#reference to aphobia

[aromantic-pantyanarchy]

It's me. I'm the cis, heterosexual, aromantic man. I will never marry, I will never be married, I will grow into middle age and elder age and I will die unmarried. I will be forced to support a household of myself on only my wages alone for the rest of my life. I will be asked about women and marriage and children by my family for the rest of my life (or men, the progressive ones might say). I may not ever come out to them. I feel like I burned my coming out on something stupid. I don't want to explain it. I don't want to run them through the definitions and intricacies. I don't want the acceptance without understanding, placating me with ceased questions and poor explanations to other, drunk adults.

I like my hair to be long, I spent a year with it dyed a golden blonde with dark roots because I like the trashy party girl aesthetic. I want to dye it again with pink tips. I like painting my nails, black and blue are my favorite colors. I like wearing chokers. I also like wearing baggy jeans and ratty hoodies. I like having stubble. I like having chest hair. I like having a square jaw and broad shoulders. I wish I had a flatter stomach and a thinner profile frame. I don't know what this makes me, perhaps this is something no more GNC than Machine Gun Kelly. I think about this a lot, how queer my appearance truly is. I should think about it less. I have thought long and hard about if I could be trans or if I could be non-binary or if I could be genderqueer and the conclusion I ultimately came to is that I most enjoy being a man open to whatever self-expression I want.

I don't date, but I've thought about it. I would like to meet people, and I would like to have sex with them. But I don't want to hurt them. I fear if I explain what I am beforehand it'll scare them away. I fear if I explain after they'll feel manipulated or abused. I don't know how many people in the dating scene want what I want. I fear my own lack of experience will make me a bad lay, an embarrassing story to tell to confidants in hindsight. I fear my own virginity, a boundary to those I wish to be like. All of these fears are baseless, as I've not been able to even begin a single relationship in my life. Despite this I still heavily identify with terms like "slut" and "manwhore" and "thot" because my interests lay so deeply within casual sex, sex without great intimacy or emotion. This may be some form of stolen valor. I hope the true sluts are not too mad at me.

I made this blog several years ago because a mutual of mine reblogged memes making fun of aro and ace people, making fun of the concept of aphobia, and in addition well known aphobes. I didn't feel comfortable talking about aro stuff on my main blog, for as little as I talk about it. Living through the ace discourse of the 2016 era has largely caused me to cringe in embarrassment any time I am forced to discuss my orientation with people who aren't aro or ace themselves. I no longer follow this person. I unfollowed many people I was mutuals with from that time, most of them because they posted too often about how much they hated men and I didn't want to see that, some because our interests simply drifted too far apart, only one for explicit aphobia reasons. (Also one because they became a "both sides are bad, any vote is wasted" libertarian, but that's unrelated.)

I guess at this point I don't care deeply about what strangers on the internet think of me. If a trusted friend told me that they don't think I'm truly queer that may hurt. But I am going to continue to use the word for myself. I take up no resources. I go to events that are open to me. If an event was not open to me, I think I'd not want to go anyways. I am not a hypothetical, I am not a strawman, I am a person with lived experiences both within and exterior to the queer community. If you hate me, I will permit you to continue to do so. But ultimately, I am who I am, I cannot change these facts, and I would not choose to do so even if I could.

[death-limes]

lmao calling asexuals “freaks who want complete strangers to know they don’t fancy a shag” is so fucking wild…. like when you phrase it that way, allosexuality sounds way weirder. cuz by that logic, just casually mentioning “im straight” or “im bi” etc means you “want complete strangers to know you DO fancy a shag,” and even specifically with whom

in what universe is that not weird, but being ace is

[muchmossymess]

Why is everyone here so obsessed with sex and romance why can't you appreciate the comedic genius of "rivals who fight about parenting to rile the other up to begrudging coparents who bicker like a divorced couple to actually maybe tolerating the other and the insults are now less spiteful and biting to hells first qpr (queerplatonic rivalry) to hells first qpr (queerplatonic relationship)"

[tangents-within-tangents]

I think something that's seriously bothered me about the Gravity Falls fandom is how Ford, which has been depicted as nothing but aro, gets that depiction constantly thrown out the window to ship him with Bill Cipher. The idea that their toxic relationship could only ever be something romantic, and that friendships don't have these kinds of explosive shitty relationships is ludicrous! In my own experience, the worst abusive relationships I've seen had been between friends, not romantic parters. This fandom has been driving me bonkers because everywhere you look people are spreading this misconception that "BILLFORD IS CANON!!!" because they never take off their shipping glasses. Characters do not need romance to make their experiences complex!

