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o-sn4pple · 10 months ago

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i hope i speak for many when i say we *are* here for the furina fic

oh cool, here's the 4th chapter. i'd recommend going for the 5th and 6th chapter on ao3 here.

“How dare you act as if everything you’d done was justified!”

“Act? Act? I was justified! That bastard dared laid a hand on my brother-”

“Your brother was nothing more than a disgusting pedophile. He deserved to be put down-”

“He served his sentence in the Fortress of Meropiede, stayed well away from the city and any other human and continued his work in solitude. You were the one that encouraged your husband to go kill him. I was only returning the favor!”

Furina nearly giggles as the verbal confrontation continues, settling for kicking her feet so as to not drown out their arguments. A case in which a convicted pedophile is murdered by a high-ranking Maison Gardiennage before turning the gun on himself, upheld only by their surviving spouses. In cases like these, where both sides of the scale are stained with mud, she often finds herself perfectly content with whatever outcome Neuvillette decides. Even though it isn’t dramatic enough to save Fontaine from disaster, it does make for excellent drama.

At least, she assumes as much. When she glances at you, she finds your jaw wired tight, shoulders stiff and poised. Every part of you looks ready to escape the Opera Epiclese; she can only assume that her presence is keeping you trapped here.

It’s a first, and it’s enough for Furina to scoff, roll her eyes, and shout, “UGH! ENOUGH ALREADY!” Her voice thunders around the chamber, silencing the defendant and prosecutor at once. In his throne, Neuvillette opens his mouth to scold, but she is already springing out of her chair. “I’ve seen these trials a thousand times already. No matter what the verdict is, a grudge will be born. How boring!” With a swish of her skirt, the Archon spins on her toes to you, who has already dutifully risen to your feet. “Come along, my dear equerry. This trial has served as a suitable bedtime story.”

“As you wish, Lady Furina.”

The sudden transition from the warm, near stuffy heat of the Opera Epiclese to the chilled breeze in the courtyard makes Furina shiver, but she waltzes down the steps with determination while you keep pace. With everyone still inside, only the rush of the surrounding waterfalls breaks the silence. It is when you join her at the base of the Fountain of Lucine do you finally clear your throat.

“Was that trial truly so boring, Lady Furina?” you ask. “You seemed to be enjoying yourself.”

Furina scoffs and waves a hand before returning to rubbing her arms. “What enjoyment you must have seen was my anger. All that back-and-forth, spitting the same vitriol and baseless accusations? How trivial.” Her teeth are beginning to chatter, and she takes a deep, cold breath before huffing, “And you looked ready to explode if you sat there a moment longer.” Her cheeks warm from the admittance, but she puffs up further to glare at you. “You should be thanking me, really.”

You lift a brow, but that familiar, one-sided little smile finally breaks across your face, and you dramatically bow to her. “Ah, yes. Forgive me for not thanking you sooner, my Archon. How may I better express my gratitude?”

Furina rolls her eyes, but she still holds out her hand. “Your coat?”

Your scent envelops her, your warmth a blissful shield from the cold as you wrap the coat around her shoulders. Though you wear another long-sleeve underneath, Furina opts to hurry you along to the station under the excuse of truly being tired. It is still blissfully empty due to the trial, and as the Melusine activates the rudders, you sit to the Archon’s left, just far enough for her to mourn the distance. She wonders if she can risk scooting into your side, but when she eyes your face, she finds you staring into the distance.

“That trial must have really gotten to you, huh,” she finds herself saying. Apparently, she doesn’t say it soft enough, because you look at her in surprise. She flushes. “I-I just mean, it’s quite rare to see you so unsettled.”

You nod slowly and…well, Furina braces herself for some form of witty retort. The fact that you just return to staring makes her check the sky for thunder.

The skies are clear. The world must not be ending just yet.

Furina sits up and settles into her more authoritative tone. “Then it is only natural that I, Furina de Fontaine, offer an ear to soothe your worries. Tell me, my dear equerry, what is troubling you so?”

Your lips twitch, the faintest hint of a smile gracing your face as you chuckle. “It truly is nothing, my lady. I am just exhausted from having to sit through such a terrible trial.”

Ah. She recognizes that tone. Unfortunately, you have no physical injuries that she can force you into looking after, nor does it feel right to pry for information when there is another stranger present, even if it is only a Melusine. Perhaps if a door had been in the way, just like before when you had come to check on her…Furina purses her lips and harrumps. She really should consider that offer to build a confessional in the Palais Mermonia. Maybe then you’d finally feel okay with expressing your worries.

Still, she has learned one weakness of yours, and with you so distracted, Furina scuttles close to your side and sets a hand in your hair. You tense for only a second. As she begins to fuss with your hair, you sink into her palm and allow better access to your head.

After you are dismissed for the night, though, Furina’s mind returns to the earlier trial. It will take some time for a report to be processed by the clerks, but she doesn’t bother waiting. The second Neuvillette is in his office, she comes strolling right in with her head held high.

“Oh?” Neuvillette looks up from his papers with surprise. “Good morning, Lady Furina. I did not realize you could be up this early.”

Furina nearly trips over herself in her haste to glare at the Iudex. “I am perfectly capable of rising when the occasion calls for it!” Granted, the last time she had, she ended up promoting you to make up for the mess it caused. But that isn’t important! “I am here to ask you some questions about my precious equerry.”

Neuvillette blinks and slowly sets the paper aside. “Are you rescinding their promotion?”

“What? No!” Furina casually pushes aside the stack of paperwork as tall as your broadsword is wide and perches on his desk. “I was just curious about why you decided to hire them. I imagine such an important title demanded much effort to find a suitable candidate.”

Neuvillette’s expression barely changes as he picks the paper back up. “No, quite the opposite.”

Furina’s puffed chest deflates as she gawks at him. “W-What?”

“They were the only candidate I had in mind when considering a personal bodyguard for you,” he continues casually, eyes flicking across his report. “Much of the effort came from processing the correct paperwork.”

…huh? You were the only candidate? She knows you had quite the reputation garnered by your fearsome strength, but had that been enough to catch Neuvillette’s attention? Surely not. There had to be more than that. When she asks as much, Neuvillette just looks up through his lashes and sighs.

“There is, but considering the time,” he says while setting his report atop of the mountain of papers to Furina’s right, “I doubt I will be able to provide you the attention you desire. Would their profile suffice?”

Your profile? Furina bites her tongues in hopes of stopping her flush. Of course! How could she forget? As Archon, she has direct access to all sorts of private information, and those who work directly for the Fontainian government waive their right to privacy the day they start working.

“Tch, of course I know that,” she huffs as Neuvillette hunts down your records in his shelves. “I was hoping you’d indulge me with your company. You’ve been so busy!”

“And you have your equerry for this reason.” Neuvillette sets an oddly thin folder beside Furina before scooping up the stack of papers next. “Leave the folder on my desk when you are done. I will put it away when I return.”

Now alone in his office, Furina takes a shaky, grounding breath. Your name is scrawled in dried ink on the tab, fanciful curls and sharp lines. Neuvillette must have noted it himself. She is greeted with a basic profile when she opens the file: name, age, date of birth, and current occupation. Medical and mental history demark no outstanding concerns, and your service to Fontaine is met with glowing reviews.

Then she reaches your family history and finds a single line that repeats over and over in her head.

‘ Trained by Vautrin and Carole, referred to as Master and Sister. ’ That’s it. No mention of a mother or father.

Still, she knows those names. How could she not? The former Captain of the Special Security and Surveillance Patrol who murdered five Fontanian elites after they had driven the Medal of Honor recipient Melusine to suicide to repent for a crime she did not commit. It’d been an exhilarating trial that brought tears to her eyes when Vautrin had screamed and cursed Neuvillette for his impartiality.

She didn’t bother to look any deeper into it once the verdict had passed. She didn’t feel the need to back then. Now, she has the student of Vautrin and Carole as her equerry and feels guilt bubble in her throat. How terrible must that feel, to attend to the every need of the Archon that represents the system that took away your only Master and Sister?

No wonder you had felt so uncomfortable during last night’s trial. Two sides of the scale are stained with blood, just like before.

Furina’s fingers curl, curiosity staining her thoughts like ink dropped in water. This specific folder had been Neuvillette’s personal report on you for the onboarding process, but there was bound to be more elsewhere in the Palais Mermonia about your family, especially if you’re an orphan. Granted, the foster care system isn’t…perfect, but part of onboarding included a complete background check, family history included. Why wouldn’t Neuvillette include that in this file?

Though…why should it matter? She understands now why you’d been so upset over the case. She has no excuse to pry any deeper.

And yet she finds herself strutting back into the office, poking her head behind the front desk. The fresh-faced Melusine that Neuvillette had hired to man the front is already working away, reorganizing the desk the last clerk had ruined in protest of being ‘replaced’. Furina doesn’t actually remember her name, but she is as sweet and caring as any other Melusine, so Furina feels no fear when she hands over the proper form to request a person’s family records.

The Melusine just cocks her head and says, “My apologies, Lady Furina, but those are classified.”

“Aha.” Furina’s smile twitches. “Excuse me?”

“Classified.” The Melusine slips the form back to her with a grimace. “It is very sensitive information, so if you truly need to view it, it may be best to ask him directly.”

“Ask who what?”

Furina denies yelping when you speak up from the opposite side of the counter, but she does whirl around too quickly to look anything other than suspicious. “I-Hah-Wha-What are you doing here so early?!”

“I…believe I should be asking you that question, my lady. I am normally here to prepare breakfast,” you say, brow lifting. “I assume you are getting a headstart on today’s tasks?”

Very unlike you, Furina mentally finishes for you. She smoothes out her uniform and lifts her head. “There are times where even I must lend myself to my people, no? Besides, I was only looking for some files.”

You hum and walk around the desk. “Then return to your room, my lady. I will fetch whatever you need.”

Furina flushes, grabbing your wrist just as you pick up the request form. “W-Wait-”

Her protest goes unheard. Your face goes unnaturally blank as the Melusine says, “Worry not, sister.” She reaches over to pat your hand. “I have already told Lady Furina that they are classified.”

Furina stares at your face, pulse climbing the longer you remain silent. Frantically, her mind begins to prattle off excuses: she is the Archon, she is your boss, she has every right to know your secrets! In the other, broken, fragmented mind that hides in the darkness of her bedroom, she begs for forgiveness: she just wanted to help, she wants to know you, she wants what she can never reciprocate. How selfish. How selfish!

Your silence finally breaks with a soft sigh, eyes falling shut. When they open, you look as calm and composed as you always do, nodding to the Melusine. “Thank you, Sedene, I appreciate that. I will continue preparations for breakfast, then.” You squeeze Furina’s hand and pry it from your wrist, then nod once more. “Please excuse me.”

It is the most polite Furina has ever heard you, and as you disappear up the lift to her floor, her vision begins to blur.

“L-Lady Furina?” Sedene gasps. “You’re crying!”

Furina blinks through her tears, finger numb as she brushes it away. “Ah, n-no, no. My body must be reacting to a truly dreadful prayer at the Fountain of Lucine. Someone must be in…terrible pain.”

Sedene tutts and grabs the request for your family documents, crumpling it in her palms. “How awful.”

Yes, Furina thinks as she chases after you. How awful indeed.

#genshin impact #genshin furina x reader #snapple drabbles

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intheorangebedroom · 1 year ago

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🧡HAPPY ❤️‍🔥FRANKIE❤️‍🔥 FRIDAY🧡

Ugh look at him... Damn, I wanted to say something, but now I forgot... Oh yeah! For those of you Orange besties who liked the first chapters of Tonight You Belong To Me, first of all, THANK YOU 🧡 Thank you ever so fucking much for the support you've shown for this story and this darker Frankie in any form of interaction, I love you ALL and I am very grateful 🧡 Despite January being the longest freaking month of the year, I haven't had much time to work on chapter 2, but I've busted my booty and I'm nearly done! It should be posted next Friday (Feb. 2nd), wish me luck.

To atone for the wait, a sneak peek below the cut. Once more, HAPPY FRANKIE FRIDAY TO YOU ALL 🧡

When you step inside room number 2, you flick up the two toggle switches by the door, turning on the lights and the overhead fan, and you go to the bathroom to wash your hands and check your reflection in the antique black-edged mirror.

After that, you return to the room and you sit on the bed. That’s where you wait for him.

You don’t undress, you don’t lie down, you don’t undo the bed.

You know what he’ll do to your clothes. Anticipation trickles down along your spine all the way to the ripe heat between your thighs, and it travels right back up to tug up at the corners of your lips, but you press them together, lips and thighs, as you wait.

He comes in after dark, preceded by the sound of tires on gravel and that of his boots stomping on the porch and he’s here, the rush of night air from outside wafting over your face when he storms into the room.

He greets you with a hoarse voice, like he hasn’t used it all week, and he rushes over to the desk and sets down his cap. You watch his reflection in the framed mirror when he combs his fingers through his curls, tense jaw, creased brow. He takes off his jacket and drapes it on the back of the chair, swift and precise, and it’s his own ceremonial, you let him have it, his transition into this world that you share. The confine of this room. Brown carpet, yellow curtains.

When he turns to face you, at last, it’s always with a heavy, grating sigh, a sound so rough and primitive to express relief and hunger and impatience. You stand up slowly, unfurling in slow motion from your sitting position on the edge of the bed, eyes on him forever and always. His want radiates from him in colorful angry waves, like a tangible, virulent aura, black eyes boring into your skin and you welcome it as it pours out of him and creeps up to you like thick fumes.

You stand tall in the charged stillness of the motel room, offered, but not quite yet within reach, waiting for him to come and seize you.

“Take off your clothes,” he growls, tilting up his chin, coming closer, and those words are your cue. You clamber out of your statuesque stillness, twisting your ankles out of your pumps while he tugs at your blouse, and he crashes his lips onto yours.

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jerrydevine · 7 months ago

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2, 3, 22 and 24 🫡❤️🤓

2. Did you reread anything? What?

I reread a fair amount this year! Lots for my childrens lit class like babymouse and very hungry caterpillar and heartstopper for another one of my classes. babymouse was so good especially comparing it to other childrens graphic novels i read. I also reread mockingjay and ballad of songbirds and snakes because i reread the first two books last year :-) still soooo good. And then tabinof due to the dan and phil situation. Reread young avengers and children's crusade so far is my favorite!!!! and then fahrenheit 451 because i read a graphic novel called The History of Science Fiction: A Graphic Novel Adventure and i wanted to reread with that context :-) YAY!

3. What were your top five books of the year?

Are You My Mother?: A Comic Drama by Alison Bechdel, The Angel of Indian Lake by Stephen Graham Jones, Battling the Gods: Athenism in the Ancient World by Tim Whitmarsh, Avengers: The Children's Crusade by Allan Heinberg, Norma Jeane Baker of Troy by Anne Carson but i think by the time i finish the way of kings it will overtake norma jeane baker of troy :-)

22. What’s the longest book you read?

currently its ballad of songbirds and snakes at 517 pages, but once i finish way of kings it will be 1,258 pages so more than double LMFAO

24. Did you DNF anything? Why?

YES. UGH. i dnf'ed out there screaming edited by jordan peele which i wanted to love soooo bad... i also dnf'ed the lost subways of north america which i was hoping would be closer to the race underground or underground overground or even like boston in transit but it wasn't :( and then dnf'ed where sleeping girls lie for class because i was so bored after one chapter that i just decided to stop reading books for the rest of that class LMFAO

#THANK YOUUUUUUUU <33333 #asks

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garlicbreadwitch · 3 years ago

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My review of TUC season 3 in 7 parts

TLDR:

- definitely the worse of the 3

- only bad thing about viktors transition was the god awful hair and makeup on V***. (I’ve seen better wigs in a high school production of hairspray)

- the special effects were oddly hit and miss- see Marcus throwing the towel vs five sitting at the edge of the world.

- far too much exposition not enough action

- if your trying to figure out why you don’t like this season re-watch episode 9. Basically pointless except for the last few minutes. Didn’t need a whole episode of talking. (When they take an hour to think before they vote I nearly screamed - so boring).

- footloose was a highlight for me I only wish they’d kept this energy for the remainder of the season

- the acting was great (with the exception of Toms accent- he needs an accent coach next season please)

- some parts felt like bad fan fiction writing

- Felt like a filler season

-still excited for season 4

#PART 1 - Luther (& Sloane)

Luthers storyline this season was definitely designed to undo a lot of the ick he’d given fans before and tbh it worked. My only issue was how fast this love story happened making it feel not very grounded in reality.

