would fade almost as soon as they appeared.

He wanted to push Logan, to see how far he could go before the older man snapped. He wanted to feel Logan's rough hands on his skin, to have him take out all that pent-up frustration on him in the most primal way possible. Wade's thoughts drifted to what it would be like to be under Logan, to have him growling his name, those low, guttural sounds that Wade had only ever heard when Logan was pissed off or in the middle of a fight.

But as much as Wade wanted to give in to those thoughts, he knew better. He knew that if he pushed too far, if he acted on the urge that was currently making it hard to think straight, he'd be risking everything. Whatever this was between them, it was fragile, and Wade wasn't sure if it could survive if he crossed that line.

So instead, Wade did what he always did—he deflected. He forced a smirk onto his face, even though his heart was pounding in his chest, and tried to push the thoughts of Logan's lips, Logan's hands, Logan's everything, out of his mind.

"Wow, Wolvie," Wade said, his voice coming out a little more breathless than he intended. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were flirting with me. You trying to get in my pants or something? Because, fair warning, I'm a cheap date—I'll put out after a few kind words and maybe a well-placed claw or two."

Logan's eyes narrowed, and for a moment, Wade thought he saw something flash in them—something dark and dangerous that made his stomach do a weird flip. But then Logan just huffed, shaking his head like Wade was a particularly annoying puzzle he couldn't figure out. "You really don't know when to shut up, do you?" Logan growled, but there was no real bite behind it.

Wade shrugged, trying to keep it casual even though his thoughts were anything but. "It's part of my charm. But seriously, Logan, if you're not trying to seduce me, you're doing a terrible job of convincing me otherwise. I mean, you're practically on top of me right now. A guy could get the wrong idea."

Logan's eyes flicked down to where their chests were almost touching, and for a brief moment, Wade thought he saw his resolve waver. But then Logan took a step back, putting some much-needed distance between them, and the moment was gone.

Because if you're not worth something, then what the hell am I?

Wade cleared his throat, trying to shake off the sudden tension."Well, uh, glad we got all of that mushy stuff out of the way," Wade stammered, his usual bravado faltering. "Blech, gross. We better get, uh... going. Yeah, going."

Logan didn't respond right away, his intense gaze still locked on Wade. The silence stretched between them, and for a moment, Wade wondered if he'd said something wrong. He was about to crack another joke, something to diffuse the weirdness, when Logan took a step closer.

Wade froze, his heart pounding in his chest.

Then, without warning,

*RECORD SCRATCH*

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roseykat · 1 year ago

Text

TITLE: Foul Play

PAIRING: Seungmin x f!reader

SUMMARY: A couple of weeks after hooking up with your professor's tutor Seungmin, the repercussions from that evening start to take its effect.

WC: 6716

PART 1 - Don't bite the hand that feeds you

MASTERLIST

TAGLIST: @princejisung @yakosobaboba 🩷

SPOILER TAGS BELOW THE CUT

swearing, unexpected pregnancy, suggestive content but not smut based at all.

“…hence why I am positive that you will all submit your assignments on time by this Friday. Extensions will only be granted should you provide damning evidence that you’re either dying or sick. Until then, I’ll see you on Wednesday,” the lecturer’s voice booms throughout her large class, filled to capacity.

‘Sick’ was a lesser form of a word to sum up how you had been feeling this entire week. The stress of navigating your studies began to douse the dwindling embers of motivation you had left in the tank to keep persevering towards the end of this semester. Yet, above all else, there was a looming nervousness in your stomach.

One that could only arise from the prospect of heading to your tutorial straight after your lecture. A tutorial taught by a person who you had learned to despise with the way he treats you - or at least treated you since the last class with him was to leave a permanent mark etched in your memory forever. Even thinking about it zaps you with an interesting feeling as you revisit what occurred on that desk he sits behind.

However, you haven’t been back since, but not because you didn’t want to. But because there had been no tutorials in the past two weeks, leaving you with some time to pick your energy back up and pull yourself over the line for the next upcoming load of work.