Yes like the fandom thing is always "if you don't like it you can just scroll past" or whatever, but there is this point where shipping culture just gets so pervasive and unavoidable!

And it basically inherently devalues/invalidates friendships and any other type of love beside romantic or sexual (which have so much real life and storytelling merit!). Especially when it's treated as if it is the only way to view things, like it's the default, even in cases when there is literally nothing in the text to actually suggest sex/romance!

And like yeah plenty of hc and shipping has nothing to do with what is or isn't in the text. But when aro/ace identities are treated as an empty slate to project whatever on instead of as an identity in itself? When there is so much romance all over the place but you can't let us have our one (like literally one) canon character? When it gets to the point that you can't possibly think of a 'platonic explanation' for things that literally do not have to be romantic in any way? If you can't conceive of a relationship having value and depth, love and complexity without romance/sex? If you can't think of a character/storyline being interesting without it, or of someone's life being meaningful and complete without it? That's just amatonormative (aka aphobic)

And like can you see why maybe that would get frustrating for some of us to constantly see everywhere all the time?

[cl0ckworkqueerness]

[trigger warning: mention of sexual assault]

the specific breed of queer queerphobia is just as if not more frightening than non-queer queerphobia, specifically in this case as it relates to acespec/arospec people (terms which will hence be combined into "aspec" for the sake of clarity, see the tags for a quick note about this)

if it's not already clear from my posts, i am very supportive of the silenced, erased, and shunned parts of the queer community. i involve myself a great deal in breaking down the walls that queer people have decided to erect in order to determine who does and doesn't get to call themselves "queer". nothing breaks my heart more than seeing other people who experience the world in a way starkly different from perisex, allosexual, alloromantic, cisgender, heterosexual people, get shunned from a family who also experiences the world in such a difference way, simply because it's not different "enough", or not different in the way they want to be different

aspec people will always unquestionably be queer, regardless of anything else that would or wouldn't make them queer. period.

aspec people should not and should never need to "justify" themselves to attend pride, not just "as an ally", but as someone whose relationship with romance and sex (the act) differs from what is expected of a "normal" person. they are inherently different, they are inherently queer. full stop.

aphobia exists, regardless of whether or not you follow your blatant bigotry with "no it doesn't". you cannot erase your shittiness by following up your shittiness with "by the way, I'm not being shitty". and if you know you are being aphobic, and you are proud of such a thing, rethink the way you see queerness as a whole. you are a vile human being, and should unlearn the oppression olympics. you not only are an athlete in it, but you are the obstacles. you are the fucking problem.

aspec people regularly face discrimination and harassment for being aspec. the comments of "why do you refuse to give me grandkids" and "maybe you just haven't found the right person yet" and "you're broken" and "you're going through a phase" have all been said about gay people, about lesbians, and about aspec people. aspec people face violence for being aspec. aspec people face corrective rape for being aspec. aspec people face crocodile tears claws that intend to "help", aspec people face blood and claws that intend to hurt, aspec people face real, visible hatred. and even if they weren't "oppressed enough", WHICH THEY UNDENIABLY ARE, 1) there isn't an oppression goal someone needs to hit to become valid, and 2) queer people should not be defined by the oppression we face, anyway.

"b-b-but what about cishet asexual people!!!" i have never seen a sentence less scary in my life. cishet people can be queer, you know? cishet people can be intersex (if they choose to identify as queer), cis people can be asexual and aromantic, pericishet people can in fact be demisexual and heteroromantic, and guess what? they're still queer. they still differ from what's "normal". they're still allowed to pride, because pride is not meant to gatekeep.

pride is meant to celebrate our differences, to fight against those who try to suppress us, and to unite those who feel crushed by the heel of normality.

so don't fucking do their job for them.

[chemicalarospec]

it's all "relationship anarchy" and "destroy the nuclear family" until a lobster fisherman calls his girlfriend and mother of their children they're jointly raising 'his roommate' because they're not in love...

[styrofauxm]

The discourse right now around shipping Alastor is weird. It's so weird. And I don't really want to wade into it. But what the hell.

I have seen multiple posts implying, if not outright stating, that aspec people who feel romantic/sexual attraction are less important to represent on screen.

I even saw a post where someone said the "real" aroace experience is not feeling any sexual or romantic attraction.

That's exclusionism. That's aphobia. That's rhetoric that hurts the aspec community.

Aspec people creating fan art of an aspec character with a different reading than what you personally have is not "problematic" and certainly isn't "erasure". Get over yourselves and start supporting fellow aspec people. Not tearing them down.

