#Internalized Ableism and stuff

[gilfhunter069]

Pain of the Self

[creekfiend]

the thing is I didn't even want to be, like, an athlete or something... I wanted to be a graphic novelist. even people who have bodies that don't work so good. could potentially still do that.

but my body works worse than that.

it just feels like so little to be denied the ability to, like, make comics. like THAT'S what I'm being denied?! THAT'S HARDLY EVEN AN AMBITION. PEOPLE HAVE BIGGER AMBITIONS EVERY *DAY*

even most of my fellow sick people are able to do SOMETHING and boy does it make me feel like absolute shit that I can't. they can!!!! so why can't I!!!!!

[neurantics-theythem]

Depression is so fun bc you’ll have like 20% motivation and energy to do something after work, but then ofc you don’t do anything bc you’re 80% depressed, but then you feel guilty bc theoretically you could have done something with the 20% energy, and bc of what we learn in society, you therefore should have done something. So then you lay there feeling the 80% depressed that you already were but the 20% motivation and energy turns into guilt for not doing anything. And then if you math, that’s 100% depressed.

[aroaceleovaldez]

emo Nico x scene Will Solace...

[pencildragons]

FIRM believer in the idea i had ten seconds ago that, in AUs where his life is just a tad more stable than fanon (war ends, modern au, etc), fox uses mobility aids .. yeah he's really normal about it haha (LIE). i also think a big part of him accepting that he needs them AND not resenting them or himself for using them is giving them the SICKEST PAINT JOB known to man and then covering that in cute tooka stickers

[asterias-corner]

Every. Single. link is neurodivergent coded and you can pry that from my cold dead hands.

[trans-soapberry]

Catching up to CSM is terrible because all it does is make me wish JJK was more like it

[thehellsaint]

Did you forget (or just not know) that endo systems can be and often are disabled themselves?

Did you forget (or just not know) that disabled people can be ableist themselves?

[theunemployedrogue]

I wish it were easier to meet people and hang out one on one without it being taken as a romantic gesture or "creepy" way of socializing. I fucking hate trying to integrate into groups and never feel like i make friends that way. Like I don't care if other ND people are the dominant neurotype at DnD, I still don't enjoy four hours of group work on something I don't even find interesting. And fucking forget any kind of "normal" meetup activity where everyone is a loud extrovert.

I barely have any satisfying socialization outside of a few established relationships because it feels like you're only "allowed" to hang out one on one if you're dating the person. How is someone like me supposed to exist like this for my entire lifetime.

[sonic-4-episode-ii]

the fact is, regardless of biological or psychological age, shadow was born 50 years ago. he lived 50 years ago, and still hasnt had the time to adjust. hes not gonna be "hip" or "with it" - hell, a lot of the hyper-advanced biological science he grew up learning is probably understood to be pseudoscience at best today.

and thats the thing. we know he grew up around doctors, but im not sure if theres much, or any, evidence to suggest those doctors were particularly well-versed in political or psychological sciences. honestly, if they were, during that time period, it very much couldve been worse than if they were simply unaware.

our shadow doesnt know hes aplatonic, or has npd. he barely knows what ptsd is, and probably would only accept having it with the acknowledgement that he was a pawn in a war. he doesnt get DID, or OCD, or autism.

but even in his ignorance, shadow can change. he refuses to lose himself, but he can, and will, change.

and thats whats most important

[ame-wa-ame-2]

i hate anti-selfdx so much because. thats your issue? thats your big plan to help people out? what the fuck do you think thats gonna do???? youre just being a jerk

[morirryan]

goddd i wish there was more good tic disorders representation it's practically non-existent and it makes me so mad

[quantumdeath-possibility]

when you're a textbook example of a "confused girl" according to terfs i.e. autistic, traumatized, mentally ill, SA-ed as a child and etc etc so you live in a constant state of a battle with yourself trying to figure out if you really are trans or just trying to escape your body and dissociate from your "true self" as much as possible

[the-axolotl-skellie]

Vocal.

Lune could hear quite well.

Lune could hear others speak, even if it took a moment to process what they had to say.

Oh, they could speak too!

They could open their mouth, and say what was on their mind with just one word, wasn't that impressive!

But it wasn't.

Why, everyone else could speak, and speak more, and they all had to use so many more words. Wasn't that exhausting?

It certainly was a lot for Lune, to even hear, let alone speak that much!

So why did this bother nobody else?

They spoke lots.

Lune did not.

Maybe they should be able to speak more.

[basilpaste]

for sure part of the reason i get so frustrated when people correct me on minor typos is like. i ammmm disabled. sometimes my motor control wonks up and ill miss keys on the keyboard or not click space properly and i usually catch it but sometimes i just dont and man.

[collectiveminddid]

I’ve been thinking about something so frustrating about when we were becoming physically disabled. Right before that, we were in the best physical shape of our life. If we had started some type of physical therapy—even unofficially at home—at the very beginning, we would very likely be much more functional.

Now to be clear, this is unfair to myself for multiple reasons.

Probably counts as victim blaming?

It was also mid system discovery, and we were not functioning during that and did not have space for working on physical shit

The way my memory/denial works, I couldn’t really take it seriously until I wasn’t functioning. This was not by choice

I was scared to go too far the other direction by pushing myself too hard and into flare up’s, so I was practicing asking for help and being very careful. I didn’t know where that line was, and I still don’t always.

I didn’t really know how any of it worked and how much harder things would get over time

I couldn’t even get myself to do the absolute basic symptom management stuff consistently because of other denial/memory/trauma shit, and that had to come before PT for it to be safe

It was higher priority to figure out our living situation and make it safe and sustainable

Still, it’s hard not to imagine a reality where I started managing this much better years sooner and didn’t have so far to climb back up to get to a place of absolute basic functioning. But who knows, maybe it wouldn’t have worked that way even if I had managed it somehow.