I can’t decide if it got too much or not enough screen time but these two goofy dumb lovey characters had possibly one of my top arcs of the season. PS: I love Genesis - she did great work.

PART 2 - Diego (& Lilah)

As much as I love these two characters and the actors who play them. This was one of the worst written arcs of the season. Despite multiple conflicts none of these ever get far enough off the ground to be meaningful or lead to any sensible character development. The introduction of Stan was exciting but the writers immediately back-tracked and shoehorned in a surprise pregnancy. The writers again seemed to have forgotten that Lilah and Diego have only known each other for a few days to months max.

I would’ve liked to see the Stan storyline used to develop these characters more. Diego confronting his vigilante behaviour and recognising the need to put his child first, as wel as reconciling with his own daddy issues would have been welcome. While Lilah would confront her mommy issues and general childishness. Instead they dropped this story so quickly and it ended up meaning nothing.

(I think it would’ve been great had Stan been Diego and Lilahs actual child that Lilah kidnapped from the future in order to test Diego. Seeing future Lilah fight current Lilah would’ve been great and very on brand.) I felt like I was watching the filler chapter in a bad fanfiction- where the writer doesn’t want to have real conflict yet so they manufacture pretend fights with no real stakes that are over before they have any meaningful impact. Specifically Diego locking Lilah in the closet - im sure I’ve read that shitty fanfic before.

PART 3 - Alison (& trauma)

Possibly the most polarising plot line of the season I take no issue with Alison responding to her trauma. Do I think this is a teensy bit far for her character? yes- but I don’t overall hate this development.

I only wish we could’ve SEEN Alisons rage rather than being told about it. What is the point of showing some bloodied up knuckles or Alison saying she killed Harlan? (When Alison said this I actually thought it was a lie to hurt Victor because we didn’t see it on screen.) I would’ve loved to watch Emmy use her full talents to show us Alison grappling with her anger. Plus the incredible drama that could’ve been “I heard a rumor you dropped dead”. (Or even a redeeming mercy kill over sparrow torture?).

Much the same with the deal she makes with Reggie, it would’ve helped to see Reggie manipulate Alisons anger as well as her drive to protect her siblings. I don’t see why this needed to be a mystery when it was obvious to the audience pretty much straight away. Ugh.

PART 4 - Klaus (& his mom I guess?)

I didn’t hate Klaus and Reggies scenes. I liked seeing Klaus grasp his powers finally- but that’s it. The complete lack of any reference to the man Klaus was obsessed with the whole last season, plus the lack of cult references made this the most disappointing arc of the season. Klaus really had few moments to shine. With the exception of episode 10. And his mom was such an obvious step to get to the realisation there mothers are dead I won’t even mention it here.

Also how did he get into oblivion without a body? The writers thought we’d just accept that giant plot hole I guess.

PART 5 Five (& his existential crisis)

In the first two seasons Fives determination has been the primary momentum boost for the story. Essentially he drives the story forward while his siblings bumble around him. So with Fives retirement comes the apparent retirement of any good writing.

Fives lack of motivation does genuinely make the story duller. Everything after his visit to see his future self is pretty much a nothingburger while we wait for season four so he can have a mission again.

On a positive note I much preferred the interactions between five and Lilah than Diego and Lilah. Much truer to the previous seasons. The tattoo and the Pogo thing were mildly interesting but ultimately pointless.

As mentioned above I hated the drunken revelation storyline. It was obvious it was Alison straight away and the fact that Five who’s supposed to be a genius couldn’t do simple deductive reasoning really ground my gears.

PART 6 - Sparrow Ben (& the ever decreasing sparrows)

I did enjoy the new Ben. Justin Min did a fantastic job of being a whole new character and giving him depth. I liked evil Ben. His story made sense I only wish -much like with this whole season- that they’d shown us rather than told us his motivation. See Ben mumbling “because I have nothing else” in episode 8.

I don’t think it would’ve killed the writers to show us how lonely Ben is among the Sparrows. Show us how Reg’s bad parenting made him emotionally cold. I wish they would’ve showed us the Sparrows coldness in comparison to the umbrellas misguided affection for each other. Show us Ben longing for a brotherly love like Diego and Luther or a sisterly advice giver like Alison. That way I care a little more when he wants to be included in episode 8. PS would’ve loved more Klaus Ben interaction.

Also I hope I’m not the only person who wanted to see the Sparrows in action more.

PART 7 - Viktor (& the worst wig I’ve ever seen)

Honestly I liked Viktors transition. I thought it was handled well and didn’t affect the plot all that much. I was actually relieved when he was no longer wearing the V**** wig and makeup (whoever is responsible for the first episode hair and makeup for Elliot should be fired).

The Harlan plot was fine if heavy on exposition. I get that they needed to find a way for all the mothers to die but this whole bit was meh for me and far too forced.

I remember how excited I was watching the first episode and the foreshadowing of Harlan on the bus only for the story to be somewhat underwhelming all up. That was a metaphor for the whole season. So much foreshadowing and great work from season 2 ignored or poorly used.

I can only assume the writers have a great idea for season 4 and wish we could’ve condensed all of season 3 into two or three longer episodes and gotten to the point instead of 10 somewhat stagnant, constantly disappointing episodes.

There is an old piece of writers advice that says to show and not tell the audience. I only hope the umbrella academy writers hear this before they embark on season 4.

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writingquestionsanswered · 5 years ago

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hi! i was wondering if you have any advice for writing that feels juvenile at times? when i write action scenes/serious scenes i feel my writing is fine but when i have slower chapters where my characters are bonding, etc. i feel like my writing makes the scene come off childish. do you have any tips for that? i’m not sure if it’s just in my head honestly. thanks!

Help for Writing That Feels Juvenile in Places

Here are some of the things that commonly make writing feel juvenile:

#1 - Scene Problems

1. Scene is Aimless - If you don’t know where the scene is going or what it’s trying to accomplish, you’re going to end up with a meandering jumble of moments that isn’t fun to read. What is the purpose of your scene? Why does it absolutely have to be in the story?

2. Scene is Unbalanced - Every scene should be a balancing act between exposition (explaining things), dialogue (characters speaking), and action (someone does something.) If your scene is mostly exposition, mostly dialogue, or mostly action, the balance will be off and it will feel amateurish.

Read more in my post: Balancing Dialogue with Action and Narrative

3. Scene Doesn’t Accomplish Enough - Scenes need to do double, triple, or even quadruple duty. They should accomplish at least two of the following: world building/setting description, development of characters and/or character relationships, delivery of back story or other important information, setting things up for future scenes. If you have a whole scene focused on just characters bonding, that’s going to be boring which makes it feel amateurish.

4. Scene Starts Too Early - One hallmark of amateur writing is scenes that start way before they should. If the bulk of your scene takes place in your character’s 10 a.m. biology class, do we really need to see your character wake up that morning, brush her teeth, put on her clothes, and walk to class? Unless anything story critical happens during that period it shouldn’t be there. Start with the character walking into biology, not the moment she opens her eyes that day.

Read more in my post: Beginning a New Scene or Chapter

5. Scene Has Weak Transitions - Scenes work best when you transition into them from the last scene and out of them into the next scene. For example, if your scene ends with your character sitting at home thinking about an upcoming trip to Mexico, and you know the next scene begins with your character boarding her flight, you might end the scene with her looking at her flight confirmation e-mail and thinking about how she can’t wait to get out of town. Then, the next chapter begins with her standing in line to board her flight, looking around and thinking about how she won’t miss her town, then handing the plane ticket to the gate agent. This makes the transition from one scene to the next less abrupt and more refined.

Read more in my post: Subtle Scene Transitions

#2 - Dialogue Problems

1. Too Much Dialogue - Even if you have a good balance of dialogue, exposition, and action, it’s still possible to have too much dialogue. Look at every line and ask whether it’s really necessary. Make sure every line is as straight and to the point as possible. Determine whether something said might work better as exposition.

2. Overly Realistic Dialogue - We want dialogue to feel real, but real dialogue also looks terrible on paper, so it’s important not to go overboard. Avoid a lot of interjections like “um,” “uh,” “ugh,” and “hmm.” (Use them sparingly.) Watch out for “small talk.” Don’t write five lines worth of back and forth about your character’s experience in a coffee shop unless what happened is somehow critical to the plot. Don’t go overboard with idioms, wisecracks, and one-liners, and as tempting as it is, don’t have your characters say each other’s names all the time. We typically only use names in dialogue when we’re really trying to get someone’s attention.

3. Stilted Dialogue - Sometimes dialogue sounds stiff and overly formal, which makes it sound amateurish. For example: “I do not know what you’re talking about! We have been dating for over a month. It is not as though we are perfect strangers!” Most people in modern times don’t speak like that. We use contractions and we don’t use words like “thus” and “must” unless we’re being silly. But, there are reasons why a character might speak like that. In my book, one of the characters comes from a super upper class society where using contractions is considered to be vulgar. That’s fine, but don’t do it unless you have a good reason. 4. Misuse of Dialogue & Action Tags - This is a really big one. Dialogue and action tags are what let the reader know who’s speaking: Dialogue tag: “Let’s get out of here,” Harold said. Action tag: Harold stood up and jutted his chin toward the door. “Let’s get out of here.”

Every line of dialogue doesn’t need a tag, and you should also alternate between no tag, action tags, and dialogue tags.

Also: there’s absolutely nothing wrong with using “said” as a dialogue tag. In fact, you should be using “said” most often. Replacing “said” with words like: “yelled,” “posited,” “offered,” “whispered,” “demanded” once in a while is fine, but doing it too often makes your writing sound juvenile.

Read more in my post: Avoiding Repetition with Dialogue Tags

5. Dialogue is Unnatural - Dialogue can be a great way to deliver information to the reader, but you have to be careful about how you do it. For example, let’s say you want to describe the dress your character’s friend is wearing.

But: “Oh, wow, Rosie! You look so great in this green floral print dress. These spaghetti straps are so cute, and I love the matching green shoes!”

That’s just now how we speak in real life. You would never say that to someone. Instead, it would be better like this:

Rosie walked in wearing a green floral print dress with matching shoes. “Wow! Spaghetti straps? This is a new look for you. I love it!”

Any time you include important information in dialogue, read it out loud. Act it out if you have to. Ask yourself if it sounds natural. If not, keep it outside of the dialogue.

#3- Other Common Problems

1. Too Many Cliches - Remember, tropes are good, cliches are bad. Cliches are tropes that have been used the same way over and over again. It’s fine if you want to use a trope like love triangles or “the chosen one,” just find a way to put a fresh new spin on it.

Read more in my post: Tropes, Clichés, & Finding Which Clichés to Avoid

2. Tense/POV Switching - Make sure you know what tense and POV you’re writing in and stick with it. Yes--there are times when you might choose to include both tenses or first and third person in your story as a storytelling device, but generally speaking you shouldn’t be falling out of third-person into first-person, or going from past tense in one paragraph to present tense in the next.

Read more in my master post: POV & Tense

3. Head Hopping - If you’re writing in first-person, your POV character can only know what they already know, can observe, or are told. If your character is people watching at the mall, they can’t know what another shopper is thinking or what’s happening at home right now unless they’re psychic or there’s some other reason why they know that. If you’re writing in third-person and we’re in Susan’s POV, we shouldn’t go from what she’s thinking to what John right next to her is thinking in one paragraph.

4. Telling vs Showing - Yes, sometimes you need to tell, but a lot of the time you should be showing. “The moon hung high in the sky” isn’t as interesting as “moonlight scattered on the surface of the lake.”

Read more in my post: When “Telling” is Okay

5. No Structure - Good stories fall a general structure beyond just “beginning, middle, and "end.” Stories that are devoid of structure feel disorganized and pointless, which can be another hallmark of amateur writing.

Read more in my post: Basic Story Structure

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Have a question? My inbox is always open, but make sure to check my FAQ and post master lists first to see if I’ve already answered a similar question. :)

#writeblr #writing community #writing help #writing tips #writing advice #writing #wqaadvice

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beepbop2887 · 3 years ago

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A story: I think I love you chapter one

“What!?” Lucas asked completely off guard.

“I said, you should ask him out!” Jay told Lucas. “I mean, you’ve been best friends for over 8 years now. I know damn well you like him and he clearly likes you too because he hits on you every other day by talking about how cute you are, how you guys would make the best couple in the whole school, and most romantically how he wants to cuddle the shît out of you.” Jay smirked. Lucas covered his face in embarrassment.” Noo it’s not like that! I swear we’re both straight and you know a lot of guys cuddle their bros. I’m not homosexual, I’m homiesexual I promise. And it’s the same for him. We’re just close like anyone else.” Lucas swore. Jay laughed a little. “Homiesexual? Really?” Jay questioned.” “Yeah, it’s when you’re not actually gay but you’re lowkey gay for your homies.” Lucas explained. “The things queer men will do pretend they’re straight because they have internalized homophobia.” Jay muttered under his breath. “Hey I heard that! And I do not have internalized homophobia I accept gay people I’m just not-“ Lucas was interrupted by the bell ringing which signaled lunch ending.” Oh look at that! Even the bells tired of your bullshît.” Jay said. The boys walked their separate ways to class. Lucas had met Jay in the middle of the school year. Jay was a new student. Lucas had shown Jay around the school and introduced him to some of his friends and they connected immediately. But as close as Lucas and Jay were, Lucas was closer with Ash. Ash and Lucas had known each other since 3rd grade. He had always been really close with Ash. Ash was there for Lucas during his transition from female to male. Yes, Lucas is transgender. But that’s for another time. Ash was just so amazing and beautiful and kind and ugh he was perfect. After school had ended Lucas walked up to Ash’s locker. “Hey fellow sinner, how was school?” Ash asked Lucas while ruffling his hair. Lucas giggled a bit. “It was boring as usual. I’m excited to go to your house because then I can beat your äss in Mario cart.” Lucas told Ash.” Hell nah, you know I’m always number one. Although it’s cute you think you’re better than me.” Ash said. Lucas blushed at the fact that Ash said he was cute but quickly recovered. “What ever you say big guy.” Lucas joked. “Come on, lets get out of here.” Ash suggested. They both went to Lucas’s car. Ash had a car but almost never took it to school because he was always trying to save money. Lucas on the other hand always had money to spare and would help Ash out with things he occasionally needed. They both got into the hand me down car Lucas had gotten from his dad. Lucas in the drivers seat, Ash in the passenger seat. “You wanna know what Jay said today?”Lucas asked. “ I mean sure.” Ash answered.” He said that- he said that we should date! Ha, that’s wild isn’t it. I mean honestly, think about it. You and me, together, romantically. Wack right?” Lucas told Ash. “ Not really. It doesn’t sound all that weird to me. I could see us together.” Ash said. Lucas had been absolutely shocked. He was not expecting that response. Lucas laughed a little. “ What’s so funny?” Ash asked. “I’m so sorry but no way. I’d never go for you.” Lucas said.” I mean I get that but it wouldn’t be so crazy for us to get together. But whatever.” Ash told Lucas. They spent the rest of the ride in a comfortable silence. When they got to Lucas’s house the boys immediately went to Lucas’s bedroom. Lucas’s room was a light shade of grey. It had posters of anime shows such as banana fish, HxH, and A silent voice on every wall and his Bed was off to the side of the room with black and white striped sheets and pillows. Ash ran into the room and jumped on Lucas’s unmade bed. “Where’s the food?” Ash asked.” I’ll order pizza in a minute.” Lucas replied.” Right now I just wanna cuddle you because I had a very boring day and you’re soft like a big bear.” Ash giggled a bit at Lucas’s statement.” Okay but you have to order pizza before you cuddle me.” Ash said while laughing. Lucas called papa johns and ordered a large cheese pizza. Lucas jumped on the bed with Ash and

Ash pulled a blanket over them and wrapped his arm over Lucas’s waist pulling him closer. Ash also nuzzled his face into the back of Lucas’s neck. Lucas was tomato red over how embarrassed he was of the contact they were making. They both fell asleep together and they both felt so loved and safe pressed up against each other.

#gay #bxb #trans character #friends to lovers #high school #chapter book #love

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thusatlas · 4 years ago

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Thanks for the tag @amarillis39!

How many works do you have on AO3?