Also very important addition: this post is ONLY about the kinds of posts mentioned in the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs

[lovequeerindigo]

i haven’t been on aro reddit for a while so my bad if this has already been mentioned but PSA to any aros that use it, the r/actuallyaromantic subreddit is ran by an exclusionist so… steer clear of that one.

[aromantic-pantyanarchy]

Sometimes the things I see y'all say about aphobes seems unbelievable, but in blocking people I did see someone arguing that yes the A is in fact for Ally like what. How do you see this working out. How can you functionally exclude someone but also include anyone who wants to help out. Can I join if I just say I'm an ally? An aromantic ally? What was your end goal here? Straight people are cool but not straight people who don't l*ve enough? Who don't have enough sex? Genuinely what did they mean by this I'm in danger of falling down a rabbit hole here.

[mysteriousraincloud]

Mending Yarrow Part 5

The next day, Tsunagu had to help his friend Iida Tensei with organizing a fundraiser for a local children's charity. Both Tensei and his little brother Tenya would be speaking at the event to raise money for children with disabilities and local after school programs.

Tensei was particularly nervous because this was his little brother's big night as a young pro hero and the new Ingenium. He would also be introducing Tenya to his girlfriend Shino Sosaki (Mandalay of the Wild Wild Pussycats). He was so nervous that Tenya wouldn't approve of their relationship. His brother's approval meant the world to him.

Tsunagu reassured him, "Tensei, your brother knows Mandalay from his forest training camp experiences and the war. He worked well with her back then and hasn't seemed at all upset by her. Shino is also one of the kindest and most compassionate heroes out there. She cares about rescuing and protecting civilians just as much as you and Tenya. You were also able to win over Kota and the other pussycats which I would argue is a lot harder. Tenya will be okay. Tensei, you hang the moon and the stars for him. I doubt he'd reject someone that made you truly happy."

Tensei replied, "Thanks, man. You're probably right. What about you? Found somebody new? I heard Edgeshot and Ryukyu started going out. Tenya tells me his classmates Izuku Midoriya and Ochako Uraraka are seriously dating. So is Reiko Yanagi and Tokoyami, Kirishima and Mina, Kaminari and Jirou, Yui Kodai and Shinsou Hitoshi, Koda and Pony Tsunotori, Toru Hagakure and Manga Fukidashi, Monoma Neito and Setsuna Tokage, and Kendo and Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu. There's a few other couples too. I just can't remember them all at the moment. Love really is in the air right?"

Tsunagu said, "Yeah, nobody yet. That's okay though. I don't mind being single as long as I have great people in my life."

Tensei agreed with the sentiment. Then he said, "I hope you aren't missing out though. I heard through Mount Lady and Gang Orca that you aren't into sex at all. I hate to say this but maybe you're sick? You should go to a doctor and see if your testosterone is low. Then when you start feeling better, you'll change your mind."

Tsunagu nodded. He could understand Tensei's concerns about his health given their line of work. It just hurt to think that Tensei, one of his oldest friends, considered him to be broken. No matter, the show must go on. They had children in need of their support.

[anistarrose]

no, it's not "a-specs and aro-specs." aro-spec is a part of a-spec. and no, it's not "aphobes and arophobes," either. because arophobia is a type of aphobia. the a- prefix stands for the whole a-spectrum, not just asexuals. aro people (and atertiary people) are just as a-spec as ace people. if you want to refer to just aces, that's what the "ace-spec" term is for (or the term "acephobia," for that matter). I realize that "a-specs and aro-specs" usually isn't a phrasing with malice behind it, but you have to understand that it gives the exact same impression as saying "queer people... and asexuals." it sounds like you're denying that the second group is part of the first. aros shouldn't have to hear this from their own community.

[that-wildwolf]

A Queer Reading of Mass Effect - Garrus Vakarian and Demisexuality

Despite the title this is really not a structured formal paper, more like just some rambly analysis from someone who is both queer and deeply obsessed with these fictional characters.

An obvious disclaimer is that this is my headcanon and personal interpretation, etc, etc. There are many ways to read this character and relationships, and this is just one of them, etc etc. You know the drill. Under no circumstances am I saying I'm right and everyone else is wrong, just presenting this particular reading of the character.

So. Garrus Vakarian. Best sniper boyfriend, bad boy turian, Archangel. Also, unintentional but great demisexual representation.

Now there's really no way to analyse all of Garrus' romantic relationships (the only one we know of from his past is his own account and that one is also only presented as a hookup/one night stand. I will return to this later. I think I will, at least. I don't have a plan here.) but there are two romantic relationships he can enter over the course of the three games: one with Commander Shepard or with Tali'Zorah.