With a solid amount of time to head across campus and directly to the room, you took pride in adopting the pace of a snail and walking slowly. There was no need to rush and the impending awkwardness waiting for you to face didn’t need to arrive any sooner until it was time to actually be seated and ready for the two hour session.

As he usually is, Seungmin was inside first to greet his students that stroll through his door with a dry tone. His trendy black glasses sit perched on the bridge of his nose as he flicks through the pages of handouts, counting to make sure he has enough for the numbers in his class. Taking advantage of the fact that he was distracted, you find a group of students to tag behind so as to not walk in alone. That way he wouldn’t notice you as much, even though he very much did.

No eye contact, pretending as if he didn’t exist, trying to appear busy, and look as if you were in a hurry. All the signs you showed of trying to ignore him were so obvious that the corner of his mouth quirked up when he watched you sit down. His eyes remain on you completely, waiting for you to glance up at him even in the slightest. But you keep your cool from start to finish, throughout the entire duration of his tutorial that he stands up to run.

For the whole of the class however, you couldn’t help but wonder if he thought about the other week too. Did he reminisce on how he bent you over the desk he teaches from in front of his students? Did he think about how hasty he was in trying to rip your panties off to eat you out? Did he think about the fact that he wanted to fuck you?

Did he think twice about saying to you that he had waited a long time to do this…

“You can go now,” a voice calls out, making you jolt in your own seat. It was like waking up from a dream where you were falling from the sky, only you weren’t asleep and were very much awake with no sense of time that had passed.

You look up towards the sound of the person that so rudely uproots you from your own thoughts, Seungmin. The person you didn’t want to take notice of you or make eye contact with for fear that he was going to approach you. At that point you wished he would just go back to ignoring you rather than hear him speak directly to you.

“Right,” you reply, incredibly flustered while you scramble to grab your belongings and make haste to get to the door.

“Y/N,” Seungmin calls out.

Your stomach flips.

Similar to what it’s been like first thing in the morning every now and then. It’s patently obvious who he’s talking to as you try and rush out behind the herd of students that are eager to head home. You could’ve played it off as if you didn’t hear him, but the fact that you were planted to the ground before the doorframe gave away the fact that you did.

“Yeah?”

“This is yours,” he stands up from the desk and walks over with some papers in a clear file pocket, handing it over to you.

You look down at the title and the date printed on the first page. It was the assignment you so desperately needed him to check for weeks but never would for whatever stubborn reason. But that wasn’t the problem, given that the practice assignment he held was from over a week ago now had absolutely no relevance to you whatsoever. Because of him, you had to submit the work unchecked by a tutor which isn’t required per se, but lecturers have always stressed that it should be.

However, the level of his audacity to hand it back now shoved every fear of awkwardness you thought was going to happen from the past few hours, right out of your brain.

You scoff, snatching it rudely from his possession, “thanks. It would’ve been so much more useful had you marked it before I had to hand it in a week ago.”

“Just doing what I do best apparently,” Seungmin shrugs, completely unbothered by the venom in your voice.

“Which is also apparently your worst,” you sigh.

He raises his eyebrows as he watches you scrunch your assignment up and throw it in the bin beside the door, “I did tell you how stubborn you can be right?”

“Don’t recall that sorry.”

“Okay,” he responds sarcastically, rolling his eyes and just about laughing. “Suppose you don’t recall moaning out my name on that desk over there but here we are.”

Your cheeks heat up furiously, just as much as your anger starts to boil, “is that all you wanted to say?”

“If you’re not going to continue acting the way you are to me, then no, that’s not all I wanted to say. In fact I have a question for you,” Seungmin responds before pausing and looking past you towards the door frame. “But I might have to ask you about it next time.”

Standing underneath it was someone he hadn’t seen before. He’s not one of his students, nor is he the next tutor to come in and take over the room for a different course. It left one very obvious answer.

You pursue Seungmin’s eye line to see Felix smiling back at you, “sorry, usually we finish ten minutes early…”

“That’s okay,” he says kindly. “Just came to collect you. Lunch?”

The saving grace that Felix bestows allows you to leave Seungmin’s presence without another foul word to come out of his mouth. The pair of you walk to one of the many fields that the University has to offer to sit down and hang out together.