What’s your total AO3 word count?

396687

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Currently, write for the Harry Potter fandom but I've recently branched into the Grishaverse fandom. Prior to this, I dipped my toe into the Marvel fandom, and then way back in the 2010 FFN cesspit days, I wrote for (I am showing my vulnerability here, be kind) the Mortal Instrument fandom and Twilight.

... I know, but we stan personal growth.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1) The Fuckening

2) Moribund

3) Bohemian Nights

4) The East Wind Blows (abandoned...maybe)

5) Dangerous Game - Collab with the beautiful @annavek94

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I am so bad at this. I used to reply to every one, but with my job, time isn't a luxury that I have. Sometimes when I have a spare five minutes, I'll try and catch up, but that's rare. I'm thinking that on the final chapters of WIPs I'll do a tour through the comment sections. But yeah, in short, no I don't reply to everyone, I'm useless, but I read and value everyone like gold dust.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

A couple of days ago, I would have said one of the Twilight ones, but they're all gone now. I love leaning into angst, but I don't think I have any angsty endings yet - mainly because the WIPs aren't finished. Of the oneshots, maybe Songbird - it's not exactly a HEA, but a bittersweet broken happiness. The Devil's Strawberry again was an imperfect HEA.

Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

None and I don't really have any plans for one atm.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Aye, The Fuckening and 'Twas the Night Before Christmas. In the Fuckening there were a couple people who just straight up were like, this is the worst thing I've ever read - which, I mean, I respect the bluntness of it. But one of the other reasons I stopped replying to comments was the insidious gatekeepers, of which, are regulars in that comment section. With TNBC, there were one or two Dramione antis, but mainly a lot of homophobic hate and it was entirely on FFN.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I have no idea how to answer this tbh. Yes, I have a couple spicey one-shots and multi-chaps. Moribund and Bohemian Nights were specifically written for this purpose. Everything else is more plot-driven with spice in, and the smut will depend on the context of the story.

With Songbird, it was more about the emotional connection rather than the sex. The small dappling of it in Devil's Strawberry was definitely more abstract and about the magic.

But the other two, they're just straight-up, gratuitous porn.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yep, Songbird is currently being translated into Portuguese by a wonderful Kiddo0008.

What’s your all time favorite ship?

Dramione yes, definitely the OTP. Nottpott is a very close second thanks to @olivieblake. Further to that, Darcy x Steve Rogers holds a comforting old-timey charm that I love. Darklina is so seductive, I can't even. Sterek and Merthur are definitely darlings. But tbh, I'm open to giving most pairings a try. Love is love.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

The East Wind Blows. I still have the plot in my head, I know where it'll go and I think it could be really fun. I'll have to go back over what's already been done because I started it a couple of years ago and my writing style has changed.

What are your writing strengths?

Worldbuilding - I get lost in the lore quite a lot, hence the word counts. And scene-setting, which ties into worldbuilding. I love going to the reasons why certain places are named the way they are etc. Everything is done with intention.

Tension and suspense - Every time I have a tense scene to write, my English teacher pops into my head. I was very fortunate to have her, she instilled some fantastic lessons, the main one being namely: stick to the rules until the rules no longer work for you. In tension and suspense, the rules hinder. So break them. Art is art, write with emotion, not equations.

The Quadruple P (and pestle) - Purple prose. I like words and I like using prose to paint the scene I'm setting and the world I'm building. I am unashamedly the purple cape crusader.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Scene changes and transition scene - I have to stop myself from writing every minute arbitrary detail like 'he walked up the curb and the looked for the shop etcetcetc'. Skimming over those transition scenes feels weird and like I'm cutting something short, even though it's the best thing to do for the narrative.

Dialogue - ugh, how do people speak.

Being concise - it's a problem. I want to be able to write a 1.5k story.

Plotting - I tried plotting, I can't. I get bored of the story and don't write it. I'm just embracing that I'm a Discovery writer at this point.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Depends. I think dialogue in other languages can add another layer to the story, acknowledging that yes, there are lots of languages out there etc. Particularly if the scene is set in a different country where the native language isn't English, in my case. Granted, I don't think major plot points should be discussed because they might be missed by some readers, but I think it's definitely good to acknowledge the language of the country setting or of the character. I'd even go as far as to do phonetic spelling with accents if the character is a non-English speaker and it lends to their character and isn't a characterisation of the language. Depends on how immersive you want the story to be.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

....

Twilight, but we don't talk about those days.

What’s your favourite fic that you’ve written?

Fuckening mainly because I'm having so much fun with the lore and mythos. It's been such a challenge, but worth it. Bohemian Nights is just pure wanderlust, smutty indulgence and my happy place. Whiskey Whispers was the funniest thing I've written and such a good time. But I think Call to the Void may get into the top 3 if I can pull it off.

Tagging: @simplifiedemotions @andgladly @amixedwitch @priorityskinshipping-blog @underdarkeningskies and anyone else who'd like to

#writerslife #writers tag game #writer #I had several existential crises writing this out

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plutoandmoon · 4 years ago

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I like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it / The 1975

I like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it is The 1975’s second studio album. This iconic alternative album was released in 2016 and continuously has over a million streams combined. In addition, the English rock album has received variety of awards from being on the 100 Greatest Albums of the 2010s to reaching the Gold platform in the United States. The 1975 incorporates all sorts of new sounds into this album such as synth-pop, disco, electronic house, and R&B to deliver the overall mood of all 17 songs.

The introduction to the album, “The 1975”, is incredibly beautiful. It sounds like the beginning of a coming of age trailer that captures all the overwhelming emotions of the film and story.

Love Me is quite a legendary song in terms of how catchy the lyrics are and the musical layers of the band. I’m not sure how to properly describe it but it reminds me of a new age of 80s music with the electric guitar, synths, and drums. I do love the use of trumpets too to emphasize certain notes. The guitar solo is the perfect session to have a full jam out in your room. I really love that piano sound in the beginning and end of the song that sounds futuristic.

The beginning of UGH! sounds like an intro to a 2000s coming of age movie. It reminded me a lot of Clueless and Mean Girls. Again super catchy lyrics and melody.

The instrumentals of A Change Of Heart make me think of that slow dancing part of a junior high prom/dance. The way I visualize it is the main couple slow dancing underneath the bright light around their classmates after they just won prom king and queen. I love the electronic vocals and the piano synth used in this song. Again it still has that 80s feel to it that is perfect for this album and band.

I’m not sure why but the guitar rift in She’s American gives me Michael Jackson vibes. This song feels very American for some reason LOL. Again, it makes me visualize a scene in a coming of age movie where the main character is running and feels lost on what to do with her life. Catchy lyrics and melody. Personally don’t think this is their strongest song as it just feels similar to the others above but still a good song.

If I Believe You is very different from the songs we have listened to so far. I love Matty Healy’s vocals in this song so much and the production is literally beautiful. It is a very R&B inspired song with the slower pace tempo, back up vocals, piano, and drums. The 1975 still incorporate their own unique style in the song with the usage of electronic elements with the high hats, reverbs, and futuristic sounds. The middle of this song with the trumpet (3:30) is very jazz inspired. It is a beautiful intermission of the song. It is musically layered filled with so much emotion and sensation. The pizzicato from perhaps violins and harps really up lift this song. It adds an angelic layer to it as Healy continues on with the lyrics “If I am lost / how will i find myself?”. For me, the addition of these instruments makes me feel as I am ascending towards heaven or a higher awakening. One of The 1975’s most underrated songs in their whole career.

Please Be Naked is a perfect transition from If I Believe You because it sounds like the ending of a chapter and an opening to a new one. When looking at it through a coming of age lens, it appears as if the main character has said goodbye to their old past, old version of themselves, and everything that does not serve them. They are coming to terms with the reality of life and looking forwards for a new and higher purpose. Although there are no lyrics to this song, it is keep to pay attention to the instrumentals and the dynamics of each note. You can also hear the sounds of someone walking, closing the door, opening paper, etc that adds layers and meaning to the song. It is not another simple lofi or instrumental piece but rather it is an important one for the album and the 1975’s message. It tells a beautiful story over 4 minutes if you choose to really listen to the main character’s journey.

Once again, the introduction of Lostmyhead sounds like the continuation of the story from If I Believe You and Please Be Naked. The beginning is heavily rock inspired with the overwhelming guitar, piano synth, electric guitar solo, and much other sounds. I believe this is the point in the character’s journey where they are probably overlooking a building or a crowd and thinking to themselves that this is a start of something new. They are going onto this journey and not looking back anymore. I also love the use of string instruments here and how at the end of this song, everything finally drops. It is like we have finally bursted this bubble and allowed everything (emotions, purpose, life, etc) to hit us. You can hear this with the aggressive drum kick, the crescendos of the violins, and how dynamic everything else is. Then the song slowly crescendos and all we are left to hear is the futuristic sounds.

The Ballad of Me and My Brain has a very interesting introduction with the background vocals being manipulated with their dynamic and pitch. This song is heavily influenced by rock and synth pop as Healy’s vocals are more aggressive.

Somebody Else. The most iconic songs in our generation, the 1975’s career, in alternative pop music. Everything about this song is perfect from the lyrics to the musical production to simply everything. This song can put you into two moods: dance or sadness. You can visualize yourself dancing to this at a party/club or blasting this in your car at 2am as you sob. The versatile of this song is something that I believe many over look. Like you cannot just ignore the most help advice ever “Get someone you love / get someone you need / fuck that get money”.

Loving Someone is another LEGENDARY song from the 1975. I love everything about it from the lyrics, melody, musical production, and the execution of it. The introduction of the song is unlike anything you have heard of. It sounds like Matty Healy is rapping (perhaps) but it sure does have the influence electronic and indie pop. The flow of Matty Healy’s verses is very different from all the rest of the songs on this album. It shows how musical diverse the 1975 is and how they executed this new style perfectly. The ending is cute with the piano (sounds like ones we used to play as a child) and the monologue softly being played.

The self titled album song sounds like another intermission in the band’s album. This instrumental sounds to focus more on futuristic electronic sounds. It could be another story that Healy and the band is explaining to us through a coming of age lens. It sure is more optimistic than the other instrumental songs we have heard from the band in this album. I love how more towards the end, the overall pace and tone of the song is changed up as it has more of a dance feel to. Listening to it more, it sounds more of a song where everything is at a peak and peace. Where you can just jam the fuck out and not care about anything at all.

The Sound sounds like new beginnings. This could be why it is put in towards the end of the album. With the optimistic beat and melody, it could be referring to a new perspective on life. It does sound similar to a few of the 1975’s songs at the start of the album and that is due to the synth pop style the band is famous for. Overall, it is quite a catchy song and a nice one to jump around to.

This Must Be My Dream has a really unique intro. It really gives the song a 80s/90s feel to it. I believe the band uses a dream like bell sound for the melody. This song feels dreamy hence the title of the song. Towards the end of the song where the breakdown begins, it feels like the part where the dream starts to slowly warp and then the main character is reflecting on what just happened.

I believe everyone holds the song, Paris, in a special place in their heart. It is such a cute song with the melody, instrumentals, lyrics, and vocals. I would definitely listen to this song in my own room and sway alone under the flashing lights pretending I’m at a dance with my lover. The chorus after Healy says “How I would love to go to Paris again” is very dreamy with the echo background vocals and the synths. It is quite a slow song though so for me, I feel like 4 minutes and 53 seconds is drag for the song (that is just me because my attention span is short …)

Personally, I find Nana to be boring. Perhaps because of how slow it is but other than that, it seems like a nice song.

She Lays Down is another soft slow song but this time it is just Healy’s vocals with an acoustic guitar. I think it is a nice and beautiful way to end the album. It is a huge contrast to how the 1975 began this 2nd studio album. They began with their intro (The 1975) and Love Me, that immediately set the overall mood and tone of the album. It was very electric and energetic, while She Lays Down is a more mellow and reflectional piece. Overall, this album is a memorable work of art as many associate these songs with their teenage years. Some songs to mention are If I Believe You, Please Be Naked, Somebody Else, and Loving Someone. The 1975 is a powerful band with Healy’s vocals, lyrics, and style. Hopefully they will be able to create more music as similar to the ones in “I like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it”.

#new music #music #music review #music blog #pop music #pop #pop culture #spotify #the 1975 #i like it when you sleep #alternative #alternative music #indie pop #somebody else #loving someone #if i believe you #i'm new at this

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frankthesnek · 4 years ago

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Yaaaas more tag games! Tagged by @atlantis-scribe

Name: Frank. That is all you get. No it is not my real name lol

Fandoms: Alright, I'm gonna pull deep for this one other wise it would be a very boring answer. McShep obviously!... Way back in the 2008 era I wrote on FF.N for Yu-Gi-Oh, One Piece, Naruto, and Justice League. Used two diffrent names and I have no idea if I will ever claim any of the stories there.

Two-shot: I have a couple two-shot sets. More than Skin Deep and Things Left Unsaid is my fav of them. Things left Unsaid is one of my personal fav sex scenes I've ever done. Its just so soft and gooey and ugh I'm in love with it still!

Most popular multi-chapter story: I would assume How The Story Goes? I got a lot of positive feed back from that one (thank you all 💜) so I guess thats at the top. My fave multie chapter so far as well.

Actual worst part of writing: oh gosh... transitioning scenes is very hard for me. I have the bad habit of dragging scenes out because I can't figure out how to end them smoothly. Also proofing. I hate proofing. So much.

How do you choose titles: I like to use ones that are symbolic about the fic in some way. Or I also like basing them off specific lines from the story that really call out to me, a lot of my stories are titled this way.

Do you outline: heck yeah! I started doing it to keep track of events in my longer stories and it is amazing. I love it so much. Really helps me keep forward momentum when writing. 10/10 would recommend outlining of you don't!

Ideas you probably won't get to but wouldn't it be nice: Lord so many... off the top of my head, I have a big idea for a Firefly esque SGA AU that I've been kicking around for a while. But it would be big and complicated and eeeh I'm scared of it lol. But hey your never know I'm apparently getting more comfortable with bigger stories. Also I would love to jump ships at some point and write for things other than McShep, but actually doing that has proven very difficult for me.

Call outs @ yourself: why do they always have to live happily ever after? Mix things up a little woman! Also. Those stories in your WIP folder that are two freaking years old finish them!!....And write more top John!

Best writing traits: I have been told by several people I keep them in character well, so I guess I'm pretty good as that. I think I do sappy porn really well? Dialogue maybe? I enjoy doing dialogue, and think I'm okay at it. Maybe? I have no clue what I'm good at.

Spicy tangential opition: okay, okay...I will not rant, I will not rant... The "chose not to use archive warnings" option is not a free pass to leave Dead Dove stories untagged! Tag your crap properly people! It is your responsibility as the author to warn people. Like just asdghjk... I will not rant here.

I will tag @chaos-monkeyy and @dedkake if you want. Or ignore me lol I can be annoying I wouldn't blame you 🙃

#tag gams #tumblr games #i will always do them!#writing game #q and a

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ailuronymy · 4 years ago

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Book Club: Tallstar’s Revenge, chpt. 37-45 overview.

Two highly professional gravediggers observe the job ahead of them:

“I'd like to congratulate us both on finishing this godawful book! A whole super edition in five weeks. They said it couldn't be done, but we showed them. “ - S

“Yes! It's truly miraculous that our brains are intact still.” - K

“So glad it's over, though.” - S

“Should I grab the shovel?” - K

“Yes, it's time. Let's bury this corpse.” - S

In this final week of reading Tallstar’s Revenge, we will be thinking about these final nine questions. Well done for making it this far! We hope you’ve enjoyed the ride.

When you’re ready, consider sharing your thoughts with #ailuronymy book club and see what other readers are thinking!

1. First impressions?

K: It's bad! It's bad. It's all bad and I'm not surprised by any of it. K: I was actually expecting there to be more bullshit in the end, but I was almost... let down? By how underwhelming it was? S: Some moments surprised me a little but like... these did not spark joy. K: It was so boring. S: I have that same note: huge anticlimactic fuckery at the end. K: If you're going to torture me, you might as well make it interesting, Erin. K: Throw in a wild plot twist or something. K: Get me going. K: Make me feel alive.

2. How did you feel reading this section? K: Mind numb, head empty. For like, at least three chapters I read them and then failed to register anything important for the notes. It just dragged on. S: More bored than I expected to be! I thought it'd at least ramp up a little, but it very much did not in any meaningful way and really petered out with a sad little "wuh-wuh."