Now, the latter is… not handled the best way in the games, in my opinion, and speaks of a wider issue with aphobia in not just the gaming industry but in media in general, but that's its own separate discussion. For the purposes of this analysis, however, I will be looking at Garrus's possible relationship with Tali. It's also important to note here that out of those two relationships, neither starts as romantic and rather is built first as a friendship and only eventually and potentially turns romantic or sexual much later on. The earliest Garrus can enter a romantic relationship is (though this is depending on playstyle) near the end of the second game of the trilogy, which makes more than half of the relationship we see him have with Shepard as more platonic than romantic (although admittedly those lines are rather blurry in the second game. More on that later.)

Back to Tali. They are friends first and know each other extremely well. I will not be going very deeply into this relationship because of how I feel about the way BioWare handled it, but for the sake of full transparency in this analysis, the game itself does present that relationship (also interesting side note while we're on the subject: out of the only two women we see Garrus "dating", neither is his species) as based on their friendship and connection rather than Garrus being physically attracted to Tali (in fact, it can be argued he didn't even know what she looked like at all prior to the two of them hooking up). Even though this is presented as more of a stress relief or friends with benefits situation than an actual romantic relationship, it is clear those two only chose each other because they were already close friends not because they saw each other as physically attractive.

This very nicely brings us (back?) to Garrus and his relationship with Shepard. Due to the way the games are structured and with Shepard being the main character, this is obviously going to be the largest section of this analysis, not just because of my personal emotional investment in this relationship but because of the largest abundance of material to analyse here.

The way Shepard and Garrus's relationship starts is… interesting. For the entirety of the first game, their dynamic is closer to that of a mentor and mentee and eventually of two friends, and there is very little hints of any seuxual/romantic feelings between those two.

ID: Garrus might have started to have feelings of some sort for Shepard at this point.

This base of friendship and mutual respect is extremely important to keep in mind especially with what comes later. The Shepard/Garrus relationship (from here on now referred to as 'Shakarian' for brevity's sake) begins in a way that is very different from most other video game romances (and most romances, really). It starts with Garrus stating outright that he is not attracted to Shepard. Now, there is definitely a lot more going on here than just taking what he says at face value, but it is also important to note that he has no reason to lie to Shepard here and in all likelihood, he truly believes what he's saying here.

Shepard proposes sex, essentially asking Garrus how he feels about adding benefits to their friendship. Throughout that whole conversation, neither of them highlights physical attraction. In fact, the way they're acting would suggest that's not even part of the equation here, or not a very important one at least. What they talk about instead is trust and respect.

ID: Shepard saying "I don't want something closer to home. I want you. I want someone I can trust."

Garrus agrees to Shepard's proposition not by saying he's always liked her or that they would make a good couple or anything like that. He says she's his best friend. Again the friendship is highlighted here so much and especially in direct opposition with the lack of physical attraction. As they go ahead with this, they're constantly talking about this connection they have — I want you, I want someone I can trust, you're my closest friend, if we're about to die I want to have a moment to cherish that's just the two of us… It's clear this is about more than just sex, to the both of them, but the feelings shown here do not come from physical attraction but from emotional connection.

I could analyse the Mass Effect 2 Shakarian romance scene to the moon and back and still have things to say, especially with regard to the demisexual reading of Garrus's character, but this post is running long as it is. Garrus is nervous and awkward and emotionally vulnerable. Any remaining conviction that this is about stress relief is at this point ultimately shattered.

Then cue Mass Effect 3. After six months apart, it is clear the relationship between Shepard and Garrus is… different from what we saw at the end of the previous game. The way they interact now, even before eventually officially reaffirming their relationship, is more unambiguously romantic. The physical touch between them is very deliberate, with particular attention given to their hands: they touch, shake and hold hands, tenderly cup each other's cheeks. It is clear at this point to the characters perhaps as much as to the audience that this is no longer about stress relief (and that's assuming that's all it ever was at any point, which can also be argued was not the case). Along with this deepened emotional connection between them, so does develop the way Garrus talks to and about Shepard. There are parts of Mass effect 3 where Garrus seems fully confident in the relationship and it does not seem to just be banter or joking. As he starts seeing Shepard as not just his friend but as his girlfriend, so does change the way he looks at her not as a human but as a woman. As a beautiful woman, even — something he would not have thought of her at the beginning of their relationship.