“What was he talking to you about?” Felix starts.

You lie back on the fresh grass, absorbing the rays of the warm sun that has the ability to make your eyelids droopy, “he gave me back my practice assignment for him to check that was due last week.”

“Really?” Felix replies, gobsmacked as he takes a bite out of his sandwich. “What an idiot.”

You roll your eyes just thinking about him, “very much so.”

“Why aren’t you eating?” Lix grumbles with a mouthful of food.

“Can’t,” you respond with a note of solemn in your voice. “Been pretty sick lately”

“What, like ‘throwing up’ type of ‘sick’?” He mumbles.

“That type of ‘sick’,” you confirm.

“Might be stress from Uni. Jeongin said the other day that he’s been unwell lately because of exams next week but I don’t think he’s been throwing up.”

“Seriously?” You ask, feeling a bit concerned when he tells you that bit of information. “Maybe it’s also food poisoning, but I don’t have any other symptoms that come with it.”

“Could be,” Felix responds then readies his soundproof advice. “What you need to do is go to the student health services for a doctor's appointment. Or even the student nurse. Because you don’t want to leave it to the last minute come crunch time for handing stuff in and you’re still ill.”

He had a point. You could already imagine what the final week of the first semester was going to be like. Just visualising the due dates for work, papers and essays that needed to be submitted is already putting a hamper on your mood.

For once however, you made your well being the first priority instead of the mountain of tasks you needed to complete. ‘University can wait, but your health cannot’ as Felix said who made sure you at least called into the chemist on your way back home to grab some medicine until you were able to get in and see a doctor. He would’ve forced you through their doors himself if he didn’t have a test to sit but nonetheless did his best by walking you nearby and heading off when he needed to.

Greeted by one of the chemists in the store, you begin to explain everything that’s happened over the past two weeks in regard to your body. The headaches, stress, nausea, the lot, all in the hopes to find some type of relief or remedy.

“And these symptoms have persisted for how long?” She asks.

“Just over a week now,” you reply.

“Okay, and are you currently pregnant or is there any chance you could be?” She questions while leading you down an aisle of medicine.

Before replying ‘no’ your mouth and brain stall at the same time. Pregnant? Is there a chance? No. There shouldn’t be. Yes you had sex two weeks ago, but there wasn’t in any way or any universe that you were currently carrying a child. There was no reason to go anywhere near along those lines of an assumption or put in any thought to it.

“Uh - I…no. Don’t think so,” you stammer.

The chemist eyes you for a second, trying to gauge her best answer from you and picks up a small packaged bottle, “this is safe to use even if you are pregnant since the prescribed millilitres are the same for that of someone who isn’t. We get a lot of students coming in around this time with the same issues when it’s close to the end of the semester so there could be a number of things going on.”

“I’d imagine,” you respond. “Thank you for this, I’ll have another browse for some other things and come back soon.”

She smiles back as you depart from the aisle with the medicine in hand. From there, it’s impossible not to start freaking out. Your mind speeds through so many different avenues and possibilities of why you were sick. The very one that springs up is pregnancy. It was torment enough that you had to pull out your phone and google its symptoms. There can’t be any way.

Nausea and vomiting that usually occur in mornings,

Missed period,

Fatigue,

Headaches…

The list was short but nonetheless went on to describe everything that you had been dealing with for the past two weeks. It had to be a coincidence. Maybe it’s something else that you might have like these other students who’ve been dealing with the same thing? It’s just the stress. Only the stress. Yet, you find yourself reaching for a pregnancy test from the shelf and bringing it back with you in the hopes that the money you’re about to spend is going to give you a negative result when you return to your dorm.

The chemist says nothing else to you as you make your purchases which you appreciate. The last thing you need right now is for someone to say ‘all the best’ or ‘must’ve been a good time,’ whenever they look at someone buying a pregnancy test. You just wanted to go home and rule everything out straight away so the nerves could stop eating you alive.

As you walked back to the student accommodation, it felt like you were wearing a clown mask and everyone was looking at you. Even though you didn’t know that they didn’t take any notice of you whatsoever, that’s what it felt like.