3. What chapter did you find most interesting/moving/effective, and why? K: Chapter Forty, seeing all of the clanmates that I'd been missing for half the book felt so satisfying. I missed Dawnstripe, Heatherstar, Barkface, and Hopkit all so much. The only good bit. S: I feel that. S: For me, I think in terms of sheer pleasure, it has to be the echoes I saw from turn to dust all that I adore in Talltail swimming in a time of crisis. K: Yes! S: It made that passage I wrote feel retroactively so much more intense and significant, which I love.

4. What chapter did you find least interesting/effective/most frustrating, and why?

K: The final chapter, Chapter Forty-Seven. That leader ceremony was so bad and I hated all of it. K: The Shadowclan battle was also mind-numbing. S: I think it's got to be the jump from first apprentice to leader ceremony. That's so much life we don't see, which given how goddamn long the book took for the rest of his very boring life is a travesty. S: I tend to take some umbrage with Starclan whenever it shows up in canon, but in this particular case, the way that his leader ceremony is handled--especially by Palebird and Sandgorse--is horrific. S: I also think it's appalling that Sandgorse offers a life of forgiveness, but never once asks for it from Talltail, unless I'm mistaken? S: He thinks he can embody forgiveness, but doesn't have the humility to admit to the things that he had done wrong by Talltail. Egregious.

5. Is there a passage that stuck in your mind–for good, or not-so-good reasons? What is it, and why did it stand out? S: I think for me, this is Sandgorse's everything in the leader ceremony. I think I'll just [my whole rant just now + thoughts on forgiveness]. K: I had two specific quotes from this go that fit I think. K: First was: "I guess Clan cats aren’t used to leaving home.” Jake sounded amused. “I know the feeling you’re having. The nagging pain, the tug in my pelt and paws? I get that whenever I’m away from my home too long.” “Really?” Talltail blinked. “Why?” “Every creature needs to belong somewhere,” Jake told him. “Your paws know where that is, even if you don’t.” K: Just the phrase of "Every creature needs to belong somewhere" felt so genuine and sweet coming from Jake, and I think could have felt so much more impactful if the themes we've recognized were more evident in the story. K: The second was: “Talltail!” Dawnstripe leaped from the Meeting Hollow. “You came back!” Delight lit up her eyes. Talltail stood still as she raced to meet him. “I couldn’t stay away.” She stopped in front of him and gazed warmly into his eyes. “Then my training wasn’t wasted.” “It was never wasted,” he meowed softly. “Not once.

S: YES K: Partially because I will always be soft for Dawnstripe, but also, the genuine tenderness between her and Talltail in this moment felt so real and so earned. K: This is what I wanted from Bluestar and Stonepelt. S: I've said it before, I'll say it again: mentor+apprentice relationships For Life. K: Talltail saying that his training with Dawnstripe was never wasted, and then immediately transitioning into him encouraging and being a positive role model for Deadkit? K: Ugh. It's so good. S: Loved it.

6. What other non-Warriors (or Erin Hunter affiliated) books does this one remind you of? Are there themes, symbolism, or storybeats in this novel that made you think of other stories as you read it?

K: Oh, great question. K: Oh shit, you know what. S: Hit me. K: We've got a Book Club classic coming at you. K: The Knife of Never Letting Go, by our mutual bastard Patrick Ness. S: You know, I was thinking about More Than This. But mostly because of how much I hated it. K: TKNLG's big theme revolves around like, what murder does to you and what it feels like to do an unspeakable act that you can't retract or replace. Revenge and anger become a part of you and you've got to deal with that. K: And it's been ages since I read it, but I feel like that makes a lot of sense for this book. Todd and Talltail both spend a book with things being taken from them and wrongs being done to them, and it makes them so angry and hurt and desperate that eventually they go "Okay, yeah, murder would be a solution here." And when it comes down to it they both get to make that choice, of what they want to put out into the world and what kind of man they want to be. S: I like that. I haven't read it myself, but I can definitely see how those themes talk to one another. S: I don't think there's a particular story I can pinpoint that is similar to this one, but I can think of stories that echo what I'd like this story to have leaned into more. S: Being about forgiveness and family trauma, it reminds me both of The Goblin Emperor and also the How To Train Your Dragon films? Especially the first film, I think. That whole undercurrent of absent mother, disdainful and frustrated father, queer-coded and different kid feels very present in Tallstar's Revenge. S: However, I think HTTYD does that a lot better than this book, by a considerable length.

7. Did this novel (or the experience of reading it) change your perspective on anything, either within the world of Warriors or outside it? What do you think about differently now?

K: Hm. I think it's certainly limited my excitement on reading any future Super Editions books. They all seem to be just the same garbage plot wrapped with slightly different bows, and that's both disappointing and relieving. S: I feel you on that. S: I think for me, the single biggest shift is that it's changed how I think of Tallstar. For me, he was probably my favourite leader--or one of my favourites--growing up reading the books, and he came across often as wise and relaxed, and then made that final defining mistake. S: Having come back and read this, I feel that the book stripped a lot from the character in a way that wasn't constructive. I don't feel like I know him better, but I do feel like I respect him less. And I think that's a monumental failure of a prequel. K: Tallstar had such a specific presence in the original series, and this book just really takes a lot of that away and replaces it with something worse. S: It does. And that's disheartening to me. S: Of course I can and will kill the author myself and take my place on the throne of canon, but you can't unknow details of a character. So that does change things. I don't have the same fondness for Talltail, now that I know he spent so much time being unadmirable and stupid and boring. S: I recognise that your twenties is like that for most people, but like. Doesn't mean it's worthy of a narrative. S: Kind of makes me think of Albus Dumbledore, to swing back around to Joke Rowling? S: Like, despite and sometimes because of how phenomenally jank and flawed that magnificent man is, I love Albus Dumbledore. I always have, ever since I was first listening to the tapes. And part of that is knowing his past--knowing that he struggled figuring out what was right, knowing that he fell in love very young with someone whose ideology became incompatible with his core beliefs and virtues. But I think you can allude to past mistakes and show growth without having to delve into it, if that makes sense. S: If I read about teen Dumbledore being like "hmm maybe wizard supremacy is good" for several chapters, there's a strong possibility that would stain all my readings of him into the future. I can know he did something, without needing a front-row seat. K: Yeah. S: And I feel like the crux failure of Erin Hunter's super editions is they don't have the delicacy or sense needed to know what needs to be told and what needs to be shown. S: Because sometimes, showing is worse. K: Being shown like, all of this, was worse than not. S: Nearly all of this book could have been summary.

8. Last week, we talked about predicted endings for the novel. In light of that, how do you feel about the ending? Was your prediction correct–and do you feel that reflects well on the narrative, or poorly? (i.e., is it good that you could guess, or are you disappointed by the result?) How important is it for an ending to be “unguessable”?

K: We hit the nail on the head and I am not surprised at all. S: I would say we were basically correct, but it brought me no joy. K: Yeah, it felt bad to read and go "I already knew this but sure, disappoint me with what you have to say." S: That's not to say I would have been overjoyed if there had been some bizarre twist, because I don't think twists or shock endings are inherently good storytelling. K: They're not. They've gotta be handled well to make me feel like, "Fuck yes, this is wack and I want more" K: And like, you can predict an ending and still have it be satisfying! K: That's just called successful foreshadowing. K: But what we did was like. Just have the sad, knowledgable wherewithal to know exactly what kind of inane and soulless bullshit Erin would pull. It's not foreshadowing if it's just "you're a bad writer and you're going to reach for the easiest tropes to tie up your story without any thought about what makes it good" S: As a general rule, I think you should be able to predict endings based on the tone and emotional themes of the story. For instance, a story that starts with someone getting thrown out of their house by their unloving family should, ideally, rectify that by ending with that person having either found a new loving family and/or revenging on the previous bad family. Sometimes both! S: If you're going to start an arc, you should finish it in a satisfying place. If you start with a murder being discovered, you should have a denouement at the end. S: So... I guess Erin Hunter's ending is... fine, in that light? S: Their narrative is honestly very muddled, so it's not super easy to actually see what the through-line of the story is. The story starts with a prophecy about Talltail leaving, so really it should end with his triumphant, enlightened return... but then it keeps going. K: It just drags on and so much of it feels weightless. S: It feels like they're juggling a lot of themes and ideas, but they're not really doing any of it well enough to be impressive. While I'm reading, there's always this deep uncomfortable sense of anything could be dropped at any minute. A good performer of any kind makes you feel safe in their hands, not lowkey on edge. S: It's like watching amateur stand-up.

9. In your opinion, what is the most important moment or event in this final chunk of story, and why?

K: I guess the cliche answer would be to say "Tallstar choosing to return to Windclan", but like. I think that really is the most important part of all this. S: I think it's actually choosing not to kill Sparrow. K: Oh, I mean. Okay that's fair lmao S: Because I think he probably could have gone back after he killed Sparrow and everyone still would have been basically fine about it. It didn't seem like anyone cared enough to try to stop him leaving, and frankly the clans as Erin Hunter writes them are mad blasé about murder. S: But I think in order for Talltail to retain like, some moral worth as a character, it was vital (if super inevitable) for him to not kill Sparrow. K: Absolutely. K: Can you imagine if he had, though. K: Like, if he'd pushed Sparrow off the ledge and went "sick" and then Sandgorse's ghost showed up to razz him with airhorns like 'YOU IDIOT SON, THAT WAS THE WRONG CHOICE, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DISAPPOINT ME AGAIN' S: Om. S: [that one video of the guy screaming above the mountains] S: That's Starclan whenever the living make a bad decision.

Bonus question: choose a different character from Tallstar’s Revenge and briefly imagine what this story would be if they were the protagonist instead.

K: Hm. I'm torn. Barkface, or maybe Reena, would be interesting to me. S: I think Reena's experience would be super interesting. K: I think you could tell a really interesting narrative with her. S: I'm sort of thinking Shrewclaw? Like, he's such a dick and there's very little about him that's redeemable, but like. This is also true of Talltail for a lot of the book. S: And I guess an external clan perspective of Talltail from someone who actively dislikes him could be kind of interesting! It'd definitely be a totally new counterpoint. K: Yeah! Especially given that they end up kind of being... foils? A little? I think it could be super neat to like, see Shrewclaw reprimand Talltail for being so focused on revenge, and then suddenly becoming revenge-minded himself and then having to grapple with that hypocrisy. K: Either by going "My feelings are different, I'm not like you," or going "oh shit oh fuck we're the same and now i feel all sorts of ways about it" S: I think the low-hanging fruit for why Shrewclaw is such a prick to Talltail is just plain homophobia, you know? But that's so boring, so I'd definitely want to tap into like, the inner world of Shrewclaw and swing it a different way. S: See Talltail through his eyes, emphasising everything Shrewclaw doesn't like about himself. Which becomes so tasty when you later think about Mudclaw doing something similar. S: Shrewclaw has to grow from hate and jealousy to grudging respect and kinship within the clan, and then Mudclaw grows from outright respect to total adoration. It's an interesting intergenerational trajectory.

Final notes.

S: God, can we rewind a moment to the whole Sparrow bullshit. K: Oh 100%. S: Talltail obsesses over this for like, at least twenty chapters. And then two lines of dialogue and he's like, "I'm cured, my dad was a hero the whole time." S: “It’s what Sandgorse would do.” Now that the rage had gone, Talltail wondered how he could ever have thought of killing Sparrow. Had grief taken away all his faith in the warrior code?” MY rage is still right here. K: Literally one of my notes is: K: Talltail straight up telling him he’s here to kill him like a coward. Like not that I WANT him to be a murderer, but god damn, just do it! K: If you're gonna spend an entire fucking book yelling about how badly you wanna kill a guy then just! Don't make me wait this goddamn long! Do it!! K: And yeah, just. Redeeming Sandgorse. BLeughghelfuf

S: Okay, another point of rage: Talltail literally dissolves the goodwill between the travellers and the clan. K: Y E A H S: Like, years of peaceful gathering, destroyed. S: Note: "This dude literally just ended years of peace over his petty revenge quest" K: I do find it hilarious though that Talltail goes "Hey we should leave," Reena goes "Hm?? No you dont?" and then Sparrow comes in with the most uncomfortable, exhausted expression saying "No He's Right They Really Should Be Going And Should Never Come Back Thanks," S: I'm also so pissed that when Talltail showed up, the travellers were like, “Warriors and kittypets don’t belong with rogues” AND YET you stay for a whole month or more in clan territory? What ripe fuckery is this. K: YEAH IT MADE NO SENSE S: Everyone's just ambiguously racist enough to use it as an excuse whenever they don't want to do something.

S: Also: we called it re: Reena, although the story was actually less obnoxious than I was expecting. S: “There was sympathy in the she-cat’s mew, and Talltail suddenly wondered if Reena had been hoping that Talltail would be her mate: that they’d have kits and travel together. Had she started to imagine a whole new life ahead of them?” Ew. K: i was gonna say K: We really did call it. S: Way to project, Talltail. S: "I guess she's in love with me and I'm breaking her heart by leaving because of the elaborate future she's imagined of our strong, brave kits and--" calm down, boy, she didn't say any of that. K: Yeah, like. Keep it inside, buddy. K: There was a lot of very wild Jake/Talltail shit going on but I'm going to drop this from my notes first before dipping into the bits I did like: K: Jake saying “oh that drive to kill wasn’t REALLY you” is VERY “what if I date this unhinged maniac man so I can change him and make him better because I know who he is deep down” and that is VERY unsexy of you, Erins, K: Jake... my boy.... S: Yeah. S: I'm just going to keep pointing at the advice I gave him in previous Book Clubs. Respect yourself, king. K: I did briefly look at the disastrous mini-comic at the end of the PDF and I do love that he's canonically a chubby king, though. S: We do love that. A cuddly boy. K: He's shaped like a friend! S: But yeah, if these cats were people, Talltail is some skinny closeted runaway with some serious esteem issues and a kind of volatile and disrespectful pattern of behaviour. S: And Jake is the cute bi boy next door with a supportive dad with apparently a solid sense of self and value, and I find that kind of a jank combination? It feels like it'll either lend itself to basically "adopt a stray" style "fixing" someone else, which isn't a great relationship dynamic, or Talltail dragging Jake into his mess and drama. And it's just difficult for me to imagine what Jake sees in Talltail. S: If the relationship was just a bit more balanced--Talltail bringing something of value to Jake beyond "adventure"--I could believe it more. K: Meanwhile, if Talltail retained his "soft, shy poet boy who's just looking for a place to be accepted and flourish" attitude... S: YES

S: I got so mad when Talltail's like, "I'm going to kill a guy," and Jake was like, "you can't!" and Talltail's like, "if I was back home, I would have probably already killed by someone by now," and Jake's like, "yeah but that's different, warriors killing each other for Survival is fine." K: IT ISN'T S: And I'm like, whoa, slow down, I want to talk philosophy right here right now. S: It's a genuinely fascinating conversation that I want canon to have a lot more, but they just... glance over it.