I would also be amiss if I didn't mention the way Garrus acts in the Citadel DLC and contrast it to his behaviour from Mass Effect 2 in particular. While definitely not "canon" in the way the games themselves are, the DLCs are also, for better or worse, officially released content in the universe of Mass Effect. (In the case of the Citadel DLC, thankfully mostly for better.) Everything in here should be taken with a grain of salt, especially with the romanceable characters, as the foremost role of this DLC is as something of fan service meant to give the series a happier sendoff than the actual ending. That being said, it is very interesting to see Garrus at a point in time (unspecified but although canonically this takes place before Cronos Station, the characters for the most part act more free and familiar and could be argued as though this takes place post canon — while I do not subscribe to this reading of the Citadel DLC, I thought it important to also point that out) where he and Shepard have been in a relationship for a longer period of time and he feels more confident in both the relationship and his role as Shepard's partner.

Garrus in the Citadel DLC joyfully asserts himself as Shepard's boyfriend (a word he only describes himself with once in the canon Mass Effect 3 if I'm correct) and proclaims his affection for her out loud and repeatedly. What's particularly interesting to note here is how often he refers to her being beautiful or attractive here. The "nice outfit" line is not exclusive to the Garrus romance, so it would feel dishonest to include it in an analysis of this character specifically, but there is a lot Garrus says about Shepard that other characters do not. He brings it back to how lucky he is to be with her and implies others might see her as a desirable partner. The "I love your hair and I'm pretty damned partial to the rest of you too" line always stood out to me. This can be read as just a cute nod to him finding her most alien features attractive, but it also speaks to him seeing her as attractive in general. The "hell if I know" conversation where he talks about how good she looked wearing her fancy outfit at the casino also comes across as genuine. It's fascinating to see him so forthright about his attraction to her at this point in time when put in contrast with him in Mass Effect 2 being so forthright about the lack of that attraction.

It is clear, very clear, that throughout their relationship Garrus grows to deeply love Shepard not because of her alienness or in spite of it, but completely separately from it. He acknowledges that she is human and that it is not something he is attracted to, but cares about her so deeply that it does not factor into the decision to agree to her proposition and entering into a relationship with her. The relationship they build together is one that is shown to be built on trust and mutual respect, in fact more so than any actual "feelings", which is admittedly a departure from what might instantly come to mind when one considers love, especially between two fictional characters. But aside from their confidence in their connection and in each other, there's another thing that grows in this relationship, once given time: Garrus's attraction to Shepard, something he initially was striaghtforward and realistic (Garrus, ever the realist, ever saying it as it is) about in saying that he did not see her that way. Then, giving time to their relationship and after letting their connection deepen, letting their emotional bond become stronger, Garrus finds himself attracted to Shepard not just emotionally but physically as well.

And definitely some might argue that after being with a human sexually and romantically for some time, Garrus has simply started to see humans as potentially desirable too, but we never see Garrus interested in any humans besides Shepard (RIP Chloe Michel's unrequited crush on this guy) so there is really no evidence either way here. And there are many ways to read this characterisation other than "this character is demisexual", but that is certainly the impression I am getting from the way this relationship progresses and the fact that he never mentions being attracted to anyone else, neither Tali in their possible brief hookup near the end of ME3 nor the scout from his story. In fact, he doesn't seem to pay much attention to phsyical appearance of potential partners whatsoever until his relationship with Shepard grows more intimate to allow him to find those feelings for her along the way despite not having them to start with. And that, at the very least, reads as extremely demisexual to me.

Happy Pride!

[reinanova]

how would you feel...

if fandoms erased canon queer identities?

if fandom said...

Rosa Diaz (B99) was straight/gay

Alex Claremont-Diaz (RWRB) was straight/gay

Nick Nelson (Heartstopper) was straight/gay

Jesper Fahey (SoC) was straight/gay

Nina Zenik (SoC) was straight/gay

Will Solace (PJO) was straight/gay

David Rose (Schitts Creek) was straight/gay

Loki (Marvel) was straight/gay

Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer) was straight/gay

Mazikeen (Lucifer) was straight/gay

Eve (Lucifer) was straight/gay

Remy "Thirteen" Hadley (House MD) was straight/gay

Jonathan Sims (TMA) was straight/gay

thereby erasing the bi/pan identities of these CANON bisexual/pansexual characters?

if fandom said...

Captain Raymond Holt (B99) was straight

Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor (RWRB) was straight

Charlie Spring (Heartstopper) was straight

Wylan Hendriks/Van Eck (SoC) was straight

Edwin Payne (DBDA) was straight

Nico di Angelo (PJO) was straight

Patrick Brewer (Schitts Creek) was straight

Breanna Casey (Leverage Redemption) was straight

Martin Blackwood (TMA) was straight

thereby erasing the gay/lesbian/queer identities of these CANON gay/lesbian/queer characters?

if fandom said...