Straight through the doors to the building you go and right to your floor. You key in your code to get into your room and shut the door behind you. Finally you were able to feel like you could breathe a little better, just before the four walls enclosing you began caving in.

Everything seemed hazy and uncertain as the question of whether you are pregnant kept popping up in your head. What would happen then? There was no plan other than to finish the year and graduate with your degree, go on to work and hopefully live a fulfilling life with kids somewhere along the way - not now. Not even in the next three years was that an option.

But out of all the mangled and mixed thoughts that have sent your brain on a spin, not once did you ever think of the culprit who without, wouldn’t have you currently spiralling into an abyss of anxiety.

Fucking Seungmin.

Even when he’s not here he’s still an insufferable asshole that has landed you in this position. If you are pregnant, you know it’s him. There wasn’t anyone else you had slept with in the past four months other than him. It made matters even worse tenfold - the fact that he’s practically a stranger to you. All you know is his name and how shitty of an attitude he has.

But that wasn’t something you could afford to think about. Not right now. Giving yourself one thing else extra to worry about would make you feel even more sick. All you needed to do was get through this pregnancy test and figure out the rest later.

After making sure you were well hydrated, you waited for the right time to use the bathroom and the test. You made absolutely sure to follow every single instruction on the box so as to not produce an inconclusive result. There was no room to make a mistake at the moment.

For fifteen minutes you abandon the test on the counter of your bathroom, trying to distract yourself with something else. Within that space of time, Felix sent through a couple of messages to check in on you, an indication that he had also finished his in-class tests.

From Lix: did you manage to get anything? I’ll bring over some wonton noodle soup for dinner later and some other stuff. You need to eat.

From Lix: AND HYDRATE keep filling your water bottle up and drink as much as you can. I can get some electrolytes drinks off of Changbin. He won’t mind, he has too much of it anyway.

You smile down at your phone. Life would be miserable without Felix. You don’t only appreciate him because he’ll go out of his way to do things for you, but you appreciate him because he’s such a good friend. Never is there a dull moment, no bitterness, no jealousy. It’s a peaceful and sometimes chaotic friendship that you cherish whenever you can.

Mulling over your connection with him wasn’t going to kidnap you from reality however, as the pregnancy test remains on the counter, waiting for you to step over and check the results.

Your heart is in your throat, pounding and begging to jump right out. Whatever those lines read on the pregnancy stick didn’t fail to make you feel any more nervous than you already were prior. Almost like it just kept getting worse. At that moment, you thought about ringing Felix or texting him to see if he could help.

You’ve seen videos of women who’ve taken pregnancy tests in the presence of their friends for support. There was nothing else you wanted more other than that. Just to have someone nearby if the worst approaches. Yet, at the same time, you never reached for your phone to contact him. Instead, you reach for that plastic stick on the counter. A small yet seemingly significant item that had the potential to change your entire life.

With one large breath in and out, you lean over to the surface to see two clear blue lines present on the stick.

There was no fucking way.

You snatch the test immediately. Holding it up to the bathroom light to make sure you weren’t seeing things, then holding it away to see it again. To double check once more, you swipe the instructions from the box to see whether or not two blue lines were an affirmative pregnancy or a negative test.

But, to your disbelief, shock, and defeat, there was no other result other than a positive reading.

Everything comes crashing down. You can even hear it on top of your own racing heartbeat in your ears. The tips of your fingers go numb when you bring them up for your hand to cover your mouth. The millions of questions firing throughout every corner of your brain cannot be slowed for the faultless truth to be right there in front of you.

It explains every symptom you’ve had to date for the past couple of weeks that you had foolishly mistaken for immense stress. As of now, it was impossible to articulate a clear thought. What are your options? What will you do? Who do you even tell? When it comes to the latter, the first person that pops into view is the same one who landed you in this predicament, and to think that you’re carrying his child.

It’s not hard for you to retrace back to the afternoon where it all unfolded. The afternoon where you can now unfortunately say was the date of conception, wishing that it never happened. All of it sends a very strong reminder of how fucked everything now appears to be. As you struggle to come to terms with a new future, one that requires careful and cautious thoughts, you keep the secret to yourself for the time being, unable to even bring yourself to tell Felix who would grow sceptical of you not responding to his texts. You couldn’t answer him when he said he wanted to bring dinner around for fear that he would automatically sniff out that you’re not acting your usual self.