S: Pivot for a moment to the gay part of Jake/Talltail: I was surprised by exactly how heavily they implied it. K: Me too!!! S: I thought it'd be a lot less than there was, and a lot more oblique. So that was a pleasant (? is any part of this pleasant?) surprise. K: And in the final comic they say that Tallstar sees Firestar like the son he would have had (with Jake). Which. Is gay. S: Mad huge gay, for sure. K: Their final "oh, what if I stay with you!" parting scene was wild to read. And on Tallstar specifying that Jake is someone he loves at the very end. Like hot damn S: But I Lost My Whole Mind. Because of one line. I read it and involuntarily galaxy-brained with the power of song. I can't find the full quote right now BUT it was basically Talltail and Jake talking right before Talltail leaves to return to the clan. S: And Jake's like, "you know what you have to do. Listen to your heart.” K: YES S: And I was HIT BY A TRUCK S: by this song S: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCC_b5WHLX0 K: OH FUCK YES S: Which honestly is so good, and also hilarious, because I have fond gay memories of this song from my teen years. S: So I know we were saying the very long slow lame end was boring and anticlimactic, but there were a few things that did in fact spark joy. One was--despite his name and the rampant ableism--Deadkit. K: YES K: I have in my notes: K: "I would die for Deadkit." and then "Apparently Deadkit would die for me" S: Hopkit sat up straight, quivering with effort. “Still as a stone, right you are!” he mewed. “Barkface, carry on!” Bless. S: MY SON S: MY BOY K; And Talltail finally being like? Not an asshole, and treating him well and encouraging him. He really did feel like he was emulating Dawnstripe in a wholesome way. S: I KNOW. S: It honestly made me feel so good about the story I've planned out, but I can talk about that after. S: I also loved that Talltail swam. <3 K: Yes. S: I was there just elated, thinking about Mudclaw's final moments. And how this story actually ties in so well with that one. That's nothing really to do with Erin Hunter, but it was nice for me. It made the two feel resonant and in conversation with each other in a way I truly hadn't expected. K: Oh fuck also, two extra from the notes K: "Talltail’s heart began to race. “I can’t go home!” He stared in panic at Jake. “They won’t want me! I broke the warrior code when I left my Clan. They’ll drive me away again!” — On the one hand: I understand that his fear of being driven away/not being accepted stems from like, 90% of the interactions in this book. But also: THEY LET YOU LEAVE, everyone agreed! Nobody drove you out!" S: Talltail: "I'll go if I must, I understand, you need me to leave--" The rest of the clan: "uhh dude you said you wanted to go." S: Makes me think of people who get really pissed when they're like "I said I'm fine, why didn't you ask me more about how I was feeling because I was clearly Not Fine and Lying to you." S: And it's like... I trusted you to tell me the truth. Don't play stupid games. K: Yeah! Like, if you want to be consoled or helped, be honest! I can't read your mind!

S: Palebird is just a full on mess in this book, huh? And it's really unsatisfactorily handled. S: Sandgorse gets obsessed over for... the entire book. Palebird, equally bad parent, doesn't really get any kind of meaningful resolution with Talltail. K: I misread when Talltail first brings the kids into camp, and fully thought that Palebird recognized Talltail and chose to ignore him in favour of her kits. That sadly isn't actually far off from what happens when she does recognize him. K: He just goes "oh she died and in my leader ceremony she makes me feel like she always loved me and i never should have doubted her" S: I was so furious that her bit was like "a mother's love for her kits" and he's like, oh I can't believe how stupid I was for doubting her. S: She abused you, dude. S: Being like, "lol jk" after she's dead counts for Nothing. K: It’s awful. S: "I always loved you," said Palebird. "I just never wanted to interact with you at all when I was alive and I attached all my grief and trauma to your existence, which made it impossible to enjoy time around you, and I never even bothered to get help for myself or you, and I was happiest when you weren't in my life and I could focus on my other family. So I guess I didn't actually love you. I just felt like I probably should have, but oh well." S: I am as angry about her as I am about Sandgorse. K: Yeah, she just somehow gets a free pass because "that's just how moms are!" -Erin S: "Mums can say they love you and you have to believe them." K: What kind of mother did you have/are you to your kids, @the Erins collective. I want to know. S: I KNOW K: Like, please answer for science. K: I KNOW WE'VE ROASTED SANDGORSE THIS ENTIRE TIME BUT K: THE NOTES S: GET HIM S: GET HIS ARSE K: “I give you this life for forgiveness. No death need ever be avenged. Forgiveness brings peace far more surely than vengeance.” Talltail felt his ruffled fur smooth, his claws retract into his pads, his breath come steadily. Mercy was his, and always would be. “I’m sorry you had to learn the hard way, Tallstar,” Sandgorse meowed. — HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO MURDER A FICTIONAL CAT S: YES YES YES YES S: I was literally about to grab the same note. K: "im sorry you had to learn the hard way" WHOSE FUCKING FAULT WAS THAT S: “I give you this life for forgiveness. No death need ever be avenged. Forgiveness brings peace far more surely than vengeance.” It is a fatal mistake to conflate forgiveness with pacifism. K: It's just. K: Like I knew it was going to be awful, I knew this moment was going to happen, but just to see it and see the phrasing. K: "I'm sorry you had to learn the hard way" is just the ultimate slap in the face. You abused and abandoned and neglected this kid. You did this. You were a ghost for 70% of the book and could have told your son that you "died a hero" and stopped him from being an absolute asshole. YOU DID THIS. S: What peeves me is that I personally believe forgiveness is something you have to do for yourself, and not for other people. A lot of the time, bad people in your life won't ask for your forgiveness and don't deserve it. K: Yes! Forgivesness isn't earned, forgivesness is given. K: It's up to you to give people that forgiveness on your own terms, whenever and however you choose. And if you go "I'm not giving this to you" you don't have to! It's for you! It's your choice! S: But all your anger and hate and misery inside will burn you out like acid, so sometimes you need to go, "you're never going to earn my forgiveness, but I am choosing to forgive what you did so I can move on with my life and grow." S: It's why "forgive but don't forget" is a good thing to remember. You can let go of self-harmful anger without ever losing the lesson that person taught you, which was stay the hell away from people like that. S: That's the conversation I want to see happen around forgiveness in this story. K: Talltail deserves so much better than any of the story we were given. K: And like. Forgiveness through that specific lens is so compelling. S: I know. It's something I'm deeply invested and interested in. K: It's so engaging, and relatable! It's messy and nuanced and full of a lot of good shit. S: Yeah, like, and what happens when the person you resent or distrust tries to make efforts to atone, but they always fall a little short, or don't grow the way you need them to? How do you forgive that, but still choose to walk away, knowing that in their narrative, you're the bad guy? K: It's hard. Knowing that they see you as the bad guy is like, the fucking toughest. s: It's extremely hard and I think there's so much space in this story for that exploration. K: It makes it so easy to want to go back in for seconds and explain yourself to try and get them to understand you, even when you know that like, they're not going to and never will. And it'll just hurt you more to try than to move on and be a better you for it. S: And being able to forgive yourself is I think a massive underrated lesson. K: Yes! It's beyond hard to try and be gentle with yourself and have compassion for yourself sometimes, especially regarding a messy scenario like these. S: I mean, all of this is way out of Erin Hunter's range, but like, ugh. What could have been. K: Yeah, absolutely. K: Also I'm always here for young upset queer kids growing up to become Better & Cooler & Sexier than you, so don't try any shit dad, S: Anyway! That's it! We did it! K: Yeah! S: Honestly this is such a dumb book but it always feels like an accomplishment to get through another Book Club with you. K: I agree. K: <3 S: <3

#ailuronymy book club #sorry to everyone who's been waiting for this final installment! i forgot to post it like a year ago #thank you to those who reminded me! i hope you all had fun with this little endeavour

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kiwi-bitchez · 6 years ago

Text

Permafrost

Chapter 4: superpowers and liquid courage

Read chapters 1, 2, and 3, all are also on my Ao3

Summary: Peter and Y/N sneak around the boat and try to find ways to kill the time. Stumbling upon a bar, you take it upon yourself to pour the liquid courage you need to finally talk to peter about what happened that night at the party.

Warnings: language and alcohol consumption

A/N: can this be a slow burn even though they've already fucked??? More smut is coming, I promise ;) Drop requests for oneshots or ideas for fics you want to see in my ask box! Smut/fluff/anything! Plz! I’m so lonely and horny all the time.

The first handful of days on the boat generally consist of jetlag, seasickness, and mundane ways to kill the onsetting boredom. Just about everyone slept for the majority of the first day of the trip, that 11-hour flight was no joke, and segueing directly onto a boat wasn’t exactly an easy transition.

The bunks on the ship weren’t ideal, but they were nice enough. You weren’t exactly used to luxury anyways. The bedrooms could easily be compared to small dorm rooms, and the bathrooms weren’t large enough for more than one person to be seasick at a time.

Both you and Peter didn’t have too much trouble with that, as you found the constant swaying kind of comforting, and you were sure Peter was immune to motion sickness. However, everyone else wasn’t quite as adept as the two of you, making the first 48 hours generally miserable for everyone.

“I can’t stand being in here listening to Steve throw up any longer,” Peter says, sitting up in his bed and tossing a wad of paper at the back of your head.

“Hey!” you turn from your seat at the small desk where you had been trying to distract yourself with work, “watch it!”

“Can we do something, please,” Peter looks at you, making a ridiculous puppy-dog face that you knew you couldn’t say no to, “just like a walk around the ship, we can go up to the top deck, literally anything, please.”

“Ugh I guess,” you pretend to be annoyed but are actually glad to be getting out of the tiny bedroom. You hadn’t taken much time to explore around the ship, and you figured it would be beneficial considering you were going to be here for quite some time.

Following Peter, who walked incredibly fast, always slightly bouncing and skipping when he stepped, you made your way to the main room. There was a small kitchen, a few couches, and a dining table. You flop dramatically back onto one of the couches in the middle of the room, letting all your limbs hang off the sides.

“Great, now we can just listen to everyone be sick from out here,” you flop your head back to look at peter from an upside-down angle.

“At least the acoustics are better,” he quips back as he rummages through every drawer and cabinet.

“Is this really the only other room other than our sleeping quarters?” you ask, assuming he had been told more than you about the trip.

“Yeah, I think so. There are the other rooms upstairs, the conference room, and the top deck. I think Tony mentioned something about an entertainment room but he said it was closed off. This boat used to be for small private trips until they refurbished it to make the trip to Antarctica, now mostly it’s used by larger groups of scientists and stuff like that, so no real need for an entertainment room.”

“No need for an entertainment room? What, you science nerds don’t like to have fun?” You joke, having recently learned about Peter’s love for math and science, particularly chemistry.

“Not exactly anti-fun, more like anti-relaxation,” he flops beside you in a similar fashion on the couch across from yours, “I’m pretty sure Stark sealed off that conference room and is using it as a lab. Like he couldn’t just relax for a few days, that would be impossible.”

“Why aren’t you up there with him doing top-secret Avenger’s science?”

“Eh, he told me to scram when I offered to help. Sometimes he gets into the zone and refuses to let anyone help him. I kind of get it, but it means I’m stuck here, bored out of my mind.”

“Damn, sorry I’m so boring I guess,” you joke, sarcastically rolling your eyes at him.

“That is not what I-” he starts before looking over at you, realizing your tongue is stuck out at him.

“Race you to the top,” you say quickly as you take a head start out the door.

The two of you tumble down the hallway, flailing your arms and trying to knock one another over. He manages to squeak by you and scramble up the stairs to the top deck first.

“Hey that is not fair,” you yell over to him, already starting to shiver, “I don’t have radioactive blood and spider muscles or whatever it is you have.”

You join him over by the railing, looking out at the vast ocean. Although it is beautiful, the cold is unbearable and the wind is whipping your hair in every direction.

“This was a better idea in theory,” Peter turns to you, “I think I spotted Monopoly down there.”

“Okay are we five?” you joke back, but you secretly loved Monopoly, fully ready to kick Peter’s ass.

Although the two of you grew comfortable quickly, there was still a slight air of tension. There was that underlying thing that neither of you was going to bring up, but secretly wished the other would. You used humor as a coping mechanism, constantly deflecting with sarcasm and bad jokes.

It was inconvenient that the only person who really wanted to spend time with you was Peter, and you spent almost every minute of the day together. All of this would have been easier if you just had to awkwardly acknowledge him in passing, but no, you were literally sleeping less than 10 feet apart.

You tried to just see him as a friend, someone you could be goofy and dick around with. You think he is trying to see you the same way too. You try your best to keep physical contact out of the picture, but he can’t help but to grab your hand to drag you off somewhere, or for you to ruffle his hair after he says something stupid.

There was that inherent chemistry between the two of you, and if you hadn’t known better you could have ignored it, but that was the problem, you did know better. You both knew how you had fucked each other’s brains out that night, how the sexual interest and intense attraction truly was there and wasn’t just something you were imagining. But still, you resign to scrunching your nose at him and cracking bad jokes over board games to repress any feelings of wanting him on top of you.

You had found a small stack of board games and would cycle through them and play with anyone who was willing to sit with you and Peter for that long. Monopoly, Risk, and Scrabble. Certain members of the team would come in for certain games, some were better competitors than others. But that’s how the two of you mutually decided to pass the time. When you weren’t stewing over maps and images of cliff faces, you would go down to the common room with Peter and wait around until you had a large enough party to play. A few days passed by this way and you didn’t mind, it also gave you the chance to spend some time with the other members of the team, although they never became less intimidating.

You sat at the tiny wooden desk, you ass getting sore from sitting on the hard, wooden chair. You had been shuffling through papers, not really concentrating on anything in particular, when you felt Peter enter the room. You had headphones on and had the music cranked up, but you could always feel when he entered the room, despite how light on his feet he was.

You turn around, surprised to not see him there. But before you can fully turn back around to the desk your body instinctively recoils at Peter hanging upside down dangling over the wooden surface. You gasp as you start to fall back, chair slipping out underneath you. He shoots out a web from god knows where and catches the chair inches before it hits the ground.

You clutch your chest, slightly worried that cardiac arrest might be in your near future. Before you can yell at him, or even get up, he is toppled over on the desk cracking up. He lowers you slowly, so you are now flat on your back. He continues to hysterically laugh and you can’t help but join him.

“What the fuck man!” you finally say in between giggles.

“I’m sorry I-” Peter, still gasping for air in between bellows, “I just wanted to scare you, I didn’t realize you would-” still laughing.

“You are an asshole,” you say, finally getting up, you smack him off your desk and start to reorganize your papers.

“You can’t be mad at me, that was so funny,” Peter, finally upright, moves across the room.

“You bet your ass I will be getting you back though,” you point your finger sternly at him, although you were unsure how you could top hanging from the ceiling, “If you are here to ask me to play scrabble with you, I may explode.”

“No, no, I need a solid 12-hour break from board games before I kick your ass at Monopoly again,” he never stops rubbing it in, “I was just wondering if you wanted to look around for something to eat for dinner.”

You smooth out your hair and clothes to join him in the hallway, quickly entering the somewhat crowded main room. The others were eating as well, as everyone had become accustomed to the motion of the ocean and had started taking Dramamine. The two of you conclude on a box of mac and cheese, as long as Peter did all the work. He owed you at least that considering your heart stopped for a solid 15 after that stunt he pulled.

Everyone finishes their meals and clears out of the room, heading back to their respective rooms, leaving you and Peter to discuss the mechanics of eating mac and cheese with a spork.

“Make sure to wrap it before you tap it, kids,” Sam nudges Peter on the shoulder as he exited the room.

“Oh my god do they all know about that?” you ask.

“Kind of,” Peter’s face grew red, “they all really like you, I swear.”

“He wouldn’t shut up about you for weeks!” Sam yells from the hallway, clearly still within earshot of you.

You threw your hands over your face in embarrassment. You couldn’t believe that all the freaking Avengers knew about your sex life. You wondered how much Peter had told them, but didn’t dare ask. You just hoped they all knew that you were professional and hadn’t just weaseled your way onto this trip because you had slept with Spiderman, although that technically was the case.

“I am painfully bored,” you admit, bringing your dishes to the sink, “is there really nothing else to do other than Monopoly and sleep?”

“I mean I can think of a few things…” Peter jokes, although you hope deep down that he isn’t.

“Hey, quit it with the flirting,” you join him on the couch, “you made me dinner and now you’re making passes at me, don’t break the rules.”

“But rules are so boooooring, and this boat is soooo booooring,” he slumps into your lap, making those puppy dog eyes at you again.

“Okay then, lets… do something exciting then,” you suggest, getting up and waltzing across the room.

“What could possibly be exciting?”

“If I remember your top-secret Avengers info correctly, there is a whole game room just waiting to be broken into.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea…” Peter questions, “hey, and isn’t your whole deal that you want to be respectful and professional and everything?”

Although he makes a fair point, everyone is in bed at this point and your boredom was killing your brain cells. You both could use something to occupy your minds as this boat slowly trudges into colder and colder territory.

“Oh I’m sorry,” you start, “I didn’t realize you were bitten by a radioactive scardey cat.”

He rolls his eyes at you and follows you out into the hallway and down the stairs.

“Fine, but I am not taking the blame for this if we get in trouble.”

“Fine, fine, it was all my idea, you can even rat me out.”

You make your way down to the bottom floor, where neither of you had yet been. You find the door at the end of the hallway and quietly jiggle the door handle open.

“Dude, your secret intel was all lies,” you whisper, “the door wasn’t even locked.”