Elle Argent (Hearstopper) was a cis man

Darcy Olsson (Heartstopper) was a cis man/woman

Viktor Hargreeves (TUA) was a cis woman

Raine Whispers (TOH) was a cis man/woman

Yadriel (Cemetery Boys) was a cis woman

Alex Fierro (PJO/MCGOA) was a cis man/woman

Loki (Marvel) was a cis man/woman

thereby erasing the trans/enby identities of these CANON transgender/nonbinary characters?

you'd be pretty mad right? but this is exactly what is happening with CANON aspec characters

There are some aspec characters that are respected (ie Jonathan Sims, Breanna Casey) but others are just blatantly ignored (Yelena Belova-Marvel, Jughead-Riverdale). So let me ask you again,

How would you feel if fandom said...

Jonathan Sims (TMA) was allosexual (bisexual but not ace)

Breanna Casey (Leverage Redemption) was allosexual (queer but not ace)

Isaac Henderson (Heartstopper) was alloromantic/allosexual

Yelena Belova (Marvel) was alloromantic/allosexual

Jughead (Archie Comics) was alloromantic/allosexual (this is what happened in the Riverdale show btw, his aroace identity was erased)

thereby erasing the aspec identities of these CANON aspec characters?

*alloromantic/allosexual refers to anyone who isn’t aro/ace-spec (it includes gay, straight, pan, bi, etc but only if they don’t identify as aro/ace-spec)

Think about it. Seriously. What makes aspec identities so different from other queer identities that they can be ignored? (The answer is they're not different, but aphobia is rampant in fandom spaces which sucks.)

Be respectful of aspec identities (and listen to us when we talk about canon aspec characters)

[aro-bird]

@goingundercap I am assuming this is in good faith, so here's some articles and studies about the topic with a tldr for each one since some of them are pretty long

New research: shining a light on ‘dehumanising’ discrimination faced by ace people; tldr:

This article discusses a study wherein it was found that asexuals are more likely to hide their sexuality from their friends, family, and health care providers out of fear of negative reactions to their orientation.

The article states that from a report and analysis of government data, only one in four aces are even open about their sexuality with their friends (26.1%).

The article reports 49% of asexuals are not out to their colleagues, more than twice the rate of all other queer identities (18%). Within the percentage that are out, only one in six (17.6%) had reported positive experiences (which is less than half the rate of other queer respondents at 40.8%), citing sexual harassment as a common negative experience.

Regarding healthcare specifically, around 50% of all aces interviewed in the discussed study hide their orientations, 24.3% stating they fear possible negative responses to it, and 8.4% stating that they had had negative experiences in the past. 18.1% had also stated that disclosing their sexuality had led to negative impact on their healthcare.

The Discrimination section of the Aro Census 2020 Report, tldr:

The 2020 Aro Census found that the most common type of discrimination reported by aromantics is not being taken seriously, being ignored, or being dismissed by others at a reported 82.43%.

Almost half had reported having others try to "cure" their aromanticism.

Over 20% of respondents had reported experiencing online harassment, difficulty in finding or maintaining relationships, being excluded from social activities, and verbal harassment.

15% had reported familial rejection, and difficulty accessing or being accepted for mental health care respectively.

On a scale of 0 to 4 with 0 being the least impacted and 4 being the most, 12.17% of the respondents had reported that the discrimination had majorly negatively impacted their life. 80.91% in total had reported any amount of impact in their life.

70.51% of the aromantic respondents had reported that the discrimination has had some impact in their social lives, with 56.21% reporting that the discrimination had negatively impacted their relationship with their family.

30% of the respondents had reported that the discrimination had negatively impacted their physical health.

In terms of professional and academic fields, discrimination against aromantics had only impacted 16.95% of the participants with 11.84% stating it had little impact.

The impact of aromantic discrimination on the respondents housing is small but not unpresent.

Asexuality and the mental health sector: a submission to the Royal Commission into Victoria’s Mental Health System; tldr:

The author of the document states that they cannot access good physical and mental health care from the Victoria health care system due to stigma surrounding asexuality.

Asexuality is still considered as a mental illness by some psychiatric professionals. This report states that a survey in 2016 of 9,000 asexuals, 45% of responses claim that they were offered or suggested ways to "fix" their asexuality.

Asexuality has been classified as a mental illness with the World Health Organization and the International Classification of Diseases including conditions such as "frigidity", "hypoactive sexual desire disorder", "hypoactive sexual desire dysfunction", and "anhedonia (sexual)". Recent editions of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) still include "inhibited sexual desire", "female sexual interest/arousal disorder", "hypoactive sexual desire disorder", among other diagnoses.