The Monday that followed, Felix texted you to see if you were okay and if you needed him to drop anything around. Tuesday came around for him to remind you to keep drinking as much water and eat if you were able to stomach food. When Wednesday dawned, Felix never received a reply back from you when he asked if you wanted to have a talk. Thursday then arrived, as he held himself back from contacting you entirely, but wasn’t offended by the fact that you weren’t responding to his messages.

Friday then approached where Felix found that it was absolutely necessary to actually pay you a visit. The buildup of texts and missed calls he sent you were almost a sign for a welfare check. Although, he didn’t want to jump ahead that far despite his suspicions about your strange and absent behaviour.

The first location where he was hoping to catch you was at student accommodation, where he was to stand for a few minutes at your door, knocking to see if you were there. After checking the time on his phone, he realised that you were probably in your tutorial, so bolted over to the other side of the campus, and waited patiently outside.

Rustling and chatter sounded from behind the door before students began pouring out into the corridor once it had ended. Each unfamiliar face that caught his eye led him to more disappointment to find that you’re not there. He steps across the threshold of the classroom to see empty tables, chairs, and desks, all except for the one up the front that was occupied by the tutor. The same person Felix saw last week when he came to get you for lunch. The same person you told him about who you despised greatly.

If only he knew the latest reason why you hated him so much.

Seungmin’s pen stalls over the pages of student assignments that he was marking, looking at Felix with curiosity, “can I help you?”

“Just looking for someone,” Felix answers. “Thought they were here.”

“Y/N, you mean?” Seungmin assumes straight away.

“Yeah.”

“I take it she’s your friend?” He asks.

“Yes,” Felix answered, thinking about how that’s a strange question to ask. “Did she leave already?”

“Leave?” He retorts. “She needs to show up first in order to leave. I haven’t seen her this entire week.”

Felix gives him the benefit of the doubt for being a conceited asshole and not knowing your circumstances at the moment. But he’s in no place to tell him anything. Either way, the fact that he now knows you had been missing from tutorials and most likely lectures too, wasn’t good news.

“Know when she’s coming back?” Seungmin questions.

Felix sighs, his eyes squaring up the man across from him, “not really, no.”

“Well, if you could try to get a hold of her that would be good. Some of her professors have sent emails to her and copied me into them since attendance for lectures and tutorials are compulsory and count towards her grade.”

Felix sighs and nods, appearing so suddenly distant while he thinks about something. Whatever it was, Seungmin was able to observe his reaction, sensing a tinge of worry from the person in front of him. He wouldn’t have stepped foot in his class if he didn’t have a reason to look for you which made him more curious.

“I’ll let her know,” Felix replies and retraces his steps back outside the faculty and into the courtyard.

From an objective perspective, for someone who has seemed to have dropped off the grid is a massive cause for concern. As your best friend, Felix can’t overlook it. Immediately his mind starts zapping to different conclusions without thinking rationally at all. What if someone had hurt you - is hurting you? What if you were dead and had been for a while?

There was no harm in trying your dorm one more time just in case, regardless of how suspicious he looked to the receptionist at student accommodation when he walked past once more to your room. For a minute straight, Felix knocks on your door, unbothered by the students that popped their heads out of their rooms to see what all the commotion was about. To them it was almost as if Felix was trying to break into your dorm and to save himself from potentially being reported or chucked out, you open the door, grab onto his arm to yank him inside.

“Geez why didn’t you open the door like a minute ago?” Felix questions when he realises that he’s now standing in your room . “I’ve been…I’ve been trying to contact you for a week - I was starting to think you were dead!”

“Close to it,” you respond.

The silence without all of Felix’s knocking is palpable. The pair of you stand quietly as he tries to think about where to start.

“You know, you really freaked me out when you stopped replying to me the other week. Are you still feeling ill?”