You slip your way into the door and feel around for a light switch. Although it was nowhere near as exciting as you would have hoped, it was still something. The lights flicker on and reveal a mostly empty ballroom, a small one albeit, a few tables, couches, and a bar. It wasn’t much different from the room upstairs except the one thing that caught your eye, the bar.

“Come on Peter, it will be fun,” you start, already knowing he will protest your devilish ideas, “plus, I bet no one can even hear us down here.”

“I don’t know, I don’t want to take anything that doesn’t belong to me.”

“If that’s your concern I have like twenty bucks in cash upstairs that I will gladly leave in the place of whichever one of these fine bottles we choose to take.”

“I suppose,” you notice him coming around to the idea, “but we have to be quiet, I don’t want to disrupt anyone’s sleep.”

“Of course, of course,” you were now behind the bar, eyeing your selections, “pick your poison, Parker.”

You grab a bottle and take a seat on one of the couches, Peter sits down across from you.

“Are we friends?” you ask Peter, taking a swig right from the bottle and passing it over to him.

“Um, I guess so? Why?” Peter takes a sip much more easily than you had expected.

“I just feel like I don’t know anything about you. Friends know things about each other.”

“You know that I’m Spiderman, most people don’t know that about me.”

“I guess,” you take the bottle back from him, “but we have spent every day together for almost a week now, and I don’t really know anything about you. Your name is Peter Parker, you have magic spider monkey powers, you have a big dick...”

“Peter Benjamin Parker,” he says, hand out asking for the bottle again.

“Hmm?” you finish your sip and hand the liquor over.

“My middle name is Benjamin, that’s something you don’t know about me.”

“That’s so cute,” the liquor hitting you already, “that suits you so well.”

“Thanks, it was my Uncle’s name,” Peter took a long sip, “he, um, he died when I was in high school.”

“Oh,” you didn’t expect this conversation to get so serious so quickly, “were you two close?’

“Yeah, my parents are dead, so he and my Aunt May were my guardians. May is great, she’s like the best person ever, love her with my whole heart. But Uncle Ben died and it was pretty hard on us, and I became Spiderman, and… it was all kind of a mess, to be honest.”

“I’m- I’m really sorry to hear that,” you look down, unsure of how to continue.

“Ok now you go,” he says, handing you the bottle.

“Huh?” you were still trying to process everything he had just thrown out there.

“Our drinking game, you say something the other person doesn’t know about you and also you drink.”

“That just sounds like a conversation to me.”

“Ok, then you come up with something!”

“No, no, I like it,” you laugh, the alcohol steadily setting into your bloodstream, “I just don’t really have any exciting secrets like dead parents or superpowers though.”

“That’s ok, just tell me your favorite ice cream flavor or something. You are right, we barely know anything about each other.”

“Coffee, but coffee mixed with cookies and cream, so like the coffee ice cream has little bits of cookie mixed in it. What’s yours?”

“Ben and Jerry's.”

“That’s not a flavor, that’s a brand.”

“Doesn’t matter. That’s my answer. This is my game, so I say Ben and Jerry's.”

The two of you had somehow migrated from the couches over to the large wooden dance floor, laying with arms and legs starfished out around you. You went back and forth, telling stupid facts about yourselves, whoever wasn’t talking was drinking. You flip over onto your stomachs and rest your head on your arms, crossed in front of you. You were staring directly into Peter’s eyes.

Normally being this close to him would make you a blend of anxious and horny and giddy. However, the bottle was well over half gone at this point. The two of you had been talking for hours, rolling around on the hard floor and laughing at each other’s stories.

“Have you ever been in love?” you ask, the thought escaping your mouth before it could be filtered through your brain.

“Damn,” Peter, equally as drunk as you, responds, “that’s a little personal, don’t you think?”

“Okay mister shares-a-room-with-me-and-also-let-me-suck-his-dick-in-a-spare-room-at-a-work-function Parker.”

“Hey,” he sits up, struggling a little bit, “I thought we were secretly silently agreeing not to bring that up.”

“Ban lifted,” you sit up too, “we are playing the reveal-your-secrets drinking game that YOU made up.”

“It’s called “get to know your roommate better through discussion and drink” and it’s fun,” he says defensively, “and no, I was a loser in high school and now I spend my weekends lurking around in alleyways waiting for people to punch, so no, never been in love.”

“You lurk in alleyways? Doesn’t really sound very superhero esque to me,” you make fun of him.

“I’ve been to space, so, suck on that.”

“Can I see it?”

Peter gives you a funny look, not entirely sure what you’re getting at.

“Your suit you dummy, show me your super suit. Show me Spiderman!”

“I don’t know y/n, I’m kind of drunk and I don’t want to wake anyone up.”

“What? Spiderman can’t be quiet? Please, Peter, pleeeasssee.”

“Ok fine but I’m taking that twenty from your wallet to leave at the bar.”

“Fine!” you lay back on the ground, closing your eyes that felt very heavy, “I’ll be here waiting for you Spideyyy.”

Peter takes a while, slowly making his way up the stairs to your shared room. You patiently wait for him, pacing around the entertainment room taking long gliding steps, twirling around with your arms spread out.

“Okay, I have a few different ones with me, but this one is the coolest for sure,” Peter starts talking to you before he is even all the way down the stairs, taking them three at a time. You stare at him with bulging eyes, mouth dropping slightly agape.

“What? Don’t look at me like that you’re making me self-conscious,” he steps into the room, Spider-suit clinging tightly to his body.

“How?” you walk up to him, placing a hand on the shiny material, surprised to find it was cold and metallic to the touch, “are you so perfect?”

“Excuse me?” Peter stumbles a little bit.

“Look at you! You’re freaking amazing!” you fall back onto the old leather couch, making your landing dramatic, as if he had blown you away.

“Shut up, don’t make fun of me,” Peter shies away, “I’m not even gonna put the mask on now.”

“I’m not making fun of you! Do something super, please?? Will you??”

He sighs, exasperated, and drunk, and shoots a web across the room, swinging his body along with it. He wasn’t as graceful as he usually was, and had never tried using his suit while intoxicated, so this was all new.

“Holy shit!” you exclaim, causing Peter to whip around and dramatically motion for you to be quiet, “fuck, sorry. Holy shit!” you whisper.

“Can I take it off? I’m getting sweaty,” he drops his shoulders and mopes.

“I suppose…” you shuffle back over to the couch, “but know I like you much more in the sexy superhero outfit than those sweats you’ve been rocking.”

“Don’t hate on the joggers,” he was slipping back into them, you hadn’t even noticed that he had taken the spider suit off, it had happened so fast. You found yourself staring at his bare chest, unable to control your drunk expression of lust.

“Are we still playing the roommate honesty game?” you ask, desperately trying to focus your eyes on something other than Peter getting dressed.

“Yes,” he grabs the bottle over from where you had left it on the table, “and it’s my turn to ask.”

“Okay shoot spider-boy.”

He takes a long sip before sitting across from you, looking at you intently. “You lifted the ban, so I get to ask, and I’m just drunk enough to not give a fuck, so I have to do it.”

“Okay?” unsure of where he was going with this.

“Why,” he pauses before taking another quick sip, “why did you leave that night? Why didn’t you leave your number?”

It took you a second, and you sat there, slightly uncomfortable. You weren’t sure how to start, opening your mouth before words had formed in your brain.

“I’m sorry,” he cuts you off before you can even speak, “You don’t have to answer that, you don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

“No, its ok,” you felt weirdly sober suddenly, despite not being able to feel your hands or feet or cheeks, “I- I just didn’t really know what I was doing. I had never really slept with someone I didn’t know like that, and I wasn’t sure what the rules were, what the protocol was.”

“I’m not good at that stuff either,” he avoided eye contact with you, “I probably just should have asked you for it.”

“I just, I didn’t want to leave it and then have you never call. I figured you were so busy being an Avenger, and you probably get girls all the time. I just jumped to the conclusion that it all meant a lot more to me than it did to you,” you look up at him, face previously buried in your hands.

“It meant something to me,” he says, “are you kidding, how could it not have? Did you hear Sam earlier? All I could talk about for weeks was how pissed I was that I didn’t ask you for your number, that I let you slip away.”

“I’m sorry for instilling the secret ban on talking about it,” you apologize to him, “and I’m sorry I left that night, I was just nervous. You make me nervous.”

“I am so un-intimidating. Thor is here, Captain America is here, they are intimidating. I’m like a 7 on a good day and all I can cook is boxed mac and cheese. Why do I make you nervous?”

“First off, shut up, you’re an 11 every day and you know it, you might be a secret genius, and you have freaking superpowers, plus you lowkey got me this job so I owe a lot to you.”

“I’m sorry if things have been weird or tense or whatever,” his cheeks turning redder than they had previously been.

“Don’t apologize, it’s a weird situation that neither one of us could have known about. And I’m the one who should be sorry if things are weird or tense.”

Peter gets up and joins you on the couch, resting his head on your shoulder. You still felt very nervous, but in a new way. You just want to lay there and hold him, let him know that you like him, that you really really like him.

“Do you think we could make it less weird?” your mouth does that thing again, saying ideas before your brain can properly filter them, “Do you think if we just kissed once it would diffuse the tension?”

You weren’t sure if this was actually a good idea, or if your brain was just trying to find a rational way to bring up to Peter how you wanted nothing more than to kiss him. You turned to him, alcohol helping with the typical nervousness and awkwardness that this situation would typically present.

“You just have to promise me,” he says, bringing one of his strong hands to cup your cheek.

“Promise you what?”

“Promise me that you’ll stop.”

“Stop?”

“Yeah, stop. Stop being pretty. Stop being funny. Stop being smart and witty and better than me at board games. Stop talking in your sleep and leaving your towel on your head for hours after you’ve gotten out of the shower. Stop doing all those things that are making this trip so hard for me. You have to promise me that you’ll stop.”

“If I promise, then you’ll kiss me?” you whisper, leaning into the hand that was pressed against your skin. He nods at you, tucking his lower lip between his teeth.

“Okay, then I promise. I’ll be mean and horrible to you for the rest of the trip. I’ll be nasty and unlikeable, and I’ll tell even more jokes than I already do, and now you won’t even have to pretend to laugh.”

He scrunches his nose at you, grinning a familiar smile as he leans into you.

“You promise?”

“Yeah, I promise.”

You part your lips slightly, his mouth hovering over yours as you take a sharp breath inward, preparing yourself. His hand snakes from your cheek to the back of your neck, pulling your lips to his and holding your head steadily, not wanting to feel your lips part from his. You latch onto his lower lip, hands coming up instinctively to cup his face.

Your eyes fluttered shut as you pull his face closer to yours. His hand on the base of your neck and your hands on his face acted as a human vice grip, locking your faces together as you felt his lips interlock with yours. You tilt your head, allowing his tongue to slip into your ready mouth.

The kiss wasn’t sexual or heated, the way a tension diffusing kiss was supposed to be, it was slow, earnest, warm.

You were drunk, but you could feel every shift and movement in his body, every maneuver of his hand. He wasn’t kissing you the way a drunk boy should kiss you, he kissed you as if you had just come home from the airport, like you just received good news, like you had known each other for much longer than this Antarctica trip.

You were the one to pull away, immediately regretting it the moment you did. You stared at him with sad eyes, not knowing what would happen next. He just stared back, not wanting to register that the kiss was over.

Before he could say anything or look at you in a way that made you feel the need to say something, you turned around, back facing him and laid back. You nuzzled your head into the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent. Taking his hand and weaving his long fingers between yours, you tell him

“I hate you,” staying true to your promise. You close your eyes and let your body fully relax into his.

“I hate you more,” he kisses the top of your head, burying his face in your hair, closing his eyes too.

#peter parker x y/n #peter parker x reader #peter parker fanfic #spiderman fanfiction #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker #spiderman #spider man #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #lowkey fluffy

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bigskydreaming · 5 years ago

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Okay, I knew Alistair the Dream-Keeper wasn’t the first time I’d written the idea of magically weaponized dreams, so I went hunting through old email accounts and found a whole fucking manuscript I wrote like, twelve years ago and totally forgot about. WHOOPS. (This happens with me more often than you’d think actually possible). I’m only a third of the way through my re-read of it, but it holds up surprisingly well IMO, I’m pretty pleased. I can actually do something with this, I think.

Course, it was apparently written back during my whole “every thing must be hetero otherwise there will be no publishing” period, before the beginning of my personal Age of LOL Nah, Fuck That, Everything Must Be Gay. So, first things first, Jez definitely needs a girlfriend, and also a different name. I can’t believe I named her Jez, like, wow, I was really trying to get YA Bingo, wasn’t I? In my defense, this was when I was twenty-three. Also, this first chapter here has a character named Scott and this was before Teen Wolf even premiered, so apparently I just like the name Scott? Huh. Did not know.

BURNING DAYLIGHT

Jez O’Neill knows she has three years, two months, and sixteen days to live.

She’s had visions for as long as she can remember. She knows they’re never wrong. And when the boy her visions say will someday kill her comes into her life, she knows to stay far away.

But somehow he gets close anyways. Because Nathan is perfect. He’s handsome, he’s charming, he’s utterly, unbearably sweet. And when he learns of Jez’s visions, he promises to cheat Death for her. An interest in New Age turns into an obsession with the occult, and that leads to tiny cracks in the walls of the world, where strange and untrustworthy spirits wait to barter with anyone desperate enough to try.

Magic, however, always comes with a price. The higher the reward you seek, the more you can expect to pay, and the spell Nathan thinks will change their destiny instead puts them on a collision course with Fate. It changes him, twists him in mind and soul, transforming the boy Jez loves into the madman who will someday take her life.

With only three years left until the day she now knows she can’t avoid, Jez discovers she and Nathan share the same zipcode again as he sows death and destruction in the streets of LA. But rather than flee for another city, Jez pits herself against the monster she once loved, the monster she helped create, determined to make sure no one else gets caught in the crossfire of their attempt to cheat their fates.

Call it redemption if you want. Jez calls it Tuesday.

Chapter 1

Dreams are doorways if you have the right key.

That’s why I’ve wasted a perfectly good Sunday night perched on the edge of Scott Kinley’s desk. It’s awkward, uncomfortable, and I’m sure I look like a gargoyle in the pitch dark of the two o’clock hour, but every chair in his bedroom is covered in dirty teenage boy laundry. I’ll stick with my perch, thanks.

I kick my legs out and arch my spine, stretching my arms over my head with fingers laced together. Cramped and aching muscles voice their protest. Something cracks in my neck when I roll my head back. Meanwhile, Scott Kinley snores contentedly in his sleep in the bed across the room. I shoot him a glare that’s best described as withering.

Spears of pale moonlight slip through the slatted blinds covering the window above his bed. They stab the length of his body, highlighting a strong jawline and tousled blond hair, not to mention a chest and set of abs that frankly, I just find obnoxious on a fellow teenager. It’s L.A. in early September – code for unbearably hot – and he’s sleeping with the bare minimum of sheets, a loose span of cotton that’s only covering him up to his waist. I’d enjoy the cheap thrill more if it didn’t make me feel like such a perv.

After all, I’m a total stranger who broke into his house and has spent the last four hours going through his things and watching him sleep. It’s kinda hard to feel good about that. In my defense, I’m only here to save his life from a creepy magical serial killer. Course, I have strong doubts that would hold up in a court of law should he wake up and have me arrested for breaking and entering. But I still feel it’s worth mentioning.

A yawn and a glance at his alarm clock confirm that it’s 2:07 am and I have no life. I lean back on the desk and rifle through his homework some more as I go back to invading his privacy. My only defense here is I’m really bored.

His handwriting’s slightly more legible than your average garden-variety chicken scratch, but I’m still not one hundred percent his name’s Scott Kinley. The Scott part is clear, but the ‘I’ in what I think is Kinley could be a really jacked up ‘o’ I guess. Whatever. It’s a pre-calculus assignment, and the last yearbook on his bookshelf is from his sophomore year, so I’m guessing he’s a junior like me. Or like I would be, if I still bothered going to school. Hmm. Eleventh grade and already in precalc? Someone’s a smarty-pants. Interesting.

A row of trophies and a couple of team photos declare him a water polo jock, and not too shabby of one according to this MVP title. Explains the abs. I roll my eyes around the rest of the room. Small TV so old it has a VCR player built into it. An even older Sega Genesis console is hooked up to it, so either Scott’s big on nostalgia or his family’s not big on luxuries. There’s a couple of movie posters tacked to the wall, but the puddle of light leaking across the floor doesn’t reach far enough for me to make out any details. Then a freestanding bookcase, a good five shelves high, filled with actual books. Above it is a college pennant with a bear on it – I think that’s Cal Berkeley, right? Possible destination, I’m guessing….