Only recently did these organizations added in the caveat that the person must be experiencing significant distress and to dismiss these conditions if they self-identify as asexual. Some medical professionals still ignore this and would diagnose people with these disorders anyway, pathologizing asexuality as a mental illness.

Asexuality is also seen as symptoms of anxiety or depression rather than the person's sexual orientation.

Because of this, conversion therapy against asexuality is extremely common in psychiatric spaces as doctors see it as something to be "fixed".

Health care providers, including mental health care providers, may also fixate on a person's asexuality, even if it has nothing to do with the condition that they are meant to treat. This causes the main issue that they came to be treated for to be ignored or sidelined.

The author recounts an experience where they had gone to a mental health service to seek care after they were physically assaulted. Instead of focusing on their trauma from the assault, their healthcare provider instead focused heavily on their relationships because of their asexuality with the provider trying to "awaken" the author's "sexual self".

A survey in 2016 found that 76.8% of asexuals were not out to any of their health care providers, with 75.7% were not out to their counselors, possibly due to the repeated invasive and dismissive attitudes that health care providers have against their orientation.

The author then recounts an experience where their doctor started pathologizing them after they were forced to disclose their asexuality while trying to get a more effective treatment that could possibly negatively impact their sexual functions which the author did not care about. After disclosure, the author states that the doctor requested for hormone tests, a prescription for hormonal medication, and a referral to a sex therapist. They were not given any treatment for the physical health problem they originally came to the doctor for.

The 2016 survey that the document continued to reference found that 75% of asexual respondents had had the prejudice and discrimination against them negatively affect their mental health. 49% had seriously considered suicide, and 14% had attempted.

The author states that even when they state anti-discrimination laws as a way to call out bigotry and harassment, people would argue against them and claim that asexuality does not count as anti-discrimination laws specify that it protects people on the basis of their sexual orientation, not their lack of one.

Asexual people, and especially asexual women, are at an increased risk of sexual harassment with some perpetrators claiming that they can "convert" these people out of asexuality.

Although there's limited information on hate crimes and sexual attacks against asexual men and asexual non-binary people, it is known that these instances do happen.

Here's the news story of the case a few years ago of Bianca Devins, an asexual biromantic teenager who was killed by an incel. She was killed just days after she posted on an asexual tag on instagram. I won't summarize it here but please read it in your own time.

Even with Bianca publicly identifying as asexual, the Rolling Stone had framed it as a rumor rather than the actual identity she had declared herself as which is honestly sickening. To deny an asexual person their identity in their death. Not only that, but framed it as something that asexual activist Yasmin Benoit had made up about Devins. It's gross, especially coming from a well-regarded publication.

These are just a few of the sources I had gotten and here's some more down below, but of course there's a lot more papers, articles, posts and more about this topic.

Further Reading

Other studies

Asexual People’s Experience with Microaggressions by Tamara Deutsch

Asexual and Non-Asexual Respondents from a U.S. Population-Based Study of Sexual Minorities by Esther D. Rothblum, Ph.D., Evan A. Krueger, M.P.H., Krystal R. Kittle, M.S., and Ilan H. Meyer, Ph.D.

News articles:

Model Slammed for Saying 'Asexual People Deserve Equal Rights' by Shanon Power

Only 1 In 10 Asexual People Feel Comfortable To Be Out At Work by Jamie Wareham

Only one in six asexuals have ‘universally positive experience’ of being out by Sophie Perry

Resources and Reference sites:

7 things you might not know about conversion therapy by Prishita Maheshwari-Aplin

Asexual/Aromantic - LGBTQIA+ Informational Resources by the Resource Center for Sexuality and Gender Diversity of UC Santa Barbara

Asexuality: The Unknown Identity by Brenna Sermania

Other articles:

Ace/Aro Mythbusting by the Oxford University LGBTQ+ Society

Asexuality is the Queerest Thing by Alice Olivia Scarlett

Forum threads and blog posts of personal experiences of discrimination (content warning: mentions and discussions of SA)

Aromantic Discrimination in LGBT community by Emerald Cheeta via Aropocalypse

Aromantic Discrimination? by ChillaKilla via AVEN

The discrimination and exclusion of Asexual people in the LGBT community by u/Nick_W_H via r/asexuality on Reddit

Why your acephobia and arophobia is really just bullshit by lonely-nihilist via Tumblr

It's so disgusting to see so many alloallo people straight up spew arophobic and acephobic rhetoric that literally came from stupid ass discourse from like six years ago like COME ON