The guilt plummets on top of your shoulders so suddenly, “I know. I’m sorry for being flaky, and yes occasionally I am.”

“And?” He continues, standing there as if he were waiting for a presentation from you on your diagnosis. “Anything contagious? Still throwing up? Losing your vision? Infected? Did someone bite you and now you’ve only got twenty four hours until you turn into a zombie-“

“This isn’t The Last of Us, Lix,” you sigh. “Also you need to stop playing that game too.”

“What? The plot’s fuckin’ sick,” he emphasises, happily taking a seat on the edge of your bed. “Alright, if you’re not any of that, what are you? What did the chemist reckon?”

“She said there are a lot of students who are sick at the moment - stress from exams and stuff like that.”

Felix smiles and sighs with relief for you, “that’s good then, right? It’s not anything complex, all you have to do is take care of yourself properly. Which I’m trying to assume that you have been doing, right?”

You didn’t have the energy to play games with him at the moment. All of it has been depleted by putting thought into your options about this pregnancy which still remains an unknown aspect to Felix about your current absence. That and the morning sickness which has been kicking your ass every day and trying to keep up with coursework from a distance. You already feel terrible for not being able to show up to class and tutorials.

“I’ve been getting as much rest as I can,” you assure him.

“Good. Have you seen-”

“I have not seen the doctor yet Felix,” you interrupt, already knowing what his question was going to be. “All I know is that I will at some stage. I have medicine, food and water, I’m covered.”

He heaves a great sigh, “I saw that tutor of yours by the way.”

Your stomach sinks.

“What do you mean?”

“I went to go check if you were in your tutorial and he said you hadn’t been since last week,” he answers. “I know what you mean when you say that he’s a dickhead. He talks to you as if he owns the fuckin’ world.”

You nearly laugh. It had been a while since you last felt that airy, humorous sensation in your stomach, “yeah. He’s a nasty piece of work.”

The same nasty piece of work that put a baby in you, which thinking that thought deflates your entire morale and brings you right back down to earth once more. Felix observantly picks up on the sudden shift in atmosphere, like he’s watching the rawest version of yourself unravel.

“What’s wrong Y/N?” Felix questions you softly, almost as if he can see through that thin exterior of a wall you’re trying to build between you and him to keep him from finding out the truth.

“Yes I’ve been sick lately, but not because of stress or anything like that,” you give a wave of dismissal.

“Let me guess, you’re pregnant,” he says jokingly with an innocent grin and light laugh.

That grin quickly falls off his face when he sees how serious and unmoving your expression is. For a moment or two, Felix doesn’t say anything. Instead, he grapples with the possibility that you, despite not confirming with him yet, that it isn’t actually a joke.

“You - you are pregnant…”

“I found out the other day,” you finally break the news to him. “Hence why I’ve been sort of…distant.”

“That’s…”

It was a surprise to you that Felix stayed this long. You weren’t expecting him to remain in the same room as you for more than three minutes after telling him what the real situation is. All those horrendous stories you had heard of mothers-to-be getting shunned by their family or friends for being pregnant had done a serious number on you. It was impossible to think of anything more lonely.

Unaware of the fact that you were holding your breath, you sigh immensely.

Felix doesn’t say another word. He stands up from your bed and opens his arms to embrace your body, “that’s amazing Y/N - you couldn’t have told me any sooner?”

You stiffen, suddenly doused in cold shock when you realise that this situation could’ve been flipped on its head, “I-I was trying to figure things out. But…I don’t know if I wanted to…”

He pulls you away gently, “don’t know if this is the right option for you right now?”

Felix always knows what to say in every situation.

“That.”

“Well, whatever you choose, you still have me to support you right?” He reminds you. “How are you really feeling about it?”

“Conflicted,” you sum up quickly. “I don’t know how many pregnancy forums I’ve joined to talk to women who’ve had unexpected pregnancies and watched billions of videos of babies learning to walk and all that stuff.”

“What have those women said?”

“They said it was hard to make a decision based on their circumstances or beliefs at the time, but the one thing they mentioned that they all had in common, is that none of them regretted their decision to continue full term to pregnancy,” you explain.