God. And he was in bed by ten. Smart, good-looking, athletic and ambitious. Did his parents just win the baby lottery, or if I go down the hall will I find the altar they used to bargain with the Devil?

Not that it matters. I stretch my legs out again and dip my toes into the pool of moonbeams, watching them spill across my feet when I wiggle. It’s only been six months since my last boyfriend went all dark side on me and turned into a spell-wielding slaughterhouse. I’m kind of not dating right now.

So it’s only natural my visions would lead me to the most eligible teen bachelor in Los Angeles – I cast another quick look around the desk for the requisite ‘me and my girlfriend’ photo – nope, most eligible teen bachelor in Los Angeles. Ugh. It’s like announcing your diet and inheriting a pastry shop the next day. I feel a sudden urge to grab one of his dirty shirts off the floor just to make sure his one human flaw is real and not an illusion.

Wow. I can’t believe I just thought that. Apparently sleep deprivation makes me weird. Besides, there’s no way that smell could be imaginary.

I throw another withering glare in Scott’s direction. It’s his fault I’m a weird, sleep-deprived pervert in his stinky bedroom. My baleful stare bakes the air above his bed. It bends and twists like a summer heat wave on asphalt. Wait. That’s not right.

I shake my head, peering through the fog that shrouds my tired mind. Somewhere in my snooping I failed to notice Scott’s happy snores had turned into frantic whimpers. He’s writhing on his bed; sweat beads all over his restless body, glistening like fragile pearls in the faint light. The room is abruptly a sauna. Heat climbs the walls and steam mists the glass of the picture frames.

“Shit,” I whisper, and I’m in motion, leaping off the desk into a crouch. I dip my hand into my hoodie and whip out my knife, steel slicing moonbeams to ribbons as the blade springs free. A low keening shreds the silence, hoarse spectral shouts as faces flicker through the knife, reflected in the steel. I cross the room in three steps. Scott cries out. His fingers scratch at the air like crooked claws.

Somewhere a door opens, and something steps through. Between the space of one second and the next, a heavy silhouette takes shape on this side of the dream.

I slam into the figure with all my weight, blade aimed for the midsection where I’m hoping vital organs will be. The knife sinks in too easily. The sandman-born beastie is still in that transitive state where its dream wrought form has yet to shift all the way down the spectrum to vulnerable flesh. Then my knife catches and scrapes against bone. The nightmare screams as it sinks its roots into our reality and feels pain for the first time.

It’s tougher to pull the blade free, but I’m stronger than any normal seventeen year old girl has a right to be. More specifically, as long as I’m wielding that knife I’m as strong as all the monsters it’s killed combined. And I’ve racked up a decent body count. Blood and bile sprays in slow motion, a cresting wave of black tar. A few drops land on my arm. There’s a hissing sound and I feel like I’m on fire. I grit my teeth and swing again. It dodges and I miss. We both regroup, and I get my first good look at it.

Damn. Mr. Perfect Teen USA has one hell of a fucked up subconscious. I’m just saying.

The nightmare swallows what dim light comes near it, refusing to be illuminated. It’s thick, ridged with protrusions of bone and slick scales that shimmer with their own dark radiance. A trunk-like torso gives way to stocky legs. At certain angles they seem to merge into a single column similar to a snake. It has four arms, except for when it has six – and then two and then twelve and then they’re not arms at all, but tentacles. The head is a gaping chasm of teeth and forked tongue surrounded by a lion’s mane of mottled skin. It’s dizzying and hard to look at. Confusing and chaotic. The only constant is its ugliness.

I charge at it, because I’m just that dumb. Hey, only the good die young.

It dips to the side, cobra-quick, and its tail snaps out like the crack of a whip. I take the hit square in my ribs and I’m lifted off my feet, flying back across the room. My breath flees from my lungs, my head slams back into a wall. I bite my tongue and taste copper.

“Rude,” I gasp.

Scrambling up to snatch my knife from where I dropped it mid-flight, I steal strength from its macabre magic. Even still, regaining my feet takes effort and time I don’t have to spare. The nightmare’s turned its attention back to Scott. He’s finally awake and sitting up his bed. Pale, frightened, and totally out of his league. Considering we were dealing with his worst nightmare in every literal sense of the word, I cut him some slack. I’m a good person.

I roll forward and rake my cursed blade along the creature’s side on my way. It rears and screams again. Dimly I hear footsteps and distant shouting.

“What the hell is that thing?” Scott asks, eyes locked on the beastie like a man entranced. Oh good, he can talk. I was starting to wonder. I duck around the nightmare and stick myself in between it and him.

“Don’t ask me. It’s your childhood trauma,” I say, hefting my knife and gauging distance. “Now shut up, don’t die, and for god’s sake put on some pants.”

I lunge and bury my knife in the thing’s throat. I’m liking my odds less and less when it still finds the strength to knock my grip loose and drop me on my ass. More blood drips down on me, igniting nerve endings everywhere it touches my skin. Let’s recap. I have spunk, pizzazz, seven spells and a cursed knife on my side. It has burning blood, a build like a freight train, and claws and fangs that seem to multiply every time I look at it. It leans forward and roars its hostility right in my face.

Also, it has halitosis.

A swipe of its many tentacle-arms knocks me back and to the side again. I land on the floor, staring up at the bookshelf. It’s tricky reading the titles from my upside-down vantage point, but I hazily make out the collected works of one H.P. Lovecraft. That explains a lot.

“You know, there are worse things in the world than being a cliché,” I complain, glowering over my shoulder at Scott. He has the decency to look ashamed, over where he’s huddled on the other side of the desk. Course, I’m sure he has no idea what he’s ashamed of, but my tone conveys the point rather well, I think. “Seriously. The dumb jock thing. Just give it a try.”

Mano a mano isn’t working out too well for me so I switch tactics. I toss a quick ‘Hail Mary’ skyward, kick off my shoes and chant the most powerful – and dangerous – of my seven spells. It’s a nasty little sucker I bartered for in the second sphere, the Circle of Fire. I rattle off short, harsh syllables that climb reluctantly from the base of my throat, guttural utterances that were never meant to be made by a human voice. I dip my fingers in moonlight and etch glowing hieroglyphics in the air – they hang there for a moment, sharply luminescent in the seconds before they fade to black.

Staccato snaps and pops ring out. The alarm clock short circuits. Streetlights flicker and die. Every electronic in a fifty meter radius develops a sudden terminal illness and the air feels flooded. Thick and heavy with static as thousands of wayward electrical impulses conduct themselves through the atmosphere to me. I dig my toes into the heavy carpet and feel the hair on my head stand on end. Then I’m running, my nervous system supercharged with too much speed and power to contain long. I duck past the nightmare’s swinging arms – it might as well be lumbering at tortoise speed – and plant a single palm flat on its back.

My touch hits it like a thunderbolt, lightning barreling down the synapses in my arm and ripping into it with hurricane fury. It squeals and goes airborne, crashing into the desk and reducing it to kindling. Scott falls back, mouth open, and smoke wisps up from the creature’s motionless body.

For a second, I dare to hope it’s dead. It would be really awesome for me if it were. That was my most powerful offensive spell and using it comes with a one in ten chance of killing the spellcaster. So, you know. I’d really like to not have to use it again, please.

The nightmare heaves itself to its feet-tail, sending spears of desk turned firewood flying about the room. Some of the shrapnel heads my way and I cover my eyes. Splinters gouge at my palms. I peek past my fingers, and in a blur of motion the creature crosses the room and throws itself through the window. It rips through the blinds and shards of glass fountain into the hot summer night. The darkness outside swallows it whole.

“I hate you,” I casually inform the universe.

I pick past debris and make for the window. Or what’s left of it anyways. The house is on a hill, high enough elevation that glass from the window is still showering to the ground below. Chiming, delicate drops of crystal rain. City lights gleam from one horizon to the next. A pitch-black shadow makes its way across distant rooftops, dark even against the darkness, like a spreading oil stain spilling towards the downtown metropolis. Lovely.

“What the hell is going on?” Scott finally finds his voice again, but I have no time to soothe his shattered nerves or offer an introductory course on Things That Go Bump in the Night 101. I run my hands through my frizzy, static-damaged hair.

“That was disgusting, you need therapy, and the pants thing was not a suggestion,” I inform him, bending to retrieve my knife. Scott flushes and grabs the sheet off the bed. He doesn’t even try and peek at my ass. A piece of the Scott Kinley puzzle clicks into place, and I feel a tiny bit better.

“Hey, quick question. Are you gay?”

His jaw drops, but he recovers fairly quickly. “What – how did you – I mean, why?”

I shrug. “No reason. Just won a bet with myself is all.”

Hey, it’s the little things in life. I turn back to the window and track the nightmare’s course. Picking a rooftop a few buildings ahead of it, I prick my thumb and whisper a spell from the seventh sphere, the Celestial Circle. I sketch bloody sigils in the moonbeams cascading through the open window. They turn pale and faint and I grab their remnants like door handles. The silver light parts, a gauzy curtain opening on a window to a distant rooftop far below.

I cast a sigh at the bewildered boy behind me and step through. It’s probably for the best. Like I said, I’m kinda not dating right now anyways.

The curtain falls shut behind me and I resume my hunt.

#Burning Daylight #kalen writes things sometimes

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hunnywrites · 6 years ago

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Arcade Dreams: Chapter Thirteen

Summary: There’s a new girl working at the Palace Arcade and Hawkins’ Family Video. Billy can’t stand her, and the feeling is mutual. No matter what everyone else seems to think.

Pairing: Billy Hargrove/OFC

A/N: We have a Hopper appearance! He might start to pop up a bit more along with Steve. I haven’t quiet decided yet. But we’re finally past Billy’s bullshit for now! Yay!

School was back in session. Teddi’s life was now drastically different than it had been two and a half weeks ago. People were of course talking about what happened at the New Year’s bonfire. The story differed depending on who you asked. Some people would say that Teddi and Billy had started this wild love affair and that Tommy was trying to steal Teddi away. Some said Billy had tried to actually kill Steve when he showed up with Teddi. Her favorite so far was that quite a few people thought Billy and Carol were sleeping together behind Tommy’s back, Teddi was dating Steve to make Billy jealous and they had run out of the party together and driven off out of state to get married. She had said plenty about how boring Hawkins was, but Teddi had to admit the gossip was a hell of a lot more wild.

Billy ended up staying at Teddi’s until the ball drop at midnight. Mostly he complained about all of the musical acts on TV until Teddi got him to admit that Shout by Tears for Fears wasn’t actually that horrible of a song. Soon after he left to go pick up Max, and Teddi climbed into bed. Her parents had come home sometime in the middle of the night just like Steve had said they would, much to her relief. She couldn’t imagine what might have happened if they had decided to come home early and saw Billy there.

Teddi called Steve the next day and apologized for ditching. And after a very long lecture about how there’s “like serial killers and shit out there, Teddi” Steve finally let it go. Of course she appreciated that Steve looked out for her, but ever since he started hanging around Dustin he had become almost overly protective. And the gang teased him constantly about it. They called him “mother hen” much to Teddi’s delight.

But now Teddi was stuck in gym. And she hated gym on a good day. Adding in girls giving her dirty looks and whispering behind her back about Billy of all people made her want to blow her brains out. Both the girl’s and boy’s classes were stuck inside for the day. The coaches had decided it was still too cold for any outside sports, so it was the little miracles Teddi guessed. The boys were all playing basketball while the girls were running laps.

Teddi had given up after about four trips around the large gym and was perched on the bleachers praying for time to move faster. “Larsson, this is pathetic.” Teddi gave Billy a tired look. Of course Billy lived for gym. He’d had his shirt off before the coach had even gotten “We’re playing shirts and skins, boys!” out. Teddi had been watching him practically asserting his dominance over every other guy on the court, all while gloating over the fact that all the girls were stopping to drool over his sweat covered body.

Now he was over at the bleachers, tossing a towel over his shoulder before he crossed his arms and gave her a mocking look of disappointment. “Gym is pathetic. I’m not built for physical activity like you are. I think I’d literally kill someone to be out back smoking. I don’t care if I freeze,” she complained. They were both very aware of the eyes on them. The hushed voices of the girls that jogged past them. Teddi rolled her eyes. “Your groupies hate me now by the way. I’m definitely not gonna be ‘that one nice girl everyone sorta likes’ anymore thanks to you.”

Billy smirked, glancing behind him and throwing a wink at the group of girls watching him. He turned back to Teddi with a grin. “That ‘cause we’re married now?”

Teddi laughed. “You heard that one too, huh?”

“That and I heard I banged you and Carol right in front of Tommy,” he said. Teddi groaned and covered her face. “Give it a week, Larsson. They’ll have something else to obsess over by then.” Teddi knew he was right, but she still dreaded having to deal with the dirty looks for however long it took for the focus to move off of her.

“Teddi Larsson!” Teddi groaned again at the sound of the girls’ coach, coach Greene, calling her from across the gym.

“Kill me. Please kill me. I’m begging you.” she mumbled into her hands. Billy laughed, turning to watch as coach Greene made her way over.

“What do you think you’re doing, Teddi? I said you girls have to run laps. Not flirt with the boys.” she shot Billy a dirty look. He flashed her that charming smile of his, not moving an inch. Teddi wanted to slap him.

“Coach Greene, I just don’t think that running laps is very conducive to my energy. I have a lot of stress on my shoulders what with making good grades and getting into a good college so that I can become a productive member of society and all.” Teddi explained. Billy laughed again, quickly covering it with a cough when coach Greene turned to glare at him.

“Teddi, if you don’t run laps I can’t let you pass gym. And if you don’t pass gym then you won’t get into college. So get your skinny butt up and let’s hit it, Missy.”

“...I’m like 120% positive that that’s a complete lie.” Teddi said bluntly.

Coach Greene crossed her arms. “You either run the laps, or you have detention.”

“Oh, I have a choice?” Teddi asked. “I totally choose detention.”

Her answer had clearly thrown the coach for a loop. She opened and closed her mouth a few times before her jaw set tightly. “Fine. And you,” she turned and jabbed a finger in Billy’s direction. “Shouldn’t you be over there?” she asked, nodding to the basketball court.

“Coach says we’re on a water break,” he said with an overly sweet smile. Coach Greene looked at the both of them before letting out a heavy sigh and stomping off. “Detention,” Billy clicked. “I’m disappointed in you, Teddi.”

“I’m not. That means peace and quiet to finish my homework and no running. I say this is a win/win for Teddi.” she said with a triumphant smile.

Billy shook his head. “Whatever you say, Weird Girl. Just try to stop staring at my ass so hard once I get back out there.” he tossed his towel at Teddi who let out a loud “ugh!”

“I’m pretty sure I’m the only girl in here that’s not staring at your ass, Billy.” she argued. That wasn’t completely true. She had maybe caught herself looking once. But could anyone really blame her?

“Uh-huh. Just try and not get into anymore trouble, Teddi.” he teased before heading back to his game. Teddi was sort of amazed at how her relationship with Billy had nearly done a 180 since the bonfire. They still harassed each other sure, but now it was in a more playful way rather than a mortal enemies sort of way. They hadn’t fought either...well, unless you count the time that Billy told her she was never ever allowed in the Camaro again if she asked if he had any Bon Jovi cassettes.

It wasn’t a perfect transition or anything. He was still Billy after all. He mouthed off a lot and he and Max still bickered, but there was a difference. He was trying, and that’s all that Teddi could ask for. There still wasn’t any luck with getting him to play Dungeons and Dragons much to her disappointment. She’d wear him down eventually. It was a talent of hers.

And as surprised as Teddi was with the fact, Billy was a pretty good friend. Something between them had finally clicked. So when Teddi found herself in detention a few hours later she couldn’t say she was entirely surprised to see Billy saunter in. “And you tell me to stay out of trouble?” she asked with a raised eyebrow as he made his way over to her.

He plopped down into the desk next to her. “I’m not. I’m here for a jail break.” he folded his hands and placed them behind his head as he leaned back.

“What? No. I’m doing my homework...well, trying. Plus, they’ll totally kill me if I leave early.” Teddi had been stuck on the same math problem for the last twenty minutes and she was this close to throwing her text book across the classroom.