Using shit like "Ace and aro people had never been oppressed!!!" really shows your ignorant ass

It doesn't matter how much we try to explain to them that we are constantly dehumanized, ostracized, and even vilified because of our orientations because they don't fucking care

It doesn't matter how much we try to say that our sexuality and romantic orientation is still being medicalized, how it's seen as a disorder, and how so many people still try to "fix us" with conversion therapy because they don't fucking care

It also doesn't matter how many stories, articles, or studies we show them about aro and ace people being erased, harassed, threatened, or even killed for their identities because THEY DON'T FUCKING CARE

[mirrorcatcreditcard]

Why won't my brain leave me alo-

Y'ALL I'M FINALLY WRITING THAT ALIEN STAGE HISTORICAL AU AND MY FUCKING GOD THIS IS GOING *DEEP* AND I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THE EMOTIONS WELLING UP INSIDE OF ME THAT I CAN'T EXPRESS BECAUSE AHDLSBSKSBSK

I have everything I could ask for in a fic and more because I do what I want.

MiziTill dated as teenagers but they're now friendly exes.

Sua killed her fiance.

HyunLuka is in the fucking trenches but they're so perfect for each other I want to bash my head into a wall

IvanLuka is thriving in toxic yaoi as they play this fucked up dance of bargaining information and making out.

Ivan and Mizi are best friends in a contract marriage and pretty much have weekly sleepovers where they make crafts and rant about their crushes/relationships.

Till wasn't even assigned a gender at birth and is nonbinary.

Dewey bombs the clock tower at the capitol because he misread the mission before eating the paper.

The entire cast is queer; ¾ of the cast is trans (or maybe all the cast idk); ¼ of the cast is intersex (Sua, Luka, & Acorn [yes, Acorn is important]).

The fucking plot relies on discussion of aphobia and aroace erasure due to the empire's religion. (The entire main cast is under the aro-spec, ace-spec, or aroace-spec umbrella.)

Hyun Woo is alive and frequently swaps out jobs with his sister because they're near identical with enough make-up. Yes, they're spies.

Hyun-A is a revolutionary leader.

Multishippers, in case you're worried, polyamory/polygamy is encouraged. We have room for everyone.

You guys are going to love to hate the emperor.

Multiple different culture references because I'm afraid of just using one country and doing something wrong and pissing people off so all the countries are fictional

I'M GOING TO CRY ALL I WANT TO DO IS WRITE BUT I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS AND I'M WILLING TO MAKE ANYTHING OR DO REQUESTS BUT AKDVSKDBSKSB

I don't care who. Please go in my inbox and ask for something about this AU so I can center my tasks. Please, I'm begging y'all moots and strangers and followers alike 🙏 y'all can just ask for ship content if you want I'll feed you, prommy

(I'm supposed to tag someone but I forgot their user sksksks lemme go find it and add it)

[sortingmyideas]

I just realized that when allosexual people say "maybe this aroace character still enjoys sex/romance, you don't know!" or it feels the same as when straight men say "maybe dressing in a fetishistic slutty way makes this woman feel empowered!"

I'm gonna be completely honest, here- I struggled way more than I should have trying to understand this ask, so if something I say doesn't make sense, just know it's because my brain is a smooth walnut, but I think I get it.

Fandom loves to ignore aro/ace characters or find any loophole to justify shipping them when they wouldn't do the same to a gay character, and it's frustrating. It feels a lot like they view it as a roadblock and the character is boring if they're a non-partnering/repulsed aro/ace, which is problem.

I do think women should be allowed to dress however they want, and they are absolutely allowed* to feel empowered or happy in any outfit, regardless of how "slutty"* it is. However, I think the issue you have with it is men fetishising women*, which in that case, is also a problem. Women should be free to not be inherently sexualized over an outfit.

And while writing this, I've realized that both are actually big issues in fandom (and in the real world, let's be honest). The first is fandom largely trying to mask aphobia as "supporting" favorable/grey aro/aces when they are really just looking for loopholes to ship them*, and the second is fandom trying to mask sexism as support for women when they are really just fetishising them.

There is a chance I somehow missed your point, and if I did, please message me again if you want/need to clear this up.

*Not that women need anyone's "permission" to do anything.

*A lot of women do not like the word "slut", or being associated with it. I don't think any outfit should be referred to as "slutty" when there are other words that can be used (revealing", for example).

*To be clear, finding a women/outfit attractive is not the same as fetishising them. Fetishising anyone is a problem.

*Remember that some characters can be and are grey-aro/aces. This is not a problem. The problem is people using that to insist (confirmed) non-partnering aro/aces are not canon in media because they "could be grey".