Felix doesn’t obviously know firsthand, but he can empathise. He knows why people want children, and why others don’t. In this day and age especially since living has turned into surviving instead. It’s difficult to rent, to buy food, to pay bills - and that’s all for one person.

To have someone who is dependent on you in every capacity is a lifelong thankless job. It’s then when something else strikes Felix’s curiosity as he goes to ask you another question.

“Who’s the father?”

“It…doesn’t matter, the point is that I’m pregnant and even though I can change that fact, I won’t.”

Felix doesn’t ask you about it again, not even two weeks after exam week ends and the study break starts. Unfortunately for some students such as yourself, required catch up tutorials to make up for a percentage of their grades that they missed out on from being absent. Unlike some, your excuse was extremely valid. But it was only twice a week. Something very manageable and a good method of distracting your mind from reality for a little bit.

Another pluside is that a different tutor was running the classes, making you feel so much more at ease that it wasn’t Seungmin - but only until it was. Only until one class where he shows up five minutes later after the tutorial was meant to commence. It sent you spiralling into a hole of panic.

You’re suddenly reminded that it’s been one whole month since you found out you were pregnant and suddenly, everything becomes very real again.

“Apologies, I was told to come in this morning because one of your tutors had an emergency,” he announced to the fifteen people sitting inside the class. “I won’t take up too much of your time today. We just have some information to get through and that’s it.”

Thank god. One more second spent in his proximity feels like a year being taken off your lifespan. But Seungmin wastes no time in getting things sorted for everyone such as handing out some slides he printed off for everyone to examine. As he crosses over to you, it is in your best interest not to appear suspicious such as not making eye contact with him. That didn’t work out for you last time and only drew more attention to yourself.

“Thanks,” you reply as he places the sheets down in front of you.

“No worries.”

He returns back to the front of the class and begins explaining the tasks for the session, all of which were relatively easy and mainly involved reading with a couple of multi choice questions. It took around twenty minutes to complete, and by then you were up out of your seat and ready to hand your answers and papers in. You follow some of the students towards the door, passing Seungmin on their way by. Hoping to not have another awkward encounter with him, you set your focus on just leaving as fast as you could.

“I met your friend the other week,” Seungmin says to you, standing by the door as you attempt to head out.

You briefly stall in place, intrigued as to why he would suddenly bring that up, “which one?”

“Brown hair, heaps of freckles,” he answers. Felix. “He was worried when I told him that you hadn’t been showing up to classes.”

“Right,” you respond awkwardly. All of that’s in the past now considering what your future is.

“Anyway, I guess you have me to thank for getting you into these catchup classes,” he sighs.

Your eyebrows knit together, “what?”

Seungmin nods and hums, “you didn’t get the emails your Professors sent you?”

Emails? You had other things to worry about and other uses for the internet that were far more preoccupying than whatever it was your Professors had to say.

“I wasn’t able to check them,” you tell him.

“Right,” he adds before changing the topic. “Also, the other week, I was meant to ask you a question before you left.”

By the tone of his voice, you had an inkling as to where this was going. He had already talked to you about Uni, and there’s nothing else either of you have in common, so the other thing you could possibly think of was-

“Were you skipping classes because we slept together?”

There it was.

If you weren’t carrying his child right now, you would’ve said no because the sex was good, really good that you couldn’t deny the fact. Not even to him. But it wasn’t necessarily the entire reason that triggered your absence for an entire week.

“Not in the way you might think,” you say to him.

His eyes train onto you, trying to unravel the hidden meaning behind your words, “what do you mean by that?”

You could just come out and say it. The door is right there, providing a speedy getaway to just drop the news and bolt. Then again, you had to think of whether it was mature or not to do that. Yes, Seungmin got you pregnant but the decision afterwards to keep the baby, in the eyes of some, refutes all of that and could bring back his right to know about it.

Again, it was all too conflicting and required more thought about it. But you also had to be realistic. One month into pregnancy isn’t a long time, but it also isn’t short. Every day for the next eight months would need to be spent carefully. Spending too much time worrying about what Seungmin will think surely will do more harm than good when you need to focus your time and energy on yourself.