Billy leaned over and scanned her notebook. He pointed to the question. “It’s twenty six,” he said cooly. “And this is Hawkins, Ted. No one’s gonna give a shit if you skip out. Do you see anyone in here anyways?” he asked, looking around the empty classroom. “Trust me, I’ve been here plenty of times to know that they’re not really running a tight ship.”

Teddi blinked at him a few times before shaking her head. She plugged Billy’s answer into the problem and let out a loud huff. “Are you telling me that you’re secretly smart on top of everything else?”

Billy grinned. “Don’t tell anyone. I got a reputation to uphold. Now come on, Larsson,” he slid out of the desk and began walking off without even looking back at Teddi. She started muttering as she tried to grab her books and backpack as quickly as she could. “So, what are you gonna tell your parents about the detention slip?” he asked,nodding to the pink slip of paper in Teddi’s hands.

Teddi rolled her eyes. “I’m forging my mom’s signature. You think I’m gonna actually tell them I had detention?” Teddi had learned to forge her mother’s signature in the fifth grade. After she came home with a bad grade on a math test and her dad’s head had practically spun around she learned it was better to keep things like this from them. Plus, it wasn’t like they cared enough to ever show up to an open house at school or anything.

“By the way, I should be thanking you.” Billy said as the pair made their way through the halls.

Teddi frowned over at him. “Thanking me? For what?”

“Cheryl Burns heard what happened at the bonfire. She was all over me today after gym.” he grinned. Teddi rolled her eyes and Billy’s grin turned into a glare. “What?”

“She ditched you to go bone Brian Jean, remember? Don’t you think you should date someone that won’t cheat on you every time she’s easily distracted by pretty boys?”

Billy scoffed. “We’re not dating.”

“You’ve been out with her like a handful of times. I bet if you ask her she’ll say you’re dating. I mean, in her own Cheryl Burns sorta way.” on paper Teddi supposed that Billy and Cheryl were perfect for each other. Cheryl was gorgeous in a way that almost made you think she didn’t belong in a place like Hawkins. Just like Billy. The two stuck out like sore thumbs. But then the fact that neither of them could keep it in their pants added on top of everything else was a recipe for disaster.

“What is it with chicks and wanting to tie guys down?” Billy asked.

“...I’m gonna ignore that generalization and say that she probably wants the whole school to know that your hers. Like an alpha female sorta thing. So if you don’t wanna date her you should probably stop doing her...or at least have a talk. Personally, if I were you I wouldn’t date someone that was so similar to you when it comes to...matters of the flesh.” Billy’s sex life was the last thing Teddi wanted to talk about, but if they were going to be friends it was something she’d probably have to get used to. As much as it irritated her.

“Matters of the flesh?” Billy said with a snort. “Is that Weird Girl lingo for fucking?”

Teddi could practically feel her cheeks burn as she blushed. “I mean, I wouldn’t put it so bluntly personally,” she chose to ignore the way Billy was smirking with her. “Look, just maybe put some thought into this is all I’m saying. Your dick isn’t gonna fall off if you stop using it, trust me.”

“Are we speaking from experience, Larsson? Been awhile?” Billy teased.

It wasn’t that sex was a topic Teddi was embarrassed of speaking about. She definitely wasn’t. She just didn’t need it to live in the same way that Billy seemed to. “Ugh...maybe. And no, I’m not telling you how long. I already told you I’m swearing off dating until college...maybe after college.”

Billy shook his head as they both emerged out into the school parking lot. Teddi could see her van parked next to Billy’s Camaro, and Max was waiting impatiently next to her brother’s car with her skateboard in her arms. “Your funeral, Teddi.” he shrugged. She ignored that comment too.

“What took you guys so long?” Max asked, throwing her head back in annoyance.

“Teddi got detention.” Billy said with a taunting grin.

Max raised an eyebrow as she watched Teddi throw her backpack into the back of her van. “You got detention? No way.” she laughed.

“Gym class is barbaric. Besides, he broke me out. He’s even more of a delinquent than I am.” she pointed an accusing finger at Billy.

“Well we all know that already. Can we go now? Will’s supposed to help me with my math homework.”

Teddi sent a sweet smile in Billy’s direction. “You could always ask Billy for help.”

Max let out a snort. “Yeah, I’ll believe that when I see it.”

Billy sent them both unamused looks. “Just get in the damn car, wise guy.”

Teddi snickered and threw a wave over her shoulder. “I’ll see you guys later!” she called before making her way around to the drivers’ side of the van. Billy had pulled out of his parking spot and was nearly out of the lot before Teddi could even turn her car on. She shook her head and slowly backed out of her parking space and headed off for the arcade.

Billy and Max would most likely be in later that night. The past few times they’d come in Billy had stuck around to annoy Teddi and try his hand at a few of the games. Keith had already warned him that if he kicked any more of the machines because he lost that he’d be banned for life. Teddi was never going to let him live that down.

Things were still slow when she got to the arcade. There were only a handful of kids around, and Keith was behind the prize counter with an issue of Fangoria. “Chief Hopper’s looking for you.” he said, barely looking up from his magazine.

Teddi frowned. “What the hell does he want with me?” she asked as she made her way around the counter.

“No clue. He’s next door waiting for you. You and Billy knock over a 7/11 or something?”

Teddi rolled her eyes. “You’re so funny.” she said before disappearing into the back room. She’d be lying if she didn’t feel anxious at the idea that Hopper was looking for her. She hadn’t done anything wrong. Had something happened with her dad at work? Was he okay? Teddi struggled to change into her Palace Arcade shirt as the countless possibilities ran through her mind. It was probably something as simple as he needed help picking out a movie to rent for El and him to watch. Nothing to worry about. Hopefully.

“Try not to get locked up. I still need help around here.” Keith said once she walked back out into the arcade. Teddi stuck her tongue out at him before heading over to the video store. Chief Hopper was waiting for her at the counter. It wasn’t completely unusual to see him there. He came into the video store pretty often to rent westerns for El and him to watch on the weekends, but once Teddi saw the expression on his face she was pretty positive that that wasn’t the reason he was there.

“Hey, Chief. Keith said you were looking for me? Is everything okay…?” she asked.

Hopper gave Teddi a small smile before looking over both shoulders to make sure no one else was listening to them. He let out an uneasy sigh before placing both of his hands on the counter. It did nothing to ease Teddi’s anxiety. “Look, kid...I don’t usually get into people’s business,” he began, letting out another sigh. “But a few weeks ago Joyce mentioned to me that you came into Melvald’s with a black eye. And she told me you said you slipped on ice, but she was worried that maybe something else was going on,” Teddi could feel her heart beating faster and faster.

Hop was quiet for a moment as he thought of what to say next. “Before I adopted El, things were pretty...rough for her. But she’s always been good at reading people. So when she came home after sleeping over at Max’s and told me she’s noticed some things with you that seemed a little unusual I figured maybe I should ask you about how things are at home.” Teddi was honestly a little surprised at the concern in Hopper’s eyes.

“Oh…” was all Teddi could say at first. Clearly she hadn’t been hiding things as well as she thought. Or maybe Billy had been right. It’s hard to keep a secret from someone that’s keeping a similar secret themselves. Maybe this was finally her way out. Maybe she could just fess up to everything. Hopper would help. She knew that he would. But still...it seemed like too much trouble. “Um, no. No. Everything’s totally fine. I mean, honestly between how much I work and my dad works none of us see each other.”

Hopper watched her for a few moments before he nodded. “Alright...but if you ever need anything or need to talk the station’s right down the street.” he offered.

Teddi nodded and offered him the best smile she could manage. “Definitely. Thank you. Um, is there anything else? There’s a few more Eastwood flicks El hasn’t seen.” she offered, glad to change the subject.

“Nah...well, actually I guess it couldn’t hurt. Better than those soap operas she likes to watch.” Hopper rolled his eyes.

Teddi laughed and nodded. “I’ll be right back,” she ducked out from behind the counter and disappeared for a few moments before coming back with two tapes. “Eastwood and this is another one that I think she’ll really like.” she slid the tapes over to Hopper.

He picked it up, flipping the case over to inspect it. “The Last Unicorn?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Uh-huh. She said she wanted to learn more about mages, and I’m sure that Will and Mike are doing a pretty okay job of explaining, but this is probably a little more entertaining for her. And it’s based on a book too. She mentioned you guys both like to read.”

Hopper nodded as he read the back of the case. “Ah sure, what the hell, right? Thanks, Teddi...and remember, just down the street, okay?”

“You got it Hop. I’ll see you on Wednesday.” Hopper gave a small wave before leaving, and Teddi left out a heavy sigh. That was it. Maybe it was time to move out before her last five months were up. There was that apartment building that Steve mentioned on the night of the bonfire. Maybe she could look into that and be out as soon as that coming weekend.

She briefly wondered if she should say something to Billy. If people were figuring out that her home life wasn’t all too great, it would only be a matter of time before they started noticing the same for him. But even if she did bring it up, Teddi was pretty positive Billy wouldn’t leave with Max still stuck at home with Neil. So she’d leave it alone. She’d look up the address in the phone book and find some time to check it out later that week. It was a scary feeling, the idea of being on her own. But then technically Teddi had sort of always been on her own.

A couple of hours later Keith poked his head into the video store’s door. “Teddi, your boyfriend’s here.” Teddi looked up to see Billy’s Camaro pulling into the parking lot. “I’ll take over here. You make sure he doesn’t abuse any of my machines.”

Teddi rolled her eyes. “He’s not my boyfriend. And stop worrying. Your precious machines will be safe in my hands.” she said, patting Keith on the shoulder and walking out to meet Billy. Okay, she thought to herself as Billy and Max both made their way over towards the arcade, maybe I’m not completely on my own.

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove fic #billy hargrove x oc

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dillydedalus · 6 years ago

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november reading

how is it november. anyway i mainly descended into asoiaf hell again but there’s some other stuff!

hugo long list anthology vol. 3, lots of people anthology of the hugo long list for sff short stories - like most anthologies, it’s a mixed bag; i skipped a few stories, found a lot fine, liked quite a few (especially those by ursula vernon, sarah pinsker, p. djeli clark & theodora goss). this tends more towards scifi than fantasy, but i generally preferred the more fantasy-ish ones. 2.5/5

heimat: a german family album, nora krug collage-style graphic memoir about krug’s relationship to german identity after moving to the us and marrying a jewish man, focusing on her research into her family history and her grandparents’ actions during the holocaust, collecting images, documents, letters, statements from other family members, etc etc. the collage style is impressively well-done & her use of documents is especially excellent. 4/5

die untalentierte lügnerin, eva schmidt a german book prize nominee about a young woman in austria going thru a personal & familial crisis after dropping out of acting school. it’s intentionally really detached & isolating (e.g. there is absolutely no direct speech/thought in the entire book) but (unintentionally?) also quite boring. the creepy supportive-but-boundary-breaking stepfather is well done. 2/5

a game of thrones, george r. r. martin (#1 asoiaf) y’all.... i missed this series. i know i’m always lowkey obsessed, but reading the books really is a whole ‘nother thing and there are beats that get me in the heart every time (& every time there are beats that feel completely new) & every time i read agot i suddenly and painfully remember how much i love ned & how good he is & how sad. gods. also i want to take everyone who thinks asoiaf is all about being grimdark & edgy & cynical & ‘honourable = dumb’ and shake them like that’s not what they’re saying! littlefinger thinks like that, cersei, tywin and varys. we’re not meant to side with them! we’re meant to side with ned, who is honourable & chooses ‘the madness of mercy’, even if it kills him, which it does. 4.5/5

cosmicomics, italo calvino (tr. from italian by william weaver) honestly this is so hard to describe but it’s basically short stories about the genesis of the universe, the development of earth & life on earth, told from the perspective of a kind of eternal being (called qwfwq i think) who has been around with some other eternal beings with similarly weird names since before there was space, or time, or anything, but these eternal beings also behave & think pretty much like normal humans if they existed on eternal time-scale. it’s really weird & really fun, altho after the 12 stories i was kinda done. also like the gender politics in this are super eyeroll-y so be aware of that i guess. 3/5

a clash of kings, george r. r. martin (#2 asoiaf) i recently saw a poll on r/asoiaf or something about everyone’s fav book in the series & acok came in last, which i kind of understand - between agot & the absolutely epic and intense asos, it kind of looks like just a transitional book, & while both affc & adwd are kind of polarising, they both have really passionate fans BUT i think acok might actually be my personal favourite in the series. almost all the character’s arcs in this are amazing (arya in harrenhal! sansa figuring out how to cope in KL! theon’s whole mess! tyrion as hand! bran’s last chapter making me cry every single time!) and it has the amazing battle of blackwater bay. so anyway: 5/5

the narrow road to the deep north, richard flanagan (uni) UGH. this is a booker winning (for some reason) novel about australian POWs on the death rail, which is not entirely uninteresting & not something i’ve read anything about before but a) the writing is bad, b) flanagan tries really hard to be incredibly profound & it’s not working, c) half the story isn’t even about the POW camp but about our noble self-sacrificial hero dorrigo ‘manly resolve’ evans, who is a serial cheater & in his feelings about his ~true love for his uncle’s wife which like... who cares!!! in retrospect our discussion in class brought out some interesting aspects about the book & especially what we are meant to think about dorrigo evans but i still dislike it. 1.5/5

bad blood: secrets and lies in a silicon valley startup, john carreyrou the absolutely wild story of startup/total scam theranos by the investigative journalist who originally exposed their total scamminess. it’s sad that there’s so little insight into elizabeth holmes (steve jobs reborn/scammer in chief) and her motivation but oh well. my fav scene was elizabeth holmes giving every employee a copy of a coelho book & telling them she was starting a religion. 3/5

emma, jane austen another austen that is both incredibly delightful and incredibly frustrating in a lot of ways, which i think is partially intentional (although the intense classism never really gets challenged, just emma’s flawed way of enacting classism) - emma herself is often frustrating, misguided, arrogant, but her situation is so dismal and stifling, so many people around her so dull and wearying and demanding, that i couldn’t help but feel for her. sure, the romance is a bit #problematique, and the classism is a lot, but i think the heart of this is emma trying to find a way to exist in highbury, recognise that a) jane fairfax is great but b) she doesn’t have to be like jane fairfax, and that a) yes, she is responsible for her father but b) her father doesn’t have to be her whole life, and that she probably should just let poor harriet smith do what she gonna do. 4/5

the need, helen phillips i think what this book (and fever dream) really confirmed for me is that if i ever have kids, my ocd will go into infernal nightmare mode. anyway. this is a pretty good, pretty scary thriller about molly, working at an excavation site that seems to hold a lot of fossils and artefacts that are just a lil wrong, while also being stressed as hell about her two young children. the book opens with a truly terrifying sequence, switching from molly at her job to molly putting the kids to bed and hearing something that sounds a lot like an intruder (but she’s probably just paranoid right???). the rest of the book doesn’t quite live up to that, but it’s still pretty cool. 3/5

a storm of swords (asoiaf #3), grrm this book is just one thing after the other, in a really good way, in that every time something big & huge happens you read the next chapter or two and something else big & huge happens. read for handless & noseless the lannister boys, not one or two but three contenders for top post on r/weddingshaming, the infamous arya burrito, jon snow inventing cunnilingus in a cave, vengeance zombies, the most emosh snowcastle ever, and just. feelings everywhere. 5/5 thank you for my life grrm

exquisite cadavers, meena kandasamy kandasamy’s last novel (when i hit you) is a kinda autofiction-y novel, closely based on her own abusive marriage but also a novel & the fact that much of the reception has focused on her own traumatic experiences rather than as her novel as a work of literature frustrated kandasamy, as she says in the author’s note here, so she decided to write a story and include her commentary on how it relates (& doesn’t) to her own life in the margin. but rather than straightforward explanation, the margin notes, told by meena (herself? the author-persona? something else?) become their own story, often going on tangents only tenuously connected with the ‘main’ story. i love this conceit & i think in parts of this book it works really really well & it’s interesting how each part informs your reading of the other & how to read the margins as someone whose academic training & inclination tend toward death of the author (one of the characters dislikes barthes lol). sadly i don’t think there’s not enough meat to the story-part to make it more than an interesting experiment. 3.5/5

currently read a feast for crows (of course) and a brief history of seven killings which is... a bit of a slog to be honest sorry :(

#the books i read #long post

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