Then again, what is there to lose right now? What harm is there being done to you by telling him? When those thoughts make it past your thinking process, it makes it easier to export the truth.

“I didn’t go to my classes not because I was avoiding you for that particular reason, since I don’t actually regret having sex with you.”

Seungmin’s interest spikes, “what other reason is there then?”

You sigh heavily and suck it up, “I didn’t go to my classes because I wanted to avoid you for the fact that I’m pregnant.”

As if someone just tipped a cold bucket of water over Seungmin’s head, a tether of shock twists tightly inside his upper body. Almost as if his heart stopped beating for a few seconds. You haven’t seen very many emotions on his face and a blank yet shocked expression was now one of them.

Seungmin reaches up to his glasses and takes them off, “pregnant? As in…you’re pregnant?”

You look around the empty classroom to help prove a point, “who else?”

He pauses while his brain recalibrates, “I caught onto that when you said you were, I’m just trying to-“

“Don’t say ‘figure out ‘how’ because you know exactly ‘how’ it works,” you cut him off before taking a deep breath and exhaling as calmly as you can. “I’m telling you this because I felt that you were obligated to know. I don’t want you to or expect you to do or saying anything-“

“Are you saying I got you pregnant,” he interrupts you this time.

“Yes,” you answer clearly, realising that it was a crucial piece to the puzzle that Seungmin was trying to stitch all together which you hadn’t clearly mentioned. “I haven’t slept with anyone else for months before you.”

It was a lot to consider, as you predicted. It’s not every day do you get to announce that you’re pregnant and in the most unconventional way possible. Again however, you expected nothing less and expected nothing in return from Seungmin.

“What are your thoughts?” He asks you. “What do you want to do?”

Surprised was less of a word to describe how taken aback you were by his words as you feel your eyebrows raise on their own. It was a slight relief to hear someone ask you for your own opinion about the journey ahead of you.

“I’m seeing this to the end,” you answer honestly. “I’m not asking you to do anything for me, in fact I wouldn’t mind if you forgot about this all even though it’d be hard. But I know that you’re obligated to know this.”

He gives a silent nod, “how long have you known?”

“Just over a month now,” you reply. “I honestly didn’t want to tell you. I was planning on keeping it a secret from you entirely.”

Seungmin’s eyes narrow right at you, as if he couldn’t believe what you just said, “and what, become a single parent?”

“Yeah, I guess,” you shrug.

“Without me?” He looks up.

You stare right back at him in an equal amount of shock, “Seungmin to be quite honest, I don’t even know you. We hooked up once and that was it.”

“I know that,” he ignores that very important factor. “But do you think I’m abstained from the responsibility that holds when I could’ve just - just-“

“Pulled out?” You cut him off, watching the concern on his face remain in place. “Guess it’s also my fault for telling you I was into it.”

“Again, that’s besides the point. Can you at least let me help you?” Seungmin pleads. “We don’t necessarily have to get along. We could co-parent.”

It was the first emotion of desperation that you’ve ever seen him wear. Almost like he was borderline terrified. You didn’t suspect that he had any underlying malicious motives, like one of those crazy co-parents who help you out at first then try and take custody of the baby in the future - claiming that they were present throughout their childhood just to seek some type of revenge.

That’s how far ahead you were thinking, showing that you were afraid too.

“Are you implying that we should try to make this work?” You clarify with him.

“I’m not implying it, I’m asking it,” he emphasises. “Sure we don’t know each other, but we could…at least try?”

“You don’t sound so sure of yourself.”

“Well I’m sorry for not being well versed in the parenting realm since I’ve never had a child before, but it was the first option that came to mind,” he says. “Have you told anyone else?”

You nod, “just my friend, the one you met.”

He exhales, still swimming in his own thoughts on the facts that he got you pregnant and is now potentially about to be a father. That part was still in the air. However, it was an irrefutable fact that his maturity really shone through. For the first time, you saw him hop off his high horse and set aside his largely inflated ego. He actually seemed to be pretty rational.

“Have a think about it,” Seungmin tells you. “I’d understand either way whatever you decide. I won’t pressure you into anything you don’t want to do.”

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